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The mini break of the colossal
cauldron of cray-cray,

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00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,400
within which boils a bewildering
broth of baffle.

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00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,600
How the cuss can you be certain your
condensed campaign of consumption is

4
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,440
proceeding correctly?

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00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:15,760
But fear not, for I,

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00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,840
the localised drizzle that is
Richard Ayoade am here to get your

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00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,200
short-haul game tight.

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Each week, I'll purloin the most
pliable person available at time of

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recording and wantonly rang you
through an overpacked mini break.

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This is travel without mercy.

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00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:36,440
Tonight, a 48-hour schlep through
Stockholm.

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30 mil bods flock to the Swedish
capital each year,

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no doubt lured by its commitment to
data privacy,

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which sees it ranked a reassuring
seventh worldwide.

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Joining me for this Baltic blast is
actor and comedian Sally Phillips.

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We must never speak of this again.

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Together, we will scale unimaginable
heights...

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You are, like, so masculine.
Thank you.

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..pay due respect to a phenomenon...

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That zip goes all the way to the
genitals.

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..and tell yet another lie.

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It's much better than the IKEA
meatball.

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We're here, but should we have
come? Yeah.

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Really?

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With a two-and-a-half-hour flight
figuratively behind us, we arrive,

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breeze-battered, on one of the 14
islands

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that make up the Baltic-based

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ballast that insists on the name
Stockholm.

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I can only apologise, in retrospect,

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I probably should have sprung for a
cab.

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Yeah. It's a statue of a large
crucified mitten, back there.

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Yes. Yes, that's a piece I
commissioned.

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So, I'm guessing you didn't bring
me here for the weather.

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Why did you bring me?

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I did bring you for the weather,

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but I'm going to tell you the other
reasons now.

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Stock-to-the-holm, the largest city
in Scandinavia, was founded in 1252,

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promoted to Sweden's capital in
1634,

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but was frankly an irrelevance until
the formation of ABBA in 1972.

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Stockholm and its surrounds have
poured forth a full flagon

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of cultural colossi, including a
couple of Bergmans,

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Ingrid and Ingmar,

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Alfred "Prize" Nobel, and
head-banded pant designer Bjorn
Borg.

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And, if that hadn't broken the
camel's back,

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Sweden is the root cause of
dynamite, matches, zips, GPS, Skype,

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Spotify, ultrasound, the pacemaker,

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and everyone's favourite tetrahedron
storage carton -

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I'm talking Tetra Pak.

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A short hop to the 'holm could cost
the cash-strapped cat

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257.31, or you could fling your full
purse at this hotel on

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Norrmalmstorg Square - the most
expensive spot in Swedish Monopoly.

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Look at this, Nobis hotel.

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You'll remember this from the 1973
bank heist... Yeah.

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..that gave rise to the term
"Stockholm syndrome".

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Yes, I was three,
I remember vividly.

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The hotel is on the site of the
former Kreditbanken,

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where four employees, held hostage
during a six-day siege, developed

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sympathetic feelings towards their
captors,

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giving rise to the term Stockholm
syndrome.

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Hi. Welcome. Hi there. Phillips.

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Phillips? And Ayoade,
spelt as you'd imagine.

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Can I be in the same room that Kanye
West stayed in?

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Yes, so you will have the Nobis
Suite, sir.

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Thank you. I ask that whenever I
check-in -

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regardless of where I am.

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At over 2k a night, I immediately
call up Jimmy Carr's

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accountant to discuss options.

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Should be enough apples.

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Room 359, my lucky number.

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Sally's room is, for some baffling
reason, called the corner suite.

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Swedes have invented many things...

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..among them, the colour greige.

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Sally, I'm here, directly above you
in a way that is in no way
contrived.

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But we can't languish here,

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we've got to hit the streets of
Stockholm, now!

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Ah!

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With time refusing to relent,

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we lollop to the island of
Riddarholmen

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for a high-eyed view of the city.

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What a beautiful day.

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Yes. Well, you'll want to take
advantage

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of the visibility to see Stockholm
at height...

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That'd be a fantastic... ..while
attached to a safety harness...

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Oh. ..from this building.

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Hello. Hi. Hello.

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Stockholm's only rooftop tour takes
place at the summit of the old

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parliament building, where guide
Gabriela waits with our girdles.

