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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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( theme music playing )
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AS YOU CAN SEE,
MY SITUATION IS DESPERATE.
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WE WERE TRYING TO RESCUE
THESE TWO IDIOT AIRMEN
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AND OF COURSE
THE PLAN WENT WRONG.
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NOW WE ARE ALL
HANDCUFFED TOGETHER
AND THE KEY IS IN BERLIN.
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I'M TRYING TO RELEASE
MYSELF USING THIS OLD
HACKSAW BLADE--
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- ( clangs )
- --WHICH IS BROKEN.
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FORTUNATELY,
YVETTE AND MICHELLE ARE ON
THEIR WAY BY CAPTURED MOTORCYCLE
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TO THE ESTABLISHMENT
OF MONSIEUR ALFONSE
THE UNDERTAKER
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TO BORROW
HIS HAMMER AND CHISEL,
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WITH WHICH HE ENGRAVES
NAMES ON TOMBSTONES.
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IF HE DOES NOT HURRY,
IT WILL BE OUR NAMES
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HE WILL BE ENGRAVING.
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RENE, HERE COMES
MONSIEUR ALFONSE.
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OH, THANK HEAVEN
FOR THAT.
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WHOA-OA...
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( sighs )
GOOD AFTERNOON,
MONSIEUR.
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AS YOU SEE, I'VE BROUGHT
WITH ME THIS SMALL HORSE
WITH THE SMALL HEARSE.
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NEVER MIND ABOUT THAT.
WHERE ARE THE HAMMER
AND THE CHISEL?
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HERE, I HAVE THEM.
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I HAVE ALSO--
WITH GREAT PRESENCE
OF MIND--
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BROUGHT WITH ME
A SMALL TOMBSTONE
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TO ACT AS AN ANVIL.
( grunts )
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IT HAS RENE'S NAME
ON IT.
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"RENE ARTOIS,
HERO OF THE RESISTANCE."
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MY MASON WAS
GOING ON HOLIDAY.
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WITH THE LIFE HE IS LEADING,
IT COULD BE NEEDED
ANY DAY.
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- MONSIEUR RENE?
- HMM?
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( clears throat )
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MAY I TROUBLE YOU
TO HOLD IN PLACE
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THE CHISEL?
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( hacking coughing )
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I SHOULD TAKE YOUR WATCH OFF
IF I WERE YOU.
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- HE DOESN'T LOOK
VERY STEADY.
- ( coughs )
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IT'S ALL RIGHT,
IT'S SHOCKPROOF.
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HERE GOES.
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( coughs )
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( groans feebly,
coughs )
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- ( groans, coughs )
- WHAT IS HAPPENING?
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- NOTHING.
- ( clangs )
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- JAPANESE RUBBISH.
- NOW LOOK HERE,
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WE HAVE TO GET OUT
OF THESE THINGS
STRAIGHTAWAY
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OR WE'RE ALL
FOR THE HIGH JUMP.
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- I WILL SHOOT IT OFF.
- YOU WILL MISS.
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I WILL NOT MISS,
I AM A MARKSMAN.
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YOU?! YOU ARE
A TERRIBLE SHOT.
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- I WILL DO IT.
- NO, YOU WILL NOT
DO IT!
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GIRLS, STOP IT.
CAN YOU NOT SEE WE ARE
IN A RIGHT PICKLE?
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YOU COULD
OF COURSE LIE DOWN
ON THE RAILWAY TRACKS.
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THE PARIS EXPRESS
IS DUE IN 27 MINUTES.
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ONE OF US
WOULD HAVE TO LIE
UNDER THE TRAIN.
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IT WOULD ONLY TAKE
FOUR TRAINS.
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WE WOULD BE FREE
BY FRIDAY.
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I HAVE IT-- AGENT CRABTREE
WILL HAVE THE KEYS
TO THE HANDCUFFS
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- AT THE POLICE STATION.
- HOW DO WE GET TO THE POLICE
STATION LIKE THIS?!
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WE MUST LEAVE YOU.
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WE HAVE TO COLLECT
THE BODY OF A DEAD PARROT
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TO GO TO THE PET CEMETERY.
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OH, RENE, I DO NOT
WANT TO LEAVE YOU
LIKE THIS.
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- ( quivering whimper )
- Edith: NONSENSE.
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GO AND OPEN THE CAFE!
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GOOD LUCK, ALL OF YOU,
AND I WILL SEE YOU
BACK IN NOUVION.
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( groans, grunts )
GEE UP.
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OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE
WE GOING TO DO NOW?
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LOOK,
THE WORKMAN'S HUT.
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- WHAT GOOD IS THAT?
- I WILL SHOW YOU.
COME.
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I SAY,
WHAT'S GOING ON?
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OBVIOUSLY
THEY ARE IN A BLUE FUNK
ABOUT SOMETHING.
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I KNOW--
WE'RE GOING
CAMPING.
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Edith: LIFT.
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BY THE LEFT,
QUICK MARCH.
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ONE TWO, ONE TWO,
ONE TWO...
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YOU LOOK
VERY DOWNCAST,
HERR FLICK.
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THAT IS BECAUSE
I AM DOWNCAST.
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I HAVE BEEN PLAGUED
BY DISASTER.
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I HAVE HAD ONE
STAFF CAR BLOWN UP,
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ONE STAFF CAR FLATTENED
BY A STEAMROLLER,
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00:04:24,547 --> 00:04:27,781
I WAS ALL BUT DEMOLISHED
BY AN EXPLODING NOSE,
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I HAVE BEEN ARRESTED TWICE
BY VON KLINKERHOFFEN
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AND HELGA HAS JILTED ME
FOR A WOP!
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WHEN MY GODFATHER,
HEINRICH HIMMLER,
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HEARS THAT I HAVE FAILED
TO INTERROGATE THE AIRMEN,
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I FEAR MY EMPLOYMENT
WITH THE GESTAPO
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- MAY BE TERMINATED.
- WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO?
85
00:04:47,502 --> 00:04:49,570
I MUST BE
PREPARED TO FLY.
