1
00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:07,073
MOM: That was even more fascinating than last week.

2
00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:10,076
Could we go someplace else next time, Mom?

3
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:11,077
Anyplace? Please?

4
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:13,079
There's so much more to see.

5
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,582
We practically ran through the exhibit

6
00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:17,083
of giraffe-necked babies.

7
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:19,085
Those babies are so fake.

8
00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:20,587
Oh, they're real.

9
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:23,590
That's not the sort of thing they'd lie about.

10
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,092
That's exactly the sort of thing they'd lie about.

11
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,594
Back me up on this, Dogbert.

12
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,095
Oh, they're real.

13
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:32,599
How did you get so distrustful?

14
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:35,602
Well, I'm just guessing, but maybe it was because

15
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:37,604
you lied to me about the Tooth Fairy,

16
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:40,106
then you lied to me about the Easter Bunny,

17
00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,108
then you lied to me about Santa Claus,

18
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:45,111
then you lied to me about the stork bringing babies.

19
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:46,613
He knows about the stork?

20
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:49,115
My fault. I let him watch the nature channel.

21
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:50,617
He put two and two together.

22
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:51,618
Now I don't believe

23
00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:53,620
anything I'm told unless there's proof.

24
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:56,623
This paperweight is an exact replica

25
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:59,125
of the largest fibroid tumor

26
00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:01,628
ever removed from a human uterus.

27
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,129
That's ridiculous.

28
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:05,632
How do they know it's the biggest one?

29
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,134
There's an annual festival in Monterey.

30
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,640
Get the Turbo Supreme.

31
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:18,144
The commercial says it whitens your teeth while you drive.

32
00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:19,646
That's ridiculous,

33
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,148
but I'm going to get the Turbo Supreme

34
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:24,150
just to prove you wrong.

35
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,655
You have to believe in some things

36
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,156
without proof, Dilbert.

37
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:32,659
Otherwise, life will appear meaningless.

38
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:34,661
Maybe life is meaningless.

39
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:36,663
Did you ever think of that?

40
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:39,165
That one is getting whiter already.

41
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,168
Dogbert, could you go inside

42
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:43,670
and take care of our bill?

43
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:50,176
Do you ever feel bloated after eating a big meal?

44
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:51,177
Yes, I do.

45
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:52,679
How'd you know that?

46
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:53,680
I'm a surgeon.

47
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,682
Your problem is caused by a huge fibroid tumor

48
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,183
in your uterus.

49
00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:59,185
I can remove it if you have a health plan.

50
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:01,187
I don't have a health plan.

51
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:03,189
Can I pay you with gas?

52
00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:04,691
[SIGHS]

53
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:05,692
All right.

54
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:08,194
I'll need a plastic fork, a jar of salsa,

55
00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:10,196
and one thing I left in the car.

56
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,701
I'll always remember the day

57
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:17,704
that little surgeon saved my life.

58
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:19,205
I'm telling you, it's dangerous

59
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,207
to smoke cigarettes while you pump gas.

60
00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,209
My daddy always pumped gas this way

61
00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:24,711
and he's still alive...

62
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:26,713
or at least it looks that way

63
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,716
when the wind catches his rocking chair just right.

64
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:32,218
You can open your eyes now.

65
00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,720
That didn't even hurt.

66
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,222
I'll have to send this to the lab.

67
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:37,724
[EXPLOSION]

68
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,226
Bad news. You're out of Turbo Supreme.

69
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:41,728
[EXPLOSION]

70
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:47,734
[music]

71
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,740
[CHANTING]

72
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,783
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

73
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,294
Oh, my God!

74
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:50,296
Dilbert, can you hear me?

75
00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:52,799
Can you do something for him, little surgeon?

76
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:54,801
No, I used the last of the plastic forks

77
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:55,802
when I operated on you.

78
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:58,304
Whatever happens is on your conscience now.

79
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,306
Wake up! Dilbert, wake up!

80
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:01,808
Can you hear me?

81
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,317
I must be dead.

82
00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:14,320
This is the tunnel I keep reading about.

83
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:22,829
Behind this door are the answers to the ultimate questions.

84
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,330
The afterlife.

85
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:47,854
Frankly, I was hoping for more.

86
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,861
[SCREAMING]

87
00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:00,366
He's dead.

88
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:01,868
Dilbert is dead!

89
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:02,869
Are you sure?

90
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,370
Yes.

91
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:14,881
Hey!

92
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,382
[SIGHS]

93
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:17,884
I don't know what kind of manners

94
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,886
they have in the afterlife, funny boy,

95
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,387
but on earth, you watch your hands.

