1
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:09,741
♪♪
2
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,142
Les:
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
3
00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:13,211
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
4
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:14,779
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
5
00:00:14,881 --> 00:00:16,648
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
6
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,751
Les:
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
7
00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:21,587
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
8
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,355
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
9
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:26,457
Les:
♪ Headin' on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
10
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,059
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph
mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
11
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,828
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph
mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
12
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:33,132
Les:
♪ Come on down to South Park,
and meet some friends of mine ♪
13
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,770
Come on, guys.
We don't wanna be late.
14
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Do I have to go? It's the only
day I get to play games.
15
00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:44,410
We're all going.
Come on.
16
00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,879
I don't understand why we have
to go to church every Sunday.
17
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,715
Church is important,
Stan.
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00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:52,184
Way more important
than video games and TV.
19
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Church is about community
and coming together --
20
00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:55,888
a lot of things.
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00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:58,824
All I know is that after church,
I just feel better.
22
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:00,959
Yeah.
Me, too.
23
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,994
[ Indistinct conversations ]
24
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:04,462
Hey, mornin', Stephen,
Linda!
25
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:05,963
Morning, guys.
26
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,666
Man:
Oh, thanks, there, Randy.
27
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,034
You got it.
Where's Josie?
28
00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:10,769
Aw, she slipped her disc
in her neck.
29
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,136
Poor thing
can barely move.
30
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,639
Aw, she's gonna miss church?
That's too bad.
31
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:14,973
Give her my best.
32
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,674
[ Conversations stop ]
33
00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:18,443
For God so loved the world
34
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that he gave
his only begotten son
35
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so that whoever believed in him
should have eternal life.
36
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:25,751
This is the gospel of the Lord.
37
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,420
Townspeople: Praise to you,
Lord Jesus Christ.
38
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:31,556
Today's gospel talks about
what the Lord has to give us.
39
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:35,293
He did so because we could not
control our temptations.
40
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Kind of like a priest
in a room full of naked boys.
41
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:40,699
[ Townspeople snicker ]
42
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:41,966
Okay. Okay.
43
00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:43,868
Let's -- let's try and have
none of that today.
44
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:47,673
In John 3:16, the gospel tells
us how God so loved the world,
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00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,674
he gave to us his only son.
46
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,710
And a Catholic priest
raped him.
47
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,579
[ Laughter ]
48
00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:56,081
Okay, okay.
Come -- Come on, guys.
49
00:01:56,183 --> 00:01:58,816
N-Now, what greater gift
could the Lord have given to us?
50
00:01:58,918 --> 00:01:59,951
Children's underwear
51
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:01,686
which priests couldn't
pull down so easily.
52
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,221
[ Laughter ]
53
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:05,790
Okay. Let's -- Let's try
and compose ourselves.
54
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:08,960
Let's try and just get through
this first one, okay, guys?
55
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:11,963
What does it mean that the Lord
gave us his only begotten son?
56
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,131
It means
if you're a cute boy
57
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:14,533
at a Catholic priest
swimming party,
58
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you better be gettin'!
59
00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:19,037
[ Laughter ]
60
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,441
[ Laughter continues ]
61
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:25,010
Oh, that was a great one,
Nelson.
62
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,711
Salvation
in a little boy's mouth.
63
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,146
I'm gonna post that one
for sure.
64
00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:30,081
Who said the thing
about naked boy salad?
65
00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:31,250
Oh, that was Linda!
66
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,151
Well, see ya next week,
everybody!
67
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,153
-Yeah! See ya!
-All right. Take it easy, now!
68
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:36,354
-Bye.
-That was good.
69
00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:39,357
I really don't understand
the point of all that.
70
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,459
Yeah, well, I used
to think that about church
71
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:42,827
when I was a kid,
too.
72
00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,996
But back then, I don't know
if church was that stupid.
73
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,798
Hey, don't say
things like that, Stan.
74
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,534
You wanna go
to fuckin' hell?
75
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,843
[ Door creaks ]
76
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:05,350
[ Sighs ]
77
00:03:09,155 --> 00:03:10,789
Father,
can I talk to you?
78
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:14,325
Of course, my child.
What's troubling you?
79
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:18,397
Well,
what's troubling you?
80
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,267
You know, at school,
the kids used
81
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,335
to all make fun
of me sometimes.
