1 00:00:02,337 --> 00:00:03,755 What's new at school? 2 00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:05,382 - Nothing. - Nothing! 3 00:00:05,465 --> 00:00:07,384 Oh, uh, one of the lunch ladies died. 4 00:00:07,467 --> 00:00:09,445 They found her in the gym with, like, two holes in her neck 5 00:00:09,469 --> 00:00:11,137 and all the blood drained out of her. 6 00:00:11,221 --> 00:00:12,972 Good lord! Who does something like that? 7 00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:15,433 Obviously a vampire. W-W-Where's the pepper? 8 00:00:15,517 --> 00:00:17,268 Wait, what?! Vampires are real?! 9 00:00:17,352 --> 00:00:20,230 Yes, Summer, vampires are real. Who knew? 10 00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:22,982 Oh, right, all humanity, for hundreds of years, now. 11 00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:24,386 Yeah, Summer, it's a big universe. 12 00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,277 Get used to it. R-Right, Rick? 13 00:00:26,361 --> 00:00:27,588 Well, what are we going to do?! 14 00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:29,531 We're gonna live our lives until we die. 15 00:00:29,614 --> 00:00:31,533 Possibly by vampire. More likely auto accident 16 00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:34,160 or heart disease, but possibly vampire. 17 00:00:34,244 --> 00:00:37,163 Grandpa Rick, couldn't you, like, use your superknowledge 18 00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:39,999 to turn yourself into a teenager and come to our school 19 00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:42,544 and help us hunt the vampire down? 20 00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,212 Um... Wow. 21 00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,548 Yeah, pretty specific pitch, Summer. 22 00:00:46,631 --> 00:00:49,384 I probably could turn myself into a teenager 23 00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:52,262 and hang out in the zit-covered, hormone-addled, 24 00:00:52,345 --> 00:00:54,305 low-stakes assworld that is high school. 25 00:00:54,389 --> 00:00:56,015 But here's my reverse-ask... 26 00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:58,810 Why in the fuck would I ever do that, ever? 27 00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:01,104 And how dare you even ask me that? 28 00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,981 And why aren't you more ashamed of yourself? 29 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,191 - Dad! - Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie. 30 00:01:05,275 --> 00:01:07,128 Jerry! Do you know what you just said to our daughter? 31 00:01:07,152 --> 00:01:09,112 Sor-ry! I wasn't paying attention. 32 00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,573 To a conversation about vampires?! 33 00:01:11,656 --> 00:01:14,242 Clearly, I didn't know it was about vampires, 34 00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:16,077 because I wasn't paying attention, 35 00:01:16,161 --> 00:01:17,579 which you would know, 36 00:01:17,662 --> 00:01:19,414 if you ever paid attention to me! 37 00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:21,416 Oh, here we go, right to the victim role. 38 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:23,084 Am I a victim, Beth, 39 00:01:23,168 --> 00:01:24,878 or am I married to a mean, unfair monster 40 00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:26,171 that always hurts me?! 41 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,173 Jesus Christ! Will you fix your marriage... 42 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:31,259 or get a divorce already? 43 00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:35,346 Well, we tried a couples' therapist. 44 00:01:35,430 --> 00:01:36,973 That's Earth therapy. 45 00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,743 You might as well ask a horse to fix a merry-go-round. 46 00:01:38,767 --> 00:01:41,728 I mean, he'll try his best, but mostly, he's just gonna get horrified. 47 00:01:41,978 --> 00:01:44,606 I know about a place off-planet with a 100% success rate. 48 00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:47,150 Well, we want to make it work, if we can. 49 00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:48,610 It's just... - Then it's settled. 50 00:01:48,693 --> 00:01:50,111 No need to pack. - Oh! 51 00:01:50,195 --> 00:01:51,672 Let's go, go, go, go! 52 00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:54,699 Do you think Mom and Dad are, you know, 53 00:01:54,783 --> 00:01:56,159 gonna get a divorce? 54 00:01:56,242 --> 00:01:57,994 I think it's okay to dream, Morty. 55 00:01:58,077 --> 00:02:01,790 I'm gonna go make some wooden stakes. 56 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,750 ♪♪ 57 00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:29,484 ♪♪ 58 00:02:33,822 --> 00:02:36,366 I booked you for a two-day intensive at Nuptia Four, 59 00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:39,118 the galaxy's most successful couples' counseling institute. 60 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,662 They could save the marriage of a dog 61 00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:42,288 and a bar of dark chocolate. 62 00:02:42,372 --> 00:02:43,665 They could save the marriage 63 00:02:43,748 --> 00:02:45,375 of a porn star and a porn star. 64 00:02:45,458 --> 00:02:47,144 Well, I know I'm ready to try whatever it takes. 65 00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,753 Which clearly implies that I'm not. 66 00:02:48,837 --> 00:02:50,213 It's not a competition, Beth. 67 00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,090 Oh is that how you're gonna try to win, 68 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:54,092 by implying I'm competitive? - If the shoe fits. 69 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,927 - My shoe fits up your ass. - You wish! 70 00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,846 Okay, have fun. See ya Thursday! 71 00:02:58,096 --> 00:02:59,514 Oh! 72 00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,516 Jerk. - Don't insult my father. 