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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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♪ Every little breeze
seems to whisper Louise

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♪ Birds in the trees
seem to twitter Louise

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♪ Each little... ♪ Ah.

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I am singing an 'appy song
because I am an 'appy man.

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The two airmen are now in the mortuary.

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The mortuary of M Alfonse,
the undertaker.

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They are not dead!
No, they are waiting to tunnel into

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the British prisoner of war camp
across the road.

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And so I have seen the last of them.

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The Fallen Madonna
With The Big you-know-whats

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is in the office of the Colonel,
and good riddance to it.

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I can now deal with the everyday
problems of running my café.

13
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These problems are -

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one, to prevent Maria from knowing
that I am having an affair with Yvette.

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Two, to prevent Yvette from knowing
that I am having it off with Maria.

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And three, to prevent
my wife from knowing

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that I am having a ding-dong
with both of them.

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The reason am I sitting out here
polishing the cutlery

19
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is so that I can see when
my wife goes into the shop

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of M Cheval, the butcher.

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Ah, yes, she is entering.

22
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Yes, he is greeting her.

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Now he is pointing at a chicken
with his chopper.

24
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These negotiations will take
at least ten minutes

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and could include a visit
to the cold room.

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So, I have a little time to spare.

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Yvette?

28
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Rrrrrrené!

29
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Oh, my little wood pigeon!

30
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My big goose.

31
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Ohhh... Ooh!

32
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Oh, René, can you feel
the wild beating of my 'eart

33
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through this thin blouse?

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No. Press harder.

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René, how much longer
can we go on like this?

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How long does it take
to pluck a chicken?

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René, I know how you must feel
when I am with other men

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but do not worry,
all the time I am thinking of you.

39
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Ah. And when I am with my wife,

40
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all the time I am thinking of you.

41
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It does not help.

42
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- I must go.
- Oh, no!

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- Oh, yes.
- Hold me for one last time.

44
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Ooh!

45
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Oh.

46
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René! Come to me tonight.
I will give you a signal when all is clear.

47
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What will the signal be?

48
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Er... I will take
the red light out of my window.

49
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Oh, Yvette! Always the romantic.

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Go now, my child.

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- Ha!
- Rrrené!

52
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Maria!

53
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Ooh, René!

54
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How much longer can we go on like this?

55
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As long as my wife is strong enough
to get to the butchers.

56
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Rrrené, come to my rrroom tonight.

57
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No, Maria, it is too risky.

58
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How about the airing cupboard
next to the bathrrroom?

59
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It is too hot.

60
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This time I will stand
with my back to the tank.

61
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Oh, well, very well.

62
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I will see that my wife has a good bath
to run off as much hot water as possible.

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Oh, Rrrené!

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Put zat girl down
and listen very carefully.

65
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I shall say this only once.

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The airmen are in the mortuary
but the digging of the tunnel is too slow.

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They have come to an 'ard bit.
They need 'elp.

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Why cannot the undertakers help?

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They are digging graves.

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In the graves they put the earth
that is dug from the tunnel.

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If they are putting the earth
from the tunnels in the graves,

72
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where are they putting
the earth from the graves?

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They are digging other graves.

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Will not the Germans
become suspicious with all the graves?

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Not if we keep shooting Germans
to put in them.

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You are very determined, are you not?

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Edith! How much longer
have I to remain like this

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with my legs in the air?

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Quiet, Mama.

80
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René is just bringing the
new batteries for the radio.

81
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These are damned heavy, open it up.

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Edith. Edith!

83
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Now, I have heard that
last night the German swine

84
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took away my painting of the flowers.

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Be thankful they did not steal the silver.

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That was given to me
by a penniless artist

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who went round the twist.

88
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It looked as if he was
round the twist when he painted it.

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Ah, but he was so in love with me.

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He said if I did not marry him

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he would take a knife
and cut off bits of his person

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and send them to me.

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What happened to him?

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Oh, he went away.

95
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But I remember...

96
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I did receive - by registered post -

97
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an ear.

98
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An ear?

99
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What was his name?

100
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Well, I called him Bobby.

101
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Thank God for that.

102
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Well, I thought
Vincent sounded too poofy.

103
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Vincent! You silly old bat!
That was a Van Gogh.

104
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All this time we have had
a Van Gogh and we did not know.

105
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- You said it was a worthless daub.
- What do I know?

