1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,320
Mini-breaks are 50 Shades
of cray-cray.

2
00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:06,880
How can anyone go somewhere new
and be expected to enjoy

3
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:09,680
themselves without at least
a decade to decompress?

4
00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:11,960
With no idea where to go,
how to eat or what to do, it's

5
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:15,200
impossible to stop the whole thing
turning into a monumental fudge-up.

6
00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:17,160
But lash yourselves no longer,
for I,

7
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,400
a man who was once mistaken in a
Medieval siege for Richard Ayoade,

8
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:23,720
intend to be the first person
you've met who can actually help.

9
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:27,200
Forcibly chaperoned
by a televised face,

10
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,680
to give me the remote chance
of relatability,

11
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:33,360
I am going to drag you, howling,
through a maxi mini-break.

12
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:35,920
This is travel without mercy.

13
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,480
Tonight, 48 hours

14
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:41,480
in and roundabouts Seville,
the sunniest city in Europe.

15
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,080
And to salvage what would be a
steady, solo,

16
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:49,640
soaking of low-energy sardonic
remarks is comedian,

17
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,640
actor and colossus, Rob Delaney.

18
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,400
I don't know this man.

19
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,680
'Together we will sightsee
with mighty strides...'

20
00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,440
Richard, not sure if you're
aware, you're still walking.

21
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:01,880
'..master flamenco...'

22
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,480
Gosh, this is hard.
It's like Black Swan.

23
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,000
'..and re-stage the Three Amigos.'

24
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,040
Thank God for that crash mat.

25
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:14,040
We're here, but should we have come?

26
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,240
Seville is most of
the way to Africa,

27
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:25,240
making a two and a half hour flight
the only humane way to get there.

28
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:29,840
How's about that knife fight, eh?

29
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:33,160
That was something. How was the
rest of the journey though for you?

30
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,840
It was OK, but they made me pay for
my tea.

31
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,520
Well, that's the jet for you.

32
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,760
But I think that these oranges
in the trees are free.

33
00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,000
Yeah, so maybe harvest some and try

34
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,160
and offset some of the euro
shortfall that you've already

35
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,520
found yourself in.

36
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,320
Why Seville? Why have you
taken me here?

37
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:55,320
I'm going to tell you that now.

38
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:59,480
The Andalucian capital Seville
is the fourth biggest city in Spain

39
00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,960
and its largest inland river port.

40
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,960
It's been ruled by the Romans,
the Moors

41
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:07,640
and for the last 850 years,
the Spanish, of all people.

42
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,160
For those buffoons who like to
get drunk on sun,

43
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,840
Seville will scorch your back
with 3,000 hours of sizzle a year,

44
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:17,840
earning it the nickname
The Frying Pan of Europe.

45
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,720
Frugal mini-breakers can
secure a weekend here

46
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,680
for south of 240 sterling.

47
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,600
But we seem destined to spaff more.

48
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:31,400
My prophecy becomes true, as soon
as I swipe Rob's platinum card

49
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:35,400
to book us in at the somewhat
swanky Hotel Villapanes.

50
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,680
That's a shame.
The head height's good,

51
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:42,080
but we are not shielded
from the elements.

52
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:45,720
It's that sexy,
Spanish arrogance. Yeah.

53
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,880
There's probably not even a
wellington boot shop

54
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,520
in this goddamn place.

55
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,240
Let's haggle over the room.

56
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,240
There is a tiny differential
between the two rooms.

57
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:59,240
I'm sure that'll be fine. OK.

58
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,280
The hotel has 50 rooms

59
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,920
and six suites and, because we are
neither fish nor fowl,

60
00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:07,160
we've booked one of each.

61
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:11,160
OK, wow. Yeah. This is amazing.

62
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:14,360
I'm not sure whether this is
the suite or the standard.

63
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:17,680
I have to imagine it's the suite.
I don't know.

64
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,720
Just know, I'd be happy here.

65
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:23,720
That's good for me to factor into
my decision. And it is my decision.

66
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:27,480
Very well.

67
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:31,480
Ooh. OK. This is very you,
isn't it? Wow. Very you.

68
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,320
It's not not a nice room, but I...

69
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:38,320
Thank you, you're welcome. So, I'm
going to leave you to bed in here.

70
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:44,120
The good thing is that window
is very hard to fall out of.

71
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:48,400
So, there's no point dwelling on
this. Don't dwell on it, Rob.

