Hello! My name is Ardal.
It is a real name, and I'm a real person.
And this is Ireland, a real place, as well as an imaginary one.
There are just a few things about my country I could do without.
But mostly I love it!
To help me separate the myth from the reality,
I'm going to consult this old guidebook to Ireland.
It was written by the formidable Mr and Mrs Hall,
an Anglo-Irish couple who condescended their way around
the country examining every facet of Irish life, for better or for worse.
"Idle," "reckless," "unprincipled?"
"It was the drink, James. It was the drink."
Their observations of Ireland and the Irish took root
in the minds of their English readers.
But was there any merit in them?
Are we really a bunch of superstitious, God-fearing,
whisky-sodden chancers?
Or are we just like everybody else?
Well, there's only one way to find out.
'Now, before I set off on my way around the country,
'I should remind you, I was once a walking, talking stereotype myself.'
There I am, it's me! Look, I'm on the telly!
So, God.
Does He really exist? I mean...
'Yes, I was in Father Ted.
'I played the differently clever Father Dougal McGuire.'
And when we die we're all going to go to heaven.
Yes. What about it?
Well, that's the bit I've trouble with.
'Having been a pretend priest, I know as well as anyone that
'Ireland is prone to all manner of unusual beliefs.
'So this time I'm off to explore what Ireland believes in and why.'
'Ireland is first and foremost a Celtic country,
'still partial to pre-Christian beliefs, which is why we're
'no strangers to the odd superstition.
'Try this one for size -
'if you kiss a magic stone in a castle in County Cork,
'you will be blessed for evermore with the gift of the gab.
'Written to attract the English visitor to Ireland,
'the Halls' guidebook loved this sort of thing.'
"Few places in Ireland are more
"familiar to English ears than Blarney.
"The notoriety is attributable to the marvellous qualities of its
"famous stone."
Now, Ireland is a small country,
but I've managed to avoid this place my whole life.
For me, it's always been a shameless exercise in Paddy-whackery,
pedalled to American tourists in big pants,
pandering to every hokey notion they ever had about Ireland.
But I might be wrong.
'The Halls' Victorian guidebooks helped make Blarney Castle
'one of Ireland's biggest tourist attractions,
'and it's all down to the magic power of the Blarney Stone.
'20 million people have kissed this perilously positioned
'chunk of stone, including Mick Jagger, Winston Churchill,
'and would you believe it, Laurel and Hardy!
'And now it's my turn...
'in about an hour, by the looks of things.'
There's loads of castles in Ireland,
and there's loads of stories associated with every single castle,
but this one has endured for hundreds of years.
I don't... Over 600 years, yeah. People believe in it.
I suppose, the beliefs that people have,
it does help them, you know?
'And that's the point - people want to believe in stuff like this.
'But how did the legend begin?
'Well, the lord of the castle once saved a woman from drowning,
'as you do.'
Who's next?
'Needless to say, she was a witch, and she told him if he kissed
'the first stone he saw he would be blessed with great eloquence.
'Because we Irish are reputed to be a bit chatty,
'the story does have a ludicrous plausibility about it.'
Do you think it's going to have some effect?
I'm going to talk a lot today. Yeah?
Yeah, even more than usual. Yeah?
Hold the bars behind and kiss the bottom of the stone.
Mind your head.
That's good. Well, was it the experience you were dreaming of?
Changed man. Changed man.
Sit down here, yeah? Just go back out a little bit.
'So, finally, it's my turn.'
Hold the two bars... 'The metal grill is handy.
'Before it was installed countless would-be kissers
'slipped to their death.'
Keep going down. That's it, right in front of you.
Mm...! Perfect.
That was the sound of satisfaction! Yeah, that was a...
That was a smacker!
'Do you know, I'm speechless after that.
'I must have done it wrong.
'You could have this down as one of the world's most brilliant
'con tricks.'
But I think there might be something in it,
given that they've been doing this for hundreds of years.
You know, perhaps the stone does have magical properties,
even though, according to the Halls,
I can't even be sure if that's the right stone!
Here it is. "The exact position among the ruins of the castle
"is also a matter of doubt."
In those days, I think you could either kiss the stone at the
top of the building or you could kiss one of these stones.
Hmm, maybe there are some magical properties associated with it.
'People have been known to pocket loose chunks of stone
'in the hope they'll be blessed with perpetual luck - and why not?
