1 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:07,119 To mini-break is to fling one's fragile form into a fog of folly. 2 00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:14,439 But fear not, for I, the empathy kryptonite that is Richard Ayoade am here 3 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,839 to get your short-haul ship to shore. 4 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:21,039 Lassoed to a litany of lightened entities, 5 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,399 I'm going to glibly guide you through a global gamble. 6 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,879 This... This... 7 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:29,079 This... is travel without mercy. 8 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,239 Tonight, 48 hours in Oslo, 9 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,839 over 2.5 mil a year nose down in the Norwegian capital, 10 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:37,279 though most of those characters come in the summer. 11 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:40,999 And helping literalise a metaphor of cold feet is professional pretender 12 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,879 Fay Ripley, seen here describing some kind of living holiday hell. 13 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:48,399 I like discos and a suntan. 14 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:52,399 We will parry these preferences and instead document my physical 15 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,919 excellence... 16 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,719 You see, that didn't work. 17 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,479 ..give notes to a dead man... 18 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:01,199 Where's the detail? Ears. 19 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:02,479 Can you see mine? 20 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,719 ..and get highbrow in a high-class eatery. 21 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:08,720 Knowing that at any point, you can live up to your surname and rip one out 22 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:14,640 is making me incredibly alive. 23 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:20,880 Yeah, but maybe in the summer. 24 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,919 A two-hour plane flight plonks us in Oslo, 25 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:31,279 which at time of recording is crippled by the coldest winter in 26 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,239 yonks, with temps as low as minus 18. 27 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:36,519 You know I'm half Norwegian? 28 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,759 Are you, which half? The left side. 29 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,719 So I'm very welcome here. 30 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,999 I'm a bit of a poster boy for this country. 31 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:46,199 Well, this is absolutely freezing. 32 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,479 How dare you insult my motherland. 33 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,159 Why have you brought me here? 34 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:54,160 I'm about to tell you. Gosh, that man was orange. 35 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,479 Founded in 1050 by Viking King Harald Hardraade, 36 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,879 Oslo was devastated by the Black Death in 1350 37 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,759 and destroyed in a fire in 1624. 38 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:06,759 It was immediately rebuilt in stone and renamed Christiana by the 39 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,959 suffix loving King Christian IV. 40 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:12,639 It became capital of Norway in 1814 and was given its current name in 41 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,759 1925. Oslo has also given us the paperclip, 42 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,199 significant soft pop rockers A-ha, and my long-term adversary, 43 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,799 the cheese slicer. And according to the number hungry nerds at the UN, 44 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,759 Oslo is the best place to live in the world if your jam is low 45 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:29,760 unemployment and a high human development index. 46 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,839 If you've taken to thrift, 47 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:36,840 you can tackle two days in O-to-the-slo for a pinch more than two large, 48 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,199 which we are about to blow on a freaking kip joint. 49 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:44,200 This place cost the most per room of any hotel in Scandinavia to build. 50 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:48,680 And to stay at. Obviously that's going to be picked up by the broadcaster. 51 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,960 Located on Thief Island, so named because it was full of half-inchers, 52 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,279 is our hostel, The Thief. 53 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:59,319 This guy is either very grateful to be in this hotel or 54 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,880 he's been afflicted by terrible diarrhoea. 55 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:07,280 Please. This formidable flophouse is full of contemporary art, 56 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:11,239 including works by Hirst, Koons and Opie. 57 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:14,879 There's a spa, a bar and an uncanny replica of my personal 58 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,239 Bryan Ferry-themed supper saloon. 59 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:21,159 I heard this is at number three in TripAdvisor's Oslo-based hotels. 60 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:25,160 It is. Oh, good. Dominic, who asked me to withhold his last name, 61 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,919 shows me to the Oslo suite. 62 00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:31,920 The room was both furnished and inaugurated by pop art pioneer Peter Blake. 63 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,359 He designed it, he contributed his artwork to the room... 64 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:37,279 OK. And was the first person to ever stay in this room. 65 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,759 He bagsied it. He bagsied it. 66 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,879 And is the art complementary? 