72
00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,560
To distract Rob from
focusing on potentially

73
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,320
divisive disparities,
I immediately sign us up

74
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,040
for a sightseeing running tour.

75
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,400
It's a little chilly.

76
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,720
Yeah, make sure that your nipples
are warm before you do this. Yeah.

77
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,800
Well, we're waiting for Angel.

78
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:12,040
I imagine that's some kind of
stage name, but he's a runner.

79
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:16,040
Are those his children? I think
so. Angel is very fertile.

80
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:20,560
Hello. Hi. Hola. Are you Angel? Yes.
Hello, Angel. Hello.

81
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,040
I apologise for what I'm wearing,

82
00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:27,000
I've just come from a Stone Roses
weekend re-enactment society. Yes.

83
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,360
How many kilometres
do you want to run?

84
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:33,360
20km? I think more than 20
would be dangerous. One. 1km.

85
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,680
Thank you. Let's go.
I'll stay behind,

86
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:43,680
just to not embarrass anyone
with the pace I set.

87
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:47,720
Angel will tailor tours to suit
hardcore sprinters

88
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:50,360
or shuffling sightseers,
allowing us to eyeball

89
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:54,200
several of Seville's most pertinent
points of interest at pace.

90
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:58,040
Are we running by something
important? Do you know what is this?

91
00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:02,040
I don't know. It's the Cathedral of
Sevilla. I would have said Nando's.

92
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,000
The cathedral is the third
largest in the world,

93
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,480
out-sized only by St Peter's
in the Vatican

94
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:11,360
and Aparecida in Brazil.

95
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:15,080
Do you go to this church? Oh,
yes, of course. I get married here.

96
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,840
Really? Yes. Wow! OK.

97
00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:21,120
And how many people were
at your wedding? Oh, 1,000 people.

98
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,840
There were 1,000 people? What! 1,000
people. It's very, very, very big.

99
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:28,800
How many are you still
in touch with? 1,000.

100
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:32,560
What's wrong with this place?

101
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:34,720
Sickened by Angel's popularity,

102
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:37,840
we head towards the Parque Maria
Louisa, losing several runners

103
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:41,000
who stop to reassess their own
fractured relationships.

104
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,240
Richard, not sure if you're aware,
you're still walking. I know.

105
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,600
How fast am I!

106
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,760
Making for a non-existent
finish line,

107
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,040
we plod into the Plaza de Espana,

108
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,400
which you may recognise
from cinematic masterpieces

109
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:57,400
such as Lawrence Of Arabia and
the film Attack Of The Clones.

110
00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,320
As I hear the sound of
Rob's right glut ripping,

111
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:04,080
I call our running tour to a halt.

112
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,560
I must thank you very much
for what's happened so far.

113
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,480
I have to go with him,
cos I'm his employee.

114
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:11,040
It's good. It's a beautiful city
and a great way to see it.

115
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:14,640
OK, we'll see you later.
Bye. Thank you.

116
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,360
You OK? Did you enjoy that?
I really did.

117
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:17,480
That seemed like a scam.

118
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,480
Well, we benefited in that we'll
maybe live five minutes longer,

119
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,080
because of this workout.

120
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,480
But travel shouldn't be
about prolonging life,

121
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,960
it should be about endangering it.

122
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,160
Dos churros.

123
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,840
Churros are a Sevillian speciality

124
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:36,840
and are cooked in a "rueda" or wheel
and served with hot chocolate sauce.

125
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:42,080
Thar she blows! Good gravy.

126
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:46,080
That's quite surgical,
what's happening there. Yeah.

127
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,960
I'm pretty excited. Yes.

128
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,760
That's fried. That is big.

129
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,560
How is that? Really wonderful.

130
00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:00,560
Yeah, this is what my arteries
look like now. Very likely.

131
00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:05,600
And we're carrying on the British
tradition of eating something

132
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,720
out of greasy paper. Yeah.

133
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,320
One of those last churros
has lodged midway.

134
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:14,320
I'm going to try and dislodge it.

135
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,800
Are you coming? Yeah.

136
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,000
Oh, I feel nauseous.

137
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,040
Then, as a lifelong
lover of timber,

138
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,080
I finally fulfil my
ambition to ascend the

139
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:30,160
world's largest wooden structure -
The Metrapol Parasol.

140
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:34,160
Known locally as "La Setas,"
the mushrooms.

141
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:38,480
This is one hell of a fungus.

142
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,000
This looks like a very
large-scale craft project.

