This is how we always come to work. We're here again.
Oh, dearie me, remember this place? I do, yes.
I wish they'd have got me a buggy, it seems so unfair on you.
I mean, normally Ricky carries me as well.
So here we are. It's the studio where everything happens.
You can get off now, all the arsing about.
This is a studio, the pie factory where all the magic happens.
The magic. Shall we go in, darling? Oh, go on, Craig.
That was...
HE LAUGHS
I would come to work, arrive at eight in the morning,
laugh pretty much nonstop until seven in the evening,
and go home exhausted from laughing.
RICKY: How can I work with this?
It wouldn't bother me if I never worked again. It wouldn't bother me.
I couldn't go out on anything higher.
There's been a... Aargh...the game!
BLEEP
You're having that, Dave?
Ah, the cage might be open but the beast is asleep.
Beast, my arse.
It's just been one of the happiest jobs that I've ever had.
I'm going to give you one now, Norm.
I wish you would!
You silly bugger.
THEY LAUGH
We're not used to doing interviews, sorry.
We're not good at ourselves, are we?
In their only ever major television interview,
the publicity-shy stars and writers of the Royle Family
broke their silence to reveal the story behind this great British sitcom.
I'd be surprised...as surprised as I was that anybody would want to watch
the drivel that we come out with on the Royle Family... Yes.
..that they'd want to watch the drivel
that comes out of us in real life. That comes out of us.
I know everyone will be sat going "Oh, that's just Dave and Denise isn't it?"
Who are they being this week?
They probably think we're more simple in real life.
Yeah! "They've never wrote that!"
But... But it makes you understand why we haven't done an interview before.
It's over 20 years since the sofa-loving layabouts
entered our living rooms.
With three series and five specials,
their unique style of kitchen sink comedy has earned
the Royle Family an army of fans and a multitude of awards.
Is my tea in the oven, Mam? No.
I'm not doing anybody's tea tonight.
Oooh! What?
We're having chippy!
Get a pen and paper, Antony, you'll have to write this down.
Ooh, I'll have me oodle, oodle, oodle,
I'll have fish, chips and mushy peas.
Most families have got someone who's funny in it.
In ours, in the Royle Family, it's the dad.
But what we wanted to do was not do typical gags like duh-duh-duh-gag, you know, like that.
So the comedy comes more out of the personality and...
Character. And the character.
I just had it in my head that it was
a half-hour slice of that family,
um...
..and so you actually stayed with them for the real half-hour.
I knew me and Caroline would laugh at it
because we've always laughed at the same things, we always found...
..every day we'll talk on the phone about what her mum has said or my dad has said,
or somebody we've seen in the shop has said,
and it's always just little bits of conversation and stuff that we find funny.
So I knew that I'd find it funny but, you know, it's a brave gamble
to think that the whole nation would enjoy it as much as we would.
Dave? Hmm?
Why don't you take your coat off?
I'm all right.
You may as well take it off, Dave.
It's all right, I'm OK.
You should just take it off.
I'm fine with it on.
Take your jacket off, Dave.
No, I'm OK, Barbara.
You won't feel the benefit, you know, when you go out.
That doesn't matter.
Why don't you just take it off?
Take your bloody jacket off, will you, Dave?
Bloody hell. Bloody hell's right.
'I thought it was absolutely fantastic.
'I thought it was a real departure and a brilliant idea.'
I'm sure you'll get people saying things like
it was rather like a little half-hour Play For Today set in a room.
It was absolutely marvellous, a glimpse of their lives, these people.
It manages to be on the one hand
something that's terribly naturalistic about life
on a council housing estate,
and yet at the same time it's mythic, it's epic, it's surreal,
it's all those things that that kind of life is, below the surface.
Because it seems natural, you can form the impression it's improvised,
so it's people sitting on a couch improvising their stuff.
No, it's not people sitting on a couch, every camera move was well thought through
and every single line has been well thought through. It is art. It is brilliant art.
Who do you think is the oldest, her or Gloria Hunniford, Jim?
Jim! What? Who would you think's the eldest, her or Gloria Hunniford?
I couldn't give a shiny shite. Bloody hell, Barb.
You can't just watch one, you know, so you'd come back and then you'd watch an episode
and think oh, what's the time, I can just watch another one,
because you just want to absorb it in.
The first time I saw it, I remember just seeing so many parallels
with my own family sitting watching television,
it's something that we all do. It just had an immediate resonance.
See that's what's wrong with British television.
Too many women with their own bloody programmes, aren't there?
You got bloody Lorraine, bloody Trisha,
bloody Vanessa, bloody Esther, bloody Oprah,
bloody Ricki bloody Lake,
and they're all talking bollocks.
You've only got to sit in the house to hear women talk bloody bollocks.
You don't want that on the box, do you?
'It's about observation. It's about ordinary people and what they do in the house.'
At some time or another, we all sit in the house
and watch the telly and say, look at... I do particularly. "Look at him,
"as if anyone'd carry on like that. Look at the state of him!"
And you know particularly when they have these fashion shows and designers come on the shows
like This Morning and they got these women in the dresses,
and they say this was £100 and I say, look at the state of her for 100 quid!
If I couldn't get someone dressed better for a fiver, I'll show my arse on the town hall steps!
Stuff like that. So yes, we all have a little go at the telly, we all have a little moan and whatever.
This is the one day of the year we all watch the bloody television
and look at the shite they put on.
Well, that's going for a Burton.
Ooh, get off, Jim,
I liked him, Noel Crinkley-Bottom.
You do whatever you like, you don't care about your family.
Oh, Crinkley-Bottom my arse.
Craig and Caroline have got a similar background, you know,
both kind of working class, both obviously come from the North.
They're both in tune with the
oddities of people, and the things that people say
that pass most people by or pass a lot of people by,
but that when you hear them, you think oh, that's funny.
We'd often talk about what was happening with each other's families
and draw in from those, and bring those into the story.
I'm sure that Craig and Caroline's family, as well as mine,
tried to find the bits that are them.
Is there any chance of a brew here?
Well, our Antony isn't here, he's gone out with Emma.
Well, what time will he be back? I'm bloody gagging here. I don't know, he won't be late.
'We wanted to make it sound as real or, you know,'
like they were real people, but that is what happens.
People do... Apart from us two, we've not paused once during this.
I can't work out why we're sat so close on this sofa,
I've never seen owt so stupid in my life.
She's nearly in my bloody pocket.
Er...yeah, we wanted to keep...
We wanted to keep all the... all the natural moments
that you normally have in a family sat around.
Hey, did you see Dale Winton's home in OK magazine?
Oh, it was tidy, it was just like a show home.
Dale Winton, my arse.
He wouldn't say no, Jim.
I've given up trying to keep a show home with this lot.
That's not his real home, he's had all sorts of people in to do that.
I like Dale Winton, me.
OTHERS: Oooh!
When we were writing early on, if we write a good line, we had the day off then.
Yeah, we tend to have a bit of a break for a day.
And most days we find we have to watch Loose Women, don't we?
Well, we start off the day, Jeremy Kyle's on.
We either write that kind of...
So we've got an office near me but more often than not, Caroline will say,
she'll do like two days in the office and then you'll get a call going,
"Erm...is there any chance we can work at ours today?
"Only I've got such and such a body coming round."
There never is and we know there never is, so we've got to go round to hers where Jeremy Kyle's on.
So we got to watch a bit of that, and then we sit down
and we'll chat about X Factor or last night's TV for a good hour or so.
Or slag other sitcoms off.
Until Loose Women come on...
No, no, when we get the chips and gravy.
Ah yes, we go to Sauselito's or Spoilt Four Choice, what a great name, for our sarnies.
That's a typical working day.
And then we tend to do like half an hour and finish at three. Yes.
Something like that.
WITH MOUTH FULL: No, I'm thinking of you,
I'm not taking Bella Emberg down the bloody aisle.
