1 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,747 What the hell does tripping the rift mean anyway? 2 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,495 Come on, you little green... hole. We ain't got all day. 3 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,869 - I'm thinking. - How do you manage that 4 00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:42,466 without a brain? 5 00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:47,907 You'd better be spelling out "cunning. " 6 00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:51,144 - Preparing to beam the captain aboard. - Oh, wouldn't you know it? 7 00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:53,482 Just when I was about to put down "homoeroticism. " 8 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,886 Really? I can't imagine you 9 00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:58,550 ever putting down homoeroticism. 10 00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,388 Are you back on that again? 11 00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:02,395 I am not gay. 12 00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:05,762 Yeah, and I am not a heterosexual ball sack 13 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:08,927 of raging testosterone. Hey, I got a job for you. 14 00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:10,162 Chode, you're out of luck. 15 00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:12,228 My vagina's in the shop for its maintenance checkup. 16 00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:15,503 No, not that. I got us a job as royal bodyguards 17 00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,703 for the Princess of Slovenia. 18 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,507 The princess's bodyguards? 19 00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:21,207 Isn't that a little dangerous? 20 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,078 Not at all, scary fairy. 21 00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:25,209 Everybody down there loves her. 22 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,412 And besides, it's just for a couple of days 23 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,251 until her coronation. 24 00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:32,986 We'll be in and out faster than a rabbit with ejaculin praecox. 25 00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:34,857 So when do we start, Uncle Chode? 26 00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:37,192 They're expecting us in about an hour. 27 00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:40,461 So how long is your snatch in the shop? 28 00:01:42,802 --> 00:01:44,827 I have a bad feeling about this. 29 00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:48,568 Yeah, black and white usually means the producers ran out of money. 30 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,406 She's talking about this place, dumbass. 31 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,639 Thank God this job's only for two days. 32 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,080 These local yokels give me the creeps. 33 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:59,108 Oh, nonsense, they're probably just shy. 34 00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:01,518 You just have to be the one that's friendly first. 35 00:02:01,554 --> 00:02:03,078 A pleasant good evening to you, madam. 36 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,920 Off! 37 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,448 That went well. 38 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:08,518 Hey, Uncle Chode, you've seen the princess. 39 00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:11,325 Is she beautiful and sweet and innocent like in all the fairy tales? 40 00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:14,094 Here, come and see the princess. 41 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,592 Lord, let her be a hot little virgin 42 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:21,129 anxious to learn the wicked ways of the world. 43 00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:25,041 Oh, baby! 44 00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,342 Somebody's been hitting the supersize! 45 00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:30,838 Well, let's just say they call 'em fairy tales 46 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,875 for a reason, kid. 47 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:44,120 Is it Halloween already? 48 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,756 Jeez, you tell me. 49 00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:49,564 You all look a little old to be trick or treating. 50 00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:51,695 We've been hired to guard the princess. 51 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:55,071 Oh. In that case, let me introduce myself. I'm... 52 00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:57,076 Don't tell me. Eyesore. 53 00:02:57,110 --> 00:03:00,443 No, I don't know why everyone think my name is Eyesore. 54 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,074 - Maybe it's because you've got... - What? 55 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,583 Nothing. 56 00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:06,983 Who is the inconsiderate bastard 57 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,511 that's bothering us at this time of the night? 58 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,888 They're here to guard the princess. 59 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,153 Yeah, my name's... 60 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,060 Don't tell me. Swollen Hemorrhoid. 61 00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:18,359 May I call you Swollen? I'm Frau Schmidt. 62 00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:20,389 I'm Her Highness's lady in waiting. 63 00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:22,162 Show them in. 64 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,035 Walk this way. 65 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,076 Nah, too easy. 66 00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:36,640 Sorry, but your cow will have to go in the barn. 67 00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:38,514 I beg your pardon? 68 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:41,918 Oh, I am sorry. Your talking cow 69 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,923 will have to go in the barn. 70 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:47,290 I am not an animal! 71 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:51,093 Oh! 72 00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:59,037 Piss off, you murdering swine! 73 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,235 What? How dare you talk to me like... 74 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,835 Who's out there? What did you say? 75 00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:07,744 Nothing. 76 00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:09,907 And when I am king, 77 00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:13,385 you will be Queen Mother, Mother. 78 00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:16,913 One minute. 79 00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:20,653 One stinking minute! 80 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:26,523 - What is it, woman? - Last night there was another threat 81 00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:28,557 on the life of the princess. 