1
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:05,400
Hello. I'm Richard Ayoade,

2
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:08,720
the internationally regarded
face of Gadget Man.

3
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:12,160
But for the next half-hour of
mould-shattering television,

4
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:14,840
this face is going to
pack its oversize bag

5
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,680
and fly to foreign shores.

6
00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:20,680
Watch as I radically
alter my persona.

7
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,040
I'm briefly quelling my fear
of leaving home

8
00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:28,040
in order to explore warmer climes.

9
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,920
'My stated goal is to show you
the component parts

10
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,840
'of a triumphant weekend away...'

11
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:34,400
Oh, dear.

12
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,360
'..with the minimum of minutage,
coin and faff.

13
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:38,480
Bang!

14
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:42,480
'This time we have 48 hours to
extract a full flagon of holiday joy

15
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,240
'from the Catalan wonder
of Barcelona.

16
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,320
'I'm travelling with the frankly
magnificent Kathy Burke.'

17
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:50,960
 We're basically guinea pigs.

18
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,480
'With whom I will discuss
modern art... '

19
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:56,480
Know what I see in that?
Zippy from Rainbow.

20
00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:58,880
'..astonishing sporting triumphs...'

21
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:01,800
I am very impressed.
Yeah, this is dynamite(!)

22
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,200
'..and the intriguing
culinary trends...'

23
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:05,800
Another success.

24
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,040
There you go.

25
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:10,560
'..of this wondrous wedge
of Spain as we take you...'

26
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,160
Oh, hello!

27
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,560
'..unbidden through a generally
acceptable weekend away.'

28
00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:19,560
We're here, but should we have come?

29
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,600
If personal space isn't your jam,

30
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:30,600
then feel free to trundle
to Barcelona by bus.

31
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:34,080
While those who want to make
those R'n'B dreams a reality

32
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,960
could charter themselves
a private jet.

33
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,840
Chastened by the commercial failure
of my last two rap albums,

34
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,520
I've chosen a more affordable

35
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,160
public aircraft,

36
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:48,160
while Kathy travels by train
into Barcelona Sants Station.

37
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:54,960
Oh, yeah. Hola.

38
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,720
Finally rocking up.

39
00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:00,600
I've been waiting here for
about two minutes. I'm livid.

40
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,320
I almost punched my way
through this girder.

41
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,080
Well, thank you for joining me.
Pleasure. Thank you for asking.

42
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:09,160
The train, I imagine, was a delight.
It was, actually.

43
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,960
I still can't hear anything.
From the plane.

44
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,440
 So, I know this is your show...

45
00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:16,000
Well, nominally.
..but I'm gonna ask you a question.

46
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,000
Why have you brought me to Barcelona?

47
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,040
I'm gonna flippin' run it down now.

48
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,640
7.5 million tourists fling
themselves here every year,

49
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:27,560
and while I instinctively
reject majority verdicts,

50
00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:31,560
this level of popularity
must be taken into account.

51
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,040
As well as being in Spain

52
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,320
we're also in the capital
of the Catalonia region,

53
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,960
which has its own language and flag.

54
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,800
If you plan your trip frugally
you can get here,

55
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,240
sleep, munch and quaff

56
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,160
for just £69 each

57
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,720
for a whole weekend.

58
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:51,720
Catalonia is where they invented
Chupa Chups.

59
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:56,240
And the last in this amazing
series of compelling reasons

60
00:02:56,800 --> 00:03:00,120
is that they don't have
a tooth fairy here.

61
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,840
They have a tooth mouse.
A tooth mouse? Tooth mouse.

62
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:07,720
'We arrive at our
carefully chosen digs.'

63
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,320
This is it. Oh, crumbs.
Yeah. All right.

64
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,240
'El Palauet contains
just six two-bedroom suites

65
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:17,040
'and is located in one of
Barcelona's

66
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:21,040
'most exclusive boulevards.'

67
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:25,040
But we're sharing this, yeah?
Yes. Oh. OK.

68
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:28,000
 Little bit worried about that.

69
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,360
 Are there locks?

