Announcer: tonight, toss your meds
And shoot your shrink,
Because your pitiful life
Will finally be given meaning
As you decide
Which of these 8 assbags
Will be banished from thedrawn togetherhouse
Forever!
One housemate will disappear
Like a mexican woman's figure after marriage.
Tonight...
On the season finale ofdrawn together,
The musical elimination special,
Part 2: the musical elimination.
[Cheers and applause]
Announcer: ladies and gentlemen,
This happens now!
Uhh. Uhh.
♪♪ one house ♪♪
♪♪ to hold us all ♪♪
♪♪ 8 different cartoon characters ♪♪
♪♪ lettin' it all hang out ♪♪
♪♪ before the one millio n cameras ♪♪
♪♪ we'redrawn together ♪♪
♪♪ yeah! ♪♪
[Clara holds note]
Announcer: ladies and gentlemen,
The jew producer!
Thank you. Thank you.
Now, you, the viewers, voted
For your favorite musical housemate,
And tonight, we will reveal
Which one of you assholes
Is going home.
So, captain hero--
It's pronouncedcapitan.
The "hero" is silent.
Ok. Well, before you perform your song tonight,
Let's all relive
This creepy captain hero moment.
Captain hero, narrating: at last, it was the night of my big date
With clara, and i wanted everything
To go perfectly. [Whap]
Oh! Oh, shoot.
Ahh! A thousand pardons.
Allow me, milady.
Get off me!
It was as if everything on the date
That could have gone wrong did.
Oh, i have the worst luck.
Captain hero, take me home.
What? You're not having fun?
You're making out with our waiter.
Shh! Don't be mean to him,
Or he'll spit in our food.
Ohh!
Announcer: ladies and gentlemen,
Captain leslie hero!
[Music begins]
♪♪ daisy ♪♪
♪♪ give me your answer, do ♪♪
♪♪ i'm half crazy ♪♪
♪♪ all for the love of you ♪♪
♪♪ but you're gonna look so sweet ♪♪
♪♪ upon the seat ♪♪
♪♪ of a, a bicycle built for ♪♪
♪♪ two-Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo- Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo ♪♪
[Applause]
Captain hero, the votes are in.
And you are...
[Suspenseful music plays]
Safe!
Ahh! Oh, my god. Thank you, america.
I love you...
So why shouldn't we have a fuckin' baby?
Toot, you suck,
And yet you keep returning.
How do you explain this phenomenon?
Well, how do you explain your fugly face?!
I was burned in a horrible accident.
It's pretty sad, actually.
[Sentimental piano music plays]
Now, while toot gets ready
To sing her clogged heart out,
Let's take a look at some of our favorite moments
With toot braunstein.
Come on. Do me. Do me.
You know you want it.
Sorry, my dear,
But even a filthy, pathetic donkey
Has standards.
Announcer: ladies and gentlemen,
Toot braunstein.
♪♪ for a moment like this ♪♪
♪♪ some people wait a lifetime ♪♪
♪♪ for a moment like this ♪♪
♪♪ some people search forever ♪♪
♪♪ for that one special kiss ♪♪
♪♪ oh, i can't believe ♪♪
♪♪ it's happening to me ♪♪
[Audience booing]
♪♪ some people wait a lifetime ♪♪
♪♪for a moment ♪♪
You suck!
♪♪ like this ♪♪
Well, toot,
The audience has spoken,
And you are...
[Hums suspenseful music]
Safe!
You're goddamn right i'm safe,
You fucking assbags!
Announcer: when we return,
We'll find out which one
Of our 6 remaining contestant's dreams
Will be totally ruined
Like your mom's reputation
After i bone her face.
[Applause]
Everyone, welcome.
In accordance with captain girl' s wishes,
We are burying her as a mormon.
Not because she was one,
But because she hated mormons,
And it would make her happy for us to bury one.
You may begin, reverend.
If you'll all turn in your books
To page 134--
Ahem.
Ooga-Booga! Great space god!
Magic lizard, come down from jupiter!
[Sobbing]
Producer: before we continue on with the results,
Let's take a moment to remember
Some of our family who we've lost
Over this past season.
[Ave mariabegins]
[Applause]
[Applause quiets]
[Light applause]
[One person claps]
[Light applause]
♪♪ ave maria... ♪♪
[One person claps late, stops]
[Applause]
♪♪ ave maria... ♪♪
[2 people clap]
[No applause]
♪♪ ahh... ♪♪
[Applause]
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[Crowd muttering in shock]
[Applause]
[Cheering and applause]
[Applause and gasping]
[Applause]
[Goat bleats]
[Applause]
[Applause and gasping]
Audience: ohh!
I love references to dead celebrities
Nobody cares about anymore.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
[Coughs] aahh!
May they all rot in hell.
All: amen!
♪♪ baby ♪♪
Wooldoor, why don't yo u tell the audience
What you plan on singing tonight?
I'm totally gonna rock some black chick's tongue.
