0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 (BINGOWINGZ) 1 00:00:07,082 --> 00:00:08,804 Jump back, baby. 2 00:00:46,801 --> 00:00:51,075 Fritz, did you go down and see the welfare people today? 3 00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:54,084 Yeah. They told me to report someplace tomorrow. 4 00:00:54,124 --> 00:00:56,097 I got it written down on a piece of paper, I think. 5 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,960 Listen, are you gonna go? 6 00:00:57,993 --> 00:00:59,781 I don't know. Let's fuck. 7 00:00:59,816 --> 00:01:03,294 Then will you go out and look for a job like you said? 8 00:01:03,335 --> 00:01:05,308 What? Did I say that? 9 00:01:05,349 --> 00:01:08,282 Man, oh, man, am I stoned! 10 00:01:08,323 --> 00:01:11,704 How is it a grown man can spend so much time... 11 00:01:11,745 --> 00:01:16,215 just dreaming about what he's gonna do for his family? 12 00:01:17,693 --> 00:01:21,465 For Christ's sakes! Will you come down to Earth? 13 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:25,425 What we need is the basic staff of life! 14 00:01:25,464 --> 00:01:26,772 Like grub! 15 00:01:26,808 --> 00:01:30,700 I never saw anybody walking around more stoned than you. 16 00:01:30,741 --> 00:01:32,496 Always stoned! 17 00:01:32,531 --> 00:01:35,148 Where do you get the money to buy that grass? 18 00:01:35,186 --> 00:01:36,396 Will you tell me? 19 00:01:36,433 --> 00:01:38,734 You and your Acapulco Gold. 20 00:01:38,768 --> 00:01:41,068 You know what that is? That's shit! 21 00:01:41,103 --> 00:01:44,810 Which is what you are! You are shit, Fritz! 22 00:01:44,845 --> 00:01:47,177 Here's something you don't know. 23 00:01:47,211 --> 00:01:50,689 Harvey and I made it. What do you think of that? 24 00:01:50,728 --> 00:01:53,509 We made it, and he's better in bed than you are. 25 00:01:53,542 --> 00:01:56,191 You know why? He's hung like a horse. 26 00:01:56,229 --> 00:01:59,260 What about you? You're nothing. 27 00:01:59,299 --> 00:02:00,891 You're nothing in the living room. 28 00:02:00,930 --> 00:02:02,423 You're nothing in the bathroom. 29 00:02:02,465 --> 00:02:03,926 You're nothing in bed. 30 00:02:03,968 --> 00:02:07,795 You don't even change the damn roller on the toilet paper. 31 00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:09,811 I'm the one that uses that mostly. 32 00:02:09,852 --> 00:02:10,964 And what about putting the seat down? 33 00:02:11,004 --> 00:02:12,181 Why don't you ever do that? 34 00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:16,527 Why don't you take that chicken-shit grin off your face? 35 00:02:16,568 --> 00:02:20,243 Fritz! You're a no-good! 36 00:02:20,278 --> 00:02:23,091 How much can a person take? 37 00:02:24,371 --> 00:02:26,704 And why don't you ever put the goddamn seat down... 38 00:02:26,738 --> 00:02:28,679 when you're through peeing? 39 00:02:28,721 --> 00:02:30,345 You rotten putz, you! 40 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,586 That's all you do is sit around. 41 00:02:32,622 --> 00:02:35,718 I never saw anything like it in my entire life! 42 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,609 You know what I would like to do to you? 43 00:02:37,643 --> 00:02:39,780 I would like to take you and shake you... 44 00:02:39,818 --> 00:02:43,328 until all your teeth fall right onto the floor... 45 00:02:43,368 --> 00:02:44,676 and then you know what I'd do? 46 00:02:44,710 --> 00:02:46,400 I'd stamp on them, all the teeth... 47 00:02:46,438 --> 00:02:47,746 and I'd make them right into powder. 48 00:02:47,780 --> 00:02:49,884 And then I'd sprinkle the powder right over your head. 49 00:02:49,923 --> 00:02:52,988 And then I would knock you right in the goddamn face! 50 00:02:53,025 --> 00:02:54,617 I'd like to pulverize you! 51 00:02:54,656 --> 00:02:55,899 I'd take your nose... 52 00:02:55,936 --> 00:02:58,007 and I'd put it across the room on the wall. 53 00:02:58,046 --> 00:03:01,306 I'd like to knock you into next week sometimes! 54 00:03:01,340 --> 00:03:04,404 This is it, Fritz. I'm really sore. 55 00:03:04,442 --> 00:03:06,807 Now, I'm really sore. I am sick to death! 56 00:03:06,841 --> 00:03:08,847 I'm gonna tell you one time and one time only... 57 00:03:08,887 --> 00:03:10,544 so you better listen to me... 58 00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:12,142 because if you don't listen to me now... 59 00:03:12,181 --> 00:03:13,326 I ain't gonna say it again. 60 00:03:13,365 --> 00:03:15,535 I'll go out and get myself a two by four... 61 00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:17,163 and beat your fucking head in! 62 00:03:17,202 --> 00:03:19,241 You are gonna pick up after yourself. 63 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,221 From now on, I'm through picking up after you. 64 00:03:21,263 --> 00:03:24,360 And you will put the seat down on that goddamn toilet! 65 00:03:24,397 --> 00:03:26,698 I'm telling you one time and one time only. 66 00:03:26,732 --> 00:03:29,698 You're a no-good bum, and I've had it with you, Fritz! 67 00:03:29,738 --> 00:03:31,646 I have had it with you! 68 00:03:37,989 --> 00:03:39,744 And let me tell you something else. 69 00:03:39,779 --> 00:03:41,600 I know you play around. 70 00:03:41,635 --> 00:03:44,535 Don't try to lie to me. 71 00:03:44,576 --> 00:03:46,779 You don't even have a guilty look on your face. 72 00:03:46,815 --> 00:03:47,992 You really don't give a goddamn. 73 00:03:48,031 --> 00:03:50,451 I know that you're playing around. 74 00:03:50,493 --> 00:03:51,801 Don't think I haven't seen you. 75 00:03:51,837 --> 00:03:53,777 I get telephone calls from girls. 76 00:03:53,819 --> 00:03:56,206 They call me up. God knows why they want you. 77 00:03:56,249 --> 00:03:59,596 Don't they know how shitty you are in bed?! 78 00:04:03,125 --> 00:04:04,979 Hey, man, don't do that. 79 00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,418 What? Do what? 80 00:04:06,451 --> 00:04:07,563 You know what I'm talking about. 81 00:04:07,602 --> 00:04:09,543 What the hell are you laying on me, man? 82 00:04:09,585 --> 00:04:11,340 I ain't laying nothing on you, man. 83 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,514 It's what you laid on me. No need to be crude. 84 00:04:13,551 --> 00:04:15,459 God damn it, you freaking out or something? 85 00:04:15,501 --> 00:04:18,314 Look, Juan, if we can just cash this welfare check... 86 00:04:18,348 --> 00:04:21,063 we can get us some Rip Bull or maybe even some muscatel. 87 00:04:21,098 --> 00:04:23,006 Kiss off, dude! That's your problem. 88 00:04:23,049 --> 00:04:25,153 You ain't got the guts to admit when you're wrong. 89 00:04:25,191 --> 00:04:27,710 You just passed gas at me, man, and that's uncool. 90 00:04:27,749 --> 00:04:28,992 Oh, wow. 91 00:04:29,029 --> 00:04:31,548 Don't have the guts to confess you're a goddamn coward. 92 00:04:31,587 --> 00:04:33,473 You're just like my sister. 93 00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:36,024 Well, you P.R.s are hypersensitive, you know? 94 00:04:36,065 --> 00:04:37,176 I thought you and me were friends. 95 00:04:37,216 --> 00:04:38,971 A little wig out, I'm a religion now, huh? 96 00:04:39,007 --> 00:04:40,250 A P.R., huh? Nice. 97 00:04:40,286 --> 00:04:41,746 Hey, about your sister, Juan... 98 00:04:41,788 --> 00:04:43,413 does she have big tits? 99 00:04:45,978 --> 00:04:47,919 I wish you people would learn to speak English. 100 00:04:47,961 --> 00:04:49,204 Christ knows we were here first. 101 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,402 It's the only way I talk to a man who has habits like a pig. 102 00:04:52,439 --> 00:04:53,583 Man, don't be that way. 103 00:04:53,621 --> 00:04:55,791 Let's get some wine and go see your sister... 104 00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:57,321 and maybe we can get it on. 105 00:04:57,363 --> 00:05:00,176 Beats the hell out of freezing our balls off, right? 106 00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:03,720 No deal, man. I can't trust you no more. 107 00:05:03,759 --> 00:05:05,929 I can't let you fuck my sister, you know? 108 00:05:05,966 --> 00:05:07,492 You got no class, man. 109 00:05:07,533 --> 00:05:09,158 You wouldn't let me fuck your sister. 110 00:05:09,196 --> 00:05:10,657 Why should I let you fuck mine? 111 00:05:10,699 --> 00:05:12,291 Listen, your sister is some piece of ass. 112 00:05:12,330 --> 00:05:14,816 I know, man. Yeah. 113 00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,262 My sister? 114 00:05:16,295 --> 00:05:18,116 Wow, man, I can't believe that. 115 00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:19,578 Yeah, man, you better believe it. 116 00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:22,140 She was a female creature of tender passion... 117 00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:24,513 of simple earthen charm, you know? 118 00:05:24,546 --> 00:05:27,544 Wow, dude, that's good. 119 00:05:27,584 --> 00:05:29,786 Yeah, you could say that. 120 00:05:29,822 --> 00:05:32,155 Juan, you better get back in the phone booth again. 121 00:05:32,189 --> 00:05:34,130 I feel a fart coming on. 122 00:05:45,749 --> 00:05:47,406 Check it out. 123 00:05:47,443 --> 00:05:50,409 We done came all the way across town... 124 00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:54,408 done caught busses and cars and hitchhiked to get here... 125 00:05:54,447 --> 00:05:55,907 then put on our best clothes... 126 00:05:55,950 --> 00:05:57,476 so we can walk in this neighborhood... 127 00:05:57,517 --> 00:06:00,233 so we can get in one of these white houses... 128 00:06:00,267 --> 00:06:02,786 to rip off one of them $400 televisions... 129 00:06:02,826 --> 00:06:04,647 one of them $300 watches... 