'I'm assuming the current lord of the manor enjoys a chat.
'The same Anglo-Irish family have owned Blarney since the Halls
'came here nearly 200 years ago.
'For Sir Charles St John Colthurst, 10th Baronet,
'Blarney is the well that never runs dry.
'Well, so far, anyway.'
And you've had a few experiences over the last couple of years
where people are taking stones from the building itself,
or from the grounds? It's, er, it's mainly from the grounds.
We get, er... Jiffy bags appear in the post every now and again.
And then you get occasionally anonymous letters saying,
"Very sorry we took this stone.
"We've had no luck since we left Blarney.
"Please return this from whence it came."
The most emotive one was one from America where I think it was
a priest writing on behalf of, er,
one of his parishioners, where he said this individual had had
no luck at all for the last two years,
and the only connection they could think of was
had he done anything wrong? "Well," he said,
"I've taken the stone from the grounds of Blarney Castle."
'The moral of the tale? Don't push your luck.
'Now, I'm not a superstitious person. Really, I'm not.
'But why tempt fate?'
'Outside the towns and cities,
'Ireland is a sparsely populated place.
'You can travel for miles without meeting anyone -
'which is why it's not unheard of for country folk to put their
'trust and belief in a matchmaker to find them a mate.
'One of the last of his kind is to be found near the town of
'Ennis in County Clare.'
'Immortalised here in the famous Matchmakers Bar
'in Lisdoonvarna,
'Willie Daly is the most famous matchmaker in Ireland.
'But Willie himself operates from a remote farm
'in the middle of nowhere.'
Why do you, Willie...?
What is it about yourself that can...?
Can you read people's souls?
Er... MOBILE PHONE CHIMES
I suppose I'd have to say it's almost not that special, but I...
All my life, I've had a great interest in people
and I've had a great interest in everybody being happy,
not just a minority of people.
Excuse me now a second. Hello?
'Willie is on matchmaker duty day and night.
You wouldn't want to be in a hurry.'
I know, but I text you, and I told you I'd get a girl for you,
but I told you it would take a couple of days.
I mean, I'm not a magician. Sorry for saying that...
'They say that Willie is responsible for more than 100 marriages.'
Why do people need your services?
Why can't they just go to a pub and, you know, just mingle?
Yeah, that's a good question, now,
that a certain amount of people, you know, if they're quite shy when
they're a bit young, they find that they don't mix as good as others...
What is that book? It's a matchmaking book.
It has belonged to my father, my grandfather and myself.
So, it's a lucky book.
If you touch it with both hands you will be in love and married.
Close your eyes for about seven seconds,
you'll be in love and married in, er, six months.
If you only want to be in love,
you touch it with one hand and you close your eyes.
Now, if you're already married, you can touch it twice
and you'll recreate quite an amount of romance -
something similar to your honeymoon in the earlier period.
Can I have a go at that?
WILLIE LAUGHS You can! As I often said...
Two hands? Yeah.
Do you have to think of anything?
I suppose I'd better think of my wife.
Think about love, and being happy. Yeah?
Sure I couldn't be any happier.
What is it about the human race as a species?
Like, you know, in the animal kingdom, you know,
you just go up to another animal at the watering hole and you
just get down to business straight away. Yeah.
What is it about us, that it's such a longwinded process?
To be honest with you, in Ireland,
it's a bit like that but it's late in the night,
when every woman looks like Pamela Anderson.
THEY LAUGH
I'm just going to meet one of Willie's clients.
Her name is Nicky and she's looking for Willie...
to help her find love!
Hello, Nicky. Hello, Ardal!
Hi, how are you? I'm very well, thank you.
Oops! Sorry!
Where are we? Who's this?
This is Milo. Hello, Milo!
My fox red Labrador. Ooh!
'Willie's clients come from all over the world.
'Nicky is from the north of England.
'She's scouring Ireland for a man.'
So, Willie's met me, seen me face-to-face,
he's talked to me, so he's got an idea of
what I want, and who I am, so maybe he might get it right,
cos I haven't so far!
But have you had a date with...?
I've had two dates through Willie.
And, er, it just didn't work out?
No, you kind of know. A girl knows, she gets a gut instinct.
Well, I do, anyway. I knew straight away. What are you looking for?
Can you actually even define that? I can't, that's the thing!
It's like... I think if I knew what I was looking for,
I'd just go out and find it.
