1 00:00:04,339 --> 00:00:05,465 Cynthia... 2 00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:07,175 Oh, my god. No. No. 3 00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:09,177 - I told you. - Hold on. 4 00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:11,179 ...will you please... 5 00:00:11,262 --> 00:00:12,972 not marry me? I chose Veronica. 6 00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:14,224 - What?! - Yes! 7 00:00:14,307 --> 00:00:16,226 - Hold it. - Why would he chose Veronica? 8 00:00:16,309 --> 00:00:17,894 Because he loves her? 9 00:00:17,977 --> 00:00:19,372 Well, if it's any consolation, Summer, 10 00:00:19,396 --> 00:00:21,207 none of it mattered and the entire show was stupid. 11 00:00:21,231 --> 00:00:22,607 Okay, I've got an idea, Rick. 12 00:00:22,691 --> 00:00:24,609 You show us your concept of good TV, 13 00:00:24,693 --> 00:00:26,528 and we'll crap all over that. 14 00:00:26,611 --> 00:00:29,197 Thought you'd never ask. 15 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,448 Hey. 16 00:00:30,532 --> 00:00:32,450 Oh, cool. Is that crystallized xanthanite? 17 00:00:32,534 --> 00:00:34,411 It conducts electrons across dimensions. 18 00:00:34,494 --> 00:00:36,329 20% accurate as usual, Morty. 19 00:00:36,413 --> 00:00:37,831 The important thing being, 20 00:00:37,914 --> 00:00:39,791 I just upgraded our cable package 21 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,043 with programing from every conceivable reality. 22 00:00:42,127 --> 00:00:43,688 Wait. Does that mean we get Showtime Extreme? 23 00:00:43,712 --> 00:00:45,422 How about Showtime Extreme in a world 24 00:00:45,505 --> 00:00:47,090 where man evolved from corn? 25 00:00:47,173 --> 00:00:49,133 We're not so different. We're both corn of action. 26 00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:51,136 Yeah, but one of us is dead corn! 27 00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:52,512 Boring. 28 00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:54,555 Summer you just spent three months 29 00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:56,474 watching a man choose a fake wife. 30 00:00:56,558 --> 00:00:58,478 So, what, it'd be better if the people were corn? 31 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:00,103 Jerry, you don't get it. 32 00:01:00,186 --> 00:01:03,356 This is infinite TV from infinite universes. 33 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:05,150 Look. - This shit is delicious. 34 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:08,194 A movie about a guy eating shit. 35 00:01:08,278 --> 00:01:10,238 A violent antique show. 36 00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:11,716 It's a pleasure to have you. 37 00:01:11,740 --> 00:01:13,575 The pleasure's all mine. 38 00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:15,660 Letterman from a timeline where Jerry's famous. 39 00:01:15,744 --> 00:01:17,370 - Wait! - What in the hell? 40 00:01:17,454 --> 00:01:18,997 I agree. Where is this going? 41 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,582 No, the other thing! Go back. 42 00:01:20,665 --> 00:01:22,125 Really? All right, fine. 43 00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,627 Glen, this court order says you can't eat shit anymore. 44 00:01:24,711 --> 00:01:26,629 All right, Jerry. 45 00:01:26,713 --> 00:01:28,465 When you're right, you're right. 46 00:01:28,548 --> 00:01:29,841 Now I'm hooked. 47 00:02:01,790 --> 00:02:03,750 Coming up next on "Shmloo's the Shmloss, " 48 00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:05,376 Shmlony has a nightmare. 49 00:02:05,460 --> 00:02:08,421 - Shmlantha! Shmlona! - Amazing... a dimension 50 00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:10,423 where all proper nouns begin with "Shmla." 51 00:02:10,507 --> 00:02:12,926 Shmla... Shmlangela? 52 00:02:13,009 --> 00:02:14,594 Shmlonathan? 53 00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:16,888 All right, that actually got old pretty quick. 54 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,431 Rick! 55 00:02:18,515 --> 00:02:20,683 Will you please go back to me on "David Letterman"? 56 00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:22,435 Infinity's a big number, Jerry. 57 00:02:22,519 --> 00:02:23,937 I don't remember the channel. 58 00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,522 Ah! Go back! Go back! 59 00:02:25,605 --> 00:02:28,024 - Geez. - You speak the true-true. 60 00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:30,360 Oh, my god. Dad's in "Cloud Atlas"! 61 00:02:30,443 --> 00:02:33,154 I'm in "Cloud Atlas"! What's "Cloud Atlas"? 62 00:02:33,238 --> 00:02:34,781 Sometimes, small true-true 63 00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:36,783 different than the big true-true. 64 00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:38,326 How is this possible? 65 00:02:38,409 --> 00:02:40,620 Infinite timelines, infinite possibilities, 66 00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:42,583 including a timeline where Jerry's a movie star. 67 00:02:42,664 --> 00:02:44,165 Look, you guys are getting excited 68 00:02:44,249 --> 00:02:45,917 about the wrong aspect of this device. 69 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,585 Wha... look at this. 70 00:02:47,669 --> 00:02:50,255 And now, another quick mystery. 71 00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,098 I just want to know who could have done this. 72 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:54,092 It's a travesty. - I did. 73 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,569 See this knife and all the blood on it? 74 00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:56,803 Here's my fingerprints. 75 00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:59,180 Guilty. I sentence you to life in prison. 