82 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,364 Let me see that note. 83 00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:32,564 I hope that security team that I asked you 84 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,573 to hire knows their stuff. 85 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,132 Yes, I got the best bodyguards 86 00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:39,007 in the business. 87 00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:46,045 They better be. If anything were to happen to her, 88 00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:49,111 our nation would be without a leader. 89 00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:52,488 Oh, we would find one somewhere. 90 00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,720 Nonsense. 91 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,820 There is no one left of royal blood. 92 00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:59,923 She's the last of an ancient noble line that goes back 93 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,831 hundreds of years. 94 00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:04,837 Yeah yeah yeah. Don't let the door hit you on the ass 95 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:06,463 on the way out. 96 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,777 Did you know Her Highness's royal crown 97 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,245 is on your moose head? 98 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:17,943 Did you know even in this light I can see your "moose-stache"? 99 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,619 Oh, that was close. 100 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:26,614 It's time to kill me one big-ass ugly princess 101 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:29,492 and become the king! 102 00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:35,897 This is torture. 103 00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:39,336 She hasn't done anything but look at herself in the mirror for hours. 104 00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:41,237 How could she stand it? 105 00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:44,072 Oh, those earrings are lovely! 106 00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,668 What do you know? 107 00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:47,873 It must be wonderful to be in a position 108 00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:50,178 to make a difference in the lives of your people. 109 00:05:50,216 --> 00:05:52,116 Oh, them. 110 00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:55,143 They're the reason I don't have a minute for myself. 111 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,850 Why am I brushing my own hair? 112 00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:01,621 You with the big tits, get over here and start brushing. 113 00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:03,788 A hundred strokes. 114 00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:06,697 Yeah, I could use a hundred strokes myself about now. 115 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,758 I'm bored! 116 00:06:08,801 --> 00:06:10,428 I brought along a word game. 117 00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:14,201 Good idea. You're not as stupid as you look. 118 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,505 Set it up and make it snappy. 119 00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,773 - Psst. Over here. - Hmm? 120 00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:24,282 I had to get you alone. 121 00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:27,844 Oh, boy, here it comes. Look, lady, you're not my type. 122 00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:30,378 I get broads like you hitting on me all the time. 123 00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:32,584 Let me tell you how it is. You're too old, 124 00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:34,820 you're too ugly and, for the record, 125 00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:38,228 I'd like to be the only one in the relationship who shaves. 126 00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:41,097 I have no sexual interest in you. 127 00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,227 Hey, what am I, chopped liver? 128 00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:45,737 Listen, the princess is in great danger. 129 00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:47,797 I don't mean to tell you your job, 130 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:51,241 but I think the prime minister is up to no good. 131 00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:53,040 The prime minister? 132 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,842 He seems like a nice enough guy. 133 00:06:57,216 --> 00:07:00,515 You think so? Maybe I'm just being paranoid. 134 00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:02,851 Oftentimes we judge people so harshly, 135 00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:05,687 when we are only projecting our own fears. 136 00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:08,387 Man is inherently good. 137 00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:14,223 Yeah, uh-huh, that's what I believe. 138 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,633 I hope that's what you do believe. 139 00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:18,796 Because if anything happens to the princess, 140 00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:22,171 you and your friends will all be put to death. 141 00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:25,666 What? I didn't see anything about death in the contract. 142 00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:28,612 It's standard. Always read the fine print. 143 00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:31,446 "Kanot. " And I get double points for the "K." 144 00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:33,452 Just a minute. That's not a word. 145 00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:34,885 It is so. 146 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:37,617 Oh, really? Use it in a sentence. 147 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:40,285 My authority "kanot" be questioned, 148 00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:43,784 otherwise a certain robot's gonna get his fairy ass 149 00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:46,390 carted off to the scrap heap. 150 00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:48,593 Well, now that I hear it in a sentence... 151 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,966 Hey, where you going? 152 00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:53,528 We have to keep an eye on you at all times. 153 00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:57,168 Oh, puhleeze. I'm just going to the powder room. 154 00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:00,270 And it ain't to take a powder. 155 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,611 - Somebody go with her. T'nuk. - Huh? 156 00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:05,549 Ow! 157 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,116 Everything come out okay in there? 158 00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:49,116 Kick the door in. How is she? 159 00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:52,961 Remember those pretty earrings I admired on the princess earlier? 160 00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:55,900 Well, there's not a scratch on them. 161 00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:58,267 Holy... We gotta get out of here. 162 00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:00,966 If the princess's subjects find out she's been murdered, 163 00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:02,531 we'll all be executed. 