1 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:06,880 Welcome to a comedy feast fit for kings. Roger my arse! 2 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:10,160 Tonight, we look back through the Royle Family archives to reveal 3 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:14,880 the greatest moments of this glorious sitcom. 4 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:18,280 You were very good there. No, she was. 5 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,640 Thank you, Craig. I mean... I wouldn't normally praise her. 6 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,200 The Royle Family has scooped a staggering 7 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:32,800 23 awards during its 20-year reign as Britain's best-loved comedy. 8 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,000 He's got it right, that El Mambo, hasn't he? 9 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,760 In a TV exclusive, the show's writers and stars, 10 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:49,160 Craig Cash and Caroline Aherne, select their 10 favourite scenes. 11 00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:53,800 Aww. Aww, that was one of my favourite bits. 12 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:57,240 Plus the roll-call of celebrities queuing up to share their favourite 13 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,760 Royle moments reads like a Who's Who of British comedy. 14 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,640 I think it's some of the best writing that has been on the television. 15 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:09,640 There are so many fantastic moments and it's consistently brilliant. 16 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,600 PHH-RRR-RT! 17 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:17,920 I don't think since Dad's Army have there been performances that are so fitting to the writing. 18 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:25,080 Best of all, we reunite Manchester's finest couch potatoes to reveal their all-time favourite scene. 19 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,240 So all rise for The Royle Family Portraits. 20 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:47,920 Hitting our screens in 1998, more than three million viewers tuned in to watch the Royles watch the telly, 21 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:54,280 with dad Jim on his throne doing what he does best, picking his arse. 22 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,440 SLURPS 23 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:02,520 Mam, will you tell Antony to stop slurping his tea?! 24 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,120 Antony, stop slurping your tea. 25 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:07,880 Dave eats like a pig and you never say 'owt to him. 26 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,480 He does not eat like a pig, that's asthma, thanks very much. 27 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,640 The two of you could eat for bloody England. 28 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,280 Dad! 29 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,800 Stop fiddling with yourself! 30 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:20,720 I'm not fiddling with myself! I paid a quid for these underpants. 31 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,680 I've got 50p-worth worth stuck up my arse! 32 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:27,840 Mam, tell him. She's right, if you're not picking your arse, you're picking your teeth. 33 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:31,040 I'll pick what I like in my own house! When she gets her own house, 34 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,640 she can pick what she likes - her nose, her arse, her teeth. 35 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:39,160 Just treat yourself! Oh, I'm ashamed of this family, I am really! 36 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,280 Sometimes that happens with underpants, you might even 37 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:43,960 know it happens with knickers, 38 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,040 but it certainly happens, but you wouldn't normally say it, would you? 39 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:48,400 It's the little one-liners, 40 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,320 the nose picking, arse scratching... 41 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,920 the whole thing is just so embarrassing, 42 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,720 you're just like, "Oh, God." 43 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,240 Absolutely vulgar. Sometimes too much! 44 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:00,800 You kind of go, "Oh my God!" 45 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,200 People are still shouting to this day, and it's years old, 46 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,280 "Have you still got them undies, Jim?" 47 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:11,480 Stuff like that. It just struck a chord, didn't it? It struck a chord, and that's great. 48 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:19,800 Despite turning laziness into an art form, Jim does occasionally get off his arse and go for a walk. 49 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,520 All the way to the kitchen. 50 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:28,080 One of my favourite moments definitely is the scene with Jim 51 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,000 and Antony washing-up in the kitchen. 52 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,040 That scene in the kitchen is a tremendous piece 53 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,560 of writing and acting. 54 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,120 Dad...what was Granddad like? 55 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,560 Who, your mam's dad? Aye. 56 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,080 He was hard of hearing, the lucky little bleeder. 57 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,280 What did he do? 58 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,760 He was the finest freehand tool grinder I've ever seen in my life. 59 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,560 What's a freehand tool grinder? 60 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,400 Never you mind, you don't have them in McDonald's, so you'll be all right when you start work. 61 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,760 Here you are, look. You forgot the roasting pan. 62 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:08,600 Leave that, you'd better leave that until your mother's got a chance to do it. 63 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,680 No man attempts to clean the roasting dish, it's just impossible. 64 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,760 That's the way men and women are. 65 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:18,240 It's authentic, it's funny and it tells us something truthful about the way we are. 66 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:20,600 All right, Jim, Ant? 67 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,800 Hello, son. I've been sent in here. 68 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,680 She's trying that wedding dress on, won't let me look at it. 69 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:27,480 You can look at the bill if you want to. 70 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,000 I'm rough today, me. 71 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:34,360 My guts are well off. I had a bad pint last night. 72 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,080 I bet you washed it down with a few more though, didn't you? 73 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,200 How do you know if it's a bad pint? 74 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,800 Because you can shit through the eye of a needle. 75 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:45,120 Where did you go? Pear Tree. 76 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:46,840 Bloody hell, you don't want to drink in there. 77 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,480 I know that now, don't I? Bloody hell, he doesn't clean his pumps, him. 78 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,160 No, actually the lager is all right. 79 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:54,840 How would you know, soft lad? 80 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,480 Dad, I'm 15! 81 00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:00,480 Hey, listen, if I ever catch you in the Feathers, I'll clip you round the bloody ear, all right? 82 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,480 You do not shit on your own doorstep. 83 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,520 I nearly did last night. 84 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,200 Couldn't get the key in quick enough. 85 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,480 That's a good line, that's a good line. 86 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,240 That's one of those where I bet Craig... 87 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:17,240 Sometimes you've got a line coming up where you're going, "Oh yes, I'm looking forward to this one!" 88 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,840 Craig was rubbing his hands with glee for that one. 89 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,880 A bad pint is the least of Dave's problems. 90 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:28,760 Especially when his old flame, the infamous Beverly Macca, is about. 91 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,760 If you think I'm marrying you now, you pig, I'm not! 92 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,480 Look, look! Well, 93 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:38,120 a load of lads fancy me, right, and I never bother with them. 94 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,440 Well, bother with them, if you want to! 95 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,320 I don't want to! 96 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,680 Every time we see Beverley Macca it's the same. 97 00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:47,520 You love flirting with her. 98 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,200 I saw your face and you love it. 99 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,360 You get that thing in a small town, there's some woman who's always 100 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,800 a siren, she's always danger, 101 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,480 always the one everyone went out with when they were at school and she still burns bright. 102 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:02,520 I think that's what I like most about Beverley Macca, she lives 103 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,680 in every town in the United Kingdom. 104 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,640 I'm not even talking about this crap. 105 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,920 Yeah, well... 106 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:14,920 I could wear a dead, dead tight top and a really, really short mini skirt, but I don't, 107 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,480 because I've got more respect for myself. 108 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,560 But you don't, you don't respect me. 109 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,920 You don't give me any respect. 110 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,640 Oh, Dave, what have you done now? 111 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:29,280 I've done nowt! She's not crying for nothing, is she? 112 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,040 He was flirting with Beverley Macca. 113 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,840 Was I hell! I'm a DJ, right? 114 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,960 She was asking me for a record. 115 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,680 Yeah, "All right, darlin'," 116 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:43,000 he kept saying to her. Why? Why did you have to kiss her when she left? 117 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,440 She came over to me. 118 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,080 She's like Denise's nemesis, but it's great. 119 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:51,120 Denise then has a mirror to hold up, 120 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:55,560 so she can gauge herself by Beverley 121 00:06:55,840 --> 00:07:00,640 and be one step above her, sort of morally and everything else. 122 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:06,480 Every time I come out of the toilet, right, she was round him 123 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,480 like flies round shit. 124 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,840 And you're the shit! 125 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:18,040 She's not even the fly, because she's too fat to be the fly, and she's the shit. 126 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:22,800 That's what they are, the two shovels of shit. 127 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,320 And that's it. 128 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:30,280 You don't have to bring shit into it, love. Here. 129 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,520 I love Denise's fury over nothing at all, 130 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:39,760 and she's so self-absorbed, so that you can see her just getting drawn further and further into this anger 131 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,760 and even she doesn't quite know what it's really about any more. 132 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,560 It's fantastically true, I think. 133 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,480 In the first of their top 10 favourite moments, 134 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,840 Craig and Caroline take us back to the year 2000. 135 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:57,680 It's Christmas Day, and the Royles are about to receive some very well-to-do visitors. 136 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:01,080 Hiya. 137 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,360 ALL: Hiya! 138 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:06,800 This is my mum, Valerie. 139 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,240 Mum, this is Mr and Mrs Royle, Jim and Barbara. 140 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:14,200 Hello, Valerie. Hello, Jim. Hello, Valerie. Hello, Barbara. 141 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,320 This is my dad, Roger. Hello, Roger. Hello, Jim. Hello, Roger. 142 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,520 Hello, Barbara. This is Denise and David. 143 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,040 Hello, Valerie. 144 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,000 Hello, Denise. Hello, Roger. 145 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,840 Hello, Denise. Hello, Valerie. 146 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:27,680 Hello, David. Hello, Roger. 147 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,320 Hello, David. And that's Nana over there. 148 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,280 Hello, Valerie. Hello, Nana. 149 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,720 Hello, Roger. Hello, Nana. 150 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,080 And this is Darren. Hello, Valerie. 