73 00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:03,518 He's the reason our kids are only half-stupid. 74 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,228 Ha! You just called yourself... 75 00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,437 Oh. 76 00:03:06,521 --> 00:03:08,106 - Beth and Jerry Smith? - Yes. 77 00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,691 I'm Glaxo Slimslom. 78 00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:11,693 Welcome to Nuptia Four. 79 00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:14,237 Your marriage can rest easy now. 80 00:03:15,697 --> 00:03:18,783 Jerry, go ahead and sit there and put this on. 81 00:03:18,867 --> 00:03:21,536 This machine isolates the part of the subject's brain 82 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:24,831 containing all perceptions of its romantic partner. 83 00:03:25,081 --> 00:03:27,959 And we will now render Jerry's perception of Beth 84 00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:31,421 with artificial biological life. 85 00:03:33,715 --> 00:03:35,717 Interesting. 86 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,719 What the hell is that?! Take that back! 87 00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,554 You do not think that about me! 88 00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,448 I didn't do anything! They scanned it out of my brain. 89 00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:43,141 Can I take it back? 90 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:44,684 There's nothing to regret. 91 00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,811 We're dealing with unconscious, unhealthy thoughts. 92 00:03:46,895 --> 00:03:48,438 Beth. 93 00:03:48,521 --> 00:03:50,773 Now, we scan for Beth's perceptions of Jerry. 94 00:03:50,857 --> 00:03:53,484 - Scan hard. He's dead to me. - Everything's dead to you. 95 00:03:53,568 --> 00:03:55,069 - What? - Nothing. 96 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,744 Read it and weep, bitch. 97 00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,467 Does everybody see what I mean? 98 00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:06,748 I think we all see what you both mean. 99 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,335 Any leads on the vampire? 100 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,836 No, Summer! I mean, you know, 101 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,005 I think it might be time that we just I-let it go. 102 00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,757 Oh, so, now, you're too cool for this, 103 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,258 just because Grandpa Rick is? 104 00:04:17,342 --> 00:04:19,302 It's not that, it's just that the universe 105 00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,596 is a little too big to care about something so small. 106 00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:24,015 Aah! - What up, my Helsings? 107 00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,934 Who wants to hunt a vampire? Ha ha ha! 108 00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:27,602 Rick? How... How did you... 109 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,285 Yeah, I got bored and then, I remembered, 110 00:04:29,354 --> 00:04:31,354 this morning, how I blew Summer off, and I thought, 111 00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,125 "Hey, why are you such a grumpy douche, Rick? 112 00:04:33,149 --> 00:04:34,609 Go to the garage, transfer your mind 113 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,319 into a younger clone of yourself, 114 00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:38,154 and get embroiled in some youthful hijinks. 115 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,906 What's the BFD?" So here I am. 116 00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:42,033 I'm Tiny Rick! - O-O-Okay. 117 00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,660 Well, it's good you're here, Rick. 118 00:04:43,743 --> 00:04:45,137 I was pretty sure we didn't have what it takes 119 00:04:45,161 --> 00:04:46,555 to deal with a bloodsucker on our own. 120 00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,914 Don't short-sell yourself, Summer. 121 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,117 You got everything it takes. But it'll still be fun... 122 00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:52,710 to do this as a fucking team, motherfucker. Tiny Rick! 123 00:04:52,794 --> 00:04:55,630 Yeah! Oh, my god, Toby Matthews! 124 00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:57,924 Hey, Toby. I'm Tiny Rick. I'm new. 125 00:04:58,174 --> 00:05:00,134 Hey oh... Go easy on me. Ha ha. Just kiddin'. 126 00:05:00,218 --> 00:05:02,595 Hey, I like your straightforward style 127 00:05:02,679 --> 00:05:04,430 and that lab coat's pretty cool. 128 00:05:04,514 --> 00:05:05,807 Summer. 129 00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,684 He knows my name! 130 00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:09,060 Why wouldn't he? You're great! 131 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,603 But, listen, just be careful. 132 00:05:10,687 --> 00:05:12,122 We can't rule anybody out as the vampire, 133 00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,357 not even the dreamboats. 134 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,608 Stop, Tiny Rick. 135 00:05:15,692 --> 00:05:17,652 Huntin' a vampire with my grandkids! 136 00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:20,238 Fuck! Tiny Ri-i-ck! 137 00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,216 The next step is to watch your mythologues 138 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,326 interact together and, uh... big surprise... 139 00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:27,787 It's never pretty. 140 00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,498 Here we have Garrrh and Zharbidar Gloompfschs, 141 00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,417 or, should I say, here we have the way 142 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,794 Garrrh and Zharbidar perceive each other. 