[RHYTHMIC DRUMMING, CHANTING]
- WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE LATE DR. THADDEUS VENTURE.
I'M GLAD YOU'RE STILL... HANGING AROUND.
I WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR FINDING
GROVER CLEVELAND'S PRESIDENTIAL TIME MACHINE FOR ME.
I'LL GIVE HIM YOUR REGARDS.
- TAKE YOUR TIME, MONARCH.
'CAUSE THE MINUTE YOU FINISH YOUR LITTLE SPEECH,
I'M GONNA KILL YOU.
- WHAT ARE YOU, OBI-WAN KENOBI?
JUST LOOK AT YOU SCHMUCKS!
I DON'T THINK I'M THE ONE IN DANGER HERE.
CONSIDERING THE SAD FACT THAT RIGHT BELOW YOU
FLOWS THE MIGHTY AMAZON,
TEEMING WITH THE MOST GRUESOME FISH TO EVER--
- THE PIRANHA! - NO!
- THE SHARK? - NO!
- THE PIRANHA? - NO! SHUT UP!
THIS ISN'T A QUIZ. NOW, WHERE WAS I? RIGHT.
AHEM. THE DREADED CANDIRU,
A NAUGHTY LITTLE FISH WITH A PENCHANT FOR SWIMMING UP A MAN'S URETHRA
TO FEED ON THE DAMAGED TISSUE OF THE PITIFUL MASS OF FLESH YOU ONCE CALLED YOUR PENIS!
- THAT IS A TOTAL MYTH! THERE IS NO SUCH FISH.
- IS TOO! - NO, THERE ISN'T!
- TIME-OUT! - WHAT?
- TIME-OUT!
I'M REALLY HURT!
THIS ISN'T FREEZE TAG. YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
- I'M SERIOUS. I REALLY FEEL SICK!
- DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT RALPHING ON ME.
- WHERE ARE YOU HURT, BOY?
- I DON'T WANT TO SAY.
- OH, GREAT. - DEAN.
- UH, MY NO-NOS HURT. - WHAT THE HELL ARE NO-NOS?
- THAT'S THE SUPER ADULT TERM MY TEENAGE SONS USE TO REFER TO THEIR GENITALS...IN PUBLIC...
IN FRONT OF THEIR FATHER.
- WELL, DUH. YOU ALL SHALL BE FEELING THE STING IN YOUR NETHERS,
FOR IN SECONDS,
THE DREADED CANDIRU WILL SEEK OUT THE TINY--
- OOH! - THE KID'S REALLY HURT. LET HIM GO.
- WHY? I'M ABOUT TO KILL ALL OF YOU ANYWAY.
WHAT'S THE POINT, REALLY?
- BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO!
IN 1969, THE GUILD OF CALAMITOUS INTENT
ENACTED AN ADDENDUM TO ARTICLE 47 OF THE UNUSUAL TORTURE ACT.
SO LET'S CUT THE MONKEY BUSINESS.
- GO, DAD! - YES, GO DAD.
AND WHAT'S MORE, YOU ARROGANT LITTLE TROUBLE-MAKER,
YOU HAVE TO LET US ALL GO.
- HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT?
- HUH. CHECK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF.
- MAYBE I WILL.
- AH, YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN TO STOP WITH ALL THIS, DO YOU?
YOU JUST KEEP PUSHING MY BUTTONS!
- YOU'RE MY ARCH ENEMY! THAT'S WHAT I DO! THAT'S MY THING!
- AAH!
- ALL RIGHT, FINE.
I HAVE A GUILD OF CALAMITOUS INTENT HANDBOOK IN MY GLOVE COMPARTMENT.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
- WELL, I THINK THAT'S SETTLED THEN.
WE MEET BACK HERE IN TWO DAYS.
I KEEP THE BIG ONE AS COLLATERAL.
- AAH!
- WHAT IF DEAN DIES BEFORE THEN?
- THEN I KILL THIS GUY.
