1
00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:02,520
Yes, you're right, we never left home.

2
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:06,999
Bay of Bengal, Bombay, Cairo,
All back projection.

3
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:11,524
This is shot on location... In Sunningdale.

4
00:01:11,687 --> 00:01:16,203
Actually, this place was built
By a very rich man called Sassoon,

5
00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:21,805
Who made his money in China, but wanted
People to think he still lived in England.

6
00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:26,757
With a place like this, how can I persuade you
I'm in Shanghai?

7
00:01:26,927 --> 00:01:29,680
You'll just have to follow me.

8
00:02:02,487 --> 00:02:06,799
If the suburban villas of Shanghai
Resemble Sunningdale,

9
00:02:06,967 --> 00:02:11,677
The grand waterfront, called the "Bund",
Could be Westminster or Merseyside.

10
00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:15,604
The reason for such nostalgic parody

11
00:02:15,767 --> 00:02:17,758
Is the opium trade.

12
00:02:17,927 --> 00:02:20,839
It led to the western commercial presence here,

13
00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:25,478
Which reached a peak of confidence
In the 1920s and 30s,

14
00:02:25,647 --> 00:02:29,845
When the Europeans
Tried to rebuild Shanghai in their likeness.

15
00:02:31,807 --> 00:02:35,356
There is a regular sea connection
From here to Japan,

16
00:02:35,527 --> 00:02:37,438
But it sails only once a week.

17
00:02:37,607 --> 00:02:40,360
I phone the shipping office in trepidation.

18
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:44,918
But the ferry is in port. I can see it
From my window in the Peace Hotel.

19
00:02:45,087 --> 00:02:47,396
It leaves tomorrow.

20
00:02:54,167 --> 00:02:57,204
For Basil and I, it's our last day together.

21
00:02:57,367 --> 00:03:01,326
He's returning to Hong Kong
To his wife and new baby.

22
00:03:06,527 --> 00:03:11,442
We dip into the side streets.
Shanghai is the largest city in China.

23
00:03:11,607 --> 00:03:16,601
The population is 12 million, so it is,
Not surprisingly, labour intensive.

24
00:03:16,767 --> 00:03:21,887
Everyone has something to do - sweeping,
Selling, cooking, or being a bicycle man.

25
00:03:28,367 --> 00:03:31,439
Though the street atmosphere
Appears medieval,

26
00:03:31,607 --> 00:03:33,757
There is a trickle of modern goods.

27
00:03:33,927 --> 00:03:36,395
You can buy an electronic calculator,

28
00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:39,684
But the price
Will still be added up on an abacus.

29
00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:48,647
47 days of continual movement is sapping
The few reserves of energy I have left.

30
00:03:48,807 --> 00:03:51,844
Basil recommends a local pick-me-up.

31
00:03:52,007 --> 00:03:56,398
This is the... Hello!
...tiredness and fatigue counter?

32
00:04:02,247 --> 00:04:03,919
Do I get a sample?

33
00:04:04,127 --> 00:04:09,201
Everything from baldness to impotence
Has been treated here for over 200 years,

34
00:04:09,367 --> 00:04:12,598
So there must be something in it,
But what exactly?

35
00:04:12,767 --> 00:04:16,476
- What is this?
- Chi.

36
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:19,525
Ah, that is good for your chi.

37
00:04:19,687 --> 00:04:22,997
- My chi?
- It is regenerating.

38
00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:27,365
You know, they believe
That it all comes from here.

39
00:04:27,527 --> 00:04:30,246
And then it goes around your body.

40
00:04:30,727 --> 00:04:34,003
- This is better than stuff in a bottle?
- Oh, yeah.

41
00:04:34,167 --> 00:04:37,523
Because it cures the source of the problem.

42
00:04:37,687 --> 00:04:43,842
The pills, generally, just give you...
Give you instant gratification.

43
00:04:46,047 --> 00:04:48,242
I'd love to know what they all are.

44
00:04:48,407 --> 00:04:49,840
I'll get you a list.

45
00:04:50,007 --> 00:04:52,726
- Three times every day.
- Three times a day.

46
00:04:52,887 --> 00:04:54,764
For how many days?

47
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:56,963
Er... Three days.

48
00:05:00,887 --> 00:05:05,005
I can't wait to take it and see the effect.

49
00:05:07,167 --> 00:05:08,964
Many Chinese learn English.

50
00:05:09,127 --> 00:05:11,641
The chance to try it out is an event.

51
00:05:11,807 --> 00:05:14,162
- Do you know the BBC?
- I know.

52
00:05:14,327 --> 00:05:18,718
- Do you know what it?
- BBC is British Broadcast Company.

53
00:05:18,887 --> 00:05:21,481
How do you know about the BBC?

54
00:05:21,647 --> 00:05:27,199
BBC is the famous broadcaster
Radio in the world.

55
00:05:27,367 --> 00:05:33,044
Sometimes I see the programmes of BBC
On our television.

56
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:37,086
- Yes.
- And sometimes I listen to radio.

57
00:05:37,247 --> 00:05:39,477
- BBC short wave.
- Short wave!

58
00:05:39,647 --> 00:05:43,879
Short wave, that's right.
I try to use it for the football results.

59
00:05:44,047 --> 00:05:46,607
- I like English very much.
- Do you?

60
00:05:46,767 --> 00:05:48,917
Where did you learn English?

61
00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:52,557
I learned it in my home from radio and TV.

62
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:57,881
(SPEAKS ENGLISH WITH A HEAVY
CHINESE ACCENT)

63
00:05:59,847 --> 00:06:03,886
...According to my job and occupation.

64
00:06:04,047 --> 00:06:07,437
- My occupation is little.
- What is your occupation?

65
00:06:07,607 --> 00:06:13,284
Accountant on the public bus.
"Fares, please! Here is your change."

66
00:06:13,447 --> 00:06:18,282
I don't think you would get many bus
Conductors in London who spoke Chinese.

67
00:06:23,727 --> 00:06:28,084
This curiosity about the west may stem
From the fact that, 60 years ago,

68
00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:30,636
Shanghai was an international city.

69
00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:34,000
(THEY PLAY "TUXEDO JUNCTION")

70
00:06:34,687 --> 00:06:40,239
Noël Coward wrote "Private Lives" here and
The nightclubs played the new American jazz.

71
00:06:47,687 --> 00:06:51,919
Now these men, old enough
To have seen Noël Coward out walking,

72
00:06:52,087 --> 00:06:53,645
Play to a new audience -

73
00:06:53,807 --> 00:06:58,005
Earnest, appreciative and a little dull.

