If there's a more foolhardy endeavour that the Xmas mini-break,
I've yet to hear tell.
Notwithstanding the poss of squandering two whole days,
you could scupper your very Yule, an event which is, at best, annual.
But do not snuff out your candle with winter slush, for I,
the ill wind of Richard Ayoade,
am here to get your seasonal mini-break game strong.
In an Xmas spectacular that makes
the most nuanced of nods to seasonal specificity,
we'll rollick round the Renaissance in not-so-festive Florence.
Ten mil visitors per annum trek to the Tuscan capital
to fill up on art, architecture and intestines.
Yes!
'Joining me to crash this conurbation
'and jab in some jarring yuletide refs...'
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas!
'..is the living phenomenon...'
Cheers.
'..called Rebel Wilson.'
SHE SCREAMS
'Together we will marvel at masterpieces...'
He's bloody good at sculpting, isn't he?
'..overreact...'
That's a cure for jet lag. Wow.
'..and participate in other activities...'
Please.
'..featured in this brief montage.'
I've no idea where we're going.
We're here. But should we have come?
Si. Merry Christmas!
Florence is a mere two-and-a-half-hour whizz
from the United Kingdom,
but a 12-and-a-half-hour whazz, via Paris, for LA-based Rebel Wilson.
Well, thank you for joining me for this Christmas special.
Yeah, thanks for having me.
I feel very honoured. Well, you're not.
Oh. The complaints will come thick and fast, I can assure you,
when you see the standards we operate to.
This probably isn't the time to tell you
that this isn't the buddy-cop franchise
that you may have thought it could be.
What do you mean, we're not filming a movie?
No, this isn't a film. This is it.
We're...
Well... Why have you brought me here?
I'm going to tell you why.
Founded in 59AD by Julius Caesar,
Florence was the Italian capital in the 19th-century
for an exhausting six years.
Famous Florentines include historical heavyweights da Vinci,
Machiavelli, cultural colossi Michelangelo, Dante and Botticelli,
health-care-earlier-doctor Florence Nightingale,
and clothes enthusiasts Robert Cavalli and Guccio Gucci.
We have Florence to blame for the piano, paved streets and Pinocchio.
And if that wasn't enough, it also has the dishonour
of providing the backdrop for Dan Brown's Inferno.
Florence hosts not one but two Christmas markets,
and in addition to the standard shiz,
there's a parade on the 6th of January featuring the original
Three Kings with their highly-specific baby gifts.
But because we're filming in October,
we will provide no visual evidence of this!
Florence straddles the River Arno, and we are quartered in the area
known as "Beyond the Arno",
or "Oltrarno", as the Italians continue calling it.
Here we go. This is looking very grand.
Thank you.
The AdAstra declares itself to be
a "Hotel Particulier",
a grand townhouse fit for fancy types
fleeing the country's clutches.
Look. They've brought out the red carpet for us.
Please, this is not your first rodeo.
'It occupies the first floor of a Florentine mansion
'sublet from Italian nobility.'
OK. I'll leave you to make your toilet in peace.
OK. Best of luck.
Oh, they have a robe. Yes!
'Rooms feature eclectic decor, high ceilings
'and thoroughly visible baths.
'And overlooking one of the largest private gardens in Europe
'is this terrace, which I'm pretending to find meaningful.'
Yeah, I mean, yes.
'But we can't tarry to take in topiary.'
KNOCKS ON DOOR
Rebel. We're on a schedule, yeah?
No dawdling, yeah?
Uh, yeah, OK.
Before she succumbs to fatal slumber,
I expel Rebel from the false Eden of her room
and out into the Xmas fray of Florence.
OK.
So, this is where the Christmas market would be.
Mulled wine.... It's very beautiful.
Lots of festive trinkets, great atmosphere.
But, right now, like, nothing's going on. No, no, no.
Right now, it's empty.
OK. Well, I can definitely see...
what it's not. You can see the potential.
When are we getting gelato? Soon. That's happening.
That's my promise to you. Please? Come on.
'Tanked up on Christmas cheer, we head for the nearest altar,'
'which happens to be contained within this.'
Here we are, il Duomo.
Florence Cathedral. Yeah?
OK. I told you it was a Christmas special.
Let's crash this cathedral. Straight in. All right.
Is this the VIP entrance? Yeah.
With a build time of the approx 600 years,
the Duomo is one of Italy's most iconic constructions.
Once inside, your retina will receive
a fully figurative fresco,
literally plastered onto the ceiling.
'To get an increased sense of scale,
'and a high-level panoramic scope of the city,
'we jointly elect to ascend.'
Do you want to climb the ladder?
Of course you do. All right.
Would it have killed them to put in a stairlift?
BREATHLESS: I feel like we're getting suffocated by the staircase.
SHE GRUNTS
Is that your resting noise?
Apparently, like, elite athletes make that noise. Sure.
'We break through to the balcony and get an intense ocular blast
'from Giorgio Vasari's hell-centric depiction of the last judgment.'