151 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,840 Hello, Darren. Hello, Roger. Hello, Darren. 152 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,960 It's great because, you know, it kind of... 153 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:50,120 heightens what the Royle Family are like when a different family come in. 154 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,720 And it's just so awkward. 155 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:59,600 You can see how excited we all are to be meeting these new people, and they're a step above. 156 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,480 Is it real leather, Valerie? Yes. 157 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,320 Well, come on then, come and sit down. Come on, everybody. 158 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,120 Jim, put some music on. Jim. 159 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,720 Jim. Jim! 160 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,440 All right, Barb. Bloody hell. 161 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,720 Can I sit next to Valerie, Barbara? 162 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,600 Yes, do you want to sit there, Valerie? 163 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,320 You sit there then, Mam. 164 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,400 Denise, will you help me with that? 165 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:26,640 There you go, Jim. Lovely, a bottle of Moet. 166 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,200 There you go, Dave. 167 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:30,840 Hide that till the bugger's gone. 168 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,760 Do you want a drink, Rog? Might as well. 169 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,920 I have a friend called Valerie. 170 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,640 Oh, have you? Sadly she's been sectioned. 171 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:52,440 Your Roger's a big fat lad, isn't he? 172 00:09:55,240 --> 00:10:01,120 I love when they're sat down and Caroline and Sue are trying a coat on in the background. 173 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,840 Trying on Valerie's coat. 174 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,720 But I just love Nana in that episode. 175 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,280 You know, those people, she was fascinated. 176 00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:14,760 "Can I sit next to Valerie?" She looks at her like that. 177 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:19,720 She's that age, where old people of that age...where they just think, 178 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,200 "Oh, sod the social skills, I'm having a look at her boobs!" 179 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:29,400 She sits next to her and just stares. It's the way they were all staring at them. 180 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,720 They're lovely, Valerie. 181 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:37,680 Jim, don't Valerie's implants look lovely? 182 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,480 They're great them, Valerie. 183 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,440 Lovely, them, Valerie. 184 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,240 Dave? Mmm? 185 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,760 Aren't they lovely? 186 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,640 Yeah, they're smashing, them... 187 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,320 two, Valerie. 188 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,120 I remember we had to say 189 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,280 how big is her bust, you know, because we couldn't 190 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:09,480 remember how big it had been in what we had seen her in. Luckily, when she came, they were a fine pair. 191 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:14,480 Weren't they? I volunteered to actually go and... 192 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:19,520 Measure up! It was rejected! But she was really good, 193 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,640 because we said, you know, we're going to be 194 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:26,280 be talking about them in the programme, is that OK? And she was fine, wasn't she? Mmm! 195 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:31,400 Valerie, I wanted to have a breast reduction but Dave wouldn't let me. 196 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:36,160 Well, he works long hours, Denise. 197 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,520 Be fair. Yeah. 198 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:44,400 It's just a nice little family moment, the Christmas moment. 199 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,200 That why that's in. 200 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:47,280 'Still to come...' 201 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,280 I'm a bag of nerves now. 202 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,440 It was very hard to keep a straight face. 203 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,120 In fact, that whole episode, 204 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,800 it was really, really hard to keep a straight face. 205 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,920 Hey, Ant, do that muscleman thing! 206 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,480 Oh, not again. 207 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,280 Come on now, we've all had a go. 208 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,360 'Welcome to this Royle Family exclusive. 209 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:20,400 'Tonight, the cream of British comedy select the greatest moments from this exceptional sitcom, 210 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:25,080 and its stars and writers, Craig and Caroline, choose their top 10 favourite scenes. 211 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:35,000 Our next Royle Family portrait is of the Royle wedding, and it's not just the bride who's a bag of nerves. 212 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,840 The main thing you remember 213 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,960 about the wedding is the fact that Jim is running to the lavatory 214 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,720 every couple of minutes. 215 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:47,520 Barbara, I'm shitting like a newborn baby. 216 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,640 Trust you to get the runs on a day like today! 217 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:56,800 It's not like that with me. I thought today I'd see some movement, but no. 218 00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:00,480 I tell you what, Barbara, I could take the presents back in my car if you want. 219 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,680 Barbara, what have we got for the trots? We've got nothing. 220 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,320 Thanks, Cheryl love, I'll give you some money towards my fare. 221 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:09,520 I remember being in a bridesmaid's dress 222 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,240 and thinking, "I look quite good in this," thinking, 223 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,320 "I'm kind of carrying this off." 224 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,000 I think that's when Cheryl was a bit thinner. 225 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,520 I'll tell you what, Barbara, I'm thinking 226 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:26,760 of asking Dave to run me home to get my comfortable shoes after the church do, ready for the night do. 227 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,120 Nana, Dave can't run you home! 228 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,240 Oh, he will, he's very fond of me, is David. 229 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:36,640 Dave is the bloody groom, he's not nipping no-one nowhere, no bloody how! 230 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,640 Nana, you'll have to get someone else to run you home. 231 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,120 No, I don't like to ask anybody else. 232 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:45,200 Oh, but you don't mind asking the groom! Mam, will you tell her? 233 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,600 Mam, you'll have to get a taxi! 234 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:52,920 I can't do that, my shoes are upstairs. It'll cost me a fortune. 235 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,960 I love Nana wanting Dave to run her home. 236 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:57,800 She just sort of doesn't quite get it. 237 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:02,760 I love the fact that, at no point is she portrayed as being 238 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,560 senile or anything like that, she's just a bit off the beat. 239 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,080 Just slightly missed what's going on. 240 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:12,320 Liz Smith does that so brilliantly. 241 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,520 Go and see if the bloody chemist is open, will you, son? 242 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,440 There's no time. The taxi will be here in a minute. 243 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,280 There's no time. There's no time to watch the bloody telly so get it off! 244 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:23,080 Jim, why don't you just stop off at the chemist on the way to the church? 245 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,920 We're not stopping off at a bloody chemist! 246 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,320 With me sat in the back in my bride's dress like a knobhead. 247 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:33,840 Oh, I'm a bag of nerves now. I'll show you nerves on the back of the khazi, if you want! 248 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,040 Oh, right, Antony, over the road, ask Lorraine if she's got 'owt. 249 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,320 Go on! Come on, shift yourself! 250 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,240 There's no doubt he loves his daughter, 251 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:44,400 wants to be there and wants to be proud about walking down the aisle, 252 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:49,840 but can't mention he might be having to dash off somewhere to see to his bodily functions! 253 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:55,200 The newlyweds returned for a second series in 1999. 254 00:14:55,560 --> 00:15:00,360 Unfortunately for Dave, Denise is no Delia when it comes to cooking his tea. 255 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,440 Have you had your teas? BOTH: Yeah. 256 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,400 What did you have? 257 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,640 Dairylea on toast. 258 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:15,600 Bloody hell, I bet you were looking forward to that all day, Dave. 259 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:19,240 Wooh! Working hard, waiting to get home to that little delicacy. 260 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:20,840 Shut it, Dad. 261 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:25,240 Bloody hell, girl, Dairylea on toast? Come on, now! 262 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,520 Delia Smith has got nothing to worry about, has she? 263 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,800 I made it myself! 264 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,000 Go away! 265 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:37,280 It's great to see that the standards of cooking, with all of the influence 266 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:42,040 they get from cookery shows, has got no better than Dairylea on toast. 267 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,760 Can I make you a nice bacon butty, Dave? 268 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,400 Ooh, yes, please, Barbara, that would be lovely. 269 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,040 Go and put some bacon on for us, will you, Antony? 270 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,920 You make a right show of me, Dave. You said that was enough for you. 271 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,600 It's only a bit of bacon. 272 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:05,720 Oh aye, a bit of my bloody bacon. 273 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,800 My mother was always wanting to feed whoever goes round. 274 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:11,840 "Can I make you a sandwich, get you this, that...a biscuit?" 275 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,640 Not happy unless they're feeding you, and that's Barbara. 276 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,040 She wants to feed and has to know if they've eaten and what they've eaten. 277 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,800 She's fascinated by it all. 278 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,960 Antony, put some under for me, an' all! 279 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,200 Dad! What? 280 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,280 Your flyhole's all undone! 281 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:41,560 The cage might be open but the beast is asleep. 282 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:44,880 Beast, my arse. 283 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,760 One-nil! 284 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:56,480 Yeah, for the first time, and probably the only time, she gets one up on him. 285 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:04,400 Barb may have got one up on Jim, but she's about to get the shock of her life from Denise. 286 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,520 Here you are, love. No thanks. 287 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,640 What's up with you? Nothing. 288 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,560 Have you given up? 289 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,680 Yeah. 290 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,680 You've always loved smoking. 291 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,160 Yeah, well, me and Dave have got something to tell you. 292 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:30,960 You said you weren't going to say 'owt. 293 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,760 Yeah, I know, well I am now. You said it was a big secret. 294 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,560 Yeah, but that was this morning. 295 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:40,360 That's the moment when a woman wants to say things in her timetable, and she does. 296 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:44,040 Whatever she's said to her husband, she wants to proudly tell her mum and dad. 297 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:47,200 Mam, Dad... 298 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,720 we're pregnant. 299 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,880 Bloody hell! 300 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,280 Put it there, David. Well done. Thanks. 