GARY, PHONE!
MOM, I'M BUSY!
GARY! WHAT?
PHONE! FINE!
HAVE A COW, WHY DON'T YA?
ATOMIC COMIC COLLECTION CONNECTION.
SHUT UP, I KNOW! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WORKING. HANG ON.
ATOMIC COMIC COLLECTION CONNECTION.
21!
THIS IS THE MONARCH SPEAKING.
I GOT 24 ON THE OTHER LINE. I'LL PUT US ON THREE WAY.
GOOD, I WANT HIM TO HEAR THIS TOO.
DUDE, IT'S THE MONARCH.
HEY, BOSS. HOW'S PRISON?
WELL, I'M OUT. NO THANKS TO YOU SCHMUCKS!
GUESS WHERE AM I NOW? BEST WESTERN?
I AM SITTING IN THE CHARRED REMAINS
OF MY ONCE-MIGHTY FLYING COCOON.
ANYONE WANNA EXPLAIN TO ME
WHY MY COCOON IS CHARRED?
24: BECAUSE YOU TOLD US TO DESTROY THE COCOON?
AND WHY IT IS SIDEWAYS?
WE WERE FOLLOWING ORDERS. YOU CAN'T YELL AT US FOR FOLLOWING ORDERS.
OR KILL US FOR FOLLOWING ORDERS.
NEVER MIND.
JUST SUMMON THE OTHERS AND GET OVER HERE.
THERE ARE NO OTHERS.
YEAH, MOST OF THEM JOINED UP WITH MONSTROSO'S CREW
WHEN YOU WENT INSIDE.
AND WE KINDA LOST TOUCH AFTER THAT.
I'M NOT GONNA LOSE MY TEMPER.
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
I'M GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER IN WHAT IS LEFT OF MY BATHROOM.
WHEN I GET OUT, I EXPECT YOU TO BE HERE.
AND I EXPECT THIS COCOON TO BE FULLY MANNED
AND FULLY OPERATIONAL.
AWESOME! WE ARE BACK, DUDE.
YOU HEARD HIM. I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 5:00.
BE OUTSIDE.
I DON'T WANNA HAVE TO TALK TO YOUR MOM.
OH, I WILL BE THERE.
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
♪ DA DA DA DA ♪
[IMITATING MECHANICAL WHIRRING]
DADDY'S HOME.
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
♪ DA ♪
[BEEPING TO TUNE]
QUIT HONKING. I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME.
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
LADY! LADY, NO!
MOM! MOM, CALL THE DOG.
Man: THE GRAND COOLEY DAM,
THE LARGEST CONCRETE STRUCTURE IN THE UNITED STATES.
WHATEVER.
DO THEY REALLY NEED TO KNOW THIS?
[YAWNING]
HAPPY FIF- UH, 16th BIRTHDAY, BOYS.
BLOW OUT YOUR CANDLE.
HEY!
HERE BOYS, PUT THESE IN YOUR WALLETS.
YOU'RE OFFICIAL NOW.
HOW COME THEY'RE ALL BURNT UP?
UH, LAMINATING ACCIDENT. THEY'RE STILL GOOD, THOUGH.
YOU SURE? 'CAUSE THIS DATE IS WRONG.
IF I WAS BORN THE YEAR THIS SAYS --
CURIOSITY KILLS MORE THAN THE CAT, BOY.
PUT 'EM IN YOUR WALLETS AND GET DRESSED.
WE HAVE A BIG DAY AHEAD.
ARE YOU THE BULLY OF YOUR SCHOOL,
OR EVEN THE VICTIM OF BULLYING?
DO YOU WATCH MOVIES ABOUT COSTUME HEROES AND THINK,
"WOW, THAT GUY'S A PUSSY.
I SURE HOPE A MUCH COOLER BAD GUY KICKS HIS ASS.
WOW, IT'S LIKE YOU'RE READING MY MIND.
I AM NOT A MIND READER, STRANGER.
YOU, LIKE SO MANY OTHERS, ARE DRAWN
TO THIS SEXY, ACTION-PACKED LIFESTYLE
OF THE PROFESSIONAL HENCHMAN.
BUT I COULD NEVER BE A HENCHMAN.
I AM JUST A NORMAL GUY
WHO IS BETWEEN THE AGE OF 18 AND 30,
A LONER, AND LACKS TIES TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
YOU, STRANGER, ARE THE PERFECT CANDIDATE
FOR COSTUMED AGGRESSION.