67 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:44,880 No. OK. You've got to leave it here. That's a shame. 68 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,879 Meanwhile, Fay is quartered in the Apparatjik Suite. 69 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:52,279 Loosely inspired by the name of the group Apparatjik. 70 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,359 Oh! 71 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,279 Jazzy! 72 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:57,919 It's all quite flammable. 73 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,439 I'd say. 74 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,839 It includes dual mirror balls. 75 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:03,679 A stack of wax. 76 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:07,680 My first album. And a projected opportunity for 2D scanning. 77 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,999 Did you book a restaurant for tonight? 78 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,959 Shall we stay in? Maybe get some room service. 79 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,079 You're looking good there. 80 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:19,399 There you go. Hey. 81 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,400 Time is up. Really? 82 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,719 Sensing Fay's hunger for wind-borne brine on a budget, 83 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:31,079 we set off on a low-cost voyage around Oslofjord. 84 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,479 I'm excited about this except that I get seasick. 85 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,679 Do you? I do a bit. Got any sick bags? 86 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,319 I think you just go over the side. 87 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,919 That's the beauty of public transport. 88 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,159 Oslo is made up of 40 isles... 89 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,399 Hello, captain. 90 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,400 And this ferry lets a cat cop cinq of the mothers in less than an hour. 91 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,039 Oh, wow! It's so cold, the water, 92 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,159 I thought that if you were sick over the side, 93 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,119 it would freeze and become like a joke shop sick. 94 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,159 So you could re-use it. 95 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,999 You could re-use it. Whenever you wanted to. 96 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,479 There are actual icebergs. 97 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,439 Yeah. Which is why no-one else is outside... 98 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:05,799 No-one else is outside. 99 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,800 No-one else has our commitment to broadcasting. That's true. 100 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,959 First stop is the Isle of Hovedoya. 101 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,119 What does this island have to offer? 102 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,279 Well, a monastery, shingle beaches... 103 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,199 Anyone live in the monastery? Monks. Amazing. 104 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:28,200 And Russell Brand pops in now and again. Really? 105 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:32,119 We grapple towards Gressholmen, nicknamed Rabbit Island, 106 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:36,039 after it was near destroyed by a bunny bonanza. 107 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,999 The atmosphere already sour, I try to strike up some convo. 108 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,439 Look at these birds. 109 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:43,759 They seem very high in the water. 110 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,839 Are there birds? Where? I mean, I'm not Bill Oddie, 111 00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:47,919 but I'd say that's a bird. Yeah, no, fair enough. 112 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,920 We choke on to Nakholmen, Bleikoya and thence to Lindoya. 113 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,119 Each isle bespeckled with sea-sprayed summer cottages, 114 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,519 sparsely populated in these inclement times. 115 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,119 This was very heavily bombed in the war. 116 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,959 I don't know what they were trying to achieve. 117 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,399 But it used to be camouflaged. 118 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,999 Now, by law, it has to be red, yellow or green. 119 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,879 Who picked the colours? 120 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:11,039 I don't know. 121 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:15,040 Our tour of the fjord might leave you with the sense that Oslo is eerie, icy and desolate. 122 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,479 Still cold. Yes, still cold. 123 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:20,039 I think it's called all winter. 124 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,519 But for the oddball who finds that off-putting, 125 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:26,079 may I suggest we mount the Metro for Frognerseteren? 126 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:29,759 The snow makes everything look prettier apart from my face. 127 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,399 Please, don't force me into a complement this early. 128 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,759 1898, that's when this line opened. 129 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,319 Oldest line in Oslo. 130 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:38,919 Shut up. I won't. 131 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,079 That's the tragedy of this show. 132 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,999 This train literally stops near the top of Oslo's most popular toboggan 133 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,320 run, which literally also has a stop at its bottom. 134 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:56,399 Look... This is what it was like filming The Revenant. 