301 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:01,600 Well done, lad. Come here, give your dad a hug! 302 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,280 Well done. 303 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:08,800 I like the way that they used smoking as the way into this vital bit 304 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:13,120 of information, because smoking is kind of an additional character in the Royle Family. 305 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:18,280 The cigarettes are as much a part of that show as any of those individual characters. 306 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,240 There's constantly the rattle of the box and the thing being lit, 307 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:26,080 so the fact that Denise doesn't want a cigarette is hugely significant. 308 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:27,560 When did you find out? 309 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:32,760 My period was late, right, then I was really sick. 310 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:38,280 I thought, "Oh you know, it's just a hangover" because the night before we had that lock-in at the Feathers. 311 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:44,480 Then the next day I was really sick again, so I went down Boots and got a pregnancy kit. 10 quid, they are! 312 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,640 Ooh! Anyway, a line came up in the square window. 313 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,560 Oh, Denise, the square window! Yeah. 314 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:56,800 What was very funny about that whole scene is the way that 315 00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:02,200 mothers want to sort of, they want to savour every moment of the news. 316 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:06,560 Their daughter is pregnant, that's a very big moment. 317 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,320 They want to ooh-and-aah, they're going to ooh-and-aah when the baby arrives, 318 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:14,080 but someone just saying "I'm pregnant", what are you meant to ooh-and-aah over? 319 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:19,240 So of course she oohs-and-aahs over the little square that shows 320 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,920 on the test that she's pregnant. That's beautifully done. 321 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:28,280 So I was shouting for Dave at the top of the stairs but he was watching something on telly. 322 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:29,920 What were you watching, Dave? 323 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:31,640 Never Mind The Buzzcocks. 324 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:36,280 And then he came up and I'm like, "Hey, Daddy, Daddy, guess what?" 325 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:37,800 Like that to him, didn't I, Dave? 326 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,160 And did he know what you meant? 327 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:41,760 No. No, no. 328 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:46,920 But then I said, you know "Dave, I'm pregnant." Like that, and then the penny dropped, didn't it? 329 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:48,640 Yeah, straight away, yeah. 330 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,640 You've got it all there, the smoking, the new generation, 331 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:55,800 the old generation and an obsession with television. 332 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,600 all in a compact scene that should be 333 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:04,080 one of the most joyous things about a new being coming into the world. 334 00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:08,520 Now for another exclusive moment chosen by Craig and Caroline. 335 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:12,480 Antony has brought round his new girlfriend to meet the family, 336 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,600 a testing situation for any teenage boy. 337 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,280 Happy birthday. This is Emma. 338 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,880 Hiya! Pleased to meet you, Emma. 339 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,280 We've heard a lot about you. 340 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,600 You don't know who everybody is, do you? 341 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,240 That's Denise, she's Antony's sister. Hiya. 342 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:36,920 Hiya. This is David, Antony's sister's husband. 343 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:41,280 Y'all right? Bloody hell, Barbara. It's not This Is Your Life! Oh, shut up, Jim. 344 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,320 That's Jim, Antony's father. 345 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:46,360 Hello, Mr Royle. 346 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:51,800 You know Darren, don't you? Yeah. This is Nana. Hello, love. Hello. 347 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,280 And there's Twiggy. 348 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,560 Right. Sit yourself down, love. 349 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,480 Thanks. I'll get you a chair. 350 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:08,560 I'm sure lots of people can remember bringing the girlfriends back, or boyfriends back, for the first time. 351 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,800 How mortifying it is. ..To meet your parents, and what have you. 352 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,920 It must be so intimidating. She comes in and we're all like that, gawping at her. 353 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:23,160 But you do, don't you? You want to see it, but Caroline gives a fantastic up-and-down look. 354 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:28,320 It's really nasty, really. It's kind of weighing her up and down. 355 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:32,840 So awful, really. Imagine being on the receiving end of that look. 356 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,920 I remember my brother bringing his girlfriend, he's older than me, 357 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:41,640 so I was only young at the time, bringing his girlfriend home, and she worked in a bank... 358 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,440 so that was like, "Oh, wow, she works in the bank," you know. 359 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,800 My mum had to get some blue flush. 360 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,520 If anybody nice came, she'd always get blue flush. 361 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,360 You know for the toilet, you stick it on the side. 362 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:58,480 My dad would be like, "What the bloody hell are you wasting your money on blue flush for? 363 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:02,320 "She's not going to think any more of us because the water's bloody blue!" 364 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,920 Can I get you a ham sandwich? No, thank you. I'm a vegetarian. 365 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:08,840 Ooh! 366 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:16,320 Can I do you a Dairylea instead? 367 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,680 No, honestly, I'm fine, thank you. 368 00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:23,080 She can have Dairylea, can't she, Denise? Yeah. 369 00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:25,640 What is she? She's a vegetarian, Nana. 370 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:29,320 Oh! You could have a bit of cheese, though. 371 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,200 Have we got some cheese, Barbara? 372 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,240 Oh, Emma, it's a shame for you. 373 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,960 If she doesn't want anything, she doesn't want any. 374 00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:39,480 Leave the girl alone. 375 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,200 She's all right. 376 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,080 I just love the idea that they all, as soon as she's vegetarian they're 377 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:47,600 all like this, as if it's something so weird. 378 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,600 Yeah, that's one of the famous Royle Family head turns. 379 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:56,800 We've had a few of them where we all turn at the same time, but....especially then. 380 00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:01,680 See, vegetarians are more accepted in society now. 381 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:07,200 But it was all a bit, if someone was a veggie, it was like, "What for? 382 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:09,520 "Why? But why are you?" 383 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,440 That smells like dog muck. 384 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,000 Muck for luck. 385 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,160 Who's stepped that in? 386 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,560 Is it you, Darren? Dunno. 387 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,600 Have a look, someone has walked it in! 388 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:24,240 Is it on there, Jim? No. 389 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,040 Oh, no. I think it's me. 390 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:37,440 I'm sorry, Emma. You're all right. Dave! Take it off, 391 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:38,760 you big clown! 392 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,280 Oh, I'm so sorry, Emma. 393 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,080 I'll leave it on to dry, then it'll be easier to get off. 394 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:49,760 Mam, will you get his shoe off him? 395 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,280 Muck for luck. 396 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:54,880 Sorry, Emma. 397 00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,440 Sorry, Emma. 398 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,520 The dog muck thing really... 399 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:08,800 That was just... I love the way Dave goes, "Oh, I think it might be me," 400 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,240 and it's obviously him. 401 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:15,440 But in the old days, you used to always be standing in dog muck. 402 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:20,560 But now, since pooper scoopers and fines and things like that... 403 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,960 Don't reminisce about the old days when there was dog dirt! 404 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:28,800 I won't get on to white dog muck, don't worry, that was a long time ago. 405 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,320 But it was such a frequent occurrence in the old days. 406 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,520 The old "muck for luck". 407 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:39,720 If the whiff of dog muck wasn't bad enough, 408 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:45,280 Jim likes to add his very own aroma, especially if Norma is downwind. 409 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:51,640 The relationship between Nana and Jim I think is really important because 410 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:53,760 it's a love-hate relationship. 411 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:58,560 He hates her when she's there, but secretly he loves her. 412 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,880 She's the butt of most of his gags. 413 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,720 TV: Tonight, we find out what's happened to baby Cody, 414 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,880 who we saw last week fighting for his life and a risk of brain damage. 415 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:12,520 Has the new cap that's been fitted to cool his head helped him to recover? 416 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:17,240 Also, the latest thing out of Africa - Craig Doyle takes a trip on top of 417 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:22,680 the rain forest in a mission... PHHRR-RR-RTT! 418 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:28,880 And Lynsey Fallow goes rock climbing indoors, a rugged way of exercising. 419 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:35,360 I was trained in farting. I can do it at the drop of a hat and I'm thinking of taking it on the stage. 420 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:39,080 I'm thinking of going round and making an ensemble of it. 421 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:42,080 There was none of that obviously, 422 00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:46,320 but the sound effects worked overtime. 423 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:50,440 It's a right Royle knees-up in our next portrait. 424 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:55,880 Antony is celebrating his 18th birthday and Emma's about to meet the saintly neighbours. 425 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,880 One of my favourite bits was when Emma 426 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,280 is introduced to the family and she meets Mary and Joe from next door. 427 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:05,040 Happy birthday, Antony. 428 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,040 Cheers, Mary. Thanks. 429 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:10,800 This must be Emma. Hiya. 430 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:14,760 Oh, so many new names for you. 431 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:20,320 Just remember, we're Mary and Joseph, like in the Bible. 432 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:24,040 But we've got Cheryl, not Jesus. 433 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,680 Hiya. It was very hard to keep a straight face. 434 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:31,280 In fact, that whole episode, it was really, really hard to keep a straight face. 435 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:35,840 You could have made Mary a bit of an Irish, you know a bit sort of... 436 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:37,800 But she's not. 437 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,720 She's always smiling, isn't she? 438 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,880 Everything is great and I love that. 439 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:49,120 Coming up - Craig and Caroline reveal another of their hand-picked moments. 440 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:58,040 It really reminds me of being at home and my dad just knocking everything that you ever did. 441 00:27:05,580 --> 00:27:08,420 Welcome back to this treasure trove of Royle moments. 442 00:27:08,580 --> 00:27:11,300 You're lovely, Derek. 443 00:27:11,580 --> 00:27:14,300 Tonight, Craig and Caroline are selecting 444 00:27:14,460 --> 00:27:16,660 their top ten favourite ever scenes. 