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Always sort of vaguely humiliating
these, aren't they?

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Like getting a massive metal nappy
on.

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Oh, warning.

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Thank you. Great.

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Displaying the bravery on which all
light entertainment is based...

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Ah! ..we clip in and commence our
300-metre ascent.

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You never quite get used to heights.

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Have you ever thought of just
putting up a rail?

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Well, it's supposed to be a bit
exciting.

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Oh, I see. Otherwise we could just
be walking down there.

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Yes, you are right. The thought of
dropping down to our death is making

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the sightseeing more vibrant.

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00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,880
With brief, darting glances,

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00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:28,880
we courageously survey the
Riddarholm Church and the City Hall,

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where, one day, I will humbly
collect my Nobel Prize.

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You see, a royal palace flat roof
with scaffolding,

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it took them 60 years to build it.

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That's builders for you, 60 years.

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Is the Princess Australian?

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Is that right, is that Sweden?
No, no, that's Denmark.

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Denmark, sorry.

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It's very similar.
Denmark, Norway, Sweden.

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OK, whoa. We look the same,
speak the same.

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Hey, don't say say Norway is similar
to any of these.

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Norway is completely unique.
You think?

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I'm half Norwegian. Oh!

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I'd like to see you produce a band
of the same quality as A-ha.

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ABBA? Oh, please.
Don't even mention.

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Now, I'd say this is quite windy.

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00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,720
It is. It's very windy.

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Feel free to steady yourself.

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You're, like, so masculine.

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Thank you. Look at you.

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I mean, if I only had a pound for
every time that's been said to me.

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This is our most critical part. OK.

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If you would fall down here,

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this is where you would be hanging
off the roof.

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Oh, my word.

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00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:35,320
After 60 magical mins,
our tour truncates.

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Well, look, I love being at this
level,

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but why don't we try ground again?

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00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,920
Having reached sightseeing
saturation,

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we head for Swedish sustenance
at Malarpaviljongen.

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It's absolutely rammed, isn't it?

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00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,360
I've pre-ordered, though...

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00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:59,800
Thank goodness for you.
..to circumvent this circus.

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Chunking cinnamon pastries and
quaffing coffee co-comprise the

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00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,880
cultural concept called fika,

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the daily social ritual in which
Swedes insist on squandering time

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socialising over buns.

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That's the review they want.

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Well, I think this is so nice,
being by the water,

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and I quite like the gentle rocking
motion.

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00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,600
Oh, I wish I was on solid ground.

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00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:30,600
So, is fika-ing more or less serious
than four o'clock tea?

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It's more serious, Sally.

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Sometimes twice a day.

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If you refuse to fika with someone,

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you could be shut out of Swedish
society forever.

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00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:42,280
Do you have a point of relaxation
time during your daily life?

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00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,160
I suppose just after the school run

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00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,160
and before I wash up the cereal
bowls.

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00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:47,800
OK. That's your time.

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00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,600
What about you? Nothing?

152
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,560
The idea of relaxing makes me tense.

153
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This is not for me, quite frankly.

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I can't fika all day,
we've got stuff to do.

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00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,240
You either take your bun with you...

156
00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:01,240
I'm going to...
..or leave it on the lily pad.

157
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:08,200
Our secret sacks stuffed silly,
we move on.

158
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,200
And, for our next mode of transport,

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we wisely select Stockholm's
extensive tram network.

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Number seven to Djurgarden.

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Sweden, of course, has got the
largest musical export

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00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,440
per capita of any country.

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You literally know everything,
don't you?

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00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:31,840
No, I don't know anything.

165
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I'm fed everything via an earpiece.

166
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:35,560
That's a very...

167
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:39,400
I'm barely here. Someone's telling
me to put my arm on this pole.

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00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:43,400
Seeking to submerge our souls in
Swedish pop, we disembark and,

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00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:47,360
after a brief off-camera pilgrimage
to the Ace of Base museum,

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00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,600
end up at this joint.

171
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,600
ABBA. Oh, yeah.

172
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,080
ABBA The Museum

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00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,520
pays homage to Sweden's most
enduring cultural achievement...

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Wow.

175
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,720
..as well as colour matching my
coat,

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00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:06,720
which partway justifies the expense.

177
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,680
That zip goes all the way to the
genitals.