135 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,439 Hang on. Didn't they climb inside a carcass? 136 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,439 Leo climbed inside whatever he could. 137 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:05,439 Leo will climb inside you to keep warm. 138 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:09,440 After a sadly deleted toboggan hiring scene, we screech into shot. 139 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,399 Have you done this before? 140 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,759 Generally, anything that requires a helmet, I avoid. 141 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:20,119 Are you prepared to mount up? 142 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,199 Ready and willing. OK. 143 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,199 Hang on. Where's, like, the inside lane? 144 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,279 The Korketrekkeren, or Corkscrew, 145 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,879 was built as a bobsleigh track for the unforgettable 146 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,479 1952 Winter Olympics. 147 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:36,480 Bye, Richard. See you later, loser. That's quite aggressive. 148 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,959 Who's the tortoise and who's the hare? 149 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,960 With this tiny to your boy Aesop, a thrilling narrative commences. 150 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,159 A lot of screaming. 151 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,919 Some sledges can reach speeds of 25mph. 152 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:53,000 Others can't. That's really fast! 153 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,799 And my coil just came out. 154 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,079 I will not be overtaken by Richard. 155 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,879 Whoa! Ahh! 156 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,559 Fruity. 157 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,479 That was almost Death Race 3000. 158 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,479 I want to go right. 159 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,399 Oh, this is very satisfying. 160 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:14,400 Don't you dare! That is very satisfying. 161 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,959 That was the most fun I've actually ever had. 162 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,799 Ever? That was better than my honeymoon. 163 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:28,800 It's amazing. Your husband must have been delighted to hear that review. 164 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,839 My chin took a beating. A lot of spray on the chin. 165 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,639 And based on those yellow patches, 166 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:38,599 some of that spray I did not want going in my mouth. No, that's true. 167 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:42,600 As I continue my enquiries... What happened on your honeymoon? 168 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:47,360 We massively walk into a packed National Gallery to worship the work 169 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:51,079 of Oslo's most distinguished daubers - Edvard Munch. 170 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,239 This is all Munch. It's all Munch. It's classic Munch. 171 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,959 It's just Munch. 172 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,119 Here's the famous one. 173 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,559 Yeah. And right in front of my damp, 174 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:05,560 meaty face is one of the four versions of expressionist exemplar - Skrik. 175 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,279 Thoughts? 176 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:11,519 Just that of all the Munchs in all the world, 177 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:14,519 this is my least favourite Munch. 178 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,079 That would have been a different ending to Casablanca. 179 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:18,999 What do you dislike about it so much? 180 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,479 I'm not keen on the colour palette. 181 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:24,279 And if you're going to do a screamy face, I think it should be bigger. 182 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,559 "If you're going to do a screamy face, it should be bigger." 183 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:30,999 Do you love it? I do think it is excellent. 184 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,519 What does it make you feel? I mean, at the moment, 185 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,679 I feel like defending it. 186 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:39,680 I feel, you've come in, looking at Norway's premier artist, 187 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,239 next to Morten Harket, and you're throwing shade on him. 188 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,959 What do you dislike about it? The searing honesty, the pain? 189 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,960 The heartbreak? Why do you think it's resonated with so many people? 190 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,240 For a start, I think Home Alone give it a big boost. 191 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,439 I'll say this much for it... 192 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:59,279 Go on. I like the frame. 193 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:03,199 You like the frame? Don't dislike the frame. 194 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,159 Unbelievable. 195 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:08,399 After our rapid descent, both physical and spiritual, 196 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,799 I decide to further thicken my midriff. 197 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,799 Fay is the author of three cookery books. 198 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,119 She keeps telling me as we arrive at Kontrast. 199 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:17,799 Chef Mikael Svensson's 200 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,959 rule-shredding reinvention of Norwegian cuisine begins with 201 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,079 everyone's favourite tuba, 202 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,639 the Jerusalem artichoke. 