THE GUILD OF CALAMITOUS INTENT--
WHICH, INCIDENTALLY, I ONLY JOINED BECAUSE OF FULL-DENTAL AND PARTIAL HEALTH PACKAGE--
HAS THIS PRETTY CUT AND DRIED.
I HAVE TO KILL HIM. THOSE ARE MY ORDERS.
- I'M NOT EVEN GOING WITH YOU.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT GOING WITH ME?
- I'M A BODYGUARD.
YOU HAVE YOUR ORDERS, AND I GOT MINE.
- OK, THEN, GUARD HIM!
- AAH! HA HA!
- NO WAY! THE ADDENDUM TO THE UNUSUAL TORTURE ACT IS ALSO CALLED RUSTY'S LAW.
THEY USED TO CALL MY DAD RUSTY.
- HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR FATHER KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT IT?
- 'CAUSE HE'S A GENIUS SUPER SCIENTIST.
- I LIKE TO DREAM, TOO, HANK.
BUT FACE IT, YOUR GRANDFATHER REALLY DID A NUMBER ON YOUR OLD MAN.
GOD, WHAT A PRO!
I WISH I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO HATE HIM WHEN HE WAS ALIVE!
NOW, THAT WAS AN ARCH ENEMY!
- I NEVER MET MY GRANDFATHER.
I NEVER EVEN MET MY MOM.
- HANK, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF I TOLD YOU THAT YOUR MOTHER
WAS SOMEONE YOU'VE MET BEFORE?
- WHAT? - AND WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT YOUR FATHER
IS NOT YOUR REAL FATHER?
HANK! HANK! I AM YOUR REAL FATHER!
- NO WAY. NO WAY! THAT'S NOT TRUE!
- PSYCHE! HA, SUCKER! YOU WERE ALL, "OH, DADDY, YOU'RE MY DADDY!"
YOU ARE SO GULLIBLE. WHAT IS THAT LIKE?
- CAN I HAVE YOUR PUDDING?
- NO. I'M SO SAVING THAT.
- YOU REALLY HAVE TO HOLD THAT SO CLOSE TO MY FACE?
I MEAN, WHERE AM I GONNA GO?
-YEAH, DUDE, EASE UP ON HIM.
IT'S NOT LIKE THAT'S LOADED OR ANYTHING.
- AW, WHAT ARE YOU? SOME SORT OF AN IMBECILE?
WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT?
- DID YOU LIFT ANYTHING HEAVY?
- I TOLD YOU, IT'S NOT A HERNIA!
- WERE YOU ROUGH-HOUSING WITH YOUR BROTHER?
- NO. - OH, DEAR GOD.
YOU TWO HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIMENTING WITH INAPPROPRIATE TOUCHING?
- NO! NO.
- I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN SEEING A LOT OF THAT LITTLE TRAMP WHO LIVES NEXT DOOR.
LORD KNOWS WHAT KINDS OF DISEASES THAT HUSSY CARRIES.
- AAH! IT'S GETTING WORSE!
- DEAN, I DON'T WANT YOU HANGING AROUND WITH TRIANA ORPHEUS ANYMORE.
I DON'T APPROVE OF THE WAY SHE DRESSES.
GIRLS LIKE THAT ARE USUALLY ON THE DOPE. AH!
DEAN, HAVE YOU BEEN SHOOTING DOPE INTO YOUR SCROTUM?
YOU CAN TELL ME! I'M HIP!
- DAD, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID!
SUDDENLY IT JUST FELT LIKE SOMEONE KICKED ME IN THE ROCKS
AND THEY NEVER TOOK THEIR FOOT AWAY!
- ALL RIGHT, DEAN, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS.
I HAVE TO PALPATE THE REGION.
- PLEASE, DAD, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T FEEL ME UP!
- I'M GOING TO PALPATE, DEAN.
THIS ISN'T ANY FUN FOR ME EITHER.
DO YOU WANT ME TO GET HELPER TO DO IT?
