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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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( theme music playing )
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AS YOU MAY IMAGINE
FROM THE ACTIVITY
YOU ARE SEEING,
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I HAVE BEEN UNDER
A GREAT STRAIN.
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OW! THAT HURTS!
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THE REASON FOR THIS WILL
BE EASY TO UNDERSTAND,
IF HARD TO BELIEVE.
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THE RESISTANCE
HAVE DEVELOPED A NEW
TELESCOPIC RADIO AERIAL,
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WHICH WAS CONCEALED
IN A TOMB IN THE CHURCHYARD.
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I WAS, UNFORTUNATELY,
ASTRIDE AND ABOVE
THIS MECHANISM,
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00:00:40,927 --> 00:00:44,228
WHEN MY STUPID WIFE
OPERATED THE SWITCH.
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THE AERIAL CAME UP
BETWEEN MY LEGS,
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MADE A MIRACULOUS DIVERSION
AT A CRITICAL MOMENT,
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CAUGHT ON THE COLLAR
OF MY OVERCOAT,
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00:00:51,571 --> 00:00:53,904
AND THRUST ME UPWARDS
THROUGH THE OPEN GRAVE,
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LEAVING ME SUSPENDED
ABOUT 10 FEET IN THE AIR.
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LIEUTENANT GRUBER,
WHO WAS PRESENT AT THE TIME,
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THOUGHT THAT I WAS THE GHOST
OF MY DEAD TWIN BROTHER.
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AND WAS LAST SEEN
WITH HIS EYES ON STALKS,
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LEGGING IT THROUGH
THE LYCH-GATE.
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AND THAT IS WHY
I AM STIFF ALL OVER.
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( groaning )
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HAVE MY HANDS
RELAXED YOU?
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UP TO A POINT, YES.
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OH, RENE.
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JUST THE SIGHT OF YOU
IN YOUR VEST
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HAS SENT EROTIC THOUGHTS
COURSING THROUGH MY BRAIN.
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IT DOES NOT TAKE MUCH
TO GET YOU GOING,
DOES IT?
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OOH! IT STILL HURTS
LIKE HELL, YOU KNOW.
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LIE FLAT ON THE TABLE.
LET THE BLOOD CIRCULATE.
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THAT WILL TAKE
AWAY THE HURT.
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SIT, LIE
ABSOLUTELY FLAT.
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PUT THIS CUSHION
UNDER YOUR HEAD,
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AND I WILL BE BACK
IN FIVE MINUTES.
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OH, THANK YOU, YVETTE,
YOU DEAR SWEET CHILD.
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OH, RENE, WHEN WE
ARE MARRIED,
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I WILL DO THIS FOR YOU
EVERY MORNING.
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I HOPE I WILL NOT BE
IN THIS STATE EVERY MORNING.
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OH, RENE.
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OH, YVETTE.
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'ALLO, ELAINE.
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HOW IS MONSIEUR RENE?
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OH, HE IS IN
A TERRIBLE STATE.
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HE HAS TWISTED EVERY
MUSCLE IN HIS BODY.
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BEFORE I JOINED
THE RESISTANCE,
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I WAS ASSISTANT TO
A VERY FAMOUS OSTEOPATH.
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I'M SURE
I CAN HELP YOU.
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SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO.
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HE IS IN THERE.
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HELLO, MONSIEUR RENE.
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( moans )
WHO ARE YOU?
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MY NAME IS ELAINE CERISE,
BUT MY FRIENDS CALL ME E.C.
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AH, RIGHT.
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IN MY CONDITION,
I DO NOT WISH TO KNOW THAT.
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NOW WHERE IS THE PAIN?
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OH, EVERYWHERE.
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DOES THIS HURT?
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- OW, YES!
- AND THIS?
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THAT IS WORSE!
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THIS ALL COMES
FROM THE BACK
OF THE NECK.
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I KNOW WELL
THIS CONDITION.
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YOU MUST RELAX
COMPLETELY.
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ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU ARE DOING?
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TRUST ME.
( knuckles crack )
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( moaning )
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YOU ARE NOT RELAXING,
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TAKE IN A DEEP BREATH.
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BREATHE IN,
BREATHE OUT.
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BREATHE IN,
BREATHE OUT.
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NOW!
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Yvette:
LIEUTENANT GRUBER IS--
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Gruber: RENE...
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HAVE I CAUGHT YOU
AT AN AWKWARD MOMENT?
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YOU COULD SAY THAT.
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- YOU SENT FOR ME,
HERR FLICK?
- YES, HELGA.
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HAVE YOU OBTAINED FOR ME
THE BRITISH PARACHUTES?
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I FORGED THE REQUEST
ON THE GENERAL'S VERY OWN
NOTEPAPER.
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WHERE ARE THEY?
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BRING THEM IN HERE!
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GO AWAY!
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WELL DONE, HELGA.
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WHEN DO YOU INTEND
TO PUT INTO OPERATION
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YOU INGENIOUS PLAN
TO COMMANDEER
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A CAPTURED BRITISH
WELLINGTON BOMBER
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WITH ARTIFICIAL SMOKE
BELCHING FROM THE ENGINE,
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FROM WHICH YOU WILL LEAP
DISGUISED AS BRITISH AIRMEN,
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HOPING TO BE PICKED UP
BY THE RESISTANCE
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AND TAKEN TO THEIR SECRET
HEADQUARTERS,
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SO YOU MAY INFILTRATE
THE RESISTANCE, ESCAPE,
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AND ORGANIZE
THEIR CAPTURE?
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CONGRATULATIONS, HELGA.
YOU HAVE EXPOUNDED
THE PLOT WELL.