76 00:02:59,264 --> 00:03:00,765 Here's another quick mystery. 77 00:03:00,849 --> 00:03:02,767 - My mother's dead. - And I killed her. 78 00:03:02,851 --> 00:03:04,477 Here's the weapon, and cuffme. 79 00:03:04,561 --> 00:03:05,770 Thank you very much. 80 00:03:05,854 --> 00:03:07,397 Guilty. Sentenced to murder. 81 00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:10,775 - Here's another. - I'm the killer. 82 00:03:10,859 --> 00:03:13,444 Oh, wow, that one was really quick, wasn't it? 83 00:03:13,528 --> 00:03:15,989 Now, who wants to watch random, crazy TV shows 84 00:03:16,072 --> 00:03:18,241 from different dimensions, and... and then who wants 85 00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:20,827 to narcissistically obsess about their alternate selves? 86 00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:23,496 I want to obsess about myself. 87 00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:25,498 Here, these scan your retinas 88 00:03:25,582 --> 00:03:27,500 and let you view parallel timelines 89 00:03:27,584 --> 00:03:29,436 through genetically matching versions of your eyes. 90 00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:30,378 Go fetch. 91 00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,338 - This is so cool. - Ladies first. 92 00:03:32,422 --> 00:03:33,548 I'm proud of you, Morty. 93 00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:35,675 Hey, man, I don't give a crap about myself, Rick. 94 00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:37,594 Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo. 95 00:03:37,677 --> 00:03:38,928 I'm Ants in My Eyes Johnson, 96 00:03:39,012 --> 00:03:41,264 here at Ants in My Eyes Johnson's electronics. 97 00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:43,349 I mean, there's so many ants in my eyes. 98 00:03:43,433 --> 00:03:46,394 And there's so many TVs, microwaves, radios, I think. 99 00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:49,689 I can't... I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock 100 00:03:49,772 --> 00:03:51,399 because I can't see anything. 101 00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:54,235 Our prices, I hope, aren't too low. 102 00:03:54,319 --> 00:03:56,905 Check out this refrigerator, only $200. 103 00:03:56,988 --> 00:03:58,781 What about this microwave? Only $100. 104 00:03:58,865 --> 00:04:00,408 That's fair. 105 00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,869 I'm Ants in My Eyes johnson. Everything's black. 106 00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:04,329 I can't see a thing. 107 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,331 And also, I can't feel anything, either. 108 00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,457 Did I mention that? 109 00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:10,043 But that's not as catchy as having ants in your eyes, 110 00:04:10,126 --> 00:04:12,670 so that always goes, you know, off by the wayside. 111 00:04:12,754 --> 00:04:14,839 I can't feel. It's a very rare disease. 112 00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:16,549 All my... all my nerves, 113 00:04:16,633 --> 00:04:18,885 they don't allow for the sensation of touch, 114 00:04:18,968 --> 00:04:20,845 so I never know what's going on. 115 00:04:20,929 --> 00:04:22,847 Am I standing, sitting? I don't know. 116 00:04:22,931 --> 00:04:25,391 Are we sure we wanna look at our own alternate lives? 117 00:04:25,475 --> 00:04:27,727 You're right. Maybe we should just play Yahtzee. 118 00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:29,854 Give me those. 119 00:04:29,938 --> 00:04:30,939 What do you see? 120 00:04:31,022 --> 00:04:33,942 Whiteness... Pure whiteness. 121 00:04:35,944 --> 00:04:37,612 You're my best friend, Jerry Smith. 122 00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:39,072 I love doing cocaine with you. 123 00:04:39,155 --> 00:04:42,158 Whoa, I love doing cocaine with you, too, Johnny Depp. 124 00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:45,244 Haven't we spent enough time on you? 125 00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:47,997 I'm performing surgery... 126 00:04:48,081 --> 00:04:49,999 but not on a horse... On a human. 127 00:04:50,083 --> 00:04:51,626 That's great, Beth. 128 00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,878 You always wanted to be a real surgeon. 129 00:04:53,962 --> 00:04:55,880 I am a real surgeon. 130 00:04:55,964 --> 00:04:57,590 Uh... Summer's turn. 131 00:04:57,674 --> 00:04:59,592 Finally. 132 00:04:59,676 --> 00:05:01,594 I don't see anything. 133 00:05:01,678 --> 00:05:03,405 Well, you should select a different timeline. 134 00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:05,349 I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams, 135 00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:06,909 there's a chance you weren't even born. 136 00:05:06,933 --> 00:05:09,352 That came out wrong. That came out very wrong. 137 00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:12,939 Fine. I'll find a world where you bothered to have me. 138 00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:18,111 We're playing Yahtzee. 139 00:05:18,194 --> 00:05:19,862 Yahtzee's fun. We love Yahtzee. 140 00:05:19,946 --> 00:05:21,531 It's a fun game for fun families. 141 00:05:21,614 --> 00:05:23,783 Hey, could I get those goggles back for a second? 142 00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:27,203 It's a 45-horsepower with antilock brakes, 143 00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:30,373 and it's the official car of "Mr. Sneezy 3D." 144 00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:33,167 It's the brand-new Sneezy XL. 145 00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:36,045 The horn, when you honk it, makes a sneeze noise. 