106
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- (Buzzer)
- Ah! The flashing bed knobs!

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"Allo, Nighthawk. 'Allo, Nighthawk.
Are you receiving me? Over.'

108
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'Allo, 'allo. Nighthawk here.

109
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Give that to me!

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You are not Nighthawk, I am Nighthawk.

111
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You are Mrs Nighthawk.

112
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'Allo, 'allo, this is Nighthawk.

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Pass your message, please. Over.

114
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'Has Old Mother Hubbard
got together with Miss Muffet

115
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'and Little Boy Blue? Over.'

116
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Look it up, Edith.
Has Old Mother Hubbard got together

117
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with Miss Muffet and Little Boy Blue?

118
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The way people carry on these days,
I'm not surprised.

119
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- Shut up.
- It means,

120
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"Are the airmen inside
the prisoner of war camp?"

121
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We must tell them no.

122
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Little Boy Blue is still
holding Miss Muffet's tuffet.

123
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But we are hoping to get them
up the beanstalk tonight. Over.

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Did you write down the message,
von Smallhausen?

125
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- As you ordered, Herr Flick.
- What does it mean?

126
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Fortunately, I was educated at Oxford.

127
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These are nursery rhymes.

128
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There must be some connection.

129
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As I recall, Mother Hubbard
was the one who had the cupboard.

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- Airmen can hide in a cupboard.
- Excellent.

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Little Miss Muffet, she had the tuffet.

132
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What is a tuffet?

133
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A tuffet is a mound of earth

134
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similar to that thrown up by the mole.

135
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And where do moles live? Underground!

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They have been hidden in
the cupboard by the Underground.

137
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Now...

138
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what did Little Boy Blue have?

139
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- I cannot remember.
- Think, von Smallhausen.

140
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Your whole career may depend on it.

141
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Ahh! It all comes back.

142
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Oxford, the river, the dreaming spires.

143
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He had the horn.

144
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The French horn.

145
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They have been hidden by the
French Underground in this cupboard.

146
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Now, where is the cupboard?

147
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Is there no clue we have missed?

148
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We have the tuffet,
the horn, the cupboard.

149
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Mother Hubbard was
looking in the cupboard

150
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to find for her poor doggie a bone.

151
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A bone? And where do you find bones?

152
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- At the butchers?
- Where else, von Smallhausen?

153
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In the graveyard.

154
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Where lately
there has been much digging.

155
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We will investigate.

156
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You have an incredible brain, Herr Flick.

157
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Do not be a little crawler.

158
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- Ah. Good day to you, Captain.
- Hello.

159
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I have brought you your usual.

160
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One does not normally see you
without the Colonel.

161
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He is cross with me.
We are hardly speaking.

162
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All he said this morning was,
"Heil Hitler."

163
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Not exactly the start of
a sparkling conversation.

164
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What is the reason
for this rupture in your relationship?

165
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- The shooting last night.
- That was not your fault.

166
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You did not shoot anybody,
it was my jealous, impetuous wife.

167
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She used my gun.

168
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He's like that, the Colonel.

169
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He confiscated my jackboots once
just because I refused to kick a peasant.

170
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,869
I can tell you I'm not enjoying this war.

171
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,916
You surprise me, Captain.

172
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,275
You always seem to be having such fun.

173
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One has to keep up appearances.

174
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It's not easy, goose-stepping about,
shouting and ranting.

175
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It is hard to be a conquering hero
when it is not in your nature.

176
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:25,479
- Why do you do it?
- Oh, it is Hitler.

177
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He's a very demanding chap.

178
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Yeah, of course.

179
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There is nothing worse than
a bad-tempered decorator.

180
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We had one here once.

181
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:42,351
René, that bribe you gave to the
policeman, will it keep him quiet?

182
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You can rely on it.

183
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René...

184
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I cannot thank you enough.

185
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:53,077
I will do anything for you, René.

186
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,516
I'll bring perfume, silk stockings...

187
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,912
any little luxury you care to name.

188
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Thermal underwear.

189
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,079
Am I interrupting anything?

190
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,037
No, no, no.

191
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:12,192
We're just discussing
a little private matter.

192
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,396
I see.

193
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:20,077
I, er, I hope there were no repercussions
over the shooting here last night.

194
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,674
Shooting? No, no.
Did you see a shooting?

195
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,354
Not that I can recall, no.

