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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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( theme music playing )
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YOU WILL HAVE
TO FORGIVE ME
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IF I TALK TO YOU
WITH MY MOUTH FULL,
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BUT I AM HERE TO SELECT
SOME CHEESES FOR MY CAFE.
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NOW, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE
BEEN FOLLOWING MY ADVENTURES
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WILL KNOW THAT
I AM VERY CLOSE
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TO A COMPLETE
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
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TOO STRONG.
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FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS
I HAVE BEEN HARBORING
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A SECRET CODING APPARATUS,
CALLED THE ENIGMA MACHINE.
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THE RESISTANCE ARE TRYING
TO GET THIS TO ENGLAND,
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BY PLACING IT
IN A WINE BARREL,
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AND FLOATING IT
INTO THE TOWN DRAIN,
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TO BE PICKED UP
BY A TWO-MAN MIDGET SUBMARINE.
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TO DO THIS, THE ENTIRE
POPULATION OF NOUVION
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WAS SUPPOSED TO FLUSH
THEIR TOILETS
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AT ONE AND THE SAME TIME.
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TOO SALTY.
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IT WILL DO FOR THE CUSTOMERS
TO PUT IN THEIR EARS
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WHEN MY WIFE IS SINGING.
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NOW WHERE WAS I?
OH, YES, THE TOILET.
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NOW, NEEDLESS TO SAY,
THERE WAS A COCK-UP.
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THE BARREL THAT WE PUT
INTO THE DRAIN
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CONTAINED NOT A CODING MACHINE,
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BUT SOME UNDERWEAR BELONGING
TO MY WAITRESS, YVETTE,
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WHICH EVEN AS WE SPEAK,
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IS PROBABLY IN THE HANDS
OF THE HEAD OF MI-5,
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WHO IS PROBABLY TRYING
TO DECODE IT.
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HE WILL FIND NOTHING
OF INTEREST,
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EXCEPT THAT YVETTE
IS VERY WELL BUILT.
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THAT'S TOO YOUNG.
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FORTUNATELY, THE MACHINE
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IS NO LONGER IN MY POSSESSION,
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WHICH IS WHY I HAVE NOT GONE
COMPLETELY ROUND THE TWIST.
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- UGH!
- (spits )
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TOO OLD.
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PSST!
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WHAT IS THE MATTER?
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I HAVE CALLED
AN URGENT MEETING.
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WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
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WHY DO THEY
TAKE NO NOTICE?
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THE WORLD DOES NOT STOP
JUST FOR YOU.
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GET BACK INTO THE ROOM,
AND STOP PSSTING.
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WHERE IS SHE?
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IN THE BACK ROOM GETTING
HER KNICKERS IN A TWIST.
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MIMI, LOOK AFTER THE BAR.
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PLEASE MAKE THIS
VERY SHORT,
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BECAUSE WE HAVE
CUSTOMERS TO ATTEND TO.
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IN THAT CASE,
I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.
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WHAT A SURPRISE.
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WE ARE NO LONGER TRYING
TO SEND THE ENIGMA MACHINE
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TO THE EXPERTS IN LONDON.
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All:
GOOD.
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COME BACK!
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THERE IS MORE.
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INSTEAD, THE EXPERTS ARE
COMING HERE TO EXAMINE IT.
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN "HERE"?
WHY ARE THEY COMING HERE?
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WE NO LONGER
HAVE THE MACHINE.
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IT IS TOO DANGEROUS.
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THE GERMANS ARE LOOKING
FOR IT EVERYWHERE.
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THE MACHINE WILL
ONLY BE HERE
LONG ENOUGH
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FOR THE EXPERTS
TO EXAMINE IT.
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WHERE ARE
THESE EXPERTS?
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THEY WILL BE DROPPED
BY PARACHUTE,
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DISGUISED
AS POLICEMEN.
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THIS WILL ENABLE THEM
TO EXAMINE THE MACHINE
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WITHOUT AROUSING
SUSPICION.
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WHEN THEY ARRIVE
AT YOUR CAFE,
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THEY WILL MAKE
THEMSELVES KNOWN
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BY A SECRET SIGN.
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WHAT IS THIS SIGN?
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THEY WILL BRANDISH
THEIR BATONS,
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LIKE THIS.
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THIS GESTURE WILL NOT
GO UNNOTICED.
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YOU WILL THEN
GIVE US A SIGNAL,
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AND WE WILL DELIVER
THE MACHINE.
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WHAT IS THE NATURE
OF THIS SIGNAL?
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YOU WILL PLACE
A RED CYCLE LAMP
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IN THE WINDOW OF THE BEDROOM
OF YOUR MOTHER.
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A RED LAMP?
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WHAT WILL
THE NEIGHBORS THINK?
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YOU CAN SAY SHE IS
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BEING REPAIRED
BY A ROAD GANG.
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THE MACHINE WILL
THEN BE DELIVERED
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BY ONE OF OUR AGENTS
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DISGUISED AS A SPANISH
ACCORDION PLAYER.
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OH NO!
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I AM AT THE END
OF MY TETHER.
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THE WIRES TO BERLIN HAVE
BEEN BURNING FIT TO BURST.
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THE FUHRER IS
ELECTRIFIED WITH RAGE.
