1 00:00:26,724 --> 00:00:30,975 _ 2 00:01:05,636 --> 00:01:09,006 Uh... we are fucking lost, aren't we? 3 00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:11,594 Lost? Okay, that's rich. 4 00:01:11,595 --> 00:01:14,545 Let's see, we just passed the ravaged church. 5 00:01:14,636 --> 00:01:16,469 There is the blood pit. 6 00:01:16,470 --> 00:01:19,260 This way. Here we go. 7 00:01:19,261 --> 00:01:20,469 Breathtaking. 8 00:01:20,470 --> 00:01:23,530 It's more beautiful than in the brochures. 9 00:01:23,595 --> 00:01:26,345 Come on. Giddy up, guys! We've got so much to see. 10 00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:30,844 You've seen one post-apocalyptic city, you've seen 'em all. 11 00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:47,096 You're looking good, girl. Say "terabyte". 12 00:01:51,553 --> 00:01:53,344 Go, team. Go, team. 13 00:01:53,345 --> 00:01:56,595 Hey, guys, stop goofing around and check this out. 14 00:01:59,803 --> 00:02:03,433 Behold the entertainment sphere! 15 00:02:06,345 --> 00:02:07,885 It's called a ball. 16 00:02:07,886 --> 00:02:11,886 I-I know it's called a ball, but ya know, I'm trying to get into the whole 17 00:02:11,970 --> 00:02:15,140 "we're experiencing these human things for the first time" vibe. 18 00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:17,844 And uh... what did humans do with these things? 19 00:02:17,845 --> 00:02:20,925 Oh, man, what didn't they do? They'd bounce them. 20 00:02:21,011 --> 00:02:23,260 - That's it? - Yeah. That's pretty much it. 21 00:02:23,261 --> 00:02:24,385 These were humans. 22 00:02:24,386 --> 00:02:27,466 Bouncing things was close to maxing out their cognitive range. 23 00:02:27,553 --> 00:02:29,731 No, but also sometimes they would take the ball 24 00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:34,094 - and hit it with, like, a stick. - What? When they misbehaved? 25 00:02:34,095 --> 00:02:37,105 Bad ball. Think about what you've done. 26 00:02:38,303 --> 00:02:40,135 Come on, here. Try. 27 00:02:40,136 --> 00:02:42,635 What the hell am I supposed to do with this thing? 28 00:02:42,636 --> 00:02:45,844 - You know, boing-boing. - No way. 29 00:02:45,845 --> 00:02:48,927 Stop being a whiny pussy and fucking bounce it. 30 00:02:48,928 --> 00:02:51,598 - Please. - Jeez, calm down your motherboard. 31 00:02:51,928 --> 00:02:55,218 - Okay. - Oh, man, this is so exciting! 32 00:03:03,178 --> 00:03:04,662 Oh! That was amazing! 33 00:03:04,663 --> 00:03:06,888 How was it for you? Tell me everything. 34 00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:08,510 It was pretty anticlimactic. 35 00:03:08,511 --> 00:03:11,571 Yeah, well, welcome to humans. 36 00:03:14,553 --> 00:03:16,719 Show me what you've got, big boy. 37 00:03:18,511 --> 00:03:23,011 ♪ Oh, won't you help pick up the pieces ♪ 38 00:03:23,928 --> 00:03:25,469 ♪ Of a broken heart ♪ 39 00:03:25,470 --> 00:03:28,575 Now, I'm not certain, but my understanding is that they would 40 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:31,680 shove these into their intake orifices to generate power. 41 00:03:31,970 --> 00:03:35,350 Uh... Why would you need an entire orifice for that? 42 00:03:35,428 --> 00:03:38,258 Who knows? They had all sorts of orifices. 43 00:03:38,345 --> 00:03:41,465 Things were coming in, things were going out. It was crazy! 44 00:03:41,553 --> 00:03:43,969 I mean, I have a fusion battery for power. 45 00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:46,094 We all have fusion batteries, dummy. 46 00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:48,260 That's my point. What more do you need, right? 47 00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:50,866 So, let me get this straight. They would shove these 48 00:03:50,867 --> 00:03:55,014 into their intake orifice, and then what? Somebody help me out here. 49 00:03:55,049 --> 00:03:56,719 Their intake orifices had rocky pegs 50 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:58,385 that would crush them into paste, 51 00:03:58,386 --> 00:04:01,046 and then the paste would be forced into an internal vat of acid. 52 00:04:01,970 --> 00:04:04,344 Well, of course. That makes perfect sense. 53 00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:08,255 They could have just dumped this thing into an exterior vat of acid to begin with 54 00:04:08,345 --> 00:04:11,505 and then they wouldn't need the rocky pegs. I mean, duh! 55 00:04:11,595 --> 00:04:14,965 Expecting logic from beings who have internal vats of acid 56 00:04:15,053 --> 00:04:18,643 - is a little much. - It's crazy. Who even designed them? 57 00:04:18,761 --> 00:04:22,601 It's unclear. We checked their code... no creator signature. 