1
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:07,300
It's weird making a film. You have
to wait until you're finished to see
what you've got.

2
00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:12,800
Often the thing you set out to do
disappears and you come up with
something else.

3
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,400
It's one of the most exciting
bits of film-making, I think.

4
00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:21,280
You all get together,
a certain number of people -

5
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:25,880
engineering and sound and cameras
and a comedian in the middle

6
00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:29,800
of it all, and you don't necessarily
know what it is until you're
finished.

7
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,080
Just chat amongst yourselves,
I won't be long.

8
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:36,120
And it can be different
from the thing you aimed at getting
when you started out.

9
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:39,520
Which makes it all very interesting,
it's a bit like my stage act.

10
00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:42,240
Cos often I'd go on intending
saying one thing

11
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,440
and never coming up with it.

12
00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:47,720
Just going on and inventing stuff.

13
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:50,160
Go into the toilet, lock the door,
"Oh, for Christ sake...

14
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:51,560
LAUGHTER

15
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:55,720
Another wee jobbie.

16
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,320
It just really made my name.

17
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,880
It'll come to me,
it's on the tip of my tongue.

18
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:02,920
Said where am I from?

19
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,760
"Eton, I know you from Eton!"

20
00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:15,360
You know what?

21
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:18,520
While it's not for me to say
I was a trailblazer.

22
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:20,680
I was watching a revolution,
a comedy revolution.

23
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,560
Just totally blew my mind, you know.

24
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:26,120
A world-beater, Billy Connolly,
it's like Muhammad Ali.

25
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,360
Things have changed a lot since I've
began singing and joking
for a living.

26
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,200
Ha! Ha-ha!

27
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,400
No more mother-in-law
jokes for a start,

28
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:34,760
I mean that's a plus.

29
00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,800
He's the godfather of
alternative comedy.

30
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,720
Argh!

31
00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:42,160
"This is my take on life,
this is how I see life,
this is how I live life."

32
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,640
"I've been on my feet,
never got a minute to myself...

33
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,600
"I never sat doon..."

34
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,400
It was just, you know
like, it was that...

35
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,720
..that sarcasm, that cutting
edge.

36
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,160
I would like to thank
the Catholic Church personally

37
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,600
for the rhythm method
of contraception,

38
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:00,040
without which I wouldn't
be here at all.

39
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,240
I probably spent the last 20
years trying not to

40
00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,920
sort of just be him.

41
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,920
Grow a beard.

42
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,520
Get a Scottish accent.

43
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:09,880
I thought what's going on?

44
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,760
Because my head was sober
but my legs are giving it that...

45
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,240
..fucking...

46
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,720
I'm a hard-working, lazy man.

47
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,400
My ambition has never been that
great, but I've been lucky

48
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,560
enough to have a talent
that's taking me further

49
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,160
than I could have dreamt of.

50
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:25,800
I wish we could do that.

51
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:30,360
Stand up on our own for two hours,
collect all the gate receipts,

52
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:34,960
nobody else to pay, strum a guitar,
make a lot of money.

53
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,640
While the fame and the crowds
have got bigger, what's important

54
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:42,960
to me has shrunk in scope and yet
become infinitely more rewarding.

55
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,120
It's a sin, really,
I'm so blissfully unaware

56
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,360
how this has come about.

57
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,360
Really, who would have
thought I'd end up here?

58
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:53,040
Mr Billy Connolly...

59
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,880
..for services to entertainment.

60
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:59,080
When I was nominated
for a knighthood, the woman

61
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:03,440
interviewing me said, very nicely,
"It will be strange for you,

62
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,040
"having a knighthood,
coming from nothing."

63
00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,600
And I said, "I don't
come from nothing.

64
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,760
"I come from something."

65
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:14,440
# I belong to Glasgow

66
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,880
# Dear old Glasgow town

67
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,720
# But what's the matter with
Glasgow

68
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,800
# For it's going round and round?

69
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:28,920
# I'm only a common old
working chap

70
00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:31,240
# As anyone can see

71
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,480
BILLY SINGS ALONG

72
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,480
# But when I get a couple of
drinks on a Saturday

73
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:39,480
# Glasgow belongs to me! #

74
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,360
Glasgow belongs to me.

75
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,480
Will Fyffe it for all men
of Glasgow

76
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,760
and sang it in the music
halls of the world.

77
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,600
He may have exaggerated the strong
heads of his fellow citizens,

78
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:57,440
but what he didn't exaggerate
was the warm heart of the people,

79
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,440
stubborn in their loyalties.

80
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,720
I think these films were made
by a particular class of person.

81
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,560
They always sold Scotland
the same way -

82
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:08,400
"We invented the pneumatic tyre
and the bicycle,"

83
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,800
and, you know, they're always
constantly trying

84
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,280
to prove themselves to the rest
of the world,

85
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,040
instead of just accepting
it for what it was.

86
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,800
We built ships, railway engines,
machinery for all over the world,

87
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:23,280
and we make the greatest
drink in the world too, eh?

88
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:26,560
Aye, we're the wee boys all right,
we're the wee boys.

89
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,760
The Scotsman, bold, brave and true.

90
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,560
HE LAUGHS

91
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:33,200
I've always found that funny.

92
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:41,000
I've never understood the point
of tarting up Scotland

93
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,920
and Glasgow in particular.

94
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:47,000
It's the blether, the laughs
and a deep respect for culture

95
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,960
that makes me love my
hometown for what it is.

96
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,880
Not what it could be.

97
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,440
My father was born over there.

98
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:59,000
I was brought up right over here.

99
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,160
And this is where
I spent my childhood.

100
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:08,960
I am a Scotsman, born
and raised up a close.

101
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:17,080
I made that film over 40 years ago
and while there's plenty that's

102
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,680
changed on the surface,
people have stayed pretty much

103
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:23,400
the same and that's
what this film is about.

104
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,920
How being around the people
of Glasgow and the pubs,

105
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,120
shipyards and clubs

106
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,080
turned me from being Billy Connolly
the welder

107
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,920
to Billy Connolly the Big Yin.

108
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:37,600
It was a combination of his talent
and a really fruitful seedbed

109
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:42,800
of where he grew up and the kind
of gallus humour that exists
in Glasgow.

110
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,760
Glasgow is a funny place.

111
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,160
I can't believe that's
Billy Conway, man.

112
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,360
Oh, amazing, Billy, man.

113
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,400
You're expected to be funny
and something has gone terribly

114
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,240
wrong if you are not funny,

115
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,280
and people will ask you
if you're well, you know?

116
00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:01,080
Well, you've fucking just made my
fucking day, man.

117
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,440
Everyone has to be honest
about the major influence

118
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,200
in their career.

119
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,680
Willow, what a lovely name!

120
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,080
She's saying,
"You woke me, you bugger."

121
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,760
I was always watching Billy
out of one corner and going,

122
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:18,000
"That's what I want to do,"
but, you know, don't take

123
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,360
all his material and just do
it in a Cockney accent,

124
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,640
which was essentially...
I could have done that.

125
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,560
Almost everything he talked about,
I could go, "I remember that,

126
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,400
"I remember those type
of people he's talking about."

127
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,040
I'm no' sorry for bothering you.

128
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,920
You don't look the least bit sorry!

129
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,320
Now, I've never been very good
at starting things...

130
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,920
..so I'm going to start this just
before the middle,

131
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,240
in a Glasgow institution - the pub.

132
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:49,680
Terrific.

133
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:53,160
You know, drinking is a serious
business in Scotland

134
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,160
and in Glasgow,
maybe most of all.

135
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:03,200
Welcome to the Saracen
Head, or the Saree,

136
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,120
as it's better known in Glasgow.

137
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,520
It's the only pub I know
has its own song as well.

138
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,040
# The girl that I marry
will have to be

139
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,640
# Able to swallow more wine than me

140
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,840
# And Carlsberg Special Brew

141
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:21,280
# And Newcastle Brown ale too

142
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:26,640
# The girl that I marry will drink
in the Saree with me

143
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,520
# The girl that I marry

144
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:32,880
# Will have to be heiress to a pub
or a brewery

145
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,560
# I hope she comes on soon

146
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:38,880
# Cos on her honeymoon

147
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:42,920
# The girl that I marry will drink
in the Saree with me! #

148
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,960
Written by John Murphy.

149
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,560
A great pal of mine.

150
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,280
It's looking a lot
posher than it used to.

151
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,920
It's come upmarket since I knew it.

152
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,720
It used to be really
down-at-heel-looking.

153
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:04,840
And its most famous feature,
there was a barrel over there,

154
00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:08,360
on the gantry,
a ceramic sherry barrel

155
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:13,600
and the little guy who collected the
glasses and stuff around the bar,

156
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,480
used to get the dregs
and pour them in

157
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,880
and it became a favourite,
called White Tornado.

158
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,120
You could buy a glass of this.

159
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,560
And it dripped onto the floor

160
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,960
and where it was dripping,
it had eaten a big hole...

161
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,640
..in the floor!

162
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,680
There was no pub
like it in the world.

163
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,760
# Oh, it's closing time again

164
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,600
# You'll have to leave us

165
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:46,080
# For you've got that faraway
look in your eyes

166
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,120
# We've got to hose the lobby doon

167
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,720
# And count the tumblers

168
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:57,840
# And wipe the stoor from off
tomorrow's pies. #

169
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,760
You ever noticed
about the Glasgow drunk -

170
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,520
he walks with one
leg, like that?

171
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,440
And I wasn't conscious
of it at the time,

172
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,480
but this world of drink was
an incredibly rich vein

173
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,440
just waiting to be tapped.

174
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,360
He's usually carrying
a fish supper...

175
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:20,440
..which looks as if it weighs about
two hundredweight.

176
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:25,280
Prior to Billy,
comedy was about jokes.

177
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,680
Asking everybody
if they're all right.

178
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,080
"You a'right?"

179
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:35,440
Ken Dodd, Jimmy Tarbuck did jokes,
Eric and Ernie did silly,

180
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,920
surreal sketches, but
it wasn't the stuff of life.

181
00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:41,720
He's the un-all-rightest looking guy
in the world, you know.

182
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:43,960
This was a complete revolution.

183
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,560
"You're a fanny, anyhow."

184
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,440
Billy has this thing,
this very free style,

185
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,000
because it is conversational.

186
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,760
Conversational stand-up,
that's what it is.

187
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,880
"You know when we do this and that,
why is that with this? I've noticed
this thing with that."

188
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,440
He's doing this one-legged walk
and wondering how come

189
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:04,120
he's knackered
and not getting any place.

190
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,960
It was funny, because
you recognised the truth of it.

191
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,560
You knew that was right,
you knew that's how people are,

192
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,880
whether it was from your own direct
experience,

193
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:15,880
or from your understanding
of the culture you were living in.

194
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,680
And that's why were laughing
at it cos it is our story

195
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:20,760
and we've all seen those stories.

196
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:23,400
We never had many parties
in our house, you know.

197
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,920
But we had a few, lot
of aunties and uncles,

198
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,040
when we did have parties,
they sang...

199
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,880
# Haw-herry-pah...

200
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,680
You know, songs with no words.

201
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:34,000
# Haw...

202
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,760
# Herry-paw...

203
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,840
# When-it-aww...

204
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,280
# Helm-skil-me-ma-ooh! #

205
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:44,920
# Herry-haw! #

206
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,600
I don't know why people
in Glasgow actually...

207
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:52,080
But when they get drunk,
they do do it.

208
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:55,120
And they only opened their eyes to
point at you, you know.

209
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,440
# Herry-faw!

210
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,720
# Oh! #

211
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,200
I've got my Auntie Betty.
She would go...

212
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:10,720
# Once I had a secret love!

213
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:17,000
# That lived within the heart
of me! #

214
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,440
Go on, Betty!

215
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:20,360
And I used to love watching them.

216
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,120
They were a brilliant race
of people, they're dead now.

217
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:26,360
Uncle Bobby, he would sing,
Here In My Heart.

218
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,240
It took about a fortnight.

219
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:34,360
# Heeeeeeeee...

220
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:41,920
# ..rrrr...in my heaaa...

221
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:44,400
Uncle Donnie, he'd be on the
floor...

222
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,480
# ..aaart! #

223
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,400
..his wife, my Auntie Marion,
would say,

224
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:53,440
"Just walk over him, hen,
he gets a wee bit religious
this time of night."

225
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:57,320
And he'd be lying like
Jesus on the cross.

226
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,160
Uncle Hughie was brilliant.

227
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,760
He knew really dirty songs
and nobody ever pulled

228
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,280
him up for it, because they couldn't
recognise any words.

229
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,840
He was always so pissed.

230
00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,360
"Hughie, give us a song."

231
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,040
# Oh, what's a jo-jubby below

232
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,680
# Down below, whup-di-doh

233
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,120
# Where to go...oh, fuck, oh!

234
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,280
# What'd ya know? There ya go

235
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,560
# Oh, tall, pecky-oh... #

236
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,160
And all my wee aunties
are going, # La-la-la-la-la! #

237
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,720
Connolly was the bridge.

238
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:36,160
I think, the Glaswegians especially,
just took him into their breast

239
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:40,440
and went, "That's what you're
doing - you're actually
narrating who we are."

240
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:44,960
# We've got a hoach lavvy doo
in a cutie tumblere... #

241
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,400
I enjoyed drinking,
but it's a thing of the past.

242
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,400
# I was too drunk
for my own good... #

243
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,440
It was lovely when I was doing it

244
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,520
and then the fun went away

245
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,160
and I stopped it.

246
00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:01,320
That's this sign to watch for -
when the fun disappears.

247
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:02,440
SHE WHISTLES

248
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:06,000
He knew early on.
Imagine if he kept drinking. Phew!

249
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,240
We would not be sitting here now.

250
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,440
Although he was hilarious
when he was drunk, he knew.

251
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,080
Smart guy.

252
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,440
But tea is the best
substance in the world.

253
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,080
Tea, I love tea.

254
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,920
It makes me feel good,
it makes me feel jolly.

255
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,320
Tea is the substance.

256
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,680
I may not drink any more,

257
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:33,320
but I still love the culture that
goes into a pub.

258
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:39,200
The noise, the unspoken rules,
the language of the crowd.

259
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,960
It was all music to me.

260
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,960
It sounds outrageous,

261
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,400
but woman weren't even allowed
in here until 1989.

262
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:52,800
Personally speaking, I prefer pubs
with mostly men in it.

263
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,600
Me too.

264
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,400
Everybody speaks about the male-only
thing as if there was something

265
00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:00,120
wrong with it, but it
was a lovely thing.

266
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,000
You know, mixing with the guys

267
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,840
and there's a thing about male
company that I like very much.

268
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:11,080
And it isn't just dirty jokes
or talking about football.

269
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:15,360
There's a mixture of things that men
like to talk about to each other.

270
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:19,960
It was a lovely bit of my life
and I kind of miss it.

271
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,680
Cos I said to him, I said,
"Look, if I thought
that you were actually...

272
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:27,080
Politics, books, films, family,
football, religion.

273
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,280
Everything was on the table to talk,

274
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:33,040
argue and take the piss
out of each other with.

275
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:36,240
But the thing that united tens
of thousands of men across countless

276
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,560
pubs across the city was the job.

277
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:48,080
# I'll sing of a river
I'm happy beside

278
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:52,400
# The song that I sing is the song
of the Clyde. #

279
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,640
The Clyde provided us
with more than just work.

280
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,640
It gave us, an entire city,
our identity.

281
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,160
# All the way to the sea...

282
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,720
# But from Glasgow to Greenock...

283
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,160
It's what made our men stand out
from other men.

284
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:10,400
# The hammer's ding-dong is the song
of the Clyde. #

285
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:14,080
Ships were lined up
right along the Clyde -

286
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,720
putting stuff off and taking whisky
on and all those other things

287
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:21,080
that we exported, railway engines
and stuff like that.

288
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,400
It was a fantastic place.

289
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:28,080
Where I lived, there was a big,
steep hill called Gardner Street.

290
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,120
If you stood on top of it,
you could see the ships.

291
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,720
It looked as if the ships
were sailing through the houses.

292
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,400
It was a lovely thing.

293
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,800
A river of shipyards
and all shipbuilding rivers,

294
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,320
the Clyde is the most
versatile in the world.

295
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,480
For most boys of my generation,
leaving school and ending

296
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,000
up in the shipyards
was pretty much inevitable.

297
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:54,280
The pull was as strong as gravity
and almost as pointless to resist.

298
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,960
It was good, because you knew
it was going to make you a man.

299
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,760
The welder is king in
pre-fabrication.

300
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,960
You're a schoolboy
with a yodelly voice.

301
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,920
And it was time to become a man.

302
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:24,920
Working on the Clyde was hugely
intimidating to a boy.

303
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,600
And when you're 16,
you might have hairs on your chin,

304
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,760
you might get drunk, you might even
get somebody pregnant,

305
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,200
but you're still a boy.

306
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:37,120
That is the first thing that strikes
you when you join the shipyards.

307
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,360
It's the deafening sound
of caulkers.

308
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,920
Almost makes you want to quit.

309
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:47,640
They had a pneumatic gun
with a chisel at the front.

310
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,520
Da-da-da-da-da!

311
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,280
It was deafeningly loud.

312
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,840
And as far as noise is concerned,
it doesnae annoy you when
you're working the machine.

313
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,680
Does it not make you deaf, though?
Deaf? The only time I'm deaf is when

314
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,080
anybody asks me to buy a drink,
that's the only time I'm deaf.

315
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,840
Especially when you're a apprentice
and you've just started,

316
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:11,200
you think you're never going
to survive this deafening noise.

317
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,080
And of course, you do,
by becoming deaf.

318
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,600
As a boy, you clamour
to be heard above the crowd.

319
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:27,520
But when you're walking into a man's
world you quickly learn to shut up,
listen and watch.

320
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:33,000
Guys would talk round the fire
and try to be funny to each other.

321
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,600
And they were always
very observant about each other.

322
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:39,720
There was a guy called Willie
and they called him Wull the Gull.

323
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,960
Cos if you threw your crust away,
he was like a seagull

324
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:46,800
he was like a seagull - he'd dive
and catch it.

325
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:52,280
Who were the characters who stick in
your mind most of all from those
days?

326
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,320
Oh, there was lots of them.
There was Sandy Boyd,

327
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,200
the man with the bottomless
toolbox - anything you wanted.

328
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,200
You'd say, "Sandy, have you got
a bit of sugar there?"

329
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,320
"Certainly!" Into the box.

330
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:02,960
"Have you got a file?"

331
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,600
We used to ask him for things,
start posing him questions.

332
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,640
You know, "Do have a tin of soup?"

333
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,560
Into the bottomless toolbox.

334
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:10,800
There's a lot of great guys.

335
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,960
The great Voltaine -
he used to do magic tricks.

336
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,080
And I don't think he was
too bright, the guy.

337
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:19,080
He had a silver welder's helmet
and he used to do his magician bit.