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THE ENIGMA MACHINE HAS BEEN
MISSING FOR TWO DAYS,
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AND HERE IS HIS ULTIMATUM:
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IF IT IS NOT RECOVERED
IN 24 HOURS,
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I AM TO BE SENT
TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT.
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THAT IS--
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TERRIBLE NEWS, GENERAL.
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MIND YOU,
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THEY DO NEED
A GOOD MAN OUT THERE.
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YOU GREAT GENERAL.
YOU WIN THE BATTLES.
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YOU BE FAMOUS HERO
IN ALL THE PAPERS.
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UNFORTUNATELY,
NONE OF YOU
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WILL BE READING
THE NEWSPAPERS,
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IN THE SUICIDE SQUAD
OF THE AFRICA CORPS,
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TO WHICH I SHALL
POST YOU BEFORE I DEPART.
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NOW, HERE ARE MY ORDERS:
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IF THE MACHINE IS NOT
RECOVERED BY THIS EVENING,
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YOU WILL ARREST THE SIX
MOST PROMINENT PEOPLE
IN THE TOWN,
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MARCH THEM TO THE SQUARE,
AND SHOOT THEM.
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WITH RESPECT, GENERAL,
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IS THIS NOT A JOB
FOR HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO?
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NO!
IT IS A JOB FOR YOU!
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THE BUCK STOPS RIGHT HERE.
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IS THIS UNDERSTOOD
BY YOU ALL?
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GENERAL,
DON'T LOOK AT ME.
IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.
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THEN YOU CAN LEAVE
FOR AFRICA NOW.
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SUDDENLY,
IT IS MY PROBLEM.
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LET IT BE DONE.
HEIL HITLER!
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Colonel:
HEIL HITLER.
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I THINK WE ALL
IN THE "YOU KNOW WHAT,"
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RIGHT UP TO HERE.
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WHAT DO YOU INTEND
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THAT WE SHOULD DO,
COLONEL?
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GRUBER, WE DO WHAT
WE WERE TAUGHT
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AT OFFICERS'
TRAINING SCHOOL.
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WE OBEY ORDERS.
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THE COLONEL IS RIGHT.
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WE MUST START
PEASANT SHOOTING.
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AT 8:00 THIS EVENING,
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WE ARREST EVERYONE
AT THE CAFE.
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COLONEL,
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THIS WILL GO,
MOST DEFINITELY,
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AGAINST THE DICTATES
OF MY CONSCIENCE.
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FOR THIS REASON
I AM CONFINING YOU
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IN THIS OFFICE
UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
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AND TO MAKE SURE
THAT YOU REMAIN HERE,
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YOU WILL SURRENDER
TO ME YOUR UNIFORM.
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COLONEL...
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NO ARGUMENTS.
GET 'EM OFF.
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AH, WELL.
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IN FOR A PFENNIG,
IN FOR A MARK.
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( humming
"The Stripper" )
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THE WOMEN HAVE BEEN
APPREHENDED, HERR FLICK.
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- BRING THEM IN.
- BRING THEM IN HERE.
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MOVE, MOVE!
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ONE, TWO, THREE.
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♪ ARISE YE CHILDREN ♪
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♪ OF THE MOTHERLAND ♪
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♪ THE HOUR OF FREEDOM ♪
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♪ IS DRAWING NIGH... ♪
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ROTTEN. SHUT UP.
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I DEMAND TO KNOW
WHY WE HAVE BEEN
BROUGHT HERE!
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WE KNOW NOTHING.
153
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OUR LIPS ARE SEALED.
154
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IN A FEW MINUTES,
YOU WILL NOT BE SO CONFIDENT.
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TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.
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All: NO.
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TAKE THEM OFF.
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OH, VERY WELL.
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NOT YOU.
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VON SMALLHAUSEN, WHAT IS
THE PROGRESS OF THE KETTLE?
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IT IS ABOUT TO SING,
HERR FLICK.
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THAT WILL BE HOT ENOUGH
FOR MY PURPOSE.
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BRING IT HERE.
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IF YOU TELL ME
ALL I NEED
TO KNOW,
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YOU WILL
LEAVE HERE
UNHARMED.
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00:07:36,217 --> 00:07:38,151
IN EACH OF THESE CUPS,
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I AM PLACING
A NEW GERMAN INVENTION,
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KNOWN AS THE TEA BAG.
169
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IT WAS INVENTED
BY BARON VON TETLEY.
170
00:07:47,762 --> 00:07:49,663
HE WAS FED UP
WITH HIS CASTLE SINK
171
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BEING BUNGED UP
WITH LEAVES.
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YOU GERMANS ARE
MOST INGENIOUS.
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DRINK.
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ARE YOU TRYING
TO POISON US?
175
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THE DRINK IS
QUITE HARMLESS.
176
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YOU HAVE MY WORD
AS A GESTAPO OFFICER.
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00:08:05,580 --> 00:08:06,580
DRINK.
178
00:08:08,116 --> 00:08:10,117
LITTLE DO THEY KNOW,
179
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THAT MIXED IN
WITH THE TEA BAG
180
00:08:12,154 --> 00:08:13,553
IS A RARE DRUG,
181
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DISTILLED
FROM THE SWEAT GLANDS
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00:08:15,557 --> 00:08:17,691
OF THE PATAGONIAN
FRUIT BAT.
183
00:08:17,693 --> 00:08:19,627
IT IS QUITE
PALATABLE.