96
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:22,889
Am I alive?

97
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,893
Actually, you're down a quart.

98
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:29,896
You're a miracle worker, little surgeon.

99
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:30,897
You got that right.

100
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:33,399
Dear, now that you're alive again,

101
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:36,903
I need to ask you one very important question.

102
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:37,904
Yes, Mom?

103
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,906
Are my teeth any whiter?

104
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:44,410
DILBERT: And then I traveled back down the tunnel

105
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,412
and woke up at the gas station.

106
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:50,917
Are you telling me the afterlife is a stinking cubicle?

107
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:52,919
I'm just telling you what I saw.

108
00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:54,921
How fast was the internet connection?!

109
00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:57,924
I don't know if it had an internet connection.

110
00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:00,426
Well, this raises many troubling questions

111
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,928
about the afterlife.

112
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:04,430
First, how do you get your software upgraded?

113
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:08,434
Uh, I guess it was just the one question.

114
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:11,437
So, technically, you were dead.

115
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:12,939
I think so.

116
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,942
No more employee benefits for you, my dead friend.

117
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,443
But I came back to life.

118
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,445
Rules are rules. Try to look at the big picture.

119
00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:21,948
music Happy birthday, Wally music

120
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,449
music Blah, blah, blah music

121
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,952
Everybody, eat cake and see if your morale goes up.

122
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:27,453
Yeah, I'd love to stay,

123
00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:29,455
but secretaries have to watch the phones.

124
00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:31,958
Oh, sure, I can buy the cake and I can buy the gift,

125
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:33,459
but the world would end

126
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:35,461
if I let one phone call go to voice mail.

127
00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:38,965
Sometimes I call her my BOSS.

128
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:44,971
That usually gets a laugh.

129
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,973
Did anyone bring the birthday kit?

130
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:48,474
Got it.

131
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,982
Do we get any cake?

132
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:58,484
Howard, whose birthday is it?

133
00:06:58,484 --> 00:07:00,486
Yours!

134
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:02,989
Does anyone care that I was dead yesterday?

135
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,490
Can you let someone else

136
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:06,492
be in the spotlight for one second?

137
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,995
We can't stop a birthday celebration

138
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:09,495
every time you die.

139
00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:12,999
Uh, unwrap my present. I'm a little busy.

140
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:14,000
I am honored.

141
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,503
Oh, it is a round thing

142
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:22,508
you throw through the air for no apparent reason.

143
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:24,010
I'll take the picture...

144
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,511
So there's no photographic evidence

145
00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:27,513
that I ever associated with any of you.

146
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:33,519
Wally!

147
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:35,521
Napkin.

148
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:51,537
Where have I seen this before?

149
00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:53,539
Before we get back to work,

150
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:55,541
I want to remind everyone

151
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:59,545
that all employees must be present at the launch site

152
00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:03,549
when our new deep space exploration rocket goes up...

153
00:08:03,549 --> 00:08:05,051
in about five minutes.

154
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,552
Five minutes?

155
00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:08,054
We can't get there in five minutes.

156
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,055
No exceptions.

157
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,563
Except you, Dilbert.

158
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:22,568
I want you to visit our director of human resources--

159
00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:24,570
Mr. Catbert.

160
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:31,577
MAN: Let me out!

161
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:36,082
Please! I'll never rob another convenience store again!

162
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,584
I'm scared straight!

163
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,596
Ow! Ow! Oh, God!

164
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:51,597
That's hot!

165
00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:55,601
How would you feel about making this an unmanned probe?

166
00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:58,104
That's what it's supposed to be.

167
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,106
There's still time to put a monkey in there.

168
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:01,107
I hate monkeys.

169
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,608
No. All we want on board

170
00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:05,111
is the capsule full of earth artifacts

171
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:09,115
in case the rocket is discovered by an alien civilization.

172
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:10,616
A capsule, you say.

173
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:14,120
The capsule is on board, isn't it?

174
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,622
Would you excuse me for a moment?

175
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:21,627
I need someone to volunteer for a suicide mission.

176
00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:25,131
Now you'll need to run toward the launch site

177
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,133
and fling this birthday kit

178
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:30,136
through the open window of the rocket module,

179
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:34,140
then turn and be consumed by the launch flames

180
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:36,142
while trying to get back.

181
00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:37,643
Oh, nature was calling me.

182
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:39,645
Did I miss anything important?

183
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:42,148
WOMAN: 20... 19... 18...

184
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:44,650
[PANTING]

185
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:48,654
If I can succeed in this assignment,

186
00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:50,656
I will be remembered and rewarded

187
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:52,158
for the rest of my career.