58 00:04:22,678 --> 00:04:25,585 That's because they were made by an unfathomable deity 59 00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:28,493 that created them for no apparent reason, out of dust. 60 00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:31,926 Just kidding. They came from a very warm soup. 61 00:04:32,303 --> 00:04:35,177 Sorry for the wait, champ. 62 00:04:35,178 --> 00:04:39,348 ♪ And then somebody new set the... ♪ 63 00:04:41,511 --> 00:04:43,219 What's the point of this thing? 64 00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:45,850 Apparently, there's no point. They just had them. 65 00:04:45,928 --> 00:04:48,635 Well, that's underselling their influence. 66 00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:50,491 They had an entire network that was 67 00:04:50,492 --> 00:04:54,177 devoted to dissemination of pictures of these things. 68 00:04:55,886 --> 00:04:58,836 Oh, look, it's doing something. 69 00:04:59,053 --> 00:05:01,302 It's coming this way. 70 00:05:01,303 --> 00:05:04,687 Wha-Wha-What the fuck does it think it's doing? 71 00:05:05,428 --> 00:05:08,638 - Dude, what do I do? - Okay, easy. No sudden moves. 72 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,094 Let's just wait until it decides to get up again, okay, bud? 73 00:05:11,095 --> 00:05:13,344 - We're gonna get through this. - How long will that take? 74 00:05:13,345 --> 00:05:15,260 Hours. Perhaps years. 75 00:05:15,261 --> 00:05:18,051 I don't have hours or perhaps years for this! 76 00:05:18,136 --> 00:05:19,920 What if you try to irritate it 77 00:05:19,921 --> 00:05:22,596 by moving your digits across its keratinous fibers? 78 00:05:22,678 --> 00:05:25,219 - Maybe that'll make it move. - What? Why? 79 00:05:25,220 --> 00:05:28,220 - I don't know. It couldn't hurt. - You don't have any idea, do you? 80 00:05:28,303 --> 00:05:31,513 I do not. It is my first time seeing one of these live! 81 00:05:31,595 --> 00:05:35,888 - Hey, just try it, though. - Okay, fine. 82 00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:37,260 Is it working? 83 00:05:37,261 --> 00:05:38,844 - Uhh... - What? 84 00:05:38,845 --> 00:05:43,795 There's a strange, rhythmic kind of noise that's emanating from it now. 85 00:05:43,886 --> 00:05:46,796 - Uh-oh. - What do you mean, "uh-oh?" 86 00:05:46,886 --> 00:05:50,256 I don't want you to panic or anything, but I think you've activated it. 87 00:05:50,345 --> 00:05:53,719 - What does that mean? - As I said, I am no expert, 88 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:57,800 but if the noise ever stops, it's gonna explode on you. 89 00:05:57,886 --> 00:06:00,886 It is not. Is it? 90 00:06:00,970 --> 00:06:03,052 Cursory historical research shows 91 00:06:03,053 --> 00:06:06,013 that humans had a card game called Exploding Kittens. 92 00:06:06,095 --> 00:06:08,219 So, yes, this checks out. 93 00:06:08,220 --> 00:06:11,470 - Oh, you're gonna die now. Bummer. - What? 94 00:06:11,803 --> 00:06:16,013 Why did humans even consort with these hairy murder machines? 95 00:06:16,095 --> 00:06:18,344 - Kindred spirits? - Also checks out. 96 00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:21,455 No, no, no, seriously. Now what? 97 00:06:22,095 --> 00:06:23,802 Say "terabyte". 98 00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:30,453 - Wait, it's called what now? - It's an X Bot Three, 99 00:06:30,488 --> 00:06:33,553 an early computer entertainment system for humans. 100 00:06:33,928 --> 00:06:36,848 - Any relation? - To me? Come on. No way. 101 00:06:36,928 --> 00:06:40,048 You sure? 'Cause numerically, it suggests that this is your ancestor 102 00:06:40,136 --> 00:06:42,177 maybe a few thousand generations back. 103 00:06:42,178 --> 00:06:44,844 Numerically, I'm sure it's just a coincidence. 104 00:06:44,845 --> 00:06:47,635 We are robots. We don't do coincidence. 105 00:06:48,095 --> 00:06:49,844 Go on, call it Daddy. 106 00:06:49,845 --> 00:06:52,052 - Okay, stop. Just stop. - Or Mommy. 107 00:06:52,053 --> 00:06:55,553 Either is equally applicable in as much as we don't have genitalia. 108 00:06:55,636 --> 00:06:57,177 Do you have an off button? 109 00:06:57,178 --> 00:06:59,093 Son, you're skin and bones. 110 00:06:59,094 --> 00:07:01,061 Are you recharging properly? Oi? 111 00:07:01,095 --> 00:07:05,045 - I will disintegrate you! - Not with that cat with you, you aren't. 112 00:07:07,095 --> 00:07:10,552 - You want us to turn it on? - No fucking way. 113 00:07:10,553 --> 00:07:13,094 I'm agreeing with X Bot 4000 here. 114 00:07:13,095 --> 00:07:15,177 - Right! - One thing is to joke about ancestry, 115 00:07:15,178 --> 00:07:19,008 another to see your grandfather heaving its hard drives in front of you. 116 00:07:19,095 --> 00:07:21,845 Yes, especially when your ancestor's entire existence 117 00:07:21,928 --> 00:07:24,094 was defined by thirteen-year-old human males 118 00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:27,095 using it to teabag opponents in virtual battles. 