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00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,962
I DO NOT THINK
IT IS POISON.
185
00:08:21,964 --> 00:08:23,330
IT HAS NO EFFECT ON ME,
186
00:08:23,332 --> 00:08:24,765
EXCEPT I HAVE
A STRANGE DESIRE
187
00:08:24,767 --> 00:08:26,133
TO HANG UPSIDE DOWN.
188
00:08:28,003 --> 00:08:30,971
WHAT WILL BE THE EFFECT
OF THIS DRUG, HERR FLICK?
189
00:08:30,973 --> 00:08:33,674
IT IS SAID TO BE
MORE POWERFUL
190
00:08:33,676 --> 00:08:35,776
THAN SODIUM PENTATHOL.
191
00:08:35,778 --> 00:08:38,311
THEY WILL BE COMPELLED
TO TELL THE TRUTH.
192
00:08:43,551 --> 00:08:45,085
WHAT IS
YOUR NAME?
193
00:08:45,087 --> 00:08:48,155
EDITH MELBA ARTOIS.
194
00:08:49,190 --> 00:08:50,958
YOURS?
195
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,426
YVETTE CARTE-BLANCHE.
196
00:08:53,428 --> 00:08:54,828
YOURS?
197
00:08:54,830 --> 00:08:57,297
MIMI... LABONQ.
198
00:08:58,499 --> 00:09:00,768
I THINK IT IS WORKING,
HERR FLICK.
199
00:09:00,770 --> 00:09:03,070
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
200
00:09:03,072 --> 00:09:04,404
18.
201
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:06,807
19.
202
00:09:08,109 --> 00:09:10,577
NEARLY 27.
203
00:09:16,885 --> 00:09:18,552
OBVIOUSLY ANOTHER
FAULTY BATCH.
204
00:09:18,554 --> 00:09:20,220
WE ARE WASTING OUR TIME.
205
00:09:20,222 --> 00:09:21,321
RELEASE THEM.
206
00:09:23,558 --> 00:09:25,359
EDITH!
207
00:09:25,361 --> 00:09:27,461
EDITH, YVETTE, MIMI?
WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
208
00:09:27,463 --> 00:09:29,496
IT IS TIME WE WERE OPEN.
209
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,368
GOOD MOANING.
210
00:09:34,370 --> 00:09:36,503
GOOD MOANING.
211
00:09:36,505 --> 00:09:38,873
I HAVE BAD NOSE.
212
00:09:38,875 --> 00:09:41,776
YOUR WIFF
AND YOUR WOTRESSES
213
00:09:41,778 --> 00:09:44,111
HAVE BEEN ARROSTED
BY THE GESTOOPO.
214
00:09:44,113 --> 00:09:46,180
WHAT?!
215
00:09:46,182 --> 00:09:48,182
WHEN?
I HAVE BEEN LYING DOWN--
216
00:09:48,184 --> 00:09:51,118
THEY MAY HAVE REVILED
THAT SECRET URGENTS
217
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,854
ARE TO MOTE HERE TO LICK
AT THE ENIGMA APPAROTUS.
218
00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:56,423
OH MY GOD!
219
00:09:56,425 --> 00:09:57,792
WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO?
220
00:09:57,794 --> 00:10:00,294
I THINK IT WOULD BE WOOSE
IF WE ALL LEFT TIN.
221
00:10:01,529 --> 00:10:02,863
I HAVE BROUGHT
FOR YOU
222
00:10:02,865 --> 00:10:04,865
A DISGEESE
IN THIS SOTCUSS.
223
00:10:04,867 --> 00:10:06,801
EDITH!
224
00:10:06,803 --> 00:10:09,770
THIS IDIOT SAYS THAT
YOU HAD BEEN CAPTURED
BY THE GESTAPO.
225
00:10:09,772 --> 00:10:11,138
HE WAS RIGHT.
226
00:10:11,140 --> 00:10:12,940
IT WAS A TERRIBLE
EXPERIENCE.
227
00:10:12,942 --> 00:10:15,142
DO NOT WORRY,
WE TOLD HIM NOTHING.
228
00:10:15,144 --> 00:10:16,944
HE GAVE US
A CUP OF TEA
229
00:10:16,946 --> 00:10:18,813
AND THEN
HE RELEASED US.
230
00:10:18,815 --> 00:10:20,781
ARE YOU SURE IT
WAS NOT DRUGGED?
231
00:10:20,783 --> 00:10:22,683
I DO NOT THINK SO,
232
00:10:22,685 --> 00:10:24,551
BUT IT DID TASTE
A BIT FUNNY.
233
00:10:24,553 --> 00:10:27,054
IT DOES NOT SEEM
TO HAVE AFFECTED US.
234
00:10:27,056 --> 00:10:28,856
ON THE OTHER HAND,
235
00:10:28,858 --> 00:10:31,192
MY HEARING HAS
BECOME VERY ACUTE,
236
00:10:31,194 --> 00:10:33,994
AND MIMI HAS BEEN BEHAVING
A LITTLE STRANGELY.
237
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:42,970
LOOK, YOU MUST
TELL MICHELLE TO SEND
THE BRITISH AGENTS BACK.
238
00:10:42,972 --> 00:10:44,371
THIS WHOLE PLAN
IS LUNACY.