But because I don't know,
I just keep thinking I'll know when I meet that right person.
What is it that Irish guys have to offer?
I mean, you're obviously travelling around Ireland...
Yeah, well, last year I went round Scotland, I did the whole
West Coast of Scotland. There's not one bloke in Scotland?
Yeah, I met one. Oh, you did?
Yeah, I had a little summer relationship, it was lovely.
And I thought, "Let's try Ireland."
"I've heard that the men have a twinkle in their eye..."
Milo has just...
..created quite, er, an aroma.
Oh, has he? Yes. Oh, sorry.
Do you think that might be a drawback?
THEY LAUGH
'Willie has set Nicky up for a date later this evening.
'I've suggested Stinky Milo stay at home.'
I'm touring Ireland,
exploring some of the more unusual beliefs to be found here.
Some people still believe in the power of matchmakers
to find them a mate.
This bar in Ennistymon is matchmaker Willie Daly's HQ,
and tonight, Willie is going to make an introduction.
INDISTINCT SPEECH
Willie tells me there are something like 28 men to every woman
in this part of Ireland.
Nicky has come to the right place...
possibly.
How are you doing though, Kevin, How are you? Nice to meet you.
'Local man Kevin Corry is a painter and decorator.'
So Willie has somebody lined up tonight and, have you met,
you haven't met before? Haven't met her before.
So would you be apprehensive about that?
No, I wouldn't be apprehensive, I'd never be apprehensive
for a woman because I know how to treat a woman.
Well, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed. And good luck.
Pleasure meeting you. Yeah.
Willie! Yay!
I've brought you a nice man now, I've brought you a lovely man.
This is Kevin. Oh!
Hi, Kevin. Nicky. Yes.
Nice to meet you.
I can recommend him as being a very nice person, you know.
Oh, highly recommended. Highly recommended.
Well find that out in a while.
I met Nicky, she travels with a dog.
I think if a woman has a dog it's always a nice recommendation. Yeah.
In means that they're capable of love, you know,
I mean, sometimes if a woman loves her dog she loves people as well.
Do you have a dog yourself?
I don't actually, I'm not allowed just where I'm living. Right.
But I love animals. Good. Love horse riding and love anything...
'Willie's lit the blue touchpaper, but will sparks fly?
My freedom is out on the beach,
I do lots of walking on the beach. Yeah.
Look at the sunset, stuff like that. Yeah.
I walk about and I look out.
I'm not so sure it's working out.
I think they are both really lovely people but, you know,
Willie's the expert.
You've a lovely personality. Oh, thank you.
I've only known you a couple of minutes but you have
a lovely personality. Thank you.
Well, fair play to Willie, he knows his stuff, you know. Yeah.
And now the verdict.
Hello again.
Well. Well.
Well, well, well. Well, well, well, my word.
Has Willie come up with the goods this time? Yes and no.
Well, he's a really nice man, Kevin.
Well-mannered, a lovely manner.
But one of my biggest stipulations is that
I always wanted a man to be taller than me.
I don't want to look down on a man.
Well, Willie's quite a charming man,
a touch of the shaman about him, a touch of the guru.
Many clearly believe in his magic powers but I'm not sure Nicky did.
It's time to leave Ennistymon's lonely hearts to their own devices.
I wish them well.
Mr and Mrs Hall married in 1824,
without the help of Willie Daly.
They spent the next 15 years touring Ireland,
amassing material for their guidebooks.
During that time Ireland was very much part of the British Empire.
As upright Protestants, the Halls were fascinated by the
rituals and religious practices of a largely Catholic population.
I've come north to Derry, to see one of these rituals first-hand.
If you spend any time in Ireland, sooner or later
you're going to end up popping your head inside a church.
It's unavoidable.
The Halls loved this sort of thing.
Their guidebook goes into raptures.
"The manners and customs of the Irish afford ample scope
"from which to draw both entertainment and information.
"The courtships, the weddings, the christenings, the wakes,
"the pilgrimages to holy wells, all provide material
"for the pencil of the artist and the pen of the writer."
Well, there you are, that's the Halls for you.
I'm here because it's St Columba's Day.
The Halls would have given their eyeteeth
to observe what's coming next.
# St Columba, St Columba
# Holy patron of our town... #
I've joined local writer and churchgoer Madeline McCully
and we're going to process to St Columba's well
a few hundred yards down the road.
But how did St Columba create a holy well?