164 00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:05,066 - Executed? - Uncle Chode, is it true? 165 00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,578 Are we doomed? 166 00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:09,843 Well, if you wanna see the glass as half empty, 167 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:12,043 - technically... - Chode, really. 168 00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:14,450 Bob, I need you to lock into our coordinates 169 00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,887 - and beam us back on board. - No can do, El Capitán. 170 00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:18,891 - What do you mean? - I kind of shorted out 171 00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,984 the beaming device with a fork. 172 00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:22,961 You should have never left me alone. 173 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,963 Sheesh! How the hell did that happen? 174 00:09:24,997 --> 00:09:26,828 Well, I was trying to beam my raisin toast out 175 00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:29,733 of the toaster with the help of the transporter beam and a fork. 176 00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,600 Why, for Christ's sake? 177 00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:34,197 Because my toast was stuck in the toaster. 178 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:38,074 We're toast, Uncle Chode! 179 00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:40,578 I'm surrounded by morons. 180 00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:43,548 Look, if we can find out who killed the princess, 181 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,914 maybe they'll go easy on us. 182 00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:47,317 Everybody, grab the rest of her. 183 00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:50,618 Sheesh, whoever said die young and leave a beautiful corpse 184 00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:53,181 - never met this stiff. - Chode, what do we do now? 185 00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:56,353 We gather every shred of evidence, pore over every clue, 186 00:09:56,395 --> 00:10:00,331 go to any extreme necessary to determine the perp's identity. 187 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,960 What it is? 188 00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:05,630 It's a short curly purple hair of some sort, 189 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,434 probably the killer's. 190 00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:10,271 Or your own pubic hair, dumbass! 191 00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:13,039 That's another theory that deserves exploring. 192 00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:14,842 Princess! Princess! 193 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:18,111 Princess, it's almost time for your noon appearance. 194 00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:21,210 My God! What has happened to the princess? 195 00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:24,245 After a battery of sophisticated tests, 196 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,986 I've determined she died of natural causes. 197 00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:28,584 But she's been cut to ribbons. 198 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,721 Well, I mean, after that, naturally, she died. 199 00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:33,789 For all our sakes, no one must find out. 200 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,199 I need time to think. 201 00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:38,226 Your Majesty? 202 00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:40,261 God damn it, I needed more time than that. 203 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,365 It's noon, Your Highness. 204 00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:45,070 Time for you to greet your loyal subjects. 205 00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:48,410 This is no time to fall apart, Your Highness. 206 00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:50,108 Your public awaits. 207 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:53,118 Pull yourself together. 208 00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,642 I know, Mother. 209 00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:57,747 I get my sense of humor from you. 210 00:10:57,790 --> 00:10:59,553 I'm brushing my teeth. 211 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,117 - I'll be right out. - You will? 212 00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:04,026 Well, please hurry. 213 00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:07,328 Your subjects can't wait to see you. 214 00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:10,392 And frankly, neither can I. 215 00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:13,269 I'll be right out... why'd you say that? 216 00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:15,830 If she doesn't show, the townspeople will know immediately 217 00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,399 something is wrong. 218 00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,070 Princess! Princess! 219 00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:22,512 T'nuk, grab that head. The princess will be right out. 220 00:11:28,954 --> 00:11:31,286 The suckers are buying it. 221 00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:33,917 How can this be? She's dead! 222 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,895 Show's over, folks. 223 00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:45,870 The princess is dead... 224 00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:47,463 tired. 225 00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:49,770 Hope to see you all at the coronation. 226 00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:52,175 Free beer and pretzels. 227 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:55,710 You two, come with me. 228 00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:59,684 I suspect the princess has been the victim of foul play. 229 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,584 Okay, we need an escape plan. 230 00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:05,047 We're trapped. We're not going anywhere. 231 00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:06,820 Nonsense, you're going to 232 00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:09,157 certain death, unless... 233 00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:11,595 - Unless? - No no. It's too crazy. 234 00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,188 Too farfetched. 235 00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:16,759 It goes against all the laws of nature and God. 236 00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,565 You're not talking about my sex life, are you? 237 00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:21,232 No. I'm talking about bringing 238 00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:25,107 the dead princess back to life. 239 00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:26,805 Am I hearing you right? 240 00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:30,282 I don't know. When's the last time you had your hearing tested? 241 00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:32,716 You really should take her to the vet every once in a while. 242 00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:36,482 They're gonna knock down the door any minute. 