1
00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:05,714
[ PANTING ]
2
00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:07,632
Monarch, on PA:
YOU'RE PROBABLY
ASKING YOURSELF --
3
00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:08,758
HOW DID IT ALL COME
TO THIS?
4
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,844
HOW DID I GET HERE
WHEN THERE WERE
5
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:14,264
SO MANY PATHS
I COULD HAVE CHOSEN?
6
00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:16,391
GREAT!
I NEED THIS NOW, TOO?
7
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:21,104
[ MONARCH LAUGHING ]
8
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:26,860
YET ANOTHER DEAD END,
VENTURE!
9
00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:27,736
AAH!
10
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,195
AND AS YOU LOOK BACK
ON YOUR PATHETIC LIFE,
11
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:32,240
YOU'LL SEE THAT IT WAS ALL
JUST ONE LONG, WINDING,
12
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:36,411
INEVITABLE ROAD
TO THIS VERY MOMENT...
13
00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:38,079
AAAAHHH!
14
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:40,957
BUT I WON'T LET YOU OFF
THAT EASILY, VENTURE.
15
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,334
YOU WILL HAVE YOUR DATE
WITH DEATH,
16
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:46,254
BUT SHE'S GONNA HAVE
TO SIT THIS ONE OUT...
17
00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:49,799
FOR THE MONARCH HAS
THE FIRST DANCE!
18
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,092
[ LAUGHING ]
19
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,303
DANCE!
DANCE, LITTLE MAN!
20
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:56,973
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE
A HELPLESS PUPPET OF FATE?
21
00:00:57,056 --> 00:00:58,099
OH, SORRY.
22
00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,602
WE'RE GONNA HAVE
TO PICK IT UP HERE ANOTHER TIME.
23
00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:01,436
WHAT?
24
00:01:01,519 --> 00:01:02,937
IT'S WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
I HAVE MY THERAPY.
25
00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,522
WHAT THE HELL IS
HE TALKING ABOUT?
26
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:05,815
UH, NEW GUILD
CLEMENCY CLAUSE.
27
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,777
MENTAL HEALTH
ARCH EXCLUSION.
28
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,445
LET ME SEE THAT.
29
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,322
OH, DAMN IT TO --
A HA!
30
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,532
IT SAYS HERE
YOU'RE EXCUSED ONLY
31
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,785
IF YOU HAVE A NOTE
FROM YOUR DOCTOR.
32
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,203
GOT ONE RIGHT HERE.
33
00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:21,331
IT'S, UH,
IT'S IN MY POCKET.
34
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:28,880
WELL, VENTURE, IF I
CAN'T MURDER YOU TODAY,
35
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,007
AT LEAST IT WOULD APPEAR
I HAVE FINALLY SUCCEEDED
36
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:32,967
IN DRIVING YOU INSANE!
37
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:33,968
THAT'S NOT NECESSARILY TRUE.
38
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,137
PEOPLE SEEK THERAPISTS
FOR ALL KINDS OF REASONS.
39
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:41,643
MAN, WHEN MY WIFE LEFT ME,
I WENT THROUGH A PRETTY BAD--
40
00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:42,310
[ SIGHS ]
41
00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:44,979
OKAY, HENCHMEN!
THAT'S A WRAP!
42
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,815
ABORT MAYHEM,
AND FALL IN!
43
00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:49,859
HEY, HEY HEY!
WHAT'S WITH THE BITCHING?
44
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,444
YOU DON'T WANT
A NIGHT OFF?
45
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,571
YOU GOT LUCKY
THIS TIME, OLD MAN.
46
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:56,115
OH, IN YOUR DREAMS,
FAT BACK!
47
00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:00,453
SO...I DON'T KNOW.
48
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,121
SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD
JUST BE A NORMAL KID,
49
00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:05,667
AND GO OUT AND PLAY WITH
KIDS MY OWN AGE AND STUFF.
50
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:08,962
THE ONLY PEOPLE I GET
TO HANG OUT WITH ARE
GROWN-UPS.
51
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,713
THE ONLY TIME I GET
TO LEAVE THE COMPOUND
52
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,842
IS TO GO SOMEPLACE CREEPY
LIKE THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE,
53
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,928
AND THEN I GET KIDNAPPED
BY GROWN-UPS.
54
00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:18,721
AND I'M NOT EVEN SURE
I WANNA BE A SUPER SCIENTIST
55
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:19,931
WHEN I GROW UP ANYWAY.
56
00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:23,852
BUT I FEEL ALL THIS PRESSURE
BECAUSE OF MY FA--
57
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:24,853
IT FEELS WEIRD TELLING YOU
ALL THIS STUFF.
58
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,772
REMEMBER, RUSTY --
IN HERE,
59
00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:30,191
I'M YOUR DOCTOR,
NOT YOUR FATHER.
60
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:31,818
NOW LET'S GET BACK
TO IT, SHALL WE?
61
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:33,444
YOU WERE TELLING ME
HOW YOU'RE UNGRATEFUL
62
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:34,779
FOR ALL THE OPPORTUNITIES
YOUR FATHER HAS GIVEN YOU,
63
00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:38,283
AND YOU BLAME ME
FOR ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.
64
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:39,117
[ SIGHS ]
65
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,702
SO, YOU CAN SEE
WHY I'VE BEEN RELUCTANT
66
00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:42,328
TO GO BACK INTO THERAPY.
67
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:46,749
WELL, I HOPE YOU'LL FIND THIS
A MUCH HEALTHIER ENVIRONMENT
68
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:50,211
IN WHICH TO BEGIN
A NEW ADVENTURE OF HEALING.
69
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:52,046
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT
IN IT ALONE ANYMORE.
70
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:55,800
EVERYONE, LET'S ALL WELCOME
RUSTY TO OUR LITTLE GROUP.