Is it something you can just do as a saint?
He's struck the ground, when there wasn't any water,
and he struck the ground and this well sprung up
and, I mean, it's still there, the purest of water.
It's covered over now but it's the purest of water.
This is by the ground was struck and the spring sprung.
Today is the one day of the year when the lid is lifted on the sacred well.
And now it's time to distribute the holy water.
The people of Derry believe the water from this well
still carries St Columba's blessing from 1,500 years ago.
In the Middle Ages holy water was so highly valued
it had to be locked up overnight in case it was stolen.
And it's still clearly in demand.
Queues are forming and empty bottles are being produced everywhere you look.
No shortage of belief here.
A lot of people would still believe that it has curative powers,
in the way that you would bring holy water from Lourdes,
from Doon Well or from other places, they would take the water home
and it is blessed and they say this is holy water.
'Who am I to argue with the wisdom of crowds?
'You never know when you might need it.'
I'll get a little bottle there.
Fill that up there. Good stuff.
For my mother.
People wouldn't drink it though, would they?
Well, yeah, it's pure. Thank you very much. I mean, look at it.
Thank you, thank you. Look at it as absolutely pure.
No charge.. Yeah. No charge.
There you are, you didn't believe you could get that.
I didn't expect to get that. Yeah, yeah.
I was a bit hesitant at first to take it cos I'm not
a superstitious person really, not a religious person, but,
you know, I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth either.
No matter how much you try to run away from the church
and from the dogma and from the doctrine and from the rituals,
you know, it kind of informs your every waking thought as well,
so everything you do, everything you say, every decision you made,
you know, is in some way measured against what you learned as a child.
Holy water and holy wells connect us directly to our ancient pagan past.
But there's something else about us physically that connects us
directly to our Celtic ancestors,
something that is believed to be a part of our unique genetic make-up,
and that is the colour of our hair.
2% of the world's population have red hair,
yet 10% of the Irish people are redheads.
Now, this iconic postcard,
it sums up Ireland for a lot of people,
stereotyping us as a bunch of fiery temperamental peasants.
I mean, look at that little girl, she's clearly about to kick that donkey.
But are redheads more Irish than the rest of us?
I think the answer lies over here.
Cronins bar in Crosshaven, just outside Cork city, is a redhead pub.
You don't have to have the right hair colour to drink here,
but it helps.
Cronins is a temple for the folically flushed,
a place where they gather nightly
to share their belief that you're better off red.
'I've been told to look out for a redhead lady called Joleen.'
Joleen? Joleen?
'But where do you start?'
Whose Joleen? Where's Joleen?
Oh, Ardal, how are you? Joleen.
Nice to meet you. Thanks for coming to Crosshaven.
Hello, how are you? How's it going? This is Grainne, our queen. Hi.
Guess who you are! The queen.
Joleen Cronin and her brother Denis started the redhead convention
back in 2010 as a bit of a joke.
But they were amazed to discover
how many redheads actually wanted to get involved.
They're determined to make red hair something to believe in,
something that reflects and celebrates their Irishness.
They even elect an annual king and queen.
All I can remember seeing was just a sea of red haired people.
That's the first vivid image that pops into my head when I talk about it.
There is comfort in numbers. Yes.
And beyond the craic,
is there anything, like, important about redheads getting together?
Absolutely. Well, there's a huge sense of community and,
I suppose kind of solidarity. Why, are you different?
Do you consider yourselves to be different?
I mean, we obviously consider you to be very different!
Yeah, we are a little bit different, like, but in a good way.
Do you know? Have you ever experienced anything negative,
like this thing we hear of gingerism, have you like...?
Gingerism! I've heard a lot about gingerism.
I've heard so many stories from around the world of people
who've been seriously targeted and bullied for being a redhead
and I think in Ireland it's not that much of a problem
because we do have a significant population of redheads like here.
Is it true that some sperm banks will not accept sperm
from people with red hair? Correct. That is fact.
That's a fact.
And they actually a few years ago stopped point blank,
no more redhead sperm. Not in demand, nobody wanted it.
'Happily the sperm banks in question have since reversed their decision.'
So the great redheads of history like Boudicca, Galileo
and General Custer can all rest easy.
Redheads are so special they even have their own song.
I'm thinking about dying my hair later.
It never occurred to me that people would define themselves
in terms of hair colour,
but these people clearly have shared experiences
and shared genetic heritage that compelled them to form a group,
and despite rumours,
they're not going to die out when they're having this much fun.