130 00:06:04,681 --> 00:06:06,752 one of them Panasonic, rena-sonic... 131 00:06:06,791 --> 00:06:09,953 exto-sonic, plesto-plastic stereos. 132 00:06:09,990 --> 00:06:12,127 With the quadro-flex, modu-lextic... 133 00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:15,130 medu-modula needles and shit... 134 00:06:15,170 --> 00:06:16,282 Big-time shit, man. 135 00:06:16,321 --> 00:06:17,597 I ain't never heard of nothing like that. 136 00:06:17,632 --> 00:06:19,573 You ain't in this community, blood! 137 00:06:19,615 --> 00:06:22,069 That's why we came here, you know what I'm saying? 138 00:06:22,110 --> 00:06:23,702 You don't know what you doing, man. 139 00:06:23,740 --> 00:06:26,608 I also be doing this big-time organizing and shit. 140 00:06:26,651 --> 00:06:30,904 You ripping off washing machines and toilet paper. 141 00:06:30,936 --> 00:06:34,317 Unusual odd shit. Now you know why we here. 142 00:06:34,358 --> 00:06:36,691 OK, now... 143 00:06:36,724 --> 00:06:39,210 we gonna crawl in this here window, all right? 144 00:06:39,251 --> 00:06:43,078 You take the downstairs, and I'll take the upstairs. 145 00:06:43,121 --> 00:06:45,541 Why is it that I always got to take the downstairs? 146 00:06:45,583 --> 00:06:47,753 Beause you don't like jumping out of windows, man. 147 00:06:47,789 --> 00:06:48,901 Shit! 148 00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:51,786 Now, will you cut that out, Fritz? 149 00:06:51,819 --> 00:06:53,411 Hey! 150 00:06:55,017 --> 00:06:57,350 The beauty of cannabis. 151 00:06:57,383 --> 00:06:59,803 And then once we get inside, get everything-- 152 00:06:59,846 --> 00:07:02,364 don't get no washing machines-- then leave. 153 00:07:02,405 --> 00:07:03,614 Somebody's home! 154 00:07:03,652 --> 00:07:05,058 Doesn't it fill you with joy? 155 00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:06,366 Is that cat smoking? 156 00:07:06,401 --> 00:07:08,920 The unfettered exuberance, the lust for life? 157 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,366 It makes you... 158 00:07:10,399 --> 00:07:12,340 Look how he's smoking weed. 159 00:07:12,382 --> 00:07:13,941 want to drop your phony inhibitions... 160 00:07:13,981 --> 00:07:16,848 and love your fellow man? 161 00:07:16,891 --> 00:07:19,224 Look at that chick with them titties! 162 00:07:19,258 --> 00:07:21,079 Or brother, maybe. Doesn't it? Huh? 163 00:07:22,552 --> 00:07:23,958 It is Juan's sister. 164 00:07:23,991 --> 00:07:26,607 Don't you kind of see things more clearly, huh? 165 00:07:32,050 --> 00:07:34,798 That's right. Take a good, long drag, sis. 166 00:07:34,831 --> 00:07:36,652 Now breathe in the smoke. Deep. 167 00:07:36,687 --> 00:07:39,052 It'll help clear your sinuses. 168 00:07:40,269 --> 00:07:42,853 Hey, I feel light-headed. 169 00:07:49,287 --> 00:07:51,009 That is Juan's sister, man! 170 00:07:51,045 --> 00:07:53,433 He's going to the store! 171 00:08:12,696 --> 00:08:14,670 Looks like a feature film, you know what I mean? 172 00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:15,888 Right on. 173 00:08:38,759 --> 00:08:44,222 Will it really expand my...awareness? 174 00:08:44,260 --> 00:08:46,266 Well, you know what they say... 175 00:08:46,307 --> 00:08:49,240 "Take tea and see." 176 00:08:49,281 --> 00:08:51,516 Doesn't clear my sinuses at all. 177 00:08:55,293 --> 00:08:58,607 Daddy says you're only good for getting the papers. 178 00:09:00,698 --> 00:09:03,282 Is that all you're good for, Fritz? 179 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,555 That's some kick, huh? 180 00:09:07,509 --> 00:09:10,159 You know the most interesting thing about smoking? 181 00:09:10,196 --> 00:09:11,983 It causes excessive perspiration... 182 00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:13,960 and a person has to take off all his clothes. 183 00:09:14,001 --> 00:09:16,040 Otherwise, he can drown to death in his own juices. 184 00:09:24,747 --> 00:09:28,967 Now, this activity is like artificial respiration. 185 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,103 Smoke some more of this shit. Fuck them. 186 00:09:33,253 --> 00:09:36,034 If I get up in this pad, I got the downstairs-- 187 00:09:36,067 --> 00:09:38,335 -Hold it in. -I'll knock it out. 188 00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:40,060 You'd knock it out, you'd what? 189 00:09:40,097 --> 00:09:45,757 I love my brother's friends. 190 00:09:45,789 --> 00:09:48,210 Man, he ought to put a bag over that ugly bitch's head. 191 00:09:48,252 --> 00:09:50,323 Stick her head in the couch, man. 192 00:09:50,362 --> 00:09:52,052 Before I stick my thing in her... 193 00:09:52,089 --> 00:09:54,455 -Look at them fuck. -Man, hold up. 194 00:09:55,608 --> 00:09:57,330 Makes me kind of horny, man. 195 00:09:57,366 --> 00:09:58,642 -Yeah. -Let's rob. 196 00:09:58,678 --> 00:10:01,294 Duck, man. There's a car coming up the driveway. 197 00:10:01,331 --> 00:10:03,599 I bet it's her old man. 198 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,391 Is this good for the liver? 199 00:10:10,638 --> 00:10:13,636 Oh, Fritz. That's good! 200 00:10:13,676 --> 00:10:14,853 Chita! 201 00:10:14,891 --> 00:10:16,352 That's the ugliest motherfucker. 202 00:10:16,394 --> 00:10:17,506 Daddy! 203 00:10:17,545 --> 00:10:18,919 Look at that snaggle-toothed... 204 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,056 big, greasy, fucking nasty pig. 205 00:10:21,095 --> 00:10:23,679 Gee, pops, maybe I should go get the papers, huh? 206 00:10:23,718 --> 00:10:27,545 Papers?! Why, you, you! Little son of a bitch. 207 00:10:27,587 --> 00:10:29,560 What do you want, pops, News or the Times? 208 00:10:29,602 --> 00:10:31,804 Pink commie bastard! 209 00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:35,958 Shit. 210 00:10:35,998 --> 00:10:38,331 I guess you killed him, right in the ass. 211 00:10:38,365 --> 00:10:40,632 I guess we can't rob this pad today, huh? 212 00:10:40,667 --> 00:10:43,632 We'll come back tomorrow. 213 00:10:43,705 --> 00:10:46,125 My sister was once in psychoanalysis. 214 00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:48,500 She says you're a boy who would fuck his mother. 215 00:10:48,534 --> 00:10:50,191 And what have you done for Ralphie? 216 00:10:50,229 --> 00:10:52,170 Other than to teach him how to masturbate? 217 00:10:52,212 --> 00:10:54,512 And left-handed, no less. 218 00:11:47,793 --> 00:11:49,930 You must be new around here. 219 00:11:49,967 --> 00:11:53,129 I haven't seen your face before. 220 00:11:53,165 --> 00:11:54,986 My old lady kicked me out of the house. 221 00:11:55,020 --> 00:11:57,866 I've had this streak of bad luck lately... 222 00:11:57,899 --> 00:12:00,036 and she's been making noise I should go find work. 223 00:12:04,678 --> 00:12:08,570 What'd you say, something about work? 224 00:12:08,611 --> 00:12:11,195 Everybody knows that's what kills a man. 225 00:12:14,272 --> 00:12:16,856 Starts out with an eight-hour day... 226 00:12:16,894 --> 00:12:18,681 forty hours a week... 227 00:12:18,717 --> 00:12:21,584 and, hell, boy, before you know it... 228 00:12:21,628 --> 00:12:25,586 you're married to some fine-ass woman and buying a house. 229 00:12:29,622 --> 00:12:31,083 I'll help you. 230 00:12:33,332 --> 00:12:36,080 Yeah, that's terrible. 231 00:12:36,114 --> 00:12:37,869 Work is terrible. 232 00:12:37,905 --> 00:12:40,969 What the hell do you get for it, anyway? 233 00:12:41,007 --> 00:12:42,500 Jeez, I don't know. 234 00:12:42,543 --> 00:12:44,963 It's just money is all. It's evil. 235 00:12:45,005 --> 00:12:46,760 I tell you, it's evil. 236 00:12:46,795 --> 00:12:49,347 It all starts from having to work. 237 00:12:49,386 --> 00:12:51,872 Now, if you don't have to work... 238 00:12:51,912 --> 00:12:53,700 why, you don't get any money. 239 00:12:53,735 --> 00:12:55,589 You know what I mean? It's that simple. 240 00:12:55,621 --> 00:12:58,205 Yeah. That's what I try to tell my old lady. 241 00:12:58,245 --> 00:13:01,058 She sent my ass down to the welfare office again... 242 00:13:01,090 --> 00:13:02,399 and those creeps started to hit on me... 243 00:13:02,434 --> 00:13:05,498 about receiving public assistance for over a year... 244 00:13:05,536 --> 00:13:09,843 and here was my last-- Are you OK? 245 00:13:09,885 --> 00:13:11,291 It's my last check and all... 246 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:12,534 and I had failed to find employment again. 247 00:13:12,571 --> 00:13:15,287 It's just too much bullshit, so I split. 248 00:13:15,321 --> 00:13:16,531 It doesn't pay to hit the big time. 249 00:13:16,569 --> 00:13:19,055 -No. -Yeah. 250 00:13:28,977 --> 00:13:30,405 Oh, wow. 251 00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:36,965 Well, you got any plans, son? 252 00:13:37,004 --> 00:13:39,141 Oh, yeah. I figured I'd settle down here. 253 00:13:39,179 --> 00:13:41,185 Get away from all the zipper-heads uptown. 254 00:13:41,225 --> 00:13:44,703 Not get involved with all the extemporaneous bullshit. 255 00:13:44,743 --> 00:13:46,564 And, hey, by the way, what's your name? 256 00:13:46,598 --> 00:13:49,727 Oh, I'm God. 257 00:13:49,764 --> 00:13:51,518 Wow, man, that is heavy. 258 00:13:51,555 --> 00:13:53,593 You're really God, huh? No shit? 259 00:14:01,820 --> 00:14:03,412 You OK? 260 00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:07,191 I've been God for about three and a half years now. 261 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,180 A lot of responsibility, you know. 262 00:14:16,052 --> 00:14:17,611 I'll bet. 263 00:14:17,650 --> 00:14:20,267 Also, I'm black belt karate. 