1 00:00:48,687 --> 00:00:51,918 I've been eight days and seven nights On an open boat, 2 00:00:52,087 --> 00:00:55,159 Chugging painfully slowly From Arabia to India. 3 00:00:55,327 --> 00:00:59,400 Phileas Fogg first saw Bombay On his 18th day out of England. 4 00:00:59,567 --> 00:01:03,480 It's my 25th and I'm a week behind. 5 00:01:04,007 --> 00:01:06,316 But Fogg wouldn't have seen this, 6 00:01:06,487 --> 00:01:11,197 The arch built to commemorate The first visit by a British monarch in 1911. 7 00:01:11,367 --> 00:01:14,040 They still call it the Gateway to India. 8 00:01:45,127 --> 00:01:49,518 So I walk into India In the steps of King George V. 9 00:01:49,687 --> 00:01:55,717 A little underdressed and short of bearers, But it's still an oddly awesome experience 10 00:01:55,887 --> 00:02:00,483 To come upon such a huge country So suddenly and dramatically. 11 00:02:07,887 --> 00:02:11,004 Life on the dhow Had been such a simple matter, 12 00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:13,886 A week spent on a few hundred square feet. 13 00:02:14,047 --> 00:02:18,563 Back on land, I feel temporarily Overwhelmed and confused. 14 00:02:18,727 --> 00:02:22,925 In the space of 100 yards. I've come from a village in Gujarat 15 00:02:23,087 --> 00:02:26,363 To the doors of the most expensive hotel In Bombay. 16 00:02:26,527 --> 00:02:29,678 No wonder I have A strange dislocated feeling, 17 00:02:29,847 --> 00:02:32,441 A sort of sensory deprivation. 18 00:02:34,887 --> 00:02:39,005 Morning. My name's Palin. I have a reservation, but I'm a day late. 19 00:02:39,167 --> 00:02:40,998 Welcome to the hotel. 20 00:02:41,167 --> 00:02:42,919 Just sign there. 21 00:02:43,087 --> 00:02:46,159 Thanks. Is this all I have to do? 22 00:02:46,327 --> 00:02:47,646 Yes, sir. 23 00:03:10,727 --> 00:03:13,924 That night, I have a weird dream. 24 00:03:14,087 --> 00:03:18,478 Come on, let's be 'aving youl Where d'you think you are? The Ritz? 25 00:03:18,647 --> 00:03:22,959 For a moment, I imagine i've woken up In Wormwood Scrubs. 26 00:03:23,127 --> 00:03:26,403 Actually, I'm in THE luxury hotel in Bombay. 27 00:03:26,567 --> 00:03:30,321 It's called the Taj And it was built 80 years ago 28 00:03:30,487 --> 00:03:32,637 In the heyday of the British Raj. 29 00:03:37,367 --> 00:03:41,918 Its tasteful interior is still as elegant And cool as a cathedral 30 00:03:42,087 --> 00:03:45,636 And about as relevant To the everyday life of India. 31 00:03:45,807 --> 00:03:48,116 For outside these reassuring walls 32 00:03:48,287 --> 00:03:52,200 Are the sights and sounds Which you can forget for a while, 33 00:03:52,367 --> 00:03:54,801 But they are always there, waiting. 34 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:16,325 Bombay life is like an engine That has lost its silencer. 35 00:04:16,487 --> 00:04:20,275 It is intense, vigorous, nerve jangling, incessant. 36 00:04:20,447 --> 00:04:24,679 It is also reassuring. Much of the technology Is on a human scale. 37 00:04:36,927 --> 00:04:39,487 There is a darker side to all this energy. 38 00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:44,084 The human scale can be uncomfortable For westerners. 39 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:56,521 This is the really difficult bit. 40 00:05:01,607 --> 00:05:03,165 Sorry. 41 00:05:05,247 --> 00:05:10,082 These kids... They are probably Only five or six years old. 42 00:05:16,647 --> 00:05:21,243 It's difficult to know what to do. I just... I just say no. 43 00:05:21,407 --> 00:05:24,479 Otherwise you... You can't change everything. 44 00:05:24,647 --> 00:05:31,200 If you gave ten rupees to ten people, The eleventh would feel left out. 45 00:05:31,367 --> 00:05:34,086 It is all over the city. It is endemic. 46 00:05:34,247 --> 00:05:38,365 Begging. And it is pretty horrific, but... 47 00:05:40,247 --> 00:05:43,637 ...you can't change it. Maybe you just perpetuate it. 48 00:05:46,087 --> 00:05:48,123 I've been told on good authority 49 00:05:48,287 --> 00:05:52,917 That there is an excellent barber Under a tree on this street. 50 00:05:53,087 --> 00:05:55,920 My taxi driver seems to know the tree well. 51 00:05:56,487 --> 00:06:01,481 Hello, excuse me? Are you a barber? Will you give me a shave? 52 00:06:01,647 --> 00:06:04,957 Yes? Will you do a shave? Take this beard off? 53 00:06:05,127 --> 00:06:09,120 - Yes? OK, what do I do? - You sit here. 54 00:06:09,287 --> 00:06:11,482 This is the barber's seat, is it? 55 00:06:11,647 --> 00:06:14,207 - No, sit round. - I face him? 56 00:06:23,167 --> 00:06:25,556 He's your agent, is he? 57 00:06:25,727 --> 00:06:29,083 This is eight days growth here, so go easy. 58 00:06:32,007 --> 00:06:33,565 Mm, great. 59 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,558 Are you one of the best? 60 00:06:36,607 --> 00:06:38,438 Are you good barber? 61 00:06:39,927 --> 00:06:41,440 Quiet man. 62 00:06:43,407 --> 00:06:46,080 I see Sheffield United won last Saturday. 