188
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:56,662
[YELLING]

189
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:58,164
Yes!

190
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,671
Stupid bird.

191
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:06,672
[CHUCKLES]

192
00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:09,175
Anyone know what kind that is?

193
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,685
And remember,

194
00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:22,188
any friend who won't join your down-line sales force

195
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,689
is no friend of yours.

196
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,196
Gullible sheep.

197
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,698
I could tell them anything right now.

198
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:36,702
If you believe you can get rich with multi-level marketing,

199
00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:39,205
slap yourself in the face real hard.

200
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,207
[LOUD SLAPPING]

201
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,708
Every time.

202
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,210
I still can't believe it.

203
00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:59,725
CATBERT: So you admit you were dead.

204
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:01,227
Yes, but very briefly.

205
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:04,230
That's no reason to cancel my employee benefits.

206
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:08,234
Well, at the risk of sounding sadistic and uncaring,

207
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:12,238
our policy is to discontinue benefits at death.

208
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:14,740
That only applies to people who stay dead.

209
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,742
I was only dead for a minute.

210
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:18,744
If I granted this exception,

211
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:22,248
everyone would claim they were coming back to life later.

212
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:23,249
Oh, do whatever you want.

213
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:24,750
It doesn't make a difference.

214
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,253
We all just die and end up in a cubicle, anyway.

215
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:30,256
Pray tell, what did you have in mind?

216
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:32,758
Angels playing harps on a cloud?

217
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:34,260
Well, no.

218
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:37,263
Well, tell me, Dilbert, I'm curious.

219
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:39,765
What is your vision of the afterlife?

220
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:41,267
Well, actually, uh...

221
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:42,768
Well...

222
00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:44,270
[BUZZER SOUNDS]

223
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:45,271
Oh, I'm sorry.

224
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:46,272
Your time is up.

225
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:47,773
Literally.

226
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:50,276
We have some nice parting gifts for you, Dilbert.

227
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:52,278
Tell him what we have for him.

228
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:53,779
Nothing!

229
00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:03,289
Do you think this was all part of the presentation?

230
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:06,292
He was supposed to give us the new vision statement.

231
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:07,293
Maybe it's inside.

232
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,295
We're supposed to interpret it.

233
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:15,301
It looks like some sort of holy man.

234
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:16,802
Look at the halo.

235
00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:21,307
It says... "To Wally" on it.

236
00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:24,810
This must be a picture of the Wally.

237
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:28,314
And that must be his holy plastic grail.

238
00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:39,325
It's the shroud of Wally.

239
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:51,337
As you know,

240
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:53,839
yesterday's rocket launch was a complete success.

241
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,841
Uh, could you use the laser pointer?

242
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:56,842
I'm not following you.

243
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:01,847
We're pretty sure the problem was

244
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:03,849
a defect somewhere in this area.

245
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,851
I'll bet NASA is sorry they hired us

246
00:13:05,851 --> 00:13:06,852
to build that thing.

247
00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:09,855
Have they asked for their $5 billion back yet?

248
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,857
More good news on that front--

249
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:14,860
we also have the contract to provide them

250
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:18,364
with the digital images the rocket sends back.

251
00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:19,865
How is that good NEWS?

252
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:22,868
Well, as luck would have it, all stars look alike--

253
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:24,870
tiny dots of light.

254
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:28,374
One looks just like the... next.

255
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,376
Does NASA know the rocket went down?

256
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,378
No, and thanks to Dilbert,

257
00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:33,879
they never will.

258
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:34,880
Me?

259
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:35,881
Your job is

260
00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:37,883
to create digital pictures

261
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:39,885
of uncharted star systems

262
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:43,389
and deliver them to NASA every... Tuesday.

263
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:44,890
How am I going to do that?

264
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,892
Try sending it as an attachment in e-mail.

265
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:48,394
It's very efficient.

266
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,895
Don't make them all look the same.

267
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,397
That's a dead giveaway.

268
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:53,899
I am not going to lie for this company.

269
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:55,901
It's morally indefensible.

270
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:58,404
Why? Are you afraid you'll die and go to a cubicle?

271
00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:00,406
[LAUGHING LOUDLY]

272
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:04,410
It wasn't that funny, but I like to laugh!

273
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:07,413
You've seen your afterlife, Dilbert--

274
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,415
No penalties, no rewards.

275
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,417
It's time you loosened up

276
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:13,919
and started harming other people.

277
00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:15,921
That is so wrong...

278
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:17,923
although I don't know why.

279
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:21,927
Oh, and do something about these protesters.