264 00:14:20,304 --> 00:14:22,953 No shit? Wow, this really blows my mind. 265 00:14:22,991 --> 00:14:24,550 Me, I'm standing here rapping with God. 266 00:14:24,590 --> 00:14:26,477 Far out! 267 00:14:26,509 --> 00:14:28,395 You want to be my assistant? 268 00:14:28,428 --> 00:14:29,736 Well... 269 00:14:29,771 --> 00:14:33,030 I might be forced to give up my job. 270 00:14:35,399 --> 00:14:38,593 I can't keep busting my ass this here way. 271 00:14:39,844 --> 00:14:43,289 Anyway, I've been into some heavy gear in one of my lives. 272 00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:44,954 I got nine of them, pal. 273 00:14:44,993 --> 00:14:47,064 I got hung up with the weirdest dude one time... 274 00:14:47,104 --> 00:14:49,045 you could ever imagine. 275 00:14:51,805 --> 00:14:53,527 This guy I'm thinking of was really psycho... 276 00:14:53,564 --> 00:14:55,472 you wouldn't believe it. 277 00:15:00,151 --> 00:15:02,092 Jesus. 278 00:15:19,659 --> 00:15:22,919 Wow, God, you really do some weird shit, you know? 279 00:15:30,564 --> 00:15:33,858 Make the fucking world in seven days--try it sometime. 280 00:15:55,157 --> 00:15:56,683 Work your vanilla! 281 00:16:00,337 --> 00:16:02,246 Oh, the Yanks are coming! 282 00:16:04,815 --> 00:16:08,522 And remember, your fathers and mothers... 283 00:16:08,557 --> 00:16:11,490 and all of your Fatherland will be watching you. 284 00:16:11,531 --> 00:16:14,344 Envying in the great glory... 285 00:16:14,376 --> 00:16:17,244 for which you have been selected... 286 00:16:17,287 --> 00:16:21,507 you all have promised to die for the Fuhrer. 287 00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:23,960 Who wants to be next? 288 00:16:24,003 --> 00:16:26,140 Ooh! Oh, Mama! 289 00:16:26,178 --> 00:16:28,794 Mama, was Papa ever like this? 290 00:16:52,337 --> 00:16:55,499 Mein Fuhrer, the bombs have just killed your orderly! 291 00:16:55,535 --> 00:16:58,794 Ah, another orderly gone. 292 00:16:58,829 --> 00:17:01,064 Get me another one! 293 00:17:01,099 --> 00:17:03,781 Order another orderly quickly! 294 00:17:03,817 --> 00:17:05,377 Another orderly quickly! 295 00:17:05,417 --> 00:17:06,910 Another orderly! 296 00:17:06,952 --> 00:17:09,535 Another orderly for the Fuhrer! 297 00:17:09,574 --> 00:17:11,515 Put up an "Out of Orderly" sign! 298 00:17:11,557 --> 00:17:16,061 -Harder! -I get excited! Good! 299 00:17:16,098 --> 00:17:18,366 My Lenore! 300 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,017 My liebchen! 301 00:17:25,436 --> 00:17:28,849 Ohh! Hans! I mean, he was--ohh! 302 00:17:28,890 --> 00:17:30,612 Hans, I'm sorry. I-- 303 00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:32,208 Stand aside! 304 00:17:32,248 --> 00:17:35,115 Oh, he was so wonderful! Oh, Hans! 305 00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,288 I mean, he was-- 306 00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:40,145 My aching swastika! 307 00:17:40,179 --> 00:17:42,414 I thought being a Nazi as all "Sieg, Sieg"... 308 00:17:42,449 --> 00:17:44,587 and "Sieg Heil!" This is for shit! 309 00:17:44,624 --> 00:17:46,478 I better get my ass the fuck out of here. 310 00:17:46,511 --> 00:17:47,754 War is hell! 311 00:18:03,012 --> 00:18:06,272 Mein Fuhrer, here are the candidates for your orderly. 312 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,453 Heil Hitler! 313 00:18:11,487 --> 00:18:13,874 Sieg heil! 314 00:18:13,918 --> 00:18:15,443 That one! 315 00:18:15,485 --> 00:18:16,662 I want that one! 316 00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:18,837 Him! That's him! 317 00:18:32,242 --> 00:18:35,688 Excuse me, Fuhrer. I didn't mean to stare. 318 00:18:35,728 --> 00:18:38,890 What is it? You see something missing maybe? 319 00:18:38,926 --> 00:18:41,030 No, no! Everything's fine... 320 00:18:41,068 --> 00:18:43,139 but you've only got one ball. 321 00:18:43,179 --> 00:18:46,689 Everybody in the Third Reich has to do without something! 322 00:18:46,729 --> 00:18:48,135 I see. 323 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:52,192 When the Fuhrer is naked, everyone is naked! 324 00:18:52,229 --> 00:18:56,024 Well, here I am, aren't l? Hi. 325 00:18:56,067 --> 00:18:59,163 Imbecile. Imbecile. 326 00:18:59,201 --> 00:19:03,028 Don't you know what is expected of you now? 327 00:19:03,070 --> 00:19:05,524 What? I think you dropped something. 328 00:19:05,565 --> 00:19:08,018 What? I dropped something? 329 00:19:08,060 --> 00:19:10,163 I put the soap in your hand, you see... 330 00:19:10,202 --> 00:19:12,110 and you seem to have let it go. 331 00:19:12,153 --> 00:19:13,941 Dropped it, like... 332 00:19:13,976 --> 00:19:17,040 almost like you weren't interested in washing at all! 333 00:19:17,078 --> 00:19:19,345 I was not conscious of this. 334 00:19:19,380 --> 00:19:21,288 It is simple to see, Mein Fuhrer. 335 00:19:21,331 --> 00:19:23,883 You're real motivations are blocked here. 336 00:19:23,922 --> 00:19:27,236 Blocked? What is blocked? 337 00:19:27,279 --> 00:19:28,707 It's a new word. 338 00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,505 It means what's inside can't get outside. 339 00:19:30,541 --> 00:19:31,882 Some kind of Freudian horseshit. 340 00:19:31,916 --> 00:19:35,209 Oh, inside, can't get out... 341 00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:36,997 You're a nice boy. 342 00:19:39,591 --> 00:19:42,011 I'm going to make a confession. 343 00:19:42,054 --> 00:19:45,913 Sometimes, I would like to be a ballet dancer. 344 00:19:45,955 --> 00:19:47,383 Really? No kidding? 345 00:19:47,427 --> 00:19:49,629 I often see myself in the opera. 346 00:19:49,665 --> 00:19:50,842 Oh, wow. 347 00:19:50,881 --> 00:19:52,702 And the people are applauding me! 348 00:19:52,735 --> 00:19:54,360 Well, sure they would. 349 00:20:04,024 --> 00:20:05,845 There you go! You see? 350 00:20:05,879 --> 00:20:07,634 That means this whole number you're doing-- 351 00:20:07,670 --> 00:20:09,676 this conquest of the world thing... 352 00:20:09,717 --> 00:20:12,563 or whatever it is, is just to get attention. 353 00:20:12,595 --> 00:20:15,179 Interesting you should say that... 354 00:20:15,217 --> 00:20:17,321 but I am washing, see, now? 355 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,292 So why did I drop the soap? 356 00:20:20,334 --> 00:20:23,332 Well, that, my dear Herr Hitler... 357 00:20:23,372 --> 00:20:25,443 is a question you must ask yourself... 358 00:20:25,482 --> 00:20:28,164 when you wrestle with the true identity, you know. 359 00:20:28,201 --> 00:20:30,621 I mean, in the dawning of self-awareness... 360 00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:32,931 between you and your pillow, man... 361 00:20:32,966 --> 00:20:35,201 when after the labors of sleepless nights... 362 00:20:35,236 --> 00:20:39,805 you gained the exalted heights of the altar of truth! 363 00:20:39,842 --> 00:20:41,434 You have insight. 364 00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:44,635 When I see something I want, I grab it. 365 00:20:44,670 --> 00:20:45,913 Sure, why not? 366 00:20:45,950 --> 00:20:50,387 And my stomach doesn't stop to ask my head if it's hungry. 367 00:20:50,427 --> 00:20:51,571 No, that figures. 368 00:20:51,610 --> 00:20:55,732 By the way, what is your name? 369 00:20:55,768 --> 00:20:57,654 Fritz. 370 00:20:57,687 --> 00:21:02,953 Well, Fritz, you say you once had three balls? 371 00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,172 Yeah. 372 00:21:04,210 --> 00:21:07,241 Would you like to try for one? 373 00:21:07,281 --> 00:21:09,799 I don't--Sir! 374 00:21:09,839 --> 00:21:12,204 Listen--OK, OK! 375 00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:14,756 Now, look, I'm gonna pick up the soap. 376 00:21:14,796 --> 00:21:16,518 I am. Just wait. 377 00:21:16,555 --> 00:21:19,716 I'm gonna bend over now. Just... 378 00:21:19,753 --> 00:21:22,598 I'm gonna-- Hey, watch it, will ya?! 379 00:21:22,631 --> 00:21:24,834 Mein Fuhrer, wait! 380 00:21:24,869 --> 00:21:26,461 Oh, my God, wait! 381 00:21:27,491 --> 00:21:29,857 Ich bin der fuhrer! 382 00:21:35,166 --> 00:21:37,914 Gee, Fuhrer, now you got no balls. 383 00:21:37,949 --> 00:21:39,922 Mein Fuhrer! 384 00:21:39,963 --> 00:21:44,717 Gentlemen, we can no longer continue. 385 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,410 War is just a question of balls. 386 00:21:47,447 --> 00:21:50,740 Ja, balls. 387 00:21:50,773 --> 00:21:53,586 Goebbels. Goebbels, are you not... 388 00:21:53,619 --> 00:21:55,985 my most loyal and truthful assistant? 389 00:21:56,017 --> 00:21:57,445 Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer. 390 00:21:57,488 --> 00:22:01,283 Did you not invent the slogan which binds all us Nazis? 391 00:22:01,326 --> 00:22:02,667 Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer. 392 00:22:02,701 --> 00:22:04,162 And what is that slogan? 393 00:22:04,204 --> 00:22:05,349 Death before dishonor. 394 00:22:05,388 --> 00:22:08,168 What an asshole slogan. 395 00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:10,372 You can always change the slogan. 396 00:22:18,308 --> 00:22:20,194 You must think of Fraulein Braun. 397 00:22:20,226 --> 00:22:21,655 She needs you. 398 00:22:21,698 --> 00:22:23,671 Ja, think of Eva. 399 00:22:23,712 --> 00:22:25,882 How she would miss you, Adolf. 400 00:22:25,919 --> 00:22:28,121 That's right. 401 00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:33,274 After all, who could take my place? 402 00:22:33,306 --> 00:22:35,029 Sieg heil! 403 00:23:42,895 --> 00:23:45,097 I got that Nazi rat bastard... 404 00:23:45,132 --> 00:23:47,019 right between the crack in his ass! 405 00:23:47,051 --> 00:23:51,271 Now how do those sons of bitches expect to win a war... 406 00:23:51,305 --> 00:23:53,540 when they're out of goddamn uniform, huh? 407 00:23:57,030 --> 00:23:58,851 I don't have any time to do anything for myself! 