143 00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:38,589 As we can all see, 144 00:05:38,673 --> 00:05:40,800 this is hardly the real Garrrh and Zharbidar. 145 00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,510 Which is good, because the relationship 146 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:45,221 in their heads is not only ugly, 147 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,557 it's unsustainable. 148 00:05:50,643 --> 00:05:53,563 You may already be learning something important... 149 00:05:53,646 --> 00:05:55,815 All of these relationships are different, 150 00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,818 none of them are real, and none of them work. 151 00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:02,447 We are not the monsters we sometimes see each other as, 152 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:06,242 because we are real and we are functional. 153 00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:09,412 That's what makes us better than them. 154 00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:12,248 We can find solutions. 155 00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,624 We can adapt. 156 00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:15,877 We can communicate. 157 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,672 And, most importantly, 158 00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:23,760 we can work together. 159 00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,138 Well, it was a tough adventure, but it paid off... 160 00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,182 Our school is vampire-free! 161 00:06:29,265 --> 00:06:31,976 Man, who would've suspected Coach Feratu? 162 00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:33,954 You did great, guys. Couldn't have done it without ya. 163 00:06:33,978 --> 00:06:35,748 You know, we... w-we should be proud of ourselves. 164 00:06:35,772 --> 00:06:38,024 We killed a vampire and a gym teacher. 165 00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:40,276 Ha ha ha. Talk about two-for-one, right?! 166 00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,153 So, how, exactly, is your old body living 167 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,613 in there, Grandpa Rick? 168 00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:45,215 Oh, you know, hyperbaric quantum fluid, 169 00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,217 ... that kind of thing. It preserves living tissue. 170 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,202 Not that there was much to preserve. 171 00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:51,996 Look at that mummy! Ha! Ha ha! 172 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,516 And I guess it's time for me to get back inside the old-timer. 173 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,417 Oh, my god. Toby Matthews is asking... 174 00:06:56,501 --> 00:06:58,419 if my parents are still out of town 175 00:06:58,503 --> 00:07:00,088 and if we can have a party! 176 00:07:00,338 --> 00:07:02,298 All right, way to go, Summer! What did I tell you? 177 00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:05,468 Ohh! He's asking if Tiny Rick will be here. 178 00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,178 Well, you know what, Summer? 179 00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,930 Tell him Tiny Rick will be here! 180 00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,640 And tell him to bring some brews! 181 00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:12,975 For real? Y-Y-Y-You would stay as Tiny Rick, 182 00:07:13,059 --> 00:07:14,769 just so we can have a party? 183 00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,521 Hell, yeah! What's one more night? 184 00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:19,084 And who can have fun with this old bastard hanging around, huh? 185 00:07:19,315 --> 00:07:21,692 Wubby lubby doob doob! 186 00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:23,444 - Whoo! - Tiny Rick! 187 00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:28,407 Moving on. Now, we have Beth and Jerry Smith 188 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,409 from the planet E-Arth. 189 00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:32,453 - My heart is pounding. - This is gonna be great. 190 00:07:32,537 --> 00:07:34,455 The E-Arth relationships are simpler. 191 00:07:34,539 --> 00:07:37,125 It's a primitive planet, so their dysfunctions are oh... 192 00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:38,918 W-Wait, what? What's going on? 193 00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,670 Where are the Smith mythologues? 194 00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:46,843 Oh, my god. 195 00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:49,846 Aah! Aah! 196 00:07:49,929 --> 00:07:52,974 - Oh, my god. - Secure the cell! 197 00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:54,934 Aaaah! 198 00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,478 Uh, hey! You know what's fun? Our gift shop. 199 00:07:57,562 --> 00:07:59,355 Why don't we proceed in an orderly... 200 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:03,484 Oh, dear god, no. 201 00:08:03,568 --> 00:08:06,821 They're codependent! Run! 202 00:08:08,990 --> 00:08:09,991 Oh! 203 00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:17,623 Oh, yeah, yeah, you really know how 204 00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:19,834 to sport that color blue. - Really? 205 00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,836 - You're looking real good. - Oh, my god. 206 00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:23,921 - Hey, Morty. - Oh, hey... hey, Jessica. 207 00:08:24,005 --> 00:08:27,508 So, is Tiny Rick your brother or cousin, or...? 208 00:08:27,592 --> 00:08:29,552 No, my grandpa just transferred his consciousness 209 00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,971 into a clone of himself so he could be in our high school. 