63 00:06:47,047 --> 00:06:51,245 Two-one against Blackpool. Lucky really, that's a good team. 64 00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:58,244 Right, Michael, be as still as you can. 65 00:06:58,407 --> 00:07:01,604 Leave the nose. I know it's big. 66 00:07:04,327 --> 00:07:08,320 Suddenly I realise what it is About the barber that worries me. 67 00:07:08,487 --> 00:07:14,039 The way he handles me and stares past me, I form the impression that he is blind. 68 00:07:19,207 --> 00:07:24,884 I'm not going to talk, because if I do... You might get the jugular. 69 00:07:28,247 --> 00:07:30,238 This is why the crowd is here. 70 00:07:30,407 --> 00:07:34,525 They haven't come to watch a shave, But an execution. 71 00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:37,440 Oh-oh, bang go the Hitler impersonations. 72 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:45,684 Never thought I'd have a shave And see in the trees above me vultures! 73 00:07:55,207 --> 00:08:01,203 Shaved, washed and all too briefly rested, It's time to move on round the world. 74 00:08:01,367 --> 00:08:04,165 I head for V.T. - Victoria Terminal. 75 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:11,321 100 years old and the sort of grand ornament The British built 76 00:08:11,487 --> 00:08:14,638 To show India what western civilisation was. 77 00:08:14,807 --> 00:08:16,843 No wonder they're confused. 78 00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:22,159 The booking hall, however, is brand-new. 79 00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:26,206 Modern, streamlined... And equally confusing. 80 00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:29,723 That's very helpful (!) No signs. 81 00:08:35,447 --> 00:08:38,359 Not a single sign in sight! 82 00:08:45,407 --> 00:08:48,001 Excuse me, do you speak English? 83 00:08:48,167 --> 00:08:50,442 - I want a ticket for Madras. - Yes. 84 00:08:50,607 --> 00:08:54,202 - You can stand here. - Yes? This is the right... 85 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,598 - On any window. - Any window? 86 00:08:57,767 --> 00:09:01,646 That's why there are no signs! That's a system I like! 87 00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:03,843 So, any window, I'm OK? 88 00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:28,036 Can I have a ticket for a train to Madras On the 22nd, please? 89 00:09:40,087 --> 00:09:43,921 You are getting in waiting list. Waiting list. 90 00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:46,806 - I'm on a waiting list? - It's OK, no? 91 00:09:46,967 --> 00:09:50,403 - Does that mean I am on the train itself? - No. 92 00:09:55,367 --> 00:09:57,039 Right. 93 00:09:57,207 --> 00:10:00,961 - How much do I owe you? - I have been paid by this. 94 00:10:01,127 --> 00:10:04,005 That covers it? Thank you very much. 95 00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:08,046 My ticket is for a place, But only on a waiting list 96 00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:11,802 And not for today's train, but tomorrow's. 97 00:10:11,967 --> 00:10:14,686 So I have the rest of the day in Bombay. 98 00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:18,362 And I'm not short of advice What to do with it. 99 00:10:18,527 --> 00:10:21,280 I'm not sure what to do with 50,000 girls! 100 00:10:21,447 --> 00:10:24,644 How far you walking? Five minutes, six minutes? 101 00:10:24,807 --> 00:10:28,322 I help you walking, so, no problem. 102 00:10:28,487 --> 00:10:31,957 I like to see things on my own. It's rather nice to... 103 00:10:32,127 --> 00:10:34,402 I show you all of Bombay. 104 00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:37,957 Well, I don't really want a guided tour. 105 00:10:38,127 --> 00:10:42,245 I want to look on my own, Then I have to go back in the hotel. 106 00:10:42,407 --> 00:10:45,240 Rest a bit and then i'll see a bit more, 107 00:10:45,407 --> 00:10:47,523 But it's very... What? 108 00:10:48,807 --> 00:10:50,126 What? 109 00:10:50,287 --> 00:10:51,606 A joint? 110 00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:53,758 No problem, no problem! 111 00:10:54,767 --> 00:10:56,485 No, thank you. 112 00:10:58,927 --> 00:11:00,963 - You have a joint? - Yes. 113 00:11:05,007 --> 00:11:07,441 You are a naughty man. 114 00:11:07,607 --> 00:11:11,077 First you offer me 50,000 women... What? A cobra? 115 00:11:11,247 --> 00:11:13,841 No, the last thing I want to see is a cobra. 116 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,919 Do you think there's a cobra in his basket? 117 00:11:17,087 --> 00:11:19,681 He's got a cobra in there? Yes, he has. 118 00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:24,523 I'll tell you what you do. You come with me, yes? 119 00:11:24,687 --> 00:11:30,603 No, I think I'm not going to be A good customer for you, really. 120 00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:34,077 Cobras, joints, even 50,000 women. 121 00:11:34,247 --> 00:11:37,444 You go and find somebody else Who'll be a bigger... 122 00:11:37,607 --> 00:11:39,643 A bigger spender than me. 123 00:11:43,087 --> 00:11:46,966 Of course, the very first thing I see is a cobra, 124 00:11:47,127 --> 00:11:50,881 One of a cast Of a common Bombay street theatre. 