239
00:10:44,373 --> 00:10:48,209
TOO LUTE, THE BUMMER
IS ALREADY ON THE WEE.
240
00:10:56,184 --> 00:10:57,384
EEK, EEK.
241
00:10:57,386 --> 00:10:58,585
EE-EEK.
242
00:11:00,122 --> 00:11:01,622
WHAT IS THE MATTER
WITH HER?
243
00:11:01,624 --> 00:11:03,791
EEK, EEK, EE-EEK.
244
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:05,760
SHE SAYS SHE
IS GOING TO SLEEP
245
00:11:05,762 --> 00:11:08,428
AND DOES NOT WISH TO BE
WOKEN UNTIL NIGHTFALL.
246
00:11:10,999 --> 00:11:13,134
MY GOD, WHAT WAS
IN THAT TEA?
247
00:11:13,136 --> 00:11:14,802
TAKE HER
INTO THE KITCHEN
248
00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:16,904
AND PUT HER HEAD
UNDER THE COLD WATER TAP.
249
00:11:23,845 --> 00:11:25,980
EEK, EE-EEK,
250
00:11:25,982 --> 00:11:27,782
EE-EEK, EE-EEK.
251
00:11:38,293 --> 00:11:41,128
THIS WOULD JUST HAPPEN
AT OPENING TIME.
252
00:11:41,130 --> 00:11:43,463
ALL RIGHT, WE ARE OPEN.
COME ON IN.
253
00:11:43,465 --> 00:11:44,999
GOOD EVENING,
JACQUES, PIERRE.
254
00:11:45,001 --> 00:11:46,566
THANKS, AWFULLY.
255
00:11:46,568 --> 00:11:48,602
WE'VE JUST BEEN
FOR A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.
256
00:11:48,604 --> 00:11:51,172
MY GOD, THE BRITISH AIRMEN.
YOU CANNOT STAY HERE!
257
00:11:51,174 --> 00:11:52,739
WHAT'S HE SAYING?
258
00:11:52,741 --> 00:11:54,675
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T SPEAK A WORD
OF THE LANGUAGE.
259
00:11:54,677 --> 00:11:56,076
THIS WHOLE PLACE
IS CRAWLING WITH GERMANS.
260
00:11:56,078 --> 00:11:58,445
- YOU WILL HAVE TO HIDE.
- WE'RE GONNA HAVE A DRINK.
261
00:11:58,447 --> 00:12:00,781
Rene:
NO, NO, YOU WILL
GET US ALL SHOT.
262
00:12:00,783 --> 00:12:03,684
Both:
CHEERS.
263
00:12:03,686 --> 00:12:05,953
Yvette:
RENE, THEY ARE
BOTH DRINKING
264
00:12:05,955 --> 00:12:07,988
BLACK COFFEE
IN THE KITCHEN.
265
00:12:07,990 --> 00:12:09,990
I'M SURE THEY
WILL BE ALL RIGHT
IN A MINUTE.
266
00:12:09,992 --> 00:12:11,792
MY GOD! GERMANS.
267
00:12:11,794 --> 00:12:14,528
THINK OF A WAY TO GET
THESE AIRMEN UPSTAIRS.
268
00:12:14,530 --> 00:12:15,595
I KNOW THE WAY.
269
00:12:19,868 --> 00:12:21,836
BY JOVE!
270
00:12:21,838 --> 00:12:23,237
FREE CIGARETTES!
271
00:12:33,381 --> 00:12:34,548
( clears throat )
272
00:12:37,886 --> 00:12:38,953
RENE,
273
00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:43,423
TRY NOT TO LOOK
SO SURPRISED.
274
00:12:43,425 --> 00:12:44,825
I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU.
275
00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:50,998
WELL, YOU REALLY NEED
NOT HAVE BOTHERED.
276
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,100
THERE HAVE BEEN
ONE OR TWO
277
00:12:53,102 --> 00:12:55,135
VERY SERIOUS
DEVELOPMENTS.
278
00:12:55,137 --> 00:12:56,337
SO I SEE.
279
00:12:57,538 --> 00:12:59,539
IF THE ENIGMA MACHINE
IS NOT RETURNED
280
00:12:59,541 --> 00:13:02,209
WITHIN HALF AN HOUR,
YOU ARE TO BE ARRESTED AND SHOT.
281
00:13:02,211 --> 00:13:03,277
BUT, LIEUTENANT--
282
00:13:03,279 --> 00:13:05,212
ER, PRIVATE, WE DO NOT
HAVE THE MACHINE.
283
00:13:05,214 --> 00:13:06,413
THEN YOU MUST
LEAVE AT ONCE.
284
00:13:06,415 --> 00:13:08,249
THANK YOU FOR THE WARNING,
285
00:13:08,251 --> 00:13:10,084
AND FOR GOING TO SUCH
INCREDIBLE LENGTHS.
286
00:13:10,086 --> 00:13:12,586
THE COLONEL CONFISCATED
MY UNIFORM,
287
00:13:12,588 --> 00:13:14,521
IN CASE I SHOULD
TIP YOU THE WINK.
288
00:13:14,523 --> 00:13:16,656
I PINCHED THIS
289
00:13:16,658 --> 00:13:18,759
WHILE HELGA WAS
HAVING A BATH.
290
00:13:18,761 --> 00:13:21,262
BUT THE, UH...
THE WIG?