Well.
There you go. Pretty spectacular.
Their view on evil is it's not going to turn out well.
Yeah. You're down in the fiery pits of hell.
It's not good for you.
There's some imagery that is hard to interpret as positive.
Look at that. Yeah. It's like a winged beast...
Three-headed. ..eating a human.
Yeah. But with a good torso.
Well, it's just eating lean protein.
Yeah.
'We thump on between the inner and outer skin to the dome.'
I thought the steps had ended.
No.
'This masterpiece of Renaissance engineering
'could be unpacked by a person of substance...'
My legs are starting to burn out.
'..but given my inherent inanity,
'this sequence is reduced to some snatched transitional shots.'
Oh, that is steep.
It's a bit steep. It's fine. Push through. Too steep! Too...
Are you gonna...? Yeah. Do the chant?
I just don't know... Too steep! I don't know how effective it will be.
I'll do it. Too steep! I agree, it is too steep.
Come on.
SHE GRUNTS
Yeah? We did it!
Oh, this is high. It's pretty high.
How are you vertigo-wise?
I'm a little afraid of heights. Yeah?
OK. OK. Stay on the railing.
Yeah? I'm staying next to you. OK.
Oh, wow!
Well, they've gone for a colour scheme.
Yeah. And they've stuck with it.
Beautiful. You can see countryside...
You can. ..the city.
Phwoar. It's what Milton Keynes could have been.
Oh. OK, don't look right down at the people.
It's a bit too much. Aah!
Yeah, they're pretty small. OK, wait.
I might spew. No. OK. Move back.
Move back. Back. Back away. Back away. Way back.
We're very far from this.
I'm guessing you've never worked in construction.
Only on the ground floor. Ground floor. Yeah.
You do basements? Yeah.
Before Rebel covers these comely climbs with chunks,
we descend with dignity un-depleted.
Do you want to go down?
Yeah. OK. Go first. You can go first.
I'll go first. This is good.
OK. Are you going to go forwards or backwards?
Forwards. Yeah. That's good. I'll go forwards. Forwards.
AH! Just joking.
SHE LAUGHS Stop it, now.
No, that... OK. That was a real one. That was a real one.
'If you imagine an ascent reversed,
'you'll have a serviceable mental image of what passed
'before we arrived in this shot at the Mercato Centrale.'
Markets! Markets! Markets.
'Rebel's absolutely right to repeat the word "Markets",
'because this is a market, and we're in search of some kind of
'Florence-specific sustenance.
'The Florentines lap up lampredotto.
'Tripe made from my favourite cow's stomach, the much-maligned fourth.
'After a humiliating shun of my offer to split a bun,
'Rebel heroically assents to taste via proxy.'
Come on. You love it.
Thank you. Grazie.
You are missing out.
You're missing out on this meaty goodness.
I know, but I'm also saving room for gelato.
You won't get any gelato if you don't eat your stomach.
I can't eat stomachs. Look at this.
Richard, no. This is lean. I can see it. I can see it out of the bread.
That's OK. It's got less calories than chicken.
I've never heard of a tripe sandwich before. Look at this.
That looks a little fatty. Ah. Ah, ah, ah! Mmm.
OK, I'm just going to concentrate on the salad.
How is it?
Well...
It's taking you a while to chew it!
It's offering a lot of resistance.
The salad's delicious. Good.
I'm going to have a little bit more. It's quite greasy. Yeah.
I am going to need, probably,
to have a shower after eating this.
But...
..sometimes, when a dish is local, and doesn't travel,
those locals have got to ask themselves why it's not travelling.
Well, thanks for supporting me during this moment. Yeah.
Let's, erm...
I don't want to be rude, but I may...
I may leave this fella here.
'With a gut full of belly, we bring part one to a welcome end.
'In the second quarter of this egregious epistle,
'we will gallop through galleries...'
Maybe he had a thing for gingers.
'..restage Deliverance...'
This is a terrible idea!
SHE SCREAMS
'..and consolidate our Christmassy credentials.'
Pitch Perfect star Rebel Wilson and I,
the collapsed neutron called Richard Ayoade,
have cantered through the first quart
of our faux festive Florentine mini-break.
Thus far, we have stood in a bare square...
Right now it's empty.
Stared at some hills and quietly eaten meat.
Aah-ah!
And now it's time to drop a stat like a hot plop in the snow.
You know Unesco?
You know your Unesco stats.
Not really. Of course you do.
30% of the most significant art of the world is here.
Wow. It's got the highest concentration of important art in the world.
So we should... OK. I've allotted an hour.
Maybe two hours. Should be plenty. I think we can drink that in.
Yeah. We'll see some art, then get some gelato.
OK. You've mentioned that.
Priorities. You've mentioned that.
We begin at the Uffizi, originally built as an office block
by my favourite 16th century bankers, the Medici family.
As they creamed off the creme of Renaissance art,
they needed somewhere to stash all this shiz.