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00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:12,240
The museum is rightly renowned for
providing

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00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,320
an antidote to Swedish minimalism.

180
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,760
Wow, look.

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00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,840
This is exactly where they wrote all
their songs,

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00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,600
in front of this screensaver.

183
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,960
That will have been very similar to
the type of cup,

184
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,840
conceivably, one of them might have
picked up.

185
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:29,960
It's very moving to see it.

186
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:33,240
There wasn't room for the girls, was
there? There's not room. There's not
room.

187
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,880
That's like, "Hey, girls, you know,
you're very talented and everything
but..."

188
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:40,520
Yeah, but, come in when the song's
finished.

189
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:44,400
When ABBA wrote the lyrics "ring,
ring, why don't you give me a call?"

190
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:48,200
Perhaps they'd anticipated this
moving moment.

191
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:51,200
The phone rings, pick it up,
it's ABBA calling -

192
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:55,040
or one member. I always found him
the most attractive, this guy.

193
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,520
That guy? Noel Edmonds.

194
00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:59,920
I would say, of the four,
he's the least attractive.

195
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,160
He's probably going to call in now.

196
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:05,080
How long do you think we should give
this? Two days?

197
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:09,080
Maybe they're just not going to ring
in today. Oh, come off it. I mean,
they can't just be sitting at home,

198
00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:12,080
waiting to ring tourists. This is
the first time I've not been

199
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,760
randomly called by a super group
in my life.

200
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,360
Oh, dear.

201
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:18,800
I'm loving this,

202
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:22,040
like, in direct proportion to how
little you're enjoying it.

203
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:24,200
I feel very uncomfortable.

204
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:28,200
But my understanding of
uncomfortable expands exponentially
as we enter a

205
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:33,160
karaoke booth for what I hope is the
last time ever.

206
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:37,160
# All the things I could do
If I had a little money

207
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:40,880
# It's a rich man's world... #

208
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,520
And then...

209
00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,880
SHE HOLLERS

210
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,760
With her entire blood supply now in
her bonce,

211
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:52,760
Sally demands we meander to the
museum's most popular exhibit.

212
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:57,000
Oh, wow, this is really creepy.

213
00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:01,000
# I've been cheated by you since I
don't know when... #

214
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,720
Wow. Come on, ABBA.

215
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,240
# So I made up my mind... #

216
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,440
Scanning your ticket before taking
the stage

217
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:11,360
ensures a digital record of the CGI
catastrophe.

218
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:15,200
# Yes, I've been broken-hearted

219
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,000
# Ooh, since the day we parted

220
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:22,000
# My, my, I could never let you
go... #

221
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:24,920
Oh, they've disappeared.

222
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,880
We must never speak of this again.

223
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:29,240
If anything, you were better than
the rest of them.

224
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,920
If this was a five-piece,
I'd say you should go solo.

225
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,760
All right, I'm going to leave now.
I think that might be wise.

226
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,200
We acknowledge ABBA for the music
and abscond.

227
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:43,200
And, as the midsummer sun eventually
sets at the absurd hour of 11pm,

228
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,320
we still have shizz to scope.

229
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,360
Well, this tower is abandoned...
Yeah.

230
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,880
..as well as being 72 metres high.

231
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:54,880
The abandoned Telefonplan Tower in
the south of the city is home to an

232
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,080
interactive light installation.

233
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,480
You select which window you want to
control,

234
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,760
I mean, I don't want to control any
of these colours.

235
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:05,760
Designed to get people to connect
with their surroundings via an app.

236
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,360
Here we go, it's saying it's going
red. Oh, it is going red.

237
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:13,360
Ah, this is thrilling. How are you
coping with the adrenaline of this?

238
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,200
I quite like it. I'm so pleased
we're here to document this.

239
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:20,040
That's good. I think that's a
pleasing combination of things.

240
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,040
Do you want to...?
Yeah. I'd love to have a go.

241
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,320
Have a go on the wheels.

242
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,720
I feel like, if you were a teenager,
you could send messages to

243
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,920
each other. What would yellow, pink,
yellow mean?

244
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,640
"My mum won't let me out."

245
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,400
You've really locked into that,
haven't you?

246
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,640
I have.
I've never seen you so alive.

247
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:39,760
You're thrilled.

248
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,120
You just don't like it, do you?

