OOPS.
AAAAH! YOU'RE KIDDING ME!
[grunting] TAKE THAT!
HANK, ARE YOU EVEN CLOSE TO FINISHED --
DAD!
DEAN, YOU SMELL LIKE A WHORE.
WHAT'S THAT -- OH, NOT AGAIN. BROCK!
WHAT? YOU SAID TO PUT ON YOUR BEST OUTFIT.
OUTFIT, HANK. NOT COSTUME.
WHAT THE --
WELL, I GUESS YOU CAN'T COME.
RIGHT? HANK CAN'T COME? NICE TRY, DEAN.
HANK, I'M GIVING YOU THREE MINUTES TO GET CHANGED,
OR YOU WALK AND I LET DEAN DRIVE THE CHARGER.
DEAN, WHAT'D YOU DO -- SHAVE WITH A HATCHET?
I USED THE RAZOR WITH THE BIG PINK HANDLE.
THAT'S MY DAISY! I USE THAT ONE FOR MY HEAD.
I THOUGHT GOD SHAVED YOUR HEAD.
HE DOES, BUT HE LEAVES THE SIDES, MR. WISENHEIMER.
I HAVE BEEN ATTEMPTING TO STAVE OFF THIS AWKWARD,
YET NECESSARY CONVERSATION.
PLEASE, DAD --
THIS IS MY DUTY! [GIGGLES]
WHAT IS FUNNY ABOUT MY DUTY?
YOU KNOW I TAKE MY DUTY QUITE SERIOUSLY.
YOU SAID -- [laughs]
NEVER MIND.
I SHARE YOUR NERVOUSNESS,
BUT THERE ARE CERTAIN FACTS THAT A FATHER MUST IMPART
TO HIS DAUGHTER ON OCCASIONS SUCH AS THIS.
OH, YES, "DOOTY" CLEVER.
DAD -- HEAR ME OUT!
WHEN YOUNG WOMEN REACH ESTRUS,
THE LINGAM, UM,
CRAVES THE STAMEN LIKE SKILLS
OF THE YONI.
THIS IS QUITE NATURAL.
DAD, COME ON. I'M DOING YOU A FAVOR.
YES, YES, MR. VENTURE HAS BEEN KIND ENOUGH
TO GIVE ME SOME LEEWAY WITH THE RENT
IF I GET THE BOYS, AS HE SAYS,
"OUT OF HIS HAIR" FOR THE EVENING.
BUT AS YOU KNOW, TONIGHT I TEACH CONJURING
AT THE NEW SCHOOL.
NOT A PROBLEM, KIM AND I COULD USE A FREE DINNER.
IT'S JUST THAT BOYS OF THEIR AGE HAVE
UNCHECKED DESIRES COURSING --
NAY, RAGING AS A TEMPEST WOULD
THROUGH THEIR TINGLING NETHERS.
COME ON, DAD.
I'M GOING ON A DATE WITH THE VENTURE BROTHERS.
REMBRANDT VAN RIJN.
150 YEARS AGO, DELACROIX SAID OF REMBRANDT
THAT HIS WORKS WOULD BE HELD HIGHER THAN THOSE OF RAPHAEL.
HIS BLASPHEMOUS PROPHECY CAME TRUE WITHIN 50 YEARS.
AND THIS ONE COULD BE YOURS
FOR THE PITTANCE OF 10 MILLION AMERICAN.
NO, I WANT THE MONA LISA.
LOOK, THE MONA LISA IS NOT A BETTER PAINTING.
IT'S MERELY A MORE FAMOUS PAINTING.
AND IT WAS MADE MORE FAMOUS BECAUSE IT WAS STOLEN.
AND THIS WAS STOLEN, SO --
WHAT ABOUT HER FAMOUS SMILE?
WHATEVER, SHE LOOKS LIKE A HORSE.
IT'S TINY, YOU KNOW. THE THING IS, LIKE, THIS BIG.
REALLY? YES, REALLY.
SO THIS IS CHEAPER, BY THE FOOT.
AH, MY QUEEN HAS ARRIVED,
AND BEARING WINE.