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IT IS BECAUSE YOU HOLD SUCH
SNAKELIKE FASCINATION FOR ME.
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IN ANSWER TO YOUR
RECENT QUERY,
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WE INTEND TO PUT
THE PLAN INTO EFFECT
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AS SOON AS VON SMALLHAUSEN
HAS PERFECTED HIS DISGUISE.
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VON SMALLHAUSEN?
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Flick:
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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00:04:57,850 --> 00:05:02,053
I THINK THE REALITY
IS DESTROYED BY
THE CRICKET BAT.
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I KEEP TELLING HIM.
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HOW MANY TIMES
HAVE I TO TELL YOU,
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DON'T TAKE
THE CRICKET BAT?
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LEAVE THE BAT BEHIND.
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I'M SORRY, HERR FLICK.
I THOUGHT I WOULD
TRY ONCE MORE.
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IT IS A LEN HUTTON.
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NO.
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WILL THEY NOT BE SUSPICIOUS
IF YOU DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH?
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POINT ONE-- VERY FEW
FRENCH PEASANTS
SPEAK ENGLISH.
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ESPECIALLY
COMMUNIST ONES.
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POINT TWO-- WE HAVE BEEN
STUDYING THE ENGLISH
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WITH THE AID OF A RECORD
FROM THE GESTAPO LIBRARY,
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ENTITLED, "HOW TO FOOL
THE FRENCH THAT YOU
ARE ENGLISH
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IN ONE EASY LESSON."
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VON SMALLHAUSEN,
DEMONSTRATE.
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♪ FA FA FA FA
FA FA FA FA ♪
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♪ FA FA FA FA FA
FA FA FA. ♪
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BIG BEN.
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INCREDIBLE.
I, WHO DO NOT
SPEAK ENGLISH,
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WOULD BE COMPLETELY
DECEIVED.
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THANK YOU, HELGA.
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♪ FA FA FA FA
FA FA FA FA ♪
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♪ FA FA FA FA
FA FA FA FA ♪
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- ♪ FA FA FA-- ♪
- SHUT UP!
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HERE, LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
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- HAVE ANOTHER COGNAC.
- THANK YOU, YVETTE.
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AH, THERE YOU ARE,
LIEUTENANT.
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I'M SORRY TO HAVE
LEFT YOU.
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I WAS A LITTLE BIT
TIED UP.
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PLEASE COME OVER HERE.
I WISH TO TALK TO YOU.
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OH.
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SIT DOWN, RENE.
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YOU'LL FIND ME
A LITTLE DISTURBED,
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BECAUSE APART
FROM SEEING YOU
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IN THAT INTERESTING
POSITION, I--
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I HAVE RECENTLY HAD
A TERRIBLE SHOCK.
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OH, DEAR.
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I HAVE SEEN THE GHOST
OF YOUR DEAD TWIN BROTHER.
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- NO.
- YES.
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HE ROSE FROM THE TOMB
IN HIS OVERCOAT
AND BOWLER HAT.
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AND, RENE,
HE FORGAVE ME--
FOR SHOOTING HIM.
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THAT WAS NICE OF HIM.
139
00:07:05,377 --> 00:07:09,379
YES, IT WAS
A BIZARRE EXPERIENCE,
I CAN TELL YOU.
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00:07:09,381 --> 00:07:12,650
AND YET AT THE SAME TIME,
IT WAS VERY REASSURING
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TO KNOW THAT THERE IS
LIFE AFTER DEATH.
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AND THAT ONE IS
STILL WELL-DRESSED.
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YES, WELL, ANYWAY,
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THIS PHENOMENON HAS
CONVINCED ME EVEN
MORE STRONGLY
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THAT I MUST GIVE YOU
A WARNING.
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THERE IS A PLOT
AFOOT, RENE,
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THAT COULD GET YOU
INTO GREAT DANGER.
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THE GESTAPO ARE GOING
TO DISGUISE THEMSELVES
AS BRITISH AIRMEN,
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IN THE HOPE
THAT THE RESISTANCE
WILL CAPTURE THEM
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00:07:42,582 --> 00:07:44,381
AND LEAD THEM
TO THEIR HEADQUARTERS.
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WHY ARE YOU TELLING
ME THIS, LIEUTENANT?
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I DO NOT KNOW
THE RESISTANCE.
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I AM MOST RELIVED
TO HEAR THIS.
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00:07:51,824 --> 00:07:55,258
NOT THAT I AM
CONCERNED, OF COURSE,
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00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:57,795
BUT WHEN WILL THIS PLAN
BE PUT INTO OPERATION?
156
00:07:57,797 --> 00:08:01,599
WELL, ALTHOUGH IT DOES
NOT CONCERN YOU...
157
00:08:03,602 --> 00:08:06,303
IF I SHOULD HEAR ANYMORE
I WILL, OF COURSE,
LET YOU KNOW.
158
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THANK YOU, LIEUTENANT.
159
00:08:08,007 --> 00:08:10,975
OH, AND RENE,
IF I AM WITH THE COLONEL,
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00:08:10,977 --> 00:08:14,311
IT MAY BE DIFFICULT
TO SPEAK, SO I WILL
GIVE YOU A SIGN.
161
00:08:14,313 --> 00:08:16,880
OH, THAT IS VERY KIND,
LIEUTENANT.
162
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WHAT WILL
THIS SIGN BE?
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WELL, THIS WILL MEAN
THAT IT IS ON FOR TONIGHT.
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YES, WELL,
IT USUALLY DOES.
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( bell chimes )
166
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- RENE!
- ( shrieks )
167
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WHAT ARE YOU
DOING THERE?
168
00:08:41,774 --> 00:08:43,774
I OVERHEARD
EVERY WORD.