146 00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:39,215 It's polite, it's right, 147 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:44,262 and it's Sneezy, Deezy Mc... Deluxe. 148 00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:45,930 I'm Mr. Sneezy. 149 00:05:46,014 --> 00:05:48,474 Huh, seems like TV from other dimensions 150 00:05:48,558 --> 00:05:50,393 has a somewhat looser feel to it. 151 00:05:50,476 --> 00:05:53,229 Yeah, it's got an almost improvisational tone. 152 00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:55,857 It's in theaters now. Coming this Summer. 153 00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,359 Two brothers in a van, 154 00:05:58,443 --> 00:05:59,819 and then a meteor hits. 155 00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:02,071 And they ran as fast as they could 156 00:06:02,155 --> 00:06:03,948 from giant cat monsters. 157 00:06:04,032 --> 00:06:05,867 And then a giant tornado came. 158 00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:11,247 And that's when things got knocked into 12th gear. 159 00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:14,125 A Mexican armada shows up, 160 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:17,462 with weapons made from t-tomatoes. 161 00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,714 And you better bet your bottom dollar 162 00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:23,468 that these two brothers know how to handle business 163 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:27,430 in "Alien Invasion Tomato Monster 164 00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:28,765 Mexican Armada Brothers, 165 00:06:28,848 --> 00:06:30,850 Who are Just Regular Brothers, 166 00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:33,102 Running in a Van from an Asteroid 167 00:06:33,186 --> 00:06:37,148 and All Sort of Things: The Movie." 168 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:39,150 Hold on. There's more. 169 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,569 Old women are coming, and they're also in the movie. 170 00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:43,446 And they're gonna come 171 00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:45,990 and cross attack these two brothers. 172 00:06:46,074 --> 00:06:47,575 But let's get back to the brothers, 173 00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:50,578 because they're... They have a strong bond. 174 00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:51,930 You don't want to know about it here, 175 00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:53,539 but I'll tell you one thing. 176 00:06:53,623 --> 00:06:55,792 The moon... it comes crashing into Earth. 177 00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:57,752 And what do you do then? 178 00:06:57,835 --> 00:07:00,546 It's two brothers and... And they're gonna... 179 00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:02,548 It's called "Two Brothers." "Two Brothers." 180 00:07:02,632 --> 00:07:04,717 It's just called "Two Brothers." 181 00:07:04,801 --> 00:07:06,969 Holy crap. I am winning a nobel prize. 182 00:07:07,053 --> 00:07:09,138 Come on. Time's up. 183 00:07:09,222 --> 00:07:10,848 I'm taming a lion. 184 00:07:10,932 --> 00:07:12,975 No, wait. There are film cameras. 185 00:07:13,059 --> 00:07:15,603 I might be a lion tamer in a movie. 186 00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,313 You get the idea. I work with lions. 187 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,901 Ohh, we're not playing Yahtzee! 188 00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:24,195 We're playing Chutes and Ladders. 189 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:26,906 Seems like when I exist, life gets a little more... 190 00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:28,574 I don't know... predictable? 191 00:07:28,658 --> 00:07:30,618 When two people create a life together, 192 00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:33,621 they set aside their previous lives as individuals. 193 00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:35,248 Give me a break. 194 00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:38,000 We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night. 195 00:07:38,084 --> 00:07:39,335 Oh, I get it. 196 00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:41,504 Now that you know you could have had it better, 197 00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:43,923 you resent me for holding you back. 198 00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:46,509 Well, now that we know you think the tables are turning, 199 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,432 we know you thought there were unturned tables. 200 00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:50,388 What are you talking about? 201 00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:52,116 All this time, you've been thinking, "what if that loser, 202 00:07:52,140 --> 00:07:54,350 Jerry, hadn't talked me out of the abortion?" 203 00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:56,435 - Um... - Well, now you know. 204 00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:57,621 You'd be a doctor. Whoop-de-do. 205 00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,230 You'd also be drinking wine alone 206 00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,482 in a house full of exotic birds. 207 00:08:01,566 --> 00:08:04,318 And I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht, banging Kristen Stewart. 208 00:08:04,402 --> 00:08:06,737 You thought about getting an abortion? 209 00:08:06,821 --> 00:08:08,197 Everyone thinks about it. 210 00:08:08,281 --> 00:08:10,259 Obviously, I'm the version of me that didn't do it, 211 00:08:10,283 --> 00:08:13,286 so you're welcome. - Yeah, you're welcome. 