291
00:13:21,264 --> 00:13:23,063
IT'S HER SPARE ONE.
292
00:13:24,165 --> 00:13:26,066
YOU KNOW THE SAYING,
293
00:13:26,068 --> 00:13:28,535
"LIPSTICK, POWDER,
AND A LITTLE BIT OF PAINT,
294
00:13:28,537 --> 00:13:31,305
MAKE A GIRL LOOK
WHAT SHE JOLLY WELL AIN'T."
295
00:13:32,473 --> 00:13:33,840
NO, I'VE NEVER HEARD.
296
00:13:35,176 --> 00:13:38,212
WOMEN, RENE,
ARE ALL DECEIVERS.
297
00:13:38,214 --> 00:13:41,315
ER, I THINK THE BATH
MUST HAVE RUN COLD.
298
00:13:41,317 --> 00:13:43,284
HELGA IS JUST ABOUT
TO ENTER THE CAFE.
299
00:13:44,485 --> 00:13:45,685
HIDE ME, RENE.
300
00:13:45,687 --> 00:13:47,988
IF SHE REVEALS ME
TO THE COLONEL,
I AM UNDONE.
301
00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:49,924
SIT THERE,
SIT THERE!
302
00:13:49,926 --> 00:13:52,059
HOLD THIS MENU UP
IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE.
303
00:13:54,362 --> 00:13:55,896
HELGA,
304
00:13:55,898 --> 00:13:58,032
WHAT A PRETTY
HELMET.
305
00:14:00,435 --> 00:14:02,102
ARE YOU
ON MANEUVERS?
306
00:14:02,104 --> 00:14:04,271
NO, I AM ON TRANQUILIZERS.
307
00:14:04,273 --> 00:14:06,740
MY UNIFORM
HAS BEEN STOLEN.
308
00:14:06,742 --> 00:14:08,108
LOOK!
309
00:14:09,710 --> 00:14:11,412
I SUSPECT
LIEUTENANT GRUBER DID IT,
310
00:14:11,414 --> 00:14:13,447
IN ORDER TO WARN YOU
OF YOUR IMPENDING FATE.
311
00:14:13,449 --> 00:14:16,016
NO, I AM SURE IT COULD NOT
HAVE BEEN LIEUTENANT GRUBER,
312
00:14:16,018 --> 00:14:18,085
OR HE WOULD HAVE TAKEN
YOUR UNDERWEAR AS WELL.
313
00:14:21,089 --> 00:14:22,589
HAVE YOU NOT SEEN HIM?
314
00:14:22,591 --> 00:14:23,857
NO, NEITHER HIDE NOR HAIR.
315
00:14:23,859 --> 00:14:26,327
I SHALL SIT HERE
AND WAIT FOR HIM.
316
00:14:26,329 --> 00:14:28,996
( Rene stammering )
317
00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:31,165
WHY NOT HOLD THIS MENU
IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE?
318
00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:32,732
THEN HE WOULD NOT
RECOGNIZE YOU,
319
00:14:32,734 --> 00:14:34,168
SHOULD HE
EVER COME IN.
320
00:14:37,105 --> 00:14:39,473
RENE, EVERYTHING
IS UNDER CONTROL.
321
00:14:39,475 --> 00:14:41,775
- HOW IS MIMI?
- SHE IS STABILIZED.
322
00:14:41,777 --> 00:14:43,844
SHE IS HANGING IN THE LARDER,
NEXT TO THE HAM.
323
00:14:45,180 --> 00:14:47,914
LOOK,
WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
324
00:14:47,916 --> 00:14:49,783
SITTING OVER THERE
IS LIEUTENANT GRUBER,
325
00:14:49,785 --> 00:14:51,852
WEARING THE CLOTHES
OF HELGA.
326
00:14:51,854 --> 00:14:53,753
YOU MEAN,
"HE HAS A PROBLEM."
327
00:14:53,755 --> 00:14:55,655
LISTEN!
328
00:14:55,657 --> 00:14:57,691
OVER AT THE TABLE
BY THE WINDOW,
329
00:14:57,693 --> 00:15:00,794
IS HELGA WEARING A TIN HAT
AND VERY LITTLE ELSE.
330
00:15:00,796 --> 00:15:02,796
IF THE ENIGMA MACHINE
IS NOT RETURNED
331
00:15:02,798 --> 00:15:04,298
TO THE GERMANS
WITHIN HALF AN HOUR
332
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:05,799
I AM TO BE
ARRESTED AND SHOT.
333
00:15:05,801 --> 00:15:08,302
Yvette:
RENE, RENE.
334
00:15:08,304 --> 00:15:09,870
I HAVE JUST SEEN THROUGH
THE UPSTAIRS WINDOW,
335
00:15:09,872 --> 00:15:11,805
TWO POLICEMEN
APPROACHING THE CAFE.
336
00:15:11,807 --> 00:15:14,041
MY GOD, THEY ARE PROBABLY
COMING TO ARREST ME!
337
00:15:15,176 --> 00:15:17,143
Both:
GOOD MOANING.
338
00:15:26,053 --> 00:15:28,722
THE BRITISH AGENTS.
339
00:15:28,724 --> 00:15:30,156
THAT IS CORROCT.
340
00:15:30,158 --> 00:15:32,092
GET OFFICER
CRABTREE.
