1 00:00:03,448 --> 00:00:04,947 Charles: All right guys, we got a lot of work today. 2 00:00:05,067 --> 00:00:06,360 Nathan: Hey! 3 00:00:06,678 --> 00:00:10,046 It really smells like lemons in here. 4 00:00:10,082 --> 00:00:12,883 Somebody just clean this table with lemons? 5 00:00:12,918 --> 00:00:14,050 Toki: I ams eatings lemons. 6 00:00:14,119 --> 00:00:14,718 That's me. 7 00:00:14,786 --> 00:00:16,686 Pickles: You're still eating lemons all the time? 8 00:00:16,722 --> 00:00:19,422 Toki: I'ms challenging myself to endures the flavors, 9 00:00:19,491 --> 00:00:21,691 likes puttings your hands over an opens flame. 10 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,428 Skwisgaar: Pickle, I found one of your dreads in the hallways. 11 00:00:25,497 --> 00:00:27,764 Uh, do you wants it back? 12 00:00:27,799 --> 00:00:30,867 Pickles: Eh, yeah, I, uh, guess so. 13 00:00:30,903 --> 00:00:31,768 Skwisgaar: Oops. 14 00:00:31,837 --> 00:00:33,036 Dropped it in my cups of coffees. 15 00:00:33,071 --> 00:00:34,971 Nathan: Drinking a lot of coffee these days, huh? 16 00:00:35,007 --> 00:00:35,972 Charles: All right, guys. 17 00:00:36,041 --> 00:00:36,973 I just want to get started. 18 00:00:37,042 --> 00:00:38,508 Nathan: Yeah, just go. 19 00:00:38,577 --> 00:00:40,610 Charles: We have some congratulations in order for 20 00:00:40,679 --> 00:00:42,679 Mr. William Murderface, sitting at the table here. 21 00:00:42,714 --> 00:00:45,749 You are being honored at this year's Brutalies Award Ceremony. 22 00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:46,950 Murderface: Yeah, that's right. 23 00:00:47,019 --> 00:00:50,954 Good to see [bleep] finally changing around here, and I'm getting some respect. 24 00:00:50,989 --> 00:00:52,422 Now, what are these brutalies? 25 00:00:52,491 --> 00:00:53,590 Charles: I don't know. 26 00:00:53,625 --> 00:00:55,592 I mean, no one's gotten back to me on that. 27 00:00:55,627 --> 00:00:57,861 But Dethklok is gonna play there, and they're going to give 28 00:00:57,930 --> 00:01:01,031 ya lifetime achievement award for being the most brutal-looking musician ever. 29 00:01:01,099 --> 00:01:04,501 Nathan: Can't really tell if that's an award or a public insult. 30 00:01:04,570 --> 00:01:07,137 Skwisgaar: If you thinks about it, it ams an award for 31 00:01:07,172 --> 00:01:09,506 beings the most uglys humans in the worlds. 32 00:01:09,541 --> 00:01:12,475 Nathan: They're, like, saying you're bad at being handsome, 33 00:01:12,511 --> 00:01:14,945 but it's an award if they're saying you're really good at 34 00:01:15,013 --> 00:01:16,179 being ugly, so congratulations. 35 00:01:16,215 --> 00:01:17,847 Skwisgaar: Yeah, congratulations. 36 00:01:17,916 --> 00:01:19,482 Pickles: Yeah, congratulations. 37 00:01:19,551 --> 00:01:21,117 Charles: You're okay with that, right? 38 00:01:21,153 --> 00:01:22,953 Murderface: Okay with it? 39 00:01:22,988 --> 00:01:25,188 I [bleep] love it! 40 00:01:25,224 --> 00:01:28,491 Really, this is awesome. 41 00:01:28,527 --> 00:01:31,761 If you all will excuse me for a moment. 42 00:01:31,797 --> 00:01:35,632 Nathan: You're bad at being handsome. 43 00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:36,766 Murderface: Keep it together. 44 00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:38,835 Toki: If I gots that award, I'd [bleep] kill myself. 