212 00:08:13,369 --> 00:08:14,954 Yeah, thank you guys so much. 213 00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,664 It's a real treat to be raised by parents 214 00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,416 that forced themselves to be together 215 00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:20,126 instead of being happy. 216 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,295 Hey, do we have any wafer cookies? 217 00:08:22,378 --> 00:08:23,629 Mmm! 218 00:08:23,713 --> 00:08:24,797 Oh, boy. 219 00:08:24,881 --> 00:08:26,358 Looks like you guys have been checking out alternate lives 220 00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:28,142 and realizing you don't have it as good, huh? 221 00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:29,385 That's too bad. 222 00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,108 You know, me and Morty are having a blast. 223 00:08:31,137 --> 00:08:32,781 We just discovered a show called "Ball Fondlers." 224 00:08:32,805 --> 00:08:34,682 I mean, I don't want to rub it in or anything, 225 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:37,685 but you guys clearly backed the wrong conceptual horse. 226 00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:53,117 - I'm in heaven right now. - The best day of my life. 227 00:08:53,201 --> 00:08:54,869 So, now what do we do? 228 00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:57,055 That show "Ball Fondlers" sounded kind of interesting. 229 00:08:57,079 --> 00:08:58,706 - Dad! - What?! 230 00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:01,059 They're having fun in there. What do you guys want from me? 231 00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:03,002 Every family on this block has to wonder 232 00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:04,712 if they're together by choice. 233 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,589 Our family just has interdimensional goggles 234 00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:09,008 to show us for a fact that we're not. 235 00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:11,677 - Well, I'm leaving. - You can't leave. You're 17. 236 00:09:11,761 --> 00:09:13,262 Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. 237 00:09:13,346 --> 00:09:16,224 I'm gonna have better judgment than you guys had at my age. 238 00:09:16,307 --> 00:09:18,684 I'm gonna move to the southwest and... 239 00:09:18,768 --> 00:09:21,854 I don't know, do something with turquoise. 240 00:09:21,938 --> 00:09:25,858 It's "Saturday Night Live, " 241 00:09:25,942 --> 00:09:28,527 starring a piece of toast, 242 00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,863 two guys with handlebar mustaches, 243 00:09:30,947 --> 00:09:33,783 a man painted silver who makes robot noises, 244 00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:35,618 Gar Ma Nar Nar, 245 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:38,329 three, um, um, um... 246 00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,164 I'll get back to that one, 247 00:09:40,248 --> 00:09:41,874 a hole in the wall 248 00:09:41,958 --> 00:09:44,043 where the men can see it all, 249 00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:48,339 and, returning for his 25th consecutive year, 250 00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:51,759 Bobby Moynihan! 251 00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:53,302 Interesting fun fact... 252 00:09:53,386 --> 00:09:55,888 Moynihan and a piece of toast hate each other. 253 00:09:55,972 --> 00:09:58,891 Apparently, they've got some real creative differences. 254 00:09:58,975 --> 00:10:00,309 Hey, are you tired ofreal doors 255 00:10:00,393 --> 00:10:01,978 cluttering up your house, 256 00:10:02,061 --> 00:10:03,705 where you open them and you actually go somewhere, 257 00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:05,022 and you go into another room? 258 00:10:05,106 --> 00:10:07,608 Get on down to Real Fake Doors. That's us. 259 00:10:07,692 --> 00:10:09,068 Fill a whole room up with them. 260 00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,319 See, watch. Check this out. 261 00:10:10,403 --> 00:10:11,445 Won't open. 262 00:10:11,529 --> 00:10:12,571 Won't open. 263 00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:13,906 Not this one. 264 00:10:13,990 --> 00:10:15,074 Not this one. 265 00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,158 None of them open. 266 00:10:16,242 --> 00:10:17,868 Fakedoors. com is our website, 267 00:10:17,952 --> 00:10:20,871 so check it out for a lot of really great deals 268 00:10:20,955 --> 00:10:24,166 on fake do-o-o-o-rs! 269 00:10:30,381 --> 00:10:32,174 Hey, wait a minute, Rick. 270 00:10:32,258 --> 00:10:33,634 I thought this was a commercial. 271 00:10:33,718 --> 00:10:35,344 What's going on? - Relax, Morty. 272 00:10:35,428 --> 00:10:39,098 Don't... don't worry about it. Let's just see where this goes. 273 00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:41,225 Step on it! We all got places to be! 274 00:10:41,309 --> 00:10:43,644 Son of a bitch. 275 00:10:45,438 --> 00:10:47,273 Oh, that must be where he lives. 276 00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:48,691 Okay. 277 00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:52,320 Huh. He's making himself a sandwich now. 278 00:10:54,989 --> 00:10:56,866 Hey, everybody. So, this is my house. 279 00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:59,201 Just made a sandwich... Peanut butter andjelly. 280 00:10:59,285 --> 00:11:01,120 Still here, still selling fake doors. 281 00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,246 What? 282 00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:04,290 Oh, my god. It's still the commercial. 283 00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:06,292 We have fake doors like you wouldn't believe. 