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00:04:49,572 --> 00:04:52,439
TO THIS END,
I MUST OBTAIN CASH
IN EXCHANGE
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FOR THE PORTRAIT
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
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WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN CLOMP.
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I-- I HAVE LOST
THE THREAD.
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00:05:00,483 --> 00:05:02,250
WHERE IS IT NOW?
91
00:05:02,252 --> 00:05:05,519
IT IS HANGING
IN THE LARDER OF THE CAFE
OF RENE ARTOIS
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IN A KNOCKWURST SAUSAGE.
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00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:09,723
IT MUST BE SOLD.
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YOU, VON SMALLHAUSEN,
MIX WITH LOWLIFE
IN THE DISTRICT.
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- FIND ME A FENCE.
- I WILL TRY, HERR FLICK.
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BE MY FRIEND
IN THIS MATTER
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AND YOU WILL NOT
GO UNREWARDED.
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YOU CAN RELY
ON ME...
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OTTO.
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MY FRIENDS
CALL ME HERR FLICK!
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ONLY BOSOM PALS
CALL ME OTTO.
102
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AND YOUR BOSOM PAL HAS
GONE OFF WITH AN ITAI.
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DON'T REMIND ME
OF THAT!
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( knocks )
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- WELL, WHAT'S THE NEWS?
- THE NEWS IS GOOD,
COLONEL.
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THE AIRMEN HAVE GONE.
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FRENCHMEN DISGUISED
AS GERMAN MILITARY PERSONNEL
REMOVED THEM.
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- DID BERTORELLI SEE?
- NO, COLONEL,
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I DISTRACTED HIM
BY TAKING OFF MOST
OF MY CLOTHES
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AND DANCING
WITH HIM THE TANGO
IN MY UNDERWEAR.
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DO YOU MEAN
THE BLACK UNDERWEAR
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WITH THE LITTLE
SWASTIKAS ROUND THE EDGES?
113
00:06:05,481 --> 00:06:09,516
- HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?
- WORD GETS AROUND.
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00:06:09,518 --> 00:06:13,321
AND IN THE DOOR
OF YOUR LUXURIOUS ROOM
IN THE CHATEAU
115
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IS AN ABNORMALLY
LARGE KEYHOLE.
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IT SEEMS TO ME THAT
WHEN THE GENERAL
FINDS OUT
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THAT THE BRITISH AIRMEN
HAVE GONE,
118
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BLAME MAY FALL
UPON US.
119
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I THINK IT IS TIME
WE CASHED IN OUR ASSETS.
120
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I NEARLY CASHED IN MINE
THIS AFTERNOON.
121
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WHAT HAD YOU IN MIND,
COLONEL?
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WE SHOULD SELL THE PORTRAIT
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
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WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN CLOMP
FOR CASH.
124
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THEN IF ANYTHING HAPPENS,
WE'RE MOBILE.
125
00:06:37,646 --> 00:06:41,582
WHERE WILL WE SELL IT?
IT WAS, AFTER ALL,
STOLEN FROM THE CHATEAU.
126
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GRUBER, YOU DEAL
WITH RENE OFTEN.
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HE SEEMS TO BE IN TOUCH
WITH ALL THE VILLAINS
IN THE AREA.
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SEE IF HE KNOWS
OF A CROOKED FENCE.
129
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YES, COLONEL.
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WHERE IS THE PAINTING
AT THE MOMENT?
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HERE IT IS,
132
00:06:57,867 --> 00:06:59,933
AND HERE IS
OUR FUTURE!
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00:06:59,935 --> 00:07:04,538
WHEN THE RUBBISH HITS THE FAN,
WE'LL DIVIDE IT THREE WAYS.
134
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FOUR WAYS.
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00:07:07,476 --> 00:07:11,345
YOUR DOOR ALSO HAVE
THE BIG KEYHOLE.
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EDITH, EDITH.
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OH-OH!
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WILL NOBODY HEAR
THE CRIES
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OF AN OLD WOMA-AAAAN?
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HERE, MADAME FANNY,
I HAVE FOR YOU SOME
ONION SOUP.
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OH-OH, WHY AM I LEFT
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FOR HOURS AND HOURS
143
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WITHOUT FOOD AND GIN?
144
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WE HAVE ALL BEEN
AWAY TRYING TO RESCUE
THE BRITISH AIRMEN
145
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- FROM THE GERMANS.
- OH, THE GERMANS!
146
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I HATE THEM!
( spits )
147
00:07:44,580 --> 00:07:46,547
OH!
148
00:07:47,682 --> 00:07:51,352
I HAVE MY GRANDFATHER'S
DUELING PISTOL
149
00:07:51,354 --> 00:07:53,054
UNDER MY PILLOW.
150
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,889
AND THE NEXT GERMAN I SEE,
I WILL SHOOT.
151
00:07:55,891 --> 00:08:00,061
NOW NOW,
MADAME FANNY,
EAT UP YOUR SOUP.
152
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,563
- ( moans )
- OH, IT WAS
VERY EXCITING.
153
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,798
AND WE MANAGED
TO RESCUE THE AIRMEN.
154
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,601
OH, ARE THEY
BACK IN ENGLAND?
155
00:08:07,603 --> 00:08:10,171
- NO, THEY ARE
BACK IN THE CELLAR.
- OH.
156
00:08:10,173 --> 00:08:13,740
RENE AND MADAME EDITH
HAVE JUST OPENED UP
THE CAFE AGAIN.
157
00:08:13,742 --> 00:08:16,677
BUT WHERE IS ERNEST,
158
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MY FIANCE?
159
00:08:18,881 --> 00:08:22,649
OH, YOU WILL BE PROUD
OF HIM-- HE DROVE
THE GETAWAY CAR.
160
00:08:22,651 --> 00:08:25,519
- OH!
- UNFORTUNATELY, HIS BRAKES
FAILED AND HE WENT
161
00:08:25,521 --> 00:08:27,521
THROUGH THE WINDOW
OF THE PAWNBROKER'S
162
00:08:27,523 --> 00:08:29,690
- AND WE HAVE NOT
SEEN HIM SINCE.