So the Uffizi became high-end wall space.
I'm starting to feel that one hour may not do this place justice.
So many things to look at.
They've not gone for minimalism.
It is slippy, the floor. Yeah. It is.
And there's no barrier here, either.
Yeah. I know. We can totally...
You could slide straight into this.
We can totally touch this. Wow.
I mean, I'm perilously close to enthusiasm.
This is the moment that Venus, the goddess of beauty and...
Yeah. ..love, created from ocean spray and blown by the winds,
Lands up in Cyprus. Hmm.
Immediately takes a mini break.
It is very beautiful.
Could have maybe put some dolphins in the ocean.
Yeah! Just to...
Jazz it up. I mean, if I was the artist.
Yes. I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you put something down as a suggestion. Yeah.
In pen.
Maybe he had a thing for gingers, because look.
You think? The women are all gingers.
Or maybe he just had a lot of ginger paint left over.
Do you know, it'd would be really good to roller-skate in here?
It would be. It might be a waste of the facility.
But I... Yeah, but imagine...
Imagine you're having a 21st. I'm not denying the fact that it's smooth.
Right. Turn this into a roller skating rink.
If you could hire it out?
Yeah. And you're just like going through.
Yes, there's art.
Right. But then there's also, you're getting your cardio, as well.
Exactly.
Mid when 'twixt venues
we find some of Florence's pleasingly restrained street art.
He's just stuck that on. Yeah.
That'll come off with soap and water.
Yeah. Bit of graffiti. Get real.
We hit the Accademia gallery.
To see some massively dope sculptures
by your main man, Michelangelo.
Do you sculpt?
No. Less than you did?
Yeah. I mean, I used to.
You got busy. Yeah.
Used to go to this class called Body Sculpt.
OK. At the gym? Yes.
Yeah. Where you do, like, these ones.
You start on marble? Yeah.
Oh, OK, you just... So I was pretty good at that. Yes.
Before us stands the undisputed victor of the much-hyped rumble
with trash-talking out-of-shape big man Goliath.
It's your boy David.
MUSIC: Zadok The Priest by Handel
Michelangelo's monumental masterpiece
was originally intended to go on the roof of the Duomo,
but its well impressiveness and weight
meant that it stayed at ground level
so that it could achieve its ultimate destiny
of being framed in this wide shot.
It was uncarved for 25 years, Rebel.
They thought they were imperfections.
Yeah. You don't want to get halfway through this and have it split.
You've got egg on your face. Imagine.
You can't claw those two years back. Yeah. Be a nightmare.
You'd be livid. Yeah, you'd be spewing.
I put marble in my new kitchen.
Yeah. It was expensive. And that doesn't have...
The detail. The detail of this.
It doesn't. Yeah, nut I went to the marble quarry and chose all my own marble. Did you? Yeah.
Just like Michelangelo did.
Just like Michelangelo before you.
Yeah.
I mean, he's bloody good at sculpting, isn't he?
Yeah. I don't even have a criticism.
I don't either. I mean, it doesn't just make me feel bad
but there is that element that I may not achieve...
Something that good?
I mean, my life's not over.
It's close. But if you worked on something for three years...
I've worked on this for three years. Yeah. On this show?
Yeah. Why is that funny? And how does it compare? That's my life.
Yeah. It's my life, Rebel.
Yeah, well... Is there a museum to it?
Is it treated with respect?
No, it's not. Yeah. Have you won any awards for this show?
Not even close. Something in the Midlands, who cares. Let's go. Yeah.
Yeah. There's some more statues.
Yes. Yeah.
How are you feeling?
Good! I'm feeling very cultured.
Of course you are. Yeah.
I mean, it's a huge input of data.
I've seen so many things today.
You're probably suffering from Stendhal syndrome.
What's that? The French writer, Stendhal, when he came to Florence.
Yeah. Found himself overwhelmed by the beauty.
Yeah. He was woozy with it.
That's me, overwhelmed with beauty.
Exactly.
The only way we have to link to this next sequence
is to pretend we're seeking a cure for this aesthetic affliction,
and then tilt down into the lobby
of the Farmaceutica di Santa Maria Novella.
So this is the oldest pharmacy in Florence?
That's right, 1221.
It's a bit nicer than a Boots, isn't it?
It's no Superdrug.
This high-class farm was founded by Dominican monks
to mash up meds for the sick.
Unforgivably, they don't sell my usual allergy sprays,
but there's a museum, a library, a herbalist's,
and a historic sales room.
Hello. Hello.
What are some of the oldest remedies you have here?
Here, this one once was renowned as anti-hysterical water.
So it was given to the brides in past centuries to calm the nerves.
So the hysterical ladies go, like, "Aaaaah! Oh!"
You just down this, and then you become, like,
"Oh, I'm so peaceful now."
Right. What do you want to do, husband?
I'll do it.
Is that what happens? Or these ones.
It's called aromatic vinegar.
OK. That was given to people who was fainting.