341
00:15:32,094 --> 00:15:33,660
I WILL PUT AT ONCE
IN THE WINDOW
342
00:15:33,662 --> 00:15:35,262
OF MY MOTHER,
THE RED LAMP.
343
00:15:35,264 --> 00:15:37,464
WHERE IS
THE APPAROOTIS?
344
00:15:37,466 --> 00:15:40,334
LOOK, THIS PLACE IS
CRAWLING WITH GERMANS.
345
00:15:40,336 --> 00:15:41,635
PLEASE GO AWAY!
346
00:15:41,637 --> 00:15:45,739
KEEP A COOL HOD
AND DO NOT PINIC.
347
00:15:45,741 --> 00:15:48,408
ALL WE NEED IS A QUICK LICK
TO SEE HOW IT WICKS,
348
00:15:48,410 --> 00:15:50,377
AND WE'LL BE
IFF TO ONGLAND.
349
00:16:01,088 --> 00:16:02,856
AGENT SIXTY-NOON.
350
00:16:02,858 --> 00:16:04,824
AGENT FARTY.
351
00:16:06,327 --> 00:16:08,161
RENE, RENE!
352
00:16:09,464 --> 00:16:11,398
ARGH, WHY HAS EDITH
353
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,134
PLACED IN MY WINDOW,
A RED LAMP?
354
00:16:14,136 --> 00:16:16,303
DOES SHE NOT KNOW
355
00:16:16,305 --> 00:16:18,438
THAT I HAVE RETIRED?
356
00:16:20,007 --> 00:16:22,609
GET BACK UP THE STAIRS,
YOU STUPID OLD BAT.
357
00:16:57,011 --> 00:16:59,379
DISGUISED AS
AN ACCORDION,
358
00:16:59,381 --> 00:17:01,415
THE ENIGMA MACHINE
APPROACHES.
359
00:17:01,417 --> 00:17:03,417
WE WILL ARROST
THE MOOSICIANS
360
00:17:03,419 --> 00:17:05,218
AND TAKE THEM
INTO THE BACK RIM,
361
00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:07,220
WHERE YOU WILL DISCOVER
ITS SECRETS.
362
00:17:07,222 --> 00:17:09,756
THEN YOU CAN RETAIN
THE INFOAMATION TO LONDON.
363
00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:11,057
I HOPE YOU
DO THIS QUICKLY.
364
00:17:11,059 --> 00:17:12,859
IF THE GERMANS DON'T
GET THE MACHINE BACK,
365
00:17:12,861 --> 00:17:14,361
I AM TO BE
PERSONALLY SHOT.
366
00:17:14,363 --> 00:17:16,196
( accordion plays )
367
00:17:16,198 --> 00:17:17,197
OLE.
368
00:17:17,199 --> 00:17:19,700
OH MY GOD.
369
00:17:19,702 --> 00:17:21,702
♪ LADY OF SPAIN ♪
370
00:17:21,704 --> 00:17:23,737
♪ I ADORE YOU ♪
371
00:17:23,739 --> 00:17:26,406
♪ RIGHT FROM THE NIGHT ♪
372
00:17:26,408 --> 00:17:28,442
♪ I FIRST SAW YOU ♪
373
00:17:28,444 --> 00:17:30,143
♪ MY HEART IS DOING ♪
374
00:17:30,145 --> 00:17:31,712
♪ A YO-YO... ♪
375
00:17:31,714 --> 00:17:33,780
♪ WHAT ELSE CAN ♪
376
00:17:33,782 --> 00:17:36,616
♪ ANY HEART DO? ♪
377
00:17:36,618 --> 00:17:38,151
♪ LADY OF SPAIN... ♪
378
00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:43,189
OH MY GOD,
THE GENERAL.
379
00:17:43,191 --> 00:17:45,091
HE HAS COME FOR ME.
380
00:17:45,093 --> 00:17:47,193
♪ ALL THAT MY EYES
ARE REVEALING ♪
381
00:17:47,195 --> 00:17:48,995
♪ LADY OF SPAIN ♪
382
00:17:48,997 --> 00:17:51,665
♪ I LOVE YOU... ♪
383
00:17:51,667 --> 00:17:53,199
STOP!
384
00:17:53,201 --> 00:17:54,968
DARL-- WHA--
385
00:17:54,970 --> 00:17:56,837
I AM ARROSTING YOU
386
00:17:56,839 --> 00:17:59,339
FOR BIGGING AND
DISTOOBING THE PUSS.
387
00:18:01,141 --> 00:18:05,712
PSST!
IT IS I, LECLERC.
388
00:18:05,714 --> 00:18:07,781
SHUT UP
AND COME WITH MOO.
389
00:18:07,783 --> 00:18:09,416
WHAT FOR YOU
STOP THE MUSIC?
390
00:18:09,418 --> 00:18:11,551
IT WAS VERY GOOD.
MORE, MORE.
391
00:18:11,553 --> 00:18:13,119
♪ LADY OF SPAIN ♪
392
00:18:13,121 --> 00:18:14,454
♪ I ADORE YOU-- ♪
393
00:18:14,456 --> 00:18:16,857
STOP!
394
00:18:16,859 --> 00:18:19,393
DO NOT INTERFERE
WITH THE LOCAL AFFAIRS, CAPTAIN.
395
00:18:19,395 --> 00:18:21,361
CARRY ON WITH YOUR DUTY.