125 00:12:04,207 --> 00:12:08,485 The cobra's co-star Is a rather mangy mongoose. 126 00:12:12,687 --> 00:12:16,965 By the side of a main road, I find myself in a city within a city, 127 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:20,199 A long terrace of temporary shelters. 128 00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:25,122 These people have nothing, but poverty Isn't judged in India as in the west. 129 00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:28,120 Here it's an unavoidable fact of life, 130 00:12:28,287 --> 00:12:30,676 Not a sign of personal failure. 131 00:12:30,847 --> 00:12:33,600 Yes, you're a lot of rotters, you are. 132 00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:37,999 You're a lot of old rotters! Yes, you are! 133 00:12:47,287 --> 00:12:50,245 A day's delay can have its compensations. 134 00:12:50,407 --> 00:12:54,878 As I return to the hotel, I'm caught up In the Hindu festival of Dussehra, 135 00:12:55,047 --> 00:12:59,837 A ten-day celebration of the slaying of Ravana, The demon king of Sri Lanka 136 00:13:00,007 --> 00:13:01,520 By the goddess Kali. 137 00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:17,922 On the steps which George V And I used to enter India, 138 00:13:18,087 --> 00:13:22,239 A crowd of people, Intoxicated with excitement and other things, 139 00:13:22,407 --> 00:13:27,925 Daub themselves in red powder and carry Their effigies into and under the water. 140 00:13:28,887 --> 00:13:31,003 It makes compulsive viewing, 141 00:13:31,167 --> 00:13:35,206 But there's an edge of hysteria From which I am glad to escape. 142 00:13:48,647 --> 00:13:53,641 If the Dussehra festival represents The passions of local religion, 143 00:13:53,807 --> 00:13:58,517 The Cathedral of St Thomas Offers a cooler, less emotional face. 144 00:14:01,887 --> 00:14:07,405 On its walls is evidence of lives cut short And tragedy stoically borne. 145 00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:25,840 Preserved in marble, stone and brass 146 00:14:26,007 --> 00:14:29,716 Is a sobering record of the cost Of maintaining an empire. 147 00:15:07,647 --> 00:15:12,926 Chowpatty Beach, A fine sweeping stretch of sea front. 148 00:15:13,087 --> 00:15:15,362 As night falls, the tempo rises. 149 00:15:36,407 --> 00:15:40,116 Those citizens with energy left Come here for a good time. 150 00:15:40,327 --> 00:15:44,957 If they haven't any energy left, They can find someone to restore it. 151 00:15:54,527 --> 00:15:59,726 This treatment is so powerful, I fear my Masseur's fingers might enter my head! 152 00:15:59,887 --> 00:16:01,957 A sort of digital acupuncture. 153 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:05,039 But the feeling afterwards is sensational. 154 00:16:23,927 --> 00:16:27,761 The next morning, still pleasantly blotto From the massage, 155 00:16:27,927 --> 00:16:31,715 I remember something I have to do Before leaving Bombay. 156 00:16:34,567 --> 00:16:39,118 One of my friends had asked for An Indian horoscope for their child to be. 157 00:16:39,287 --> 00:16:43,803 As the Taj must be one of the few hotels To boast of a resident astrologer, 158 00:16:43,967 --> 00:16:46,640 It seems too good an opportunity to miss. 159 00:16:46,807 --> 00:16:51,437 I seek out Mr Jagjit Uppal, Advisor to politicians, film producers, 160 00:16:51,607 --> 00:16:53,723 And now circumnavigators. 161 00:16:55,407 --> 00:16:59,685 In conclusion, I would say That the child born to your friends 162 00:16:59,847 --> 00:17:03,283 Will be healthy, active, Energetic and long-lived. 163 00:17:03,447 --> 00:17:08,123 The main characteristic Will be very artistic, very creative, 164 00:17:08,287 --> 00:17:10,517 With much interest in literature. 165 00:17:10,687 --> 00:17:13,121 My friends will appreciate that. 166 00:17:13,287 --> 00:17:17,644 Can you tell me what lies in store for me In the next two or three months? 167 00:17:17,807 --> 00:17:24,042 Smooth sailing, a pleasant journey And on schedule if not ahead of schedule. 168 00:17:24,207 --> 00:17:29,281 If you have lost some time, there are Possibilities of you recovering that time. 169 00:17:29,447 --> 00:17:31,039 The omens are very good. 170 00:17:31,207 --> 00:17:36,759 After the conclusion of this journey, there Are remarkable changes in March/April '89. 171 00:17:36,927 --> 00:17:38,883 You'll be more in limelight. 172 00:17:39,047 --> 00:17:41,083 Remarkable changes in what way? 173 00:17:41,247 --> 00:17:46,446 Whatever is planned for March/April, There are changes in that pattern. 174 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:50,759 There is good news coming to you In your work pattern at that time. 175 00:17:50,927 --> 00:17:53,999 I can't wait to get back And reorganise my diary. 176 00:17:54,167 --> 00:17:58,524 Now exhilarated by the thought Of ordering my future on room service, 177 00:17:58,687 --> 00:18:00,803 I become greedy for information. 178 00:18:00,967 --> 00:18:04,801 Does it give any indication For the years ahead? 179 00:18:04,967 --> 00:18:07,242 What span can I expect? 