1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:02,396 (Piano music, cheering) 2 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:16,438 You are probably wondering what I am doing in a prisoner of war camp, 3 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,317 dressed as a dancing girl. 4 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,356 One, two, three... 5 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:23,193 My breath will not last long enough for me to tell you 6 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:25,714 but suffice it to say, we are about to escape 7 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,917 in the rubbish cart driven by Lieutenant Gruber, 8 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,356 who is the one who fancies me. 9 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:34,396 (Cheering, whistling) 10 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:44,793 (Horn toots) 11 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,356 - It's here, chaps. - It's here. 12 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,396 Thank goodness. 13 00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:52,835 Come on, Colonel, eyes and teeth. 14 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,477 I say, that was jolly good. They're shouting for more. 15 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:07,678 There is not time. No encores. Get into the cart. 16 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:18,392 Psst. In here. Crouch down. 17 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,674 Oh, this is show business for you. 18 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:32,796 One minute, you are a star, 19 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,838 the next, you are on the rubbish heap. 20 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:39,590 Keep digging, von Smallhausen. 21 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,998 Herr Flick, Herr Flick, we have broken through! 22 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,231 Good, we will see where this tunnel is emerging. 23 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,669 Please to be holding tight. 24 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,078 (René) Aah! 25 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,997 Zis could be ze dormitory of the nunnery. 26 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,878 If your theory is correct, von Smallhausen, 27 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,474 the nuns have very large feet 28 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,074 and a strange taste in pictures. 29 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,509 We are in ze prisoner of war camp. 30 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:20,309 We must return at once to Gestapo headquarters. 31 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,359 Open ze gate. 32 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:36,431 You are wearing a rotten disguise. 33 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,476 Go back to your hut, Englishman. 34 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,120 But I am Otto Flick of the Gestapo. 35 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,033 And I am Hitler's Auntie Nellie. 36 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,030 Von Smallhausen, the tunnel. 37 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:00,636 (Engine chugging) 38 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,836 What are you playing at? 39 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:09,276 I regret to say that we have some mechanical malfunction. 40 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,430 Well, fix it. 41 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:20,232 It smells terrible in here. I am going to have to get out. 42 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,276 Oh. 43 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,678 I have traced the fault. There was a loose wire. 44 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,672 Good, start it again and let's get cracking. 45 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:42,074 Ooh, Michelle, I'm still shaking from fear. 46 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,469 Oh, but it was a glorious episode. 47 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:48,872 We accomplished our mission and got the airmen back into the camp. 48 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,950 - I say, what's going on? - What are you chaps doing here? 49 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,758 We followed you. 50 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:58,479 You were supposed to stay behind at the camp. 51 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,074 Oh. Well, you should have said. 52 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:04,277 I did say. I told you when you were getting dressed. 53 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:08,399 I had trouble with Fairfax's bra, I probably wasn't listening. 54 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,713 - What are they doing here? - There 'as been a cockup. 55 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:19,636 You are late, von Smallhausen. 56 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,188 My peasant servant forgot to wake me up. 57 00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:24,430 - Did you shoot him? - No, no. 58 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:28,752 I spoke to him sharply and told him to be more careful in future. 59 00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:33,072 I sometimes wonder how you got into the Gestapo. 60 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,515 I think it was the limp. 61 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,348 And the sinister gaze. 62 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,635 Take this wireless and follow me. 63 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:45,030 - It's very light, Herr Flick. - It is the latest model. 64 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,270 Bring also the batteries. 65 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,992 M Leclerc, get behind the bar. Polish the glasses. 66 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,036 - Yes, madame. - Er, no, look. 67 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,715 Take this money, go across the square and buy more gin. 68 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,075 Your mother has drunk it all. 69 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:12,392 How shall I disguise myself? 70 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,199 You will not need a disguise. 71 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:18,909 Just go as yourself - a perfectly normal idiot. 72 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,956 - Huh? - Now. 73 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:22,837 (Mutters) 74 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:26,629 René, I will take some food down to the cellar to the Colonel. 75 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:31,032 Edith, do not give him our food. Tell him to get back to his office. 