IS THAT BETTER FOR YOU?
A DODDERING OLD ROBOT WITH COLD, STEEL CLAWS.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
- AH! I WANT A DOCTOR!
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- ARE YOU GONNA GET THE PHONE OR WHAT?
- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY DON'T YOU EVER FLUSH?
THERE'S LIKE A BUCKET FULL OF PAYDAY BARS IN THERE.
- COME ON, FELLA, YOU'RE BLOCKING THE SCREEN!
- IS IT SO HARD TO PULL A HANDLE?
- OH, NOW, WHERE COULD I HAVE HEARD THIS BEFORE?
COULD IT BE I READ IT, LIKE, ABOUT A THOUSAND TIMES IN THOSE PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE POST-ITS
YOU PUT ALL OVER THE CAMPER?
- THOSE AREN'T PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE.
THEY'RE INFORMATIVE. ARE YOU GOING TO GET THE PHONE OR NOT?
CAN'T. I'M APPARENTLY DOING A DRIVE-BY MISSION FOR THE YARDIES OVER HERE.
[RING]
- CONJECTURAL TECHNOLOGIES.
MASTER BILLY, BOY GENIUS, SPEAKING.
- BILLY, YOU GOT TO DO IT.
- HOW CAN WE MAKE YOUR TOMORROW BETTER?
WELL, I--I GUESS IT'S THEORETICALLY POSSIBLE.
- IF YOU PUSH THE START BUTTON, YOU CAN SEE MY STATS!
- YEAH, UH-HUH. SURE.
- I AM AWESOME.
- OK, SURE. BUT THEN THERE IS MY RATHER STEEP FEE.
OK, THEN. ALL RIGHT.
BYE-BYE.
- "BYE-BYE"?
- WELL, HE SAID IT FIRST. IT JUST SLIPPED OUT.
- WELL? DO WE HAVE A JOB? - BRACE YOURSELF.
THAT WAS DR. VENTURE. - GET OUT!
- I WILL NOT. AND THERE'S MORE.
IT SEEMS THAT HIS SON HAS A MYSTERIOUS MALADY,
AND HE NEEDS THE HELP OF--
- CONJECTURAL TECHNOLOGIES.
WAY TO GO, BILLY.
DID YOU TELL HIM THAT YOU NEEDED THE AID OF A CERTAIN COMPUTER TECHNICIAN?
- YOU'RE IN. - DID YOU ASK FOR SOME EXTRA CASH TO REFUEL THE HELICOPTER?
- WE DON'T HAVE A HELICOPTER.
- VENTURE DOESN'T KNOW THAT.
- HIGH 5! - I DON'T THINK SO.
- MAN, THIS IS THE COOLEST BOOK EVER.
THERE'S A GUY IN HERE WHO GUARDS HIS HEADQUARTERS WITH ROBOT CHEETAHS!
- OH, YEAH. THE ZOOCREEPER.
OH, HEY, AM I IN THERE?
- UH...NOPE.
- "M" FOR MONARCH.
- UH-UH. - TRY "T" FOR "THE MONARCH!"
- NOTHING. SO WHERE ARE WE GOING?
- TOWARDS THE BLINKING LIGHT.
WE FLY BY RADAR ALONE.
THE LOCATION OF MY FLYING COCOON IS HIGHLY SECRETIVE.
EVEN I DON'T KNOW ITS WHEREABOUTS.
IT MAY WELL BE FLOATING OVER THE MOON!
- REALLY? - MAYBE.
OR EVEN DEEP BELOW THE EARTH'S CRUST.
- HEY! IT'S THE GRAND CANYON.
- OR IT MIGHT BE IN THE GRAND CANYON,
HOVERING WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT.
SURE. YEAH. WOULDN'T RULE THAT OUT. PLAUSIBLE.
- SURPRISE! - CRAP! AN AMBUSH!
- UH! - AW...
- OH, [BLEEP].