MY OWN VARIATION ON TINTO DE VERANO.
JUST A LITTLE WHATNOT I PICKED UP ON COSTA --
WHAT IS THIS CRAP?
IT'S A REMBRANDT. HOW DARE YOU --
YEAH, I KNOW. THIS IS ARCH VILLAINY TO YOU?
IT'S A STOLEN REMBRANDT, HMM?
THAT'S NEFARIOUS. THAT'S KIND OF EVIL, NO?
WHEN I MET YOU, GUYS LIKE THAT,
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BOTHERED.
NOT EVERYBODY HAS A TRUST FUND
LIKE THAT INSECT EX-BOYFRIEND OF YOURS.
IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO GO BACK TO A DIET
OF RAMEN NOODLES AND SPAGHETTI-Os,
DRIVING AROUND IN A HONDA ACCORD WITH A GHOST ON THE HOOD,
SORRY, I HAVE PLANS.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING?
I'M WRINGING MY HANDS.
MENACINGLY.
WELL, NOBODY CAN SEE THAT.
YOU'RE A BOOKKEEPER --
NOTHING MORE THAN AN ACCOUNTANT IN SPANDEX
AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT.
YOU WANT EVIL. YOU WANT THE OLD STUFF?
FINE!
HAPPY?
OH, [BLEEP] GREAT. I THINK I KILLED HIM.
NO, I'M NOT HAPPY. ALL OF THIS IS LUDICROUS.
OH, CHRIST, NOW HE'S BLEEDING FROM THE EYES.
SO YOU JUST MURDER HIM? WAY TO OVERREACT.
I'M GONNA NEED SOME SELTZER HERE.
THIS CARPET IS PERSIAN -- IRREPLACEABLE.
WHAT WITH THERE NOT BEING A PERSIA ANYMORE.
OH, FORGET IT! I'M GONNA GO CHANGE.
WE HAVE THOSE STUPID DINNER PLANS WITH THE MONARCH AT 8:00.
THAT SELTZER ISN'T GOING TO GET ITSELF.
[BEATBOXING]
[DOOR OPENS]
OH, MONARCH'S HERE!
24, READY THE MONARCH MOBILE.
YOUR LEADER HAS A DATE.
UH, WE KINDA DON'T HAVE A MONARCH MOBILE ANYMORE.
WHY THE HELL NOT?
WE DITCHED IT. YEAH, THE HEAT WAS ON US.
AFTER THAT VENTURE BROTHER THING, SO --
ALL RIGHT, FINE. WHAT ARE OUR OPTIONS?
WE CAN TAKE MY NISSAN STANZA.
SHOTGUN! CALLED, TOTALLY.
WHAT COLOR IS IT?
IS IT DIABOLICAL OR AT LEAST BUTTERFLY COLORED?
IT'S POWDER BLUE, MOSTLY.
GREAT. 21, WHAT DO YOU DRIVE?
HIS POWDER BLUE STANZA.
LAB, SCHMAB.
I'M FINISHED WITH WORK FOR TODAY.
I WANTED THE BOYS AWAY BECAUSE I MADE A DISCOVERY
OF THE NON-SCIENTIFIC KIND.
WHAT'D YOU FIND? ARE YOU OKAY?
OOH, I'M MORE THAN OKAY.
WHILE PERUSING TV GUIDE,
I FOUND A LITTLE, SHALL I SAY, FLICK,
STARRING A ONE MISS DOLLY PARTON, MEOW.
YEAH, IT SEEMS SHE MADE A RACY FILM CALLED
THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS.
YEAH, DOC, YOU'RE GONNA BE DISAPPOINTED THERE.
DON'T RUIN IT FOR ME.
I HAVE POPCORN POPPING AND THE VCR SET FOR STUN.
YOU WANNA WATCH IT WITH ME?
NAH, I'M COOL.
I, UH, I GOTTA DRIVE THE BOYS TO DINNER.
OH, I GET IT!
YEAH, THOSE KINDA FILMS ARE MEANT TO BE WATCHED
SOLO A MANO.
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
SO, ARE THE VENTURE BROTHERS CUTE?