Slumping onto our screens in 1998, the Royle Family broke every rule in the sitcom book,
no witty one-liners, no canned laughter, no protracted plots.
Here you are. Aww...
HE CHUCKLES
Hey, I'm not marrying you now. Oh, I'm not bothered.
Meeting in the early '90s on a Stockport radio show,
these best friends formed a writing partnership
that would bring critical acclaim, countless awards,
and a series that would change British sitcoms forever.
When I first met Craig, on the very first day I met him, I went home and I wrote in my diary,
"I have just met the funniest man in the world," because on the way home I'd run into...
No, honestly, it was about Craig.
Ah. I wrote "I've met the funniest man in the world."
Ah.
Do you remember when you used to be funny? Yeah, it was a long, long time ago.
Hey, Dad, what was that other quiz show that you used to really like with...
Oh, what's his name... Thingy...
Roy Walker. Oh, Catchphrase.
Ah-ha-ha!
AS ROY WALKER: Say what you see. If you see it, say it."
It's a good answer, but it's not right.
Say what you see. If you see it, say it.
HE CHUCKLES
Say what you see. If you see it, say it.
CHUCKLES
Say what you see. If you see it, say it.
Dave, stop it.
I'm only saying what I see.
But you're not seeing it, so stop saying it.
'What was great when I met Craig,'
Um...was he was a painter and decorator...
..and anyway we were... I was on the radio!
We were working on the radio and then we got sacked off the radio, so I said to Craig,
"Well, I'll do an act if you take me around in the car, we'll halve the money."
Craig wasn't sure at all and he went, "I'll leave me brush in turps."
I've got this car right, it's a Metro and one time it had this
like rattling under the bonnet area at the front.
So I thought oh, and I took it to this car mechanic's and I said, "Oh, hi, here's my car."
He was really nice looking but you shouldn't go out with a car mechanic because, and this is true right,
even when they wash their hands with Swarfega there's still stuff under their nails,
and if you're a woman going out with him, you get a womb infection, but anyway...
and a nurse told me that!
I remember when she did stand up and everyone went,
Caroline's new character is brilliant, I love it, that new one she's doing.
I went, that ain't no character, that, that's Caroline.
That's her, that's what you got, you know.
This friend of mine, when she's with the girls and everything
and she's sober, she's lovely.
But when she's had a few drinks she's a nightmare, and she says this to lads.
Say you're some lads and you're coming past. She goes,
"Oh, hey, look I'm having a party in my pants, do you want to come?"
I remember in the Fast Show when we did Roy and Renee,
one line used to... And it still slaughters me every time I see it.
We're on a flight and she's talking - she's Renee, and she's talking about the cabin crew.
When we got on the plane, I said to Roy, "Oh, don't the air hostesses look lovely in those posh uniforms?"
and you know what Roy said, he said, "They're all caked in make-up."
What did you say, Roy?
They're all caked in make-up.
He's really observant, Roy, you know, he sees everything visually.
But my friend Gloria,
she said that pilots marry air hostesses
and I said, "Some of them do, Gloria, but some of them are gay."
"What did I say, Roy?" And I go, "Well, they're all poofs and lezzies, aren't they?"
And she went, "I didn't say that, Roy," and she says, "Oooh, I hope you crash."
Right, and it's just that sums up Caroline's sense of humour, "Ooh, I hope you crash, Roy."
Not her, not the cabin crew, not the pilot, no-one else on the plane just me, right.
That's the humour that I love about Caroline.
Perrier water, just like water that, you know, but fizzy.
It's expensive though, isn't it, it costs nowt out of the tap.
Brown bread, very posh! Keeps you regular though, doesn't it?
Beef... Ah, do you remember the beef crisis? Ooh...
Anti-dandruff shampoo, is that for you?
Ah, it doesn't matter, nowt wrong with a scabby scalp.
KY jelly, bit of vaginal dryness?
£8.18, please.
We would always wait for weeks and weeks
for Caroline and Craig to send in their sketches on the Fast Show.
They would always be the last to come in and they'd always say,
"Oh, yeah, we've got loads of stuff, great new stuff,"
and it would turn out to be about four pages and you'd think, "God, is this all you've done?"
And you'd look at this checkout counter girl on the page
and you'd think, not much to it, only about six lines, but in those six lines,
they were able to sum up the whole character of the girl and the people she was dealing with.
So they're very good at getting a lot into a very, very small space.
My initial memories of working with Caroline was the kind of
level of realism she brought to her characters.
Our characters were sort of...
I mean apart from Ted and Ralph, which again wasn't initially created by us,
her characters were quite real and didn't rely necessarily on gags or catchphrases.
Who's got a question for Lorraine Kelly?
Who'd like to ask... Roy,
what would you like to ask Lorraine?
When I look at you in the morning,
I'm in a kind of a dream world, you know?
I look at my television and say I feel like crawling into my telly,
getting hold of her and giving her one.
Well, thank you for sharing that with me.
Oh, Roy, that's not a nice thing to say.
She was fantastic as Mrs Merton, and what it showed glimpses of
was the kind of warmth that both Caroline and Craig bring to all their stuff.
We were trying to do something slightly edgy and dynamic,
and of course Caroline's, "Sod that, you know, let's get the old people in."
Do you see Roy there, with the glasses? Have you ever had a fight with him?
Just answer me, yes or no.
Of course not. No.
You liar, Roy.
The brilliance of it was Caroline's ability to ad lib under that huge pressure because the guests
would never know what they were being asked,
they were never prepared on the show.
We would say, "I'm sorry we can't tell you any of the questions,"
and of course we'd write the questions
but we had no idea how they'd respond and Caroline had to respond to their response.
What about the guy who beat you last time?
Statistically, he was obviously a better fighter than me. Do you think so? Statistically.
Were you are surprised as we all were when he came from behind and he licked you in the ring?
Were you surprised?
The thing about... Were you?
Yeah, it didn't go down well.
He didn't get it. I wonder why.
He didn't. He did get it. Oh, do you think?
Of course he got it, but he didn't...
He didn't appreciate it.
No, he didn't. You wouldn't do, would you?
But that is where she's best, Caroline,
in that kind of situation and I knew she was secretly loving it.
Oh, come on, Chris, Chris Eubank. Come on,
it's a chat show.
So what did you feel about that?
I don't want to bring back unhappy memories.
You're going to punch me, aren't you?
They were extraordinary times. Caroline was getting increasingly, um...
I suppose, just fed up with doing Mrs Merton,
even though the show was getting bigger and bigger.
She was absolutely fantastic at it but the pressures were too much and she wanted out.
One of the great steps forward
in the sense of being able to do the Royle Family
was her ability to write and perform without that pressure.
We've had a great time tonight, haven't we, Chris?
Lovely.
First time I remember Caroline talking about it was when we were doing
the Mrs Merton Show at the time and saying can we do this working-class sitcom,
which would be people like your dad and my mum in it.
Yeah. And not much happening and everything.
And to be honest, I was worried because we were doing the Mrs Merton Show
and it was the first time we'd ever got off the minimum wage, wasn't it?
And it was like, great, and I thought, bloody hell, why does she want to do this now?
I was just getting a kitchen done and whatever, so I was going home saying
"Now, look, love, forget the Formica worktop, we're having granite,"
and then go in work and she's saying,
"Well, I think we want to stop the Mrs Merton and do this new thing."
I'd be going back home and going, "What's wrong with Formica, come on?"
But also Caroline threatened not to do another Mrs Merton Show because we'd done the third series, I think,
and she said, if you want a fourth series...
If you don't do this, I'm not going to do another Mrs Merton Show.
So that kind of convinced them,
strong-arm tactics, but fortunately, it worked.
I remember thinking, how have they filmed this? Why aren't there three cameras switching around?
It seemed so naturalistic. I couldn't work out how they'd edited things
and achieved that degree of realism.
It did show that you can do comedy without playing it in front of an audience.