MY BAD. SORRY, EVERYBODY. SORRY. I PANICKED.
AND BEFORE YOU TELL ME WHAT A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW I AM,
THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET.
[COLLECTIVE GASP]
[GULPING]
- SOMEONE GOT HIM BROCK SAMSON? NOW I FEEL LIKE A TOOL.
- WHAT'D YOU GET HIM?
- I MADE HIM COUPONS FOR ONE FREE WASHING OF THE MONARCH MOBILE
AND ONE FREE BACK RUB.
- AREN'T THOSE YOUR JOBS ANYWAY? - YEAH, BUT...THESE ARE COUPONS.
- ALL RIGHT, NOW, LET'S SEE WHAT ALL THIS FUSS IS ABOUT.
- DAVE, YOU WANTED A DOCTOR, AND BILLY IS ONE OF THE BEST.
NOW DROP THOSE PANTS, MISTER.
- ACTUALLY, THIS IS MORE OF A JOB FOR A UROLOGIST.
- BILLY IS MORE OF A NEUROGENETICIST.
- YEAH, BUT THIS KIND OF THING SHOULD BE A WALK IN THE PARK.
- A WALK THROUGH A PARK WITH GENITALS FOR TREES.
- AND HAIR FOR GRASS.
- OH, I'M SURE THAT PUT HIM AT EASE.
YOU TWO MIGHT WANT TO WORK ON YOUR BEDSIDE MANNER.
- DR. GIRLFRIEND, I'M COMING IN WITH SOME CAKE.
AND A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU.
- COME IN, SWEETIE!
I HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU, TOO.
♪ FOR HE'S A SEXY GOOD FELLOW
- OH, SWEET MERCY! DR. GIRLFRIEND!
WON'T YOU COME OVER HERE WITH ME FOR A MOMENT?
- OH, I GUESS THE MUSCULAR ONE IS ALL RIGHT,
BUT THE BOY IS JUST GOING TOO FAR.
CAN'T WE JUST USE THE PUPPET AGAIN?
- NO, NO. SWEETIE, THIS IS BROCK SAMSON AND HANK VENTURE.
I CAPTURED THEM. - YOU DID NOT!
- DID TOO! - I THINK YOU BETTER GIVE US A PLACE TO BED DOWN.
KID HERE GETS KIND OF WIGGY IF HE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH SLEEP.
- OF COURSE. I TREAT MY CAPTIVES AS KINGS.
YOU'LL BE GIVEN THE GRANDEST OF ACCOMMODATIONS.
IT WILL BE A FAR CRY FROM SLEEPING OVER DR. VENTURE'S GARAGE LIKE SO MUCH FONZY.
- YOU PUT ME IN A STINKY OLD JAIL CELL LAST TIME I WAS HERE.
- YOU BROKE MY HEART, HANK.
- COME ON, THERE, FELLA, YOU COULD HAVE A REAL PROBLEM.
WITH YOUR LIFESTYLE, WHO KNOWS?
COULD BE AN IMPLANT OR A SPACE VIRUS
OR, UH... - PARASITE.
- SURE. PARASITE GROWING LARGER BY THE MINUTE.
IT PROBABLY WANTS TO EAT YOUR BRAIN.
- OK, OK, BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO LOOK.
- FINE. I'LL GO BEHIND THE SCREEN.
- ALL RIGHT.
LET'S SEE 'EM.
- I DON'T WANT TO SHOW MY JUNK TO A LITTLE BOY.
- OH, COME ON. - YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T LOOK!
- I'M NOT LOOKING!
BILLY, FESS UP TO THE BOY.
HE'S BEEN PULLING THAT BOY GENIUS CRAP FOR AT LEAST THE 20 YEARS THAT I'VE KNOWN HIM.
- WELL, NOBODY'S REALLY THAT IMPRESSED
WITH MASTER BILLY QUIZBOY, ADULT GENIUS.
- LIKE A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT AND GROWTH HORMONE DEFICIENCY QUALIFIES YOU AS A BOY GENIUS.