169
00:08:45,376 --> 00:08:47,945
THIS IS A VERY
SERIOUS SITUATION.
170
00:08:47,947 --> 00:08:49,980
WE DARE NOT NOW
RESCUE ANY BRITISH AIRMEN
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00:08:49,982 --> 00:08:52,449
IN CASE THEY TURN OUT
TO BE THE GESTAPO
IN DISGUISE.
172
00:08:52,451 --> 00:08:55,385
YOU ARE RIGHT.
YOU MUST DISMANTLE
THE WHOLE ORGANIZATION.
173
00:08:55,387 --> 00:08:59,556
WE HAVE HAD A GOOD RUN.
THANK YOU, MICHELLE,
FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE.
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NO NO, I WILL
THINK OF A PLAN.
175
00:09:01,661 --> 00:09:04,261
WHATEVER THE PLAN IS,
I WANT NO PART OF IT.
176
00:09:04,263 --> 00:09:08,231
YOU! YOU ARE
IN IT UP TO HERE!
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00:09:08,233 --> 00:09:10,901
WHAT IS MORE, BY YOUR
CLUMSINESS AND INCOMPETENCE,
178
00:09:10,903 --> 00:09:14,504
THE MECHANISM OF THE AERIAL
IN THE TOMB IS COMPLETELY
KNACKERED.
179
00:09:16,741 --> 00:09:21,278
YOU OWE US ONE,
AND IT WILL GO DOWN ON
YOUR REPORT AS A BLACK MARK.
180
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:25,515
WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO DO A HUNDRED
LINES AS WELL?
181
00:09:27,418 --> 00:09:29,720
- WHO WAS THAT?
- MICHELLE.
182
00:09:29,722 --> 00:09:32,222
THAT GIRL IS BEGINNING
TO GET RIGHT UP
MY NOSE.
183
00:09:32,224 --> 00:09:35,926
- OH, RENE, YOU NEED
A HOLIDAY.
- OWWW.
184
00:09:35,928 --> 00:09:38,261
WHY DO WE NOT RETURN
TO THAT LITTLE HOTEL
185
00:09:38,263 --> 00:09:40,731
ON THE COAST
WHERE WE USED TO GO
BEFORE THE WAR?
186
00:09:40,733 --> 00:09:43,366
- THE ONE WITH
THE LITTLE GOLF COURSE?
- THAT IS THE ONE.
187
00:09:43,368 --> 00:09:46,737
OH, YES, I REMEMBER IT.
NINE HOLES.
188
00:09:46,739 --> 00:09:51,175
DO YOU REMEMBER
HOW WE USED TO LAUGH
AT YOUR BIG HANDICAP?
189
00:09:53,344 --> 00:09:55,946
WELL, YOU MORE THAN ME.
190
00:09:55,948 --> 00:10:00,217
OH, RENE, THESE ARE
SUCH DANGEROUS TIMES
IN WHICH WE LIVE.
191
00:10:00,219 --> 00:10:04,121
IF I SHOULD
BE STRUCK DOWN,
WOULD YOU MARRY AGAIN?
192
00:10:04,123 --> 00:10:07,624
WELL, POSSIBLY, EDITH,
OUT OF LONELINESS,
YOU KNOW.
193
00:10:07,626 --> 00:10:09,760
WOULD YOU TAKE HER
TO THAT SAME
LITTLE HOTEL
194
00:10:09,762 --> 00:10:11,528
WHERE WE BOTH KNEW
SUCH HAPPINESS?
195
00:10:11,530 --> 00:10:15,332
POSSIBLY, TO TRY TO FIND
THAT HAPPINESS AGAIN.
196
00:10:15,334 --> 00:10:17,201
WOULD YOU PLAY
ON THE SAME
GOLF COURSE?
197
00:10:17,203 --> 00:10:19,903
WELL, IT WOULD
BE SOMETHING TO DO.
198
00:10:19,905 --> 00:10:22,773
YOU WOULD NOT
GIVE HER MY CLUBS,
WOULD YOU?
199
00:10:22,775 --> 00:10:26,509
- OH, DEFINITELY NOT.
- OH, RENE.
200
00:10:26,511 --> 00:10:28,746
BECAUSE OF YOUR
LOVE FOR ME.
201
00:10:28,748 --> 00:10:30,247
NO, SHE IS LEFT-HANDED.
202
00:10:30,249 --> 00:10:32,616
OH, RENE.
203
00:10:32,618 --> 00:10:35,819
OH, JUST A LITTLE JOKE,
MY SWEET.
204
00:10:35,821 --> 00:10:37,454
( doorbell chimes )
205
00:10:37,456 --> 00:10:40,023
GOOD MOANING.
206
00:10:40,025 --> 00:10:41,424
GOOD MOANING.
207
00:10:43,962 --> 00:10:46,496
I HAVE A BOON
TO PECK WITH YOU.
208
00:10:46,498 --> 00:10:49,066
OH, YES?
209
00:10:49,068 --> 00:10:51,701
LAST NIT,
YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO SEND A MASSAGE,
210
00:10:51,703 --> 00:10:55,139
SO THAT THE BRITISH
SUBMAROONE COULD
MEET THE EARMEN.
211
00:10:55,141 --> 00:10:58,208
RENE, WE FORGOT
ABOUT THE AIRMEN.
212
00:10:58,210 --> 00:11:00,878
WELL, SOMEONE SHOULD'VE
TIPPED ME THE WONK.
213
00:11:03,547 --> 00:11:07,350
FOR THE LAST 24 WHORES,
214
00:11:07,352 --> 00:11:11,021
THEY HAVE BEEN
STANDING IN WITTER
UP TO THEIR NICKS.