445 00:27:19,220 --> 00:27:22,020 At number eight, they've picked the poignant moment 446 00:27:22,260 --> 00:27:26,380 between blushing bride Denise and her very proud dad. 447 00:27:29,820 --> 00:27:32,460 Here, have a ciggie off your old dad. 448 00:27:32,620 --> 00:27:33,940 Ta. 449 00:27:34,100 --> 00:27:35,500 Hey, what about poor Cheryl, 450 00:27:35,820 --> 00:27:38,420 what does she look like in that bloody frock? JIM LAUGHS 451 00:27:38,660 --> 00:27:41,780 Dad! It'll make you look better in the photographs. 452 00:27:47,580 --> 00:27:51,860 Dad, you know how I never say anything nice to you? 453 00:27:52,100 --> 00:27:57,980 And I'm always going on at you for...picking your nose and farting? 454 00:27:58,180 --> 00:28:01,140 Well, you know, I... 455 00:28:01,300 --> 00:28:04,260 You and me mam, both of you, 456 00:28:04,420 --> 00:28:06,780 more than anything. 457 00:28:06,980 --> 00:28:09,180 (I know. 458 00:28:09,380 --> 00:28:11,220 (I know. 459 00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:14,820 (To you.) GLASSES CLINK 460 00:28:20,020 --> 00:28:21,300 Right. 461 00:28:22,900 --> 00:28:24,220 (I hope my arse holds up!) 462 00:29:08,220 --> 00:29:10,100 FRONT DOOR CLOSES 463 00:29:14,820 --> 00:29:16,340 Ahh! 464 00:29:16,580 --> 00:29:19,660 That was one of the moments I love 465 00:29:19,940 --> 00:29:25,820 cos you seldom see Jim be so gentle and...loving, really. Mmm. 466 00:29:27,220 --> 00:29:28,860 Really loving in that scene, isn't he? 467 00:29:29,020 --> 00:29:31,140 Yeah, but you were very good there... 468 00:29:31,420 --> 00:29:33,820 No, she was. Thank you, Craig! I know she's... 469 00:29:34,020 --> 00:29:36,180 I wouldn't normally praise her, 470 00:29:36,420 --> 00:29:41,060 but, yeah, two really good performances 471 00:29:41,260 --> 00:29:44,420 and a lovely moving little moment - 472 00:29:44,660 --> 00:29:47,620 them two, the bride's father and the bride. 473 00:29:47,860 --> 00:29:52,700 And the last moments together before the whole thing kind of kicks off. 474 00:29:52,940 --> 00:29:56,380 And where she tries to tell her dad that she loves him, 475 00:29:56,660 --> 00:29:59,820 but doesn't quite say it, you know. Doesn't say the actual words. 476 00:29:59,980 --> 00:30:03,300 And doesn't need to, 477 00:30:03,580 --> 00:30:05,980 but it's just a lovely, tender moment. 478 00:30:06,140 --> 00:30:07,740 And at the end, you know, 479 00:30:08,020 --> 00:30:12,740 when you see her look round and it's kind of... It's touching. 480 00:30:12,900 --> 00:30:14,540 In her mind, she's thinking, 481 00:30:14,740 --> 00:30:16,140 "This'll be the last time," 482 00:30:16,420 --> 00:30:19,700 and little did she realise we'd be there every night, 483 00:30:19,940 --> 00:30:22,740 so I wasn't really saying goodbye to my home. 484 00:30:23,020 --> 00:30:26,260 Because every night we'd trawl round, won't we? Yeah. 485 00:30:26,500 --> 00:30:29,180 There's never a quiet moment at the Royles'. 486 00:30:29,460 --> 00:30:32,660 And surprisingly, our next portrait comes courtesy of Joe, 487 00:30:32,820 --> 00:30:34,940 their verbally challenged neighbour. 488 00:30:35,100 --> 00:30:36,980 CHEERING AND LAUGHTER 489 00:30:39,380 --> 00:30:43,100 # I will take you home again, Kathleen 490 00:30:43,340 --> 00:30:45,380 # Across the ocean wild and wide... # 491 00:30:45,620 --> 00:30:48,180 (Shh, I love this, I love this.) 492 00:30:48,340 --> 00:30:52,500 # ..To where thy heart has ever been 493 00:30:52,780 --> 00:30:58,340 # Since first you were my bonnie bride... # 494 00:30:58,700 --> 00:31:02,980 'One episode I was in the studio and I thought I was on my own and I started to sing' 495 00:31:03,220 --> 00:31:06,580 and then I realised that Caroline was behind me 496 00:31:06,780 --> 00:31:08,740 and she said, "You can sing." 497 00:31:09,020 --> 00:31:11,180 I said, "Yeah, I was a singer to start with." 498 00:31:11,340 --> 00:31:12,540 "Oh." 499 00:31:12,780 --> 00:31:15,500 That was the end of the conversation. Next episode, she says 500 00:31:15,740 --> 00:31:19,340 "You're going to sing I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen." 501 00:31:19,540 --> 00:31:20,980 So I said, "One chorus, verse?" 502 00:31:21,220 --> 00:31:24,260 "No, no, no. Three choruses and three verses!" 503 00:31:24,460 --> 00:31:26,620 # ..Home again, Kathleen 504 00:31:26,860 --> 00:31:32,300 # To where your heart will feel no pain 505 00:31:32,580 --> 00:31:38,220 # And when the fields are fresh and green... # 506 00:31:38,500 --> 00:31:44,380 'What an amazing idea to have a maudlin guy who says really nothing' 507 00:31:44,860 --> 00:31:48,140 and then sits in a corner 508 00:31:48,380 --> 00:31:53,140 and pours out a heartfelt Irish ballad. 509 00:31:53,300 --> 00:31:54,860 # ..To your home again... # 510 00:31:55,060 --> 00:31:57,100 Ah, lovely... 511 00:31:57,340 --> 00:32:02,980 # ..I know you love me Kathleen, dear 512 00:32:03,220 --> 00:32:08,300 # Your heart is ever fond and true... # 513 00:32:08,540 --> 00:32:14,420 'I remember watching Joe start I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen' 514 00:32:14,620 --> 00:32:17,500 and it was immediately moving 515 00:32:17,740 --> 00:32:20,980 because I'd not heard singing like that in a long time 516 00:32:21,300 --> 00:32:27,180 and when I was a kid, you know, everybody on our estate, all the old ones, sang like that. 517 00:32:27,900 --> 00:32:32,820 # ..The smiles that once you gave to me 518 00:32:32,980 --> 00:32:38,940 # I scarcely ever see them now... # 519 00:32:39,940 --> 00:32:41,940 'And then I thought, "She's not going to...' 520 00:32:42,100 --> 00:32:45,420 "She's not going to cut this! 521 00:32:45,660 --> 00:32:47,780 "She's going to roll the whole song." 522 00:32:48,020 --> 00:32:53,940 # ..I'll take you to your home again... # 523 00:32:54,220 --> 00:32:56,020 Your dad used to sing this. 524 00:32:56,260 --> 00:32:59,220 'I remember the day after it was broadcast, 525 00:32:59,500 --> 00:33:03,900 'I remember that had had quite an effect across the workplaces' 526 00:33:04,100 --> 00:33:07,020 and the offices. 527 00:33:07,300 --> 00:33:10,140 People were very moved by it and moved enough to talk about it 528 00:33:10,420 --> 00:33:14,060 because I think people wanted to know, why was it so fantastic? 529 00:33:14,260 --> 00:33:18,260 Why was it so sad and so uplifting? 530 00:33:18,500 --> 00:33:21,220 'It was a fabulous, fabulous moment. 531 00:33:21,540 --> 00:33:25,220 'What people don't realise is that I must have sung that song about 15 times,' 532 00:33:25,540 --> 00:33:29,260 you see, because the lighting's not right, the sound's maybe not quite right, 533 00:33:29,500 --> 00:33:31,980 so you do take after take after take. 534 00:33:32,140 --> 00:33:33,500 By the time I'd finished it... 535 00:33:33,660 --> 00:33:34,900 HE COUGHS 536 00:33:35,140 --> 00:33:36,620 ..I couldn't talk! HE LAUGHS 537 00:33:36,820 --> 00:33:42,740 # ..You to your home again. # 538 00:33:51,900 --> 00:33:54,380 I can still smell the shit in here. 539 00:33:54,540 --> 00:33:55,780 I still get people saying, 540 00:33:56,020 --> 00:33:58,620 "What was that line you said on The Royle Family, now, 541 00:33:58,980 --> 00:34:03,380 "when Joe's just been singing?" Everyone still remembers it, it's just one of them moments. 542 00:34:05,060 --> 00:34:07,660 Christmas sets the scene for our next classic moment 543 00:34:07,980 --> 00:34:11,900 as Antony describes a rather different order of events at Emma's house, 544 00:34:12,100 --> 00:34:15,780 much to the amusement of Jim. 545 00:34:15,980 --> 00:34:18,060 Hey, Antony, 546 00:34:18,220 --> 00:34:20,660 what time are you going to Emma's? 547 00:34:20,820 --> 00:34:24,140 Well, her mam said 5.00 for 5.30, 548 00:34:24,420 --> 00:34:27,940 so I think that means about quarter past. 549 00:34:28,140 --> 00:34:29,980 Mmm! 550 00:34:30,220 --> 00:34:35,380 Oh, Antony, isn't it funny, you having to have two Christmas dinners? 551 00:34:35,540 --> 00:34:37,540 Yeah, it's all right, really. 552 00:34:37,820 --> 00:34:40,740 Well, they're all vegetarians so they're having a nut roast. 553 00:34:40,900 --> 00:34:42,180 'There were certain bits' 554 00:34:42,420 --> 00:34:45,900 that I had to Manc up and one of them that always sticks out on me, 555 00:34:46,180 --> 00:34:47,980 I'd go, "God, I really Manc'ed that up," 556 00:34:48,340 --> 00:34:51,540 was the "Yeah, we're having a nut roast." HE LAUGHS 557 00:34:51,780 --> 00:34:55,620 They're all vegetarians so they're having a nut roast. 558 00:34:55,860 --> 00:34:58,460 It's like, why have I done a Liam Gallagher impression? 559 00:34:58,780 --> 00:35:02,740 The tight gets! All that bloody money and they won't fork out for a bit of turkey?! 560 00:35:02,980 --> 00:35:07,140 I can't believe they're having their Christmas dinner at night. 561 00:35:07,340 --> 00:35:09,860 It'll lay heavy on them, won't it? 562 00:35:10,020 --> 00:35:11,380 Yeah. 563 00:35:13,220 --> 00:35:17,180 Will you be staying late, Antony? Yeah. 564 00:35:17,460 --> 00:35:23,180 But after they've had their dinner, they always play charades, you know, 565 00:35:23,340 --> 00:35:25,020 and parlour games and that. 566 00:35:25,180 --> 00:35:27,140 THEY ALL LAUGH 567 00:35:27,340 --> 00:35:28,980 JIM: Parlour games?! 568 00:35:35,900 --> 00:35:37,260 Is their telly broke? 569 00:35:39,940 --> 00:35:42,460 I love the assumption on Denise's part that the only 570 00:35:42,740 --> 00:35:45,820 possible reason you could have for playing games on Christmas Day 571 00:35:45,980 --> 00:35:47,660 is that your telly's broken down. 572 00:35:47,900 --> 00:35:50,300 She can't fathom any other reason for doing it. 573 00:35:50,460 --> 00:35:53,860 THEY CONTINUE TO LAUGH 574 00:35:54,060 --> 00:35:55,180 Parlour games, my arse! 575 00:35:55,420 --> 00:35:58,060 I was pleased with that, it was a nice bit to get right. 576 00:35:58,300 --> 00:36:00,660 It's nice when you think, "I got that bit right." 577 00:36:00,860 --> 00:36:02,860 And then they all just burst out laughing. 578 00:36:05,180 --> 00:36:08,140 By 2000, The Royle Family was in its third series, 579 00:36:08,340 --> 00:36:10,740 and nine million tuned in to see if 580 00:36:11,020 --> 00:36:14,540 Denise had changed from a lazy arse to young mum of the year. 581 00:36:19,900 --> 00:36:21,660 How's the sleeping going, Denise? 582 00:36:21,900 --> 00:36:23,700 Well, I slept all through last night. 583 00:36:24,940 --> 00:36:28,660 No! I mean Baby David. 584 00:36:28,820 --> 00:36:30,620 Oh, dunno. 585 00:36:30,860 --> 00:36:33,540 Denise, I think once she's had Baby David, 586 00:36:33,780 --> 00:36:37,220 is sort of out of sight, out of mind, quite literally. 587 00:36:37,380 --> 00:36:39,620 She never thinks of the baby. 588 00:36:39,900 --> 00:36:45,060 It never dominates in her affections at all, it's still about HER. 589 00:36:45,300 --> 00:36:48,180 That got darker and darker, the longer it went on - 590 00:36:48,340 --> 00:36:50,180 how bad a mother Denise was. 591 00:36:50,460 --> 00:36:52,940 And Caroline just revelled in it, it was so funny. 592 00:36:53,180 --> 00:36:55,660 He woke up twice last night, Barbara. 593 00:36:55,820 --> 00:36:58,900 Oh, did he? Ah, did he? 594 00:36:59,100 --> 00:37:01,660 Twice, yeah. 595 00:37:01,940 --> 00:37:04,540 Dave, for all his ribbing, is still there for the baby, 596 00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:06,180 so you know the baby will be OK. 597 00:37:06,420 --> 00:37:09,340 For their next favourite family portrait, 598 00:37:09,700 --> 00:37:15,580 Craig and Caroline have chosen the moment when dogsbody Antony reveals his musical ambitions. 599 00:37:20,220 --> 00:37:24,300 Dave, how do you go about getting a gig in The Feathers? 600 00:37:24,580 --> 00:37:27,420 Antony, you haven't told them about your new venture. 601 00:37:27,580 --> 00:37:28,940 What is it? 602 00:37:32,220 --> 00:37:34,100 Well, I'm managing a band. 603 00:37:34,260 --> 00:37:36,460 JIM AND DAVE LAUGH LOUDLY 604 00:37:42,100 --> 00:37:44,060 Bloody hell, it's Brian Epstein! 605 00:37:45,700 --> 00:37:48,820 Oh, Antony, oh, blimey. Oh, man! 606 00:37:48,980 --> 00:37:52,460 You're managing a band?! Who's in it? 607 00:37:54,100 --> 00:37:56,340 Well, Darren's on bass. 608 00:37:56,580 --> 00:37:59,260 Ryan's on vocals and Tiggsy's on drums. 609 00:37:59,420 --> 00:38:02,540 Little Tiggsy, on drums?! 610 00:38:02,820 --> 00:38:05,300 Yeah, well, more of a drum machine, but yes. 611 00:38:05,500 --> 00:38:07,340 Oh, I've got to see this. 612 00:38:07,580 --> 00:38:09,700 Can you get as a gig at The Feathers or what? 613 00:38:09,940 --> 00:38:12,460 Well, you're the manager, aren't you?! 614 00:38:12,620 --> 00:38:15,140 Anyway, what do they sound like? 615 00:38:15,380 --> 00:38:19,220 Sort of a cross between Oasis and the Manics. 616 00:38:19,380 --> 00:38:21,260 What sort of stuff do they do? 617 00:38:21,620 --> 00:38:27,460 Well, we do a cover of Wonderwall, and a song Ryan wrote about his son, Access All Areas. 618 00:38:27,860 --> 00:38:29,820 Ryan's never seen his son. 619 00:38:29,980 --> 00:38:31,580 That's what the song's about, 620 00:38:31,740 --> 00:38:33,060 he can't get access. 621 00:38:33,220 --> 00:38:35,220 BARBARA: Ahh. 622 00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:38,860 (Bloody hell.) So what's the name of this band, then? 623 00:38:39,060 --> 00:38:40,980 Oh, yeah. Exit. 624 00:38:41,180 --> 00:38:42,500 JIM LAUGHS 625 00:38:42,660 --> 00:38:44,420 No, right, listen, listen. 626 00:38:44,620 --> 00:38:46,420 Right, it's a marketing thing, yeah? 627 00:38:46,660 --> 00:38:50,380 Right, wherever we play, our name's up in lights. 628 00:38:50,540 --> 00:38:54,780 Hey, Antony, that's really clever. 629 00:38:55,980 --> 00:38:57,700 Exit, my arse! 630 00:38:59,940 --> 00:39:01,900 'This really reminds me of being at home' 631 00:39:02,140 --> 00:39:07,420 and my dad just knocking everything you ever did, you know. 632 00:39:07,660 --> 00:39:10,620 Giving you no confidence. It would be just a great laugh to them. 633 00:39:10,940 --> 00:39:15,740 I mean, it's so horrible to laugh your head off at your son's efforts, isn't it, really? Yeah. 634 00:39:16,060 --> 00:39:21,700 Barbara's the opposite, she's always delighted with anything Antony's done or anything he tells her. 635 00:39:21,940 --> 00:39:27,220 That's genuinely like the way my dad was with us, 636 00:39:27,500 --> 00:39:30,780 he used to teach us everything just by knocking us. 637 00:39:30,980 --> 00:39:32,620 I remember I was at primary school 638 00:39:32,860 --> 00:39:34,820 and got caught smoking, me and my mate Dave 639 00:39:34,980 --> 00:39:39,260 tried smoking, like most kids did 640 00:39:39,580 --> 00:39:44,620 and when my dad found out, his way of dealing with it wasn't having a right go at me, he would just, 641 00:39:44,940 --> 00:39:50,140 whenever we went to relatives or anything and they were smoking, "Why don't you have one of our Craig's? 642 00:39:50,420 --> 00:39:55,220 "Give him one of yours, he's a 40-a-day man, our Craig, aren't you?" 643 00:39:55,580 --> 00:39:59,940 And I was about eight or nine, just experimenting, stupid thing to do, obviously, 644 00:40:00,220 --> 00:40:05,620 but I never smoked again because I just could not go through the pain 645 00:40:05,900 --> 00:40:09,380 of another week of my dad, like, for ever. 646 00:40:09,540 --> 00:40:11,260 "Have one of our Craig's!" 647 00:40:11,500 --> 00:40:14,220 "Have one of our Craig's! Oh, he loves a cig." 648 00:40:16,580 --> 00:40:20,300 Coming up, Norma gets a little hot under the collar. 649 00:40:20,460 --> 00:40:23,940 "Luciana started to feel herself..." 650 00:40:24,100 --> 00:40:25,540 Hey? 651 00:40:25,780 --> 00:40:31,740 "..weakening as she saw the steely determination of his gait." 652 00:40:39,060 --> 00:40:44,100 'Welcome back to this exclusive celebration of The Royle Family.' 653 00:40:44,300 --> 00:40:45,460 Ha, ha, ha! 654 00:40:45,820 --> 00:40:51,220 Writers and stars Craig and Caroline have chosen their top 10 favourite moments, 655 00:40:51,540 --> 00:40:57,460 and their next features Dave, as he gives Mills & Boon the justice it deserves. 656 00:40:58,300 --> 00:41:01,940 "Luciana started to feel herself." 657 00:41:02,100 --> 00:41:03,340 Eh?! 658 00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:05,100 "Weakening... 