408 00:23:58,884 --> 00:24:01,370 I don't even have time to get myself a new diaphragm! 409 00:24:01,411 --> 00:24:03,864 If you hold it up to the light, you can see little pinholes. 410 00:24:03,905 --> 00:24:07,896 Fritz, I'm tired of plugging it up with Chapstick! 411 00:24:15,418 --> 00:24:17,686 Out of my shop. I won't cash your check... 412 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,824 and there's no such thing as a refund on those things... 413 00:24:19,863 --> 00:24:21,869 just 'cause you say it don't fit quite right. 414 00:24:21,910 --> 00:24:23,916 But it's never been used, Niki. 415 00:24:23,957 --> 00:24:25,418 I'll even take a prorated refund. 416 00:24:25,460 --> 00:24:26,801 It was used! 417 00:24:30,992 --> 00:24:33,892 Well, only a little, a quickie. 418 00:24:33,934 --> 00:24:36,616 And I bet I know who this was used on, too, huh? 419 00:24:36,652 --> 00:24:38,855 OK, Niki, you're on. Try to guess who. 420 00:24:38,891 --> 00:24:41,889 Let's see now. With your filthy taste... 421 00:24:41,930 --> 00:24:43,783 Iet's see, it must be a fat one, right? 422 00:24:43,816 --> 00:24:46,531 Yeah, right. Go on. 423 00:24:46,566 --> 00:24:50,241 And I just bet she sweat a lot, and she smell like a goat, huh? 424 00:24:50,276 --> 00:24:51,485 Right. 425 00:24:52,450 --> 00:24:55,263 And she's got bad breath, no teeth? 426 00:24:55,297 --> 00:24:57,564 Yes! Go on! You're getting warmer! 427 00:24:57,599 --> 00:25:00,499 And she's got big, hairy... 428 00:25:00,541 --> 00:25:03,954 goddamn moustache on the top lip! 429 00:25:03,996 --> 00:25:06,928 Oh, you got me, Niki. You got me nailed, man. 430 00:25:06,970 --> 00:25:08,213 And I'll bet... 431 00:25:08,248 --> 00:25:11,443 that fucking whore been with every guy on this block, right? 432 00:25:11,478 --> 00:25:12,623 Right! 433 00:25:13,845 --> 00:25:16,233 Niki, you're a genius! 434 00:25:17,331 --> 00:25:20,941 Niki, you only left out one thing. 435 00:25:20,976 --> 00:25:22,950 What did I leave out, Fritz? 436 00:25:22,991 --> 00:25:25,836 You know what? She's got the clap! 437 00:25:27,948 --> 00:25:30,794 That's right! 438 00:25:30,826 --> 00:25:33,214 How could I skip that? That's a nice one. 439 00:25:33,257 --> 00:25:34,816 She got to have the clap, right? 440 00:25:34,856 --> 00:25:36,743 She has to. 441 00:25:36,775 --> 00:25:38,912 -Hey, Fritz. -Shit. 442 00:25:38,949 --> 00:25:41,533 Fritz, I'll tell you something. You're not so bad, you know? 443 00:25:41,572 --> 00:25:44,865 Maybe I'll cash your check after all. 444 00:25:44,898 --> 00:25:47,514 Hey, Fritz, tell me... 445 00:25:47,552 --> 00:25:49,460 what's this fat whore pig's name, huh? 446 00:25:49,502 --> 00:25:52,283 -What's the broad's name? -Gina. 447 00:25:52,317 --> 00:25:53,494 -Hey, Fritz. -What? 448 00:25:53,532 --> 00:25:55,157 That's a-my wife's name. 449 00:25:55,195 --> 00:25:57,812 Gina is my wife's name. She don't have the clap. 450 00:26:00,184 --> 00:26:01,557 She does now. 451 00:26:01,591 --> 00:26:03,150 Why, you-- 452 00:26:03,190 --> 00:26:05,163 You fucking cat, I rip your balls off! 453 00:26:05,204 --> 00:26:06,730 Get the fuck out of my shop! 454 00:26:06,771 --> 00:26:09,388 Fuck off! You fucking cat! 455 00:26:09,426 --> 00:26:11,880 I kill you! I fuck you in the ass! 456 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,959 Fritz, man, what's all this noise about, man? 457 00:26:13,999 --> 00:26:16,070 I can hear all the way from the alley. 458 00:26:17,070 --> 00:26:18,923 Don't even come here! 459 00:26:18,956 --> 00:26:20,962 Aw, nothing. Niki can't take a joke. 460 00:26:21,003 --> 00:26:22,464 He takes things too seriously. 461 00:26:22,506 --> 00:26:24,098 It's hard not to around here. 462 00:26:24,137 --> 00:26:25,991 Gets pretty fucking deadly sometimes. 463 00:26:26,023 --> 00:26:29,599 I heard it was better years ago, you know what I mean? 464 00:26:29,638 --> 00:26:32,157 But, Lenny, things have always been, more or less... 465 00:26:32,196 --> 00:26:33,504 up-and-down situation. 466 00:26:33,539 --> 00:26:35,871 This street wasn't always a shit-house, let me tell ya. 467 00:26:35,905 --> 00:26:37,366 And even as far back as the thirties... 468 00:26:37,409 --> 00:26:38,935 there were those who gave and those that took. 469 00:26:38,976 --> 00:26:42,203 Aw, Fritz, but what do I do with this here thing? 470 00:26:42,237 --> 00:26:44,375 You can have it. I'm done with it anyway. 471 00:26:44,412 --> 00:26:46,004 When I was back in the thirties... 472 00:26:46,043 --> 00:26:48,595 I was one very sharp continental-type stud. 473 00:27:08,397 --> 00:27:12,169 The only thing we have to fear is... 474 00:27:12,203 --> 00:27:13,664 fear itself. 475 00:27:40,153 --> 00:27:42,421 People must have faith. 476 00:27:45,302 --> 00:27:48,267 Together...we cannot fail. 477 00:28:04,650 --> 00:28:09,381 And it is up to you... to support...and make it work. 478 00:32:55,986 --> 00:32:57,414 Hey, putz! 479 00:32:57,457 --> 00:32:59,561 Your idea of helping out with the gas shortage... 480 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,835 was to stop eating pizza... 481 00:33:01,871 --> 00:33:03,757 and bring home four of your hooker friends... 482 00:33:03,789 --> 00:33:06,471 to sleep with us at night to stimulate heat. 483 00:33:07,787 --> 00:33:09,444 Look, I don't know how you can own a business... 484 00:33:09,482 --> 00:33:10,975 and not be able to cash... 485 00:33:11,017 --> 00:33:13,437 this miserable pittance of a welfare check is all. 486 00:33:13,479 --> 00:33:15,202 If I give you all my money... 487 00:33:15,238 --> 00:33:17,603 I'll have nothing left to buy with. 488 00:33:17,637 --> 00:33:19,872 Oh, Christ, then you are in luck, Morris. 489 00:33:19,907 --> 00:33:22,045 Look at this. Knowing of your love for the unusual... 490 00:33:22,082 --> 00:33:24,800 I've brought you something you won't be able to resist. 491 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:25,912 -I know it. -Resist? 492 00:33:25,951 --> 00:33:27,379 Believe me, I could resist. 493 00:33:27,423 --> 00:33:30,769 Just look at it, Morris-- the design, the gentle contours. 494 00:33:30,813 --> 00:33:33,015 Why, it's almost Louis Quinze for Christ's sake. 495 00:33:33,051 --> 00:33:35,798 It's disgusting, for Christ's sake. 496 00:33:35,833 --> 00:33:37,970 It's the type of item that will sell so fast... 497 00:33:38,008 --> 00:33:40,821 you'll be pleading for more inside of a week, believe me. 498 00:33:43,348 --> 00:33:45,713 It's been used. I can tell. 499 00:33:45,747 --> 00:33:47,568 What? Used? By a little old lady. 500 00:33:47,602 --> 00:33:49,837 A one-owner shitter-- and genteel. 501 00:33:49,872 --> 00:33:52,107 That's gentile, you stupid bastard. 502 00:33:52,143 --> 00:33:53,320 Don't get hosteel. 503 00:33:53,358 --> 00:33:54,535 That's "hostile." 504 00:33:54,573 --> 00:33:56,066 You're taking the wrong approach, Morris. 505 00:33:56,109 --> 00:33:58,279 Now, some of my best friends are Jewish. 506 00:33:58,315 --> 00:34:00,801 Do I look like the Chase Manhattan Bank? 507 00:34:00,841 --> 00:34:03,709 You come in here with out-of-money look in your face. 508 00:34:03,751 --> 00:34:06,117 Look like you got hit in the head with a foul pitch... 509 00:34:06,150 --> 00:34:08,091 and you want to sell me this. 510 00:34:08,133 --> 00:34:10,685 But with inflation, the value of a dollar going down... 511 00:34:10,723 --> 00:34:12,544 my expenses skyrocketing... 512 00:34:12,577 --> 00:34:16,056 Why, even this week, the price of a decent circumcision... 513 00:34:16,096 --> 00:34:18,004 something I shudder to think about. 514 00:34:18,046 --> 00:34:19,572 I agree with you there... 515 00:34:19,613 --> 00:34:22,907 but what's that got to do with my toilet seat? 516 00:34:25,306 --> 00:34:28,303 That's the point, my friend. 517 00:34:28,344 --> 00:34:30,731 My old seder used to say to me... 518 00:34:30,774 --> 00:34:34,634 "Morris, take a pickle. It's made for eating." 519 00:34:34,676 --> 00:34:37,609 The thing you're holding is made for shitting. 520 00:34:37,650 --> 00:34:39,307 It's simple logic. 521 00:34:39,345 --> 00:34:40,937 You could even be a Rockefeller. 522 00:34:40,976 --> 00:34:44,356 It's tough to find a good pickle. 523 00:34:46,476 --> 00:34:50,467 Socioeconomically speaking, you're absolutely correct, but-- 524 00:34:50,506 --> 00:34:52,392 Look, Fritz... 525 00:34:52,424 --> 00:34:54,398 the pickles are beginning to get to me. 526 00:34:54,439 --> 00:34:57,950 And these days, a soft stool is too important to me... 527 00:34:57,989 --> 00:35:00,857 for something to quibble, so I'll make you a deal. 528 00:35:00,900 --> 00:35:02,459 Tell you what I'm going to do. 529 00:35:02,499 --> 00:35:05,595 You give me the seat, I'll trade for you a bargain. 530 00:35:09,694 --> 00:35:12,561 Where did you get this thing? 531 00:35:13,564 --> 00:35:16,944 Questions--youth, all the time, questions. 532 00:35:16,985 --> 00:35:19,057 Nowadays people don't know an opportunity... 533 00:35:19,096 --> 00:35:20,982 when it smacks them upside of the face. 534 00:35:21,015 --> 00:35:22,836 I think I've been screwed. 535 00:35:22,869 --> 00:35:25,355 With that, you could be the next man on the moon. 536 00:35:25,396 --> 00:35:27,467 Fuck the moon. I been further than that once. 537 00:35:27,507 --> 00:35:29,644 That's no big deal. I'd rather take a shit. 538 00:35:29,682 --> 00:35:31,110 So would l. Give me the seat. 539 00:35:31,152 --> 00:35:32,526 I'm going to hit you on the top of the head. 540 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,592 This should cure you. Here we go. I say heal! 541 00:35:35,630 --> 00:35:37,603 Heal, Mr. Cobbs, heal! 542 00:35:37,645 --> 00:35:40,010 Through the power vested in me by God, Jesus Christ... 