215
00:11:11,023 --> 00:11:13,924
OH, RENE, THEY WERE
UNDER THE UPTURNED BATH
216
00:11:13,926 --> 00:11:16,693
IN THE ESTUARY,
WAITING FOR
THE SUBMARINES.
217
00:11:16,695 --> 00:11:19,897
- YES, WE ARE VERY SORRY.
- SO I SHOULD THONK.
218
00:11:21,699 --> 00:11:25,035
YOU MADE ME LOOK
A RIGHT DUCKHEAD.
219
00:11:30,508 --> 00:11:33,643
GOOD DOO TO YOU BOTH.
220
00:11:33,645 --> 00:11:35,645
( chuckles )
221
00:11:35,647 --> 00:11:39,583
NEWS OF OUR ENGAGEMENT
SPREADS QUICKLY.
222
00:11:41,286 --> 00:11:44,554
COME, FANNIE,
YOU MUST BE TIRED.
223
00:11:44,556 --> 00:11:47,291
YES, MAMA.
224
00:11:47,293 --> 00:11:51,295
COME AND SIT DOWN.
225
00:11:51,297 --> 00:11:54,498
SHE HAS BEEN SHOPPING
FOR HER BOTTOM DRAWER.
226
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:57,567
WHAT HAS SHE BOUGHT,
MOTHBALLS?
227
00:11:57,569 --> 00:12:01,571
EDITH, COME HERE.
228
00:12:01,573 --> 00:12:06,443
DO YOU THINK
THAT I SHOULD
GET MARRIED IN WHITE?
229
00:12:06,445 --> 00:12:10,480
WHY NOT?
YOU ALWAYS HAVE
DONE BEFORE.
230
00:12:10,482 --> 00:12:12,482
SEE?
IT IS IN THE PAPER!
231
00:12:12,484 --> 00:12:15,252
"THE ENGAGEMENT IS ANNOUNCED
BETWEEN ERNEST LECLERC,
232
00:12:15,254 --> 00:12:19,223
SON OF ANDRE LECLERC,
THE POPULAR PARIS
CONDUCTOR..."
233
00:12:19,225 --> 00:12:22,526
- SYMPHONY?
- BUSES.
234
00:12:22,528 --> 00:12:25,595
"...AND FANNIE LAFANNE,
LATE OF THE FOLIES BERGERES."
235
00:12:25,597 --> 00:12:27,731
HOW LATE CAN YOU GET?
236
00:12:27,733 --> 00:12:30,267
EDITH,
237
00:12:30,269 --> 00:12:34,104
ERNEST WOULD LIKE RENE
TO BE THE BEST MAN.
238
00:12:34,106 --> 00:12:35,439
Edith:
OF COURSE.
239
00:12:35,441 --> 00:12:38,342
HE WOULD BE HONORED.
240
00:12:38,344 --> 00:12:41,178
AND I WOULD LIKE
THE SERVING GIRLS
241
00:12:41,180 --> 00:12:43,880
TO BE THE BRIDESMAIDS;
242
00:12:43,882 --> 00:12:48,319
AND YOU, OF COURSE, EDITH,
TO BE MY MATRON OF HONOR.
243
00:12:48,321 --> 00:12:51,688
OH, YOU WILL
ALL BE DRESSED
244
00:12:51,690 --> 00:12:55,125
IN BILLOWING
CHAMPAGNE LACE.
245
00:12:57,996 --> 00:13:00,998
HANG ON, WHO IS PAYING
FOR ALL THIS?
246
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,800
OH, RENE, DO NOT BE
SUCH AN OLD SKINFLINT.
247
00:13:03,802 --> 00:13:06,770
CAN YOU NOT SEE
HOW HAPPY THEY
BOTH ARE?
248
00:13:06,772 --> 00:13:10,774
LOOK AT THE SMILE
ON THEIR WRINKLED
OLD FACES.
249
00:13:10,776 --> 00:13:12,943
COME, ERNEST.
250
00:13:12,945 --> 00:13:16,580
HELP ME UP
TO MY ROOM.
251
00:13:16,582 --> 00:13:18,983
OH, MAMA,
THERE IS JUST
ONE MORE THING:
252
00:13:18,985 --> 00:13:20,985
WHO IS TO GIVE
YOU AWAY?
253
00:13:20,987 --> 00:13:24,688
WELL, THAT IS
THE SADNESS.
254
00:13:24,690 --> 00:13:28,425
THERE IS NOBODY LEFT.
255
00:13:28,427 --> 00:13:32,529
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
WE WILL MAKE YOU THIS WEEK'S
AMAZING FREE GIFT.
256
00:13:37,202 --> 00:13:39,936
YOU DID WELL
TO DISCOVER THIS PLAN.
257
00:13:39,938 --> 00:13:42,973
THANK YOU, GENERAL.
ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.
258
00:13:42,975 --> 00:13:45,976
ALL OF THE CREDIT SHOULD
GO TO THE BEAUTIFUL HELGA.
259
00:13:45,978 --> 00:13:47,878
SHUT UP!
260
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,080
IT IS VITAL
THAT THE CREDIT
FOR THE DISCOVERY
261
00:13:50,082 --> 00:13:53,484
OF THE RESISTANCE HEADQUARTERS
AND THE ESCAPE ROUTE
OF THE BRITISH AIRMEN
262
00:13:53,486 --> 00:13:55,619
SHOULD NOT GO
TO THE GESTAPO.
263
00:13:55,621 --> 00:13:58,389
TO THWART THEIR PLANS,
THIS IS WHAT WE SHALL DO:
264
00:13:58,391 --> 00:14:02,092
WE SHALL ADOPT
THEIR PLAN, BUT PUT IT
INTO OPERATION FIRST.
