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Hello. I'm Richard Ayoade.

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As the figurative head of the
ground-breaking series Gadget Man,

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I'm justly renowned for using
technology to take the terror

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00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:13,960
out of modern life.

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Now I'm widening my already
considerable horizons to hack out

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00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:21,040
the heebie-jeebies from travel.

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Although I view holidays as a wanton
haemorrhage of both time and coin,

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even I can be seduced by the
thought of fleeing these shores

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00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,560
before the drizzle
dampens my shizzle.

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So I'm putting aside my innate
aversion to quitting my homestead

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and travelling to some of the most
attractive and, crucially, nearby

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tourist destinations known to man...

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..to reveal how, with
the teeniest outlay of bread,

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faff and effort, you can enjoy
one precious weekend away.

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This time - 48 hours amidst the
historical beauty of Istanbul.

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And as holiday costs are best halved

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I've employed comedian Adam Hills
to joint shoulder the burden.

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'We will experience new cuisines...'
It's fine.

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'..ancient wonders...'

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It calls for a brief
pause in glibness.

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'..and intense barbery...'

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Clench!

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'..as we claim to reveal how to
conduct the perfect weekend away

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'in this particular
segment of Turkey.'

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We're here, but should we have come?

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Istanbul can be reached
via the annual

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Venice Simplon-Orient-Express
train from Paris.

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Or if you're coming from Greece

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you could saddle up
on Cappadocian horseback.

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But because we've got

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a mile per minute quota to make up,

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we elect to fly.

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Have you been to Istanbul?

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 I've never been to Istanbul.

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It's one of those places that
sounds really exotic. Yes.

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 It sounds...Turkish bazaars...

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 and rugs, carpets. Yeah.

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I'm assuming there'll be
a lot of that.

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We're hopefully just going to go
to Dixons and try

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and do a compare and contrast
with the one near Rotherham.

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So why come to Istanbul at all?

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Istanbul - not Constantinople -

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is the eighth most popular tourist
destination in the world,

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and the only city on Earth that's
spread across two continents -

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as opposed to non Earth-based
cities - straddling Europe and Asia.

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It's been the capital of four
of my all-time favourite empires -

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Latin, Roman, Byzantine and,
my personal soft spot,

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Ottoman - was once famous
for having a reassuringly

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world-beating 1,400 public toilets.

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And if you holiday efficiently,
costs can be contained.

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A budget weekend away here can be

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had for approx 135 per person.

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You go in, I'll go round this side.
Sure.

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But our first task on this schlep
is to find a place to bunk down.

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Ten million tourists
a year visit Istanbul,

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so the choice of hotel is vast.

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But to give the illusion of balance,
we've chosen the mid-price sub.

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Located in the said to be hip
and arty district of Karakoy,

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it's one of the cities "trendy"
hotels

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with lobby ornaments
that are "upcycled."

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It's a posh word for "scavenged."

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But nicely scavenged
in a loving way.

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There is something I have heard
about Istanbul

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is that it has become very trendy,

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and I think this is
one of those areas

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that is about to become very trendy.

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Well, let's see if we can
knock that on its head.

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Is that the most convenient
suitcase you could find?

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Yeah, I just chose the case
that fits my lifestyle...

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of trying to make everything
as awkward as possible.

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We've dropped our bags and
the night is already enclosing.

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And no attempt to holiday with
an Australian is possible

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without resorting to tired
national stereotypes,

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so I'm taking Adam Hills to a bar

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to try Istanbul's
national fire water.'

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Do take a seat because we're going
to try raki. Raki? Raki. OK.

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This is the drink that Turkey
is associated with.

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60 million litres

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are consumed annually.

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Now, bear in the mind, the
population of Turkey is 70 million.

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And some of those people
are children. Yes.

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It's called lion's milk. It turns
cloudy when mixed with water. Right.

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 Serefe.

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Of Nottingham.

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Oh, I like that.
That's idiosyncratic.

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Little bit of, almost like vodka...

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 aniseed, liquorice.

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There's more to come. Really?
It's over this way.

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Just neck it.

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Our cultural tourism must now
career into foodstuffs

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because after a "big night"

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the Turks extol the virtues of...

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tripe soup.