Well, go get ready, and as you do,
Let's watch wooldoor's journey
Into the final 8.
Wooldoor, i'd like you to meet the cap'n.
So, frank says you've got a great big cock.
Really? May i see it?
Ok. [Zips]
[Thud]
Thank you, wooldoor.
Announcer: here he is, wooldoor sockbat.
♪♪ what is this thing in my mouth? ♪♪
♪♪ it's slippery, and it's slimy ♪♪
♪♪ traveling down my slender virgin ♪♪
♪♪ pink esophagus ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪ some black chick's tongue!
♪♪ it's such a new sensation! ♪♪
♪♪ i got a mayonnaise mama on my lickin' hole ♪♪
♪♪ and i've only just begun! ♪♪
Well, wooldoor,
The audience has voted.
And you are...
Not safe!
Aww.
Audience: aww.
[Sentimental piano music plays]
[Snarling]
Ling-Ling,
You're a pretty popular fella.
Yes. Yes, i am.
Well, i hope you're ready to sing
Your little yellow heart out,
But before you do, let's take a look
At why you're so goddamn popular.
[Speaking japanese]
I'll leave you 2 lovebirds alone.
I--What?
W-What?
Take off shirt!
[Sobbing]
[Sniffs]
Ahh...
[Speaking japanese]
Announcer: and now, ling-Ling!
[Singing in japanese]
♪♪ kill kill kill kill ♪♪
♪♪ die die die ♪♪
♪♪ kill kill kill kill ♪♪
♪♪ die die die ♪♪
♪♪ kill kill kill kill ♪♪
♪♪ die die die ♪♪
[Scatting]
Nicely done.
Now let's see if the audience
Has hung you out to dry...cleaners.
Ling-Ling, you are...
[Suspenseful music plays]
Going to find out if you're safe or not
After this commercial break.
Audience: aww.
Eh, fine. You're safe.
Enjoy the commercials
Without anything to look forward to, assholes.
Hmm. "Popular comedy central toon cancelled."
No. Uh, ooh.
[Suspenseful music plays]
What, are we still doing this?
[Glass breaks, cat yowls]
Xandir. Your journey with the show
Has been one of the most controversial
In recent years,
Most notably, the rumors
Of your illicit affair withmoi.
Ew! Ecch, i wouldn't have sex
With a jewish guy if you paid me.
Which, of course, you wouldn't.
Audience: ooh!
So you're denying that anything
Ever happened between us?
But i loved you!
[Sobs, cocks gun]
[Gunshot]
[Thud]
Jew producer: oh, my god. A stagehand got shot!
What have i done?
I can't live with myself.
[Gunshot] [thud]
Oh, god! Another stagehand got shot.
Why is the world so cruel?
[Gunshot] [thud]
Ohh! [Gurgling]
[Gunshot, splat] [thud]
Announcer: the part of the jew producer
Will now be played by ryan seacrest...
'S former american idolco-Host,
Bryan dunkleman.
Yeah! Bryan dunkleman is in the house.
That's right, the dunkey's back,
And he's missed you, too, y'all!
Now let's look at some clips
Of xangir! Yeah, xangir!
[Speaking japanese]
I'll leave you 2 lovebirds alone.
I--What?
W-What?
Take off shirt!
[Sobs]
[Sniffs]
Ahh...
[Speaking japanese]
♪♪ get ready to fire the load ♪♪
Come on! ♪♪ salty seamen ♪♪
♪♪ in a submarine ♪♪
♪♪ ready to fire the load ♪♪
♪♪ heads up on the poop deck ♪♪
♪♪ we got incoming male ♪♪
♪♪ get ready to fire the load ♪♪
♪♪ gonna fire the load ♪♪
♪♪ fire the load ♪♪
Whoo, that was hot!
Well, xandir, the votes are in.
And you are...
Not safe.
Ohh... [laughter]
Dunkleman, thinking: this isn't so hard.
Goddamn ryan seacrest.
What kind of a name is that anyway?
Now, dunkleman, that's a name
That means something.
Wait--Oh, what am i doing?
I'm frozen.
Everyone's looking at me.
Heh. This is harder than i thought.
Seacrest, he makes it look so easy.
[Groans] i deserve to get fired.
What kind of a name is dunkleman anyway?
Now, ryan seacrest, that's a name.
[Clears throat]
All right. I guess spanky ham
Will have to take care of this.
Uh, let's watch some clips of the hamster.
I don't mean a hamster.
You know what i mean.
Nailed it!
[Playing bongos]
Do you like how i sing my love song?
Do you like vincent van gogh?
I like to walk the streets at midnight.
I want you to know.
Nailed it.
Aw, look at me.
I'm a fuckin' mess.
Ryan seacrest was right.
I'm not a dunkleman.
I'm a dunkleboy.
So am i safe?
Are any of us?
Announcer: when we return, we'll learn
Who won't be coming back next season.