396
00:18:23,498 --> 00:18:25,565
THE ENEMA IS
IN THE ORGAN.
397
00:18:29,270 --> 00:18:30,404
OOH!
398
00:18:32,006 --> 00:18:35,609
I SEE FROM HER INSIGNIA
THAT GIRL IS IN YOUR UNIT.
399
00:18:36,711 --> 00:18:40,046
THE LEGS SEEM FAMILIAR,
400
00:18:40,048 --> 00:18:43,016
BUT I DO NOT
RECOGNIZE THE FACE.
401
00:18:43,018 --> 00:18:44,250
HEY, YOU.
402
00:18:44,252 --> 00:18:45,919
HOW YOU LIKE
THE GOOD TIME
403
00:18:45,921 --> 00:18:48,154
WITH THE BIG HERO?
404
00:18:48,156 --> 00:18:49,756
YOU MUST FORGIVE ME,
405
00:18:49,758 --> 00:18:52,325
BUT I AM NOT VERY KEEN
ON MOUSTACHES.
406
00:18:52,327 --> 00:18:55,462
THAT'S GRUBER.
407
00:18:55,464 --> 00:18:58,064
WHAT A MISTAKE TO MAKE.
408
00:19:01,335 --> 00:19:03,102
WHAT'S HE DOING?
409
00:19:03,104 --> 00:19:05,405
OFFICERS OFF DUTY
CAN PLEASE THEMSELVES
410
00:19:05,407 --> 00:19:08,308
HOW THEY WHILE AWAY
THE HOURS.
411
00:19:08,310 --> 00:19:09,943
IF YOU HAVE
A PROBLEM, GRUBER,
412
00:19:09,945 --> 00:19:11,611
POP BY MY QUARTERS
AND HAVE A DRINK.
413
00:19:15,082 --> 00:19:16,215
TIME IS UP.
414
00:19:16,217 --> 00:19:17,818
THE MACHINE HAS
NOT BEEN RETURNED.
415
00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:20,520
IT IS NOW TIME TO START
TO ARREST THE PEASANTS.
416
00:19:20,522 --> 00:19:23,356
SOLDIER, ARREST THE CAFE OWNER,
HIS WIFE AND THE WAITRESSES.
417
00:19:25,493 --> 00:19:28,328
IT IS I, HELGA.
418
00:19:28,330 --> 00:19:30,330
MY GOD, YOU ARE
OFF DUTY, TOO.
419
00:19:31,699 --> 00:19:35,769
PORTRAITS, PORTRAITS,
420
00:19:35,771 --> 00:19:38,638
WHO WILL BUY
A PORTRAIT
421
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,140
FROM A POOR OLD
PORTRAIT PAINTER?
422
00:19:41,142 --> 00:19:43,543
TELL THE CAFE OWNER
TO GET OFF HIS KNEES.
423
00:19:43,545 --> 00:19:45,512
HE'S UNDER ARREST.
424
00:19:45,514 --> 00:19:47,447
BUT I HAVE
DONE NOTHING.
425
00:19:47,449 --> 00:19:49,983
COLONEL,
426
00:19:49,985 --> 00:19:52,251
TAKE THIS MAN OUTSIDE
AND PREPARE HIM
427
00:19:52,253 --> 00:19:53,553
FOR EXECUTION.
428
00:19:53,555 --> 00:19:54,955
YES, GENERAL.
429
00:19:56,591 --> 00:19:57,724
STOP.
430
00:19:57,726 --> 00:19:59,760
NOBODY IS TO LEAVE
THIS CAFE.
431
00:19:59,762 --> 00:20:01,461
HOW DARE YOU
POINT YOUR GUN
432
00:20:01,463 --> 00:20:02,462
AT A GENERAL?
433
00:20:02,464 --> 00:20:03,463
HOW DARE YOU
POINT YOUR GUN
434
00:20:03,465 --> 00:20:05,265
AT AN OFFICER
OF THE GESTAPO?
435
00:20:05,267 --> 00:20:07,233
THE GENERAL SAID IT FIRST.
436
00:20:07,235 --> 00:20:10,771
THERE ARE NOW TWO GUNS
POINTING AT YOU.
437
00:20:10,773 --> 00:20:12,873
GRUBER, HAVE YOU
GOT A GUN?
438
00:20:12,875 --> 00:20:14,007
I WILL HAVE A LOOK.
439
00:20:15,276 --> 00:20:18,078
LIPSTICK, NAIL POLISH,
A PAIR OF SUSPENDERS...
440
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:19,112
Colonel:
HELGA?
441
00:20:22,850 --> 00:20:25,318
I AM UNARMED.
442
00:20:29,356 --> 00:20:31,658
I AM STUNNED.
443
00:20:31,660 --> 00:20:34,427
HAVE YOU RECOVERED
THE ENIGMA APPARATUS?
444
00:20:34,429 --> 00:20:36,129
MIND YOUR OWN
BUSINESS.
445
00:20:36,131 --> 00:20:38,699
GENTLEMAN,
I HAVE GOOD NOSE.
446
00:20:39,734 --> 00:20:41,401
GENERAL, COLONEL,
447
00:20:41,403 --> 00:20:43,770
THE RESISTANCE, WHO,
OF COURSE, I DO NOT
KNOW AT ALL,
448
00:20:43,772 --> 00:20:45,605
HAVE JUST THROWN
THE ENIGMA MACHINE
449
00:20:45,607 --> 00:20:47,140
THROUGH THE WINDOW
OF MY BACK PARLOR.