71
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,135
All:
HI, RUSTY!
72
00:02:57,218 --> 00:03:00,388
EVERYONE HERE CAN RELATE TO WHAT
YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, RUSTY.
73
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:03,308
AS BOY ADVENTURERS,
THEY'VE BEEN THERE, TOO.
74
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:06,603
SO, I THINK MAYBE A GOOD WAY
FOR US TO GET STARTED TONIGHT
75
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,730
IS IF WE JUST QUICKLY
GO AROUND THE ROOM,
76
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:11,733
AND EACH OF YOU TELLS RUSTY
A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF
77
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:13,568
AND YOUR JOURNEY
TO THE GROUP.
78
00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:15,862
ME FIRST?
79
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,448
WELL, I HAVE A BIT
OF AN EATING DISORDER.
80
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,866
NOOO.
81
00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:21,367
LANCE, WAIT
YOUR TURN.
82
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:22,243
AS A SUPERHERO SIDEKICK,
83
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,621
I LED A VERY ACTIVE,
ATHLETIC LIFESTYLE.
84
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:27,498
BUT WHEN I TURNED 18,
85
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:31,002
AND I WAS, SHALL WE SAY,
REPLACED WITH A NEWER MODEL,
86
00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:35,089
UH, I STARTED
PUTTING THE WEIGHT ON.
87
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,508
THEN I'D EAT MORE
88
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,553
BECAUSE I WAS DEPRESSED.
89
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:41,262
AND...
90
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,431
I HAVE ABANDONMENT
ISSUES?
91
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,767
MORE?
92
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:46,476
TELL RUSTY YOUR NAME.
93
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,186
OH, WELL,
THAT'S A TRICKY ONE.
94
00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:50,480
UH, YEAH, THE LATEST DRAMA
IN MY CAPED CRUSADE
95
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,941
AGAINST CAPTAIN SUNSHINE'S
LAWYERS IS
96
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,108
I GET TO KEEP MOST
OF THE COSTUME,
97
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:58,112
BUT I'M NO LONGER ALLOWED
TO CALL MYSELF WONDERBOY
98
00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,948
WHEN I APPEAR
IN PUBLIC.
99
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:00,448
MALL OPENINGS.
100
00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:01,908
LANCE.
101
00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,117
MY TURN?
UM, LANCE HALE.
102
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,453
ONE HALF OF THE WORLD
FAMOUS HALE BROTHERS.
103
00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:06,454
BOY DETECTIVES?
YOU'VE HEARD OF US.
104
00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:08,998
I'M HERE BECAUSE MY
ALLEGEDLY TWIN BROTHER DALE
105
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,125
IS STILL HAVING
TROUBLE GETTING OVER
OUR FATHER'S DEATH.
106
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:14,504
I CAN STILL SEE HIS FACE
THROUGH THE SOFT FOCUS
107
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,464
OF THE STEAM FROM
HIS POOLING BLOOD
108
00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,716
AS HE LAY SPUTTERING
ON THE COLD LINOLEUM.
109
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,468
PUNCH BUGGY DEPRESSING!
110
00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:22,804
NOBODY WANTS
TO HEAR THAT CRAP, DALE.
111
00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:24,180
[nervous chuckle]
SORRY.
112
00:04:24,263 --> 00:04:25,890
WE DIDN'T JUST
LOSE OUR DAD THAT NIGHT.
113
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:29,102
HIS MURDER REMAINS
OUR ONLY UNSOLVED CASE EVER.
114
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:32,438
WE HAD TO QUIT THE BUSINESS
BECAUSE THE SHAME WAS JUST --
115
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:33,314
PFFT! YEAH.
116
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,191
RETIRING AT 30 ON
DADDY'S FAMOUS FORTUNE
117
00:04:35,274 --> 00:04:36,818
MUST HAVE BEEN
REAL HARD ON YOU.
118
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:38,069
FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
ACTION JUNKIE,
119
00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:40,321
HE BEQUEATHED
MOST OF IT TO THE LOCAL
BOY DETECTIVE ACADEMY.
120
00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:44,367
WE HARDLY GOT DICK BECAUSE
NOTHING WE DID WAS EVER
121
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,076
GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM!
122
00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:47,036
HE DID LEAVE US
THAT NICE CAR.
123
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,913
IT'S TOTALLY [bleep] CHERRY!
BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT, DALE.
124
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,289
AND DON'T INTERRUPT ME AGAIN
OR I'LL SWEAR I'LL SO [bleep]
SOCK YOU.
125
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:55,336
UH, JOHNNY, HOW ABOUT YOU
TELL RUSTY WHY YOU'RE HERE.
126
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,921
AH, RUSTY KNOWS ME
FROM WAY BACK,
127
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,632
SO WE CAN SKIP --
JUST GO TO RO-BOY.
128
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,009
HI, HI,
DOCTOR VENTURE.
129
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:02,301
MY NAME IS
RO-BOY.
130
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:05,138
BUT I JUST WANNA POINT OUT
I'M ONLY HERE 'CAUSE
131
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:08,182
ACTION JOHNNY HAD HIMSELF
A LITTLE RUN-IN WITH
JOHNNY LAW
132
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:12,603
AND WAS ORDERED TO ATTEND
BY JOHNNY JUDGE.
133
00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:13,855
NOT MY FAULT.
INTERESTING.
134
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:17,567
GROUP, DO YOU SEE
HOW JOHNNY VIEWS
HIS WHOLE WORLD
135
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,068
AS SOME SORT OF CABAL
OF JOHNNIES
136
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,363
WHO ARE CONSPIRING
TO UNDERMINE HIM?
137
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,906
THAT'S WHAT WE CALL
PARANOID PROJECTION,
138
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:27,160
AND IT'S
A CLASSIC EXPRESSION
OF NARCISSISTIC RAGE.