659 00:41:05,380 --> 00:41:10,140 "as she saw the steely determination of his gait. 660 00:41:10,420 --> 00:41:15,700 "Suddenly, she felt enveloped by his two strong arms. 661 00:41:15,860 --> 00:41:18,740 "Never had she felt so protected. 662 00:41:18,980 --> 00:41:24,780 "Not with Rico, not with Paulo, and certainly not with Demetrius." 663 00:41:24,940 --> 00:41:26,980 Oh, no, not with him, no. 664 00:41:27,220 --> 00:41:31,540 "She felt his warm breath on the nape of her neck. 665 00:41:31,820 --> 00:41:37,740 "Every sinew in her body ached with desire for this gifted neurosurgeon. 666 00:41:38,740 --> 00:41:44,620 "She wondered how such strong hands could perform such delicate operations. 667 00:41:45,220 --> 00:41:48,980 " 'I want you, Luciana', he whispered. 668 00:41:49,260 --> 00:41:54,340 " 'I've wanted you since the moment I clasped my eyes on you, 669 00:41:54,500 --> 00:41:57,260 " 'dancing alone in the fountain.' 670 00:41:57,500 --> 00:42:02,540 "His lips sought to quench the thirst of her rising passion. 671 00:42:02,740 --> 00:42:05,180 "She knew that this was the moment. 672 00:42:05,540 --> 00:42:11,380 " 'Not here, Luciana, my angel', he whispered, 'Let's wait until Marrakech.' " 673 00:42:13,340 --> 00:42:16,380 What the bloody hell is that doctor playing at? 674 00:42:16,620 --> 00:42:20,380 I've got a little stiffy here and he wants to wait till Marrakech?! 675 00:42:22,060 --> 00:42:25,260 Davy, Davy. 676 00:42:25,420 --> 00:42:27,580 What is a little stiffy? 677 00:42:30,460 --> 00:42:32,620 That was one of my favourite bits. 678 00:42:32,860 --> 00:42:35,660 I think the reason that we put that in is because 679 00:42:35,900 --> 00:42:39,780 I guess that was the most fun we ever had writing, really, wasn't it? 680 00:42:40,060 --> 00:42:42,620 Yeah. Honest to God, we wrote it one afternoon, 681 00:42:42,900 --> 00:42:45,900 and sometimes you write things and you think it's funny, 682 00:42:46,180 --> 00:42:49,100 and the next day you come in and read them back and they're not funny. 683 00:42:49,340 --> 00:42:51,460 That made us laugh even more. Just the story. 684 00:42:51,700 --> 00:42:54,300 It was the story that tickled us. Typical Mills & Boon. 685 00:42:54,500 --> 00:42:56,100 Yeah. All that kind of... Trash. 686 00:42:56,460 --> 00:43:02,340 You know, "She wondered how such big hands could perform such delicate operations." 687 00:43:04,140 --> 00:43:06,540 I mean, who would put that in a book? 688 00:43:06,820 --> 00:43:12,740 Nana is brilliant in that because it's all, "Hmm?", you know. 689 00:43:12,980 --> 00:43:16,100 She just plays... Even sucking her sweets... 690 00:43:16,460 --> 00:43:20,940 She's sucking her sweets, she's basically listening to a story being read, 691 00:43:21,180 --> 00:43:25,540 and she just steals the whole thing away. She's just sublime. 692 00:43:25,780 --> 00:43:28,540 'And from the sublime to the ridiculous, 693 00:43:28,820 --> 00:43:33,500 'as Antony gets promoted from dogsbody to fulltime babysitter.' 694 00:43:37,300 --> 00:43:41,700 Have him while I take your dad's brew up. Oh, Mum... There you are. Ooh! 695 00:43:50,220 --> 00:43:51,460 DOORBELL RINGS 696 00:43:51,660 --> 00:43:54,620 Antony, get that, will you? 697 00:43:54,780 --> 00:43:56,140 Watch his floppy head! 698 00:43:56,500 --> 00:44:02,380 'Antony does have a lot of patience, except I just don't know if that's through choice, really.' 699 00:44:03,620 --> 00:44:07,100 I think he's sort of just resigned to it at this point. It's just easier. 700 00:44:07,340 --> 00:44:10,100 DOORBELL RINGS All right! 701 00:44:14,060 --> 00:44:17,620 Hiya. Hi. Hey, who said you could hold baby David? 702 00:44:17,780 --> 00:44:20,220 Dave? Get baby David off him. 703 00:44:20,500 --> 00:44:23,580 'I'm pretty good with babies because my little brother 704 00:44:23,820 --> 00:44:27,580 'was ten years younger than me. The person who was least worried on set' 705 00:44:27,860 --> 00:44:30,540 was the baby's mum because she'd seen me hold him 706 00:44:30,820 --> 00:44:33,260 and was sort of, "Oh, you know what you're doing," 707 00:44:33,420 --> 00:44:34,980 and everybody else is like... 708 00:44:35,300 --> 00:44:39,980 What you don't see is, I'm there holding the cornflakes and trying to balance him, 709 00:44:40,300 --> 00:44:45,260 and I've got every crew member like that ready to just sort of...dive in and catch the little thing. 710 00:44:45,420 --> 00:44:48,300 Aw! Who'd like a bacon buttie? 711 00:44:48,500 --> 00:44:50,700 BOTH: Oh, yeah, please! 712 00:44:50,980 --> 00:44:53,020 Antony, go and put some bacon under, love. 713 00:44:54,700 --> 00:44:57,260 'He's the total slave!' 714 00:44:57,460 --> 00:44:59,980 We only had him to do things for us. 715 00:45:00,180 --> 00:45:03,780 "Let's have another child, and he can do everything." 716 00:45:04,020 --> 00:45:07,780 'While the family keep Antony busy, Jim and his best mate, Twiggy, 717 00:45:08,100 --> 00:45:12,780 'are wondering if they should get down to some hard graft and decorate the dining room.' 718 00:45:13,060 --> 00:45:15,140 'The scene where they're supposed to be' 719 00:45:15,380 --> 00:45:19,820 stripping the wallpaper is just a beautifully written scene. 720 00:45:23,260 --> 00:45:25,620 Could Dave not have given you a hand with this, Jim? 721 00:45:25,940 --> 00:45:30,540 No, he's under Denise's bloody thumb, isn't he, the lanky streak of piss! 722 00:45:30,820 --> 00:45:33,780 Have you seen him carrying the baby around all the bloody time? 723 00:45:34,060 --> 00:45:36,940 I never, ever picked my kids up. Unless they fell over! 724 00:45:37,180 --> 00:45:39,900 THEY LAUGH Me neither. 725 00:45:40,140 --> 00:45:42,220 No, he's a bloody old woman with that baby. 726 00:45:42,460 --> 00:45:45,500 Twice last week, he had the emergency doctor out to Baby David. 727 00:45:45,780 --> 00:45:49,300 Ooh, Denise was bloody fuming. He woke her up both times, didn't he? 728 00:45:49,540 --> 00:45:53,340 No, he's completely under her bloody thumb, lad. 729 00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:54,980 Always has been, Jim. 730 00:45:55,260 --> 00:45:59,100 She says, "Shit," he jumps on the shovel. Yeah. 731 00:45:59,340 --> 00:46:02,020 Not even any fun going for a pint with the bugger now, is it? 732 00:46:02,380 --> 00:46:07,540 After three pints, he's got the bloody photograph of the nipper out and he's crying his bloody eyes out! 733 00:46:07,860 --> 00:46:12,220 Oh, and that bloody farmyard he's making for Baby David, ooh, it's doing my 'ead in! 734 00:46:12,380 --> 00:46:14,380 I'm sick of that farmyard, too, Jim. 735 00:46:16,020 --> 00:46:17,460 No, he's bloody terrified! 736 00:46:17,700 --> 00:46:20,340 He's always looking at his watch, he's always on edge! 737 00:46:20,620 --> 00:46:23,580 He's under the bloody thumb all right, he's not a bloody man. 738 00:46:23,860 --> 00:46:26,500 FRONT DOOR OPENS Quick! 739 00:46:31,260 --> 00:46:34,860 Hiya. Oh, I tell you what, this is hard work this, Barb. 740 00:46:35,020 --> 00:46:38,220 Yeah. Hey, you all right, Twiggy? 741 00:46:38,380 --> 00:46:40,500 All right, Barb? 742 00:46:40,780 --> 00:46:42,980 I love the fact that they were sat slagging Dave off, 743 00:46:43,260 --> 00:46:45,940 saying he's really under the thumb, then I come in and they both run. 744 00:46:46,180 --> 00:46:50,260 I don't think Jim's under the thumb, but I think Jim is a bit of, er... 745 00:46:50,420 --> 00:46:53,660 He's very sort of coy and, um, 746 00:46:53,980 --> 00:46:58,100 he's probably made a promise to Barbara that he'll have that wallpaper stripped. 747 00:46:58,260 --> 00:47:00,020 Come what may, he'll have that done. 748 00:47:00,380 --> 00:47:04,140 And so, when he hears the doorbell going, and he jumps up and he does it... 749 00:47:04,420 --> 00:47:07,500 But he never, ever finishes it, so he gets away with it. 750 00:47:07,740 --> 00:47:10,780 Barbara would like the decorating done for the Christening. 751 00:47:10,980 --> 00:47:13,100 I mean, she really would. 752 00:47:13,260 --> 00:47:16,260 But Jim doesn't see it as a priority. 753 00:47:16,460 --> 00:47:19,100 And, in a way, Barbara... 754 00:47:19,340 --> 00:47:24,540 Well, all right, it's a shame, but we'll cope with it. 755 00:47:24,780 --> 00:47:29,060 But really, she'd like it done nicely and she, you know... 756 00:47:29,340 --> 00:47:31,700 But she is married to Jim and she does love him. 757 00:47:32,020 --> 00:47:36,420 'Craig and Caroline have been selecting their all-time favourite moments. 758 00:47:36,740 --> 00:47:41,940 'And their next features frumpy neighbour Cheryl who's on a mission to meet Mr Right.' 759 00:47:42,220 --> 00:47:44,460 BARBARA: 'Sit down, you're amongst friends.' 760 00:47:44,700 --> 00:47:46,500 Have you got the Evening News tonight? 761 00:47:46,660 --> 00:47:49,060 Aw, is it in, babes? Yes! 762 00:47:49,220 --> 00:47:50,860 Dad, have you got the Evening News? 763 00:47:51,140 --> 00:47:53,700 Cheryl's ad's in Matchmaker Matchmaker. 764 00:47:53,860 --> 00:47:55,980 What, the lonely hearts? Ha-ha! 765 00:47:56,140 --> 00:47:57,820 Here you are, Cheryl! 766 00:47:58,020 --> 00:48:00,300 ALL: Ooh! 767 00:48:00,580 --> 00:48:03,940 What happened to that bloke you was writing to for ages, Cheryl? 768 00:48:04,260 --> 00:48:09,900 What happened there? Oh, well, I sent him a picture, like he asked, and then I never heard anything. 769 00:48:10,060 --> 00:48:12,020 Ha-ha! BARBARA AND DENISE: Aw! 770 00:48:12,260 --> 00:48:16,020 Well... There wasn't much future in it, really. Wasn't he in for life? 771 00:48:16,180 --> 00:48:18,220 Yeah. 772 00:48:18,380 --> 00:48:19,500 Here it is. 773 00:48:22,300 --> 00:48:23,340 That's it. 774 00:48:23,500 --> 00:48:25,140 Ooh, all right, let's have a look. 775 00:48:25,420 --> 00:48:28,060 What does it say, Barb? Oh, hang on, hang on. 776 00:48:28,340 --> 00:48:32,420 "Charismatic thirties female..." No, read Cheryl's out(!) Ha-ha! 777 00:48:32,660 --> 00:48:38,620 "Bubbly, cuddly, likes going out for meals or staying in for meals. 778 00:48:40,620 --> 00:48:45,180 "Both vegetarian and meat eaters considered." Ooh, good thinking, babes. 779 00:48:45,420 --> 00:48:51,340 "Looking for friendship/love with male aged any. 780 00:48:52,460 --> 00:48:55,420 "Able-bodied or otherwise. 781 00:48:55,580 --> 00:48:57,820 "Skin colour not essential. 782 00:48:57,980 --> 00:49:00,780 "No height restrictions." 783 00:49:01,020 --> 00:49:04,500 Bloody hell, you're not a roller-coaster, are you, Cheryl? 784 00:49:04,780 --> 00:49:08,020 "Own vehicle not necessary as father will pick up and drop-off." 785 00:49:08,260 --> 00:49:10,700 Oh, you know what the problem is here, don't you? 786 00:49:10,940 --> 00:49:13,500 You're playing too bloody hard to get, girl. 787 00:49:13,660 --> 00:49:16,660 THEY LAUGH 788 00:49:16,900 --> 00:49:18,900 Aw, it's just the description, God love her! 789 00:49:19,100 --> 00:49:20,620 I mean, it includes everyone. 790 00:49:20,780 --> 00:49:22,500 DHSS considered. Yeah. 791 00:49:22,780 --> 00:49:25,300 No height restrictions. Skin colour not essential. 792 00:49:25,460 --> 00:49:27,340 It doesn't even make sense! 793 00:49:27,540 --> 00:49:29,540 Skin colour not essential! 794 00:49:29,740 --> 00:49:31,380 Vegetarian or meat-eaters. 795 00:49:31,620 --> 00:49:34,300 Just anyone. Just anyone, really. Anyone at all. 796 00:49:34,620 --> 00:49:38,940 That's another one of them times where we've really laughed writing it... Yeah. 797 00:49:39,100 --> 00:49:41,500 ..when we were doing it, so... 798 00:49:41,820 --> 00:49:46,060 And Jessica's just incredible in that. If you watch her when they're reading it out... 799 00:49:46,220 --> 00:49:48,380 She is mouthing it, she's so proud. 800 00:49:48,700 --> 00:49:54,540 She's really proud of it and into it, but she keeps it all in and so underplays it and just, you know... 801 00:49:54,780 --> 00:49:59,220 Again, you know, she's doing next to nothing, but it's saying so much. 802 00:49:59,500 --> 00:50:04,500 Yeah. And it's just so wonderfully played by her. She's just brilliant. 803 00:50:04,660 --> 00:50:06,340 I hope she does find love. 804 00:50:06,500 --> 00:50:09,060 Hmm. 805 00:50:09,220 --> 00:50:10,580 It's not real! 806 00:50:10,740 --> 00:50:12,100 I know! 807 00:50:16,660 --> 00:50:20,260 The lonely hearts ad was just one in a long line of attempts 808 00:50:20,540 --> 00:50:23,500 'Cheryl has tried in her quest to find true love. 809 00:50:25,540 --> 00:50:27,460 WOMEN LAUGH 810 00:50:27,660 --> 00:50:30,260 Ooh, Cheryl! 811 00:50:30,420 --> 00:50:31,500 Congratulations! 812 00:50:31,780 --> 00:50:35,620 Aw, Cheryl, I'm dead, dead, dead pleased for you. 813 00:50:35,900 --> 00:50:38,260 Thanks, everybody. What's all this about? 814 00:50:38,500 --> 00:50:41,820 Oh, well, Cheryl went to see a clairvoyant yesterday 815 00:50:42,180 --> 00:50:47,700 and she said she'd find true love in two days, two weeks, two months or two years! 816 00:50:47,900 --> 00:50:50,700 Who told you this, Cheryl? 817 00:50:50,900 --> 00:50:52,860 Um, Gemini Astrid up the precinct. 818 00:50:53,020 --> 00:50:55,220 Gemini Astrid? Yeah. 819 00:50:55,380 --> 00:50:57,380 For three quid? Yeah. 820 00:50:57,620 --> 00:50:59,940 She talks complete bollocks, she does, love. 821 00:51:00,100 --> 00:51:01,620 Take no notice. 822 00:51:03,460 --> 00:51:05,540 BARBARA: Aw, Cheryl. 823 00:51:05,780 --> 00:51:07,980 You found love and now you've lost it. 824 00:51:09,700 --> 00:51:13,940 Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. 825 00:51:14,100 --> 00:51:16,220 Yeah. 826 00:51:17,380 --> 00:51:18,780 Yeah. 827 00:51:34,860 --> 00:51:36,340 Cheryl... 828 00:51:36,580 --> 00:51:41,580 Do you want a sausage roll? Yeah, I will. Thanks, Barbara. 829 00:51:41,740 --> 00:51:43,940 And there's this long moment of... 830 00:51:44,220 --> 00:51:46,340 Nobody says anything or does everything. 831 00:51:46,540 --> 00:51:48,140 They all kept looking at her. 832 00:51:48,380 --> 00:51:52,100 Like a whole, "Aw, you found love and now you have lost it again." 833 00:51:54,580 --> 00:51:56,740 Totally stupid! 834 00:51:59,100 --> 00:52:01,180 But we all felt so sorry. 835 00:52:01,340 --> 00:52:04,100 She looks...desolate. 836 00:52:04,340 --> 00:52:07,340 Nobody's ever recognised me in Michelle. Nobody. 837 00:52:07,620 --> 00:52:09,260 'I have to tell them, and I do tell them, 838 00:52:09,500 --> 00:52:11,860 'because I'm so proud of being in it,' 839 00:52:12,100 --> 00:52:15,260 even though it was blooming years ago. I always tell them, 840 00:52:15,500 --> 00:52:17,980 and they go, "Oh? "Oh, her?!" you know! 841 00:52:18,260 --> 00:52:24,020 'Next, have those hankies ready for a classic Royle tear-jerker.' 842 00:52:24,220 --> 00:52:26,340 I'm going to be a granddad! 843 00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:43,600 Welcome back to this Gold exclusive, where we're unveiling those 844 00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:47,400 special moments that made the Royle Family such an iconic sitcom. 845 00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:52,160 # Here we go Here we go... # 846 00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:53,600 Ah-ha-ha! Weee! 847 00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:55,520 Ready for the next Family Portrait? 848 00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:57,120 BOTH: Yeah. 849 00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:03,560 Aw, it's Baby David. 850 00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:06,840 (He loves this song.) 851 00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:15,720 # Doo, doo, doo, doo 852 00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:18,720 # Doo do-do-do-do doo doo 853 00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:24,880 # Doo, doo, doo, doo do-do-do-do-doo 854 00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:28,000 # Do doo, do do, do do do do... # 855 00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:30,080 See, you are a good mother. 