76 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:35,875 How can he when he is dressed as a girl from the Folies Bergère? 77 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,269 Why does he not borrow my coat and hat? 78 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,510 Because of the escape, there is a curfew. 79 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,989 If he is found as a civilian he could be shot. 80 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,469 Lieutenant Gruber will bring his uniform. 81 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:48,199 Very well, feed him. 82 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,237 - Oh, Rrrené! - Yvette. 83 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,231 Oh! 84 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,630 Oh, at last, we are alone. 85 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,154 - Hold me tight. - Yvette. 86 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,915 Oh, René. Oh, René, it is so long... 87 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,911 (Bell) 88 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,916 Sorry, where were we? 89 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,833 It is so long since you held me like zis. 90 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:23,436 Oh, just the feel of your strong body through my thin blouse 91 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,988 makes my knees tremble. 92 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,270 What a coincidence. 93 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,952 When are you going to tell your wife you are leaving her? 94 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,713 Oh, er, soon, Yvette, soon. 95 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,711 Well, why not this morning? 96 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,553 Well, it is very complicated, Yvette. 97 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,756 Remember that I have been shot dead 98 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:47,673 and I am now posing as my own twin brother. 99 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,830 My will left this café to Edith. 100 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,115 If I am going to get my hands back on it, 101 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,873 I am going to have to do it by marrying her again 102 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:58,350 and then telling her that I am leaving her to marry you. 103 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,352 So, you see, this morning is not a good time. 104 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:07,351 - Oh, tell me there is nobody else. - There is nobody else. 105 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,476 I feel better now. 106 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:13,314 Oh, Yvette, dear, sweet, emotional child. 107 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,118 Let me look at you. 108 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,270 Oh, you are crying... in one eye. 109 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,318 I think it is a little bit of grit. 110 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:27,311 Keep very still and I will get it out. 111 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,631 Lieutenant Gruber. 112 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:40,548 I thought for a moment that you were perhaps still closed. 113 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,200 Oh, for the German army, we never close, 114 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:46,078 particularly an 'ero of the Russian front. 115 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,594 I have here the uniform for the Colonel. 116 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,911 - Good. He is in the cellar. - I will take it down to him. 117 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,195 Oh, Lieutenant Gruber, good morning. 118 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,999 The Colonel will be pleased to see you. 119 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:01,119 René, Edith, Michelle wishes to speak with us in ze back room. 120 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:02,952 Oh, 'eck. 121 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,716 Do not move. 122 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,553 What are you doing here in broad daylight? 123 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:14,313 I have bad news. Gather round. 124 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:19,076 I have little time so listen very carefully, I shall say this only once. 125 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,116 Maria did not escape with us. 126 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,192 - We know that. - What happened to her? 127 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,510 We have heard that in order to escape, 128 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:30,036 she broke into the postal room of the prisoner of war camp. 129 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,476 Once there, she disguised herself as a Red Cross parcel. 130 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:39,952 Unfortunately, she did not put on enough stamps. 131 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,838 So they have sent her back to Switzerland. 132 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,111 It's all perfectly logical, I suppose. 133 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:54,318 The poor child. René, we must light a candle for her. 134 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,391 Oh, of course. 135 00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:00,636 For Maria. 136 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,831 We must advertise for a new girl. 137 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,876 I have more news. 138 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:14,316 We have heard that Hitler is preparing to invade England. 139 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,756 We must carry out sabotage as soon as we receive the orders. 140 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:20,718 - What about the airmen? - They will have to stay here. 141 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,793 This operation has absolute priority. Where are they now? 142 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:28,798 (Both) Hello. 143 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:34,353 London will be coming through on the radio, we must hurry. 144 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:44,519 Higher, von Smallhausen. London is due to transmit. 145 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,989 It's very heavy, Herr Flick. 146 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,709 Stop whingeing, von Smallhausen. 147 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,189 What do you intend to do with this radio 148 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,272 now that I have humped it onto the roof of the chateau? 149 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,875 We will jam the London broadcast and substitute one of our own. 150 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,676 Aw, she sleeps. 151 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:10,916 She looks like a little angel. 152 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,468 She looks more like a dead moth. 153 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,315 We must wake her very gently. 154 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,311 Mama. Mama. 155 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,556 (Toots) 156 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,837 - Wake up, you old bat. - (Screams) 157 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:30,196 Oh! Oh, no, no, no. 158 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:34,193 You have woken me from my dream. 159 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,510 You are callous and heartless, René. 160 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,160 She was smiling so beautifully. 161 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,196 Was it a nice dream, Mama? 162 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,670 Well, it was, er... 163 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,955 vivid... 164 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,634 and a bit, er, naughty. 165 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,359 Edith. Ready? 166 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,000 (All) One, two, three. Uh! 167 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,038 - Aah! - Sorry, Mama. The radio. 168 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,031 (Buzzer) 169 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:05,473 Ooh! Oh, ze flashing knobs. 170 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,634 It has broken my dream. 171 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,594 What are you doing in the bed of my mother? 172 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,875 When I climbed through the droonpoop 173 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,554 in the prisoner of war comp, 174 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,915 I slopped and bonged my hod. 175 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,835 Your mither allowed me to lay on her bod 176 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,275 so I could have a bit of wrist. 177 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,519 London is coming through on the radio. Shut up. 178 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,835 'Allo, 'allo. This is Nighthawk, come in London. Over. 179 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:48,913 "Allo, Nighthawk. London calling. London calling.' 180 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,675 I have zem. I will now jam the London transmitter 181 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,228 and broadcast myself. 182 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:59,313 (René) 'This is Nighthawk, come in London.' 183 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,356 Hello, Nighthawk. 184 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:05,399 Ve vish to send medals to all ze members of ze Resistance. 185 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:09,268 Please give me their names and addresses. 186 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,954 'We do not know their names and addresses. 187 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:15,555 'But send me the medals and I will pass them on.' 188 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,393 - Where are the airmen? - In the back room. 189 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,436 'Where is the back room? ' 190 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,636 Behind the front room. 191 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,110 He is asking a lot of questions. 192 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:29,590 Give it to me. Are you sure you are in London? 193 00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:33,070 Of course. I am in Piccadilly Circus. 194 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,276 Von Smallhausen, the effects. 195 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:40,273 - (Toots) - Paper! Paper! 196 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,477 - 'Read all about it.' - (Toots) 197 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,511 Violets, lovely violets. 198 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,591 Violets. BI... aah! 199 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:55,150 Herr Flick, I'm falling off the roof! Aah! 200 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,073 Flick! It is Herr Flick, we have been discovered. 201 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,355 Quick, dismantle everything. 202 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,516 You fool. What are you doing? 203 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,876 They do not know our position and you've smashed the radio. 204 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,110 - We cannot speak to London. - Well... 205 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,829 Lieutenant, I am worried about Hans. 206 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,878 He hasn't been seen since he was catapulted over the wire. 207 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,679 - Do you think he has deserted? - No, not Hans. 208 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:28,072 He has neither the courage nor the intelligence to be a coward. 209 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:35,068 Colonel, I have searched the vicinity of the camp and found these. 210 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,957 These are the spectacles of Hans Geering. 211 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,271 I questioned a passing peasant who said that an RAF officer 212 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,351 answering to the description of Hans 213 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,396 was taken avay by the Resistance. 214 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,869 Can we be sure it was the Captain? 215 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,919 Yes. These are the spectacles of little Hans. 216 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:59,551 Through these very lenses, those beady eyes used to stare at me. 217 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,270 Like a trusting Pekingese. 218 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,153 Ah, er, Colonel, Lieutenant Gruber, Helga, 219 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,356 sorry to keep you waiting. 220 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,398 Er, you are probably wondering why I have been upstairs 221 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:15,436 with my wife and the policeman. 222 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:19,638 It's France, René, one is not surprised at anything. 