284 00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:08,669 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors. 285 00:11:08,753 --> 00:11:10,963 Call us up and order some fake doors today. 286 00:11:11,047 --> 00:11:12,840 Don't even hesitate, don't even worry, 287 00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:13,923 and don't even... 288 00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:15,152 All right, I'm bored. Change it. 289 00:11:15,176 --> 00:11:16,927 Wait, wait, Rick. Hold on, hold on. 290 00:11:17,011 --> 00:11:18,137 That's our slogan. 291 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,431 See it on the bottom of the screen below our name. 292 00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,558 Here's another slogan right below that one. 293 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,144 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors. 294 00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:27,146 Get in here quick, get out quicker 295 00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:28,939 with an arm of fake doors in your arms. 296 00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:31,442 Okay, okay, you can change it. 297 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,986 I hate Mamumanums-days, 298 00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:36,489 and I really could go for some enchiladas. 299 00:11:36,572 --> 00:11:38,908 Hey, Rick, that's pretty cool. 300 00:11:38,991 --> 00:11:41,827 It's just like Garfield, only instead it's Gazorpazorpfield. 301 00:11:41,911 --> 00:11:44,538 Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp where those sex robots came from? 302 00:11:44,622 --> 00:11:46,582 Remember that whole thing? 303 00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:48,584 Yeah. Hey, that's a pretty... Pretty... 304 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,127 That's true. That's right. 305 00:11:50,211 --> 00:11:52,797 Yeah. Let's watch some more Gazorpazorpfield. 306 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,799 Hey, John. It's me, Gazorpazorpfield. 307 00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:56,634 Boy fuck you, John, 308 00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:59,387 you fuckin' dumb, stupid idiot. 309 00:11:59,470 --> 00:12:02,390 Come on, Gazorpazorpfield. Go easy on me, huh? 310 00:12:02,473 --> 00:12:05,184 You dumb, stupid, weak, 311 00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:08,312 pathetic, white, white, 312 00:12:08,396 --> 00:12:10,648 uh... guilt... 313 00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:13,067 White-guilt milquetoast 314 00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,111 piece of human garbage. 315 00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:16,474 Geez, Gazorpazorpfield, that's... 316 00:12:16,529 --> 00:12:18,072 You know, you're pretty mean to me, 317 00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,323 but that takes the cake. 318 00:12:19,407 --> 00:12:20,991 I don'tgive a fuck. 319 00:12:21,075 --> 00:12:23,285 I'm Gazorpazorp-fuckin'-field, bitch. 320 00:12:23,369 --> 00:12:25,621 Now give me my fucking enchiladas. 321 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,915 Hey, Rick, you know, did they use Bill Murray for this? 322 00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:29,458 Sounds a lot like Bill Murray. 323 00:12:29,542 --> 00:12:30,918 No, Morty, it's Lorenzo Music. 324 00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:32,586 In this reality, he's still alive. 325 00:12:32,670 --> 00:12:34,422 Oh, okay. Was his name "Lorenzo Music"? 326 00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:35,965 Yeah, I'm pretty sure. 327 00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:37,984 He also did the voice of that one guy from "Ghostbusters," 328 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,112 which is really strange because it's the same character 329 00:12:40,136 --> 00:12:41,321 Bill Murray played in the movie. 330 00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:42,721 But then, when they made the movie, 331 00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:44,849 Bill Murray did the voice of Gazorpazorp... 332 00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:46,892 - Or Garfield, I mean. - That's pretty cool, Rick. 333 00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:48,769 So all that happened in this reality, too? 334 00:12:48,853 --> 00:12:49,937 I don't know. 335 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,540 Just making conversation with you, Morty. 336 00:12:51,564 --> 00:12:52,940 What, you think I'm a... I'm... 337 00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,067 I know everything about everything? 338 00:12:55,151 --> 00:12:57,236 Did you really talk me out of the abortion? 339 00:12:57,319 --> 00:13:00,489 Well, we... we blew a tire on the way to the clinic. 340 00:13:00,573 --> 00:13:03,868 I think, in my head, I was doing it all for the kids. 341 00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:07,371 And now the first kid is going to do something with turquoise. 342 00:13:07,455 --> 00:13:09,498 Which is either code for crystal meth 343 00:13:09,582 --> 00:13:11,375 or a gateway to it. 344 00:13:11,459 --> 00:13:13,502 So we didn't do the kids any favors. 345 00:13:13,586 --> 00:13:16,380 So we should stay together for each other and ourselves, 346 00:13:16,464 --> 00:13:18,257 or... 347 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:20,176 Or... 348 00:13:21,469 --> 00:13:24,597 Man, woman, and now Trunkman? 349 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,575 We know science has created men that have a trunk 350 00:13:26,599 --> 00:13:28,142 that allows them to have sex with both 351 00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:30,227 male and female partners. 