210 00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,347 Cool. 211 00:08:33,431 --> 00:08:35,474 Hey, Tiny Rick's playing guitar. 212 00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:36,726 All right, everybody. 213 00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:38,537 This next one's coming straight from the heart. 214 00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,563 Making the lyrics up right off the top of my head. 215 00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:42,023 ♪ Let me out ♪ 216 00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:45,401 ♪ What you see is not the same person as me ♪ 217 00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:46,569 ♪ My life's a lie ♪ 218 00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:47,987 ♪ I'm not who you're looking at ♪ 219 00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,156 ♪ Let me out, set me free ♪ 220 00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:52,116 ♪ I'm really old; this isn't me ♪ 221 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:57,580 ♪ My real body's slowly dyin' in a vat ♪ 222 00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:59,290 ♪ Is anybody listening' ♪ 223 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,167 ♪ Can anyone understand? ♪ 224 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:04,837 ♪ Stop lookin' at me like that and actually help me ♪ 225 00:09:04,921 --> 00:09:05,922 ♪ Help me! ♪ 226 00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:07,757 ♪ Help me; I'm gonna die! ♪ 227 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,675 Tiny Rick! Thanks, everybody! 228 00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:10,944 This guy's amazing! 229 00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:11,886 - I love Tiny Rick! - Bad. Ass. 230 00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,764 Yeah! 231 00:09:23,898 --> 00:09:24,899 Aah! 232 00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,867 Huh? 233 00:09:34,951 --> 00:09:36,619 What the fuck? 234 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,680 Yeah, I know! What kind of operation are you running? 235 00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:41,415 Us?! What the hell kind of relationship do you have?! 236 00:09:41,499 --> 00:09:42,792 Oh, right, blame this on us. 237 00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:46,087 Okay, uh, I can and I am! 238 00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:49,757 Your demonized mythologizations of each other are cooperating. 239 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,094 - Isn't that good? - No. No! It's bad! 240 00:09:53,177 --> 00:09:56,222 You have the single worst marriage I've ever witnessed. 241 00:09:56,472 --> 00:09:58,057 It shouldn't exist! 242 00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,142 You should never, ever, ever, have gotten together 243 00:10:00,226 --> 00:10:02,895 and I do not understand how, or why, 244 00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:04,939 you would ever stay together. 245 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,274 Aaah! 246 00:10:06,524 --> 00:10:07,876 Well, this is just bad couples' therapy. 247 00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,193 Totally. 248 00:10:14,532 --> 00:10:17,159 - Wait for us! - There's only room for one more. 249 00:10:17,243 --> 00:10:18,995 I'm a therapist. I'll talk to them. 250 00:10:19,078 --> 00:10:21,831 They're not therapists. Go, go, go! 251 00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,958 There's gotta be a way to contact my dad. 252 00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,918 Let's find a control room or something. 253 00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:32,967 Beth! You'll want to see this. 254 00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,511 - What is it? - It's a small, hinged panel... 255 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,264 with a tiny amount of space behind it. 256 00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,224 If you can find one, too, 257 00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:43,519 we should be safe for hours, maybe days! 258 00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:45,980 You stay put, Jerry. 259 00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:48,316 I'll send help, if I make it. 260 00:10:48,566 --> 00:10:50,326 You don't want to find your own little hatch? 261 00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:53,112 Jerry, I believe that, if you hide by yourself, 262 00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:55,406 you might survive and I believe I, 263 00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:57,575 by myself, have a shot of getting out of here, 264 00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,411 but the two of us, together? 265 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,871 I don't know. 266 00:11:01,954 --> 00:11:03,873 Look, maybe the shrink was right. 267 00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:06,208 Good luck. 268 00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:10,522 All right, now, you listen to me. 269 00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:11,672 Oh! Or don't. 270 00:11:11,756 --> 00:11:13,716 Hey! Don't! Please! 271 00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:18,262 Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god! 272 00:11:18,346 --> 00:11:20,139 Now, I know I've said, in the past, 273 00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:21,974 that math is important... And it is!... 274 00:11:22,058 --> 00:11:24,435 But I also think that, one day, you'll all look back 275 00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:28,105 on being in high school with Tiny Rick and Morty, 276 00:11:28,189 --> 00:11:31,192 who I hear had a great party last night. 277 00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:34,570 So, class dismissed. You've got the day off! 278 00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,822 All right! Good work, Mr. Goldenfold! 279 00:11:36,906 --> 00:11:38,783 Yeah, get outside. Read a book. 280 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,284 Put on some sunscreen, Danielle! 