Announcer: tonight on the season finale of drawn together,
Prepare yourselves for the most important 3 hours of your pathetic lives,
In 3-d.
Housemates, this season you were all told
To expect the unexpected.
Well, tonight we will reveal
Which one of you will be crowned winner of...
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All right, all right. Settle down.
Please, everyone, quiet down.
I said shut the fuck up!
Um, so, uh,
Maybe we should just meet this year's cast.
So, cast, what you doing?
Same ol' same ol'. What's up with you?
Oh, just hosting the season finale.
How's that going?
Oh, not too well.
I shot someone.
Uh, now, before we announce this year's winner
Of drawn together,
In 3-d,
Let's take a look at the past season
And pay our respects to all the korean children
Who died drawing this insipid cartoon.
Well, that really sucked ass, huh?
Wait. Speaking of which,
Xandir, as it turns out, you're gay.
[audience jeering]
Boo!
You know what's really gay? Romance.
And there was plenty of that in the drawn together house.
Let's watch.
How does that feel?
Oh, captain hero.
Yes, wooldoor?
I want you inside me.
Class dismissed.
Oh, tim, you're such a stitch.
You're so much more fun than captain hero.
"oh, look at me.
"I'm a big, dumb superhero who's big and dumb.
Now I'm fondling a girl. Oopsy. She's dead."
You did not just do that.
It unsnaps in the front.
Captain hero, gay rumor has it
Your relationship with xandir has continued
Since the show ended.
Oh, you've got it all wrong.
Xandir had an affair with tim thomasen, not me.
Oh, fine. I'll prove it. Tim!
[audience gasps]
Tim, I thought you loved me.
Why would he love you
When he could have all this?
Those aren't real.
Check these out.
Whoo! Whoo!
Audience: jewy! Jewy!
Jewy! Jewy!
When we return,
We will see some more stuff that you've already seen.
But before we cut to commercial,
Let's watch
As captain hero loses his virginity.
Oh!
Ohhh! Ooh!
Ah-ah! Ah-ah!
Ohh! Ohh! Huh?
Leave me alone. Leave me alone!
[sobbing]
Mommy.
I'm home.
[applause]
Ah. You're just gonna leave that there.
Bitch, pick it up.
Fuck you, fatty foopa.
Pick it up or I'm sending you back to hell.
All right, toot, drop your weapon.
No, you drop it.
Nobody holds a gun to my girl...
But me.
All right! Let's fucking do this!
I'm not afraid to die.
Welcome back, everyone,
To the season finale of drawn together.
So, guys, who here thinks toot is a fatty, fatty fat fat?
Ooh! Me! I do!
I thought she was fat before anyone else.
What? Really?
How come you guys never made mention of this before?
Oh, they have.
You've also been referred to as "a horrible bitch."
Let's take a look.
[ship's horn blares]
Of course xandir's gay.
Why else wouldn't he be attracted to all this?
'cause you're fat, and nobody likes fat chicks.
Whee!
So fine. If I can't be the sex symbol,
I can definitely be the bitch.
¶ ahhhhhh ¶
¶ yeah ¶
I'll cut you, goddamn it!
I'll cut you!
Ahh.
[crowing]
Mommy's home!
[squishing]
Ugh!
Hey, who threw up in here?
And where have you been all night, mommy fattest?
I don't know. I don't know where I am now.
But wherever I am,
Somebody threw up everywhere.
You guys edited it like that to make me look bad.
Toot's right.
Our talented editors can take just about any raw footage like this...
And through the magic of editing
Turn it into something like this.
Voilk.
That wasn't part of the plan. We agreed no one would get hurt.
Holy shit! Bob the cucumber's gone crazy!
Is this crazy?
No! Please!
[audience laughing]
Aah!
Pasta fagioli!
That I was fat and guys aren't---
What the hell. Aah!
Aah!
Please, don't kill me. I don't wanna die.
[audience gasps]
[gunshot]
[audience laughing]
We'll be right back.
But first, let's take a look at what happens when the writers get really stoned.
[gasps]
Ohhh!
Yep, yep. Rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr.
Ringggg, ringggg.
Ringggg.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Ringggg, ringggg.
First, foxxy sets the mood.
And sometimes a little exotic food play spices things up.
[sizzling]
Ooh! Yeah, that thing's finger fuckin' good.
Keep it going.
And sometimes the foxxy lose herself
In a little role-playing fantasy.
Oh, yeah, frank. That's the spot.
And then foxxy brings it all home
By using a little bit of force.
Ohh! Ohh! Oh, daddy!
La la la la la la la!
Huh?
Welcome back. Now, foxxy...
Hey, y'all.
It says here you're black.
Yes, you did.
How do you handle all the racism in the house?
The thing you gots to understand, mr. Jew producer,
Is that my roommates ain't racist.
In fact, I find the program as a whole
To be a scathing satire of contemporary mores.
Ok, shorty, you "axed" for it.
Let's take a look at some of these satirical moments.
Oh, hello. I'm glad you're finally here.
Would you be a dear and fetch my bags, servant girl.
It's just some nearsighted armenian woman.
I thought those people picked banjos.
I'll sue you for every penny.
[chanting]
Ah-so.
I love racism.
I don't speak blackanese.
It ain't yo' funyons.
Get away from that well, hebrew.
Who don't say "craps"?
Go to college, paco.
Ooh, I like the black one.
I got to get some lottery tickets.
Good oriental.
"r." "r."
Great goobly-moo. Ooh, we could shine shoes.
"r." "r."
"r."
[gunshot]
Ah!
Welcome, miss love.
Who do you think you is?
I is the board of education.