143
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,560
ROB LAUGHS

144
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:46,560
It does look like it's made out of
balsa wood.

145
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,040
Yeah, seems solid, though.

146
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:53,040
Conceived by German architect
Jurgen Mayer H in 2004,

147
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:56,760
the Parasol won a competition for
ideas to redevelop the square

148
00:07:56,760 --> 00:08:00,760
it sits in. The bold design
is meant to create shade,

149
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,520
like a less-good version of a tree.

150
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:07,520
This does seem like
a very pleasing folly. Yeah.

151
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,920
'Now that we've traversed a giant,
artificial fungal structure,

152
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:16,480
'we decide to swiftly master
an Andalucian art form.'

153
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:17,960
How do you feel about dancing?

154
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,600
I'm just going to ask you,
while we pan down. Sure.

155
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,280
I like to move rhythmically
when music is playing,

156
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:28,000
but I wouldn't call what I do dance.
Oh, come now.

157
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,520
Andalucia is the birthplace of
flamenco and lessons are readily

158
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:35,520
available for beginners, as well as
the experts we will shortly become.

159
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,960
Hello! Hi.

160
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,960
Overwhelmed by my powerful
masculinity, Manuella attempts to

161
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,240
teach us the fundamentals
of flamenco.

162
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,240
One. Now.

163
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:51,240
Sorry, I drifted off. From the
beginning. OK, gosh, this is hard.

164
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,760
It's like Black Swan. Yeah.
OK, here we go.

165
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,680
OK! Now, it's getting interesting,
right? Hey!

166
00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:01,680
And right. OK. You didn't sound
entirely convinced.

167
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:06,760
The dance moves I'm effortlessly
expressing are known as "baile"

168
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,480
and are mixed with "palmas,"

169
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,280
flamenco's distinctive
hand claps and stamps.

170
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,680
One, two, three.

171
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:17,200
One, two, three.

172
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,960
# We will, we will rock you...#

173
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,960
SHE SINGS IN SPANISH

174
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:29,160
# We will, we will rock you. #

175
00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:32,680
You've just abandoned me,
at this point. OK.

176
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,360
So, in Flamenco, if someone's weak,
you just abandon them?

177
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,920
Is that what happens? You just
go to the strong person? Yeah.

178
00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:40,880
But let's continue. OK, left!
This is different.

179
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,880
OK, stop. OK, OK.
I grew up in Peckham.

180
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:49,000
When a brother like me is in this
position, bad stuff's going down.

181
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:56,040
'Sensing that it would be fruitless
to over-refine a raw,

182
00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:58,840
'expressive, talent like mine,
Manuella calls it a dia.'

183
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:02,840
Did she just call us chickens?
Chicos, it means good dancers, man.

184
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:06,120
OK. Do we get certification?

185
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,320
Without certification
this is worthless.

186
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,280
Nobody will believe us.
Can you get a certificate

187
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,960
when the thing you learned
most about is yourself?

188
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:18,200
Yeah, I mean, that's one of the most
important certificates you can get.

189
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,880
Cos I just really learned
a lot about... This guy. Yeah.

190
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,840
OK, well, I feel I was undermined
and I don't really need that.

191
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,040
I don't need to come to Spain
to be undermined.

192
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:31,040
Let's get you some ice cream. OK.

193
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:35,840
At a time when I would ordinarily be
activating my home security system,

194
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,800
the Spanish are heading out
to eat comically-tiny plates of food

195
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,160
known as tapas.

196
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:45,520
To ensure you cop the best chow
with the coolest cats,

197
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,680
you can book a guided tapas tour

198
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:50,600
with an expert like Monica Gonzales.

199
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:54,600
She begins with one of my
favourite Spanish cured meats, ham.

200
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:56,360
Very good.

201
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,480
The idea is you put
the ham in your mouth,

202
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:03,480
you warm it up for three, four
seconds and then you start chewing.

203
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:08,080
And then you shall get
a nice flavour.

204
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,440
SHE GASPS

205
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,840
Could you describe it
a little bit more now?

206
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:15,840
Warm, melty, autumn.

207
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:22,480
Those are some words that come
to mind. OK, good. Very good.

208
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,480
Stone-faced Monica
produces a local cheese

209
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,040
she claims is called
"torta del casa."

210
00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:32,040
"Boom!" is what I want to say to
that cheese. There's a lot going on.

211
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:36,320
Then we waddle across the city
for a "salmorejo," a cold soup.