203 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,679 Please enjoy. Thank you. Thank you. 204 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,239 It's a love letter to the Jerusalem artichoke. 205 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:30,839 I don't think I can eat this. 206 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,679 You're breaking my heart. What's happening? 207 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,959 The last time I ate a Jerusalem artichoke, 208 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,519 I got such bad wind that I had to call a doctor. 209 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:43,159 Wow! I mean, I was going to go to A&E. 210 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,959 This is like a loaded gun to me. 211 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,719 Look... I'm going to try one mouthful. 212 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:49,719 I think it's going to be fine. Look at these fans. 213 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,799 That is just going to suck anything straight back out. 214 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,599 It's also going to be the noise. It's OK. 215 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,079 The noise we can edit out. 216 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,039 OK. How is it? It's very good. 217 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:02,439 Don't make me eat any more. I genuinely am scared. 218 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:06,119 As Fay's colon commences its customary mid-course spasm, 219 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,959 we shift to the safe shores 220 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,399 of bread, spread... 221 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:10,879 Yum. All right. 222 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:14,880 Yum! ..And cod. 223 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,399 I think that is... 224 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,639 I'm going to say it. ..the best cod I've ever had. 225 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,679 Rippers, I'm going to join you in that assessment. 226 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:25,680 Oh! The only thing is, I think there is quite a lot of dairy in there. 227 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:29,559 And I have an intolerance which leads to a very similar response... 228 00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:33,039 You're a bag of wind. ..to the artichoke! 229 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,879 I need to get a lighter on this table. 230 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,159 Next, what has been passed off 231 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:42,119 as a Norwegian risotto. 232 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,239 It's another home run. 233 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:48,240 I think that's the greatest thing I've ever put in my mouth. Fay... 234 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,800 You're the nation's sweetheart. Bear that in mind. 235 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,919 The following course provides now 236 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,519 predictable perfection. 237 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,759 It's an unbelievable memory, simple as that. 238 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,599 Before Mikael lobs us through another lactose loop. 239 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,319 So, this is the famous Norwegian brown cheese. 240 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,279 Thank you. Gosh. 241 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,479 Fay, it's not your night. 242 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,479 I mean... A lot of milk. 243 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,319 I want it to be sweet. 244 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,599 Is it? It is sweet. 245 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:21,639 Oh, wow! 246 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:23,439 This frankly elaborate meal dropped 247 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,799 the mike with bone marrow ice cream for Fay and spruce shoots and 248 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:30,800 caramel for the big guy with the sweaty nose. This is excellent. 249 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,919 OK, so, bone marrow ice cream is pretty good. 250 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,479 It's pretty good. It turns out. It turns out it's OK. 251 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,799 They only melt a bit of the marrow in. 252 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:41,159 The rest of it is just raspberry ripple. 253 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:44,839 As restaurant experiences go, how has this been for you? 254 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,519 It's been... 255 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,759 ..really delicious. 256 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,919 Medically... You've been compromised internally. 257 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,559 But the actual... 258 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:57,359 For the food, could not have been nicer. 259 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,519 How are you finding the meal? 260 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:03,520 Two thumbs up. And also they don't even have reviews up in the loo. 261 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,640 That's how classy this place is. 262 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,599 Call me an ambulance. 263 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:11,999 Intestines in turmoil, 264 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,919 we waddle like gas canister back to Thief Island 265 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,079 only to re-emerge for part two. 266 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,519 How many calories would you say were in that meal? 267 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:20,559 A billion. 268 00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:23,119 During which we will pat some flank... 269 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:26,119 Lovely... plod on plants... 270 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,559 I'd be so much happier on foot at the moment. 271 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,439 ..and get glib next to glass. 