Safari life starts early.
As the sun rises over the Masai Mara,
the animal spotter must be on the move.
Like a military operation,
Kalului, my driver, and Wendy, my guide, stalk their prey.
There, beneath a tree - twin symbols of the British Empire,
watching the world go by.
(WENDY) These two fairer ones - this one and that one over there - are obviously brothers.
They've probably been kicked out of the pride six months ago
and they've joined up with this older male.
They won't mature until they're about five.
(PALIN) Are they learning from the older male?
(WENDY) Hopefully he's going to teach them how to behave and become real men!
Lie down all day! Is this how they spend their day?
This is how they spend their day. Later on, they might peruse the menu.
They generally kill after dark.
Life isn't quite as relaxed for the vegetarians.
They have to eat little and often.
(WENDY) He's a fairly young male.
The old males have a very much higher, knobblier bump...
So he's quite a young male.
(PALIN) He's going to go on tiptoe.
(WENDY) You can understand how they keep these trees cropped.
These two...
Almost practising "necking".
That's the way they fight for dominance. They call it necking.
They stand hip to hip and swing their necks into each other.
(PALIN) What predators go for giraffe?
(WENDY) Lion. Leopard don't touch giraffe.
You're doing it the wrong way, kids. You're not supposed to hit them up the backside.
Watching other lives tends to make you forget your own.
But where does a human being find a bite to eat? A&Ksafaris has the answer.
Why is it different colours?
The "0ut 0f Africa" breakfast.
Coffee, please.
Coffee and croissants on the 0lololo Escarpment -
where Robert Redford was once buried.
- Coffee, please. - Green is the burnt grass?
- Yes. - How so?
We've had a bit of rain.
What they do before the rain comes is they burn extensively to get rid of the rank stuff,
and then, of course, as soon as the rain comes, all this green grass pops up.
Why is the Masai Mara unique?
What's unique about the Mara, I suppose, is it's just an extension of the Serengeti.
There's a border between, which is why it's named differently.
Masai Mara means "spotted"
and the Serenget - the correct name for the Serengeti - means "wide, empty place".
- Is anywhere fenced? - No. It's completely open.
The animals don't know about borders and they pop in and out - like the migration.
While we have our egg and bacon, the zebra and antelope have their grass.
And the cheetah have their zebra and antelope.
Lower down the food chain, storks and vultures have their own "0ut 0f Africa" breakfast.
The heavens open and the Masai Mara turns to impassable mud.
We've nothing to do but sit and wait and listen to the sound of smug hippos.
(GRUNTING)
Next morning, we see Kenya from a different angle
in two of the largest hot-air balloons in the world.
Each one stands 90 feet high and carries a dozen people.
- Have you been ballooning before? - This is the height I like!
Most of my basket are American.
- And you went ballooning? - Palm Springs.
- Aspen. Aspen, Colorado. - Aspen?
The pilot is incorrigibly British.
Will we clear the other balloon or not?
Baboon in the tree ahead of us.
It's a grey, gloomy dawn.
As we rise above the Mara River, the first doubts creep in.
- Do we see a lot of game, usually? - Yes. There's waterbuck ahead of us.
The rare appearance of any animal has an electrifying effect on the basket.
- What do you think of it so far? - Wonderful.
- Having fun? - Yes. It's incredible.
I'm gaining a little bit of height and then we can go a little while without putting the burner on.
My spirits, like my hat, are sagging a bit this morning.
It's like a November day in Manchester. I need some of the pilot's enthusiasm.
- How long have you been here, John? - Since 1983.
I came for three months and I've been here eight years. 2,000 champagne breakfasts!
How did you start ballooning? Were you a pilot?
No. I started as a hobby and then I joined a balloon syndicate.
How many hours do you have to have flown before you can pilot this?
We need a minimum of 300 hours as P-One - Pilot In Charge -
before we can actually take anybody.
We've got very big balloons.
It's one of the world's top operations, so we can be choosy.