180 00:18:07,407 --> 00:18:12,197 You will live long and healthy and taking One or more such trips of adventure. 181 00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:14,881 You are full of the spirit of adventure. 182 00:18:17,327 --> 00:18:21,400 My spirit of adventure will be sorely tested In the next few days. 183 00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:26,960 If my train leaves on time, I shall still be ten days behind Phileas Fogg. 184 00:18:27,127 --> 00:18:29,357 That is if I have a seat. 185 00:18:40,407 --> 00:18:46,198 Well, my name is on the list. Palin, M - male, seat 194/64. 186 00:18:47,767 --> 00:18:53,558 You may think I look rough, but Passepartout, As you can see, has aged visibly! 187 00:19:08,927 --> 00:19:10,645 (TRAIN WHISTLE) 188 00:19:15,127 --> 00:19:21,566 It transpires that there are two other people Called Michael Palin in seat 194/64... 189 00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:23,445 And one of them is a woman! 190 00:19:23,607 --> 00:19:27,919 But it is too late now, We are off to Madras, all three of us. 191 00:19:48,927 --> 00:19:55,639 777 miles separate Bombay on the Indian Ocean and Madras on the Bay of Bengal. 192 00:19:55,807 --> 00:19:59,959 My journey should take 27 hours And we shall stop at 30 stations, 193 00:20:00,127 --> 00:20:04,325 But I am circumnavigating again And that's cause for celebration. 194 00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:34,680 We're gathering speed, Pulling out of the suburbs of Bombay 195 00:20:34,847 --> 00:20:39,363 And onto the narrow plain Between the sea and the Western Ghats. 196 00:21:15,847 --> 00:21:20,967 One of the sights least familiar to the Western eye is railway as public highway. 197 00:21:21,127 --> 00:21:25,120 Men, women, cows and goats Stroll along with equanimity, 198 00:21:25,287 --> 00:21:29,439 Quite oblivious to the oncoming presence Of a 17-coach express. 199 00:21:29,607 --> 00:21:32,246 (TRAIN TOOTS) 200 00:21:38,327 --> 00:21:43,082 We cross the Ghats at sunset On my 28th day away from England. 201 00:21:51,127 --> 00:21:55,006 Throughout my childhood, On the mantelpiece were two cups, 202 00:21:55,167 --> 00:22:00,002 One in pewter, one in silver, Both won by my father, both won for rowing 203 00:22:00,167 --> 00:22:02,283 And they were both won in Puna. 204 00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:06,042 I never knew where Puna was And now I'm on Puna Station. 205 00:22:06,207 --> 00:22:12,476 I'm going to wear his rowing cap as a homage To my father who won the cups in 1923. 206 00:22:12,647 --> 00:22:15,957 Here it is. A bit of a disappointment, really. 207 00:22:20,927 --> 00:22:23,919 There are no flannelled fools On the river now. 208 00:22:24,087 --> 00:22:29,286 There's not much left in the river as we Cross the Deccan, India's central plain. 209 00:22:39,847 --> 00:22:42,361 The scenery is less photogenic now. 210 00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:44,438 Passengers start talking. 211 00:22:44,607 --> 00:22:48,646 - Are you travelling all the way to Madras? - Yes, from Bombay. 212 00:22:50,167 --> 00:22:54,285 What will the south be like? I have never been there before. 213 00:22:54,447 --> 00:22:57,041 A lot more pleasant than Bombay. 214 00:22:57,207 --> 00:23:01,519 It is less hurried. People have a little more time for you. 215 00:23:01,687 --> 00:23:04,076 Probably just about as hot. 216 00:23:04,247 --> 00:23:09,082 It is like another country. The culture is different, the language. 217 00:23:09,247 --> 00:23:11,477 The south has its own languages. 218 00:23:11,647 --> 00:23:17,756 If we didn't speak English or three or four Indian languages, we couldn't communicate. 219 00:23:17,927 --> 00:23:21,681 I've been learning Hindi, Which will be useless. 220 00:23:21,847 --> 00:23:24,805 That won't help you very much in Madras. 221 00:23:24,967 --> 00:23:27,925 In fact, I advise you Not to say much in Hindi. 222 00:23:28,087 --> 00:23:32,365 It's an extraordinarily large country. What does unite India? 223 00:23:32,527 --> 00:23:35,564 What is the expression of Indian patriotism? 224 00:23:37,007 --> 00:23:39,646 That really is a tough one to answer. 225 00:23:39,807 --> 00:23:43,163 I don't know what makes India India. 226 00:23:43,327 --> 00:23:46,683 - Right now, probably... - Cricket? 227 00:23:46,847 --> 00:23:50,965 Probably the independence struggle Most recently! 228 00:23:55,927 --> 00:24:00,921 I can't talk to many passengers as our First-class, non-air-conditioned coach 229 00:24:01,087 --> 00:24:03,078 Is locked at either end. 230 00:24:03,247 --> 00:24:06,876 Only at stations do we get the chance To see a bit more life. 231 00:24:22,887 --> 00:24:25,685 Despite this being a trans-Indian express, 232 00:24:25,847 --> 00:24:27,838 No food is cooked on board. 233 00:24:28,007 --> 00:24:32,080 Meals can be ordered ahead And collected at a station up the line. 234 00:24:32,247 --> 00:24:34,761 If the train is delayed, so is the meal, 235 00:24:34,927 --> 00:24:38,078 And station vendors Become the only alternative. 236 00:24:39,887 --> 00:24:41,718 Are they lemons? 