# Where the redhead flag is high. #
CHEERING
In the Victorian guidebook to Ireland,
the Halls boast that few counties contain finer ruins
than County Clare.
Well, I'm looking for something a little more conventional than this.
I'm on a modern-day pilgrimage with my trusty guide, Father John Kenny.
I have been here before, but I don't remember the way.
OK, well, I hope somebody knows the way.
We'll let the guardian angels bring us along.
So, what are we doing today, Ted?
Confessions and Mass and things like that, I suppose.
Yes, Dougal. Things like that.
It's great being a priest, isn't it, Ted?
We filmed Father Ted 20 years ago
in an old farmhouse here in County Clare.
The question is, can I find it again after all this time?
This road looks interesting, we'll try it out anyway. Yeah.
Fingers crossed.
I shouldn't do that. No. Or touch wood...
No, touching wood is good, that's the wood of the Cross. Oh, is it?
Yes, touching wood goes back to Good Friday.
But fingers crossed and walking under ladders
and all that stuff, that's silly.
Father John's wood touching has paid off.
The house itself has become a bit of a shrine
to more intrepid fans of the series.
Sadly, Father Ted is no longer with us.
Have you ever seen Father Ted? Regularly.
I suppose he's been a friend of mine since I lived on an island in 1994.
You were in parish priest on an island?
Well, I was a curate at that time. Like me? I was on my own.
So you were my buddies for a while on TV.
Now then, who's for tea?
Me, please, Mrs Doyle.
Tea? Sick!
Milk? Please, Father. Thank you.
'Tea was always on tap at Father Ted's house.'
And what do you say to a cup of tea?
Feck off, cup!
'Over 25 episodes,
'Father Ted mercilessly lampooned the priesthood.'
Feck off!
And my experience was that priests quickly tuned into it
and quite liked it.
Anyone I ever met, right up to Cardinal Basil Hume, even,
believe it or not, I believe he was a fan.
I mean, obviously when I was growing up, the reverence for priests
was so much greater, and the respect and the deference.
Yes, people would bless themselves
in case the priest was carrying the sacrament.
And you didn't greet him unless he greeted you
because he was on a mission.
I'm not... That's not my way of being a priest.
I can even remember, during the first series of Father Ted
when we were filming it down here in County Clare,
and it was before anyone knew about the show,
I was in a shoe shop and I was just wandering around in the...
In the gear. In the gear, yeah.
And it was at lunchtime or something,
I was looking at shoes, and the shopkeeper came over to me and said,
"Just take them, take them, Father, whatever you want, they're yours."
I must borrow your collar. That's never happened to me.
Well... But I get you, yeah. I suppose there's a degree of that.
Do you get free shoes is basically what I want to know.
I don't, but I get free coffees now and again
because they figure it would be nice
if the priest would recommend this place for a reception.
Free shoes AND free coffee - you can see the attraction.
Father Ted's rather eccentric version of Catholicism
is nothing compared to the reality of people's beliefs.
Here, some people really do believe in miracles.
Again, we see this is...
I've come to a secret location to see first hand
some of the most powerful
and sought-after religious objects in the country.
They are all connected with one particular saint.
And because they're believed to have curative powers,
they're lent out to the sick and dying.
They are known quite simply as holy relics.
This is the mitten that would normally go on public display.
And that was to cover... Exactly.
His wounds would be continuously bleeding, so he got the stigmata
in 1918 and he had that right up to a couple of days before he died.
These mittens belonged to Padre Pio,
an Italian priest who allegedly suffered from stigmata -
identical wounds to those received by Christ
when his hands, wrists and feet were nailed to the cross.
Many accused Padre Pio of being a fraud and a fantasist,
faking his own wounds.
But the Vatican made him a saint, and his blood-soaked mittens
have since achieved currency as powerful holy relics.
So, this is the man himself. This is the man himself, indeed.
Wearing the mitten. Wearing the mittens, yeah.
He'd have had to wear a few every day, obviously,
with the blood leaking from the stigmata.
Named after the saint,
Pio Enright is the keeper of Padre Pio's holy relics.
They were given to him by his father Donal,
who became friends with Padre Pio before his death in the '60s.
This is the large heart bandage...
which would have the blood on it.
You can see a lot of the blood of Padre Pio on it.