- OH.
163
00:08:29,692 --> 00:08:33,094
HEY-YYY, FANNY.
164
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:35,796
- A CURSED GERMAN.
- ( gasps )
165
00:08:35,798 --> 00:08:38,532
( Yvette screams )
166
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,674
( glass clatters )
167
00:08:47,676 --> 00:08:50,277
- RENE, YOUR HAND
IS STILL SHAKING!
- OH.
168
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:52,713
IT IS NOT USUAL
FOR YOU TO DRINK
AT THIS HOUR OF THE DAY.
169
00:08:52,715 --> 00:08:54,448
OH, I AM
SHATTERED, EDITH!
170
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:57,151
I DO NOT HAVE THE STOMACH
FOR THIS KIND OF THING,
YOU KNOW.
171
00:08:57,153 --> 00:09:00,154
WHATEVER HAPPENS,
YOU MUST SHOW NO SIGN
OF NERVES.
172
00:09:00,156 --> 00:09:04,158
- WHAT IF SOMEBODY
SAW US AND RECOGNIZED US?
- GET HOLD OF YOURSELF!
173
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:07,294
- HERR FLICK
OF THE GESTAPO.
- ( both scream )
174
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,268
OH, GOOD EVENING,
HERR FLICK.
175
00:09:14,270 --> 00:09:16,137
( falters )
DO YOU WISH A TABLE?
176
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,705
I CAN THROW SOME PEASANTS
OUT INTO THE STREET.
177
00:09:18,707 --> 00:09:21,808
- A CIGAR, A FREE DRINK?
- OH, SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
178
00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:23,644
SHUT UP.
179
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,847
YOU HAVE
SECRETED IN YOUR LARDER
A KNOCKWURST SAUSAGE
180
00:09:26,849 --> 00:09:29,916
CONTAINING THE PORTRAIT
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
BY VAN CLOMP.
181
00:09:29,918 --> 00:09:32,886
THE ONE WITH
THE BIG BOOBIES.
182
00:09:32,888 --> 00:09:36,223
OH, THAT ONE.
YES YES, I WAS SAVING IT
FOR YOU UNTIL AFTER THE WAR.
183
00:09:36,225 --> 00:09:38,992
- I REQUIRE IT NOW.
- YES, OF COURSE,
HERR FLICK--
184
00:09:38,994 --> 00:09:41,962
AT ONCE.
MIMI, MIMI, EH--
RUN DOWN INTO THE CELLAR
185
00:09:41,964 --> 00:09:45,299
AND GET
FOR THIS NICE GESTAPO
OFFICER HIS SAUSAGE.
186
00:09:45,301 --> 00:09:47,301
IT WILL NOT BE A MOMENT,
HERR FLICK.
187
00:09:47,303 --> 00:09:50,471
I WILL NOT TAKE IT WITH ME.
I DO NOT WISH TO BE
SEEN IN PUBLIC
188
00:09:50,473 --> 00:09:52,973
WITH KNOCKWURST SAUSAGE.
189
00:09:52,975 --> 00:09:55,909
YOU WILL
BRING IT TO ME TONIGHT
AT MY SECRET HEADQUARTERS.
190
00:09:55,911 --> 00:09:58,979
32 RUE DE GASGOINE--
191
00:10:01,983 --> 00:10:04,785
MY FORMERLY SECRET
HEADQUARTERS.
192
00:10:10,158 --> 00:10:13,460
YOU PEASANTS MAY ALL
START CHATTERING AGAIN.
I AM LEAVING.
193
00:10:14,762 --> 00:10:19,066
YOU CANNOT
BEAT THE GESTAPO
AS PARTY POOPERS.
194
00:10:26,575 --> 00:10:28,509
RENE, I DO NOT KNOW
WHICH ONE IT IS.
195
00:10:28,511 --> 00:10:30,744
IT HAS A LITTLE
SWASTIKA ON IT.
196
00:10:30,746 --> 00:10:32,646
OH, I HID IT
IN A DRAWER
197
00:10:32,648 --> 00:10:34,582
SO IT WOULD NOT BE
CONSUMED BY ACCIDENT.
198
00:10:36,451 --> 00:10:40,020
( gasps )
THE MICE HAVE
EATEN IT!
199
00:10:41,289 --> 00:10:43,090
THEY HAVE MADE
A NEST IN THE PORTRAIT
200
00:10:43,092 --> 00:10:46,059
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN CLOMP!
201
00:10:47,095 --> 00:10:49,763
YOU STUPID WOMAN!
202
00:10:49,765 --> 00:10:53,166
IF YOU HAD LEFT THIS HANGING
THIS WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED.
203
00:10:53,168 --> 00:10:58,004
OH, RENE, I AM SORRY.
I HAVE FAILED YOU
AGAIN.
204
00:10:58,006 --> 00:11:01,108
I WILL BEAT MYSELF
WITH THIS SPAGHETTI.
205
00:11:02,444 --> 00:11:05,812
- EDITH.
- ( screams )
206
00:11:05,814 --> 00:11:07,781
FOR GOD'S SAKE.
207
00:11:09,651 --> 00:11:12,253
SIX WEEKS AS A TRAINEE NUN
REALLY GOT TO YOU,
208
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,421
DID IT NOT?
209
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:18,726
- WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
- I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS
GUNG-HO EXISTENCE.
210
00:11:18,728 --> 00:11:20,961
MY NERVES HAVE
GONE COMPLETELY.
211
00:11:20,963 --> 00:11:22,996
I STILL HAVE TWO BARS
OF THE GENERAL'S GOLD
212
00:11:22,998 --> 00:11:24,998
THAT WE STOLE
FROM THE POLICE STATION.
213
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,167
I NEVER FOUND OUT
WHERE YOU HID IT.
214
00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:30,304
I MELTED IT DOWN.
IT IS NOW THE WEIGHT
ON THE CUCKOO CLOCK.