237 00:24:42,727 --> 00:24:45,082 - One rupee two. - What are they? 238 00:24:45,247 --> 00:24:47,602 - Guava. Fruit. - Ah, guava! 239 00:24:48,607 --> 00:24:50,802 Are they good? 240 00:24:50,967 --> 00:24:54,084 Do they look good to you? Do they look good? 241 00:24:54,247 --> 00:24:57,398 - Should I buy some? - Yeah, is definitely good. 242 00:24:57,567 --> 00:25:00,559 - Sweet. - Good to eat on the train? 243 00:25:00,727 --> 00:25:02,046 Yeah. 244 00:25:02,207 --> 00:25:03,640 One rupee's worth. 245 00:25:03,807 --> 00:25:09,086 - Should I get very green ones? - Green is hard. They come softer. 246 00:25:11,767 --> 00:25:14,600 We're nearly there. Thank you very much. 247 00:25:14,767 --> 00:25:17,600 There we are. Two. There we are. 248 00:25:17,767 --> 00:25:19,997 Thank you. Thanks for your help. 249 00:25:20,167 --> 00:25:22,840 We are in southern India now, 250 00:25:23,007 --> 00:25:27,876 Amongst Tamil people, possessors Of a quite inimitable head movement. 251 00:25:36,087 --> 00:25:38,601 Let me taste your fare. 252 00:25:41,647 --> 00:25:43,160 Very good. 253 00:25:46,767 --> 00:25:48,997 (HE CRIES HIS WARES) 254 00:25:49,167 --> 00:25:51,727 I never did find out what was on here. 255 00:25:51,887 --> 00:25:56,597 Chocolate biscuits, toothbrushes, Something for the weekend? 256 00:25:56,767 --> 00:26:00,965 There's a lot to learn, but at least I've learnt how to catch a train. 257 00:26:01,127 --> 00:26:03,357 Never get on till it's moving. 258 00:26:11,967 --> 00:26:13,764 Thank you. 259 00:26:17,167 --> 00:26:21,922 Mirbani, as we say in Gujarati, but which Won't mean a blind thing down here! 260 00:26:22,087 --> 00:26:26,160 Of course, having just stocked up on guavas, My lunch arrives. 261 00:26:31,527 --> 00:26:33,006 Rice... 262 00:26:33,167 --> 00:26:34,486 And... 263 00:26:39,367 --> 00:26:41,278 ...dhal. 264 00:26:46,367 --> 00:26:51,441 This is called a Southern Railways Special And it lives up to its name. 265 00:26:51,967 --> 00:26:57,439 Technically, it's a thali, a vegetarian Collation of pickles, dhals and raitas, 266 00:26:57,607 --> 00:27:01,077 Of yoghurt, onion, aubergine, Spinach and potato. 267 00:27:01,247 --> 00:27:06,446 A mixture of plain cooking and intense tastes That reminds me of days on the dhow. 268 00:27:11,087 --> 00:27:16,207 It also reminds me that we're near Madras, Home of the world's hottest curries. 269 00:27:22,487 --> 00:27:27,959 Pausing for breath, I notice something that Makes me glad I didn't travel yesterday. 270 00:27:52,127 --> 00:27:56,723 So we descend from the central plateau To the state of Tamil Nadu. 271 00:27:56,887 --> 00:27:58,798 The pace of life is slower. 272 00:27:58,967 --> 00:28:04,485 The people, untouched by the north's Aryan Invasions, claim to be the true Indians. 273 00:28:55,047 --> 00:28:59,757 We pull into Madras on time On a hot, humid evening. 274 00:29:07,647 --> 00:29:09,365 I feel tired but elated. 275 00:29:09,527 --> 00:29:12,246 Madras is a city i've never seen before 276 00:29:12,407 --> 00:29:16,685 And it's a port, Thus hope for the circumnavigator. 277 00:29:23,007 --> 00:29:25,396 - Hello. Are you free? - Yeah. 278 00:29:25,567 --> 00:29:27,523 Connemara Hotel? 279 00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:30,723 Connemara Hotel. 280 00:29:33,567 --> 00:29:38,004 I find myself a bicycle rickshaw With a staff of thousands. 281 00:29:38,167 --> 00:29:41,398 Just one driver will do. Oh, you're the man? 282 00:29:44,687 --> 00:29:48,999 Such is the call of advice And encouragement from his friends, 283 00:29:49,167 --> 00:29:53,240 You'd think we were off To look for the Golden Fleece, not a hotel. 284 00:29:53,407 --> 00:29:56,922 Though I think our journey Could be just as dangerous! 285 00:30:10,927 --> 00:30:14,840 First thing next morning, I check the local shipping gazette. 286 00:30:15,007 --> 00:30:17,441 There seem precious few sailings. 287 00:30:17,607 --> 00:30:20,758 But one, motor vessel Susak, Sounds promising. 288 00:30:20,927 --> 00:30:23,361 All I have is the name of the agent. 289 00:30:25,767 --> 00:30:31,285 Somewhere in this seething city Is an outfit called Babuji Jetsea Freights 290 00:30:31,447 --> 00:30:33,563 And i've got to find it. 291 00:31:02,847 --> 00:31:09,002 Madras has the reputation of being a quieter, Calmer, more relaxed city than the north. 292 00:31:09,167 --> 00:31:11,317 I can't think why. 293 00:31:26,527 --> 00:31:29,200 Madras used to be a major trading city. 294 00:31:29,367 --> 00:31:33,201 It was Britain's first foothold in India In 1639. 295 00:31:33,367 --> 00:31:37,485 Now it has lost much international trade As the big ships go north, 296 00:31:37,647 --> 00:31:40,719 Or miss India altogether On the way to Singapore. 297 00:31:40,887 --> 00:31:43,606 I just hope this won't make life difficult. 298 00:31:46,047 --> 00:31:48,561 Hello, I'm looking for Mr Vikram. 299 00:31:55,247 --> 00:31:58,080 Hello, Mr Vikram? Michael Palin. 300 00:31:58,247 --> 00:32:03,401 Nice to meet you. Now, i've heard that you have a boat, 301 00:32:03,567 --> 00:32:07,924 Bengal Tiger Lines, I believe, Leaving for Singapore today. 302 00:32:08,087 --> 00:32:10,965 - Is that still the situation? - That's right. 