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Hello, I'm Richard Ayoade,
the international face

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00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:10,760
of technology from the legendary
television programme, Gadget Man.

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But I speak to you now with a new
thirst in my throat,

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and that thirst can only be
quenched by travel.

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'Although I essentially view
holidays as a time-hungry absurdity,

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'even I can dream of cheerier
places than Britain.

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'Well, I'm turning these dreams
into a televisual coup,

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'by journeying to
some of the most exotic...'

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I came here for a party in the sky.

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'..and, crucially, nearby
destinations

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'available at time of recording.'

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 So we're basically guinea pigs.

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'Each week, I'll selflessly show
you, with brutal efficiency,

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'how to enjoy one weekend away

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'with the smallest outlay of coin
and effort.'

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Oh!

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'Welcome to Travel Man.'

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 I am very impressed.

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Yeah, this is dynamite.

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'This time, 48 hours amidst the wild
and wanton scenery of Iceland.

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'And, because she had nothing else
on, I'm joined by actress

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'Jessica Hynes...'

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I feel the volcano vibrational
energy. You can't feel it.

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'..with whom I will take to the
skies...'

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This seems a steep descent.

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'..chase elusive wildlife...'

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That will be a moment that you
will never forget.

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'..and consume inedible food...'

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Both those things are awful.

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'..as we reveal how to get in and
out of Iceland as efficiently as

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'possible, while allowing brief
pockets of enjoyment.'

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We're here,
but should we have come?

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'Iceland can be reached from Britain
by getting a train to Denmark,

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'and then a two-day ferry crossing.
Or by cruise ship.

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'Or regular saps like us
can get there on an aircraft.

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'Like this aircraft.'

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I'm so excited.
About going to Iceland?

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 Yes. Have you been before?
Never. No.

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'Three hours isn't classed as long
haul, but it's an eternity

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'if you're forced to sit next to
someone with my conversational
skillset.

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'So Jessica politely pretends to
brush up on her Icelandic.'

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SHE SPEAKS ICELANDIC

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Yup.

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What's the matter?
SHE SPEAKS ICELANDIC

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I'm lonely.
That's what's the matter with me.

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I'm very lonely.

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'With feet now on Scandinavian
soil, Jessica and I

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'can begin to extract full value
from this not-that-icy land.'

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So have you got a body in there?
What's in...?

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How dare you? This is my toothbrush.

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I've got a very powerful pneumatic
toothbrush.

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Oh, good. That keeps my teeth at this
level of perfection.

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Excellent. So, why have you brought
us to Iceland?

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Well, let me tell you now.

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'Firstly, for the timewhore or
readily bored, Iceland

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'condenses a lot of amazing scenery

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'into a relatively small area.

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'Secondly, for those with one or
both eyes on fiscal stricture,

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'it's much more affordable than
it used to be.

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'In fact, if you enjoy nothing but

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'the cost-free Icelandic scenery,

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'you could spend less than £200 each

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'on your weekend away.'

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Now, Jessica, I have to look out
of the window when I'm in a car,

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which can give off the impression
of being extremely imperious,

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but it is better than me
vomiting on you,

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so I'm going to maintain
a somewhat aloof gaze,

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out into the middle distance.
I appreciate that.

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But I'm going to ask you, what are
your first impressions of Iceland?

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It's not very built up.
It's not built up.

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I'd say there are very few
high-rises thus far.

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It just seems to be nature
everywhere.

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'We want to maximise our exposure
to Icelandic scenery,

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'so we're staying out of town, in a
hotel where said scenery

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'will be clearly visible through the
massive windows.

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'The Hotel Ion was originally
built as accommodation for workers

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'at the nearby geothermal
power station,

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'which heats the hotel
and 90% of Reykjavik.'

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Jessica, I can't get misty-eyed -
our time is short.

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I've delivered what you've asked
for, which is a modern hotel,

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45 minutes from the city in a
post-apocalyptic setting.

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Happy? Very happy, Richard, yes.

