♪♪ sisters and brothers every race and creed ♪♪
♪♪ every personality ♪♪
™ª ♪♪ with tolerance and love ♪
♪♪ we're all free to be whee! ♪♪
Wooldoor, narrating: it's always been my dream to entertain children.
And i finally earned enough money
As a bar mitzvah to have my own show.
[Cheering]
[Laughs]
Damn it, hero.
Keep that mic out of my shot.
Oh, it's too heavy. [Cracks]
Great. Now i chipped a nail.
[Man yodels]
Ooh...ahh...
Hey, boys and girls,
That must be fat mountain.
Cut! [Bell rings]
For christ's sake, toot, you missed your cue.
I don't have time for your crappy show.
Don't you know? It's coming.
What the hell you talking about, mount fudgemo?
As a calf, i heard the elders whisper
Of a mystical chariot shaped like a hot dog.
Roughly translated from fat to english,
It's called the wienermobile.
The scars on my fat thighs tell the whole story.
When the wienermobile arrives,
It will offer up tasty, all-Beef hot dogs,
But only to the worthy.
Oh, wienermobile,
Soon, i shall suckle at your processed meat bosom.
[Slurping]
Mystical hot dog chariot?
The wienermobile exists!
Just like the loch ness monster and god's mercy.
Oh, lord, please guide my boat safely back--
[Screaming] [roaring]
Ok.
Let's try this again from the top.
♪♪ welcome to-- ♪♪ [screams]
What in the name of one-Dimensional characters
And predictable reactions is going on here?
Hi, clara. You're just in time
To see me film my public access tv show.
It's about acceptance and tolerance.
[Gasps] acceptance and tolerance?
Why, that's a breeding ground for homosexuality.
Millions of kids watch public access tv.
If you put this on,
It will turn them all gayer than a magician.
Oh, my go--Uh, wait. Street or vegas?
Vegas!
Oh, my god!
Clara, a tv show can't make you gay.
? Oh, really? Tell that to the kid fromwho's the boss
Mmm, that is true.
And i will not let wooldoor put this on tv.
I'm taking this to the people you can always count on
To protect the white christian status quo.
Denny's?
No. Congress.
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Wooldoor, narrating: next thing i knew, i was testifying before congress.
People were trying to suppress me,
Even though i was only here to entertain kids.
Now i know how fire feels.
[Screams]
♪♪ so clench your teeth and not ethnicity ♪♪
[Gasping] silence!
Senators, this is the gayest kids' show i've ever seen.
It's tinky winky times 10.
Gay 10.
[Crowd cheers]
Whee! Senators!
A children's tv show won'’ ’t make boys give fellatio.
Watching tv on the sofa
Can't turn your girl into martina navratilova.
So, senators, if you protect wooldoor's free speech,
S. I'll massage your prostate
Each.
[Crowd cheers]
We shall now bring it to a vote.
This hearing is the biggest waste of taxpayer money
Since you redecorated the senate with thestar warstheme.
You said you were just getting new carpet.
[Screams]
All in favor of allowing wooldoor's show on tv.
All: yeah!
All those in favor of censoring.
All: yeah!
Very well. By a vote of 7 to 4,
This senate hereby declares
That wooldoor's show is allowed to air.
Great!
Now, my show can entertain kids, annoy adults,
And funny third thing!
[Electricity crackles]
[Beeping]
Hey, buddy.
Laundry night? No clean clothes?
[All laughing]
Tell me, are you wooldoor sockbat?
No.
Sorry. I'm heart of hearing.
[Both screaming]
[All gasp and pant]
Oh, wienermobile,
Where art thou?
Toot, please,
Can't you see we're trying to watch transformer porn?
Female robot on tv: please, not in the hair. I have a date tonight.
[Liquid squirts] what did i tell you?
Ohh!
Wienermobile!
Foxxy decided to solve the mystery
Of shutting the fat fuck up.
[Gasps] oh, my god, toot.
I think i actually hears the wienermobile.
You do? It's coming from inside the closet.
Wienermobile!
[Clicks]
Wienermobile?
[Muffled shouting]
[Music volume on tv increases]
[Techno music playing]
Here's to congress for letting me do my show.
And to freedom of speech.
Fuck yeah! That's the shit!
I want to fuck the head off a fucking pig
And rip its fucking guts out,
And then fuck its fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck
Fuck fuck fuck...
Wooldoor, narrating: i was on top of the world.
But then, something happened that killed my buzz
Faster than driving over that kid.
[Brakes squeal]
[Indistinct crack] [child screams]
Tell me, are you wooldoor sockbat?
Yes. Are you from the service?
Because i specifically asked for no eastern european women.
It's gun to meet you. [Screams]
[Whimpering]
Later!
[Grunting]
[All gasp and scream]
Wooldoor, narrating: i was being hunted down
By some ugly, gap-Toothed nazi sympathizer
With a speech impediment and a penchant for memorable one-Liners.
Always bet on black.
On days like this, i wish i had super powers like captain hero.
Activate hero shield.