212
00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:42,120
It's got an egg in it. Yes,
you don't eat egg? No, that's great.

213
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:46,200
Do you know egg and...?
Can you recognise the other thing?

214
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:50,200
I know egg. Little bit of ham
in there. Yeah, exactly.

215
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:54,400
Years ago, when I was little, the
topping was just for celebrations.

216
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:55,800
Mm-hm.

217
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,800
Say if you passed your driving test,
you'd lob an egg in there.

218
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,360
So, Rob?

219
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,560
I love it. It's really good.

220
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:09,040
How do you feel about the fact that
you are eating at quarter to 11?

221
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:13,040
I feel insane. I've not been up
this late for a decade.

222
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,880
'Finally a Sevillano speciality,
"espinacas con garbanzos,"

223
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,280
'spinach and chickpeas.'

224
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:25,280
It's nice just to eat something
hot for a little. It's really nice.

225
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,200
I could probably
eat 11 pounds of this.

226
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:32,200
Then you would be 11 pounds
fatter. Yeah, Rob.

227
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,320
'Despite his laughter, a
volcanic argument soon erupts,

228
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,280
'in which many damaging things
are said

229
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:42,280
'and we are forced to leave the
bar and the first part of the show.

230
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:45,320
'Part two sees us,
in a very subsequent way,

231
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,120
'barrel along like beatniks...'

232
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,120
This so looks like California.
On the way back, we could...

233
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:53,040
If you're going to say skinny
dipping, I'm going to stop you.

234
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,720
'..and show up for a showdown.'

235
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,520
GUNSHOTS

236
00:12:56,520 --> 00:13:04,000
Oh. Well, that's excessive.

237
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,000
'We are straddling the central crack

238
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,600
'of our 48-hour
Southern Spanish sojourn.

239
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,120
'The first 24 saw us run...'

240
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,160
Are we running
by something important?

241
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,200
'..dance...' Stop.

242
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,080
'..and become massively Spanish.'

243
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:25,640
How do you feel about the fact that
you are eating at quarter to 11?

244
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,160
I feel insane.

245
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:30,160
'Day two sees me using
my gnostic intel of Seville

246
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,960
'to seek out some
choice confections.'

247
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,440
You look nice in this light.
Thank you.

248
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,760
I do need good lighting
to appear like a human.

249
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:42,760
Now, we're here
at the San Leandro convent,

250
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,280
which is where they make
yolk-based sweets.

251
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,760
I should warn you,
I may combust in there.

252
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:52,760
Oh, I see. I'm very virtuous,
so I'll be OK.

253
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,280
'The nuns here are
a cloistered order,

254
00:13:56,280 --> 00:14:00,160
'avoiding almost all contact with
the outside world.'

255
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,800
I'm going to ring the bell.

256
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,840
WOMAN SPEAKS SPANISH

257
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:08,840
RICHARD SPEAKS SPANISH

258
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,240
Demi kilo de yemas?

259
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:17,080
They should institute this
at Greggs.

260
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:20,240
WOMAN SPEAKS SPANISH
Gracias.

261
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,280
I did not bring a crowbar.
OK... I know.

262
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:27,280
Oh, here we go.

263
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,400
Well, thank you.

264
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:33,400
That's from a Renaissance recipe.

265
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,240
Mmm. I like it.

266
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:42,160
I think they've focused on taste
over aesthetics.

267
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,480
'Yemas procured, we head
for another Andalucian attraction

268
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,240
'some distance from Seville.'

269
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:52,080
That's a small vehicle. That's a fun
little car, isn't it? Yes. Wow.

270
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,360
Do you drive? I do, yes.

271
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,480
I only learnt to drive last week.

272
00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:00,480
Yeah. Well, then, since we're both
fathers, maybe I should drive.

273
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:07,160
We can swap halfway through.

274
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,880
I've already broken something.
That's good.

275
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,800
Oh, flat of the hand, the turn.

276
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:19,800
ROB LAUGHS
Here it comes.

277
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,680
'Our prolonged 400k trek
takes us past Granada

278
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:27,080
'and across the scenic
Sierra Nevada mountains.

279
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:30,880
'Their majesty awes us.'

280
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:34,160
Wow. That's one pack. I thought
that was a multipack. Oh, no.

281
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,640
I went in there expecting to
take out smaller packets.

282
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,600
'Lesser men on such a trip
might resort to sharing thoughts,

283
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,480
'life experiences, and hopes
for a better world,

284
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,360
'but mercifully I brought my iPod.'