281 00:11:40,368 --> 00:11:42,036 Hey, what's up, Summer? Ooh, nice top. 282 00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:44,038 Thanks. Tiny Rick, you think you might be 283 00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,748 getting back into your old body tonight? 284 00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,750 No can do. Tonight's the big dance. 285 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,211 And Morty's bringing Jessica. He needs his tiny wing man. 286 00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:52,004 Tiny Rick! 287 00:11:52,088 --> 00:11:54,673 Okay, but if not tonight, when? 288 00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,217 I don't know. When I feel like it? 289 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,219 Damn, girl! You need to chill out! 290 00:11:58,302 --> 00:12:00,388 This whole thing was your idea, in the first place, 291 00:12:00,638 --> 00:12:02,238 and, now, you're trying to rush it along. 292 00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:04,058 Yeah, and you know what? I like high school. 293 00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,851 I like hanging out. Tiny Rick! 294 00:12:05,935 --> 00:12:08,646 But what if the you that likes it isn't you? 295 00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,314 Oh! 296 00:12:10,398 --> 00:12:11,982 Oh, Summer! 297 00:12:12,066 --> 00:12:13,776 It's just Rick in a younger body. 298 00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,212 What's the... What's... What's... What's... 299 00:12:15,236 --> 00:12:16,516 What's the... What's the problem? 300 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,239 Look at his art, Morty. 301 00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:21,075 I've got an emo streak. Part of what makes me so rad. 302 00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:23,702 Why does it say "help me Morty and Summer!"? 303 00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,038 Come on, Summer, that's the title of the art. 304 00:12:26,122 --> 00:12:28,165 Why was Knight Rider called Knight Rider? 305 00:12:28,249 --> 00:12:30,501 The car's name was Kitt. Nobody rode Michael Knight. 306 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:33,212 You're overthinking it, Summer. I'm Tiny Rick! 307 00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,214 Grandpa, I think that, when you put your mind 308 00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:36,882 into this body's young brain, 309 00:12:36,966 --> 00:12:38,509 it did what young brains do... 310 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,152 It shoved the bad thoughts into the back 311 00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:41,971 and put a wall around them. 312 00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:44,265 But those bad thoughts are the real Rick. 313 00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,058 The fact that you're old, 314 00:12:46,142 --> 00:12:47,869 the fact that we're all going to die one day, 315 00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,645 the fact that the universe is so big, 316 00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,356 nothing in it matters... Those facts are who you are. 317 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,376 So you're trapped in there and you can only come out 318 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,986 in the form of Tiny Rick's teen angst! 319 00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:59,405 Well, Summer, I hear 320 00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:01,782 Toby Matthews isn't into psycho chicks. 321 00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:03,451 Can't think of anyone that is. 322 00:13:03,701 --> 00:13:06,120 I'll see you motherfuckers at the dance! Tiny Rick! 323 00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:07,830 Morty, you have to help me! 324 00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:09,832 Summer, he's happy! I'm happy! 325 00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,625 I-I-Is that why you're doing this, 326 00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:13,229 you don't want me and Rick to be happy? 327 00:13:13,294 --> 00:13:15,212 - No. - Then get your shit together! 328 00:13:15,296 --> 00:13:17,923 Get it all together and put it in a backpack. 329 00:13:18,007 --> 00:13:20,718 All your shit, so it's together. 330 00:13:21,719 --> 00:13:23,220 And if you gotta take it somewhere, 331 00:13:23,304 --> 00:13:24,680 take it somewhere, you know? 332 00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:26,223 Take it to the shit store and sell it 333 00:13:26,307 --> 00:13:28,559 o-or put it in a shit museum. I don't care what you do! 334 00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,227 You just gotta get it together. 335 00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:33,314 Get your shit together. 336 00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:40,321 Get back! 337 00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:43,032 Wait, for real? 338 00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,494 You're how Beth sees me? 339 00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:49,497 Oh, my god. Turn around! 340 00:13:49,747 --> 00:13:51,332 I said turn around! 341 00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:53,584 How can Beth have these thoughts about me?! 342 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:56,253 That judgmental monster bitch! 343 00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:58,047 I'm not taking this. 344 00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,465 I want to know where my wife is. 345 00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:01,509 You are going to help me. 346 00:14:01,759 --> 00:14:03,802 No! Nobody's doing that! 347 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,599 Stay. 348 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,435 - What do you want? - Jerrys. 349 00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:14,480 You want Jerry? I don't even want Jerry. 