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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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( theme music playing )
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YOU MAY THINK IT STRANGE
THAT I, RENE ARTOIS,
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SHOULD BE BREAKING
INTO MY OWN CAFE
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AT THE DEAD OF NIGHT
DRESSED AS A PRIEST.
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THERE IS, OF COURSE,
A VERY GOOD REASON FOR THIS.
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IN THIS DISGUISE
I INTENDED TO RECEIVE,
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THROUGH THE WINDOW
OF THE CONFESSIONAL BOX,
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A BAR OF GOLD
FROM COLONEL VON STROM.
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IN RETURN I WAS SUPPOSED
TO GIVE HIM THIS BUNDLE
OF FORGED BANK NOTES.
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UNFORTUNATELY,
THE REAL PRIEST
RETURNED UNEXPECTEDLY.
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AND SO ALL I WAS
ABLE TO DO WAS TO HEAR
MY WIFE EDITH CONFESS
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THAT SHE SUSPECTED
ME OF HAVING AFFAIRS
WITH MY WAITRESSES.
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NEEDLESS TO SAY
I ADMONISHED HER SEVERELY
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FOR HAVING
SUCH BASELESS THOUGHTS
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AND SENT HER BACK
WITH A FLEA IN HER EAR
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AND 200 HAIL MARYS.
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- AH!
- OH, RENE.
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IT IS YOU.
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HOLD ME TO YOU.
STOP ME TREMBLING
WITH FEAR.
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OH, RENE, I CAME DOWN
BECAUSE I THOUGHT
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THERE WAS SOMETHING
STIRRING IN THE DARKNESS.
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THERE IS.
IT IS ME.
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- ( sighs )
- THANK HEAVENS
YOU ARE SAFE.
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CRUSH MY FRIGHTENED BODY
IN YOUR ARMS.
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HUG THE FEAR OUT OF ME.
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NOT WHILE I HAVE
THIS HAT ON.
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OH, RENE.
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OH, YVETTE.
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RENE! WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN YOUR UNDERWEAR
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WITH THE SERVANT GIRL
IN HER NIGHTGOWN?!
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YOU STUPID WOMAN!
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I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO JOIN YOU UPSTAIRS
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WHEN I HEARD A PROWLER
AND CAME TO INVESTIGATE.
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DO YOU NOT REALIZE
IT IS A MORTAL SIN
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TO HARBOR
SUCH JEALOUS THOUGHTS?
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OH, YOU ARE RIGHT.
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I AM SO FAR
FROM BEING PERFECT FOR YOU.
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I MUST DRIVE OUT
THIS WICKEDNESS THAT
IS WITHIN ME!
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OUT! OUT,
WICKED THOUGHTS!
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- OUT!
- EDITH, STOP IT!
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THESE ARE 100 FRANCS
A DOZEN.
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DO YOU THINK
I AM MADE OF MONEY?
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NOW TAKE YOUR CANDLE
AND GO OFF TO BED.
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YVETTE AND I WILL
LOCK UP. GO ON.
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OH, RENE,
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YOU ARE SUCH A FINE MAN.
I DO NOT DESERVE YOU.
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GOODNESS SHINES
OUT OF YOUR NOBLE FACE.
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- WILL YOU BE LONG?
- WELL, I WILL JUST
READ A CHAPTER OR TWO
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FROM THE GOOD BOOK
AND THEN I WILL BE WITH YOU.
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OH, THAT WAS
A NARROW SQUEAK.
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OH, LET US TAKE
THE GOLD NOW AND ESCAPE
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- BEFORE OUR LUCK RUNS OUT.
- IT HAS ALREADY RUN OUT.
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I HAD TO LEAVE THE CHURCH
BEFORE THE COLONEL ARRIVED
WITH THE GOLD.
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I STILL HAVE
THIS FORGED MONEY.
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OH NO, WHAT ARE
WE GOING TO DO?
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WELL, HOW LONG DOES IT
TAKE TO READ TWO CHAPTERS?
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- OH RENE.
- OH YVETTE.
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- ( knocks on door )
- OH! OH.
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- WHAT'S HAPPENED?
- I THINK IT IS THE COLONEL.
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Von Strom:
OPEN THE DOOR!
WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!
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( bell dings )
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UP AGAINST THE BAR.
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HANDS UP!
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WE HAVE-A BEEN-A DIDDLED!
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THE COLONEL
HANDED OVER THE GOLD
AND WE GOT NOTHING.
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EXCEPT-A
THE HAIL-A THE MARYS.
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THAT EXPLAINS
EVERYTHING.
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I-I-I HAVE JUST HAD A VISIT
FROM A MAN OF THE CHURCH
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WHO I DO NOT KNOW.
HE GAVE ME THIS MONEY,
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SAYING, "GIVE THESE NOTES
UNTO THE MAN,
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YEA, EVEN UNTO HE WHO GAVE
THE GOLD UNTO THE CHURCH,
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VERILY."
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HE MUST'VE
MEANT YOU, COLONEL.
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RENE, I KNEW YOU
WOULD NOT LET US DOWN.
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WELL, I WAS AS
MYSTIFIED AS YOU,
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- BEING JUST
THE MAN IN BETWEEN.
- ( knocks on door )
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- ( Rene gasps )
- WHO'S THAT?
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WE MUST NOT BE SEEN.
CAN WE USE THE BACK PASSAGE?
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YES, OF COURSE.
TURN RIGHT OUTSIDE
THE BACK DOOR.
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SEE YOU LATER THEN?
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- IT IS THE PRIEST.
- OH, HECK.
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- ( bell dings )
- MY SON, I HAVE GOOD NEWS.
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THIS NIGHT, THIS GOLD
WAS HANDED UNTO ME.
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I WISH IT TO GO
TO THE RESISTANCE,
WHO I DO NOT KNOW.
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WELL, I DO NOT
KNOW THEM EITHER!
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BUT I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW
SOMEONE WHO DOES KNOW THEM.
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TAKE IT AND GO
IN PEACE, MY SON.
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AND TRY TO KEEP
YOUR HANDS OFF
THE SERVANTS.
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I HAVE NOT CONFESSED
ANYTHING. HAVE YOU?
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WELL, JUST A LITTLE BIT,
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YOU KNOW, TO STOP HIM
FALLING ASLEEP.
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OH, RENE, NOW THAT
WE HAVE THE GOLD,
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LET US ESCAPE
TOGETHER NOW.
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YVETTE, A SACRED TRUST
HAS BEEN HANDED UNTO ME.
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BESIDES, THE LAST BUS
WENT FOUR HOURS AGO.
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- Edith: RENE!
- UH, COMING, DEAR!
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( clears throat )
♪ ALL THINGS BRIGHT
AND BEAUTIFUL ♪
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♪ ALL CREATURES
GREAT AND SMALL... ♪
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HELGA IS HERE,
HERR FLICK.
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- BRING HER IN.
- BRING HER IN HERE!
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YOU SENT FOR ME,
HERR FLICK?
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YOU WERE AT THE CASTLE
WHEN THE BRITISH AIRMEN
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LEFT WITH THE OFFICERS
FROM BERLIN.
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YES, HERR FLICK.
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THEY WERE IN FACT
ABDUCTED BY THE RESISTANCE.
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AT THE TIME,
YOU WERE SMOOCHING
WITH CAPTAIN BERTORELLI
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WHO WAS IN CHARGE
OF THE GUARD.
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NOBODY NOTICED EXCEPT YOU.
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PRECISELY.
I COULD KEEP QUIET,
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PROVIDING YOU PROMISE NOT
TO SMOOCH WITH HIM AGAIN.
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- I DID IT ONLY
TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS.
- YOU SUCCEEDED.
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HE CAME BACK HERE
AND HE JUMPED UP AND DOWN
ON HIS GESTAPO HAT!
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SILENCE, VON SMALLHAUSEN!
GO TO YOUR CUPBOARD.
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HELGA, WE LIVE
IN DANGEROUS TIMES.
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WE KNOW NOT
WHAT FATE HAS IN STORE.
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ONE DAY THE GESTAPO
MAY BECOME UNPOPULAR.
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- SURELY NOT.
- TO SAFEGUARD AGAINST THIS,
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I HAVE DECIDED
TO SELL THE PORTRAIT
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
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WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN CLOMP FOR HARD CASH
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IN CASE WE HAVE
TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT.
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VON SMALLHAUSEN IS
MAKING AN EFFORT
TO FIND A FENCE.
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YOU, BEING A LANCE CORPORAL
AND MIXING WITH LOWLY
AND INFERIOR PEOPLE,
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MAY BE ABLE
TO BE OF ASSISTANCE.
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I WILL DO
MY INSIGNIFICANT BEST
TO HELP YOU, HERR FLICK.
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- GOOD. YOU MAY KISS ME.
- LIKE WE DID IN THE OLD DAYS?
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IF YOU INSIST.
TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.
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THAT IS SUFFICIENT.
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I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
AT THE HAIRDRESSER'S.
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IT CAN WAIT.
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RENE, MICHELLE WANTS YOU
IN THE BACKROOM.
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OH HECK, WILL SHE
NEVER LEAVE US IN PEACE?
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YVETTE, EDITH,
BACKROOM, COME ON.
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NOW LOOK, MICHELLE,
EVERY SCHEME YOU HAVE
EVER COME UP WITH
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HAS BEEN SCREWED UP.
I REFUSE TO HIDE THE AIRMEN
ANY LONGER.
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I AM GOING TO
HAND THEM OVER
TO THE GERMANS.
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THERE WILL BE NO NEED.
WE HAVE A BOLD PLAN
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TO GET THEM
BACK TO ENGLAND
WHICH CANNOT FAIL.
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EH, I HAVE HEARD
THAT BEFORE.
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THIS MUST BE
A MOST UNUSUAL PLAN.
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LOOK, DO NOT GET
SARCASTIC WITH ME.
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YOU COME AND RUN
THE RESISTANCE AND I WILL
STAY IN THE CAFE
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AND SING...
OFF THE NOTE.
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HOW DARE YOU!?
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00:07:48,758 --> 00:07:53,260
LADIES, LADIES, PLEASE.
THE STRAIN OF THE WAR HAS
SHREDDED OUR NERVES.
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LET US HEAR THE PLAN.
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WE HAVE CAPTURED
A BRAND-NEW BARRAGE BALLOON.
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00:07:58,401 --> 00:08:00,234
WHEN THERE IS
A FAVORABLE WIND,
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IT WILL BE
INFLATED AT NIGHT
BEHIND YOUR CAFE.
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00:08:03,272 --> 00:08:06,807
IT WILL CARRY
THE AIRMEN TO ENGLAND.
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00:08:06,809 --> 00:08:09,744
A SPITFIRE
WILL THEN SHOOT IN IT
A FEW SMALL HOLES
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00:08:09,746 --> 00:08:13,681
AND IT WILL DESCEND
GENTLY TO EARTH.
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IT IS A DARING PLAN.
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JUST A MINUTE.
DO YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND
THE GERMANS WILL NOT NOTICE
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A DAMN GREAT BARRAGE BALLOON
IN MY BACK GARDEN?
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THAT IS THE CLEVER BIT.
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IT WILL BE DELIVERED
WITH A MARQUEE
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WHICH WILL BE ERECTED
IN YOUR GARDEN.
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FOR WHAT PURPOSE?
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00:08:29,666 --> 00:08:32,066
FOR THE WEDDING
OF MADAME FANNY
TO MONSIEUR LECLERC.
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00:08:32,068 --> 00:08:34,401
BUT THEIR WEDDING
IS NOT FOR SIX WEEKS.
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00:08:34,403 --> 00:08:37,204
WHAT EXCUSE DO WE HAVE
FOR MAKING IT SO SOON?
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00:08:37,206 --> 00:08:40,775
YOU WILL TELL
THE VILLAGERS THAT IT IS
TO BE A SHOTGUN WEDDING.
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THEY WILL CERTAINLY
BE THE OLDEST COUPLE
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IN NOUVION
TO HAVE ONE OF THOSE.
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00:08:48,217 --> 00:08:51,418
BUT WILL NOT
THE BALLOON EXPLODE
IF IT IS SHOT DOWN?
166
00:08:51,420 --> 00:08:54,922
WE HAVE THOUGHT
OF THIS. IT IS TO BE
FILLED WITH HELIUM.
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00:08:54,924 --> 00:08:58,392
THIS IS A RARE GAS.
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET IT?
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00:08:58,394 --> 00:09:01,528
THERE IS STILL SOME
IN AN OLD AIRSHIP FACTORY.
169
00:09:01,530 --> 00:09:03,598
IT IS HIDDEN
IN SMALL CANISTERS
170
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,633
WHICH WILL BE
DELIVERED TO YOU
171
00:09:05,635 --> 00:09:08,569
DISGUISED AS PRIZE-WINNING
VEGETABLE MARROWS.
172
00:09:09,838 --> 00:09:13,608
BUT ARE THEY NOT
OUT OF SEASON AT
THIS TIME OF YEAR?
173
00:09:13,610 --> 00:09:15,576
THEY ARE FROM ALGERIA.
174
00:09:16,845 --> 00:09:19,013
THEY WILL BE
DELIVERED TO YOU
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00:09:19,015 --> 00:09:23,183
BY A MAN DISGUISED AS
AN ALGERIAN PRIZE-WINNING
VEGETABLE MARROW SALESMAN.
176
00:09:25,921 --> 00:09:29,056
AN EVERYDAY SIGHTING
IN NOUVION, OF COURSE.
177
00:09:29,058 --> 00:09:32,192
OH, THE RESISTANCE HAVE
FIXED IT FOR FRIDAY.
178
00:09:32,194 --> 00:09:34,662
MY MOTHER
WILL NOT LIKE IT.
179
00:09:34,664 --> 00:09:36,797
I DO NOT LIKE IT.
180
00:09:38,267 --> 00:09:40,968
BUT YOU WILL BE DOING IT
FOR FRANCE, MAMA.
181
00:09:40,970 --> 00:09:44,071
AND YOU CAN HAVE
A LOVELY RECEPTION
IN THE MARQUEE.
182
00:09:44,073 --> 00:09:47,341
I AM NOT WELL ENOUGH.
183
00:09:47,343 --> 00:09:49,543
IS IT YOUR
BAD LEG, MAMA?
184
00:09:49,545 --> 00:09:53,080
NO NO NO NO,
MY BAD LEG IS GOOD
AT THE MOMENT.
185
00:09:53,082 --> 00:09:56,984
EVERYTHING ELSE
HAS PACKED UP.
186
00:09:58,820 --> 00:10:03,157
THE DOCTOR HAS
ORDERED THAT I SPEND
FOUR WEEKS IN BED
187
00:10:03,159 --> 00:10:07,662
BEFORE ATTEMPTING
THAT JOURNEY UP THE AISLE.
188
00:10:07,664 --> 00:10:10,364
WE CANNOT CHANGE
THE PLANS, MAMA.
189
00:10:10,366 --> 00:10:13,601
SOMEHOW THE GOOD LORD
WILL GET YOU TO
THE CHURCH.
190
00:10:13,603 --> 00:10:16,870
WELL, I SUPPOSE
IF HE WANTS ME THERE,
191
00:10:16,872 --> 00:10:18,806
HE WILL FIX IT.
192
00:10:18,808 --> 00:10:22,476
HAS HE ARRANGED A CAR?
193
00:10:22,478 --> 00:10:24,378
THERE IS
NO PETROL, MAMA.
194
00:10:26,648 --> 00:10:31,018
OH, BUT I AM SURE
MONSIEUR ALFONSE WILL
TAKE YOU IN HIS HEARSE.
195
00:10:31,020 --> 00:10:32,720
HEARSE?
196
00:10:34,489 --> 00:10:37,257
OVER MY DEAD BODY.
197
00:10:43,064 --> 00:10:45,199
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
IS OUTSIDE.
198
00:10:45,201 --> 00:10:46,900
HE'S IN A STEAMING RAGE.
199
00:10:46,902 --> 00:10:49,269
KEEP CALM,
EVERYBODY.
200
00:10:49,271 --> 00:10:51,972
KEEP CALM.
REMEMBER, WE KNOW NOTHING.
201
00:10:53,675 --> 00:10:56,210
( shouts )
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!
202
00:10:56,212 --> 00:10:58,779
( shouts )
IN A STEAMING RAGE!
203
00:10:59,914 --> 00:11:02,149
- HEIL HITLER!
- HEIL NOTHING!
204
00:11:02,151 --> 00:11:04,618
WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON
IN MY ABSENCE?
205
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,887
I TURN MY BACK
FOR 24 HOURS
206
00:11:06,889 --> 00:11:08,889
AND YOU ALLOW
THE RESISTANCE TO CAPTURE
207
00:11:08,891 --> 00:11:11,325
HIGH-RANKING OFFICERS
FROM BERLIN!
208
00:11:11,327 --> 00:11:15,963
AND, WEARING THEIR UNIFORMS,
THESE TERRORISTS THEN
INFILTRATE MY CHATEAU
209
00:11:15,965 --> 00:11:19,567
AND SPIRIT THE AIRMEN AWAY!
WHO WAS THE DUTY OFFICER?
210
00:11:19,569 --> 00:11:21,569
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI.
211
00:11:21,571 --> 00:11:24,972
YOU!
YOU ARE THE SNITCH!
212
00:11:24,974 --> 00:11:27,842
WHEN MY FIELD MARSHALL HAS
SPOKEN TO HIS FIELD MARSHALL
213
00:11:27,844 --> 00:11:29,610
HE WILL BE
LIEUTENANT BERTORELLI.
214
00:11:29,612 --> 00:11:32,145
AND WHY WAS
THIS CHICKEN-FEATHERED WOP
215
00:11:32,147 --> 00:11:34,482
NOT ATTENDING
TO HIS DUTIES CORRECTLY?
216
00:11:34,484 --> 00:11:36,149
HE WAS CANOODLING...
217
00:11:36,151 --> 00:11:39,052
WITH LANCE CORPORAL
HELGA GEERHEART.
218
00:11:40,221 --> 00:11:42,523
PRIVATE HELGA GEERHEART.
219
00:11:43,692 --> 00:11:47,561
FOR THIS, THE WHOLE TOWN
WILL BE TAUGHT A LESSON.
220
00:11:47,563 --> 00:11:49,997
YOU WILL PLACE CHARGES
OF HIGH EXPLOSIVES
221
00:11:49,999 --> 00:11:52,132
IN KEY POSITIONS
IN THE TOWN.
222
00:11:52,134 --> 00:11:55,102
IF THE AIRMEN ARE
NOT RETURNED IN 48 HOURS,
223
00:11:55,104 --> 00:11:58,238
I PERSONALLY
WILL DEPRESS THE PLUNGER
224
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,674
AND NOUVION
WILL BE NO MORE.
225
00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:02,710
LET POSTERS
BE PLACED TO THIS EFFECT.
226
00:12:02,712 --> 00:12:06,914
- LET IT BE DONE!
- DO WE PLACE EXPLOSIVES
IN THE CHATEAU?
227
00:12:06,916 --> 00:12:09,483
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!
I LIVE THERE!
228
00:12:10,519 --> 00:12:13,621
( sobs )
229
00:12:14,656 --> 00:12:16,290
- RENE?
- MMM?
230
00:12:16,292 --> 00:12:18,258
SHE HAS TAKEN
THE GIN AND THE SOUP,
231
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:20,294
BUT SHE IS NOT WELL.
232
00:12:20,296 --> 00:12:22,963
THE DOCTOR HAS DIAGNOSED
THE COLLYWOBBLES.
233
00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:25,833
HE HAS ADVISED HER
AGAINST GOING
INTO A DRAFTY CHURCH.
234
00:12:25,835 --> 00:12:28,636
I WISH HE HAD SAID
THE SAME THING TO ME.
235
00:12:29,905 --> 00:12:31,872
- ( bell dings )
- GOOD MOANING.
236
00:12:33,207 --> 00:12:34,909
GOOD "MOANING."
237
00:12:36,344 --> 00:12:38,946
HAVE YOU
HOD THE NOSE?
238
00:12:40,048 --> 00:12:41,916
WHAT NOSE?
239
00:12:41,918 --> 00:12:45,152
THE GERMANS HAVE
PUT UP THESE PISTERS.
240
00:12:48,056 --> 00:12:51,191
THEY ARE PLACING MOANS
ALL OVER THE TOWN.
241
00:12:51,193 --> 00:12:55,496
- "MOANS"?
- HE MEANS "MINES."
242
00:12:55,498 --> 00:12:57,498
IF THE EARMAN
ARE NOT RETURNED,
243
00:12:57,500 --> 00:13:00,300
THEN THE WHOLE OF NOUVION
WILL GO OFF WITH A BONG.
244
00:13:00,302 --> 00:13:02,470
THEY WOULD NOT
DO THAT.
245
00:13:02,472 --> 00:13:05,439
THAT SETTLES IT.
WE HAND THE AIRMEN
BACK TO THE GERMANS.
246
00:13:05,441 --> 00:13:08,609
- YOU WOULD NOT DEE THIS.
- ARE YOU A MIN OR A MOOSE?
247
00:13:10,779 --> 00:13:13,514
SHE MEANS
"A MAN OR A MOUSE."
248
00:13:13,516 --> 00:13:16,249
ALL THE SAME,
THE SOONER THEY GET
TO ENGLAND, THE BETTER.
249
00:13:16,251 --> 00:13:20,387
THE FEARCAST FOR THE WITHER
IS GID FOR THE NEXT
THREE DOOS.
250
00:13:20,389 --> 00:13:22,255
DOES THIS MEAN
THAT THEY CAN GO?
251
00:13:22,257 --> 00:13:24,358
THE WOND
IS IN OUR FEAVER.
252
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,360
WE WILL SEND
A MASSAGE.
253
00:13:26,362 --> 00:13:29,597
YOU CANNOT USE THE RADIO,
IT IS BEING INTERCEPTED.
254
00:13:29,599 --> 00:13:31,699
I KNEE THAT.
255
00:13:31,701 --> 00:13:33,934
THE MASSAGE
WILL GO BY PODGEON.
256
00:13:37,873 --> 00:13:39,707
"PODGEON"?
257
00:13:39,709 --> 00:13:41,976
A HOMING PODGEON.
258
00:13:43,011 --> 00:13:45,112
- WITH FITHERS.
- AH.
259
00:13:45,114 --> 00:13:48,448
IT WILL BE RELEASED
FROM THE WONDOW OF
YOUR MOTHER-IN-LOO.
260
00:13:48,450 --> 00:13:50,951
WELL, WE DO NOT
HAVE A PODGEON.
261
00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:55,255
MY ASSISTANT URGENT GRACE
WILL BRONG IT.
262
00:13:55,257 --> 00:13:59,092
- URGENT GRACE?
- THAT IS HIS BIT OF CRIMPET.
263
00:13:59,094 --> 00:14:02,329
- ( bell dings )
- HERE SHE IS NOO.
264
00:14:02,331 --> 00:14:04,431
GOOD MOANING.
265
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,201
- I WILL SPOOK TO HER.
- WELL, SIT DOWN THERE
266
00:14:08,203 --> 00:14:10,137
AND KEEP
OUT OF SIGHT.
267
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:15,042
SORRY I AM LOOT.
I HAD TO POWDER MY KNEES.
268
00:14:15,044 --> 00:14:18,612
- WHERE IS THE PODGEON?
- UNDER MY HUT.
269
00:14:18,614 --> 00:14:20,548
( pigeon cooing )
270
00:14:27,188 --> 00:14:30,591
WELL, HE SEEMS
TO BE RARING TO GO.
271
00:14:30,593 --> 00:14:32,859
RENE, THE COLONEL
IS OUTSIDE!
272
00:14:32,861 --> 00:14:35,162
MY GOD.
KEEP THAT THING STILL,
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!
273
00:14:37,131 --> 00:14:40,333
IT SOUNDS AS IF
IT IS LAYING AN OGG.
274
00:14:40,335 --> 00:14:43,136
AH! COLONEL,
COME IN, SIT DOWN.
275
00:14:43,138 --> 00:14:47,640
DRINKS FOR THE COLONEL,
THE CAPTAIN, THE LIEUTENANT
AND THE LANCE CORPORAL!
276
00:14:47,642 --> 00:14:50,643
- THE PRIVATE.
- PRIVATE.
277
00:14:50,645 --> 00:14:53,379
RENE, WE HAVE
BAD NEWS FOR YOU.
278
00:14:53,381 --> 00:14:56,183
I HAVE HEARD
ABOUT THE EXPLOSIVES.
THAT IS TERRIBLE NEWS!
279
00:14:56,185 --> 00:14:58,085
WHAT IS WORSE, RENE,
280
00:14:58,087 --> 00:15:01,855
100 LBS OF IT IS
GOING TO BE IN A SEWER
UNDER YOUR CAFE.
281
00:15:01,857 --> 00:15:03,824
- OH NO.
- IF YOU'VE
GOT-A THE AIRMEN,
282
00:15:03,826 --> 00:15:05,458
YOU'D BETTER
GIVE-A THEM UP.
283
00:15:05,460 --> 00:15:09,096
WE ARE PROUD FRENCHMEN.
WE DO NOT GIVE IN
TO THREATS.
284
00:15:09,098 --> 00:15:11,364
BUT EDITH,
100 LBS OF EXPLOSIVES
285
00:15:11,366 --> 00:15:14,101
- UNDER THE CAFE. I MEAN--
- HE HAS NO IDEA WHERE THEY ARE.
286
00:15:14,103 --> 00:15:16,269
RENE, I IMPLORE YOU.
287
00:15:16,271 --> 00:15:18,338
IF YOU HEAR ANYTHING,
LET ME KNOW.
288
00:15:18,340 --> 00:15:21,474
THE LAST THING WE WANT
TO DO IS BLOW YOU UP.
289
00:15:21,476 --> 00:15:23,409
IT WOULD MAKE US
VERY UNPOPULAR.
290
00:15:23,411 --> 00:15:27,380
- THINK ABOUT IT, RENE.
- I AM THINKING ABOUT IT,
LIEUTENANT.
291
00:15:27,382 --> 00:15:30,751
MARROWS! MARROWS!
292
00:15:30,753 --> 00:15:34,254
PRIZE ALGERIAN MARROWS!
293
00:15:34,256 --> 00:15:37,257
OH MY GOD.