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Have I got time to put my boots on?
You have three minutes. OK.

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FRANTIC HEAVY METAL MUSIC

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TRANQUIL JAZZ MUSIC

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FRANTIC HEAVY METAL MUSIC

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TRANQUIL JAZZ MUSIC

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Good. Do you feel settled in? Yeah.

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The room's beautiful. Amazing view.

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 There's a spa here. Well, I don't
like this talk of being settled in.

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Because I equate that,
idiomatically,

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with boredom. Let's explore.

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It's not just about fun.

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'Much as I'd like to
stay inside among the minimalism,

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'muted tones and complimentary
Wi-Fi,

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'it seems appropriate to take
in a bit of the outside.'

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Wow.

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You'd be accurate in describing
this as cold. It's brisk.

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It's pretty bracing.

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'In spite of the cold, people come
to Iceland to experience

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'the aggressive
and stunning landscapes.

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'And while you can do this via
dog sled or snowmobile,

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'most choose a bus tour.

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'The most popular tour
is of the Golden Circle,

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'a round-trip of some of Iceland's
most spectacular natural features.

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'But that takes up to eight hours.'

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So I've got a better idea. Look.

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'For a mere ten times
the price of a sluggish coach,

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'we jointly commend you to
charter a copter.

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'By taking to the skies,

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'we can complete the Golden Circle
tour in just one hour.

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'Seven hours quicker than the bus!'

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Ohh...

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Imagine, we could just be along
at a sedate pace,

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not encountering the frankly
valuable lesson

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that life can end at any moment.

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'Our first stop on the Golden Circle
tour is the home of Iceland's

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'most famous water features -
the geysers.'

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Jess, shall we go and check out
this geyser this that everyone's

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going on about? Yes. OK.
Let's vacate the copter.

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'These geysers are liquidy
illustrations of Iceland's

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'active landscape, and have been
spewing out magma-heated water

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'here for 10,000 years.'

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We're here, Jess,
at the biggest geyser in Iceland.

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The diamond geezer. The Ray Winstone,
if you will, of Iceland.

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Wow. I'd better get my camera out.
Well...

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I don't think it's going to
go off any time soon.

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It last erupted 70 foot
high in the air, in 2000,

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when D:Ream were at their height.

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 Things can only get better. Yep.
Well, they didn't. No.

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Unfortunately, they got a lot worse.
We did get Brian Cox out of it, so.

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Swings and roundabouts.

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I'm going to take you to the
second-biggest geyser,

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the Danny Dyer, if you will.

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And that erupts every three
minutes, much like Danny Dyer.

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Only joking. He's just an actor.
He's not like that. He's in control.

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 Wow.

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That's Strokkur for you.

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 Strokkur. Regular as you like.

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I imagine that you will be wanting
to document this

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with a picture of yourself with
that in the background.

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That's what you... Well, the memory
of it's certainly not

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 going to be enough. It's not
sufficient. We must document it.

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I'm going to gift you now...
Yeah. ..the MPoD.

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It goes around your smartphone,
thus.

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You can attach that to any object -
a bench, a branch. And so on.

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And also the HALO Remote.

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How does it work, Richard?
Well, that's already clipped in.

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 Yeah. You click that. Sure.

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Give the tripod to somebody else.
Yeah.

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And then you navigate using this
remote. Click on that.

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Do you think I could just perch it
somewhere on you? If I just...

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Clip it on. Perfect. OK. OK.

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Oh, look. It's swelling. Oh! Yeah!

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Here we go. Bang!

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I hope you didn't blow it.

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'With three minutes
wasted on frippery,

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'we must return to the terracopter
and continue on our so-called way.'

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We are journeying to a valley
where the North American

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and Eurasian tectonic plates
are tearing the world apart.

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That is straight from Wikipedia.
They're moving towards each other?

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Or kind of, they're about to collide?
All I remember is that,

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in geography, that's where you did
extra special training.

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'Moving 2.5 centimetres a year,

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'it's a rollicking romp in
geological terms.