70
00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,320
Yes, once you close the door
it's like your own room. Great!

71
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,760
What do you think I am, the Midnight
Rambler? I'm a married man.

72
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,600
I'm just saying... You fear assault.

73
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,600
I don't fear assault,
I fear a chancer.

74
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,280
A chan...? A chancer.

75
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:47,600
SHE LAUGHS

76
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,640
Good grief.

77
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,760
Well, this isn't shabby, is it? No.

78
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,840
Me and Donald Trump
will take that one

79
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,360
and then you can
spread out in there.

80
00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,960
Barcelona is only half
the size of Birmingham

81
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,320
and can easily be navigated by leg.

82
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:06,320
Or from a classic motorbike
and sidecar, like this one.

83
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,000
But because we couldn't decide
who would be Wallace

84
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,600
and who would be Gromit,

85
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:14,600
we choose an alternative
mode of transport.

86
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,720
We're gonna get one of these.
Oh. Trixi cab.

87
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:21,640
Yes, take us to
the points of interest. Oh, wow.

88
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:25,640
'Trixi Pedicab tours can be arranged
throughout Barcelona.

89
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:30,200
'Ours begins ten minutes from the
hotel at Trixi's city centre base.'

90
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,720
Oh, hello!

91
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,720
Bear in mind safety, don't go crazy.

92
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:40,720
Sight one is the literally towering
Christopher Columbus Monument.

93
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:45,080
The Italian explorer is said to have
returned to this very point

94
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:49,080
on Barcelona's coast after
his successful voyage to America.

95
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,920
And is it true that he's pointing
in the wrong direction?

96
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:56,920
That's right. He should be pointing
to the west. Yes, to America.

97
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:02,200
Maybe they should
just have him go...

98
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,520
'But as we attempt to
appreciate the Gothic

99
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:08,360
'architecture of the 14th century
Santa Maria Church...'

100
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,480
That's amazing.

101
00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,960
'..our tour is vindictively ruined

102
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:16,360
'by one of Barcelona's rare
rainy spells.

103
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:19,760
'The thought of getting wet
is so appalling that we agree

104
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,520
'to take shelter in a museum,
of all places.

105
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:26,520
'And it happens to be the most
popular one in all of Barcelona.'

106
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:31,200
Are you excited by the prospect
of a football museum?

107
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,080
Well, I wasn't,
but I am now we're here.

108
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:38,080
I feel it's my duty to pour scorn
on this in a glib way. Gracias.

109
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,640
'With no emotional connection to
football whatsoever, Kathy and I

110
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,240
'are uniquely placed to
dispassionately survey

111
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:48,520
'this cathedral to
the art of ball kicking.'

112
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,680
Well...

113
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:54,080
here we are in the Trophy Room.
Yeah.

114
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:57,840
The website advertises this
as a "tour of emotion."

115
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,960
 I am getting a bit stirred up.

116
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,920
Boredom is an emotion, isn't it?
Boredom is an emotion, yeah. Yeah.

117
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:08,680
 I can't 'elp but be impressed.

118
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,200
It's arbitrary, though.
They've been going for ever.

119
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,760
 Now, these are nice and fancy.

120
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,600
The Catalan Cup.
Thank God those are here(!)

121
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,480
I could be here for minutes.

122
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,080
Can we pick up the pace a bit?

123
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:25,520
Cos these seem quite
similar to the other ones.

124
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:29,520
'Barcelona FC's greatest kicker
of balls is genuinely called

125
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,600
'Mr Messi, and has a whole area
dedicated just to him

126
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,160
'and how good
he's supposedly meant to be.

127
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,800
'But of more interest to Kathy

128
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:42,600
'is the museum's greenscreen
photo studio.'

129
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:46,600
Just stand under the light here and
imagine Messi's next to you here.

130
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:51,080
And you've got your arm
around his waist. OK?

131
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,840
All right, big smile!

132
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:54,720
That's great.

133
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:58,720
And do you want to have photos as
well? I don't care for this team.

134
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,840
Why not? I just don't care
about football.

135
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,560
 Just stand next to Messi.