82
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:26,204
One kid would say
something mean,
83
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:27,805
and then the other kids
would laugh.
84
00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:30,375
I know how lousy
it feels.
85
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:32,711
I learned
to just walk away,
86
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,478
not give 'em
all the satisfaction.
87
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:37,449
Well, we can't all
walk away.
88
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,051
The -- The priesthood
is all I know.
89
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:43,121
I-I dedicated
my entire life to it.
90
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,523
I don't know
anything else.
91
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,559
I know it seems
impossible.
92
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,394
I thought I'd be a punching bag
my whole life,
93
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:52,230
but now, I'm one
of the popular kids.
94
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:53,298
I even get invited
95
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,299
to board game night
at Stan's house.
96
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,535
My point is,
sometimes,
97
00:03:57,637 --> 00:04:00,105
y-you just gotta
put yourself out there.
98
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:08,046
I wanna be Calamity Jane
this time.
99
00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,514
How many cards
do you start with, Kenny?
100
00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,116
Two cards.
[ Door opens ]
101
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:12,517
Oh.
There's Butters!
102
00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:13,818
Oh, hey, fellas!
103
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,487
I hope you don't mind
I brought a friend.
104
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,088
Come on in!
105
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,091
Uh, hello, my children.
106
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,661
Okay, so, I-I guess
I'm gonna go to the saloon
107
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,096
and try
to arrest Cartman.
108
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,431
Let's see what you got,
bitch.
109
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:30,435
So, Kyle, did you know
Father is a really good singer?
110
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:31,936
You like to sing, too,
don't you?
111
00:04:32,038 --> 00:04:33,304
No.
112
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:35,273
Praise the Lord
for the Lord is good.
113
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:38,176
Sing praise to his name,
for that is pleasant.
114
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,177
Ace.
You lose.
115
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,578
Randy: Hey, Stan.
116
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,781
Have you seen my --
117
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:47,986
No way!
118
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,588
Hang on! Hang on!
I gotta post this!
119
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:51,990
I shouldn't be here.
120
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,191
This is hilarious.
121
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:54,892
Four boys and a priest
playing a board game!
122
00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:56,727
Aw, Father wait a --
I should go.
123
00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:58,696
No, no, no wait.
Let me get the picture.
124
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,365
Father!
125
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,133
Aw, shit!
I missed it.
126
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:03,268
Ugh.
127
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:05,069
Why did you invite Butters
to game night?
128
00:05:05,171 --> 00:05:07,372
I didn't invite him.
129
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,774
Come on, Father.
You can't give up so fast!
130
00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:11,877
This is just gonna
make things way worse.
131
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,178
People will rip on me.
132
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,380
Who cares?
Who cares what people say?
133
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,381
I do.
134
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,816
Aw, come on.
You gotta be strong!
135
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,818
Why do you care?!
136
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,520
Because I was you.
Okay?
137
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:25,624
I wasn't always this cool.
I've been through it.
138
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,925
But then, one day,
somebody told me something.
139
00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:30,561
He said, "Life is full of love
and light and bountiful things,"
140
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:31,829
and you know
who told me that?
141
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,733
You did!
Two years ago in church!
142
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,768
You have a right
to go and be happy,
143
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,737
and if people wanna
keep trying to knock you down,
144
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,906
well, fuck 'em!
145
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,943
[ Indistinct conversations ]
146
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,378
Hey.
Morning, Mackey.
147
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,913
Happy Sunday!
Mornin', Ted, Hazel.
148
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,849
Townspeople:
Mornin'! Mornin'!
149
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,149
Mornin'! Mornin'!
150
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,818
Ah, doin' better.
huh, Josie?
151
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,453
A lot better,
thank you.
152
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:56,654
All right.
153
00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:57,989
[ Door handle rattles ]
154
00:05:58,092 --> 00:06:00,024
[ Grunts ]
155
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,693
Huh.
156
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,361
What the...?
157
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:04,562
It's not open.
158
00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:05,763
Let me try.
159
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:06,965
[ Door handle rattles ]
160
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,867
Hey!
Hey, it's 9:00! Hey!
161
00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:11,302
What's going on?
162
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,739
[ Lock disengages, door opens ]
163
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,474
Ohhhhh!
