1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:05,730 'We're off on a jaunt to explore the islands of Scotland.' Fantastic! Great! 2 00:00:05,730 --> 00:00:10,610 'Inspired by the journey that Dr Johnson and James Boswell made 200 years ago. 3 00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:14,330 It's an unending tapestry of incredibly beautiful, rugged islands. 4 00:00:14,330 --> 00:00:19,130 'Our aim - to get to the island of Harris for the last week of the wild salmon fishing season. 5 00:00:19,130 --> 00:00:23,210 'So far, we've got wet in a freak wave...' 6 00:00:23,210 --> 00:00:25,250 Argh! 7 00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:27,930 'Gone native in kilts... 8 00:00:27,930 --> 00:00:31,250 'Before tossing a hammer in the Highland Games.' 9 00:00:31,250 --> 00:00:33,050 I havenae got the stamina for it! 10 00:00:33,050 --> 00:00:37,130 'In rowing boats...' My boy! Mwah! 11 00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:39,490 '..sailing boats... 12 00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:43,850 'and singing puffin boats...' TOOTING 13 00:00:43,850 --> 00:00:46,770 '..we've made it all the way from Glasgow to Oban. 14 00:00:46,770 --> 00:00:51,850 'Now, the journey continues north, testing our sailing skills...' 15 00:00:51,850 --> 00:00:55,130 I can hear it ripping. '..our survival skills...' 16 00:00:55,130 --> 00:01:00,410 I couldn't last an hour living here. I'd be wandering around the heather naked, clutching a dead rabbit 17 00:01:00,410 --> 00:01:04,450 and a whisky bottle. '..and Rory's skills at blagging free alcohol. 18 00:01:04,450 --> 00:01:07,170 'As we discover some of the wildest...' 19 00:01:07,170 --> 00:01:08,730 Ah! Whoa! 20 00:01:08,730 --> 00:01:11,170 '..and most remote places in Britain.' 21 00:01:21,970 --> 00:01:27,290 The first place we need to get to is the Isle of Mull, and Oban being gateway to the Highlands and Islands, 22 00:01:27,290 --> 00:01:29,050 there's plenty of ferries. 23 00:01:34,410 --> 00:01:40,050 Just answer me one question before we go any further... It's pronounced O-ban. Not Ob-an? 24 00:01:40,050 --> 00:01:42,890 Oban. O-ban? 25 00:01:42,890 --> 00:01:48,370 Oban. Oban. Does it matter, because we're saying goodbye to Oban? 26 00:01:48,370 --> 00:01:51,490 We're leaving Oban, but where are we going to? Mool? 27 00:01:51,490 --> 00:01:53,410 Don't mispronounce Mull. 28 00:01:53,410 --> 00:01:57,650 How can you mispronounce Mull? Mall. No, Mull. 29 00:02:00,890 --> 00:02:04,130 Over the next few days, we'll be travelling nearly 200 miles 30 00:02:04,130 --> 00:02:08,370 from Mull to the Isle of Harris, visiting the breathtaking Isle of Skye 31 00:02:08,370 --> 00:02:11,490 and the Cuillin Mountains along the way. 32 00:02:14,170 --> 00:02:18,170 I want you to do me a favour. I want to take a photograph. Yes, of course. 33 00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:24,370 Do you want me in the photograph? OK. Do you want me in the photograph? This is such a relief. 34 00:02:24,370 --> 00:02:28,610 Why do you want him in the photo? No, no, I want the background. 35 00:02:28,610 --> 00:02:31,210 Get him out of the shot. 36 00:02:31,210 --> 00:02:32,850 Put me on one side. 37 00:02:32,850 --> 00:02:35,810 That's a lovely photograph. Thank you very much. 38 00:02:35,810 --> 00:02:38,170 Is that me there? That's you, yeah. 39 00:02:42,090 --> 00:02:47,970 Look, look... Look at that - have you got any anti-flare? 40 00:02:47,970 --> 00:02:50,490 Our wild man from Borneo. 41 00:02:50,490 --> 00:02:55,250 Sorry, what's your name? My name is Timbuktu. Timbuktim? 42 00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:57,610 Timbuktu. Buktu? 43 00:02:57,610 --> 00:02:59,250 Timbuktu. Timbuktu. 44 00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:05,370 I think you're taking the piss. THEY LAUGH 45 00:03:06,650 --> 00:03:10,210 This is Duart Castle, home of the MacLean clan, whose chief showed 46 00:03:10,210 --> 00:03:14,170 Johnson and Boswell around Mull when they arrived in 1773. 47 00:03:16,170 --> 00:03:18,890 At that time, everything associated with the clans 48 00:03:18,890 --> 00:03:22,730 had been made illegal by the English following the Battle of Culloden. 49 00:03:22,730 --> 00:03:25,810 As a result, Scots began to emigrate in huge numbers. 50 00:03:27,650 --> 00:03:31,490 Boswell and Johnson's book helped make Scotland fashionable again, 51 00:03:31,490 --> 00:03:33,570 and five years after its publication, 52 00:03:33,570 --> 00:03:38,010 the Clans Act was repealed and modern Scottish tourism began. 53 00:03:39,330 --> 00:03:43,730 We've sent Griff to meet the present chief of the MacLean clan, Sir Lachlan MacLean. 54 00:03:46,290 --> 00:03:48,650 You're the chief of the MacLeans. Mm-hm. 55 00:03:48,650 --> 00:03:51,330 What does that involve you having to do? 56 00:03:51,330 --> 00:03:53,530 Look after this place. 57 00:03:53,530 --> 00:03:56,570 But nothing else? You have gatherings of the clan, do you? 58 00:03:56,570 --> 00:04:01,970 Since the war, there has been a great explosion about the clans, 59 00:04:01,970 --> 00:04:05,090 and the main thing is the genealogy. 60 00:04:05,090 --> 00:04:07,450 People want to know where they come from. 61 00:04:07,450 --> 00:04:11,250 This is the bit about a clan having a base like Duart, 62 00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:17,250 is that if you're a MacLean in Argentina - I've just had a MacLean sent his family tree from Argentina, 63 00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:21,690 and he's sent it here because this is where he... 64 00:04:21,690 --> 00:04:23,650 this is the place he knows about. 65 00:04:23,650 --> 00:04:27,570 Right. He may well be a MacLean from Tiree or from Ardnamurchan... 66 00:04:27,570 --> 00:04:30,890 But this is the centre. But this is the hub. 67 00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:33,090 This is like the hub of the wheel. 68 00:04:33,090 --> 00:04:36,570 A very narrow doorway, so I think we're going to have go single file. 69 00:04:36,570 --> 00:04:41,850 Did you see the sign over the ticket office? It's a four star... It's a little Scottish Tourist Board. 70 00:04:41,850 --> 00:04:46,170 They rank their castles. If ever there's a sign that a country had too many castles, 71 00:04:46,170 --> 00:04:51,490 it's when you're grading them like bed and breakfasts. But why hasn't it got the fifth star? No Jacuzzi. 72 00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:55,130 If there was a leisure centre... If this castle came with a spa, 73 00:04:55,130 --> 00:04:59,930 then it would be a five-star castle. Is that not the biggest sporran you've ever seen? That is. 74 00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:03,730 That's just showing off. That's ridiculous. No-one needs that sporran. 75 00:05:03,730 --> 00:05:06,650 Exactly. Below the knees, that one. 76 00:05:06,650 --> 00:05:09,410 Is it just for storage, or is it actually...? 77 00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:14,090 It's to stop the skirt flying up. But then you don't need that. You just need a small series of 78 00:05:14,090 --> 00:05:18,410 lead weights around your genitals and it'll do the job. 79 00:05:18,410 --> 00:05:23,690 Look at this very expensive silverware on show in Duart Castle on Mull. 80 00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:28,010 But you know what the sad thing about this silver collection is? They've put it on the snooker table. 81 00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:31,770 Oh, my God! What a waste. We're in the pool room. Jesus. 82 00:05:31,770 --> 00:05:33,490 Wait a second. 83 00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:38,570 That's four stars right there. That's what it is. Somewhere that has their own billiard room. 84 00:05:38,570 --> 00:05:41,010 From the capital of Mull, Tobermory, 85 00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:44,570 or for the under-fives or parents of under-fives amongst you, Balamory, 86 00:05:44,570 --> 00:05:48,530 we're picking up a boat called Mascotte, due to arrive tomorrow, 87 00:05:48,530 --> 00:05:51,690 so we've time to pick up some supplies for the passage to Skye. 88 00:05:53,130 --> 00:05:57,010 We need something that will keep, something we like, 89 00:05:57,010 --> 00:05:58,890 and something that's Scottish... 90 00:05:58,890 --> 00:06:05,930 I suppose. Luckily, that means just one thing - smoked salmon. 91 00:06:08,010 --> 00:06:13,090 'We've been offered a tour, which means complying with rigorous Scottish health and safety rules. 92 00:06:13,090 --> 00:06:16,170 'Or, in other words, wearing silly hats...' 93 00:06:16,170 --> 00:06:17,810 How does that look, eh? 94 00:06:19,130 --> 00:06:21,130 It's Ena Sharples! 95 00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:25,010 '..and weird beardy bags, called Brucies, for some reason.' 96 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:28,850 Even the fish will get up and run away in horror. Agh! 97 00:06:28,850 --> 00:06:32,850 OK... They're laughing at us, Griff. 98 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:37,770 Hello. Is there a Jean here? Am I allowed to shake your hand or is that against health and safety? 99 00:06:37,770 --> 00:06:40,850 I'm Rory, this is Griff. How do you do? Nice to see you. 100 00:06:40,850 --> 00:06:44,130 This is where it all happens? It is, yeah. And what's your job? 101 00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:49,570 What are you doing? We're packing salmon. Do you like smoked salmon yourself? Yes, oh, yes. 102 00:06:49,570 --> 00:06:52,050 How do you resist eating all day then? We don't. 103 00:06:52,050 --> 00:06:53,890 We're not allowed to. Aren't you? 104 00:06:53,890 --> 00:06:56,930 Do you get smoked salmon in the staff canteen? 