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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour

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Britain is an incredible place.
Full of culture,

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exquisite landscapes

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and Boris Johnson!
Whoo-hoo!

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We are a few of the 300,000
immigrants that come to

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Blighty each year.

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So, if you're thinking of joining us

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and dream of living a
quintessentially British life,

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then let us guide through what can
be a confusing place.

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What is the meaning of banter?
What's Bob your uncle?

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What is bees knees?

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SHE GIGGLES

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The press may not welcome you
with open arms.

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Well, then, what can I do in
order to make them like me?

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I don't know the answer to that.

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And settling in isn't always easy.

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Hello, can you talk for a moment?
Piss off!

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But don't worry, this video will
teach you all you need to know

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about living in the greatest country
in the world.

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This is An Immigrant's Guide
To Britain.

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Welcome to Britain,

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the most British place in the world.

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But it's not just all white cliffs
and castles and strong winds.

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Oh, no.

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It's a very complicated country full
of pitfalls for the uninitiated.

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For example, the citizenship test,
which is a high-stakes pub quiz

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where the winner gets a passport
rather than some low-quality meat.

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If you're not living in Europe and
you want to become a British

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citizen, you have to do a British
citizenship test.

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But it's total bullshit.

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I'm going to find out if the British
people can answer actually

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these questions or not.

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When was the Battle of Trafalgar?
Sorry.

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Errr... Um...

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Trafalgar? Yeah.

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First World War?

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When did Britain become permanently
separated from the rest

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of the European mainland?

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HE SNORTS

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I don't know.

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Um...

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1968?

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Who invented the jet engine?

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What? Is this a test? It's on the
test?

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It's on the test. Right, erm...

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No idea.

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I think it was a man, actually.
It was a man. Yeah.

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How has that got anything to do with
me being British? It totally hasn't.

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It seems that British people don't
know the answers for these
questions.

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So, I thought what do British
people think should be on the test?

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Are you coming here to work? Can you
support yourself when you get here?

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Welcome to Britain, I hope that
you will be very happy here

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and I hope you can get employed.

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Try to learn our language
a little bit more.

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We don't want paedophiles, rapists,
we don't want none of that. Or...

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Different types. Murderers, anything.
Yeah.

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I'm not saying I'm an angel or
nothing like that, but...

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I'm already here, ain't I? Yeah.
You are lucky.

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So, the locals want us immigrants
to get a job.

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But, obviously, without stealing
their job.

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Luckily, there is no shortage of
great opportunities.

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Alejandro, Britain really is
the country where we can

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live our dreams, isn't it?

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Over the last few months, I've
been a builder, nurse,

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shop assistant, minicab driver -
I've done all sorts.

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Back home I would've just carried
on as an orthopaedic surgeon.

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How boring would that have been?

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HE CHUCKLES

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Someone's been a dirty bugger.

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Well, in a nutshell - get a job,
but don't steal anyone's job.

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Well, just enjoyed being totally
overqualified for whatever it is
you're doing.

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As the saying goes...

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If you're in the kitchen...

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I came here today to this market to
learn about banters,

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because it is an essential
part of British life. So...

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If people coming to England and they
didn't know about banter,

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it will help them to integrate into
the community.

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What is a banter?

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Banter's the way we speak,
it's the lingo, what we call.

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It's a different kind of speak.
And it's an instant thing,

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it's not something you practice.
It's something that happens at the
spur of the moment.

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Oh, look. It's Spider-Man! Aye-aye.
Aye-aye.

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I went on his "web" site
yesterday(!)

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It's like you say something to me
and I've come back to you.

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You've got a Roman nose,
haven't you?

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It's "Roman" all over your face(!)

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HE CHUCKLES

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People banter with me all the time
and I don't know what they mean.

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Can you teach me something, guys?
We'll teach you what we can.

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How do I banter about appearances?

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A jovial one, when people come up,
they've got a multicoloured jacket
on,

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you say, "Oh, that's a nice jacket.
What, did you win it in a raffle?"

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But, that's quite funny. It's not
too insulting.

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So, raffles are multicoloured?

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No, a raffle prize.

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It's like saying it's not the kind
of thing I would go out and buy,

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but obviously YOU like it. Get it?

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OK, I will try. Try, try.