WELL, DEAN, HE'S KINDA CUTE.
HE DRESSES LIKE BUDDY HOLLY?
THAT'S PRETTY COOL.
BUT I THINK HE DOES IT ACCIDENTALLY.
WHAT ABOUT MY DATE?
HANK, YEAH, WELL, HE'S BLONDE,
AND MORE, LIKE, ATHLETIC.
SOUNDS GOOD. HOW DOES HE DRESS?
LIKE FRED FROM SCOOBY-DOO.
PUT IN MY MIXTAPE. IT'S RIGHT ON THE DASH.
IT'S THE ONE THAT SAYS, "CHILLIN' WITH MY PEEPS
AND MY MAIN MAN THE MONARCH."
WE HAVE TO STOP AND PICK UP MY DATE.
I THOUGHT DR. GIRLFRIEND WAS GONNA BE THERE.
YES, WITH THAT GEEK PHANTOM LIMB.
I PLAN TO USE THE NEVER-FAIL STRATEGY OF JEALOUSY.
WHO'S YOUR DATE?
I MET HER ON THE LIVE JOURNAL WHICH I KEPT IN PRISON.
I HAVE BEEN BLOGGING.
AFTER POSTING AN ESPECIALLY ATTRACTIVE PICTURE
OF MY PRISON-SCULPTED ABS,
SHE COMMENTED THAT I WAS NOT ONLY "FOINE,"
I WAS "TA-SEX,"
WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
ANY ADVICE?
YOU KNOW, THIS BEING OUR FIRST BIG DATE AND ALL?
YEAH.
NO? NO.
DON'T PULL OUT HER CHAIR, KISS HER HAND,
OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
IT'S KINDA DORKY. JUST BE YOURSELF.
WAIT, HERE. TAKE THIS.
IT'S GOT PLENTY OF MONEY IN THERE,
AND IT DOESN'T HAVE A CARTOON BEE ON IT.
DON'T LET THEM PAY FOR ANYTHING.
AND IF YOU END UP GOING TO A MOVIE OR SOMETHING,
YOU CALL ME ON THE TWO-WAY, OKAY?
WHAT ABOUT ME? ANY ADVICE TO HELP ME
SCORE WITH MY MYSTERY DATE?
YEAH, DON'T SAY "SCORE"
OR ANYTHING CLOSE TO "MYSTERY DATE" IN FRONT OF HER.
AND DON'T DO THAT, UH,
"DO YOU LIKE SEAFOOD" JOKE EITHER.
CAN DO.
GOSH, SHE WOULD, LIKE, TOTALLY KNOW THAT JOKE ALREADY.
YOU'RE AWFULLY QUIET.
WHAT?
STOP THAT!
AND THEN YOU GO, "WELL, MY BROTHER CAN JUMP OVER,
LIKE, 10 GARBAGE CANS."
AND THEN I'LL SAY SOMETHING COOL LIKE,
"IF I CAN KEEP THE FRONT WHEEL
FROM BURSTING INTO FLAMES," OKAY?
AND DON'T FORGET TO CALL ME "THE HANKINATOR."
I'LL DO NO SUCH -- THEY'RE HERE!
DUDE, SIT DOWN. PLAY IT COOL.
OBSERVE HOW I SCOPE OUT MY MYSTERY DATE
WHILST I PRETEND TO LOOK AT MY WATCH.
HOLY MOLEY, LOOK AT MY DATE!
SHE'S A SUPER VILLAIN, POSSIBLY A MEDUSA.
DEAN, I AM NOT KIDDING.
SHE HAS ROPE FOR HAIR AND A SHINY COSTUME.
OH, NOT FAIR, SHE'S WEARING GOGGLES!
TOLD YOU SHE WOULD DIG MY BATMAN SUIT, BUT NO!
GO SIT SOMEWHERE.
WATCH MY BACK AND PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
WE'RE DRESSED LIKE BUTTERFLIES.
IT'S GONNA BE KINDA DIFFICULT.
JOLLY RANCHER 82, NEVER GET HENCHMEN.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT MY REAL NAME.
WELL, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?