[Screams]
[Grunts]
I'm gonna die!
Please, no!
Huh?
Come on me if you want to live.
I think you mean, come with you.
Wh-What did i say?
[Gasps] [screams]
Come on.
It's hot, but sad.
You just know that fighter plane dinosaur was molested.
[Horn honks]
[Honks] uh-Uh!
The wienermobile is for real real.
[All talk at once]
Come on, man! [Indistinct chatter]
♪♪ wieners, wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners, wieners, wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners, wieners, ♪♪
Oh, yeah! Free hot dog!
Look at all these condiments.
I hurt animals because i'm sick.
♪♪ wieners ♪♪ ♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners, wieners, wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪ ♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners, wieners, wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪ ♪♪ wieners... ♪♪
Wienermobile.
[Sniffling]
Wooldoor, narrating: what a nightmare.
One minute, i was celebrating with my friends
Like a drunken pro athlete.
The next, i was crying and running for my life
Like the wife of a drunken pro athlete.
Xandir, what the hell is going on?
Clara was right.
Your show is destined to turn the whole planet gay.
5 years from now,
Earth will be a gay paradise
Where all music is dance
And all food is low carb
And the semen flows like wine.
But a small minority of normal people
Still survives in the sewers
Beneath the sports arenas.
♪♪ she used to be cute, now she's fat! ♪♪
The breeders fought back by creating a killing machine--
[All talk at once]
A super hetero killing machine.
What's the difference between a woman with the pms and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
[All laugh]
They sent the terminator back in time
To destroy the gay future by killing you.
A time traveling robot?
Gay future? Wienermobile? Oh, yeah.
I was sent back in time to protect you and your kids' show
And ensure the gay future.
So now you're from the future, too? [Scoffs]
I thought you were from a video game.
Video games are the future!
Aah! He's got a gun!
Wooldoor, wait!
Come on my back!
Wait, what did i say?
Captain hero: i had just returned
From deactivating the hero shield
When the doorbell rang.
[Doorbell rings]
Tell me, bro, are you wooldoor sockbat?
No, he's not here.
Wait a minute, you're that guy
Who killed all those pe--
Dude, is that a beer tap?
Yes. It's draft lager.
Cool. Can i have some?
[Grunting]
Dude, you totally schooled that wall.
Up high!
Wow. A self high-Five.
You are so hetero.
Hey, bro, what do you think about vagina?
Dude, i love the vagina.
What do you like to do to the vagina?
What do you think i like to do to the vagina?
I think you like to fuck it.
Damn straight. I totally like to fuck the vagina.
Sweet. Sweet.
Dem wienermobile hot dogs was amazing.
I ain't never had so many wieners in my mouth at once.
Only that one time in college.
I ain't lying like panaggio.
. It's quitting time
Have a hot diggity dog day.
Hey, asshole!
[Weeping]
Wow. I can't believe we forgot about you, took.
My name is toot.
I'm pretty sure you're wrong.
I know my own name!
By the way, we sorry, fat ass.
[Sobbing]
I'm telling you, a robot from the future
Is trying to kill wooldoor.
I'm here to protect hi m and make sure
His show gets on the air.
I keep asking myself.
When will this nightmare end?
And i keep asking myself where do those legs end?
They look like they go on for days.
Wooldoor: everything was just so crazy.
I didn't know if i could trust xandir or the cops,
Or my ability to resist
The devilishly suave advances
Of detective smith.
[Purrs]
[Dialing]
So i called someone i knew i could trust.
My favorite names for vagina?
Well, patty bacon, beer cozy,
Baby gap, mordor-- Oh, and agnes.
Now how about you, pal.
What do you call vagina?
I call it a taxi so i can roll over and get some sleep.
[Both laugh] that is so true, buddy.
Right here.
[Telephone rings]
Yello. Wooldoor, hey, what's up?
[Gasps] the police station?
Is this about the hero shield?
Where is the police station, primary target--
I mean, wooldoor?
Ok, you stay put.
I'll be right there to kill--Ha ha,
I mean, murder you.
You just have to teach me how to do impressions.
I mean, you do a better me than i do.
I'm captain hero. I'm captain hero.
[Engine rattles]
[Squeaks]
Hey, do you know what they call vagina in france?
Royale with cheese.
[Screams]
Hey, you know what i don't like about the vagina?
What?
Nothing. That's what.
[Screams]
[Whimpers]
A robot?
Xandir was telling the truth.
Maybe he was also telling the truth
About the joys of needlepoint.
[Indistinct screaming]
[Gasps]
[Screams]
Wooldoor! Xandir!
I found out about the terminator,
And i have to tell you something.
I'm sorry.
[Indistinct screaming]
Ho ho. Nothing but neck!
Somebody brought his "a" game today.
Wait a second.
You're a robot?
I thought we told each other everything.
If you weren't honest about this,
How do i know you weren't honest about other things,
Like loving vagina?
Dude, how dare you suggest i don't like the vagina.
Ooh.
Must complete primary mission.
Ooh. Sorry.