YO, FAT BOY, WE GET TO CARRY A PIECE?
OF COURSE! YOUR STANDARD GRADE-ONE HENCHMEN
IN SERVICE OF THE MIGHTY MONARCH
IS ISSUED A DART GUN AND A GRAPPLING CANNON,
TO NAME ONLY A FEW OF THE EXCITING ACCOUTREMENTS
THAT WILL AID THE HENCHMEN
IN HIS WONDROUS WORLD OF CAREER HENCHING.
WHAT KIND OF RIDE WE GET?
HOW DOES AN ENORMOUS FLYING COCOON SOUND TO YOU?
WOW, A FLYING COCOON?
I CAN ALREADY FEEL MY LIFE GETTING BETTER.
THE MIGHTY MONARCH!
♪ BEEN AROUND THE WORLD AND I-I ♪
AAH!
NO WAY.
ARE WE FLOATING?
HEY, BOSS!
YOU ACTUALLY DID WHAT I TOLD YOU?
OH, YEAH, WE ARE UP AND RUNNING.
THE NEW GUYS STOLE SOME PARTS FROM SERGEANT HATRED'S HOVER TANK,
WHICH IS COOL, BUT BROKEN NOW.
SO THERE'S A COUPLE OF ISSUES.
LET ME DO THIS. YOU KNOW THAT 21 AND I
HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR YOU FOREVER?
AND WE THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME WE WERE
GIVEN NEW NUMBERS, LIKE 1 AND 2.
OR 2 AND 1.
FINE, WHATEVER.
OH, YEAH, LIKE IT'S THAT EASY.
NO, LISTEN TO THIS.
HENCHMEN 28, FRONT AND CENTER.
YOU WANT ME, YOU ROLL YOUR BIG ASS OVER HERE.
AND I DONE TOLD YOU MY NAME IS NUMBER 1.
I LIKE THAT! SHOWS INITIATIVE!
SEEMS LIKE YOU COLLECTED THE PERFECT TEAM OF GO-GETTERS
TO CARRY OUT MY BRILLIANT NEW PLAN --
OPERATION GET BACK DR. GIRLFRIEND.
NUMBER 1, IT'S TIME YOU MET YOUR LEADER!
THE MONARCH!
WHAT THE [BLEEP]? GET THAT OFF YOUR HEAD!
[sniff] I SMELL WEED.
CAN'T YOU GIVE ME JUST A LITTLE HINT?
AND RUIN THE SURPRISE? NO, SIRREE BOB.
I WISH I WAS YOU.
THIS WAS A BIG DAY FOR ME WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.
HI, MAY I HELP YOU?
I WOULD LIKE TO FIT THE LUCKY BIRTHDAY BOY
FOR HIS FIRST SPEED SUIT.
GREAT, AND WHAT IS A SPEED SUIT?
"WHAT IS A SPEED SUIT?"
ONLY THE PERFECT THING FOR THE SCIENCE-MINDED MAN
WHO KNOWS BOTH COMFORT AND EASE,
AND DEMANDS THEM FROM HIS CLOTHING.
IN A SPEED SUIT, YOU SAY TO THE WORLD,
"LOOK OUT!
I KNOW WHAT I'M WEARING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!"
THAT'S A SHORT-SLEEVED JUMPSUIT.
CHECK THE WORK WEAR DEPARTMENT IN THE BACK.
MY BIG SURPRISE IS A JUMPSUIT?
SPEED SUIT. I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOU EVER SAY
"JUMPSUIT," DEAN, NOT EVER -- SPEED SUIT.
THERE SHE IS. FOLLOW HER!
STEADY. STEADY NOW.
KEEP YOUR DISTANCE.
YEAH, FLY CASUAL.
SHE'S TURNING AROUND!
QUICK -- EVASIVE MANEUVERS! NOW!
SOMETHING WRONG?
NO, I THOUGHT I FORGOT SOMETHING.
OH, OF COURSE.
[CAR ALARM BEEPS]
I LOOK LIKE SANTA'S MAGIC JANITOR.
NONSENSE, YOU LOOK LIKE A MILLION BUCKS.
AND YOU WERE RIGHT. THE WIDE PIPE MAIN SEAMS
ON THE EXPLORER MODEL WERE TOO SHOWY.
THIS ONE IS ELEGANTLY UNDERSTATED.