You don't have to have a screaming laughter track, or people sliding down a hill in a bathtub,
you can just let it be about people.
929-1246, whose number's that?
It's Mary.
You've been ringing bloody Mary next door?
If you shouted she could hear you.
She can hear YOU! Give it a rest, the pair of you.
Rest my arse, it's £2.50 phoning next door.
I mean, she's in and out of here all day like a bloody yo-yo.
I'll put you a serving hatch in.
You're tight as a crab's arse, you, Dad.
Crab's arse, my arse, it's £2.50.
It's a good job she's cured her stutter.
I'm a little bit tighter than Jim and a little bit scruffier in real life than Jim.
The main ingredients is the lines, obviously.
Maybe in my defence,
I put a lot of sort of business in...
..do all that. It's a nice little fill-in for me, you know,
but then Jim does lose his temper and he can't just tell him off.
Say he's telling Antony off, he wouldn't say, "Antony, why don't you get your hair cut, son?"
I'd say, "Hey, why don't...why don't you get your hair cut, you scruffy get, hey?"
I'd seen Ricky
in Raining Stones and it's a scene where he has no money
and then his daughter gives him £5 and he says, "Cheers, cock, that's great, thanks."
And when she's gone out the room, he just puts his head in his hands and cries.
I remember just thinking, God, he can make you laugh and cry and so few actors can do that.
So I saw him at a BAFTA's do and I said,
"Will you play my dad in a thing that we've not yet wrote?"
And he said yes. I think it was great and quite brave of her actually
to pair me up again with Sue Johnston,
because I'd already worked five years with Sue in Brookside.
Sue Johnston and Ricky were just perfect foils for each other.
Conventional wisdom would say no,
they've been parents in one show, you can't have them in another.
To hell with conventional wisdom,
the two of them are utterly convincing as man and wife.
TV: He's seen another team of meerkats in the distance, just a glimpse of another gang...
My dad will have been dead 20 years come tomorrow.
He was only the same age as me when he died, you know?
Oh, shut up, Jim, don't be so maudlin.
Mind you, he was a right little shithouse to me mam.
You shouldn't speak ill of the dead.
Mind you, I don't think your mam's got too long to go, has she? Jim!
Well, she's had a bloody good innings. God, you're a miserable sod sometimes.
What kind of a thing is that to say to anybody? I don't know, I think I've cheered myself up a bit.
Is there any Penguins left? No!
When you've worked that closely with somebody for so long,
you know, there's a rhythm about how you do and there's a trust,
and it makes it much easier.
You're halfway there when you start.
Are you all right?
Have you had your tea?
What did you have? Oh, we've had that.
We've had corned beef hash.
The character of Barbara, I took to immediately
because somewhere in me is an idea of Barbara - there's an essence of her,
which I could then draw on
from my own experience, really,
and the slob that's within me.
She is based a bit on a friend of my mum's. She just loves everything, Barbara, doesn't she?
Yes. "Oh, Dave, have you done this, that and the other," and nobody is one bit interested.
Everything we say she thinks is brilliant.
Have you had your teas? Yeah. Yeah.
Ah. What did you have?
Dairylea on toast.
Have you had your tea? Yeah. Yeah. Ah, what did you have?
Steak and kidney pie. Ooh, home-made?
No.
Have you had your teas? Yeah. Yeah.
What did you have?
Spaghetti. Bolognese?
Hoops.
Oh.
I grew up like that. In my family, mothers, you want to feed them
because it's a way of loving them, is to give them food and keep them fed,
and she's always wanting to feed them even though she makes Antony do the cooking.
As in terms of acting, we learned from her, didn't we?
Oh, blimey, yes. Because she's very technical.
She's really beautiful and yet she doesn't mind whatever we put on her or whatever.
She has to wear them leggings.
She does, she's had them leggings for three series. Yeah.
She's got lovely legs, a lovely body and a lovely head.
Oh, dearie me.
You wonder why we don't do interviews...
"And a lovely head." Oh, yes.
I think that was what one of the reviewers said,
"Sue Johnston's miraculous head."
Oh, dear me, I'm sorry.
If we were half as good as her, it would be a far better show.
Sadly, we're not.
# She flies like a bird in the sky-y-y
# She flies like a bird... #
Fuelled by a stream of ciggies, tea, and telly,
life in the Royle household is a delicious slice of life,
and at its centre, a daughter, Denise, and her boyfriend, Dave.
# ..And now I know I can't let Maggie go. #
Hiya.
It's all right, it's only Dave and Denise.
There's not a lot to say about Dave, is there? He's just a simple pimple.
He's just a simple bloke, isn't he?
And Denise is just, like I said...
Just very, very lazy. Spoiled.
No, she does do all the Skyplus-ing, though. Yeah. That's her job in the house.
Hey, Dave, what would you do if I went to the pictures with a fella who was just a friend?
I don't know.
But would you be mad?
I don't know.
You would though, wouldn't you? I don't know.
You would. I don't know, do I?
You've not been, have you?
And you're not going to do, are you?
Bloody hell.
Dave, can't you try and be a bit more possessive?
It saved us a lot of time having to explain what we want to other actors,
and we got paid for it as well.
So that came in handy, didn't it?
Yeah, Craig and me, we like money, don't we?
We used to be working class but...
Now we're fully middle class. Fully middle-class.
We are. Oh, dear.
Dave, will you keep your big fat nose out,
it's nothing to do with you.
It's not your family. Well, you brought me in on this argument, haven't you?
It's nothing to do with me, bloody hell, anyway what about you having a pop at your dad?
And you're never off your arse, are you? Correct, David.
When we first
handed in the scripts, the comment that the BBC made
was could Caroline's character be more likeable.
That's a strange thing to say... And can they like each other, the members of the family.
And we said, "Well, they love each other."
Mam? Hmm? Will you ask our Antony to make my bacon dead, dead crispy?
Yeah. Antony, make Denise's bacon dead, dead crispy.
PHONE RINGS
Get that will you please, Antony.
I went to this audition, just heard about this audition,
with Caroline and it was all, "Wow, Caroline Aherne, Mrs Merton, that's amazing."
And I read the part, thought I was rubbish and by the time I'd got home
they'd rung to say that I'd got it.
And of course, at this point, I never knew
that it was going to change my life forever
but yes, that was the day that changed my life
without a doubt, because of until that point, that was it, medical school, Dr Little,
and then I met Caroline and Craig, read for five minutes, and here I am, what, 13 years later.
We interviewed him, didn't we, he'd only done one hospital thing, hadn't he, before?
He was just right, just so natural. He's amazing really, isn't he? Yeah, he still is. I mean, he's brilliant.
He was only 17 when we did the first Royle Family and he's grown up into a lovely lad, hasn't he?
Yeah, he really is a brilliant actor. He's really up there with the best, I think.
HE SLURPS
Mam, will you tell Antony to stop slurping his tea?
Antony, stop slurping your tea.
Dave eats like a pig and you never say owt to him.
He does not eat like a pig, that's asthma, thanks very much.
I think that's just brotherly and sisterly love
because there's 18 months between me and our Patrick, and we used to be,
you know, really picking at each other all the time.
Now we're the best of friends, but when you're growing up, everything your brother does annoys you.
Antony?
Where's the red sauce for Dave?
No red sauce. Get the red sauce, you lazy sod.
Antony, go and put that bin out, love, that chicken'll start to stink if we leave it.
Antony, make a brew.
I've just been to the shop.
Come on, the kettle's already boiled, lazy arse.
Everybody on the show still thinks that I'm 17.
Ricky is hilarious because Ricky will still...
He'll go... They'll go, "Cut!"
and Ricky will go "Hey, Ralfy, Ralf.
"You couldn't get us a little cup of tea, could you?"
Like if he says a LITTLE cup of tea then I'm not as much as a dogsbody.
"You couldn't get us a little cup of tea could you, two sugars?" And like, "Yes, Rick, I'm still 17."
Hey, mallet-head, have you done the pots?