105 00:06:56,930 --> 00:07:01,450 No, we get a hamper at Christmas and that's it. Oh! 106 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:06,650 A mix of slowly smouldering beech and oak wood 107 00:07:06,650 --> 00:07:11,410 produces the smoke which passes through trenches and into the ovens. 108 00:07:11,410 --> 00:07:15,010 So this is all the smoking ovens in here. 109 00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:19,650 Different fish in each? Sorry? Different fish? 110 00:07:19,650 --> 00:07:23,130 Yes, different fish. In this box here, kippers. 111 00:07:23,130 --> 00:07:25,650 Oh, look! Breakfast. 112 00:07:26,410 --> 00:07:29,090 Smoked salmon. Beautiful. 113 00:07:29,090 --> 00:07:31,810 And how long do they smoke for? 114 00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:35,490 Smoked salmon, they smoke for two or three days. 115 00:07:35,490 --> 00:07:39,410 'OK, well, we can't wait that long. We've got a boat to catch.' 116 00:07:39,410 --> 00:07:41,170 HE LAUGHS 117 00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:45,330 I'd like some smoked salmon, please. 118 00:07:45,330 --> 00:07:49,690 A big one? Yeah. Just the big one. 119 00:07:49,690 --> 00:07:54,010 One of those. Can I have a smoked salmon pate as well? 120 00:07:54,010 --> 00:07:57,210 'Salmon isn't the only thing these pure waters are famed for. 121 00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:01,010 'Scottish shellfish is flown all over the world. 122 00:08:01,010 --> 00:08:05,370 'To get the freshest scallops possible though, I've elected to pick them up myself, 123 00:08:05,370 --> 00:08:09,010 'and fit in a bit of diving in the process - once I squeeze into the suit. 124 00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:13,050 'The water may be pure, but it's also incredibly cold. 125 00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:16,530 'But I'm in good hands with ex-Navy diver Liam.' 126 00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:21,130 Liam, how cold is it out there? It's 12 degrees. 12 degrees. Lovely. 127 00:08:21,130 --> 00:08:25,170 We're going dry-suit diving, which means no water should get under the three layers of furry clothing 128 00:08:25,170 --> 00:08:28,450 I'm wearing underneath. Underneath this romper suit, 129 00:08:28,450 --> 00:08:34,330 I have a kind of mountaineer's Thinsulate layer, and also like 130 00:08:34,330 --> 00:08:37,890 a tracksuit bottom, tracky thing that you'd wear around the house. 131 00:08:37,890 --> 00:08:42,130 So I'm very snug at the moment. How many scallops are we going to get down there? 132 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,690 At least one. We're bringing one down, are we? 133 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:49,050 We're going fishing, we're not going catching. Is that for me scallops, is it? 134 00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:54,210 The normal routine, we wouldn't normally fish in the summertime anywhere near Oban. Yeah. 135 00:08:54,210 --> 00:08:58,170 The fish are under so much pressure. 136 00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:01,890 There's hundreds of divers come every week to Oban, leisure divers. 137 00:09:01,890 --> 00:09:04,490 They come to Oban and they all take two clams each. 138 00:09:04,490 --> 00:09:06,610 But that's 200 clams a day. 139 00:09:06,610 --> 00:09:08,730 That's been going on for 50 years. 140 00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:12,410 My current thing that I say is care, conserve and catch. 141 00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:16,090 If you don't care, you won't conserve. If you don't conserve, you'll soon stop catching. 142 00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:19,450 So we should probably leave what's down there down there? 143 00:09:19,450 --> 00:09:22,610 No, they're put there for our use. But to be used wisely. 144 00:09:22,610 --> 00:09:25,250 Listen, will we get suited up? Will we do this? 145 00:09:25,250 --> 00:09:29,450 Ready to go down? You'll enjoy it. It's fine. I'm looking forward to seeing them. 146 00:09:31,450 --> 00:09:33,490 'Divers are a special breed of people - 147 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,650 'hardy, resilient, and usually about a foot shorter than me.' 148 00:09:39,210 --> 00:09:41,610 I think that's as big as it gets, this suit. 149 00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:43,810 That's an XXL. That's an XXL, is it? 150 00:09:43,810 --> 00:09:46,050 Yeah, well, I need more Xs than that. 151 00:09:50,010 --> 00:09:51,250 This is the birth canal. 152 00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:56,650 There we go. You'll be fine, man. One of the great pleasures of diving 153 00:09:56,650 --> 00:10:02,330 in the tropics in a wetsuit is that if you need to go, you can just go. 154 00:10:02,330 --> 00:10:07,410 It's one of the guilty secrets of all divers, is the moment of calm when you see us in the water, going... 155 00:10:08,770 --> 00:10:11,890 Yeah. You don't do that in a dry suit. It's got nowhere to go. 156 00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:17,330 All right? 157 00:10:17,330 --> 00:10:19,690 Are we rolling over backwards? 158 00:10:36,130 --> 00:10:42,610 Of course, in this murky underwater world, with all the breathing apparatus, it's impossible to talk. 159 00:10:42,610 --> 00:10:47,530 So for those of you who don't understand the special sign language we divers use, I will translate. 160 00:10:53,050 --> 00:10:55,170 For example, that means "excellent". 161 00:10:55,170 --> 00:10:57,250 Rubbing your tummy means "yummy yummy". 162 00:10:57,250 --> 00:11:00,770 That means, "I'd like to eat some of these scallops quickly, 163 00:11:00,770 --> 00:11:02,250 "thank you very much." 164 00:11:06,050 --> 00:11:07,810 "Mmm, garlic butter." 165 00:11:13,210 --> 00:11:16,170 "Would sir like to try the wine?" 166 00:11:16,170 --> 00:11:18,690 "Delightful." 167 00:11:20,250 --> 00:11:23,410 "Oh, some of this seafood is very fresh." 168 00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:26,850 There he goes! 169 00:11:32,290 --> 00:11:36,610 And after a brief chase, he's in the bag. 170 00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:41,410 The most important sign of all is, "Let's get out of the cold water." 171 00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:46,570 We've called for Sandy, the friendly, fast-water taxi, 172 00:11:46,570 --> 00:11:49,810 to take us to Tobermory to pick up Mascotte. 173 00:11:56,970 --> 00:12:02,410 But on the way, we've decided to drop in on one of the most spectacular caves in the UK, 174 00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:05,770 on the island of Staffa, and the inspiration for one of 175 00:12:05,770 --> 00:12:08,650 Felix Mendelssohn's most famous symphonies. 176 00:12:08,650 --> 00:12:10,930 We have one great advantage over Mendelssohn. 177 00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:12,810 We're still alive. 178 00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:17,730 Apart from that, it's the fact that we can get there in 20 minutes flat. 179 00:12:24,890 --> 00:12:27,730 How does the Mendelssohn go again? 180 00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:31,170 RORY HUMS "FINGAL'S CAVE" BY FELIX MENDELSSOHN 181 00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:37,930 That's The Ride Of The Valkyries. That's what? 182 00:12:37,930 --> 00:12:40,530 Isn't that The Ride Of The Valkyries? Is it? 183 00:12:40,530 --> 00:12:42,610 No, the Ride Of The Valkyries is... 184 00:12:42,610 --> 00:12:45,250 THEY HUM "THE RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES" BY RICHARD WAGNER 185 00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:46,530 That's better. 186 00:12:51,890 --> 00:12:54,810 MUSIC: "FINGAL'S CAVE" BY FELIX MENDELSSOHN 187 00:12:54,810 --> 00:12:59,850 Mendelssohn wasn't the only visitor to this island in the middle of nowhere. 188 00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:06,690 During the 18th and 19th centuries, Jules Verne, Wordsworth, Keats, Tennyson, Turner, Queen Victoria, 189 00:13:06,690 --> 00:13:11,890 and of course Boswell and Johnson made the hazardous trip here. 190 00:13:11,890 --> 00:13:16,970 The Vikings knew about it. It only became famous because of Joseph Banks, 191 00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:19,770 the famous naturalist who'd gone with Captain Cook 192 00:13:19,770 --> 00:13:22,850 to the South Seas, who then got famous and went around, 193 00:13:22,850 --> 00:13:25,530 and everything he saw, he pointed out and said, 194 00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:27,850 "Oh, that's a very interesting natural phenomenon," 195 00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:31,970 and presumably he came up here and looked at this very interesting natural phenomenon 196 00:13:31,970 --> 00:13:34,370 and pronounced that it was a natural phenomenon 197 00:13:34,370 --> 00:13:36,450 and not a sort of legendary phenomenon. 198 00:13:36,450 --> 00:13:40,050 Is this now officially the longest walk on television ever? 199 00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:44,170 'Indeed it is natural, formed when a massive lava cools 200 00:13:44,170 --> 00:13:49,890 'and shrinks into these hexagonal columns, giving this characteristic, almost man-made look.' 201 00:13:49,890 --> 00:13:55,290 Oh, my God. No, it's more like a cathedral than you were saying. 202 00:13:55,290 --> 00:13:57,610 It looks like a '60s cathedral, though. 203 00:13:57,610 --> 00:13:59,810 Yeah, Liverpool Cathedral, yeah. Or Coventry. 204 00:14:01,690 --> 00:14:03,650 It's a little bit more... 205 00:14:03,650 --> 00:14:07,410 It's a little bit gloomy and bleak. 206 00:14:07,410 --> 00:14:11,130 It's certainly gloomy. It's not a happy cave. 207 00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:13,850 It's like the last word in isolation. From here, 208 00:14:13,850 --> 00:14:18,570 the only thing you can see is the entrance of the cave or out towards the Atlantic. 