I USED MY REAL NAME.
I JUST THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, "THE MONARCH,"
I THOUGHT YOU WERE INTO COSTUME PLAY.
REAL NAME, AND I AM INTO COSTUME BUSINESS,
NOT COSTUME PLAY.
[BLEEP] THEY'RE HERE!
FAWN OVER ME! TREAT ME AS IF I AM CANDY!
Woman: WOW, SHE'S GORGEOUS.
SHE IS HEAT INCARNATE.
WHEN I MET HER, SHE LOOKED LIKE THAT GIRL SAFFRON
FROM THE BAND REPUBLICA.
SHE HAD THOSE RED STREAKY THINGS IN HER HAIR.
I HEARD THAT SHE WAS KINDA MANLY.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS. WHO WOULD SAY SUCH THINGS?
THE WOMAN IS A DELICATE FLOWER.
THAT CHOAD SHE'S WITH --
THAT'S PHANTOM LIMB.
IN COLLEGE, HE WAS A SCRAWNY LITTLE WUSS.
IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO BE COOLER THAN GUYS LIKE ME,
HE HAD HIS 12-YEAR-OLD ROOMMATE CREATE A MACHINE
THAT SPEEDS UP THE MUSCLE-BUILDING PROCESS.
THE MACHINE WORKED SO WELL
THAT EVERY MOLECULE IN HIS EXTREMITIES
WAS ACCELERATED BEYOND THE SPEED OF LIGHT.
THERE WERE TWO SIDE EFFECTS.
ONE, HE CAN MESS UP A GUY JUST BY TOUCHING HIM.
AND TWO, HE BECAME A HUMORLESS DICK.
HOW DO YOU THINK HE FLOATS LIKE THAT?
HE'S NOT FLOATING. HIS LEGS ARE INVISIBLE.
WHAT?
HE USED TO BE A GOOD GUY, ACTUALLY.
WHEN HE AND BILLY -- YOU KNOW, THAT WEIRD MIDGET
WHO WON A BUNCH OF MONEY ON CARD SHARKS
INVENTED A TIME MACHINE --
HE BECAME A VILLAIN.
AND THE WAY I HEARD THE STORY IS THAT THE TIME MACHINE WAS,
LIKE, BROKEN OR SOMETHING.
SO PHANTOM LIMB'S ARMS AND LEGS AND BILLY'S HAND WERE SENT
40 YEARS INTO THE FUTURE.
I LOVED CARD SHARKS.
IT'S A GREAT SHOW.
WOW, THAT GUY'S, LIKE, JUST A TORSO.
YEAH, THAT'S PHANTOM LIMB.
I DON'T THINK HE PROFESSIONALLY HATES MY DAD,
BUT HE TOTALLY HATES MY DAD.
I THINK HE USED TO BE A FAMOUS MAGICIAN.
AND ONE TIME,
WHILE PERFORMING FOR THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND,
HE ACCIDENTALLY MADE HIS ARMS AND LEGS DISAPPEAR.
THEY ARE NOW ON THE MOON WITH A WHOLE BUNCH
OF RABBITS, AND DOVES, AND PLAYING CARDS,
AND PRETTY ASSISTANTS, AND SOME MILK.
NEVER HAPPENED. DID.
I ALSO HEARD THAT HE SLICED OFF A KID'S HAND.
AND ATE IT.
YEAH, IT WAS THAT BIG-HEADED GUY
THAT OPERATED ON YOUR BALLS, DEAN.
HANK, DON'T YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM?
WHOA, WHAT ARE YOU -- PSYCHIC?
I TOTALLY DO! WEIRD!
WELL, LADIES, IT SEEMS THAT YOUNG DEAN HERE
NEEDS AN ESCORT TO THE BATHROOM.
IF THERE'S ANY TROUBLE,
YOU JUST GIVE THE HANKINATOR A HOLLER.
NOW THIS ONE ALLOWS THE HOLDER TO ARCH
THREE SEPARATE SCIENTISTS.