139
00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:28,953
IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH,
DUDE.
140
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,913
AND THE JUDGE'S NAME
WAS ACTUALLY JOHN.
141
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,790
IT'S, LIKE, THE MOST
COMMON NAME IN THE WORLD.
142
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:34,959
WRONG! THAT WOULD BE MUHAMMED.
GOOGLED IT.
143
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:38,046
LANCE, THE BLACKBERRY STAYS
OFF DURING SHARE TIME.
144
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:39,380
THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE.
145
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,215
PLEASE TURN OFF ALL
CELL PHONES, VIEW COMMS,
146
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:45,720
2-WAY TV WRIST COMMUNCIATORS,
WHAT HAVE YOU.
147
00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:47,472
BEEP BOOP.
148
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:48,514
WHAT WAS THAT?
149
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,558
YOU JUST TURNED OFF
THE RADIO IN MY UTILITY BELT,
150
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:51,350
LIKE HE SAID TO.
151
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,186
YOU SAID "BEEP BOOP"
WITH YOUR MOUTH.
152
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:55,813
NO, I DIDN'T.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
153
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,024
BOYS, THIS IS
REALLY SOMETHING
154
00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,317
WE CAN GET INTO
DURING OUR CONFESSIONALS.
155
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:03,863
Hatred:
TEN BUCKS FOR A DANG MOVIE,
ANOTHER TEN FOR POPPED CORN,
156
00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:05,031
AND THEN THEY GOT THE GALL
TO MAKE YOU SIT THROUGH
157
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:08,076
A BUNCH OF PAID
ADVERTISEMENTS.
158
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,994
UGH, THAT KID ROCK ONE
FOR THE ARMY...
159
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,705
LOOK, THERE'S A WHOLE
EMPTY ROW RIGHT THERE.
160
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:13,998
LET'S JUST MOVE UP ONE.
161
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,042
IT'S TOO CLOSE
FOR MY KINETOSIS.
162
00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:18,294
I GET NAUSEOUS
DURING THE BATTLES.
163
00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:21,798
AWFUL LOT
OF KIDS HERE, HUH?
164
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,801
YOU'RE NEVER TOO YOUNG
FOR ENCHANTMENT.
165
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,720
WHAT IS -- NO!
NO, NO, NO!
166
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,889
AW, COME ON!
167
00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:30,932
[ INHALES ]
168
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:35,061
MY DAD'S LAB WAS LIKE
A PHARMACOLOGICAL CANDY STORE,
169
00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:36,771
SO I STARTED REAL YOUNG.
170
00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:39,565
NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M BLOWING
LINES OF VOODOO POWDER
171
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:43,444
OFF THE BACK OF A MONKEY'S PAW
I BOUGHT IN CALCUTTA.
172
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:44,320
NOW I'M ALL OUT
OF WISHES.
173
00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:47,698
I WASN'T EVEN ALLOWED
TO WEAR LONG PANTS
174
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:48,950
UNTIL I LEFT FOR COLLEGE.
175
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,119
IS IT ANY WONDER I DIDN'T
LOSE MY VIRGINITY
176
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,078
UNTIL I WAS OVER 20?
177
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:54,622
SO DUMBASS HERE IS
SO FREAKED OUT BY THE MESS,
178
00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:57,083
HE FORGETS 20 YEARS
OF DETECTIVE TRAINING
179
00:06:57,166 --> 00:07:00,253
AND ACTUALLY PICKS UP THE
SHOTGUN WITH HIS BARE HANDS.
180
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:03,631
WELL, I JUST INSTINCTIVELY
REACHED OUT TO STOP HIM,
OF COURSE.
181
00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:06,634
AND SO, THAT'S HOW
BOTH OUR SETS OF PRINTS
182
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:08,302
ENDED UP ON THE MURDER WEAPON.
183
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:09,303
I TRIED TO BE GOOD.
184
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,430
I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF
SOMETIMES.
185
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:14,392
WHEN I SEE A GIANT ROBOT
I JUST GET SO MAD,
186
00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,060
I WANNA BEAT THEM UP!
187
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,186
AND THEN
I WANNA BURN THEM!
188
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,898
SOMETIMES I WANNA BURN
THE WHOLE WORLD!
189
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:22,608
I MEAN, I CAN'T EVEN
GET AN ERECTION NOW
190
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:26,237
UNLESS I'M TIED TO A CHAIR
WITH A TIMEBOMB TAPED
TO MY CHEST.
191
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,490
Narrator, on movie:
FROM THIS, THE REALM
OF THE SPIDER KING
192
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:32,410
THROUGH THE REALM
OF THE TREE PEOPLE,
193
00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:33,494
TO THE REALM...
194
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,371
AWFUL LOT OF REALMS
IN THIS THING.
195
00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:37,456
HEY, THE LITTLE
FELLER WITH THE AX,
196
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:38,749
WHAT'S HIS DEAL
AGAIN?
197
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,626
THAT'S GRIMSBY.
HE'S A TROLL.
198
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:41,961
I LIKE HIM.
HE'S GOT MOXIE.
199
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:45,089
SHH!
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!
200
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:45,965
WHO COMES TO THE LAST
MOVIE IN A TRILOGY
201
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:48,301
WITHOUT SEEING
THE FIRST TWO?
202
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:50,469
HOT CHA!
WHO'S THAT FRESH TOMATO?
203
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:51,888
SHH!
THAT'S ANASTOS.
204
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,014
HE'S THE PRINCE
OF THE ELVEN REALM.
205
00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,850
HE? THAT'S A FELLA.
206
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:58,436
MY GOD,
HE'S BEAUTIFUL!
207
00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,562
HE LOOKS LIKE A,
208
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,856
LIKE A LITTLE WHITE
CHOCOLATE DOLL BOY.