265
00:14:02,094 --> 00:14:04,294
WHAT A BRILLIANT
AND ORIGINAL THOUGHT.
266
00:14:05,363 --> 00:14:06,997
THANK YOU.
267
00:14:06,999 --> 00:14:09,733
YOU ARE ONLY A PRIVATE,
BUT RIPE FOR PROMOTION.
268
00:14:11,802 --> 00:14:14,171
GENERAL, OUR FACES
ARE FAMILIAR.
269
00:14:14,173 --> 00:14:17,141
WE CAN NOT PASS
OURSELVES OFF
AS BRITISH AIRMEN.
270
00:14:17,143 --> 00:14:19,976
MY MEN HAVE THE FACES
THAT IS NOT-A KNOWN.
271
00:14:19,978 --> 00:14:23,180
ME, I AM NOT
SURE OF THEM MYSELF.
272
00:14:23,182 --> 00:14:26,517
EXCELLENT. THEY WILL
BE DRESSED IN CAPTURED
BRITISH FLYING CLOTHES.
273
00:14:26,519 --> 00:14:29,019
THE ANTIAIRCRAFT BARRIERS
WILL FIRE BLANK SHELLS
274
00:14:29,021 --> 00:14:31,021
AT THE CAPTURED
BRITISH AIRPLANE,
275
00:14:31,023 --> 00:14:33,257
THEY WILL JUMP OUT,
THE RESISTANCE WILL
PICK THEM UP
276
00:14:33,259 --> 00:14:35,725
AND LEAD THEM
TO THEIR SECRET
HEADQUARTERS.
277
00:14:35,727 --> 00:14:38,362
- WONDERFUL
- MARVELOUS.
278
00:14:38,364 --> 00:14:42,832
I SEE A TEENSY-WEENSY
SNAG.
279
00:14:42,834 --> 00:14:45,001
IF I GET TOO CLOSE
WITH MY TROOPS,
280
00:14:45,003 --> 00:14:47,003
THEY WILL SPOT US.
281
00:14:47,005 --> 00:14:49,739
AND IF I'M
TOO FAR AWAY,
WE WILL LOSE THEM.
282
00:14:49,741 --> 00:14:52,042
IT IS VERY SIMPLE,
COLONEL.
283
00:14:52,044 --> 00:14:56,646
THE ITALIAN SOLDIERS
WILL HAVE IN THEIR POCKETS
ANISEED BALLS.
284
00:14:56,648 --> 00:14:59,950
THEY WILL DROP A BALL
EVERY 10 METERS.
285
00:14:59,952 --> 00:15:03,620
WE WILL OBTAIN TRACKER DOGS
WHO WILL HAVE NO DIFFICULTY
IN FOLLOWING THE SCENT.
286
00:15:03,622 --> 00:15:06,723
AN INCREDIBLY
BRILLIANT SOLUTION.
287
00:15:06,725 --> 00:15:08,758
THE PLAN IS WORTHY
OF ROMMEL.
288
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:12,396
THANK YOU,
LANCE CORPORAL HELGA.
289
00:15:12,398 --> 00:15:15,399
IN FACT, I'D SAY,
IT WAS WORTHY OF
HITLER HIMSELF.
290
00:15:15,401 --> 00:15:17,734
ONE STRIPE
IS ALL YOU'RE GETTING.
291
00:15:19,904 --> 00:15:23,407
( off-key )
♪ DON'T YOU KNOW,
LITTLE FOOL ♪
292
00:15:23,409 --> 00:15:26,543
♪ YOU NEVER CAN WIN? ♪
293
00:15:26,545 --> 00:15:29,446
♪ USE YOUR MENTALITY ♪
294
00:15:29,448 --> 00:15:32,749
♪ WAKE UP TO REALITY ♪
295
00:15:32,751 --> 00:15:36,286
♪ BUT EACH TIME I DO,
JUST THE THOUGHT OF YOU ♪
296
00:15:36,288 --> 00:15:38,755
♪ MAKES ME STOP-- ♪
297
00:15:38,757 --> 00:15:41,658
HAS SHE FINISHED?
298
00:15:41,660 --> 00:15:44,961
NO SUCH LUCK.
299
00:15:44,963 --> 00:15:48,965
♪ BEFORE I BEGIN ♪
300
00:15:48,967 --> 00:15:52,002
♪ FOR I'VE GOT YOU ♪
301
00:15:52,004 --> 00:15:56,273
♪ UNDER MY SKIN. ♪
302
00:16:02,079 --> 00:16:04,381
RENE, MICHELLE--
BACKROOM.
303
00:16:04,383 --> 00:16:07,284
OH HECK.
MONSIEUR LECLERC-- BAR.
304
00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:13,223
LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.
305
00:16:14,459 --> 00:16:16,059
HERE IS THE PLAN:
306
00:16:16,061 --> 00:16:19,062
WHEN THE GESTAPO DISGUISED
AS BRITISH AIRMEN LAND,
307
00:16:19,064 --> 00:16:21,398
THEY WILL BE TAKEN
BY AGENT CRABTREE,
308
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,201
WHO WILL BE DISGUISED AS
A MEMBER OF THE RESISTANCE,
309
00:16:24,203 --> 00:16:26,570
TO AN OLD DISUSED
CHATEAU.
310
00:16:26,572 --> 00:16:30,174
YOU WILL MEET THEM THERE,
BUT YOU ALSO WILL BE
DISGUISED,
311
00:16:30,176 --> 00:16:33,577
SO THAT YOU
WILL NEVER BE TRACED
FROM A DESCRIPTION.
312
00:16:33,579 --> 00:16:36,413
YOU WILL LOCK THEM
IN THE CELLAR AND DISAPPEAR.