74
00:07:07,367 --> 00:07:10,757
But some people still come to Shanghai
For a good time.

75
00:07:36,807 --> 00:07:40,356
This Australian couple visit every year.

76
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:43,564
They love Shanghai and they love the band.

77
00:07:47,287 --> 00:07:51,838
And the band, all retired players
From the Shanghai Symphony Orchestra,

78
00:07:52,007 --> 00:07:54,043
Love American jazz!

79
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:58,917
But sitting here at the Peace Hotel
On a Thursday, it's all very polite.

80
00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:05,276
A far cry from the 30s, those decadent days
When Shanghai was the Havana of the east.

81
00:08:06,327 --> 00:08:10,639
Do you have
A favourite jazz band of your own?

82
00:08:16,567 --> 00:08:18,444
I like Harry James.

83
00:08:18,607 --> 00:08:22,122
Harry James.
A trumpet player like you. Very good.

84
00:08:22,287 --> 00:08:24,847
- And Benny Goodman.
- Yes, yeah.

85
00:08:25,007 --> 00:08:29,239
Do you have a family yourself?
Do you have sons or daughters?

86
00:08:29,407 --> 00:08:33,480
Yes, i've got a son.
He works in Shanghai Symphony Orchestra.

87
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,365
He plays viola.

88
00:08:35,527 --> 00:08:38,200
Is he... Does he also play jazz?

89
00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:40,756
No, he play only classical!

90
00:08:42,327 --> 00:08:44,443
It's a terrific sound!

91
00:08:45,727 --> 00:08:47,126
Thank you.

92
00:08:50,767 --> 00:08:52,246
Thank you.

93
00:08:56,887 --> 00:09:02,564
After a day of postcard writing, Chinese
Laundry and a farewell drink with Basil,

94
00:09:02,727 --> 00:09:04,683
It's time to move on.

95
00:09:13,327 --> 00:09:17,240
As ever, I view departures
With mixed feelings.

96
00:09:17,407 --> 00:09:21,195
They are good for my timekeeping,
But come too soon.

97
00:09:21,367 --> 00:09:26,043
To leave China
And have seen so little is a waste.

98
00:09:26,207 --> 00:09:29,165
However, I am now only six days
Behind Fogg,

99
00:09:29,327 --> 00:09:33,002
And he'd lost his Passepartout,
Who got drunk in Hong Kong.

100
00:09:33,167 --> 00:09:37,718
My Passepartout got drunk in Hong Kong,
But he's still here.

101
00:09:37,887 --> 00:09:40,242
Great to be back on boats again.

102
00:09:41,287 --> 00:09:46,315
There is something of unequalled
Excitement about being on a boat...

103
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,801
...at the moment of departure.

104
00:09:49,967 --> 00:09:56,645
A new temporary home, a cosy little cabin,
A new sea, a new country at the end of it.

105
00:09:56,807 --> 00:10:02,086
Probably all go wrong, but at the moment
I must confess to extreme excitement.

106
00:10:02,247 --> 00:10:06,604
I know I'm prone to excitement,
But it's still great to be on board.

107
00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:11,682
I'm only doing this so the cameraman
Can get the sunset, so i'll leave you to it.

108
00:10:11,847 --> 00:10:13,326
All yours, Nigel.

109
00:10:14,007 --> 00:10:17,761
Over there, the sunset.
Big red thing behind the building.

110
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:22,442
Nice, isn't it? I love a nice big sunset.
Going down there.

111
00:10:22,607 --> 00:10:27,158
Dipping behind the building. Lovely!
Anyway, i'll get out of your way!

112
00:10:37,527 --> 00:10:42,237
So I leave China as I arrived - by river.

113
00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:48,119
(FOGHORN BOOMS)

114
00:10:51,287 --> 00:10:53,437
It does seem appropriate.

115
00:10:53,607 --> 00:10:57,805
Rivers are so important here -
Irrigation, trading routes,

116
00:10:57,967 --> 00:11:01,755
And in floods, they sometimes bring
Immense destruction.

117
00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:05,078
In a few miles,
We will join the great Yangtse,

118
00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:10,765
Which will carry us out into the East China
Sea and on a two-day journey

119
00:11:10,927 --> 00:11:15,557
Into the Pacific Ocean and north
To the port of Yokohama in Japan.

120
00:11:20,287 --> 00:11:22,357
- Hello.
- Hello.

121
00:11:32,207 --> 00:11:34,562
Next morning, back on the high seas,

122
00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:38,117
I take breakfast in the coffee shop
Of the Jian Zhen.

123
00:11:38,287 --> 00:11:44,044
I try to glean information about why a
Service between two such populous countries

124
00:11:44,207 --> 00:11:47,438
Should run only once a week.
What is it all about?

125
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:50,360
Can you tell me, is this a Japanese boat?

126
00:11:50,527 --> 00:11:52,324
No, a Chinese boat.

127
00:11:52,487 --> 00:11:57,277
Ah, sorry.
So, you and the crew are Chinese?

128
00:11:57,447 --> 00:11:58,960
Yes.

129
00:12:00,127 --> 00:12:05,042
- But the passengers are Japanese.
- Japanese and Chinese.

130
00:12:06,407 --> 00:12:08,796
Where are all the passengers?

131
00:12:08,967 --> 00:12:11,606
Is this a very quiet boat?

132
00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:14,361
At the moment? Yes?

133
00:12:14,527 --> 00:12:17,758
The sea is very calm at the moment.

134
00:12:17,927 --> 00:12:21,363
- Sometimes.
- Sometimes it is rough?

135
00:12:21,527 --> 00:12:23,483
- Yes.
- Feel seasick?

136
00:12:23,647 --> 00:12:25,080
Never mind.

137
00:12:26,367 --> 00:12:27,800
Thank you.

138
00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:30,803
Am I still asleep?

139
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:33,037
This surely must be a dream.

140
00:12:33,207 --> 00:12:36,199
The decor, the music, the conversation.

141
00:12:36,367 --> 00:12:40,599
Maybe I died on the Yangtse
And I'm in a Sino-Japanese heaven.

142
00:12:40,767 --> 00:12:44,885
Then it dawns on me. Of course!
I was lucky enough to have a cabin.

143
00:12:45,047 --> 00:12:50,075
The majority of the 650 berths on this ship
Are down below in tatami class.

144
00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:52,283
This is where everyone will be.

145
00:12:55,127 --> 00:12:56,924
Ah, wrong again.