209
00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:04,066
TECHNICALLY, HIS PEOPLE
DON'T HAVE A GENDER.
210
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:07,153
AND THEY DON'T AGE.
THEY JUST STAY 13 FOREVER!
211
00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:09,071
WHAT? DID HENRY
DARGER WRITE THIS?
212
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:12,241
WHAT THE HELL KIND
OF MOVIE DID YOU
DRAG ME TO?
213
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:12,992
SHH!!
214
00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:14,827
WHY DON'T YOU SHUSH
THOSE WINGS?
215
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:15,453
HEY, DON'T BLAME ME,
MAN.
216
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,038
WE WOULDN'T BE
SITTING HERE
217
00:08:17,121 --> 00:08:18,289
IF YOUR DAD DIDN'T
PULL A SECTION 8.
218
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:20,499
YEAH, AND YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED
TO ARCH US WITHOUT HIM.
219
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,752
WHO'S ARCHING?
I'M TRYING TO WATCH A MOVIE.
220
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:25,713
WELL, YOU'RE RUINING
MY WHOLE CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE.
221
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:27,757
AND THAT TOTALLY COUNTS
AS ARCHING.
222
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,425
I CAN'T TAKE IT!
223
00:08:29,508 --> 00:08:31,510
I GOTTA GET
OUTTA HERE.
224
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:32,595
EXCUSE ME.
225
00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:35,431
PARDON.
226
00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:36,766
I'M AN ANGRY NATIVE.
227
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,351
BOOGA BOOGA!
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!
228
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,186
UH, SHOOT HIM?
YOU DON'T HAVE A GUN.
229
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:43,064
UH, GET A GROWN-UP
TO SHOOT HIM?
230
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:44,899
YOU'RE ALL ALONE
IN THIS JUNGLE.
231
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:45,858
ER?
RUN AND HIDE?
232
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:47,902
NO MORE RUNNING!
NO MORE HIDING.
233
00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:49,946
CONFRONT YOUR PROBLEM
HEAD ON!
234
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,490
OKAY, UH.
235
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,410
HOW ABOUT JUST
TALKING TO HIM.
236
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:56,994
TALKING?
237
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,913
YES, HE'S
AN ANGRY NATIVE
238
00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:00,831
BUT HE'S ALSO
A PERSON.
239
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:03,584
START A DIALOGUE.
UH, OKAY.
240
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,419
UM...
[clears throat]
241
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:08,256
WHY YOU GUYS ALWAYS
CHASE ME WITH SPEARS?
242
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,257
YOU PARKED YOUR
GIANT IRON THUNDERBIRD
243
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:12,635
ON MY ANCESTORS'
BURIAL GROUND.
244
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:12,635
I DID?
245
00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:14,637
I'M AFRAID YOU'RE
A TRICKSTER GOD
246
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,013
WHO WILL
WOO MY WOMEN AWAY
247
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:16,722
AND FLY THEM
TO YOUR SKY HUT.
248
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,808
WELL, I...
I DID NOT KNOW THAT.
249
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,435
I'M SORRY?
250
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:24,272
I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY.
NOW HUG ME.
251
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:26,774
I DON'T --
I DON'T --
252
00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:27,858
O--OKAY.
253
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,027
THERE. SEE HOW
EASY THAT WAS?
254
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,613
WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN
INNER ANGRY NATIVES.
255
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,448
AND OUR MINDS INVENT
A MILLION WAYS
256
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:36,659
TO AVOID CONFRONTING
THEM DIRECTLY.
257
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:37,618
BUT IF YOU JUST LOOK
AT THEM IN THE EYE
258
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:41,038
AND ASK THEM WHY THEY'RE
CHASING YOU WITH SPEARS,
259
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,457
YOU JUST MIGHT
LEARN SOMETHING...
260
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:44,959
ABOUT YOURSELF.
261
00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:45,835
QUESTION?
262
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,795
UH, YEAH. IN MY LINE
OF BOY ADVENTURING,
263
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:50,881
I DIDN'T REALLY DEAL
WITH ANGRY NATIVES, SO...
264
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,091
YEAH, US NEITHER.
265
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:54,635
THEN CALL THEM WHATEVER WORKS
FOR YOUR SPECIFIC GENRE'S IDIOM.
266
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:57,138
INNER INTERNATIONAL
JEWEL THIEF, FOR INSTANCE.
267
00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,557
INNER SUPERVILLAIN.
268
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,725
INNER JELLY DOUGHNUT.
269
00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,268
INNER GIANT ROBOT WORKS.
270
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:06,147
JOHNNY, YOU CAN STOP
HUGGING THE NATIVE NOW.
271
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,733
[ LAUGHTER ]
COME ON, GUYS.
272
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:09,817
BY THE WAY,
273
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:12,445
YOU NEVER BOTHERED TO ASK
THE LITTLE FELLA HIS NAME.
274
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:13,904
OH! UM...
275
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:16,157
EH, WHAT'S--
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
276
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,533
CHEMICAL DEPENDENCE.
277
00:10:17,616 --> 00:10:19,201
SEE WHAT I JUST
DID THERE.
278
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:20,036
All:
AHHHHH...
279
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:23,497
OKAY, UM,
DR. VENTURE, IT'S YOUR TURN.
280
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:26,167
ALL RIGHT, BUT UH,
JUST DO ME A FAVOR
281
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,877
AND WHISPER YOUR NAME TO ME
282
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,171
WHEN WE GET
TO THAT PART, OKAY?
283
00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:31,881
OW!
CHARLIE HORSE.
284
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,675
OKAY, SO...
285
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:36,844
OH, WE'RE UP TO THE HUG
ALREADY?
286
00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:38,012
[ GAGGING ]
287
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:40,598
UH, WHAT IS THIS?
LIKE, A PRIMAL SCREAM THING?