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Ask this young lady. Come on.
Ask if she... If she would...

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I don't like your jacket. No!
THEY CHUCKLE

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That is. That's...

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HE SIGHS
Try again.

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I thought banter is the British
thing.

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But, today, I found out it seems
like it's only Dave and Dave

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like the banters.

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You can suggest things, which is an
innuendo.

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If the girls come round, you say,

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"Come and get your gums around my
plums!"

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THEY CHUCKLE

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That's quite rude.

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But it's not. It's just banter.
Light-hearted, sort of, banter.

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It's just banter. So, if a young
lady like this comes up,

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you say to her, "Help yourself."

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Help yourself. And then, we do
deliver. We deliver. We deliver.

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And say, have you got your name,
address, and telephone number?

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Do I need all these things?

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HE LAUGHS

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Are you having a laugh with me?
Do the Miss World show one.

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You say, is it the Miss World show
this week? You've got to get...
do you know what I mean?

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You want the banter, but you've got
to... You know what you've got to do?
You've got to try and crack a smile.

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Exactly. It's hard with that
moustache, isn't it? You're a bit too
serious.

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You should be more relaxed.
I'm learning from them.

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Yeah, look, and they're all smiles.
See, you've got to.

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See! You're the only one without
a smile.

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That's it! There we go!

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Now we're talking. I'll have four of
your oranges...

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See, now you're on a roll.

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Oranges are good for sex?

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Oh...

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I spent whole day learning banter
and I'm bit confused,

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but if you want to learn banter,

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you have to come to the Chapel
Market and speak to Dave.

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Well, I know what you're thinking,
you're listening to me and you're
thinking,

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"Henning, you have got a fantastic
English accent."

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Yes, I know I do.

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But would it be possible for you to
learn it, as well, and should you
bother?

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Ooh-eeh-ooh-ehh... V-v-v-v-v...

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Shoulders up.
HE BLOWS THROUGH LIPS

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And down.
HE EXHALES THROUGH LIPS SLOWLY

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So, I'm going to meet Elspeth,
the accent coach, to find out.

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Which one would suit me?
What about somewhere like Liverpool.

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You see, that's on the coast.
Yeah, I could live in Southport.

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Live in Southport. Posh scouser.
That's quite nice.

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Eh. Can you say for me, eh? Eh.

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IN LIVERPOOL ACCENT: That sound is
very crucial and central to the
accent.

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Eh. Eh.

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Eh, mate. HE TRIES TO COPY ACCENT:
Eh, mate. Mate. Eh, Mick.

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'Ave you got the time? 'EV you got
the time?

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So, rather than "'EV" you
got the time? AV - Ah. Ah-ah-ah-ah.

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Ah-ah-ah-ah.

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Eh, mate, 'ave you got t'time?

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'Ave you got the ti-i-ime? 'ave you
got the time?

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Our Angie. Ow-er Angie.

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Hah! Nailed it, as they say. Well,
now, all I have to do is try it

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out on the British public.

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IN BAD ACCENT: Eh, mate. Have you
got time? I don't want to be late
for OW-ER ENGIE.

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Erm...

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Er...

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Birmingham?

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Leeds. Lancashire?

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Polish?
THEY CHUCKLE

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Well, whatever that is, it's with a
strong German.

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Let me try again.
Eh, mate...

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There is no point learning an
accent before you come to London,

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because the locals - they won't get
it anyway.

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So, yeah, it shows London in a very
bad light, unfortunately.

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In Thailand, we have one tap.
In Britain, they have two taps.

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This means, two tap shuffle.
Hot! Cold! Hot, cold,!

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You either have to burn your hands
or freeze your skin.

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But I've got a solution for you.

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Plastic bottle! And a marker pen.

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Mark it. Scissors.

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Mm... Nice warm water.

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Well, one of the most convenient
aspects of working life in the UK,

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is the culture of
self-deprecation.

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The idea that failure can simply be
laughed off.

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So, it doesn't matter how badly you
mess-up in your line of work -

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as long you can tell the tale of
your underachievement

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in an entertaining fashion -
you'll be all right.

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Last Thursday, we went out for
liquid lunch, didn't we?