303 00:32:11,127 --> 00:32:17,282 It's a Yugoslavian ship and Bengal Tiger Line Are the charterers of the vessel. 304 00:32:17,447 --> 00:32:19,836 The ship is leaving tomorrow morning. 305 00:32:20,007 --> 00:32:24,523 What chance is there of myself and the crew Getting on tomorrow? 306 00:32:24,687 --> 00:32:28,760 There seems to be a problem Because the ship is rated at 18 people. 307 00:32:28,927 --> 00:32:31,521 They already have 18 crew on board. 308 00:32:31,687 --> 00:32:37,603 We are asking Lloyd's to take On some additional people, 309 00:32:37,767 --> 00:32:39,837 That is the four of you. 310 00:32:40,007 --> 00:32:46,560 If that happens, we will possibly... Put the four of you on the ship. 311 00:32:46,727 --> 00:32:51,323 When you say they can only take 18, What is the reason why? 312 00:32:51,487 --> 00:32:57,676 There is a safety equipment certificate Which only allows 18 people. 313 00:32:57,847 --> 00:33:05,242 And... Er... Lloyd's are the only body That can waive that... Requirement. 314 00:33:05,407 --> 00:33:08,638 So, what if Lloyd's don't give permission? 315 00:33:08,807 --> 00:33:12,880 The only alternative left is that We can request the captain 316 00:33:13,047 --> 00:33:17,120 To sign off two or three crew members, Who we'll fly to Singapore, 317 00:33:17,287 --> 00:33:20,006 And your crew can take their place, 318 00:33:20,167 --> 00:33:23,876 Which means that you still have 18 people on board. 319 00:33:24,047 --> 00:33:28,086 But that is a prerogative We have to leave with the captain. 320 00:33:28,247 --> 00:33:32,843 - Will we have to work in the engine room? - It's better than being a cook! 321 00:33:33,007 --> 00:33:39,606 OK, if you can explore both possibilities, I'll check out an alternative shipping agent. 322 00:33:39,767 --> 00:33:42,156 Get back to me as soon as possible. 323 00:33:42,327 --> 00:33:46,605 But, obviously not today, But if we can get out tomorrow, it'll be... 324 00:33:46,767 --> 00:33:49,884 - We'll try our best. - Thank you very much. Bye. 325 00:33:50,047 --> 00:33:53,244 No sea journey Has been trouble-free since Venice. 326 00:33:53,407 --> 00:33:57,605 Each time, the trouble comes In different combinations. 327 00:33:57,767 --> 00:34:01,362 If there is no room for us, I must seek alternatives. 328 00:34:01,527 --> 00:34:05,042 There is only one. It's in Armenian Street. 329 00:34:24,887 --> 00:34:29,324 The address of New India Maritime Agencies, Armenian Street, 330 00:34:29,487 --> 00:34:33,799 Indicates the cosmopolitan trade Which once existed in Madras. 331 00:34:33,967 --> 00:34:36,322 I only hope it still does. 332 00:34:36,487 --> 00:34:39,240 Mr Arul should be able to tell me. 333 00:34:45,727 --> 00:34:48,241 Good morning, Mr Arul. 334 00:34:48,407 --> 00:34:50,716 Please sit down. 335 00:34:50,887 --> 00:34:54,562 Thank you for seeing me. I wonder if you can help me. 336 00:34:54,727 --> 00:34:58,003 I need a boat From Madras to Singapore quickly. 337 00:34:58,167 --> 00:35:00,123 Do you have any boats? 338 00:35:00,287 --> 00:35:04,917 Yes, I have good news for you. One of our ships, the Kamnik, 339 00:35:05,087 --> 00:35:08,397 Arrived in Madras port this morning From Sri Lanka. 340 00:35:08,567 --> 00:35:13,357 It will load 5,000 tons of cargo and leave For Singapore within three days. 341 00:35:13,527 --> 00:35:16,997 - That should get you there. - Will it leave on time? 342 00:35:17,167 --> 00:35:20,523 This sort of loading takes longer. Will it be on time? 343 00:35:20,687 --> 00:35:26,125 I am quite confident that this ship Should leave in three days. 344 00:35:26,287 --> 00:35:31,486 Right. Would there be room for myself And my Passepartout here? 345 00:35:31,647 --> 00:35:33,239 Certainly. 346 00:35:33,407 --> 00:35:37,844 Because we will be another three days Behind. How quick is the journey? 347 00:35:38,007 --> 00:35:41,443 Cruising speed is 50 knots per hour. It takes five days. 348 00:35:41,607 --> 00:35:47,284 Well, I have one or two irons in the fire That I hope may get me out of here faster, 349 00:35:47,447 --> 00:35:49,677 Because I am very pushed for time. 350 00:35:49,847 --> 00:35:55,126 Thank you very much. I will get back to you. It sounds useful. Thanks for your time. 351 00:35:55,287 --> 00:35:56,606 Goodbye. 352 00:35:56,767 --> 00:36:01,443 Hopeless! Three days' wait will put me Almost two weeks behind schedule. 353 00:36:01,607 --> 00:36:03,802 Mr Vikram is my only chance now. 354 00:36:03,967 --> 00:36:06,356 - Have you heard from Lloyd's? - Yes. 355 00:36:06,527 --> 00:36:11,806 They said it is not possible To take more than 18, as per their rules. 356 00:36:11,967 --> 00:36:16,404 I've been to see some people To check out an alternative, 357 00:36:16,567 --> 00:36:19,206 And that is going to be three or four days. 358 00:36:19,367 --> 00:36:22,916 It is vital that we try and get on this boat. 359 00:36:23,087 --> 00:36:24,839 What are our chances? 360 00:36:25,007 --> 00:36:30,400 We can check with the captain Whether he will accommodate you 361 00:36:30,567 --> 00:36:33,081 By releasing two or three of his people. 