288
00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,183
AM I SUPPOSED TO --
289
00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,894
[ SCREAMING WEAKLY ]
290
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:49,231
[ GAGGING ]
291
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,524
WHAT HAPPENED?
292
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:51,567
DID I JUST KILL
PREMATURE EJACULATION?
293
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,488
HOLY VANISHING VITALS!
294
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:56,238
HE'S DEAD!
295
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,699
OH, MAN! OH, MAN!
TOO HEAVY.
296
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,035
THIS IS TOO HEAVY!
GET OUT OF THERE, DALE.
297
00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:01,869
WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO DO?
298
00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:04,872
DETECTIVE WORK, LANCE.
REMEMBER THAT?
299
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:05,790
RUSTY, SMELL THE TEA.
300
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,583
POISON?
301
00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:10,002
CHAMOMILE.
BUT THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE.
302
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,629
IT'S FAMILIAR,
BUT I CAN'T --
303
00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:13,130
WHAT THE HELL IS
RO-BOY DOING?
304
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:14,590
WHY WON'T HE REBOOT?
305
00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:17,093
DOESN'T HE HAVE
ONE OF THESE?
306
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:19,637
HOLY RIGORMORTIS.
307
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,013
RO-BOY MADE SOMETHING REBOOT.
308
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:24,058
CHECK IT OUT.
309
00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:26,227
WHOA! WHOA!
OUT OF THE WAY!
310
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:27,645
DUDES, GET BACK!
311
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:28,687
THAT IS A VIETNAMESE
TWO-STEP VIPER!
312
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:32,274
ONE BITE, AND YOU'RE DEAD
BEFORE YOU TAKE TWO STEPS.
313
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:33,401
THERE'S NO SUCH THING.
314
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,070
YEHA, I'M MAKING IT UP.
IT'S RIGHT THERE, DUDE!
315
00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:37,154
THAT AIN'T A [bleep] HOLOGRAM,
316
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,740
OR AN OLD LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER
IN A RUBBER MASK, OKAY?
317
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:42,201
I MEAN THERE'S NO SUCH SNAKE.
THAT'S AN URBAN MYTH.
318
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:43,285
BRO'S RIGHT.
I GOOGLED IT.
319
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,579
HEY, ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN-NOSER,
320
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,706
CAN YOU GOOGLE THIS THING
THE HELL AWAY FROM ME?
321
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:48,624
DON'T PANIC, RUSTY.
322
00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:51,502
I CARRY SNAKE REPELLANT
IN MY UTILITY BELT.
323
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:53,087
I USED TO.
OKAY, PANIC.
324
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,798
WHY DOES IT WANT ME?
325
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:58,134
[ gasp! ]
SNAKE PHEROMONES.
326
00:11:58,217 --> 00:11:59,552
WHY?!
327
00:11:59,635 --> 00:12:02,930
[ SCREAMING ]
328
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:05,224
OH!
329
00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:06,475
[ DOC LAUGHS ]
330
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,227
NICE WORK, RO-BOY.
331
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,521
JOHNNY, YOU'RE GETTING
HIS FILES?
332
00:12:10,604 --> 00:12:11,564
UH, NO.
333
00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,357
I WAS GETTING
PRESCRIPTION PADS.
334
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,442
BUT YOU WANT THE FILES?
COOL.
335
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,444
WAIT, WAIT, WHY DO
YOU WANT HIS FILES?
DALE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
336
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,946
THE DOCTOR TREATED A LOT
OF SHADY CHARACTERS
337
00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:20,030
IN HIS OTHER GROUPS.
338
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,074
I BET YOU REAL MONEY ONE OF
THEM HAD IT OUT FOR HIM.
339
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,617
STOP THIS.
WE'RE RETIRED.
340
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,619
DON'T DRAG US INTO
ANOTHER MYSTERY.
341
00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:28,789
THE MAN TRIED TO HELP US.
WE OWE IT TO HIM.
342
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:29,623
AND TO DAD.
343
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:30,958
SO MAYBE THE GUY WAS,
WHAT, INTO SNAKES.
344
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,835
YOU DON'T KNOW
HE WAS MURDERED.
345
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,835
OH, NO?
346
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:35,713
WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THIS PICTURE?
347
00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:36,672
I WANNA HAVE SEX
WITH THAT BIRD?
348
00:12:36,755 --> 00:12:39,133
DID THE DOCTOR STRIKE
YOU AT ALL AS A SMOKER?
349
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:41,635
HOLY CLUE AND A HALF!
350
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,512
THE MURDERER
MUST'VE DROPPED IT.
351
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,305
EXACTLY.
352
00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:45,347
NO, NO, DON'T TOUCH
THAT -- OKAY.
353
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:46,765
HEY, I KNOW THIS PLACE.
'BOUT FIVE MILES FROM HERE.
354
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,477
AND IT AIN'T THE KIND OF JOINT
THE DOC WOULD HANG OUT IN.
355
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,061
IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.
356
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:54,732
THEN WHAT DO YOU SAY,
BOY ADVENTURERS?
357
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:57,485
[ GRUNTS ]
358
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,867
NO!
359
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:12,917
GAH!
360
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,212
[ PANTING ]
361
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,839
WHAT THE --
362
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:19,715
[ GRUNTS ]
363
00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:22,927
YAR!
I'M ANASTOS, PRINCE OF ELVES!
364
00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,471
[ GRUNTING ]
365
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:29,058
Doc:
WELL, DAPHNE, I BELIEVE.
SHE GOT AROUND QUITE A BIT.
366
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:30,851
BUT VELMA?
I ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS A --
367
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:35,439
EVERYBODY DID.
BUT I GOT A PACK OF HERPES
THAT SAY OTHERWISE.
368
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,399
HEY, SPARK ME UP,
PYRO-BOY.
369
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:38,776
SURE THING!