285
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:49,360
This is a very good
air-drumming song.

286
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:54,760
It's very fast on the high hats.
Good stuff.

287
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:06,320
Oh, that's all I can do.

288
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:07,720
It's good cardio.

289
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:09,760
Let's work on some of the crisps.

290
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,640
OK, we can have one of yours.

291
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,760
Oh, this is good.

292
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:19,000
Hey-hey, a little Lost Highway.

293
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,880
I think when you go on a road trip,
you want to... Yes.

294
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,400
You want to invoke the spirits of
both David Lynch and David Bowie,

295
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:29,400
in the hopes that something magic
and terrible might happen.

296
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,320
# Funny how secrets travel

297
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:38,720
# I'd start to believe

298
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,800
# If I were to bleed... #

299
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,440
That's very good vibrato on it.

300
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:47,440
# Thin skies, the man chains
his hands held high... #

301
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,320
AS DAVID BOWIE: I'm deranged!

302
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:54,040
I agree.

303
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:57,360
'Sierra Nevada literally translates
as "snowy mountains",

304
00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,200
'and Rob is gripped
by a Proustian rush.'

305
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,920
This so looks like California,
I don't know what to do.

306
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,240
Oh, look at that. Oh.

307
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:09,480
That's very pleasant. Depending on
how the next phase of our trip goes,

308
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,480
on the way back,
we could Thelma and Louise...

309
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,760
If you say skinny-dipping,
I'm going to stop you.

310
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:15,960
No, I was suggesting mutual suicide.
OK, that's...

311
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:19,960
I'd be more comfortable with that
than skinny-dipping. Oh, OK.

312
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,280
'Haunted by our sub-par
Bowie impressions,

313
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,480
'we approach one of Andalucia's
most popular attractions -

314
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,160
'Fort Bravo, a working film set
AND Wild West theme park,

315
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:37,160
'which attracts
30,000 visitors a year.'

316
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,080
This looks alarmingly like
my neighbourhood in London.

317
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:46,800
MUSIC: The Good, The Bad And
The Ugly Theme by Ennio Morricone

318
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,560
'It's an absolute Mecca
for film buffs who

319
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:58,720
'misunderstand the word "Mecca".

320
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:01,760
'Visitors can explore the park
by leg, horse and cart...

321
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,040
'or go the full
High Plains Drifter.'

322
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:07,880
MAN SPEAKS SPANISH
Exactly. Sounds good.

323
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,240
'In a bid to stoke interest in my
pending Peckham-set Zorro reboot,

324
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,520
'I ignore my allergy to horses...'

325
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,280
These are very tight trousers.

326
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:16,720
'..and saddle up.'

327
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,400
Have you been on a horse before?

328
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,920
I have, yeah.

329
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,880
I have not been on a horse before,
it may surprise you to learn,

330
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,960
given my current mastery of this.

331
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:26,560
Slow it.

332
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:30,560
But we'll see how it pans out.

333
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,920
Fort Bravo was built in 1964

334
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,760
for the Sergio Leone film
A Fistful Of Dollars

335
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,880
and starred in several
spaghetti westerns.

336
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,960
It opened to visitors in the 1980s

337
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,120
and they've been flocking
ever since.

338
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:48,240
Man, is it busy in this place.

339
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:52,240
Recent shoots here include
Doctor Who and Penny Dreadful.

340
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,320
Where Sky Sports are based -
in that shack.

341
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,680
ROB LAUGHS

342
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,240
That's not where Rupert Murdoch
comes to hide out?

343
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,800
I wouldn't put it past him.
Yeah. What's the name of this horse?

344
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,080
Perla. Perla?

345
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,080
Perla. Perla.

346
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,840
Apache. Apache.

347
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:13,840
Rob, your one's called Apache.
Oh, that's fantastic.

348
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,800
You look at home on that horse.

349
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,560
Whoa, whoa, whoa... I think...

350
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,520
I'm wondering if Apache
is mad at me because I'm fat.

351
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:26,440
Apache, she does not consolidate
negative body images.

352
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:30,000
My horse just managed to
salivate on me.

353
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,040
I've got one minute left
of my throat before it closes in.

354
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,880
I honestly can't speak.

355
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,120
'With my windpiping
on the verge of collapse

356
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,960
'and Rob drenched in horse-wash...'

357
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,280
Whoa. Whoa.

358
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:44,280
'..I ripcord this mother.'