352 00:13:30,311 --> 00:13:32,581 But we don't like the idea of these people getting married. 353 00:13:32,605 --> 00:13:35,316 Put a line in the sand, everybody. 354 00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:37,109 Vote "no" on proposition XW2. 355 00:13:37,193 --> 00:13:39,528 The act that says trunkpeople can get married. 356 00:13:39,612 --> 00:13:40,905 Who needs it? 357 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:42,406 Not on my watch. 358 00:13:42,490 --> 00:13:46,285 Paid for by Michael Denny and The Denny Singers. 359 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,412 Hi. I'm a trunkperson, and I want... 360 00:13:48,496 --> 00:13:51,165 I feel love in my heart, too, just like you. 361 00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:53,000 I wanna be able to express that love 362 00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:54,793 with both a man and a woman. 363 00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,295 And I won't be able to 364 00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,631 if Denny and The Denny Singers get their way. 365 00:13:58,714 --> 00:14:01,133 Hey, let the trunkpeople have sex and get married, huh? 366 00:14:01,217 --> 00:14:03,844 Paid for by trunkpeople. 367 00:14:03,928 --> 00:14:06,013 Oh, I love me strawberry sniggles. 368 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:08,140 Ooh, I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me 369 00:14:08,224 --> 00:14:11,435 and tries to steal my strawberry smiggles. 370 00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:12,954 I'm gonna eat every last one of them, 371 00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:14,897 because... and then they'll be in my stomach, 372 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,982 and nobody will ever be able to eat them. 373 00:14:17,066 --> 00:14:19,443 Except for me, because they'll be all inside my stomach. 374 00:14:19,527 --> 00:14:23,822 Um, my name is Mr. Tophat Jones, 375 00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,658 and God forbid anyone ever take my sner... 376 00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:27,451 Little-people snibbles. 377 00:14:27,535 --> 00:14:28,953 I'm keeping them all for me. 378 00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:30,996 Mmm. Mmm. 379 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,040 Last bite. Mmm. 380 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,101 Oh, now they're all resting comfortably in my stomach. 381 00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,585 Ooh, am I feeling good. 382 00:14:36,669 --> 00:14:38,879 No! Get away from me! Get away from me! 383 00:14:38,963 --> 00:14:40,881 There's no more strawberry snibbles... no! 384 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,468 Jesus Christ! 385 00:14:44,552 --> 00:14:46,136 Jesus Christ! It hurts! 386 00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:47,638 My entrails are out! 387 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,181 Why would you even want to eat these? 388 00:14:49,265 --> 00:14:51,350 They're soaked with my stomach acid. 389 00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:53,602 Oh, Jesus Christ, lord, savior, 390 00:14:53,686 --> 00:14:55,479 and spirit, save me. 391 00:14:55,563 --> 00:14:57,189 Take me to the light. 392 00:14:57,273 --> 00:14:58,941 Oh, my god. I see demons. 393 00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:00,484 I see demons are coming! 394 00:15:00,568 --> 00:15:02,194 Geez, Rick. Oh, my god. 395 00:15:02,278 --> 00:15:03,630 That's some pretty hard-core stuff, 396 00:15:03,654 --> 00:15:05,573 you know, for a cereal commercial. 397 00:15:05,656 --> 00:15:08,158 Well, Morty... I mean, you wanna sell boxes of cereal, 398 00:15:08,242 --> 00:15:09,952 you gotta pump the gas a little. 399 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,662 Pedal to the metal, Morty. 400 00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:15,082 In a world where muscular Mannies are coming, 401 00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,750 and they're coming strong, 402 00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:20,379 there's only three unmuscular Michaels. 403 00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,631 Get down. Hurry. Run. 404 00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:28,387 And that's when real Turbulent Juice is coming, 405 00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:31,098 and you got to take care of it. 406 00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,517 With Turbulent Juice, turbulent tables, 407 00:15:33,601 --> 00:15:37,271 no room is safe from the turbulent power 408 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,398 of Turbulent Juice. 409 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,400 - What in the hell? - Sex sells, Morty. 410 00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,402 Sex sells what? 411 00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:45,988 Was that a movie or, like, does it clean stuff? 412 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,489 Hey, Dad. 413 00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:48,991 - God. - What's going on? 414 00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:50,834 Well, your mother and I are gonna be spending 415 00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:52,411 some time apart, Morty. 416 00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:54,472 And your sister found out she was an unwanted pregnancy. 417 00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:57,249 - What? - Speaking of what, 418 00:15:57,333 --> 00:16:00,628 Morty, what should we watch next? 419 00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:02,463 What about this? 420 00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:04,423 Babylegs, you're a good detective. 