209 00:14:20,090 --> 00:14:22,250 What else did Mendelssohn write? 210 00:14:22,250 --> 00:14:26,450 He wrote a very famous violin concerto. 211 00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,610 How did that go? Which everybody knows. 212 00:14:28,610 --> 00:14:32,370 Do they know it? How does it go? RORY HUMS A TUNE 213 00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:34,970 It doesn't go anything like that. 214 00:14:34,970 --> 00:14:37,410 How about... RORY HUMS A TUNE 215 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:40,610 Oh, that's Mozart! Mozart again. Do you want to hear it? 216 00:14:40,610 --> 00:14:43,490 RORY HUMS A TUNE That's Tchaikovsky. 217 00:14:43,490 --> 00:14:46,410 Do you want to hear Mendelssohn's violin concerto? 218 00:14:46,410 --> 00:14:49,370 Yeah, go on. I'll put you out your misery. 219 00:14:52,010 --> 00:14:55,930 STEREO PLAYS "VIOLIN CONCERTO IN E MINOR (OP.64)" BY FELIX MENDELSSOHN 220 00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:57,970 THEY HUM ALONG 221 00:15:05,650 --> 00:15:10,010 The island of Staffa was bought in 1986 by a New York businessman 222 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:13,170 to give to his wife for her 60th birthday. 223 00:15:13,170 --> 00:15:17,290 She took one look at it and gave it to the National Trust. 224 00:15:17,290 --> 00:15:21,050 Perhaps he should have tried chocolates. 225 00:15:22,290 --> 00:15:26,330 At the main town of Mull, Tobermory, Mascotte has finally arrived. 226 00:15:26,330 --> 00:15:30,130 So, while the others pick up more boring things like tea and coffee, 227 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:34,250 I'm continuing my quest to try every distillery in Scotland. 228 00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:38,850 The Tobermory distillery is the only one on Mull. 229 00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:41,610 By now I'm getting an old hand... 230 00:15:41,610 --> 00:15:43,370 with calluses on it. 231 00:15:43,370 --> 00:15:46,370 Despite the others thinking that I'm just looking for 232 00:15:46,370 --> 00:15:51,730 free samples, I'm still learning, this time from master distiller Ian. 233 00:15:51,730 --> 00:15:55,810 I always think the best way to enjoy whisky, is to think, 234 00:15:55,810 --> 00:15:59,850 "That whisky has been locked up in there for 15 years." 235 00:15:59,850 --> 00:16:03,850 When you taste it, we like to say to give the whisky a second 236 00:16:03,850 --> 00:16:07,570 for every year it's been in the cask before you swallow it. 237 00:16:07,570 --> 00:16:11,050 15 seconds? 15 seconds. I don't think I can wait that long! 238 00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:13,930 But believe me, it'll be worth it. Let's try it. 239 00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:15,050 Put your stopwatch on. 240 00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:26,690 OK. That is a good experience. 241 00:16:26,690 --> 00:16:31,490 What happens there is you're getting to smell the whisky as well, because it goes right up 242 00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:36,010 the back of your nose, it comes back down again. You get the full experience, 243 00:16:36,010 --> 00:16:38,690 all the flavour and aroma in one go. 244 00:16:38,690 --> 00:16:43,210 Now, I know comparisons are odious, Ian, but I've been to a few distilleries, 245 00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:49,130 and they've always showered me with free gifts, a bottle of whisky, malt, single malt, a blend, 246 00:16:49,130 --> 00:16:50,810 do you know what I'm saying? 247 00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:55,370 I do. I'm quite sure I could organise a nice bottle of Tobermory for you, 248 00:16:55,370 --> 00:16:59,370 but I've got a little job I'd like you to do first. 249 00:16:59,370 --> 00:17:01,170 There's no free bottle of Scotch. 250 00:17:04,370 --> 00:17:07,890 Turns out Ian's running behind on some of his local deliveries. 251 00:17:11,970 --> 00:17:14,850 Whisky earned, it's time to board Mascotte. 252 00:17:14,850 --> 00:17:16,410 Hello. 253 00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,650 How are you? 254 00:17:17,650 --> 00:17:21,930 'Yes, it's not difficult to see how Rory spent the day. 255 00:17:21,930 --> 00:17:27,850 'Not a great first impression for skipper Richard, who's coming with us to help sail this beast of a boat.' 256 00:17:27,850 --> 00:17:29,610 What sort of boat is she? 257 00:17:29,610 --> 00:17:34,210 She's a Bristol Channel pilot cutter, built in Newport in 1904. 258 00:17:34,210 --> 00:17:37,370 'The boat's rigging is all original. 259 00:17:37,370 --> 00:17:39,570 'Everything is done by block and tackle. 260 00:17:39,570 --> 00:17:41,410 'Not a winch in sight.' 261 00:17:41,410 --> 00:17:42,490 It's excellent. 262 00:17:42,490 --> 00:17:45,810 It's just the most beautifully designed piece of work, this boat. 263 00:17:45,810 --> 00:17:52,490 It's an extremely efficient boat, built to shoot out at great speed to meet the incoming vessels 264 00:17:52,490 --> 00:17:57,730 coming across the Atlantic, and then put a pilot aboard. That was a competitive business. 265 00:17:57,730 --> 00:18:00,730 Each pilot would be racing to be the first boat 266 00:18:00,730 --> 00:18:04,330 that greeted the big boat coming in and put their pilot aboard. 267 00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:08,610 This ship would only have three guys left to board it to sail it, 268 00:18:08,610 --> 00:18:10,770 but that's a heavy job. 269 00:18:10,770 --> 00:18:12,970 We're only four now. 270 00:18:12,970 --> 00:18:18,330 These are massive sails, massive spars, and it's back-breaking work. 271 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:21,170 There was no real need to elbow me in the head, was there?! 272 00:18:21,170 --> 00:18:23,130 It's a test of physical strength. 273 00:18:23,130 --> 00:18:26,490 These boys, they like to show off their physical strength. 274 00:18:26,490 --> 00:18:29,810 Well, today we'll see how far they can go. 275 00:18:35,370 --> 00:18:38,650 We can set up to eight sails on this boat. 276 00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:40,930 The main weighs in at nearly a tonne. 277 00:18:40,930 --> 00:18:43,930 There are 500 metres of rope. 278 00:18:48,770 --> 00:18:51,090 It takes years to learn how to sail her properly. 279 00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:55,970 But luckily we're just motoring out of the harbour. 280 00:18:58,650 --> 00:19:01,130 And skipper Richard has left me in charge. 281 00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:03,010 Nothing too difficult here. 282 00:19:06,450 --> 00:19:09,770 Take it out of gear, you've run over a buoy. 283 00:19:20,930 --> 00:19:22,970 Griff ran into some sort of marine thing. 284 00:19:22,970 --> 00:19:27,290 I think it's actually too early to blame Griff 100%. It's never too early to blame Griff. 285 00:19:27,290 --> 00:19:29,450 OK, fair enough. It's caught around the prop. 286 00:19:29,450 --> 00:19:34,330 Did you get a shot of Griff leaning over with his arse in the air because he ran over something? 287 00:19:36,690 --> 00:19:40,450 'That something is a lobster pot attached to a buoy. 288 00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:42,850 'And all of that is now attached to our propeller.' 289 00:19:46,530 --> 00:19:50,250 Yeah, well, this is your standard day in a boat, really, to be honest. 290 00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:53,250 If we let him go, we own the boat. 291 00:19:53,250 --> 00:19:55,370 That's the rule of the sea. 292 00:20:00,970 --> 00:20:02,890 Here's a question for you. 293 00:20:02,890 --> 00:20:05,850 Generally, how far have we moved in the last hour? 294 00:20:05,850 --> 00:20:11,490 In the time that we've been struggling with the buoy, we have moved far enough 295 00:20:11,490 --> 00:20:14,730 so that Balamory...is still there! 296 00:20:14,730 --> 00:20:19,010 Eventually, we untangled the buoy. 297 00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:22,690 Oh! We have the buoy! We have it, we have the buoy! 298 00:20:22,690 --> 00:20:25,290 I want to get off this boat! 299 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:29,050 But how exciting, running over a buoy. An unplanned jeopardy. 300 00:20:29,050 --> 00:20:30,730 Coming up in part two... 301 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:36,890 buoy trouble! At the end of the day, Griff, do you think we have lost Richard's confidence? 302 00:20:36,890 --> 00:20:38,770 Do you think he no longer trusts us? 303 00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:41,970 I think we shall find out as the voyage progresses! 304 00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:48,690 With an hour and a half lost to the lobsters, we now need to get moving. 305 00:20:48,690 --> 00:20:52,890 So choosing to put Dara at the helm is an interesting choice from skipper, Richard. 306 00:20:52,890 --> 00:20:56,850 And then when you tell me, I will push her all the way to there 307 00:20:56,850 --> 00:21:00,010 in order to swing her round back over there? Yeah. 308 00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:02,490 Is it wise to put Dara at the helm, do you think? 309 00:21:02,490 --> 00:21:04,650 Well... 310 00:21:04,650 --> 00:21:09,090 It's somebody else's turn to run into a buoy now. Yeah, OK. 311 00:21:09,090 --> 00:21:15,010 The wind's coming this way, and I want it eventually so the wind is going that way. 312 00:21:18,450 --> 00:21:22,810 Obviously, no-one has told Richard that in five series of Three Men, this is only the second time 313 00:21:22,810 --> 00:21:25,570 Dara has been allowed to take the helm. 314 00:21:25,570 --> 00:21:27,970 I'm just thankful it's not my boat. 315 00:21:27,970 --> 00:21:30,250 This looks like I'm doing nothing, doesn't it? 316 00:21:33,050 --> 00:21:34,930 Always looking. 