543 00:35:40,043 --> 00:35:41,449 I'm going to heal you, Mr. Cobb. 544 00:35:41,546 --> 00:35:43,138 Hello, world. 545 00:35:43,177 --> 00:35:46,208 This is the event mankind has been waiting for-- 546 00:35:46,247 --> 00:35:49,060 the first man launched to Mars. 547 00:35:49,093 --> 00:35:52,703 Fritz, I got to tell you something right out in front. 548 00:35:52,739 --> 00:35:54,745 If it wouldn't be for this fucking cold... 549 00:35:54,785 --> 00:35:57,653 I'd be going all the way to Mars with you. 550 00:35:57,696 --> 00:36:00,345 39 million miles--a drop kick. 551 00:36:00,383 --> 00:36:02,901 But the doc says I can't fly with this cold. 552 00:36:02,941 --> 00:36:04,369 It's bad for the ears. 553 00:36:04,412 --> 00:36:06,549 He said something about me popping a drum or something... 554 00:36:06,586 --> 00:36:09,334 I don't know. 555 00:36:10,903 --> 00:36:12,560 Jeez, I got to get some more Binaca. 556 00:36:12,599 --> 00:36:15,019 Put that in my bring-ups, will you? 557 00:36:15,061 --> 00:36:16,489 Fritz, you know how I hate to bother you... 558 00:36:16,532 --> 00:36:17,993 when you're getting near the pad... 559 00:36:18,035 --> 00:36:21,000 but we got to make a decision on the Poli-Grip account. 560 00:36:21,041 --> 00:36:22,949 I can see you with a package of five spots... 561 00:36:22,992 --> 00:36:25,292 for the Japanese and Taiwan market. 562 00:36:25,327 --> 00:36:28,042 Incidentally, the residuals will be unreal. 563 00:36:28,077 --> 00:36:30,661 It's eight million yen for every thirteen-week cycle... 564 00:36:30,699 --> 00:36:32,040 and you don't have to declare it. 565 00:36:32,074 --> 00:36:34,113 You know, there's a whole cult... 566 00:36:34,153 --> 00:36:36,007 of denture-adhesive freaks out there... 567 00:36:36,039 --> 00:36:37,380 just waiting for a leader. 568 00:36:37,415 --> 00:36:39,552 Some of them still got their own teeth. 569 00:36:39,589 --> 00:36:42,043 Am I bothering you with all this, Fritz? 570 00:36:42,084 --> 00:36:43,905 My God, Fritz, I got to get some air in here. 571 00:36:43,939 --> 00:36:46,457 I feel myself slipping away. 572 00:36:46,497 --> 00:36:47,772 Now, I know you're against charities... 573 00:36:47,808 --> 00:36:49,236 and benefits and freebies... 574 00:36:49,279 --> 00:36:51,350 but hear me out on this one, Fritzie. 575 00:36:51,390 --> 00:36:53,755 There's a nationwide charity telethon coming up... 576 00:36:53,789 --> 00:36:55,543 the first of next month... 577 00:36:55,579 --> 00:36:57,879 for the further development of all-vegetable... 578 00:36:57,914 --> 00:37:01,686 organically-grown polyunsaturated Preparation H-- 579 00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:02,897 with suntan oil. 580 00:37:02,935 --> 00:37:05,519 Jerry Lewis is going to be there--everybody. 581 00:37:05,557 --> 00:37:07,890 And before you shut me off, I got to tell you... 582 00:37:07,924 --> 00:37:10,769 the exposure will be sensational for you. 583 00:37:10,802 --> 00:37:12,077 And we might even have a spin-off... 584 00:37:12,113 --> 00:37:13,454 on a new movie that's coming out... 585 00:37:13,488 --> 00:37:16,301 with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello... 586 00:37:16,334 --> 00:37:18,089 called "Beach Ball Piles." 587 00:37:18,125 --> 00:37:21,255 Well, Fritz, I see we arrived at the pad... 588 00:37:21,291 --> 00:37:22,784 so this will give you some things to think about... 589 00:37:22,826 --> 00:37:24,767 on a 39-million mile trip. 590 00:37:24,809 --> 00:37:27,525 And remember, Fritz, sweetheart, I'd be with you all the way... 591 00:37:27,559 --> 00:37:29,892 it wouldn't be for this fucking cold. 592 00:37:32,324 --> 00:37:34,843 Hot damn. That chick wouldn't look bad... 593 00:37:34,883 --> 00:37:36,856 holding up a Hershey's bar, would she? 594 00:37:38,177 --> 00:37:39,605 With nuts. 595 00:37:43,453 --> 00:37:46,353 Ah, freedom of the press. 596 00:37:46,395 --> 00:37:48,565 Jeez, I feel sorry for the poor slob. 597 00:37:48,602 --> 00:37:50,542 I wouldn't make that trip with him with six points. 598 00:37:50,585 --> 00:37:53,201 Hey, Fritz, baby, want to talk to Walter? 599 00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:54,798 Sure. Why not? 600 00:37:54,838 --> 00:37:58,131 Fritz, does being the first to set foot on Mars-- 601 00:37:58,164 --> 00:38:00,301 golly--kind of give you goose bumps? 602 00:38:00,339 --> 00:38:03,239 Ahem. Gentlemen, I've been up and down... 603 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,189 the four corners of this big old world... 604 00:38:05,231 --> 00:38:07,619 and I've seen it all, and I've done it all. 605 00:38:07,662 --> 00:38:11,108 I've fought many a good man and laid many a good woman. 606 00:38:11,148 --> 00:38:13,961 And I've had riches, fame, and adventure, too. 607 00:38:13,993 --> 00:38:16,447 Yes. I've stood eyeball-to-eyeball with death... 608 00:38:16,488 --> 00:38:20,676 countless times and never, never once squinted. 609 00:38:20,709 --> 00:38:22,912 Oh, I've tasted life to the fullest... 610 00:38:22,948 --> 00:38:25,848 and still my tortured soul cries out--more! 611 00:38:25,891 --> 00:38:31,070 More! Oh, shit! God, can there be any more? 612 00:38:31,104 --> 00:38:33,371 How do it feel, Fritz? 613 00:38:33,406 --> 00:38:36,022 I mean, Mars ain't around the corner. 614 00:38:36,060 --> 00:38:37,814 You're so right. 615 00:38:37,851 --> 00:38:40,697 Hey, would you like to discuss this in private? 616 00:38:40,729 --> 00:38:43,313 Gee, you got a lovely pair of eyes. 617 00:38:43,351 --> 00:38:44,725 In private? 618 00:38:44,758 --> 00:38:45,870 Sure. Listen, doll... 619 00:38:45,909 --> 00:38:47,469 I'd kind of like to give you a break. 620 00:38:47,509 --> 00:38:49,297 You know, kind of help pay back... 621 00:38:49,332 --> 00:38:51,338 for what my people did to your people. 622 00:38:51,378 --> 00:38:53,352 Yeah? What kind of a break? 623 00:38:53,393 --> 00:38:56,969 Well, you know, an exclusive-- an inside story. 624 00:38:57,007 --> 00:39:00,485 Fritz, wait a second! Wait! Come on, what about us? 625 00:39:00,525 --> 00:39:04,319 What about a statement? Give us a break, man, come on. 626 00:39:46,544 --> 00:39:48,452 Baby. 627 00:39:56,490 --> 00:39:58,943 We interrupt this telecast of the first flight to Mars... 628 00:39:58,984 --> 00:40:00,957 for a message of real importance. 629 00:40:00,998 --> 00:40:04,444 As chairman of the board of the Golf Oil company... 630 00:40:04,484 --> 00:40:07,995 with its 13,000 dealers from coast-to-coast... 631 00:40:08,034 --> 00:40:11,992 I want to welcome you all to this momentous event. 632 00:40:12,032 --> 00:40:15,608 When you drive into one of our Golf stations... 633 00:40:15,645 --> 00:40:19,123 say howdy to the man who polishes your window... 634 00:40:19,164 --> 00:40:23,252 and we'll say howdy right back at you. 635 00:40:25,272 --> 00:40:26,416 At this very minute... 636 00:40:26,454 --> 00:40:29,300 you can look at one of our own Golf refineries... 637 00:40:29,333 --> 00:40:33,607 pumping away seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day... 638 00:40:33,650 --> 00:40:36,551 filling your tanks with gasoline. 639 00:40:36,592 --> 00:40:40,102 We at Golf Oil are bringing you this telecast... 640 00:40:40,142 --> 00:40:43,882 in appreciation of the millions of happy Golf customers... 641 00:40:43,915 --> 00:40:46,564 when they say, "Fill 'er up." 642 00:40:46,602 --> 00:40:47,975 What's that I hear? 643 00:40:51,079 --> 00:40:54,655 Jeez, look at the money they put in that rocket. 644 00:40:54,693 --> 00:40:56,121 You could buy time on "The Waltons"... 645 00:40:56,164 --> 00:40:58,105 for a year with that kind of bread. 646 00:41:00,801 --> 00:41:02,742 I wonder how you put a deal like that together. 647 00:41:02,784 --> 00:41:04,692 That's fascinating. 648 00:41:09,148 --> 00:41:10,805 We have ignition. 649 00:41:13,945 --> 00:41:15,471 Me, too! 650 00:41:15,512 --> 00:41:16,973 Baby! 651 00:41:22,579 --> 00:41:24,237 So unbelievable. 652 00:41:24,274 --> 00:41:26,574 My brother-in-law would like a rocket like that. 653 00:41:30,702 --> 00:41:32,130 Shit. 654 00:41:43,654 --> 00:41:45,147 That's fascinating. 655 00:41:52,704 --> 00:41:54,045 Gee, look at that. 656 00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:55,540 Well, there he goes. 657 00:41:55,582 --> 00:41:57,588 When he gets back, we'll make millions. 658 00:42:17,617 --> 00:42:20,397 Jeez, I hope they got that explosion on tape. 659 00:42:20,431 --> 00:42:23,811 It'd be perfect for our forest lawn spots. 660 00:42:45,375 --> 00:42:47,065 Mr. Cobb. Heal, Mr. Cobb. 661 00:42:47,102 --> 00:42:48,563 Yeah. Heal. 662 00:42:48,605 --> 00:42:50,905 Through the power vested in me by God, Jesus Christ... 663 00:42:50,940 --> 00:42:53,556 I'm going to heal you, Mr. Cobb. 664 00:43:35,328 --> 00:43:37,944 Let me make one thing very clear-- 665 00:43:37,982 --> 00:43:40,315 I am not a crook. 666 00:43:40,381 --> 00:43:41,907 Why don't you climb up off your ass? 667 00:43:41,948 --> 00:43:43,376 Remember I was telling you you should get to be... 668 00:43:43,418 --> 00:43:45,239 a contestant on "Let's Make a Deal"? 669 00:43:45,274 --> 00:43:47,214 I'll tell you what. You dress up like a frog. 670 00:43:47,256 --> 00:43:49,294 You look good in green. And wear a yarmulke. 671 00:43:49,334 --> 00:43:50,860 I think he likes Jewish people. 672 00:43:57,394 --> 00:44:01,450 Man, am I hung up, strung out, and uptight. 673 00:44:03,406 --> 00:44:06,601 Hey. God damn it, I know that laugh. 