45 00:01:38,904 --> 00:01:40,003 Pickles: Dude, you're ugly. 46 00:01:40,038 --> 00:01:40,537 Dude. 47 00:01:40,572 --> 00:01:41,671 Toki: Kills myself. 48 00:01:41,740 --> 00:01:42,672 Pickles: Dude. 49 00:01:42,708 --> 00:01:43,940 Toki: And kills myself. 50 00:01:43,976 --> 00:01:44,908 Pickles: Dude. 51 00:01:44,943 --> 00:01:46,543 Toki: [Bleep] kills myself. 52 00:01:46,578 --> 00:01:47,477 Pickles: Dude. 53 00:01:47,512 --> 00:01:49,579 Murderface: I'll show everyone. 54 00:01:49,648 --> 00:01:53,750 I'm going to transform myself into the most handsome [bleep] 55 00:01:53,819 --> 00:01:56,019 They've ever laid eyes on! 56 00:01:56,088 --> 00:01:57,120 ♪ Tick-tock tick-tock ♪ 57 00:01:57,155 --> 00:01:58,822 ♪ tick-tock tick-tock ♪ 58 00:01:58,890 --> 00:01:59,923 ♪ tick-tock tick-tock ♪ 59 00:01:59,958 --> 00:02:01,925 ♪ Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! 60 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,026 Dethklok! ♪ 61 00:02:05,963 --> 00:02:08,832 Murderface: Oh, I'm personally okay with myself, but... 62 00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:11,668 Just take the pen and draw on the areas that you think could 63 00:02:11,737 --> 00:02:14,638 use some corrections. 64 00:02:14,673 --> 00:02:17,974 [ Marker squeaking ] 65 00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:20,010 Murderface: Do you have another marker? 66 00:02:20,078 --> 00:02:21,978 Whoa. 67 00:02:22,014 --> 00:02:23,246 Missed a spot. 68 00:02:23,282 --> 00:02:25,081 Murderface: Okay, doc. 69 00:02:25,150 --> 00:02:27,550 I'm gonna level with you. 70 00:02:27,586 --> 00:02:29,519 I hate myself. 71 00:02:29,554 --> 00:02:31,254 I [bleep] hate myself. 72 00:02:31,290 --> 00:02:36,693 Mr. Murderface, we have the ability to take you -- a beast 73 00:02:36,728 --> 00:02:40,630 damned by the gods, a grotesque abomination doomed to spend his 74 00:02:40,666 --> 00:02:44,868 life as a wandering monstrosity-- and transform you 75 00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:50,607 into a breathtaking Adonis, chiseled in marble from a church in heaven. 76 00:02:50,642 --> 00:02:52,809 All it takes is money. 77 00:02:52,878 --> 00:02:54,244 Here's the estimate. 78 00:02:54,279 --> 00:02:56,813 Murderface: [ Groans ] 79 00:02:56,882 --> 00:03:00,150 Stampingston: Gentlemen, it seems that William Murderface is 80 00:03:00,185 --> 00:03:02,252 getting some "work" done. 81 00:03:02,321 --> 00:03:06,056 Here to talk about the cultural obsession with cosmetic surgery is specialist 82 00:03:06,091 --> 00:03:08,525 Dr. Alsajahbfifborgiltk. 83 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,161 Trying to improve the unjust genetic hand dealt to you 84 00:03:11,229 --> 00:03:14,864 through expensive cosmetic enhancements can lead to horrifying results. 85 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:18,234 The average man, after cosmetic procedure, will end up looking 86 00:03:18,270 --> 00:03:22,605 like a woman, a large game animal, an alien, even a children's puppet. 87 00:03:22,641 --> 00:03:26,209 But the real catastrophe will occur if Murderface succeeds at 88 00:03:26,244 --> 00:03:27,610 becoming "Handsomeface." 89 00:03:27,679 --> 00:03:31,081 Crozier: Our in-house specialist has concocted these images of what 90 00:03:31,149 --> 00:03:34,317 William Murderface would look like should he go through with this procedure. 91 00:03:34,353 --> 00:03:38,688 Murderface is Dethklok's zero on the yardstick of attractiveness to which all 92 00:03:38,724 --> 00:03:40,657 other band members compare themselves. 