To revive them.
OK. Let's see this. Yeah.
That'll do it. The salts. Yes!
SHE GAGS
Yes!
That's a cure for jet lag.
Yeah. I'm ready to go clubbing now.
Wow.
This is a triumph. Yeah.
Thank you.
With the new need for a kindly wind to soothe my savaged cavities, I,
like Al Green and David Byrne before me, demand to be taken to the river.
All right, Richard.
Yes. What are we going to do now? We're going to raft.
Raft the Arno.
Whoo! Yes.
Adventures on the high... That's the response. ..river.
This 90-min trip will see us oar
through a heavily landmarked couple of the Arno's 150 miles.
Hi, guys. Hi, everybody. Hi!
Hello. Hi! Are you ready to visit Florence from the river?
Yes!
You want to check the weather before you do this because, if this were raining,...
Pretty bloody Christmassy, though. Yeah. Am I wrong?
This is a hot Christmas.
It's like an Australian Christmas.
I know. All we need is a barbecue in the middle of this thing.
Yeah. And a few prawns.
But before I get a chance to imagine some sizzling seafood,
our guide casually drops some shocking intel.
Like you probably are understanding, a weir is waiting for us.
How big drop is this weir which you've literally just told me about?
Three metres. Three metres? Yup. That's taller than me.
Should we have been wearing helmets?
Should we even be in a dinghy?
The weir was built to divert water for the city's mills.
Oh, I can hear the drop!
Yeah. Can you hear that?
And now provides an impenetrable barrier to our dignity.
OK, guys. Follow my instruction, OK?
Really? Oh, my God. Is anybody else scared?
We can feel! Are you ready?
Yeah. For what?
What do we do? Forward! Go, go, go, go!
OK. To destiny!
Go, go, go! This is a terrible idea!
Whoohoo!
Yes! Whoo!
I mean, we fell.
Up the paddles!
We did it! Whoo!
As a way of quelling the adrenaline now coursing through my sinewy body,
I go to my safe place, Planet Fact.
Italian national library, founded 1714.
Houses six million books.
Flooded in 1966, almost lost a lot of good lit.
Largest library in Italy. You're a fact machine, Richard.
Thank you. Fact, paddle, fact, paddle.
Yeah.
Next, we sail under Florence's most famous landmark.
We're going up to the Ponte Vecchio
In walled medieval cities, space was tight,
so building on bridges was the norm.
Butchers had shops here so they could dump their offal in the river.
But I'm mindful of other projectiles.
I grew up in the suburbs.
I'm always on the watch for gobbing. Yeah.
Next, we swan under the Ponte Santa Trinita.
We're just drifting under the oldest elliptical arch bridge in the world.
We can cross that off our bucket list, too. Tick.
And then, at last, lurch towards land.
I see the shore!
This is a powerful sense of achievement.
And lift. OK.
OK. How did you find that, then?
Awesome. I mean, we crushed it.
I'm not too good at carrying boats, though.
I don't know why they're making us carry this boat all the way back.
Yeah, it seems like... It seems we should just go back on the river.
That wasn't in the brochure. Aah!
As night wraps the city in its sunless sheet,
I insist we dine in a manner that can trump the ocular excess of the day.
I've realised that I've come dressed as Jeremy Corbyn.
I don't know if that's a problem. Buona sera. Benvenuti.
Ah. Benvenuti. Wow. OK, what is this place?
This is a silverware workshop.
We make chalice, we make rings, we make cutlery.
Oh, rings.
Pre-eve, Pampaloni produces a platter of silver produce.
Post-eve, the works canteen is transformed into a restaurant.
It mixes glittering goblets, artisan benches,
and a solid scattering of sophistos yakking on like there's no tomorrow.
Wow! Oh, sorry. Sorry. That's fine.
It's not bad if I knee you in the elbow, is it?
No. That's OK, isn't it? Yeah. That's polite.
At least it wasn't the um... That's normal dining.
But as the starters hit the table, my suspicion is pricked.
Did I miss a meeting? Why has everyone got the soup?
All the cool people got the soup.
I'm very worried now.
That's a big spoon for soup.
I feel like I've got a silver spoon in my mouth.
I mean, you really do. This is very good.
It seems strange to me that metalworkers are also cooking this.
How can you be great
at silverware, and also great at cooking?
It doesn't make sense.
Why can't they just be pretty bad at everything, like me?
You're not bad at everything.
Name one thing I can actually do.
Wear a consistent a clothing choice on a daily basis.
That's not a skill. No. A mannequin could do that.
Yeah, true. Now that's humiliating.
Insalata di polpo and parmigiana di melanzane
are followed by ravioli di mozzarella al pistachio
and tagliolini con gamberi rossi di Marsala.
All the Italian I know is from menus.
Like, pomodoro, spaghetti.
Margherita. I don't even know that those last two count.
That's Italian. If you're saying spaghetti is one of your Italian words.
Spaghetti! You can't just do the accent and claim it's a...