272 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:37,440 Wow! There is more security on this than there was on The Scream. 273 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:45,399 You, for whatever reason, have decided to see out 274 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,159 the denouement of a double day detainment in Oslo 275 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:52,160 with Fay Ripley and I, prominent Norwegian-Nigerian Richard Ayoade. 276 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:56,079 Everywhere you walk, we're crunching. 277 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,639 Here's some up-to-date archive of us skidding... 278 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,999 Let go of my sled! 279 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,199 ..dissing... 280 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,279 It's a bit smudgy. "It's a bit smudgy"? 281 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:06,519 ..and dissecting. 282 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:09,919 Well, this is wonderful. It's like an alien nativity scene. 283 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:13,319 Day two is the day with which we must now do dealings 284 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:17,119 as we scorn sub-zero temperatures for some al fresco art. 285 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,719 What's this? Vigeland Park, 286 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,559 the largest sculpture park 287 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,319 where it's just one artist in the world. 288 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,359 One of my relatives was involved in the gates. 289 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,759 What do you mean? In the building of the gates? 290 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,719 No, they just squirted WD-40 on the hinges. 291 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:37,720 They're still involved. Oh, you must be so proud. I'm very proud. Yeah. 292 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:41,880 In approx 1920, sculptor Gustav Vigeland gifted all his work 293 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:45,719 to the city of Oslo for nothing, except a very large home, 294 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:49,199 a studio and the guarantee of artistic immortality. 295 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,439 Laid out along one 850 metre axis, 296 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,839 the park is his very visible legacy. 297 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,599 How do you feel about the work? The themes of death, family life 298 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,599 and the relationship between men and women, the themes of this show? 299 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,159 I like them. I'm not seeing death so much. 300 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:08,879 I feel they're happy sculptures, sort of jubilant. Although... 301 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,719 That guy. Yeah. That guy's... That guy, not so much. 302 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,720 ..has been given a bad sandwich. Yeah. 303 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,399 Angry Boy, 1928. 304 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,079 I think he's cute. A lot of people have been rubbing his hand, 305 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,119 as you can see, for luck. 306 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,679 Don't! Why? 307 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,679 It removes the film that protects the metal. 308 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,879 To be honest, I mainly want to touch his foot. 309 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,639 OK. Because it's so cute. But with a quick... For luck. 310 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,639 Oh, yes. 311 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,039 After the Vigeland's frozen fountain... 312 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:38,919 Those fellas are regretting the size of that bird bath. 313 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:42,920 ..we complete a comically prolonged ascent to the cusp of the monolith. 314 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:47,679 Look at this glorious people kebab. 315 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,680 Well, it's a very evocative description of a story of life, 316 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:56,039 a struggle... Togethership, if that's a word. 317 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,999 Have you ever tried making a kebab? 318 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,559 Of course I have. Also difficult. 319 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,920 How do you think I wind down at the end of a shoot? 320 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:08,679 After what feels like minutes, we turn around. 321 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,599 Cross-country skiing is a popular pastime in Norway 322 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:15,039 and a natural fit for my relentless workout regimen. 323 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,399 We can only hope that Caroline, 324 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,639 pictured here, thinking about this moment ending, can keep up. 325 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:22,159 Just sliding one foot in front of the other. 326 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,079 After several seconds of tuition... 327 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,879 Try just one metre. 328 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,759 ..we're on our way. 329 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,999 Does everybody ski in Norway? 330 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,199 I myself, I had skis before I could even walk. 331 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,919 Ah! Good. Richard, feel free to wait. Oh. 332 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,839 I'm sliding. Ahh! 333 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:42,919 I don't know how to wait in this thing. 334 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,519 Good. Going uphill. 335 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,839 Oh, going uphill's no fun. 336 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:50,840 Are you going on? No! 337 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,359 No, I'm OK, Richard. Fay. 338 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:58,279 You look concerned. You're in the hands of a professional instructor. 