317 00:21:34,930 --> 00:21:36,650 OK, then, Dara, this is your moment! 318 00:21:36,650 --> 00:21:39,490 Oh, we're going downwind, Captain! Good man. 319 00:21:39,490 --> 00:21:42,490 Oh, she's fighting! That's a good course, Dara. 320 00:21:42,490 --> 00:21:45,570 Hold it straight. Holding the course straight! 321 00:21:47,210 --> 00:21:52,170 In my time on the boat, number of buoys hit - zero! 322 00:21:52,170 --> 00:21:54,490 Number of buoys Griff hit - one. 323 00:21:54,490 --> 00:21:56,010 Who's the winner there? 324 00:21:57,090 --> 00:21:59,370 Well, I didn't even know it was a competition! 325 00:21:59,370 --> 00:22:01,930 I could have hit hundreds if I'd wanted to! 326 00:22:29,050 --> 00:22:34,810 We're going in exactly the opposite direction from Dr Johnson! 327 00:22:34,810 --> 00:22:36,530 And Boswell. 328 00:22:36,530 --> 00:22:40,010 Who came in this way, came down to... 329 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:43,490 ..to Mull 330 00:22:43,490 --> 00:22:46,570 and spent a little bit of time on Mull, 331 00:22:46,570 --> 00:22:50,250 visited Ulva, where they were interested to find that the "droit de seigneur", 332 00:22:50,250 --> 00:22:52,330 the right of the Laird of Ulva 333 00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:54,610 to have the first night 334 00:22:54,610 --> 00:23:01,450 with any newly-married woman, still existed. 335 00:23:01,450 --> 00:23:05,330 Something that Rory, if he'd only read the book, would have delighted in. 336 00:23:05,330 --> 00:23:08,330 But he...He read the... 337 00:23:08,330 --> 00:23:10,930 But he read the introduction! 338 00:23:10,930 --> 00:23:14,730 We could have had a four-hour monologue out of Rory on that, I would have thought! 339 00:23:19,010 --> 00:23:25,050 Despite having a total novice at the helm, we are making good progress. 340 00:23:31,010 --> 00:23:33,730 Is this Ardnamurchan Point? 341 00:23:33,730 --> 00:23:37,650 This is Ardnamurchan Point, the most westerly point in mainland Britain. 342 00:23:37,650 --> 00:23:40,570 More westerly than Land's End, which surprises me. It surprises me. 343 00:23:40,570 --> 00:23:45,170 So, you see where that boat is, Dara? Bring her down over there where that boat is. 344 00:23:45,170 --> 00:23:48,450 Sorry, Rory. The cockpit is a bit... 345 00:24:03,490 --> 00:24:08,010 "Ardramurchan" means "the hill of the great sea" 346 00:24:08,010 --> 00:24:12,730 and it's at this point that we enter the real wilderness of Scotland. 347 00:24:12,730 --> 00:24:14,450 From now on, there are no more marinas. 348 00:24:14,450 --> 00:24:18,450 The landscape becomes more rugged, the sea more cruel, 349 00:24:18,450 --> 00:24:21,050 and the tides more unpredictable. 350 00:24:21,050 --> 00:24:23,610 It was in these waters that Boswell 351 00:24:23,610 --> 00:24:27,450 and Johnson got caught in a huge storm that blew them way off course. 352 00:24:30,130 --> 00:24:34,410 I'm sitting down here with my good friend, Dara, and we're just in a very, very good zone. 353 00:24:34,410 --> 00:24:37,410 You know, it's postlunch, 354 00:24:37,410 --> 00:24:39,810 and the Tobermory has been flowing. 355 00:24:39,810 --> 00:24:41,850 As you can see, 356 00:24:41,850 --> 00:24:47,170 Dara is so excited at being on a beautifully old-fashioned sailing boat, 357 00:24:47,170 --> 00:24:49,730 in the most beautiful part of Britain, 358 00:24:49,730 --> 00:24:53,450 that he's crashed out completely. 359 00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:55,170 Griff's up on deck, 360 00:24:55,170 --> 00:24:58,770 probably ranting about us. 361 00:24:58,770 --> 00:25:04,930 It's the only time I get to really sing my own songs, and here's another one! 362 00:25:06,530 --> 00:25:11,090 # And I wake up and she's sleeping... # 363 00:25:11,090 --> 00:25:14,090 So, we've got the wind behind us, and we're passing through... 364 00:25:15,890 --> 00:25:18,650 ..some of the most romantic... 365 00:25:20,050 --> 00:25:26,210 ..and world-famous, legendary seascape in the world. 366 00:25:26,210 --> 00:25:27,730 There's Eigg, 367 00:25:27,730 --> 00:25:30,490 and there's Muck, the Isle of Muck. 368 00:25:30,490 --> 00:25:33,250 And through there, in the rain, 369 00:25:33,250 --> 00:25:35,690 that's Rum. 370 00:25:35,690 --> 00:25:40,890 Just the most magn... We will never pass this way again, possibly. 371 00:25:40,890 --> 00:25:43,010 Certainly not in such a beautiful boat. 372 00:25:43,010 --> 00:25:45,450 And those two are down below, 373 00:25:45,450 --> 00:25:48,490 titting about. 374 00:25:48,490 --> 00:25:52,690 Mind you, it's started to rain now, so perhaps one of them should have a go, 375 00:25:52,690 --> 00:25:54,850 and I'll go and tit about for a bit. 376 00:25:54,850 --> 00:26:00,330 I've actually had enough time sitting up here, staring at the legendary landscape, quite honestly. 377 00:26:00,330 --> 00:26:02,370 It's very samey. 378 00:26:03,930 --> 00:26:08,090 After a day's sail, we have to find a sheltered bay to overnight in. 379 00:26:08,090 --> 00:26:11,050 And there's not many of those round here, so we've ended up at the most 380 00:26:11,050 --> 00:26:13,850 notoriously difficult place to navigate into. 381 00:26:15,770 --> 00:26:21,210 So, what we're trying to do is squeeze a 60-foot yacht... boat into a 70-foot space. 382 00:26:21,210 --> 00:26:23,170 Yeah. Yeah. 383 00:26:23,170 --> 00:26:27,130 I thought about showing you on the chart beforehand, but I thought 384 00:26:27,130 --> 00:26:30,730 that would only make you nervous, so, we'll look at it afterwards. 385 00:26:30,730 --> 00:26:34,610 OK. That will still make us nervous, even afterwards! 386 00:26:34,610 --> 00:26:38,090 It's soon clear just how wild and remote this place really is. 387 00:26:41,410 --> 00:26:43,170 Can you imagine living out here? 388 00:26:43,170 --> 00:26:45,890 I couldn't last an hour, living out here, 389 00:26:45,890 --> 00:26:49,530 before I'd go stark-raving mad. I'd be wandering round the heather, naked, 390 00:26:49,530 --> 00:26:51,610 clutching a dead rabbit and a whisky bottle. 391 00:26:59,930 --> 00:27:03,010 Are you ready? Yeah, yeah. 392 00:27:03,010 --> 00:27:07,570 Wow! Dara O Briain! Look at this! 393 00:27:07,570 --> 00:27:10,370 Scallops in their own shell, 394 00:27:10,370 --> 00:27:13,410 with bacon and black pudding. 395 00:27:13,410 --> 00:27:19,570 I think the actual term is "hand-dived" scallops. 396 00:27:19,570 --> 00:27:21,530 Yes. These are the ones I went down for. 397 00:27:21,530 --> 00:27:23,770 Well, let's see how they taste. The taste test. 398 00:27:23,770 --> 00:27:27,890 And if I've ruined them in the way I cooked them, then I'll be really annoyed. Mmm! 399 00:27:29,450 --> 00:27:31,650 Mmm. 400 00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:35,770 That's a plateful of flavour! 401 00:27:35,770 --> 00:27:39,610 I like the colour, the scallops are cooked very beautifully. 402 00:27:39,610 --> 00:27:41,330 In their own shell. 403 00:27:41,330 --> 00:27:48,130 The physical I had to do in order to get health and safety clearance to do the dive, took an hour and a half. 404 00:27:48,130 --> 00:27:51,130 I am now cleared to dive on an oil rig. 405 00:27:51,130 --> 00:27:54,610 Was there any health and safety involved in going to the distillery? No. 406 00:27:54,610 --> 00:27:56,250 They didn't take your blood pressure? 407 00:27:56,250 --> 00:27:58,330 They didn't check if you could drink the stuff? 408 00:27:58,330 --> 00:28:00,730 No hard hats, no steel toecaps, no anything. 409 00:28:00,730 --> 00:28:04,170 Did you have to wear any luminous gear? Only on my face. 410 00:28:06,690 --> 00:28:11,530 The problem with being so remote is there's no phone reception, TV, or anything else. 411 00:28:11,530 --> 00:28:19,090 So we have to settle for the classic combination of a bottle of whisky, a pack of cards, and each other. 412 00:28:19,090 --> 00:28:21,770 'Oh, God.' 413 00:28:21,770 --> 00:28:24,930 He's keeping you in, Dara, he's sucking you in! 414 00:28:24,930 --> 00:28:27,890 All in. This is the big one. 415 00:28:27,890 --> 00:28:29,730 Well done, Dara! 416 00:28:29,730 --> 00:28:31,850 Thank you very much. Lovely. 417 00:28:31,850 --> 00:28:36,730 You stinking, filthy, lily-livered coward, Griff! 418 00:28:36,730 --> 00:28:40,130 But there's plenty of time, Rory. The night is young. 419 00:28:49,130 --> 00:28:52,370 Next morning, we stop at the Knoydart Peninsula, 420 00:28:52,370 --> 00:28:57,050 the UK's last proper wilderness, and not accessible by road. 421 00:28:59,450 --> 00:29:01,810 I mean, how large is the largest wilderness in the UK? 422 00:29:01,810 --> 00:29:05,450 30 miles in every direction. 423 00:29:05,450 --> 00:29:11,530 If you stand in the middle of it, it's apparently 30 miles in every direction. Is that right? Mmm. 424 00:29:11,530 --> 00:29:14,050 Does this count as wilderness right here? 425 00:29:14,050 --> 00:29:16,970 We're on the edge of the wilderness, so if there is a middle, 426 00:29:16,970 --> 00:29:19,650 it must be 60 miles of wilderness in that direction. 427 00:29:19,650 --> 00:29:22,890 Presumably there's a sign saying "Welcome to the wilderness"? I hope so. 428 00:29:22,890 --> 00:29:26,410 Having eaten everything on board the night before, we've met up 429 00:29:26,410 --> 00:29:31,170 with Graham - a wilderness expert - who's promised to find us our next meal. 430 00:29:31,170 --> 00:29:33,970 What are we looking for then? Define protein. 431 00:29:33,970 --> 00:29:40,250 Well, we're looking for, essentially, carbohydrates - fats, minerals and protein. 432 00:29:40,250 --> 00:29:42,570 Again, here's something we could use - 433 00:29:42,570 --> 00:29:45,250 this one here - three leaf. 434 00:29:45,250 --> 00:29:47,370 This is something tasty. This is wood sorrel. 