From his heart? Yes, on his heart where he had the stigmata as well.
How can you be sure these are authentic?
These were given to him directly by the friars in Italy.
And you've never had any doubt yourself?
Yes. I would have, of course, especially when I was young.
When faced with something that's indescribable
or really there's no solution at the end of the equation,
you're always going to be sceptical.
But there are some very clear cases that are actually even authenticated
by professional people, oncologists, etc,
where there is no rational explanation.
Pio has taken me to meet a young woman
who was thought to be fatally injured some years ago.
'The fact that she survived,
'apparently through the intervention of holy relics,
'was held by some to be a miracle.'
Good to see you again. John, Ardal, how are you?
'Sophie Finucane was living in Manchester at the time.'
I didn't know that he had the gun inside the house
and he pulled the gun out and shot me in the side of my head.
And the hospital was telling my dad and my mum and everybody
that, um...I was going to die.
And they were saying, "Look, say your goodbyes,"
that's all they kept saying.
"Say your goodbyes, you won't make it through today or tonight."
That's all they ever said.
They took her for a brain scan
and they told me that she was clinically brain-dead,
that there was no hope whatsoever. But that was the same day...
'John was desperate.
'His daughter was in a coma and unlikely to survive.
'John tracked down Pio's father, Donal.
'He begged him to bring Padre Pio's holy relics to Sophie's bedside,
'which Donal was happy to do.'
And he came in and he was praying with her and of course
he told us all these wonderful stories about these miracles,
where there's life, there's hope.
And I said, "Donal, what do you think?"
And he said, "I don't feel she's a dying child."
I'll never forget those words as long as I live.
So, how long was Sophie in the coma before she started to come around?
Sophie was in a coma for ten days.
And they were telling me that if she didn't die,
then she'd be badly brain-damaged. I think my sister and my brother...
'It was at this point that Sophie began to stir.'
..And I was holding her hand and we were praying away
and she started turning that ring,
this very ring I've got on my finger,
and she kept turning it and turning it.
Donal said to me, "I can tell you one thing for nothing,
"no matter what they tell you in the hospital,
"I have no fear for her, she's cured."
He said, "My work is done here."
And he went out the door and he went home.
And the two of you, you absolutely credit Donal and Padre Pio...
Absolutely, I wouldn't doubt it for one minute of my life.
Definitely, it was definitely Donal.
You don't think it's possible it was the medical professional care?
They don't even think it was possible.
I have a DVD somewhere here in the house
of the head neurosurgeon saying it was nothing they'd done.
They had no hope.
You don't think it was just the power of your own willpower?
I think a small little bit, but no... She's very stubborn.
Very, very stubborn.
THEY LAUGH
But, yeah, Donal, like, if Donal hadn't been there...
So you're absolutely convinced it's a miracle.
Yeah, definitely. Oh, yeah.
In their guidebook to Ireland, published in genteel London,
the Halls were constantly harping on about how poor we were
and how dirty our towns were as a consequence.
But as you can see, we've pulled our socks up.
Oh, yes!
And now being tidy has become a bit of an obsession.
I've come to the Beara Peninsula in County Cork,
but I could be visiting any town across Ireland
because over the summer months, a sort of religious mania takes hold,
expressed in DayGlo paint and coloured bunting.
Well, it looks pretty, it looks safe.
But don't get too relaxed.
You'll get in big trouble if you so much as drop of sweet wrapper
or a piece of chewing gum because, you say see...
people are fanatical about their towns.
No matter how old or young you are, everyone must do their bit to
keep Castletownbere immaculately tidy.
Should you not be in school?
Do you like doing things for the town?
ALL: Yeah. Yeah, it's nice to make it tidy and... Yeah.
Like everyone else in Castletownbere,
the children are devoted to the annual Tidy Towns competition.
Started by an image-conscious government back in 1958,
almost 900 towns and villages throughout Ireland now
compete for the accolade of the nation's tidiest town.
Anonymous judges scour the streets,
noting down their observations - good and bad.
Here we go now, look.
Just one thing,
only one thing the judges were slightly critical of. Yeah.
"An overabundance of signage on certain poles." Yeah.
"One pole near the Silver Dollar Bar, seven brown signs
"pointing in various directions and could cause confusion."
We have an example everywhere.
So, what do you do with the signs that are there?
Well, could you not just pull a few of those signs down?
Well, how are you going to find out where Kenmare is, then?