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HE CHUCKLES

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And then come back into the office
all trolleyed,

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and then after a while, I thought,
"I'll tell you what, my treat for
everyone,

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"I make scrambled eggs." So, I get
going with the scrambled egg.

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Then, I forget about them. Hah!

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So, next thing I know, the whole
kitchen is on fire!

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The dog burned to death.

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HE LAUGHS

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Her at home always says I'm a bloody
liability.

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HE LAUGHS

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I'm a right old wally, aren't I?

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No, I'm not. I'm a bloody
idiot of the highest order.

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I'm probably well in line
for promotion!

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Sorry.

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This is the word British people keep
saying, like, every day.

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Probably because they are polite,
but maybe because they want to
say something else.

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00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:11,060
I'm really wondering how many
ways we can say sorry.

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I try to collect 100 sorrys in one
day.

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Let's go.

200
00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:18,860
Excuse me, have you got a lighter,
please?

201
00:10:18,860 --> 00:10:20,340
No, sorry, I don't smoke.

202
00:10:20,340 --> 00:10:23,100
A pen? I haven't, no. Sorry. Sorry.

203
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:26,580
Sorry? A pen. No, sorry, I haven't.
Sorry.

204
00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:28,980
Sorry, darling. Sorry? Have you got
any cat food?

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00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:32,460
No, sorry. And dog food?
No, no, no. No?

206
00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:35,860
Chicken food? No, sorry.
No worries.

207
00:10:35,860 --> 00:10:37,820
So, Hungarian people...

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00:10:37,820 --> 00:10:39,940
Yeah, they don't really say
sorry that much.

209
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Or if they say sorry,
they really mean it.

210
00:10:42,260 --> 00:10:45,300
Can you tell me what time is it?
I don't have the time, sorry. Ow!

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00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:47,460
That was very loud. Oh, sorry.

212
00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:50,540
Er...8:30. Ow! Oh, sorry. Sorry.
No worries.

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00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:56,660
James, are you James?
Sorry, I've got to go. Sorry.

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00:10:56,660 --> 00:10:59,820
James! Hi! Sorry, love. Wrong person.
Sorry.

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00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:01,460
James! Yeah.

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00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,220
Are you James?

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00:11:03,220 --> 00:11:05,420
Yeah? Yeah.

218
00:11:05,420 --> 00:11:07,860
Excuse me, how can I...
SHE MUMBLES

219
00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:10,580
Sorry? How can I get to the...

220
00:11:10,580 --> 00:11:13,420
The where? The...

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00:11:13,420 --> 00:11:16,340
I don't know what, I don't know what
you mean. Sorry.

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00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:18,500
Have you... Sorry, dear?

223
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:21,460
Sorry? How can... Sorry?

224
00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:24,780
Do you know... Sorry? Do you know...
Sorry?

225
00:11:24,780 --> 00:11:26,540
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry?

226
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:27,980
Sorry!

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00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:31,940
This is too easy.
I reckon I don't even need to try.

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00:11:31,940 --> 00:11:33,860
Sorry, excuse me, please.

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00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,060
Sorry.

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00:11:36,060 --> 00:11:37,220
Sorry!

231
00:11:41,580 --> 00:11:43,940
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

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00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:56,180
Wa-he-hey!

233
00:11:56,180 --> 00:11:58,260
Welcome back to Britain.

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00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:02,860
Well, last year, British people
donated more money to animals

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00:12:02,860 --> 00:12:05,420
than the whole GDP of Kiribati -

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00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:06,900
not that that is saying much.

237
00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:09,980
Well, if anything, it tells us
Brits love animals

238
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:12,380
and if you live over here
and want to fit in,

239
00:12:12,380 --> 00:12:14,820
do you HAVE to love animals?

240
00:12:17,860 --> 00:12:21,860
The British people have got so much
affection for their dogs

241
00:12:21,860 --> 00:12:24,620
that we in Ghana don't.

242
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,980
I'm here today to find out

243
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:31,140
why the British people like keeping
dogs as friends and pets

244
00:12:31,140 --> 00:12:34,900
and is it a good idea for you
to get one.

245
00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:37,620
Man's best friends can be dogs?

246
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:39,980
Ha! No, I don't think so.

247
00:12:39,980 --> 00:12:42,780
Hi. Hello. Hi there.