435 00:29:47,370 --> 00:29:50,210 We can just eat that? Chew a bit. 436 00:29:50,210 --> 00:29:54,090 'Graham teaches survival skills and recently spent two months 437 00:29:54,090 --> 00:30:01,330 'on a remote Scottish island, living on what he could find, so he should know what we can and can't eat.' 438 00:30:01,330 --> 00:30:03,250 Yeah, so, mushrooms, can we eat those? 439 00:30:03,250 --> 00:30:07,730 You've got to be careful. Like all plants and fungi, you've got to be careful 440 00:30:07,730 --> 00:30:10,250 with what you eat. If you don't know it, don't eat it. 441 00:30:10,250 --> 00:30:14,090 Do you know the best ones? Would you recognise boletus and all those wonderful mushrooms? 442 00:30:14,090 --> 00:30:16,490 Yeah. This is a boletus here. Is it? 443 00:30:16,490 --> 00:30:19,410 That one's inedible. 444 00:30:19,410 --> 00:30:22,930 And, someone who does not know the good or bad? Stay away from them. 445 00:30:22,930 --> 00:30:26,930 If you don't know, the water dropworts, the hemlocks, 446 00:30:26,930 --> 00:30:30,890 digitalis, belladonnas, the monkshood, will kill you. 447 00:30:30,890 --> 00:30:36,210 And so will a lot of the amanita family and so on. It's not worth it. OK. 448 00:30:36,210 --> 00:30:39,090 Insects. Can we eat insects? You can eat insects, if you want. 449 00:30:39,090 --> 00:30:41,970 We could rummage around for some woodlice. 450 00:30:41,970 --> 00:30:46,490 We could eat them raw. We could maybe forage for some worms, which are full of protein. 451 00:30:46,490 --> 00:30:48,450 We don't eat that in the Western world. 452 00:30:48,450 --> 00:30:51,330 I'm going to show you some stuff I've actually gathered earlier. 453 00:30:51,330 --> 00:30:55,530 OK. And then I want to challenge youse to go down on to the shoreline 454 00:30:55,530 --> 00:30:59,970 and gather some edibles, which we'll cook up later. OK. 455 00:30:59,970 --> 00:31:02,130 Mussels. Everybody knows about mussels. 456 00:31:02,130 --> 00:31:06,650 You've probably had that with wine and garlic. Also razor clams. 457 00:31:06,650 --> 00:31:09,530 This is a good food source. 458 00:31:09,530 --> 00:31:12,130 We can dig for these in the sand. Limpets. 459 00:31:12,130 --> 00:31:13,970 A lot of people don't eat these. 460 00:31:13,970 --> 00:31:16,090 They don't see them as a suitable food source. 461 00:31:16,090 --> 00:31:19,610 They're actually quite tasty. Do you like squid calamari? Hmmm. 462 00:31:19,610 --> 00:31:22,650 These are the same. We could simply just cook them 463 00:31:22,650 --> 00:31:26,330 in hot rocks or turn them upside down and cook them in a little pot. 464 00:31:26,330 --> 00:31:29,530 Gentlemen, do youse want to head off and see what you can gather? OK. 465 00:31:29,530 --> 00:31:31,770 What are you waiting for then? 466 00:31:31,770 --> 00:31:35,050 Fair enough. I'll catch youse later. 467 00:31:35,050 --> 00:31:38,090 Yeah, yeah. See you later. 468 00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:47,930 I think, I guess you've just got to start digging underneath. 469 00:31:47,930 --> 00:31:49,530 That's the crab. 470 00:31:49,530 --> 00:31:51,890 I guess we could eat him. 471 00:31:51,890 --> 00:31:56,050 Winkles. That's a winkle. You can eat those if you've got a pin. 472 00:31:57,810 --> 00:31:59,810 I can't see there's any mussels. 473 00:31:59,810 --> 00:32:03,650 Any time you come across a mussel, basically there are dozens of mussels, or have been, 474 00:32:03,650 --> 00:32:05,930 and the sea gulls have been here and eaten them all. 475 00:32:10,370 --> 00:32:13,410 Sticks, sticks, sticks, moss. 476 00:32:13,410 --> 00:32:16,050 Sticks and moss. How are you getting on? 477 00:32:16,050 --> 00:32:18,450 I'm only seeing sticks and moss. 478 00:32:18,450 --> 00:32:20,250 I don't want to eat either sticks or moss. 479 00:32:20,250 --> 00:32:22,650 You've got to take your eyes off the ground sometime. 480 00:32:22,650 --> 00:32:25,610 There's more food up the way also. 481 00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:27,730 This tree, for example, is a lime tree. 482 00:32:27,730 --> 00:32:29,810 This is a useful tree. 483 00:32:29,810 --> 00:32:33,410 It's a bit late in the year, but it's still edible. In the springtime, 484 00:32:33,410 --> 00:32:35,010 these are lovely and succulent. 485 00:32:35,010 --> 00:32:36,890 You could use these as woodland salad. 486 00:32:36,890 --> 00:32:40,930 It will also provide us with flowers we could turn into a tea. 487 00:32:40,930 --> 00:32:43,090 How long would I survive? Look at me! 488 00:32:43,090 --> 00:32:46,210 I'm soft and metropolitan. How long would I survive? 489 00:32:46,210 --> 00:32:49,570 Ah, it's a matter... Is it even hours? Five minutes. 490 00:32:49,570 --> 00:32:51,810 Jesus! Let's find some roots. 491 00:32:51,810 --> 00:32:53,770 Let's have a wander. 492 00:32:55,890 --> 00:32:58,570 Another mussel! A genuine mussel. 493 00:32:58,570 --> 00:33:00,330 Two genuine mussels. 494 00:33:00,330 --> 00:33:02,490 Small mussels, but they are mussels. 495 00:33:02,490 --> 00:33:05,330 That's good. This is great. 496 00:33:05,330 --> 00:33:08,130 I found a bit of sorrel, Griff has a couple of shellfish. 497 00:33:08,130 --> 00:33:12,210 Our wilderness meal is looking a little SLIMMING at this stage. This is what you have got. 498 00:33:12,210 --> 00:33:14,250 Winkles, mussels... 499 00:33:14,250 --> 00:33:16,050 With a bit of luck, Rory has done better. 500 00:33:16,050 --> 00:33:19,890 If not, we could always eat him. 501 00:33:19,890 --> 00:33:22,690 Is that enough protein to survive for a day? 502 00:33:22,690 --> 00:33:25,530 It would get you by. For a day, or for lunch? 503 00:33:27,570 --> 00:33:30,250 What you've basically done is misjudged the tide. 504 00:33:30,250 --> 00:33:34,330 A lot of wilderness survivors survive in the wilderness at the right time. 505 00:33:34,330 --> 00:33:39,570 We're here and we've arrived in the wilderness at an inconvenient time for the wilderness. 506 00:33:39,570 --> 00:33:44,370 Graham shows us the prehistoric way of starting a fire, 507 00:33:44,370 --> 00:33:47,490 using part of a prehistoric violin. 508 00:33:52,130 --> 00:33:54,970 Fire. Brilliant! 509 00:33:54,970 --> 00:33:57,530 That's fantastic. 510 00:33:57,530 --> 00:33:59,050 Can you also make a wheel? 511 00:33:59,050 --> 00:34:00,650 DARA LAUGHS 512 00:34:00,650 --> 00:34:04,050 I could carve you a wheel. I've walked absolutely miles. 513 00:34:04,050 --> 00:34:06,930 Good news. Just in time to get the fire going. 514 00:34:06,930 --> 00:34:08,650 I hope you're grateful. 515 00:34:08,650 --> 00:34:11,210 Sweet and sour chicken and rice. 516 00:34:11,210 --> 00:34:13,690 You're a very good forager(!) From the wilderness store. 517 00:34:13,690 --> 00:34:15,810 I think I'd prefer to eat my dead limpet. 518 00:34:18,850 --> 00:34:22,210 The wilderness shop is in the wilderness village. 519 00:34:22,210 --> 00:34:28,290 It's there to service the few who live here, alongside the wilderness post office and the wilderness pub. 520 00:34:28,290 --> 00:34:31,650 Let's face it, that wasn't that filling a meal, was it? 521 00:34:31,650 --> 00:34:34,970 We survived. We did survive. We survived our morning in the woods. 522 00:34:34,970 --> 00:34:39,210 It's nice to know the remotest and most authentic 523 00:34:39,210 --> 00:34:41,770 piece of wilderness in Britain still has a very good pub. 524 00:34:41,770 --> 00:34:46,730 A really excellent pub. This is the remotest pub in mainland Britain. 525 00:34:46,730 --> 00:34:48,410 You can only get to here by boat. 526 00:34:48,410 --> 00:34:51,210 I'm drinking the remotest pint of lager in Britain. 527 00:34:51,210 --> 00:34:55,370 Yes, that you'll ever have. It's so remote, it's so remote 528 00:34:55,370 --> 00:34:59,490 that Hugh Dennis and Oz Clarke are coming here in two weeks' time to film another BBC show. 529 00:34:59,490 --> 00:35:03,610 Shall we leave them a message! I was going to. "Dear Hugh... 530 00:35:03,610 --> 00:35:10,130 "Dear Hugh and Oz, we were here first! 531 00:35:10,130 --> 00:35:15,210 "Love, Three Men." Remote, isn't it? 532 00:35:15,210 --> 00:35:17,090 THEY LAUGH 533 00:35:17,090 --> 00:35:21,890 Do you know if Boswell and Johnson, do you remember them? Did they come here? 534 00:35:21,890 --> 00:35:23,610 No, I don't think they did. 535 00:35:23,610 --> 00:35:25,890 They went... Didn't they go to Skye? 536 00:35:25,890 --> 00:35:28,130 They went to Skye and got blown off course. 537 00:35:28,130 --> 00:35:32,290 Then they went into Coll, which is too remote for us to visit. 538 00:35:32,290 --> 00:35:35,330 We should check behind the bar to see if there's a letter 539 00:35:35,330 --> 00:35:38,650 from Dr Johnson saying, "Dear Three Men, bad luck." 540 00:35:40,730 --> 00:35:43,610 Here's to remoteness. Thank you. 541 00:35:43,610 --> 00:35:46,050 Thank you. Cheers! 542 00:35:49,050 --> 00:35:55,930 On the next leg of our journey to Skye, I've agreed to give a friend a lift. He's not due in until later. 543 00:35:55,930 --> 00:36:00,050 What do you do in remotest Scotland to kill time? You play golf. 544 00:36:00,050 --> 00:36:03,690 I have played golf when I was 12. 545 00:36:03,690 --> 00:36:06,490 Well, you never lose it. Really? 546 00:36:06,490 --> 00:36:10,090 I understand the basic principles of golf. Tell me this, Griff? 547 00:36:10,090 --> 00:36:11,850 Why do they give you so many bats? 548 00:36:11,850 --> 00:36:15,370 I remember that. Each of these are angled at different angles. 549 00:36:15,370 --> 00:36:17,810 That's for ice. That's what you play it on snow. 550 00:36:17,810 --> 00:36:21,770 Who's going to go first, then? 551 00:36:22,410 --> 00:36:26,170 I think he's... How hard do you hit it if you want it to go up there? 552 00:36:26,170 --> 00:36:27,850 It depends how far you want to putt it. 553 00:36:27,850 --> 00:36:29,890 I don't think that's going to be an issue. 