Why do you have such big balloons?
Conditions are good enough and the experience is good enough.
As the balloons go down, the sun breaks through and the plains come to life.
(PALIN) Do you see cubs smaller than that? (WENDY) Not very often.
In fact, these are the first cubs I've seen this year and it's already October.
That little one has followed Mum. The other three are down there.
- Is that one weaker or stronger? - He's a dominant one.
Could be a male.
When he gets to six or eight months, he's going to show off for the tourists.
They're going down now.
You're going the wrong way, kids.
They're so cute. One of them's very runty.
That small one obviously tried to get up the wrong way.
She may be going to hide them.
Maybe not.
(PALIN) She feels pretty secure.
She's leaving them to their own devices.
Is she just going to leave that one behind?
(WENDY) I hope not.
(PALIN) No, she's going back. They're all going off very purposefully.
(WENDY) She's gone to look for it.
(PALIN) That's a relief. I thought the weak one she'd leave behind.
(WENDY) Very often that's what happens.
(PALIN) She's picked it up.
(WENDY) Isn't that great? I love the way he keeps his feet up.
(PALIN) I suppose he's just enjoying the ride.
She's dropped him. Very summary. Plop.
Extraordinary. Learning trunk technique here.
Look at this. So cute.
Still very close to Mum. Is that because we're here?
- They normally travel like that. - That's a good pair of tusks.
Babies suffer from sunstroke. They always have to be under Mummy's tummy.
- A mud bath? - Wonderful to watch them bathing.
In the dry weather, if they bath, then they seem to dust themselves down with earth.
This is probably to protect their hide and maybe to get rid of parasites.
See? It's washing behind its ear? And now he's rubbing his eye.
- There doesn't seem to be any water. - Just a little puddle.
That's lovely.
It's so funny to see them do that. Look.
Oh, bliss.
The animals are constantly on the move.
These wildebeest head south on their annual migration.
The skill of the driver is to know where they are and why.
Kabagere and Kalului are two of the best.
How old do you have to be to drive?
Now you have to be 24 years to drive a vehicle. Yes.
- That includes private cars? - Yes. Everyone must be 24 years.
- How old are you? - I'm 33 years now.
- Can I ask how old you are? - Me?
- You don't have to answer. - Can you guess?
- Early 40s? - More than 40, my friend.
More than 40. 50?
Guess. Nearly.
- Nearly 50? - Yes.
- All right. - More than 50.
- 52? - Near.
Am I within five years?
I don't know how old because my father has not been at school
and he's not writing when I born.
So I am thinking I am 53 or 54 - between there.
- How old are you? - I'm 48.
- 48? You are very young. - But I don't know as much as you know.
Kalului, this morning when we were going through the wildebeest and zebra,
for the first time I heard the sound of zebras.
What is that sound zebra make?
(KALULUl) The zebras make noise...
(YIPPING)
- That is a zebra. - When they're frightened?
It's because they are scared or sometimes they are warning.
I bet you can't do a hippo.
(GRUNTING YELPS)
(PALIN) There's a lot of...
- They did that all night at the camp. - Always at night.
Kept going to the toilet thinking it was me.
You know the tail in the water?
(SWISHING SOUND)
- Did you hear that? - Yeah.
OK. Last one. Thomson's gazelle.
(IMITATES SPITTING)
You don't want to do it? What's happened to you? Is that really what they do?
Maybe not much sound, but they make noise about warning or they're calling their baby.
What is it again?
Not a very nice way to carry on, is it? No wonder they get eaten.
Like the wildebeest, we must keep moving.
Lake Victoria blocks our way west
and to regain 30 degrees, we must make for Dodoma in Tanzania.
We hope to get a train to the shores of Lake Tanganyika.
It's another thousand miles of detour.
The sight of the border offers encouragement
and also a reminder that travel in Africa can't be rushed.
0n the border we find a group of migrants a long way from their territory.
- Where are you from? - Australia, New Zealand.