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'Another Golden Circle tour stop,

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'checked off without even
touching the ground.

168
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'But I demand yet more speed.'

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Wow, look at that.

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That's a whole heap of boiling
water.

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 Gorgeous.

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'We are ending the Golden Circle
tour here at Gullfoss,

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'A waterfall with a 32 metre drop
over its two steps.

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'Thereby, Iceland's second
biggest glacier.'

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This seems a steep descent.
This seems too steep.

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Wow. Here we are. What a view.
It's pretty good. Yeah.

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Look at those saps.
On the other side.

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All in a big line,

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ostensibly closer to it.
With a better view.

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On the face of it,
looks like that, but...

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not only can we see that,

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we can also see them and
the car parking facility,

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and the visitor centre. Sure.

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And we have the added bonus
of no protective barrier,

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so it keeps it alive and jangling.
Now I'm really glad...

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You're pleased we're in the 'copter.
I am.

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It would have been weird not to have
travelled by helicopter.

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Why doesn't everyone do it?

189
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,880
What do you feel, Richard?
Do you feel...

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I feel pretty cold.

191
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,520
That's what I feel. Yeah.

192
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It's a cracking display of nature.
Yeah.

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00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:49,520
Words like "vitality"...
Ah! .."vivacity", "water".

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 Those sort the words, certainly.

195
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I'm thinking of words like "inside",

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"heating", "tea".

197
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'Travelling in the 'copter has
enabled us to drink in

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00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,040
'the Golden Circle experience

199
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:06,960
'while saving ourselves seven hours
of valuable Icelandic daylight.

200
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,920
'A tour de force in time-trimming
travel.'

201
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,800
Shall we... Shall we go?

202
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,720
Yeah, we don't want to have too much
fun. My nose is so cold. Yeah.

203
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:18,720
It's going to come off.
I can feel it. I'm going to...

204
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'Golden Circle successfully
circumnavigated,

205
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,280
'our two separate minds turn to
food.

206
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:27,760
'Eating on holiday is
a miasma of uncertainty,

207
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:31,760
'but Jessica insists on booking an
authentically Icelandic dinner.'

208
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,960
Hello. Hi. Hi. This is hakarl.

209
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,680
 Hakarl? Yes.

210
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:40,680
And this is Brennivin, but also
known as Black Death.

211
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:44,320
'Hakarl, or Greenland shark,
is poisonous when fresh,

212
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,480
'owing to high levels of uric acid.

213
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,840
'But by simply leaving it to decay
and hanging it out to ferment

214
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:53,280
'for a few months, it becomes
technically edible.'

215
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,560
Why won't this kill me?

216
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,120
Um...

217
00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:59,400
I'm not really sure. No?

218
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,080
It's just fine. It's OK.

219
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,760
 Yeah. OK.

220
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,800
But you don't, you won't eat this,
will you?

221
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,280
No. I don't like it. No.

222
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:14,280
Thank you. That's a good sign.

223
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,960
Both those things are awful.

224
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,960
Those are two awful things here.

225
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:37,840
Good grief. That feels terrible. It
was like a jelly cube of ammonia.

226
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,520
And this is made from mashed potato.
I quite like this.

227
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:43,520
I wish this was made back into
mashed potato... This, I don't mind.

228
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,240
..so I could frickin' eat something.

229
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,480
'It's certain that neither
Jessica nor I

230
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,800
'will ever chow down on rotten
shark again.'

231
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,840
I'm not paying.

232
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,520
Thank you.
SPEAKS ICELANDIC

233
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,120
'But it's another time-efficient
cultural experience

234
00:11:57,120 --> 00:12:01,120
'that we can pretend was important
for some reason.

235
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,800
'Next, we need to make full use
of Iceland's winter darkness

236
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:08,360
'and head out on a quest to witness
the wonder of the Northern Lights.

237
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,760
'A monumental natural light display
caused by the collisions

238
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:15,760
'of the solar wind and our planet's
magnetic field and atmosphere.'