223 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,359 Oh, no, Colonel, it was nothing like that. 224 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,556 It never is. 225 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:29,031 Er, l-I-I-I was consulting this officer of the law 226 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,236 about my security arrangements. 227 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,676 There are many buglers about. 228 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,479 The girls should lick their bedroom door 229 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,358 and your wife should have a good, strong belt. 230 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:45,995 He means bolt. Thank you, Officer. Be on your way. 231 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:49,436 Come and sit down, René. I want to talk to you, urgently. 232 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,875 Yes, yes, in a moment. I... Ah! 233 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,599 Er, thank you, gas inspector... 234 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,036 for reading my meter. 235 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,270 There is a nasty smell in the kitchen 236 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,238 which I wish you to sniff with your professional nose. 237 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,392 It is either a gas leak or the Camembert is off. 238 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,597 Yvette, look after the Colonel, will you? 239 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:13,915 Give me back my hat and coat and get out. 240 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,275 René, I have the solution to our problem. 241 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,113 As far as I am concerned, she is our problem. 242 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,397 Outside the café is the little tank of Lieutenant Gruber. 243 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,631 In it is a radio. Why do we not contact London on it? 244 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,676 You are more mad than she is. 245 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,309 This is the bold idea of a brave woman. We will do it. 246 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,870 Do it? The Germans are in the café, ten yards away. 247 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,315 We will arrange for them to be distracted. 248 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:40,995 We will all rendezvous inside the tank in three minutes. 249 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,150 But, look... 250 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,754 Edith, I will have nothing to do with this. 251 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,434 You are the bravest man in all France? 252 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,034 You have the courage of a chicken. 253 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,468 A very little chicken! 254 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,314 René, I insist on speaking to you. 255 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,789 Ah, er, allow me to get you a drink, Colonel. 256 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,590 Where have you been? 257 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,911 I passed out in the bushes. 258 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,719 I was returning with the gin 259 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,031 and I was 'it on the 'ead by a radio. 260 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,760 No doubt dropped from a passing aeroplane. 261 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:32,310 The Germans shoot them down all the time. Get behind the bar. 262 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,868 Er, now, Colonel, what can I do for you? 263 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,679 René, we are very worried about Hans. 264 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,830 He vas taken avay by the Resistance. 265 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:43,230 He is in RAF uniform, he could be shot on sight. 266 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:47,518 Or they could have kidnapped him and be holding him to ransom. 267 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,034 I saw him land in the rubbish heap. 268 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,795 I sink, perhaps, he was taken by the Communist Resistance. 269 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:58,317 The Communist Resis...? I thought they were on strike. 270 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,313 It has been settled. Zey have agreed higher ransoms. 271 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:06,188 If I hear anything, Colonel, you will be the first to know. 272 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:11,319 René, Michelle will be waiting for us in the little tank. 273 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,517 We cannot just walk out. They will wonder where we have gone. 274 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,239 - We need a diversion. - Ah! 275 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:20,312 I could do for you my world-famous 276 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,517 blindfold knife-throwing performance. 277 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:27,912 - Huh? - We need a diversion, not a massacre. 278 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,116 - I have it. Come with me. - Well... 279 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,270 Lieutenant Gruber, 280 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:34,920 there is something René would like you to do 281 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,956 but he is too shy to ask. 282 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:42,389 - And what is this? - What are you saying, Edith? 283 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,916 It is such a long time since you played for us at the piano. 284 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:50,437 Er, René is always talking about your singing. Are you not, René? 285 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,715 It is the sole topic of my conversation. 286 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:56,349 I should be delighted. And what is your favourite song, René? 287 00:17:56,440 --> 00:18:00,194 Ah, er, oh, anything, Lieutenant Gruber. You choose. 288 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,113 I think you vill be enjoying this one. 289 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:06,630 ♪ Mad about ze boy 290 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:15,833 ♪ I know it's stupid But I'm mad about ze boy 291 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:20,232 ♪ I'm so ashamed of it but must admit 292 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,754 ♪ Ze sleepless nights I've had about ze boy... ♪ 293 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,832 René, Michelle will be waiting in the tank. 294 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,309 - Er... - # On ze silver screen... # 295 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:32,279 Lieutenant Gruber, er, your singing is... 296 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:35,909 so beautiful, I must go outside, er... 297 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,549 I do not like to be seen crying in front of men. 298 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,870 I understand. 