HEADQUARTERS INSURANCE,
WITH THE EXCEPTION OF BOG OR VOLCANO HIDEOUTS,
FULL HENCHMEN COVERAGE, AND A NICE LITTLE MUTINY CLAUSE.
WHATEVER! JUST GIVE ME THE ONE
THAT LETS ME TAKE DOWN VENTURE!
WE LIKE TO KEEP OUR DREAMS SMALL, DON'T WE?
FINE. ANOTHER 38 WITH HENCHMEN.
OH, LOOKS WHO'S TALKING. THE GREAT PHANTOM LIMB,
THE MOST DEADLY VILLAIN OF ALL TIME, MY ASS.
YOU'RE IN GRANNY GLASSES SELLING ME INSURANCE.
KEEP IT DOWN, PLEASE.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I COULD TAKE THE ENTIRE VENTURE FAMILY OUT WITH ONE PHONE CALL.
YEAH, SURE YOU COULD.
THAT FAMILY'S INDESTRUCTIBLE.
I DARE YOU! FINE.
I NEED AN IMMEDIATE BLACKOUT --
FOUR AND A ROBOT.
SYNDICATE NUMBER -- VICTOR ECHO NOVEMBER, 7-9er.
ROGER, DISPATCHING BLACKOUT TEAM NOW.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I HATE THAT SONG.
HMM, 9er. NICE TOUCH.
WITHIN THE HOUR,
THE ENTIRE VENTURE FAMILY
WILL BE DEAD.
[ALARM BEEPS]
OH, COME ON! NOT AGAIN.
I NEED YOU IN THE PANIC ROOM!
THE COMPOUND IS FULL LOCKDOWN!
BROCK, I AM THIS CLOSE TO SEEING DOLLY'S GOODS.
I MEAN, THEY CAN'T SING FOREVER.
HONESTLY, THIS NONSENSE HAPPENS ONCE A WEEK.
I'M NOT GONNA -- WHY ARE YOU NAKED?
TO PREY ON THEIR FEAR.
MOVE LIKE AN ANIMAL TO FEEL THE KILL.
ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU'RE SCARING ME.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I DON'T KNOW. BUT JUDGING FROM THESE GOGGLES,
IT'S THE GUILD.
SEEMS LIKE YOU MADE IT TO THE BIG LEAGUE. WHAT'D YOU DO?
NOTHING, I WAS JUST SITTING HERE WATCHING
THE WORST PORNO EVER.
IS THAT A HEAD?
DON'T BE A NERVOUS NELLY.
THE GENERATORS WILL KICK IN IN --
THERE YOU GO.
UM, THIS IS DIFFERENT, BROCK, ISN'T IT?
WE MIGHT NOT WIN THIS ONE. GET TO THE PANIC ROOM.
OKAY, JUST LET ME FINISH PEEING ON MYSELF.
H.E.L.P.e.R., INSTITUTE TACTICAL AND DEFENSIVE WEAPONRY.
ESCORT THE DOCTOR TO THE PANIC ROOM.
WELL, ISN'T THIS WONDERFUL?
MY FAVORITE PART IS WHEN YOU DECIDED
TO KILL THE VENTURE FAMILY.
NOW, WAIT, IT WAS WHEN YOUR FAKE DATE RAN OFF CRYING.
COME ON, MONARCH, HOW OLD WAS SHE?
WILL YOU LOOK AT ME?
I'M IN A [BLEEP] EVIL BUTTERFLY COSTUME.
WHAT AGE GROUP DO YOU THINK IS GONNA BE ATTRACTED TO ME?
SUPER. WELL, IF YOU GENTLEMEN WILL EXCUSE ME,
I'M GOING TO POWDER MY NOSE,
OR WHATEVER THE CLICHE IS.
HOO, NICE ONE. LOOK WHAT YOU DID.
YEAH, I DID THAT.
STRANGE. YOU ALMOST CAN'T FEEL IT.
NO, DON'T MOVE.
THE KNIFE IS STILL IN YOU --
THE BLADE RIGHT BETWEEN THE KIDNEY AND THE SPLEEN.
JUST A TWITCH.
IT FEELS ALMOST COLD.