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Sheep's stomach is boiled in milky
water then flavoured with garlic,

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chilli, black pepper, salt, vinegar,

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and a blend of local spices.

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This is volcanic rock from the
original series of Star Trek.

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I wish I could keep some of it
on my spoon, it keeps falling off.

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There we go. Here we go.

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It's fine. Um...

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ADAM COUGHS

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I'm going to say this is too Turkish.
We've gone too far...

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We've gone too Turkish.
That's sounds like your safe term -

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"too Turkish".

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In the bedroom, yes, that is how
my wife knows we've gone too far.

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"Lights on.
It's become too Turkish."

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ADAM LAUGHS

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What am I doing? I had...

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I tasted it. Why did I have a second
taste - I've tasted this?!

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 LAUGHING: I know!

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I'm going to have more as well,
cos maybe it grows on you.

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So, you've had a big night,
you've had way too much raki...

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What do you want to bring you down?

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Maybe this can only be truly enjoyed

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if you've had
a certain quantity of raki.

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I think any food that requires you
to be drunk should be reassessed.

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That is not how you get
Michelin stars.

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Too Turkish.

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And now, with a gutful of
raki and tripe,

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we must attempt to get some REM.

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Day two begins with clear heads
and a desire to straddle as much

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Turkish square footage as poss
in the minimum of time.

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The fastest way to take in the city
sights is from the River Bosphorus.

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Most people do this
by a standard boat tour.

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But because Adam
aggressively insisted,

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I've booked a yacht,

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allowing us to be in Turkey
AND a yacht at the same time.

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Look, here's the thing -
this is Asia and that is Europe,

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and this is the only city in
the world that straddles the two.

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Does that mean that any song
written on that side of the river

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cannot be entered in the
Eurovision Song Contest?

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That's one of
the many terrible things

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about being on that side
of the river. It must be.

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Our restrictive schedule permits
only the briefest of landings

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in Asia, giving us just enough time
to reboot a holiday ritual.

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OK, I'm going to send
a postcard now.

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 How? From the phone. Of course!

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I'm going to select this app,
we take a photo of ourselves...

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in this manner,
with the modern gesture.

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Here we go.

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We send the photo,
select the address,

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and hit send. And it will be sent
as a physical postcard?

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It's sending. It's done.

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It's both instant and
technologically up to date,

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and yet old-fashioned
at the same time.

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Yes, it's got an up-to-the-minute
redundancy.

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With Asia but fleetingly sampled,
we must return to Europe.

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And, in order to offset
our yacht costs,

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we're chugging back
on a public ferry.

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So this individual journey - 84p
per person on the Istanbulkart.

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I can also go on a tram. I can go on
the bus. I can go on the subway,

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which goes up and then there's
a counter train going down. Yeah.

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The ferry is a cost-effective joy.

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84p allows a bod to see three of
Istanbul's biggest attractions -

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the Blue Mosque, Hagia Sophia

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and Topkapi Palace without having
to waste valuable time

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actually visiting them.

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Bang, done.

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You've just covered it all in
a second. Brutally efficient.

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I'm now wondering why Duran Duran
didn't film any videos on a ferry.

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Idiocy is the answer.
Why didn't Bryan Ferry?

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That would have made even more sense.
I think he was trying to get away

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from the whole haulage ship image

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that he'd built up
in the early '70s.

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And now, with our feet
back on European soil,

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our drama only part way played out,

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convention dictates we must pause
and celebrate other ways

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to part us from our earnings.

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Still to come - our Istanbul
odyssey continues with grooming...

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You look more terrified than
I've ever seen you.

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..fortune telling...

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That's a bad cup.

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..and man-on-man manipulation.

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Oh! Wow!

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'Comedian Adam Hills and me,

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'nasal non-event Richard Ayoade,

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'are attempting to cajole you
through the perfect Turkish weekend.

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'We've voyaged between
two continents

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'and partaken of new fares.'

180
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Too Turkish.

181
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,960
'But we need to sharpen up
before we hit the streets.

182
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,320
'Turkey is so famous for its barbers

183
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:14,320
'that in London, a Turkish shave
is a lavish splash-out.

184
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:19,120
'But in Turkey, many people shave
every day, and I'm joining them.