674 00:44:12,041 --> 00:44:15,235 Man, it couldn't be. 675 00:44:16,645 --> 00:44:19,229 Hey, man. You in a bag. 676 00:44:19,268 --> 00:44:22,747 Hey, Duke, is it really you? 677 00:44:22,786 --> 00:44:23,898 No shit. 678 00:44:23,937 --> 00:44:26,074 But I thought you were dead. I thought they got you. 679 00:44:27,135 --> 00:44:29,752 Fritz, you ain't changed a bit. 680 00:44:29,789 --> 00:44:32,602 You still don't know where it's at. 681 00:44:32,636 --> 00:44:34,642 What are you doing down here, anyway? 682 00:44:34,682 --> 00:44:37,975 I'm looking for the true meaning of my existence, as usual. 683 00:44:38,008 --> 00:44:39,861 I got tired of the pseudointellectuals... 684 00:44:39,895 --> 00:44:42,741 and the super-hype bullshitters running the world... 685 00:44:42,773 --> 00:44:44,943 determining my destiny. 686 00:44:44,979 --> 00:44:47,792 You dig it? And crushing my creative juices? 687 00:44:50,448 --> 00:44:52,008 Now lay the straight line on me. 688 00:44:52,047 --> 00:44:54,184 My old lady kicked my ass out. 689 00:44:54,222 --> 00:44:55,682 That's what I figured. 690 00:44:55,725 --> 00:44:56,969 But you know, Duke... 691 00:44:57,004 --> 00:45:01,060 it's going to be better for all of us, really. 692 00:45:01,097 --> 00:45:02,341 No shit. 693 00:45:06,534 --> 00:45:08,704 Ain't I heard that somewhere before? 694 00:45:08,741 --> 00:45:10,333 That's no bullshit. 695 00:45:10,371 --> 00:45:12,704 There's better days ahead, I kid you not. 696 00:45:12,739 --> 00:45:15,868 We brothers got some great times rolling our way, man. 697 00:45:17,439 --> 00:45:20,055 -Now you brothers, huh? -Right on. 698 00:45:20,094 --> 00:45:21,947 Shit. No telling how black we'll be... 699 00:45:21,981 --> 00:45:23,671 by the time this little chat ends. 700 00:45:23,707 --> 00:45:25,528 Take my word for it. I know. 701 00:45:25,563 --> 00:45:28,016 Hey, Duke, you ever hear of New Jersey? 702 00:45:29,016 --> 00:45:31,153 Sure. 703 00:45:31,191 --> 00:45:32,651 You ever heard of Ray Charles? 704 00:45:32,693 --> 00:45:34,863 Yeah. Hey, and I'll tell you... 705 00:45:34,901 --> 00:45:37,004 you crows are finally going to come into your own. 706 00:45:37,043 --> 00:45:38,286 You wait and see. 707 00:45:38,322 --> 00:45:41,452 Jive sucker come into the ghetto, talking some stuff. 708 00:45:41,488 --> 00:45:44,356 Ought to cut the jive mother. 709 00:45:54,888 --> 00:45:56,131 Twenty-five. 710 00:45:56,167 --> 00:45:59,362 Ready, aim, fire! 711 00:46:00,324 --> 00:46:02,657 Twenty-six. 712 00:46:18,393 --> 00:46:21,391 Hey, man, your number's up. 713 00:46:21,431 --> 00:46:23,252 Come on, let's get to this. 714 00:46:23,285 --> 00:46:25,967 But--look, please, sir... 715 00:46:26,005 --> 00:46:28,588 you got the wrong guy, see? 716 00:46:28,627 --> 00:46:31,625 Don't push! 717 00:46:31,665 --> 00:46:34,533 At least let me tell you the way it happened, fella, huh? 718 00:46:37,773 --> 00:46:39,594 Go over to the White House and pick up a package. 719 00:46:39,628 --> 00:46:41,252 Yes, sir. 720 00:46:45,256 --> 00:46:46,564 Mr. President. 721 00:46:46,599 --> 00:46:47,940 You've got to do something. 722 00:46:47,975 --> 00:46:53,056 Believe me, there's nothing to worry about. 723 00:46:53,091 --> 00:46:55,097 Nothing to worry about? 724 00:46:55,138 --> 00:46:57,657 This--what's his name... 725 00:46:57,696 --> 00:46:58,808 Imaku. 726 00:46:58,847 --> 00:47:00,123 Whatever--is suggesting... 727 00:47:00,158 --> 00:47:02,874 that New Africa make a federation with Cuba... 728 00:47:02,909 --> 00:47:05,624 China, Africa, and Northern lreland. 729 00:47:05,659 --> 00:47:07,381 I never did trust a nigger. 730 00:47:07,418 --> 00:47:09,805 But you voted in favor of giving them New Jersey. 731 00:47:09,848 --> 00:47:11,887 The final solution to the schwartzen problem... 732 00:47:11,927 --> 00:47:13,071 you said. 733 00:47:13,111 --> 00:47:14,833 And we get rid of the Puerto Ricans... 734 00:47:14,869 --> 00:47:16,461 and you can't get a decent shoeshine... 735 00:47:16,501 --> 00:47:17,809 in the whole of America. 736 00:47:17,844 --> 00:47:21,703 I haven't seen a decent football game in ten years. 737 00:47:21,745 --> 00:47:23,686 Honduras beat us in the Olympics. 738 00:47:23,727 --> 00:47:25,417 You know what that means? 739 00:47:25,454 --> 00:47:27,395 We have a whole country full of niggers-- 740 00:47:27,437 --> 00:47:30,283 angry niggers, right across the river from New York. 741 00:47:30,316 --> 00:47:32,322 They could fart and destroy Washington. 742 00:47:36,072 --> 00:47:38,591 All we have to do... 743 00:47:38,630 --> 00:47:42,043 is keep President Supreme Jackson in office. 744 00:47:44,067 --> 00:47:45,179 Come in. 745 00:47:45,218 --> 00:47:47,388 Mr. President, I'm from the messenger service. 746 00:47:47,425 --> 00:47:48,537 It's about time. 747 00:47:48,576 --> 00:47:50,266 Now, deliver this to President Supreme Jackson. 748 00:47:50,303 --> 00:47:53,116 In New Jersey? I mean, New Africa? 749 00:47:53,149 --> 00:47:54,425 Well, that's where he is. 750 00:47:54,461 --> 00:47:58,681 But I heard these crows don't let whites in their country. 751 00:47:58,714 --> 00:48:00,535 How long have you been... 752 00:48:00,569 --> 00:48:02,095 with the Red Arrow delivery service? 753 00:48:02,136 --> 00:48:04,981 Today's my first day. I used to be on welfare. 754 00:48:09,651 --> 00:48:12,519 Go to the motor pool and get a car and a pass. 755 00:48:12,561 --> 00:48:13,673 Yes, sir. 756 00:48:13,713 --> 00:48:15,751 Remember, this is important... 757 00:48:15,791 --> 00:48:17,350 to our national security, so don't fail. 758 00:48:17,390 --> 00:48:18,600 I won't fail, sir. 759 00:48:18,637 --> 00:48:20,643 Please. Stop kissing my hand. 760 00:48:20,683 --> 00:48:23,551 -Yes, sir. -And touching my palms. 761 00:48:25,769 --> 00:48:26,881 Can I help you? 762 00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:28,806 I want to see the man in charge. 763 00:48:28,839 --> 00:48:30,082 I'm in charge here. 764 00:48:30,118 --> 00:48:33,150 I came to get a car and a pass into New Africa. 765 00:48:33,188 --> 00:48:36,350 OK, I'll get you a car and a pass to Niggerville. 766 00:48:37,953 --> 00:48:40,504 This is a rotary engine Mazda. 767 00:48:40,543 --> 00:48:42,713 Them niggers will steal anything they can. 768 00:48:42,750 --> 00:48:45,911 No sense in risking a new car to go over there. 769 00:48:45,948 --> 00:48:47,638 We ain't got anybody to wash 'em up no more. 770 00:48:47,675 --> 00:48:49,103 Here you go. 771 00:48:50,137 --> 00:48:52,307 Thanks. 772 00:48:52,344 --> 00:48:54,033 Come here. 773 00:48:54,071 --> 00:48:58,410 If you're going to New Africa... 774 00:48:58,453 --> 00:49:02,127 I got a wife and kid over there. 775 00:49:02,162 --> 00:49:03,721 They had to go with their people... 776 00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:05,450 when they gave the blacks New Jersey. 777 00:49:05,488 --> 00:49:07,974 -No shit? -Could you kind of-- 778 00:49:08,014 --> 00:49:09,224 Well, there's a lot of blacks. 779 00:49:09,261 --> 00:49:10,853 You were married to a colored woman? 780 00:49:10,892 --> 00:49:13,095 Shit. That's ten years in the slammer. 781 00:49:13,131 --> 00:49:15,977 Yeah. Look, I don't expect you to look for 'em... 782 00:49:16,009 --> 00:49:18,528 but if you should happen to see 'em... 783 00:49:18,567 --> 00:49:20,127 will you tell 'em l-- 784 00:49:20,166 --> 00:49:21,987 tell 'em I said hi. 785 00:49:31,231 --> 00:49:35,538 I wonder if they're still over there? 786 00:49:37,499 --> 00:49:39,767 OK. Your pass is good. Go on. 787 00:49:39,803 --> 00:49:42,964 Oh, hey, how do I find President Supreme Jackson? 788 00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:45,845 Wave a dollar bill. 789 00:49:45,878 --> 00:49:47,786 Yeah. Thanks. 790 00:49:47,829 --> 00:49:49,683 Yeah. Black is beautiful. 791 00:49:49,716 --> 00:49:51,340 Like they say, huh? 792 00:50:14,341 --> 00:50:17,056 I hears de gentle voices 793 00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:22,621 Hey, man. 794 00:50:22,655 --> 00:50:24,825 -Roscoe, dere, dere. -What? 795 00:50:24,862 --> 00:50:27,194 That broad, man. That ugly broad. 796 00:50:27,228 --> 00:50:28,852 Hey, man. 797 00:50:28,891 --> 00:50:30,384 Ain't you going to say hello to your old lady? 798 00:50:30,426 --> 00:50:32,312 -Watch out, now. -That bitch is too ugly... 799 00:50:32,345 --> 00:50:35,093 for you to say hello to in public. 800 00:50:35,127 --> 00:50:36,981 Shoot. I'd go with her a lot quicker... 801 00:50:37,015 --> 00:50:39,250 than I'd go with your mama. 802 00:50:39,285 --> 00:50:40,397 Shoot. She's so ugly... 803 00:50:40,436 --> 00:50:43,118 your daddy don't even want to go with her. 804 00:50:43,154 --> 00:50:45,389 Shit! Look who's talking. 805 00:50:45,425 --> 00:50:47,911 Shit, if ugliness was electricity... 806 00:50:47,951 --> 00:50:49,892 your mama would be walking in a powerhouse. 807 00:50:49,934 --> 00:50:52,486 Oh, man, dig that. That's light shit. 808 00:50:52,524 --> 00:50:55,784 Your mama look like ten miles of bad road, nigger. 809 00:50:55,818 --> 00:50:57,126 Your mama got a face... 810 00:50:57,162 --> 00:50:58,949 that look like it been run over by a bus... 811 00:50:58,984 --> 00:51:02,364 and everybody kept telling how good she looking till you. 812 00:51:02,406 --> 00:51:05,568 And then--so she's been jumping in front of buses ever since. 813 00:51:09,410 --> 00:51:12,757 Man, I don't want to hear that. 814 00:51:16,606 --> 00:51:19,473 Oh, hey, look at that. 815 00:51:22,362 --> 00:51:25,459 Boy, some pair of gazongas there. 816 00:51:25,495 --> 00:51:27,436 That isn't bad. A little young. 817 00:51:27,478 --> 00:51:29,452 But, then, what the hell. 818 00:51:29,493 --> 00:51:31,946 These chicks know where it's at by the time they're 1 1 anyway. 819 00:52:07,837 --> 00:52:09,592 How do I get to the Black House? 820 00:52:09,627 --> 00:52:11,731 You take the number twenty bus on the corner. 821 00:52:11,770 --> 00:52:14,671 You do know what a corner is, don't you, honky? 