YOU TELL ME YOUR TARGET AND I SLIDE THE KNIFE OUT,
YOU MIGHT LIVE.
OR...
BLACKOUT, FOUR AND A ROBOT.
GOOD BOY.
I THINK YOU MAY HAVE GOT THE KIDNEY.
I DON'T WANNA DIE ALONE.
DON'T-DON'T GO.
I DON'T THINK I HIT YOUR KIDNEY.
NO, YOU TOTALLY DIDN'T.
PLEASE, PLEASE...
HOLD ME.
LOOK, I'M PRETTY SURE I MISSED THE KIDNEY.
I MEAN, YOU COULD BLEED TO DEATH IN LIKE FOUR HOURS, BUT...
I-I SEE A TUNNEL. I'M SCARED.
COULD YOU STROKE MY HAIR?
LOOK, YOU ARE NOT GONNA --
THEN CAN YOU SING TO ME?
COULD YOU SING A TECHNOTRONIC SONG?
MAYBE "PUMP UP THE JAM"? I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT ABOUT "MOVE THIS"? YOU KNOW THAT ONE?
[sighs] ♪ BABY LET ME...
ALL SIGNED. GUESS I'M BACK IN THE GUILD.
NOT LIKE IT MATTERS -- WITH YOU BELIEVING
YOU DESTROYED THE VENTURE FAMILY.
DO YOU LOVE HER? DON'T DO THIS CRAP.
THIS IS WAY TOO HIGH SCHOOL FOR ME.
IT'S EMBARRASSING. I'M NOT LETTING HER GO.
SO, FOR YOUR SAKE, I HOPE YOU DO.
I HOPE YOU DON'T.
Brock: H.E.L.P.e.R., I NEED YOU TO GET THE BOYS!
H.E.L.P.e.R., THE BOYS ARE IN DANGER!
OH, WHAT THE --
H.E.L.P.e.R.? DAMN IT!
DOC, DOC!
STAY IN THE PANIC ROOM.
I HAVE TO PROTECT THE BOYS.
DOC, DON'T MOVE! I'LL BE BACK.
TOTALLY RUINED.
SPECIAL THANKS TO YOU, HANKINATOR,
SHE'S NEVER GONNA TALK TO ME AGAIN.
WELL, YOU CAN'T HIDE IN HERE ALL NIGHT.
YOU HAVE TO GET BACK ON THAT HORSE. YOU GOTTA GRAB HER AND GO,
"TRIANA, I AM GONNA KISS YOU.
HANK --
I'M GONNA KISS YOU ON THE MOUTH, PROBABLY.
AND -- AND YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT!"
HANK! WHAT?
YOU HAVE A STAIN. AW, COME ON!
WHY DOES THAT HAPPEN?
I SHOOK IT SO HARD I ALMOST HIT THAT PINK PUCK.
WELL, DID YOU DAB? WHAT?
DAB, DID YOU DAB? NO.
I DAB. WELL, I DON'T.
YOU SHOULD DAB. STOP SAYING "DAB."
Rusty: BROCK. BROCK. BROCK.
PLEASE, BROCK.
DOC, I'M GOING FOR THE BOYS. THEY'RE A TARGET.
BROCK. DOC, YOU OKAY?
EMPHATICALLY, NO, BROCK.
CAN'T SEE YOU, WHAT'S GOING ON?
I'M ON THE V-COM.
I MADE IT TO THE PANIC ROOM.
H.E.L.P.e.R. KEPT THEM OFF AT FIRST,
BUT MAN, THOSE GUYS ARE PERSISTENT.
MOST OF MY BLOOD IS ON THE FLOOR.
AND THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME ALIVE IS OUR LACK OF STORAGE.
IF YOU DON'T COME SAVE ME,
I'M GOING TO FIRE YOU, BROCK.
YOU GOTTA TRY TO HOLD ON, DOC!
I'LL BE BACK SOON.
BROCK, YOU'RE FIRED.
AH, STEAK FRIES.
ALWAYS SOGGY.
[BLEEP] THIS.
WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD PUT MORE WATER ON IT.