Cut it out, you, Lurch.
Oh, thank you, Lurkio.
Jim's nicknames were Antony came from Ricky's imagination.
I'm sure mallet-head was Ricky's, Action Man was Ricky's,
Lurch was Ricky's,
Lurch was Ricky's...and then Lurch became Lurkio, Lurky, Lurk,
or any derivation of Lurch.
I don't think Antony's character was ever called Lurkio in the script
but I'd been watching The Addams Family
and Lurch in The Addams Family reminded me of Ralf, so I called him Lurky and it stuck.
Nice one, Lurch.
I'm here in Worthing, which is where Liz Smith lives now, because it's been four years since I saw her
when we did the Queen Of Sheba together. And when I heard that she was being interviewed for this,
I thought I'd come and see her, give her a bit of company.
Come in.
Miss Smith?
SHE CHUCKLES
Hey! Ralf, oh!
Oh, no, what a lovely bunch of flowers!
Hello. How are you? You look fantastic.
So do you. No, that's a lie but you look...
You look very Spanish today.
I look very Spanish? Yeah. Oh, thank you.
I heard that was what you wanted. Ooh!
What a lovely bunch of flowers.
You look really well. I am. I am well, but I can't walk very well.
Well, let me put that away for you. Yes, thank you very much. I'll put them on the table for the moment.
This is all very nice, you look very comfortable. Well, I haven't moved in properly,
I haven't been here very long, and it's a retirement flat
but it's got a little bit of help with it. Right. Because I need a bit of help nowadays.
You've got a bit of help but you still got... Because I'm getting on a bit, you know.
Well, you say that, but I don't see it myself. I'm getting on a bit.
Would you like a drink, Dave?
I'll have a lager please, Barbara.
Denise? Anything, ta.
Mam, would you like a drink? No, I'd better not.
Well, Nana is a selfish old bitch, really.
She works her daughter to death
looking after her.
She wants everything brought, just like me now.
I've got us a little treat.
Ooh, I love cream cakes, me.
Ooh, I don't know which one to have.
Liz is priceless
in every sense of the word, she's just the most wonderful actress.
We saw A Private Function. Yeah.
And we were so happy to get her, we didn't think we'd get her, but we were delighted then when we got her.
When we write her lines, we just know she's going to deliver it better than you'd written it.
Yeah, absolutely yes.
So where is it you're going again?
Tenerife. Ooh,
that'll be gorgeous, won't it?
Me and your grandad went to Blackpool for a week in a B&B.
It's a Harry Ramsden's now, which is quite fitting as we met in a fish shop.
It was after the town hall dance, I went there with my friend Betty. Oh, Betty.
She married a joiner, moved to Leeds.
He knocked her about a bit
but her home was lovely.
'It wasn't like a job, it was more like joining a family.
'I felt wonderful'
every time I settled into that corner of that sofa
and the rest of the family were all round, it was a lovely feeling because you felt secure.
We've heard nothing from Antony but Emma, Emma, Emma.
It's the first time I've known Antony courting.
Now, Nana, don't be saying that.
Is your Nana still alive, Emma?
Yeah. 'Oh, yes, she does put on posh...'
And...
I think that's quite common.
One of the times when you did the posh accent was round the dinner table and you were telling Twiggy
about which modes of transport you'd been on and for some reason you went, I have been on a coach,
Twiggy, that's my favourite mode of transport.
And, like, why would that be posh, that's ridiculous?
But it was posh to her, you see.
Yes. I have been on a train once or twice, but do you know, Twiggy,
my favourite mode of transportation...
Is a bloody broomstick.
Jim. Ignore him, Barbara.
..A coach.
I just remember the first read-through that we had
and as soon as she started talking, everybody started laughing.
And you just knew she was going to be magnificent.
Ricky absolutely loves her, they get on so well. Oh, he adores her.
Yeah, but you couldn't not love Liz, she's just so professional, you know,
for a lady of her age. I mean, she's been in things with Johnny Depp, hasn't she?
Yeah, she kissed Johnny Depp. She kissed Johnny Depp.
Yeah, you would have liked that, wouldn't you? Yeah.
You'd have liked to have kissed Liz, wouldn't you?
One, two, one, two, three, four...
# I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad,
# Skiddly-do, skiddly-do, skiddly do do do, she was... #
Sublime scripts, realistic characters, and pitch perfect performances
put the Royle Family head and shoulders above its rivals.
And rounding off the stellar cast are the supporting characters
who frequently pop in for tea and a natter.
# ..I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. #
It's been a terrible morning.
We've been down to casualty with Joe.
Ooh, what's to do, Joe?
It's the two fingers of his right hand. Three and a half hours in casualty, Barbara.
Ooh.
How did you do it, Joe? He was grating a bit of cheese, Barbara, it could happen to anyone.
Caroline's mum is a great source of material because you just laugh all the time when you're there, really.
She's very Irish, and she's like Mary next door.
Very like Mary next door.
I don't know, all this palaver over grating a bit of cheese.
I think we'll be going back to Dairylea, Barbara, it's a much safer cheese.
Oh, yeah.
I am a compulsive giggler,
and to not laugh inwardly, because if you laugh inwardly
it shows through your face and through your eyes,
so you've just got to keep the frown going
and just keep deadpan all the time.
After a while, I got used to doing it.
All right, Joe? All right, Joe? All right, Joe? Are you busy?
JOE: No.
Are you looking for Mary?
No. Oh.
Erm, do you want a cup of tea, Joe?
No, I won't, thanks.
It's somebody I know who...
Are you going to name him? No, no.
He just comes in and stands there and then you ask,
"Are you all right?"
"Yeah."
And he hasn't anything to say
and it's so uncomfortable just having him standing there.
So many new names for you.
Just remember, we're Mary and Joseph like in the Bible,
but we've got Cheryl, not Jesus.
Hiya. Hiya.
Cheryl is a very straightforward person.
She's quite an uncomplicated person,
which is why it's quite nice to play her.
How's your diet going, Cheryl?
Oh, all right thanks, Barbara. Yeah, I lost four pounds. BOTH: Ooh!
And I put two back on and then another two,
but you know I've not gained any. Ooh.
How's your diet going, Cheryl?
I started a new one. What is it, babe?
Mainly fruit and vegetables.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Cheryl.
But I have plenty of nuts as well.
But I forgot to take my nuts to work yesterday, so I just had a Topic.
Oh, that's very clever, Cheryl, there's plenty of nuts in them.
Yeah, and two Snickers.
Oh.
How's your diet going, Cheryl?
I've lost half a stone. Have you?
Ooh, Cheryl, that's wonderful!
Oh, well done!
That's loads that, Cheryl.
No, I don't mean half a stone, I mean half a pound.
Sometimes I find myself losing weight, especially if we're filming in the summer,
because I was wearing this fat suit and it was literally like a kind of sweatbox.
It was like being wrapped in some sort of strange exotic slim machine,
but I actually loved wearing it.
What a ridiculous life. Anyway... SHE LAUGHS
I don't know how you can eat
mayonnaise and ketchup together, Cheryl.
'She does hardly anything. Yeah.
'She's brilliant, she does hardly anything.
'It's just her little face, you know,
'just the expressions that she does, so subtle,'
but so powerful. Yeah.
Her Scotch egg moment when Twiggy flirted with her
and she sort of seductively ate a Scotch egg
in the least seductive way possible, but it was just genius.
I've always thought you were a little belter.
I mean, the great thing about Twiggy as a character is...
was his optimism,
because Twiggy would find the good thing, the positive side,
in whatever situation he was in.
Ho-ho-ho! Ooh, Twiggy!
All right, Barb. All right, Twiggo!
All right, Jim. Here you are, Dave.
I would have got more only the dog started barking and I had to leg it.
Oh, cheers, Twiggy.
'I've been very lucky in my career. I've been very lucky.'