339 00:16:58,280 --> 00:16:59,759 Oh, my God! 340 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,359 In order to distract Fay from the ominous bubblings 341 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,359 of another ferocious meltdown... 342 00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:06,439 The whole thing's very slippy, Caroline. 343 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,999 ..I swallow my pride and pretend to be bad at skiing... 344 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,359 Ow. Ow. Ooh. 345 00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:13,559 ..for the good of our on-screen chemistry. 346 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,439 All right. OK. Let's get these skis off. 347 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,039 Can you burn off calories just by falling? 348 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,919 How many calories did I burn off, do you think? 349 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,439 At least 100. 350 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,319 At least 100. 100?! That's an apple. 351 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:30,319 So about a third of a bag of standard size crisps. 352 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,279 Yes. Well done. Thank you. 353 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,599 It was a lot of fun. Kind of you to lie. 354 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,079 She's so full of endorphins. 355 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,839 We need to replenish essential body fat, 356 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,840 so we slope back to central Oslo and sidle up to Syverkiosken. 357 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:48,439 Look, this is the last hot dog stand in Oslo. 358 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,279 There used to be 200 food kiosks. There's now only two. 359 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:52,959 This is the last hot dog one. 360 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,479 Everything is home-made... Yes. 361 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,479 ..and everything is organic in the hot dogs. 362 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,319 Two polse. Did you know that 363 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,199 Norwegians consume more sausages per capita 364 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,279 than any other nation? Even more than Germans? That's right. 365 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,439 I haven't seen one of them eating a sausage yet. 366 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,079 You've not been looking hard enough. 367 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,839 The brilliance of these bangers is augmented by the addition of mash, 368 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:17,840 mushrooms and a lompe, a doughy duvet placed on top of the dog. 369 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,399 Should we go one end each? 370 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,119 Too romantic? I wouldn't... That's not the word I'd use. 371 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:27,120 There's no pretty way of doing this. Please. OK. 372 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:30,559 Oh! It's a very good sausage. 373 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:34,560 Mm. Mmm! High quality. Mmm! 374 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,239 That is the feast of men. 375 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,999 That is wonderful. 376 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,639 Heck of a polse. 377 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,239 I'd almost consider becoming a policeman just so that 378 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,679 I could eat more of these. I feel like you could pull up 379 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:48,919 in a squad car... Yeah. ..get a couple of polse. 380 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,439 For the stakeout. 381 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,039 Bust some lowlifes. Mm. 382 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:55,239 Back for a celebratory polse. Mm. 383 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:59,240 With mere moments left before Fay's contractual obligation expires, 384 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,319 we must select our next activity. 385 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,279 But what in flip will it be? 386 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,199 What about the Viking Ship Museum, 387 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,279 home to the world's best-preserved Viking transport? 388 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,999 Or the Fram, the world's strongest wooden ship, 389 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,079 which has been to both poles at least once? 390 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,759 Will we take in the Kon-Tiki, 391 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,759 the balsawood raft Thor Heyerdahl 392 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,119 used to cross the Pacific? 393 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,799 No! Jeez, it's going to be another thing. 394 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,359 Where are you taking me to? This isn't a kidnapping. 395 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:29,999 You're free to leave. We're jointly going... Yeah. 396 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,719 ..to The Mini Bottle Gallery. 397 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:35,720 It's the largest collection of mini bottles in the world. 398 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,319 Exciting! 399 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,239 This overly funded act of obsessive-compulsivness 400 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:45,239 is the creation of a millionaire businessman and displays 12,500 401 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:49,240 of the 54,000 bottles he's collected since he was seven. 402 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,479 Well, this is... This is almost unbearably moving. 403 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:58,159 This is the bottle that started this collection. 404 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:02,160 It was brought back by his father from an aeroplane 405 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,119 on which he'd had a gin and tonic. 406 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,119 I'm super excited. I know. This is my kind of museum. 