338
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,720
"Think of a number." "13." "Correct"

339
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,600
And everybody was applauding him.

340
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,200
But everybody kept him
going, you know.

341
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,080
And it was all like that.

342
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,960
It was all rough and the language
was all really rough.

343
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,600
There was a lot of swearing.

344
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:41,840
Swearing and, "Fuck this and fuck
that and fuck the other thing."

345
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,560
The gate was closed
and it was all guys

346
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:52,800
and the jokes were furious
and the language was strong.

347
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,440
And if you didn't like it,
get the fuck out of there.

348
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:03,080
The Clyde is very different.
Almost unrecognisable now.

349
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,800
The quiet is almost
overwhelming to my memories

350
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:09,480
of a once relentless noise.

351
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,520
In these sheds
nobody tells jokes any more.

352
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,920
There's just dead machinery
lying about the place.

353
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,880
And the wind whistling through.

354
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,560
It's a constant sort of puzzle
to me,

355
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,400
where did all these thousands
of men go?

356
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,480
All those men who worked
on the docks, all those stevedores

357
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:37,920
and dockers, all the riveters
and hole-borers from the shipyards,

358
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:42,480
platers and welders,
thousands and thousands of men.

359
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,680
Where have they all gone?

360
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:53,840
When I was a boy, there used to be
sheds in the public parks

361
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,560
where men would meet.

362
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:57,960
Old men.

363
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:02,000
They liked each other's company,
they obviously got out of the house

364
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,320
and out from under
their wives' feet.

365
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,800
So, this is your men's shed
where you make stuff?

366
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,960
Well, this is the start of it.
Come and have a look.

367
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,600
How are you doing?
What are you making?

368
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,480
It's a dispatcher.

369
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,560
We've got a lot of problems
with grey squirrels around here.

370
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,520
You do? Yes.

371
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,640
But they're good for eating.

372
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,320
What, greys? Aye.

373
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,880
They've got a nutty flavour to them.

374
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,160
Obviously.

375
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,200
You're taking the piss!

376
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,920
I remember the first
time I seen you.

377
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,520
The first time I'd ever heard
somebody swearing on stage.

378
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:47,200
Oh, aye. That it's. Oh!

379
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,240
What do you think? A natural.

380
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:52,880
And how many men do
you use around here?

381
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,720
There are 50 odd members signed up.
We have about 40 regulars.

382
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:57,840
That's your lot.

383
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,800
Well done, there you are.

384
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,360
Most of the guys are retired.

385
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,400
And our average age here is 69.

386
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,840
When I was in the shipyards,
old guys would retire,

387
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,640
and they would generally
last 18 months,

388
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,160
and then down to the graveyard.

389
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,760
I think it's remarkable.

390
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,800
I think it's a kind of miracle.

391
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,320
Aye, that we're alive.

392
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,600
Because usually you'd be playing
dominoes in the park.

393
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:33,600
Cos I used to go up and talk to
all the old guys when I was a boy.

394
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:37,880
They'd be cutting tobacco with
knives, they always had knives.

395
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,280
They were my heroes.

396
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,600
I think you're doing
a remarkable thing.

397
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,080
Considering most guys
didn't know each other,

398
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:50,160
most guys were pretty much
isolated within the community

399
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:51,560
before this started.

400
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,200
There's a reason for that.

401
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,760
Behind every miserable old bugger,
there's a reason.

402
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:06,280
I come from a bantering,
shipyard-working background.

403
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:14,080
I miss those people,
the old shipyard workers and my dad,

404
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:19,600
and my uncles, and Connolly,
whenever I hear him,

405
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:23,040
I see those men,
even though they're long gone now.

406
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,400
I see them all in him.

407
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,120
Well, I've had my tea.

408
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:34,800
I loved calling myself a welder,

409
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:36,960
being part of something
bigger than me.

410
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:38,640
It was comforting.

411
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:44,560
Especially when you're young,
still trying yourself out for size

412
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,840
and finding your voice.

413
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:50,080
All the same,
like every other man there,

414
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:53,640
come Friday, I couldn't wait
for the weekend to begin.

415
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:57,360
We were all running towards the
drink, the dance,

416
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:58,880
and the football.

417
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,520
Oh, yeah, Scottish Cup finals.

418
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:09,080
We always had 110,000, 111,000.

419
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,200
Rangers and Celtic.

420
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,960
You have Rangers, who will never
employ a Catholic,

421
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,600
or who say they will
and then don't,

422
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:25,840
and you have Celtic, who have
this history of Catholicism,

423
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,720
and lots of wee priests
in the stand every Saturday.

424
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,880
You know, oh, we...
Oh, we're not biased at all.

425
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:32,560
Then you see all the wee white lines

426
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,280
if you look up
at the directors' box.

427
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:41,080
# Hallelujah, hallelujah... #

428
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:45,040
I remember leaving Hampden Park
with my feet off the ground,

429
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,840
as I was going down those
passageways, just squashed

430
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:51,560
by the adults, being lifted
off the ground

431
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,560
and levitating my way out.

432
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,640
You never see crowds
like that any more.

433
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:56,880
Thank God.

434
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,200
It was much noisier,
and people sang a lot more.

435
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,480
Celtic supporters
used to sing hymns.

436
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:11,120
Hail glorious Saint Patrick,
dear saint of our isle.

437
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,480
On us, thy poor children,
bestow a sweet smile.

438
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:22,920
# On us, thy poor children,
bestow a sweet smile. #

439
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,360
And now thou art high
in the mansions above,

440
00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:27,960
on Erin's green valleys
look down in thy love.

441
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,440
You'd get thousands of other
people singing,

442
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,720
# On Erin's green valley,
on Erin's green valley,

443
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:39,320
# On Erin's green valley,
look down in thy love.

444
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:47,480
# On Erin's green valleys,
on Erin's green valleys,

445
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:51,080
# On Erin's green valleys... #

446
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:52,600
What about the Rangers fans, then?

447
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,080
Och, they were always ruffians.

448
00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:01,520
# You've heard of Rangers,
the Glasgow Rangers

449
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,720
# The team victorious
whose cause is glorious

450
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:09,000
# Those mighty Rangers,
who fear no danger... #

451
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,640
I often think of big Sammy.

452
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:14,400
He was a cocker in the shipyard,
and a real Rangers supporter,

453
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:20,080
and I called him a blue-nosed
bastard when I was an apprentice,

454
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,040
and he got after me.

455
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,920
And he grabbed me,
and he held me down on the deck,

456
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:28,520
and the carpenters and platers
used to line off the deck

457
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:32,480
with French chalk, you know,
where the bulkheads were going

458
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,240
to lie,
they French chalked it on the deck.

459
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,720
They would mark those lines
with blue paint,

460
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,920
do a little right angle
of blue paint.

461
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,760
He put me on the deck,
and he painted my nose blue.

462
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,640
I often think of him
and wonder how he's doing.

463
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,760
For all its reputation
of being a hard city,

464
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,720
Glasgow was no tougher
or funnier than Newcastle,

465
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,440
Liverpool, Cardiff,
or the East End of London.

466
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:09,120
Working class towns are hard places.
They have to be.

467
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:11,360
What's distinct to Glasgow,
however,

468
00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:13,800
is its special relationship
with bigotry.

469
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,080
Bigotry and deprivation
seem to go hand-in-hand,

470
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,680
and being Catholic and Glaswegian,

471
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,800
I was educated separately
from my Protestant friends,

472
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:28,880
from the people
I was brought up with,

473
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,360
and this is where I learned
bigotry at first-hand.

474
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,160
Because we, as Catholics,
had holidays of obligation

475
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:38,280
throughout the year,
the Protestant schools made up

476
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,640
for this by giving the kids
an extra week in summer.

477
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,440
And during this extra week,
they would come down to right here,

478
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,960
and harangue us
through the railings.

479
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,800
And during holidays of obligation,
we would go up the hill

480
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:54,400
to their school, and harangue
THEM through the railings.

481
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,280
Not the most pleasant thing
to happen to a kid.

482
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:04,160
I think Scotland is, in many ways,
a schizophrenic country.

483
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:07,280
On the one hand, you've got the dour
Scottish Presbyterian,

484
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,080
you mustn't enjoy yourself,
life is a valley of pain,

485
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:11,240
and then you die.

486
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:14,320
Then on the other hand you've got
the sort of Gaelic culture of dance

487
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,000
and music and whisky.

488
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,840
But also, we're quite tribal in
Scotland, and we like to be

489
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,520
in our tribe against
the rest of the tribes.

490
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:27,160
You know, it's like Glasgow
was always the arse end of Scotland

491
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,760
because Edinburgh always got,
"Ooh, it's lovely in Edinburgh,

492
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:32,520
"it's all...we've got a castle,
and it's all fabulous."

493
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,440
Glasgow just always had that edge,

494
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,800
that mischief, that we could
turn on you at any point.

495
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,760
The banter saves your life
in places like Glasgow.

496
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:48,920
My dad was an Elvis Presley fan,
and he always said to me,

497
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:51,560
"In this kind of town, hen,
if anybody asks you

498
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:55,760
"what your religion is, just say
you're an Elvis Presleyterian,

499
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:56,960
"and you'll get through."

500
00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:01,080
At the same time,
I've known people all my life,

501
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:02,880
just being around Glasgow.

502
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:08,400
Guys who would go to Rangers matches
and shout that stuff,

503
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,800
and then come off
and not be like that.

504
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,480
You know, in their daily life,
they weren't like that at all.

505
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,800
But that was their sort of hobby.

506
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,360
"Bigotry is my hobby."

507
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:26,080
I've never submitted to that
kind of behaviour myself,

508
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:30,120
so I was always just being with guys
who were going dancing

509
00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:32,760
and stuff like that.
That's why I came here.

510
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,360
We used to go to the
Barrowland Ballroom,

511
00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:36,640
which is across the road there.

512
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:40,040
We'd come in here and make
your breath stink first,

513
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:41,920
before you went to the dancing.

514
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,960
Looking for love,
or at least pretending to,

515
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:02,120
has proved to be the greatest
source of embarrassment,

516
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:06,160
and embarrassment, the greatest
source of comedy imaginable.

517
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,680
And the Barrowland,
Glasgow's premier dance hall,

518
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,080
was my arena of public humiliation.

519
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,760
It was a big ballroom,
and the girls stood along the wall,

520
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:19,480
and the men stood along the edge
of the dance floor,

521
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:23,920
so you tried to get the nerve up
to walk across the no-man's-land.

522
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:27,000
"Are you dancing?" was the
question. "You dancing?"

523
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:31,280
And if she said, "Naw,"
oh, my God,

524
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:33,960
all you could do was turn
and walk away,

525
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:37,000
and then mingle, and go to
another bit of the room and see

526
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:38,400
if you could get someone else.

527
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:42,160
What you mustn't do is say, "OK,"
and ask the one next to her.

528
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:46,720
"Are you dancing?" "Naw."

529
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,120
"Naw." "Naw." "Naw."

530
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,000
Right oot the door and away!

531
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:57,240
And then they had this country music
section in the middle of the dance.

532
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:58,880
It's now country time.

533
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,320
# Diddly-aye-de-diddly-diddly-
dee-diddly-diddly-dee... #

534
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:04,520
And it's a ladies' choice.

535
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:06,800
# Diddle-aye-de-diddly-do.

536
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,680
# Diddle-de...# Oh!

537
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,280
LAUGHTER

538
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:14,760
"Isabel."

539
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,640
"Hello." "Hello, Isabel.
How are you doing?"

540
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,840
"Great. Would you like to dance?" I
said, "Yeah, yeah, aye, come on.

541
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:26,920
"Right, Isabel. Right, fine."
And it's the Gay Gordons.

542
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:30,000
And the guys are going, "Woo!"

543
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,000
"Shut the fuck up!"

544
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:39,040
"How you doing anyway, Isabel?"
"Fine." "Yeah, same.

545
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:40,800
"I learned it at school."

546
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,040
"Get it, Billy!
Get it fucking your arse!"

547
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:44,360
"Fuck you!"

548
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:56,360
My whole romantic life
was one disaster following another.

549
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:03,680
I used to look out the bus window
at the streets teeming with people,

550
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:07,320
and I would look at the women
and say, "She's done it.

551
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,080
"She's done it.

552
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:14,000
"He's done it with her.

553
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:17,320
"When will I ever get to do it?"

554
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,800
I thought, "I'd better give her
a kiss. I think she will expect
a kiss."

555
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,360
And I couldn't see,
cos it was dark.

556
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:25,000
And I went like this.

557
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,440
This thing approached me.

558
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:31,200
This void!

559
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,000
This big shiny cave.

560
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,000
What I noticed is that Billy,
and I think I copied this...

561
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,640
HE HOWLS

562
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:43,200
..is the sweet spot of stand-up
comedy, the mother lode,

563
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:47,720
the golden seam that you can
mine, is to act out an idea.

564
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:49,960
And she forced me backwards!

565
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,280
My mouth was round there!
I'm breathing through my arse!

566
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:04,840
Can you imagine
a comic from the '70s

567
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:09,520
not only talking about that,
acting it out, making it funny,

568
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:13,040
getting, you know,
just the whole thing there.

569
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,240
Argh!

570
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,680
She violated me!

571
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:21,080
I don't think many people
have done it better than him.

572
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:24,920
Bouncing up and down on me
like I'm a fucking horse!

573
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:32,040
My virginity was a great weight.

574
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:35,040
Losing it, however,
merely took it off my shoulders

575
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:36,840
and put it on my penis.

576
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,480
But I do have one love
that has never disappointed,

577
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,200
and has always been true.

578
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:47,280
It's always been there
to mend my heart 100 times over.

579
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:51,200
His name is Hank, and I'd like
to introduce you to him.

580
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,880
This is a record shop.
You might not recognise it.

581
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,680
And this is a record on here,
a record that changed my life.

582
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,160
Before we got that record,
we were in the Barras,

583
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:08,200
my father and I.
It's a marketplace in Glasgow.

584
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:11,000
And he bought a record unheard,

585
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:14,240
called Dear Mary by Slim Whitman.

586
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:16,640
A kind of yodeller.

587
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,760
And he thought it was a hymn,
he thought it was a hymn

588
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,640
for Mary mother of Jesus.

589
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:24,680
But it wasn't,
it was just a love song.

590
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,920
"I'm writing this letter, dear Mary,
to let you know how I feel

591
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:31,800
"cos I'm lonesome and so weary,
I can hardly eat a meal."

592
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,000
And I loved it. I loved the music,
I loved the yodelling,

593
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,000
I'd never heard it before.

594
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:40,520
My father noticed that I was playing
it at all the time and singing

595
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:45,200
along with it. And the next
Sunday, we went back to the Barras,

596
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,400
he went up to the same
record dealer and said,

597
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:52,280
"I bought this record, Dear Mary.
Do you have anything else like it?"

598
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:54,600
He says, "I don't have anything else
by Slim Whitman,

599
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,720
"but I have this guy you might
like", and it was Hank Williams,

600
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:00,000
Long Gone Lonesome Blues.

601
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:04,600
He put it on, and the second I heard
it, I knew my life had changed.

602
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,720
You might find it happening to you.

603
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:28,000
# I went down to the river
to watch those fish swim by

604
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:31,960
# But when I got to the river

605
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:37,600
# So lonesome I wanted to cry,
oh, Lord

606
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:43,560
# So that I jumped in the river
but the doggone river was dry. #

607
00:34:45,720 --> 00:34:50,080
On the record sleeve, there was
a guy, an invention

608
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:53,200
of Hank Williams,
called Luke The Drifter.

609
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:57,400
He walked into the sunset
with a guitar over his shoulder.

610
00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,920
That's how I saw myself
from that moment,

611
00:34:59,920 --> 00:35:04,040
walking into the distance,
having broken a few hearts,

612
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:08,760
saved a few bob,
on to the next adventure,

613
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:12,520
which I swore was going
to be my life.

614
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:13,800
I nearly did it.

615
00:35:15,720 --> 00:35:20,240
# She's a long gone

616
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:25,200
# And now I'm lonesome blue. #

617
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,080
With my records,
beard and flowing hair,

618
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:31,200
I was already the most
interesting man I knew,

619
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,960
but it was only when I knew I wanted
to stand out from the crowd

620
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,080
that I truly embraced fashion.

621
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,880
Here was a means for me
to let everyone know

622
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:45,600
that I wanted their attention
without even opening my mouth.

623
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:48,280
It's a love that has served me well,

624
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:54,120
something fashion designer
Marina MacLean wants to talk
to me about today.

625
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:57,400
To me, this sums up the 1970s,

626
00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:00,480
and it's very hard for one image
to do all that.

627
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,680
But I really, really think it does.
And not only that, because it's you,

628
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,560
it sums up Glasgow in the 1970s.

629
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:10,400
When did you first start
becoming aware of clothes

630
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:14,240
and excited about clothes?
When I became a welder,

631
00:36:14,240 --> 00:36:16,920
they called it
going on your own can.

632
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:21,000
You give your father £1.50 or £2.50
or whatever it was,

633
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,320
and you were left
with what was left,

634
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:26,760
And you got to buy your clothes

635
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:29,680
without anybody's permission
any more.

636
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,040
And for some reason,
I went straight to pink.

637
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:41,480
I've got pink shirts and pink
underwear, to my father's panic.

638
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:44,560
I thought he was going
to have a stroke.

639
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:49,200
Which he eventually had,
but nothing to do with my underwear.

640
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:52,280
But what I found
is that women loved pink. Yes.

641
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:55,720
You know, I knew women
liked pink to wear,

642
00:36:55,720 --> 00:36:58,720
but I wasn't sure what they would
think of it on a guy.

643
00:36:58,720 --> 00:37:02,200
Turned out very positive!

644
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:06,640
If you live in a housing estate
with rows of beige houses,

645
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,640
and you come out dressed to go out,
you become a kind of star.

646
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:17,440
People know him as this
hard-drinking welder from Glasgow.

647
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:20,680
But then he's wearing the sort
of stuff that Freddie Mercury

648
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,760
used to wear, you know,
he's wearing leotards.

649
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:27,200
Going into the late '60s
and the early '70s,

650
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:30,040
a lot of the clothes being worn
were women's clothes,

651
00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:33,520
much brighter colours than men. Men
in showbusiness wore grey or blue,

652
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:36,560
or maybe grey,
or maybe blue and grey.

653
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,960
So I think that
that's a rock and roll thing,

654
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:41,160
and then if anybody
would question your sexuality,

655
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:44,040
then you can fight them and you
can prove your sexuality that way.

656
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:47,400
I assume that's how it went down.

657
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,760
He would have been so
unusual in Glasgow then.

658
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:53,200
He would have got the piss
taken out of him.

659
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,920
I remember all the old workies,
like,

660
00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:57,960
"What are you wearing
torn jeans for?" You know.

661
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,720
"What are you wearing your brother's
troosers for?" You know.

662
00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:04,960
He is pure gallus.
Gallus just means you've got it.