313
00:16:36,415 --> 00:16:40,083
AND THE GERMANS WILL SPEND
WEEKS LOOKING FOR PEOPLE
WHO DO NOT EXIST.
314
00:16:40,085 --> 00:16:43,153
I DO NOT BELIEVE
WHAT I AM HEARING.
315
00:16:43,155 --> 00:16:46,390
YOU HAD BETTER
SAY IT ALL AGAIN.
316
00:16:46,392 --> 00:16:48,758
BUT HOW DO WE DISGUISE
OURSELVES IN SUCH A MANNER?
317
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,760
WE HAVE NO EXPERIENCE.
318
00:16:50,762 --> 00:16:53,297
MY GIRLS COME
FROM MANY WALKS OF LIFE.
319
00:16:53,299 --> 00:16:56,166
ONE OF THEM WAS MAKEUP ADVISOR
TO BORIS KARLOFF.
320
00:16:58,102 --> 00:17:00,704
ALL WE HAVE TO DO NOW IS
TO FIND OUT FROM YOUR CONTACT
321
00:17:00,706 --> 00:17:02,472
WHEN THE JUMP
IS TO TAKE PLACE.
322
00:17:02,474 --> 00:17:04,474
- ( knocks )
- Gruber: RENE?
323
00:17:04,476 --> 00:17:07,744
RENE, I HAVE TO BE
GOING NOW.
324
00:17:10,381 --> 00:17:13,983
IT IS TONIGHT?
325
00:17:15,453 --> 00:17:18,087
COLONEL, GENERAL,
326
00:17:18,089 --> 00:17:20,624
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI
IS HERE WITH HIS MEN.
327
00:17:20,626 --> 00:17:22,459
GOOD, LET THEM
BE BROUGHT IN.
328
00:17:22,461 --> 00:17:26,263
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI
AND HIS MEN!
329
00:17:26,265 --> 00:17:29,866
GENERALLY, I HAVE-A
THE GOOD NEWS, EH?
330
00:17:29,868 --> 00:17:33,336
OH, COLONELO,
MY FRIEND.
331
00:17:33,338 --> 00:17:36,105
HOW'S IT
GOING ON, EH?
332
00:17:36,107 --> 00:17:38,941
EVERYTHING
IS SET UP.
333
00:17:38,943 --> 00:17:41,878
I PICK-A THE FOUR
MOST BRAVE VOLUNTEERS.
334
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,214
YOU MEET THEM, EH?
335
00:17:44,216 --> 00:17:46,816
HERE, BRAVE TROOPS,
336
00:17:46,818 --> 00:17:50,887
YOU COME HERE, YOU SAY
HELLO TO THE GENERALLY
AND THE COLONEL!
337
00:17:50,889 --> 00:17:54,491
( all greeting )
338
00:17:54,493 --> 00:17:57,026
COLONEL,
HOW'RE YOU DOING?
339
00:17:57,028 --> 00:18:00,763
ABSOLUTE SHOWER.
340
00:18:00,765 --> 00:18:02,532
HAVE THEY
BEEN BRIEFED?
341
00:18:02,534 --> 00:18:04,568
- YEAH, I TELL
THEM EVERYTHING.
- GOOD.
342
00:18:04,570 --> 00:18:07,136
HELGA, HAND OUT THE UNIFORMS
AND PARACHUTES.
343
00:18:07,138 --> 00:18:10,907
PARACHUTES?
HEY, WHAT FOR WE
NEED-A THE PARACHUTES?
344
00:18:10,909 --> 00:18:15,144
YOU'RE IN THE AIRPLANO,
STUPIDO.
345
00:18:15,146 --> 00:18:17,046
YOU'RE THE BRITISH PILOTS.
346
00:18:17,048 --> 00:18:19,649
ALL THE TIME,
YOU WEAR THE PARACHUTES.
347
00:18:19,651 --> 00:18:21,484
GRUBER, HAND OUT
THE ANISEED BALLS.
348
00:18:21,486 --> 00:18:24,554
OH, YEAH.
HERE THEY ARE.
THERE ARE 50 EACH.
349
00:18:24,556 --> 00:18:27,290
WOW, IS THIS SWEETIES?
350
00:18:27,292 --> 00:18:30,460
NICE, MY FAVORITE!
351
00:18:30,462 --> 00:18:34,063
YOU NO EAT-A
THE ANISEED BALLS.
352
00:18:37,301 --> 00:18:40,937
YOU PUT THEM
IN YOUR POCKET
LIKE I TELL YOU.
353
00:18:40,939 --> 00:18:44,307
WHEN YOU'RE IN THE WOODS,
YOU WALK.
354
00:18:44,309 --> 00:18:48,578
AND EVERY 20 PACES,
YOU DROP THE BALLS.
355
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:50,813
- REMEMBER?
- SI.
356
00:18:50,815 --> 00:18:54,584
THEN TELL ME
WHAT YOU DO
EVERY 20 PACES.
357
00:18:54,586 --> 00:18:57,320
- WE DROP-A THE BALLS.
- AGAIN!
358
00:18:57,322 --> 00:18:59,922
WE DROP-A THE BALLS!
359
00:18:59,924 --> 00:19:01,725
HERE ARE
THE DISGUISES.
360
00:19:01,727 --> 00:19:04,794
HERE WE HAVE DISGUISE.
ONE EACH.
361
00:19:04,796 --> 00:19:06,829
THERE YOU GO.
VERY GOOD.
362
00:19:06,831 --> 00:19:08,865
General:
PUT THEM ON.
363
00:19:12,035 --> 00:19:13,903
PUT IN THE PIPES.