It truly is. Caprese... That's like me saying "croissant!" and saying I speak French.
But that's a... No, I'm saying like actual Italian.
OK. Yeah. Lasagne.
Breadstick! No, that's not Italian.
Panini. Ravioli.
Ravioli.
Alfresco. That's not... Al dente.
How have you found this as an experience? Would you recommend?
Bellissimo. Good. Perfecto.
Yeah. I'm not sure whether I know...
Spaghetti. ..another Italian word. You don't need anything else.
OK. The only thing we need is the Italian for Merry Christmas.
Yeah. How do you say Merry Christmas in Italian?
Buon natale. Buon Italy? Buon natale.
Buon natale? Buon natale! Buon natale. Yeah!
Buon natale! Buon natale!
Yeah! Buon natale! Cheers!
Buon natale! Cheers! Salute!
Buon natale! Buon natale!
Having avoided any crass crowbarring of Christmas cheer,
we graciously withdraw.
I hope after all this fuss about Christmas they don't delay transmission.
As soon as the sun commands us to rise, we will stereotype strangers...
HORN BEEPS
Forage in the brush... Truffle! Truffle!
And walk around holding a phone...
This is kind of like playing Pokemon Go
but with historical sites.
A-list star Rebel Wilson and I,
a man in a far too tight suit,
are at the fulcrum of a frenetically full 48-hour flyaway in Florence.
We have gandered...
SCREAMING
..gasped and grubbed.
I feel like I've got a silver spoon in my mouth.
You really do.
'Today begins with cappuccino,
'a beverage that under de facto Italian coffee regs
'must be quaffed no later than 11am.'
I don't actually drink coffee.
Do you not? Well, this is ideal for you.
In 1884,
the first espresso machine in the world was patented in Italy,
and this nation has set the standard for hot, beany water ever since.
So strange to be near a barrister without a beard.
I don't even know whether he can handle coffee.
'The perfect Italian cappuccino is 25mls espresso,
'followed by whole milk. Half liquid, half foam.'
Right.
I think why I don't drink it is cos my mum drinks it.
She always would have that coffee breath.
It's very pleasant. And I'd always be like, "Eurgh."
That's why you smell like rose water. Hmm...
Yeah. Whereas I smell like...
Coffee. ..a failing geography teacher.
If you're going to try coffee,
this is probably the place.
But I don't... Should I take a sip? I don't want to be a pusher.
That's such a strong smell.
Yeah. All right. It's OK.
You're in.
You're through the other side.
Yeah? That's the face of someone enjoying her coffee.
Come on!
No? No, not for me. Fine. No.
'By way of apology,
'I pluck out a couple of pastries featured on these two trays.'
Tell me how that is.
Yeah. Seems good.
Yeah.
Do you want to try some? It's low...
Is it good?
It's a good one.
This isn't straightforwardly Italian,
but I think it's worth trying.
Yeah, cos a croissant would be kind of French, wouldn't it?
When custard gets involved, who knows where it's from. Yeah.
Mm, that's good. It's good. Yeah.
Yeah. OK. Shall we go?
We're on a... All right. Yeah, OK.
I'll just...
Polish that off? ..complete this, yeah. OK.
I'll just wait in here.
I'll be coming.
Yeah.
I'll be right there, Richard.
I'll just...
Scusi.
Can we get ten?
One? Ten. Ten? Yeah.
Yeah. OK. Just in a bag. Yeah.
Do you still have his credit card? Mhm. OK.
'As morn continues its post-dawn route,
'I suggest we flee the city to sift through soil.'
We're going to go truffle hunting.
Yes! OK. At last.
Yes! OK. Here's our car.
I really... Oh, my gosh!
How stylish! Come on.
'To get to the truffle fields,
'I've wazzed our wad on hiring a classic car,
'just so that we can feel even more conspicuous.'
I just have one question.
You drive on the right.
Er, yeah, most of the time, yes.
On the right. And in terms of roundabouts, who am I giving way to?
Er... The guys coming from the left.
From my left. Yeah.
You're ready to go. I'll almost definitely remember some of that.
I hope so.
Let's do this. It'll be fine.
That's great. Grazie. Prego.
I'm getting so good at the Italian. I mean, it's off the hook. Yeah.
I feel like I'm an Italian movie star.
Buongiorno. Ciao.
I've no idea where we're going.
I can't believe he just handed over the keys like that.
I know. I mean, look at me.
Going truffle hunting. I'm not safe to drive this car.
He knew that. I'm no Matt le Blanc.
'The short journey into the hills
'gives us a chance to compare notes on our impending yules.'
This Christmas, I'm going to a private island.
Get the heck out of here. Yeah, with some friends.
A private island? Yeah, we're all flying in.
As in, it's like a shy island?
Where is the private island?
It's in the Pacific Ocean somewhere.
Good night!
Get a little... One of those little tiny planes.
Sure. Where you fear for your life.
And then relax.