249
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:45,120
I love it. And I think I'm scared of
how much I like it,

250
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:49,160
that I'm scared to express it,
because I can't take it with me.

251
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:53,160
And how will I deal with the hurt?

252
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,480
I don't want to shatter the illusion
of television,

253
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,520
but we have been here for two hours
now.

254
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,080
With my data roaming well into
double digits,

255
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,400
we must quit the night.

256
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:08,400
In the part that's yet to be, things
get deep in the deep freeze...

257
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,200
Who did you grow up with, the Krays?

258
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:12,640
..we battle the Baltic...

259
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:16,120
And this could only be improved by
an outboard motor.

260
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,520
..and asked the bravest questions on
television.

261
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:28,000
Do you home pickle? No!
Everyone's home pickling.

262
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:37,080
You rejoin actor and comedian
Sally Phillips and I,

263
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:41,080
TV's Richard Ayoade, halfway through
a Swedish sojourn in Stockholm.

264
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:42,920
Ah!

265
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,480
Previously we crept...

266
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,080
The thought of dropping
down to our death

267
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,320
is making the sightseeing
more vibrant.

268
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:50,400
..cried...

269
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:53,280
Ah-ha-a!

270
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,600
I'm loving this
in direct proportion

271
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,280
to how little you're enjoying it.

272
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:58,560
..and acted our age.

273
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:01,480
If you were a teenager you could
send messages to each other.

274
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:02,880
We are the new candid one.

275
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:06,880
It is mega.

276
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,320
In an attempt to
part-digest the fika,

277
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:14,320
day two starts with light leg work.

278
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:19,440
You probably have an ungovernable
hankering to board that

279
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,680
and pedal as if your life
depended upon it.

280
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:25,320
Yeah. Shall we fulfil that dream?

281
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:29,200
Wikipedia warns us Stockholm
is one third water...

282
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:33,200
..so we decide to battle the enemy
and pedal past some POIs.

283
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,880
It's just gorgeous.
I mean, it's like an animation.

284
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:39,720
It's that pretty. It's ridiculous.

285
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:43,720
I mean, this could only be
improved by an outboard motor.

286
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:48,360
Our raw animality propels us
past two museums,

287
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:51,960
the Nordic and Maritime,
the TV Tower...

288
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,240
Great to see it live.

289
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,720
And a 19th century notable.

290
00:14:56,720 --> 00:15:00,160
Oh-h-h, look at that!

291
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:04,160
That's a Jenny Lind statue that
was inaugurated in 1924!

292
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,920
The famous opera singer
from the 1800s.

293
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:10,440
She'd scored about ?14.2 million
in today's money

294
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:11,840
and donated it all.

295
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:13,760
Good for her. Do you think
Shakira's done that?

296
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,480
Maybe Shakira has done that,
I don't know.

297
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,720
Maybe she has, who knows?
I don't want to judge Shakira,

298
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,560
this isn't the forum.

299
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,480
What's your feeling about
commemorative statues?

300
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:25,400
Well, I'm still waiting for mine.

301
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,960
Yeah, it'll come.

302
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,960
Maybe a plaque first.

303
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,960
After nigh on an hour in the drink,
we head to the nearest pontoon.

304
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:40,000
Well, I've just got whiplashed,
so I'm going to consult my lawyer.

305
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,360
Although I prefer to
eat my meatballs

306
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,880
nearer to flat pack furniture...

307
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:49,360
These only serve people.
Meatballs for the people?

308
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,960
Stockholmers are free to
eat kottbullar

309
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,960
in the many restaurants devoted
to spherical meat.

310
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,440
Hi. Hello, how are you?
OK, thanks. Fine, thank you.

311
00:15:58,440 --> 00:15:59,760
Of course it's not in a glass.

312
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:03,760
No, it's in a jar.
Why would it be in a glass?

313
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:08,000
Here, they ladle out a rotating
roster of organic options,

314
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:12,000
including reindeer, moose
and wild boar.

315
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,280
Which we are asked to accompany

316
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,120
with vinegared veg.

317
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:19,800
Pickle station. Pickle station.

318
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:21,040
Do you home pickle?

319
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,920
No! You don't home pickle? No.

320
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:24,840
Everyone's home pickling.

321
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,440
It's a great way to
spend the time.

322
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,840
I think I've got enough,
but I mean, we can always come back.