364
00:19:17,341 --> 00:19:20,243
NOW YOU DO THE ENGLISH.
365
00:19:20,245 --> 00:19:24,814
All:
♪ FA FA FA FA
FA FA FA FA. ♪
366
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:28,951
I CAN HEAR
THE PLANES.
367
00:19:28,953 --> 00:19:31,588
WHY ARE THEY
SHOOTING AT THEM?
368
00:19:31,590 --> 00:19:33,856
THEY ARE USING
BLANK SHELLS
TO TRY TO FOOL US
369
00:19:33,858 --> 00:19:35,592
THAT THEY ARE
BRITISH PLANES.
370
00:19:35,594 --> 00:19:37,193
WE KNOW BETTER.
371
00:19:37,195 --> 00:19:39,763
IT IS LUCKY
WE ARE ON THE BALL.
372
00:19:46,737 --> 00:19:48,772
WHEN I JOINED
BRITISH INTOLLIGONCE
373
00:19:48,774 --> 00:19:51,841
I DID NIT KNOW THAT
I WAS GOING TO BE
A TRANSVESTUTE.
374
00:19:53,277 --> 00:19:55,578
DRESSED LIKE THAT,
THEY WILL NEVER
RECOGNIZE YOU.
375
00:19:55,580 --> 00:19:57,880
THANK GID FOR THAT.
376
00:19:57,882 --> 00:20:00,684
WILL THE MUSTACHE
NOT GIVE HIM AWAY?
377
00:20:00,686 --> 00:20:04,954
MANY OF THE PEASANT
GIRLS IN THE RESISTANCE
DO NOT SHAVE.
378
00:20:04,956 --> 00:20:08,224
- ( plane engine hums )
- THEY'RE GETTING NEAR.
379
00:20:08,226 --> 00:20:10,327
STAND BY
TO LEAD THEM
TO THE CHATEAU.
380
00:20:15,833 --> 00:20:19,836
RIGHT, WE MUST
STAND BY.
381
00:20:38,689 --> 00:20:41,458
IT SEEMS
A LONG WAY DOWN!
382
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:45,127
HOW LONG
WILL IT TAKE US
TO REACH THE GROUND?
383
00:20:46,731 --> 00:20:50,500
IF YOU
FORGET TO PULL
THE LITTLE RING,
384
00:20:50,502 --> 00:20:52,635
ABOUT 10 SECONDS.
385
00:20:52,637 --> 00:20:56,840
HOW WILL WE KNOW
WHEN TO JUMP?
386
00:20:56,842 --> 00:21:00,243
THERE WILL BE
A RED LIGHT FLASHING.
387
00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:05,715
IT IS FLASHING NOW.
388
00:21:09,186 --> 00:21:13,423
ONE... TWO... THREE...
389
00:21:13,425 --> 00:21:17,360
FOUR... FIVE... SIX.
390
00:21:19,463 --> 00:21:21,631
( screams )
391
00:21:28,105 --> 00:21:30,273
I SEE PLANES.
392
00:21:30,275 --> 00:21:32,308
OUR GUNS ARE
SHOOTING THE BLANKS?
393
00:21:32,310 --> 00:21:36,212
HERE COMES
LIEUTENANT GRUBER
IN HIS LITTLE TANK.
394
00:21:38,148 --> 00:21:40,249
I HOPE
HE HAS WITH HIM
THE TRACKER DOGS.
395
00:21:42,653 --> 00:21:44,854
GOOD EVENING, GENERAL.
396
00:21:44,856 --> 00:21:46,890
DO YOU HAVE WITH YOU
THE TRACKER DOGS?
397
00:21:46,892 --> 00:21:50,159
- UH... YES.
- GOOD.
398
00:21:50,161 --> 00:21:53,162
DO NOT RELEASE THEM
UNTIL WE SEE THE PARACHUTES
LEAVING THE PLANES.
399
00:21:53,164 --> 00:21:55,097
YES, GENERAL.
400
00:21:59,336 --> 00:22:01,337
- CAPITANO!
- SI.
401
00:22:01,339 --> 00:22:03,205
IT'S A LONG
WAY DOWN.
402
00:22:03,207 --> 00:22:05,207
OF COURSE IT'S
A LONG WAY DOWN.
403
00:22:05,209 --> 00:22:07,811
YOU'RE IN
THE AEROPLANE,
404
00:22:07,813 --> 00:22:11,748
AND YOU NO EAT
THE BALLS!
405
00:22:11,750 --> 00:22:15,618
WHERE DO WE LAND?
406
00:22:15,620 --> 00:22:17,854
I NO SEE THE AERODROME!
407
00:22:17,856 --> 00:22:21,057
WHO SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT THE AERODROME?
408
00:22:21,059 --> 00:22:24,327
DO I TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THE AERODROME?
409
00:22:24,329 --> 00:22:27,797
THEN HOW DO WE LAND?
410
00:22:27,799 --> 00:22:30,032
YOU MAKE THE JUMP,
411
00:22:30,034 --> 00:22:32,001
YOU PULL THE STRING,
412
00:22:32,003 --> 00:22:35,738
YOU FLOAT DOWN,
YOU HIT THE GROUND.
413
00:22:38,542 --> 00:22:40,977
CAPITANO,
414
00:22:40,979 --> 00:22:44,246
WE NO WANT
TO MAKE THE JUMP.
415
00:22:46,116 --> 00:22:50,152
ARE YOU THE MEN
OR ARE YOU THE MICE?
416
00:22:51,154 --> 00:22:53,990
WE ARE THE MICE.
417
00:22:53,992 --> 00:22:57,660
I SEE.
418
00:22:57,662 --> 00:23:01,130
NOW YOU ARE
THE FLYING MICE.