AND THE COLOR HAS A DANCER FLARE TO IT.
HOW'S IT FIT IN THE SEAT?
POP! THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND.
YOU WANT A SLEEK PROFILE, YET ROOMY.
A PROPERLY FIT SPEED SUIT SHOULD CROTCH AT LEAST SIX INCHES
BELOW YOUR NATURAL INSEAM.
CAN I TAKE THIS OFF NOW?
HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING OVER HERE?
WILL YOU BE TAKING THAT?
NO. YES, MA'AM!
AND DON'T BOTHER WRAPPING IT UP.
THE FUTURE SUPER SCIENTIST WILL BE WEARING IT OUT.
MAGNIFICENT.
FINALLY SOMEBODY WHO UNDERSTANDS
THAT SERRATION IS ONLY GOOD FOR BREAD.
WOW, THAT IS SO GREAT.
YOU KNOW HOW WE SHALL CELEBRATE?
YES! DINNER PARTY.
OH, I WILL BEGIN A MARINADE TONIGHT.
WE SHALL INVITE MANTICLAWS AND ANIMOUS.
OH, WAIT, THAT'S AWKWARD.
PHANTOM, HONESTLY, I AM FINDING THIS
SO HARD TO CARE ABOUT.
YOU HAVE TO FEEL THE HEFT TO REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
SHOPKEEPER, THE LADY WOULD LIKE TO INSPECT THIS.
WELL, I'M GONNA GET A NASH. YOU COMING?
AND SUFFER THE EMBARRASSMENT
OF NOT HAVING ENOUGH PICKLE FORKS FOR THE PARTY?
NO, MY QUEEN, THERE IS MUCH TO PROCURE.
BECAUSE MINE GOT BROKEN, THAT'S WHY.
GEEZ, HOW'D A THING LIKE THAT HAPPEN?
I DON'T KNOW, HANK, PROBABLY WHEN SOMEBODY WAS PLAYING WITH IT.
GO LONG.
HEY!
COME ON WITH THAT! SORRY, SIR.
YEAH, KEEP WALKING.
HOLY CRAP, NO WAY!
HI.
I FORGIVE YOU.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
BUTTERFLY KISSES. LEARNED IT IN PRISON.
WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA PRETEND THAT WE JUST ACCIDENTALLY
RAN INTO EACH OTHER NOW?
YOU KNOW, DO THAT "FANCY MEETING YOU HERE" ROUTINE?
UH, NO.
COULD IT BE THAT YOU WERE TAILING ME
IN A GIGANTIC FLOATING COCOON?
BY THE WAY, TELL 24 THAT THE CLOAK MODE
DOESN'T WORK IN FOURTH GEAR.
SEE, WE NEED YOU. COME BACK.
EVERYTHING IS CRAZY.
HENCHMEN CRY THEMSELVES TO SLEEP AT NIGHT.
I THINK THE COCOON IS PROBABLY REALLY BUSTED.
I DON'T KNOW. I CAN'T EVEN TELL.
THERE'S JUST SO MANY BUTTONS.
S-SO MANY BUTTONS.
CUT TO THE CHASE, MONARCH.
DON'T YOU WANNA CONSOLE ME?
WHY DO YOU WANT ME BACK -- BECAUSE YOUR TREE FORT
IS FALLING APART, OR BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME?
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!
BECAUSE --BECAUSE WHEN I USED TO LAY
MY WORLD-WEARY BROW ON YOUR PERFECT BREASTS
AND FEEL THE PHLEGMY RUMBLE OF YOUR CHEST
AS YOU TOLD ME, "THIS IS HEAVEN."
I BELIEVED YOU.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
WHEN YOU THREW ME OUT, I WAS DEVASTATED.
I WOULD HAVE COME HOME IF YOU ASKED ME TO.
YES, I'M THAT STUPID. BUT YOU DIDN'T.
YOU CALLED ME A WHORE, AND YOU WENT BACK
TO YOUR "I'LL GET YOU, DR. VENTURE" SHENANIGANS...
24: BOSS.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I WANT YOU TO GROW UP...
YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO JUST WALKED IN.
WHO?
DR. VENTURE.
HOLY CRAP!
WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO?
MOVE IN! UH, MOVE IN WITH ME.
WHAT, DO YOU WANT ME TO SHARE THE BEDROOM WITH YOU?
NO, DON'T BE AN A-HOLE. I WAS TALKING TO --
YOU WERE TALKING TO WHO? TO YOUR HENCHMEN.