Where are you going? Nowhere at the moment!
- Safari, then going home. - Hopefully down to Harare in five weeks.
- In this? - Yeah. We hope!
We've been push-starting it for four days.
- You have food with you? - Yep.
Stale bread.
It's going to get a lot staler. Where did you start from?
Nairobi.
- Is this the holiday of a lifetime? - An adventure!
The driver looks absolutely shattered. How are you?
This is a pretty ancient vehicle.
It's a 1959 M-A-N. German. Built for the Russian Front!
- I don't know how they got as far as they did. - Are you the sort of guide?
- Yeah. Me and Dave here. - Where's Dave?
Dave? I've been away from home a long time! I've forgotten sexual differences!
Hi, Dave. If we can be of help, we will.
- I think we've got it going now. - As long as I don't have to push.
- That's exactly what you have to do. - Really? OK. Just this once.
As the German army pushes forward, so do we - into country number eleven.
I'm immediately endeared to Tanzania.
It's the only country I've been to with its name on the gate.
There's a lot of bureaucracy. It takes four hours to complete our paperwork.
Wendy has stayed in Kenya,
but Kalului has agreed to take us on to the railhead at Dodoma.
0ur route takes us across one of the richest areas of wildlife -
the Serengeti National Park.
It's lunchtime in the Serengeti and wildebeest is dish of the day.
The lions have first choice.
Vultures wait to help with the washing-up.
At least these lions are free to hunt.
Before the National Park was created, anyone with a licence could have shot them.
This is epic country. The Rift Valley is studded with extinct volcanoes.
Here, the earliest evidence of human life has been found.
(COWBELLS CLANG)
Masai cowbells have been described as "the sound of Africa".
Cattle pass along the northern slopes of one of the sights of Africa -
a volcanic crater, 12 and a half miles wide.
That is incredible.
It's a childhood dream. Ever since I could speak my first words of Swahili,
I had to go to the Ngorongoro Crater.
And here I am. Now I'm here, I don't really know what to do with it.
I mean, it is...
It taxes the superlatives. Stupendous, amazing, fantastic.
You can't take it home, so have a look at it,
make up your own word for the Ngorongoro Crater experience.
Not for the first time, I want to stop - to stay here surrounded by these splendours.
Seems ridiculous to say I've a train to catch.
After driving all day on roads of dust and stones, we reach the capital.
Few more exhausted travellers can ever have checked in at the Railway Hotel, Dodoma.
There's nothing wrong with the Railway Hotel.
My mosquito net had holes in it - each big enough for a pterodactyl to get through -
but there was plenty of art and even live music.
(RATHER OUT OF TUNE PIANO)
It's certainly very handy for the shops.
Dodoma city centre is full of things to see.
A road sign reminds us that in Swahili "Polepole" means "Go slowly".
As if we didn't know.
The buildings of Dodoma say a lot about the country.
This is the Tanzanian parliament - modest and accessible.
But dwarfing everything are the Christian cathedrals.
Religion seems to be a growth industry -
one form of foreign investment the government has no qualms about.
0ur train should have left Dar Es Salaam 24 hours ago.
No one seems to know where it is. For us, it's an absolutely vital connection.
From here we make a sharp change of course back to 30 degrees
to Lake Tanganyika and the heart of Africa.
As soon as the train comes to a halt, activity erupts around it.
The station becomes a market.
(LOUD VOICES)
It's hot, noisy and confusing - not the best time to leave friends behind.
Cheers, Kabagere. Thank you very much for driving us and putting up with us.
- It's a long way you came with us. - We wish you a very good journey.
- Find a nice girl! - Oh, yes!
- Kalului, thanks ever so much. - Sorry for bumping you.
You must tell the road menders. I've got something for you.
You said you wanted a map. Have that. I'll ask. Someone will know the way.
Bye. Thanks very much.
0ne driver has just been to hospital with malaria.
Are you OK? Take care. Thanks very much.
- We'll miss you. - Have a good time.