I've played four, sort of, quite well known characters on television,
'but certainly there are moments in the Royle Family
'that I will never forget,'
and be eternally grateful to Craig and Caroline.
Hey, Jim,
who does that remind you of?
Beverly Macker. Correct!
'I think it's lovely that there's whole chunks of the world'
that we never see, like we never see the pub,
we never saw the wedding,
we never see Beverly Macker.
Who's Beverly Macker?
A girl Dave went out with. Only once.
But that's all it takes. I did nowt.
Better not have done. She's a dirty cow her.
Have I ever seen Beverly Macker?
No more about Beverly Macker.
It's great to not see them, because you can just paint a picture
and everyone can imagine what they're like.
Beverly Macker, you just know exactly what she's going to be like.
I think eventually they've got to bring Beverly in.
So we'll be on the lookout somewhere out there for someone
from Manchester with a big pair of tits.
If you know anyone,
get me the photograph and I'll audition them myself.
HE LAUGHS
Eew! I think I'm through the worst of that now.
I'll see you later, Jim. See you later. OK.
The episode where she gets married,
I remember vividly there's a scene
where they're just about to leave, and Ricky and her
are left in the house together.
I'm getting moved now thinking about it.
It's just so beautiful between the two of them.
Hey, just come and see your nana.
Bloody hell!
Who else do you know would get in a bloody taxi arse-first, like her?
'There are few playwrights who can pull that sort of thing off. Alan Ayckbourn did it,'
I suppose Shakespeare did it to an extent, you know,
where you make people laugh for so long and then suddenly,
because you got them on your side, you can then hit them with that.
And they really earned the right to do that.
DENISE SOBS
Hey, what's to do?
Nothing, it's just it's the last time I'll be Denise Royle.
It's really weird getting married.
I don't even know whether I like it. Hey, come on, don't be soft.
You'll bloody love it, won't you?
You look radiant, you look like a real princess.
And I'm dead proud of you.
Caroline Aherne is an enormous inspiration to me
and I'm sure to many, many people.
To have the character of Denise that is on the one hand
so ludicrously shallow, but she has this depth within her
to draw on such emotion and to draw on such truth.
She just sort of stands head and shoulders above
most people who are in the business of doing that.
DOOR CLOSES
# So what do you say
# You can give me the dream... #
No, I'm not going to breast-feed.
I've been thinking about it, right, and if the baby wants feeding
in the night with my breasts,
it'll mean me having to wake up.
Mmm. But if it's like bottle-fed and everything,
Dave can do it, you know, when you're not there.
I've got to keep my independence, that's the thing.
Oh, yeah, yeah, you must keep your independence.
'What's joyous for the audience and has been the result
'of perhaps not lax parenting,'
but Denise was clearly a little princess...
and maybe should have perhaps been disciplined a little bit more,
or perhaps been guided more in the art of not being so selfish.
You've broken our home up.
It's not even your bloody home, you don't live here.
Mam said Antony stormed out. Now she's gone, I'll be next.
You're too bloody lazy to storm off anywhere, you!
No, you're the lazy one.
You're the bloody lazy one.
Get lost, you're way lazier than me!
My arse, you are.
No, you are. She is.
He is.
It's just such a good quality, laziness. I don't think...
It's underestimated, isn't it?
It's underestimated. You don't see enough of it on telly.
But it was really lovely, because I can't have babies in real life so...
Oh, bloody hell, you're not bringing that up, are you, on national TV?
"I can't have babies."
Oh, bloody hell! They'll be switching off in their droves.
They've tuned in for a bit of a laugh.
"Oh, the Royle Family's on."
"Well, I can't have babies."
Oh, bloody hell! I was just going to say, so it was...
The bloody Samaritans are going to be bloody pulled out, aren't they?
If you tell about being barren.
It was lovely to write myself in being pregnant,
so I got the feeling twice, twice I've been pregnant in it.
In actual fact, nobody will go near that area in real life.
THEY LAUGH
Which is why she's barren.
Oh, guess what? What?
I've got to go to the toilet. Ohh.
Oops!
I'm very lucky, when I had to do scenes with Denise,
scenes which were a little bit emotional and stuff like that,
particularly when she was having the baby and we're sitting
in the bathroom and that, I mean, they were real tears.
What's the matter?
I don't know.
I can't even remember what I'm supposed to be doing.
I opened my baby book, I'm supposed to be doing my breathing
and I can't even remember how to breathe.
Come on, you'll be all right.
Here you are.
Let's play your tape, hey?
'Everybody knows on set when a scene like that is coming along.
'The crew all go quiet, you don't have to say anything.
'We film it chronologically, so that everyone on the crew
'has sat through that episode,'
and shot that episode.
So by the time you get to it, they're kind of very much involved in it
and everybody knows and it does go quiet. Yeah.
We just stand by the monitor just hoping that it will...
go as well as it's written, and quite often it goes better than it was.
# Pie jesu, pie jesu... #
Denise? Yeah.
Are you definitely sure it wasn't just a great big piss, love?
No, I know it wasn't.
'One take wonders are quite terrifying'
for any producer or director,
because you always want to do something again
just because there might be a fault on the film
or a technical fault or something. So we did it,
and then it was pretty obvious we weren't going to do it again.
It was kind of...that special,
and the notion of trying to do it again was frankly ludicrous.
The notion of asking Caroline to do it again was even more ludicrous,
and Ricky wouldn't have wanted to do it again.
It was a brilliant piece of performance.
I remember the first time your mum...
..When your mum put...
put you in my arms and I looked at you.
Oh, God, you were beautiful and I knew,
I knew then...
I'd do anything for you, anything for you...
and our Antony.
It's an amazing moment, it's so real.
It sort of gets you there.
I'm switching these off, I'm not made of money.
Oh, Jim, come on, your daughter's in agony here.
Get your coat on. Here you are, love.
Yeah. No, I'm all right.
Are you all right, love? Yeah, I can walk myself.
Tell the driver to follow that star. HE LAUGHS
I'm off for a chat with the Arabs.
What do you mean, Jim? Mustafa Crap. HE CHUCKLES
Riding high after winning three BAFTAs
and a clutch of comedy awards,
the Royles returned for a third series with a new director.
And the award goes to Kenton Allen,
Caroline Aherne, and Craig Cash
for The Royle Family.
Without taking anything away from the other two directors who directed
series one, series two, I think Caroline had always had
a very, very, very firm hand on the performances.
143 - take three. Pick up.
It was a pretty natural step for her to take over the whole bloody thing.
Could we, before we cut it, give quite a long time with the sandwiches for this one?
And you get your red sauce on and everything. Quite a while.
'I was afraid of things getting diluted down
'with a different director, because I think that me and Craig'
have got this one vision and then you don't kind of want
a director to come in with theirs or whatever,
because it just dilutes it or it's too many people's ideas.
That's just the way we do it.
So we'll be at a monitor for every shot from the first one
in the first series to the last minute of the last series,
and we'll be in the edit for every one as well, every second.
You should go from the top again.
She was stood like she was at the front of the boat, you know like in that film the Titanic?
I tell you what, it's a great film that, the old Titanic, isn't it?
THEY LAUGH
I did say Titanic.
I really liked you saying that. I thought it was great. Keep that.
Sometimes it kicks off big style,
usually me and Caroline just rowing about...
Perhaps you wouldn't have your pen.
That's right, I wouldn't have a pen on me.
As a writer.
As a writer, I don't have a pen, which somehow winds Caroline up.
Yeah, but I'm the director. We're always all right at the end of it though.
Oh, yeah, and everybody knows that we don't mean it or anything.
It's just like family, you know.
Caroline makes it such a great atmosphere, she's very generous.
And people just want to work for her.
What happens when we went over the lines,
if you came up with a nice idea or a gag or something like that,
if it was good enough, she'd let you put it in.
Like Dave, I'd say to him, "Are you are having that, David?"
And he'd say, "Thank you, James."
So little bits like that evolved and you'd keep them in if it works, you know.