359
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:48,920
Well, that's further confirmation
that I am indeed allergic to horses.

360
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,760
How did you leave things with
Apache in the end?

361
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,960
I mean, I think it worked out OK.

362
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:57,960
I will probably call him later
to sort of unpack what happened.

363
00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,880
But I don't think that he liked me.

364
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,440
Let's mosey on out of here.

365
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,200
I liked Ricardo, though.

366
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,640
He had eyes that have seen a lot.

367
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,120
He's a handsome cowboy.

368
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,680
The other one had a sadness
that I couldn't put a finger on.

369
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,520
He's from Argentina. Right, OK.

370
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,200
'Like the brooding heroes
of yesteryear,

371
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,640
'we head to the saloon
for a fizzy drink.

372
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,120
'The silence that greets us

373
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:23,640
'is caused by a mixture of awe,
low season visitor numbers,

374
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,680
'and my inaudible
but constant guffing.'

375
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,960
We should get served
relatively quickly,

376
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,800
is the good thing.

377
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,960
Yeah. I'd like a Fanta...

378
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,120
And you?

379
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:36,160
Dos Fantas, por favor. OK.
Dos Fantas.

380
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,920
I also see you have Kinder eggs.

381
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:40,200
Two Kinder eggs.

382
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:44,080
And a pack of Orbit.

383
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,880
And do you have a Wi-Fi code?

384
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,280
Wi-Fi...?

385
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:53,280
There's a kind of a sad atmosphere
in this bar, actually.

386
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,160
I think we're contributing to it.

387
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,680
Let's see what the toy is.

388
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,680
Hey!

389
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,280
It's a little...

390
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,120
It's a little dog.
You can change the hair.

391
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,600
There's very little assembly
required on this.

392
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,560
I don't know this man.

393
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,440
MUSIC: Theme from
The Magnificent Seven

394
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,640
'Twice a day, at no extra cost,

395
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:16,640
'visitors can enjoy
a Wild West show.'

396
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,320
This is the American
national anthem. Yeah.

397
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,760
ACTORS SPEAK IN SPANISH

398
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,440
Sounded like exposition.

399
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,400
GUNSHOT
Ooh, dear...

400
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,360
'This afternoon's performance
centres on some kind of robbery...'

401
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:32,480
He's got all the Milky Bars
in there.

402
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,880
'..and it's staged
with the authenticity

403
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,320
'of a mid-90s
sitcom dream sequence.'

404
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,720
HE SHOUTS IN SPANISH

405
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:44,720
Oof.

406
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,160
Oh... Thank God for that crash mat.

407
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,640
What are the odds?

408
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,040
GUNSHOT

409
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,600
Well, that's excessive.

410
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,600
RICHARD AND ROB APPLAUD

411
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,280
That's very good.

412
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,440
Very good. Thank you very much.

413
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:05,440
I've done similar scenes myself.
Thank you so much.

414
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,200
'Emotionally drained
from the horse opera,

415
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:12,840
'it's time to reflect on our time
in southern Spain.'

416
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,320
At least we managed to nab
this parking space

417
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,680
before they all go. Thank goodness.

418
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:18,880
Well...

419
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,920
Here we are, against

420
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:24,200
a frankly overdramatic background

421
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:28,120
to assess our time here.
How do you feel it's been?

422
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:29,640
I've had a great time.

423
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:33,320
We ate a lot of ham,
which is a major yardstick I use

424
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,520
to determine if a thing was good
or not. It's the ham index.

425
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:40,160
By the ham index, it was a triumph.

426
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,880
'Ham contributed considerably
to our total spend

427
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,720
'of ?520.15 per person.

428
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,600
'A frankly petty price to pay

429
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,120
'for 48 hours
rich in culture, adventure,

430
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:52,880
'and thinly-sliced meat.'

431
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,440
RICHARD SIGHS
Well...

432
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,520
The weather's been good.

433
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,360
I mean, for the time of year
that we're here -

434
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:01,040
which we probably oughtn't
to specify

435
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:04,160
cos we don't have a broadcast date
yet - but the weather is excellent.

436
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:05,480
It really is.

437
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,760
Overall...

438
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:11,760
I think this is a pretty good place
to come. Yeah.

439
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:16,080
'Next week - a watery weekend
in Venice, with Jo Brand.'

440
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,720
It's a challenge. Go on.

441
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:39,000
Subtitles by Ericsson

442
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,000
</P></Sync> </Body>