I DON'T BELIEVE I WAS FALLING FOR THIS.
YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED AT ALL.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT PHANTOM LIMB...
UH, DOES HE KNOW HIS CHANNEL'S OPEN?
DAMN, HOMEBOY THINKS HE'S THE MACK,
BUT HE'S [BLEEP] [BLEEP] UP WITH HIS FEMALE.
HEY, EASE UP ON HIM. HE'S BEEN THROUGH A LOT.
THE MAN'S HEART HAS BEEN BROKEN.
I AM LEAVING!
CALL ME WHEN YOU CAN ACT LIKE AN ADULT.
I AM AN ADULT. LET ME GO.
PLEASE, PLEASE, JUST GIVE ME --
STAY, STAY, STAY.
JUST, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES.
MONARCH! UNHAND HER THIS INSTANT.
[WHIMPERING]
AAH! AH!
COME ON, COME ON.
YOU, NUMBER TWO WITH FRIED RICE, GET DOWN!
AH, THERE YOU ARE. WE'RE ALMOST READY.
JUST HAD TO SWING BY THE SHOE SHACK.
I SPIED THE PERFECT ITALIAN ANKLE BOOTS
TO COMPLETE DEAN'S ENSEMBLE.
DON'T SAY IT.
YOU LOOK LIKE THE MAYOR OF CANDYLAND.
IT'S AN AMBUSH! BOYS, GET BACK!
CAN YOU READ MY MIND?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT YOU DO TO ME?
HERE I AM, LIKE A KID OUT OF SCHOOL,
HOLDING HANDS WITH A GODDESS.
I'M A FOOL.
OH! SON OF A --
AH! MY GLASSES. WHERE ARE MY GLASSES?
WHERE ARE MY GLASSES?
OH, MY GOD. THANK GOD.
WHAT'S GOING -- I'M GONNA THROW UP.
ONLY ONE SHOT AT THIS.
YOU CAN DO IT.
WHAT THE -- OH, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
OH, DAMN YOU, NERF.
NO.
AAH!
HANK.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? OH!
[GRUNTING]
[BLEEP] MALL COPS!
HENCHMEN, RETREAT!
I WON'T LET YOU KEEP HER, MONARCH.
HELLO, WHAT'S THIS?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
WHAT THE --
YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING WHY I HAVEN'T KILLED YOU.
I'M WONDERING WHERE THE HELL I AM.
THE LAIR OF THE PHANTOM.
BEHINDS THESE MODEST WALLS LIES
THE MOST TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED
SYSTEM OF CONTROLLED EVIL IN EXISTENCE.
YOU, SIR, ARE SITTING SMACK DAB
IN THE MIDDLE OF LOCATION B
FOR THE GUILD OF CALAMITOUS INTENT.
YOU LIKE DOING THAT, DON'T YOU?
OH, YES, NEXT TO THE "BEHOLD THE GIANT WALKING DEATH RAY" SPEECH,
"THE WELCOME TO HELL" SPEECH IS MY FAVORITE.
NO, DON'T GET UP. YOU'VE BEEN SHOT.
SADLY, IT WASN'T FATAL.
I HAVE REMOVED THE BULLET AND THREE OTHERS,
A BLOW GUN DART, TWO SHARK'S TEETH,
THE TIP OF A BAYONET, A TWISTED PAPER CLIP
AND A MEAGER HANDFUL OF BUCKSHOT.
YOU MAY WANT TO LEARN HOW TO DUCK.
IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES, I'M GONNA GET UP
AND POUND YOUR SMUG FACE INTO THAT ARMREST.
SO WHY DON'T YOU SPEND YOUR LAST MINUTES OF LIFE
TELLING ME WHAT WENT DOWN?
IT SEEMS THAT OUR MUTUAL PEST THE MONARCH
HAS HIMSELF A DEATH WISH.
HE'S OPERATING IN FULL COSTUMED AGGRESSION WITHOUT A GUILD LICENSE.
HIS HENCHMEN ARE USING LEVEL 5 OFFENSE WEAPONS
FOR A LEVEL 1 THREAT -- NO OFFENSE TO DR. VENTURE.
AND HE'S KIDNAPPED MY GIRLFRIEND.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
NOT ME, WE.
I LEFT OUT ONE SMALL DETAIL.
THE MONARCH ALSO KIDNAPPED YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY.