243 00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:39,923 She's right. Everyone grab a piece of princess 244 00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:42,484 and follow me through the secret passageway. 245 00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:45,429 - Where does it lead? - Let me guess. To a long-forgotten 246 00:12:45,464 --> 00:12:48,490 laboratory where a mad scientist once reanimated the dead? 247 00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:51,799 Wow, does someone got that women's intuition or what? 248 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,877 I'll leave a note to throw them off the scent. 249 00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:01,277 Break it down! 250 00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,784 "Gone to the movies... double feature. 251 00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:15,988 Grabbing a bite after. Don't wait up. " 252 00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:17,928 Let's see. 253 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,693 ¤ The knee bone's connected to the thigh bone ¤ 254 00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:24,066 ¤ The thigh bone's connected to the hip bone. ¤ 255 00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:27,197 Chode, you can't perform an operation as complex as this. 256 00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:30,140 He won't have to. Young Dr. Skankenstein 257 00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:33,304 has been reanimating the dead as his crazy father did before him, 258 00:13:33,345 --> 00:13:36,246 and his even crazier father did before him. 259 00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:37,806 He could do it with his eyes closed. 260 00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:39,374 If he were here. 261 00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,750 "Gone to 'American Idol' tryouts. 262 00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:43,948 I'm a better singer than Ruben, Clay Aiken 263 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,786 and Fantasia put together. " 264 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,452 Well, that's that. We're screwed. 265 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,120 Well, not so fast. 266 00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,493 According to this "Reanimating the Dead for Dumbasses" book, 267 00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,191 it's not so hard. 268 00:13:53,232 --> 00:13:56,065 Okay, Six, plug in that electrical V-shaped thing 269 00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:57,830 that goes "Zzzz!" 270 00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:00,100 Gus, find me a giant needle and thread. 271 00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:03,131 T'nuk, make sure the moonroof opens. 272 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:06,440 Whip, go over to that shelf and grab me a brain. 273 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,115 Careful, Whip. 274 00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:16,883 Don't worry. There's another one. 275 00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:19,049 "Senator Diane Finestein, 276 00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,854 Mel Brookstein, 277 00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:23,293 Hearty Fiberstein. " 278 00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:28,293 Hurry! 279 00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:31,394 The storm is almost directly overhead. 280 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,004 Raise the gurney! 281 00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:46,416 Give my creature life! 282 00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:55,520 Oh, what a pretty night it turned out to be. 283 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:58,359 I don't need a pretty night. I need lightning. 284 00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,423 Is there any other source of intense electricity around here? 285 00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,594 Yeah, I could divert the electricity 286 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,866 from the entire kingdom's power grid 287 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,429 to the cables you are holding. 288 00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:09,964 That is if I can reach the switch. 289 00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,500 You've got to try. 290 00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:14,478 Okay. 291 00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:26,390 Did you say something? 292 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,689 Could you at least 293 00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:31,753 wait until I let go of the cables? 294 00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:34,823 - Oh, my apologies. - Okay, now. 295 00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,176 Bring us down. 296 00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,383 Love the hair. 297 00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:01,154 It's sort of Liza meets Lily Munster. 298 00:16:01,193 --> 00:16:04,560 Great job, everybody. 299 00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:11,703 My God! Look at this place. 300 00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:15,264 Don't tell me I'm playing dinner theater in the Poconos. 301 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,172 No, this is Slovenia. 302 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:18,699 Slovenia. 303 00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:21,804 I've opened out of town before, but this is ridiculous. 304 00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:23,906 Look, you were dead, and we brought you back to life. 305 00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:26,713 Okay, now you're starting to sound like my agent. 306 00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:31,079 I am so parched. 307 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:33,785 Who does a queen have to do to get a drink around here? 308 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:37,318 Your Royal Highness, welcome back. 309 00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:38,728 Royal Highness? 310 00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:42,097 Let me explain, lady... mister... 311 00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:44,102 whatever the hell team you're playing for. 312 00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:46,502 Look, in this show, you play a princess 313 00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:48,403 who gets crowned queen 314 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,203 and lives happily ever after. 315 00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:53,234 Unless, of course, they declare you a total weirdo 316 00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:55,576 and the fickle public turns their back on you. 317 00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:58,014 You mean like Tom Cruise? 318 00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,915 There's an angry mob led by the prime minister 319 00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,249 surrounding the castle. 320 00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:03,618 It sounds like he's whipping them into a frenzy. 321 00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:07,985 Not the face. Not the face! 322 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,790 They have killed the princess. 