164
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:18,175
[ Laughter ]
165
00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:19,677
There's no church
today!
166
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:21,880
You all are just gonna have
to find something better to do!
167
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,948
[ Door slams, lock clicks ]
168
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,283
Hey.
169
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,718
Hey!
Open the door!
170
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,588
Hey!
Come on! [ Grunts ]
171
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:32,757
Well, this sucks.
172
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:34,826
What are we supposed to do
without church?
173
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:37,128
I just feel
so empty.
174
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,696
What are you guys
so upset about?
175
00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:40,365
Shut up, Shelly!
176
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,868
Isn't this great,
Father?
177
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,303
Fresh, mountain air.
178
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,704
Nice, warm fire.
179
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:50,007
I have to admit, it's a pretty
nice way to spend a Sunday.
180
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,209
How many are your works,
Lord?
181
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,446
In wisdom,
you made them all.
182
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:57,082
[ Giggles ] Yeah.
The Lord's pretty cool.
183
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,416
He is...
184
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:00,852
because
he brought me you.
185
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,287
♪♪
186
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:04,956
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
187
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:07,559
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
188
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:11,796
♪♪
189
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:16,034
♪♪
190
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,903
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
191
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,539
♪♪
192
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:25,911
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
193
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,881
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
194
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,684
♪♪
195
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,587
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
196
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:40,759
♪♪
197
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:44,129
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
198
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:50,769
♪♪
199
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:57,409
♪♪
200
00:07:57,511 --> 00:08:04,049
♪♪
201
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:08,787
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
202
00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:13,592
[ Telephone rings ]
203
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,263
Denver Archdiocese.
The Lord be with you.
204
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:21,632
And with your spirit,
m'kay.
205
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:23,601
Uh, my name
is counselor Mackey,
206
00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:25,536
and w-we seem to be having
a little problem
207
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:27,838
with our local church
here in South Park.
208
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:30,474
Our, uh -- our priest
has gone missing.
209
00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:32,477
Oh, not another one!
210
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:34,445
All right.
Listen to me carefully.
211
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:37,482
Your local priest
has not done anything wrong.
212
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,450
Probably just taking
some time off.
213
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:41,252
Why is that suspicious?
214
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,653
Well,
it's not suspicious.
215
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:45,090
We just kind of don't know
what to do, you know?
216
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,290
We'll take care of it.
217
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:47,826
There's no need
to involve the authorities.
218
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:50,061
Just sit tight.
219
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:51,129
[ Button clicks ]
220
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,831
Send in a clean-up crew now.
221
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,433
[ Doors open ]
222
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,002
We've got another one.
223
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,438
A priest in South Park
has gone rogue
224
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,707
and is probably out
doing his thing.
225
00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:06,110
I need you guys to get up there
and clean up his mess.
226
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,678
Don't worry,
Your Holiness.
227
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:09,414
By the time we're done
with that town,
228
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,282
there won't be a lick of cum
anywhere.
229
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,052
[ Dramatic music plays ]
230
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:19,491
[ Song playing ]
231
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:23,394
♪♪
232
00:09:23,497 --> 00:09:24,829
Butters:
Happy Birthday, Clyde!
233
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:27,599
Hope you don't mind
I brought a friend!
234
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:31,202
For we are God's handiwork,
created in Christ Jesus
235
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,204
to do good works.
236
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,406
Dude, what are you
talking about?
237
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:36,441
Come on, Father!
238
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,442
Let's go tear up
the skating rink!
239
00:09:38,544 --> 00:09:40,678
Just leave it alone,
Clyde.
240
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,013
Butters brings him
everywhere.
241
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,348
I don't care.
242
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,349
I don't want a priest
at my fucking birthday party!
243
00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:46,884
It's all right, Clyde.
It's all right.
244
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:49,654
[ Song playing ]
245
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,023
♪♪
246
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,391
That's it!
You're doin' great!
247
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:54,959
Oh, aah!
248
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:56,661
Oh, Mother Mary.
249
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,662
I feel like everyone's
staring at me.
250
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,099
[ Children shouting playfully ]
251
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,167
Nobody's staring!
252
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,734
I'm gonna go get us
some soda pop.
253
00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:05,703
You just mingle
with the other fellas!