370
00:13:38,859 --> 00:13:41,070
YOU GUYS READY
TO DO THIS?
371
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:43,656
ARE YOU, MR. SWEATER?
COULD GET ROUGH IN THERE.
372
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:47,034
DON'T WORRY, WE BOY DETECTIVES
KNOW HOW TO PLAY HARD.
373
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:49,245
YEAH!
374
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:53,082
OH, YEAH, WE'RE HAVING US
A LITTLE MAN ADVENTURE NOW.
375
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,542
OOH, THERE,
THAT GUY IN THE BACK.
376
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:55,834
I RECOGNIZE HIS FACE
FROM THE FILES.
377
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,963
HE'S FROM THE THURSDAY NIGHT
HENCHMAN RECOVERY GROUP.
378
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,924
HE IS DEFINITELY
NOT WORKING HIS PROGRAM.
379
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,509
I'VE SEEN THAT GUY
BEFORE.
380
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:04,510
HE USED TO BE A HENCH
FOR DR. Z.
381
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:07,638
SHOULDA KNOWN HE WAS
BEHIND THIS.
382
00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:10,307
HOW'S IT GOING, JOHNNY?
383
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,977
SUP, FRANCIS?
YOU'RE IN MY WAY, THERE.
384
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:14,520
YOU'VE BEEN BANNED, JUNKIE.
385
00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:16,981
NOW TURN AROUND AND TAKE YOUR
LITTLE FAGGOT FRIENDS WITH YOU.
386
00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:18,190
OR I'M GONNA HAVE
TO GET ROUGH WITH YOU.
387
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,400
HEY, UNDERPANTS!
388
00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:23,737
YOU MESS WITH ONE BOY
ADVENTURER, YOU MESS
WITH ALL OF US.
389
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:26,323
I THINK THEY WERE
HOPING YOU'D SAY THAT.
390
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,076
LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT
A LITTLE HERPE
391
00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:29,827
ON YOUR LIP THERE.
392
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,495
YOU BEEN KISSING
YOUR WIFE'S ASS...
393
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:34,415
AFTER I PUT
HERPE IN THERE.
394
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:37,209
WHAT?!
395
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:37,209
Doc:
OH, NO HE DIDN'T.
396
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:49,555
Johnny:
YEAH, YEAH!
397
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:52,224
EVEN DIARRHEA DOESN'T
TAKE THIS LONG.
398
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:53,267
WHERE COULD HE BE?
399
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,436
WAIT, I THINK HE CALLED.
I HAVE, LIKE, 12 MESSAGES.
400
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:56,437
NOBODY'S EVER LEFT ME
A MESSAGE BEFORE.
401
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,856
WHAT DO I DO?
HERE.
402
00:14:58,939 --> 00:14:59,648
YEAH, HEY, BOYS.
403
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:03,527
SORRY TO PUNK OUT
ON YA LIKE THAT.
404
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:04,653
BUT, I...
405
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:07,031
I AM BACKSLIDING BIG TIME.
406
00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:09,992
I HAD TO RUN HOME
TO GET MY MEDS, SO.
407
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:13,370
HEY, BOYS,
I'M ALL OUTTA MEDS!
408
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:15,581
AND THE O.S.I. FOLKS,
409
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,958
THEY DON'T SEEM TO BE
ANSWERING MY CALLS,
410
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,628
SO, HEH,
GETTING A LITTLE ANTSY,
411
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:25,507
AND I'VE LOCKED MYSELF
IN THE PANIC ROOM.
412
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,092
OH, HEY.
413
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,636
THOUGHT I CALLED
PRINCESS TINYFEET.
414
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:31,347
BUT WHILE I GOT YA
ON THE HORN,
415
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:35,225
I MIGHT AS WELL TELL YA
I'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN.
416
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,978
BIG SURPRISE THERE!
417
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:39,772
HEY, UM,
CAN WE GET A RIDE?
418
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:43,817
DUDE, TELL ME YOU DIDN'T WALK
OUT BEFORE THE CREDITS
WERE OVER!
419
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,070
OKAY, MINOR SETBACK
FELLAS.
420
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:47,988
HE WAS JUST A PUPPET
ANYWAY.
421
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:51,200
WE WANT THE MAN
PULLING THE STRINGS.
422
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:53,661
HEY, HOW ARE THOSE
BALLS DOING, RUST?
423
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,454
SPIRIT IS UP AND ROVING,
424
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:56,789
BUT OPPORTUNITY HASN'T
COME BACK ONLINE YET.
425
00:15:56,872 --> 00:16:02,419
ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE GET
READY FOR ACTION.
426
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:05,255
TRICK OR TREAT,
OLD MAN.
427
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,883
WHAT? OKAY.
HOLD ON.
428
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:11,679
I DIDN'T REALIZE
IT WAS THE 31st ALREADY.
429
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:14,306
WE HAVE ONLY SOME
OLD SOUR BALLS
430
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:17,017
AND KRAFT CARAMELS.
431
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:20,437
CUT THE CRAP, Z!
432
00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,606
AW, IF IT ISN'T
ACTION JOHNNY.
433
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,024
TO WHAT DO I OWE
THIS PLEASURE?
434
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:27,027
COME TO STEAL AN OLD
MAN'S MEDICATION AGAIN?
435
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:28,362
I THINK YOU KNOW
WHY WE'RE HERE.
436
00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:33,033
HMPH! BIG TOUGH GUY WHEN YOU
HAVE YOUR FRIENDS WITH YOU,
AREN'T YOU?
437
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:35,285
HELLO AGAIN, RUSTY.
DR. Z.
438
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,621
WHY'D YOU KILL HIM, Z?
TO GET TO ME?
439
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,707
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
440
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,458
I HAVE NOT ARCHED YOU
IN YEARS.