239
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,520
Jessica? We're here.

240
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,160
Beneath the majesty that is the
night sky. Oh!

241
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,160
 I just saw a shooting star. No.
I did. It couldn't...

242
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,440
Are you sure it wasn't a plane? It
was definitely a shooting star. OK.

243
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,040
That's a bright one up there.

244
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,560
I see you're getting a bit
technical there. Yeah.

245
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:37,560
You've obviously got some star
knowledge.

246
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:41,400
All of these billions of stars...

247
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,480
..have no use to us.

248
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,880
JESSICA LAUGHS
They're rubbish.

249
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,760
There's nothing on them.

250
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:51,760
It makes you think how great we are.

251
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:54,720
'While we wait for nature to
reveal his or herself,

252
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:58,480
'here's what's coming up in our
final 24 hours in Iceland.

253
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,040
'Jessica and I rock up to elf
school...'

254
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,880
Within the elf community, do they
have health care?

255
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,720
'..go whale watching...'

256
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,880
I'm happy not to see a whale.

257
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:11,320
'..and experience another
of Iceland's geothermic wonders.'

258
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:19,000
Like a bunch of white people
drowning in milk.

259
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,720
I'm valiantly compressing an
Icelandic holiday into 48 hours

260
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,120
with actress Jessica Hynes.

261
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:32,160
You rejoin us now during a so far,
so fruitless, pursuit

262
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:36,160
of the celestial shindig
that is the Northern lights.

263
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,640
We've packed it in, though,
haven't we?

264
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:42,640
Yeah. Like a tin of sardines. Yeah.

265
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:46,240
Like a tin of rotting sardines

266
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,720
fermenting nicely.

267
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,840
No sign of the Northern lights, yet,

268
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:53,080
but, of course, the camera
can sometimes see things

269
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,200
that the naked eye doesn't,

270
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,640
so we may be having this experience

271
00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:01,520
but our retina are letting us down.

272
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,080
As if planned in advance,

273
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:05,840
the time-lapse I set up was
experiencing the spectacle

274
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,400
on our behalves.

275
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,520
The machines have beaten us
once more.

276
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,640
It's like Terminator all over again.

277
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:15,640
In a sense, I feel like
I've been cheated by nature.

278
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:20,160
Now we have recorded evidence that
something actually happened,

279
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:24,160
we can go to bed.

280
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,200
After a short and troubled sleep,

281
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,840
rosy-fingered dawn
slaps us awake again.

282
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:35,600
Jessica, we've had an Icelandic
blast. Yes, we have.

283
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,880
I think it's been
relatively comprehensive

284
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:41,840
but we have not, as yet,
drunk in any folklore or culture.

285
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,840
Well, we could go and visit the
Handknitting Association of Iceland

286
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:51,000
and make an authentic
lopapeysa jumper.

287
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,920
Yeah, I mean, it's a bit route one.

288
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:56,360
We could, if we were going to go
off-piste culturally,

289
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,560
 go to Bad Taste Records. Yes.

290
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:02,560
Which is the home of the Smekkleysa
record label, which is where...

291
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:04,280
PEOPLE LAUGH

292
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:06,280
I don't think they were laughing
at my joke.

293
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,800
I think they were slightly mocking

294
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:11,240
at the unnecessary increase in
volume when you go into Icelandic.

295
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,360
It's incredible.

296
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:16,480
Yeah, I mean, they've just
walked out in absolute fury

297
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,440
at the desecration
of their mother tongue,

298
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,320
but continue. And this record shop,

299
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,120
the home of the Smekkleysa
record label,

300
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,000
 who discovered Sugarcubes

301
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,840
 and, therefore, Bjork

302
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,320
 and, also, Sigur Ros,

303
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:34,080
so that's a culture of a tasty kind.
Are you into that?

304
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:35,880
I don't want to do those things. OK.

305
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,120
Do you know what I want to do?
What you want to do, Rich?