93 00:03:40,692 --> 00:03:44,060 Should this change, it could set off a series of gruesome 94 00:03:44,129 --> 00:03:47,697 attempts at self-improvement that end in dethklok losing 95 00:03:47,733 --> 00:03:51,034 their sense of self and the respect of all mankind. 96 00:03:51,069 --> 00:03:56,039 Orlaag: Is the hand of the cosmetic surgeon also the hand of God? 97 00:03:56,074 --> 00:03:57,240 Perhaps. 98 00:03:57,275 --> 00:04:00,944 Selatcia: Let us see where it takes us. 99 00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:02,312 Toki: Hurrys up, Nathan. 100 00:04:02,381 --> 00:04:03,279 Nathan: Hold on. 101 00:04:03,348 --> 00:04:04,280 I'm getting a snack. 102 00:04:04,349 --> 00:04:06,649 ♪ Hot air balloon ♪ 103 00:04:06,718 --> 00:04:09,018 Nathan: [ Grunts ] 104 00:04:09,054 --> 00:04:12,088 Is there something wrong with this hot tub? 105 00:04:12,157 --> 00:04:15,291 This particular hot tub is not known to withstand that much weight, my lord. 106 00:04:15,327 --> 00:04:16,192 Nathan: [ Scoffs ] 107 00:04:16,261 --> 00:04:21,197 Well, someone should call the company and, you know -- and 108 00:04:21,266 --> 00:04:22,832 it's poor manufacturing. 109 00:04:22,901 --> 00:04:25,702 And it appears as if the drain is clogged with coffee 110 00:04:25,737 --> 00:04:28,071 grounds, lemon rinds, and a cluster of dreadlocks. 111 00:04:28,106 --> 00:04:29,239 Pickles: Ew. 112 00:04:29,274 --> 00:04:30,607 Clogged? 113 00:04:30,642 --> 00:04:32,976 That's just poor manufacturing. 114 00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:33,977 Your dreads, sire. 115 00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:36,146 Pickles: Just give me that back. 116 00:04:36,181 --> 00:04:38,715 Murderface: Well, just move some money around or something! 117 00:04:38,784 --> 00:04:39,349 Look, William. 118 00:04:39,384 --> 00:04:41,818 As your business manager, I have to warn you, this is not a good 119 00:04:41,853 --> 00:04:43,753 time for you to have an expensive elective surgery. 120 00:04:43,789 --> 00:04:45,655 Murderface: You've got to be [bleep] me. 121 00:04:45,690 --> 00:04:47,023 I'm the bassist for dethklok. 122 00:04:47,058 --> 00:04:49,659 No, I know, but you just lost a lot of money. 123 00:04:49,728 --> 00:04:50,994 Do you not remember this? 124 00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:51,728 You were drunk. 125 00:04:51,763 --> 00:04:54,664 You tripped on an escalator... Murderface: Yeah, I tripped on an escalator. 126 00:04:54,733 --> 00:04:56,633 ...while you were shopping for scented candles. 127 00:04:56,668 --> 00:04:58,368 Murderface: Yes, 'cause I love scented candles. 128 00:04:58,403 --> 00:05:01,638 And then your overcalcified face injured a baby. 129 00:05:01,673 --> 00:05:02,305 Murderface: Oh. 130 00:05:02,374 --> 00:05:05,742 Well, that civil suit from the incident wiped you out, completely, okay? 131 00:05:05,811 --> 00:05:07,644 Murderface: That baby had a great lawyer. 132 00:05:07,712 --> 00:05:08,344 Amazing lawyer. 133 00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:09,813 Murderface: God, he was good. 134 00:05:09,848 --> 00:05:10,380 Wasn't he good? 135 00:05:10,415 --> 00:05:12,081 Find another way to get the money. 136 00:05:12,117 --> 00:05:13,016 Murderface: [Bleep] 137 00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:15,385 Nathan: Move my feet down a little bit more. 138 00:05:15,454 --> 00:05:16,719 Move my head up higher. 