- DON'T FORGET THE HUGE HEAD.
- I COP TO IT. NOW YOU GUYS ARE JUST GANGING UP ON ME.
COULD WE JUST DO THIS, PLEASE?
[ZIP]
HOLY MACKEREL!
I AM NOT PREPARED TO RULE OUT THE PARASITE HYPOTHESIS.
WHAT'D YOU GUYS GET HIM? - OH.
WELL, I HAVE A RAZZLE IN MY POCKET.
I COULD GIVE HIM THAT.
FIRST IT'S A CANDY, THEN IT'S A GUM.
SO THAT'S LIKE TWO GIFTS.
- YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHY WE'RE HERE, DO YOU?
- BIG BIRTHDAY BASH, WHAT ELSE?
- YEAH. THAT'S IT.
IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE MONARCH NEEDS ANYTHING.
HE'S GOT A FLYING COCOON,
SHARP HENCHMEN IN PEAK PHYSICAL CONDITION.
HE'S GOT IT ALL.
- MORNING, SLEEPYHEADS. WISH I HAD YOUR LIFE, SLEEPING ALL DAY.
SO, I TRUST YOU FOUND THE LODGING PROVIDED TO BE AGREEABLE?
- I HAD TO SLEEP IN MY CLOTHES.
NOW I FEEL GROSS WEARING THEM TWO DAYS IN A ROW.
- YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT? THAT'S THE ONLY OUTFIT I'VE EVER SEEN YOU IN.
- WELL, IT DOESN'T MEAN I NEVER WASH IT.
- FAIR ENOUGH. NUMBER 27.
GET THE KID A CHANGE OF CLOTHES.
HOW ABOUT YOU? YOU OK?
- I DIDN'T SLEEP IN MY CLOTHES.
- 27, BURN HIS SHEETS!
GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE HEART OF THE MONARCH'S LAIR.
THE LIVING NEVER CENTER OF MY OMINOUS BODY,
THIS IS WHERE IT ALL HAPPENS.
RELAX...AND ENJOY THE SHOW.
- [SNORING]
ARE YOU GOING PAST THE FRIDGE?
WILL YOU GET ME A FRESCA?
WELL, WHAT DO WE USUALLY DO?
- YOU MAKE SOME "I'M GONNA GET DR. VENTURE" SPEECH
AND THEN, YOU KNOW.
- WELL, WE CAN'T DO THAT.
- MAN, THIS IS SAD.
- AH! CRAP, YOU SCARED ME.
- YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO BUT HARP ON DR. VENTURE?
WHY HAVEN'T YOU TRIED THE WORLD DOMINATION THING?
YOU AFRAID OF THE BIG LEAGUES?
- PLEASE, HOW STUPID DO I LOOK TO YOU?
WORLD DOMINATION.
I'LL LEAVE THAT TO THE RELIGIOUS NUTS AND THE REPUBLICANS, THANK YOU.
BUT I WOULDN'T BE SO QUICK TO JUDGE.
THE MONARCH HAS HIS HANDS IN MANY SINISTER SOUPS.
IT'S JUST AN OFF DAY.
- I THOUGHT MY BIRTHDAYS WERE LAME.
- WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU DON'T HAVE A PARASITE.
THE BAD NEWS IS THAT YOU HAVE A CONDITION KNOWN AS ACUTE TESTICULAR TORTION.
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- WELL, IN A NUTSHELL--
NO PUN INTENDED--
YOUR BALLS PULLED A 180.
IN A WAY, YOU'RE KIND OF LUCKY. IT ONLY HAPPENS TO ONE IN 4,000.
- IT'S LIKE YOU WON THE GENETIC FREAK LOTTERY.
- I BLAME MYSELF.
- OH, THERE'S NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE.
- I COULD HAVE FIXED THIS IN THE PROTOTYPE PHASE.
- DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF.