306
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,200
I want to go to elf school.

307
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,360
Welcome to the elf school.

308
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:47,360
54% of Icelanders believe in elves
and 90% are open to the idea.

309
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,200
To my disappointment,
this educational establishment

310
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,440
did not teach Will Ferrell his craft

311
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,280
but it does teach visitors
to the island

312
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,080
about these made-up creatures.

313
00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:00,280
Our teacher, Magnus,
is one of Iceland's foremost experts

314
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:01,800
on these non-beings.

315
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,960
Nearly 900 Icelanders
have seen elves.

316
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:08,680
The smallest one is five or eight cm
which is for flower elves.

317
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:12,680
The biggest one is about 70 or 80cm
tall, which is house elves.

318
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:17,200
Within the elf community,
is there a lot of discord?

319
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,560
Do they have a criminal justice
system, health care?

320
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:24,280
Yes. It seems to have because
there are elf doctors.

321
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:28,080
For the next 30 minutes, Magnus
regales us with fantastical facts

322
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,000
on elves in Iceland,

323
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,680
but now it's time for Jess and I to
go head-to-head in the final exam

324
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:35,160
to see who will take home

325
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,000
that all-important elf diploma
certificate,

326
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,280
and, if there's one thing I must
return to the airport with,

327
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,880
it's this pyrrhic victory.

328
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,920
What was the name of the elf king
in the North Iceland?

329
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,960
 King Therkalduthal.

330
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,960
King Thorinduil, the second one.
That was quite close, wasn't it?

331
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,120
What is the height of elves?

332
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,480
Well, flowers are six to eight cms.
Depending.

333
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:00,600
The flowers are five to six
centimetres.

334
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,000
 The nature ones are ten cms.

335
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,800
And, then, there's also house elves
who are 70 to 80cms.

336
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:08,800
70 to 80cms. Yes. You have obviously
done your homework in the school.

337
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:12,920
I feel you are slightly just riding
my jet stream there, Jessica.

338
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,200
I'm disappointed.

339
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,720
Where are most believe in elves
in the Western countries

340
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,680
outside Iceland? Canada, America.

341
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,600
Scotland. Scotland. Ireland. Yes.

342
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,360
Bam, as Kanye would say. Bam.

343
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:25,160
And where in the world do, normally,

344
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,720
they have a similar belief
as in Iceland?

345
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,000
Aborigines. Yes. Thank you.

346
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,520
Thank you for coming to the school.

347
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,320
I'm sorry it turned nasty
there, Jessica.

348
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,840
I just really wanted to win.
I hope you learnt something.

349
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,240
I did not.

350
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,800
Mixed feelings about that.

351
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:44,120
Where do you stand on elves now?

352
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:47,960
No. I'm not standing on any elves
because they don't exist.

353
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,320
That's fighting talk

354
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,800
and I'm pleased you didn't raise
that with Magnus in there

355
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:55,080
because he was a big guy.

356
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,720
So, having experientially
conquered folklore,

357
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:01,720
it's time to go on a day trip
but in much less time than a day.

358
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:06,080
25% of tourists visiting Iceland
go whale watching

359
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:09,480
so, as cold-hearted analysts
of the travel experience,

360
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:12,200
it is our duty to see
what the fuss is about.

361
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,040
I am happy not to see a whale.

362
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,280
 You may pretend but, inside,

363
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,880
that will be a moment that you
will never forget. Really?

364
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:23,240
You're not going to be standing there
going, "What's the point?"

365
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:27,240
Just wait. I don't believe you.
I may even yawn.

366
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:29,840
Connoisseurs of the deep claim

367
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:33,480
there are 23 different species
of whale beneath us -

368
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,480
blue, killer, sperm and a whole
bunch of other customers,

369
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:42,120
so I'm hoping to wrap this shiz up
pronto.

370
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:47,560
40 minutes in, we spot movement
among the waves.

371
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,040
Whale! I saw it!

372
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,360
 Dolphin! Look at the dolphins!