But first, let's take a brief look
At some of the best clips
. From last year's clip show
Captain hero, dame rumor has it
Your relationship with xandir
Has continued since the show ended.
Oh, you've got it all wrong,habibi.
Xandir had an affair with tim tommerson,
Not me.
[Laughing]
Toot: whatever.
Oh, fine. I'll prove it.
Tim!
Xandir: [gasps] oh, my god.
Tim, i thought you loved me!
Why would he love you
When he could have all this?
[Gasps] ohh.
You have something to say?
Those ain't real!
Check these out!
Whoo-Woo!
Audience: jewy! Jewy! Jewy!
Announcer: when we return,
We'll see some more stuff
That you've already seen.
Wooldoor, narrating: i feared clara would keep me a cripple forever.
If only i could tell someone what she was doing.
Hey, clara. Hey, wooldoor.
Clara's been poisoning--Mmf!
What's that? Foxxy,
Look behind you!
It's denzel washington.
Denzel!
Oh! Where did denzel go? I guess denzel
Must-A have an appointment or something.
Denzel vury busy.
Uh, foxxy, look.
Denzel came back.
Denzel!
Oh, i missed him again.
He move quickly.
Denzel in excellent physical condition.
Hey, i think wooldoor's
Tryin' to communicate through blinkin'.
Look, foxxy! Denzel came back
For an unbelievable third time!
[Gasps] denzel!
Hello there, foxxy.
Clara's trying to keep wooldoor--
Foxxy, look out in the hall.
It's another denzel washington
With 2 penises!
[Gasps] double-Dong denzel!
Whoo! Welcome back
To the only job i can get anymore.
[Hiccups]
So, foxxy and clara,
I hear you're gonna, like, sing together.
Uh-Huh! We the best pairing
Of a black person and a racist, christian bitch
Since danny glovers and mel gibson.
Ha ha! Heh heh heh heh heh.
You know, i actually thought that was kinda funny.
It's just that i've, uh--
I've forgotten how to laugh.
Baah...
Aiing--Aahh..
Eeehhh...
Aahh...
Ngaah...
Yehh...
Ohh.
[Playing guitars]
♪♪ mm-Hmm ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪ yeah, yeah, yeah
♪♪ la-La-La-La labia, baby ♪♪
♪♪ you got somethin' ’’ for me ♪♪
♪♪ in your wizard's sleeve ♪♪
♪♪ la-La-La-La labia, baby ♪♪
♪♪ you got somethin' for me ♪♪
♪♪ some sweet-Pea tea ♪♪
♪♪ oochie-Coochie, gitchee-Gitchee ♪♪
♪♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ i gotta snatch it, gonna catchee-Atch ya ♪♪
♪♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ honey-Pot ♪♪
♪♪ peachy-Pie ♪♪
Ticket to the y-Club.
♪♪ ooh, la la ♪♪ ♪♪ la-La-La, labia ♪♪
♪♪ labia ♪♪ ♪♪ for me ♪♪
♪♪ yeah ♪♪
♪♪ la-La-La la-La-La ♪♪
♪♪ labia ♪♪ ♪♪ la-Bia ♪♪
♪♪ some sweet-Pea tea ♪♪ ♪♪ you got somethin' ♪ ♪
♪♪ la la-La labia ♪♪
♪♪ la la-La labia, yeah ♪♪
♪♪ baby! Baby! ♪♪
♪♪ labi-- ♪♪
♪♪ labia, my baby-Ah ♪♪
♪♪ got something ♪♪
♪♪ ooh, labia ♪♪
[Pfrrt]
[Cheering and applause]
Aww, let's just get through this.
Uh, foxxy, you are safe.
And, clara, you are...
All right, congratulations to all three of you
For making it this far.
And now's the time when we have to say good-Bye
To one of you forever.
And the evicted housemate is...
All right, stop this nonsense, jew producer.
Everybody knows you're not voting anybody off.
We've been here for 3 years.
We're all coming back.
How dare you!
We'd never waste anyone's time
And pull a fast one.
Ahem.
And the evicted housemate is...
Munchkin mouse.
[Gasps] not munchkin mouse!
Well, i guess i should've expected
As munch! Ha ha ha!
Well, munchkin mouse, it's been a real pleasure
Having you on the show since the very beginning.
And now, before you leave,
Let's enjoy some of our favorite moments
Of you on this show.
Please don't.
All right, well, that's how that ended, ok?
Come on, everybody.
Let's do the dunkleman!
[Music like the hustleplaying]
[All sigh]
♪♪ do the dunkleman ♪♪
[Muttering] comedy central...
[Muttering japanese]
Toot: hey, assholes, thanks for watching!
[Kids laughing]
[Speaking japanese]
I'll leave you 2 lovebirds alone.
I--What?
W-What?
Take off shirt!
[Sobbing]
[Sniffs]
Ahh...
[Speaking japanese]
I'll leave you 2 lovebirds alone.
Captioned by the national captioning institute --Www.Ncicap.Org--
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