THEN IT WILL LOOK LIKE YOU ACCIDENTALLY SPLASHED IT
WASHING YOUR HANDS.
OR IT COULD LOOK LIKE I COMPLETELY HAULED OFF
AND WHIZZED ALL OVER MYSELF.
I'LL GET IT. HI, BROCK.
DEAN, ARE YOU SAFE? WHERE ARE YOU?
YEAH, WE'RE FINE. WE'RE IN THE BATHROOM.
DATE'S OVER. I'M COMING TO GET YOU.
YOU HEARD, HUH?
I SWEAR, I DIDN'T KISS HER HAND OR ANYTHING.
BUT HANK -! VENTURE INGENUITY, DEAN-O.
YOU GOTTA TRY THIS. IT FEELS TOO GOOD.
IT FEELS LIKE SOMEBODY WITH A FEVER IS YELLING AT MY PANTS.
THIS RULES!
OKAY, BROCK, THIS PLACE IS CRAWLING WITH GUYS WHO HATE DAD.
I FIGURED AS MUCH.
STAY IN THE BATHROOM. DON'T MOVE.
WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?
WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?
BEATS ME.
OH, THE MONARCH IS PROBABLY WAITING IN THE CAR.
HE'S GONNA KILL US FOR DAWDLING.
PAY THE BILL. I GOTTA USE THE CAN.
I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE ALONE.
I'LL LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.
DUDE, YOU JUST ATE DINNER WITH A GUY DRESSED EXACTLY LIKE YOU.
AT LEAST I LOOKED LIKE A POPULAR IDIOT.
OH, WE NEED ONE OF THESE AT HOME.
IT'S BETTER THAN SITTING SIDEWAYS ON A SWING.
YOU HAVE GOT TO TRY THIS.
OKAY, YOU KNOW, IN THE POOL...
WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE? HOW WOULD I KNOW?
WE GOTTA TELL THE BOSS.
I'M NOT GOING OUT THERE.
DUDE, GET OUTTA HERE. I GOTTA TAKE A COUNT DOOKU.
OH, I SWEAR --
OH, MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!
DEAN, MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!
OW! DUDE, STOP WHALING ON MY JUNK!
THROW WATER ON IT.
NO WAY! THAT'S WHAT STARTED THIS!
WELL, THEN, TAKE IT EASY! JUST DAB. DAB IT.
CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S HARD TO KILL THESE TWO.
DON'T TALK TO ME.
IF I PUSH ANY HARDER I'M GONNA POP A GASKET.
PRETEND YOU'RE ALONE.
SHH, WAIT. YOU HEAR PHANTOM LIMB?
BLACKOUT TARGET VICTOR ECHO NOVEMBER 7-9er
IS IN DADDY'S LAP.
REPEAT, IN DADDY'S LAP.
CALL OFF BLACKOUT TEAM.
DADDY IS GOING TO PUT THE BOYS TO BED HIMSELF.
[INDISTINCT]
YES, I'M GOING TO KILL THEM.
IT'S A VERY SIMPLE METAPHOR.
COPY, BIG DADDY.
JUST PLAY SOMETHING!
HOW MANY YAZ ALBUMS DO YOU HAVE ON HERE?
CONTROL TO BLACKOUT TEAM. STAND DOWN.
DADDY'S GOING TO PUT THE BOYS TO BED HIMSELF.
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
YES, I BELONG IN HERE. I JUST HAVE A DEEP VOICE.
OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU ANOTHER ONE?
WHAT COLOR LIPSTICK IS THAT?
PINK POODLE. IT'S A MATTE COLOR.
THEY GIVE A GUILD DISCOUNT. YOU'RE IN THE GUILD, AREN'T YOU?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE GUILD MEANS.
TELL ME ABOUT IT. I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE MYSELF.
SO, DO YOU WORK, UH, SINGLE, NUMBER TO A MAN?
I DON'T REALLY HAVE A GUY.
WELL, LET ME GIVE YOU MY CARD. I LIKE YOUR LOOK.
I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH MEN,
AND I THINK WE MIGHT MAKE A NICE TEAM.
CALL ME.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
THAT WOMAN JUST TOTALLY HIT ON ME.