215
00:11:30,306 --> 00:11:32,640
WHEN THE CAFE
CLOSES TONIGHT,
WE WILL CREEP OFF
216
00:11:32,642 --> 00:11:35,743
AND HEAD FOR THE COAST.
WE WILL FIND A BOAT
AND ROW TO ENGLAND.
217
00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:38,044
BUT MY MOTHER
DOES NOT LIKE THE SEA.
218
00:11:38,046 --> 00:11:41,615
- WE WILL NOT BE TAKING HER.
- I CANNOT LEAVE MY MOTHER
BEHIND.
219
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:43,784
- YOU COME UP
WITH A BETTER PLAN.
- WELL--
220
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,186
RENE, LIEUTENANT GRUBER
WANTS YOU IN THE BAR.
221
00:11:46,188 --> 00:11:48,221
- HE SAYS THAT IT IS URGENT.
- ( Rene grumbles )
222
00:11:48,223 --> 00:11:49,890
I MUST COMPOSE MYSELF.
223
00:11:49,892 --> 00:11:53,226
HE MUST NOT
SUSPECT THAT THIS COULD BE
THE LAST TIME WE MEET.
224
00:11:56,631 --> 00:11:59,500
MADAME EDITH,
I THINK WE SHOULD GO.
225
00:11:59,502 --> 00:12:01,669
MONSIEUR LECLERC CAN
LOOK AFTER YOUR MOTHER
226
00:12:01,671 --> 00:12:04,971
AND I WILL PUT
A SUICIDE PILL
IN THE COCOA OF YVETTE.
227
00:12:04,973 --> 00:12:07,007
WELL, IT WILL MAKE
THE GOLD GO FURTHER.
228
00:12:07,009 --> 00:12:09,242
CERTAINLY NOT!
229
00:12:09,244 --> 00:12:12,979
OH MY CHILD,
WHAT HAS BECOME OF YOU?
MONEY HAS CORRUPTED YOU!
230
00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:14,815
IT WAS JUST AN IDEA.
231
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:17,851
YOU MUST
DRIVE SUCH THOUGHTS
RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
232
00:12:19,554 --> 00:12:21,522
( screams )
233
00:12:24,926 --> 00:12:27,561
OH, SORRY TO KEEP YOU,
LIEUTENANT.
234
00:12:27,563 --> 00:12:30,130
I WAS IN THE LARDER.
DO YOU WISH A COGNAC?
235
00:12:30,132 --> 00:12:32,066
- A LARGE ONE.
- AH YES.
236
00:12:32,068 --> 00:12:33,733
I WILL HAVE ONE AS WELL.
( chuckles )
237
00:12:33,735 --> 00:12:36,136
YOU ARE LOOKING
VERY PALE, RENE.
238
00:12:36,138 --> 00:12:38,005
UH, WELL,
I WAS STOCKTAKING.
239
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:41,008
I FOUND I WAS
A SAUSAGE SHORT.
240
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:44,278
AH, GOOD EVENING,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
241
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:47,448
I AM GLAD YOU ARE HERE,
MADAME EDITH.
I NEED YOUR HELP.
242
00:12:47,450 --> 00:12:50,684
YOU BOTH HAVE CONTACTS
WITH THE UNDERWORLD--
243
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:52,652
I NEED
A CROOKED MAN.
244
00:12:56,424 --> 00:12:59,226
WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO WITH HIM?
245
00:13:00,828 --> 00:13:03,530
WHEN GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN FINDS OUT
246
00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:05,532
THAT THE AIRMEN
ARE MISSING,
247
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,501
THINGS MAY GET
A BIT HOT.
248
00:13:07,503 --> 00:13:10,337
WE MUST BE IN A POSITION
TO DEPART HASTILY
249
00:13:10,339 --> 00:13:13,773
TO LISBON, PERHAPS--
OR SOME NEUTRAL COUNTRY.
250
00:13:13,775 --> 00:13:16,443
FOR THIS,
WE NEED MONEY.
251
00:13:16,445 --> 00:13:18,812
WE ARE PREPARED
TO SELL THE PORTRAIT
252
00:13:18,814 --> 00:13:21,482
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN CLOMP
253
00:13:21,484 --> 00:13:23,517
AT A VERY
ADVANTAGEOUS PRICE.
254
00:13:23,519 --> 00:13:26,286
OH, YOU NEED
A BENT FENCE.
255
00:13:26,288 --> 00:13:29,256
YES-- OR UH...
256
00:13:29,258 --> 00:13:32,393
AN ORDINARY FENCE
WOULD SUFFICE.
257
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:33,960
I SEE. WELL,
I'LL DO WHAT I CAN.
258
00:13:33,962 --> 00:13:36,830
BLESS YOU, RENE.
CALL ME AS SOON AS
YOU HAVE NEWS.
259
00:13:38,733 --> 00:13:40,501
LIEUTENANT GRUBER,
260
00:13:40,503 --> 00:13:44,505
IF WE FIND YOU A FENCE,
WOULD THE PAINTING BE
AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY?
261
00:13:44,507 --> 00:13:46,373
IT IS BUT
A TELEPHONE CALL AWAY.
262
00:13:46,375 --> 00:13:48,642
AH, LEAVE IT TO US.
263
00:13:48,644 --> 00:13:50,844
- RENE.
- HUH?
264
00:13:50,846 --> 00:13:53,480
- I HAVE A PLAN.
- HIT ME WITH IT.
265
00:13:53,482 --> 00:13:57,484
WHY DO WE NOT ARRANGE
TO GIVE LIEUTENANT GRUBER
THE GOLD FOR THE PAINTING?
266
00:13:57,486 --> 00:13:59,686
THEN WE CAN GIVE
THE PAINTING TO HERR FLICK
267
00:13:59,688 --> 00:14:02,856
AND WE WOULD NOT
HAVE TO LEAVE TOWN
AND GO TO ENGLAND.
268
00:14:02,858 --> 00:14:06,293
THEY SAY
THE FOOD IS TERRIBLE.