822 00:52:37,802 --> 00:52:39,459 Somebody help. 823 00:52:39,497 --> 00:52:40,925 Help! 824 00:52:42,663 --> 00:52:45,563 Hey, man. Come on, help me, man, please. 825 00:52:45,605 --> 00:52:48,919 Oh, man. What's the matter? 826 00:52:48,963 --> 00:52:50,423 Well, a gang, man. 827 00:52:50,466 --> 00:52:51,992 They robbed-- 828 00:52:52,033 --> 00:52:54,421 -Oh, Jesus. -Help me, man. 829 00:52:56,606 --> 00:52:58,492 Hey, help! There's a man hurt in the alley. 830 00:52:58,525 --> 00:53:00,084 Help me, somebody! 831 00:53:01,819 --> 00:53:04,600 -Where? -Back here. 832 00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:08,148 He hurt bad? 833 00:53:08,183 --> 00:53:10,800 Look, man, there's a phone down the block. 834 00:53:10,837 --> 00:53:13,224 Go and call an ambulance. 835 00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:32,705 Hello? 836 00:53:32,743 --> 00:53:34,400 Operator, give me the hospital. 837 00:53:34,439 --> 00:53:35,682 Give you what? 838 00:53:35,718 --> 00:53:38,531 A hospital--sick, doctor, pain, hurt, you know. 839 00:53:38,564 --> 00:53:40,286 Just a minute, mister. 840 00:53:40,322 --> 00:53:42,263 You looking for a Dr. Sax? 841 00:53:42,305 --> 00:53:43,515 Information number 30-70. 842 00:53:43,552 --> 00:53:47,325 Is that 13-17, or is that 30-70? 843 00:53:47,358 --> 00:53:50,902 -You making fun of me? -No, I just wanted to get-- 844 00:53:50,940 --> 00:53:53,077 Sound like you white. You white? 845 00:53:53,115 --> 00:53:55,186 What's that got to do with anything? 846 00:53:55,225 --> 00:53:58,736 Honky, what you doing talking on a New African phone? 847 00:53:58,775 --> 00:54:00,661 Trying to get a hospital. 848 00:54:00,694 --> 00:54:03,507 You're going to need one the way you making fun of people. 849 00:54:03,541 --> 00:54:04,718 Look, all I want to know... 850 00:54:04,755 --> 00:54:08,713 is if the number is 13-17 or 30-70 or what. 851 00:54:08,753 --> 00:54:11,751 You such a smart ass, you figure it out. 852 00:54:14,509 --> 00:54:17,125 My opponent is accusing me of dodging the issues. 853 00:54:17,164 --> 00:54:19,050 Let me say this about that. 854 00:54:19,083 --> 00:54:22,910 Issues is the only thing I'm not dodging. 855 00:54:24,263 --> 00:54:27,425 Hey, two more of the same. 856 00:54:27,461 --> 00:54:30,525 What am I going to do, man? I mean, I work. 857 00:54:30,563 --> 00:54:34,357 I think I look good. I'm still young. 858 00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:37,268 You know, I might have about five children. 859 00:54:37,311 --> 00:54:38,870 And when I saw Jimi Hendrix... 860 00:54:38,910 --> 00:54:41,494 I'd never saw anybody play guitar, play like-- 861 00:54:41,532 --> 00:54:43,124 He took a guitar one time and took-- 862 00:54:43,163 --> 00:54:44,755 he had it round his neck, right? 863 00:54:44,795 --> 00:54:46,616 And there was a girl in the audience... 864 00:54:46,649 --> 00:54:47,892 that he was dedicating the song to... 865 00:54:47,928 --> 00:54:49,520 and he took it, spun it around his neck, right? 866 00:54:49,559 --> 00:54:50,671 He's got it on his neck, right? 867 00:54:50,710 --> 00:54:52,236 Just going around. Then he takes it... 868 00:54:52,277 --> 00:54:54,283 throws it down between his legs and jerks it off. 869 00:54:54,324 --> 00:54:57,486 He jerks it off, man. I couldn't believe it. 870 00:54:57,522 --> 00:54:59,430 And then threw her right back around his-- 871 00:54:59,473 --> 00:55:00,934 and then started playing with his teeth. 872 00:55:00,976 --> 00:55:02,153 That's right. That's him. 873 00:55:02,191 --> 00:55:03,434 And then--after he played it with his teeth... 874 00:55:03,471 --> 00:55:04,680 he dropped it down on the ground... 875 00:55:04,718 --> 00:55:05,993 took some lighter fluid... 876 00:55:07,180 --> 00:55:08,804 You see it on the album cover. 877 00:55:08,843 --> 00:55:12,485 I decided that I just wanted to be a prostitute. 878 00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:14,374 Oh, honey. Wait a minute, baby. 879 00:55:14,407 --> 00:55:15,813 I just want to do my thing, baby. 880 00:55:15,847 --> 00:55:18,431 They tell me I can get me some furs. 881 00:55:18,469 --> 00:55:20,159 How you doing? 882 00:55:20,195 --> 00:55:21,601 Hey, pal... 883 00:55:21,635 --> 00:55:23,521 Nigger, you stepped on my shine! 884 00:55:23,554 --> 00:55:24,895 What's wrong with you? 885 00:55:24,929 --> 00:55:26,619 You better get the fuck outta my face. 886 00:55:26,655 --> 00:55:31,060 -What you talking about? -I'll cut you. Shoot you. 887 00:55:31,101 --> 00:55:33,041 Man, nigger, step outside! 888 00:55:33,084 --> 00:55:35,221 Listen, nigger, you better back off! 889 00:55:35,258 --> 00:55:36,751 I'll cut you from here to tomorrow! 890 00:55:36,794 --> 00:55:38,734 Back up? Ooh, that's right! 891 00:55:38,776 --> 00:55:42,189 I'll cut you so goddamn fast you won't bleed till tomorrow. 892 00:55:42,230 --> 00:55:43,342 Too easy. 893 00:55:43,381 --> 00:55:45,616 Have you got change for a dollar? 894 00:55:46,739 --> 00:55:49,869 Well, now, looky here! 895 00:55:49,905 --> 00:55:52,108 A real live white! 896 00:55:54,862 --> 00:55:56,421 Isn't anybody gonna break up that fight? 897 00:55:56,461 --> 00:55:58,183 Them niggers don't fight, sucker. 898 00:55:58,220 --> 00:56:00,738 Shit! They just roughin'. 899 00:56:00,779 --> 00:56:02,338 What's a whitey doing in this joint? 900 00:56:02,377 --> 00:56:04,547 -Here you go. -Thanks. You got a phone? 901 00:56:04,584 --> 00:56:06,012 It got ripped off. 902 00:56:06,055 --> 00:56:07,647 There's one down the street. 903 00:56:18,655 --> 00:56:22,036 Help! Somebody! Police! 904 00:56:30,776 --> 00:56:34,221 I got five dollars say you ain't gonna buy that number. 905 00:56:34,262 --> 00:56:36,878 In fact, I put my gold teeth on it... 906 00:56:36,915 --> 00:56:39,565 you can't make that number with a pencil and a sheet of-- 907 00:56:39,602 --> 00:56:41,128 Who goes there? 908 00:56:41,169 --> 00:56:43,623 -Excuse me. -Don't bother me. I'm hot. 909 00:56:43,663 --> 00:56:46,443 Can you tell me where to find President Supreme Jackson? 910 00:56:46,478 --> 00:56:48,484 This jive motherfu-- 911 00:56:48,524 --> 00:56:50,628 He's right inside. 912 00:56:50,667 --> 00:56:52,357 Go ahead. You can't make that money. 913 00:56:52,394 --> 00:56:54,117 Come on seven. Bet five. 914 00:56:57,766 --> 00:56:58,878 Now what is it? 915 00:56:58,917 --> 00:57:01,599 Message from the White House. The honky prez. 916 00:57:01,635 --> 00:57:04,950 -The White House? -Gimme the message. 917 00:57:04,994 --> 00:57:06,880 What does it say? 918 00:57:06,913 --> 00:57:10,456 It says that we attempt an assassination... 919 00:57:10,494 --> 00:57:13,492 and blame it on lmaku, man. 920 00:57:13,533 --> 00:57:16,149 Attempt to assassinate who? 921 00:57:16,186 --> 00:57:17,647 You, fool! 922 00:57:17,690 --> 00:57:18,999 Don't worry, man. 923 00:57:19,033 --> 00:57:21,552 We'll get an expert shot, man, and all he'll do is wound you. 924 00:57:21,591 --> 00:57:22,703 Wound me? 925 00:57:22,742 --> 00:57:24,465 We got to make it look real. 926 00:57:24,502 --> 00:57:27,599 Fuck that shit. I ain't gonna let nobody shoot me. 927 00:57:27,636 --> 00:57:28,846 The answer is no. 928 00:57:28,883 --> 00:57:31,729 Man, I ain't gonna lose this election. 929 00:57:31,761 --> 00:57:33,832 If I got to get shot you are! 930 00:57:53,028 --> 00:57:54,521 Not necessarily. 931 00:57:54,562 --> 00:57:58,073 Fritz? General Jones wants to talk to you! 932 00:57:58,112 --> 00:57:59,966 OK, thanks. 933 00:58:01,694 --> 00:58:02,937 I'm from-- 934 00:58:02,974 --> 00:58:05,427 I know where the hell you from-- 935 00:58:05,467 --> 00:58:07,605 -Don't anybody move! -What's this? 936 00:58:07,642 --> 00:58:09,016 We found you was bugging our conference... 937 00:58:09,049 --> 00:58:10,706 spying on the movements, tapping the telephones... 938 00:58:10,745 --> 00:58:13,906 and telling the papers I use hair straightener! 939 00:58:13,943 --> 00:58:15,186 How dare you. 940 00:58:15,221 --> 00:58:16,879 -Where's Jackson? -He's dead. 941 00:58:16,917 --> 00:58:18,029 Don't you bullshit me! 942 00:58:18,068 --> 00:58:21,415 I'm not. Killed by an American spy. 943 00:58:21,458 --> 00:58:24,423 What? I didn't kill anybody. 944 00:58:24,464 --> 00:58:25,707 Why would they kill Jackson? 945 00:58:25,743 --> 00:58:28,011 'Cause Jackson was a real brother. 946 00:58:28,045 --> 00:58:31,556 Ain't gonna let this murder go unavenged! 947 00:58:31,595 --> 00:58:33,601 The council has just declared war... 948 00:58:33,642 --> 00:58:36,640 on the United States, and dig that! 949 01:01:33,305 --> 01:01:37,393 I thought you said we were going to lose in two or three days. 950 01:01:37,431 --> 01:01:39,949 It's been two weeks. 951 01:01:39,989 --> 01:01:42,256 Where's all that war reparations money... 952 01:01:42,291 --> 01:01:43,468 we was supposed to get? 953 01:01:43,506 --> 01:01:45,709 All them PXs and black market cigarettes? 954 01:01:45,745 --> 01:01:48,678 Now, give me a chance to get my head together, man. 955 01:01:48,719 --> 01:01:50,441 Now what is it? 956 01:01:50,478 --> 01:01:52,997 The President of the United States. 957 01:02:02,438 --> 01:02:05,884 Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President... 958 01:02:05,924 --> 01:02:09,719 Iadies and gentlemen, as Commander in Chief... 959 01:02:09,762 --> 01:02:12,346 of all the United States military forces... 960 01:02:12,384 --> 01:02:14,804 I surrender. 961 01:02:17,405 --> 01:02:18,779 What? Surrender? 962 01:02:18,812 --> 01:02:20,305 What the hell you mean, surrender?! 963 01:02:20,348 --> 01:02:22,801 You better get back to fighting. 