146
00:12:57,927 --> 00:13:02,876
Oh, well, I suppose there's only one thing
To do, that's go to sleep again.

147
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,916
Sardine class, here!

148
00:13:20,727 --> 00:13:22,797
That's quite comfortable.

149
00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:29,042
If you don't move, turn over,
Stretch out for a glass of water...

150
00:13:29,207 --> 00:13:30,606
Sorry!

151
00:13:40,207 --> 00:13:44,758
Now I know why Joseph Conrad
Wrote so much on the China Seas.

152
00:13:44,927 --> 00:13:47,361
There's nothing else to do.

153
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:48,846
(KNOCKING)

154
00:13:49,447 --> 00:13:51,199
Yes, come in.

155
00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:56,079
- How do you do?
- How do you do?

156
00:13:56,247 --> 00:13:59,000
Would you care for some hot water?

157
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:01,886
- Oh, anything that is going.
- Thank you.

158
00:14:10,887 --> 00:14:14,004
For medicine. Chinese medicine.

159
00:14:14,167 --> 00:14:15,646
Thank you very much.

160
00:14:16,727 --> 00:14:18,206
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

161
00:14:19,287 --> 00:14:23,599
The mind might be going,
But there's a chance I can save the body.

162
00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:28,682
My collection of ginseng roots, dried mosses
And other bits of countryside

163
00:14:28,847 --> 00:14:32,157
Looks even more like builder's rubble
This morning.

164
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:38,637
Still, it's been tested
Over a period of 4,000 years,

165
00:14:38,807 --> 00:14:41,640
Must give it the edge on laboratory stuff.

166
00:14:41,807 --> 00:14:45,516
Add a little hot water,
Courtesy of the management...

167
00:14:54,287 --> 00:14:57,245
...stir it all with decadent western pen...

168
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:01,959
...and wait.

169
00:15:02,127 --> 00:15:07,076
Ideally, for about 1,000 years,
But I haven't time for that, so here goes.

170
00:15:08,927 --> 00:15:11,680
Here comes the moment of truth.

171
00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:18,675
It's a lovely shade of yellow.

172
00:15:25,807 --> 00:15:28,321
Tastes like distilled woodland!

173
00:15:30,687 --> 00:15:32,996
Bit of earth thrown in.

174
00:15:42,527 --> 00:15:46,202
You can't rejuvenate overnight,
Not at my age.

175
00:15:46,527 --> 00:15:51,840
Just when I'm beginning to feel the benefit,
It's time to face country 16 - Japan.

176
00:15:52,007 --> 00:15:55,158
Its ships, like the economy,
Are big and powerful,

177
00:15:55,327 --> 00:15:58,478
Bringing in the oil, taking out the cars.

178
00:16:09,407 --> 00:16:14,481
Not one, but two tugs come alongside
To shepherd us into Yokohama.

179
00:16:15,887 --> 00:16:19,163
They even removed a bit of bridge
To let us through.

180
00:16:24,407 --> 00:16:27,843
("STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER" BY SOUSA)

181
00:16:28,007 --> 00:16:30,805
The odd choice of Sousa marches
To welcome us

182
00:16:30,967 --> 00:16:35,040
Is my first sign of Japanese
Fascination with things American,

183
00:16:35,207 --> 00:16:41,237
Which, in view of their past differences -
Pearl Harbor, Hiroshima - is ironic.

184
00:16:43,167 --> 00:16:48,446
Phileas Fogg arrived in Yokohama
On November 14, 1872,

185
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:52,156
Exactly 116 years ago, to the day.

186
00:16:56,687 --> 00:17:00,646
When Fogg arrived in any port,
There was an on-service that day.

187
00:17:00,807 --> 00:17:04,766
Now there are no passenger services
Across the Pacific at all.

188
00:17:04,927 --> 00:17:08,442
I must head for Tokyo
And the shipping agencies.

189
00:17:09,847 --> 00:17:14,796
The bullet trains glide in
Like wingless aircraft every 20 minutes.

190
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:17,959
The doors slide open for exactly 30 seconds,

191
00:17:18,127 --> 00:17:21,961
So God help you if you have a double bass
And a set of golf clubs.

192
00:17:36,767 --> 00:17:40,362
It's like an aircraft inside, as well.

193
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:45,601
Once the acceleration begins, I find myself
Instinctively tighten for take off.

194
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:58,326
The Shinkansen, which means New Railway,

195
00:17:58,487 --> 00:18:02,799
Speeds at 150 mph
Right across Japan's main island.

196
00:18:02,967 --> 00:18:07,802
It was the first quantum leap in railway
Technology since the age of steam.

197
00:18:07,967 --> 00:18:11,198
It's the fastest
I've travelled on my journey.

198
00:18:11,367 --> 00:18:15,724
If there had been a Shinkansen in China,
I might have saved days!

199
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:26,201
(TANNOY ANNOUNCES ARRIVAL)

200
00:18:34,967 --> 00:18:39,324
As it is, Yokohama to Tokyo takes 15 minutes.

201
00:18:43,887 --> 00:18:46,355
Shimbashi station.

202
00:18:57,847 --> 00:19:00,122
Don't panic.

203
00:19:07,967 --> 00:19:09,798
Well, here we are.

204
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:14,685
Up with the faithful bag again,
And out into another city.

205
00:19:14,847 --> 00:19:21,366
Tokyo, population nine million, language
Incomprehensible, alphabet indecipherable.

206
00:19:34,727 --> 00:19:38,003
Haisu, central exit?

207
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:45,086
I hope you're not following me.
I don't know where I'm going.

208
00:19:48,727 --> 00:19:51,525
I feel like a tramp down here under the city

209
00:19:51,687 --> 00:19:54,963
Amongst the immaculately
Turned out Japanese.

210
00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:07,838
Perhaps I'm doomed to wander
These well-polished halls forever,

211
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:12,319
Proof of the awful fate awaiting
Those that can't organise their life

212
00:20:12,487 --> 00:20:14,603
The way the Japanese do.

213
00:20:21,927 --> 00:20:25,044
(PH0NE)
0h, hello, is that David Powers?

214
00:20:25,207 --> 00:20:27,402
- Yes, it is.
- It's Michael Palin.

215
00:20:27,567 --> 00:20:31,640
- What are you doing here?
- It's a long story, I can't tell you now.

216
00:20:31,807 --> 00:20:35,163
I'm really only here for about 24 hours.

217
00:20:35,327 --> 00:20:38,364
Can we meet up? I know nothing of this place.

218
00:20:38,527 --> 00:20:42,236
- I'd love to have you show me around.
- That would be fine.