THE MOST RECKLESS GRACELESS EXHIBITION
OF HENCHMANISM I HAVE EVER SEEN.
YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF HOT SHOT YOUNG WANNABES, DON'T YA?
BUT THERE ARE RULES IN THIS BUSINESS.
IT'S ABOUT FINESSE.
WE DON'T JUST GO IN GUNS A-BLAZING, WILLY NILLY.
AND WHERE DID YOU GET REAL GUNS, ANYWAY, HUH?
THOSE AREN'T STANDARD ISSUE. HAND THEM OVER.
WHAT, IS THIS FUNNY TO YOU?
I SAID, HAND OVER YOUR FIREARM,
OR I WILL BE FORCED TO --
WAIT A MINUTE, HOLD UP! WHO ARE YOU?
KEEP UP. WHERE ARE YOU PARKED?
WHERE AM I WHAT?
YOUR CAR, WHERE'S YOUR CAR?
WE CAME IN OUR BODYGUARD'S CAR. WHY?
BECAUSE MY EX-BOYFRIEND, THE IDIOT THAT HE IS,
KIDNAPPED YOUR FATHER AND BROCK, AND PROBABLY MY CURRENT BEAU.
AND YOU TWO ARE GONNA TAKE ME TO HIM NOW.
WAIT, HOW DO YOU KNOW BROCK?
HERE IT IS!
WELL, AREN'T YOU GONNA --
HANK, YOU DRIVE. I NEVER DRIVE MEN.
BROCK WOULD NEVER LET US DRIVE --
DON'T BE SUCH A CANDY-ASS, DEAN. GET IN THE BACK.
HEY! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?
YOU HEARD THE WOMAN, CANDY ASS.
WAIT A SEC.
OKAY, GET IN.
HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS STUFF, LADY?
I NUMBER TWO'D FOR TRUCKULES WHEN I WAS FIRST STARTING OUT.
I CAN HOTWIRE ANYTHING.
NO, I MEAN, HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS GONNA --
[ENGINE STARTS]
WHOA.
10:00 O'CLOCK, 2:00 O'CLOCK.
YOU CAN DO THIS, HANK.
THE PEDAL ON THE LEFT -- THAT'S THE CLUTCH.
PUT YOUR FOOT ON IT.
NOW SHIFT INTO FIRST GEAR.
SEE THE LITTLE DIAGRAM ON THE KNOB,
THAT LITTLE ONE ON IT.
[GASPS]
WAIT A MINUTE. ARE YOU OUR MOMMY?
♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪
NICE.
GOD, IT'S UNBEARABLE.
FIRST THE MUTINY, AND NOW I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M SHARING THE SAME AIR AS MY SWORN ENEMY.
GOD, I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE --
I'M DROWNING IN MY OWN HATE!
WHAT IS IT WITH THIS OBSESSION OF YOURS?
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?
AH! HOW DARE YOU! AS IF YOU --
FRANKLY, IT'S BEGINNING TO GET A BIT OLD.
OH, AND THEN TO BELITTLE MY WRATH LIKE --
OH!
OH, I WOULD LOVE TO SMACK THAT SMUG --
MY GOD, GUYS, CHILL, CHILL!
IF WE'RE GONNA GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE,
YOU TWO ARE GONNA HAVE TO PUT ASIDE YOUR DIFFERENCES
AND WORK TOGETHER.
NOW I THINK I GOT AN IDEA.
IF WE COULD JUST GET OUR HANDS ON SOME WEAPONS
WE COULD TOTALLY TAKE THESE GUYS.
YEAH, NO DUH. BUT IF -- JUST IF WE WEREN'T
LOCKED IN A CELL, OR HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED?
THE ARMORY'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COCOON.
WE'D HAVE TO CROSS THROUGH THE THRONE ROOM.
WHERE THOSE GUYS ARE, THOSE SCARY GUYS.
OKAY, WE DON'T EVEN NEED THE ARMORY.
I'M TALKING ABOUT MY OWN PERSONAL STASH.
AND WE HAPPEN TO BE STANDING RIGHT UNDER MY ROOM.
TRUST ME, WE CAN CLIMB THROUGH THE AIR DUCTS.
THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE FITTING IN THAT THING.
REALLY, YOU'RE JUST TOO HEAVY.
[BLEEP]! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
MUSCLE GROWTH ACCELERATOR.