185
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:24,280
'Foreseeing the universal holiday
problem of the linguistic laziness

186
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,920
'of the non-English,
I've tooled up with tech.'

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00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:30,920
I would like a shave and my friend
would like a haircut.

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00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:36,120
I would also like to know the price.

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ELECTRONIC VOICE IN TURKISH:

190
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:52,880
OK, that's not gone
into the system here.

191
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,880
Sorry, it's now translating this
conversation. Me... OK? Hair.

192
00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,800
 Him...razor, throat.

193
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,480
 Good. Yeah.

194
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:06,440
What I like is that he hasn't even
asked what you want.

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00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,560
ADAM LAUGHS

196
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,440
He knows what you need.

197
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:13,040
 What's Turkish for a "trim"?

198
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,080
I'm going to see what "skinhead"
translates as.

199
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:20,080
'Thus far, prog neg. But Anand won't
leave this cake top without cherry.'

200
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,840
Oh, hey, there. Hey, there.
What the...?

201
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,960
'Anand assures us that ancient
Turkish belief insists that hair

202
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:31,520
'is alive and therefore logic
dictates that burning it

203
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,160
'is more humane than cutting it.'

204
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,920
 There's no...

205
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:38,920
I can smell my own ear hair. That's
a sentence I've never said before.

206
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,040
That was like a Robert Duvall smell.

207
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:46,040
OK? Ah, beautiful. Yep.

208
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:50,720
You look more terrified than
I've ever seen you. Mm-hm.

209
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,720
Is that a good description of how
you're feeling right now? Mm...

210
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:58,840
This app, by the way, is remarkably
sensitive, because it now seems

211
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:02,840
to be translating everything that the
men outside are saying as well.

212
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,560
Seems like the man
with the moustache said,

213
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,560
"I can't believe Barry's
pretending to be a barber again."

214
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,600
Oh! Yeah.

215
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,320
Yeah, you do feel that.

216
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,920
For the rest of our lives,
we'll always know that

217
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,880
we have smelled each other's
burning ear hair.

218
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,200
This is excellent.

219
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,880
APP TRANSLATES

220
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,880
THEY LAUGH

221
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:37,360
'Onwards to more Turkish
traditions.

222
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:40,040
'Turkish coffee, which is made
unfiltered by boiling

223
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:43,280
'ground up beans in water,
is world famous.

224
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:47,040
'And after it is drunk, fortune
tellers oft scrape through the dregs

225
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,280
'to hazard highly suspect
predictions

226
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:52,760
'of what fate may befall you.

227
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:56,760
'Tellers like Ilin perform in
countless city centre cafes.'

228
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:58,760
If it's terrible news...

229
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,200
SHE LAUGHS
..tell me.

230
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:05,200
Oh, you want it?
Straight out, tell me. OK. OK.

231
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,320
So I see here the shape of a man.

232
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,280
Right. It's probably you.

233
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,360
And you're gonna
jump into something...

234
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:19,360
OK. ..unexpectedly, like a new job,
for instance, or a new life.

235
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,600
Something new? Yeah.
But it's a good thing. OK.

236
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,560
But nothing bad?

237
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:29,560
Uh...there is one chronic
topic in your life.

238
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,920
Chronic? Chronic topic. It's gonna
be important in the near future.

239
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:35,920
 Do you have any health problems?

240
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:37,960
My life is a health problem.

241
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,840
THEY LAUGH

242
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:43,600
OK, I'll turn mine. How's that,
is that ready? Yes, that's right.

243
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:47,360
Can I say, please don't give him
loads of good news.

244
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:51,360
Cos I will just feel terrible. OK.
Stick in a couple of bad ones. OK.

245
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:54,200
 Thanks(!) No, I'm joking.

246
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,400
I will start...

247
00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:01,000
That looks too dark. I'm worried now.
That's a bad cup.

248
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:05,000
You will have a very romantic
meeting with your wife. Right.

249
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,960
That's very nice.

250
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:11,080
We've got a young baby, so that
hasn't happened for a while. Wow.

251
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,640
Well, it was worth
booking that Novotel.

252
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:15,640
ADAM LAUGHS

253
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,440
It costs, but you can't put
a price on romance.

254
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:22,440
Well, you can. It is 179
for the superior suite.