663
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:09,480
You've just got that little bit
of fairy dust sprinkled over you,

664
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,200
that just makes you gallus.

665
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:16,080
I remember getting on the bus
in my basket weave shoes

666
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:19,680
with white socks, sitting there,
and a woman said,

667
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:22,400
"You're very neat about the feet."

668
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:37,080
I wanted to buy a banjo,
and it had suddenly come over me,

669
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:42,040
this desire, to have long hair
and a beard and be a hobo.

670
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:49,480
If you showed any weakness
inasmuch as if you were keen

671
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:54,120
on anything outside their realm,
they would crucify you for it.

672
00:38:55,840 --> 00:39:01,840
I had been going around saying,
"Does anyone have a banjo
in the attic doing nothing?"

673
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:05,920
And when I came into the,
wherever they were sitting

674
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:07,760
having their tea, they'd go,
"Here he comes.

675
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,160
"Plonk, plonk, plonk,
plonk, plonk, plonk...

676
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,720
"When I'm cleaning windows."

677
00:39:12,720 --> 00:39:16,960
But eventually, I got one,
and like a teenager discovering

678
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,120
his todger, I became obsessed
with playing it.

679
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:27,040
I was relentless, and then one day,
someone in the yards

680
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:28,760
changed my life forever.

681
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:31,960
This has been the best yard
I've ever worked in.

682
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:35,760
See that guy there on the right?
That's Willie McInnis.

683
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:41,680
He's a welder. But it was Willie
who made me quit the shipyards.

684
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:45,320
He said, "What are you doing?"
I said, "I'm going to be
a folk singer.

685
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:47,360
"I'm going to quit
at the holidays."

686
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:50,400
He said, "If you were really keen
on it, you would do it now."

687
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:52,880
The most important
thing he said to me, he said,

688
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,360
"You don't want to be sitting here
as an old man,

689
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,920
"knowing you could have got out."

690
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:03,000
He said, "I've known guys like that,
and it destroys their whole life."

691
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:06,200
Just telling themselves they could
have done better,

692
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:07,680
didn't take the chance.

693
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,800
He said, "You've got
the chance, go and do it."

694
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,120
So I did it.

695
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:19,440
I was off, being a hairy banjo
player, touring the world,

696
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:23,280
singing a song,
thanks to Willie McInnis.

697
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:30,440
Life as a five-string
windswept minstrel,

698
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:32,000
that was the thing for me.

699
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:35,200
It's not something you hear very
often, he was a great banjo player,
by the way.

700
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:37,120
But he was, he was
mean on the banjo.

701
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:40,640
And much to my delight, I wasn't
the only one thinking like this.

702
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:43,680
He wasn't particularly
unusual on the folk scene,

703
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:46,080
because there was a lot of shaggy
men with big beards,

704
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,120
there was a lot of
humour around as well.

705
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,920
Glaswegian working-class kids
with ambitions to do something,

706
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:54,680
anything different from what
had gone on before them,

707
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,040
were finding each other.

708
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,680
We were all cheering
each other on to become

709
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:02,120
playwrights, musicians,
and painters.

710
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,520
And that's how I came
into the orbit of Scotland's

711
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,720
favourite artist, John Byrne.

712
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:12,880
It sticks out like a sore thumb,
but that's what I wanted

713
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:15,760
anyway, I wanted to brighten
up the area because it was such

714
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:21,000
a dismal gable end
in such a dismal environment.

715
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,200
Well, it's definitely an improvement
anyway, it definitely is.

716
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,440
I think it's beautiful, it's lovely.

717
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,600
I think it's a very
nice thing, very good.

718
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:32,560
I, and most of Scotland, love John's
work, but there's always one.

719
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:36,560
I think it's a waste of money,
considering there is so many

720
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:38,080
repairs needing done.

721
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,320
This place should be
cleared up to start with,

722
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,520
before that should
have been attempted.

723
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:48,000
And 50 years on, he's in the
National Portrait Gallery.

724
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:52,880
And I'm glad to say,
we are still friends.

725
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:04,520
Do we start at the beginning? Aye.

726
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:09,760
There were three of us, me,
John, and Gerry Rafferty.

727
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:13,840
Gerry was to go on to become one
of Scotland's finest songwriters.

728
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:18,680
But at the time, we were
all just kind of making it up
as we were going along.

729
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:23,480
It was Gerry Rafferty
who I'd known since he was eight.

730
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:25,800
He was on the bus,
we got the bus together,

731
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:29,440
and he said, "I was at a party
in Paisley,"

732
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:33,480
and he said, "I met
the funniest guy in the world.

733
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:36,080
"Funniest guy ever met in my life."

734
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:37,760
And that was in 1968.

735
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:43,640
John has painted, drawn,
and even animated me,

736
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:45,080
throughout my career...

737
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:51,360
..including this slice of
pure gallus from earlier.

738
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,480
We used to make each
other laugh a lot.

739
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,280
I know.

740
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:59,720
I used to phone John,
I would lie on the floor to phone

741
00:42:59,720 --> 00:43:03,440
him, because I knew
I was going to end up there.

742
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,040
So I used to get on
the floor to phone him.

743
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:09,440
I was the same, I was lying
on the floor as well.

744
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:19,600
Who is this guy?
And here we are, still laughing.

745
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:22,480
I think if you look
around long enough,

746
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,640
you'll find they all
have the same face.

747
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,840
Very nice clothes, though.

748
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:30,200
Extraordinary outfits. Aye, I know.

749
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:35,000
She's just bought some
cocaine from him. She has!

750
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,480
I would take a couple of pounds
of cocaine. Couple of kilos.

751
00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:44,800
I wonder what kind of dog
was that. Don't know.

752
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:46,400
Just half a dog.

753
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,560
THEY CHUCKLE

754
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,600
She was famous for
having half a dog.

755
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:58,480
That's a sleekit looking face,
if ever I saw one.

756
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:02,560
He's definitely spotted boys
stealing apples off the tree.
Absolutely.

757
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:06,320
And getting away with it.

758
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:08,640
What a horrible looking guy.

759
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:11,680
Aye. And his eyes do follow
you around the room.

760
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:15,040
The left one certainly does. I know.

761
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:24,280
# No more gay life with the boys

762
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:29,000
# I'll sit down with my pipe
and corduroys

763
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:30,880
# No more red wine

764
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:34,040
# Oh, no, these times are gone. #

765
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:41,800
While I was trying to play
the banjo and get famous

766
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:46,320
and be a somebody,
Gerry was writing songs,

767
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,040
because he had to.

768
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:51,200
John was painting
for his own reasons.

769
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:52,960
And it was all very natural.

770
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:59,000
Guys who were playing and trying
to make something of themselves,

771
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:03,440
meeting, and being so
pleased with each other,

772
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:07,680
and recognising things in each
other that they had in common.

773
00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:10,600
But, you know, there are various
rungs on the ladder you do,

774
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:13,360
you don't know they're rungs
until you've done them.

775
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:16,640
But being accepted by these
guys was spectacular,

776
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:20,480
being so spectacularly accepted
by them was amazing.

777
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:24,280
But I remember thinking,
"Oh, God! I've done myself a bit
of good here."

778
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:30,800
It was very good for me,
meeting Gerry Rafferty.

779
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,600
Gerry was on a path to success.

780
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:37,000
He was dedicated to making it
with his songs.

781
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,200
# Walk in, sit down

782
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:43,800
# Open up your case,
tune up and turn round... #

783
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:47,480
And his attitude affected me,
and I got into it.

784
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:52,800
You know, we are worthwhile,
we are good, we will be successful.

785
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:55,280
It's good material,
it has to be successful

786
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:56,640
if we do it right.

787
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:01,440
We were the weirdest
outfit, The Humblebums.

788
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:04,600
Nobody had seen a duo
like this before,

789
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:06,200
including us.

790
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:09,840
Me telling these stories
and playing occasionally,

791
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:13,000
and Gerry singing these
extraordinary songs.

792
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:15,000
# Shoeshine boy

793
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:19,960
# He's making his money, working
downtown on mean street... #

794
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,560
People were just
flabbergasted by him.

795
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:27,320
Then, I would step in and do
a story, and have them all roaring
with laughter.

796
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:31,160
My comedy routines were getting
longer and more inventive.

797
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:35,280
And Gerry would be sitting on the
stool with the guitar, listening.

798
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:38,480
People often say, "Gerry got
fed up with you, waiting

799
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,960
"for you to finish your stories."
It wasn't like that.

800
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:44,800
He was... He liked the funny stuff.

801
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:49,840
And he liked being part
of it and singing his songs.

802
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:59,640
Our friendship was on dodgy grounds,
there was a strain that happens

803
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:03,880
in all bands, from Simon & Garfunkel
to the Rolling Stones,

804
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:07,080
to anybody,
there's a strain that happens.

805
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:10,200
The longer you are together,
the strain gets worse and worse.

806
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:14,240
# Goodbye, goodbye

807
00:47:14,240 --> 00:47:18,280
# Wipe the tear, baby dear,
from your eye... #

808
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:20,760
I always remember,
it was Queen Street railway station,

809
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:23,520
and I said, "I think we've come
to the end of it, don't you?

810
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:27,720
"I think we should do a Scottish
tour and save the money and split,

811
00:47:27,720 --> 00:47:29,520
"you go your way and I'll go mine.

812
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:32,520
"We've taken this as
far as it can go."

813
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:34,960
"And he said, 'Yeah, I agree.' "

814
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:37,160
And the following day he said,

815
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:39,640
"Listen, Billy,
I've been thinking...

816
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:43,240
"I think we've taken
this as far as it can go.

817
00:47:43,240 --> 00:47:44,560
"I think we should split."

818
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:47,240
I thought, "I wonder
where you heard that!"

819
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,000
But anyway, we split very amicably,

820
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,360
and he went off to do
Stealers Wheel,

821
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:57,640
and I went off on my own to
be Billy Connolly.

822
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:02,360
I think I have to acknowledge that
The Humblebums gave me the desire

823
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:03,880
to be more than just a comedian.

824
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:07,040
# Well, I don't know why
I came here tonight

825
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:10,320
# I got the feeling that something
ain't right... #

826
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:13,920
He does look like
a rock star, and he's sexy.

827
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,360
There, I've said it.

828
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:23,720
# Tell Laura I love her... #

829
00:48:23,720 --> 00:48:27,160
# Clowns to the left of me,
jokers to the right... #

830
00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:31,920
# Tell Laura, I... #

831
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:34,680
You know, you do these gigs,
and at one of them,

832
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:40,000
he had a band, I think, at the end,
and it was rock and roll, you know?

833
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,760
I know he had success as a folk
singer,

834
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:47,640
but it's hard to be a rock star when
you're playing a banjo, you know?

835
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:51,560
You can't have it all, Bill.

836
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:56,200
You can't be one of the greatest
comedians in the world and then rock

837
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:58,040
out at the end, I'm sorry. You know?

838
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:01,360
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

839
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:08,680
TUNES BANJO

840
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:11,680
Just chat amongst yourselves,
I won't be long.

841
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:14,240
When I came into comedy,
mothers-in-laws were considered

842
00:49:14,240 --> 00:49:18,640
funny, and I never held with that.

843
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:21,800
I wanted to go somewhere
else with it.

844
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:24,840
Here's a wee Glasgow one.

845
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:27,440
# Oh, the pigeon

846
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:29,280
# He's a nice bird

847
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:30,920
# And he sits

848
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:32,520
# On the grass

849
00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:34,880
# And when he

850
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:36,800
# Gets excited

851
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:39,080
# He sticks his head

852
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:44,120
# Under his wing... #
LAUGHTER

853
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:45,720
Everyone has a first.

854
00:49:45,720 --> 00:49:49,160
The Beatles' first number one
was Please Please Me.

855
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:52,440
They wrote better and bigger songs,
but that song will always be the

856
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:54,920
first one that got them on the map.

857
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:59,840
Well, I had a joke, The Crucifixion,
and that brings us right back

858
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:01,360
to where we started.

859
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:03,640
The Saree Heid.

860
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:10,040
Tam Quinn, who played guitar
in a band, came up and told me

861
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:11,960
a joke one day.

862
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:14,640
He said the Apostles

863
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:19,280
were having some Chinese takeaway,

864
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:22,880
and Jesus came in and said,
"Where did you get that?"

865
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:27,240
And they said, "Oh, Judas bought
them, he seems to have come into
some money."

866
00:50:27,240 --> 00:50:29,880
And I thought it was the funniest
thing I'd ever heard.

867
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:35,120
And I told it that night on stage,
with little added bits.

868
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:38,400
As a way of introducing it,
I said there was a misprint

869
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:41,480
in the Bible, and that stuff
never happened in Galilee,

870
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:45,320
it happened in Gallowgate,
that's the street outside here.

871
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:48,760
The Last Supper actually happened
in a small tavern known

872
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:50,640
as the Saracen's Head Inn.

873
00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:53,040
CHEERING

874
00:50:56,120 --> 00:51:00,960
It's quite a popular place for
cocktails of an evening, you know?

875
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:04,600
All the Apostles were in there,
all drinking, but this wee Apostle

876
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:08,840
came up to a big Apostle and said,
"What's the score here?

877
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:14,680
"You telt me the big yin
was coming in."

878
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:17,800
Went down really well,
and I expanded on it.

879
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:22,160
Eventually, it became
about 20, 25 minutes long.

880
00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:25,480
And it came to define me,
people came from miles away

881
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:27,280
to see me doing it.

882
00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:30,280
Door opens, and in
he comes the big yin.

883
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:32,680
"Hello there, boys!

884
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:36,480
"Been oot all morning, daeing
they miracles, I'm knackered.

885
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:42,840
"Gie's a glass of that wine.
Nae kidding, son, I'm knackered,

886
00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:47,760
"see the miracles I've done this
morning? Take a look oot that door,
there's nothing but deidpunters

887
00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:49,120
"walking up and doon."

888
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:56,520
I actually heard The Crucifixion
on a record, thought it was one

889
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:59,840
of the cleverest and funniest
things I'd ever heard.

890
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:04,120
And it's that...
You know, like all writers,

891
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:07,160
like all comedians, he's a magpie,
he picks things up,

892
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:10,000
he hears things, he picks them
up and he transforms them.

893
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,600
And when I first heard it,
I thought, this is really going
to upset people.

894
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:15,480
Fantastic!

895
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:19,640
Now he's become such
a national treasure,

896
00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:21,600
you know, and he's
Sir Billy Connolly now,

897
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:25,840
and yet, when he was doing
The Crucifixion, there was people

898
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:28,800
protesting outside of
his gigs, you know.

899
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:31,720
He didn't back down.

900
00:52:31,720 --> 00:52:34,720
Billy Connolly's blasphemy
of Jesus Christ.

901
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:39,120
That's why we're protesting,
as Christians, you see.

902
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:42,120
We are not against him,
if he keeps to clean humour,

903
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:45,360
but we think these things
are too sacred to make a fool of.

904
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:49,800
There was one guy,
Pastor Jack Glass was his name,

905
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:53,240
used to turn up with three nails
and say, "Crucify Christ again,"

906
00:52:53,240 --> 00:52:55,240
and all that.

907
00:52:55,240 --> 00:52:57,960
All I am asking for is not
a public apology to me,

908
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:02,360
but a public apology to every person
who is offended by this skit

909
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:03,880
on the crucifixion.

910
00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:06,440
If he makes that public apology,
we will be quite happy

911
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:07,880
to end our campaign.

912
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:11,360
He was really young
when he was doing all this,

913
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:14,280
coming up against a real
backlash of people saying -

914
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:19,240
you can't say that and you can't say
that, this is how comedians behave.

915
00:53:19,240 --> 00:53:22,920
And he completely ignored it,
and the strength it must have took.

916
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:26,440
There is no way I'm going to
apologise to him for anything.

917
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:28,800
Not only am I not ashamed
of the things I've done,

918
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:30,360
I'm very, very proud of them.

919
00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:33,680
That's the tragedy of today,
we feel it's such a permissive age

920
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:36,600
that people are completely
Godless and Christless.

921
00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:42,000
They prefer to listen to toilet
talk like Connolly's, who we call
Manure Mouth.

922
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:46,880
And he hit me with a big bag
of shillings, 30 pieces of silver.

923
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:49,000
Hit me right on the forehead.

924
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:50,960
Tsshh... All over the place.

925
00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:56,760
# I'd like to tell you a story

926
00:53:58,240 --> 00:54:01,360
# 'Bout a real stupid arse

927
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:06,160
# He's standing outside this hall
right now

928
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:10,040
# His name, Pastor Jack Glass... #

929
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:20,560
Look, if the Church and its millions
and billions can't stand against me,

930
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:22,840
it's in deep trouble.

931
00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:28,960
# Satan is real,
working in spirit... #

932
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:34,440
An English boyfriend of mine
introduced me to The Crucifixion.

933
00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:37,840
I'd never heard it before,
and he played it for me

934
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:39,680
in his wooing of me.

935
00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:45,160
He thought that would be a way in.
It was!

936
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,760
REPORTER: In Glasgow, they
call Billy Connolly Big Yin,

937
00:54:57,760 --> 00:54:59,280
the big one.

938
00:54:59,280 --> 00:55:02,560
Not just because he happens
to stand over six feet tall,

939
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:05,280
but because he is the biggest thing
to hit Scotland since...

940
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:07,200
Well, nobody can remember when.

941
00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:10,240
I was going to come here on a bus,
but I was feart in case somebody

942
00:55:10,240 --> 00:55:12,680
thought I was the Pope
and got tore into me.

943
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:16,160
You are actually a commentator on
the society that you're living in.

944
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:19,440
Instead of doing a little story
and getting a punchline and getting

945
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:23,640
a laugh, you would get
lots of ripples as you went along.

946
00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:27,320
Building up the story
and inventing bits.

947
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:30,400
And it became a kind of disease,
I couldn't get enough of it.

948
00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:36,480
And then the banjo took a sidestep,
and I did it without it,

949
00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:40,600
and for a couple of years,
I took the banjo with me and kept

950
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:43,240
it on the side, in case
I couldn't do without it.

951
00:55:43,240 --> 00:55:46,040
But then I just stopped
taking it to the gig.

952
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:48,920
It was an extraordinary
time in my life.

953
00:55:48,920 --> 00:55:51,280
But first, someone who means
everything in Scotland,

954
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:53,440
and, as yet, very little down here.

955
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:56,080
I say "as yet" because I think
that this young man is one

956
00:55:56,080 --> 00:55:59,520
of the most original and best
comedians I've heard in many a day.

957
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:01,040
Billy Connolly.

958
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:08,080
When I did the Parkinson show,
for the first time,

959
00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:11,600
I told a joke that just took
the country by storm.

960
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:14,400
This guy was going oot
to meet his friend in the pub

961
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:18,000
and he went down, and he said,
"Hello, how's it going?"
He said, "Fine, fine."

962
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:21,120
He said, "How's the wife?"
He said, "Oh, she's deid.

963
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:25,120
"Deid, oot the game.
I murdered her."