362 00:36:33,247 --> 00:36:36,762 What sort of man is he? Is he likely to be conducive? 363 00:36:36,927 --> 00:36:39,202 This is his first trip in Madras. 364 00:36:39,367 --> 00:36:43,042 I met him yesterday and he seemed nice, But we can check. 365 00:36:43,207 --> 00:36:47,120 - Is it the first time you've done this? - Oh, yes. 366 00:36:47,287 --> 00:36:53,476 When you first approached me, I thought Going round the world in 80 days was easy, 367 00:36:53,647 --> 00:36:56,798 But it looks like We're having problems even here. 368 00:36:56,967 --> 00:37:01,245 Yes. It is even more important now That I get this boat tomorrow, 369 00:37:01,407 --> 00:37:05,366 So i'll ring you from the hotel And if anything happens, ring me. 370 00:37:05,527 --> 00:37:08,405 - Yes, I will. - As soon as you can. 371 00:37:08,567 --> 00:37:11,320 - Thanks very much. - My pleasure. Goodbye. 372 00:37:35,727 --> 00:37:38,116 The end of Day 31. 373 00:37:38,287 --> 00:37:40,278 As cheerful as I try to remain, 374 00:37:40,447 --> 00:37:45,077 I've never felt so strongly that the whole Project was about to collapse. 375 00:37:45,247 --> 00:37:49,479 My chances of success depend On a Yugoslav i've never met 376 00:37:49,647 --> 00:37:52,320 Persuading German owners he's never seen 377 00:37:52,487 --> 00:37:57,356 That he should take BBC employees As sailors on his Cypriot-registered boat. 378 00:37:57,527 --> 00:38:02,555 It is, like the dancing At the Connemara Hotel, quite fantastic. 379 00:38:06,487 --> 00:38:11,277 All I can do is hope that the most Unlikely thing in the world will happen. 380 00:38:35,887 --> 00:38:40,836 Next morning, I am called to the docks To meet someone from the shipping office. 381 00:38:41,007 --> 00:38:47,116 There's no one around, except for two Stevedores in for more protective clothing. 382 00:38:48,487 --> 00:38:51,399 The Susak is loading gently. 383 00:38:59,007 --> 00:39:03,000 Then, just as I'm giving up hope, My contact arrives. 384 00:39:03,167 --> 00:39:07,445 I got a message from Vikram's office To get down to the docks quickly. 385 00:39:07,607 --> 00:39:09,598 So I am here. What has happened? 386 00:39:09,767 --> 00:39:15,160 Yes. As you know, the captain spoke To the chairman in Yugoslavia yesterday. 387 00:39:15,327 --> 00:39:19,002 The Yugoslav captain Spoke to his owners in Yugoslavia? 388 00:39:19,167 --> 00:39:23,638 Yeah. The captain agreed That they can take two men from your side 389 00:39:23,807 --> 00:39:27,846 And two crews, they are going to fly From here to Singapore. 390 00:39:28,007 --> 00:39:30,726 That is great! I'd given up hope. 391 00:39:30,887 --> 00:39:34,243 Two of them come off, And two of us go on. Great! 392 00:39:34,407 --> 00:39:38,764 It's better than nothing. Thank you and thank Mr Vikram for his work. 393 00:39:38,927 --> 00:39:42,158 Bye. We'll send you a postcard From Singapore. 394 00:39:42,327 --> 00:39:47,924 So, following an Anglo-German-Indo- Yugoslav agreement worthy of the UN, 395 00:39:48,087 --> 00:39:51,966 I'm taken onto the crew of the Susak As a deckhand. 396 00:39:52,127 --> 00:39:54,322 I'll be doubling as unit sound man. 397 00:39:54,487 --> 00:40:00,005 Nigel and his camera will share with me And my tape recorder the only quarters left. 398 00:40:00,167 --> 00:40:02,556 This is the ship's hospital. 399 00:40:02,727 --> 00:40:04,638 It's your bedroom. 400 00:40:04,807 --> 00:40:07,958 Thank you. You've heard about my condition, then? 401 00:40:08,127 --> 00:40:10,436 Wonderful. This is excellent. 402 00:40:10,607 --> 00:40:14,680 Five days in hospital is just what I need At this stage! Thank you. 403 00:40:14,847 --> 00:40:16,997 - For next couple of days. - OK. 404 00:40:17,167 --> 00:40:19,681 Just press this for the nurse. 405 00:40:19,847 --> 00:40:21,883 That is fine. 406 00:40:28,007 --> 00:40:30,316 And I can still dress for dinner. 407 00:40:31,007 --> 00:40:35,603 In my relief at being taken on board, I've almost forgotten the schedule. 408 00:40:35,767 --> 00:40:39,362 But when I walk on deck at midnight And see we're still in Madras, 409 00:40:39,527 --> 00:40:41,916 I realise relief is only temporary. 410 00:40:42,087 --> 00:40:45,602 We've lost another 12 hours And they're still loading! 411 00:40:47,527 --> 00:40:51,805 The rumour is that "speed money" Can be paid to improve performance. 412 00:40:51,967 --> 00:40:55,562 The fact is they are moving About 20 containers an hour. 413 00:40:55,727 --> 00:40:58,241 In Singapore, they can move 125. 414 00:41:00,927 --> 00:41:03,999 There's nothing for it But to go back to hospital. 415 00:41:11,687 --> 00:41:15,566 Dawn on the Bay of Bengal? No, dawn at Madras. 416 00:41:15,727 --> 00:41:18,116 The Susak still lies at the dock side, 417 00:41:18,287 --> 00:41:22,519 Loaded but immobile, awaiting a pilot To lead her out to sea. 418 00:41:27,607 --> 00:41:31,725 It's 7.15 a.m. And 11 days behind schedule 419 00:41:31,887 --> 00:41:34,879 When the captain finally signals to cast off 420 00:41:35,047 --> 00:41:40,360 And the magnetic attraction between the Susak And the port of Madras is broken. 