421 00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:06,967 But not good enough, because of your baby legs. 422 00:16:07,051 --> 00:16:08,969 So I'm partnering you up with Regularlegs. 423 00:16:09,053 --> 00:16:10,429 Hey, there. 424 00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:12,431 Detective, I'm... This is upsetting to me 425 00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:15,267 because I feel like I don't need no regular-leg partner. 426 00:16:15,351 --> 00:16:17,061 Babylegs, don't talk back to me. 427 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,562 Good luck, you two. 428 00:16:18,646 --> 00:16:20,606 There's a criminal to kill. 429 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,650 Wow, you sure found this guy quick. 430 00:16:22,733 --> 00:16:24,652 Uh, yeah, because I'm a good detective. 431 00:16:24,735 --> 00:16:26,445 Look, Babylegs. It's the criminal. 432 00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:28,197 Oh, fuck it. I'm the killer. I'm running. 433 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,281 I'm running real quick. 434 00:16:29,365 --> 00:16:31,283 Babylegs, here we go! 435 00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:35,829 That's the sound I make when I'm trying to run fast. 436 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,458 All right, I'm not gonna get him. 437 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,460 I just learned a real valuable lesson. 438 00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:43,170 I'm coming, Babylegs. 439 00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,047 I'm... Regularlegs. 440 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,674 We got him. 441 00:16:46,757 --> 00:16:48,342 Hey, that was good teamwork. 442 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:50,219 Babylegs and Regularlegs, 443 00:16:50,302 --> 00:16:52,221 I'm proud of you two for working together. 444 00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:54,223 And, Babylegs, I know it was hard for you 445 00:16:54,306 --> 00:16:56,684 to come to the conclusion that you need a partner, 446 00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:58,268 but I'm proud of you that you did it. 447 00:16:58,352 --> 00:16:59,352 Hey, thanks, Chief. 448 00:16:59,395 --> 00:17:01,063 Now get the fuck out of here. 449 00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:02,648 Pretty cool, huh, Morty? 450 00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:04,233 Oh. - I thought it was cool. 451 00:17:04,316 --> 00:17:07,695 I don't give a fuck what you think, Jerry. 452 00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:14,576 Hey, uh, y-you doing okay? 453 00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:16,245 I kind of know how you feel, Summer. 454 00:17:16,328 --> 00:17:18,122 No, you don't. You're the little brother. 455 00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,925 You're not the cause of your parents misery. 456 00:17:19,957 --> 00:17:22,626 You're just a symptom of it. 457 00:17:22,710 --> 00:17:24,670 - Can I show you something? - Morty, no offense... 458 00:17:24,712 --> 00:17:26,714 but a drawing of me you made when you were eight 459 00:17:26,797 --> 00:17:28,441 isn't gonna make me feel like less of an accident. 460 00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:31,218 That out there? That's my grave. 461 00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:33,929 - Wait, what? - On one of our adventures... 462 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,724 Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world, 463 00:17:36,807 --> 00:17:39,727 so we bailed on that reality, and we came to this one. 464 00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:42,229 Because in this one, the world wasn't destroyed. 465 00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,440 And in this one, we were dead. 466 00:17:44,523 --> 00:17:46,363 So we came here and... And we buried ourselves, 467 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,235 and we took their place. 468 00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:50,362 And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast 469 00:17:50,446 --> 00:17:54,241 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse. 470 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,076 So you're not my brother? 471 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,786 I'm better than your brother. 472 00:17:57,870 --> 00:17:59,550 I'm a version of your brother you can trust 473 00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:01,498 when he says "don't run." 474 00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:04,126 Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. 475 00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:06,545 Everybody's gonna die. 476 00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:10,299 Come watch TV. 477 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:12,634 Mrs. Sullivan always planned 478 00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:15,137 to leave everything to her cats. 479 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:18,640 But sometimes, plans need a helping paw. 480 00:18:20,726 --> 00:18:22,269 What are the kitties to do 481 00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:24,563 but buckle together and work as a team? 482 00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:27,524 Mrs. Sullivan, I... please, forgive me for being forward, 483 00:18:27,608 --> 00:18:29,067 but your eyes are so beautiful. 484 00:18:30,736 --> 00:18:32,780 Wait. This is an actual movie? 