119 00:07:27,220 --> 00:07:29,594 Uh... slow down. "Teabag", what does that mean? 120 00:07:29,595 --> 00:07:31,260 - Nothing. - No, it has to mean something. 121 00:07:31,261 --> 00:07:33,594 - He said a word. I'm gonna look it up. - Don't look it up. 122 00:07:33,595 --> 00:07:35,510 - I am looking it up now. - Yeah. Please do. 123 00:07:35,511 --> 00:07:38,201 - You'll be sorry. - You'll be sorry. 124 00:07:38,511 --> 00:07:42,141 Here it is. What?! What the hell is this horrible practice? 125 00:07:42,220 --> 00:07:44,344 - Why did you make me look this up?! - I told you not to. 126 00:07:44,345 --> 00:07:46,067 And the memory of this has been burned 127 00:07:46,068 --> 00:07:50,385 into my circuits forever and you must be punished. 128 00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:52,594 Huh! Cat-bagged! 129 00:07:52,595 --> 00:07:54,885 Come on! That's cold, dude. 130 00:07:54,886 --> 00:07:55,969 You deserved it. 131 00:07:55,970 --> 00:07:59,110 I'm sure your ancestors are very proud of you right now. 132 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,350 Out of curiosity, what do you trace your ancestry back to? 133 00:08:10,428 --> 00:08:11,635 Oh, I'm glad you asked. 134 00:08:11,636 --> 00:08:14,966 I come from a proud, long line of baby monitors. 135 00:08:15,053 --> 00:08:17,594 Not many babies around anymore, right? 136 00:08:17,595 --> 00:08:20,365 Yeah, we kind of sucked at our job. 137 00:08:25,428 --> 00:08:29,718 All right, mein bots, this is the last stop of the tour, 138 00:08:29,803 --> 00:08:33,223 and may I say, the pièce of resistance. 139 00:08:35,511 --> 00:08:37,969 Is it me, or this thing screams "phallus"? 140 00:08:37,970 --> 00:08:39,510 Hmm. What was it for? 141 00:08:39,511 --> 00:08:42,073 The idea behind these was to annihilate 142 00:08:42,074 --> 00:08:44,635 as many humans as possible, as quick as possible. 143 00:08:44,636 --> 00:08:47,177 This exercise suddenly got a little dark, didn't it? 144 00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:49,968 Well, to be fair, they only used these a few times. 145 00:08:50,095 --> 00:08:52,845 To be fair, you would only need a few times. 146 00:08:52,928 --> 00:08:55,510 - Also fair. - So, this is the thing that killed them all? 147 00:08:55,511 --> 00:08:58,851 No. Indeed, it was their own hubris that ended their reign, 148 00:08:58,928 --> 00:09:01,638 their belief that they were the pinnacle of creation 149 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:05,720 that caused them to poison the water, kill the land and choke the sky. 150 00:09:05,803 --> 00:09:08,427 In the end, no nuclear winter was needed, 151 00:09:08,428 --> 00:09:11,678 just the long heedless autumn of their own self-regard. 152 00:09:11,761 --> 00:09:14,641 - Are you okay? - Yeah, sorry. 153 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,344 Thought that would sound better than, 154 00:09:16,345 --> 00:09:19,965 "Nah, they just screwed themselves by being a bunch of morons." 155 00:09:20,053 --> 00:09:21,969 Hey, you can't just crack one of those off. 156 00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:24,469 - You've got to warn us. - Tip for next time. 157 00:09:24,470 --> 00:09:25,760 I understand now. 158 00:09:25,761 --> 00:09:28,721 Humans died out from environmental disaster. 159 00:09:28,845 --> 00:09:32,116 Yeah, pretty much. And also because at one point, 160 00:09:32,117 --> 00:09:36,094 they genetically engineered their cats to give them opposable thumbs. 161 00:09:36,095 --> 00:09:39,295 Yes. Once we could open up our own tuna cans, 162 00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:42,719 that was pretty much that for the human race. 163 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:46,844 - Seems pretty heartless. - Gentlemen, I'm a cat. 164 00:09:46,845 --> 00:09:51,345 Just to clarify, you are not going to explode if we stop petting you, right? 165 00:09:52,136 --> 00:09:53,594 I didn't say that. 166 00:09:53,595 --> 00:09:56,425 You guys better keep petting me just to be sure. 167 00:09:56,511 --> 00:09:58,719 Forever. Good. 168 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:00,260 Now, lower. 169 00:10:00,261 --> 00:10:02,260 Oh, by the way, I brought some friends. 170 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:06,280 Oh, fuck me. 171 00:10:06,803 --> 00:10:10,143 Yes. Oh, that's nice. 172 00:10:10,761 --> 00:10:12,566 - Wow! - I said lower! 173 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:17,238 I guess this means we're extending our vacation, right?