219
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:47,481
- How about this evening?
- That's good. Whereabouts should we meet?

220
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:50,605
That's always a problem in Tokyo.

221
00:20:50,767 --> 00:20:56,160
We could meet places where we'd spend
The evening trying to find each other.

222
00:20:56,327 --> 00:21:00,445
I eventually meet David Powers,
A BBC journalist living in Tokyo,

223
00:21:00,607 --> 00:21:02,404
At a self-service sushi bar,

224
00:21:02,567 --> 00:21:05,843
Which, like everything in Japan,
Is rather clever.

225
00:21:06,007 --> 00:21:08,601
First, take your tea and a tea bag.

226
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:12,726
- Tea, as well?
- Yes, all do-it-yourself.

227
00:21:12,887 --> 00:21:16,402
- Hot water in there.
- Ingenious, isn't it?

228
00:21:16,567 --> 00:21:19,479
The country that made the Sony Walkman.

229
00:21:19,647 --> 00:21:22,002
Then, just take whatever you fancy.

230
00:21:22,167 --> 00:21:24,362
That's a mackerel one there.

231
00:21:24,527 --> 00:21:27,485
- Is this sushi or sashimi?
- That's sushi.

232
00:21:27,647 --> 00:21:30,320
Sushi is the stuff on top of rice balls.

233
00:21:30,487 --> 00:21:33,797
- Does it have to be raw fish?
- Not necessarily raw.

234
00:21:33,967 --> 00:21:36,435
That is actually slightly boiled.

235
00:21:36,847 --> 00:21:38,838
Can I try one? What's that?

236
00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:42,636
That one is... Sea urchin.

237
00:21:42,807 --> 00:21:45,719
- That is raw.
- i've taken it now.

238
00:21:45,887 --> 00:21:49,482
I keep thinking
We should be putting things back on.

239
00:21:49,647 --> 00:21:52,081
You can't send your empties back.

240
00:21:52,247 --> 00:21:56,957
You stack your plates, they count them
And that's your bill at the end.

241
00:21:57,127 --> 00:21:58,765
Everything, same price.

242
00:21:58,927 --> 00:22:01,441
How difficult is it to learn Japanese?

243
00:22:01,607 --> 00:22:04,360
It's a bit of a mind-bender, Japanese.

244
00:22:04,527 --> 00:22:07,166
It's one of the most difficult languages.

245
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:12,685
Partly because of how it is written -
Chinese characters and their own characters.

246
00:22:12,847 --> 00:22:15,964
Each word has different ways
Of being pronounced

247
00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:18,595
Depending on where it is in a sentence.

248
00:22:18,767 --> 00:22:20,723
Some can be pronounced 20 ways.

249
00:22:20,887 --> 00:22:24,163
You just have to know
Which part of a sentence it's in.

250
00:22:24,327 --> 00:22:25,885
Worse than English.

251
00:22:26,047 --> 00:22:31,167
We think with spelling in English we have
Problems - the Japanese really do!

252
00:22:34,887 --> 00:22:39,563
Ironically, Japanese words
Are now some of the most familiar world-wide.

253
00:22:39,727 --> 00:22:45,438
The Japanese are like magpies - picking up
Bits of design, inventions, language,

254
00:22:45,607 --> 00:22:49,566
Mixing them
With their own talent for production

255
00:22:49,727 --> 00:22:52,480
To produce something everyone wants.

256
00:22:54,367 --> 00:22:58,440
Being in control is an important part
Of the Japanese character.

257
00:22:58,607 --> 00:23:01,838
But in the evenings, they like to be out of it.

258
00:23:02,007 --> 00:23:08,116
To help them are geishas, restaurants
And the phenomenon of the karaoke bar.

259
00:23:09,727 --> 00:23:12,799
(HE SINGS IN JAPANESE)

260
00:23:17,127 --> 00:23:22,121
Karaoke, meaning "empty orchestra",
Began 20 years ago

261
00:23:22,287 --> 00:23:25,120
As a way of allying sophisticated technology

262
00:23:25,287 --> 00:23:29,644
With the unsophisticated Japanese urge
To sing in public.

263
00:23:34,047 --> 00:23:38,757
For under £1.00, you can choose a song
From 2,000 stored on laser disc,

264
00:23:38,927 --> 00:23:41,919
With a backing singer
And video thrown in free.

265
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:45,159
- It's terrifying!
- No, it's fascinating.

266
00:23:45,327 --> 00:23:47,204
- I enjoy it.
- Will you sing?

267
00:23:47,367 --> 00:23:49,358
Certainly, and you will, too.

268
00:23:49,527 --> 00:23:52,837
- No, no.
- Oh, yes. You have to sing for your supper.

269
00:24:00,847 --> 00:24:05,079
Mind you, the whisky they drink
To go with it is about £60 a bottle.

270
00:24:05,247 --> 00:24:10,685
At that price, it's not surprising that it
Takes very little to make everyone happy.

271
00:24:10,847 --> 00:24:14,522
They take it seriously.
Have they rehearsed, do you think?

272
00:24:14,687 --> 00:24:16,564
They go straight into it.

273
00:24:16,727 --> 00:24:19,560
A lot of people have this equipment at home.

274
00:24:19,727 --> 00:24:21,763
- I see.
- Some of my relatives do.

275
00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:23,918
They practise before going out.

276
00:24:29,647 --> 00:24:34,277
I'm told that these men,
Sales managers and accountants by day,

277
00:24:34,447 --> 00:24:39,521
Tom Jones by night, practise at home
For hours to get their presentation right.

278
00:24:39,687 --> 00:24:45,478
But you can't go wrong. No one's allowed
To spoil the party. You must have fun!

279
00:24:57,727 --> 00:25:03,359
I begin to sense the remorseless
And unavoidable tide of fun flowing my way.

280
00:25:03,527 --> 00:25:08,476
I don't know where the back door is.
I don't even know where the front door is!

281
00:25:11,487 --> 00:25:16,720
For old times' sake, I choose a song
I heard the band play in Shanghai.

282
00:25:16,887 --> 00:25:21,597
# You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

283
00:25:27,087 --> 00:25:32,400
# You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you

284
00:25:32,567 --> 00:25:36,719
# Please don't take my... My sunshine away

285
00:25:58,447 --> 00:26:03,475
# You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

286
00:26:03,647 --> 00:26:08,801
# You make me happy when skies are grey

287
00:26:08,967 --> 00:26:14,166
# You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you

288
00:26:14,327 --> 00:26:19,162
# Oh, please don't take my sunshine away!