964
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:27,120
"You kidding me on!"

965
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:29,200
"No, no, this morning. Deid.

966
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:32,280
He said, "Look, I'm not
talking to you if you keep
on talking like that."

967
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:34,880
He said, "Please yourself.
I'll show you if you want."

968
00:56:34,880 --> 00:56:38,200
He said, "Aye, show me." So he goes
away to his tenement building,

969
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:42,120
through the close, that's the
entrance to the tenement...

970
00:56:43,240 --> 00:56:45,320
Into the back green,
into the washhouse,

971
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:48,520
and sure enough,
there is a big mound of earth.

972
00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:50,640
But there's a bum
sticking out of it.

973
00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:56,200
He says, "Is that her?"
He says, "Aye."

974
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:58,560
He says, "What did you leave
her bum sticking out for?"

975
00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:01,440
He says, "I need somewhere
to park my bike."

976
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:04,560
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

977
00:57:07,200 --> 00:57:10,120
Now it seems almost odd
that we would be surprised

978
00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:12,400
that there was
a working-class person on TV,

979
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:15,920
but him sitting there on Parkinson,

980
00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:19,480
you know,
was just life-changing for me.

981
00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:22,640
When I left the show,
I got to Glasgow on the plane,

982
00:57:22,640 --> 00:57:25,640
and I'd come through Glasgow
Airport, and all the people started

983
00:57:25,640 --> 00:57:28,560
to applaud in the airport.

984
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:30,960
I thought,
"Well, that's a bit different."

985
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:34,440
Back in the '60s and the '70s,
you hardly heard a Scottish accent,

986
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:37,440
even on Scottish television.
This was quite revolutionary.

987
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:45,240
It gave us, I suppose,
a sense of confidence and belonging.

988
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:49,040
And my concerts after
that sold out in an instant.

989
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:51,840
I thought, "Oh, God,
this is bigger than I thought."

990
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:54,440
He opened up the door.

991
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:58,680
So many comedians today, I think,
owe him, a very great deal.

992
00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:06,240
Well, the Parkinson's thing
has trapped me again.

993
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:07,240
Go.

994
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:12,400
You can either break down
and complain about how miserable

995
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:15,600
your life is,
or have a go at it and survive.

996
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:18,680
# Oh, Ma, he's making eyes at me! #

997
00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:20,880
Yours is running like a tap!

998
00:58:56,040 --> 00:58:58,320
BAGPIPES PLAY

999
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:04,920
This programme contains
strong language.

1000
00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:09,400
# Campbeltown Loch,
I wish you were whisky

1001
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:11,920
# I would drink you dry

1002
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:17,640
# I wish you were whisky,
Campbeltown Loch, och aye

1003
00:59:17,640 --> 00:59:20,440
# Oh, Campbeltown Loch,
I wish you were whisky

1004
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:22,680
# I would drink you dry

1005
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:25,840
# Wee boat with the money I've got

1006
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:27,920
# I sailed it way oot
in the bay... #

1007
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:29,320
That's the only words I know.

1008
00:59:30,640 --> 00:59:34,080
Don't panic,
I haven't started losing it,

1009
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:38,360
but there's no denying it -
I'm 75, I've got Parkinson's,

1010
00:59:38,360 --> 00:59:41,720
and I'm at the wrong end
of the telescope of life.

1011
00:59:41,720 --> 00:59:43,920
I'm at the point
where the yesteryears

1012
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:46,200
mean more than the yesterdays

1013
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:49,680
because it's back there
in my childhood and youth...

1014
00:59:49,680 --> 00:59:50,920
Go.

1015
00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:55,320
..that all those things that made me
live keenest in my memory now.

1016
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:58,080
My swimming costume,
it grew like this.

1017
00:59:58,080 --> 00:59:59,720
LAUGHTER

1018
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:03,320
So, I'm going on a Proustian wander
through Scotland

1019
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:06,360
to the places,
the objects and the sounds...

1020
01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:08,880
# Aaah... #

1021
01:00:08,880 --> 01:00:10,840
..that brought me to where I am now.

1022
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:12,920
Oh, memories, memories!

1023
01:00:12,920 --> 01:00:15,320
Come on, I promise you'll like it.

1024
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:19,160
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1025
01:00:23,320 --> 01:00:25,280
Aye, I'm very lucky.

1026
01:00:25,280 --> 01:00:31,560
I've got this kind of fame,
this kind of working-class fame,

1027
01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:34,960
which isn't really true, you know?
I couldn't weld to save my life.

1028
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:37,760
For those of you who think
I'm an ordinary person,

1029
01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:41,240
I've been portrayed in oils.
Don't you forget it.

1030
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:45,400
But I'm looked on
as a journeyman welder who made it.

1031
01:00:45,400 --> 01:00:48,280
But it's 50 years
since I welded, you know?

1032
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:50,000
Can I call you Billy?
Call me Billy.

1033
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:51,880
Call me Sir William. Sir William.

1034
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:56,560
Billy's obviously somebody that's
an international star worldwide,

1035
01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:58,600
and, you know,
there's not that many people

1036
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:02,200
that literally are famous
all over the world.

1037
01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:04,000
And fame is difficult anyway

1038
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:06,040
and I think he's done it
really, really well.

1039
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:07,520
Just talking about...

1040
01:01:07,520 --> 01:01:10,760
They say money brings
all its own worries.

1041
01:01:10,760 --> 01:01:13,160
You know, "Ooh,
money brings its own worries."

1042
01:01:13,160 --> 01:01:17,040
Rubbish! It's brilliant.

1043
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:18,880
You know, for a working-class kid

1044
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:21,520
to hear someone talk about
having money and going,

1045
01:01:21,520 --> 01:01:23,360
"It's the bollocks."

1046
01:01:23,360 --> 01:01:27,200
He's a man of the people.
He's relatable, but he's honest.

1047
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:28,640
That is the point.

1048
01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:31,560
And that just translates
onto the stage, you know?

1049
01:01:31,560 --> 01:01:33,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1050
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:39,120
Billy's a bit like,

1051
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:41,280
"Right, if you're not going
to talk about it, I am."

1052
01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:43,880
CHEERING CONTINUES

1053
01:01:43,880 --> 01:01:46,080
You're only doing that
cos I'm not well.

1054
01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:48,160
LAUGHTER

1055
01:01:48,160 --> 01:01:51,560
Since I got Parkinson's disease,

1056
01:01:51,560 --> 01:01:53,400
I've cut back all my work,

1057
01:01:53,400 --> 01:01:57,000
but the fame remains and
I've never known anything like it...

1058
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:02,160
..and it's a very pleasant feeling.

1059
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:05,200
Keeping well? Aye, I try my best.
See you again.

1060
01:02:05,200 --> 01:02:08,320
People saying
how nice it is to see you

1061
01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:10,640
and how good you're looking.

1062
01:02:10,640 --> 01:02:12,320
What's wrong with that?

1063
01:02:12,320 --> 01:02:15,040
You look great.
Och, I look like shit, really.

1064
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:17,680
No, you look great. No, you don't.
You look great.

1065
01:02:17,680 --> 01:02:20,440
For a man your age!
THEY LAUGH

1066
01:02:20,440 --> 01:02:22,840
I get a funny idea
of what the world's like.

1067
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:25,080
I think everybody's
laughing and smiling,

1068
01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:26,720
cos they are to me.

1069
01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:30,000
Thank you very much. Nae bother.
It was nice to meet you.

1070
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:33,400
Although his work is often
very precisely located

1071
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:35,520
in place and in community,

1072
01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:37,920
it has a universality

1073
01:02:37,920 --> 01:02:40,520
that somehow goes beyond
the particular

1074
01:02:40,520 --> 01:02:41,920
and speaks to all of us.

1075
01:02:41,920 --> 01:02:43,200
Mum, look.

1076
01:02:43,200 --> 01:02:46,400
And when you do that to an audience,
I think they respond

1077
01:02:46,400 --> 01:02:48,640
so magnificently

1078
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:51,480
that they start to revere you.

1079
01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:54,920
I get away with murder.

1080
01:02:54,920 --> 01:02:58,640
If I'm walking along the street
and there's men down a hole

1081
01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:01,480
fixing some pipes
or the sewage or something,

1082
01:03:01,480 --> 01:03:04,120
I like to say, "Come on,
get your back into it.

1083
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:06,400
"No wonder the country's
in the state it's in."

1084
01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:08,080
And they'll burst out laughing.

1085
01:03:08,080 --> 01:03:10,680
Well, anybody else would get
a kick in the arse, you know?

1086
01:03:18,120 --> 01:03:19,560
Being famous and Scottish,

1087
01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:22,160
I'm often asked
what Scotland means to me.

1088
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:27,960
For me, Scotland isn't so much
a place but a state of mind.

1089
01:03:27,960 --> 01:03:31,040
It's an outlook on life
that comes from trying to balance

1090
01:03:31,040 --> 01:03:34,560
what I would call the Yin
and Yang of the place -

1091
01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:37,640
our landscapes are beautiful
but full of midges,

1092
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:41,520
our love of languages is only
matched by our love of profanity.

1093
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:43,960
Away and boil yer fucking heid!

1094
01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:46,920
We're pragmatic
and deeply sentimental.

1095
01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:48,680
The tender Scot.

1096
01:03:48,680 --> 01:03:50,800
The Scot that loves
his wife so much,

1097
01:03:50,800 --> 01:03:52,880
he nearly tells her.

1098
01:03:52,880 --> 01:03:55,080
Really, it's no surprise
that Jekyll And Hyde

1099
01:03:55,080 --> 01:03:56,880
was written by a Scotsman.

1100
01:03:56,880 --> 01:03:58,760
I like that idea.

1101
01:03:58,760 --> 01:04:00,600
We can be funny as anything,

1102
01:04:00,600 --> 01:04:03,400
but there's just that little moment
on the edge sometimes

1103
01:04:03,400 --> 01:04:05,320
where you can see it where just...

1104
01:04:05,320 --> 01:04:09,280
It's funny - it's dead funny -
and then we can just go flip.

1105
01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:11,040
It's great.

1106
01:04:11,040 --> 01:04:12,920
That's what this film is about.

1107
01:04:12,920 --> 01:04:15,560
How the Scottish experience
is a Celtic-flavoured

1108
01:04:15,560 --> 01:04:17,200
sweet and sour affair...

1109
01:04:18,880 --> 01:04:21,880
..something I was aware of
from my earliest memories.

1110
01:04:26,480 --> 01:04:29,000
My beginnings
were no better or worse

1111
01:04:29,000 --> 01:04:31,280
than the other 20,000 boys and girls

1112
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:33,600
that were born
the same year as me in Glasgow.

1113
01:04:35,120 --> 01:04:37,200
No-one thought we were poor

1114
01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:39,960
till somebody came along
and told us.

1115
01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:41,800
So, you've come to Glasgow,
have you?

1116
01:04:43,400 --> 01:04:45,120
Pretty grim, isn't it?

1117
01:04:45,120 --> 01:04:48,040
There was a lot of debris around,

1118
01:04:48,040 --> 01:04:50,760
an endless supply of bricks
to throw at things.

1119
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:54,680
But however,
we'll never lack company.

1120
01:04:54,680 --> 01:04:56,680
We've always got the rats.

1121
01:04:56,680 --> 01:04:59,840
Comedy, like drama,
is about conflict,

1122
01:04:59,840 --> 01:05:02,600
and Glasgow is my city of conflict.

1123
01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:05,160
The views, the sounds,
the smells of these streets

1124
01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:07,840
are jammed with memories
of being cold and warm...

1125
01:05:09,440 --> 01:05:13,720
..in love and heartbroken,
crying with laughter and regret.

1126
01:05:14,800 --> 01:05:18,400
I love Glasgow, but that love
has always been matched

1127
01:05:18,400 --> 01:05:22,440
with an urge to leave,
to see over the horizon

1128
01:05:22,440 --> 01:05:26,080
and that pull has made me
a proud citizen of the world.

1129
01:05:26,080 --> 01:05:28,320
Yet there's always been
a string in my heart

1130
01:05:28,320 --> 01:05:30,560
that I'm glad pulls me back
to where I'm from...

1131
01:05:32,080 --> 01:05:37,160
..to all the things that made me,
good and bad - Scotland.

1132
01:05:39,040 --> 01:05:41,600
It's a beautiful place.

1133
01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:44,680
And when the water's going over
the sand at the bottom,

1134
01:05:44,680 --> 01:05:47,000
it's almost turquoise.

1135
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:48,800
It looks like the Caribbean.

1136
01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:52,320
You soon realise
it's not the Caribbean

1137
01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:54,160
when that water touches
your scrotum.

1138
01:05:56,160 --> 01:05:58,360
You go for the high-jump record.

1139
01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:02,000
It was in the water
of Scotland's coasts

1140
01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:03,880
that I pieced together
as a young boy

1141
01:06:03,880 --> 01:06:07,200
that pain and comedy
were perfect bedfellows.

1142
01:06:08,560 --> 01:06:13,040
It was in Aberdeen. I was there
on holiday with the school.

1143
01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:17,080
We were down at the beach
and it was grey and windy and wet.

1144
01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:19,800
I love Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire.

1145
01:06:19,800 --> 01:06:21,480
But we all ran towards the water.

1146
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:25,200
Our big teacher called Mr Hegarty,
"In you go, boys."

1147
01:06:25,200 --> 01:06:29,200
There was guys just over the horizon
in survival suits

1148
01:06:29,200 --> 01:06:33,960
working on oil rigs for the sheer
low temperature of the water,

1149
01:06:33,960 --> 01:06:37,360
and we had these woolly
swimming trunks.

1150
01:06:39,040 --> 01:06:41,840
My swimming costume,
it was that knitted stuff

1151
01:06:41,840 --> 01:06:43,680
with a belt and a fucking pocket,

1152
01:06:43,680 --> 01:06:45,920
the reason for which
escapes me completely.

1153
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:50,160
None of your Speedo second skin.
LAUGHTER

1154
01:06:50,160 --> 01:06:52,800
This was more your second cardigan.

1155
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,240
LAUGHTER

1156
01:06:55,240 --> 01:06:57,840
I'll never forget it
as long as I live.

1157
01:06:57,840 --> 01:07:00,160
Arrgh!

1158
01:07:00,160 --> 01:07:03,120
And once it's past your scrotum,
it hasn't hit your waist.

1159
01:07:03,120 --> 01:07:05,800
It isn't the Caribbean.

1160
01:07:05,800 --> 01:07:07,600
It's the North Atlantic.

1161
01:07:07,600 --> 01:07:09,960
It beat the Titanic
and it'll beat you.

1162
01:07:12,480 --> 01:07:15,720
To this day, people think that
the woolly trunks of my childhood

1163
01:07:15,720 --> 01:07:19,200
are a favoured joke,
but - and to my great delight -

1164
01:07:19,200 --> 01:07:22,080
the Glasgow Southside
knitters and crocheters

1165
01:07:22,080 --> 01:07:24,880
have discovered
they were very much the real deal.

1166
01:07:24,880 --> 01:07:26,560
These have been a challenge.

1167
01:07:26,560 --> 01:07:30,720
We've been trying to work off
vintage patterns, and obviously,

1168
01:07:30,720 --> 01:07:32,840
you know, these are
sort of 1940s patterns

1169
01:07:32,840 --> 01:07:34,680
and things are slightly different -

1170
01:07:34,680 --> 01:07:37,280
the wording's different,
the yarns are all different.

1171
01:07:37,280 --> 01:07:40,120
My tension was just a tad too slack.

1172
01:07:40,120 --> 01:07:42,360
So, we've got this guy here.

1173
01:07:42,360 --> 01:07:43,840
I thought it was a joke

1174
01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:46,240
cos I'd never heard of them before,
or ever seen them,

1175
01:07:46,240 --> 01:07:50,840
so I just thought he'd made it up
until it was obvious he hadn't.

1176
01:07:50,840 --> 01:07:53,760
Everything that Billy does
is just pointing out

1177
01:07:53,760 --> 01:07:55,800
the ridiculousness of everyday life.

1178
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:58,040
Yeah, I remember watching him
with my own parents

1179
01:07:58,040 --> 01:08:00,280
and with my friends' parents
as a teenager

1180
01:08:00,280 --> 01:08:02,560
and just thinking,
"This guy is hilarious."

1181
01:08:02,560 --> 01:08:04,720
It's situations that you're in,
and as a teenager,

1182
01:08:04,720 --> 01:08:06,520
you don't really know
how to deal with them,

1183
01:08:06,520 --> 01:08:09,000
and then he comes out
with all these crazy...

1184
01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:10,600
You know,
about going to the dancing,

1185
01:08:10,600 --> 01:08:12,280
meeting girls or meeting boys

1186
01:08:12,280 --> 01:08:15,600
and it's like he kind of took
the fear out of a lot of stuff

1187
01:08:15,600 --> 01:08:17,240
and just made it ridiculous.

1188
01:08:17,240 --> 01:08:21,160
He was probably my first experience
of what actual swearing was

1189
01:08:21,160 --> 01:08:22,440
and it was an education.

1190
01:08:22,440 --> 01:08:24,360
It was great.
But he got away with it.

1191
01:08:24,360 --> 01:08:26,840
He still does. You know,
it doesn't sound like swearing.

1192
01:08:26,840 --> 01:08:28,520
It just sounds like Billy.

1193
01:08:28,520 --> 01:08:31,120
People could look in
and see your willy,

1194
01:08:31,120 --> 01:08:32,680
if you had one.

1195
01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:34,400
LAUGHTER

1196
01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:37,200
One foot in the North Sea,
the whole fucking lot disappeared.

1197
01:08:37,200 --> 01:08:38,640
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

1198
01:08:38,640 --> 01:08:41,560
He gets a pass. It's really odd.

1199
01:08:41,560 --> 01:08:45,360
There's people who go, "Oh,
I don't like comedians that swear.

1200
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:47,600
"You don't have to swear
to be funny."

1201
01:08:47,600 --> 01:08:50,640
"Open the door!" "I can't!

1202
01:08:50,640 --> 01:08:54,040
"I'm shitting my brains out!"
LAUGHTER

1203
01:08:54,040 --> 01:08:55,480
But people sort of go...

1204
01:08:55,480 --> 01:08:56,960
Especially old ladies,

1205
01:08:56,960 --> 01:09:00,000
they just kind of go,
"Oh, it's just Billy."

1206
01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:01,800
You know? And he's allowed to swear.

1207
01:09:01,800 --> 01:09:04,680
"Will you open this fucking door?"

1208
01:09:04,680 --> 01:09:08,960
"I can't get off the seat.
Oh, break the fucking thing down."

1209
01:09:08,960 --> 01:09:11,000
There is a thing
that very proper people say -

1210
01:09:11,000 --> 01:09:13,200
swearing shows a lack of vocabulary,

1211
01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:15,840
but I think it shows
an increase in vocabulary.

1212
01:09:15,840 --> 01:09:18,800
You know all the normal words,
and you can say "fuck", as well.