255
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:27,160
'Oddly spooked, but lacking facts,
we must move on.

256
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:31,160
'I must urgently investigate the
unfathomable tradition of haggling,

257
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,600
'and palm off the fruits
of this experiment as a gift.

258
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,920
'Istanbul has a vast array of shops,

259
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,920
'from designer malls to ancient
markets like the Spice Bazaar.

260
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,600
'But we're heading to the biggest
hagglefest of them all -

261
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,960
'the Grand Bazaar.'

262
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:53,960
Look, "Grand Bazaar." Yep. It says
"built in the 15th century..."

263
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,480
"It's the oldest and largest
covered bazaar in the world."

264
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:05,280
Thank God that was all
written for us.

265
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,840
That was some very conveniently
placed signage. Do you know what?

266
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:12,840
It also has 21 gates, 17 inns,
66 streets, nearly 4,000 shops.

267
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,880
It employs more than 30,000 people.
That's good to know at this stage.

268
00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,560
Especially seeing as we're trying
to introduce the whole idea

269
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,200
of the Grand Bazaar.

270
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:25,200
It's not an exercise in minimalism.

271
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,800
'Turkish rugs are considered to be
the best in the world,

272
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,680
'and many tourists, including Adam,
want to possess one.

273
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:36,200
'I selflessly decide
to act as support.'

274
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:39,400
Before I left home, I checked with
my wife what I'm allowed to buy,

275
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:42,880
where we need a rug. Hallway.
What do you think of this?

276
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,080
 That's nice. That's lovely.

277
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:49,080
So, I will make this 1,600 euro.
1,600 euros? Yeah. Tap in the pin.

278
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:50,840
HE SIGHS

279
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,720
My question is,
if you go with this,

280
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,600
what would be the number
that you can afford?

281
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,120
9 euros, final offer.

282
00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:58,960
THEY LAUGH

283
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,560
500 euros. You're killing the prices.

284
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,320
 500 euro... No.

285
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,880
Let's do this - let's make it 12.

286
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,640
 12? Yes. No, I can't do 12.

287
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,080
 1,200 euro? Yes. No.

288
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:14,760
I could do 800. I could do 800 euro.
Really? Yeah.

289
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,680
 Really? Give me your hand.

290
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:19,400
Never been so excited in my life!

291
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:23,400
I just spent 800 euro
on a friggin' rug!

292
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,480
 Yeah!

293
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:29,480
You've made an unsupervised rug
purchase. You're out of your depth!

294
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:34,360
I can't even do a Sainsbury's shop
without running it by.

295
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,560
'Keen to avoid a steep slide
into the red,

296
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,160
'I resolved to circle
less costly goods.'

297
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:43,480
Hi.

298
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,160
'The Turkish tea industry
employs 200,000 people

299
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:50,560
'and everyone wants
a slice of my tea party.'

300
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:52,360
 Hello, good to meet you.

301
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:55,480
I have noticed that you have...
Natural Viagra tea.

302
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,040
Something to make you like
a wild horse in five minutes.

303
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:02,040
Like a wild horse? Yeah, you would
like to smell it? No, I would not.

304
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,600
Why? It's nice. You don't
want to be like that?

305
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,840
I don't want to run rampant
in this covered market.

306
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,240
It's nice to be like that.
Like an ungoverned stallion.

307
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:14,040
OK. I'm going to get some...

308
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:17,680
Some of the pomegranate
with orange. How much is this?

309
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,640
Let's see... 33? Yeah.

310
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,640
 33 Turkish Lira? Would you
accept 3 Lira? I don't know. 30?

311
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,520
So you got a 50% discount...
Yeah.

312
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:30,560
I'm looking at maybe
a 10% discount. 25.

313
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:34,320
THEY SPEAK IN TURKISH
OK.

314
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:38,320
OK. Is this the most anyone has ever
paid you for this amount of tea?

315
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:40,720
Yeah. OK.

316
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,720
ADAM LAUGHS
I thought so.

317
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:46,720
Invest the money in stocks
or something.

318
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,680
'Haggling thankfully over, I decide
to keep all my shopping online -

319
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,200
'where it belongs.

320
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,600
'With our mini-break drawing to
a close, there's time for one more

321
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,160
'tourist attraction.