419
00:23:01,132 --> 00:23:04,166
( bell rings )
420
00:23:04,168 --> 00:23:07,370
DO NOT FORGET-A
TO PULL THE STRING!
421
00:23:09,139 --> 00:23:11,641
THE PARACHUTES
HAVE LANDED
OVER THERE.
422
00:23:11,643 --> 00:23:13,976
GO TO IT.
423
00:23:13,978 --> 00:23:16,179
WHAT IS
THE MATTER?
424
00:23:16,181 --> 00:23:19,182
THE ELASTIC HAS GONE
ON MY KNACKERS.
425
00:23:38,268 --> 00:23:41,738
REMEMBER, FROM NOW ON,
YOU ARE ENGLISH.
426
00:23:41,740 --> 00:23:45,041
Crabtree:
PSST! FOLLOW MOO.
427
00:23:45,043 --> 00:23:49,011
Both:
♪ FA FA FA FA
FA FA FA FA. ♪
428
00:23:56,987 --> 00:23:59,789
THE PARACHUTES HAVE
LANDED IN THE CLEARING
BEHIND THE WOODS.
429
00:23:59,791 --> 00:24:02,058
RELEASE
THE BLOODHOUNDS.
430
00:24:09,933 --> 00:24:13,302
POODLES.
IS THAT THE BEST
YOU COULD DO?
431
00:24:13,304 --> 00:24:16,473
ALL THE BIG DOGS
ARE AT THE DOG SHOW.
432
00:24:16,475 --> 00:24:19,041
I COMMANDEERED THESE
FROM THE LADIES OF THE TOWN,
433
00:24:19,043 --> 00:24:22,345
AND I PROMISED
TO HAVE THEM BACK
BY HALF PAST 9:00.
434
00:24:22,347 --> 00:24:24,113
GO! FIND.
SEEK. FETCH.
435
00:24:27,184 --> 00:24:30,720
I THINK THEY'RE
ONLY USED TO FOLLOWING
THE LADIES OF THE TOWN.
436
00:24:30,722 --> 00:24:32,722
HELGA,
HEAD FOR THE WOODS
437
00:24:32,724 --> 00:24:37,126
WHERE THEY CAN PICK UP
THE IRRESISTIBLE SCENT
OF THE ANISEED.
438
00:24:37,128 --> 00:24:40,930
COME ALONG.
FOLLOW ME,
DARLINGS.
439
00:24:47,571 --> 00:24:49,572
( bell rings )
440
00:24:49,574 --> 00:24:52,709
I MUST LEAVE YOU NOW.
441
00:24:52,711 --> 00:24:54,878
I HAVE TO POWDER
MY KNEES.
442
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:56,880
GOOD LICK.
443
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:07,156
DID YOU GET
HER DESCRIPTION?
444
00:25:07,158 --> 00:25:10,593
6'4", MUSTACHE,
445
00:25:10,595 --> 00:25:15,264
BIG EARS, KNICKERS
ROUND ANKLES.
446
00:25:15,266 --> 00:25:17,901
SHE SHOULD BE
EASY TO TRACE.
447
00:25:17,903 --> 00:25:20,503
( door creaks )
448
00:25:25,008 --> 00:25:29,211
Both:
♪ FA FA FA FA
FA FA FA FA. ♪
449
00:25:40,758 --> 00:25:42,992
( cackles )
450
00:25:42,994 --> 00:25:47,263
WE HAVE BEEN
EXPECTING YOU.
451
00:25:47,265 --> 00:25:49,966
WELCOME.
WELCOME.
452
00:25:51,735 --> 00:25:55,071
CHANTAL, THEY ARE HERE.
( cackles )
453
00:25:59,510 --> 00:26:02,846
YOU HAVE ARRIVED
AT A BAD TIME.
454
00:26:02,848 --> 00:26:03,480
THE BARON IS HAVING
ONE OF HIS TURNS.
455
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,382
( growling )
456
00:26:10,085 --> 00:26:14,489
DO NOT LET HIM LOOSE.
THEY ARE FRIENDS.
457
00:26:14,491 --> 00:26:17,392
WHY, IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT
IF HE SNIFFS THEM.
458
00:26:21,397 --> 00:26:23,398
( growls )
459
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:28,202
( cackles )
SEE? HE LIKES
THE LITTLE ONE.
460
00:26:31,273 --> 00:26:33,274
KEEP A TIGHT HOLD.
461
00:26:33,276 --> 00:26:35,944
HE HAS NOT EATEN
FLESH THIS DAY.
462
00:26:37,813 --> 00:26:40,715
BACK. BACK!
463
00:26:40,717 --> 00:26:43,284
OW OW OW.
OW!
464
00:26:43,286 --> 00:26:47,188
COME, WE WILL HIDE YOU
IN THE DUNGEONS.
465
00:26:47,190 --> 00:26:50,659
NO ONE WILL EVER
FIND YOU THERE.
466
00:26:50,661 --> 00:26:52,894
( cackles )
467
00:27:00,502 --> 00:27:04,372
( gasping )
DINNER IS SERVED.
468
00:27:04,374 --> 00:27:07,042
( ringing )
469
00:27:07,044 --> 00:27:10,144
WE THINK, IF IT IS
ALL THE SAME TO YOU,
470
00:27:10,146 --> 00:27:12,914
WE WILL HEAD TO THE COAST
AND TRY SWIMMING.
471
00:27:12,916 --> 00:27:15,383
( growling )
472
00:27:15,385 --> 00:27:16,952
BACK!
BACK!
473
00:27:16,954 --> 00:27:20,221
BACK!
474
00:27:24,660 --> 00:27:27,963
( theme music playing )