1213
01:09:21,320 --> 01:09:23,160
And there's also the reality of

1214
01:09:23,160 --> 01:09:25,000
this is how people talk
in real life.

1215
01:09:25,000 --> 01:09:26,680
I swear,
but I'm a complete hypocrite.

1216
01:09:26,680 --> 01:09:29,000
I don't do it in front of
my kids, you know?

1217
01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:32,280
But I've invented swear words
that I can do in front of them.

1218
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:34,120
One of them is B-A-S-A.

1219
01:09:34,120 --> 01:09:36,560
If you say it fast,
it's quite convincing, you know?

1220
01:09:36,560 --> 01:09:39,400
"Hey, ya basa!"
LAUGHTER

1221
01:09:39,400 --> 01:09:41,600
But you're not swearing.
Your conscience is clear.

1222
01:09:41,600 --> 01:09:43,040
It's dead sneaky.

1223
01:09:43,040 --> 01:09:47,040
He understands
how to use swear words

1224
01:09:47,040 --> 01:09:49,560
and he takes joy in them.

1225
01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:53,080
Another good one is G-E-T-I-F-U.
"Getifu".

1226
01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:55,600
If you do it fast along with "basa",
it's quite handy.

1227
01:09:55,600 --> 01:09:58,040
"Getifu, ya basa!

1228
01:09:58,040 --> 01:10:00,320
"You, ya basa, getifu out of there!"

1229
01:10:00,320 --> 01:10:02,520
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
It sounds quite good.

1230
01:10:02,520 --> 01:10:04,400
I think him more than anyone else,

1231
01:10:04,400 --> 01:10:09,280
he really respects
just how good swear words are.

1232
01:10:09,280 --> 01:10:13,800
There's a swearing expression
in Glasgow that I've...

1233
01:10:13,800 --> 01:10:19,000
It's quite poetic
and it's quite violent and it's...

1234
01:10:19,000 --> 01:10:21,000
I've never heard it anywhere else

1235
01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:23,240
and it's, "Jesus suffering fuck".

1236
01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:28,160
When something goes wrong,

1237
01:10:28,160 --> 01:10:32,000
someone'll go,
"Jesus suffering fuck!"

1238
01:10:34,400 --> 01:10:39,640
Now, that's poetry,
whether you like it or not.

1239
01:10:39,640 --> 01:10:43,600
People who have discovered
their daughter's pregnant,

1240
01:10:43,600 --> 01:10:47,440
they go, "Brilliant.
Fucking brilliant."

1241
01:10:49,040 --> 01:10:52,120
Stand back and just admit that

1242
01:10:52,120 --> 01:10:55,360
the absolute correct thing
has been uttered.

1243
01:10:55,360 --> 01:10:58,240
It's like, "What the fuck?"

1244
01:10:58,240 --> 01:11:01,760
There's no equivalent.
"What the fuck?"

1245
01:11:02,880 --> 01:11:06,720
There's no need
for anything else to be said.

1246
01:11:06,720 --> 01:11:10,760
There's no arguing
about the subject matter.

1247
01:11:10,760 --> 01:11:14,400
The subject matter isn't important.
Something catastrophic has occurred.

1248
01:11:14,400 --> 01:11:17,200
"What the fuck?"

1249
01:11:17,200 --> 01:11:20,760
LAUGHTER

1250
01:11:20,760 --> 01:11:23,000
I had to get stripped.

1251
01:11:23,000 --> 01:11:25,160
There was fish
looking out the water saying,

1252
01:11:25,160 --> 01:11:27,200
"There's a fucking pale blue guy
coming in."

1253
01:11:27,200 --> 01:11:28,680
LAUGHTER

1254
01:11:30,720 --> 01:11:33,280
A good memory is the one
you can give away,

1255
01:11:33,280 --> 01:11:35,400
and that's what I try to do -

1256
01:11:35,400 --> 01:11:38,000
make the unique
a bit more universal.

1257
01:11:38,000 --> 01:11:40,280
And in that spirit, come with me

1258
01:11:40,280 --> 01:11:43,520
to a loch less than an hour
from Glasgow.

1259
01:11:43,520 --> 01:11:47,280
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I introduce the Woolly Buggers,

1260
01:11:47,280 --> 01:11:50,040
who are going to frolic in Loch Ard?

1261
01:11:50,040 --> 01:11:51,200
Go.

1262
01:11:55,280 --> 01:11:57,680
Wearing their woolly
swimming costumes

1263
01:11:57,680 --> 01:11:59,040
that I wore as a boy.

1264
01:12:03,720 --> 01:12:07,680
They look very happy now,
but what happens is that

1265
01:12:07,680 --> 01:12:12,520
the woolly costume turns into a sort
of drogue parachute behind you,

1266
01:12:12,520 --> 01:12:16,320
where the crotch is at your knees
and it slows you down.

1267
01:12:16,320 --> 01:12:19,280
There seemed to be a plot
from keeping us from being sexy.

1268
01:12:21,040 --> 01:12:25,000
There was a guy in my class
at school called Nino Manible.

1269
01:12:25,000 --> 01:12:28,160
He was an Italian boy.
He was great. Very stylish.

1270
01:12:28,160 --> 01:12:31,440
And he had the best swimming costume
you ever saw.

1271
01:12:31,440 --> 01:12:35,680
It was red satin
with white satin on the sides

1272
01:12:35,680 --> 01:12:38,760
and laces up both sides,

1273
01:12:38,760 --> 01:12:43,640
and we had the woolly ones
with the belt.

1274
01:12:43,640 --> 01:12:46,480
HE LAUGHS
Not quite the same.

1275
01:12:47,920 --> 01:12:51,280
I wanted to murder him in his bed
and steal his costume.

1276
01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:54,680
The things I remember about
the swimming and holidays

1277
01:12:54,680 --> 01:12:56,640
and all that - they're all painful.

1278
01:12:56,640 --> 01:12:59,400
We used to go to Rothesay
and there's loads of pictures

1279
01:12:59,400 --> 01:13:02,920
of my sister and I standing
on the beach in trench coats

1280
01:13:02,920 --> 01:13:06,560
in the pelting rain
with bucket and spade.

1281
01:13:08,400 --> 01:13:09,920
I loved it.

1282
01:13:11,280 --> 01:13:14,840
Glasgow Fair holidays -
the second fortnight in July.

1283
01:13:16,160 --> 01:13:20,400
Glasgow would empty,
the factories would shut down,

1284
01:13:20,400 --> 01:13:23,440
and everybody would go on holiday
down the Clyde.

1285
01:13:25,680 --> 01:13:29,360
This is Wemyss Bay station,
where the dream began.

1286
01:13:29,360 --> 01:13:33,000
We got on the train
at Glasgow Central with the family.

1287
01:13:33,000 --> 01:13:36,640
The train was jammed with people
with suitcases and bags

1288
01:13:36,640 --> 01:13:40,320
and they would all spew
onto these platforms.

1289
01:13:40,320 --> 01:13:43,560
There would be all sorts
of laughing and talking

1290
01:13:43,560 --> 01:13:47,840
as hundreds of people got more
and more excited, the children.

1291
01:13:47,840 --> 01:13:51,280
Down to meet the ferry.
There would be the Jeanie Deans,

1292
01:13:51,280 --> 01:13:53,480
or the Queen Elizabeth II,

1293
01:13:53,480 --> 01:13:56,360
the Saint Columba, the Columbia,

1294
01:13:56,360 --> 01:14:00,040
the Marchioness of Breadalbane,
the Waverley.

1295
01:14:00,040 --> 01:14:02,400
You had to see it -
this place just full of people,

1296
01:14:02,400 --> 01:14:04,880
all suitcases and bags.

1297
01:14:04,880 --> 01:14:07,480
My father would be saying,
"Come on, Billy. Keep up."

1298
01:14:07,480 --> 01:14:09,960
All pour out here

1299
01:14:09,960 --> 01:14:12,000
and the ferry
would be sitting waiting

1300
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:16,080
with the wooden gangway
coming down onto the pier.

1301
01:14:16,080 --> 01:14:18,080
Traditionally,
it's a rainy time of year,

1302
01:14:18,080 --> 01:14:20,120
the second fortnight in July.

1303
01:14:20,120 --> 01:14:22,440
It was the first time
you'd seen the Clyde

1304
01:14:22,440 --> 01:14:25,800
since you'd seen it from
the train window on the way down.

1305
01:14:25,800 --> 01:14:28,440
It's the first time
you'd actually seen it there.

1306
01:14:28,440 --> 01:14:31,480
A great feeling, down to Rothesay.

1307
01:14:31,480 --> 01:14:34,960
# At Rothesay Bay, at Rothesay Bay

1308
01:14:34,960 --> 01:14:38,200
# Where the children laugh
and play... #

1309
01:14:38,200 --> 01:14:42,280
# When you're lonely, tired and sad

1310
01:14:42,280 --> 01:14:45,120
# Grab a steamer,
sail down the Clyde

1311
01:14:45,120 --> 01:14:49,520
# Go to Arran,
Millport or Rothesay Bay

1312
01:14:52,480 --> 01:14:56,480
# No kidding,
it's a magic way to spend the day

1313
01:14:59,320 --> 01:15:03,400
# Red funnels glow in the sun
Ho-ho

1314
01:15:03,400 --> 01:15:07,320
# Splashing paddles
please everyone... #

1315
01:15:07,320 --> 01:15:10,720
All the excited children
with buckets and spades,

1316
01:15:10,720 --> 01:15:13,640
people playing accordions
and violins.

1317
01:15:15,800 --> 01:15:18,600
I tell you what happened to me
on this boat.

1318
01:15:18,600 --> 01:15:20,440
I was eating a pear.

1319
01:15:20,440 --> 01:15:24,400
My father had given us -
my sister and I - half a pear each,

1320
01:15:24,400 --> 01:15:26,120
split down the middle,

1321
01:15:26,120 --> 01:15:27,960
and a seagull shat on it.

1322
01:15:29,360 --> 01:15:32,640
I was just about...
HE LAUGHS

1323
01:15:32,640 --> 01:15:35,840
I was just about to eat it
when...splat!

1324
01:15:38,520 --> 01:15:41,360
It's remained with me
all these years.

1325
01:15:41,360 --> 01:15:43,200
Cheated out of my pear.

1326
01:15:44,880 --> 01:15:49,480
# And don't forget, folks
Try it on the Waverley... #

1327
01:15:49,480 --> 01:15:51,520
Two chimneys!

1328
01:15:53,960 --> 01:15:58,760
The sun's an unusual feature,
but Rothesay hasn't changed much.

1329
01:15:58,760 --> 01:16:01,720
The children have just got
a lot older, that's all.

1330
01:16:01,720 --> 01:16:03,600
Do you see the blue bucket there?

1331
01:16:04,720 --> 01:16:07,560
The wheelie bin?
That was Children's Corner.

1332
01:16:07,560 --> 01:16:11,440
The Punch and Judy show,
Uncle Phil and Tony.

1333
01:16:11,440 --> 01:16:13,880
Hello, boys and girls.
CHILDREN: Hello.

1334
01:16:13,880 --> 01:16:16,440
Uncle Phil was the sort of MC,

1335
01:16:16,440 --> 01:16:19,920
and Tony did all the voices
of the Punch and Judy.

1336
01:16:19,920 --> 01:16:22,360
"Oh, no, you didn't."
"Oh, yes, you did."

1337
01:16:23,960 --> 01:16:26,320
And the children would perform here.

1338
01:16:26,320 --> 01:16:30,720
We'd all be sitting out there
and the little performers...

1339
01:16:30,720 --> 01:16:33,840
# Oh, Ma, he's making eyes at me

1340
01:16:33,840 --> 01:16:36,840
# Ma, he's awful nice to me

1341
01:16:36,840 --> 01:16:40,280
# Ma, he's almost breaking my heart

1342
01:16:40,280 --> 01:16:43,800
# I'm beside him, mercy!
Let his conscience guide him

1343
01:16:43,800 --> 01:16:47,560
# Ma, he wants to marry me

1344
01:16:47,560 --> 01:16:50,920
# Be my honey bee

1345
01:16:50,920 --> 01:16:53,960
# Every moment he gets bolder
Now he's leaning on my shoulder

1346
01:16:53,960 --> 01:16:57,160
# Ma, he's kissing me... #

1347
01:16:57,160 --> 01:16:59,560
All together!
HE LAUGHS

1348
01:16:59,560 --> 01:17:01,640
And we'd all join in.

1349
01:17:01,640 --> 01:17:05,040
# Oh, Ma,
he's making eyes at me... #

1350
01:17:05,040 --> 01:17:06,360
Hello, boys and girls.

1351
01:17:06,360 --> 01:17:07,880
And when you think
of Punch and Judy,

1352
01:17:07,880 --> 01:17:09,640
it was about murdering children.

1353
01:17:10,920 --> 01:17:13,880
"Kill the baby! Kill the baby!

1354
01:17:13,880 --> 01:17:17,440
"Eat the sausages!
There's a crocodile coming."

1355
01:17:17,440 --> 01:17:19,920
That was the education we got.

1356
01:17:19,920 --> 01:17:22,720
It was the first time
I'd ever seen a performer -

1357
01:17:22,720 --> 01:17:25,800
like a professional performer -
Uncle Phil.

1358
01:17:25,800 --> 01:17:28,800
It was the first sort of show
I'd ever been to,

1359
01:17:28,800 --> 01:17:32,240
and it was the first
for all those Glaswegian kids.

1360
01:17:32,240 --> 01:17:34,400
It was lovely.

1361
01:17:34,400 --> 01:17:38,560
Eating Rothesay rock,
sucking your fillings out.

1362
01:17:40,480 --> 01:17:42,000
It was brilliant.

1363
01:17:45,240 --> 01:17:47,000
It hasn't changed much.

1364
01:17:49,600 --> 01:17:52,760
I would be down here
in my woollen swimming costume,

1365
01:17:52,760 --> 01:17:54,680
with the crotch down at my knees.

1366
01:17:54,680 --> 01:17:57,440
We'd all run in the water, "Hurray!"

1367
01:17:59,920 --> 01:18:03,320
It was great. One of
the great memories of my life.

1368
01:18:11,920 --> 01:18:15,240
They look as if they've conquered
the costume, these swimmers.

1369
01:18:17,200 --> 01:18:20,160
Maybe it's a better quality wool
they've used for theirs.

1370
01:18:22,240 --> 01:18:25,440
You've pulled them up
and spoiled it!

1371
01:18:25,440 --> 01:18:27,240
Well done. Thank you, sir.

1372
01:18:28,920 --> 01:18:31,640
Well done. Cheers, man.

1373
01:18:32,920 --> 01:18:36,440
Yours is running like a tap!
LAUGHTER

1374
01:18:38,880 --> 01:18:40,720
I love losing control.

1375
01:18:42,160 --> 01:18:44,040
Your body won't work any more.

1376
01:18:44,040 --> 01:18:46,440
Oh, memories, memories!

1377
01:18:46,440 --> 01:18:49,040
I've been in that state
a few times and I remember it.

1378
01:18:49,040 --> 01:18:51,320
My son makes me laugh.

1379
01:18:51,320 --> 01:18:54,120
We were away fishing
and he told me a story.

1380
01:18:54,120 --> 01:18:57,600
This boy had got a tick on his penis

1381
01:18:57,600 --> 01:19:00,200
and his mother
had been telling Jamie the story -

1382
01:19:00,200 --> 01:19:01,680
Jamie's my son.

1383
01:19:01,680 --> 01:19:04,320
Right on the end of his penis,
he had got a tick,

1384
01:19:04,320 --> 01:19:08,360
and her husband was away from home
and he knew about ticks and things,

1385
01:19:08,360 --> 01:19:12,440
so she phoned him and he said,
"Get Vaseline and rub it on.

1386
01:19:12,440 --> 01:19:15,280
"Then get tweezers
and get a grip of the tick

1387
01:19:15,280 --> 01:19:18,720
"and twist it out,
pulling all the time."

1388
01:19:18,720 --> 01:19:22,520
She went away to get Vaseline
and she couldn't find any,

1389
01:19:22,520 --> 01:19:25,440
but she found Vicks VapoRub

1390
01:19:25,440 --> 01:19:28,320
and put it on the boy
who nearly passed away...

1391
01:19:29,640 --> 01:19:31,360
..with the pain of it.

1392
01:19:31,360 --> 01:19:35,200
And my son was telling me
and I lost control completely.

1393
01:19:35,200 --> 01:19:38,720
I was hanging off the chair.
He had to hold me up.

1394
01:19:38,720 --> 01:19:41,320
And I love getting into
that state of laughter.

1395
01:19:41,320 --> 01:19:43,880
HE LAUGHS

1396
01:19:45,720 --> 01:19:46,760
Oh!

1397
01:19:51,000 --> 01:19:53,040
They should be dry in a fortnight.

1398
01:19:55,080 --> 01:19:58,120
Thank you very much, everybody.
It worked perfectly.

1399
01:19:58,120 --> 01:20:01,520
Thanks very much. Thank you.
Thank you very much.

1400
01:20:02,800 --> 01:20:04,560
How great they had the belts.

1401
01:20:05,960 --> 01:20:07,920
I remember those belts so well.

1402
01:20:15,200 --> 01:20:17,800
And as much as I love
those wet Rothesay days,

1403
01:20:17,800 --> 01:20:20,480
I hated school in equal measure.

1404
01:20:20,480 --> 01:20:24,720
My sister Flo was my guardian.
She looked after me all my life.

1405
01:20:24,720 --> 01:20:28,560
She used to hit people for me,
bullies and stuff.

1406
01:20:28,560 --> 01:20:31,920
My primary school was like
a Dickensian hangover -

1407
01:20:31,920 --> 01:20:34,120
violent and abusive.

1408
01:20:34,120 --> 01:20:36,440
And then we'd go to school

1409
01:20:36,440 --> 01:20:38,960
and I'd get this monster
of a teacher,

1410
01:20:38,960 --> 01:20:42,640
you know, big Rosie McDonald,
and she got such joy

1411
01:20:42,640 --> 01:20:45,680
from whacking people
with this leather belt. Arrgh!

1412
01:20:47,280 --> 01:20:52,560
To humiliate someone is
a desperately bad and wrong thing.

1413
01:20:52,560 --> 01:20:57,600
Humiliation is forever.
It takes you so long to get over it.

1414
01:21:00,080 --> 01:21:02,720
I think there's always been
a tradition in Scotland

1415
01:21:02,720 --> 01:21:05,160
of hiding the pain behind humour,

1416
01:21:05,160 --> 01:21:07,760
and it's a tradition
that runs through

1417
01:21:07,760 --> 01:21:09,480
most of our literature.

1418
01:21:09,480 --> 01:21:12,800
And it's not just in comedy,
but it's in song,

1419
01:21:12,800 --> 01:21:16,480
and it's in our fiction, as well,
and in our poetry.