554 00:36:29,890 --> 00:36:31,090 I don't want to do this. 555 00:36:31,090 --> 00:36:33,850 I'll do it. Do you want somebody has to start? 556 00:36:33,850 --> 00:36:35,570 No, I might enjoy it. 557 00:36:35,570 --> 00:36:39,250 If I enjoy it, I'll find myself playing golf for the rest of my life. 558 00:36:41,570 --> 00:36:43,370 Nice. Nice. 559 00:36:45,330 --> 00:36:48,810 'If it wasn't already obvious, none of us really play golf.' 560 00:36:48,810 --> 00:36:51,730 Where did it go? Where did it go? 561 00:36:51,730 --> 00:36:54,490 'Because the modern game was invented in Scotland...' 562 00:36:54,490 --> 00:36:56,690 I'm enjoying this. It's going to be a long afternoon. 563 00:36:56,690 --> 00:36:59,250 'And there are more golf courses per capita 564 00:36:59,250 --> 00:37:03,290 'than anywhere else in the world, it seems the obvious place to start.' 565 00:37:03,290 --> 00:37:05,370 Where did it go? 566 00:37:05,370 --> 00:37:07,610 Who knows where it went? 567 00:37:07,610 --> 00:37:09,170 It went up. 568 00:37:09,170 --> 00:37:11,890 Good shot! What a great game golf is. 569 00:37:11,890 --> 00:37:13,690 Isn't it? 570 00:37:13,690 --> 00:37:17,930 'Golf etiquette dictates that the player furthest from the hole plays first.' 571 00:37:17,930 --> 00:37:19,530 Am I still the furthest away? 572 00:37:19,530 --> 00:37:21,450 Possibly, yes. Even further. 573 00:37:21,450 --> 00:37:23,930 'Somehow it always seems to be my turn to play.' 574 00:37:23,930 --> 00:37:26,130 Oh, good! 575 00:37:26,130 --> 00:37:28,570 This first hole, by the way, is a par-three. 576 00:37:28,570 --> 00:37:30,490 You get to go again then. 577 00:37:30,490 --> 00:37:33,810 Longer, slower holes will follow. 578 00:37:33,810 --> 00:37:36,010 10. 579 00:37:37,250 --> 00:37:37,850 Five. 580 00:37:39,690 --> 00:37:41,890 Amazingly, that's only one hole done. 581 00:37:41,890 --> 00:37:43,490 What did you get? 582 00:37:43,490 --> 00:37:44,970 I got five. 583 00:37:46,690 --> 00:37:48,570 What did you get, Rory? Seven. 584 00:37:48,570 --> 00:37:50,770 Seven. What did you get? Nine. 585 00:37:50,770 --> 00:37:52,530 10. 11. 586 00:37:52,530 --> 00:37:54,330 Anything above that? 587 00:37:54,330 --> 00:37:55,850 OK. That was par-three. 588 00:37:55,850 --> 00:37:58,810 OK, at the moment you are seven over par for the first hole. 589 00:37:58,810 --> 00:38:01,530 This would not be regarded as a good start. You're two over par. 590 00:38:01,530 --> 00:38:02,890 I'm not saying I'm any... 591 00:38:02,890 --> 00:38:04,850 And you're five over par. 592 00:38:04,850 --> 00:38:09,970 I understand. I do understand I didn't do very well at that hole. 593 00:38:09,970 --> 00:38:13,490 I had worked that out, actually. Will you do better at the second hole? 594 00:38:13,490 --> 00:38:15,250 It depends how bullying you get. 595 00:38:15,250 --> 00:38:19,250 Oh, this golf is so straight-laced. I spent my youth in Ireland playing hurling. 596 00:38:19,250 --> 00:38:21,290 This is how you should strike a ball. 597 00:38:21,290 --> 00:38:23,690 Aah! Ha-ha! 598 00:38:25,770 --> 00:38:28,290 That's very good. Where did that end up? 599 00:38:28,290 --> 00:38:30,650 About 250 yards out that way. That's fantastic! 600 00:38:32,810 --> 00:38:35,090 Aah! 601 00:38:35,090 --> 00:38:37,410 Sorry, sorry! What hole is that? 602 00:38:37,410 --> 00:38:40,290 Seventh. That's the seventh hole. OK. 603 00:38:40,290 --> 00:38:43,490 With one shot you've managed to jump five holes ahead. It saves time. 604 00:38:43,490 --> 00:38:46,610 That means you get nothing for two, three, four, five and six. 605 00:38:46,610 --> 00:38:49,850 Wow! You're ahead of par already. 606 00:38:49,850 --> 00:38:54,170 When Rory nearly decapitates a fellow golfer, we decide we're a danger 607 00:38:54,170 --> 00:39:00,090 to everyone else and head back to the boat where we can only be a danger to ourselves. 608 00:39:02,370 --> 00:39:05,490 I think we should make this gorgeously Scottish scene 609 00:39:05,490 --> 00:39:10,410 even more Scottish with a wee skirl of the pipes. 610 00:39:10,410 --> 00:39:11,930 OK. 611 00:39:11,930 --> 00:39:14,530 HE DRUMS 612 00:39:14,530 --> 00:39:17,930 THEY IMITATE BAGPIPE DRONE 613 00:39:21,730 --> 00:39:25,290 THEY PLAY "SCOTLAND THE BRAVE" 614 00:39:32,810 --> 00:39:38,650 We set off for Skye and en route, we're picking up my friend, comedian and mountain climber, Ed Byrne. 615 00:39:43,770 --> 00:39:46,210 The things I do for you. 616 00:39:46,210 --> 00:39:47,650 Middle of the boat. 617 00:39:47,650 --> 00:39:50,690 Are you sure? Should I not try and counteract your massive weight? 618 00:39:50,690 --> 00:39:53,730 Not middle-middle, I mean front middle. 619 00:39:53,730 --> 00:39:56,970 Less of the "massive weight". I'm giving you a lift. 620 00:39:56,970 --> 00:39:59,130 Ready to go? I am, yeah. 621 00:39:59,130 --> 00:40:01,330 And around we go. 622 00:40:01,330 --> 00:40:03,450 Welcome to Scotland. 623 00:40:03,450 --> 00:40:05,730 How's the climbing going? 624 00:40:05,730 --> 00:40:07,570 It's good. The weather's not fantastic. 625 00:40:07,570 --> 00:40:10,490 No, I can't see a mountain at the moment. The visibility is poor. 626 00:40:10,490 --> 00:40:14,850 'Ed is a man on a mission. He wants to climb a series of mountains called the Munros in Scotland. 627 00:40:14,850 --> 00:40:19,290 'The Cuillin mountains of Skye have 12 such peaks and the easiest way to get there is by boat.' 628 00:40:19,290 --> 00:40:21,530 What are the Munros? 629 00:40:21,530 --> 00:40:25,610 The Munros are mountains in Scotland over 3,000 ft. 630 00:40:25,610 --> 00:40:28,530 They were first catalogued by a guy called Sir Hugh Munro. 631 00:40:28,530 --> 00:40:33,170 As I say, I think it's a joke the Scottish play on the rest of us. 632 00:40:33,170 --> 00:40:36,770 3,000 ft is about the highest a Scottish cloud tends to sit. 633 00:40:38,330 --> 00:40:40,650 You hike all day and see nothing. 634 00:40:40,650 --> 00:40:45,570 There's 284 of them. How many have you climbed? 635 00:40:45,570 --> 00:40:47,330 I'd done 48 now. 636 00:40:47,330 --> 00:40:51,570 That's good! You can walk them all apart from one, which is called 637 00:40:51,570 --> 00:40:56,890 the Inaccessible Pinnacle, or the "In Pin" for short. 638 00:40:56,890 --> 00:41:03,290 It's the only one you have to use ropes and you have to abseil back down it and stuff. 639 00:41:03,290 --> 00:41:06,450 What's this called, doing all the Munros? 640 00:41:06,450 --> 00:41:08,890 It's called Munro bagging. 641 00:41:08,890 --> 00:41:12,530 Are you a "Munro bagger"? Yes, or "completer". 642 00:41:12,530 --> 00:41:15,770 Have you started to annoy each other yet? 643 00:41:15,770 --> 00:41:17,570 About four seasons ago, I think. 644 00:41:17,570 --> 00:41:21,330 Have you discovered just how very ticklish Dara is? 645 00:41:21,330 --> 00:41:23,730 Incredibly. Like this. 646 00:41:23,730 --> 00:41:29,770 That would... That would while away hours on end. 647 00:41:29,770 --> 00:41:32,650 Just knowing you can just do that. 648 00:41:35,610 --> 00:41:37,930 Do you want to steer the boat while you're here? 649 00:41:37,930 --> 00:41:40,570 If I do, I'll crash it, surely. 650 00:41:42,490 --> 00:41:46,570 I'm totally turning the boat now. You are. 651 00:41:46,570 --> 00:41:51,090 This massive boat is moving with me just moving this little stick. 652 00:41:51,090 --> 00:41:55,090 See, you're loving it, aren't you? Loving it. 653 00:41:55,090 --> 00:41:56,730 It's a piece of piss. Yeah. 654 00:41:56,730 --> 00:42:01,130 You realise that by sitting at the back of the boat with me, 655 00:42:01,130 --> 00:42:04,010 you're allowing Griff and Ed to talk about you. 656 00:42:04,010 --> 00:42:06,370 Yeah, I know. They're bitching about me. 657 00:42:06,370 --> 00:42:09,050 I can see Dara going, "I have an idea. 658 00:42:09,050 --> 00:42:11,170 "Three men and a private jet." 659 00:42:11,170 --> 00:42:14,890 That was my Dara impression, did you like that? 660 00:42:14,890 --> 00:42:17,130 "Er... Er..." 661 00:42:17,130 --> 00:42:20,850 Why don't they both go up the mountain? That's a perfect solution. 662 00:42:20,850 --> 00:42:25,050 It would mean that Ed has Griff's company and we don't, 663 00:42:25,050 --> 00:42:29,930 which is perfect. Ed's still at the point where he sees Griff's company as a happy novelty. 664 00:42:29,930 --> 00:42:32,570 Are you enjoying it, Ed? 665 00:42:32,570 --> 00:42:36,050 I am. I'm already quite aware of alliances having been formed. 666 00:42:36,050 --> 00:42:39,490 I feel like I'm a pawn in a game here. 667 00:42:39,490 --> 00:42:43,850 I'm being drawn into a maelstrom of bitchiness and gossip already. 668 00:42:43,850 --> 00:42:48,970 Griff would be going, "Rory's a stirrer. He's a stirrer, is Rory." 669 00:42:48,970 --> 00:42:51,450 THEY LAUGH 670 00:42:51,450 --> 00:42:54,450 Remember who brought you on the boat. Don't forget that. 671 00:43:02,970 --> 00:43:06,010 Look at that remote cottage. That is remote. That cottage there. 672 00:43:06,010 --> 00:43:09,330 Beautiful sandy beach. We're about to visit... This is interesting. 673 00:43:09,330 --> 00:43:14,370 We're about to visit a place which is described in the handbook as 674 00:43:14,370 --> 00:43:17,570 "the most awesome place on earth". Right? 675 00:43:17,570 --> 00:43:19,290 That's a hell of a claim. 676 00:43:19,290 --> 00:43:20,890 Let's just wait and see, shall we? 677 00:43:22,170 --> 00:43:27,610 It is beginning to clear up. I think it's going to be all right. I think I might even get a view. 678 00:43:27,610 --> 00:43:30,690 Yeah. 679 00:43:30,690 --> 00:43:32,730 What is the best way to see the Highlands? 680 00:43:32,730 --> 00:43:35,570 Is it by boat, car, microlight? 681 00:43:35,570 --> 00:43:38,970 What would actually take in this kind of landscape? 682 00:43:38,970 --> 00:43:41,170 You're asking that question of a hill walker. 683 00:43:41,170 --> 00:43:44,690 The best way to see the landscape is to walk it, in my opinion. 