856 00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:31,640 # Doo, doo, doo, doo... # 857 00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:34,800 # Do-do-do-do... # 858 00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:39,960 They're doing that to the baby over the crib and it's just the cutest, 859 00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:41,760 funniest moment for me. 860 00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:46,040 # Doo, doo, doo, doo Do do, do do do do 861 00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:50,080 # Doo, doo, doo, doo Do do, do do do do 862 00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:54,960 # Doo, doo, doo, doo Do do, do do do do... # 863 00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:06,000 The Royle family live in modern times and Radiohead is a perfect 864 00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:08,480 lullaby for modern babies. 865 00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:14,840 As Dave enjoys fatherhood, two other dads are squaring up. 866 00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:20,360 It's Jim versus Roger Kavanagh, the working-class lad done good. 867 00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:25,520 My mum and dad, they were very sweet but I don't think they meant to come 868 00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:30,360 across rude, but because they'd come into money, they said things 869 00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:32,760 that really wound up Jim and Barbara. 870 00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:36,800 Every dig he could get at Jim, he was having a go, you know? 871 00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:39,240 You know, "I'll invite you on the yacht and we'll go for a spin 872 00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:41,080 "and we'll do this." It was money, money, money. 873 00:54:41,240 --> 00:54:43,080 You ever been on a cruise, Jim? 874 00:54:43,240 --> 00:54:45,840 Oh, no, no, no. 875 00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:49,200 We're going on a cruise this year. Bloody heck. 876 00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:53,360 Takes in all the Med, then we come back and jump on the Orient Express. 877 00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:56,200 You ever been on the Orient Express, Jim? No. 878 00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:58,880 There's a lot of murders on the Orient Express. 879 00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:01,760 You want to watch it on that. 880 00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:03,560 In't that right, Barbara? What? 881 00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,200 There's always murders on the Orient Express. 882 00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:11,320 You ever dabble on the stock market, Jim? No. 883 00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:13,600 What a very easy way to make a lot of money. 884 00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:16,080 Do you know, once I made more in a day than I made in a year? 885 00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:21,280 It was quite nerve-racking to go in. As I say, it was quite established. 886 00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:25,040 And all good actors, every one of them, you know? 887 00:55:25,320 --> 00:55:28,240 So to go in, you think, you know, you can only let the side down here. 888 00:55:28,480 --> 00:55:30,720 Hey, I'll tell you what, Jim - Valerie, you can organise this. 889 00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:34,640 We'll get them all down on the boat. It's a 42-footer, you know. 890 00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:39,000 Has it got a toilet? 891 00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:42,600 It's got two. 892 00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:44,240 DAVE WHISTLES 893 00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:49,240 And that's great, that, Rog, because my hovercraft's still being repaired. 894 00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:52,320 Hey, I'm only from a place like this. I'm a self-made man. 895 00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:54,680 Valerie, wasn't my mam's place as bad as this? 896 00:55:54,920 --> 00:55:58,360 I mean, I didn't have a pot to piss in, me. 897 00:55:58,520 --> 00:55:59,640 And look at me now. 898 00:56:00,920 --> 00:56:03,760 'You feel so hurt on the Royle family's behalf.' 899 00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:06,840 I did, anyway, I really felt like I wanted to go and slosh him. 900 00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:09,800 How dare he say that? Because their place is great, actually, it's really nice. 901 00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:13,240 It's warm and it's cosy and it's friendly. How dare he say that? 902 00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:17,280 No gloating, horrible... 903 00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:21,480 sort of wannabe aspirational nouveau riche person 904 00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:24,960 is ever going to really be a nicer person than the Royles. 905 00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:31,960 Writers and stars Craig and Caroline have picked their favourite scenes and their next is from series two, 906 00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:36,880 where the Royles are surprised by an early Christmas delivery. 907 00:56:40,240 --> 00:56:43,960 Denise, it's your dad, love. Come in, Dad. Come in. 908 00:56:44,240 --> 00:56:47,200 It's not too messy, is it? No, come in. 909 00:56:57,920 --> 00:56:59,320 (You're all right.) 910 00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:08,160 What's the matter? 911 00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:10,000 I don't know. 912 00:57:10,240 --> 00:57:12,480 I can't even remember what I'm supposed to be doing... 913 00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:17,040 My baby book says I'm supposed to be doing my breathing 914 00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:19,760 and I can't even remember how to breathe. 915 00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:24,280 Come on, you'll be all right. Here you are... 916 00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:27,520 Let's play your little tape, eh? 917 00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:29,680 CALMING MUSIC PLAYS 918 00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:46,960 "PIE JESU" PLAYS 919 00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:07,480 Denise? 920 00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:09,440 Yeah? 921 00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:12,280 Are you definitely sure it wasn't just a great big piss, love? 922 00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:16,280 No, I know it wasn't. 923 00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:23,600 And I don't know what I'm going to do. And Dave's going to miss it. 924 00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:28,760 And he's supposed to be helping me with me breathing and he's supposed to be counting and things. 925 00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:32,800 He was supposed to be counting them things I'm having. 926 00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:38,440 Dad, I'm so scared. I don't even 927 00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:42,160 think I want the baby any more. 928 00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:45,760 And I don't think Dave wants it either. 929 00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:48,960 He didn't even want to feel it kicking before. 930 00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:53,960 And I bet you he'll leave it all to me. 931 00:58:55,680 --> 00:59:00,320 And I don't even know anything about babies. You'll be all right. 932 00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:02,240 There's nothing to it. 933 00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:08,720 What if the baby doesn't like me? 934 00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:10,640 What if I don't like the baby? 935 00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:15,200 Of course you'll like it, you'll love it. 936 00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:19,280 I remember the first time your mum... 937 00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:25,400 When your mum put you in my arms and I looked at you. 938 00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:33,120 Oh, God, you were beautiful and I knew, I knew then I'd do anything for you, 939 00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:37,840 anything for you. And our Antony. 940 00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:46,160 But what if I'm not a good mum like me mam? 941 00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:50,280 You'll be a wonderful mother. 942 00:59:58,000 --> 00:59:59,960 Dad... 943 01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:03,760 If Dave doesn't come back, will you come with me to the hospital? 944 01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:07,960 Of course I will. 945 01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:09,520 I'll be right there. 946 01:00:09,680 --> 01:00:10,840 Outside. 947 01:00:12,920 --> 01:00:14,680 But your mum'll be inside with you. 948 01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:16,280 You promise you will, Dad? 949 01:00:16,440 --> 01:00:18,120 You will stay with me? 950 01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:22,120 Of course I'll stay with you. 951 01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:24,280 I'll always be there for you. 952 01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:25,800 Always. 953 01:00:29,360 --> 01:00:31,320 Hey, Denise... 954 01:00:33,040 --> 01:00:35,920 I'm going to be a granddad. 955 01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:52,920 I love seeing that side of Ricky cos, you know, he's so not like that 956 01:00:53,520 --> 01:00:54,880 in the rest of it. It's lovely 957 01:00:55,120 --> 01:01:00,000 to give him the depth of having that about him, being a father. 958 01:01:00,320 --> 01:01:05,280 I just remember thinking, cos they had so much to get through all in one shot, 959 01:01:05,520 --> 01:01:08,160 I was just thinking, "Please, let them remember the words," 960 01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:13,360 because in all that emotion as well, you still have to remember 961 01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:19,600 exactly what to say, the right poignant little lines and stuff, so, you know, 962 01:01:19,920 --> 01:01:21,960 and when they do it, it's real elation, you know? 963 01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:25,600 I'd gone mad on that Pie Jesu, hadn't I? 964 01:01:25,960 --> 01:01:29,800 I thought, "I've got to get it in," and you were going "We can't get it in cos it'll just look false," 965 01:01:30,040 --> 01:01:32,360 cos we never use... So that's why we had to engineer that... 966 01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:35,880 Ended up being the tape, bringing the tape up. 967 01:01:36,040 --> 01:01:37,600 Big, clunky way of doing it! 968 01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:39,680 I know! Aye up, what's he...? 969 01:01:39,840 --> 01:01:42,880 Like the first thing you'd think - 970 01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:45,440 "My daughter's giving birth, she's gone into labour. 971 01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:47,680 "Oh, where's that cassette recorder?" 972 01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:51,920 We might have been tugging the heartstrings a bit. 973 01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:53,920 A violinist in the bath... 974 01:01:55,640 --> 01:01:58,640 A plumber just happened to have a violin. 975 01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:02,320 She'd have bloody got music in whatever, wouldn't you? 976 01:02:05,080 --> 01:02:10,720 In 2006, more than eight million viewers tuned in for a Royle Family special. 977 01:02:10,920 --> 01:02:12,520 The Queen of Sheba. 978 01:02:12,720 --> 01:02:15,160 The special, the Queen of Sheba, was, 979 01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:18,600 I think, one of my favourite pieces of television. 980 01:02:18,960 --> 01:02:24,800 They have...occasionally, these set pieces which are designed to make you fall about with laughter. 981 01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:28,760 All push together! Together! 982 01:02:29,040 --> 01:02:30,880 It's no good pushing, there's a bloody big gap there. 983 01:02:31,080 --> 01:02:33,120 Look at that! 984 01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:35,760 There's a big gap in the expansion, you silly bugger! 985 01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:50,520 The shot of Nana with the big Joker face, looking at their bottoms poking up, laminating the floor. 986 01:02:50,680 --> 01:02:52,600 I mean, it's a real... 987 01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:54,760 It's a work of art. 988 01:02:55,040 --> 01:02:58,200 Looking through an eyeglass with her eye magnified like that is 989 01:02:58,360 --> 01:02:59,880 right up Liz's street. 990 01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:01,640 I bet she adored doing that. 991 01:03:01,880 --> 01:03:03,960 They probably couldn't get it off her afterwards. 992 01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:10,680 MUSIC: "I Wanna Be Like You" from The Jungle Book 993 01:03:17,720 --> 01:03:23,320 The dancing just comes out of nowhere and we just sort of get up and sort of adlib it and do it. 994 01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:24,920 And it worked and it was a laugh. 995 01:03:25,160 --> 01:03:30,560 We knew how the scene had to go, we knew that we had to gradually 996 01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:36,720 disappear out the door, and yeah, we really just did it as it came to us. 997 01:03:47,840 --> 01:03:51,880 And when I put the banana skin on his head, that wasn't script, that was just something I thought... 998 01:03:52,240 --> 01:03:55,680 And you don't know why you do it at the time, and whether it works or not, you don't know. 999 01:03:55,920 --> 01:03:59,320 But you do it cos you don't want it to be, you don't want it to be stale. 1000 01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:03,480 When you do each take, you want it to be fresh and to think of something new. 1001 01:04:14,440 --> 01:04:19,480 But you know, for me, what make me laugh, you know Craig who plays Dave, like, 1002 01:04:19,640 --> 01:04:21,720 he's got no rhythm at all in him. 1003 01:04:21,920 --> 01:04:24,080 He's got no rhythm at all in him. 1004 01:04:31,040 --> 01:04:37,000 There is something Baloo-ish about Jim Royle, and being the Papa Bear. 1005 01:04:37,360 --> 01:04:41,160 It's slapstick, and it's joyous. It's a real celebration. 1006 01:04:41,440 --> 01:04:45,920 And every bit as believable as anything else they put in the show. 1007 01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:51,400 Still to come, we finally meet Dave's dad, David Senior. 1008 01:04:51,560 --> 01:04:54,160 Oh, this is marvellous, Barbara. 1009 01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:58,640 Just kind of epitomises everything that the Royle Family's about, all in one scene. 1010 01:05:05,390 --> 01:05:09,110 Welcome to this all Gold exclusive. 1011 01:05:09,470 --> 01:05:13,510 We're flicking through the Royle Family album, cherry-picking choice moments, 1012 01:05:13,830 --> 01:05:17,830 while the multi-award-winning writers select their top 10 favourite scenes. 1013 01:05:20,910 --> 01:05:23,750 MUSIC: Mambo No. 5 by Lou Bega 1014 01:05:27,630 --> 01:05:29,950 # One, two, three, four, five 1015 01:05:30,230 --> 01:05:32,710 # Everybody in the car so come on let's ride 1016 01:05:32,950 --> 01:05:35,070 # To the liquor store around the corner 1017 01:05:35,310 --> 01:05:38,430 # The boys say they want some gin and juice but I really don't wanna 1018 01:05:38,590 --> 01:05:40,910 # Beer buzz like I had last week 1019 01:05:41,070 --> 01:05:43,590 # I must stay deep cos talk is cheap 1020 01:05:43,830 --> 01:05:46,670 # I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita 1021 01:05:46,870 --> 01:05:49,350 # And as I continue, you know they're getting sweeter 1022 01:05:49,550 --> 01:05:50,910 # So what can I do? 1023 01:05:51,070 --> 01:05:51,950 # I really thank you, my Lord 1024 01:05:52,230 --> 01:05:54,630 # To me flirting is just like a sport 1025 01:05:54,870 --> 01:05:58,350 # Anything fly, it's all good, let me dump it 1026 01:05:58,550 --> 01:06:00,070 # Please send in the trumpet 1027 01:06:00,270 --> 01:06:02,430 # A little bit of Monica in my life 1028 01:06:02,590 --> 01:06:05,270 # A little bit of Erica by my side 1029 01:06:05,470 --> 01:06:07,990 # A little bit of Rita's all I need 1030 01:06:08,150 --> 01:06:10,190 # A little bit of Tina's what I see 1031 01:06:10,390 --> 01:06:13,390 # A little bit of Sandra in the sun 1032 01:06:13,630 --> 01:06:16,230 # A little bit of Mary all night long 1033 01:06:16,430 --> 01:06:18,950 # A little bit of Jessica here I am 1034 01:06:19,230 --> 01:06:21,670 # A little bit of you makes me your man 1035 01:06:38,550 --> 01:06:40,230 # Mambo number five 1036 01:06:44,950 --> 01:06:47,150 # Jump up and down and move it all around 1037 01:06:47,430 --> 01:06:49,950 # Shake your head to the sound Put your hands on the ground 1038 01:06:50,190 --> 01:06:52,670 # Take one step left and one step right 1039 01:06:52,950 --> 01:06:55,590 # One to the front and one to the side 1040 01:06:55,870 --> 01:06:58,070 # Clap your hands once and clap your hands twice 1041 01:06:58,310 --> 01:07:00,910 # And if it look like this then you're doing it right 1042 01:07:01,070 --> 01:07:03,070 # A little bit of Monica in my life 1043 01:07:03,270 --> 01:07:06,030 # A little bit of Erica by my side 1044 01:07:06,230 --> 01:07:08,510 # A little bit of Rita's all I need 1045 01:07:08,710 --> 01:07:11,470 # A little bit of Tina's what I see 1046 01:07:11,630 --> 01:07:14,110 # A little bit of Sandra in the sun 1047 01:07:14,270 --> 01:07:16,790 # A little bit of Mary all night long 1048 01:07:16,990 --> 01:07:19,550 # A little bit of Jessica, here I am 1049 01:07:19,790 --> 01:07:22,310 # A little bit of you makes me your man 1050 01:07:41,510 --> 01:07:43,390 # Trumpet! 1051 01:07:43,510 --> 01:07:44,910 # The trumpet 1052 01:07:47,470 --> 01:07:48,830 # Mambo number five! # 1053 01:07:49,030 --> 01:07:50,350 Mambo number five! 1054 01:07:51,510 --> 01:07:54,910 RADIO: Hello, it's been Jeff on the best music mix... 1055 01:07:55,110 --> 01:07:59,750 THEY LAUGH AND GASP FOR AIR 1056 01:08:02,270 --> 01:08:07,830 I tell you what, he's got it sussed with all the women, hasn't he, our Mambo? Too right, you. 1057 01:08:08,110 --> 01:08:10,110 I always like to put a bit of a song in. 1058 01:08:10,390 --> 01:08:12,550 Well, Benny Hill kind of did one like that 1059 01:08:12,830 --> 01:08:16,230 and then Morecambe and Wise did something like it and then... 1060 01:08:16,510 --> 01:08:20,510 No, theirs was all choreographed, with the toast coming up. 1061 01:08:20,830 --> 01:08:25,510 Yeah, but it has an essence of that same kind of arsing around to a tune. 1062 01:08:25,750 --> 01:08:28,190 Arsing around... No, it's completely different. 1063 01:08:28,390 --> 01:08:30,070 OK, it's completely different. 1064 01:08:30,310 --> 01:08:32,870 It's nothing like the Morecambe and Wise thing. 1065 01:08:33,150 --> 01:08:36,190 No, it isn't, cos that was choreographed for every moment, 1066 01:08:36,430 --> 01:08:38,550 wasn't it? That's what was funny about it. 1067 01:08:38,910 --> 01:08:44,310 It was so clever that... I just said there was a touch of it. I didn't say it was exactly it. OK. 1068 01:08:51,230 --> 01:08:54,750 In our next portrait, inspired by a true domestic goddess, 1069 01:08:54,990 --> 01:08:58,750 Denise has offered to cook the Royles their Christmas dinner. 1070 01:08:59,030 --> 01:09:02,630 Denise's ability to cook had always been an issue across the series 1071 01:09:02,830 --> 01:09:07,190 so it only, sort of, seemed right 1072 01:09:07,470 --> 01:09:13,110 that we should be given a big set piece for her, a big meal. 1073 01:09:13,270 --> 01:09:15,670 BARBARA: Oh, Denise. Yeah? 1074 01:09:15,950 --> 01:09:19,510 What we having for starters tomorrow? Well... 1075 01:09:19,710 --> 01:09:22,150 I'm thinking of Cup-a-Soups. 1076 01:09:22,310 --> 01:09:24,070 Cup-a-Soups? 1077 01:09:24,310 --> 01:09:26,950 Yeah, but with a twist. Oh, what's the twist? 1078 01:09:27,230 --> 01:09:29,750 It's going to be in a bowl, not a cup. 1079 01:09:29,910 --> 01:09:32,030 Oh, how lovely. 1080 01:09:32,270 --> 01:09:34,950 Bet you Nigella's quaking in her bloody boots there. 1081 01:09:35,230 --> 01:09:38,750 It was my idea, Barbara. Was it, Dave? 1082 01:09:39,030 --> 01:09:42,790 Dave! It was our idea, a joint decision made jointly. 1083 01:09:43,030 --> 01:09:47,590 We made a joint decision jointly, Barbara, yeah. 1084 01:09:47,870 --> 01:09:52,510 Barbara really revels in her pride of Denise, you know? 1085 01:09:52,670 --> 01:09:54,950 But to be proud of a child 1086 01:09:55,190 --> 01:10:01,110 that is giving her Christmas dinner guests Cup-a-Soup... I mean! 1087 01:10:01,870 --> 01:10:07,030 So what have you jointly decided we're having after Cup-a-Soup? 1088 01:10:07,270 --> 01:10:10,030 Well, I'm going to get some Mary Piper potatoes 1089 01:10:10,270 --> 01:10:14,510 and then I'm going to roast them and then baste them with a knob of Stork. 1090 01:10:14,670 --> 01:10:17,070 Oh, how lovely. 1091 01:10:17,270 --> 01:10:21,750 And then I'm doing carrot crush. Oh! 1092 01:10:21,990 --> 01:10:25,230 The carrots are from my dad's allotment. Are they, Dave? Mm. Yeah. 1093 01:10:25,350 --> 01:10:27,030 What's that like, carrot crush? 1094 01:10:27,270 --> 01:10:30,150 Well, it's Dave's dad's carrots off Dave's dad's allotment 1095 01:10:30,510 --> 01:10:35,830 and I'm going to boil 'em up, then I'm going to crush 'em and then put on a knob of Stork. 1096 01:10:35,990 --> 01:10:38,910 Oh, how lovely. 1097 01:10:39,070 --> 01:10:41,390 Knob of Stork, yes. 1098 01:10:41,710 --> 01:10:46,750 It's something that Marco Pierre White and the rest of the chefs have probably missed out on. 1099 01:10:50,830 --> 01:10:52,630 What we having for pudding, Denise? 1100 01:10:52,910 --> 01:10:56,270 Well, I'm just going to go down the traditional Christmas route. 1101 01:10:56,430 --> 01:10:59,830 Oh, Walls Vienetta! Yeah. 1102 01:10:59,990 --> 01:11:02,350 But with a twist. What's the twist? 1103 01:11:02,590 --> 01:11:05,790 I haven't really thought up that twist yet. Oh. Yeah. 1104 01:11:06,030 --> 01:11:09,830 You're dying to know what the twist is for dessert but she hasn't quite 1105 01:11:10,070 --> 01:11:13,350 thought that one up yet, but you can't rush into these things. 1106 01:11:13,550 --> 01:11:15,310 She's had a year to prepare for it. 1107 01:11:15,590 --> 01:11:18,590 Are you looking forward to Christmas, Dave? 1108 01:11:18,750 --> 01:11:21,550 Yeah. I just want peas. 1109 01:11:21,790 --> 01:11:24,510 Oh, we all want peace at Christmas, Dave. 1110 01:11:24,750 --> 01:11:27,270 No, peas. I don't fancy that carrot crush. 1111 01:11:32,510 --> 01:11:35,950 But there's little chance of peas or peace in our next moment 1112 01:11:36,230 --> 01:11:41,430 as we meet the irrepressible David Senior and his lovely wife Jocelyn. 1113 01:11:43,110 --> 01:11:47,590 Well, the sofa was, I thought, a wonderful set piece 1114 01:11:47,710 --> 01:11:49,750 of everybody delighting. You know, 1115 01:11:50,030 --> 01:11:54,070 they're very childlike, delighting in the sofa that moved up and down. 1116 01:11:54,270 --> 01:11:57,630 One, two, three... 1117 01:11:57,830 --> 01:11:58,950 ALL: Wooooh! 1118 01:11:59,150 --> 01:12:01,710 'The hysterics were absolutely real' 1119 01:12:01,950 --> 01:12:04,870 because, I don't know if you've ever done it, it was leather 1120 01:12:05,070 --> 01:12:06,910 which made you slide as well. 1121 01:12:08,710 --> 01:12:10,110 Like that. 1122 01:12:10,270 --> 01:12:12,470 Ha, I can't get back...yes, I have. 1123 01:12:12,750 --> 01:12:15,910 There are bits in it where you see me clapping my hands with glee 1124 01:12:16,270 --> 01:12:20,870 and I think that's Helen more than Jocelyn because I just loved it. I got so excited doing it. 1125 01:12:21,150 --> 01:12:24,390 Oh, isn't it a magical time, Christmas? 1126 01:12:28,750 --> 01:12:31,510 Do you want to recline, David Senior? 1127 01:12:31,750 --> 01:12:37,390 Oh, no, I'm all right, Barbera. I'm enjoying watching you recline. Aw. 1128 01:12:37,550 --> 01:12:39,070 That was a wonderful plus 1129 01:12:39,310 --> 01:12:43,390 when we had Tom Courtenay come into the show cos he was fabulous. 1130 01:12:43,670 --> 01:12:45,990 He was a little bit out of his comfort zone, 1131 01:12:46,230 --> 01:12:48,950 but as the week went on, you know, he kept saying, 1132 01:12:49,190 --> 01:12:51,870 "Do you think it's all right if I do it like this?" 1133 01:12:52,070 --> 01:12:53,550 He kept asking our advice. 1134 01:12:53,830 --> 01:12:58,710 But he settled in and he loved it, really enjoyed it. I could tell that. 1135 01:12:58,910 --> 01:13:02,190 Go on, have a recline. Go on! 1136 01:13:02,350 --> 01:13:04,270 Oh, well, if you insist. 1137 01:13:06,710 --> 01:13:08,990 On you get. Give us your drink. 1138 01:13:10,790 --> 01:13:12,110 Ready? 1139 01:13:12,270 --> 01:13:13,630 Steady? 1140 01:13:13,790 --> 01:13:16,590 Recline! Woooo! 1141 01:13:16,790 --> 01:13:18,230 HE LAUGHS 1142 01:13:18,430 --> 01:13:22,950 Oh, this is marvellous, Barbera. 1143 01:13:23,110 --> 01:13:24,870 Come on, Jimbo, don't you want a go? 1144 01:13:25,030 --> 01:13:26,270 No, I don't want to. 1145 01:13:26,430 --> 01:13:28,990 Don't decline a recline. 1146 01:13:29,230 --> 01:13:32,630 'At the time, I'd slipped a disc and it was just a nightmare.' 1147 01:13:32,870 --> 01:13:36,110 And, of course, you have to do it over and over again 1148 01:13:36,270 --> 01:13:38,550 so no, it was not funny. 1149 01:13:38,710 --> 01:13:41,230 We had to go like this. 1150 01:13:41,470 --> 01:13:44,110 The louder you scream, the faster we go! 1151 01:13:45,630 --> 01:13:47,670 I became, as did my two boys, 1152 01:13:47,910 --> 01:13:51,510 obsessed with reclining chairs after that show. 1153 01:13:51,710 --> 01:13:54,590 We went to DFS in the New-Year sales 1154 01:13:54,830 --> 01:14:00,350 and there was a beautiful red recliner. It wasn't a sofa, but... 1155 01:14:00,710 --> 01:14:05,350 You can't take them away the same day with DFS. There was a six-week waiting list or whatever so... 1156 01:14:05,590 --> 01:14:10,110 We just enjoyed watching their recliner a few more times. 1157 01:14:10,430 --> 01:14:16,310 Unlucky in love, Cheryl has finally bagged a bloke and where's the ideal place to take him on a date? 1158 01:14:16,910 --> 01:14:20,190 Next door to the Royles, of course. 1159 01:14:20,350 --> 01:14:23,230 PROPERTY PROGRAMME ON TV 1160 01:14:24,550 --> 01:14:26,190 How's your diet going, Cheryl? 1161 01:14:26,430 --> 01:14:28,470 I've started a new one. What is it, babes? 1162 01:14:28,710 --> 01:14:32,670 Mainly fruit and vegetables. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Cheryl. 1163 01:14:32,950 --> 01:14:36,750 But I have to have plenty of nuts as well. Ooh. But I forgot to take 1164 01:14:37,030 --> 01:14:39,670 my nuts to work yesterday so I just had a Topic. 1165 01:14:39,990 --> 01:14:44,190 Ooh, that's very clever, Cheryl. There's plenty of nuts in them. Yeah. 1166 01:14:44,350 --> 01:14:46,750 And two Snickers. Oh. 1167 01:14:48,790 --> 01:14:50,550 Do you like Snickers, Derek? 1168 01:14:50,710 --> 01:14:53,070 I don't mind. 1169 01:14:53,270 --> 01:14:56,550 Oh, aren't they well suited, Denise? 1170 01:14:56,710 --> 01:14:58,870 Yeah! 1171 01:15:02,750 --> 01:15:05,390 I'm sorry you couldn't meet Denise's dad, Derek. 1172 01:15:05,630 --> 01:15:09,550 He won't come out of the kitchen. He's sulking. 1173 01:15:11,350 --> 01:15:13,430 What's it over this time, Mam? 1174 01:15:15,190 --> 01:15:19,350 It's OK, she's asleep. Well, teatime, it was. 1175 01:15:19,710 --> 01:15:23,670 He went to switch the telly over with the remote control and it wouldn't work. 1176 01:15:23,990 --> 01:15:29,110 Turns out your Nana's taken the batteries out to put in that handheld fan of hers. 1177 01:15:29,270 --> 01:15:32,350 Oh, poor Nana. I know. 1178 01:15:32,590 --> 01:15:34,550 What did he do? Ooh, he hit the roof. 1179 01:15:34,830 --> 01:15:38,350 He said he'd like to shove that fan right up your Nana's arse. 1180 01:15:38,550 --> 01:15:42,070 Sideways. 1181 01:15:42,230 --> 01:15:43,910 'I just love Jessica.' 1182 01:15:44,270 --> 01:15:48,910 The looks she does and she catches herself and does a little sultry look. 1183 01:15:49,150 --> 01:15:53,150 She's got all loads of make-up on. And she wants him to see her 1184 01:15:53,510 --> 01:15:58,230 as this gorgeous sultry thing and she's brought him next door for a date. 1185 01:15:58,470 --> 01:16:01,830 Dave, babes? Mm? Everyone fancies a brew. 1186 01:16:15,510 --> 01:16:16,510 All right, Jim? 1187 01:16:16,710 --> 01:16:18,270 What you doing in here? 1188 01:16:18,430 --> 01:16:20,190 Haven't you bloody heard? 1189 01:16:20,430 --> 01:16:23,910 No, what? The Queen of bloody Sheba in there has only stolen 1190 01:16:24,150 --> 01:16:27,510 the batteries out of me bloody remote control. What for? 1191 01:16:27,750 --> 01:16:31,750 To fan her bloody self, that's what for. So I had to sit for an hour 1192 01:16:32,030 --> 01:16:35,230 and watch Location, Location, Lo-bloody-cation. 1193 01:16:35,470 --> 01:16:37,750 Why don't you just turn it over at the telly? 1194 01:16:38,070 --> 01:16:42,350 Because that's what she wants! Can't you see that? Me up and down like a blue-arsed fly. 1195 01:16:42,590 --> 01:16:46,630 She's the puppet master pulling the strings up and down, up and down. 1196 01:16:46,950 --> 01:16:51,230 She's got Barbara wiping her arse and plucking her bloody chin every half an hour 1197 01:16:51,590 --> 01:16:55,990 and everyone else has to empty her bag because she's too lazy to go for a bloody piss! 1198 01:16:56,230 --> 01:16:58,590 Do you know what the crafty old cow's done, the wicked old witch? 1199 01:16:58,870 --> 01:17:03,190 She stole the bloody batteries out of my bloody remote. 1200 01:17:03,510 --> 01:17:09,390 It really made me laugh doing that scene because Ricky's got that remote control on his little table there, 1201 01:17:10,470 --> 01:17:15,670 and why does he have to bring it into that? He's just so childish in there. 1202 01:17:15,990 --> 01:17:20,230 Why does he have to take a remote control in? We know what he's talking about. 1203 01:17:20,470 --> 01:17:25,150 It's just childishness. When we write it, we know he's going to be 1204 01:17:25,390 --> 01:17:30,390 annoyed but Ricky always puts a final flourish of annoyance in. Yeah. 1205 01:17:30,630 --> 01:17:34,030 On the day, when the cameras are going. And he just... 1206 01:17:34,350 --> 01:17:39,390 Even though I know to expect it now after so long, it still catches you unaware. 1207 01:17:39,590 --> 01:17:41,510 And it just ends up tickling you. 1208 01:17:41,750 --> 01:17:46,150 Derek, you haven't met Nana yet, do you want to go over and meet her? 1209 01:17:46,390 --> 01:17:49,150 You've only seen her asleep so far, haven't you? 1210 01:17:49,350 --> 01:17:50,910 Go on, Derek, babe. 1211 01:17:51,070 --> 01:17:51,990 Go on, Derek! 1212 01:17:52,190 --> 01:17:53,670 Go on! 1213 01:17:56,910 --> 01:17:59,230 Ooh, look! Derek's got a tail! THEY LAUGH 1214 01:18:02,950 --> 01:18:04,830 Derek's got a tail on his first date! 1215 01:18:06,550 --> 01:18:09,590 Cheryl, take that tail off Derek. 1216 01:18:17,710 --> 01:18:20,630 Oh, sorry, Derek babes. 1217 01:18:20,790 --> 01:18:23,910 It's one of my... My extensions. 1218 01:18:24,150 --> 01:18:27,750 Hey, Derek. Derek, come on, come and meet Nana, come on. 1219 01:18:28,030 --> 01:18:30,270 All bow down for the Queen of Sheba! 1220 01:18:30,430 --> 01:18:31,310 SLAM! 1221 01:18:33,230 --> 01:18:34,670 Sit down, do sit down. 1222 01:18:34,910 --> 01:18:39,190 Derek, this is Nana. Nana, this is Derek. 1223 01:18:39,350 --> 01:18:42,350 SLOWLY: Hello, Derek. 1224 01:18:43,630 --> 01:18:45,270 Hello, Nana. 1225 01:18:45,430 --> 01:18:47,030 Ooh, er... 1226 01:18:47,190 --> 01:18:48,350 Just a minute. 1227 01:18:52,030 --> 01:18:53,550 Ooh, hoo-hoo. 1228 01:18:53,710 --> 01:18:54,590 Oo-oooh! 1229 01:18:54,790 --> 01:18:57,910 You're lovely, Derek! 1230 01:18:58,070 --> 01:18:59,790 THEY LAUGH 1231 01:18:59,990 --> 01:19:01,070 Oh, dear me. 1232 01:19:01,230 --> 01:19:03,070 Liz is brilliant again in that. 1233 01:19:03,270 --> 01:19:05,270 Isn't she just brilliant? 1234 01:19:05,550 --> 01:19:09,470 And then when she looks at him with that magnifying glass, 1235 01:19:09,630 --> 01:19:10,870 I mean, who would sit there 1236 01:19:11,110 --> 01:19:13,310 and be looked at through a magnifying glass 1237 01:19:13,510 --> 01:19:15,390 and still feel comfortable? 1238 01:19:15,670 --> 01:19:19,790 My granny used to have, you know, one of them. 1239 01:19:20,070 --> 01:19:23,430 And it used to really tickle me when she'd look at me with it. 1240 01:19:23,630 --> 01:19:26,190 You could just see her big eyes. 1241 01:19:26,350 --> 01:19:27,630 But, um... 1242 01:19:27,790 --> 01:19:29,390 That was where that came from. 1243 01:19:29,630 --> 01:19:32,030 It just had everything... And funny and that. 1244 01:19:32,310 --> 01:19:34,510 I mean... We couldn't stop laughing, doing it. 1245 01:19:34,750 --> 01:19:37,710 I know only monkeys clap themselves, I mean, we look like... 1246 01:19:37,990 --> 01:19:40,870 Yeah, we're patting our... We're not laughing at us though. 1247 01:19:41,030 --> 01:19:42,950 Just the fun of it all. 1248 01:19:43,150 --> 01:19:45,830 Next, The Royle Family reunite 1249 01:19:46,110 --> 01:19:49,230 to reveal their all-time favourite moment. 1250 01:19:49,470 --> 01:19:52,270 It still gets me in there now, when I see it. 1251 01:19:59,040 --> 01:20:02,800 Welcome back to this exclusive Royle Family feast. 1252 01:20:03,000 --> 01:20:05,600 Is that you? Yes, yes! 1253 01:20:05,960 --> 01:20:10,680 The most recent portrait in our album comes from the 2009 Christmas special. 1254 01:20:10,920 --> 01:20:14,080 A record-breaking 11 million viewers tuned in 1255 01:20:14,360 --> 01:20:17,240 to see the Royles go somewhere they had never been before. 1256 01:20:17,400 --> 01:20:18,960 Outside. 1257 01:20:21,080 --> 01:20:23,640 The Golden Egg Cup, when I watched that this Christmas, 1258 01:20:23,920 --> 01:20:26,080 the first half an hour of that I think is possibly 1259 01:20:26,320 --> 01:20:29,360 the best half an hour of television I have ever seen. 1260 01:20:34,000 --> 01:20:37,480 How many miles is it to Prestatyn now, David? 1261 01:20:37,720 --> 01:20:41,800 According to the sat nav, it is 95 kilometres. 1262 01:20:42,120 --> 01:20:47,400 I never thought I would see this in my lifetime, a car being driven by a sat nav. 1263 01:20:47,640 --> 01:20:51,160 The sat nav's not driving the car, Barb, Dave's driving the bloody car. 1264 01:20:51,400 --> 01:20:55,000 Oh. Dave's never drove in kilometres before. Have you, Dave? 1265 01:20:55,160 --> 01:20:57,120 No. What is it like, Dave? 1266 01:20:57,360 --> 01:21:01,760 Well, to me, it feels like just the same as driving in miles. 1267 01:21:01,960 --> 01:21:04,240 Oh. You do it very well, Dave. 1268 01:21:04,560 --> 01:21:08,760 Bloody kilometres, it's them bloody Europeans pissing everything about, isn't it? 1269 01:21:09,000 --> 01:21:11,520 Bloody kilometres now, everything's that much further away. 1270 01:21:11,800 --> 01:21:14,280 No wonder it takes us longer to get anywhere. 1271 01:21:14,640 --> 01:21:19,200 I just thought, this is absolutely genius. It's line after line after line which is quality. 1272 01:21:19,440 --> 01:21:22,840 SAT NAV: 'After 100 metres, keep right.' 1273 01:21:23,000 --> 01:21:25,680 Good company, isn't she? Yeah. 1274 01:21:25,920 --> 01:21:29,880 Dave, will you stop flirting with the sat nav lady? 1275 01:21:30,040 --> 01:21:31,160 I'm only being polite. 1276 01:21:31,400 --> 01:21:33,240 You're not, you're flirting with her. 1277 01:21:33,480 --> 01:21:37,000 When I ask you to do something you um and ah about it. 1278 01:21:37,280 --> 01:21:39,760 She asks you to do something, you do it straight away! 1279 01:21:40,000 --> 01:21:43,800 Don't be daft. Turn her off, Dave. I don't know about turning her off. 1280 01:21:44,080 --> 01:21:46,160 I think she's turning him on. Oh, leave him alone. 1281 01:21:46,440 --> 01:21:49,560 It's the least he can do after all the help she's given us. 1282 01:21:49,920 --> 01:21:54,040 She has got a really sexy voice though, Dave. I'll give you that, son. 1283 01:21:56,040 --> 01:21:59,560 Do you know what, she reminds me of someone, you know. 1284 01:21:59,760 --> 01:22:02,800 She reminds me of Beverly Macca. 1285 01:22:03,080 --> 01:22:07,280 Jim! I bet you wouldn't mind her guiding you in, Dave, eh? 1286 01:22:07,480 --> 01:22:10,640 Again! 1287 01:22:10,880 --> 01:22:13,960 Dad, will you leave Beverly Macca out of it? 1288 01:22:14,120 --> 01:22:16,600 We're on our holidays. 1289 01:22:18,920 --> 01:22:20,680 Stirring the shit. 1290 01:22:20,840 --> 01:22:22,800 Stirring it all the time. 1291 01:22:23,120 --> 01:22:29,000 Now, for the final Royle Family portrait, as chosen by Craig Cash and Caroline Aherne. 1292 01:22:31,440 --> 01:22:37,360 And as it's their number one moment, we've reunited the whole family. 1293 01:22:38,000 --> 01:22:39,720 Ah, lovely. 1294 01:22:39,920 --> 01:22:42,120 Ricky, you've aged terribly. I have. 1295 01:22:42,320 --> 01:22:44,120 Do you still do your chickens? 1296 01:22:44,280 --> 01:22:46,360 Yeah. That thing with your back. 1297 01:22:46,560 --> 01:22:49,920 THEY CHEER 1298 01:22:52,040 --> 01:22:55,760 THEY HUM STRIPPING MUSIC 1299 01:22:59,200 --> 01:23:00,720 RICKY GUFFAWS 1300 01:23:02,320 --> 01:23:04,800 CRAIG: You've not lost it, pal. 1301 01:23:06,600 --> 01:23:09,080 Hey-hey-hey! 1302 01:23:09,280 --> 01:23:11,440 Oh, dear. 1303 01:23:11,640 --> 01:23:13,640 Where's the remote off the telly? 1304 01:23:15,480 --> 01:23:16,920 Ah... 1305 01:23:21,520 --> 01:23:24,000 'Don't do it so curly this time, Barbara. 1306 01:23:24,240 --> 01:23:28,920 Last time it was just like Jeremy Clarkson. 1307 01:23:29,120 --> 01:23:31,200 Oh, don't be so rough. 1308 01:23:32,960 --> 01:23:35,640 You're just like Sweeney Todd with that comb. 1309 01:23:38,880 --> 01:23:44,080 Barbara, did I tell you that my dead friend Elsie's daughter 1310 01:23:44,360 --> 01:23:49,280 Marion went out for a meal last Friday with her husband, Lionel? 1311 01:23:49,440 --> 01:23:50,920 No. Well, she did. 1312 01:23:51,160 --> 01:23:56,160 Marion went out for a meal last Friday with her husband, Lionel. 1313 01:23:56,320 --> 01:23:59,080 Oh, did they? Mmm. 1314 01:23:59,280 --> 01:24:01,240 What did they have? 1315 01:24:01,400 --> 01:24:04,560 They both had a la carte. 1316 01:24:04,760 --> 01:24:06,920 'Oh, lovely.' 1317 01:24:08,760 --> 01:24:10,480 What is a la carte, Barbara? 1318 01:24:10,640 --> 01:24:12,240 'I don't know.' 1319 01:24:14,560 --> 01:24:18,240 I wouldn't mind trying a la carte one night. I'm sick of chops. 1320 01:24:19,880 --> 01:24:25,840 For her starter, Marion had soup of the day, which was Friday. 1321 01:24:29,680 --> 01:24:35,360 And Lionel had smoked salmon, raw, with cheese and chive sauce. 1322 01:24:35,560 --> 01:24:38,320 Ooh! 1323 01:24:38,480 --> 01:24:43,320 Before the main meal, and after it, 1324 01:24:43,480 --> 01:24:45,360 they had ice cream sorbet. 1325 01:24:45,560 --> 01:24:48,240 Oh, how lovely. 1326 01:24:48,400 --> 01:24:50,200 And then they both had a crepe. 1327 01:24:50,440 --> 01:24:53,440 Oh, well, I'm not surprised after all they'd eaten. 1328 01:24:59,920 --> 01:25:01,320 Hey, Mam. 1329 01:25:01,600 --> 01:25:04,880 Do you remember when you used to do my hair? 1330 01:25:05,160 --> 01:25:09,520 Yes, I do. You always used to tie it up with a little red ribbon on top. 1331 01:25:09,760 --> 01:25:13,440 Well, that's what my mam used to do to me. 1332 01:25:13,640 --> 01:25:14,960 Aw. 1333 01:25:19,720 --> 01:25:23,080 Barbara, this nightie feels a bit mucky. 1334 01:25:25,080 --> 01:25:26,720 Right, well... 1335 01:25:26,880 --> 01:25:29,320 I'll throw it in with the next load. 1336 01:25:29,480 --> 01:25:31,080 You can give it me after this. 1337 01:25:32,760 --> 01:25:34,960 Can't you do a hand wash with it? 1338 01:25:35,240 --> 01:25:40,520 I don't fancy it being in with Jim's Y-fronts. They're so mucky. 1339 01:25:40,680 --> 01:25:44,120 Let's hope they were dirty! 1340 01:25:45,280 --> 01:25:47,320 Barbara. Yes. 1341 01:25:47,600 --> 01:25:51,600 Do you think you could get on with my toenails next? 1342 01:25:51,760 --> 01:25:53,120 Yeah. 1343 01:25:55,280 --> 01:25:58,000 Barbara. Yes. 1344 01:25:58,160 --> 01:25:59,520 Barbara... 1345 01:26:03,760 --> 01:26:05,880 Thank you. 1346 01:26:06,040 --> 01:26:07,960 Thank you, Barbara. 1347 01:26:08,120 --> 01:26:10,720 What for? Everything. 1348 01:26:12,520 --> 01:26:17,360 Do you remember last Christmas when all this started? Yes. 1349 01:26:17,520 --> 01:26:19,640 Do you remember I got a wishbone? 1350 01:26:19,880 --> 01:26:22,560 Yes. Do you want to know what I wished for? 1351 01:26:22,800 --> 01:26:25,160 No, don't tell me cos it won't come true. 1352 01:26:25,320 --> 01:26:27,040 But it has, Barbara. It has. 1353 01:26:27,200 --> 01:26:30,400 'I wished...' 1354 01:26:30,680 --> 01:26:34,240 I wished that I would never have to go into a home. 1355 01:26:39,440 --> 01:26:43,640 Oh, Mum. I'm not a burden to you, am I, Barbara? 1356 01:26:43,760 --> 01:26:46,440 You're never a burden, Mum. 1357 01:26:48,840 --> 01:26:51,120 I do love you, Barbara. 1358 01:26:59,800 --> 01:27:04,200 SHE SINGS ALONG WITH RADIO: # When I was just a little girl... 1359 01:27:04,360 --> 01:27:08,880 # I asked my mother, what will I be? 1360 01:27:09,040 --> 01:27:13,160 # Be rich... be rich? 1361 01:27:13,360 --> 01:27:16,200 # Here's what she said to me 1362 01:27:16,400 --> 01:27:19,240 # Que sera sera 1363 01:27:19,400 --> 01:27:24,720 '# Whatever will be will be' 1364 01:27:24,920 --> 01:27:28,000 # The future's not ours to see 1365 01:27:28,160 --> 01:27:30,120 # Que sera sera 1366 01:27:32,080 --> 01:27:35,680 THEY JOIN IN: # What will be will be 1367 01:27:37,120 --> 01:27:41,200 # When I grew up and fell in love 1368 01:27:41,440 --> 01:27:46,000 # I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead 1369 01:27:46,240 --> 01:27:49,920 # Will we have rainbows day after day? 1370 01:27:50,120 --> 01:27:53,240 # Here's what my sweetheart said 1371 01:27:53,400 --> 01:27:56,360 # Que sera sera 1372 01:27:56,560 --> 01:28:00,320 # Whatever will be will be 1373 01:28:00,480 --> 01:28:04,520 # The future's not ours to see 1374 01:28:04,680 --> 01:28:06,040 # Que sera sera 1375 01:28:09,400 --> 01:28:13,120 # What will be will be. # Well done, Liz Smith. Well done. 1376 01:28:13,360 --> 01:28:17,920 Liz is priceless. Has she moved out of sheltered accommodation? 1377 01:28:18,160 --> 01:28:21,000 No, she's still in it, but in Worthing. 1378 01:28:21,240 --> 01:28:25,400 She said she wanted both, one in London and one by the sea! 1379 01:28:25,680 --> 01:28:28,280 She's collected homes like he's collected them. 1380 01:28:28,520 --> 01:28:31,960 I loved this moment because, you know, it's like... 1381 01:28:33,880 --> 01:28:37,640 All old people don't want to go into a home and stuff 1382 01:28:37,880 --> 01:28:41,040 and I think it's just pure love that they kept her at home. 1383 01:28:41,320 --> 01:28:44,040 And the way Barbara's doing all those things for her. 1384 01:28:44,320 --> 01:28:47,160 And I remember at the time, cos Mark Mylod directed it, 1385 01:28:47,440 --> 01:28:49,360 and he wanted to cut into their faces. 1386 01:28:49,720 --> 01:28:54,440 And I knew it should be just done in one shot, cos you'd get more effect that way. 1387 01:28:54,640 --> 01:28:57,360 Seeing Barbara's reactions as well. 1388 01:28:57,600 --> 01:29:01,240 But you've just got two incredible actresses there 1389 01:29:01,480 --> 01:29:04,360 and it still gets me in there now when I see it. 1390 01:29:04,600 --> 01:29:07,880 Just cos she's never said I love you before to you. 1391 01:29:08,160 --> 01:29:11,160 And your face, and your brilliant acting. 1392 01:29:11,400 --> 01:29:14,000 A lot of people's favourite scene would be that one. 1393 01:29:14,240 --> 01:29:17,320 It's funny to start with, it's great performances. 1394 01:29:17,640 --> 01:29:21,920 So you got all the comedy of it first, and then you've got the genuine moment as well. 1395 01:29:22,240 --> 01:29:26,280 And as a plot point it's really key, because it's the first time she ever says that. 1396 01:29:26,520 --> 01:29:29,240 I think I appreciate it more, now, watching it like that, 1397 01:29:29,520 --> 01:29:31,400 because we are just watching that scene. 1398 01:29:31,640 --> 01:29:33,960 When you're watching it in the whole episode, 1399 01:29:34,240 --> 01:29:36,400 you don't have a chance to digest it, do you? 1400 01:29:36,720 --> 01:29:40,920 Cos you carry on. You're interested in what's going to go on next. But she's fabulous. 1401 01:29:41,120 --> 01:29:43,080 It's a wonderful performance. 1402 01:29:43,320 --> 01:29:45,360 Yeah, it was a great scene. Great scene. 1403 01:29:45,600 --> 01:29:48,000 I didn't realise until recently how funny Liz was. 1404 01:29:48,360 --> 01:29:54,240 The way she sometimes decides to be posh because she wants to say "Lionel". And "husband". 1405 01:29:54,520 --> 01:29:58,360 And that face that she does, and she says, "Yes..." 1406 01:30:00,320 --> 01:30:01,360 "And then..." 1407 01:30:01,560 --> 01:30:04,520 I love the way she repeats Barbara. 1408 01:30:04,720 --> 01:30:06,080 "Barbara?" Barbara. 1409 01:30:06,280 --> 01:30:08,520 "Barbara..." 1410 01:30:10,120 --> 01:30:12,240 All one take as well. 1411 01:30:12,520 --> 01:30:14,880 The only take they did. No, he did two. We did two. 1412 01:30:15,160 --> 01:30:17,920 Two takes, yeah. But we already had it at the first one. 1413 01:30:18,080 --> 01:30:20,800 Yeah. Liz was my favourite character 1414 01:30:21,080 --> 01:30:24,160 in the whole thing, cos I just loved it. And I loved... 1415 01:30:24,480 --> 01:30:28,720 The interplay between me and Liz was superb. And it's something that builds up. 1416 01:30:28,960 --> 01:30:31,480 She was the only person who ever used to corpse you. 1417 01:30:31,720 --> 01:30:34,000 Nobody ever corpsed you. You got everyone else. 1418 01:30:34,200 --> 01:30:36,800 But Liz used to get you every time. 1419 01:30:37,040 --> 01:30:40,640 She was... I loved her. But that scene really it just kind of 1420 01:30:40,880 --> 01:30:44,240 epitomises everything the Royle Family's about, all in one scene. 1421 01:30:44,400 --> 01:30:46,520 All the pauses, how it's played. 1422 01:30:46,760 --> 01:30:51,160 How it goes from kind of happiness to sadness. 1423 01:30:51,400 --> 01:30:55,320 And it's just really bittersweet and lovely 1424 01:30:55,600 --> 01:30:58,520 and it's got lots of air around it. 1425 01:30:58,760 --> 01:31:02,640 Yeah, it's just gorgeous and really well acted. 1426 01:31:02,880 --> 01:31:06,920 She has lots of 'air around her, but she's putting curlers in it...! 1427 01:31:07,080 --> 01:31:09,440 Made her look like...a lot neater. 1428 01:31:10,720 --> 01:31:13,600 MUSIC: "A Thing Called Love" by Johnny Cash 1429 01:31:15,480 --> 01:31:18,360 # He was the kind of a man that would gamble on luck 1430 01:31:18,640 --> 01:31:21,560 # Look you in the eye and never back up 1431 01:31:21,800 --> 01:31:27,320 # But I saw him crying like a little whipped pup because of love 1432 01:31:27,600 --> 01:31:30,760 # You can't see it with your eyes, hold it in your hand 1433 01:31:31,040 --> 01:31:34,040 # But like the wind, it covers our land 1434 01:31:34,280 --> 01:31:40,160 # Strong enough to move the heart of any man, this thing called love 1435 01:31:40,400 --> 01:31:43,400 # It can lift you up, never let you down 1436 01:31:43,680 --> 01:31:47,960 # Take your world and turn it all around 1437 01:31:48,240 --> 01:31:51,200 # Ever since time nothing's ever been found.... # 1438 01:31:51,360 --> 01:31:52,760 That's enough for now.