136
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,240
OK. Just pretend to know him,
for the picture.

137
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:11,240
 Pretend he's your friend. OK.

138
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,800
I just need you to put this arm up.

139
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,040
Why would...? I wouldn't touch
Messi. I don't know him.

140
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,240
It's inappropriate.

141
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,160
Do it. Click it.

142
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,320
You really want to take
this picture like that?

143
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,600
I don't want to take
the picture at all,

144
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:28,600
but given that the picture's
being taken... It's brilliant.

145
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,040
'Distressed by their lack
of empathy...'

146
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,080
Give my regards to Messi. I will.

147
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,960
'..I make one last search for
sincerity by ascending

148
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:42,960
'to the apogee of the sporting
basilica - the terrace.'

149
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:47,040
 You can't not be impressed.

150
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,680
At the volume of seats?

151
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,920
There are a lot of seats here.

152
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:55,280
Enough for nearly 100,000 people.
99 and a half.

153
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,000
That would frustrate me.

154
00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:00,560
Surely they could have fit another
500 in and make it even. Yeah.

155
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,120
It's sort of amazing, though, no?

156
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:07,120
I feel bad. I'm sure there are many
people who would love to be here.

157
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,200
But, in a way,
life is more enjoyable

158
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:13,320
if you only enjoy very few things.

159
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,640
Because the things I enjoy
I have access to. Yeah.

160
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:20,640
Marbles, books, and French
New Wave films. Oh, right.

161
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:24,840
It's gonna break my heart to leave
but can we? Absolutely.

162
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:29,000
Yeah, let's do...anything else.
Adios! Yeah.

163
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:34,400
 I liked it, you know. No.

164
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:37,720
'As much as I want to share
Kathy's excitement,

165
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:39,640
'I felt absolutely dead inside.

166
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,240
'And, even more crucially,

167
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:45,240
'have developed a thirst
specifically for sparkling wine.

168
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,760
'You know, Catalonia is
famous for its Cava -

169
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,480
'the Spanish equivalent of
champagne - so we head to

170
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:56,360
'one of the world's most boss
wine shops to learn about it.'

171
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:59,240
Thanks for having us.

172
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,720
Which fizzy wine
are we starting with?

173
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,360
'First we discover that Cava
is made using the same technique

174
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,600
'as champagne, but with
different grapes.'

175
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:11,440
Xarel-lo, macabeu y parellada.

176
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:15,440
These are the three grapes, the
classical, coupage, from the Cava.

177
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:19,040
They sound like great grapes, yes.

178
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,520
Oh, there we go.

179
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:24,520
'We have five bottles to try, each
with a supposedly unique character.'

180
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,600
OK, I don't know what you did there

181
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:33,600
but I'll try and
make that same face.

182
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,480
This is good. Tiny bit sharp.

183
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,120
'Each bottle is from Catalonia,

184
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,800
'where the majority of Cava
is produced.

185
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,520
'And we're told
they all look different.'

186
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:46,800
 I'm not very good at this.

187
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,800
This is a relatively similar
colour to the other ones.

188
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,560
It's different from the other.

189
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:55,520
It is more similar than different,
I'd say, though.

190
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,720
'Adding new grapes like Chardonnay

191
00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,520
'is said to radically alter
the flavour.'

192
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:04,520
This is like a giving a very
fine thing to an idiot,

193
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,360
is what you're currently doing.

194
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:10,360
I've no palate, I literally...
It seems fine. Mm.

195
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,560
No, I could taste it's more creamy.

196
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:17,560
You're getting cream? Not actual
cream. Like Custard Cream? No!

197
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,600
Oh!

198
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,040
'Five glasses in,

199
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,680
'we approach the nuances
of Cava-tasting technique.'

200
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:31,680
Me, I was more than one year
to know how to do this.

201
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,040
You did this every morning
for a year? Yes.

202
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,920
THEY LAUGH
Did you get a lot done that year?

203
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:40,000
Is that what's referred to
as your "lost year"?

204
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,400
Bit like John Lennon in New York.