196
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,635
Mind you, it was a very lively evening.

197
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:31,952
- I understand.
- Ah, Colonel. Good day to you.

198
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,996
Good day, René.

199
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,355
- Good day, Hubert.
- Hello.

200
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,436
Heil Hitler.

201
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,276
Say Heil Hitler for me.

202
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,990
Have you two you fallen out?

203
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,957
We have.

204
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,873
- Over a girl?
- No, not over a girl.

205
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,836
I see.

206
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,508
Hubert, what's happening
about the paintings?

207
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,068
I have taken them to my quarters.

208
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:08,277
- Good.
- There I can copy the Fallen Madonna.

209
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,271
- Twice.
- Twice.

210
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,034
Ah. I'd better make a note of this.

211
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,429
- My pencil.
- Thank you.

212
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,640
Madonna With Big Boobies.

213
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,073
Two.

214
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,671
One for Hitler, one for Flick.

215
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:30,754
- The original returned to me.
- You mean returned to us, don't you?

216
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,990
He's still ignoring me, you see?

217
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:37,119
The General has also asked me
to make a copy of the Van Gogh.

218
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,156
Is he sending the original to Hitler?

219
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,549
No, he is sending the copy to Hitler.

220
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,073
Would you believe it!

221
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:46,118
You'd think a general
would be above that sort of thing.

222
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:50,557
I know a colonel is not
but you'd think a general would be.

223
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,996
Lieutenant, dear Lieutenant,
while you are at it,

224
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,878
could you make another copy
of the Van Gogh?

225
00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:58,916
Tell the General it is the real one

226
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,753
and return the original to me,
the rightful owner.

227
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:05,310
- That would be dishonest.
- Not if we split the proceeds.

228
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,436
Another copy, Gruber.

229
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,074
That is two Van Goghs...

230
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,151
and two Fallen Madonnas.

231
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,196
Four boobies.

232
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,315
(# Organ)

233
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:32,313
Sister, you will come here.

234
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,676
I am here, Herr Father.

235
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,194
Give to me my powerful binoculars.

236
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,396
At once, Herr Father.

237
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,913
What was it you were hoping
to see, Herr Father?

238
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,549
I have already seen
what I was hoping to see.

239
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,714
There is much digging
and very little burying.

240
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,870
What do we do now?

241
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,473
We wait.

242
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,391
Do you wish me to kiss you?

243
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,995
Not while you are dressed as a nun!
It will give offence.

244
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,640
Who would it upset?

245
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,876
It would upset me.

246
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:23,432
Von Smallhausen, stop snooping
and take your smoke bomb elsewhere.

247
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,995
Please, Father, I have sinned.

248
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,275
I have a joined a house of ill repute

249
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:34,036
where wicked girls cavort in scanty
clotheses and are naughty with men.

250
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:37,396
Well?
What am I supposed to do about it?

251
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:43,038
You must give to
this wicked girl a penance.

252
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:44,792
I see.

253
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:48,634
Go home and say 100 Heil Hitlers.

254
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,833
You let her off very lightly, Herr Father.

255
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,070
Usually you are much more severe.

256
00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:00,038
(Choral singing)

257
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,915
Overture and beginners, please.

258
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,912
Come, Sister, we are on.

259
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,355
Damned hard work, Fairfax.

260
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:22,149
Yes, I know.
And you've laddered your stocking.

261
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,676
How's it going, chaps?

262
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:28,230
We've hit rock or something.
We really need a drill.

263
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,153
We can't do that!
You'd make to much noise.

264
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,834
Couldn't you drum up some extra bods?

265
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,514
We're getting some help from the café.

266
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:41,153
- How's it going, Simpson?
- It's a bit sticky, sir.

267
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,038
It's not easy with teaspoons.

268
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:48,193
Do bash along, we've got
a few hours before the inspection.

269
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,276
Good evening, all.

270
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,351
Oh, my God.

271
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,635
Ah! Officer!

272
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,676
Welcome to my 'umble café.

273
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,795
Psst.

274
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,553
It is I, Leclerc.

275
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,596
No!

276
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,879
I have a message from Michelle.

277
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:22,350
Where have you been?
We have been waiting for instructions.

278
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:26,353
Madame, a lady reported
seeing a flasher.

279
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,273
- And you had to arrest him?
- Er, no.

280
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:34,275
I had to disguise myself as a policemen
so she would not recognise him.

281
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,715
What is your message?

282
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:41,920
You are to go at once to the mortuary
and help with the digging.

283
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:45,197
How are we to get there?
The place is stiff with Germans.

284
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:48,238
Here, take this upstairs to my mother.

285
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:51,630
Tell her she must take over the bar
while we are gone.

286
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,075
Very good, madame.

287
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,755
How long will you go on
not speaking to me?

288
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,957
This has not happened to me
since I was a boy at school

289
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,110
and they sent me to Coventry.

290
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:07,830
This is a terrible thing to happen
when you are at school in Düsseldorf.

291
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:15,557
Oh! Why is that waitress leaning over
and showing her suspenders?

292
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,596
Ha! You see?

293
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,956
So you can hear.

294
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:28,228
Oh, 'eck! Here comes that English idiot
who thinks he can speak our language.

295
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,550
Good moaning.

296
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,436
Good moaning.

297
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,631
Do you want the good nose
or the bad nose?

298
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,309
Oh, do let us have the good nose.

299
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:48,228
I have hashed up
the shatting of the two tits.

300
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,510
What does Crabtree say, Yvette?

301
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:57,479
He has hushed up the shooting
of the two tarts.

302
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,028
Good. And what is the bad nose?

303
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:04,989
The Gestapo are hoovering
around the graveyid

304
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:08,516
disgeesed as a nan, a boshop

305
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,955
and a Roman Catholic farter.

306
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,549
I knew I should not have asked.

307
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,836
Where are the airmen?

308
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,195
They have taken spades,

309
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,669
they have crapt along the tunnel...

310
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,749
and are dogging.

311
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:35,310
Well, that does not
sound like a lot of fun.

312
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,834
We are supposed to be helping them.

313
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,638
What are we to do?

314
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,678
With my disgeese as poloceman

315
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,320
I am oble to escoot you there.

316
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:49,518
Can you not find a phrasebook
and improve your French?!

317
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,352
It is terrible.

318
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,512
Nobody has comploned so for.

319
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:59,719
If they do, I will toll them
I am from the Left Bonk.

320
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,680
Yvette, Maria.

321
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:08,309
Go and collect all the flowers
so we can take them with us.

322
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,597
What excuse do we give to
the Colonel and the Captain?

323
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,636
You leave this to me.

324
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:20,512
Dear Colonel, dear Captain, forgive us

325
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:24,229
but we are departing to pay
our respect to the two women

326
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,834
who I unfortunately shot with your gun.

327
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,876
Come.

328
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,117
Hans, they're up to something.

329
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:39,034
Ooh! Uncle Kurt, you're speaking to me.

330
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,356
Oh, what a relief!

331
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,470
Let that be a lesson to you.

332
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,516
I think we should follow René.

333
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,319
General von Klinkerhoffen
told us to watch the café.

334
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,709
You're right. We should obey orders.

335
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,313
We will watch the café.

336
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,228
Ladies and gentlemen,

337
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,915
tonight it is cabaret time
at the Café René.

338
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,197
And in the absence of Madame Edith

339
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,316
please to welcome,

340
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,356
from the Folies Bergères,

341
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,079
Madame Fanny Lafanne.

342
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,275
(Piano plays)

343
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:34,280
♪ Take me to your 'eart again

344
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:37,716
♪ Let's make a start again

345
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:41,429
♪ Forgiving and forgetting... ♪

346
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,830
I was right in the first place,
we will follow René.

347
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,115
What about ze orders?

348
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,589
Officers must use their initiative.

349
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,433
Besides, there's no cheese for our ears.

350
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,278
♪ Dearest

351
00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:00,397
♪ Let's turn back ze years

352
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,677
♪ Let smiles come after tears

353
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:08,276
♪ Like sunshine after rain

354
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,472
♪ I'm yearning for you

355
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,791
♪ By night and by day

356
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:21,000
♪ Praying that soon I hear you saying

357
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:26,552
♪ I love you

358
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:30,519
- (Piano speeds up)
- # And we'll never part again

359
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:34,149
♪ If you will... ♪

360
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,631
That sermon you gave
was most moving, Herr Father.

361
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:46,269
Bishop von Smallhausen
had tears running down his cheeks.

362
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:49,033
That's because
this thing would not go out.

363
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:54,274
Still there is much digging.
There is something behind this.

364
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:57,193
Let us go to the mortuary...

365
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,635
to interrogate the undertaker.

366
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,994
With Herr Flick, life is never dull.

367
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,677
I shan't go out with girls
any more after this.

368
00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:20,076
You've put me off.

369
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,232
I've been digging
just as hard as you have.

370
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,232
- (Clattering)
- KV! Someone's coming.

371
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:33,950
Pull your skirt down.

372
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,036
It's OK, chaps, it's only me.

373
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:41,795
I must love you now, so good lick.

374
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,916
Where is M Alfonse?

375
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,991
He's in the tunnel, having a dig.

376
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,470
I think there are rats.
We can hear a lot of scratching.

377
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,518
That'll be the chaps
in the POW camp tunnelling out.

378
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:56,752
- So we may not have far to go.
- Yes, we must dig like fury.

379
00:22:56,840 --> 00:23:00,435
- It's jolly tiring.
- Murder on the old hands and knees.

380
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,715
- What was that?
- (Creaking)

381
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,435
M Alfonse at your service.

382
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,550
Swiftly and with style.

383
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,069
And temporarily knackered.

384
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,436
What is your progress report?

385
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,476
The tunnel...

386
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:29,269
is what is known as
bunged up with loose earth.

387
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:32,158
It is the disposal,
what we call in my trade,

388
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,835
of the muck...
that consumes all the time.

389
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:37,273
Very well.

390
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:39,749
Chaps, in you go. Dig for your life.

391
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:43,037
We'll arrange a chain
to get rid of the earth.

392
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,713
Get in there. When your pots are full,
pass them back.

393
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,034
How long are we going
to be down there?

394
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,639
Fill them with earth. Dummy.

395
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,551
Get a move on, Simpson.
The operation's slowing up.

396
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,073
I'm doing my best.

397
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,912
- (Banging)
- Shh!

398
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,594
- (Scratching)
- It's getting quite loud.

399
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,636
Bash on, we're nearly there.

400
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,280
Here, René, take these.

401
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,960
Stop poking me with your pot.

402
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,229
Fill it up and give me another one.

403
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,674
I am a pot passer, not a pot filler.

404
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,033
Here you are. There. Are you satisfied?

405
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,310
Oh. This is very good quality.

406
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:48,279
When we're finished,
I would like some of these for the café.

407
00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:50,430
Always the entrepreneur.

408
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:53,915
Where shall I put the rrrefuse?

409
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,639
- I will take it.
- It is brrrimming over.

410
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,315
M Alfonse, the Colonel
and the Captain are approaching.

411
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:04,473
- Oh, my God!
- Warn them in the tunnel, two Jerries.

412
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,552
Warn them in the tunnel,
two Jerries are coming.

413
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,359
Two Jerries are coming!

414
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:14,558
- Two Jerries are coming.
- Two Jerries are coming.

415
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,200
I can only deal with one at a time.

416
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,110
I think I'm through.

417
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:24,792
Jolly good show.

418
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:31,279
My God! French crumpet.

419
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:36,078
They must be desperate
if they're tunnelling in.

420
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,390
- Hello.
- Hello!

421
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:42,029
Good God! It's Fairfax and Carstairs
from 402 Squadron.

422
00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:44,793
- What are you doing?
- We're trying to get in. You?

423
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:46,791
We're trying to get out.

424
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:48,950
(Michelle) Chaps, Jerries are coming.

425
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:52,271
- Quick! Back up.
- Right. Come on.

426
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:05,914
I'm sorry if I've caught you
at an inconvenient moment.

427
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:08,632
Can I help you?

428
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:13,669
I'm looking for M René,
who I observed entering these premises.

429
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,557
He's not here.

430
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,074
We will search. Hans, search.

431
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,116
Search, search.

432
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:24,993
- Is there a dead body in here?
- Hopefully.

433
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:30,991
We put a screwdriver in with them
in case we make a mistake.

434
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,196
How far do you want me to go?

435
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,475
- What do you mean?
- It is spooky.

436
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,711
Open the coffin.

437
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:45,836
It is full of earth.

438
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:47,990
Why is this coffin full of earth?

439
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,640
I am growing mushrooms.

440
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:54,678
I do not see any mushrooms.

441
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:59,117
That is probably because
they have not yet come up.

442
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,636
There's earth on the floor. Hans, help me.

443
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:04,676
No, monsieur! You cannot.

444
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,911
You cannot defile
the tomb of the departed.

445
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,514
Why is there earth in your pot?

446
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:16,393
I am trying to cultivate
the stone of the avocado pear.

447
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,916
Do you have to sit on it to cultivate it?

448
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:24,312
Monsieur, it requires
a warm temperature.

449
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,234
- I grew one on a damp flannel.
- Shut up, Hans!

450
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,276
Lift.

451
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:38,232
- It is a tunnel!
- A tunnel?!

452
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,880
How did that get in there?

453
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,996
We must find out where it leads.

454
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,036
Hans, you go first.

455
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,150
(Knock)

456
00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,796
Now, what's going on?

457
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:03,190
We are being hunted by
the Gestapo and Jerry troops.

458
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:07,034
- The whole lot of them.
- Without uniforms, we'll be shot.

459
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:10,510
- What about this lot?
- French Resistance - we'll be shot too.

460
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:14,798
My God, Simpson,
there's an inspection in five minutes.

461
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,871
Of course. With the Kraut general.

462
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:21,556
- We'd better hide them.
- Will someone tell me what is going on?

463
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:25,758
- They are going to 'ide us.
- Why not go back in the tunnel?

464
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:28,991
The Colonel and the Captain
are coming down it.

465
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,868
My God! What am I going to do?

466
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:37,317
How about trying to behave like
the bravest man in all France?

467
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,550
Hans, I'm stuck.

468
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:43,631
- Ooh!
- Give me a pull.

469
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:45,597
Yes. One...

470
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,955
(Both)... two, three.

471
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,439
Oh! Now look
what you have done!

472
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:59,399
We are trapped
and I suffer from claustrophobia.

473
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:04,235
I have ever since my mother tried to
smuggle me out of Berlin in a suitcase.

474
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:08,757
- Why would she do that?
- So my father wouldn't know about me.

475
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,108
I say! There are some more coming.

476
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:19,512
- They're dressed as Krauts.
- That's because they are.

477
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,955
Hold my gun while I get out.

478
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,635
The tunnel has come out in England.

479
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,514
Everyone here is under arrest.

480
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:38,831
(PA) 'Attention. Stand by for inspection

481
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,115
'by General von Klinkerhoffen.'

482
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,237
- General von Klinkerhoffen!
- Von Klinkerhoffen!

483
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:45,912
There is a gun in your back.

484
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,833
If you give us away,
you will be the first to die.

485
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:50,876
Do exactly as I say.

486
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,714
And listen very carefully.
She will say this only once.

487
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:16,434
(PA) 'Everybody out.
Everybody out. Raus! '

488
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,273
Raus! Raus!

489
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,352
Raus!

490
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,309
Raus!

491
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:32,559
'Stand by for inspection
by General von Klinkerhoffen.'

492
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,836
Ten-hut!

493
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:49,716
The British prisoners are ready
for inspection, General.

494
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:52,996
They do not look ready.

495
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,753
They are a surly, bad-disciplined rabble.

496
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:57,796
They are not easy to control.

497
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:02,237
All British prisoners of war
are the same. Lead ze way.

498
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:10,236
- Is everything under control?
- They've got the Krauts covered.

499
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:14,836
- What happens if they spot any of them?
- I gave them a few English phrases.

500
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:17,229
- Stop talking in the ranks!
- Up yours.

501
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,357
- (Laughter)
- Silence!

502
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,789
Silence!

503
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,072
Temper, temper.

504
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,754
Hello!

505
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:44,913
Hello.

506
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:47,951
Bang on.

507
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:51,759
Wizard prank.

508
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:53,751
Hip, hip.

509
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:56,070
Toodle-oo.

510
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:57,752
Chocks away.

511
00:31:57,840 --> 00:31:59,876
Hello, old fruit.

512
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,593
(To Colonel Bogey tune)
# Hitler has only got one... #

513
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,990
Silence! Silence!

514
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,313
If this is the standard of British airmen,

515
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,631
how did Goering lose
the Battle of Britain?

516
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,316
That was a narrow escape.

517
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:36,599
Narrow escape? We are locked up
in a prisoner of war camp.

518
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,069
And the café opens for dinner at seven.

519
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,913
And your mother has the keys to my till.

520
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,156
Drive on.

521
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:51,870
One, two, three, four.

522
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:55,316
(# All whistling Colonel Bogey)