248
00:12:42,780 --> 00:12:44,540
Oh, my God. Doodles...

249
00:12:44,540 --> 00:12:45,980
Wow, that's a cute one.

250
00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:47,100
Oh, my. What's his name?

251
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,380
This one's Doodles... Doodles.

252
00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:52,220
Wow, and that one? ..and this
is Bambi.

253
00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:54,380
Why's he on a chain? He must be
a pretty bad one.

254
00:12:54,380 --> 00:12:55,940
No, she's having her hair brushed.

255
00:12:55,940 --> 00:12:57,980
She's just being groomed at the
moment. Oh, wow.

256
00:12:57,980 --> 00:13:01,580
I do understand that British people
are dog-loving people. Yeah.

257
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:05,260
Every third to fourth household
will have a dog in the house

258
00:13:05,260 --> 00:13:09,780
and it's just a normal thing here
in England that we love animals.

259
00:13:09,780 --> 00:13:11,700
It's amazing what I saw today -

260
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:14,580
she spends most of her time
cleaning the dogs,

261
00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:15,980
caring for the dogs...

262
00:13:15,980 --> 00:13:18,460
I can never get used to this.

263
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:20,180
This is Bailey. Wow.

264
00:13:20,180 --> 00:13:21,260
Wait, whoa...

265
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:23,460
Wait, wait, wait, he looks like
he's coming to get me!

266
00:13:23,460 --> 00:13:25,060
No, he's very friendly. Are you sure?

267
00:13:25,060 --> 00:13:27,260
Yeah, you sit down. Oh, my God.

268
00:13:27,260 --> 00:13:29,860
No, a-a-a! If you just stroke him...
Bom-bom-bom-bom.

269
00:13:29,860 --> 00:13:31,940
Emma, are you in control?

270
00:13:31,940 --> 00:13:33,820
Yes, I've got his collar.
Don't worry.

271
00:13:33,820 --> 00:13:39,460
The only people who have lots of
dogs in Ghana are hunters.

272
00:13:39,460 --> 00:13:41,900
In Ghana where I come from,
dogs are dogs.

273
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:44,540
So, does no-one own dogs as pets?

274
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:47,140
People... No, people can hardly
feed themselves

275
00:13:47,140 --> 00:13:49,580
let alone spend that much money
on dogs. Yeah.

276
00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:52,740
Trying to make each and every one
happy like the way you are doing,

277
00:13:52,740 --> 00:13:54,060
it's just blown my mind.

278
00:13:54,060 --> 00:13:56,340
To some people, it may seem crazy...

279
00:13:56,340 --> 00:13:58,780
Well, pretty much.

280
00:13:58,780 --> 00:13:59,860
Bom-bom-bom-bom.

281
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:03,700
So, this is your life?

282
00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:05,620
Yep, they're my best friends

283
00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:08,620
and that's why I would recommend
you buying a dog.

284
00:14:08,620 --> 00:14:10,580
My dog's gone to the toilet
in the road there

285
00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:12,180
so I've now got to pick it up.
Uh-huh.

286
00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:13,620
Would you like to try?

287
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,980
No, man!

288
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,060
Oh!

289
00:14:16,060 --> 00:14:19,100
Oh, my... Eurgh!

290
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:21,140
No, I did enough.

291
00:14:21,140 --> 00:14:22,940
Don't even do it to my kids
sometimes,

292
00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:24,140
I just call their mum to do it -

293
00:14:24,140 --> 00:14:25,860
now, look, I'm doing it to a dog!

294
00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:28,140
Jesus Christ, Oh, my God!
Bambi, Bambi.

295
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:33,660
Well, the most important aspect
of integration

296
00:14:33,660 --> 00:14:36,500
is being able to hold a meaningful
conversation

297
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:41,980
so what is the one topic that gets
all the locals talking?

298
00:14:41,980 --> 00:14:43,180
Here it is.

299
00:14:46,580 --> 00:14:51,020
One thing that I notice British
people love is celebrity magazines.

300
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:54,140
It's like they're their best friends
or relatives,

301
00:14:54,140 --> 00:14:56,140
they like to know everything.

302
00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:58,020
"My Kelly Brook heartbreak."