RAISING A SON IS AN EXPERIMENT NO SCIENTIST IS PREPARED FOR.
- THAT'S BEAUTIFUL, BILLY.
- THANKS. I JUST CAME UP WITH THAT.
- COME ON! THEY HAVE ONE FEMALE SERVICING A LARGE GROUP OF MALES.
THAT IMPLIES A SPECIES THAT LAYS EGGS.
- OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE CRAZY.
THEY'RE SO OBVIOUSLY MAMMALS.
- PLEASE! SHE'D BE IN ESTRUS 24/7 IF SHE DIDN'T LAY EGGS.
- SMURFS DON'T LAY EGGS!
I WON'T TELL YOU THIS AGAIN.
PAPA SMURF HAS A [BLEEP]ING BEARD.
THEY'RE MAMMALS.
- AH!
- WELL, WHAT HAPPENS NOW?
- WE HAVE A COUPLE OF OPTIONS HERE.
WE CAN DO NOTHING; IT'LL PROBABLY KEEP SWELLING,
AND LET ME TELL YOU THAT BEACH BALL YOU'RE PACKING DOWN THERE CAN'T AFFORD THAT.
OR I COULD PERFORM ORCHIOPEXY.
- THAT MEANS HE WANTS TO OPERATE ON YOU,
AND YOU KNOW, TIE IT DOWN.
- NO WAY! HE'S NOT GONNA OPERATE ON ME!
DAD, CAN'T YOU FIX THIS! AREN'T YOU A DOCTOR?!
MAKE IT GO AWAY! PLEASE!
- TAKE IT EASY, DEAN.
WELL, WHAT HAPPENS IF WE WAIT?
- THAT'S NO SO GOOD.
MY GUESS IS THAT IN A COUPLE OF HOURS,
YOUR SON'S TESTES ARE GOING TO DIE, THEN ATROPHY.
- THINK RAISINS.
OR BETTER YET, YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE EATING PEANUTS
AND YOU CRACK ONE OPEN AND THE LITTLE NUT IS ALL DARK AND CRAMMED INTO ONE CORNER--
- YOU'RE FINISHED, RIGHT?
AS FOR UNTWISTING THEM, I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY THEY SPUN.
- UNLESS YOU'RE THAT GUY FROM INXS AND THAT'S, LIKE, YOUR THING,
THE PAIN WOULD BE EXCRUCIATING.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH.
- NURSE, PREP THE PATIENT AND SHAVE THE REGION.
- NURSE? YOU SAID I WAS YOUR TECHNICIAN.
- DO YOU HAVE TO SHAVE IT?
UH...I JUST GREW THOSE.
- DISTRESS CALL FROM CELLBLOCK "C."
- EXCELLENT! PUT IT UP ON THE BIG SCREEN!
I WANT THE CAPTIVES TO SEE IT.
WHERE'S THE BIG GUY? HE'S GONNA MISS IT.
- BOSS, THERE'S A MONSTER OUT HERE.
- I THINK IT WAS TWO NINJAS TAPED TOGETHER TO MAKE ONE GIANT NINJA.
- I SAW IT CLIMB THE WALL. IT WAS A GIANT SPIDER!
- SEE? NOW WE'RE TALKING HERE, HUH?
GIANT SPIDER IN THE COCOON. WHERE'S SAMSON?
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S NOT HERE TO SEE THIS.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT HAPPENED? AND ONE AT A TIME.
- WE'RE STANDING HERE TALKING, RIGHT?
AND SUDDENLY SOMETHING CUTS NUMBER 43's TENDON.
IT WAS HORRIBLE. - OH, HIS CALF MUSCLE ROLLED UP LIKE A WINDOW SHADE.
HE JUST KEPT SCREAMING TILL HE PASSED OUT.
- PARTY'S OVER, MONARCH.
IT'S TIME I SHUT DOWN THIS LITTLE TREEFORT OF YOURS.
- BROCK SAMSON. I HAD A HUNCH YOU WERE BEHIND THIS.