1420
01:21:17,960 --> 01:21:20,600
But horrible suffering
does not make you artistic.

1421
01:21:20,600 --> 01:21:23,200
Horrible suffering
makes you really sad.

1422
01:21:23,200 --> 01:21:24,720
If you happen to be artistic,

1423
01:21:24,720 --> 01:21:26,640
you'll try and use that
to get yourself out

1424
01:21:26,640 --> 01:21:28,160
because you're artistic.

1425
01:21:28,160 --> 01:21:29,720
It's really tough luck.

1426
01:21:31,160 --> 01:21:36,040
Because it is a completely
Darwinian meat grinder

1427
01:21:36,040 --> 01:21:37,880
and some people get out
with the boxing,

1428
01:21:37,880 --> 01:21:41,240
some people get out with the Army,
some people...

1429
01:21:42,960 --> 01:21:45,040
..get out
by educating themselves up...

1430
01:21:46,840 --> 01:21:49,600
..and some people do
creative things.

1431
01:21:53,000 --> 01:21:56,160
Before I was even aware of it,
I inherently knew that the arts,

1432
01:21:56,160 --> 01:21:58,480
be it music,
painting or literature,

1433
01:21:58,480 --> 01:21:59,880
were vital somehow.

1434
01:22:01,640 --> 01:22:04,880
All the colour I needed and
all the answers I was looking for

1435
01:22:04,880 --> 01:22:06,880
were just waiting to be discovered.

1436
01:22:08,680 --> 01:22:12,000
People often say,
"Well, football and boxing

1437
01:22:12,000 --> 01:22:14,360
"are the way out
of the working class,"

1438
01:22:14,360 --> 01:22:16,560
if indeed you want to leave it,

1439
01:22:16,560 --> 01:22:21,080
but the library is where
the tunnel is if you want to escape.

1440
01:22:21,080 --> 01:22:23,360
The library is the key.

1441
01:22:29,480 --> 01:22:31,440
All the knowledge
in the world is there.

1442
01:22:31,440 --> 01:22:33,160
You just want to lift it up.

1443
01:22:33,160 --> 01:22:36,040
The great brains are there
to be picked.

1444
01:22:36,040 --> 01:22:39,240
Books are your ticket
to the whole world.

1445
01:22:39,240 --> 01:22:42,480
It's a free ticket
to the entire Earth.

1446
01:22:42,480 --> 01:22:46,520
It's some nice person saying,
"Come in and listen to this.

1447
01:22:46,520 --> 01:22:50,640
"You've never heard this before.
It'll change you for the better."

1448
01:22:50,640 --> 01:22:54,760
When I was a boy of 15,
I left school

1449
01:22:54,760 --> 01:22:58,400
and I worked in
John Smith's Bookshop in Glasgow.

1450
01:22:58,400 --> 01:23:03,600
And part of my duties was
to sweep the floor in the morning

1451
01:23:03,600 --> 01:23:06,040
and I would mess about
and look at all the stuff.

1452
01:23:06,040 --> 01:23:09,640
Being the only guy in the book shop
was a great luxury.

1453
01:23:09,640 --> 01:23:11,520
But my favourite probably

1454
01:23:11,520 --> 01:23:14,360
is a book I've given away
more than any other book.

1455
01:23:14,360 --> 01:23:16,800
It's one of the lovely things
you can do to a person

1456
01:23:16,800 --> 01:23:19,240
is give them a book
that you've enjoyed,

1457
01:23:19,240 --> 01:23:23,880
and this is A Confederacy Of Dunces
by John Kennedy Toole.

1458
01:23:23,880 --> 01:23:25,520
He committed suicide.

1459
01:23:25,520 --> 01:23:29,120
Some people say it's because
he couldn't get it published.

1460
01:23:29,120 --> 01:23:32,840
But his mother had it published
and it's brilliant and funny.

1461
01:23:32,840 --> 01:23:35,080
Scarlett, my daughter,
and I were sailing.

1462
01:23:35,080 --> 01:23:38,080
We had a yacht
and we were sailing down Samoa.

1463
01:23:38,080 --> 01:23:40,560
You can't hide the profits forever.

1464
01:23:40,560 --> 01:23:46,600
And I had A Confederacy Of Dunces
with me and...

1465
01:23:46,600 --> 01:23:49,040
HE LAUGHS

1466
01:23:51,120 --> 01:23:53,800
I had a copy
of Confederacy Of Dunces

1467
01:23:53,800 --> 01:23:56,120
and I said to her, "Read this."

1468
01:23:56,120 --> 01:23:58,280
And she was in the next cabin to me

1469
01:23:58,280 --> 01:24:01,680
and I was lying in bed at night
with my wife

1470
01:24:01,680 --> 01:24:05,160
and I could hear the laughing
from her cabin next door

1471
01:24:05,160 --> 01:24:10,000
and I thought, "Yes!
Another convert to the cause."

1472
01:24:10,000 --> 01:24:13,640
There's nothing nicer
than laughing out loud at a book.

1473
01:24:13,640 --> 01:24:15,480
It's the ultimate talent -

1474
01:24:15,480 --> 01:24:21,920
to be able to jot that down
and make a person laugh.

1475
01:24:21,920 --> 01:24:23,600
It's brilliant.

1476
01:24:34,000 --> 01:24:36,800
My love for the right way
to say something...

1477
01:24:38,120 --> 01:24:40,840
..has never left me...

1478
01:24:42,080 --> 01:24:44,520
..and it keeps me company.

1479
01:24:46,160 --> 01:24:48,360
I'm not scared to be alone...

1480
01:24:50,040 --> 01:24:55,080
..because I have my books
and my thoughts

1481
01:24:55,080 --> 01:24:58,120
and I'm OK alone.

1482
01:24:59,880 --> 01:25:02,400
My own company doesn't frighten me.

1483
01:25:08,600 --> 01:25:11,960
It's good to be an observer,

1484
01:25:11,960 --> 01:25:14,920
going around
watching the people around you,

1485
01:25:14,920 --> 01:25:17,680
feeding from watching them.

1486
01:25:17,680 --> 01:25:21,080
Some people just become them,
become part of the crowd,

1487
01:25:21,080 --> 01:25:22,720
watching the Punch and Judy,

1488
01:25:22,720 --> 01:25:25,760
and some of us
are watching the audience.

1489
01:25:25,760 --> 01:25:27,840
I've been that guy all my life.

1490
01:25:31,040 --> 01:25:33,080
My sister and I
were playing in the street.

1491
01:25:33,080 --> 01:25:35,960
We got lost. We were lost.
Well, we weren't lost.

1492
01:25:35,960 --> 01:25:39,600
We knew where we were,
but nobody could find us.

1493
01:25:39,600 --> 01:25:43,040
You know, it's your story,
but it's their story, as well,

1494
01:25:43,040 --> 01:25:47,280
cos, I mean, it's comedy,
but it's old-school storytelling.

1495
01:25:47,280 --> 01:25:48,720
It's just dead funny.

1496
01:25:48,720 --> 01:25:52,560
Mr Cumberland had come home
from his work, right?

1497
01:25:52,560 --> 01:25:55,840
He was a docker and he had
the money in his pocket, right?

1498
01:25:55,840 --> 01:25:57,080
He's give it to his wife.

1499
01:25:57,080 --> 01:25:59,080
"There's your money.
I'm away out for a pint."

1500
01:25:59,080 --> 01:26:01,600
"Not fucking likely, you're not!"
LAUGHTER

1501
01:26:01,600 --> 01:26:03,040
She's giving him brain damage.

1502
01:26:03,040 --> 01:26:05,200
"I've been on my feet,
never get a minute to myself.

1503
01:26:05,200 --> 01:26:07,200
"Never a fucking minute,
never sat doon."

1504
01:26:07,200 --> 01:26:09,440
HE MUMBLES
"Every time I go to sit doon,

1505
01:26:09,440 --> 01:26:11,440
"there's a fucking wean
sitting in a chair.

1506
01:26:11,440 --> 01:26:13,080
"Get the fuck oot of there!

1507
01:26:13,080 --> 01:26:14,640
"You go oot and get they weans in.

1508
01:26:14,640 --> 01:26:16,160
"Go oot and get
they fucking weans in.

1509
01:26:16,160 --> 01:26:19,000
"Then you can think about a pint.
Get the fucking weans in here!"

1510
01:26:19,000 --> 01:26:24,440
Stand-up as a medium isn't
really regarded as an art form.

1511
01:26:24,440 --> 01:26:25,840
It's just when it's done...

1512
01:26:25,840 --> 01:26:29,000
And the reason for that is,
when it's done really well,

1513
01:26:29,000 --> 01:26:32,240
it's just a person
standing on stage just talking.

1514
01:26:32,240 --> 01:26:33,640
And he's away oot in the street.

1515
01:26:33,640 --> 01:26:35,240
"Right, I'll get
the fucking weans in.

1516
01:26:35,240 --> 01:26:36,680
"Right, how many have I got? 12?

1517
01:26:36,680 --> 01:26:39,280
"Right, one, two, three.
Come here, you."

1518
01:26:39,280 --> 01:26:42,720
So, he's got the first 12 weans,

1519
01:26:42,720 --> 01:26:45,320
two of which was me and my sister.

1520
01:26:45,320 --> 01:26:47,600
He's doing something
which looks effortless,

1521
01:26:47,600 --> 01:26:50,680
but actually, if you were
to sort of break it down...

1522
01:26:50,680 --> 01:26:54,080
HE SCREAMS

1523
01:26:54,080 --> 01:26:55,840
..there's so much going on there

1524
01:26:55,840 --> 01:26:59,680
to be able to hold a room
and to read the energy.

1525
01:26:59,680 --> 01:27:02,280
The only reason we were found

1526
01:27:02,280 --> 01:27:05,680
is that my mother was out
with the polis looking for us

1527
01:27:05,680 --> 01:27:08,960
and they found two Cumberlands.
LAUGHTER

1528
01:27:08,960 --> 01:27:12,600
That's somebody using language
to dilate people's pupils

1529
01:27:12,600 --> 01:27:16,080
and to make people sweat
and to make people move a lot

1530
01:27:16,080 --> 01:27:21,360
and double up and cry
and whinny and moan

1531
01:27:21,360 --> 01:27:25,600
and hold each other's hands
just by talking at them.

1532
01:27:25,600 --> 01:27:26,920
"What's up with you?"

1533
01:27:26,920 --> 01:27:29,440
"We cannae get in."
LAUGHTER

1534
01:27:29,440 --> 01:27:31,640
"The bed's full of people."

1535
01:27:31,640 --> 01:27:33,800
LAUGHTER

1536
01:27:40,240 --> 01:27:41,880
For a supposedly gruff nation,

1537
01:27:41,880 --> 01:27:45,440
I'm immensely proud of the value
Scotland places on art.

1538
01:27:47,520 --> 01:27:50,000
Galleries are scattered all over.

1539
01:27:50,000 --> 01:27:52,680
We used to go on a Sunday,
my sister and I,

1540
01:27:52,680 --> 01:27:57,120
to the art galleries and
slide around on the marble floor,

1541
01:27:57,120 --> 01:27:59,960
take our shoes off
and slide in our socks.

1542
01:27:59,960 --> 01:28:03,960
We also went to see the paintings.
We knew nothing of art.

1543
01:28:03,960 --> 01:28:06,640
We just knew that
this was clever stuff

1544
01:28:06,640 --> 01:28:09,880
and it was very enjoyable, lovable.

1545
01:28:09,880 --> 01:28:12,560
I've loved art ever since.

1546
01:28:12,560 --> 01:28:16,200
Christ of Saint John of the Cross,
Salvador Dali,

1547
01:28:16,200 --> 01:28:20,480
was bought by Glasgow and it's in
the Kelvingrove Art Gallery.

1548
01:28:20,480 --> 01:28:23,120
It's the most
extraordinary painting.

1549
01:28:23,120 --> 01:28:28,080
Above the crucifix,
looking down on the world.

1550
01:28:28,080 --> 01:28:30,200
I didn't know why
Picasso was important,

1551
01:28:30,200 --> 01:28:32,680
or why Salvador Dali was important.

1552
01:28:32,680 --> 01:28:36,760
I just knew they were important
in your life,

1553
01:28:36,760 --> 01:28:38,920
and it's not just to be sneered at.

1554
01:28:40,120 --> 01:28:45,440
And abstract painting is a lot more
than cartoonists make it out to be.

1555
01:28:46,880 --> 01:28:50,600
You know, there's an importance
in it to be learned.

1556
01:28:50,600 --> 01:28:55,640
Someone who can paint an emotion
is an important person

1557
01:28:55,640 --> 01:29:00,600
and it's an important thing
he's doing on the human scale.

1558
01:29:00,600 --> 01:29:04,080
And eventually,
all that gets through to you.

1559
01:29:04,080 --> 01:29:07,000
You can't force
an appreciation of art.

1560
01:29:07,000 --> 01:29:10,600
It just comes, and if you're lucky,
you may, one day, out of the blue,

1561
01:29:10,600 --> 01:29:13,480
pick up a pen and surprise yourself.

1562
01:29:13,480 --> 01:29:15,560
It was years after going
to the Kelvingrove

1563
01:29:15,560 --> 01:29:19,960
that I started drawing
and I haven't really stopped since.

1564
01:29:21,360 --> 01:29:25,080
The art has been
a great thing for me

1565
01:29:25,080 --> 01:29:27,480
because sometimes
I don't know what it is.

1566
01:29:29,120 --> 01:29:31,760
There's an abstract side
to it that I love.

1567
01:29:32,760 --> 01:29:34,520
And I'm proud of that side of me

1568
01:29:34,520 --> 01:29:37,800
that I've got that abstract
out of my head onto paper.

1569
01:29:39,240 --> 01:29:40,680
I don't know what it is,

1570
01:29:40,680 --> 01:29:43,840
but I think that's
what pleases me most about it.

1571
01:29:43,840 --> 01:29:48,320
It's a mystery
and it's good for you.

1572
01:29:49,440 --> 01:29:53,680
It's like being able
to draw something like an emotion...

1573
01:29:55,120 --> 01:29:57,960
..cos nobody knows
what it looks like.

1574
01:29:57,960 --> 01:29:59,600
But if you do it right,

1575
01:29:59,600 --> 01:30:02,400
people get the same buzz from it
as you did.

1576
01:30:04,560 --> 01:30:07,640
There's a charm and a wit
and a worldliness,

1577
01:30:07,640 --> 01:30:11,960
but underneath, there's this
incredible layer of intelligence

1578
01:30:11,960 --> 01:30:13,920
and a political mind

1579
01:30:13,920 --> 01:30:18,280
and an analytical mind
and he can switch it around.

1580
01:30:18,280 --> 01:30:20,640
He can just be funny
or he can be funny with layers

1581
01:30:20,640 --> 01:30:24,600
underneath it of poignancy,
of pathos and bathos.

1582
01:30:24,600 --> 01:30:27,240
I never know quite
the difference between them.

1583
01:30:27,240 --> 01:30:31,080
One, bathos seems to be
more bathing, but anyway...

1584
01:30:31,080 --> 01:30:33,440
Any of the big words. You can shove
all the big words in there.

1585
01:30:34,720 --> 01:30:38,200
He's a thinker, you know?
He's reflective.

1586
01:30:38,200 --> 01:30:40,560
Yes, he's a welder,
but at the same time,

1587
01:30:40,560 --> 01:30:42,960
he's an artist and he's a poet.

1588
01:30:42,960 --> 01:30:44,680
He's sort of all things.

1589
01:30:46,400 --> 01:30:47,920
He's all things.

1590
01:30:49,120 --> 01:30:51,560
What? That's gone too far!

1591
01:30:52,840 --> 01:30:56,120
He's not Jesus!
LAUGHTER

1592
01:31:00,520 --> 01:31:02,960
Maybe it's something to do
with the weather -

1593
01:31:02,960 --> 01:31:05,160
the idea that
there's something through the mist

1594
01:31:05,160 --> 01:31:07,720
that's waiting to be crystallised -

1595
01:31:07,720 --> 01:31:10,880
but there is a balance
of the abstract and the figurative

1596
01:31:10,880 --> 01:31:13,120
that runs through Scottish culture.

1597
01:31:13,120 --> 01:31:15,360
You read it in the books
of James Hogg,

1598
01:31:15,360 --> 01:31:17,480
hear it in the pipers' laments

1599
01:31:17,480 --> 01:31:19,640
and see it in the art
of Moira Maclean.

1600
01:31:23,080 --> 01:31:26,080
Moira was born and raised
in the Outer Hebrides.

1601
01:31:27,560 --> 01:31:29,960
As a child, she played
in the abandoned crofts

1602
01:31:29,960 --> 01:31:31,720
that littered the islands.

1603
01:31:33,000 --> 01:31:34,800
These became her palette.

1604
01:31:36,920 --> 01:31:39,680
Moira raids the croft
and transforms the abandoned

1605
01:31:39,680 --> 01:31:42,200
and the forgotten into art.

1606
01:31:42,200 --> 01:31:45,640
To walk into her house is to enter
a world where everything is curated

1607
01:31:45,640 --> 01:31:48,560
and recognised as possessing
some kind of beauty.

1608
01:31:50,680 --> 01:31:52,840
I see them more like dreamscape.

1609
01:31:52,840 --> 01:31:56,000
Yeah. Or...
You've certainly got that.

1610
01:31:56,000 --> 01:31:59,640
I wanted to trigger
a memory for people.

1611
01:31:59,640 --> 01:32:04,320
I love that. Do you like it?
I love it. It's sensational.

1612
01:32:04,320 --> 01:32:06,440
I use the fragments
of old wallpaper...

1613
01:32:06,440 --> 01:32:07,760
Yeah, I can see that.

1614
01:32:07,760 --> 01:32:11,240
..within the paintings,
so I like that kind of combination.

1615
01:32:11,240 --> 01:32:13,680
Yeah, I like it, too.
I think it's remarkable.

1616
01:32:13,680 --> 01:32:15,160
I like the way
you've done it on the wall.

1617
01:32:15,160 --> 01:32:16,520
It's not going to go anywhere.

1618
01:32:16,520 --> 01:32:18,480
Yeah, you're making art
in a different way,

1619
01:32:18,480 --> 01:32:19,920
but it's the same kind of thing.

1620
01:32:19,920 --> 01:32:22,040
It's the kind of observations,
isn't it? Yeah.

1621
01:32:22,040 --> 01:32:24,000
The everyday
and things from when you were wee.

1622
01:32:24,000 --> 01:32:28,480
Absolutely. Things you remember.
Yeah. Yeah. It's the same thing.

1623
01:32:28,480 --> 01:32:30,280
Where did you get your tattoos?

1624
01:32:30,280 --> 01:32:34,000
New York. New York. Fantastic.

1625
01:32:34,000 --> 01:32:39,400
The sailors used to get it
for sailing round the Horn...

1626
01:32:40,640 --> 01:32:42,120
..to Valparaiso.