303
00:14:58,020 --> 00:15:01,220
I don't actually know who out of
these two is Kelly Brook

304
00:15:01,220 --> 00:15:03,740
but I think I've seen
this lady before.

305
00:15:03,740 --> 00:15:07,020
"Gemma, I get called a fat cow."

306
00:15:07,020 --> 00:15:10,820
British people seem to really like
stories about fat people

307
00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:12,940
and also celebrities

308
00:15:12,940 --> 00:15:14,660
and here, we have both.

309
00:15:14,660 --> 00:15:16,300
So, this lady has a baby

310
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:19,180
and apparently she is going
back to work

311
00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:21,940
and I'm not sure why this is
such a big deal

312
00:15:21,940 --> 00:15:26,220
but I'm sure you can start a
conversation with a British
person with that.

313
00:15:26,220 --> 00:15:28,420
When you first arrive on
these shores,

314
00:15:28,420 --> 00:15:30,740
you might be ever so slightly
disappointed

315
00:15:30,740 --> 00:15:33,100
because not everyone lives in
one of them

316
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,780
and they don't all talk like
they're on Downton Abbey

317
00:15:35,780 --> 00:15:37,420
so what is class

318
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:39,340
and do you need to worry about it?

319
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,620
Class is a fascinating thing
in Britain.

320
00:15:47,340 --> 00:15:50,860
I want to find out what
upper class is

321
00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:54,500
and can you become one.

322
00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:59,860
I'm here today to meet Lady Elle
She is very upper-class.

323
00:15:59,860 --> 00:16:02,780
I made an effort here -

324
00:16:02,780 --> 00:16:05,660
I borrowed a bowtie from my
friend Darren.

325
00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:09,420
He knows some upper-class people
and I have dressed a bit smartly.

326
00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:12,180
How do you do? How very nice to meet
you. I'm very well, thank you.

327
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:14,020
Nice to meet you too. Come on in.

328
00:16:14,020 --> 00:16:17,220
'I am looking forward to
a luxurious day'

329
00:16:17,220 --> 00:16:18,740
because she's upper class

330
00:16:18,740 --> 00:16:23,380
so I might go for swimming,
I might go for horse riding.

331
00:16:23,380 --> 00:16:25,900
I might also get a boat ride.

332
00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:31,100
I just came here to find out about
how upper-class people live.

333
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:35,380
Well, I don't know.... I think we
live like human beings really.

334
00:16:35,380 --> 00:16:36,940
Uh-huh. We have to work very hard.

335
00:16:36,940 --> 00:16:38,340
We're going to go up into a wood

336
00:16:38,340 --> 00:16:40,420
where they're cutting down
some trees... I see.

337
00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:43,580
..and then we have some other tasks
for you to get involved in.

338
00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:45,420
In fact, you'll probably need
a pair of boots.

339
00:16:46,780 --> 00:16:49,180
The wooden logs, if we can stack
them this way a bit,

340
00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:50,420
it would be great

341
00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:52,940
cos it's easier for Kevin
to pick them up tomorrow.

342
00:16:52,940 --> 00:16:53,980
Here.

343
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:56,900
BLUESY MUSIC

344
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:59,460
What we need to do is dig
this trench...

345
00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:04,740
Danny's going to help show you how
we're going to stack the logs.

346
00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:06,380
You know Tetris? Ha.

347
00:17:06,380 --> 00:17:09,220
I know it but I'm not very good
at it.

348
00:17:09,220 --> 00:17:11,420
Danny, where is Lady Elle?

349
00:17:11,420 --> 00:17:13,300
Lady Elle?

350
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:15,020
I think...

351
00:17:15,020 --> 00:17:16,420
she's gone to the...

352
00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:17,660
Back in to the house, I think.

353
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:19,660
MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY

354
00:17:20,980 --> 00:17:25,780
I came here today to ask lots of
questions about the upper class,

355
00:17:25,780 --> 00:17:28,140
how I can become an upper-class

356
00:17:28,140 --> 00:17:30,340
but I've been working very hard

357
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:34,140
and I did not have any opportunity
to ask any questions.

358
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:36,980
Perhaps I will get some time
during the dinner.

359
00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:43,100
Maybe where you are from,

360
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,820
it's deemed unacceptable to swear
in the workplace.