254
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:09,174
[ Depressing Country song
playing ]
255
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,542
♪♪
256
00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:13,978
What's it all about, huh?
257
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,114
Are we just bags
of carbon and water
258
00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,149
put on this planet
for no purpose?
259
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,884
You're born.
260
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,353
You die.
261
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:24,122
Then you're just
food for the worms.
262
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:27,525
It all does seem
pretty meaningless.
263
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,294
Hey!
The church is back open!
264
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:30,761
There's people inside!
265
00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:32,630
-What?
-They church is back open?
266
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:33,898
Oh, boy! Let's go!
Let's go!
267
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,667
-The church is back open!
-Thank God! Let's go!
268
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:38,703
[ Vacuum whirring ]
269
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,572
Scrub everything.
270
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:41,673
Police can detect
271
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,507
even a milligram of cum
and rectal blood.
272
00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:44,942
Hey!
273
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,578
Oh.
Uh, hello, my children.
274
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:47,679
The Lord be with you.
275
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:49,614
Townspeople:
And with your spirit.
276
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:51,048
What, uh, what are
you guys doing?
277
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,117
Oh, we're just giving the place
a nice scrub down
278
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:54,852
while we wait
for your priest to come back.
279
00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:56,820
He was called
to South America last week.
280
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,255
Last week?
281
00:10:58,357 --> 00:11:00,325
No, he was at my house
a couple days ago
282
00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:01,959
playing board games
with the boys.
283
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:03,094
[ Whirring stops ]
284
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,629
No, he wasn't.
285
00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:06,197
Look.
I assure you everything is fine.
286
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:09,000
Your priest will be back.
Just have some patience.
287
00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,368
All: Aw!
288
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,069
Come on,
guys.
289
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,571
[ Vacuum whirs ]
290
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:14,572
Scrub everything.
291
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,407
Bleach those
board-game pieces.
292
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,309
You find something
on that chair?
293
00:11:18,412 --> 00:11:20,578
It's either blood and cum
or ketchup and mayo.
294
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,979
Well,
just get rid of it.
295
00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:23,581
Bleach the entire
top of the table.
296
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,317
That's probably
where he mounted them.
297
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,486
Uh, excuse me?
298
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,688
Oh. Hello, my son.
299
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:32,022
What are you doing?
300
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,624
What are we doing
about what?
301
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:34,959
Well, I mean,
it looks like
302
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:36,928
you're scrubbing and bleaching
our table and chairs.
303
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,096
Mnh-mnh.
That's not what's going on.
304
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,599
Your local priest was
never here, actually.
305
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,300
Yeah, he was.
I played with him.
306
00:11:43,402 --> 00:11:45,737
Oh, you did?
307
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,639
Better get the Kumby.
308
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,006
What's a Kumby?
309
00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:51,308
We're just here to cleanse
your spirit, my child.
310
00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:52,843
Praise be to Christ.
311
00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:55,780
[ Kumby bloops ]
312
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,383
[ Kumby bloops ]
313
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:02,786
Boys:
♪ Happy birthday, dear Clyde ♪
314
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:06,190
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
315
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:07,559
[ Blows out candles ]
Boys: Yay!
316
00:12:07,661 --> 00:12:09,494
And now,
let us pray.
317
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:10,694
Awwww.
318
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:13,864
Bless us, Oh Lord,
and these thy gifts,
319
00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:15,233
which we are about
to receive...
320
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,701
Kyle, will you do something,
please?
321
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:18,336
Psalm 78:26 -- He caused the
east wind to blow in the
heavens-
322
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:18,803
-Why me?
323
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:19,270
-Kyle!
324
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:20,972
♪♪
325
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,240
...through Christ,
Our Lord. Amen.
326
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:26,010
Uh, Butters, can I talk
to you really fast?
327
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:28,646
Oh, sure, Kyle.
Be right back, Father.
328
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,148
All right, my child.
329
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,348
♪♪
330
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:32,383
What's up?
331
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,718
Butters, you know,
332
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:37,288
you can't just bring your priest
with you everywhere.
333
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:40,291
I mean, sometimes the guys
just wanna do stuff
334
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,393
and not have
a priest around.
335
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,761
What are you saying,
Kyle?
336
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:46,030
I'm saying it's just
kind of awkward, Butters.