YOU ARROGANCE WILL BE YOUR UNDOING.
I WILL GET YOU, BROCK SAMSON!
NUMBERS 18, 38, 40, AND 31, SECURE THE PRISON LEVEL.
ENGINEERING, I WANT A STEADY STREAM OF CYANIDE
PUMPED INTO THE VENTS OF SECTION 1 THROUGH 4.
MOVE!
OH, AND BROCK?
- WHAT? - THANK YOU.
RELEASE THE BUTTERFLIES!
OK, WHOSE JOB WAS IT TO FEED THE BUTTERFLIES?
- WAY TO GO, BILLY. NICE JOB.
AND THAT KNOT YOU TIED, WHAT IS THAT, A SHEEP SHANK?
- YEAH. IT'S MY SIGNATURE.
- IT SURE MAKES A STATEMENT.
- HIGH 5.
- COME ON, WOULD YOU STOP WITH THAT? REALLY.
- BROCK IS TOTALLY WAILING ON YOU GUYS.
THE SCREEN SAYS YOU JUST LOST ANOTHER UNIT.
- NONSENSE! HE'S IN MY WORLD NOW.
THE COCOON'S INTERNAL DEFENSE SYSTEM WAS DESIGNED BY A GENIUS--ME!
WE'RE MERELY TOYING WITH HIM, DRAWING HIM OUT.
LET HIM TAKE AS MANY PAWNS AS HE NEEDS!
- HEY!
- HEY WHAT? - CAN I TRY THAT ON?
- IT'S ALL PINNED TO THE COWL.
KIND OF A PAIN IN THE ASS TO GET BACK ON.
- SCREAM, I'LL BREAK YOUR NECK.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
- YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME, AREN'T YOU?
WELL, BE QUICK WITH IT.
- TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I NEVER REALLY CONSIDERED THAT.
- WHY NOT?
- JUST DIDN'T.
- WELL, I'M NOT GONNA BEG.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO MY UNDERWEAR?
- YOU CAN'T WEAR UNDERPANTS
UNTIL WE REMOVE THE DRESSING, SWEETIE.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT ARE ALL THOSE PEOPLE DOING HERE?
- I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT NEED SOME CHEERING UP.
- I BROUGHT YOU A ZUNI FETISH DOLL
FOR BEING SUCH A BRAVE LITTLE TROOPER.
I DO HOPE YOU DON'T ALREADY HAVE ONE.
- YOU'RE GOOD AS NEW, MAYBE EVEN BETTER.
I HOOKED YOU UP WITH A COMPLETE PACKAGE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
- I DON'T.
- [BEEPING]
- A WARM FREEZER POP. HOW THOUGHTFUL.
- I SAVED THESE FOR YOU.
I WAS GONNA TAPE THEM IN A SCRAPBOOK, BUT HERE.
THEY'RE YOUR PUBIC HAIRS.
- THANKS...I GUESS.
UH, HEY, TRIANA.
- KISS HIM. THAT WOULD BE SO CUTE.
- SO TELL ME, IS THIS THE MOST HUMILIATING MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE, OR WHAT?
- EASILY.
- LET THE GIRLFRIEND GO! IT'S ME YOU WANT.
- GIVE ME THE BOY, MONARCH.
- THE BOY'S WITH ME NOW.
HE HAS TASTED THE FRUITS OF SUPERVILLANY
AND FOUND THEM SWEET.
- NO, I HAVEN'T. - OK, FINE.
GIVE ME THE GIRL OR YOUR PRECIOUS HANK VENTURE DIES!
- MONARCH, WE HAVE TRANSMISSION FROM THE VENTURE COMPOUND.
- [BLEEP]! IT'S YOUR FATHER!
EVERYBODY SCRAMBLE!
- ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.
- HOLD THAT TRANSMISSION.
- GET THESE CORPSES OUT OF HERE!
- HELLO. COME IN, MONARCH. - GO, GO, GO!