1627
01:32:42,120 --> 01:32:45,200
They would get
these swallows tattooed. Yeah.

1628
01:32:45,200 --> 01:32:47,760
But I've never sailed
round the Horn.

1629
01:32:47,760 --> 01:32:49,800
I just thought
I'd give myself the tattoo.

1630
01:32:49,800 --> 01:32:52,120
Oh, well, it's quite cool.

1631
01:32:52,120 --> 01:32:57,680
I remember men in the village
with the swallow tattoo...

1632
01:32:57,680 --> 01:33:00,080
Yeah. ..the Golden Virginia and...

1633
01:33:00,080 --> 01:33:03,240
A guy told me the other day
in Glasgow it was a gang.

1634
01:33:03,240 --> 01:33:06,880
It was a gang?
A gang used to get this tattoo.

1635
01:33:06,880 --> 01:33:09,160
Swallows there.

1636
01:33:09,160 --> 01:33:11,920
So, I hope I don't bump into them
in the middle of the night

1637
01:33:11,920 --> 01:33:14,840
asking me if I'm a member.

1638
01:33:14,840 --> 01:33:17,320
God, I love this! Yeah.

1639
01:33:19,080 --> 01:33:24,080
It's my collection
of Gaelic Bibles, Biobull.

1640
01:33:24,080 --> 01:33:27,040
I've been collecting them
from derelict houses.

1641
01:33:27,040 --> 01:33:29,240
First of all,
I never used to take them

1642
01:33:29,240 --> 01:33:33,680
cos I felt like
they should remain in the house.

1643
01:33:33,680 --> 01:33:35,160
Yeah, I can understand that.

1644
01:33:35,160 --> 01:33:40,360
Cos the things that were left were
always the Bibles and the mirrors.

1645
01:33:40,360 --> 01:33:41,640
Really?

1646
01:33:41,640 --> 01:33:47,000
Yeah, and I was thinking the Bibles
are like a reflection on the soul

1647
01:33:47,000 --> 01:33:50,960
and the mirrors are like
a reflection of the lives,

1648
01:33:50,960 --> 01:33:54,840
and these are the things
that are sort of left in that space.

1649
01:33:54,840 --> 01:33:58,280
The Bibles are always sitting
on the mantelpiece.

1650
01:33:58,280 --> 01:34:00,480
That's extraordinary.
I love that piece.

1651
01:34:03,280 --> 01:34:06,360
Her work is of great importance...

1652
01:34:08,440 --> 01:34:11,600
..to describe the way
people lived in Scotland.

1653
01:34:14,240 --> 01:34:19,600
The pile of Bibles in a frame
was profound when I saw it.

1654
01:34:25,480 --> 01:34:30,120
His artistry, for me -
Connolly's artistry -

1655
01:34:30,120 --> 01:34:34,080
is about flying.

1656
01:34:34,080 --> 01:34:36,240
You know,
he's winging it all the time.

1657
01:34:36,240 --> 01:34:38,320
He's just winging where he's going.

1658
01:34:40,080 --> 01:34:42,200
SHE HUMS

1659
01:34:42,200 --> 01:34:44,760
He wrote that brilliant song
about Glasgow.

1660
01:34:44,760 --> 01:34:49,440
# Oh, I wish I was in Glasgow

1661
01:34:49,440 --> 01:34:53,240
# With some good old friends of mine

1662
01:34:53,240 --> 01:34:57,960
# Some good old rough companions

1663
01:34:57,960 --> 01:35:01,840
# And some good old smooth red wine

1664
01:35:01,840 --> 01:35:07,360
# Oh, I was born in Glasgow
near the centre of... #

1665
01:35:07,360 --> 01:35:09,960
I knew from an early age
that I wanted to escape.

1666
01:35:09,960 --> 01:35:13,440
# I would take you there
and show you

1667
01:35:13,440 --> 01:35:16,080
# But they've pulled
the building down... #

1668
01:35:16,080 --> 01:35:18,720
And it's not that there was
anything wrong with where I was.

1669
01:35:18,720 --> 01:35:21,320
It was just that I wanted
to be somewhere else.

1670
01:35:21,320 --> 01:35:24,960
# It always makes me frown

1671
01:35:24,960 --> 01:35:27,600
# They bulldozed it all... #

1672
01:35:27,600 --> 01:35:29,800
And then, when I was a teenager,
it happened.

1673
01:35:31,360 --> 01:35:33,960
I left, or to be accurate,

1674
01:35:33,960 --> 01:35:37,720
I and tens of thousands
of other Glaswegians left.

1675
01:35:37,720 --> 01:35:40,200
We were told we were living in slums

1676
01:35:40,200 --> 01:35:43,080
and they, and we, had to go.

1677
01:35:43,080 --> 01:35:46,920
So, we went to a different kind
of slum in the country

1678
01:35:46,920 --> 01:35:48,880
called Drumchapel.

1679
01:35:48,880 --> 01:35:51,200
Now we all had indoor plumbing.

1680
01:35:51,200 --> 01:35:54,120
The problem was
we had fuck all else.

1681
01:35:54,120 --> 01:35:56,720
When they took us there,
there was no amenities.

1682
01:35:56,720 --> 01:35:59,960
It was a crime
to move thousands of people

1683
01:35:59,960 --> 01:36:05,760
to a housing estate with no cinemas,
no theatres, no cafes,

1684
01:36:05,760 --> 01:36:10,880
no shops, no churches,
no schools, just houses.

1685
01:36:17,600 --> 01:36:20,240
Being moved to a new house
is a good thing,

1686
01:36:20,240 --> 01:36:22,480
but not if that's all there is.

1687
01:36:27,760 --> 01:36:30,040
So, you'd get up in the morning,
go to your work,

1688
01:36:30,040 --> 01:36:32,520
come back to your house,
go to sleep.

1689
01:36:37,160 --> 01:36:40,080
There's something nasty about it.

1690
01:36:40,080 --> 01:36:42,840
It was a dirty trick played on us.

1691
01:36:49,240 --> 01:36:51,320
One of the first things
I ever remember feeling

1692
01:36:51,320 --> 01:36:53,360
was being terribly cheated,

1693
01:36:53,360 --> 01:36:56,880
that the wee faceless councillors in
Glasgow had dispatched us out here

1694
01:36:56,880 --> 01:36:59,960
and we were supposed to feel great
because we had a bath.

1695
01:36:59,960 --> 01:37:02,600
But, you know, you can only spend
so much of your time in the bath

1696
01:37:02,600 --> 01:37:04,440
playing with your rubber ducks
and things.

1697
01:37:06,840 --> 01:37:09,440
Even as a boy,
I knew cafes, cinemas,

1698
01:37:09,440 --> 01:37:11,800
community were the key
to a sane life.

1699
01:37:13,440 --> 01:37:16,680
If a place has none of those things,
a dullness descends,

1700
01:37:16,680 --> 01:37:19,600
a kind of anger develops,

1701
01:37:19,600 --> 01:37:22,240
and if you have no way
of articulating that anger,

1702
01:37:22,240 --> 01:37:24,440
you just lash out.

1703
01:37:24,440 --> 01:37:27,120
And the architects
of this brave new world?

1704
01:37:27,120 --> 01:37:29,720
Town planners in Georgian houses.

1705
01:37:31,440 --> 01:37:33,400
But for every Yin, there's a Yang,

1706
01:37:33,400 --> 01:37:36,400
and while my memories of Drumchapel
aren't all good,

1707
01:37:36,400 --> 01:37:38,160
they weren't all bad either.

1708
01:37:39,880 --> 01:37:45,040
But the other side is
I was a teenager becoming a...

1709
01:37:45,040 --> 01:37:50,120
I was 14 when we moved there,
so you're becoming a man.

1710
01:37:50,120 --> 01:37:55,160
There's memories of fancying women
and going to dances and things,

1711
01:37:55,160 --> 01:38:00,800
and cycling to school,
which are fond memories.

1712
01:38:02,440 --> 01:38:07,240
Cycling from Drumchapel was
a very important part of my life.

1713
01:38:07,240 --> 01:38:11,480
Doing like 40 or 50 miles
on the bike.

1714
01:38:11,480 --> 01:38:13,240
I was quite serious about it.

1715
01:38:14,320 --> 01:38:20,000
And it released me from Drumchapel
and took me off into the country.

1716
01:38:20,000 --> 01:38:25,880
I remember so well going camping
with my bike when I would be 14.

1717
01:38:25,880 --> 01:38:29,600
Two or three friends.
You'd a tent and a groundsheet.

1718
01:38:29,600 --> 01:38:31,640
Parents had no idea where you were.

1719
01:38:31,640 --> 01:38:33,360
You just cycled off round the corner

1720
01:38:33,360 --> 01:38:37,320
and away to Bowling and Balloch
and Loch Lomondside.

1721
01:38:38,800 --> 01:38:41,160
And if somebody said to your father,
"Where's Billy?"

1722
01:38:41,160 --> 01:38:43,360
"He's away camping."
"Where to?" "I don't know.

1723
01:38:43,360 --> 01:38:46,200
"Where did you go camping?
He's away there."

1724
01:38:46,200 --> 01:38:48,160
Today, people would go crazy.

1725
01:38:49,600 --> 01:38:51,760
I'll introduce you
to a friend of mine.

1726
01:38:54,080 --> 01:38:55,680
I'll bring him out.

1727
01:39:10,360 --> 01:39:12,160
The Flying Scot.

1728
01:39:12,160 --> 01:39:14,120
This used to be my bike.

1729
01:39:14,120 --> 01:39:16,520
How I dreamed
of owning one of these.

1730
01:39:16,520 --> 01:39:19,320
All these years I cycled.

1731
01:39:19,320 --> 01:39:21,320
Then when I eventually made
a couple of bob,

1732
01:39:21,320 --> 01:39:23,880
I bought myself one.

1733
01:39:23,880 --> 01:39:26,080
And when they were
getting it ready for me,

1734
01:39:26,080 --> 01:39:30,360
they sandblasted "The Big Yin"
on the crossbar.

1735
01:39:32,320 --> 01:39:35,400
It's remarkably like
the way I left it.

1736
01:39:35,400 --> 01:39:39,520
A Brooks saddle
you have to break in.

1737
01:39:39,520 --> 01:39:41,760
And there's a rivet
right in the front there.

1738
01:39:41,760 --> 01:39:44,160
If you ever watch
the Tour de France,

1739
01:39:44,160 --> 01:39:46,200
you'll hear some of
the old commentators saying,

1740
01:39:46,200 --> 01:39:48,080
"He's riding the rivet."

1741
01:39:48,080 --> 01:39:51,080
That means he's forward
in the saddle, giving it pelters.

1742
01:39:52,720 --> 01:39:56,080
Ten-speed Campagnolo gears,

1743
01:39:56,080 --> 01:39:58,480
Weinmann centre pull brakes,

1744
01:39:58,480 --> 01:40:00,800
Mavic mudguards.

1745
01:40:00,800 --> 01:40:04,320
Many a happy hour
I spent on this boy.

1746
01:40:04,320 --> 01:40:08,240
I cycled from London to Glasgow
and Glasgow to John O'Groats...

1747
01:40:10,400 --> 01:40:12,360
..and I'm the better for it.

1748
01:40:15,080 --> 01:40:17,520
Dear Frank Ifield
made a punk record.

1749
01:40:17,520 --> 01:40:19,400
It's called
I Remember You, You Bastard.

1750
01:40:19,400 --> 01:40:21,560
LAUGHTER

1751
01:40:21,560 --> 01:40:24,640
I toured all over Scotland
with my bike and banjo.

1752
01:40:26,240 --> 01:40:28,280
Guy goes into the Army
and Navy store and he says,

1753
01:40:28,280 --> 01:40:29,920
"Have you got
any camouflage jackets?"

1754
01:40:29,920 --> 01:40:31,560
The bloke says,
"Aye, I've got thousands,

1755
01:40:31,560 --> 01:40:33,360
"but I cannae find them."
LAUGHTER

1756
01:40:33,360 --> 01:40:34,840
Meeting wonderful people

1757
01:40:34,840 --> 01:40:37,840
and occasionally recognising
kindred souls.

1758
01:40:37,840 --> 01:40:41,720
He came up through
the folkies in the '70s,

1759
01:40:41,720 --> 01:40:44,920
and the folkies in the '70s
knew about singing songs,

1760
01:40:44,920 --> 01:40:47,440
getting somebody's floor
to sleep on.

1761
01:40:49,320 --> 01:40:51,240
I think it's one of
my more attractive features,

1762
01:40:51,240 --> 01:40:52,680
the way my hair just...

1763
01:40:52,680 --> 01:40:54,880
Smart but casual, we call it.

1764
01:40:54,880 --> 01:40:56,920
He learned how to communicate
to an audience

1765
01:40:56,920 --> 01:41:00,440
in a very real, human way
and sing them a song.

1766
01:41:00,440 --> 01:41:02,360
It's a very old tradition.

1767
01:41:02,360 --> 01:41:06,680
# Away in the forest
a bluebird was sleeping

1768
01:41:06,680 --> 01:41:10,000
# Where only the coyote calls... #
BANGING

1769
01:41:13,080 --> 01:41:16,400
You know, and then you'd get...
You'd be partying all night.

1770
01:41:16,400 --> 01:41:18,960
LAUGHTER

1771
01:41:20,280 --> 01:41:22,480
Well, that's fucked that one,
hasn't it?

1772
01:41:22,480 --> 01:41:25,800
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

1773
01:41:25,800 --> 01:41:28,480
We'd be partying
until four in the morning.

1774
01:41:28,480 --> 01:41:31,680
I mean, you're talking
serious partying.

1775
01:41:34,960 --> 01:41:41,920
# As the rain pours down in the yard

1776
01:41:41,920 --> 01:41:48,120
# Rain, the most haunting sound

1777
01:41:48,120 --> 01:41:52,920
# Rain, that makes beautiful music

1778
01:41:54,200 --> 01:41:55,680
# And rain

1779
01:41:57,000 --> 01:42:02,920
# Brings peace upon
all who it falls. #

1780
01:42:05,600 --> 01:42:08,200
It's supposed to be the little angel
getting her wings there.

1781
01:42:08,200 --> 01:42:10,080
That's lovely. Harmonic.

1782
01:42:10,080 --> 01:42:12,280
Cos I used to say,
in my act, you know,

1783
01:42:12,280 --> 01:42:15,120
they should stop calling rain
bad weather. Aye.

1784
01:42:15,120 --> 01:42:17,560
If rain's bad weather,
we're buggered. Aye.

1785
01:42:17,560 --> 01:42:20,560
There's plenty of it coming.
Aye, you're absolutely right.

1786
01:42:20,560 --> 01:42:24,680
My kind of musicians
are the ones that like to share.

1787
01:42:24,680 --> 01:42:27,200
Martin Stephenson
is my kind of musician.

1788
01:42:27,200 --> 01:42:29,840
In the late '80s,
on the precipice of fame,

1789
01:42:29,840 --> 01:42:32,400
he gave up his turn
in the spotlight.

1790
01:42:32,400 --> 01:42:35,320
He downsized and moved to
the Highlands to tour,

1791
01:42:35,320 --> 01:42:38,680
play and write,
to be a happy minstrel.

1792
01:42:38,680 --> 01:42:41,400
Sometimes, when I'm doing a gig -
and this goes back years -

1793
01:42:41,400 --> 01:42:43,360
I get your voice coming in

1794
01:42:43,360 --> 01:42:46,400
cos inside a songwriter,
you've got a Nick Drake,

1795
01:42:46,400 --> 01:42:50,320
but you've got a comedian,
there's a poet.

1796
01:42:50,320 --> 01:42:52,800
The poet and the songwriter
hate the comedian.

1797
01:42:52,800 --> 01:42:55,520
The comedian fucking hates the poet

1798
01:42:55,520 --> 01:42:59,040
because the poet's doing this,
you know? Wants the serious song.

1799
01:42:59,040 --> 01:43:01,840
And then I'll get two verses
through a serious song

1800
01:43:01,840 --> 01:43:04,120
and I'll hear your voice go,
"Oh, for fuck's sake!

1801
01:43:04,120 --> 01:43:05,720
"Not another verse!"

1802
01:43:05,720 --> 01:43:08,160
In my head, when you're trying
to deal with all that...

1803
01:43:09,720 --> 01:43:11,160
As soon as you go to write,

1804
01:43:11,160 --> 01:43:13,800
"The rain running down
the windowpane..." Oh, God!

1805
01:43:13,800 --> 01:43:16,560
If "rain" didn't rhyme
with "window pane",

1806
01:43:16,560 --> 01:43:19,240
there'd be no songwriters. Oh, no.

1807
01:43:19,240 --> 01:43:24,520
I think the trick is to include
everyday, ordinary stuff. Aye.

1808
01:43:24,520 --> 01:43:27,200
Walking across the room
and sitting down and standing up.

1809
01:43:27,200 --> 01:43:29,760
Aye. Write it down. Aye.

1810
01:43:29,760 --> 01:43:32,800
Make the picture complete.
Absolutely.

1811
01:43:32,800 --> 01:43:36,960
I think people rely on falling
in love and falling out of love,

1812
01:43:36,960 --> 01:43:39,200
as if that's all you did all day.

1813
01:43:39,200 --> 01:43:41,480
HE LAUGHS

1814
01:43:41,480 --> 01:43:43,480
That would be exhausting,
wouldn't it?

1815
01:43:43,480 --> 01:43:46,720
You have to go and buy sausages.
Aye, get normal things.

1816
01:43:46,720 --> 01:43:49,080
Polish your shoes.
Aye, put the kettle on.

1817
01:43:49,080 --> 01:43:51,000
Yeah, that's what makes the picture

1818
01:43:51,000 --> 01:43:54,240
and I think that's what makes
the great guys great. Aye.

1819
01:43:54,240 --> 01:43:58,320
# If it wasnae for your wellies
where would you be?

1820
01:43:58,320 --> 01:44:02,360
# You'd be in the hospital
or infirmary

1821
01:44:02,360 --> 01:44:06,080
# For you would have a dose
of the flu or even pleurisy

1822
01:44:06,080 --> 01:44:09,080
# If you didnae have your feet

1823
01:44:09,080 --> 01:44:16,560
# In your wellies. #

1824
01:44:16,560 --> 01:44:20,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1825
01:44:20,880 --> 01:44:23,680
But the banjo was
the one for me. Aye.

1826
01:44:23,680 --> 01:44:25,760
It's what I always wanted to do.

1827
01:44:25,760 --> 01:44:28,200
I'm not that good on it.
Oh, I think you're a good player.

1828
01:44:28,200 --> 01:44:30,200
I've seen you play.
I can play, but...

1829
01:44:31,560 --> 01:44:34,280
..when I hear people
who can really play,

1830
01:44:34,280 --> 01:44:39,800
I'm flabbergasted
at how great some people are...

1831
01:44:39,800 --> 01:44:43,840
Aye. ..at how some people can be
really simple and great. Oh, aye.