337
00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:47,532
He's bumming
everybody out.
338
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,101
Nobody wants to hear about Jesus
at a birthday party.
339
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,569
Well, of course
you don't.
340
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,971
It's not just me.
It's everybody, Butters.
341
00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:57,074
He can try all he wants,
but he just doesn't belong here.
342
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:59,410
Well, I'm sorry
for trying to help out
343
00:12:59,513 --> 00:13:01,646
somebody who didn't have
anywhere else to turn.
344
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:03,614
We'll both just leave.
345
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:06,584
I thought you were better
than that, Kyle.
346
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,486
♪♪
347
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:09,487
[ Melody changes ]
348
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:12,123
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
349
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,558
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
350
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,327
[ Song playing ]
351
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:18,062
All right, clean and scrub
everything.
352
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:19,397
I want it spotless!
353
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,966
Get any evidence the priest
might have left behind.
354
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:24,402
There's something
over here.
355
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,904
But I can't tell
if it's cum or frosting.
356
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:29,007
It's an 8-year-old's
birthday party.
357
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,042
Of course it's cum.
Get the Kumby!
358
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,144
Praise be
to Christ.
359
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,613
[ Kumby bloops ]
360
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:38,015
Hello, young man.
361
00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:39,550
We're looking
for your town priest.
362
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:40,485
Was he here?
363
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:43,654
Yeah, but he left
with Butters.
364
00:13:43,757 --> 00:13:45,756
Tell me about
this Butters.
365
00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:46,957
Clyde: All right,
that does it!
366
00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:48,159
[ Kumby bloops ]
367
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:49,427
Get outta
my birthday party,
368
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,662
or else I'm gonna call
the police!
369
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:54,098
♪♪
370
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,800
Father!
371
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,468
Father?
372
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,103
Has anybody seen
my priest?
373
00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:00,805
Father,
where'd you go?
374
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,109
There you are!
I been lookin' everywhere.
375
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:07,244
Just leave me alone.
376
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,013
But you're missin'
the party.
377
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:11,049
Look, your friends
are right, okay?
378
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:12,783
I don't belong there.
379
00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:15,319
I-I don't belong anywhere.
380
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:17,922
They just don't understand you
like I do.
381
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,958
Stop defending me!
There's things you don't know!
382
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,326
But it's
not your fault.
383
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:25,128
Yes, it is.
It is my fault!
Why?!
384
00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:29,467
Because I knew!
All right?!
385
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,502
I knew.
386
00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:33,203
Years ago,
387
00:14:33,305 --> 00:14:35,806
when bad things started coming
out about the Catholic Church,
388
00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,710
I went to Vatican,
and I -- I found out
389
00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:41,345
that the problem was worse
than anyone even thought.
390
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:46,984
I thought I could help fix it,
so I kept my mouth shut.
391
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:49,253
I thought there was
a cancer in the Church
392
00:14:49,355 --> 00:14:50,788
that we could
get rid of.
393
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,724
But the Church
is the cancer.
394
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,093
It's not about
a few bad apples.
395
00:14:56,195 --> 00:14:58,395
There's only
a few good apples,
396
00:14:58,497 --> 00:15:00,898
and I'm clearly not
one of them.
397
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,800
So just stay away
from me!
398
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:06,571
But...I thought
we were pals.
399
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:09,974
You thought wrong.
400
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,757
[ Vehicle approaches ]
401
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:27,925
[ Brakes creak ]
402
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:29,827
Hey.
403
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:30,961
Hey, there.
404
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:33,631
What's the matter,
my child?
405
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:36,433
Did you know
that Jesus loves you?
406
00:15:36,535 --> 00:15:38,936
Sometimes I wonder.
407
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:41,372
"And the life
I now live in the flesh
408
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:45,075
I live by faith in
the Son of God, who loved me."
409
00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:47,578
Wanna Three Musketeers?
410
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,046
No, thanks.
411
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:51,915
You like camping trips?
You wanna go camping?
412
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:53,350
No.
413
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:56,687
I got a bunny in the back.
You wanna see the bunny?
414
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,623
Well, okay!
415
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:01,992
Stan?
416
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,094
I have no idea
what's going on.
417
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:05,997
Worst birthday ever!