684 00:43:44,690 --> 00:43:48,130 It's the only way to truly participate with the landscape. 685 00:43:48,130 --> 00:43:51,410 I don't want to participate. What's the best way to SEE the landscape? 686 00:43:51,410 --> 00:43:53,690 From the landscape, I feel. 687 00:43:53,690 --> 00:43:56,290 One of the coolest things when you go Munro bagging, 688 00:43:56,290 --> 00:43:58,890 and you know you've set your sights on doing them all, 689 00:43:58,890 --> 00:44:03,010 is to stand on the top of one and you look out and you go, 690 00:44:03,010 --> 00:44:07,450 "Oh, that's where I was last month and that's where I'm going to be someday!" 691 00:44:07,450 --> 00:44:11,730 Will it give you a sense of ownership of the Highlands when you've done it? 692 00:44:11,730 --> 00:44:14,130 I don't know about "ownership". Kinship maybe. 693 00:44:14,130 --> 00:44:15,690 That's better. That's nice. 694 00:44:15,690 --> 00:44:17,850 I like that. A oneness. 695 00:44:17,850 --> 00:44:21,130 A sense of oneness. Will you get a badge? 696 00:44:21,130 --> 00:44:25,490 I'll make one myself. "I have oneness with the Highlands" 697 00:44:25,490 --> 00:44:28,250 My wife is stitching me a badge as we speak. 698 00:44:36,010 --> 00:44:37,690 We're in luck. 699 00:44:37,690 --> 00:44:42,890 The famously cloud-covered Cuillin have decided to show themselves to us today. 700 00:44:47,450 --> 00:44:51,770 At Loch Scavaig we transfer to the shore. 701 00:44:51,770 --> 00:44:55,770 From there, it's a short walk to Loch Coruisk. 702 00:44:55,770 --> 00:44:59,570 The high, inaccessible Munros, 703 00:44:59,570 --> 00:45:06,930 tower over this freshwater lake so it's clearly time for the rest of us to say goodbye to the intrepid Ed. 704 00:45:08,570 --> 00:45:14,810 What do we think, boys, on an awesome scale of 0-10? Seven. 705 00:45:14,810 --> 00:45:17,290 It's quite awesome. It's not... 706 00:45:17,290 --> 00:45:20,450 It's awesome that we can see it because usually you can't see anything 707 00:45:20,450 --> 00:45:22,610 because of the mist and fog and cloud. 708 00:45:22,610 --> 00:45:25,610 It's very good. It gets more awesome 709 00:45:25,610 --> 00:45:28,090 the further in you go, I would have said. 710 00:45:28,090 --> 00:45:31,130 Ed, I think I should come with you. I feel bad about you going off... 711 00:45:31,130 --> 00:45:35,050 Griff, I would love you to come with me. I enjoyed your mountain show with great glee. 712 00:45:35,050 --> 00:45:36,610 We'd love him to go with you. 713 00:45:36,610 --> 00:45:39,450 You don't even have a sandwich in your pocket. 714 00:45:39,450 --> 00:45:41,490 I've only got enough stuff to look after myself. 715 00:45:41,490 --> 00:45:43,450 I'm not a qualified mountain leader. 716 00:45:43,450 --> 00:45:47,530 I'm not taking somebody who doesn't even have a power bar on him into the mountains. 717 00:45:47,530 --> 00:45:49,130 Enjoy the rest of your journey. 718 00:45:49,130 --> 00:45:51,330 We shall miss you. 719 00:45:51,330 --> 00:45:53,170 Catch a salmon for me. 720 00:45:53,170 --> 00:45:55,010 Yeah, we'll name it Ed. 721 00:45:55,010 --> 00:45:56,770 And then release it. And eat it. 722 00:45:56,770 --> 00:45:58,810 ED LAUGHS 723 00:45:58,810 --> 00:46:01,770 We'll release it into the wild, like we're doing to you. 724 00:46:01,770 --> 00:46:03,410 Fly away, little Ed! Fly away! 725 00:46:03,410 --> 00:46:06,250 Go to the top and spawn. All right. 726 00:46:06,250 --> 00:46:09,050 Thanks for the lift. No problem. 727 00:46:09,050 --> 00:46:10,770 See you! What a very nice man! 728 00:46:10,770 --> 00:46:13,530 Never rated his work. NEVER rated his work. 729 00:46:15,530 --> 00:46:17,250 I'm not saying, honestly, Dara. 730 00:46:17,250 --> 00:46:20,490 I'm just saying, if anything terrible were to happen to you, 731 00:46:20,490 --> 00:46:22,930 like you were to slip, he would be a good... 732 00:46:22,930 --> 00:46:28,130 He'll be a seamless... We wouldn't want you to go, but in case you fell off the boat or something like that. 733 00:46:31,210 --> 00:46:33,850 With Ed dropped, we need to continue north. 734 00:46:33,850 --> 00:46:38,730 So far we've travelled 100 miles in four days, but the sailing isn't getting any easier 735 00:46:38,730 --> 00:46:40,930 or perhaps we're not getting any better at it. 736 00:46:40,930 --> 00:46:45,050 Hang on! It's caught on something. Hang on. It's caught on something. 737 00:46:45,050 --> 00:46:48,090 It's caught on something. I can hear it ripping. 738 00:46:48,090 --> 00:46:50,890 It's caught on the anchor. 739 00:46:50,890 --> 00:46:57,450 The trouble is we have another 100 miles to get past Skye and end up on Harris and only one day left. 740 00:46:57,450 --> 00:46:59,930 OK. Put the tiller right up towards you. 741 00:47:01,650 --> 00:47:03,730 Here it comes. 742 00:47:18,130 --> 00:47:20,050 Hours of doing nothing. 743 00:47:20,050 --> 00:47:23,770 30 seconds of the hardest work available. 744 00:47:23,770 --> 00:47:26,730 OK, we're going to haul away on that now, Griff. 745 00:47:26,730 --> 00:47:31,170 Despite favourable weather and my superior helmsmanship, 746 00:47:31,170 --> 00:47:33,330 and Rory actually doing some work for a change, 747 00:47:33,330 --> 00:47:36,290 we're still not going to make it to Harris without a little help. 748 00:47:36,290 --> 00:47:38,690 I say a little, I mean MASSIVE. 749 00:47:38,690 --> 00:47:43,770 We're hitching a lift with this - the Scottish Fisheries Protection vessel. 750 00:47:52,090 --> 00:47:55,770 Used to fast launches in pursuit of naughty fishermen, the crew 751 00:47:55,770 --> 00:47:57,810 of the Norna don't mess about 752 00:47:57,810 --> 00:47:59,770 when they're doing boat-to-boat transfers. 753 00:47:59,770 --> 00:48:03,890 Thanks to a bit of Scottish muscle, we're now on course 754 00:48:03,890 --> 00:48:06,490 to reach our destination, in good time. 755 00:48:07,730 --> 00:48:14,170 How sweet is that?! It's great, isn't it? That's a fantastic way to...! 756 00:48:14,170 --> 00:48:16,410 It was great. 757 00:48:16,410 --> 00:48:21,770 How many are you on board? One minute we're on the sea, we're on a boat now. Ship, ship. 758 00:48:21,770 --> 00:48:24,970 Ship, got to remember that. Sorry! 759 00:48:26,610 --> 00:48:28,650 You're the captain. 760 00:48:28,650 --> 00:48:32,010 That's right. The ship's master. Do I call you captain? 761 00:48:32,010 --> 00:48:34,610 You call me Don, actually. Everybody else does on here. 762 00:48:34,610 --> 00:48:38,370 Here we are on the Norna from Leith in Edinburgh. 763 00:48:38,370 --> 00:48:43,450 "Fisheries Protection", what does that actually mean, in a nutshell? 764 00:48:43,450 --> 00:48:48,570 We're looking after the fisheries for Scotland and Europe. 765 00:48:48,570 --> 00:48:53,170 We're checking the fishermen are sticking to all the rules and regulations. 766 00:48:53,170 --> 00:48:55,170 Do you let English boats up here? Oh, we do, yes. 767 00:48:55,170 --> 00:48:56,890 That's very sweet of you. 768 00:48:56,890 --> 00:49:00,730 More importantly, where are we going today? We're heading for Orkney now. 769 00:49:00,730 --> 00:49:02,770 Orkney? That's right. 770 00:49:02,770 --> 00:49:06,130 You couldn't do us a favour, could you? 771 00:49:06,130 --> 00:49:08,450 What would that be? You couldn't drop us at Harris? 772 00:49:08,450 --> 00:49:11,930 I don't think so. You'd have to persuade me one way. 773 00:49:14,090 --> 00:49:20,810 While we were on Skye, I took a little visit to the only distillery on Skye 774 00:49:20,810 --> 00:49:25,090 and I'd like to present you with this lovely bottle of Talisker. 775 00:49:25,090 --> 00:49:29,450 In exchange for dropping us at Harris and not taking us to the Orkneys. 776 00:49:29,450 --> 00:49:32,810 I think this might do the trick. That's very kind of you. 777 00:49:32,810 --> 00:49:35,050 I was going to say, could you have a glass of it? 778 00:49:35,050 --> 00:49:36,610 Obviously, we want it back. 779 00:49:36,610 --> 00:49:38,410 HE LAUGHS 780 00:49:38,410 --> 00:49:44,210 Don is a good sport. The whisky ends up in a charity raffle and he's happy to drop us en route. 781 00:49:45,850 --> 00:49:48,690 Modern boats, you've got to love them. 782 00:49:48,690 --> 00:49:51,690 'Whilst we have a leisurely lunch with the captain, 783 00:49:51,690 --> 00:49:55,210 'the boat does all hard work and we're soon at journey's end.' 784 00:49:59,890 --> 00:50:02,770 Ammhuinnsuidhe Castle was built as a hunting lodge. 785 00:50:02,770 --> 00:50:07,530 It's one of the last places to fish for wild salmon in Scotland. 786 00:50:07,530 --> 00:50:12,370 In a week's time, the salmon will start making their way back to the spawning grounds. 787 00:50:15,810 --> 00:50:22,810 We'll be fly-fishing and, despite being in deepest, darkest Scotland, our ghillie is a Welshman. 788 00:50:22,810 --> 00:50:24,410 Would you believe it? 789 00:50:24,410 --> 00:50:27,570 So, we'll go by here first to start with. 790 00:50:27,570 --> 00:50:35,450 What we want to achieve is put in that line and presenting that line into the current of the water. 791 00:50:35,450 --> 00:50:41,690 How many fish are out there? There could be 200-300 fish, ready to make their run up the gorge 792 00:50:41,690 --> 00:50:45,650 So, they've come in on the tide and they'll be waiting in this current 793 00:50:45,650 --> 00:50:49,690 for the good oxygenated water 794 00:50:49,690 --> 00:50:54,410 and the strength and power of the salmon and sea trout is phenomenal. 795 00:50:54,410 --> 00:50:55,490 They're pure muscle. 796 00:50:56,530 --> 00:50:59,330 So, there are plenty of fish in this bit of sea. 797 00:50:59,330 --> 00:51:03,250 The question remains, how do we get hold of one? If you can imagine, that line will go out. 798 00:51:03,250 --> 00:51:04,890 The current will swing through. 