441
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:42,793
WHY WOULD I? YOU'RE
NOTHING BUT A PUNK!
442
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:44,586
YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME
YOU DIDN'T SEND YOUR FLUNKY
443
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,506
TO MURDER OUR THERAPIST WITH
A VIETNAMESE TWO-STEP VIPER?
444
00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:50,384
BAH! WHEN DR. Z HARASSES
YOU, YOU'LL KNOW IT.
445
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:53,679
A GIANT METAL CRAB WOULD
TEAR THE ROOF OFF
OF YOUR TRAILER.
446
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:56,056
NO LESS THAN SIX
SUICIDAL ASSASSINS
447
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,891
WOULD SPRING FROM
ITS BELLY!
448
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:00,352
I WOULD NEVER STOOP
TO STRIKING AT YOU
449
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:01,854
THROUGH SOME CIVILIAN
PROXY.
450
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:06,400
AND I CERTAINLY
WOULD NOT DO IT
WITH A MADE-UP SNAKE!
451
00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:10,529
Woman: LAZLO,
WHO'S AT THE DOOR?
452
00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:13,532
JUST SOME OLD FRIENDS,
MY LOVELY.
453
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:15,951
ARE THEY HUNGRY?
454
00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:18,245
SERGEANT HATRED?
455
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:19,621
COME ON, OPEN UP.
456
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,206
WE WANT TO HELP YOU!
457
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:25,419
NOW, BOYS, I LOCKED MYSELF
IN HERE FOR YOUR SAFETY.
458
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:27,087
I'M GONNA BE OKAY.
459
00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:29,214
I KNOW WHAT
I HAVE TO DO NOW.
460
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:31,258
SO JUST BACK AWAY
FROM THE DOOR,
461
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,927
AND GO HIDE SOMEPLACE
I CAN'T SEE YOU.
462
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:37,598
UNCLE HATRED'S GONNA
CALMLY EXIT THE PANIC ROOM
463
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:39,558
AND HEAD STRAIGHT
FOR THE HANGAR.
464
00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:40,642
WHAT'S IN THE HANGAR?
MORE MEDICINE?
465
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,853
WE CAN GET IT FOR YOU.
466
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,856
NO, I'M TAKING THE X-1
AND I'M GOING TO
THAILAND!
467
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:49,276
JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE,
468
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:50,611
JUST SO I CAN BUY
469
00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:52,905
A BEAUTIFUL BROWN
LITTLE BOY-GIRL
470
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:55,783
TO KEEP IN MY ROOM
FOR WHEN THE URGES COME!
471
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:57,785
YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
SURE, I CAN!
472
00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:00,287
GARY GLITTER TOLD ME
WHERE TO GET ONE.
473
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,247
AND DEAN?
474
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:04,333
DEAN, WOULDN'T
YOU LIKE TO HAVE
475
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,126
A BEAUTIFUL
BROWN LITTLE
BROTHER/SISTER?
476
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:08,670
NO! AND BEAUTIFUL BOY-GIRLS
AREN'T THE ANSWER!
477
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,799
YOU HAVE TO FIGHT
THE BAD URGES.
478
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:15,177
I CAN'T!
NOT WITHOUT MY MEDS!
479
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:17,054
YES, YOU CAN!
I KNOW YOU CAN.
480
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:20,808
JUST DO WHATEVER YOU USED TO
DO BEFORE THEY GAVE YOU
THE MEDICINE.
481
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:21,642
PRINCESS TINYFEET!
482
00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:24,645
SHE'S WHAT I USED
TO DO.
483
00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:26,730
SHE WAS THE ONLY THING
THAT EVER GOT ME
484
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:29,358
OVER MY DIRTY
LITTLE WEAKNESS.
485
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:33,320
BUT SHE WON'T
RETURN MY CALLS!
486
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:35,656
MMM.
487
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:36,824
THANKS, MRS. Z.
488
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:39,326
WOW, THIS ONE REALLY
LOVES MY COOKING.
489
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:40,577
I LIKE HIM.
490
00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:42,246
OH, THIRDS? REALLY?
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
491
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:44,164
YOU DON'T SEE
A CONNECTION
492
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:45,874
BETWEEN THIS...
493
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:46,625
AND THIS!
494
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,836
I CAN'T HELP IT.
IT'S COMPULSIVE.
495
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:50,838
I WA SEEING SOMEONE
ABOUT IT.
496
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:53,173
[chuckles]
ISN'T SHE A TREASURE?
497
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:56,510
WOULD YOU BELIEVE MRS. Z
IS ACTUALLY OLDER THAN I?
498
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:57,678
HEY, JUST LIKE
ME AND RUST.
499
00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,596
I'M THE OLDER ONE,
BUT HE LOOKS LIKE
HE COULD BE MY DAD.
500
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,016
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT
MORE CHEMICAL PRESERVATIVES
IN YOU THAN A TWINKIE.
501
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,810
AND DON'T TRY TO TELL ME
THAT ISN'T A WEAVE.
502
00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:07,855
SO, A SNAKE KILLS
YOUR PSYCHIATRIST,
503
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,607
AND YOU FLY
ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE
504
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,651
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
TO BEAT UP AN OLD MAN
505
00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:14,862
BECAUSE OF A MATCHBOOK?
506
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:17,364
YEAH, SOUNDS KIND OF SLOPPY
WHEN YOU SAY IT.
507
00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:19,032
WHEN ARE YOU BOYS
GOING TO GROW UP?
508
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,994
DIDN'T YOU GET ENOUGH
OF THIS NONSENSE WHEN
YOU WERE KIDS?
509
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:24,538
WE HAD TO DO SOMETHING.
IT WAS A MYSTERY.
510
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:26,790
THERE'S ALWAYS
A MYSTERY.
511
00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:27,833
IT NEVER ENDS.
512
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:30,419
NOT UNTIL YOU DECIDE
WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
513
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:33,380
YOU MEAN JUST
GIVE IT ALL UP?
514
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:34,173
YES! WHY NOT?
515
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,050
LEAVE IT TO THE NEXT
10-YEAR-OLD BOY
516
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,677
WITH A JETPACK
AND A SPYGLASS.
517
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:42,389
TAKE IT FROM AN OLD MAN --
THERE IS MORE TO LIFE.
518
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:45,392
I AM MUCH HAPPIER NOW
THAT I SETTLED DOWN
WITH MRS. Z
519
00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:48,395
THAN I EVER WAS CHASING
JOHNNY AROUND WITH A LASER.
520
00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:51,064
I ONLY REGRET
THAT IT TOOK SO LONG
FOR ME TO FIGURE IT OUT.
521
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:54,526
WE NEVER HAD CHILDREN
OF OUR OWN, YOU SEE.
522
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,695
WE MARRIED LATE.
523
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:58,906
AND THOUGH MY LOVER'S
MOUNTAINS ARE BOTH
524
00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:00,073
BEAUTIFUL AND BOUNTIFUL,
525
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:02,492
I'M AFRAID THE VALLEY BELOW
IS QUITE BARREN.
526
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,077
I THOUGHT WE COULD
NOT HAVE KIDS
527
00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:05,913
BECAUSE I WAS
YOUR BEARD.
528
00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:06,747
[ CHUCKLES ]
529
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:11,335
DR. Z, MRS. Z,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO ADOPT ME?
530
00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:12,586
AWW, THAT'S SWEET.
531
00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:14,880
DR. Z IS RIGHT.
532
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:15,964
YOU KNOW, I SHOULD
THANK YOU GUYS.
533
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,926
YOU ALL MADE ME
REALIZE SOMETHING
IMPORTANT TONIGHT.
534
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,302
I'M NOT ALONE.
535
00:20:20,385 --> 00:20:22,763
BAND OF BROTHERS, MAN.
NO, I MEAN...
536
00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:24,598
WHAT THE HELL AM I
DOING IN THERAPY
537
00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:25,807
IN THE FIRST PLACE?
538
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:26,767
I'M NO DRUG ADDICT.
539
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:28,268
I DON'T HAVE
AN EATING DISORDER.
540
00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,562
AND AS MUCH AS I
RESENTED MY FATHER,
541
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:31,855
I NEVER WANTED
TO KILL HIM.
542
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,315
WHOA, THAT WAS
NEVER PROVEN.
543
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:34,775
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,
I GREW UP.
544
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:37,486
I'M NOT
A BOY ADVENTURER.
545
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,947
I HAVE MY OWN BUSINESS,
AND MY OWN FAMILY.
546
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,281
AND IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
547
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:44,701
I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME
I GOT BACK TO THEM.
548
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:46,161
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
549
00:20:46,244 --> 00:20:46,620
[ HATRED CRYING ]
550
00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:48,455
SERGEANT HATRED?
551
00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:51,291
THERE'S SOMEONE HERE
WHO WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.
552
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,548
NIBBLET? HONEY!
553
00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:02,052
NOW!
554
00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:03,136
[ SCREAMING ]
555
00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:04,805
[ HANK CROWS ]
556
00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:07,015
B TEAM --
HIT HIM!
557
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:07,432
PRINCESS!
558
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:10,978
WHYYY!
559
00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:12,604
[ GROANS ]
560
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:14,815
THANKS, DUDE.
561
00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:17,484
NO, THANK YOU.
I SO OWED HIM ONE.
562
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:49,224
OUT OF NOWHERE, IT'S LIKE
THIS BIG GLOWING VIKING LONGBOAT
563
00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:50,684
AND IT COMES OUT
OF THE CLOUDS.
564
00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:54,646
AND EVERYBODY WHO EVER DIED
IN ALL THESE FILMS IS ON IT,
565
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:56,231
AND THEN IT CARRIES HIM --
566
00:21:56,314 --> 00:21:57,482
OH, HEY.
HEY, BOSS!
567
00:21:57,566 --> 00:22:00,110
JUST YOU IN HERE?
THOUGHT I HEARD
YOU TALKING.
568
00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:03,238
I WAS POD BLOGGING...
CASTING...DIARY.
569
00:22:03,321 --> 00:22:05,032
OH, SO HOW WAS IT?
570
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:06,408
BETTER THAN
THE FIRST ONE.
571
00:22:06,491 --> 00:22:08,368
I LIKE THE SECOND ONE
A LITTLE BETTER.
572
00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:10,579
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT THEY WERE
SAYING ON "AIN'T IT COOL."
573
00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:13,540
YEAH, ALL IN ALL, A FITTING
END TO THE TRILOGY, THOUGH.
574
00:22:13,623 --> 00:22:15,375
COOL.
575
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:18,086
OKAY, WELL, UH,
GOOD NIGHT THEN.
576
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,171
GOOD NIGHT, BOSS.
577
00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:21,715
OH, DID YOU, UH REMEMBER
TO TAKE CARE OF THAT THING?
578
00:22:21,798 --> 00:22:23,175
YEAH, YEAH TOTALLY.
579
00:22:23,258 --> 00:22:24,509
OFFICE WAS ON THE WAY
TO THE THEATER.
580
00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:26,595
SO WE SLIPPED THE SNAKE RIGHT
THROUGH THE AIR VENT.
581
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:28,388
HE'S GOTTA BE DEAD
BY NOW.
582
00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:30,557
THEN VENTURE'S GOT
NO MORE EXCUSES!
583
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,684
EXCELLENT!
584
00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:35,312
RELOAD
THE SCARIONETTE CANNON!
585
00:22:35,395 --> 00:22:37,314
TOMORROW, WE ARCH ANEW!