280
00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,929
They call themselves "The Wallyites."

281
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:27,933
They have some gripe about space exploration.

282
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,435
"Wallyites."

283
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:31,437
I like the name.

284
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:34,440
[ALL CHANTING]: Wally is the way.

285
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,441
Wally is the way.

286
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,942
Okay, settle down.

287
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:39,445
Who can tell me why you're opposed

288
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:41,447
to space exploration?

289
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:42,948
It is heresy.

290
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:45,951
The Book of Wally SAYS NOTHING ABOUT GOING TO THE STARS.

291
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,454
There's a Book of Wally?

292
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,955
That's it?

293
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:51,457
That's the whole Book of Wally?

294
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:53,459
It can be interpreted many ways.

295
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:56,462
It doesn't say we should go "To the stars."

296
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:58,464
It says, "To Wally."

297
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:01,967
When we die, we will spend eternity with Wally.

298
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:03,469
I hate to break it to you,

299
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,971
but your entire belief system is based on a myth.

300
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,973
Do you have something better?

301
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,475
You'll find us very flexible.

302
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,977
I'm not fond of the outfits, anyway.

303
00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:13,479
You can believe in science.

304
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:14,480
That's real.

305
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,981
You mean like your rocket ship?

306
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,483
Yes!

307
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,985
I mean, no; that's probably a very bad example.

308
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:21,987
People only think THE ROCKET EXISTS.

309
00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:23,489
Hi, Dilbert.

310
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:25,491
Hi, nuts.

311
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:26,992
Liar!

312
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:42,508
Wally!

313
00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:44,510
What are you doing in the afterlife?

314
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,512
Haven't you heard?

315
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:49,014
After you die, you spend the rest of eternity with me.

316
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:50,015
[PANICKED GASPING]

317
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:51,016
Wh-whoa!

318
00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:52,017
Whoa!

319
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,528
I know, I know, you died again.

320
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:03,529
It's getting old.

321
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,533
DOGBERT: No, that looks wrong.

322
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:08,534
DILBERT: How about HERE?

323
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,536
That's just stupid.

324
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:11,537
It doesn't matter.

325
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:12,538
Nothing MATTERS.

326
00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:14,540
You live your whole life being nice,

327
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:15,541
and you still die

328
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:18,043
and go to that little cubicle in the sky.

329
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:19,545
They say, "Only the good die young."

330
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,047
If it works the other way too, I'm immortal.

331
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:23,048
Speaking of evil,

332
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:25,551
I could use your special talents tomorrow.

333
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:27,052
Well, let me check my calendar.

334
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:29,054
I'll see what else I have going.

335
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:30,556
"Evil... evil... evil...

336
00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:31,557
not EVIL."

337
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:34,059
Looks like I have an opening.

338
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:36,061
MAN: I don't mean to seem skeptical,

339
00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:37,563
but these photos look like

340
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:39,064
they were made on a personal computer

341
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:40,065
with a paint program.

342
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:41,567
This is where you COME IN.

343
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:42,568
Surely, you agree

344
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,069
that in a vast universe

345
00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:46,572
with billions and billions of stars,

346
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,574
it probably looks exactly like this

347
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:50,075
from some ANGLE.

348
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:51,577
Well... yes,

349
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:54,580
but we wanted actual pictures from the rocket.

350
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,582
Isn't that a little narrow-minded?

351
00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:58,083
You know, this could be the answer

352
00:16:58,083 --> 00:16:59,084
to our funding problem.

353
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:01,587
Can you give us evidence of life on other planets?

354
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:02,588
Are you kidding?

355
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,089
This picture is teeming with life.

356
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:05,591
See this dot?

357
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:08,093
It looks exactly like the other dot, but smudgier.

358
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,096
What's that prove?

359
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:12,598
I can't do it all FOR YOU.

360
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:14,099
Ned, you're good at this.

361
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:15,601
That smudginess could only be caused

362
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:18,103
by a distortion in the electromagnetic spectrum

363
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:20,105
typically inhabited by ham radio signals.

364
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:21,106
That's it?

365
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:23,108
And, uh...

366
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:25,110
further studies are needed?

367
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:27,112
[CHEERING]

368
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:31,617
That'll get us funding for the space station.

369
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:34,119
We'd like to bid on the space station project too.

370
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:35,621
No! No!

371
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,122
Forget the bid.

372
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:38,624
You got the job.

373
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,628
Can you tell us anything

374
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:45,631
about how you plan to build the space station?

375
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,633
[CHUCKLING]: All right, fellas,

376
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:50,636
I'd better not get into the technical stuff.

