1 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:27,040 We need more cement. Where is Yvette? 2 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,900 She is in the kitchen with your wife, mixing it. -Not for me, I hope. 3 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:35,000 He said she would bring it down when it was ready. 4 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,280 Yvette, why so long? 5 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,160 How could I walk through the cafe carrying a bucket of cement? 6 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,000 It's full of German officers. 7 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:46,960 But this is my wife's best mixing bowl! 8 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,080 Which is why I could pretend it was full of pastry. 9 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:54,400 - Was nobody suspicious? - One of the officers tasted it. 10 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,720 My God! What happened? 11 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,920 He said your wife's cooking was getting better. 12 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:01,600 What are you doing? 13 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:05,960 Hiding the picture of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies by Von Clomp, 14 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,760 also the priceless cuckoo clock. 15 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:11,560 If the Gestapo find out about them, I will be shot! 16 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,960 If your wife finds out about you and me, you'll be shot. 17 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,520 We live in dangerous times. 18 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,400 Mary. Go upstairs and stand by the door. 19 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:23,880 If anyone approaches, stamp your foot. 20 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:28,280 - I need 10 minutes! - Just to put one brick in? 21 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:32,960 The patron knows his limitations. He's not acquainted with the art of laying bricks. 22 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,720 He's certainly acquainted with the art of laying everything else! 23 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,480 Go to your post! 24 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:44,680 - Rene, my love! - Yvette, my flower! 25 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:51,840 You are the most exciting man I've known. Let me kiss you. Let me hold you tight! 26 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:57,200 No, my cabbage, no! It's getting hard, I must get it in. 27 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,720 - Rene! Rene! - It's my wife! 28 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,400 There are two black hand marks on the back of the blouse of Yvette. 29 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:15,520 - You came all the way down to tell me that? - They are the same size as your hand marks. 30 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,800 Of course they are. 31 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:21,520 When I heard you approach, I thought it was the Gestapo 32 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:25,120 and wiped my hands on the blouse of Yvette, so that they will not see I'm building a wall. 33 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,480 - You think of everything. - I hope so! 34 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,560 I have a message for you. Michelle is upstairs. 35 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,960 - Michelle? - From the Resistance. 36 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:39,480 - I will come at once. Lay this brick. - But I've no experience of laying bricks. 37 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,880 Just pretend it's a German officer. 38 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:48,160 - You don't think she suspects us, do you? - No, never. 39 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:52,920 - I let her think I'm not interested in that kind of thing any more. - Does she believe you? 40 00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:55,960 She asked, and I made her sleep in the wardrobe. 41 00:03:06,341 --> 00:03:11,841 Michelle is in the back room. Shall I sing a song to distract them? 42 00:03:12,042 --> 00:03:15,042 No, we don't want to lose any more customers. 43 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:19,280 You better come with me. I want you in the back room. 44 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:30,120 - A note would have been more discreet. - Not you, Maria! 45 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,680 I was wondering why I wasn't getting anywhere. 46 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,960 - Where is Michelle? - I am here. 47 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:47,920 Put that away. If it goes off, it can make a noise, not to mention a hole. 48 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:50,560 Who is in the cafe? 49 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:54,480 Seven German officers and two sergeants. 50 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,760 That is all right. Where are the two British airmen? 51 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,640 Hiding in the room of my mother. 52 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,960 - And the forger? - He's disguised as a piano player. 53 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,880 He plays for me when I sing to the customers. 54 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:10,360 He's a very bad pianist, but when my wife sings, nobody notices. 55 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,120 The customers stuff cheese in their ears. 56 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:20,840 Gather round. Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once. 57 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,600 In that case, could you please speak slowly? 58 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:29,640 No time. I have information that you are to be interrogated by the Germans. 59 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,960 - What? - It is from a reliable souce, it is good information. 60 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,400 For me, it is the very worst information I've ever heard! 61 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:42,120 - Have they blown our cover? - We have no cover, you silly old bat! 62 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,880 I'm a restaurant owner, you are my wife. 63 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:50,880 Please do not use sophisticated expressions you do not understand. 64 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:55,160 They don't suspect that we're trying to hide the British airmen, do they? 65 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:58,080 We don't know. But they are ruthless men. 66 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:01,520 They may even take your wife and torture her in front of you. 67 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:06,080 - Rene! - Do not worry. I will tell them nothing. 68 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:14,200 On the other hand, they may just work on you, to drag out of you everything you know. 69 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,320 But I know very little, 70 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:19,600 except your name and the fact that we're hiding a few British airmen. 71 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:23,160 And the radio under the bed, and the codebook, 72 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,400 and in the cellar - the cuckoo clock, 73 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,960 and the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big boobies. 74 00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:33,280 See, she remembers much more than I do. She's the one they should interrogate. 75 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:39,340 - Here, take this ring. - It's very nice of you, but I don't wear jewelry. 76 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:43,200 It is hollow. Also, inside is a pill. 77 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:47,200 If you can not stand the torture and pain, crush it between your teeth. 78 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,000 I see, it is a pain killer! 79 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,840 - You will feel nothing. - For how long? 80 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,040 Forever! 81 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,600 My God, all I want is a quiet life! 82 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,040 Take that, and you'll have one. 83 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,000 Look, are you sure that they will send for me? 84 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,880 Hello, hello. Cafe Rene. 85 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,000 It is for you. 86 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:22,560 - It is Colonel Von Strohm. What shall I say? - Act normally! 87 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:33,760 Hello, Colonel. How nice to hear your voice again. 88 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,240 You wish to order a table? 89 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,280 When are you going to come to see us again, Colonel? 90 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,040 You want me to come and see you? 91 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,680 This is very difficult, Colonel, you see, I am a very busy man. 92 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,360 I have the cafe, the kitchen, my wife ... 93 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,080 ... and my bicycle has got a puncture. 94 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:03,480 No, there'll be no need to send an armored car. 95 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,600 Quick, my walking boots and rucksack! And make some sandwiches. 96 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,360 But the German headquarters is only two minutes from here! 97 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,520 Yes, but I'm heading for the coast. 98 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,400 No. If you disappear, they will tear this place apart, 99 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:23,920 and we will all be shot. No, you must go to them and bluff it out. 100 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,080 I'm rapidly running out of bluff... 101 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,480 Herr Colonel, here, look. 102 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:36,520 All we need is a pair of pliers to turn the tap 103 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,960 and a length of rubber hose to connect this old gas poker. 104 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:45,280 - Then we have a nice warm fire whenever we want. - Well done, Hans! Order them right away. 105 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,160 Herr Colonel, there's a man here to see you. 106 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:55,440 - Is he from the Gestapo? - No, he's French and he's very nervous. 107 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,880 Herr Colonel, it could be the Gestapo pretending to be French. 108 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,720 You're right, Hans. We must be very careful. What's his name? 109 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:06,600 - Monsieur Rene. - It's Rene from the cafe. Show him in. 110 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,560 The Colonel will see you now! 111 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:23,120 Colonel, what an honor it is to be received in your wonderful commandeered office. 112 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:28,880 I've taken the liberty of bringing a few simple, worthless gifts for you. 113 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,800 A bottle of Chateau Lafitte 37, 114 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:35,200 some rather good cigars which I was keeping until after the war was over, 115 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,320 but as are you going so well, I thought you might as well have them now. 116 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:44,000 Some cheese, a little cognac - "Napoleon", of course, 117 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:47,480 and a small bottle of perfume for your assistant. 118 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,560 Thank you, but I don't wear it. 119 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:54,480 Not you, this assistant: this beautiful young lady, 120 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,920 this fine example of German womanhood. 121 00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,280 Oh, thank you! 122 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:04,360 - Now, what can I do for you, Colonel? - We want you to answer a few questions. 123 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,520 - Anything else, Colonel? - Will there be anything else, Hans? 124 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:11,360 Yes, Colonel. We shall require a pair of pliers and some rubber hose. 125 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:16,080 No, not the pliers and the rubber hose! I will tell you everything I know! 126 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:20,840 - It is so we can get the gas poker working. - Not the gas poker! 127 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:25,040 - I will tell you everything I don't know! - Sit down, Rene. 128 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,600 We have a serious problem. 129 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,560 I don't think it's as serious as my problem. 130 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,560 We know you have been hiding British airmen and helping them to escape. 131 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,000 I know you know that, Colonel. 132 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:42,240 But may I remind you that on your behalf I'm also hiding a valuable old painting, 133 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:45,880 which you want to sell after the war. - One all. 134 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:51,240 - Not to mention the priceless cuckoo clock. - Two-one? 135 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:57,240 No, Hans! No score. Because we are going to hand this painting to the Gestapo 136 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:02,560 and then they will leave us in peace, because we will hand you over as well! 137 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:08,200 But Colonel, that painting was to be your pension after the war. 138 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:12,760 With it you could have bought your own little berchtesgarten in the mountains. 139 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,600 If you hand it over, you will have nothing, 140 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:19,600 and if you hand me over, the cafe will not be the same, 141 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:23,200 without jolly, jovial, generous Rene, 142 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,240 the life and soul of any party. 143 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:31,040 It is very sad, Rene, but there's no other course open to us. 144 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,680 - But we've enjoyed your hospitality. - Yes, I had noticed. 145 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,400 We've always regarded you as a friend. 146 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,680 I look upon you in the same way, Colonel. 147 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,760 And the Captain, and the young lady out there with the ... 148 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,720 We all think of her as a friend. 149 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:51,900 The last thing in the world we want is for you to suffer at the hands of the Gestapo. 150 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,600 You are most considerate, Colonel. 151 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,000 So I'm going to give you this ring. 152 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:01,880 Inside is a pill. Crush it between your teeth ... 153 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:05,120 And in 1.5 seconds you'll be like a dead beetle. 154 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,720 I don't think I shall ever forget your kindness, Colonel. 155 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,440 Perhaps Rene would like to give his wife one? 156 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:18,400 Even a Frenchman cannot think of that sort of thing at a time like this. 157 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,280 Here, take it. 158 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:27,000 Colonel, a little idea is running around in my brain. 159 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:31,720 How would it be if we let the Gestapo find a copy of the painting? 160 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,880 - You have a copy of the painting? - No, 161 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:38,620 but perhaps one could be made by, let us say, a forger. 162 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,840 Do you know a forger? 163 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:45,440 In my business you meet all sorts. Mind you, he would want paying. 164 00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:50,000 - How much? - Money means so little in these hard times, 165 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,760 but perhaps a bottle Chateau Laffite 37, 166 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,560 some cigars and a little cognac. 167 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:01,000 - What about the cheese? - You may keep the cheese. 168 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,800 We could use it to stuff in our ears when his wife sings in the cafe. 169 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:14,800 Ladies and gentlemen, now it is Cabaret time at "Cafe Rene" 170 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:19,000 and tonight to sing for you we have Madame Edith. 171 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:25,520 My dear friends, thank you for your welcome. 172 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,640 Are there any requests? 173 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:34,480 In this case, I'll sing for you 174 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,520 "Under the Bridges of Paris". 175 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:40,800 Would you oblige me with the cheese board? And hurry. 176 00:12:55,120 --> 00:13:00,080 Oh, Yvette, it was a nightmare. I thought I'd never get out of there alive. 177 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:05,360 Question after question after question, only I gave nothing away. 178 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:09,000 Rene, you are so brave! 179 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:14,160 - While you were there, I lit candles. - Were you praying for me? 180 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,120 We had a power cut. 181 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:21,280 I never thought I was going to hold you in my arms again. 182 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,680 Has she finished? 183 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:44,080 I mustn't use Gruyere again. 184 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,400 It has too many holes. 185 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,440 Good evening. 186 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,400 - It's Herr Flick. - Of the Gestapo! 187 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,240 - The Gestapo! - Would you like a table? 188 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,920 Not in here. I have ordered a private room. 189 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:07,400 Rene has reserved it for you, Herr Flick. Would you come this way? 190 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,160 Oh, you've just missed the Cabaret! 191 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:22,160 But never mind, later I will sing for you privately. 192 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,220 That will not be necessary. 193 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,960 This is our private room, Herr Flick. 194 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,960 And these are the candlesticks of my mother. 195 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,400 This is adequate. 196 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:47,840 - I shall require a bottle of your best wine at once. - Of course, Herr Flick! 197 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,900 You will sit there. 198 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:01,440 You're so forceful and dominating. It's very exciting. 199 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,120 Good. 200 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:09,120 Very careful, this is our life insurance. 201 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,480 Maybe, on the other hand, it could be our death warrant. 202 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,200 M. Leclerc, take a look at this. 203 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,320 It is the Fallen Madonna With the Big Boobies. 204 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,680 Can you do another one? 205 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,280 Three big boobies? 206 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,880 Can you forge another picture? 207 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:40,360 The signature, yes. The painting... no. 208 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:45,040 - But you are a forger. - Yes, but not of paintings. 209 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:48,360 M. Rene, Otto Flick is in the back room. 210 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,320 And England will be calling you in one minute, 211 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,360 on the radio in the bedroom of your mother-in-law. 212 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:58,240 How close to disaster we live in this world of cloak and dagger. 213 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,240 Shall I hide it again? 214 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,120 Yes, but don't brick it up, we may need it later. 215 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,760 The resistance may have a proper forger. 216 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,280 Hello, Mama. 217 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:18,960 - What's the matter? Why are you knocking with your stick? - To make you hear me. 218 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:25,220 All day I am alone. No one comes to see me. 219 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:29,120 What kind of a life is this for your poor mother? 220 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,280 Gazing at the ceiling 221 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,560 and eating onion soup. 222 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,600 Nothing but onion soup... 223 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:43,360 Do not light the candle till I open the window! 224 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,960 So, at last you come to see 225 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,580 your poor, frail mother-in-law. 226 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,040 Shut up! 227 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,560 Here's the loudspeaker. 228 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,720 Get the codebook. 229 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,320 - Where is it? - In the wardrobe. 230 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:15,800 - Hello! - Hello! 231 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:22,020 Stay where you are. 232 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:30,560 Hello, Night Hawk. Are you receiving me? Over. 233 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:36,960 Allo! Allo! This is Night Hawk receiving you loud and crackerly. 234 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,760 Pass your message, please. 235 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:45,280 - The baby will arrive a week early. - Look it up in the book. 236 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,640 The baby will arrive a week early. 237 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:54,680 Oh my daughter! Heaven be praised! 238 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,760 A grandchild at last! 239 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:03,920 - Your old fool! I haven't put her in the family way. - So who has? 240 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,600 We are just looking it up in the book. 241 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:14,040 So many strangers. Have you no shame? 242 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,760 It means the British airmen are being picked up tonight. 243 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,480 That's a week early, but I'll be glad to see the back of them. 244 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:26,320 Allo! Allo! Your message understood. Over and out... and things. 245 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:33,720 Rene. Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once. 246 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,920 The airmen must leave immediately. 247 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:41,220 They cannot leave by the main entrance, everyone is being questioned. 248 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:44,480 Then they must leave by the back, through the window of your office. 249 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,800 They cannot go that way, Herr Flick is having his dinner in there. 250 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:52,160 - Then they must leave by this window. - Wait, we have no ladder! 251 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,680 - We take the sheets from the bed and tie them together. - Good idea! 252 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:02,200 - How can you treat your poor mother in this manner? - It's very easy. 253 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,680 - I want to see some good, tight knots. - Yes, of course you do. 254 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:11,680 Michelle, before I forget, 255 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,520 we have to make a copy of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies. 256 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,520 - Let M. Le Clerc do it. - He cannot paint. 257 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:22,120 Neither can he play the piano. The customers block their ears. 258 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:24,880 We have nobody 259 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,880 but perhaps we could send it to England to have it copied. 260 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,920 - We could send it with the British airmen. - Yvette, go and get it. 261 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:36,720 We must get the bed to the window and tie the sheets to it. 262 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,680 Come on, chaps, lend a hand, bed to window. 263 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,680 - Jolly good show. - May I inquire why? 264 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:45,960 You're going out that way, and for heaven's sake, 265 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,440 not knock the slates off the roof, the Gestapo's downstairs. 266 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:49,640 Roger. 267 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,320 Enjoy the food and everything. 268 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:59,040 - Do not disturb us again. - No, Herr Flick. 269 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:07,920 Helga, I think you should know that I had an ulterior motive for bringing you here. 270 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:13,480 - It comes as no surprise to me, Herr Flick. - We're not here just to eat and drink. 271 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:17,000 It's very exciting to meet with a man who knows what he wants. 272 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,520 Of course. 273 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:22,040 The way you ordered the chocolate mousse sent shivers down my spine. 274 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:28,160 Why is it everybody so frightened of me? Deep down I'm quite a softie. 275 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:32,200 Don't destroy my illusions, Herr Flick. 276 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:35,040 I did not wish to be in the Gestapo, you know. 277 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,800 My godfather, Heinrich Himmler, insisted. 278 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,200 I'm not sure about this wine. 279 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:50,040 I expect the proprietor has the better bottles hidden in the cellar. 280 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:56,720 You're right about the wine, Herr Flick. It's made me feel very warm all over. 281 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:05,680 On the other hand, now that it has had a chance to breathe, 282 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,440 it has a very mellow aftertaste. 283 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:18,720 - Has he reached the ground yet? - No. He's climbing back! 284 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:23,440 - What for? Idiot! - Here, I have the picture. 285 00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:29,320 How much longer must we suffer the indignities of this war? 286 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,200 Shut up! 287 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,960 - The sheet's too short. - Couldn't you jump? 288 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:38,800 Twenty foot?! I'm not in a parachute brigade! 289 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,880 The sheets are too short. They'll have to go through the front door. 290 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:47,160 - But they'll be questioned by the Germans! - The Germans! 291 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:53,840 Do not mention the Germans in front of my mother, it takes so long to clear up. 292 00:21:55,680 --> 00:22:00,520 There's only one answer: they'll have to leave disguised in German uniforms. 293 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:05,000 German uniforms, she says. Where do we get German uniforms? 294 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,400 - Can your girls not help us? - Well... 295 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:14,120 Yvette. Dear, sweet, innocent little Yvette... 296 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:19,480 You know I would not ask this of you normally, but you will be doing it for France! 297 00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:24,880 - I'll be doing it for one thousand francs! - What about Maria? 298 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,720 She'd do it for seven fifty. 299 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:33,040 You seems to be very much on edge, Herr Flick. 300 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:39,380 I've had a hard day. It is not easy being hated by so many people. 301 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:44,680 - Not when you are sensitive as I am. - You're bearing up very well. 302 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,840 Not as well as you. 303 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,980 - Does this relax you more? - No. 304 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,980 But I'm enjoying it. 305 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:03,080 Are you asking us to lend you our uniforms? 306 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:07,400 Believe me it is the only way to get the picture to England to have it copied. 307 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:11,800 But if the Gestapo ever found out that we have been helping British airmen to escape, 308 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,000 do you not think they'll be cross? 309 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:21,120 And if they find out about the stolen painting, they'll be cross. 310 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:25,360 Look! Look. You will be upstairs with the girls 311 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:28,560 and your uniforms will be quietly stolen. 312 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:33,160 After a brief but enjoyable interval, they will be returned to you. 313 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:37,000 What do you say, Colonel? The girls are waiting... 314 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:47,600 There will be time for the flying helmet and the wet celery? 315 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,520 Just! 316 00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:53,640 I agree. 317 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,120 What about you, Hans? 318 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,400 I am thinking about my little wife, in Berlin. 319 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,600 What about Maria and the egg whisk? 320 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:12,280 I am thinking that Berlin is a very long way away. 321 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:18,120 And my wife is about the same size as Maria, height-wize. 322 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,400 It is all fixed. But don't forget the boots. 323 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,600 Boots?! I charge extra for boots! 324 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,320 Their boots! 325 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,600 Get out of here, chaps. Uniforms will be here any sec. 326 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:41,800 Good show! 327 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,800 - What is happening? - They're taking off their clothes, ready for their disguise. 328 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,360 They must not remove their trousers in front of my mother! 329 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:01,040 It is war. I understand. 330 00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:07,640 I say, look at the crumpets! 331 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:12,560 - Get cracking, chaps. - Do you think we've got time? 332 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,320 Not them, the clothes! 333 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:27,120 You French people, you have some very nice jewelry. 334 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,440 Thank you! 335 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:35,320 - I have a trinket that is much admired. - Really? 336 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,960 - Can I show it to you? - If you must. - Yes. 337 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,160 It has a picture inside. Look. 338 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,760 - What lovely long blond hair. - Yes, isn't it... 339 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:59,680 Unfortunately he had to have it cut off when he joined the army. 340 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:10,120 - Are they ready? - They are dressed, but not very realistic. 341 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,720 My God! 342 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,840 - And they've forgotten the painting. - What? 343 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:24,120 The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies. 344 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:29,200 - I say, chaps, you've forgotten the picture. - No we haven't, we took it our of the frame. 345 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:30,600 And where is it now? 346 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:38,160 For heaven's sake, try to look more German! 347 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:49,240 Good night, gentlemen, come again soon. Give my love to the Fuhrer. 348 00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:58,240 Cheerio! 349 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,480 Hans, there go our uniforms. 350 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,280 They promised them back in 15 minutes. 351 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,360 That was 10 minutes ago. 352 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:16,720 How quickly the war passes when you are enjoying yourself. 353 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,880 This time, with the goggles!