JUST A LITTLE NOSTALGIC ITEM
FROM BACK WHEN I WAS A SCIENTIFIC GOODY-GOODY.
NOT UNLIKE YOUR DR. VENTURE.
NO, WAIT, I WAS GOOD AT IT.
OH, WHAT IS IT WITH YOU DICKS?
THE MINUTE AN EXPERIMENT MESSES UP,
YOU SELL YOURSELF A PAIR OF TIGHT PAJAMAS
AND BECOME A PROFESSIONAL PAIN IN MY --
AAAH! TURN THAT DOWN!
DEAL WITH IT, TOUGH GUY.
AND I DON'T NEED A CLUMSY BULLY MAKING A MESS OF THIS.
IF THIS INCIDENT GETS OUT,
MY CAREER WITH THE GUILD IS DONE FOR.
THIS WILL BE HANDLED SURGICALLY AND QUIETLY.
YEAH, YEAH, WE TEAM UP LIKE SCULLY AND MOULDER
AND SOLVE MYSTERIES, BEEN OVER THIS.
I KNOW THAT YOU LOVE PLAYING MAKE BELIEVE
BUT A LUNATIC HAS KIDNAPPED MY FAMILY,
AND I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
NOT WITHOUT ME.
[STRAINING]
THERE WE GO.
A GOOD CALL ON THE WD-40, SAID THE MONARCH, GRUDGINGLY.
NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT IT, BUT THANKS.
I HAVE TO ADMIT, YOU PROVED US WRONG, DOUBLE STUFF.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. KEEP LAUGHING, WHILE I TOTALLY EMANCIPATE YOU.
GENTLEMEN, CHOOSE YOUR WEAPONS.
IS THIS THEM? ARE THESE THEY?
WHO TALKS LIKE THAT?
OUT OF THE WAY! I AM THE LEADER HERE.
I WILL DISTRIBUTE THE...
WARE.
ARE THESE THEY?
YEAH. AND YOU HAVE TO ADMIT,
IT IS A PRETTY FORMIDABLE COLLECTION.
YOU [BLEEP] IDIOT!
WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS CRAP --
MAKE THEM LAUGH SO HARD THEY BLOW MALT LIQUOR OUT OF THEIR NOSES?
NO, I THINK YOU'LL HAVE THAT COVERED
WHEN YOU STORM THE ROOM IN BUTTERFLY COSTUMES.
OH, HA HA HA. NICE ONESIE, DICK.
DOES IT HAVE SNAPS IN THE BACK SO YOU CAN MAKE POOPIES?
THIS IS A SPEED SUIT, MISTER.
NOT A ONESIE.
HA, MAYBE THEY'LL THINK YOU'RE A THREE-YEAR-OLD
WITH PROGERIA AND TAKE PITY ON US.
OH, IN YOUR FACE!
WILL YOU STOP THAT? THIS IS EXTRA AMUSING
AND EVERYTHING, BUT WE'VE GOT US
A COCOON TO TAKE BACK.
WITH TOYS.
TOY, SCHMOYS. CHECK THIS ACTION --
AN OFFICIAL LICENSED LORD OF THE RINGS REPLICA SWORD.
NOW WE'RE TALKING.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING! THAT IS MINT IN BOX!
NOT EVEN A SCAR.
DID YOU LOOK AROUND THE NIPPLE OR THE BELLY BUTTON.
SOMETIMES THEY PUT 'EM IN THROUGH THERE.
LOOK, SHE IS ALL WOMAN. I'VE EXPLORED EVERY SUBTLE INCH OF HER,
AND I FOUND NOTHING BUT NECTAR.
ALL RIGHT, FINE. MAYBE THE MONARCH'S JUST BETTER EQUIPPED.
YOU ARE STRAPPING ON AN ULTRA LIGHT GYRO PACK.
THEY'RE ONLY ISSUED TO TOP RANKING GUILD OPERATIVES.
OH, I MEAN, BETTER EQUIPPED.
SHE WAS KIDNAPPED, ALL RIGHT?
KIDNAPPED! YEAH, JUST SAYING.
LOOK, ARE YOU READY? HOW DO YOU...
UP, DOWN, SIDE, SIDE, READY WEAPON.
LEFT HAND OPERATES SPEED AND TARGETING,
JUST LIKE A HELICOPTER.
JUST LIKE MY KIND OF HELICOPTER.
LET'S GO.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA HIT ME WITH "LOCK AND LOAD."
THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG!
LEFT, TURN LEFT.
I'M DRIVING. YES, WE KNOW.
MOMMY, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE TO GO?
I'M NOT YOUR MOMMY! AND I PUT A TRACER
ON THE MONARCH WHEN WE WERE FIRST DATING.
HANK, TAKE THIS RIGHT.
I'M DRIVING! I'M A DRIVER!
WE KNOW. YEAH, A TRACER.
YOU DO STUFF LIKE THAT WHEN YOU DATE SUPER VILLAINS.
WHERE DID YOU PUT IT? IS IT IN HIS BRAIN?
OR IS IT LIKE A SECRET TRACER TOOTH?
NO, I HID IT IN MY MOUTH, AND I JAMMED IT UP --
HONEY, LIKE I SAID, YOU DO SOME PRETTY STRANGE THINGS
WHEN YOU DATE SUPER VILLAINS.
I'M SO KEEPING THIS THING.
IT'S THE FIRST NET CANNON I'VE USED THAT ACTUALLY WORKS.
THEY USUALLY JUST MESS UP THE GUY'S HAIR.
PROTOTYPE. I'LL GET YOU SOME MORE NET CARTRIDGES.
THANKS.
HEY, THAT KILLER HAND THING IS PRETTY COOL.
CAN YOU GET ME ONE OF THOSE?
THAT'S ALL ME -- THE OUTCOME OF
THE BOTCHED EXPERIMENT THAT MADE ME EVIL.
I SO CALLED THAT.
SO, WE DONE HERE OR WHAT?
IT'S JUST THOSE GUYS OVER THERE.
I WANNA SHOW YOU THAT TWIN DOUBLE ROLL THING.
YOU'RE MAD, SIR.
IT CAN'T BE DONE WITHOUT A TRAMPOLINE.
OH, WAIT, LET ME DO THIS.
YOU'LL LOVE THIS. FOLLOW MY LEAD. CLASSIC.
OH, SWEET MERCY!
I'VE BEEN RENT ASUNDER BY YOUR VIOLENCE.
BE MERCIFUL AND FINISH ME OFF.
HAVE A HEART! PUT ONE BETWEEN HIS EYES!
MY GOD! DO I HAVE TO DO IT? GIVE ME THOSE GUNS!
WELL MATCHED.
YOU DID THAT WITH HIS OWN FINGER.
EH, IT'S JUST ONE GUY.
YOU SHOW OFF.
[CAR ENGINE APPROACHES] MY CAR.
OH, I JUST FIXED IT!
Limb: MY QUEEN. BROCK, I DROVE!
BOYS, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT! THIS IS A JOKE.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
WHERE'S DOC?
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO -- READ THEIR FORTUNES?
THEY ARE MAGIC THE GATHERING CARDS, NOT TAROT CARDS.
YOU CAN THROW THEM AT THEIR HEADS.
THEY CATCH A CORNER OF ONE OF THOSE, AND THEY'RE GONNA KNOW WHAT HIT 'EM.
WE'RE GONNA GET OUR ASSES KICKED.
WE DIDN'T HAVE A BREAKFAST.
GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME WE TAKE BACK THE COCOON.
HANDS IN THE CENTER.
WHO WOULD LIKE TO LEAD US IN PRAYER?
Mechanical voice: SMASH PUNY HUMANS.
DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
ON THREE.
ONE, TWO,
THREE!
CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY TURNER STUDIOS
WELL, HIS VITAL SIGNS SEEMED TO BE FINE.
WHAT? YOU TOLD ME YOU NEVER PUT A TRACER ON ANOTHER MAN BEFORE.
WHOO, GLAD I WASN'T THE FIRST ONE THROUGH THE DOOR.
WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE?
ARE THEY ALL MOMMY'S OTHER BOYFRIENDS?
STOP CALLING ME YOUR [BEEP] MOMMY!
COME ON, DON'T KILL 'EM.
FROM WHAT I'VE GATHERED THE MONARCH IS ONLY GUILTY
OF POOR JUDGEMENT.
AND NOT BEING ABLE TO GET OVER ME.
AS YOU WISH, MY QUEEN.
HE'S ONLY A MAN --
AND NO MAN IS IMMUNE TO YOUR CHARM.
[SCOFFS] NO MAN.
I'M STILL LOOKING FOR SCARES ON HER.
WHAT?
I'M A SUPER VILLIAN.