Jim, I'm only doing a finger buffet.
Oh, finger my arse.
THEY LAUGH
Are you having that, Dave? Finger my arse? Good one that, James.
Oh, Mam, guess what, right? The other day, right,
I just took my eyes off baby David just for a second
while Richard and Judy was on,
and the next thing, he only tipped a full ashtray all over himself.
Awww! Aren't they lovely at that age?
Yeah. Oh, I bet he looked dead cute, didn't he? Yeah.
Denise has got no parenting skills whatsoever.
Totally selfish,
self-absorbed, self-centred girl.
Oh, I think he might have done one, Denise. Have a smell.
I'm not sure. Mam?
Oh.
Oh, yeah, definitely has.
Yeah, he has.
Oh, he's definitely done one.
He's going to need changing, isn't he? Antony?
Oh, don't tell Antony to do it, not while he's having his tea.
'I became the mother in the relationship, didn't I?
'But it was great because ordinarily you would have that'
lazy girl turning out to be a fantastic mother
in most things, and it was just nice to turn it on its head.
When are you going to start changing the nappies, Denise?
No way, it smells of shite.
It did get uncomfortable when the baby was crying, obviously it was taped in.
When the baby is crying on the monitor... And we're all sitting there.
I still kind of can't watch that back without thinking, "Oh, it's torturous."
It's torturous to sit through it and hear a baby crying and us all,
and ignoring it or whatever.
BABY CRIES
Dave?
Hmm? Will you go up?
No, I put him up.
BABY CONTINUES TO CRY
Mam? Yeah.
Would you like to go up and have a little look at your little grandson?
Oh, leave him for a bit, he'll be all right. Yeah.
Baby David's crying upstairs and it's getting more and more uncomfortable.
Everybody's like, "We should probably go up,"
and it's like, "Mam, will you go up?"
"He'll be all right in a bit." "Dad, will you go up?"
"Just leave him for a bit." "Dave, will you go?"
"Oh, just leave him." "Antony, will you go up?"
And Antony goes, "I went up last time,"
and Jim goes, "Oi, Baldy, that's my grandson you're talking about.
"Now get up them stairs!"
Antony, will you go up? Kiss me arse.
Hey, Baldy, that's my grandson you're talking about!
Now get up there and see to him, you lazy little sod!
God, he's one lazy little git, him.
HE LAUGHS It's so vicious, and so unfair.
Oi, Baldy!
Hey, how's me favourite little grandson, hey?
HE CHUCKLES
It's like looking in the mirror looking at this fellow, isn't it?
He's the spit of me. Here's me, look at that.
Wardrobe were brilliant, because they dressed him
like how chavs would dress him. Oh, yeah.
With a leather jacket with a fringe.
We used to look at whatever David Beckham was wearing at the time,
so it's like a bandanna or whatever he was kind of wearing.
We never actually put baby David in a skirt though.
I love this fella. Here you are, Barb.
When he was older in the Queen Of Sheba we had it, it was...
Craig's son, Harry. It was our Harry just because
he looked like me, and then we had him dressing like me
as opposed to David Beckham, not a lot of difference.
Bye-bye, baby David.
Bye-bye, daybry Babid.
Erm... This is Emma.
We're very pleased to meet you, Emma.
We've heard a lot about you.
I met Caroline and Craig in the audition and, of course,
I'd watched the first series and loved it
and was in awe of them so it was a terrifying audition.
And walking on set the first day
to something that you'd watched and everyone loves,
it was really daunting but so exciting and the cast was so great.
They really took me under their wing and looked after me, and it was just the best experience.
What is she? She's a vegetarian, Nana.
Ooh! You could have a bit of cheese though.
Have you got some cheese, Barbara?
Oh, Emma, it's a shame for you.
If she doesn't want anything, she doesn't want any, leave the girl alone.
She's all right.
Hey, that's a belting little car you've got, love, what does your dad drive?
Could you have some wafer-thin ham?
Could she have wafer-thin ham, Barbara?
No. Oh.
She was just really natural and she was really understated and played things really well.
And there was a moment when the dog shit and everyone could smell it,
and she was doing that thing about,
she wasn't overplaying it by going, "Oh, God," and all this, she was just
sort of kind of politely just cover her nose with her purse but not actually saying anything.
She really just judged it perfectly.
Ooh, that smells like dog muck.
Muck for luck.
Who's stepped that in?
Is it you, Darren? I don't know.
Well, have a look, somebody's walked it in.
Is there anything on there, Jim?
No. Oh, no, I think it's me.
I'm sorry, Emma.
Cos I got on so well with Ralf,
it was really easy to play his girlfriend.
Whenever we were off-set, we were always having a laugh and chatting away, so we got on really well.
This is my mum, Valerie.
Mum, this is Mr and Mrs Royle, Jim and Barbara, Hello, Valerie.
Hello, Jim. Hello, Valerie. Hello, Barbara.
And this is my dad, Roger.
Hello, Roger. Hello, Jim. Hello, Roger. Hello, Barbara.
I love repetition, so it's, "Hi, Valerie. Hi, Roger." Yeah.
"Hi, Valerie. Hi, Roger," and it went on.
I love those sort of things.
Just goes on and on and on and it gets to a point where it becomes funny and funnier and funnier.
Sometimes even go on to where it doesn't get funnier. Yeah.
But then we just look at that in the edit and go,
"It's still funny, still funny. Oh, it's getting funnier. Right, that's it."
This is Denise and David. Hello, Valerie.
Hello, Denise. Hello, Roger.
Hello, Denise. Hello, Valerie.
Hello, David. Hello, Roger.
Hello, David. And that's Nana, over there.
Hello, Valerie. Hello, Nana.
Hello, Roger. Hello, Nana.
And this is Darren. Hello, Valerie.
Hello, Darren. Hello, Roger.
Hello, Darren. Ooh, isn't this lovely?!
I do love repetition of things like that.
And it's so much easier to write repetition.
That fills up a whole page sometimes, doing them repetition marks.
Come on then, come and sit down.
Come on everybody. Jim, put some music on. Jim. Jim. Jim!
It was great doing the special with my mum and dad coming into it because they really wind Jim up,
which is brilliant, and he doesn't mean to be rude, my dad, but he keeps putting its foot in it.
Hey, I tell you what, Jim, Valerie, you can organise this.
We'll get them all down on the boat.
It's a 42-footer, you know. WHISTLE
DAVE: Has it got a toilet?
It's got two. WOLF WHISTLE
That's great that, Rog, because my hovercraft's still being repaired.
Hey, I'm only from a place like this, I'm a self-made man.
Valerie, wasn't my mam's place as bad as this?
I mean, I didn't have a pot to piss in, me, and look at me now.
By the time myself and Sharon Duce, who played my wife in it,
we came on to the set and as you say it was three years,
and we were absolutely, you know, we was twitching,
the old backside was going half a crown, threepenny bit, if you'll pardon the expression.
We'd start looking at each other saying, "What are we doing here?
"National institution, we're going in..."
You could see the reviewers after the Christmas show,
"It was all right until they turned up."
I've got this woman I see in Hale, right, she calls herself a stress manager,
you know what I'm saying? I do, I do.
She specialises in masons,
she does all of us.
Jim, she knows some tricks.
I tell you what, she does things to me that Valerie couldn't even dream of.
Go 'way.
She lets me do things to her you wouldn't even do to a farmyard animal.
Come on, Rog, come on, you're having me on!
Roger, I made a farmyard for baby David.
Bloody hell, Dave!
We went on and everybody was so nice and so casual and relaxed about it,
you know, everybody, the cast and the crew and everybody.
They worked hard but it was so relaxed you just got into it,
you forgot you was working, you just did it
and there was so much laughing going on, it was great, a fantastic job.
All the best, Rogie!
Ooh, he's a big-headed get, him. It'll take him ten minutes
to get in the bloody car with his bloody big head!