Safe journey back. Mind the bumps.
Bye.
There's a whole lot of unit luggage in here! That's why I can't get on.
Luggage, four chickens and three ladies from the Christian Mission.
Dodoma slips away.
The bush closes in - dry and empty, apart from the odd cathedral.
The restaurant car's packed.
These travellers are the elite of Tanzania - civil servants, doctors, footballers.
- What team do you play for? - Now? CDA.
CDA. Do you have divisions like a sort of?
- Second division. - Second division.
That's a mean-looking fish. What is this fish?
- I don't know. - Just eat it and see.
He tells me that CDA stands for "Capital Development Authority".
Not an easy one to chant on the terraces.
The fish is quite edible - if you've a degree in microsurgery.
I thought it was the tea for a minute. Do you serve tea? Chai?
No chai?
- Harold? - Harold?
Harold!
Do me some tea?
He's going to get some? Very good. Thank you.
One tea, no sugar. That's lovely. Thank you very much.
Lovely.
That's better.
I find myself pleasantly surprised by a choice of toilet facilities.
"Lavatory. High Type." This is my type, for Europeans.
There's nothing there. It's not there. There's not a single thing.
It's vanished, gone. Have a look.
Not a sausage!
Well, it's the Low Type for me. I always prefer the Low Type.
Go away.
18 hours into the journey and I'm still looking for the High Type.
The train, like most African trains, is a continuation of life at home.
0n our journey, a baby girl is born in the restaurant - the best thing they produce.
The train is the only way of crossing the country.
There are no roads, only hundreds of miles of swamp.
At every station, however remote, our arrival is a major event
and a major boost for local business.
Boys click money at me. Men click mousetraps.
I need one for my room!
You could probably find a pair of Cup Final tickets.
We're close to the centre of Africa. It's not at all how I imagined it.
Where are the jungles and the drums and the shadows amongst the trees?
Lake Tanganyika could well be a Scottish loch, give or take the odd banana tree.
Perhaps Darkest Africa was just a state of mind.
Journey's end - 27 hours after leaving Dodoma.
I never did find the High Type, or a water supply, or a fan that worked.
In fact, I feel like a used paper bag. But it's where I am that's important.
This is a major milestone. This is Kigoma.
We've completed a huge month-long arc from Khartoum to get us back to 30 degrees.
We're on 30 degrees - a bit late, but not late enough to miss the boat, which leaves soon.
That will take me on the next stage, south at last,
down Lake Tanganyika to Mpulungu.
Kigoma is a surprise.
It has some fine buildings built by German colonialists,
who saw it as a health spa.
The Railway Hotel - where Lake Tanganyika stretches across to Zaire -
looks healthy enough.
(MOSQUITO BUZZES)
Sadly, it isn't.
This corner of paradise is serious mosquito country.
(PALIN LAUGHS)
Welcome to my wedding day! There we are.
Let's try this.
That's more like it.
(MOSQUITOES BUZZ)
I enjoy getting bitten while I'm doing this!
That's good.
That's not bad. Not bad.
Hey! I did it.
It's wonderful.
I've gone. I've cracked!
Next morning I learn a few sober realities from our taxi driver.
He's also the local doctor.
The chances of you getting serious malaria when you come to this area are higher
as you don't have any immunity to malaria because you have not been exposed to it.
Exposure will prevent me, who is indigenous to this place, from getting malaria,
but you will be at great risk of getting it.
If we both get malaria, you will suffer...
you stand a chance of suffering a more severe malaria than I would suffer
for the same number of parasites in the blood.
Cut off from the rest of the country, except by boat and train,
Kigoma has developed the easy-going, cosmopolitan atmosphere of a port.
Its cultural connections are as close to Zaire and Burundi as they are to Tanzania,
and perhaps closest of all to America.
The trade around Lake Tanganyika has not always been honourable.
Down the coast is Ujiji - once the slave capital of Central Africa.
It was slavery that brought Livingstone here 120 years ago.
- How far is it to Ujiji? - Ujiji? Near the...
- How many hours? - One hours.
What is at Ujiji? Is it a town?
Ujiji is a town. They want in...
Village of Livingstone.
It was on this spot, under a mango tree, 120 years ago,
that Livingstone and Stanley had their meeting.
They were the only two white men for a thousand miles.
They came up to each other, doffed their hats and this conversation took place.
Stanley - "Dr Livingstone, I presume."
Livingstone - "Yes."
Stanley - "Doctor, I thank God I have been permitted to shake hands with you."
Livingstone - "I feel thankful that I am here to welcome you."
It's amazing that such a boring conversation could be remembered for 120 years.
Stanley was embarrassed that all his fine words failed him at the vital moment.
Happens to all of us.
(MUTTERS) "Doctor, I thank God I've been permitted to shake hands with you."
"Yes." "Presume I Livingstone Doctor." Nothing wrong with that.
For those who want more, there is a small museum.
Here the great moment has been captured in papier mché by a local school master.
That's about all there is in the museum at Ujiji.
The town has not much changed from Livingstone's day -
except the slave masters have gone.
Now it's a town of small businesses. "Kakazinga Shoe Polishers",
"Vatican Hardware Supplies" and, my favourite, "Super Volcano Tailoring".
Lake Tanganyika stretches 400 miles down the Rift Valley.
We shall travel to its southernmost point - Mpulungu in Zambia. It'll be a slow journey.
The motor vessel Liemba stops everywhere.
It's the only link between the towns and villages on the shoreline.
We pass a barge packed with refugees from the violence in Zaire.
They wait patiently in the heat, hoping the Tanzanian authorities will accept them.
The Liemba was built here by the Germans in 1914.
After the First World War they scuttled her.
She was raised by the British and put back into service.
She's said to be the oldest working ferry in the world.
I'm one of the lucky ones. I have a first-class cabin.
The Liemba makes about nine knots,
but ships half her age would have gone to the knacker's yard long ago.
Her captain is called Beatus T. Mghamba.
What are the problems of being captain of such an old ship?
The problem is how to manoeuvre the ship.
The ship is big but the engines are very small,
so the horsepower is very small, so manoeuvring is a little bit difficult.
What about your navigation on Lake Tanganyika? Is that easy?
Yes, through experience it is OK, there is no problem,
but the lake is not yet surveyed,
so it needs experience, familiarisation.
- Do you not have a chart? - We don't have a chart.
Is that why you cannot go in close to ports?
Yes. That is the only reason.
Getting close to the land, maybe you can get some problems
because the lake is not surveyed.
The Liemba makes 15 stops.
But it doesn't go to the villages - the villages come to the Liemba.
I give up trying to make my cabin work and go to wash in the first-class bathroom.
Here I can enjoy the unashamed luxury of running water...
unstoppable running water.
The facilities may be lacking, but the entertainment cannot be faulted.
Today we're attacked by a wedding party.
(NOISY SHOUTING AND DRUMMING)
Getting on and off is a scene of frenzy
which makes London commuters look like Zen Buddhists.
The guests wave goodbye
and offer traditional thanks to the wedding photographer.
Catching the venerable vessel, the Liemba,
may be our most important connection so far.
It was the only way out of Kigoma
and if we'd missed it, we'd have been there for another week.
Also it marks the end of the most difficult countries to travel through in Africa,
and we're now on course for Zambia, Zimbabwe and South Africa,
to arrive at our next important deadline of December 3rd -
the sailing of the Agulhas for the Antarctic from Cape Town.
The only slightly ominous thing is that we have places on the Agulhas -
which is a scientific supply ship - but we haven't heard if they're confirmed.
Maybe it's because we've been in the back of beyond and communications are difficult.
Hopefully we'll hear in Zambia that we've got those places and we're set for the South Pole.
As we approach Zambia, I have the distinct feeling that we have been through the worst.
I think that must be about the fourth time I've felt that.