205
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,800
'And then, in a ringing endorsement
of the Cava-tasting process,

206
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,800
'Kathy erupts with joy.'
SHE LAUGHS

207
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,360
Kathy's having a small aneurism
here.

208
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:56,360
All I know is, say I had a sip of
this, and then an hour later someone

209
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:02,280
switched glasses in this episode
of Columbo that I'm in -

210
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:06,040
I wouldn't go... "What's happened?

211
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,520
"This is a completely
different drink."

212
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:11,840
I mean, as I say, I have no palate.

213
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,960
'With our bodies in disarray,

214
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,800
'we draw this heady experience
to its conclusion.'

215
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:20,680
Thank you very much for putting up
with us. You're welcome.

216
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,320
Thank you very much.
I wouldn't wish me on anyone.

217
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,640
So I apologise.

218
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:28,920
'With head spinning, we stumble back
to our quarters

219
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:32,240
'in order to cop some Zs.

220
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:36,240
'Next morn, our relentless
48 hours continues with art...'

221
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,360
We can probably get this done
in 70 seconds if we focus.

222
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:42,000
'..theatrical food...'
Look at that.

223
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,800
'..and vertigo...'

224
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,920
I can't even look down there, mate!

225
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:53,000
'..as we pretend to guide you
through a Catalonian minibreak.'

226
00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:01,480
Actress Kathy Burke and me,
the Alan Whicker it's OK to hate,

227
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,080
Richard Ayoade,
are thrashing through

228
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,480
a relentless weekend in Barcelona.

229
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,480
Day one was a whirlwind of ludicrous
sports and beverage consumption.

230
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:14,800
You're getting cream?
Not actual cream.

231
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:18,800
'Day one is now followed by what
we are already calling day two.

232
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,360
'Barcelona is famous for its
frankly well good galleries

233
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,840
'and I urgently wish to start
the day by showing Kathy the work

234
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,840
'of everyone's favourite
20th-century Catalan surrealist,

235
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,320
'Joan Miro.'

236
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,000
 Thank you. Not at all.

237
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,480
'The Miro foundation displays
some of his most famous work

238
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,400
'and has an audio guide to escort
you through the mire of forming

239
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,440
'art-based opinions.'

240
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,280
I wish I had one of these
in my normal life.

241
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:45,840
Just going down the street.

242
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:49,120
"You should be moved
by this small child.

243
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,040
"It has so much hope.

244
00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,600
"Stop thinking about your mortgage."

245
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:55,920
302.

246
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:59,240
What do you want to know?
What is it?

247
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,480
'What you see here
is a scale model...'

248
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:05,240
It's a scale model of a monument
he designed for the city of Paris.

249
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,960
Oh, OK. And what is it?
'He chose a truly poetic...'

250
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,960
He chose a truly poetic title
for the piece. Which is...?

251
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:15,800
Lovers Playing With Almond Blossom.

252
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:19,320
'Take a few seconds to think about
who these two lovers could be.'

253
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,800
 Zippy from Rainbow.

254
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,800
After, you know, one of his eyes has
been gouged out. Yes, by George.

255
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,360
'With Kathy unmoved, and
with limited stocks of patience,

256
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:31,600
'I press on.

257
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:35,600
'Surely a quick eye-blast of Miro's
paintings will floor the woman.'

258
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:40,400
We can probably get this done in 70
seconds if we focus. Look at this.

259
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:44,720
He painted this one
on copper in 1935.

260
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:48,120
Just one year before the outbreak of
the Spanish Civil War, as we know.

261
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,280
He had just moved out of Barcelona,
actually,

262
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,360
where political tension
was on the rise. Oh, wow.

263
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:57,360
You can see that in the work.

264
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,760
This isn't my sort of thing,
I have to say.

265
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:06,160
I'm a bit more straight, a bit more
figurative. Right. OK. Portraiture.

266
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:10,200
I like that sort of stuff, really.

267
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,440
'And so, as Kathy berates Miro

268
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:15,760
'in favour of that sell-out hack,
Pablo Picasso...'

269
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,560
 That's BLEEP for me.