139 00:05:16,755 --> 00:05:17,720 How's that, sire? 140 00:05:17,756 --> 00:05:20,089 Nathan: Now, bring the piece of pizza closer to my head. 141 00:05:20,125 --> 00:05:21,024 Murderface: Hey, Nathan. 142 00:05:21,092 --> 00:05:22,158 Can I talk to you for a minute? 143 00:05:22,194 --> 00:05:23,092 And how's that, sire? 144 00:05:23,128 --> 00:05:24,194 Murderface: [ Clears throat ] 145 00:05:24,262 --> 00:05:25,929 Nathan: Getting better, getting warmer. 146 00:05:25,964 --> 00:05:26,996 Is that adequate, sire? 147 00:05:27,032 --> 00:05:28,264 Murderface: [Bleep] off! 148 00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:28,932 Yes, sire. 149 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,099 Murderface: Nathan, pal. 150 00:05:30,135 --> 00:05:31,201 Good old Nathan. 151 00:05:31,236 --> 00:05:33,002 Aw, man, look at those shoulders. 152 00:05:33,038 --> 00:05:34,137 Captain of the ship. 153 00:05:34,172 --> 00:05:36,806 What's happening, man? 154 00:05:36,842 --> 00:05:40,710 Nathan, I want you to look at me. 155 00:05:40,745 --> 00:05:41,744 Are you looking at me? 156 00:05:41,813 --> 00:05:42,712 Nathan: Kind of. 157 00:05:42,747 --> 00:05:44,881 Murderface: I'm gonna tell you a sad tale. 158 00:05:44,916 --> 00:05:45,815 Nathan: Oh, God. 159 00:05:45,884 --> 00:05:49,919 Murderface: Imagine a child so horrific-looking... Nathan: Uh-huh. 160 00:05:49,988 --> 00:05:53,323 Murderface: ...That he drove his parents to murder-suicide. 161 00:05:53,358 --> 00:05:54,324 Nathan: Yeah, you, right? 162 00:05:54,359 --> 00:05:55,325 Murderface: [ Groans ] 163 00:05:55,360 --> 00:06:00,897 Imagine a man with so little self-esteem... Nathan: You. 164 00:06:00,932 --> 00:06:04,267 Murderface: ...That he looks and acts like me. 165 00:06:04,302 --> 00:06:05,235 Nathan: You. 166 00:06:05,270 --> 00:06:07,871 Murderface: Well, that man is me. 167 00:06:07,906 --> 00:06:11,708 Nathan: I'm glad we had, uh... This little chat. 168 00:06:11,776 --> 00:06:12,342 [ Engine whirring ] 169 00:06:12,410 --> 00:06:13,142 See you later. 170 00:06:13,178 --> 00:06:15,078 Murderface: You're just not getting it. 171 00:06:15,146 --> 00:06:15,445 Listen. 172 00:06:15,514 --> 00:06:17,146 Nathan: Do you want to borrow some money? 173 00:06:17,182 --> 00:06:17,780 Just say it! 174 00:06:17,816 --> 00:06:20,717 Murderface: Yes, I want to borrow some money, but -- Nathan: I'll give you 175 00:06:20,785 --> 00:06:22,418 anything just to get you away from me, all right? 176 00:06:22,454 --> 00:06:24,053 Murderface: I won't forget this, pal. 177 00:06:24,089 --> 00:06:26,422 I'm having some work done down in Tijuana. 178 00:06:26,491 --> 00:06:28,057 Shh. Don't tell the others. 179 00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:31,794 It's our secret, you know, 'cause it's cost effective now. 180 00:06:31,863 --> 00:06:33,162 Nathan: Get out of here! 181 00:06:40,137 --> 00:06:41,137 Murderface: I'm sorry. 182 00:06:41,172 --> 00:06:42,772 Is that someone's dog? 183 00:07:03,027 --> 00:07:05,929 [ Tires screech ] 184 00:07:05,964 --> 00:07:07,931 [ Crowd gasps ] 185 00:07:25,816 --> 00:07:27,417 Despierta de. 186 00:07:27,485 --> 00:07:28,318 Despierta de. 187 00:07:28,386 --> 00:07:29,786 Despierta de! 188 00:07:33,157 --> 00:07:35,458 Murderface: Am I handsome? 189 00:07:44,435 --> 00:07:45,935 Toki: All right, checks it out. 190 00:07:46,004 --> 00:07:47,270 "Celebrity Snapsdown" is on. 191 00:07:47,305 --> 00:07:48,838 Nathan: Wonder what [bleep] 192 00:07:48,907 --> 00:07:51,207 Are gonna [bleep] fail this time. 193 00:07:51,242 --> 00:07:54,277 And finally, this week on "Celebrity Snapdown," number 194 00:07:54,312 --> 00:07:56,846 one in the category of aging rockers is... 195 00:07:56,881 --> 00:07:57,947 Nathan: Here goes nothing. 196 00:07:58,016 --> 00:07:58,915 This is gonna be good. 197 00:07:58,950 --> 00:08:01,117 Pickles: Who's it gonna be? 198 00:08:01,186 --> 00:08:04,287 ...Dethklok! 199 00:08:04,322 --> 00:08:05,855 Fat. 200 00:08:05,924 --> 00:08:07,290 Bald. 201 00:08:07,325 --> 00:08:09,292 Coffee-stained teeth. 202 00:08:09,361 --> 00:08:11,394 And thin lemon lipped. 203 00:08:11,429 --> 00:08:15,531 These rock-'n'-roll gargoyles are not making peace with aging. 204 00:08:15,567 --> 00:08:18,201 We'll be right back. 205 00:08:18,269 --> 00:08:21,337 Skwisgaar: Well at least we ain't as horrible looking as, 206 00:08:21,373 --> 00:08:22,972 you know, Williams Murderface. 207 00:08:23,008 --> 00:08:25,808 Pickles: Yeah, where is that ugly tub of goop, anyway? 208 00:08:25,877 --> 00:08:28,444 Nathan: He's in Tijuana getting a bunch of cosmetic 209 00:08:28,513 --> 00:08:31,347 procedures done so he can be handsome and confident, but 210 00:08:31,416 --> 00:08:33,783 that's a secret, so you can't tell anybody. 211 00:08:33,852 --> 00:08:34,784 Skwisgaar: Waits a minute. 212 00:08:34,853 --> 00:08:39,155 If he ams gonna become handsome and confident, then where does 213 00:08:39,224 --> 00:08:40,256 that put us? 214 00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:44,060 Pickles: That makes us gargoyles that are going bald. 215 00:08:44,129 --> 00:08:45,428 Nathan: That's not good. 216 00:08:45,463 --> 00:08:47,430 We gotta do something about this. 217 00:08:47,499 --> 00:08:51,100 Tonight, the brutalies, featuring dethklok. 218 00:08:51,136 --> 00:08:54,470 And being honored, he's brutal and uglier than a garbage can 219 00:08:54,506 --> 00:08:56,205 filled with burning [bleep] 220 00:08:56,241 --> 00:08:57,373 William Murderface. 221 00:08:57,409 --> 00:09:01,277 So, without any further ado, the brutalies! 222 00:09:01,312 --> 00:09:02,211 Nathan: [ Grunts ] 223 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,481 I can't [bleep] breathe in this thing, but I look good. 224 00:09:05,517 --> 00:09:07,183 I have an hourglass figure. 225 00:09:07,218 --> 00:09:10,486 Toki: Well, my lips are full and wonderfuls and filled with 226 00:09:10,522 --> 00:09:12,188 collagens and fats from my ass. 227 00:09:12,223 --> 00:09:15,024 I looks like a young Francis Fords Coppola. 228 00:09:15,093 --> 00:09:16,292 Skwisgaar: Yeah, you does. 229 00:09:16,361 --> 00:09:16,993 Coffee, sire. 230 00:09:17,028 --> 00:09:17,894 Skwisgaar: Yes, thanks. 231 00:09:17,929 --> 00:09:18,361 Aah! 232 00:09:18,396 --> 00:09:22,098 My teeths ams sensitives from the bleaching. 233 00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:25,435 Pickles: Even though my scalp is itchy and sweaty, I have the 234 00:09:25,470 --> 00:09:30,273 appearance of a young schoolgirl with a full head of hair. 235 00:09:30,308 --> 00:09:31,908 Skwisgaar: Lookings good, Pickles. 236 00:09:31,976 --> 00:09:32,542 Pickles: Thanks. 237 00:09:32,610 --> 00:09:35,478 Nathan: There's no way we can be the ugliest members of the band now. 238 00:09:35,547 --> 00:09:36,345 No way. 239 00:09:36,381 --> 00:09:37,380 [ Thunder crashes ] 240 00:09:37,449 --> 00:09:40,550 Murderface: I think you're very wrong about that. 241 00:09:40,585 --> 00:09:44,554 For you see, underneath this mask, I'm handsome now. 242 00:09:44,589 --> 00:09:50,059 I'm going to show all these ugly monsters what handsome really is. 243 00:09:50,095 --> 00:09:51,894 [ Thunder crashes ] 244 00:09:51,930 --> 00:09:59,902 And now, voted most brutal-looking musician, William Murderface! 245 00:09:59,938 --> 00:10:04,507 [ Applause ] 246 00:10:04,542 --> 00:10:07,543 Murderface: Thank you for this cruel and humiliating 247 00:10:07,612 --> 00:10:10,980 award, but I have an interesting piece of news. 248 00:10:11,015 --> 00:10:12,548 I am no longer ugly! 249 00:10:12,617 --> 00:10:14,183 [ Audience murmuring ] 250 00:10:14,252 --> 00:10:17,987 I am, in fact, handsome. 251 00:10:18,022 --> 00:10:19,355 [ Audience murmuring ] 252 00:10:19,424 --> 00:10:20,323 You suck! 253 00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:23,159 Murderface: I don't suck, for you suck. 254 00:10:23,228 --> 00:10:27,897 And you will always suck because you are ugly, and I am not. 255 00:10:27,966 --> 00:10:33,269 I am better than you, so you shall suck my fat [bleep] and 256 00:10:33,338 --> 00:10:37,173 behold a beautiful, confident work of art. 257 00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:38,407 Behold! 258 00:10:38,443 --> 00:10:41,878 William Handsomeface! 259 00:10:41,946 --> 00:10:42,678 [ Screams ] 260 00:10:42,714 --> 00:10:44,147 Oh, my God. It's horrible. 261 00:10:44,215 --> 00:10:46,149 Murderface: What's going on here? 262 00:10:46,184 --> 00:10:48,151 [ Screams ] 263 00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:52,955 Pickles: His face is infected! 264 00:10:52,991 --> 00:10:55,024 Nathan: He's a [bleep] monster. 265 00:10:55,059 --> 00:10:55,892 [ Glass shatters ] 266 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,060 Pickles: He's coming over here! 267 00:10:58,129 --> 00:10:59,061 Murderface: Pickles! 268 00:10:59,130 --> 00:11:00,296 Pickles: Get away from me! 269 00:11:00,331 --> 00:11:01,297 Nathan: Oh, my God! 270 00:11:01,332 --> 00:11:03,032 Pickles: Throw your coffee at him! 271 00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:05,701 Murdederface: [ Screams ] 272 00:11:05,737 --> 00:11:07,703 [ Audience screaming ] 273 00:11:07,823 --> 00:11:18,015 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 274 00:11:18,450 --> 00:11:20,700 Stop! Stop! Stop it! 275 00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:22,606 What's wrong with all of your hands? 276 00:11:22,726 --> 00:11:24,731 Yeah, what's going on? Ow! 277 00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:25,638 Ow! 278 00:11:25,758 --> 00:11:28,106 Look at your wrists, they're all just swollen and limp. 279 00:11:28,226 --> 00:11:30,161 You guys have been jerking off so hard, 280 00:11:30,281 --> 00:11:32,504 that you got advanced Carpal tunnel syndrome. 281 00:11:32,856 --> 00:11:35,727 So uh, you're saying we're... 282 00:11:36,020 --> 00:11:37,778 *** 283 00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,438 Hey, this is serious stuff! 284 00:11:39,558 --> 00:11:40,961 Stop giggling! 285 00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:46,645 Anyway, who wants to go with me?