269
00:14:06,295 --> 00:14:09,163
YOU COULD BE RIGHT,
BUT WHERE ARE WE GOING
TO FIND
270
00:14:09,165 --> 00:14:10,997
A CROOKED FENCE
THAT WE CAN TRUST?
271
00:14:10,999 --> 00:14:14,334
I THINK I KNOW
SUCH A MAN.
272
00:14:15,370 --> 00:14:17,704
COLONELO, IS RENE
FROM THE CAFE.
273
00:14:17,706 --> 00:14:20,107
HE HAVE-A THE GOOD NEWS.
HE FIND-A THE FENCE.
274
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,942
BRING HIM OVER,
WE MAKE-A THE DEAL.
275
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:25,645
NO, NOT HERE!
TELL HIM WE'LL MEET HIM
AT THE CAFE.
276
00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:29,283
I MAKE-A THE MISTAKE.
TELL HIM WE MEET HIM
AT YOUR PLACE.
277
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:32,319
OKAY.
IS-A FIXED.
278
00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:39,259
( doorbell dings )
279
00:14:39,261 --> 00:14:40,427
GOOD MOANING.
280
00:14:41,963 --> 00:14:44,465
GOOD MOANING.
281
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:47,367
I WANT A TIBLE FOR TWO
BY THE WANDOW.
282
00:14:49,870 --> 00:14:52,839
LOOK, WE ARE VERY BUSY,
AND YOU ARE A VERY
GREAT RISK.
283
00:14:52,841 --> 00:14:57,578
I'M HAVING DINNER
WITH A FEMALE BRITISH
SECRET URGENT.
284
00:14:57,580 --> 00:15:00,447
SHE HAS BEEN DRIPPED
BY PARASHAT.
285
00:15:00,449 --> 00:15:03,049
WELL, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE,
DO NOT BRING HER IN HERE.
286
00:15:03,051 --> 00:15:07,020
WE WERE TROONED TOGETHER
AT THE SCHOOL OF INTOLIGENCE.
287
00:15:07,022 --> 00:15:10,056
- YOU MUST MOOT HER.
- ( sighs )
288
00:15:11,226 --> 00:15:13,594
THIS IS RONNIE ARTOIS.
289
00:15:13,596 --> 00:15:16,430
GOOD MOANING.
290
00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:23,437
DO THEY NOT TEACH
ANY OF YOU TO SPEAK FRENCH?
291
00:15:23,439 --> 00:15:27,441
THEY HAVE A VERY STRANGE
OCCENT IN THIS DUSTRICT.
292
00:15:27,443 --> 00:15:30,277
I EXPECT
THEY ARE POSANTS.
293
00:15:30,279 --> 00:15:33,380
WE WERE TROONED
TO TALK PISH.
294
00:15:34,915 --> 00:15:37,751
- RENE, THE COLONEL IS HERE.
- OH MY GOD, QUICK--
295
00:15:37,753 --> 00:15:39,520
SIT DOWN--
THERE THERE.
296
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,622
AND FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE
KEEP YOUR VOICES LOW.
297
00:15:41,624 --> 00:15:44,691
IF THERE IS ANY TRIBLE,
I HAVE A GIN IN MY BOG.
298
00:15:46,628 --> 00:15:50,130
I AM VERY GLAD TO HEAR IT.
COME IN, COLONEL.
PLEASE, THIS WAY.
299
00:15:50,132 --> 00:15:52,766
OUT OUT, OUT OUT.
SIT OVER HERE,
COLONEL,
300
00:15:52,768 --> 00:15:56,236
AWAY FROM THE WINDOW,
DOWN THERE.
THANK YOU.
301
00:15:56,238 --> 00:15:58,438
- LIEUTENANT--
- HAVE YOU FIXED
THE FENCE?
302
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,207
OH, YES, I HAVE
FIXED THE FENCE, YES.
303
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:03,477
THE DUCKS WILL
NOT ESCAPE AGAIN.
304
00:16:03,479 --> 00:16:07,247
- WHAT IS HE TALK ABOUT, EH?
- IT IS THE MAN TO BUY
THE PAINTING.
305
00:16:07,249 --> 00:16:09,683
IT IS MOST IMPORTANT
THAT HE DOESN'T
RECOGNIZE ME.
306
00:16:09,685 --> 00:16:12,752
OF COURSE,
LIKE YOU, HE DOES NOT
WISH TO BE RECOGNIZED EITHER.
307
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:15,922
THE MEETING WILL TAKE
PLACE IN THE BACKROOM.
308
00:16:15,924 --> 00:16:17,891
HE WILL BE WEARING
ON HIS HEAD A PAPER BAG.
309
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,859
HMM, IN THAT CASE,
310
00:16:19,861 --> 00:16:21,861
I TOO WILL WEAR
A PAPER BAG.
311
00:16:21,863 --> 00:16:24,464
YES, I HAVE ONE HERE
FOR YOU ALREADY.
312
00:16:24,466 --> 00:16:27,568
HERE,
HANG ABOUT A MINUTE
AND HOLD EVERYTHING.
313
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:30,904
YOU IN THE BACKROOM
WITH THE PAINTING
AND THE MONEY,
314
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:34,040
WHILE WE SIT HERE
LIKE-A THE LEMONS?
315
00:16:34,042 --> 00:16:36,810
HOW WE KNOW YOU NOT
SCARPER THROUGH
THE BACK WINDOW?
316
00:16:36,812 --> 00:16:40,614
HOW DARE YOU
IMPUGN THE HONOR
OF A GERMAN OFFICER?!
317
00:16:40,616 --> 00:16:42,982
HOW MANY OF YOU THINK
I WOULD DO A THING
LIKE THIS?
318
00:16:46,454 --> 00:16:49,590
EDITH, THREE MORE
PAPER BAGS, EH?
319
00:16:56,264 --> 00:16:59,766
- YEAH HA HA.
- ( Fanny sobs )
320
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:04,238
ERNEST, MY FIANCE.
321
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,807
DEAR FANNY,
I HAVE COME TO STUFF
YOUR MATTRESS.