270
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:21,320
'..the time of lunch falls upon us'

271
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:24,320
Barcelona is renowned
for its first-rate cuisine

272
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,600
so I have ignored Kathy's aversion
to adventurous comestibles

273
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,760
and used her credit card to
secure us some lunch at a fancy

274
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,920
eatery called Uma.

275
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,760
I'm not going to wait
for you to thank me

276
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,880
so I'm just going to tell you
why this is so good. Thank you.

277
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:41,360
This is a clandestine
restaurant. Which means...?

278
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:45,240
Which means it's not always open.
You have to follow it on Facebook.

279
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,960
It's run by Iker Erauzkin,

280
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:50,960
who developed the food for some of
Barcelona's 20 Michelin-starred

281
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:55,560
restaurants and uses this place
as a testing ground for new ideas.

282
00:14:56,400 --> 00:15:00,400
So we're basically guinea pigs?
Yes, we are testers. OK.

283
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,320
We are not here for brave potatoes.

284
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:07,040
We are here for a surprisingly
affordable six-course banquet

285
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,360
of Iker's latest creations.

286
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,880
'This meal, which is designed
to toy with our senses,

287
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,880
'starts with a winter landscape of
truffles and dehydrated vegetables.'

288
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,760
I don't want to be a heathen, but...

289
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:26,760
..I feel slightly alarmed
there's not a plate.

290
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,440
 It's quite rich.

291
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,080
It is quite fancy.

292
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:34,080
'Next, a liquefied olive
in a semisolid membrane.'

293
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:38,000
I'm not going to lie -
I don't know how to eat this.

294
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,800
Take the glass like this.
OK. And you just... Yes.

295
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,040
Like a shot. Yeah.

296
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:47,040
A shot glass of olives.
OK. You go first, though.

297
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,080
Wow. That was wholly unexpected.
I'm scared.

298
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,280
It is fine.

299
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:57,280
This is why I can't do the jungle -
gnat's bollocks and all that.

300
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:05,200
No?

301
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,240
There you go.

302
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:08,880
How's that?

303
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,520
I don't know whether that
is going to hit the top five

304
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,480
restaurants in Barcelona,
or maybe it is.

305
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:18,120
It's a bit like eating an eye. Yes.

306
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:22,120
 It pops. Yes. There we go.

307
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:26,640
Let's bring on the... Next course.

308
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:30,840
'Course three, two mini baked
potatoes coated with edible clay

309
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:35,160
'and served with marine plankton,
tests Kathy yet further.'

310
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:39,800
How's that?

311
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,760
Another success?

312
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,680
There we go.

313
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:47,680
We need the spittoon. Spittoon.

314
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,760
'An edible yucca plant in the guise
of coal has more success.'

315
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,320
Oh, raw. Good.

316
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:59,320
'And the watermelon that looks like
tuna is a mid-meal revelation.'

317
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:03,000
He gets his kicks
giving someone, like, a Wispa

318
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:07,000
but he has actually taken a Lion Bar
and put it in a Wispa packet.

319
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:11,400
"Wait until they taste the peanuts.
They won't know what's happened."

320
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,600
'After a white chocolate
and almond-based pudding

321
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,200
'that's disguised as
a large sausage...'

322
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,680
That is good.

323
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:22,680
'..Iker reveals his culinary climax.
Bubbly custard.'

324
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:26,760
 Look at that. It's amazing.

325
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,760
It's like when you blow through the
straw but you don't have to do that.

326
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,600
Mm.

327
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:39,600
I feel this is the kind of meal
other people would bore you about.

328
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:43,960
Take photos of it, those sort
of people. Oh! Good night.

329
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,960
'This extraordinarily theatrical

330
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,560
'and often emotional meal...'

331
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,680
There you go.

332
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,720
'..has been a savagely varied
experience.'

333
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,320
You know the drill.

334
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:59,320
We've eaten. Now we bolt.

335
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,040
'And so, with hoodwinked stomachs,

336
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:06,040
'we must conclude our mini break
at a suitably Spanish location.

337
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,520
'We could choose the street
hub of La Rambla,

338
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,120
'where caricature artists
translate your visage

339
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:17,120
'into an extraordinarily
vivid pencil drawing.'

340
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,720
Yeah, wow. Thank you.

341
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,080
That's really... That's something.

342
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:26,080
'Or La Sagrada Familia, the most
famous yet still unfinished

343
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:30,320
'work of Barcelona's
architectural prodigy, Gaudi.

344
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,480
'But as we need thinking space
to form our holiday verdicts,

345
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,960
'we're heading to
one of the golden beaches

346
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,240
'with which Barcelona is bestrewn.

347
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,160
'But how should we make
that journey,

348
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,520
'given our lack of
proximity thereto?

349
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,480
'Our dilemma is profound
and pressing.'

350
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,000
The quickest way is along there.

351
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,440
Now, normally,
I would just, you know,

352
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:56,440
take my belt off and zip-line it.
But you can get a cable car.

353
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,280
Yes. I'm a bit worried about this.

354
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:02,000
 I'm very scared of heights. Yes.

355
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,120
I don't think I'm gonna do it
with you, Rich.

356
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:08,920
I'm just a bit nervous about it,
Richard. Yes, I understand.

357
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,920
You can't force me, Richard.
I wouldn't wish to.

358
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,360
I don't want to get into that
tiny little... But you have to,

359
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:17,280
because it's called Travel Man,
isn't it?

360
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:21,160
I have to. Otherwise,
my persona as a man who loves

361
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,440
travel in all its aspects
will be shattered.

362
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,560
So you get on the cable car
and I will

363
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:29,240
get in the back of the van. Yes. I'll
see you on the other side, Richard.

364
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,080
I WILL see you on the other side.
You may see me on the other side.

365
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,200
 I will. It doesn't look
thick enough.

366
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:38,200
I can't even look down there,
mate. Right. See you.

367
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,720
This precarious
potential coffin,

368
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,680
just ten minutes from
the Miro Museum, will carry me

369
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,040
to the Barceloneta neighbourhood,

370
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:52,040
home to the city's
most popular beach.

371
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:08,200
'And so our trip ends as it began,
with me, a near saint, selflessly

372
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,840
'waiting for Kathy to
arrive by an inefficient

373
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,200
'mode of transportation.' Hola.

374
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:17,520
Hello. Enjoy your trip, did you?
I did.

375
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:21,360
Much better to be in the back of the
van... Yes. ..then up on the cable.

376
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:23,640
I probably should have realised
you were coming

377
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,240
when they started filming.

378
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:29,000
So, how do you feel about
being on a beach in winter?

379
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:33,000
This is perfect for me.
Winter beach. Yes.

380
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,680
I mean, I wouldn't ordinarily
sit down.

381
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:39,600
I'm just doing this because it looks
so aesthetically pleasing.

382
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:43,600
'While a frugal weekend here
can be had for ?69, my quest to

383
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:48,120
'show Kathy the Catalan highlife
means we've blown 850 quid apiece.

384
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:54,400
'But we enjoyed presidential luxury
while we slept...'

385
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,800
What do you think I am,
the Midnight Rambler?

386
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,400
'..ate a six-course meal
of highfalutin cuisine...'

387
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,720
Overall...good.

388
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,720
'..and drank so much Cava that
Kathy lost her sense of self...'

389
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,480
Kathy is having
a small aneurysm here.

390
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:12,480
'..Barcelona is an almost bottomless
quarry of artistic and architectural

391
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,640
'ephemera but it is also a place
where cultural enrichment

392
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:18,160
'comes at a cost.'

393
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,400
Would you come back to Barcelona?

394
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,080
Absolutely. I really would, actually.

395
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:27,080
And now I know, as well, that
it's a few hours sitting in a train,

396
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,520
I might be back
sooner than you think.

397
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,280
What, like, tomorrow?

398
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:37,280
Next time, I'm joined by
comedian Adam Hills in Istanbul.

399
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,280
Clench. Just clench.

400
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:44,280
I think we can now stare
meaningfully into the sea. OK.

401
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:09,000
Subtitles by
Red Bee Media Ltd

402
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,000
</P></Sync> </Body>