350 00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:17,274 I want Jerrys. 351 00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:20,486 An army. 352 00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:22,947 An army of Jerrys. 353 00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:26,617 The value of his subservience is wasted on you. 354 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,870 I will use it to dominate the universe. 355 00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:31,723 Ah ha ha. Boy, Jerry must think I'm pretty stupid, 356 00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,290 for you to be this stupid. 357 00:14:33,374 --> 00:14:34,917 Wouldn't it make more sense 358 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,919 to put my dumb-ass husband in this chair, 359 00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,921 so you can make an army of your badass self? 360 00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:42,508 There could never be more than one of me. 361 00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:45,553 I'm the strongest, smartest being alive 362 00:14:45,803 --> 00:14:48,556 because Jerry thinks you're that much stronger 363 00:14:48,806 --> 00:14:51,892 and smarter than you are! 364 00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:54,311 Okay, ouch. 365 00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:59,108 ♪♪ 366 00:14:59,191 --> 00:15:02,903 Oh, hey h-hey-y! Morty, Jessica, what's up? 367 00:15:02,987 --> 00:15:04,446 Check out the new dance I made up. 368 00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:06,490 It's called "Ooh let me out!" 369 00:15:06,574 --> 00:15:08,492 ♪ Let me out, Let me out ♪ 370 00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:10,494 ♪ This is not a dance ♪ 371 00:15:10,578 --> 00:15:12,496 ♪ I'm beggin' for help, I'm screamin' for help ♪ 372 00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,498 ♪ Please come let me out ♪ 373 00:15:14,582 --> 00:15:16,500 ♪ Let me out, Let me out ♪ 374 00:15:16,584 --> 00:15:18,502 ♪ This is not a dance ♪ 375 00:15:18,586 --> 00:15:20,504 ♪ I'm beggin' for help, I'm screamin' for help ♪ 376 00:15:20,588 --> 00:15:22,423 ♪ Please come let me out ♪ 377 00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:25,175 ♪ I'm dyin' in a vat in the gara-a-ge ♪♪ 378 00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:27,469 Awesome! 379 00:15:27,553 --> 00:15:29,346 Okay, that last part was really weird. 380 00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,098 Maybe Summer's on to something here. 381 00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:32,433 I don't know. It was fun. 382 00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:33,767 You want to slow dance? 383 00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:40,524 Tiny Rick, hey, great dancing as usual. 384 00:15:40,608 --> 00:15:42,234 Moment of your time? 385 00:15:42,318 --> 00:15:44,069 Tiny Rick, this conversation 386 00:15:44,153 --> 00:15:45,904 is gonna break my heart wide open. 387 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,548 You're a great student and the fact that 388 00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:49,366 you're an 80-Year-Old man in a clone body, 389 00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:51,035 it never bothered me. 390 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,398 But this here is another matter. 391 00:15:52,453 --> 00:15:54,330 You recognize this? 392 00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:56,206 We got a tip it was in your locker. 393 00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:58,208 Yeah, now, because the gym coach was a vampire, 394 00:15:58,292 --> 00:15:59,960 the school board is embarrassed 395 00:16:00,044 --> 00:16:01,629 and won't take it public, However, 396 00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:03,356 they can't have students killin' teachers. 397 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,299 I gotta expel you for this one, TR. 398 00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,426 I'm sorry. 399 00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:10,346 I just got expelled, Summer! 400 00:16:10,429 --> 00:16:13,223 Oh! So I guess there's no need to stay young. 401 00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:15,225 My top! - Screw your top! 402 00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:17,061 You ratted on me?! I'm Tiny Rick! 403 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,021 Fine! Yes! Because I love you... 404 00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,981 and I'm trying to save your life! 405 00:16:21,065 --> 00:16:23,400 High school is my life! 406 00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:25,402 Summer Smith is a fucking psycho nerd 407 00:16:25,486 --> 00:16:27,529 and she just got me kicked out of school! 408 00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,411 Boo! 409 00:16:34,495 --> 00:16:35,913 Summer, I thought you were cool! 410 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,623 I'm sorry, okay? 411 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,667 How can you be such a bitch? 412 00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,418 Oh, my god, Morty. 413 00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:43,671 Your sister crossed Tiny Rick? 414 00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:45,631 Talk about self-destructive. 415 00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,424 Yeah. 416 00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,345 Hey, Jerry-Lover! 417 00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:53,472 How about a taste of the real thing? 418 00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,557 Jerry! 419 00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:57,518 Ah. Ah. Ah. 420 00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:59,895 Ah ah ah ah ah aah aah. 421 00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:04,900 Not on my watch. 