And then I'm, bang, into filming Pitch Perfect 3.
I think a lot of people'll be doing something very similar to that.
What are your Christmas days like?
Christmas days. Well, it's London based.
We might kick things off Peckham style...
Yeah. ..with Some air pollution.
Air pollution! And... Where is Peckham?
Peckham's southeast. Jewel of the southeast. Oh.
It's... GEARS WHINE
Oh, hello. Come on.
Don't give up on me now.
ENGINE REVS OUT OF GEAR
Oh. No, that's too much.
It's OK. OK.
It's all good. It's all good.
ENGINE REVVING
There we go. Yeah.
I'm back. Watch the jogger.
It was the thought of Peckham Christmas.
And do you cook at Christmas?
I do not cook.
I'm sometimes allowed to handle the brandy butter.
HORN PARPS
Oh!
ITALIAN ACCENT: I'm turning.
Does it help with the Italian accent?
'After an effortless five and a half miles
'of Steve McQueen-style driving,
'we rendezvous with Giulio Benuzzi, truffle hunter,
'and Eda, a creature of unparalleled violence.'
Right. We're ready? We're ready!
Andiamo. OK. Andiamo!
I guess that must mean follow him. Yeah.
How long have you been truffle hunting for?
Now, is eight years. Eight years! Oh!
If the Nativity had taken place in Tuscany rather than not Tuscany,
perhaps one of the wise men would have been carrying a truffle,
the highly-prized edible fungus.
What type of truffles are we hunting for?
Here, black autumn truffles.
Even for someone of my legendary bush craft,
truffles can be hard to find.
HE SPEAKS TO EDA IN ITALIAN
'But once Julio unleashes Eda's infallible nasal receptors...
I get a very good feeling from this dog.
..'a truffle collecting system is initialised.'
Truffle.
Come on.
Brava, Eda.
Oh, there's one!
Eda, brava! Hey! REBEL GASPS
'Eda starts snuffling truffles in a delirious frenzy...'
Brava, brava, Eda.
Ohh! Look at Eda!
'..locating 120 post-Brexit euros worth of fungi...'
Oh, it's big!
Look at Eda. Look at Eda. Stone-faced killer.
"..in a matter of mins."
Eda's really making up her quota.
What, he found another one? No, stop it, Eda.
Edda!
Oh, come off it, Eda.
Look at our stash so far.
Oh, she loves it.
I just gave her like 30 euros' worth of truffle.
More. Maybe more.
That's quite an intense flavour.
That's incredible.
Surprised they don't do Pedigree Chum in truffle flavour.
Truffle. Truffle! Truffle! Truffle!
REBEL CHEERS
Come on!
Please. Yeah.
What goes on the trail stays on the trail.
Eda. I mean, congratulations.
What a hound! Yeah.
'And our sojourn in sod does not end here.'
Because Julio knocks up some gnocchi...
..before grating on our freshly fetched garnish.
Wow. That's piling on the truffle.
Buon appetito. Yeah. Thank you.
That's very good.
Grazia.
So, allora, I hope to see you again in a few other seasons,
out here in Tuscany. Oh, yeah.
For me, it's only a 14-hour flight...
It's just a 14-hour flight.
..with a stopover in Paris.
What's the problem? Why don't you come more often?
If I lived in England, I would.
It's only two and a half hours, isn't it?
Let's not get into a comparison.
They're both flights. Yeah.
And they're both equally tiring.
Well...
This is excellent. I've never had fresh truffle before.
Really? It's good. We hand...
..caught the truffles.
I've got to say, I really don't feel I can take much credit for
what's happened here. You drove us here.
I did.
Thank you.
Well, we have to press on.
I feel bad.
I feel like I'm essentially leaving you with washing-up to do.
Mm.
But we've got a lot booked in.
Yeah. I'm going to have to chew the rest of this in the car.
'With my belt of no further use to me,
'we hop in the Alfa and roar back to the smoke.'
I think the star of that was Eda.
You know, they're worth between 50 - 100,000, those dogs.
I mean, that's cheap for Eda.
I don't think you should even be able to buy Eda.
Eda hires you...
Yeah. ..as her assistant.
Yeah, she chooses her owners.
I mean, Eda's incredible.
I'm going to stay in touch with Eda.
Despite our already colossal achievements,
we thirst for more Florentine facts.
Look at this. We're discovering Florence
the way it should be discovered.
By looking at a phone.
'This app, developed by British historians,
'uses a sixth-century map of the city inked by a Benedictine monk.'
And now, we too can live his journey.
So, it's a walking tour.
Yes. Your own walking tour.
You walk anywhere.
You don't have to pay for the person with the little umbrella. No.
Let's see what they have to say.
A palace.
They've been building for a couple of years now, stronzi.
Our guide is Giovanni, a fictional worker in the wool trade,
who gives a proletarian perspective on the Renaissance.
It's not far from where I work, and across the street on the apothecary.
He tells me all about it.