373
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:54,320
Oh, look! Wow! That's pretty good.

374
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:58,160
That was good. They're beautiful.

375
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,960
Look.

376
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,240
This one's coming towards us. Yeah.

377
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,200
This one's pretty angry.

378
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,680
You cannot disguise your thrill.
It's pretty good.

379
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,280
No, the tears are from the wind.

380
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,600
They may not be the whales
we were seeking,

381
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,680
but they are still
water-based mammals

382
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,840
and, thus, I'm marking it
as a victory

383
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,600
in my embossed achievement diary.

384
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,600
As the end of our trip draws near,

385
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,680
we must assess the merits of Iceland
as a destination

386
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,840
and break down the temporal
and financial expenditure,

387
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,720
and, to do this, we must retire
to an attraction

388
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,400
some might consider relaxing.

389
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,720
This is the Blue Lagoon.

390
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,640
A geothermically heated pool
and spa.

391
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:44,160
The cloudy water is coloured
by natural silica and minerals

392
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,560
that have risen from
2km beneath the earth.

393
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,120
It's like a bunch of white people
drowning in milk.

394
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:53,120
I can't wait to get in there.
Really? Yeah. I can feel it.

395
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:56,640
I can feel the volcano vibrational
energy. You can't feel it.

396
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,520
 I can. I can. No, you can't.

397
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,040
It's very good for skin conditions

398
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,960
so I think there's probably a lot
of people in here with eczema. Yeah.

399
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,280
That's an inviting prospect.

400
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:08,840
To share a milky pond with
a bunch of dead skin flakes.

401
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,880
And we're going to be part of it. OK.

402
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,600
Well, you've got two minutes to
change and ten minutes to relax.

403
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:17,600
Report back. I'm going to get into
my sport shorts.

404
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,000
Happy now?

405
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,240
Very happy. You're enjoying this,
are you?

406
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,000
This is the only place this happens
in the world. Yeah.

407
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,760
Geothermal seawater coming up
and healing us all.

408
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,040
I don't enjoy communal showers,

409
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:39,960
being confronted with a whole wall
of penis.

410
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,960
It's very difficult to narrow down
the richness of this holiday

411
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:48,080
to just a few highlights, but, if
you had to, what would they be?

412
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,400
This has probably been the highlight.
This is it?

413
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:55,400
Something that any amateur rugby
team takes for granted every weekend

414
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,200
has been your highlight? What was
your favourite bit, Richard?

415
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,240
I did like the breakfast buffet.
That was good.

416
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,680
The fish was incredible. All the
fresh fish. All complimentary.

417
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,080
There must have been something
more than the breakfast,

418
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,160
but I'm really struggling.

419
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,800
The quibbling must cease.

420
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,840
We have not come here
to enjoy ourselves.

421
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,480
We must assess Iceland.

422
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,040
And, while you can weekend here
for a frugal 186 quid,

423
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,240
we have spent a profligate 937 each,

424
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:26,080
but that does include a whopping
five large on the copter.

425
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:30,080
It's been a heady mix
of explosive landscapes...

426
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,520
I hope you didn't blow it.

427
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,640
..rotten meals...

428
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,360
Both those things are awful.

429
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:37,560
..and fantastic nonsense.

430
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,560
I hope you learnt something.
I did not.

431
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,920
But, overall, this has been
a time-efficient triumph

432
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,320
and, in the advisory capacity we're,
for some reason, claiming to adopt,

433
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,800
we're pronouncing Iceland
a must-do two-day destination

434
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,600
or MDTDD, for short.

435
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,760
Who knows? Maybe it will become
a catchphrase.

436
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:57,520
Jessica, time to get in the jeep.

437
00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:01,520
Next time, a whirlwind weekend in
Marrakech with actor Stephen Mangan.

438
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:04,080
I ate the brain. You eat the eye.

439
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,840
That's not how it works. It is.

440
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:32,000
 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

441
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,000
</P></Sync> </Body>