Well, do we know where...?
No-one needs to know where Eyeries is.
Well, they do, actually! If you're going to Eyeries, you do.
I suppose, yeah. Look, the tourist information point,
no-one is ever going to see that sign down there.
No, I agree with you.
Barry, there's too much choice. 13, 14, 15.
There are 16 different signs on that pole. Yeah. Yeah.
Like, I'm confused now.
Well, I wouldn't blame you.
I would think you would win the competition this year
if you got rid of seven of those signs.
'I leave Barry to consider my excellent suggestion
'and join the children, who are being rewarded
'for all their hard work in Issie O'Donovan's ice cream parlour.'
So, is this your favourite shop in town? ALL: Yeah.
Yeah, well, it's definitely mine as well.
So, what makes Castletownbere so great? So special?
We're on the sea. The scenery is absolutely stunning.
We've got gorgeous mountains around us as well
and there's a gorgeous beach over in Allihes,
a big, lovely, sandy beach.
And what about the people?
The pe... Ah, well, the people make it, you know?
It's a small town, yeah.
Everyone knows everyone. And you've got the best ice cream in Cork.
Yeah! Without a doubt. Which is a bit of a comfort.
Well, it's a bonus having a good sweet shop in the town. Yeah, yeah.
Nobody's going to argue with that, are we?
Definitely. Ah, the kids are great.
No-one's ever going to leave the Beara Peninsula.
They go collecting...
Issie's high-octane evangelism
is typical of the proud tidy town dweller.
'In last year's Tidy Town's report,
'the people of Castletownbere were congratulated on their efforts,
'But they didn't win the prize.'
The nearest village and biggest rival to Castletownbere is Eyeries.
Now, the cocky swagger of this place may be down to the fact
that last time, it beat Castletownbere by 35 points!
The village was commended on its litter control,
but if you look closely, you can see there are no bins in Eyeries.
You see, bins attract rubbish.
Well, it looks like they don't have people either.
And that's because the village stretches all the way
down to the sea.
And today is the day the beach gets its weekly clean-up,
overseen by Emer O'Neill.
It's a bit tough, Emer, I mean, having to do the town
and having to do here as well?
Yeah. That's a bit unfair.
Well... SHE LAUGHS
Not really, no. I mean, this is part of the village as well, you know?
And a lot of people would use this place.
You know, there's a lot of work, not just this.
There's work put into the whole village, itself.
You don't seem to have any bins in Eyeries.
No, that's true, yeah.
Is that deliberate?
It is. Well, it has been. We just found that...
You know, there were bins. I think it's a problem all over the country,
really, that there's any public bins.
They just seem to get abused, you know? People dumping...
So, it works not having bins?
It does, yeah, but there is a call for it sometimes.
We are going to try out one or two of them in the public areas.
Just leave them out for an hour a day.
Yeah, just to see, but they'll have to be closely monitored
and kind of kept an eye on.
We have one, at the moment, in the Sensory Garden.
Employ a full-time sentry over the bin... We'll have to, yeah.
..to make sure the people don't abuse it.
It'll be a job for somebody. Yeah.
My tour through this bin-less village
culminates with the sanitary equivalent of a visit to the Louvre.
'The proud chairman of the toilet committee is Hugh O'Neill.'
Hello, Hugh. Hello, how are you?
Congratulations. You have the place spotless.
We do our best.
Well, can we have a look at the shining jewel of the town?
Well, you can, of course.
I won't charge you. Thanks.
Well, it's the only public toilet in Ireland that smells beautiful.
Yeah? Yeah, I'd go that far. Right, OK. Yeah, we're kind of...
I could spend time in here. HE LAUGHS
Not too much, now. No. Just enough.
Wouldn't smell is beautiful if I did. Yeah.
But, yeah, no, lovely.
Oh! Yes, I know. A little spider there.
A cobweb, yeah, yeah.
I'd got rid of all them yesterday evening, but they are still a few...
They're back again. They are back again, yeah.
I'd say it was the Castletownbere people that planted that spider.
HE LAUGHS To upset us. Yeah.
No, it's... It's really something. Yeah.
When it comes to belief,
the Halls, like many Victorians, were obsessed with the supernatural.
Ireland has always had an abundance of ghost stories.
So, for the Halls, it was rich pickings.
The tale of the puca caught their imagination, a malignant fairy,
half horse/half eagle who tempts innocence onto its back.