Toot, narrating: while those bastards stuffed their faces
At the wienermobile,
I was trapped in the closet
With nothing but some old coats
And clara's golf umbrella, which i've since renamed
The expandable pleasure wand.
[Whimpers]
[Sobs] why?
Come on, toos.
It's not that big a deal.
Not that big a deal?
How would you like it if i locked you in the closet
And you missed the 1994 l.A. Riots?
Just like the riots themselves,
That was a very intelligent way
To express your point of view.
Toot, i'm gonna make this up to you.
I don't care if that wienermobile is
A million miles away or if it is right there--
Which it is--
We gonna get you to that wienermobile.
What do you say, ling-Ling?
That thing will never stop hunting me.
I wish i'd never made this stupid kids' show
Or this needlepoint tape cozy.
Maybe if i destroy this tape,
He'll stop coming after me.
Yeah, yeah. [Laughs]
No, you can't! Huh?
Your show is the key to the gay future.
And wooldoor, it's your dream.
[Both scream]
[wood breaks]
You're right.
I can't destroy my dream.
I have to fight for it.
Over here. Over here.
The sinful gaymaker is up there.
My friend bazooka joe is treesed to meet you,
But it's time for you to leave. Now.
[Grunts]
What are you doing? Quick, xandir.
Snarf my cavernous bunghole, you snurd-Nurgling jew!
N? Don't you mean, hold o
Why, what did i say?
[Both scream]
[Both screaming]
[Both grunt and groan]
Oh, my ankle.
Leave me behind, wooldoor.
No way.
On your delicate and well-Pedicured feet, soldier.
You noticed.
T. How could i not? Fernando didn'
I noticed. I just didn't say anything.
It's a no-Win situation with him.
If i said he looked nice,
He said, what, you didn't like them befor e?
Aah!
Foxxy, can't we just rest for awhile?
Don't you give up, tooth. [Grunts]
Thank god that kid let us use his wagon.
[Whimpers]
Keep pulling, fatass!
[Both grunt]
[Grunts]
I will relish this.
[Grunts]
You can't run away,
Because i will catch up!
Wait, bro.
I never got to tell you
My absolute favorite thing about vagina.
It brought me closer...
To you.
Kill them, robot.
For the children.
The wienermobile is heading right for us.
It's a miracle!
Wooldoor,
I don't want to blow the gay future.
Save yourself.
Oh, no, xandir.
Like paul mccartney's ex-Wife,
We're not running anymore.
[Both grunt]
Nobody kills wooldoor's dreams.
Not my closed-Minded parents,
Not my oppressive third grade teacher,
Not that tough-But-Fair drill instructor
Who taught me how to be both an officer and a gentleman,
And not you...
Terminator!
From the future.
Chorus: ♪♪ wienermobile ♪♪
♪♪wienermobile ♪♪
[Screams] [screams]
♪♪ wienermobile ♪♪
[Panting]
♪♪ wienermobile ♪♪
[Flatulence]
[Gasps]
Eww. [Gasps]
No. No.
We did it, xandir!
Xandir? [Gasps]
My slight ankle sprain.
I'm not gonna make it.
Don't say that.
Wooldoor, you saved the gay future.
I wish i could see it one last time.
So beautiful.
Semen...everywhere.
Oh, xandir. I'll miss you.
[Dings]
Hey, wooldoor. Oh, hey, xandir.
[Hydraulics hissing]
[Beeping]
Must complete primary mission.
[Groans]
Wooldoor sockbat.
I'm about to commercial break you in two. One.
[Narrates] despite all my efforts,
The terminator survived.
And now, he had me in his grasp.
I was deader than a racist walrus
Lost in the detroit projects after dark.
Don't any of you spoogies have jobs?
What the hell you say?
[All talking at once]
Wait. Stop.
Well, i'll be. Hero's gonna be heroic.
Well, i guess there's a first time for everything.
[Liquid spurts] ooh, look, y'all.
I got my period.
Brohabian,
Don't you see? If you kill him,
There will be no gay future.
Which means there would be no you.
And that means we shall never again be able to talk.
About vagina.
But dude, it's my primar y mission.
Maybe it's time you stopped listening
To the primary mission up here,
And start listening to the primary mission...
Down here.
Must terminate wooldoor sockbat.
[Whimpers] terminate...
Wooldoor sockbat.
Must...terminate.
Sockbat.
Must terminate...
The wall around my heart.
Oh, you.
[Both moan]
You've got to be shitting me.
Well, it looks like things
Turned out just fine for everybody.
Except for toupee.
Now we can do my kids' show.
And all of you can be in it.
[All cheering]
Look, boys and girls.
It's our new friend, the singing robobiker!
♪♪ welcome to wooldoor's world ♪♪
♪♪ where everybody loves vagina ♪♪
♪♪ every shape and size ♪♪
Guys, this is great.
I'm so glad i was able to fulfill my dream.
Do you really think my show
Will turn kids all over the world gay?
Probably not.
[Child screams]
[Metal clanking rhythmically]
Male robot on tv: prepare to receive download.
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