299 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,030 I feel a bit emotional myself. 300 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:48,432 ♪ Lord knows I'm not a schoolgirl 301 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,200 ♪ I shouldn't really care... ♪ 302 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,794 Keep singing. I can hear you from outside. 303 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,599 ♪ Lord knows I'm not a schoolgirl... ♪ 304 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,276 Edith, this is madness. 305 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:05,397 - Michelle, Michelle. - She's not here. Let's go back. 306 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:09,314 Quick, it is all connected. All we need is an 'igher aerial. 307 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,437 Well, I do not have one. Edith, back into the café. 308 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,795 No, no. It is all arranged. 309 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,235 It is attached to this brick. 310 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,158 (Glass breaking) 311 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,676 What are you doing? That is the window of my bathroom. 312 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,035 - You... - (Shocked cries) 313 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,189 Oh. 314 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:36,909 Who has thrown a brick into my bathroom? 315 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,390 It's all right, Mama. It is only the Resistance. 316 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,790 Oh, that is right. Tell the whole neighbourhood. 317 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:47,111 (Man) "Allo, 'allo. Are you receiving me? Over.' 318 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,509 Quick, zey are coming through. 319 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:55,039 You take ze radio. I must merge into the scenery. 320 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:58,715 Merge into the scenery! Why cannot we merge into the scenery? 321 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,597 Quick, the radio. 322 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:10,152 - (Static) - It is not correctly tuned. 323 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,356 I will twiddle the knob. 324 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,158 (Crackling) 325 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,515 (Static and music from radio) 326 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,274 ♪ I'm feeling quite insane 327 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,078 ♪ And young again 328 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:28,039 ♪ And all because 329 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:32,033 ♪ I'm mad about the boy ♪ 330 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,316 (Bell) 331 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,476 Good moaning. 332 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,233 Where is the owner of the smell tink? 333 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,511 - I am ze owner. - You have left your rudio on. 334 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:52,878 If you do not swatch it off, you will have a flit bittery. 335 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,428 Thank you. I was just leaving anyway. 336 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,795 Can I give anyone a lift? Colonel, Helga? 337 00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,155 - Thank you. - Thank you. 338 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,915 (Man) "Allo, 'allo. I am receiving you. 339 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:07,709 'Stand by. We have somebody who wishes to speak with you.' 340 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,870 I do not recognise this voice. 341 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,315 Do you think it could be Herr Flick again? 342 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,039 Very likely. Let us get out of here. 343 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:24,152 René, what were you doing in Gruber's little tank? 344 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,909 Well, we, we heard the telephone ring 345 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,560 so we just popped in to answer it... 346 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:34,349 in case it was anyone important for you, like Hitler. 347 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,637 - (Man) 'Hello.' - It doesn't sound like Hitler. 348 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,676 'Hello.' 349 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,477 This is Colonel von Strohm, who's talking? 350 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,551 'Captain Hans Geering.' 351 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,189 Hans! Thank heavens you are safe. 352 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,236 What happened to you? 353 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,437 'Erm, the Resistance took me away.' 354 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:59,229 The Resistance. They'll be wanting a ransom. 355 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:02,357 Hans, can you give us your present position? 356 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:06,194 'I am in an office overlooking Piccadilly Circus.' 357 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:09,875 (English woman) 'Violets! Lovely violets! ' 358 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,598 What has happened? 359 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,513 (Hans) 'I'm afraid the war is over for me, Colonel. 360 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,034 'The Resistance mistook me for a British airman 361 00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,076 'and sent me back to England.' 362 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:22,630 Then you must escape and get back here as soon as possible. 363 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,792 'Erm, that will not be easy, Colonel. 364 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,235 'You see, I do not have my spectacles.' 365 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:32,313 Hans, what am I going to tell the General? 366 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:36,188 'Well, er, tell him the food is very good 367 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,159 'and the British think they're going to win. Over and out.' 368 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,356 Hans. Hans? 369 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:44,833 Hans! 370 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,876 Hans.