322
00:17:11,078 --> 00:17:13,580
COULD YOU
SAY THAT AGAIN?
323
00:17:13,582 --> 00:17:16,182
I HAVE COME TO STUFF
YOUR MATTRESS.
324
00:17:16,184 --> 00:17:20,019
OH, THAT WAS WHAT
I THOUGHT YOU SAID.
325
00:17:20,021 --> 00:17:23,223
FOR THE LAST
FOUR NIGHTS I'VE
BEEN FORGING MONEY.
326
00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:25,158
IT IS FOR
OUR HONEYMOON.
327
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,661
AFTER THAT,
WE CAN RUN AWAY
328
00:17:27,663 --> 00:17:29,663
AND LIVE
IN A LITTLE GARRET
329
00:17:29,665 --> 00:17:33,634
- LOOKING OVER
THE ROOFS OF PARIS.
- ( laughs )
330
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:36,470
WHY DO YOU
NOT FORGE SOME MORE
331
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:39,239
THEN WE CAN GET ONE
WITH A LIFT?
332
00:17:43,043 --> 00:17:44,645
- RENE?
- HUH?
333
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:47,147
- HAVE YOU
THE PAPER BAG?
- OH YES, IT IS HERE.
334
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:50,817
MIMI, GO AND TELL THEM
THE FENCE IS HERE, EH?
335
00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:52,852
THE FENCE IS HERE.
336
00:17:58,526 --> 00:18:01,261
NO NO NO,
CROUCH DOWN
BEHIND THE BAR,
337
00:18:01,263 --> 00:18:03,563
WE DO NOT WANT THE CUSTOMERS
TO SEE YOU.
338
00:18:03,565 --> 00:18:05,365
( whispers )
THEY ARE PREPARED.
339
00:18:05,367 --> 00:18:07,668
- IN YOU GO,
MONSIEUR ALFONSE.
- HUH?
340
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:10,236
NO.
( grumbles )
341
00:18:14,875 --> 00:18:17,010
( whispers )
342
00:18:18,213 --> 00:18:19,613
SIT DOWN.
343
00:18:19,615 --> 00:18:21,582
NO, OVER THERE.
344
00:18:23,585 --> 00:18:27,287
NOW, UH,
THIS IS COLONEL X.
345
00:18:29,991 --> 00:18:32,826
THIS IS CAPTAIN X...
346
00:18:32,828 --> 00:18:35,929
LIEUTENANT X,
347
00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:38,765
- AND PRIVATE X.
- LANCE CORPORAL X.
348
00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:41,735
OH, LANCE CORPORAL X.
349
00:18:41,737 --> 00:18:44,138
AND THIS IS, UM...
350
00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:45,739
X.
351
00:18:51,379 --> 00:18:55,048
WHO IS THE PRINCIPAL
IN THIS MATTER WITH WHOM
I SHOULD NEGOTIATE?
352
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:57,951
THE COLONELO
VON STROHM.
353
00:19:01,822 --> 00:19:05,959
YOU IDIOT!
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
ANONYMOUS, BERTORELLI!
354
00:19:07,728 --> 00:19:11,465
I AM SURE THAT X
WILL WIPE THIS
FROM HIS MIND.
355
00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:14,034
( chuckles )
DO NOT WORRY, MONSIEUR,
356
00:19:14,036 --> 00:19:17,404
WE UNDERTAKERS CAN
BE VERY DISCREET.
DAMN!
357
00:19:19,574 --> 00:19:21,542
WE DID NOT
HEAR THAT.
358
00:19:21,544 --> 00:19:25,212
HE SAY
THE UNDERTAKERS--
THEY ARE VERY DISCREET.
359
00:19:25,214 --> 00:19:27,314
- ( wheezing )
- Gruber: WHAT IS THE MATTER?
360
00:19:27,316 --> 00:19:29,883
IT IS HIS DICKY TICKER.
361
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,656
NOW, UH...
362
00:19:35,658 --> 00:19:38,792
TO BUSINESS--
WE HAVE THE PAINTING.
363
00:19:38,794 --> 00:19:41,562
- WHERE IS THE MONEY?
- HERE IT IS.
364
00:19:41,564 --> 00:19:44,665
( gasps )
IT IS THE WEIGHT
OF A CUCKOO CLOCK.
365
00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:47,201
AH, YES,
BUT IT IS GOLD.
366
00:19:47,203 --> 00:19:48,268
LOOK.
367
00:19:51,239 --> 00:19:54,274
WE NO WANT-A THE GOLD,
WE WANT-A THE MONEY!
368
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:57,077
ON THE OTHER HAND,
369
00:19:57,079 --> 00:20:00,514
FRENCH FRANCS MAY NOT
EASILY BE NEGOTIATED
370
00:20:00,516 --> 00:20:02,449
WHERE WE MAY BE
GOING.
371
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,585
GOLD IS ACCEPTABLE
EVERYWHERE.
372
00:20:04,587 --> 00:20:07,321
YOU'RE QUITE-A CORRECT,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER--
373
00:20:07,323 --> 00:20:08,855
AH, DAMN!
374
00:20:10,491 --> 00:20:14,060
PUT UP YOUR HANDS,
THOSE THAT THINK WE SHOULD
HAVE THE GOLD.
375
00:20:15,996 --> 00:20:19,466
YOU'VE BEEN OUTVOTED, HELGA.
DAMN!
376
00:20:24,472 --> 00:20:27,241
( British accent )
I THINK WE SHOULD
SPEAK ONLY IN FRENCH.
377
00:20:27,243 --> 00:20:30,711
I AGREE-- WE MIGHT
BE OVERHEARD.
378
00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:35,382
Both: CHORRS.
379
00:20:38,653 --> 00:20:41,087
SOOING YOU HERE AGAIN,
380
00:20:41,089 --> 00:20:43,657
IT ALL COMES
BERK TO ME.
381
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:47,160
THAT NIT ON THE BONK
OF THE THAMES...
382
00:20:53,401 --> 00:20:56,436
HAVING A PUCKNICK
IN A PINT...