289
00:26:19,327 --> 00:26:24,640
# Oh, please don't take my sunshine away!

290
00:26:25,887 --> 00:26:30,722
Yeah! #... My sunshine away! #

291
00:26:38,047 --> 00:26:41,119
My partner takes a well deserved bow.

292
00:26:41,287 --> 00:26:44,757
I choose disembowelment,
But the club isn't licensed,

293
00:26:44,927 --> 00:26:47,122
So they give me the next best thing.

294
00:26:56,007 --> 00:26:59,044
Mrs Thatcher would approve
Of Tokyo at night.

295
00:26:59,207 --> 00:27:02,358
The streets are clean,
Mugging is almost unknown,

296
00:27:02,527 --> 00:27:04,597
And if you get too drunk to go home,

297
00:27:04,767 --> 00:27:09,283
The Japanese system will provide
A system as neat as a Sony Walkman.

298
00:27:09,447 --> 00:27:10,926
It's a capsule hotel.

299
00:27:11,087 --> 00:27:15,000
The over-karaokied businessman
Who missed his last train

300
00:27:15,167 --> 00:27:17,044
Can get a room for the night.

301
00:27:17,207 --> 00:27:20,165
If you abide by the rules, you'll get a bargain.

302
00:27:20,327 --> 00:27:23,637
- How much is it?
- About £18 for the night.

303
00:27:23,807 --> 00:27:29,279
You get the Sony, you get the place to stay,
You get a shaving kit, all thrown in.

304
00:27:29,447 --> 00:27:34,396
- It is good.
- It is, but make sure you look at the rules.

305
00:27:34,567 --> 00:27:38,526
"Persons whose bodies are tattooed
Should keep out."

306
00:27:38,687 --> 00:27:41,326
That's usually gangsters in Japan.

307
00:27:42,167 --> 00:27:44,727
"Dead drunks are requested to keep out."

308
00:27:44,887 --> 00:27:47,720
If you're dead, you'll probably do that.

309
00:27:47,887 --> 00:27:51,118
"Persons in sandals should keep out."
Why's that?

310
00:27:51,287 --> 00:27:53,243
- Dirty feet.
- Dirty feet?

311
00:27:53,407 --> 00:27:58,435
Jesus Christ would have no chance.
It's a lot to remember if you're dead drunk!

312
00:27:58,607 --> 00:28:01,644
This sobers you up, just the...

313
00:28:01,807 --> 00:28:05,163
I wonder if there is anything nasty in Japan.

314
00:28:05,327 --> 00:28:08,364
Any dirty corners,
Anything that doesn't work.

315
00:28:08,527 --> 00:28:13,317
I mean, your average English inebriate
Has enough trouble with a white line!

316
00:28:13,487 --> 00:28:16,843
- Are these the rooms?
- No, a little bigger that that.

317
00:28:17,007 --> 00:28:19,441
Here comes the pièce-de-résistance.

318
00:28:19,607 --> 00:28:22,121
- Your Tokyo nightwear!
- Very restful.

319
00:28:22,287 --> 00:28:26,360
- Very fetching.
- Very restful, nice quiet colours (!)

320
00:28:26,527 --> 00:28:30,156
Once processed, all you have to do
Is find the room.

321
00:28:30,327 --> 00:28:32,602
Believe me, they are easy to miss.

322
00:28:32,767 --> 00:28:34,439
I'm upstairs.

323
00:28:34,607 --> 00:28:36,598
Aren't you the lucky one?

324
00:28:36,767 --> 00:28:41,318
- How the hell do you get in it?
- It's like a luxury morgue.

325
00:28:44,167 --> 00:28:47,284
Actually, it's a triumph of miniaturisation.

326
00:28:47,447 --> 00:28:50,200
If you can say that, you should be in here!

327
00:28:50,367 --> 00:28:52,961
- Good night.
- It's very comfortable.

328
00:28:53,127 --> 00:28:57,803
Now, cooking time. How long do I need?

329
00:28:59,927 --> 00:29:01,440
(TV IN JAPANESE)

330
00:29:01,607 --> 00:29:03,245
It's a video.

331
00:29:07,287 --> 00:29:09,084
An in-coffin video!

332
00:29:10,407 --> 00:29:13,001
Oh, dear, it's the late news.

333
00:29:27,367 --> 00:29:31,599
Got the same channel as I have on?
Very instructional, isn't it?

334
00:29:33,127 --> 00:29:35,766
Glad we haven't got the cameras here!

335
00:29:39,767 --> 00:29:41,359
Unbelievable!

336
00:29:44,367 --> 00:29:47,882
Good morning, is Mr Nakajima there, please?

337
00:29:50,407 --> 00:29:52,716
Hello, is that Mr Nakajima?

338
00:29:52,887 --> 00:29:57,005
Ah, hello. It's Michael Palin from the BBC.

339
00:29:57,167 --> 00:30:02,525
Mr Nakajima sends me to Tokyo docks
To ask for the Neptune Garnet.

340
00:30:02,687 --> 00:30:06,919
Here she is. A big, fat, well-used vessel,

341
00:30:07,087 --> 00:30:11,603
43,000 tonnes, 3,000 containers,
11 storeys high.

342
00:30:11,767 --> 00:30:15,555
But all that matters to me
Is she sails for America tonight.

343
00:30:15,727 --> 00:30:19,356
Tomorrow morning,
I'll look out at the Pacific Ocean.

344
00:30:22,847 --> 00:30:25,281
Well, it's there somewhere.

345
00:30:25,447 --> 00:30:29,235
And that's my view for the next 11 days.

346
00:30:30,127 --> 00:30:34,120
11 days! That's longer
Than most of our family holidays.

347
00:30:34,287 --> 00:30:36,039
What is there to do?

348
00:30:36,207 --> 00:30:39,358
Well, whatever you do on holiday, I suppose.

349
00:30:40,687 --> 00:30:45,044
Read all the books you've been
Meaning to read for the last 15 years...

350
00:30:49,727 --> 00:30:52,560
...enjoy the local food and drink...

351
00:30:55,047 --> 00:30:59,165
...write a few letters
To make them jealous back home...

352
00:31:03,607 --> 00:31:07,885
...and get out and about
And make some new friends.

353
00:31:11,687 --> 00:31:15,043
Where shall I start?
Meeting room sounds promising.

354
00:31:19,967 --> 00:31:22,959
Hmm, perhaps everyone is on deck.

355
00:31:36,407 --> 00:31:38,557
How about the games room?

356
00:31:43,607 --> 00:31:44,926
Nope.

357
00:31:45,767 --> 00:31:48,645
I know. They'll all be watching TV.

358
00:31:53,767 --> 00:31:55,564
Ah, the ship's noticeboard.

359
00:31:55,727 --> 00:31:59,720
That should give me a few clues
To life aboard the Marie Celeste.

360
00:32:05,807 --> 00:32:10,483
Ah, the ship's mess, of course!
That's where they'll all be.

361
00:32:13,527 --> 00:32:16,200
Well, two of them, at least.

362
00:32:19,007 --> 00:32:23,205
And one of them is the captain,
An Indian, Suresh Amirapu.

363
00:32:23,367 --> 00:32:28,043
Especially on this journey, I have been
Rushing through places.

364
00:32:28,207 --> 00:32:33,565
From Hong Kong to Japan,
We did in about ten days.

365
00:32:34,767 --> 00:32:39,079
So, suddenly to come to this,
Everything seems to grind to a halt.

366
00:32:39,247 --> 00:32:41,920
Time stretches ahead of us.

367
00:32:42,087 --> 00:32:48,640
Actually, that is very characteristic
Of passenger ship life.

368
00:32:48,807 --> 00:32:51,765
Extremes. In port, we get very busy.

369
00:32:51,927 --> 00:32:55,715
We're there a short time,
And then we have a long sea stretch.

370
00:32:55,887 --> 00:32:58,924
What you mentioned
Is very typical of sea life.

371
00:32:59,087 --> 00:33:02,875
I am obsessed by times and schedules
Because of the 80 days.

372
00:33:03,047 --> 00:33:05,925
Did we leave Tokyo on schedule?

373
00:33:06,087 --> 00:33:08,681
Just a couple of hours behind schedule.

374
00:33:08,847 --> 00:33:13,602
But we hope to make that up on the way.
We should be in Long Beach on time.

375
00:33:13,767 --> 00:33:18,522
- Will we see any land?
- No, next landfall will be California.

376
00:33:21,847 --> 00:33:25,044
Very good food. Good sate.

377
00:33:27,407 --> 00:33:33,482
So, how long does this boat take to...
You just go round the world?

378
00:33:33,647 --> 00:33:37,242
Yes, we go round the world.
We are on a fixed schedule.

379
00:33:37,407 --> 00:33:41,002
- We take 63 days.
- 63 days!

380
00:33:42,527 --> 00:33:44,677
Rotten swine!

381
00:33:44,847 --> 00:33:47,156
A bit faster than you are.

382
00:33:47,327 --> 00:33:48,965
Much faster.

383
00:33:50,607 --> 00:33:54,919
63 days of staring out
At a view of America's trade deficit

384
00:33:55,087 --> 00:33:57,647
Would cure me of circumnavigating forever!

385
00:33:57,807 --> 00:33:59,763
The weather's getting worse.

386
00:33:59,927 --> 00:34:02,680
Captain, can you tell me, how do you know

387
00:34:02,847 --> 00:34:06,965
Where the storms or bad weather
Is going to be on any one day?

388
00:34:07,287 --> 00:34:12,202
We get weather information
And reports by radio.

389
00:34:12,367 --> 00:34:15,165
We also have weather charts like this.

390
00:34:15,327 --> 00:34:19,764
This is Japan,
And most of the lows are up here.

391
00:34:19,927 --> 00:34:24,557
There are gale warnings there, too,
So we are staying south.

392
00:34:24,727 --> 00:34:27,195
We're avoiding the worst weather.

393
00:34:33,447 --> 00:34:36,644
I am measuring now the wind direction.

394
00:34:36,807 --> 00:34:41,244
I'm using a device called a handkerchief.

395
00:34:41,407 --> 00:34:47,084
This was used by Lord Beaufort,
Who discovered wind early this century.

396
00:34:47,247 --> 00:34:50,319
He named the various winds from one to 18.

397
00:34:50,487 --> 00:34:55,515
You can tell from how far the hanky blows
Just how strong the wind will be.

398
00:34:55,687 --> 00:34:58,724
So I am now going to let the hanky go,

399
00:34:58,887 --> 00:35:03,563
And work out how strong
This gale that will hit us is going to be.

400
00:35:03,727 --> 00:35:09,484
Remember, Lord Beaufort, discoverer of wind,
After dinner, July 30th, 1909.

401
00:35:09,647 --> 00:35:11,478
I'll drop the hanky now.

402
00:35:12,487 --> 00:35:17,242
As you can see, the wind
Is not quite as violent as we'd thought.

403
00:35:17,407 --> 00:35:20,001
It is blowing at about...

404
00:35:20,167 --> 00:35:21,839
Just calculate, one knot!

405
00:35:23,807 --> 00:35:25,923
It is actually nearer 40 knots

406
00:35:26,087 --> 00:35:28,123
And a force eight gale.

407
00:35:28,287 --> 00:35:31,120
The Pacific is not living up to its name.

408
00:35:31,287 --> 00:35:35,439
The only consolation
Is that Phileas Fogg crossed all this

409
00:35:35,607 --> 00:35:38,280
In a paddle steamer at half our speed.

410
00:35:38,447 --> 00:35:41,564
For the first time, I am catching him up.

411
00:35:46,007 --> 00:35:49,044
Even the containers sound depressed today,

412
00:35:49,207 --> 00:35:53,485
Adding their own distinctive note
To the miserable conditions.

413
00:35:53,647 --> 00:35:57,720
Straining at their moorings,
They produce groans

414
00:35:57,887 --> 00:36:00,640
Strangely akin to a Stockhausen symphony.

415
00:36:18,807 --> 00:36:21,685
There's only one place to be
On a day like this.

416
00:36:25,447 --> 00:36:28,837
In the day room,
It is Roger Passepartout's birthday.

417
00:36:29,007 --> 00:36:33,285
A party has been laid on
At which he is one of the reluctant stars.

418
00:36:42,007 --> 00:36:44,646
(THEY CHANT HIS NAME)

419
00:36:49,327 --> 00:36:50,680
Cabin boy!

420
00:36:50,847 --> 00:36:52,803
Strokes of the cat!

421
00:36:52,967 --> 00:36:56,596
"Mimic your favourite animal at the zoo."

422
00:36:56,767 --> 00:36:59,440
You have to guess what it is.

423
00:37:00,407 --> 00:37:02,045
(SNORTS)

424
00:37:02,687 --> 00:37:04,643
(SCREECHES)

425
00:37:04,807 --> 00:37:06,843
A documentary producer!

426
00:37:19,967 --> 00:37:23,004
He's a colossal hit with the Singaporean crew,

427
00:37:23,167 --> 00:37:28,525
But is it family entertainment? The
First officer's wife and son don't seem sure.

428
00:37:30,127 --> 00:37:32,118
(MUSIC STARTS AGAIN)

429
00:37:39,647 --> 00:37:43,435
I never knew Pass the Parcel
Had such international status.

430
00:37:43,607 --> 00:37:48,203
The Neptune Garnet's crew
Are aiming for Olympic standards.

431
00:37:48,367 --> 00:37:49,846
(MUSIC STOPS)

432
00:37:52,967 --> 00:37:55,003
Fix! Fix!

433
00:37:56,087 --> 00:37:58,123
Ah, the... The ship's scissors!

434
00:38:00,927 --> 00:38:03,487
I name this ship... Oh, they are blunt!

435
00:38:07,727 --> 00:38:10,560
What do I have to do now? Read this out?

436
00:38:11,407 --> 00:38:16,401
"Mimic any interesting personality
You have met on your travels."

437
00:38:16,567 --> 00:38:18,922
Ah, right... OK.

438
00:38:19,087 --> 00:38:21,999
The... Er... Yugoslav deckhand.

439
00:38:56,007 --> 00:38:59,522
I just hope this series
Isn't sold in Yugoslavia!

440
00:38:59,687 --> 00:39:02,201
Otherwise, I'm a dead man!

441
00:39:05,887 --> 00:39:09,243
Good morning, all ship personnel.

442
00:39:09,407 --> 00:39:13,286
All clocks will advance by one hour tonight.

443
00:39:13,447 --> 00:39:17,122
All clocks will advance by one hour tonight.
Thank you.

444
00:39:18,647 --> 00:39:24,244
On our 5,000-mile journey across the Pacific,
We have eight time zones to cross.

445
00:39:24,407 --> 00:39:29,720
I begin to experience ship lag, as every
Night the clocks are moved on one hour.

446
00:39:30,287 --> 00:39:32,403
Early nights become late nights.

447
00:39:32,567 --> 00:39:35,923
Getting up for breakfast
Is almost impossible.

448
00:39:42,687 --> 00:39:45,406
("YOU MAY BE RIGHT" BY BILLY JOEL)

449
00:39:45,567 --> 00:39:51,802
Life on a container ship is like being
Squashed in a great big shopping basket.

450
00:39:51,967 --> 00:39:57,439
It's a battle to avoid becoming like one
Of the refrigerated vegetables outside.

451
00:39:59,127 --> 00:40:02,278
Regular exercise kills a little time.

452
00:40:13,087 --> 00:40:17,285
Every other night, the casino is opened
For the hardened gamblers.

453
00:40:17,447 --> 00:40:21,281
Double four... Number 44.

454
00:40:22,007 --> 00:40:24,646
Two little ducklings... 22.

455
00:40:24,807 --> 00:40:27,196
The next number... Number 29.

456
00:40:27,367 --> 00:40:30,325
The first Christmas decorations of 1988

457
00:40:30,487 --> 00:40:33,638
Are a reminder,
Like the ever changing clocks,

458
00:40:33,807 --> 00:40:36,196
That time is moving on...

459
00:40:37,047 --> 00:40:38,878
...ever so slowly.

460
00:40:42,727 --> 00:40:46,402
(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT)
Don't think that I'm not dead butch.

461
00:40:46,567 --> 00:40:50,685
I don't think there's anything pansy
Or poofy or effeminate

462
00:40:50,847 --> 00:40:52,724
In ironing your own shirts!

463
00:40:52,887 --> 00:40:55,924
This shirt got dirty
Through good honest sweat!

464
00:40:56,087 --> 00:41:01,639
It got sweaty because I worked hard doing
A man's job on a man's ship a man's way!

465
00:41:01,807 --> 00:41:06,835
Just because I like to apply an iron and get
A nice crease does not mean I am poofy!

466
00:41:07,007 --> 00:41:09,441
Don't you pan away from me!

467
00:41:09,607 --> 00:41:13,486
I think a good tight crease
Is a sign of a man's private life!

468
00:41:13,647 --> 00:41:17,959
If you can get your crease sharp,
You can get other things sharp, too!

469
00:41:18,647 --> 00:41:21,525
Made a man out of me,
Made a man out of my wife!

470
00:41:23,407 --> 00:41:26,524
Look at this machine -
For clean clothes only!

471
00:41:26,687 --> 00:41:30,236
Stupid machine!
Four or five times it had to go in there!

472
00:41:30,407 --> 00:41:35,481
Other people's clothes were in there
At the same time, they dissolved!

473
00:41:35,647 --> 00:41:37,399
Underpants fell to pieces!

474
00:41:37,567 --> 00:41:40,161
Anyway, that's all from ironing corner.

475
00:41:40,327 --> 00:41:42,795
Back with flower arranging tomorrow.

476
00:41:42,967 --> 00:41:47,358
And you want to see where i'll be arranging
Them! Not your normal way.

477
00:41:47,527 --> 00:41:51,315
I'll arrange them in a man's vase!
That's enough. Cut away.

478
00:41:51,487 --> 00:41:55,321
In between the increasingly frequent
Bouts of madness,

479
00:41:55,487 --> 00:41:57,443
I sit and wish I was elsewhere.

480
00:41:57,607 --> 00:42:00,679
I'd looked forward
To long days on the Pacific.

481
00:42:00,847 --> 00:42:03,077
It sounded a romantic concept -

482
00:42:03,247 --> 00:42:05,602
11 days on the world's largest ocean.

483
00:42:06,647 --> 00:42:09,286
Time to reflect, alone with the elements.

484
00:42:10,647 --> 00:42:14,720
In reality, the weather
Continues grey and hostile,

485
00:42:14,887 --> 00:42:17,606
The wind blows, the ship rolls

486
00:42:17,767 --> 00:42:21,760
And the Neptune Garnet
Can't get there fast enough for me.

487
00:42:26,047 --> 00:42:30,120
It's a sobering thought that our movement
Across this vast ocean

488
00:42:30,287 --> 00:42:33,677
Is dependent
On just one brass propeller below me,

489
00:42:33,847 --> 00:42:38,125
Which has to be kept turning non-stop,
Day and night, for two weeks.

490
00:42:39,167 --> 00:42:42,796
To try and allay my fears,
I visit the engine room.

491
00:42:42,967 --> 00:42:48,200
Room is a misnomer. The engine is housed
In a space the size of a cathedral.