He never stopped boasting,
his house, his car, and his bloody yacht, even his poor bloody wife.
You get one or two people shouting "Roger, my arse,"
which was a catchphrase that was put on the crew T-shirt,
but yeah, they do, you know.
I went to a christening and somebody shouted,
"Hey, Potato Head!" Thanks very much for that.
Sky?
Sky TV?
You've got me Sky TV?
200 channels?
Ha-ha-ha-ha, Roger, my arse!
Cantankerous, coarse, constantly rearranging his nether regions,
picking his nose, or passing wind...
PARP!
..this lovable slob is impossible to dislike.
Some costume departments spend thousands and thousands of pounds
on wardrobe obviously, don't they?
Particularly period pieces can spend tens of thousands of pounds.
Now, they haven't spent that on Jim, I'm afraid.
Pair of glasses,
old pair of dungarees, and the famous old sweater or T-shirt, call it what you will.
The lot wouldn't cost 20 bloody pounds, so that's Jim.
When I finished filming of a night, I just throw it off in the corner,
same as the trousers, put the glasses there and that's it, they stay there till the next day
and the next day and the next they, and I never ever bother with them.
Jim's a bit of an old slob and you can't have them nice and neat all the time.
The three series and three Christmas specials,
he's worn the same top and no-one's ever commented on it, the same top and jeans. Yeah.
No-one as ever said "Why is he wearing the same?"
And he wouldn't have it washed, would he? No.
But to be honest, the wardrobe women were secretly washing it.
Yeah, well, it walked out on its own at one point.
He wanted to get into the character by not washing.
Hey, Barb,
does that look a little bit inflamed to you? Jim!
Dad, we're eating! Eew.
Mam, will you tell him? Jim, we're eating!
When I leave here today, there will be... By the time I leave here and get home,
there will be at least 50 people who will shout my catchphrase at me.
Anne Robinson, my arse.
Exit, my arse. Whoo!
Bidet, my arse.
Hee-hee! Whoo!
My dad said, "My arse," all the time, that's where it came from,
but it was "Me arse, me arse,"
because he was from Stockport and Ricky's a Scouser
so it became "My arse."
It's absolutely wonderful and I'm made up with the success of the show
obviously and the success of Jim.
# I know that some day
# You'll want me
# To want you
# When I'm in love
# With somebody new
# You expect me to be true... #
Once series three had concluded and been transmitted,
it did feel that was the natural point to end
and Caroline went off to do other things, Craig went off to do other things
and so I suppose a little bit like Fawlty Towers,
you think, "OK, that could be it."
Sometimes, you know, there is a need to take a break.
They had taken quite a long and extensive break,
and I was campaigning them both separately and together
to try and think about bringing it back.
I hadn't written anything for a while,
I never thought I ever would again,
and then my granny died and I remember coming home on the plane
and thinking, "That's what we'll do, we'll have the nana
"die in the Royle Family."
Then that was what made me want to write again.
Yeah, she cashed in on her nana dying.
Ah, are you awake, Nana?
Yeah. Who's that?
Oh, hello, Denise!
Hiya, Nana. Are you awake, Nana? Yeah.
Hello, David.
Hiya, Nana. Are you awake, Mam?
Oh, yeah.
Hello, Barbara.
Hiya, Mam. Jim, Mam's awake.
Oh, better luck next time, eh?
When we found out that Nana was going to die,
that was a big moment, that was a really big moment.
I remember sitting down with the three of them, saying,
"You need to let Liz know, this is not something
"that Liz can have a script come through her front door one day
"and suddenly find her character has been killed off."
And so I made this phone call to Liz, and she had guessed what was coming
and it was one of the most difficult phone calls I think I've ever witnessed.
If the Royle Family is about families and truth,
which it is basically,
then this is something that they will have to deal with.
And it's a journey that everybody has to go on, unfortunately, at some point.
# Que sera, sera
# Whatever will be, will be
# The future's not ours to see
# Que sera, sera
# What will be, will be
# Que sera, sera. #
Cut, well done.
APPLAUSE
I felt sad and elated at the same time.
When you've got a good part and you know you've got a good part,
it was very nice to be doing it,
but at the same time, you were saying goodbye to it.
It was very sad, really.
Even though it was sad, personally,
it felt...sort of right.
It was like this amazing, emotional, beautiful moment
that they'd written and Liz was performing, and we said our goodbyes.
And it felt like we were sort of saying goodbye to Nana
and saying goodbye to the show and sort of giving it a send-off.
So, yeah, it was sad but, in a way, it felt kind of right.
Do you remember, Mam, you used to love a snakebite?
What is it again, is it half a cider and half a lager
or half a lager and half a ci...
Mam?
Mam...
(Ma... )
Mam.
Mam!
JIM!
It was weird because during when we were shooting that,
I got a call that my mother had been taken into hospital
and was seriously ill, so I spent the morning filming with Liz
at her bedside and then rushed to Warrington General where my mother was.
So it was sort of like, and here I am back at this bedside,
and now I'm going over here to the real mother to her bedside, and it was a really strange time.
Nana? Nana.
Mam.
Are you all right, love?
It was one of the few times that we'd left the house, so we were out of our comfort zone
and we were working in a hospital, you know, and we were doing the thing and it was quite sad.
We were in two minds all the way through it, weren't we?
Yeah. And we just felt it would be daring to go to the hospital,
and to have a hospital set built.
With it being an hour, as well, we had...
We couldn't have done that in real time. No, if you did an hour of just real time
it might start to grate, so we did it as a series of vignettes
that were punctuated with Johnny Cash songs
that could move time along,
and yet still maintain that sense of what the Royle Family had been about all along.
It was weird because she wasn't really dying
but she was dying in our little family. Yeah, as a character.
And we were all shocked at how much it actually upset us in filming it.
It was very strange. We're sitting in that corridor
and she's in the ward, and she's dying, and it was as if she was, it was awful.
We were sitting there and it was dead sombre,
no-one was talking, there was no usual banter in between takes.
It was like we'd captured the atmosphere,
we'd captured the moment, and I think it showed when people went in
one by one and said goodbye to her.
What were her last words, Barbara?
Trevor McDonald.
Oh, Barbara.
What a fitting tribute to the man. Yeah.
"Trevor McDonald."
Oh, I'm sorry but it's just, "Trevor McDonald,"
and she said, "What a fitting tribute to the man."
And as someone who writes their own stuff...
..oh, God, sorry you'll have to cut this out.
But as someone who writes their own stuff,
I look at that and think, "What were her last words? Trevor McDonald.
"What a fitting tribute to the man."
And I just think, "God, I've got a long way to go."
# Oh, I wish it could be Christmas every day... #
'We thought we'd tugged too many heartstrings by that time.'
We thought we'd just make it out and out daft and hopefully funny, really, with the New Sofa.
Yeah, so we went kind of slapstick for it.
# Let the bells ring out for Christmas... #
In some respects we might have gone too far with the New Sofa because we kind of threw everything
in it and wanted to get away from
the Queen Of Sheba because we thought there was no point
even trying to go anywhere near that and I don't think it's right that we should.
So consequently when we wrote the New Sofa,
we decided let's put Craig in the bath with the turkey.
You couldn't tell which one was which.
# ...Christmas.... #
Seasons greetings, one and all.
Merry Christmas, Barbara.
Merry Christmas, David senior.
Merry Christmas, Denise.
Merry Christmas, David senior.
We were thinking of who could play Dave's dad, and for some reason,
we thought of him and then thought, "He'll never do it."
But we were all thrilled to bits to be working with Tom Courtenay.
We never believed for a minute that he'd do it, and he was such good fun
and we thought, "God, he's going to be all actory."
We were really worried and he was just brilliant,
really good fun, really lovely man.
This morning, Jimbo, excrement in the exhaust pipe.
What did you do that for?
Not me, next-door neighbours, the ongoing hedge dispute.
They put excrement in the exhaust pipe of the Mondeo.