323
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,400
It's what I'm thinking.
It's not far.

324
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,040
What are you talking about?

325
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:35,800
The aim is to get up on the house.

326
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:39,800
You've got to hurt the people
who provide the buffet.

327
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:44,760
Look at that.

328
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:50,040
It's much better than the
Ikea meatball.

329
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,160
What animal is that?

330
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,000
I think they just grow them
on Norman Lamont's back,

331
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,800
and then just scythe them off.

332
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,240
So, this is the national dish?

333
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,240
It's the national dish for Sweden.

334
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,800
What's the English national dish?

335
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,400
So, roast beef
and Yorkshire pudding.

336
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,680
Probably ought to just get
Danny Dyer's menu plan,

337
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,800
and that's how we'll know what
the national dish is.

338
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,360
The puns are getting to me.

339
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:13,360
And this mirror is of interest.

340
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:15,600
"You can't buy happiness,
but you can buy meatballs."

341
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,840
Yeah. Why remind us that we
can't purchase happiness?

342
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:19,680
Yeah. That in itself is depressing.

343
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:23,160
Yeah. They should really just
say meatballs for sale.

344
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,880
OK. Shall we pay? No.

345
00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:26,280
No. Run for your life.

346
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,240
We're not paying for this,
we're on television.

347
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:32,240
How dare they suggest we should pay.

348
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:37,600
Belts a-bulge, we test our
new wits in the field.

349
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,440
This is a bit of a personal
pilgrimage for me.

350
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,880
Oh, yeah. Europe's third
narrowest alley.

351
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:47,440
I've got to tick off the other
two before I can die.

352
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:48,880
Where's its narrowest point?

353
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,880
Well, let's find out.

354
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,920
This is part of the
whole exploration,

355
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,840
which is making this moment
so exciting. Yeah.

356
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,960
I feel actually extraordinarily
moved by this. Do you?

357
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,960
No.

358
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,760
In our continuing commitment
to compression,

359
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:08,760
we secure a 45-min slot at the
world's first permanent ice bar.

360
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:12,640
This is good.

361
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,960
Capes on, we rock in.

362
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,280
So, this is minus five.

363
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,880
Minus five, yes. Minus five.
That's right.

364
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,120
They've had to chisel gum off
this floor many a night.

365
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,480
The bar is built using
crystal clear ice

366
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:27,200
from the Arctic Circle's
Torne River.

367
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,920
As are the ludicrously
chunky glasses!

368
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,480
Don't worry, I've got
incredible bar presence.

369
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,480
And if it comes down to it,
I will fight these people.

370
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:42,600
More vodka med lingon juice. Yeah.

371
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,120
Tack. Hej, hej.

372
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,560
That was very, very impressive.
Thank you, it was very good.

373
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,600
How do you clean this place?

374
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,440
We have ice maintenance
twice a year.

375
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:52,920
You clean it twice a year?

376
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,600
Wow, that's wonderful.

377
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,360
After that sobering stat,

378
00:18:57,360 --> 00:19:01,360
we commandeer a corner in
this alcoholic Arundel.

379
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:05,600
Oh, that's even colder than
I thought it would be.

380
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,520
Yeah.

381
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:11,000
I mean, it's so cold, I can't tell
what's happening to me.

382
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,360
It's quite strong.
Is it? I can't tell. For me.

383
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,880
I've just gone into survival mode.

384
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,640
Perhaps the only thing I
like about this

385
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:21,360
is the rigidity of the 45 minute
time slot you're given. Yeah.

386
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,040
I would be able to relax
more socially

387
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,240
if I knew that it would be
over in 45 minutes.

388
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,120
Any trip, to any bar? Anything.

389
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:31,720
Also, you don't want to be in here
so long that you need a wee.

390
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,880
That used to be something people
used to do, isn't it?

391
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,440
They used to wee... Go on.

392
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:40,440
..on a tray, freeze it, and then
slide it under people's doors.

393
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,080
Where... Who did you grow up with,
the Krays?

394
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,800
Who did this? You'd need to use
cheap trays.

395
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,400
How many trays are you...
Cheap trays,

396
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,960
or else you can stick stuff through
the dishwasher, can't you?

397
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,880
Well, you're... But that's not...
..you're not getting your tray back,

398
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:55,920
are you, after that?

399
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,560
Until you also return the tray once
you've discovered the urine.

400
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,520
No, no, you take it off the tray -
it's frozen. Oh!

401
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,560
And you slide just the wee
under the door. Just...

402
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,160
Oh! Cos then it fits
under the door.

403
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,040
See, I'm so polite I would
have left them the tray.

404
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,720
You couldn't get the tray
under the door.

405
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,040
You'd freeze the urine,
you take it off the tray,

406
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,680
you put it under the door,

407
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,640
it defrosts... It defrosts,
and then there's a puddle of wee.

408
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,040
People are fiendish.

409
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,000
That's presumably a kid thing to do.

410
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,360
Well, it's been worth coming here
to find that out.

411
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:27,440
As I struggle to process man's
inhumanity to man

412
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,440
and the use of urine as
liquid rebuke,

413
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,760
we say goodbye to this creepy cube.

414
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,600
With the departure lounge looming,

415
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:38,520
we steal a second to salute one
of Sweden's sons.

416
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:42,080
Well, this is an exciting
spot to be in.

417
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,880
Ingmar Bergman, the formidable film
and theatre director, worked at

418
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:49,760
Stockholm's Royal Dramatic Theatre
from '63 to '66.

419
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,840
And in 2008, the street from which
he would hail his cabs

420
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,560
was given his moniker.

421
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,400
It's a very short street.
It is short.

422
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:01,040
It's like... It seems like an
ambiguous mark of respect.

423
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,360
Yes. Like...

424
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:05,160
Well, I think it's very moving that
it's opposite the Louis Vuitton,

425
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,680
which he loved so much. Yeah.

426
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,040
He loved picking up individual
pieces of luggage

427
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:12,800
after tackling Chekhov.

428
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,200
We should probably get a cab now.
Just like Bergman.

429
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,160
Yes, as he would.

430
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:20,760
Can we go to the world's largest
hemispherical building, please?

431
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,160
Yeah, sure. Thank you.

432
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:27,160
An 11-min cross city fling takes us
to our final destination -

433
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,120
the Ericsson Globe,

434
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:32,120
which has enclosed Sweden's
national hockey team,

435
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:35,960
Beyonce, U2 and the former Pope.

436
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,600
Do you want to ascend the globen?
Can't wait to ascend the globen.

437
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:42,600
Of course you can't.

438
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,240
It's like Thunderbirds.
It is very like it.

439
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,280
Retractable roof.

440
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:50,280
This whole area's
quite Visions of the Future.

441
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:52,760
Now, that is a view, isn't it?

442
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,880
It's a very ordered urban sprawl.

443
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,960
It's funny that they've pointed out
the former headquarters

444
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,280
of the Swedish Tax Authority.

445
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:04,200
And I'd love to see that up close.

446
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,160
?13.48 for a shimmy
around the globe

447
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:11,160
takes the cost of our Swedish saga
to ?1,837.75 per pers!

448
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,440
All that's left to do now
is adjudicate.

449
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,240
It seems ludicrous to ask
for highlights.

450
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,840
Yeah. And yet, I must ask.

451
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,520
I liked all of it. I'd like to
go back to the ABBA museum.

452
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,120
Yes, yes. Well, you should with
someone less... Yeah.

453
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:32,120
With someone who likes ABBA.
Did you like the ICEBAR?

454
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:33,280
The ICEBAR...

455
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,160
I liked looking at the ice... Right.

456
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,280
..but I ended up with the feeling
that I would rather go and see

457
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:40,440
some ice in the wild. Yes.

458
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,560
The atmosphere here, I love. Good.

459
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:43,640
So, the streets are wide.

460
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,280
So, the wandering around
is great. Yes.

461
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:48,280
And the Swedes are so
incredibly nice.

462
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:49,960
And the air is so clean.

463
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,640
And the food... Yes.

464
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,320
Moose meatballs excepting, is...
OK, was good.

465
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:55,560
.. is fantastic.

466
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,720
So, I feel there's lots to
do and I'd like to come back.

467
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:01,400
OK. But with someone less ornery.
But not with you?

468
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,040
Well, that could be the subtitle
for this entire series,

469
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:05,840
so thank you for your honesty.

470
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:09,520
I can be as difficult in
any European city.

471
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:30,000
Subtitles by Ericsson

472
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,000
</P></Sync> </Body>