322
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,840
'And because we have no intention
of avoiding the obvious,

323
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:05,160
'we've chosen Istanbul's most
popular sight of all.'

324
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:09,160
Here we go. This is
the Hagia Sophia. Built in 537.

325
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:14,440
Pretty good.

326
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,120
'The Hagia Sophia,
or "Holy Wisdom" in Greek,

327
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:20,160
'receives 10,000 visitors a day.

328
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:24,160
'To avoid the clash of human cargo,
we arrive just before it shuts.'

329
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:29,440
OK, this is clearly
amazingly impressive.

330
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:33,000
But we've got a schedule to keep to
so we're gonna have to whip round.

331
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:36,160
Do you have any gadget that could
help us? Now you're talking.

332
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,640
I've got an app...

333
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:41,640
I'm going to be able to feign
knowledge at an alarming rate here.

334
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:46,160
 Great. OK. Former Greek Orthodox
patriarchal basilica,

335
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:50,200
later an imperial mosque,
now a museum in Istanbul.

336
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:55,080
I think for 1,000 years, this was
the largest cathedral in the world.

337
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,600
Until Seville rocked up.

338
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,720
How many people worked on this?
10,000 people.

339
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:04,000
 10,000? 10,000.

340
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:08,000
'It's like I've got access
to Wikipedia.

341
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:13,160
'Apparently, that team of 10,000
took six years to build this place,

342
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,440
'and when a massive earthquake
toppled the dome in 558 AD,

343
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:20,920
'the original architect's nephew
designed a new one that was

344
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:24,920
'both stronger and 20 foot taller.'

345
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,880
It calls for a brief pause
in glibness.

346
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,240
I think so. It's what it calls for.

347
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,920
 You know what I love, though,

348
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,560
is that as much as everything
has changed

349
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,560
and the world around it has changed,

350
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,920
the light coming through that window

351
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,920
is probably the same
as it was in 537 AD.

352
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:58,400
'It is time to draw our holiday
to what could be termed a close.

353
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,240
'So we must repair to a venue
specifically designed

354
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:05,240
'for contemplation, thought
and soapy scrub downs.

355
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:09,480
'Istanbul has over 100 public baths
where locals come to gas with buds.

356
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,600
'We've chosen the mid-price
Aga hamami.

357
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:17,600
'As one of only two unisex baths,
it's husband and wife friendly,

358
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:22,200
'so ideal for two
emotionally closed men.'

359
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,600
So, Adam, how do you feel about
our trip to Istanbul?

360
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,360
This is a personal low point for me,

361
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:32,360
but what have your favourite
or least favourite bits been?

362
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:37,440
We packed in a lot, but I didn't feel
like we were stressed at any point.

363
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,960
I certainly don't feel stressed now.
OK.

364
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,800
Here's the best compliment I can pay
you - I now feel like a local.

365
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,640
Your credibility is being
slightly undermined

366
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,640
by your extremely sudsy face.

367
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,040
ADAM LAUGHS

368
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,960
It's like an off-duty Father
Christmas telling me something.

369
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,840
ADAM LAUGHS

370
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,280
Wow!

371
00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:00,080
 Oh! Oh! Wow.

372
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:03,040
Clench! Just clench.

373
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,560
It's like starting a speedboat.

374
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,120
Too Turkish.

375
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:08,600
ADAM LAUGHS

376
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,600
'With time and dignity slipping
away, we must grope for our verdict.

377
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:17,760
'Although you can mini-break here
for ?135, we've spent ?480 each.

378
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,800
'But that does include
120 smackers on a yacht,

379
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,800
'which proved less rewarding
than an 84 pence ferry.

380
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,240
'So overall, we will reward Istanbul

381
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,600
'with an '80s era Macca-style
double thumbs up.'

382
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,440
Well, unequivocally, you're hearing
it from me

383
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,040
and Shaving Foam Head Man,

384
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,720
Turkey has been
conquered in two days.

385
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,360
I don't mean that in a martial way,

386
00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:45,920
I mean that in a travelly
kind of way.

387
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,000
'Next time, I'm in Iceland
with Jessica Hynes.'

388
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:53,000
This seems a steep descent.
This seems too steep!

389
00:21:54,360 --> 00:22:18,000
 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

390
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,000
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