1832
01:44:43,840 --> 01:44:46,040
Some people are all over you.
Oh, they don't stop.

1833
01:44:46,040 --> 01:44:49,720
Notes coming out of your hair.
It's true, aye.

1834
01:44:49,720 --> 01:44:52,840
All over your clothes,
covered in notes.

1835
01:44:52,840 --> 01:44:54,680
If they see you going for the mic,

1836
01:44:54,680 --> 01:44:57,040
it's like they're trying
to stop you get the mic.

1837
01:44:57,040 --> 01:45:00,320
HE LAUGHS
It's true.

1838
01:45:00,320 --> 01:45:03,200
I remember I used to play
with a guy called Tam Harvey

1839
01:45:03,200 --> 01:45:05,920
and we accompanied a singer
called Matt McGinn,

1840
01:45:05,920 --> 01:45:08,400
who wasn't really very musical,

1841
01:45:08,400 --> 01:45:12,400
but he would just start singing
without consulting you.

1842
01:45:12,400 --> 01:45:14,240
Aye. We would be behind him
and he'd go...

1843
01:45:14,240 --> 01:45:16,200
HE HUMS

1844
01:45:16,200 --> 01:45:19,760
And Tam would say,
"Pull him into G."

1845
01:45:19,760 --> 01:45:22,200
Pull him into G!
So, we'd both got D7.

1846
01:45:22,200 --> 01:45:23,840
HE HUMS

1847
01:45:23,840 --> 01:45:26,280
# Aaah... #

1848
01:45:26,280 --> 01:45:28,680
And off he went in G.
That's a full chord, aye.

1849
01:45:28,680 --> 01:45:30,440
"Pull him into G."

1850
01:45:30,440 --> 01:45:32,720
Tow him into G!

1851
01:45:32,720 --> 01:45:34,560
HE HUMS

1852
01:45:34,560 --> 01:45:36,640
# Aaah... #

1853
01:45:38,480 --> 01:45:43,760
I fell in love with Scotland on
the most intense level on my bike.

1854
01:45:43,760 --> 01:45:46,960
Look at it. It's a place where
beautiful isn't enough of a word.

1855
01:45:46,960 --> 01:45:48,760
It's profoundly beautiful.

1856
01:45:50,000 --> 01:45:52,880
And here's that dichotomy again
about Scotland.

1857
01:45:52,880 --> 01:45:55,200
For all its beauty
in the summer sun,

1858
01:45:55,200 --> 01:45:58,120
it still looks better
in the rain and snow.

1859
01:45:58,120 --> 01:46:00,640
It's rugged, not pretty,

1860
01:46:00,640 --> 01:46:03,720
and you're not meant to understand
the enormity of all of this.

1861
01:46:03,720 --> 01:46:05,680
You just have to go with it.

1862
01:46:05,680 --> 01:46:08,320
People like to say
this is God's country.

1863
01:46:08,320 --> 01:46:10,480
Bollocks! It's OUR country

1864
01:46:10,480 --> 01:46:13,200
and we should never stop
marvelling at it.

1865
01:46:13,200 --> 01:46:15,680
Children don't like scenery.
They don't get it.

1866
01:46:17,200 --> 01:46:20,360
They don't get it. You say,
"Look, girls. Look, that's..."

1867
01:46:20,360 --> 01:46:22,960
I take my daughters to Scotland,
you know?

1868
01:46:22,960 --> 01:46:24,880
"There you are, girls.
What do you think?"

1869
01:46:24,880 --> 01:46:27,640
And they go, "What? What? What?"
LAUGHTER

1870
01:46:27,640 --> 01:46:31,280
Because you have to be taught
this stuff, that this is nice.

1871
01:46:31,280 --> 01:46:35,320
"See, mountains and trees,
in that order, are nice."

1872
01:46:35,320 --> 01:46:39,200
"Why?" "Shut up! Nice.

1873
01:46:39,200 --> 01:46:43,240
"Now repeat after me,
'Ooh, ah, that's nice.' "

1874
01:46:43,240 --> 01:46:44,680
"Ooh, ah." "Right..."

1875
01:46:44,680 --> 01:46:46,680
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

1876
01:46:50,920 --> 01:46:54,400
My life is slipping away,

1877
01:46:54,400 --> 01:46:56,240
and I can feel it and I should.

1878
01:46:56,240 --> 01:46:58,880
I'm 75. I'm near the end.

1879
01:46:58,880 --> 01:47:02,760
I'm a damn sight nearer the end
than I am the beginning.

1880
01:47:02,760 --> 01:47:04,560
But it doesn't frighten me.

1881
01:47:06,000 --> 01:47:08,480
It's an adventure.

1882
01:47:08,480 --> 01:47:12,600
And it's quite interesting
to see myself slipping away,

1883
01:47:12,600 --> 01:47:15,720
as bits slip off and leave me,

1884
01:47:15,720 --> 01:47:19,680
talents leave and attributes leave.

1885
01:47:19,680 --> 01:47:22,480
And I don't have the balance
I used to have.

1886
01:47:22,480 --> 01:47:24,280
I don't have the energy
I used to have.

1887
01:47:24,280 --> 01:47:26,640
I can't hear the way I used to hear.

1888
01:47:26,640 --> 01:47:29,240
I can't see as good as I used to.

1889
01:47:29,240 --> 01:47:31,800
I can't remember the way
I used to remember.

1890
01:47:33,120 --> 01:47:39,040
And they all came one at a time.
They just slipped away, thank you.

1891
01:47:39,040 --> 01:47:42,120
It's like somebody's
in charge of you

1892
01:47:42,120 --> 01:47:45,240
and they're saying,
"Right, I added all these bits

1893
01:47:45,240 --> 01:47:46,800
"when you were a youth.

1894
01:47:46,800 --> 01:47:49,200
"Now it's time to subtract."

1895
01:47:50,720 --> 01:47:53,960
I can't work my left hand
on the banjo.

1896
01:47:53,960 --> 01:47:57,080
It's as if I'm being prepared
for something,

1897
01:47:57,080 --> 01:47:58,840
some other adventure...

1898
01:48:00,240 --> 01:48:02,440
..which is over, over the hill.

1899
01:48:03,440 --> 01:48:06,960
I've got all this stuff
to lose first.

1900
01:48:06,960 --> 01:48:11,400
And then I'll be
at the shadowy side of the hill

1901
01:48:11,400 --> 01:48:14,640
doing the next episode
in the spirit world.

1902
01:48:18,240 --> 01:48:20,440
It was rough to hear about it,

1903
01:48:20,440 --> 01:48:22,680
and everyone,
when they get to a certain point,

1904
01:48:22,680 --> 01:48:24,040
the wheels start coming off

1905
01:48:24,040 --> 01:48:28,240
and you've got to address that,
keep talking about it,

1906
01:48:28,240 --> 01:48:31,040
cos the truth of that
can help other people, you know?

1907
01:48:32,120 --> 01:48:37,760
That's a really true heart,
when someone does that.

1908
01:48:37,760 --> 01:48:41,280
You know, I always think
that's pretty amazing.

1909
01:48:41,280 --> 01:48:44,520
And my dad's got Parkinson's,
as well,

1910
01:48:44,520 --> 01:48:49,600
and I know the effect that it has
on my dad every day,

1911
01:48:49,600 --> 01:48:56,320
the anger and the frustration
that he deals with because of it.

1912
01:48:56,320 --> 01:48:58,560
There's still time to go yet.

1913
01:48:58,560 --> 01:49:02,400
There's still places to go,
new friends to make,

1914
01:49:02,400 --> 01:49:06,200
maybe new songs to write and sing
and jokes to tell.

1915
01:49:07,920 --> 01:49:10,280
I remember I had a wee girlfriend

1916
01:49:10,280 --> 01:49:13,840
and she was knitting with her mother
in the living room one night.

1917
01:49:13,840 --> 01:49:16,280
And her mother was a bit uptight
about me, you know,

1918
01:49:16,280 --> 01:49:20,120
cos she saw me as a hairy rascal,

1919
01:49:20,120 --> 01:49:23,680
and I said,
"What's that you're knitting?"

1920
01:49:23,680 --> 01:49:25,360
And she showed me
the knitting pattern.

1921
01:49:25,360 --> 01:49:27,920
I said, "What's that?"
She said, "K2tog.

1922
01:49:27,920 --> 01:49:30,200
"That's knit two together."

1923
01:49:30,200 --> 01:49:32,400
I said, "Oh, aye." She said...

1924
01:49:32,400 --> 01:49:35,320
"You have to watch it," she said,
"cos some people..."

1925
01:49:35,320 --> 01:49:39,120
She meant to say,
"Some people are slack knitters

1926
01:49:39,120 --> 01:49:41,240
"and some people
are tight knitters,"

1927
01:49:41,240 --> 01:49:43,440
and she said "knickers" instead.

1928
01:49:43,440 --> 01:49:45,880
She said, "Some people
are slack knickers."

1929
01:49:45,880 --> 01:49:48,880
I said, "I think
I've met a couple of them."

1930
01:49:48,880 --> 01:49:51,280
Euan Cattanach is, as far as I know,

1931
01:49:51,280 --> 01:49:53,320
the only gamekeeper
turned banjo maker

1932
01:49:53,320 --> 01:49:55,720
living and working
in Scotland today,

1933
01:49:55,720 --> 01:49:57,440
or ever, for that matter...

1934
01:49:58,640 --> 01:50:01,080
..and his work is inspiring.

1935
01:50:01,080 --> 01:50:02,720
It's quite heavy, Billy.

1936
01:50:02,720 --> 01:50:04,720
It's got this electric
tone ring in it.

1937
01:50:04,720 --> 01:50:07,480
They call it the Whyte Laydie
tone ring, but it's not.

1938
01:50:07,480 --> 01:50:09,840
The right name for it
is electric tone ring.

1939
01:50:09,840 --> 01:50:12,440
It was the banjo
that was called the Whyte Laydie.

1940
01:50:51,800 --> 01:50:54,080
It's a lovely banjo.
Yeah, definitely.

1941
01:51:08,960 --> 01:51:13,000
Sounds like a beauty.
Aye. Well played, as well.

1942
01:51:13,000 --> 01:51:17,240
You told me you couldnae play.
I cannae play like I used to.

1943
01:51:17,240 --> 01:51:18,840
Well, you must have been
bloody good.

1944
01:51:18,840 --> 01:51:21,720
THEY LAUGH

1945
01:51:39,640 --> 01:51:41,000
Whoo!

1946
01:51:48,520 --> 01:51:51,840
I haven't paid attention
to the music in the last few years,

1947
01:51:51,840 --> 01:51:55,800
and because of the Parkinson's,
I don't play as well as I used to,

1948
01:51:55,800 --> 01:51:59,320
so it kind of puts reins on me
that weren't there before.

1949
01:51:59,320 --> 01:52:01,360
But I've been...

1950
01:52:01,360 --> 01:52:05,840
In recent times, in recent months,
I've had an urge to do it again,

1951
01:52:05,840 --> 01:52:10,360
to write songs again,
and I think I'll get round to it.

1952
01:52:15,960 --> 01:52:17,960
Your work's great.

1953
01:52:17,960 --> 01:52:19,840
Ah, it's basically scrap wood.

1954
01:52:19,840 --> 01:52:23,120
Don't tell the customers.
HE LAUGHS

1955
01:52:23,120 --> 01:52:27,360
No, no, but this is
for the fretless one.

1956
01:52:27,360 --> 01:52:30,960
That's the fretless neck.
Oh, that's lovely.

1957
01:52:30,960 --> 01:52:32,560
That's going to be nice.

1958
01:52:32,560 --> 01:52:34,640
Have you got a buyer
for the fretless?

1959
01:52:34,640 --> 01:52:38,120
Not yet, no. Somebody'll buy it.

1960
01:52:38,120 --> 01:52:42,200
No, there's no pressure.
I might buy it myself. No, no.

1961
01:52:42,200 --> 01:52:45,280
You're not buying anything
off of me, Billy Connolly.

1962
01:52:45,280 --> 01:52:47,280
You wouldn't buy
anything off of me, son.

1963
01:52:47,280 --> 01:52:49,880
You want one, you've got it.
You want it, you've got it.

1964
01:52:52,280 --> 01:52:54,360
Aye?

1965
01:52:54,360 --> 01:52:59,040
Just cos it's you and me, right?
It's yours.

1966
01:52:59,040 --> 01:53:01,880
I'll get it sorted out
so you can get it. That's lovely.

1967
01:53:01,880 --> 01:53:04,120
I've just been needing a wee push
to get it done.

1968
01:53:04,120 --> 01:53:07,160
Oh, that's brilliant. OK? Whoohoo!

1969
01:53:07,160 --> 01:53:10,240
I've just been needing
that wee push to get it done.

1970
01:53:10,240 --> 01:53:13,960
So, there you are.
You're the proud owner of a banjo.

1971
01:53:13,960 --> 01:53:17,480
It'll be nice, like.
It'll be nice to have.

1972
01:53:17,480 --> 01:53:19,960
I don't know how
you're going to get it, mind.

1973
01:53:19,960 --> 01:53:23,800
You'll need to come back.
I'll hitchhike.

1974
01:53:27,840 --> 01:53:29,920
APPLAUSE

1975
01:53:31,440 --> 01:53:33,360
I did a world tour

1976
01:53:33,360 --> 01:53:37,520
and I explained to them
that I had Parkinson's disease

1977
01:53:37,520 --> 01:53:41,480
and they didn't mind at all
and I got on with it.

1978
01:53:41,480 --> 01:53:43,120
I've got Parkinson's disease

1979
01:53:43,120 --> 01:53:45,800
and I wish he'd fucking kept it
to himself, but there you go.

1980
01:53:45,800 --> 01:53:48,360
LAUGHTER

1981
01:53:48,360 --> 01:53:51,600
I didn't know
how standing there would feel.

1982
01:53:51,600 --> 01:53:55,160
I hadn't stood anywhere
since I'd got Parkinson's.

1983
01:53:55,160 --> 01:53:58,800
And I discovered that

1984
01:53:58,800 --> 01:54:03,000
I got kind of rooted to the spot

1985
01:54:03,000 --> 01:54:04,840
and became afraid to move.

1986
01:54:04,840 --> 01:54:07,280
Instead of going away
to the front of the stage

1987
01:54:07,280 --> 01:54:11,240
and prowling along the front
the way I used to do,

1988
01:54:11,240 --> 01:54:15,000
I stood where I was.

1989
01:54:15,000 --> 01:54:18,040
The Parkinson guy -
I got my daughter to Google it -

1990
01:54:18,040 --> 01:54:19,680
is James Parkinson,

1991
01:54:19,680 --> 01:54:22,600
who studied it at the beginning
of the century.

1992
01:54:22,600 --> 01:54:25,920
And it used to be called
shaking palsy.

1993
01:54:25,920 --> 01:54:27,680
Fuck, I'm glad he showed up.

1994
01:54:27,680 --> 01:54:29,840
LAUGHTER

1995
01:54:29,840 --> 01:54:35,200
Comedy does need focus,
and boy, he had that, you know.

1996
01:54:35,200 --> 01:54:37,400
But there were times
when I was watching him thinking,

1997
01:54:37,400 --> 01:54:40,600
"I bet he'd love to be able
to act that out a bit more."

1998
01:54:40,600 --> 01:54:42,120
You know? It was...

1999
01:54:42,120 --> 01:54:45,040
I never thought for one moment
he was less of a comic,

2000
01:54:45,040 --> 01:54:48,240
but I was feeling his frustration.

2001
01:54:48,240 --> 01:54:51,440
That, to me, was really tough.

2002
01:54:51,440 --> 01:54:55,360
Parkinson's is strange
because it's not going to go away.

2003
01:54:56,800 --> 01:54:59,720
All my life, I've got sick -

2004
01:54:59,720 --> 01:55:03,120
I got the flu and I got pneumonia
and various things,

2005
01:55:03,120 --> 01:55:05,000
and they all went away.

2006
01:55:05,000 --> 01:55:09,040
This isn't going anywhere.
It's going to get worse.

2007
01:55:09,040 --> 01:55:12,000
Can I stop here? INTERVIEWER:
Yeah, course you can, Billy.

2008
01:55:13,320 --> 01:55:16,600
It takes a certain calm
to deal with...

2009
01:55:18,560 --> 01:55:20,640
..and I sometimes don't have it.

2010
01:55:22,200 --> 01:55:26,720
Sometimes, I get angry with it,
but that doesn't last long.

2011
01:55:26,720 --> 01:55:30,800
I just collapsed in laughter
as he was whipped into the sky.

2012
01:55:34,880 --> 01:55:37,680
But the good things are there.

2013
01:55:37,680 --> 01:55:39,840
The love we have for people
is still there.

2014
01:55:41,160 --> 01:55:44,600
And with a bit of luck, the love
they have for you is still there.

2015
01:55:46,080 --> 01:55:49,120
And I'm very lucky
inasmuch as I made a bit of a mark.

2016
01:55:51,520 --> 01:55:54,360
And you think, "Well,
I must have done something right,"

2017
01:55:54,360 --> 01:55:58,440
and that keeps you company
when you're older.

2018
01:55:58,440 --> 01:56:01,360
There's the fact that
when you were creative...

2019
01:56:01,360 --> 01:56:02,840
See you later. Thank you.

2020
01:56:02,840 --> 01:56:04,080
..you created well.

2021
01:56:05,320 --> 01:56:08,760
It accompanies you.
It's a great companion.

2022
01:56:08,760 --> 01:56:11,000
You can volunteer
to take life seriously,

2023
01:56:11,000 --> 01:56:12,600
but it's going to get you.

2024
01:56:13,880 --> 01:56:17,680
You know they're going
to win over you. It's harsh.

2025
01:56:18,800 --> 01:56:22,360
And you can either break down
and complain about

2026
01:56:22,360 --> 01:56:26,000
how miserable your life is,
or have a go at it and survive.

2027
01:56:27,560 --> 01:56:30,520
I think that's the basis of it all.

2028
01:56:30,520 --> 01:56:34,400
Sheep shagging is very good for you,
I'm told. I have never done this.

2029
01:56:36,960 --> 01:56:38,440
It's one of the things I'm keeping

2030
01:56:38,440 --> 01:56:40,440
for when the doctor tells me
I've got cancer.

2031
01:56:40,440 --> 01:56:43,320
You know, I've got a list of things
I'd like to try.

2032
01:56:43,320 --> 01:56:45,640
LAUGHTER
You know?

2033
01:56:45,640 --> 01:56:48,560
So, I'll be behind the farm wall
with a syringe with the heroin.

2034
01:56:48,560 --> 01:56:50,680
"Right we are,
bring the fucking sheep over."

2035
01:56:50,680 --> 01:56:52,840
LAUGHTER

2036
01:56:54,760 --> 01:56:58,120
Apparently, you take them to the
edge of a mountain for best effect.

2037
01:56:58,120 --> 01:57:00,160
They push back better, I'm told.