799 00:51:04,890 --> 00:51:11,690 You will then strip it back, the line, and the fish then, if it sees it and wants to take it, 800 00:51:11,690 --> 00:51:15,450 the flies go in there and he'll want to roll and take the fly. 801 00:51:15,450 --> 00:51:19,170 'Yes. I have to say Russell may know what he's talking about 802 00:51:19,170 --> 00:51:21,890 'but the dark art of fly-fishing isn't much clearer to me.' 803 00:51:21,890 --> 00:51:27,490 Just ease off with the reel and then it'll... 804 00:51:27,490 --> 00:51:32,090 You'll hook it and play it then obviously it's used to tire the fish out. 805 00:51:32,090 --> 00:51:36,370 Do you expect us to catch salmon today, given that we are inexperienced? 806 00:51:36,370 --> 00:51:39,370 This is the whole thing. 807 00:51:39,370 --> 00:51:42,450 It's all about putting the fly in the water. 808 00:51:42,450 --> 00:51:46,210 If the fly's in the water, you've got a chance to catch salmon. 809 00:51:46,210 --> 00:51:47,850 Are the salmon there all night? 810 00:51:47,850 --> 00:51:51,690 They'll be here all night until... Yeah. We might need... 811 00:51:51,690 --> 00:51:55,610 Time to put our lack of knowledge into practice. 812 00:51:57,050 --> 00:51:58,170 There. It's different. 813 00:51:58,170 --> 00:52:03,810 It always looks easier when someone else does it. It really is easy. 814 00:52:07,050 --> 00:52:12,650 I don't think it's very dangerous for the salmon, but I think it's quite dangerous for me. 815 00:52:12,650 --> 00:52:20,170 If I were to stick myself down there and enter in somewhere between these two flicking their... 816 00:52:20,170 --> 00:52:22,650 flicking their lines around... 817 00:52:22,650 --> 00:52:25,810 I think perhaps I'll just wait until Rory's caught a couple 818 00:52:25,810 --> 00:52:29,930 and then I shall step down and do my own fishing in my own time. 819 00:52:29,930 --> 00:52:33,570 That'll be in about a couple of weeks, I should think. 820 00:52:33,570 --> 00:52:35,530 You're getting it there. 821 00:52:35,530 --> 00:52:39,410 Keep trying and you'll get it. 822 00:52:39,410 --> 00:52:43,650 We're just going to give Griff a go, a minute, Rory. 823 00:52:43,650 --> 00:52:45,610 I fancy being closer to the water. 824 00:52:45,610 --> 00:52:49,690 Be careful. It's slippery. It is slippery, but I can still... 825 00:52:49,690 --> 00:52:51,330 It's all right. 826 00:52:51,330 --> 00:52:53,970 Now, I've got to get it dangling properly... 827 00:52:53,970 --> 00:52:58,250 'Casting is not easy, but there are other problems.' 828 00:52:58,250 --> 00:53:00,450 BUZZING 829 00:53:00,450 --> 00:53:06,250 I'm not sure how much fun this is for me, but you get a real sense of the food chain. 830 00:53:06,250 --> 00:53:07,890 They are salmon. 831 00:53:07,890 --> 00:53:10,850 We catch them. We eat them. 832 00:53:10,850 --> 00:53:15,330 But they are midges, they eat us. 833 00:53:15,330 --> 00:53:19,530 There are midges in my eyes, midges in my ears, midges in my hair. 834 00:53:19,530 --> 00:53:23,730 If I mush them around, there are midges all over my face and my hands, all over my jacket. 835 00:53:23,730 --> 00:53:25,770 There are literally thousands of the things. 836 00:53:25,770 --> 00:53:31,290 The number one reason, sadly, that people don't come back to Scotland for a holiday - midges. 837 00:53:33,850 --> 00:53:36,890 I'm flinging it out here. 838 00:53:36,890 --> 00:53:42,890 I know Griff would love to catch a fish and all, but it's a tough enough life for a salmon. 839 00:53:42,890 --> 00:53:49,170 Look at the jumping you have to do, just to get its end away! 840 00:53:49,170 --> 00:53:52,370 A flip and a swim, a jump, a jump, a jump and a swim. 841 00:53:52,370 --> 00:53:54,850 It changes its entire metabolism 842 00:53:54,850 --> 00:53:57,330 from saltwater to freshwater 843 00:53:57,330 --> 00:54:00,490 Why should I be yet another impediment to that? 844 00:54:00,490 --> 00:54:04,610 I'm just going to do this for a while. 845 00:54:05,570 --> 00:54:07,290 And this. 846 00:54:08,850 --> 00:54:10,290 GOD! 847 00:54:12,170 --> 00:54:15,370 Watch your back-cast, Griff, would you? 848 00:54:15,370 --> 00:54:17,810 Just watch yourself, Rory. OK. 849 00:54:19,090 --> 00:54:21,930 Remember, that's it! 850 00:54:21,930 --> 00:54:24,530 Get movement in the water with the fly. 851 00:54:24,530 --> 00:54:27,610 That's it. 852 00:54:27,610 --> 00:54:32,170 Always make sure there's no-one behind you when casting. 853 00:54:32,170 --> 00:54:34,610 Wait a minute! You're on fish. 854 00:54:34,610 --> 00:54:38,450 I'm on fish. He's on a fish. What do I do? 855 00:54:38,450 --> 00:54:42,410 Fish! Let it go, let it go. 856 00:54:42,410 --> 00:54:47,730 'Apparently I mustn't fight the fish too much or it'll win. 857 00:54:47,730 --> 00:54:51,210 'When it wants to swim away, I must give it some line. 858 00:54:51,210 --> 00:54:52,970 When it swims towards me, I pull it in. 859 00:54:52,970 --> 00:54:55,530 When it wants to run, let the reel go. 860 00:54:55,530 --> 00:54:57,930 I don't want him to go. Just keep it tight. 861 00:54:57,930 --> 00:55:00,290 This is known as "playing" the fish. 862 00:55:00,290 --> 00:55:03,890 Is that yours? I've got one, yeah. 863 00:55:03,890 --> 00:55:07,970 I'm not sure how much fun the fish is having. 864 00:55:07,970 --> 00:55:11,450 Not too tight. Let him run. 865 00:55:11,450 --> 00:55:13,890 How exciting is this, Dara? 866 00:55:13,890 --> 00:55:17,130 It's coming in this way. Let's get him, let's get him. 867 00:55:17,130 --> 00:55:18,890 Wahey! 868 00:55:20,210 --> 00:55:22,810 That's a nice sea trout. 869 00:55:22,810 --> 00:55:24,370 Well done! 870 00:55:24,370 --> 00:55:27,050 That's a sea trout. 871 00:55:27,050 --> 00:55:32,130 Record smallest sea trout. 872 00:55:32,130 --> 00:55:34,810 Man takes pride in small fish. 873 00:55:34,810 --> 00:55:38,930 For the sake of perspective, wow, that is a big fish! 874 00:55:38,930 --> 00:55:41,330 It's actually not that big. 875 00:55:41,330 --> 00:55:46,170 But that's not the last of the excitement for Griff as there's a long-standing tradition 876 00:55:46,170 --> 00:55:48,930 at Ammhuinnsuidhe Castle, that when you catch a big fish, 877 00:55:48,930 --> 00:55:54,010 you can draw it on a wall in the house so it can live on in infamy. 878 00:55:54,010 --> 00:55:56,970 These are the sizes of the ones that people... 879 00:55:56,970 --> 00:56:00,570 Actually the sea trout are quite big, aren't they? They are. 880 00:56:00,570 --> 00:56:03,170 9½ lbs. Look! 881 00:56:03,170 --> 00:56:05,490 Somebody's drawn something here. 882 00:56:05,490 --> 00:56:07,170 That's disgraceful. That's awful. 883 00:56:07,170 --> 00:56:08,930 That's terrible somebody wrote that. 884 00:56:08,930 --> 00:56:11,010 Griff Rhys Jones, 11 oz. 885 00:56:11,010 --> 00:56:16,010 That's not only belittling me, that's belittling my fish, 886 00:56:16,010 --> 00:56:17,850 which is actually that big. 887 00:56:17,850 --> 00:56:20,730 See how much better that looks! 888 00:56:20,730 --> 00:56:24,970 We couldn't find space to fit your gigantic fish on the wall so we had to draw it to scale. 889 00:56:24,970 --> 00:56:27,330 Look, it's got a little smile on it! 890 00:56:27,330 --> 00:56:32,170 On most fishing programmes on television, you should kiss the fish. I intend to eat the fish. 891 00:56:32,170 --> 00:56:34,690 Kiss it! Not eat it. Kiss it, why? 892 00:56:34,690 --> 00:56:36,970 That's what they do on fishing programmes. 893 00:56:36,970 --> 00:56:38,810 They don't. I'll kiss it. Hold it up! 894 00:56:38,810 --> 00:56:40,290 Mouth first. Lovely! 895 00:56:41,770 --> 00:56:43,410 Lovely. 896 00:56:43,410 --> 00:56:46,490 Eurgh! I'm not eating this now. 897 00:56:46,490 --> 00:56:49,090 I'm not kissing you! Oh, dear! 898 00:56:49,090 --> 00:56:51,890 That was horrible. An unnecessary thing to do. 899 00:56:51,890 --> 00:56:54,850 That was revolting. 900 00:56:54,850 --> 00:56:58,890 And it didn't turn into a princess so we'd better eat it. 901 00:56:58,890 --> 00:57:04,330 We're going to prepare it a way that even we can manage - raw, as sushi. 902 00:57:04,330 --> 00:57:07,810 That's the freshest fish I've ever had. 903 00:57:07,810 --> 00:57:10,130 What did we do before the Scots invented sashimi? 904 00:57:12,130 --> 00:57:16,370 This is about the furthest west we're going to get. This is the end of our trip. 905 00:57:16,370 --> 00:57:18,810 It's the end. Another journey over. 906 00:57:18,810 --> 00:57:20,090 What would you take from it? 907 00:57:20,090 --> 00:57:23,570 For me, I have to say, 908 00:57:23,570 --> 00:57:26,010 if Boswell and Johnson took that journey again 909 00:57:26,010 --> 00:57:30,210 they would be surprised at how wild and extraordinary the place still is. 910 00:57:30,210 --> 00:57:35,210 How rugged and unspoilt, really terrific. You go through that. 911 00:57:35,210 --> 00:57:39,530 The only thing that spoils it is the huge number of tourists following in their footsteps. 912 00:57:39,530 --> 00:57:41,650 This is the longest journey we've done. 913 00:57:41,650 --> 00:57:47,050 This is longer than we quaffed Ireland, just going from Greenock and all the way up here. 914 00:57:47,050 --> 00:57:50,410 In distance? In distance, this is the longest journey we've ever done. 915 00:57:50,410 --> 00:57:52,290 We've remained within the Highlands. 916 00:57:52,290 --> 00:57:55,010 For a man who only knows Edinburgh and Glasgow and the odd trip 917 00:57:55,010 --> 00:57:57,330 to Inverness and Aberdeen, it's an eye-opener. 918 00:57:57,330 --> 00:58:01,450 The sheer vastness. An extraordinary place. What about you, Rory? What did you get from it? 919 00:58:01,450 --> 00:58:05,930 Three bottles of Talisker, 15-year-old Tobermory, 920 00:58:05,930 --> 00:58:08,770 96 miniatures of Isle of Jura, 921 00:58:08,770 --> 00:58:14,250 a lovely Oban, I think that's a Pinot Noir aged 15-year-old. 922 00:58:14,250 --> 00:58:16,330 What else? A packet of oatcakes... 923 00:58:36,050 --> 00:58:39,130 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 924 00:58:39,130 --> 00:58:42,090 E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk