[Cheerful whistling and music playing]
[Whimpers]
[Music stops] ah hah hah hah!
Goddamn it! Get your own damn food!
Ohh, i can't.
Every time i go to the lunch store,
I pass by a really mean bully
Who makes me give him all my lunch money.
Do you want me to go the store with you?
Yes.
[Cheerful whistling and music playing]
So, where is this bully?
[Music stops] [coins clink]
Him? He's just a homeless guy.
[Sighs] come on.
Spare some change for a vet?
Ecch. Get a job.
You're right. I suck.
[Cheerful whistling and music plays]
[Grunting]
[Narrating] seeing clara so brave, so strong,
Unlocked feelings inside me,
Feelings that i normally reserved for socks
Filled with warm mashed potatoes.
But now, they were all for her.
You are so dead after school.
[Chomp]
Ah hah hah!
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Housemates, report to the holodeck for an important announcement.
Foxxy: ooh! We could be anywhere in the universe.
Computa, make it look like, um...
[Gasps] our living room!
[Gasps] oh, man.
That's great. That's fancy.
Ehh. It looks fake.
P.A.: Housemates, tomorrow you'll compete in a spelling bee
For a chance to win a gift certificate to applebee's.
[All cheer]
I'd give spanky's left testicle for an applebee's coupon.
Too late. I already gave that testicle to my one true love,
Cancer.
Spelling bee?
I am sorry. Uh-Uh.
Like a cloud over the desert,
I refuse to participate.
Foxxy, is this because you can't read?
Because if so,
Ah ha ha ha!
Ee hee hee hee ha ha ha!
No, assho'.
I can read and write real good.
I was once the best speller in the land.
[Applause]
Judge: miss love, for the win
And your sixth consecutive spelling bee championship,
Your word is "knickers."
[Snickering]
Would you please repeat that word?
"Knick-Ers."
Use it in a sentence.
"It's wrong to mix whites with colored
[Slow motion] knick-Ers."
You racist son of a bitch!
The foxxy swore she would never spell any word correctly ever again.
Well, that explains foxxy's obsession with malcolm q.
[Rimshot]
[Rooster crows]
Hmm?
Oh.
"If you want to see your cat again,
You will go out with me."
[Gasps]
Captain hero, did you write this?
Um, if i did, would you want to go out?
I don't know, hero.
We're roommates. It could get messy.
Take out the cat.
[Gunshot, cat yowls]
[Gasps] oh, my god!
You killed mrs. Fluffybutt!
Oh, i'd kill any numbe r of innocent things
For just one date with you.
Aw, that's so romantic.
No one has ever felt strongly enough to kill for me.
So, like, you will go out with me?
Yes.
[Giddy] oh, yay, yay, yay!
[Serious] mission accomplished, xandir.
[Radio crackles]
[Dramatic film noir music playing]
[Watch alarm, music stops]
[Gasps] i'm gonna be late for the spelling bee!
Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
Uh, d-O...
G.
Cat! [Buzzer]
[Sighs] oh, no. Close.
But that's not the correct spelling of "centrifuge."
[Pop]
[Laughing]
[Peanuts theme playing]
We're getting killed out there.
Where's foxxy?
Hey, barkeep, is that thedrawn together spelling bee? Turn it up.
Welcome back to thedrawn together peanuts gang spelling bee.
Like conjoined twins, these teams are going head-To-Head,
And only one will survive.
Survive? What are you talking about, fred?
Yeah! I scheduled the surgery for saturday.
Sorry you had to find out this way.
Thosedrawn togetherkids
Are really gettin' their asses kicked.
[Slurps] ohh.
Hey, ain't you 5-Time world spelling bee champion, the foxxy?
I was, the once,
€™â€™. But i can't risk hurtin' anybody no mo'
Foxxy, you can't run away from your problems,
Unless your problems are with some kind of tortoise.
Heh heh. [Chuckles]
[Door creaks]
[Music swells]
I gotta go. [Door opens, closes]
Hey, hey, hey, quiet down. It's the final round.
Ling-Ling, unless you spell this word correctly,
The peanuts gang will be the champs.
Your word is...
"L."
[Eyelids flutter]
[Pop]
[Peanuts theme playing]
[Cheering]
Oh, yeah!
We beat you worse than linus' dad beats him.
T? You'll protect me, won't you, blue blanke
Applebee's, here we come.
Not so fast, peanut.
Aaah! Uhh!
Don't forget about the foxxy.
[All cheering]
Huzah! She's back!
I am ready for my word.
Ok, then, for the win,
Your word is "illogical,"
As in, "you being allowed to compete
After someone else has already won is highly illogical."
Illogical, y'all.
I-L-L-O-G-I-C-A-L, y'-A-L-L.
Illogical, y'all.
Congratulations, drawn together.
You've won.
[Cheering] [popping]
You got some real talent.
Really? Why, thank you,
Uh, "mr. Ham."
Stick with me,
And you'll be the biggest thing to come out of spelling
Since tori's fat head.
Why you dissin' on tori?
She knows what she did.
[Dramatic music plays]
[Piano playing]
Captain hero: at last, it was the night of my big date with clara,
And i wanted everything to go perfectly.
Oh. Ooh. Shoot.
Uh, a thousand pardons.
Allow me, milady.
Get off me!
It was as if everything on the date that could have gone wrong did.
Oh, i have the worst luck.
Captain hero, take me home.
What, you're not having fun?
You're making out with our waiter.
Shh. Don't be mean to him, or he'll spit in our food.
Uhh!
[Unzips zipper]
Announcer: congratulations, keith franklin,
Winner of the get drawn in sweepstakes.
You're ondrawn together.
I'm so sorry.
I don't wanna speak to you ever again.
This isn't the way i pictured our date at all.
I pictured it more like this.
Ohh, what was i thinking?
I don't deserve someone as great as you,
Just like i don't deserve to wear the tie my father was buried in.
Guhh!
Man: look out! It's a clip-On tie!
[Tires skid, crash]
Oh. Oh, my.
[Vehicles crashing]
[Moans]
Yeah.
[Moaning]
[Screams]
[Moans]
[Sighs]
I'll have what she's having.
Captain hero: my date with clara was wonderful.
And even better, i learned she had a secret sexual fetish for car crashes.
I hope we can do this again.
[Giddy sigh]
We started going out a lot,
And i think clara really liked me.
I was more excited than a passed out college girl in my bedroom.
[Crash]
Clara: oh, yeah.
[Moans, pants]
[Crash]
[Car alarm blaring] ohh! Yeah!
[Wailing]
[Tires skid]
[Sighs] yeah. Hoo.
Oh, clara, i have to tell you something,
3 beautiful words that have been swelling in my heart.
[Cell phone rings] where you at?
Ooh, you guys are having beers at the triplex parking lot?
Of course i'm in. Come pick me up.
[Wheels skid]
I'm gonna go hang out with my friends now. Call you later.
But what about those 3 words i was going to tell you?
[Peels out]
No...
Fat...
Chicks.
Uh, t-R...
Come on, bitch!
What's wrong?
Not knowing how to spell got your tongue?
Uhh! I quit! [Sobbing]
Foxxy love, you are the new world champ of spelling.
[Narrating] with spanky by my side,
I spelt my way back to the top.
Mama was right.
Spelling is something you never forget how to do,
Like stealin' a bike.
Crowd, chanting: foxxy, foxxy, foxxy, foxxy, foxxy.
Foxxy love, it's true what everybody is saying about you.
You're the new not-As-Pretty
Ghetto anna kournikova of spelling bees, not tennis.
[Cheering]
I just wanna thank the lord, jesus christ, my savior for this award.
Don't give that bitch a statue.
Give her some balls.
[Crowd gasps]
What did you say, hadji?
You heard me, chump.
I am the number one spelling bee contender,
But you're too scared to face me.
I ain't scared of nothin' except dyin' alone,
So unless you wanna marry me, which i would like very much,
I will take you anytime.
How about right now?
Street spell-Off!
[Crowd gasps, cameras whir]
Let's do this.
Hey, look. The 7-11's hiring.
Mom and dad got fired?
[Peels out]
Yes!
Ooh, i like that, bitch, don't i?!
[Harp glissando]
Ooh, sounds like somebody is falling in love.
[Cellphone plays harp glissando]
Hello. Yeah, he's still here.
. He's really clingy
So, what are you guys doing now?
[Gasps] pounding silver bullets by the leech-Filled pond?!
Come get me!
Clara, i'm beginning to think that maybe
You're just in this for the crashes and nothing more.
Ucch.
Why do you have to go and ruin a good thing?
It's just that we had something special.
I thought we would be together forever.
Listen, baby, maybe i'll call you later
If i'm in need of a little late-Night fatality, all right?
! No, it's not all right
If you get in that pumpkin, so help me, it's over.
Whatever.
[Peels out]
I now know the true meaning of pain.
[Victims screaming]
[Like r.E.M.] ♪♪ well, everybody hurts ♪♪
[Sobs]
♪♪ sometimes ♪♪
♪♪ everybody cries ♪♪
Spanky, why did you stop me from taking on hadji?
I could've beat him.
[Narrating] foxxy deserved to know the truth,
But how could i tell her without upsetting her too much?
[Blows raspberry]
[Laughs]
The only reason you're a champ is because...
You've been spelling against chumps.
[Gasps] what you mean?
[Blows raspberry] ah ha ha ha!
Spelling commission wanted a great, black hope
For the spelling world.
They hoped you'd do for spelling
What r. Kelly did for pissing on teenagers,
So all of your matches were fixed.
Oh, lord, even that imaginary pineapple?
E. That's right, pineappl
You're too sweet to spell.
[High-Pitched] that's right, pineapple. You're too sweet to spell.
You saying i's a fraud?
[Slow piano music playing]
Spanky, don't.
Just don't.
[Blows raspberry] ah ha ha ha!
[Captain hero sobbing]
Narrator: when i found captain hero
In my closet crying and not masturbating,
I knew something was wrong.
So i took him out to do the one thing that always cheers him up--
Trying on wedding gowns!
Mmm, what do you think? Too princess di?
Oh, hero, i brought you here
To get your mind off slutty princesses and car crashes.
I loved her, and she was only using me.
Oh. Well, it was her loss, hero.
Mmm, what do you think?
Oh, eww. Too ellen degeneres.
You just need to promise yourself
To never let clara use you anymore.
You're right, xandir.
I'll make sure she never enjoys another car crash ever again.
So, do you like?
Nah. Too tori spelling.
Why you dissin' on tori?
She knows what she did.
[Dramatic music plays]
I'm off!
And so i set off
To put those evil car crashes out of business.
[Holding out for a heroplaying]
[Gasps]
Oh, yeah.
Come on, baby.
Mm-Hmm.
Come on.
[Tires skid]
Ohh!
Bonnie tyler: ♪♪ i need a hero ♪♪
♪♪ i'm holdin' out for a hertill the end of the night ♪♪
♪♪ he's gotta be strong ♪♪
♪♪ ooh. ♪♪ and he's gotta be fast
♪♪ and he's gotta be ♪♪
[Bones snap] ♪♪ fresh from the fight ♪♪
[Groans] ♪♪ i need a hero ♪♪
♪♪ i'm holdin' out for a hertill the morning light... ♪♪
[Screaming]
Now, this is just borin'.
Guess i'll go back to beatin' the wife.
Woman, where's my beatin' belt?
Please don't yell at me.
This is exactly what we talked about at dr. Schwartz's office.
What is this i hear about you challenging hadji?
I gots to take him, spanky.
I's a speller.
I can't change what i is!
He's too fast, too smart,
Too not american. You can't win, foxx!
[No easy way outplaying]
Foxxy: ♪♪ there's no easy way out ♪♪
E ♪♪ ♪♪ there's no shortcut hom
♪♪ ♪♪ there's no easy way out
Ong ♪♪ ♪♪ givin' in can't be wr
♪♪ ooh, they freak me out ♪♪
♪♪ it's a turtle, what's he doing here? ♪♪
♪♪ oh, it's a great, googly moogly ♪♪
™ª ♪♪ givin' in is not the same ♪
You a disgrace, a liar, a fraud.
You make me sick!
Hey, what's goin' on, foxxy?
We got training to do.
. But i can't beat hadji
You told me yourself.
You can't live several minutes in the past.
This is the part of the story where i build you back up.
You right, spanky!
All right, champ. Let's get to work.
Ooh! Can we play that rockytraining song?
Only if we can afford it.
[Horns and drum playing out-Of-Tune music similar torocky]
It ain't the same without the real song.
Captain hero, thanks to you,
Our highways are safe once again.
Ho ho. Mr. May-Or, i am only one man--
With 3 different personalities--
And i can promise you
[Hispanic accent] there will be no car crashes
On my watch, homes, 'cause
[Babyish] hero hungry, need his bottle.
Wakka wakka wakka wakk--
Flavor flav!
[Applause] thank you, thank you.
Hero, can we talk?
He has nothing to say to you!
Shut up, xandir.
Can't you have one pair of lips
That isn't always flapping in the wind?
[Hisses]
I understand if you hate me,
But i still think about you...
A lot.
Aww, you miss the crashes.
That's what you miss.
Sure, they were fun,
But people being horribly maimed and disfigured means nothing
If i can't share it with you.
Maybe we can give it one more shot,
And cause a different kind of crash--
Between our hearts.
Man: booo!
Second man: sir, please come with me.
What? I didn't d o anything!
I warned you.
I can boo if i want.
It's a fre e country! Get off me!
I warned you.
You leave me alone!
[Taser] [screaming]
Think about it, hero.
You know where to find me.
[Screaming]
I'm so glad you gave us a second chance.
Well, at first--
Shut up!
I mean shut your [bleep] face, my sweet.
Why don't you, you know, cause a little fatal car accident,
You big stud.
Maybe we should take this slow.
I'm still a little raw.
Awooga! Blblblblbl!
Homina, homina, homina, homina.
[Bugle charge]
P. One car crash comin' right u
[Skidding]
Yaah! Ohh!
Ohh!
Oh, clara, i love you.
Eww! Can't you love me without touching me?!
What? I thought you cared about me.
Oh, come on, hero.
You know you're only good for a few crashes. That's it.
But-- Now, if you'll excuse me,
My friends'll be here any second.
We're off to shotgun brewskis
At the crystal-Meth-Addicted ebola monkey preserve.
Oh. I figured you would act this way,
So i've arranged to teach you a lesson.
[Gasps]
Oh, my god.
Sleeping beauty, snow white, ariel.
N! I can't feel my fi
That's what we get for letting mulan drive.
Stay with me, sleeping beauty.
But i'm tired,
So very tired.
No!
Well, once again, captain hero has saved the day.
And remember, kids,
Never mess with the emotions of a dangerous lunatic.
I'm off!
[Imitates plane engine]
Captain hero man.
♪♪ captain hero man ♪♪
You can do it, foxxy!
You'll never beat him!
Go get him, kid!
I must break you.
Foxxy love, your word is...
"Time dissolve."
It's been an incredible match.
Foxxy love hasn't made a single error,
Unlike a certain careless surgeon i know.
Serves you right, asshole.
Now back to the match.
Foxxy, for the win,
Your word is
"Knickers."
[All gasp]
Ooh.
Here. I'll use it in a sentence.
"Can a knicker get a table dance?"
Ooh! You racist son of a--
Foxxy, you can and/or can not do it.
[Music likegonna fly now fromrockyplaying]
♪♪ gonna do it ♪♪
♪♪ gonna float, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ gonna fl-- ♪♪
[Dramatic music sting]
[Deep breath]
"Knuckers."
K-N-I-C...
K-E-R-S.
"Knuckers." [Ding]
[Cheering]
Foxxy is the new world champion of spelling!
I did it, spanky! I's the champ!
[Narrating] so the foxxy overcame her fear of words that sound like other words.
I did it!
I did it for my knuckers!
[Sirens]
Clara: yes! Ooh, i like that.
Yeah! Ohh! Ohh!
[Children laughing]
[Chanting] oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
[Chanting continues]
[Explosion]
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