OWL HOOTS
Carriganass Castle, in County Cork,
is just the kind of place you might encounter a puca.
Voices have supposedly been heard emanating
from this 500-year-old building.
This is what I think, I either read this or made it up -
we are not the most rational people in the world.
We don't subscribe to either/or theories here in this country.
We are both/and people.
We hold competing thoughts in our head at the same time.
We are quite comfortable with this idea of contradiction.
It's a Celtic thing.
So, if somebody asked me, for example,
"Do you believe in ghosts?" I would say,
"No, of course not, but that doesn't mean they're not there."
Now, I'm about to join a meeting of a local group of ghost hunters.
'Matthew, Jackie and Paul are typical of a rise in the number of
'people worldwide who take the supernatural seriously.
'They claim to have photographed a real ghost.'
That would be one of our most impressive.
It does look like the figure of a man. Yeah.
Or a human, anyway, of some sort. He looks fairly modern as well. Hm.
You wouldn't think... He doesn't look like a monk.
He could be flares... He could be wearing flares. Yeah.
He could be from the '60s. LAUGHTER
You are absolutely convinced, by the sounds of it, that it is a person.
Yeah. Well, that's... That's what it looks like. I mean...
It would indicate that it would be, yeah.
'The Cork Supernatural Society, as they style themselves,
'use a vast array of Ghostbuster technology to record
'everything from invisible light to inaudible sounds,
'but to my eyes and ears, this is about something more fundamental.'
I mean, are you all believers?
I'd be... I'm very sceptical.
We have caught evidence that would suggest there is something. Mm.
What other kind of evidence?
We're going to play some audio for you now. Just listen.
RECORDING: 'Yeah, I'm recording again.'
DISTORTED VOICE ON RECORDING
You hear the voice in the background? Yeah, but...
Did you hear it? Yeah, I did, but is that not just someone's, like...?
That's what we're trying to figure out.
Where were you when you recorded that?
We were in Ballinacarriga Castle.
But how can you be 100% sure that it wasn't just someone
hiding behind a door or...?
We had the key for the place.
DISTORTED VOICE ON RECORDING
RECORDED DISTORTED VOICE
The voice we picked up.
RECORDED DISTORTED VOICE
You see, like, I suppose, the difficulty I have
is that why don't they just speak clearer?
'Nobody has the answer to that one.
'To prevent me asking more embarrassing questions,
'someone has thrust an electronic gizmo into my hand.'
It's reading, it's detecting something.
Some EMF some electromagnetic waves.
I've been told to put the hardware down.
It's time for the main event.
We are going to speak directly to the other world.
OK, is there anyone here tonight that would like to make
contact with us?
If there is anybody here that would like to make contact with us,
there's a recorder with a little red light just there on the window.
You just speak into that, it won't hurt you.
We've come here as your friends.
We mean you no harm.
Can you come and say hello to us? Tell us your name?
Can you tell us what year you are from? When did you live here?
'This could take a little while.'
Can you touch one of the people here that are present?
Touch them somewhere.
Just so that we know that you can hear us.
If there's anyone here with us tonight,
could you make a bang sound for us?
Could we hear your footsteps?
You'll have to do it as loud as possible, so we know it's you.
Do ghosts exist?
No, I don't think so.
'The Halls wouldn't be surprised at all by the antics of our
'Ghostbusters.
'Their guidebook was full of excitedly recounted stories
'of mischievous fairies and unquiet spirits.
'The difference is some of us believe we've actually seen them.'
We are a rational people,
but with a healthy respect for the irrational.
You know, we're still open to belief
in God
and ghosts and even miracles.
And this could be due to our history,
our deep-rooted Catholicism or perhaps our Celtic heritage.
Or it might just be our very vivid imaginations.
'Next time, in my search for our national identity,
'I meet the Irish Travellers.
'They are Ireland's oldest nomadic community.'
Do you consider yourself different from settled people?
Yeah, we do things different than the settled people.
We talk different.
We call a girl a lackeen. Lackeen.
'I'll discover how the potato is still playing
'a part in modern Ireland.'
Gee! I actually think my tongue melted.
I seriously... Have a look. LAUGHTER
SQUEAKING
'And unexpected incarceration makes me assess my own Irish identity.'
You're not going to leave me here are my own?
DOOR SQUEAKS CLOSED
This a trick?
Subtitles by Ericsson