964 01:02:22,841 --> 01:02:24,728 You folks ain't never lost a war. 965 01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:27,792 -Shit, you can win! -We getting them whiteys back? 966 01:02:29,557 --> 01:02:32,305 Unconditional surrender. 967 01:02:32,340 --> 01:02:35,207 That's your ass, Jones. 968 01:02:37,744 --> 01:02:39,882 For crimes against the Sovereign Republic of New Africa... 969 01:02:39,919 --> 01:02:41,031 and the assassination... 970 01:02:41,070 --> 01:02:43,272 of our beloved President Supreme Jackson... 971 01:02:43,309 --> 01:02:45,795 you've been ordered executed this day. 972 01:02:45,835 --> 01:02:47,427 You got a last request? 973 01:02:47,467 --> 01:02:50,051 Yes. Please don't shoot me. 974 01:02:51,208 --> 01:02:54,305 Ready...aim...fire! 975 01:02:54,374 --> 01:02:55,999 I bet you voted for Nixon! 976 01:02:56,037 --> 01:02:58,883 Did you by any chance, Mr. Smart Ass... 977 01:02:58,915 --> 01:03:00,954 pop some of my birth control pills? 978 01:03:00,994 --> 01:03:02,619 Oh, shit! 979 01:03:02,657 --> 01:03:04,630 Ralphie just peed on my shoes! 980 01:03:08,669 --> 01:03:12,050 Christ, is it refreshing to get away... 981 01:03:12,091 --> 01:03:14,064 from the pressures of the street. 982 01:03:15,768 --> 01:03:19,661 There's much to be said for the advantages of isolation. 983 01:03:19,702 --> 01:03:23,311 It allows one total freedom to pick and choose... 984 01:03:23,348 --> 01:03:28,200 without the forces of society to wear you down. 985 01:03:30,671 --> 01:03:32,557 Take the example of the influence... 986 01:03:32,590 --> 01:03:34,149 of our present-day culture. 987 01:03:34,189 --> 01:03:39,074 It typifies humanity's lack of personal concern for others. 988 01:03:48,579 --> 01:03:51,644 Hey, fuck you, you inconsiderate bastards! 989 01:03:51,682 --> 01:03:53,503 You just sit there on your fat asses... 990 01:03:53,536 --> 01:03:56,382 and dump on life indiscriminately. 991 01:04:02,267 --> 01:04:04,469 I suppose I should learn to accept... 992 01:04:04,506 --> 01:04:06,871 the miniscule distractions of life, though. 993 01:04:10,838 --> 01:04:12,844 Oh, shit! 994 01:04:15,635 --> 01:04:18,830 The sacred horn of Vishnu wakes you up. 995 01:04:18,865 --> 01:04:20,490 Do wake up, please, young Caucasian... 996 01:04:20,528 --> 01:04:22,315 'cause I've come to save your very soul. 997 01:04:22,351 --> 01:04:24,259 What? You sure you want me? 998 01:04:25,517 --> 01:04:28,679 It is not possible that I could be in error. 999 01:04:28,714 --> 01:04:32,389 You see, my good book here, it guides me as I wander... 1000 01:04:32,424 --> 01:04:35,106 through the vast cosmic universe of my experience... 1001 01:04:35,142 --> 01:04:38,718 with astral flash and good vibes as my bedfellows. 1002 01:04:38,757 --> 01:04:41,024 Wait a minute. I can't get behind that really. 1003 01:04:41,059 --> 01:04:42,781 Aren't those the yellow pages? 1004 01:04:44,769 --> 01:04:46,939 Oh, man. Could you not do that? 1005 01:04:46,975 --> 01:04:50,137 Please to wash my feet. Wash my feet, Caucasian one. 1006 01:04:50,173 --> 01:04:51,798 Especially the left one. 1007 01:04:51,836 --> 01:04:56,209 Only this morning, I stepped in sacred cow shit. 1008 01:04:56,249 --> 01:04:58,931 Wow, man. Hold on now. 1009 01:04:58,967 --> 01:05:02,096 I'm not really into washing cow shit off anybody's feet. 1010 01:05:02,134 --> 01:05:04,205 This is truly a bad omen. 1011 01:05:04,244 --> 01:05:06,698 I, Javral Ben Roderiga... 1012 01:05:06,738 --> 01:05:09,638 son of the most ample Javral Ben Roderiga Sr... 1013 01:05:09,681 --> 01:05:11,534 have been truly affronted. 1014 01:05:11,568 --> 01:05:13,901 Look, I didn't mean to offend you, man. 1015 01:05:13,934 --> 01:05:16,899 Silence. There is no need to explain. 1016 01:05:18,475 --> 01:05:21,441 Oh, yeah, this is nice. Very nice. 1017 01:05:21,481 --> 01:05:23,367 The brass horn of Vishnu announces... 1018 01:05:23,400 --> 01:05:26,594 that I am the second of two sent from the East. 1019 01:05:26,630 --> 01:05:28,418 Two also were sent from the West. 1020 01:05:28,452 --> 01:05:29,793 No matter. 1021 01:05:29,828 --> 01:05:32,826 It was to cure those, those poor unfortunates... 1022 01:05:32,866 --> 01:05:34,294 afflicted with the leprosy. 1023 01:05:34,337 --> 01:05:36,540 Jeez, that's really a shame, because I've seen... 1024 01:05:36,576 --> 01:05:39,422 a lot of disease down here, but no leprosy--so far. 1025 01:05:39,454 --> 01:05:40,980 No leprosy? No running sores? 1026 01:05:41,021 --> 01:05:42,930 Nothing like that. 1027 01:05:42,972 --> 01:05:47,028 This is most disturbing news. But chronic backache? 1028 01:05:47,065 --> 01:05:49,431 None of my friends have that, either, I don't think. 1029 01:05:49,463 --> 01:05:52,112 Well, then perhaps the dreaded dandruff... 1030 01:05:52,150 --> 01:05:54,091 or the very heartbreak of psoriasis? 1031 01:05:54,133 --> 01:05:56,782 No. I'll tell you the truth. I think you're a little late. 1032 01:05:56,819 --> 01:05:58,444 See, I think that went down a long time ago. 1033 01:05:58,482 --> 01:06:00,008 I could tell you a story, if you'd care to-- 1034 01:06:00,049 --> 01:06:01,674 If you could possibly make it short... 1035 01:06:01,712 --> 01:06:04,296 because there is a strong possibility... 1036 01:06:04,334 --> 01:06:06,243 that I should be in Philadelphia. 1037 01:06:17,670 --> 01:06:20,538 Jesus, this stuff is dynamite. 1038 01:06:20,580 --> 01:06:24,440 The eyes of my own soul staring back at me. 1039 01:06:24,482 --> 01:06:27,993 God knows I've lived the best lives I was capable of. 1040 01:06:28,032 --> 01:06:32,601 My minor infractions of society's rules were only due-- 1041 01:06:32,636 --> 01:06:35,002 Oh, please, Lucifer, don't take me! 1042 01:06:35,035 --> 01:06:36,343 I'm not ready! I'll change! 1043 01:06:36,378 --> 01:06:39,027 I'm already changing. Look at me change. 1044 01:06:39,064 --> 01:06:41,136 Oh, my God, what a way to go. 1045 01:06:44,149 --> 01:06:46,831 Excuse me, certainly. Hello? 1046 01:06:46,867 --> 01:06:48,240 Yoo-hoo down there. 1047 01:06:48,275 --> 01:06:51,786 Excuse me. Did anyone find an earring? 1048 01:06:51,824 --> 01:06:54,506 I dropped my earring in the trash. You'd recognize it. 1049 01:06:54,542 --> 01:06:56,297 It opens on one side. Kind of a jade color. 1050 01:06:56,334 --> 01:06:59,812 It's got a picture of Errol Flynn and Alan Hale naked-- 1051 01:06:59,851 --> 01:07:01,922 Oh, Jesus Christ! Lucifer's a faggot! 1052 01:07:03,657 --> 01:07:06,241 Jesus Christ, my life is shit! 1053 01:07:06,279 --> 01:07:10,554 I had to get knocked up. I could've had an abortion. 1054 01:07:10,597 --> 01:07:14,621 No. Mr. Good-Time Charlie over there. 1055 01:07:14,658 --> 01:07:17,144 "No," he says. "Have the baby. 1056 01:07:17,184 --> 01:07:20,117 "We'll get married. I'll take care of you." 1057 01:07:20,158 --> 01:07:22,132 What'll you take care of? 1058 01:07:22,173 --> 01:07:24,277 It's a good thing we got Ralphie. 1059 01:07:24,316 --> 01:07:27,031 Otherwise, we don't even get welfare. 1060 01:07:27,066 --> 01:07:29,999 Will you tell me one thing you ever did for my Ralphie? 1061 01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:31,762 Do you ever play with him? 1062 01:07:31,800 --> 01:07:34,481 Do you ever take him to the ballgame? 1063 01:07:34,518 --> 01:07:36,971 Do you ever take him fishing? How about fishing? 1064 01:07:37,012 --> 01:07:39,879 Why don't you take your own son fishing? 1065 01:07:39,922 --> 01:07:42,441 You don't even change his kitty litter! 1066 01:07:42,480 --> 01:07:45,675 Did you know that Dr. Spock... 1067 01:07:45,710 --> 01:07:48,840 has stated very clearly in his book... 1068 01:07:48,876 --> 01:07:51,809 that fathers who are never there... 1069 01:07:51,851 --> 01:07:55,045 usually makes a fag kid? 1070 01:07:55,081 --> 01:07:57,152 Do you know what he does most of the time around the house? 1071 01:07:57,191 --> 01:08:00,353 If he's not picking his nose, he's jerking off. 1072 01:08:00,389 --> 01:08:03,234 How's that gonna look when he starts kindergarten? 1073 01:08:03,267 --> 01:08:05,469 Suck my dick, huh? 1074 01:08:05,506 --> 01:08:07,228 You get outta here! 1075 01:08:07,265 --> 01:08:09,597 Pack your things and get out! 1076 01:08:12,062 --> 01:08:14,297 I said get out, and I mean it! 1077 01:08:14,332 --> 01:08:15,673 While I'm still young enough... 1078 01:08:15,707 --> 01:08:18,423 to find a decent father for my child, you bum. 1079 01:08:18,458 --> 01:08:19,864 All you do is lay around. 1080 01:08:19,897 --> 01:08:21,521 Listen, I'm sick of cleaning up after you. 1081 01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:24,176 And don't think I don't know that you fool around. 1082 01:08:24,215 --> 01:08:26,799 I know it. You junkie, you hophead, you. 1083 01:08:26,837 --> 01:08:28,080 Are you kidding? 1084 01:08:28,115 --> 01:08:29,675 No, I'm not. I'm sick of seeing you... 1085 01:08:29,715 --> 01:08:31,340 sitting around here doing nothing. 1086 01:08:31,378 --> 01:08:32,686 Get serious! 1087 01:08:32,721 --> 01:08:35,436 Don't come back here until you're ready to shape up! 1088 01:08:48,455 --> 01:08:51,770 Too much. I thought she was putting me on. 1089 01:08:51,813 --> 01:08:54,942 Hey, she actually did it. That blows my mind. 1090 01:08:54,979 --> 01:08:58,293 Hey, I don't have to go to the welfare office tomorrow. 1091 01:08:58,337 --> 01:09:01,630 Jesus! Wow! 1092 01:09:04,509 --> 01:09:05,850 Know what that is? That's shit! 1093 01:09:08,091 --> 01:09:09,432 You are shit! 1094 01:09:38,567 --> 01:09:40,476 Know what? Know what? 1095 01:09:40,518 --> 01:09:42,175 She's got the clap! 1096 01:09:42,213 --> 01:09:44,601 Some of my best friends... 1097 01:09:44,644 --> 01:09:46,552 When he gets back to Earth. 1098 01:10:30,759 --> 01:10:33,376 This is about the worst life I ever had. 1099 01:10:34,376 --> 01:10:44,376 (BINGOWINGZ)