361
00:17:45,820 --> 00:17:47,820
You might even end up with
a disciplinary.

362
00:17:47,820 --> 00:17:50,340
Here in Britain, ever so slightly
different story -

363
00:17:50,340 --> 00:17:52,260
it's actively encouraged.

364
00:17:52,260 --> 00:17:54,940
Oh, at long fucking last
you're ringing, yeah?

365
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:56,140
What the fuck do you want?

366
00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:58,380
You know what I've been doing today?
Fuck all

367
00:17:58,380 --> 00:18:01,380
because I've been waiting for this
fucking phone call and fuck off!

368
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:05,060
Always the same fucking shite with
your lot, every fucking time.

369
00:18:05,060 --> 00:18:07,460
I've fucking had it with...
No, YOU fuck off.

370
00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:08,500
Yeah, you fuck off.

371
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:12,180
I don't want to hear from you ever
fucking again, you fucking BLEEP.

372
00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:13,540
Have a nice day.

373
00:18:13,540 --> 00:18:14,700
Fuck off!

374
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:21,860
Yeah, people in Britain
think swearing

375
00:18:21,860 --> 00:18:24,740
means you're passionate
about your work

376
00:18:24,740 --> 00:18:27,540
so, remember, swear at work,

377
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,060
you wankers.

378
00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:30,980
MUSIC: Canon
by Pachelbel

379
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:38,820
Wonderful, thank you very much.

380
00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:40,980
Thank you. Those look beautiful.

381
00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:46,980
I really had a good day today,
I enjoyed very much your company.

382
00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:49,540
You properly didn't realise that
I work very hard here.

383
00:18:49,540 --> 00:18:50,940
You do work very hard here.

384
00:18:50,940 --> 00:18:53,900
The only thing I don't like doing
is cleaning out the dog kennels.

385
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,260
That, I won't do.

386
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,780
That's very lower class.

387
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:58,860
And I don't use a chainsaw either.

388
00:18:58,860 --> 00:19:01,380
So, upper-class people
don't use chainsaws?

389
00:19:01,380 --> 00:19:03,580
It's very noisy, Mark, and I don't
like a lot of noise.

390
00:19:03,580 --> 00:19:06,220
Oh, yeah, yeah. Chainsaws are
very noisy.

391
00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:08,020
Definitely not upper-class.

392
00:19:08,020 --> 00:19:10,700
Well, it's definitely not
to do with class.

393
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:15,500
What makes upper-class people
upper-class?

394
00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:18,180
If I have, for example, a big house
like this...

395
00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:20,340
The size of your house doesn't
make any difference.

396
00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:23,060
I mean, a lot of people who have
made a lot of money...

397
00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:25,140
Those footballers, they're
not upper-class.

398
00:19:25,140 --> 00:19:27,300
I see.

399
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:32,060
If I had to put down all the things
I think are upper-class

400
00:19:32,060 --> 00:19:34,700
and work out a formula...

401
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:35,660
Mmm.

402
00:19:35,660 --> 00:19:38,460
Just to have good manners,
be considerate...

403
00:19:38,460 --> 00:19:43,060
So, we have Danny, the one who was
helping me to stack the logs. Yes.

404
00:19:43,060 --> 00:19:45,180
He has very, very good manners.
Very good manners.

405
00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:47,980
Very polite, softly spoken. He's
a very nice young man.

406
00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:50,780
Mm-hmm, so he could be a upper-class?

407
00:19:50,780 --> 00:19:51,820
No.

408
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:56,260
How much money do you need
to be upper-class?

409
00:19:56,260 --> 00:19:58,220
It's nothing to do with money, Mark.

410
00:19:58,220 --> 00:19:59,900
How much money do you have,
for example?

411
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:01,900
MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY

412
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:06,540
On the whole, we don't say what
we're worth in England

413
00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:08,300
or talk about money a lot.

414
00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:10,180
Four million, roughly? Oh, no.

415
00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:12,500
Two million? I really don't know...

416
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:15,660
For the sake of my formula, if
I put down two million...

417
00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:18,380
You can put down 100 million if you
like, if it makes you happy.

418
00:20:18,380 --> 00:20:19,940
MUSIC CONTINUES

419
00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:23,420
I think we can probably get
the ice cream now.

420
00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:27,020
I haven't learned anything
about upper-class today

421
00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:30,420
and I'm really confused. I don't
know what is it all about.

422
00:20:30,420 --> 00:20:33,700
Join me next time for middle-class.

423
00:20:38,180 --> 00:20:39,300
Ha!

424
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:42,780
Didn't we have lots of fun learning
how to integrate?

425
00:20:42,780 --> 00:20:46,340
But still not everyone is best
pleased that we are here.

426
00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:50,060
The Daily Mail is one of the UK's
biggest selling newspapers

427
00:20:50,060 --> 00:20:52,580
and they are not our biggest fans.

428
00:20:52,580 --> 00:20:54,540
Let's see if we can win them round.

429
00:20:58,140 --> 00:21:02,300
I'll just try to visit them
and maybe make some friends

430
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:06,220
and just offer them some free
Hungarian goulash that I made.

431
00:21:06,220 --> 00:21:09,780
I think it's a nice way to
get along with someone,

432
00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:13,540
just cooking for someone,
sharing food.

433
00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:15,540
I really want them to taste it.

434
00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:16,740
Hello. Hello, hi.

435
00:21:16,740 --> 00:21:18,820
My name is Veronika and I'm
an immigrant.

436
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:21,700
I came to visit the Daily Mail
journalists

437
00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:24,180
because actually I heard that they
have some, you know,

438
00:21:24,180 --> 00:21:27,220
bad thoughts about immigrants
living in this country.

439
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:30,460
I made some amazing Hungarian
goulash soup.

440
00:21:30,460 --> 00:21:33,460
Yeah... Do you think I...

441
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:36,220
Can you just try, maybe just to let
them know that I'm here.

442
00:21:37,700 --> 00:21:39,820
I've worked on this soup
the whole night.

443
00:21:39,820 --> 00:21:42,340
You're better off standing
outside. Oh.

444
00:21:42,340 --> 00:21:44,340
BLUESY MUSIC

445
00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:54,940
Excuse me, can I give you some free
Hungarian...

446
00:21:54,940 --> 00:21:56,340
I give you some Hungarian...

447
00:21:56,340 --> 00:21:58,140
Goulash soup. No...

448
00:21:58,140 --> 00:22:00,740
Nice to meet you, I would love to
give you this Hungarian soup.

449
00:22:00,740 --> 00:22:02,420
Yes, I'm afraid I can't... can I?

450
00:22:02,420 --> 00:22:04,580
Are you working in the Daily Mail?

451
00:22:04,580 --> 00:22:08,460
Yes. I would like to ask you to
write nice things about us

452
00:22:08,460 --> 00:22:10,220
SIRENS BLARE

453
00:22:10,220 --> 00:22:12,940
What's happening here then? I tried
to make friends with them.

454
00:22:12,940 --> 00:22:17,380
Right. I just tried to show them
that actually I'm a nice person...

455
00:22:17,380 --> 00:22:20,900
OK. ..and I don't feel like
I made so many friends.

456
00:22:20,900 --> 00:22:23,060
No, I don't think you have... No.

457
00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:25,140
..cos they've rung us cos
they're not happy.

458
00:22:25,140 --> 00:22:26,380
Oh, really? Yes.

459
00:22:26,380 --> 00:22:29,620
Why? They were worried about
harassment from you.

460
00:22:29,620 --> 00:22:35,580
Well, what can I do in order
to make them like me?

461
00:22:35,580 --> 00:22:37,020
I don't know of the answer to that.

462
00:22:37,020 --> 00:22:39,220
OK. How long are you planning
on being here for?

463
00:22:39,220 --> 00:22:41,780
I think not so much more.
Not so much more?

464
00:22:41,780 --> 00:22:45,020
No, because usually they reject me,
they don't want my soup.

465
00:22:45,020 --> 00:22:47,020
MUSIC: Isolation
by John Lennon

466
00:22:47,020 --> 00:22:50,140
# We're afraid to be alone

467
00:22:50,140 --> 00:22:53,260
# Everybody got to have a home

468
00:22:53,260 --> 00:22:59,940
# Isolation... #

469
00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:26,660
Subtitles by Ericsson