418
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:08,566
[ Van doors slam ]
419
00:16:10,268 --> 00:16:11,568
[ Chatter on television ]
420
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,070
[ Remote clicking ]
Boring.
421
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:14,605
Dumb.
422
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,473
Stupid.
423
00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:19,276
Good, but dated in its view
of gender norms.
424
00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:20,277
[ Doorbell rings ]
425
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:21,112
Ugh.
426
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,381
Hello, Mr. Marsh.
427
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,249
Father!
428
00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:27,118
Hey, Sharon,
it's Father!
429
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,419
-Mr. Marsh, please --
-He's back!
430
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:29,320
Father's back!
431
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:30,354
I'm just going around
432
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:32,022
trying to locate
little Butters Stotch.
433
00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:33,257
I thought
he might be here
434
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:34,792
playing a board game
with your son?
435
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:38,062
Oh, no, I haven't seen Butters.
Or Stan.
436
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:41,332
But, Father, please,
we all need church.
437
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,567
I'm sorry, but I have
to keep looking.
438
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,335
I said
some terrible things.
439
00:16:45,437 --> 00:16:46,937
Please, Father,
we're all lost,
440
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,006
and the clean-up crew
hasn't helped at all.
441
00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:51,475
♪♪
442
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:54,578
What clean-up crew?
443
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,448
[ Crickets chirping,
owl hoots ]
444
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,483
[ Fire crackles ]
445
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:01,318
Any sign of him?
446
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:02,753
No, but this
should draw him out.
447
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,021
The cute one says
it's where
448
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:05,589
he and the priest
first got together.
449
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,592
All right.
When the priest gets here,
450
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:08,959
we'll take care of him
451
00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:11,795
and then eradicate this
entire place of any evidence.
452
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,497
Should I bring out
the Kumby?
453
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,866
No, this is gonna be
a bigger job than that.
454
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:19,169
Bring out
the Cumboni.
455
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:22,306
[ Engine blooping ]
456
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:28,845
[ Cellphone rings ]
457
00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:30,081
Hey, Randy,
what's up?
458
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:31,215
Stephen!
459
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:32,849
Stephen, listen --
The boys are missing.
460
00:17:32,951 --> 00:17:35,820
Father Maxi thinks they've been
taken by the other priests!
461
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,621
Taken by priests?
462
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:40,191
Should we call the police
or buy some condoms?
463
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,259
[ Laughs ] Okay.
O-Okay, that was good.
464
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:44,495
But, seriously,
we have to find these guys!
465
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:45,696
The boys are in danger!
466
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:48,098
But where would priests go
this late at night?
467
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,902
To a midnight sale
at Boys-R-Us?
468
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:52,369
Wha-- What'd she say?
469
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,972
She said, "to a midnight sale
at Boys-R-Us."
470
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,707
Can -- Can I post that?
471
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:57,841
Sure, she doesn't care.
472
00:17:57,943 --> 00:17:59,043
Give me that!
473
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:00,911
Mr. Stotch, have you heard
from Butters at all?
474
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:03,081
Well, yeah, we got
a really weird text from him
475
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,382
saying not to worry,
he needed to do some camping.
476
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:08,052
Oh, my Lord.
I know where to go.
477
00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:09,920
And when we get there...
478
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:11,855
I'll need to go in alone.
479
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:14,591
Yeah, I'll bet.
[ Snorts ]
480
00:18:14,693 --> 00:18:16,394
He's not showing up.
481
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,428
Clean Up Bishop:
Try the Priest Call.
482
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:21,699
[ Boy's voice ]
I love Jesus!
483
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,700
I love Jesus!
484
00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:25,836
I don't think he's coming.
485
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,938
Oh, he's coming all right,
just not here.
486
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,573
Let's start packing up.
487
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:32,643
You -- Get on the Cumboni
and eradicate this place
488
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,111
along with
everything in it.
489
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:35,613
Yes, Your Holiness.
490
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:36,414
Priest Maxi:
Wait!
491
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:39,450
Father.
492
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:42,686
You wanted to find me.
Well, here I am.
493
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,388
I know why you're here.
494
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:47,158
The church can't have
someone like me
495
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,060
going around,
making it look bad.
496
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:52,396
So go ahead.
Do it.
497
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:53,797
Just get it over with.
498
00:18:53,899 --> 00:18:55,900
What?!