421 00:41:47,367 --> 00:41:49,881 Captain Sablik surveys his kingdom 422 00:41:50,047 --> 00:41:52,845 And the new crew begin their day's work. 423 00:41:54,207 --> 00:41:57,119 No, no, I mean real work! 424 00:42:14,487 --> 00:42:16,955 I think i've done that. Finished. 425 00:42:17,127 --> 00:42:19,277 Down here? OK. 426 00:42:19,447 --> 00:42:20,766 With this? 427 00:43:00,367 --> 00:43:03,643 Well, here we are, Two days out in the Bay of Bengal, 428 00:43:03,807 --> 00:43:08,961 And after a couple of days' work on The sound, i've got it down to a find art. 429 00:43:09,127 --> 00:43:13,837 (SOUND COMES AND GOES)... I suppose I'm just mech... That way... 430 00:43:14,007 --> 00:43:16,441 And it's an art and... 431 00:43:17,607 --> 00:43:19,643 ...damn lucky I can work it! 432 00:43:19,807 --> 00:43:23,561 (TUNELESS SINGING) 433 00:43:27,807 --> 00:43:32,756 You may think it would have been luckier If I hadn't been able to work the sound. 434 00:43:32,927 --> 00:43:36,886 It's not a chorally gifted crew, But they are friendly hosts 435 00:43:37,047 --> 00:43:42,405 And this barbecue on the Bay of Bengal Has been laid on for Passepartout and me. 436 00:43:42,567 --> 00:43:44,683 To the Susak! 437 00:43:44,847 --> 00:43:50,604 Thank you all for being such a hospitable, Kind, friendly, sharing vessel! 438 00:43:59,847 --> 00:44:01,485 Tastes good. 439 00:44:04,647 --> 00:44:07,559 Here is to Singapore. Safe in Singapore! 440 00:44:07,727 --> 00:44:10,878 Considering That they are 10,000 miles from home, 441 00:44:11,047 --> 00:44:15,325 Sailing between Madras, Singapore, And Calcutta for eight months, 442 00:44:15,487 --> 00:44:17,398 I admire their cheerfulness. 443 00:44:17,567 --> 00:44:19,444 I miss home after five weeks! 444 00:44:19,607 --> 00:44:22,883 (TUNELESS SINGING) 445 00:44:59,447 --> 00:45:01,199 (RADIO STATIC) 446 00:45:02,687 --> 00:45:04,518 Singapore Radio, Singapore Radio? 447 00:45:05,487 --> 00:45:08,684 November 1st and nearly half my time used up. 448 00:45:08,847 --> 00:45:13,875 We're in radio range of Singapore. Time To give my director the latest bad news. 449 00:45:14,047 --> 00:45:17,642 Roger, it's Michael here. Are you receiving me? Over. 450 00:45:17,807 --> 00:45:21,197 Receiving you. 0ver. What is the current situation? 451 00:45:21,367 --> 00:45:26,236 The situation is, in addition to losing time Whilst loading at Madras, 452 00:45:26,407 --> 00:45:29,717 We have also hit a head current Going up the Straits 453 00:45:29,887 --> 00:45:32,082 And we've had to cut our speed, 454 00:45:32,247 --> 00:45:37,196 So our estimated time of arrival Is not till tonight at about 11.30. 455 00:45:37,367 --> 00:45:43,158 The problem here, Michael, is that The Neptune Diamond leaves at 11.00. 456 00:45:43,327 --> 00:45:47,878 Is there any possibility you can get The captain to put on more speed? 457 00:45:48,047 --> 00:45:52,563 I can ask. I think we're going Probably as fast as we can. 458 00:45:52,727 --> 00:45:58,518 Does Neptune Diamond have to leave At 11.00, or could it postpone till late? 459 00:45:58,687 --> 00:46:03,920 I'll do my best here to get it to stay. If I can possibly delay it, I will, 460 00:46:04,087 --> 00:46:08,603 But any time you could pick up Would help enormously. 461 00:46:08,767 --> 00:46:14,524 We'll ask the captain if there's any way We can get in half an hour or an hour earlier. 462 00:46:14,687 --> 00:46:20,080 It seems unlikely. Every move of this ship Has been delayed for two hours! 463 00:46:20,247 --> 00:46:25,844 It'll be hard to pick up time. Better if you Can get the Neptune Diamond to wait. 464 00:46:26,007 --> 00:46:28,123 Take us off by launch if possible. 465 00:46:28,287 --> 00:46:32,565 The captain is under orders to maintain The most economical speed. 466 00:46:32,727 --> 00:46:36,242 He's done enough for us already. I can't ask for more. 467 00:46:36,407 --> 00:46:41,606 Anyway, one thing I have learnt About sea travel is that you can't hurry. 468 00:46:50,807 --> 00:46:52,479 (TIME PIPS) 469 00:46:52,647 --> 00:46:59,246 9.00 Greenwich Mean Time. The news read by Deborah Mackenzie. 470 00:46:59,407 --> 00:47:04,003 Mrs Thatcher said There won't be an improvement... 471 00:47:06,167 --> 00:47:09,125 (TICKING) 472 00:47:23,927 --> 00:47:26,725 Well, we're in Singapore, but it's now... 473 00:47:28,447 --> 00:47:31,564 ...it's now midnight and five minutes. 474 00:47:31,727 --> 00:47:35,879 Neptune Diamond, our boat to Hong Kong, Was due to sail at 11.00. 475 00:47:37,207 --> 00:47:40,165 It's anyone's guess Whether it's there or not. 476 00:47:40,327 --> 00:47:45,924 We got to Singapore and couldn't get Into our berth until another boat had left. 477 00:47:46,567 --> 00:47:51,277 So, despite being in this highly efficient, Well-marshalled harbour, 478 00:47:51,447 --> 00:47:53,199 We still haven't docked. 479 00:47:53,367 --> 00:47:57,565 Once again, it shows that the fine timing Of boats can't be trusted. 480 00:47:57,727 --> 00:48:01,402 We just have to wait and see If the Neptune Diamond is there. 481 00:48:01,567 --> 00:48:05,162 But if the Neptune Diamond has gone, That's it. 482 00:48:05,327 --> 00:48:09,002 I can't possibly Complete the journey in 80 days.