This is what Danny Dyer did in his wilderness years.
Look at the size of those blocks of stone. I can see!
IMITATES COCKNEY ACCENT: "Look at the size of those blocks of stone."
'At 17 different spots,
'the phone's position triggers Giovanni to spin us a yarn
'that richly evokes the life and character of the city.'
This is kind of like playing Pokemon Go,
but with historical sites.
'At any point, there's the option to press "Hear More"
and get historical context.
Francesca's got a head on her shoulders.
The audio commentary's very in-depth.
..from Trecole, just outside the city.
Some of this I don't feel I need to know.
OK, this is great. He is improvising.
Let's go down here. All right. OK.
I guess this would be good
for people who like walking. Yes.
IMITATES GUIDE: "I'm walking now. I can't believe it.
"Much like I would have walked so many years ago."
Why does he have an English accent?
'Giovanni's historical nouse is humbling.
'But we have to break character
in order to make way for more commercially pressing exhortations.
'On our return, we will look deep inside...'
I'd say this is a second date kind of place.
'..tell a flat-out lie...'
It's good. Yeah.
'..and conclude a quest.'
OH, YES! Hey, come on.
YES! Please.
We enter the closing chapter
of our infrequently-festive Florentine festival,
and as this series of unforgettable images show,
we've made best endeavours to record a respectable range
of the city's attractions.
When were we getting gelato? Soon. That's my promise to you.
But as time slips between our fingers
like last Tuesday's juice,
I determinedly drag Rebel to one of Florence's more esoteric enclosures.
I'm glad they've got that rhino under control.
Yeah. This is pretty good. Yeah.
This is one of the oldest scientific museums in the world.
Yes. Smile like that.
That's right. I thought it was a gelato place, Richard.
The Specola holds a staggering
three and a half million stuffed animals,
of which just 5,000 are on display.
Added to that tally of taxidermy
is their historical collection of anatomical waxworks...
What the hell?
..created in the 17th and 18th-century
for the study of the human body.
All I can say is it's pretty Christmassy.
Nailed it, yeah. Let's...
Let's get in the festive spirit with this guy.
That is a very specific scene.
If you're hanging out in here a lot,
you're probably going to ask some questions of yourself.
This is a lot of fun, over here.
He's still got a bit of face on him.
I'd say this is a second date kind of place.
Once you've got to know them.
I don't know if this would be good for any kind of date. No?
By the way, this place is open.
Yeah. It's just not that popular.
Yeah.
Look at this guy. He is out of a nightmare.
You know, a lot of people go out of their way
to avoid looking at what's inside of a person.
They're very superficial.
Exactly. Not us. No. Thank you.
And if that's not a Christmas message,
I don't know what is.
# Just keep those sleigh bells ringing... #
MUSIC: Sleigh Ride by Leroy Anderson
What do you think about that?
Not my favourite place. No? No.
Bit too many innards for you.
Inn-ards. That's how I pronounce it, rather than inn-erds.
Yeah, like, sometimes it's good to have a BLEEP part of your holiday...
Good. ..so that the other stuff seems really good.
Thank you for that compliment.
You're welcome.
With our Florentine smack-down soon to be settled,
we look to source souvenirs
which can later be palmed off as presents.
If you come with an empty sack,
Florence will soon fill it with bespoke goodness,
and those insisting that things be made by hand
rather than efficient machines
have come to the right post-renaissance conurbation,
whether they seek fish-hooks, one and twos, or tomfoolery.
Is this a gelato place?
This is the next best thing.
It's what you can sometimes find in a gelato.
Filistrucchi's opened in 1720.
They began as barbers who's purview encompassed dentistry,
pharmacy and wigs for nobleman and ladies.
Hello! Hi. Welcome to my shop. Welcome.
Ah! Thank you very much.
Nine generations later, Gabrielle and his son, Gerardo,
are still in the wig game.
You make the wigs yourself?
Yes, I make the wigs and I am a make-up artist.
But you do not wear wigs? I have. Is yours a wig?
And also a beard. Shut the fridge. That's a wig? Yeah, sure.
It's perfect, eh? Looks so real. It's the best wig I've ever seen.
And also this beard.
Yeah. Get out of town.
That's fake as well? No!
No, you're kidding me. The beard's real.
I don't know what's up. Yes, I'm really...
The beard's real. You're real?
Is your face real? I'm real in the 20th century.
This is like Quantum Leap. He's an Italian joker.
I am a very, very old... Please. ..but I am a make-up artist.
Hey, don't force me into a compliment. This guy.
Their wigs take up to ten days to make and are fashioned
from human or animal hair.
Famous Filistrucchi wearers include titans of opera Maria Callas
and Luciano Pavarotti.
Look in the mirror. Look. See?
It's good. Yeah. It's like... It's very good. Yeah.
Thank you. Can I try this on?
The beard? Yeah. For you? Yeah, sure.
Does your wig smell a bit?
You just look like you've powered through an animal
and come out the other side.