323 00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:12,820 Slice them up like a turkey on Thanksgiving morning. 324 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,594 I say we lynch them first 325 00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:17,397 and ask intelligent questions later. 326 00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:22,502 I haven't seen critics this out for blood 327 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,975 since Puff Daddy did "Raisin in the Sun. " 328 00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:28,241 We're going to to have to go down there and face the people. 329 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,770 Let me know how that turns out. 330 00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:31,544 Chode, we don't have any choice. 331 00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:34,245 We've gotta escort the princess out there and see if her subjects 332 00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:36,447 will accept her... him. 333 00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,456 I gotta take a wicked leak. 334 00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:40,720 Where's the men's room? 335 00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:45,724 Is anyone really stupid enough to buy that big lug as the princess? 336 00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:49,598 Wow, is that princess babe hot or what? 337 00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:50,761 Show's on. 338 00:17:55,274 --> 00:17:58,402 All hail the royal princess. 339 00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:02,875 Smile at the people. 340 00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:07,549 Watch where you're putting that thing, 341 00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,554 you buggy-eyed ass! 342 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,785 Wait a minute. Why is your voice so deep? 343 00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,157 Friday night's my poker night. 344 00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:17,355 Too much booze and cigarettes. 345 00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:19,557 Well, that satisfied my curiosity. 346 00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,156 I'm not buying it. 347 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:25,159 If you're the princess, sing the princess's favorite song. 348 00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:34,077 Sorry, just warming up my instrument. 349 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:37,378 Hit it, frau. 350 00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:40,385 ¤ I love Slovenia in the summer ¤ 351 00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:41,943 ¤ When it sizzles ¤ 352 00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:45,252 ¤ I love Slovenia in the spring ¤ 353 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,258 ¤ When the frigging flowers bloom ¤ 354 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:50,056 ¤ I love Slovenia in the winter ¤ 355 00:18:50,095 --> 00:18:53,587 ¤ When it's snowing and snowing and snowing... ¤ 356 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:56,601 You gotta admit it snows like a mother... out here. 357 00:18:56,635 --> 00:19:00,401 ¤ But when you see Slovenia in the fall ¤ 358 00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:02,839 ¤ That's when I love Slovenia ¤ 359 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,571 ¤ That's when she loves Slovenia ¤ 360 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,079 ¤ That's when I love Slovenia ¤ 361 00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:10,308 ¤ That's when she loves Slovenia ¤ 362 00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:13,409 ¤ That's when I love Slovenia ¤ 363 00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:16,512 ¤ Most of all. ¤ 364 00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:23,519 Not bad. 365 00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:25,723 We call it a backer's audition. 366 00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:27,629 How much could I put you down for? 367 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:29,691 Put me down for one pitchfork 368 00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,396 in the belly! 369 00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,631 Wait a minute. I say we let the people decide. 370 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,799 Would you like to continue to live your lives 371 00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,638 in quiet desperation, 372 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:40,804 living off the stale crumbs from this tyrant's table, 373 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:44,009 or have a fabulous queen 374 00:19:44,049 --> 00:19:46,017 who's going to put on hit show after hit show 375 00:19:46,051 --> 00:19:49,885 and make this town a bundle off busloads of out-of-town suckers? 376 00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,651 Perhaps we could put on 377 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:54,386 "Hunchback of Notre Dame: The Musical. " 378 00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:57,327 Long live our drag queen! 379 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,728 Hip hip hooray! 380 00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:01,824 What a bunch of ingrates. 381 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:05,030 Okay, I go to California. 382 00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:09,029 I will be governor. You just see if I don't. 383 00:20:09,074 --> 00:20:11,065 Wait for me, Mother. 384 00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:18,478 Well, looky here. 385 00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:20,485 I'm on a triple square. 386 00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:22,248 That's another 84 points. 387 00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:25,085 I'm kicking your pathetic asses. 388 00:20:25,123 --> 00:20:27,683 There's nothing like a gracious winner. 389 00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:31,253 And you're nothing like a gracious winner. 390 00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,992 - Hey, what's this? - A bill from Dr. Skankenstein. 391 00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:36,830 "Use of laboratory, 10,000 kronigs; 392 00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:40,702 dry cleaning of laboratory smock, 100 kronigs; 393 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,799 electric bill, 10 million kronigs"? 394 00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:46,777 I thought he went off to win "American Idol" and wasn't coming back. 395 00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:48,677 Apparently, he hit a screechy high note 396 00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:51,342 that simultaneously burst both of Simon's eardrums 397 00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:54,409 and shattered Randy's glasses, blinding him for life. 398 00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:55,852 What about Paula Abdul? 399 00:20:55,887 --> 00:20:57,855 She was very encouraging as always... 400 00:20:57,889 --> 00:20:59,880 then went home and jumped out a window. 401 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,621 Whatever. Nothing's gonna get in the way of my enjoyment 402 00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:06,495 at watching these two losers crash and burn at Scribble. 403 00:21:06,531 --> 00:21:09,432 Oh, Chode, you wanna guess what's back from the shop? 404 00:21:09,468 --> 00:21:11,561 Later. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net