SHE WASN'T HITTING ON YOU.
READ THE CARD.
OH, MY GOD, I KNEW IT. SHE'S A SUPER VILLAIN.
THAT IS SO COOL.
SHE THOUGHT I WAS A BAD GUY. I AM SO GONNA DO THIS.
[CAR ENGINE APPROACHING, TIRES SQUEALING]
NAKED.
HOLY CRAP!
WHATEVER IT IS, WE DIDN'T DO IT.
I BELIEVE YOU. STAY HERE.
DON'T DO ANYTHING. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
YES, SIR. I UNDERSTAND, SIR.
WELL, ON THE UP SIDE, FINALLY DROPPED ONE.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
HELLO, BROCK.
WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU'D SHOW UP.
I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
PHANTOM NIMROD WAS SHOWING OFF IN FRONT OF MY GIRLFRIEND.
I TOLD HIM.
ALL RIGHT, STAY OUT OF THIS ONE.
NO DUH. HE'S IN THE NEXT STALL.
HEY, HOW'S THAT DICKWEED BOSS OF YOURS?
DON'T PUSH IT.
NICE ASS, SAMSON.
BROCK SAMSON --
THE VENTURE MULE.
DO YOU ALWAYS HANG OUT NAKED IN THE MEN'S BATHROOM?
WHY'D YOU DO IT?
WHY DO MEN LIKE US DO ANYTHING?
BECAUSE WE CAN. WRONG ANSWER!
HOW'D YOU LIKE YOUR NECK TO MATCH YOUR ARMS?
YOU TAKE ME OUT AND THE GUILD OF CALAMITOUS INTENT
WILL REIGN DOWN ON YOU EN MASSE.
EVERY WOMAN YOU'VE LOVED, EVERY MOUTH YOU'VE KISSED,
EVERY HAND YOU'VE SHAKEN
WILL FALL DEAD TO THE GROUND.
I'M AWARE OF THAT.
SO LET ME GIVE YOU A WARNING.
IF YOU EVER STICK YOUR GOONS ON THE VENTURE FAMILY --
MY FAMILY -- I WILL --
YES, OF COURSE, SCARY SCARY.
IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
FUNNY, WHAT WE MEN ARE CAPABLE OF
WHEN WE FEAR OUR WOMEN LEAVING US.
BEING A MAN,
IT'S SO MUCH EASIER TO KILL THAN TO LOVE.
I'M SORRY.
THANK YOU.
WE'RE NOT SO DIFFERENT, YOU AND I.
YEAH, I DON'T NEED ANOTHER "WE'RE NOT SO DIFFERENT" SPEECH.
I GET THOSE A LOT.
YES, I'M SURE YOU DO.
THEN, SHALL WE JUST SHAKE HANDS AND LEAVE AS ENEMIES?
HA HA HA.
FOR A MINUTE THERE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA DO
YOUR KILLER HAND THING.
SO DID I.
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME IF I TOLD YOU.
YOU WANNA GET DESSERT?
I DO.
I'M GONNA BE A SUPER VILLAIN. AND I'M GONNA BE BATMAN.
GO, TEAM VENTURE!
DUDE, I WARNED YOU.
I THINK I JUST FOUND MY FIRST ARCH ENEMIES.
CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY TURNER STUDIOS
Billy: OH, YEAH, IT'S A MUSICAL.
YOU NEVER GET TO SEE ANYTHING.
WELL, YOU'RE GOOD AS NEW, DR. VENTURE.
DON'T LIFT ANYTHING FOR A WHILE, OR YOUR ARM MIGHT FALL OFF.
REALLY? NO, I'M JOKING.
BUT SERIOUSLY, DON'T LIFT ANYTHING FOR A WHILE
'CAUSE YOUR ARM COULD FALL OFF.
THANKS, BILLY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?
NOTHING.
THE HAND GETS KINDA BUGGY WHEN I USE IT FOR DELICATE WORK.
IT'S FINE NOW. HOW'D YOU GET THAT THING?
THAT'S AN EXCELLENT QUESTION. I HAVE NO IDEA.