Ooh, who needs excrement on a Christmas morning?
I was very intrigued and excited when I heard that I was being asked
to be in the Royle Family Christmas Special
and it was some days before the script arrived and so, in my imagination,
I'd tried to work out what the part could possibly be.
I was on the phone to him. He'd be ringing, wouldn't he, saying...
And he kept ringing saying, "I can't get David senior, I don't know who he is."
So we'd explain a bit more and then he'd ring back,
"No, I still don't who he is, what's he like, what does he do?"
And then we wrote a bit more and he rang up and went, "Hello, I'm David senior."
So he'd got it!
20, take 1.
# Oh, the weather outside is frightful
# But the fire is so delightful
# Since you've no place to go
# Let it snow... #
He's the only person I've ever met that giggles as much as...
As much as Craig. So I was delighted I'd found a kindred spirit.
And he's your dad in it. Yeah, he was my dad.
But he was just brilliant, a lovely fella, really lovely man.
Any waiters...in your family, Jimbo, that you know of?
My chiropodist, Cassandra Colby-Culshaw,
incidentally the country's leading corn remover, bar none, none.
She lost her husband, Clarence Colby...
Her cat, do you know...
Carry on, David senior, take no notice.
No, incidentally...
What am I saying?
Her cat, do you know, it's only got one ball? Oh!
Yes, it's a uni-ball.
Ooooh. A uni-ball?
Yep.
I wanted a cat but...
Hang on. Right...
3, 2, 1...
Shh, I'm getting dead mad with myself. Right...
Did you read about that daft old woman in Surrey?
No. What's that?
Oh, just get the drinks in.
ALL LAUGH
Right? Right, right.
# Oh, the weather outside is frightful
# But the fire is so delightful
# Since we've no place to go
# Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. #
You are a miserable sod, Jim, you are.
It is over 20 years since these couch potato telly addicts
slumped into our sitting rooms and revolutionised comedy.
Scooping a staggering 22 awards,
the Royle Family is one of Britain's most successful sitcoms.
To me mam and dad, Jim and Barbara.
ALL: Jim and Barbara.
And almost 12 million of us joined Jim and Barb
as they celebrated their golden wedding anniversary,
making the Golden Egg Cup the highest-rating Christmas show of 2009.
Have you decided where you're going to go with your anniversary money?
Yes, now, tomorrow, I am going to tootle off down to Currys
where I shall purchase a Sky HD box.
Dad, that money was for a romantic holiday.
Do you know, I've only had one holiday in my life
and that was a week for our honeymoon in Ormskirk?
Do you remember it, Jim? Yeah. That's when you got your little Jim stuck in your zip.
Yeurgh!
Lots of people have said over the years, "Will you ever leave the lounge?
"Will you ever leave the house? Will you ever...?"
and we'd jokingly say, "yeah, but we'd go in a caravan"
and then it became the natural place to go.
To the left a bit, Dave, and then up.
Ooh, that's it, yeah.
No, no, it's bloody gone again. Dave, stop waving the bloody thing about will you?
You're not conducting the Philharmonic bloody orchestra.
That's it! That's it. No! Higher, Dave, higher, higher.
Higher, Dave. Even higher, go on.
Higher, Dave.
Higher! Hurray! What's that like?
Dave, higher!
HIGHER!
It's raining out here. Don't worry about that, that's perfect. Yeah!
Ah. Oh, forget it, Dave, you're bloody useless.
If you want anything doing round here, do it your bloody self.
Barb, get up there, love.
# Every woman every man... #
# Join the caravan... # Aww, there's the old girl.
We spent many a happy hour squashed in here.
It doesn't smell as bad as it did when we were filming.
No it smelt of... Old ladies' knickers.
Yes. See this is the toilet, it wasn't actually in this position.
No, it was over there. But we have it put here because we wanted Ricky
on the toilet and unable to shut this door, for comic effect.
Dad, shut that door!
I can't get my bloody knees in, can I?
Wardrobe got me a codpiece or a jockstrap or something,
and I said, "I can't wear that,
"I'm not wearing that, it's phoney."
If you can't do it, don't do it.
And I wouldn't do it, so I'm sitting there like actually sitting on
the toilet with nothing on and fortunately,
they had the wide-angle lens on, so if anything happened I'd look a lot better off than I was really.
I think he thinks it is a treat to get his tackle out for everybody but...
It's only a treat for him.
Jacket potatoes?
Can't think of anything worse.
He could not look down at it.
I knew that every time I looked down,
I'd see it and you can see in some of the out-takes,
I don't think you can see it on the actual programme,
Ricky was leaning back here where the toilet was and was just like this...
And his legs were going and we could only see his legs.
But we could only see his legs but I could see him laughing,
knowing that I'd have to just see it, like, go...
Jacket bloody potatoes? All the way here!
I can't... Keep rolling...
Keep rolling, keep rolling.
Shh...
Shut up, you!
You could have had it then!
I think we did go too far with the skiddy
because a lot of my mum's friends complained that they didn't want
to see a skiddy on Christmas Day.
Boxing Day would have been perfect.
Fine, that's skiddy day. Christmas Eve, but...Christmas Day.
In actual fact, them underpants, they're Ricky's real underpants but we had to clean them up a bit.
Which famous celebrity quiz show host has a self-satisfied wink at the end of every show?
Noel Edmonds!
No. Anne Robinson.
Correct. Yes!
Oh, WINK!
Who famously said, I want to be alone?
Want to be alone.
I'll have to hurry you.
Is it Terry Waite?
Was it balls Terry Waite? He didn't want to be alone, did he?
He was held captive, that poor sod, for bloody five years
and tied to a bloody radiator.
Oh, well, at least he was warm. Aww.
Yeah, Terry Waite tied to the radiator.
He actually wrote in, I mean, his brother wrote in to say,
because there was a bit of a kerfuffle about him,
about mentioning Terry Waite being tied to a radiator et cetera.
And his brother wrote in and said how much they'd enjoyed it.
So Terry would be sat there, I bet he was sat there on Christmas Day
going "Oh, it's great, great being out, isn't it?
"Yeah, anyway, what's on?
"Oh, the Royle Family. Oh, what?"
But he laughed, he had a good laugh about it.
It's a privilege to do a show like this. Yeah, it is.
With such lovely a cast. And crew.
Yeah, fantastic crew over the years, and for it to kind of endure...
It's a gloomy world, isn't it, sometimes, so to brighten the corners a little bit.
Yeah. It's nice.
Look at Craig brightening the corners of the world.
Not of the world, people's living rooms.
I think it's some of the best writing that has been on the television.
Thank you, Jim. It's a pleasure, David.
The Office would not have happened without the Royle Family breaking the mould.
Phoenix Nights would definitely not have happened.
There's before the Royle Family and that after the Royle Family.
I'm managing a band. ALL LAUGH
Bloody hell, it's Brian Epstein!
It was an absolute privilege to be part of and I forget that I'm in it,
I watch it and go this is absolutely just mesmerising, it's astonishing, and then every now and again
I go "Oh, look, there's me." So, yes, it's a real big deal.
Have you had your teas?
Yeah. Yeah.
What did you have? Roast chicken.
Roast chicken?!
Crisps.
It's brought me so much pleasure and such happiness and so, yeah...
Proud - 100%.
Olive oil, my arse!
I was delighted when I got the part in the Royle Family and it's gone
from strength to strength, and Jim's popularity has gone from strength to strength.
HE IMPERSONATES TAGGART There's been a murder.
Dave, do you know if you say one more time,
HE IMPERSONATES TAGGART "There's been a murder,"
I'll bloody murder...
They say if you love your work, you never work a day in your life.
Well, we'd do it if we didn't get paid, wouldn't we?
I don't know... I wouldn't go that far, love.
OK, don't put that in.
Demanding more for our fees.
No, but it is a joy,
it really is a joy, and I think we're very, very lucky, aren't we?
Yeah, we are. Really lucky.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd