(Speaks Greek quietly)
Kalimera, Mrs Durrell.
Kalimera, Lugaretzia.
Thank you.
(Shutter creaks)
(Lugaretzia sighs)
(Speaks Greek)
Am feeling sick.
(Speaks Greek)
Kalimera, Mr Lawrence.
- How are you? - (Speaks Greek)
Foolish of me to ask, I suppose.
Good morning, Lugaretzia.
Good morning, little lord.
Here is your tea.
(Speaks Greek)
I would recommend bicarbonate of soda.
Soda?
(Speaks Greek)
- Come on, Roger. - (Roger barks)
(Gunshot)
Is that one of them?
(Larry) Who do you mean?
Has he come to stay?
Course he's come to stay. I've invited him.
(ltalian accent) I have come to you!
- (Laughing) - Oh, it's wonderful to see you.
(Both laughing)
(Distant gunshot)
What a wonderful villa.
What a lot of wine.
I think he's madmans. He drinks.
Well, he's a poet, Spiro.
- (Gunshot) - Oh, blessed!
(Animated chatter)
Oh! This house is riddled with rot.
(Gunshot)
Death to the tyrants!
(Barks)
(Whimpers)
Look, it's a tortoise waking up.
It's only got one eye.
Madame Cyclops.
There are dozens of them.
Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.
- Saluté. - Saluté.
- Would you like some fruit, Gerry? - No, thank you.
Thank you, Lugaretzia. Has everyone had enough?
- Er, Leslie, dear? - Thank you, Mother. It was lovely.
(Both laughing)
Lugaretzia, you laughed.
She did!
"And the maidens they smiled, their lives awakened by the call of their hearts
"and the ardour of the poets!"
(Laughs)
Lugaretzia, is…is your stomach settled at last?
- Oh, don't ask her, please. - Thank you, please.
(Laughing)
(Door opens and closes)
The tortoises have all wakened up from hibernation and have started mating.
(Snoring)
Larry, your friend is asleep.
Oh, yes.
- Who is he? - He's a poet, dear.
An elderly and distinguished poet.
(Snoring)
Oh, no! Oh…
(Snoring)
Some of my friends are younger and much more boisterous.
We can't have people to stay if everything falls to pieces.
We shall have to buy more furniture.
Really, these guests are going to be the most expensive we've ever had.
(Snoring continues)
(Spiro) I figures it this way, I gets them for half the prices you gots to pay.
You must not be seated.
They all laughs at Spiro Americano the bum if you are seated.
I buys them for you. I am the only one who can seat you.
Here.
Good morning.
If you ask me, Theodosius, you should have the bonfires out of all these junks.
- Spiro, go away. - But this man will seat you.
- This man will kill you, Spiro! - (Gerry) Quite right.
- How do you say "that's too much", Gerry? - I tell you, he is a swindler!
You say, "Afto ine para poli."
- It is not too much, little lord. - I'm afraid it is.
- It is very afto ine para… indeed. - Poli.
That's rights!
That is not rights. Go back to the car, Spiro, and wait for us there.
Mrs Durrells, his father was a swindler before him, and his grand…
Spiro…
OK, Mrs Durrells. You are the bosses.
I wait for you.
Afto poli. Everything is.
Mother, Gerry, I think there's a fiesta.
St Spiridon.
All days peoples comes here from everywhere in the world all days.
And they go into the church to kiss the feets of St Spiridon
and all your pains go… foo!
His body does this through his feets
carried through the town all days.
His holy body, all days.
Poof!
(♪ Marching tune)
I'm sure we can come to a satisfactory arrangement.
I'll send Spiro with a list.
Er, come along, Margo. Gerry?
(♪ Marching tune continues)
(Church bells)
(♪ Band plays sombre tune)
(Whispers)
(♪ Choir chanting softly)
(Whispering) Gerry! Gerry. Gerry.
Gerry!
(Whispering) Tell her not to kiss the feet.
What?
Not to… Kiss the air. The…
Don't kiss the feet, kiss…the air.
Nots the feet.
Margo, don't kiss the feet.
(Kisses)
Thank you.
- Well, I hope it works. - He looked like a silver chrysalis.
Did you see his face, Margo?
No, I thought it not wise to look up. He's been dead for centuries, I gather.
Oh, dear, I nearly fainted.
Those shepherds, I mean, I… They lifted me up.
I like garlic but it positively emanates from them!
Nothing wrong with a clove or two but… What a crush.
St Spiridon is the patron saint of the island.
I am gives his name, Spiro.
Did you think he was like a chrysalis?
- I just hope it works. - What?
- Cure my spots. - Not likely. Give you more, I imagine.
You see, Margo, if you kisses the feet all is cured, yes?
- (Mrs Durrell) You didn't? - Acne should be easy for a saint.
But I told you not to. "Kiss the air," I said.
Heaven knows what germs were lurking in even live feet.
- Hundreds of people kissed them. - Well, I didn't like not to.
Everybody else was doing it.
- Gerry? - I didn't.
I dread to think what you're in for, Margo. Well, a hot bath is the first thing.
You'll be lucky not to have something quite impossible.
(Snoring)
Don't do anything to wake him up.
(Larry) So your day was all right?
(Woman) It was a bit hot. (Larry) Yes, it is hot.
- Ah, mother. Erm…this is Jonquil. - Hello.
- How do you do? - Michael.
- Hello. - And Durant.
- How do you do? - (Yowls)
(Grunts)
(Mrs Durrell) How do you do?
(German accent) I am shattered.
I want to work but I am in a state of acute shatter.
Durant has had an experience.
l truly have.
I would rather not relate it until I am completely rested.
- Oh, of course. - What a journey.
Why don't you sit down?
I damn the night, I am eager for the light.
I am captivated by the colour and I cannot wait to plunge into it.
They're artists, dear.
Don't talk about bleedin' work, you haven't done a scrap.
Not picnics, that sort of thing, I wanna work.
I know just what I'm going to do. I've ordered a canvas.
A huge one!
(Spiro) This is the doctor's.
That's going to take ages.
Leslie, how long do painters take?
Don't ask me, they're Larry's friends.
How do you do, Mrs Durrell?
Ah! Er, my daughter has a temperature of 102, doctor.
And it's all due to your blessed saint. She foolishly kissed his feet.
Ah, pa, pa, pa, pa. Let's see, let's see.
(Barking)
Ahh, it's Madame Cyclops.
We've seen her before.
This must be her nest.
Look, Roger.
It's Margo's fault that he has to go.
Zatopec must be very careful about his health.
Won't find him doing silly things like kissing saint's feet.
(Mrs Durrell) No, something much worse, I should imagine.
You're not trying to make my friends very welcome.
Yes, I am. I cook immense meals.
But you don't even…talk to them.
I have nothing to say to them.
I mean, look…look at that.
What can I have to say about that? It's a blank.
Michael… hasn't been able to…
(Sighs) He hasn't been able to…
Oh, look, he's trying.
(Yawns)
Oh. (Sneezes)
It's coming.
Don't talk to me about bleedin' work, I'm trying to get some done meself.
Oh, God, I can't tell you…
She will be better. Much better now.
Pa, pa, pa, pa.
- But never, never the feets again. - (Whimpers)
Pa, pa, pa, pa.
Look, this will cheer you up.
Oh, Gerry, go away.
A tortoise egg. And look, a scorpion with hundreds of babies.
She's given birth. Look at them clinging to her body.
I said, go away.
(Sniffs)
(Whimpers)
I'm ready at last.
I would've started today but the light went.
How can you torture me?
How does he torture you?
Durant has had an unfortunate experience.
Tell all.
I was shattered.
It was in ltaly.
It was as if yesterday!
It was a masterpiece, I was painting.
An almond orchard in the full bloom.
The blooms of the trees, full and…
and thick.
It was masterpiece.
I work all the day and tear myself away for the night.
Sleep like the babe, it was so good.
Then I was fresh for the morning and I returned to the masterpiece.
I was stricken. It was gone.
The blossom was on the ground.
The wind…poof!
Gone.
I was shattered.
I swore I would never paint again.
Oh! How sad.
How frightful.
How…
But slowly I am recovering my nerves.
I can go on.
Day by day I feel less shatter.
Sometime I will paint the masterpiece again.
Sometime…
It was as if yesterday.
Come now, it can't have been that bad.
Have you thought of pulling yourself together?
- (Sneezes) - Bless you.
How long ago was this dreadful experience?
As if yesterday.
It was two years ago
and it is still as if yesterday.
It is the fate of the artist…
I've something very interesting to show you.
Oh… (Sighs)
It's terribly…hot.
(Sighs)
Oh, dear.
- Did you have a fright? - I've just recovered from syphilis.
I lost all my hair in Athens.
Syphilis…?
Larry, I'd like a word with you.
I have not been able to obtain eyebrows and wig to match.
But I'm sure I will in Paris.
It's disgusting. You allow that woman into my house
with a disgusting disease like syphilis.
- You call her a friend? - She's not a friend.
She's just a character I invited here to study.
Gerry is a child.
You invite her and we all catch it, Gerry as well, while you take notes.
You won't catch it, unless you share a bed.
Don't be revolting.
What about Margo's flu? My friends might catch that.
That's not the same as syphilis!
Michael's caught something and Zatopec fled.
- Gerry? - Yes, mother?
Don't sit next to that woman.
I'm not. I'm standing here.
- There is syphilis… - Don't say that word in front of Gerald.
I'll explain it later. We ought to go back.
- Our friends might think something's wrong. - Yes, well, something is.
I've had enough food now, Mother. Can I go outside?
Yes, dear.
Wash your hands.
He tortures me. I have nothing…
lt came to me just as the sun was going down.
- What did? - Michael's got a subject.
I was looking at the sun.
Suddenly I thought, yes, sun!
Wonderful.
- Have I missed something? - Don't you understand, Mother?
Michael has had a revelation! He's seen the sun.
Trust you to scoff, Leslie.
You don't know anything.
Michael's not talking about any old sun…
he's talking about…the essence of sun.
- Oh, my God, scorpions! - (Screaming)
Kill the vermin! Kill or be killed!
- Now, now, keep calm! Keep calm! - Leslie, do something.
To your right, Jonquil, to your right!
Oh! Leslie, dear!
Oh! My wig! Oh! Oh! They're in my wig!
(Screaming)
What on earth's going on?
(All) Gerald!
(Engine starts)
Is there enough room?
- There we are. - (Larry) Thank you so much for coming.
- Goodbye. - (All) Goodbye!
(Gunshot)