485 00:18:32,863 --> 00:18:35,282 This fall, sparks will fly... 486 00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:39,703 Mrs. Sullivan. Ohh. 487 00:18:39,787 --> 00:18:41,830 ...between one guy who can'tget a break... 488 00:18:41,914 --> 00:18:44,166 There's something about you, Mrs. Sullivan. 489 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:47,044 ...and nine cats who break all the rules. 490 00:18:48,337 --> 00:18:49,963 "Last Will and Testi-meow: 491 00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:52,549 Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House II." 492 00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:55,010 Well, somebody in Hollywood just lost their job. 493 00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:56,845 Written and directed by Jerry Smith. 494 00:18:56,929 --> 00:18:59,306 I wrote and directed that? What am I, nuts? 495 00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,266 Oh, hey, Morty. You just missed a preview 496 00:19:01,350 --> 00:19:02,893 for your Dad's "Citizen Kane." 497 00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,353 Doesn't matter. 498 00:19:04,436 --> 00:19:06,080 Hey, if your mother and I had to split custody, 499 00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:07,648 who would you guys chose? 500 00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:09,316 Doesn't matter. 501 00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:12,110 Breaking news... Academy A ward-Winning actor Jerry Smith 502 00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:14,863 is leading police on a slow-speed pursuit 503 00:19:14,947 --> 00:19:16,907 after suffering an apparent breakdown. 504 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,617 Don't even think about it. 505 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,619 Come on. Are you kidding me, Jerry? 506 00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,538 It's just a bunch of dumb tabloid crap. 507 00:19:22,621 --> 00:19:26,250 It's my life, and we're watching it. 508 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:29,878 You did it, Beth. You really nailed it. 509 00:19:29,962 --> 00:19:34,299 You're a surgeon... A human surgeon. 510 00:19:34,383 --> 00:19:37,219 Yay, you win. 511 00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:38,887 Where the hell am I going? 512 00:19:38,971 --> 00:19:41,056 Wh... What are you asking me for, Jerry? 513 00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:43,225 I'm sitting here trying to figure out 514 00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:44,893 why the cops don't just take you out. 515 00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:47,062 I mean they got a clear shot to your head. 516 00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:49,523 I can't believe our tax dollars pay for this. 517 00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:59,074 Jerry? 518 00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:01,410 Jerry Smith? 519 00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:04,079 Beth Sanchez, I have been in love with you since high school. 520 00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:06,039 I hate acting. I hate cocaine. 521 00:20:06,123 --> 00:20:07,624 I hate Kristen Stewart. 522 00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:09,376 I wish you hadn't gotten that abortion, 523 00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:13,881 and I've never stopped thinking about what might have been. 524 00:20:13,964 --> 00:20:18,510 ♪ Give me a name ♪ 525 00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:24,266 ♪ Hear my faith ♪ 526 00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:29,354 ♪ Seal my fate ♪ 527 00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:36,778 ♪ And when you breathe ♪ 528 00:20:36,862 --> 00:20:39,281 ♪ You breathe for two ♪ 529 00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,044 Hey, "Ball Fondlers"? Huh, "Ball Fondlers"? 530 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,714 Yeah, I could go for some "Ball Fondlers." 531 00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,244 Yeah, "Ball Fondlers." 532 00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,789 Aah! 533 00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,865 Ha ha, Hamster in Butt World Weather is done, 534 00:21:21,949 --> 00:21:23,575 and now it's sports time coming up. 535 00:21:23,659 --> 00:21:25,452 - Oh, hello, there. - Good day to you, miss. 536 00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:27,412 So, the hamsters live 537 00:21:27,496 --> 00:21:28,872 inside the rectums of those people? 538 00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:30,582 Yes, sweetie. That's where the live. 539 00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:32,000 Well, how does that work? 540 00:21:32,084 --> 00:21:34,062 I mean, do the butts look like little apartments inside? 541 00:21:34,086 --> 00:21:35,587 Yeah, and can they leave the butt 542 00:21:35,671 --> 00:21:37,297 and, like, walk around on their own? 543 00:21:37,381 --> 00:21:40,008 I don't know. I'm watching the same thing you guys are. 544 00:21:40,092 --> 00:21:41,885 Grandpa Rick, if they leave the butt 545 00:21:41,969 --> 00:21:43,512 and the person wanders off, 546 00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:45,239 how would they find their butt person again? 547 00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:47,182 I don't know, Summer. I can't even hear the TV. 548 00:21:47,265 --> 00:21:48,642 All right, that's it. 549 00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:50,161 We're just gonna go there so you idiots 550 00:21:50,185 --> 00:21:51,895 can ask your stupid questions all day. 551 00:21:51,979 --> 00:21:54,147 Ooh, family vacation! 552 00:22:08,578 --> 00:22:09,955 Did you get any of that? 553 00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:11,999 It's a good-a show!