422 00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,902 That's it! 423 00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:09,029 Beth, it's me, your husband! 424 00:17:09,113 --> 00:17:11,031 I'm here to save you. 425 00:17:11,115 --> 00:17:13,534 Or my name isn't Jerry Smith! 426 00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,077 - Aha! - Yes! 427 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,537 Jerry Smith! 428 00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:17,913 - Yeah, here. - Aha! 429 00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,707 Okay, fair enough. 430 00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,674 Say goodnight, old man. 431 00:17:30,426 --> 00:17:31,903 What the hell are you doing?! - Put it down! 432 00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:33,637 Summer, you bitch! 433 00:17:33,721 --> 00:17:35,801 Don't talk to her that way! She's your granddaughter! 434 00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:38,183 I don't need a granddaughter! I'm Tiny Ri-i-ck! 435 00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:40,185 She's my sister! And if Tiny Rick is 436 00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:42,271 gonna be an asshole to my sister, then, 437 00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:44,356 you know, y-y-you may as well be old again. 438 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,066 You think you're tough, huh, Morty? 439 00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,585 What are you gonna do? I'm Tiny Rick. 440 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,278 I'm the coolest kid in your school. 441 00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:51,464 How are you gonna just make me do whatever you say, huh? 442 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,608 I'm gonna do what real Rick would do if he was here... 443 00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:55,617 I'm gonna kick your ass! 444 00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:57,035 Ohhhh! 445 00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:00,581 Rick, I know you're in there! 446 00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:02,207 I know you're trying to get out! 447 00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:04,960 That's it, Morty! Hold him down! 448 00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,004 ♪ Drink up, baby ♪ 449 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,631 ♪ Stay up all night ♪ 450 00:18:09,715 --> 00:18:12,634 Listen to it, Tiny Rick. Listen to Elliott Smith. 451 00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:14,136 Ugh! No! 452 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,679 Feel what he's feeling. 453 00:18:15,763 --> 00:18:18,932 Ugh! Noooooooo! God! 454 00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:20,392 ♪ That you'll never see ♪ 455 00:18:20,476 --> 00:18:22,478 Oh, god, what is life? 456 00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:25,105 How can someone so talented die so young? 457 00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,940 What is being young? 458 00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:29,526 I'm not young. I'm old. I'm... I'm gonna die. 459 00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:31,195 My body isn't real. 460 00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,113 Morty! Summer! It's me! 461 00:18:33,197 --> 00:18:34,740 It's Rick! Regular Rick! 462 00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,700 Rick! How do we get you back into your body? 463 00:18:36,784 --> 00:18:37,910 Okay, listen carefully. 464 00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,995 There's a set of diodes on the vat's control panel, 465 00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,205 a blue one and a red one. 466 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,349 Oh, god, what kind of world is this? I didn't ask to be born. 467 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,126 I need you to connect the blue one to my left temple 468 00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:48,229 and the red one to... Why doesn't anyone really like me? 469 00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:50,231 - Focus, Grandpa! - Just put the stupid wires on my head! 470 00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,965 I hate being a teenager! 471 00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:01,809 Ugh! Arrgghh! 472 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,189 Ah! Uhhhhh! 473 00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,566 Jerry, you can't bend metal. 474 00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:11,652 Then make a me that can! - How can I do that... 475 00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:14,363 while I'm watching you totally fail to bend metal? 476 00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:15,906 Good old Beth! 477 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,950 The mind of a robot and the heart of an insect! 478 00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:19,785 Don't talk that way about her! 479 00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,912 What? 480 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,289 Oh, it hurts! 481 00:19:24,373 --> 00:19:25,582 Oh, god. 482 00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:29,920 Stop. 483 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,674 This representation displeases me. 484 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,467 Aaah! 485 00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,807 Good lord. How did you...? 486 00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:43,684 Well, I had a feeling that, in your mind, 487 00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:45,519 the ideal version of me is one smart enough 488 00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,271 to see you as... 489 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,856 a goddess. 490 00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:51,233 Not such a stupid worm now, are you? 491 00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,944 Honey, when it comes to the subject of your ego, 492 00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,988 I'm Stephen fucking Hawkinson. 