383
00:20:57,472 --> 00:20:59,939
AND THEN A CUSS
AND A KIDDLE.
384
00:20:59,941 --> 00:21:02,876
CUSS ME AS YOU
CUSSED ME THEN.
385
00:21:04,211 --> 00:21:06,613
PEOPLE ARE LICKING.
386
00:21:07,948 --> 00:21:10,417
THEN HOLD MY HIND.
387
00:21:12,019 --> 00:21:14,421
SQUEEZE IT TITLY.
388
00:21:16,591 --> 00:21:19,058
I THINK IT HAD BETTER
BE ONDER THE TIBLE.
389
00:21:21,962 --> 00:21:25,699
NOW, ONE FOR YOU,
ONE FOR YOU,
390
00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:29,503
- AND ONE FOR YOU.
- HOLD-A A MINUTE.
391
00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:33,173
THIS END-A BIT WHICH I GOT
IS MORE SMALLER THAN
THE OTHER BITS.
392
00:21:33,175 --> 00:21:36,310
- THIS IS MOST
UNSATISFACTORY.
- I AGREE.
393
00:21:36,312 --> 00:21:38,712
WE MUST
EXCHANGE THE GOLD
FOR HARD CASH.
394
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:41,281
- ME, I AGREE.
- I AGREE.
395
00:21:41,283 --> 00:21:44,651
OH, VERY WELL.
GRUBER GET ON TO RENE.
396
00:21:44,653 --> 00:21:47,688
WE NEED ANOTHER FENCE.
397
00:21:47,690 --> 00:21:51,157
NOW I WANT YOU
TO PUT ON YOUR HAT
AND COAT,
398
00:21:51,159 --> 00:21:53,660
AND TAKE THIS PAINTING
TO HERR FLICK OF
THE GESTAPO
399
00:21:53,662 --> 00:21:57,297
AT HIS SECRET
HEADQUARTERS, NUMBER 32
RUE DE GASGOINE, EH?
400
00:21:58,733 --> 00:22:01,635
- IS THIS THE REAL ONE?
- NO, OF COURSE NOT.
401
00:22:01,637 --> 00:22:03,870
IT IS
A SPARE FORGERY
I HAD LYING ABOUT.
402
00:22:03,872 --> 00:22:06,206
OH, QUICK,
SOMEBODY IS COMING.
403
00:22:07,842 --> 00:22:11,378
RENE, I HAVE JUST
BEEN TIDYING THE BED
OF YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW
404
00:22:11,380 --> 00:22:15,482
AND I FOUND 10 BUNDLES
OF MONEY LIKE THIS STUFFED
IN THE MATTRESS.
405
00:22:15,484 --> 00:22:18,452
SHE MUST
HAVE BEEN ROBBING
THE TILL FOR YEARS.
406
00:22:18,454 --> 00:22:22,288
- ( phone rings )
- SHE SAID THAT MONSIEUR
LECLERC DID IT.
407
00:22:22,290 --> 00:22:24,023
OH, IN THAT CASE
IT MUST BE FORGED.
408
00:22:24,025 --> 00:22:26,092
WE MUST NOT LET
HIM SPEND ANY OF IT
IN HERE.
409
00:22:26,094 --> 00:22:29,529
LIEUTENANT GRUBER
IS ON THE TELEPHONE.
HE WISHES TO SPEAK TO YOU, RENE.
410
00:22:29,531 --> 00:22:31,130
OH, HECK.
411
00:22:31,132 --> 00:22:33,834
HELLO?
412
00:22:33,836 --> 00:22:37,237
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- I HAVE TO GO AND DELIVER
THE PAINTING TO HERR FLICK.
413
00:22:37,239 --> 00:22:40,741
HE SHOULD HAVE SENT ME.
I HAVE BEEN HERE
LONGER THAN YOU.
414
00:22:40,743 --> 00:22:43,142
WELL, I AM TOUGHER
THAN YOU.
415
00:22:43,144 --> 00:22:46,946
- OH, YES. WHO SAYS?
- I SAY.
416
00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:48,715
- HUH?
- YOU WANNA TRY ME?
417
00:22:48,717 --> 00:22:53,420
HA HA HA,
I COULD TAKE YOU
WITH ONE FINGER.
418
00:22:53,422 --> 00:22:55,389
- WHICH FINGER?
- THIS ONE.
419
00:22:56,424 --> 00:22:58,057
( screams )
420
00:22:59,761 --> 00:23:03,897
GIRLS, GIRLS,
STOP IT! STOP IT!
421
00:23:03,899 --> 00:23:06,733
MIMI, GET ABOUT YOUR ERRAND.
YVETTE, COMPOSE YOURSELF.
422
00:23:06,735 --> 00:23:08,968
- MIMI, GO!
- OH.
423
00:23:10,505 --> 00:23:12,372
Yvette:
OOH!
424
00:23:14,208 --> 00:23:18,744
OH, RENE, I LOVE IT
WHEN YOU ARE SO MASTERFUL.
425
00:23:18,746 --> 00:23:21,014
IT MAKES ME TINGLE
ALL OVER.
426
00:23:21,016 --> 00:23:23,183
YOU WILL TINGLE
A WHOLE LOT MORE
WHEN I TELL YOU
427
00:23:23,185 --> 00:23:25,986
THAT THE GERMANS WANT
CASH INSTEAD OF THE GOLD
WE GAVE TO THEM.
428
00:23:25,988 --> 00:23:27,820
- OH, NO.
- NEVER MIND.
429
00:23:27,822 --> 00:23:30,423
I HAVE THOUGHT OF A WAY
IN WHICH WE CAN GET
THE GOLD BACK
430
00:23:30,425 --> 00:23:33,593
AND GET RID
OF THIS FORGED MONEY
WITHOUT EDITH KNOWING,
431
00:23:33,595 --> 00:23:35,628
AND WITHOUT ANY RISK
OF DISCOVERY.
432
00:23:35,630 --> 00:23:37,197
MONSIEUR ALFONSE.