No!
499
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:57,968
You think we searched
all over town
500
00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,937
and set up this trap
to kill you?
501
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,004
We're Catholics.
502
00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:03,507
We're here to give you
what you deserve.
503
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:06,543
A full transfer to
the beautiful Maldive Islands!
504
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,079
Luxury airfare
and beach house included!
505
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:11,182
[ Applause ]
506
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:12,416
A transfer?
507
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:14,117
The church took care
of everything,
508
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,887
just like it always has
from the beginning.
509
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,891
"Thank you for cleaning up
all my cum."
510
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:23,660
I can just go?
511
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:26,731
I can start over
in the Maldives?
512
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,399
No one will
make fun of you there.
513
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,900
They can't even
speak English.
514
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,036
And don't worry --
there'll be plenty of priests
515
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:33,670
to take your place here.
516
00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:36,073
Look, I know it's a big change,
but...
517
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,341
you know
what you have to do.
518
00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:41,245
Yes, I do.
519
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,314
I don't think
I have any other choice.
520
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,618
No.
He can't.
521
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,353
Well, our work here
is done!
522
00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:51,021
Praise be to Christ,
guys.
523
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,590
It certainly was
a tough one,
524
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,658
but I think we got everything
cleaned up and --
[ Engine starts ]
525
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,193
[ Cumboni blooping ]
526
00:19:56,295 --> 00:20:00,398
[ Horn honking ]
527
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,036
-Aaaah!
-The Cumboni!
528
00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:08,872
Aah!
Aaaaaagh!
529
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:10,007
Aah!
530
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:12,109
Aaaaaagh!
[ Squish ]
531
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,245
[ Breathing heavily ]
532
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:20,417
Nooooooooo!
Br-br-br-br-br-br!
533
00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:23,720
[ Engine stops, brakes hiss ]
534
00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:26,423
Father, you did it!
535
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:28,059
I'm so sorry,
my child.
536
00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:30,427
I never meant to say
we weren't pals.
537
00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:32,462
Does that mean
you're gonna stay?
538
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:33,597
Of course.
539
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:36,800
Now I have purpose,
and I have meaning.
540
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:40,471
My job here
is to protect you.
541
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,339
All of you.
542
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:45,142
[ Door handle rattles ]
543
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,712
The Lord be with you.
544
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:52,083
All:
And with your spirit.
545
00:20:52,185 --> 00:20:56,887
Today, I'd like to talk
on the subject of penance.
546
00:20:56,990 --> 00:21:00,023
The penitent have deep remorse,
547
00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:03,727
but for true penance,
we must be humble enough
548
00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:08,332
to admit that the Lord's
forgiveness is undeserved.
549
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,500
Kind of like how getting raped
by a Catholic priest
550
00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:11,335
is undeserved.
551
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,070
[ Snickering ]
552
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:15,338
In Job 42:6, we read,
553
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,641
"Therefore
I reprehend myself
554
00:21:17,743 --> 00:21:20,243
and do penance
in dust and ashes."
555
00:21:20,345 --> 00:21:22,546
And in choir boys'
butts and asses.
556
00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:23,681
[ Laughter ]
557
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:26,116
So we are not
to punish ourselves,
558
00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:29,686
but instead we are to
make ourselves passionate.
559
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,956
Like a Catholic priest
at a Chuck E. Cheese.
560
00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:33,624
[ Laughter ]
561
00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:35,792
Oh, God, it's good
to have my faith back!
562
00:21:35,894 --> 00:21:39,262
Passionate to understand
all that Christ sacrificed
563
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:41,665
and how hard it truly was.
564
00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:43,534
Woman:
How hard what truly was?
565
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:46,170
[ Laughter ]
566
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:53,377
[ Laughter ]
567
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:54,945
Oh, that was a great one,
Nelson.
568
00:21:55,047 --> 00:21:56,646
Salvation in a little boy's
mouth.
569
00:21:56,748 --> 00:21:58,048
I'm gonna post that one
for sure.
570
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:00,050
Who said the thing
about naked boy salad?
571
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:01,218
Oh, that was Linda!
572
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,053
Well, see ya next week,
everybody!
573
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:05,055
-Yeah! See ya!
-All right. Take it easy, now!
574
00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:06,090
-Bye.
-That was good.