493 00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,532 Ugh, it's... Never mind. 494 00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:00,325 I love you. 495 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,876 - Rick! - Pants! 496 00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:11,003 Holy shit! Thanks, kids. 497 00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:13,130 You figured it out. Well, Summer did. 498 00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,215 Kind of weird that you were that willing 499 00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:17,301 to sell my existence out for some trim, Morty. 500 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,844 - What?! - Pants! 501 00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:20,864 But listen... I forgive you both because you know what? 502 00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:22,723 I learned, today, something important... 503 00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:24,433 The teenage mind is its own worst enemy. 504 00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:25,726 Oh, I also learned this... 505 00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,689 Operation Phoenix is not the fallback I thought it would be. 506 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,441 I guess it's back to the drawing board. 507 00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:33,984 Oh, my god! 508 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,360 Oh, my god! 509 00:20:35,444 --> 00:20:38,238 - Oh, my god. - Put some pants on! 510 00:20:38,322 --> 00:20:39,489 Put pants on. 511 00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:41,450 Grandpa's back, baby! 512 00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:42,659 Grandpa's... 513 00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:44,578 Oh, man, I gotta pick up your parents. 514 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,496 They have been blowin' me up. 515 00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:47,706 One last swing for the road! 516 00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,333 Aaaaaaaaaaah! 517 00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:50,834 For the love of god, get dressed! 518 00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,464 So, what do you think? You wanna... 519 00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,215 keep this marriage going a while longer? 520 00:20:57,299 --> 00:21:00,719 At least until Morty has graduated high school. 521 00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:02,429 Oh. Mm. 522 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,767 Aha, you see? What did I tell you two? 523 00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,143 It worked. 524 00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,787 You know what, Rick? I guess, in a way... 525 00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,939 Already lost interest. Get in the car. 526 00:21:12,189 --> 00:21:13,541 I've been inside a kid all day and, now, 527 00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,084 I can feel my bones scraping each other. 528 00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,235 Uh, just so you're prepared, 529 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,237 there's a bunch of dead mes in the garage. 530 00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:22,658 Huh! Sounds like our stories were connected by a theme. 531 00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:24,910 Not really, Jerry. 532 00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:28,288 Probably a cosmetic connection your mind mistakes for thematic. 533 00:21:28,372 --> 00:21:29,790 Oh. 534 00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:31,875 Old Rick! Ruinin' everything! 535 00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:33,627 ♪♪ 536 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,912 - Master. - Speak. 537 00:22:08,996 --> 00:22:12,082 Coach Feratu's presence was discovered by the humans. 538 00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:14,418 He has been destroyed. - No bother. 539 00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:16,086 The mortals shall soon... 540 00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:17,355 I'm sorry, what did you say his name was? 541 00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,214 - Coach Feratu. - Coach Feratu. 542 00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:21,550 That was his real name, like his actual vampire name? 543 00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:23,677 No no no no. His vampire name was Balik Alistane. 544 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,387 Why the fuck would he name himself 545 00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:27,281 after a famous vampire movie? Was he doing a bit? 546 00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,557 I do not know, your unholiness. 547 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,267 Jesus fucking Christ. 548 00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:32,811 From now on, no more of this clever-name bullshit. 549 00:22:32,894 --> 00:22:34,539 When a vampire is pretending to be a human, 550 00:22:34,563 --> 00:22:35,772 they can just call themselves 551 00:22:35,856 --> 00:22:37,607 Alan Jefferson or something like that. 552 00:22:37,691 --> 00:22:38,984 It's crazy, right? 553 00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:40,360 I mean, am I being an asshole? 554 00:22:40,444 --> 00:22:41,987 Okay, I feel like everybody in the room 555 00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:43,297 is looking at me like I'm the buzzkill. 556 00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:44,322 I'm not? 557 00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:47,784 Good. Okay. Great. 558 00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,787 Did you get any of that? 559 00:22:50,871 --> 00:22:52,789 It's-a good-a show!