433
00:23:37,199 --> 00:23:39,099
NO, ME.
434
00:23:42,336 --> 00:23:45,271
THE PLAN IS
AS FOLLOWS,
COLONEL:
435
00:23:45,273 --> 00:23:48,308
YOU ARE TO GO
TO THE CHURCH
AT MIDNIGHT.
436
00:23:48,310 --> 00:23:51,044
YOU ARE TO GO INTO
THE CONFESSIONAL BOX.
437
00:23:51,046 --> 00:23:55,415
YOU WILL SAY, "FATHER,
I HAVE SINNED."
438
00:23:55,417 --> 00:23:59,119
AND THE PRIEST
WILL SAY, "WHAT IS
YOUR SIN?"
439
00:23:59,121 --> 00:24:02,188
YOU WILL THEN
CONFESS TO SOMETHING
AND SAY THAT YOU WISH
440
00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:04,157
TO GIVE GOLD
TO THE CHURCH.
441
00:24:04,159 --> 00:24:07,494
THE LITTLE TRAPDOOR
WILL OPEN, YOU WILL PUSH
THE GOLD THROUGH,
442
00:24:07,496 --> 00:24:09,896
AND YOU WILL RECEIVE
IN RETURN THE CASH.
443
00:24:09,898 --> 00:24:12,065
AND WE WILL BE
RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
444
00:24:12,067 --> 00:24:15,701
SO YOU NO SCARPER
WITH-A THE DOUGH
THROUGH THE VESTRY.
445
00:24:22,043 --> 00:24:25,011
I'VE LET DOWN THE TIRES
OF THE BICYCLE
OF THE PRIEST.
446
00:24:25,013 --> 00:24:27,047
HE WILL HAVE TO WALK.
HE WILL BE VERY LATE.
447
00:24:27,049 --> 00:24:29,715
- GOOD LUCK.
- ( moans )
448
00:24:30,751 --> 00:24:32,919
( quivering whimper )
449
00:24:32,921 --> 00:24:35,621
BLESS YOU, MY CHILD.
450
00:25:19,833 --> 00:25:23,503
- YES?
- FATHER,
I HAVE SINNED.
451
00:25:28,842 --> 00:25:32,812
( feeble voice )
WHAT IS YOUR SIN,
MY CHILD?
452
00:25:32,814 --> 00:25:37,049
I AM GUILTY OF CRUEL
AND JEALOUS THOUGHTS.
453
00:25:37,051 --> 00:25:40,253
WHAT ARE
THESE THOUGHTS?
454
00:25:40,255 --> 00:25:43,055
I HAVE SUSPECTED
MY HUSBAND OF HAVING
A DING-DONG
455
00:25:43,057 --> 00:25:45,992
WITH ONE
OF OUR WAITRESSES,
IF NOT BOTH.
456
00:25:47,761 --> 00:25:51,164
YOU STUPID WOMAN,
457
00:25:51,166 --> 00:25:54,867
IT IS A MORTAL SIN
TO HAVE SUCH A THOUGHT.
458
00:25:56,103 --> 00:25:58,605
HE IS A FINE MAN.
459
00:25:58,607 --> 00:26:01,007
DO 200 "HAIL MARYS"
460
00:26:01,009 --> 00:26:03,776
AND DO NOT
THINK OF IT AGAIN.
461
00:26:04,811 --> 00:26:06,779
( silent )
462
00:26:17,824 --> 00:26:18,158
OH, UH...
######
463
00:26:19,258 --> 00:26:21,560
I'M SORRY, I, UH,
I WAS JUST PASSING
464
00:26:21,562 --> 00:26:23,828
SO I POPPED IN
FOR A QUICK PRAYER.
465
00:26:23,830 --> 00:26:27,732
- AND I FOUND YOU A CUSTOMER.
- THANK YOU, FATHER.
466
00:26:27,734 --> 00:26:29,701
DEPART IN PEACE.
467
00:26:45,585 --> 00:26:48,520
WAIT FOR ME HERE.
468
00:26:58,831 --> 00:27:02,767
- YES?
- FATHER,
I HAVE SINNED.
469
00:27:02,769 --> 00:27:04,936
TELL ME YOUR SIN.
470
00:27:04,938 --> 00:27:07,171
I'VE BEEN VERY RUDE
ABOUT HITLER.
471
00:27:07,173 --> 00:27:09,841
THIS IS NOT A SIN,
MY SON.
472
00:27:09,843 --> 00:27:12,677
IT IS WHERE I COME FROM.
473
00:27:13,912 --> 00:27:15,980
I WISH TO GIVE
GOLD TO THE CHURCH.
474
00:27:15,982 --> 00:27:17,949
AH!
475
00:27:20,453 --> 00:27:22,554
THIS IS MOST GENEROUS.
476
00:27:22,556 --> 00:27:24,389
( whispers )
WHERE'S THE MONEY?
477
00:27:24,391 --> 00:27:27,892
- WHAT MONEY?
- YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO GIVE ME MONEY.
478
00:27:27,894 --> 00:27:30,562
YOU HAVE THE WRONG IDEA,
MY SON.
479
00:27:30,564 --> 00:27:33,331
WE DO NOT GIVE MONEY,
WE TAKE IT.
480
00:27:33,333 --> 00:27:36,468
SAY THREE "HAIL MARYS"
AND GO IN PEACE.
481
00:27:43,208 --> 00:27:45,977
- WHERE'S THE MONEY?
- I DID NOT GET
ANY MONEY.
482
00:27:45,979 --> 00:27:48,513
- WHAT DID YOU GET?
- I GAVE HIM THE GOLD
483
00:27:48,515 --> 00:27:51,249
AND I GOT THREE
"HAIL MARYS."
484
00:27:51,251 --> 00:27:54,753
AND NO RECEIPT.
485
00:27:54,755 --> 00:27:58,456
WE HAVE BEEN DIDDLED
BY THE CATHOLIC CHURCH!
486
00:27:59,792 --> 00:28:02,226
( theme music playing )