Hello. I'm from Florence.
I'm a lady. Also, moustache. Oh, yeah.
I think there's not enough hair on you.
The matching moustache. I actually have an Italian auntie.
You're saying... She doesn't shave. Wow. This reminds me of her.
OK. She'll be pleased to hear that. Yeah.
Merry Christmas. Oh, this is...
What? Merry Christmas. That's a whole head. That's...
Wow!
Put that in a box. Yeah.
Give it to your sister. Merry Christmas.
That's excellent. Yeah.
What a lovely and thoughtful gesture that would be on Christmas Day.
And then... Ah!
It's the detail.
This is lovely.
This has been a great Christmas experience right here.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Thank you very much.
That guy is closing deals in this town.
I think I could have picked up in there.
Hey. More than just a wig, if you know what I'm talking about. Please.
Our definitive investigation of Florence is nearing it's denouement,
and as a reward for good behaviour,
I graciously allow Rebel to pick our final destination.
Oh! Yes! Hey. Yes! Come on.
Please. OK. Prego. Pronto.
What are you having, flavour-wise?
You know what? I might go with the fruit flavour...
Yeah. ..because I feel like that's a more healthy option. Yes.
Fine. Yeah. Hi.
Hi. Hi. Hello. Can we have two gelatos?
Yes. The biggest one...
That you have. ..you have.
Both cones? Yeah. Both cones.
Could I get please lemon and strawberry? Of course.
That's very healthy. Yeah. Good.
Oh, she's loading it up. This is a six-scoop affair.
Oh, great. Wow. And for you, sir?
Could I have choc chip on the bottom,
strawberry on the top, please?
Strawberry for you, too. Thank you.
It's so great they've got the Christmas decorations up.
Oh, it's... It's almost as if they've been briefed. Yeah.
I need to make sure that I stop leaving my glasses
out on the streets...
..cos otherwise I've got a...
It's a choice between being able to see...
Yeah. ..or looking like I'm undercover.
You could get laser eye surgery, you know.
You can smell it burning, apparently.
Oh. Prego. Grazie.
Grazie mille.
Hey? Keep the change.
Thank you. You're so kind. Thank you. Have a good day. Bye.
We don't know how to say that last bit in Italian. Yeah. Oh, thank you.
Let's go and assess.
Two sextuple cones rounds out a wad drop
of ?720 a head, excluding flights.
I immediately called my tax advisers
to see whether a deeply Christmassy mini break,
rammed with rafts, art, anatomy and food
can legally be categorised as work.
Buon Natale. Cheers. Buon Natale. Buon Natale.
Well, that war of attrition has been won.
Yeah. We finally got the gelato. That's right. You got it. Cheers.
Is that even Viking? I don't know.
So, how do you feel?
Do you feel that we did enough?
I feel like I'm finally over my jet lag... Good.
..just as I'm about to now fly back to Los Angeles
and get more jet lag. That's ideal. Mm.
If I had to press you to list highlights...
OK. ..what would you start with?
For me, I'm more like an experience girl.
OK. Like, the rafting.
OK. The truffle hunting.
Yes. Dinner in the silver factory.
Yes. Yeah. For me, they were, like, probably my highlights.
OK. What about you?
Well, I did like the Botticelli.
Yeah. I did like a seeing David.
They're classics. I quite liked those two wig guys.
I feel like if we'd managed to spend more time with them...
Yeah. ..we would have heard some things.
I think they quite liked me, as well.
They did both give me their phone numbers.
If you had to get a wig from one, who would you get one from?
Maybe the one with hair. The guy with the hair.
He was a curious fellow.
But overall, this is a good city,
and they have every reason to feel pretty pleased with themselves.
I'd personally love to come back. I'd love to rent a villa.
Yes. You, Clooney. Eat and drink. Yeah.
Well, all I can say, I suppose, is happy Christmas.
Happy Christmas.
Now, before we go... Yes.
..seeing as it is Christmas...
Clearly.
..um, I actually bought you a Christmas present.
This is kind. So...
Thank you.
Wow. ..here it is.
This is very nice.
It's to commemorate our time in Florence. OK.
Do you want me to hold your gelato?
You get your hands off my gelato.
This is a special blend. Yeah.
This is in Italian. OK. I've already dripped some gelato juice onto it.
You've already dripped gelato on the gift. Oh, come on. OK.
It's a commemorative goblet.
Yep. Wow. Ta-da! There's two, actually.
That's excellent.
And do I need to return this immediately after this shot
or can I keep it?
No, it's a gift to you.
This is not a loan? No. That's very kind.
All I'm saying is don't look on eBay for the next month.
Cos... What's this? That's a good... That's a decent whack.
Yeah. I mean, they're heavy.
I'm ashamed to say that
you're currently eating your Christmas present.
This is my Christmas present? Yeah.
And in proportion to our incomes, this is probably the same cost.
So, in a way, that's good.
Yeah. Thanks.
Subtitles by Ericsson