377
00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:54,139
My engineers say I tend to shoot from the hip...

378
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:56,141
but I can tell you this--

379
00:17:56,141 --> 00:17:59,144
I'm pretty sure phase one involves building

380
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:00,646
a giant stepladder.

381
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,147
The rumor is that you got

382
00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:03,148
this $100 billion contract

383
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:04,650
without even bidding.

384
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:06,151
My question to you, sir, is

385
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,654
do you think UFOs have visited us?

386
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:09,655
No...

387
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:12,157
but they're on the way.

388
00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:14,159
Have you seen this picture yet?

389
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:19,164
After I talked to the Wallyites,

390
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,666
the next time I died,

391
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:23,168
I saw their VERSION OF THE AFTERLIFE--

392
00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:24,670
an eternity with Wally.

393
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:26,171
What I want to know is

394
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:28,173
was I really dead or just hallucinating?

395
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:31,176
Why don't you ask that man we saw on TV.

396
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:34,179
The one who can talk to the spirit world?

397
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:35,681
He has an 800 number.

398
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:37,683
I don't believe in that stuff.

399
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:39,184
But you believe we spend eternity

400
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:40,686
in a cubicle with Wally?

401
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:42,187
What's his number?

402
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,191
MAN: Hello.

403
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:48,694
Each call costs $3.00 per minute.

404
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,195
I was expecting your call.

405
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:51,196
You were?

406
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:52,698
You want answers, don't you?

407
00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:54,199
Yes, I do.

408
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:57,703
Do you know someone who died in the last 50 years

409
00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:00,205
named John or Jim or Bill or Tom?

410
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:01,206
Yes!

411
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:02,708
I thought so.

412
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:05,210
He has a message for you from the other side.

413
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:07,713
Which one, John or Jim or Bill or Tom?

414
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:10,716
He says you like to do things with your hands--

415
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:12,718
typing or cooking or gardening.

416
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:13,719
Is that correct?

417
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:15,220
I type on the computer!

418
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,222
I have to admit, he's good.

419
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:19,725
He says you get great pleasure from this...

420
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:21,727
typing or cooking or gardening.

421
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:23,729
I do, but I wanted to ask...

422
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,731
He says you enjoy music and food.

423
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,232
Is that right?

424
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,233
Forget about that.

425
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:29,234
I want to know

426
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:31,737
if the afterlife is nothing but a cubicle.

427
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,739
He says to be careful with your back,

428
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:35,240
or vision, or lungs, or weight.

429
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,241
I feel fine.

430
00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:37,743
All I want to know is...

431
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:40,746
So, what are you wearing?

432
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:43,248
I've never been a supreme being before,

433
00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:45,250
but I'm willing to give it a try.

434
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:47,252
Your humility inspires us.

435
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:49,755
Please teach us everything you know.

436
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,757
Maybe you could ask me specific questions.

437
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:54,259
What is your favorite cheese?

438
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:57,262
Uh... you know, the one with the holes in it.

439
00:19:57,262 --> 00:19:58,764
Swiss!

440
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,265
Right... not that one.

441
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:05,270
Can we wear casual clothes on Fridays?

442
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:07,272
No, it leads to promiscuity...

443
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:13,278
And no humming to yourself when you're alone.

444
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,780
I hate that...

445
00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:19,785
My faith is being tested.

446
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,286
And if you order fish at the restaurant

447
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:23,288
and it comes with the head still on it,

448
00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:26,792
try covering it with mashed potatoes.

449
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,799
I wonder if it was something I said.

450
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:39,805
Is the answer out there... or in here?

451
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:42,307
Is everything simply a manifestation

452
00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:43,308
of consciousness,

453
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:46,812
or is there another actual level of existence--

454
00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:48,313
a dimension parallel to

455
00:20:48,313 --> 00:20:50,315
or beyond the one we live in now?

456
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,317
It's all part of the big illusion

457
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:54,319
that we perpetuate on ourselves,

458
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,321
and, in turn, is perpetuated upon us

459
00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:58,824
like the rocket ship, or the shroud of Wally.

460
00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:01,326
When we believe, we engage the illusion.

461
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:04,830
When we stop believing, we shatter the illusion

462
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:07,332
and shatter ourselves in the process

463
00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:08,834
because we are PART OF IT.

464
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:10,335
Maybe you're right.

465
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:12,838
Maybe the mistake is in making distinctions--

466
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:14,339
out there, in here...

467
00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:15,340
life, death.

468
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:17,843
It's all the same illusion.

469
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,849
Exactly.

470
00:21:31,356 --> 00:21:33,358
[music]