- THIS IS DR. THADDEUS VENTURE. WHAT IS YOUR STATUS? OVER.
- AND WHO MAY I SAY IS CALLING?
- YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHO I AM.
I JUST SAID THIS IS DR. THADDEUS VENTURE.
NOW PUT THE MONARCH ON.
- AHEM. THIS IS THE MONARCH.
EVERYTHING IS SUPER GREAT AND NORMAL HERE.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - HAS YOUR SON DIED YET,
OR WAS HE FAKING IT?
- NO, HE HAD A LEGITIMATE MEDICAL CONDITION,
AND THAT'S BEEN SOLVED.
- MY TESTICLES SPUN AROUND.
HEY, HANK. I HAD EMERGENCY SURGERY.
- DEAN, DADDY'S TALKING NOW.
I'M READY TO FINISH THIS BUSINESS WITH YOU NOW,
SO IF WE--WHAT?
IS THAT BLOOD ALL OVER YOU? WHAT'S GOING ON OVER THERE?
- OH, THIS? THIS IS JELLY.
WE WERE JUST ENJOYING A GIFT PACK OF ASSORTED JAMS AND PRESERVES.
MMM. YUMMY.
- BROCK! HANK!
- EVERYTHING IS FINE, DOC.
WE JUST A LITTLE-- - PARTY!
WE HAD A BIRTHDAY PARTY. - HEY, POP!
- IS THAT TRUE, HANK? - I GUESS.
HEY, DEAN!
- HANK, I HAD MY PUBES SHAVED.
I'M GONNA PUT THEM UNDER MY PILLOW FOR THE TOOTH FAIRY.
- DID THE DOCTOR SEE THAT CREEPY DOG DORK OF YOURS?
- HANK, DON'T BRAG TO YOUR BROTHER ABOUT YOUR CIRCUMCISION.
AND WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
- IT'S THE MONARCH'S CROWN. - WE HAD A PARTY.
- LOOK, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I'M TAKING DEAN BACK TO THE AMAZON AS PER OUR ARRANGEMENT.
OVER AND OUT!
- WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE LATE DR. THADDEUS VENTURE, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
- COME ON, GET TO THE END PART.
I CAN'T FEEL MY HANDS.
- VERY WELL, DR. VENTURE.
I, TOO, AM ANXIOUS TO SEE YOU SEVERELY MANGLED,
FOR BELOW YOU SWIMS THE DREADED CANDIRU,
A NAUGHTY LITTLE FISH WITH A PENCHANT FOR SWIMMING UP A MAN'S URETHRA.
- COME ON, JUST DO IT.
- OH, YOU'RE REAL FUN.
CUT THE ROPE!
AND LET THEM FEEL THE STING OF THE MONARCH!
- OH, TIME-OUT!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
- GO TEAM VENTURE!
- TESTICULAR TORSION ISN'T JUST SOMETHING ON TV.
IT'S A REAL PROBLEM.
- TESTICULAR TORSION OCCURS ONLY IN MALES USUALLY UNDER 25 YEARS OF AGE.
- IF YOU'RE EXPERIENCING SHARP PAINS IN THE SCROTUM,
SWELLING IN ONE OF BOTH TESTES,
OR EVEN BLOOD IN YOUR SEMEN, YOUR GENITALS ARE MOST LIKELY DYING.
- THAT'S RIGHT, DOC. SO IF YOU WANT TO KEEP THEM,
YOU NEED TO SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION AS SOON AS YOU EXPERIENCE PAIN,
LIKE HANK AND DEAN HERE DID.
- SO DON'T BE A JACKASS. GO SEE A DOCTOR.
- IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR TESTICLES HEALTHY, REMEMBER THESE 3 WORDS:
STOP...
- TOUCH...
AND TELL.
TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT TESTICULAR TORSION,
YOU CAN LOOK IN SPECIAL MEDICAL BOOKS.
- OR ON THE INTERWEB.