Holy crap! You from the schoolhouse rock gang.
Now that you've been captured,
It's safe to tell you our plan.
¶ I am the board of education ¶
¶ I'm here to serve the interests of our nation ¶
¶ but keeping kids learning doesn't fetch much of an earning ¶
¶ so to make some decent money ¶
¶ something had to be done ¶
Being the genius that I am,
I combine 2 time-honored american methods of achieving wealth--
Selling stupid stuff to suckers
And exploiting the black man.
¶ now we make countless millions off the worthless crap ¶
¶ the black folks buy ¶
¶ from their very first gold tooth ¶
¶ down to their pimped-out rides ¶
¶ huge medallions, tacky bling ¶
¶ no one would buy those things ¶
¶ unless there was a way to keep 'em gullibly dumb ¶
¶ so we keep them out of college ¶
¶ it's what needs to be done ¶
So you see why we can't let blacks pass the s.A.T.S.
No educated person would spend money
On gold rims, purple leather seats,
And flip-down lcd screens for $3,000 geos.
Just when you thought racism couldn't get any more racism-er.
Screw that more.
All y'all is racist.
I'm off to south africa, motherfuckers.
We're seconds away from announcing the winner.
But first, wooldoor sockbat, you're a wacky little guy.
[rattling]
How did it feel to live in front of over 1,200 viewers?
What do you mean?
You been living in front of all these cameras.
Cameras?
Holy crap.
I'm supposed to be in the witness protection program.
Good-bye!
While wooldoor plummets to his death,
Let's watch some of wooldoor's wackiest moments.
If anybody needs me, I'll be in the clock tower.
[applause]
What is it, doc? Give it to us straight.
My dear housemates,
I'm afraid foxxy love does not have a brain tumor.
[all exhale]
Yes. Yes. I, too, would be relieved
If it didn't happen to be opposite day.
So wait a minute. I'm confused.
Does foxxy have a brain tumor?
No.
[music sting]
What the hell.
Is it opposite day or dramatic music sting day?
Neither.
[music sting]
We're seconds away from announcing the winner.
But first, let's take a break.
And as we do,
Watch some of the most exciting musical moments
Of the past season.
Clara: ¶ what is this thing in my mouth? ¶
¶ it's slippery and it's slimy ¶
¶ traveling down ¶
¶ my slender virgin ¶
¶ pink esophagus ¶
¶ some black chick's tongue ¶
¶ it's such a new sensation ¶
Foxxy: ¶ I got a mayonnaise mama on my licking hole ¶
¶ and we've only just begun ¶
[singing in japanese]
¶ bullies are people who hate themselves ¶
¶ abused at age 6 or molested at 12 ¶
¶ so they pick on others ¶
¶ isn't it odd? ¶
¶ la la la labia baby ¶
¶ you got something for me ¶
¶ in your whizzer sea ¶
¶ la la la labia baby ¶
¶ you got something for me ¶
¶ you're so sweet, p.T. ¶
¶ oochie, goochie, gitchie, gitchie, yeah, yeah, yeah ¶
¶ gotta snatch it, gonna catch it, yatcha, yeah, yeah, yeah ¶
¶ god is watching everything you do ¶
¶ when you get undressed or take a shower ¶
¶ when you touch yourself for hour after hour ¶
¶ god is watching everything you do ¶
¶ and he thinks you're a nasty, naughty nympho slut ¶
¶ you sinful, filthy whore your going to hell ¶
¶ your flesh will burn ¶
¶ your bones will char, your soul will be torn a-thunder. ¶
¶ you wretched heathen, heretic, burn in hell ¶
For eternity.
So you better remember...
¶ god is watching everything you do ¶
¶ crunch it, crack it, snack it, whack it ¶
¶ all that's left ¶
¶ his best friend couldn't top an asphalt death ¶
¶ hey, crashy smashy ¶
¶ crash and die ¶
Coming up, we'll announce the winner of...
Tell us where the lamp is, you lousy lying piece of shit.
Lamp? I don't know what you're talking about.
Listen, bitch. Tell us where the lamp is
And maybe we talk to the d.A. About extenuating circumstances.
Guys, guys, seriously, I don't even know what a lamp is.
Fuck this shit.
I'm gonna off this glue-sniffing cock sucker right fucking now.
I've seen him do it, man.
I'll talk! I'll talk!
Mary lou?
Hey, xandir's dad. What happened to your eye?
Nothing, nothing.
What are you doing out at this hour?
It's getting dark.
Play practice went a little late.
Hop in. I'll give you a ride home.
You like starship?
Who doesn't?
¶ we built this city ¶
Heater's broke. But it's warm over here.
You can slide over nice and close.
¶ we built this city on rock and roll ¶
Mary lou,
I don't know why my boy ever broke up with you.
You sure are a pretty little thing.
Why, thank you, xandir's dad.
I know you've been with lots of boys,
But have you ever been with a man?
Mmm! Mmm!
Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
Ah, yeah.
You like my thumb, don't you, bitch?
Well, let me show you something almost as big.
[applause]
And we're back.
Before we announce this year's winner of drawn together,
Let's bring out last year's winner,
The honorable judge fudge.
[applause]
So, judge fudge, have you enjoyed the past year
As the winner of drawn together?
I haven't had time to enjoy my crown.
I've been far too busy being delicious.
¶ judge fudge ¶
Fudge.
And now the moment you've all been waiting for.
The winner of drawn together is...
The winner is...
You,
The viewer.
Boo!
That sucks! We hate you!
Thank you all for coming.
And from all of us here drawn together,
May god bless.
See you in October.
Captioned by the national captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--
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