492
00:42:48,367 --> 00:42:52,326
It's awesome,
But it still only turns one propeller

493
00:42:52,487 --> 00:42:54,557
At 21 knots.

494
00:43:02,967 --> 00:43:08,724
In less than a minute, this will show
Our position as 180 degrees longitude,

495
00:43:08,887 --> 00:43:12,436
Halfway round the world,
The International Dateline.

496
00:43:12,607 --> 00:43:15,917
All the hours I have lost
Travelling east to west

497
00:43:16,087 --> 00:43:18,521
Will be given back to me in one extra day,

498
00:43:18,687 --> 00:43:22,885
Which was, of course,
What Fogg forgot until the end of his story.

499
00:43:23,047 --> 00:43:25,515
I shall get two November 21sts.

500
00:43:25,687 --> 00:43:31,125
But even so, it still leaves me 23
To cross the second half of the world,

501
00:43:31,287 --> 00:43:34,324
And it took me 58 days to cross the first.

502
00:43:35,407 --> 00:43:39,446
Watch longitude east become...
Longitude west.

503
00:43:48,527 --> 00:43:51,883
Western hemisphere. Great, isn't it?

504
00:43:54,127 --> 00:43:56,197
It's my sort of hemisphere!

505
00:44:01,607 --> 00:44:04,917
(TANN0Y) Good evening,
Ladies and gentlemen.

506
00:44:05,087 --> 00:44:10,445
May I have your attention
For these two announcements, please?

507
00:44:10,607 --> 00:44:12,962
The first announcement...

508
00:44:14,327 --> 00:44:19,606
...the clocks will be advanced
By one hour tonight at midnight.

509
00:44:20,887 --> 00:44:22,798
Second announcement...

510
00:44:22,967 --> 00:44:29,679
Please note that we will have
One day returned tonight.

511
00:44:30,647 --> 00:44:35,402
That means that we have
Another Monday tomorrow.

512
00:44:36,207 --> 00:44:39,199
We will have another Monday tomorrow.

513
00:44:39,367 --> 00:44:46,125
However, please don't expect that whatever
Happened today will happen again tomorrow.

514
00:44:46,567 --> 00:44:47,886
Thank you.

515
00:44:52,527 --> 00:44:58,318
Anywhere else in the world, I'd have been
Glad to have another November 21st,

516
00:44:58,487 --> 00:45:03,197
But to be given the day again when
You'd not known what to do the first time

517
00:45:03,367 --> 00:45:05,927
Seems quite literally a waste of time.

518
00:45:06,087 --> 00:45:10,478
But you don't cross the dateline
Without something happening.

519
00:45:10,647 --> 00:45:15,323
November 21st Mark Two
Is a day i'll not forget.

520
00:45:15,487 --> 00:45:17,876
(GONG CLANGS)

521
00:45:18,447 --> 00:45:24,158
Ladies and gentlemen...
You are now gathered here...

522
00:45:25,407 --> 00:45:29,036
...to witness our new seafaring members

523
00:45:29,207 --> 00:45:32,961
Undergoing series of initiation ceremonies.

524
00:45:34,047 --> 00:45:39,360
This ceremony is of crossing
The International Dateline.

525
00:45:39,527 --> 00:45:43,315
The wretched victims,
Apart from myself, are all cadets.

526
00:45:43,487 --> 00:45:46,001
A Burmese, a Ghanaian and a Malay.

527
00:45:46,167 --> 00:45:49,125
Bring them in front of me
And make them kneel!

528
00:45:49,287 --> 00:45:53,360
The night before,
The crew had all watched "Full Metal Jacket",

529
00:45:53,527 --> 00:45:55,722
Just to perfect their technique.

530
00:46:00,087 --> 00:46:06,037
Your Highness, I bring you four sailors
Who have crossed the International Dateline

531
00:46:06,207 --> 00:46:08,038
Without your permission.

532
00:46:08,207 --> 00:46:13,156
And they were caught in the act
By our fishy guards!

533
00:46:13,327 --> 00:46:18,765
Proceed with what the initiation ceremony is,
As we have always carried out.

534
00:46:18,927 --> 00:46:21,395
Give them some colour!

535
00:46:23,807 --> 00:46:25,559
Stand up!

536
00:46:25,727 --> 00:46:29,356
Hands over head! Hands over head, I said!

537
00:46:35,047 --> 00:46:38,084
I am told
They normally use paint at this point,

538
00:46:38,247 --> 00:46:42,286
But because I am here,
They have let us off with tomato sauce.

539
00:46:42,447 --> 00:46:45,120
- You, stand up!
- Thought you'd get to me!

540
00:46:45,287 --> 00:46:46,766
Hands over head!

541
00:46:46,927 --> 00:46:48,724
Ah, warm!

542
00:46:50,807 --> 00:46:53,037
On a day like this, hot sauce...

543
00:46:53,207 --> 00:46:55,880
- You like it?!
- No... Hell.

544
00:47:03,967 --> 00:47:06,959
(SHOUTS MORE COMMANDS)

545
00:47:11,167 --> 00:47:14,204
This'll do my career good!

546
00:47:16,407 --> 00:47:20,161
- Very funny, huh?
- Don't think i'll join the navy after all.

547
00:47:21,407 --> 00:47:25,798
Thank you. Your Highness,
We have finished the baptism.

548
00:47:27,767 --> 00:47:29,883
But there's more fun to come -

549
00:47:30,047 --> 00:47:33,881
A convivial cocktail
To show there's no ill feeling.

550
00:47:34,047 --> 00:47:39,121
It contains, amongst other things, coffee,
Mustard, chocolate, curry powder,

551
00:47:39,287 --> 00:47:41,676
Two eggs, Tabasco and soy sauce.

552
00:47:41,847 --> 00:47:43,485
Smashing!

553
00:47:44,767 --> 00:47:47,645
- Smashing, eh?
- Very good, yes.

554
00:47:47,807 --> 00:47:50,082
He's not used to drinking.

555
00:47:50,247 --> 00:47:53,159
Offenders and our new seafarers,

556
00:47:53,327 --> 00:47:58,276
You now will be recognised
Wherever you go across the ocean,

557
00:47:58,447 --> 00:48:03,965
Anywhere round the world,
Especially in the world of Neptune.

558
00:48:04,127 --> 00:48:08,882
Don't think i'll go across the Dateline
Again. Once is enough for me.

559
00:48:09,887 --> 00:48:14,961
Very nice. I'd like to thank the caterers
For laying on such a feast (!)