407 00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:09,119 What are you running away from, Fay? 408 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,879 I'm just running towards 409 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:14,639 small things. OK, well... 410 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,479 ..let's explore the toot. Yes. 411 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,879 The museum has umpteen tragically themed displays, 412 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,399 eg, horror, birds, bottles from brothels, 413 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,800 and whatever the hell this is. 414 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,439 Oh... Oh, this gets better and better, doesn't it? 415 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:31,999 This is really stressing me out. 416 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,999 Really? It's too much wasted time. 417 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,679 I mean, these don't even look like bottles. 418 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,679 It's fun. I can't do this. 419 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:44,439 This is horrific. I'm just waiting for the racist section. 420 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,640 There will be one. There always is one. 421 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,119 Thanks for the best museum ever. 422 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:54,479 You really enjoyed that. 423 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,199 So fun. Oh... 424 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,759 I've never felt sadder in my life. 425 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,119 With our time in Oslo virtually vaporous, 426 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:05,199 we swing by the National Theatre to pay brief respects 427 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,079 to one heck of a Henrik. 428 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,559 ♪ Thisiswhatafeministlookslike. 429 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:13,560 Yeah, he wrote some good, big roles for us girls. 430 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:17,239 Yes. I haven't played any of them, sadly. 431 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,519 I'm sensing a little bit of bitterness here, Fay. 432 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:23,439 What about you? I've not played any major female leads. 433 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,439 This is an outrage. It is an outrage. 434 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,719 And I thought we were moving towards equality. Yes. 435 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:31,159 If I'm absolutely honest, I get him slightly mixed up with Chekhov. 436 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,039 That's fine. Chekhov was a doctor. 437 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,799 Russian. And Russian. 438 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:39,800 Heck of a handsome guy as well. Yeah. 439 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,079 Concerned that we're cramming in too much culture, 440 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,399 all that remains is for us to continue our co-dependency 441 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,479 with a summation of Oslo's undeniable excellence. 442 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,679 Rippers. Highlights. 443 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:55,159 Big surprise, I think, at how good I was tobogganing. 444 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,439 Yes. That was probably one of the most favourite bits. 445 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,639 You were less taken with Munch. 446 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,959 You didn't like The Scream. Slightly underwhelmed by it, that's all. OK. 447 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,999 Your time in Kontrast, the eatery. 448 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,879 That's food was... Delicious. 449 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,159 It was delicious. You'd book again. 450 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,479 No. No?! 451 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:15,239 It was very full-on. I feel I've learnt more about your bowels 452 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,119 than I'd ever dreamt possible. 453 00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:21,120 You're welcome. You were wise to, er, swerve the Jerusalem artichoke. 454 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:24,119 I may not need to take a plane home, that's what I'm saying. 455 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,719 I'll just jump on your back. I'll just stand there. 456 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,879 Off you go. Unleash the tension, I'll be home in an hour. 457 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,759 That'd be a good exit shot. It would be. 458 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,479 Couldn't get the insurance, though. 459 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,439 The cost of our Scandi scram 460 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,159 was a relatively restrained 217 GBP, 461 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,159 excluding flights and hotel. 462 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,959 But the flights and hotel hurt like a bad thing. 463 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,519 Did you enjoy coming back? 464 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,159 Please. Come on. 465 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,999 This is my territory. I'm treated like a hero here. 466 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,799 Have you not seen in the streets... Yeah... the smiles of the people? 467 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,959 Were they smiling at you? Yes. 468 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,199 They were blanking you, smiling at me. 469 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,479 Thank you for accompanying. 470 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:03,999 It really was, in small bursts, a pleasure. 471 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,399 That's one of the best 472 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,079 reviews I've ever had. 473 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:11,080 Next week, a mini break in Madeira with the magnificent Robert P Webb. 474 00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:14,119 We're heading for the sea. Yes, there's a ramp and we go straight 475 00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:18,120 onto a Saga cruise ship.