450
00:20:47,142 --> 00:20:49,309
THIS IS VERY STRANGE.
I HEARD NOTHING.
451
00:20:49,311 --> 00:20:51,344
( glass shatters )
452
00:20:55,683 --> 00:20:58,018
THERE IT WAS.
453
00:20:58,020 --> 00:20:59,619
HERE YOU ARE,
GENERAL.
454
00:20:59,621 --> 00:21:01,588
THERE IS A NOTE--
455
00:21:01,590 --> 00:21:04,324
"TO SAVE THE LIFE
OF AN INNOCENT CAFE OWNER
456
00:21:04,326 --> 00:21:07,127
WHO HAS NO CONNECTION
WITH THE RESISTANCE,
457
00:21:07,129 --> 00:21:09,362
THIS MACHINE
IS RETURNED."
458
00:21:09,364 --> 00:21:11,564
I CANNOT READ
THE SIGNATURE
459
00:21:11,566 --> 00:21:13,734
AS THE INK
IS STILL WET.
460
00:21:13,736 --> 00:21:15,401
GOOD.
461
00:21:15,403 --> 00:21:18,238
STRONG ACTIONS
ALWAYS PRODUCE RESULTS.
462
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,107
THE SITUATION
IS NOW CLOSED.
463
00:21:20,109 --> 00:21:21,908
BUT INQUIRIES
WILL CONTINUE
464
00:21:21,910 --> 00:21:23,810
AFTER I HAVE PHONED
MY TAILOR
465
00:21:23,812 --> 00:21:25,045
AND CANCELLED
MY WINTER UNIFORM.
466
00:21:25,047 --> 00:21:27,247
AGAIN I AM THWARTED.
467
00:21:27,249 --> 00:21:28,849
SO AM I.
468
00:21:28,851 --> 00:21:31,584
YOUR THWART
IS SMALLER.
469
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:35,488
PERHAPS YOU GENTLEMEN
WOULD CARE TO JOIN ME
470
00:21:35,490 --> 00:21:37,190
IN MY QUARTERS
FOR A LITTLE SCHNAPPS?
471
00:21:37,192 --> 00:21:38,625
THANK YOU, GENERAL.
472
00:21:38,627 --> 00:21:40,060
IT WILL BE QUITE INFORMAL.
473
00:21:40,062 --> 00:21:41,594
NO NEED
TO CHANGE, GRUBER.
474
00:21:44,132 --> 00:21:47,367
THERE'S NO NEED FOR YOU
TO CHANGE EITHER, EH?
475
00:21:52,573 --> 00:21:55,008
LET US
CLOSE THE CAFE.
476
00:21:55,010 --> 00:21:56,209
YES, I'M SORRY,
WE ARE CLOSED.
477
00:21:56,211 --> 00:21:58,311
THANK YOU, VERY MUCH,
GENTLEMEN, FOR COMING.
478
00:22:02,650 --> 00:22:04,017
YVETTE.
479
00:22:12,593 --> 00:22:13,994
ANOTHER NARROW ESCAPE.
480
00:22:13,996 --> 00:22:15,195
OH, RENE,
481
00:22:15,197 --> 00:22:17,030
HOW MUCH LONGER
CAN WE CONTINUE
482
00:22:17,032 --> 00:22:18,631
THIS DANGEROUS
EXISTENCE?
483
00:22:18,633 --> 00:22:21,601
THAT IS HOW IT GOES
IN WARTORN FRANCE, EDITH.
484
00:22:21,603 --> 00:22:24,404
IF WE PLAY OUR CARDS RIGHT,
WE MAY SURVIVE.
485
00:22:24,406 --> 00:22:27,274
IN ANY EVENT, WE MUST
JUST WORRY ONE DAY AT A TIME.
486
00:22:27,276 --> 00:22:29,342
WELL, WHEN IT IS ALL OVER,
487
00:22:29,344 --> 00:22:31,644
I JUST HOPE WE ARE
ON THE WINNING SIDE.
488
00:22:31,646 --> 00:22:34,014
WE ARE SURE
TO BE, EDITH.
489
00:22:34,016 --> 00:22:36,716
WE ARE ON
EVERYBODY'S SIDE.
490
00:22:38,719 --> 00:22:39,986
AND MEANTIME,
491
00:22:39,988 --> 00:22:42,422
I AM CLOSE
TO THE WOMAN I LOVE.
492
00:22:47,128 --> 00:22:48,862
OH, RENE,
493
00:22:48,864 --> 00:22:51,597
YOU ARE
MY WONDER MAN.
494
00:22:51,599 --> 00:22:53,399
( knocking )
495
00:22:53,401 --> 00:22:54,701
WHO IS THAT?
496
00:22:54,703 --> 00:22:57,237
CAN THEY NOT SEE
I HAVE CLOSED THE CAFE?
497
00:23:07,114 --> 00:23:09,415
DID I, UH...
MISS ANYTHING?
498
00:23:10,484 --> 00:23:12,319
HANG AROUND,
I WILL TELL YOU LATER.
499
00:23:14,755 --> 00:23:16,723
( theme music playing )