294
00:15:37,259 --> 00:15:41,527
WHO WILL BUY
MARROWS FROM A PRIZE
ALGERIAN MARROW SELLER?
295
00:15:41,529 --> 00:15:44,497
COME OVER TO THE BAR,
ALGERIAN MARROW SALESMAN.
296
00:15:44,499 --> 00:15:46,466
COME AND SHOW ME YOUR--
297
00:15:47,501 --> 00:15:49,136
COME ALONG.
COME OVER HERE.
298
00:15:49,138 --> 00:15:53,240
- MARROWS! ALGERIAN MARROWS!
- SHUT UP. SHUT UP!
299
00:15:53,242 --> 00:15:55,441
IT IS ME, ERNEST...
300
00:15:55,443 --> 00:15:57,043
IN DISGUISE.
301
00:15:57,045 --> 00:15:59,579
YES, WEARING IMPENETRABLE
BOOT POLISH I SEE.
302
00:15:59,581 --> 00:16:01,748
THESE ARE
CYLINDERS OF HELIUM.
303
00:16:01,750 --> 00:16:04,084
GOOD, GIVE THEM TO ME.
304
00:16:04,086 --> 00:16:06,019
( grunts )
305
00:16:06,021 --> 00:16:07,954
THEY'RE UNDER
HIGH PRESSURE.
306
00:16:07,956 --> 00:16:09,823
YES, SO AM I.
307
00:16:11,259 --> 00:16:14,928
- THIS ONE IS LEAKING.
- ( flatulence )
308
00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:17,130
I BEG YOUR PIDDON.
309
00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:21,334
- DO NOT INHALE THE GAS.
- NO, I WILL DO MY BEST.
310
00:16:21,336 --> 00:16:24,037
NOW YOU GIVE IT TO ME
BEFORE WE GET US ALL SHOT.
311
00:16:24,039 --> 00:16:26,639
THE GAS AFFECTS
THE VOICE, SEE?
312
00:16:26,641 --> 00:16:28,074
( flatulence )
313
00:16:28,076 --> 00:16:30,543
( high-pitched )
IT TIGHTENS THE VOCAL CORDS.
314
00:16:33,414 --> 00:16:36,349
YES, WELL, THANK YOU,
ALGERIAN MARROW SELLER.
315
00:16:36,351 --> 00:16:39,619
- BE ON YOUR WAY.
- ( high-pitched )
ALGERIAN MARROWS!
316
00:16:39,621 --> 00:16:42,322
WHO WOULD LIKE
TO BUY ALGERIAN MARROWS?
317
00:16:45,359 --> 00:16:48,528
ADIEU, OLD
ALGERIAN EUNUCH.
318
00:16:49,663 --> 00:16:52,065
COME AGAIN WHEN YOU HAVE
MORE PRIZE MARROWS.
319
00:16:52,067 --> 00:16:55,535
- RENE, MORE WINE.
- YES, COLONEL.
320
00:16:55,537 --> 00:16:57,370
I WILL GET IT.
321
00:16:58,439 --> 00:17:00,573
RENE...
322
00:17:02,609 --> 00:17:07,013
RENE, REST ASSURED
THAT IF WE ARE GOING
TO BLOW UP YOUR CAFE,
323
00:17:07,015 --> 00:17:09,249
I WILL GIVE YOU
ALL THE WARNING THAT I CAN.
324
00:17:09,251 --> 00:17:10,984
OH, THANK YOU,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
325
00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:13,854
YOU LOOK VERY PALE, RENE.
326
00:17:13,856 --> 00:17:17,657
OH, WELL, THE STRAIN HAS
PLAYED HAVOC WITH MY NERVES.
327
00:17:17,659 --> 00:17:19,826
( flatulence )
328
00:17:25,766 --> 00:17:27,700
EXCUSE ME.
329
00:17:29,770 --> 00:17:32,172
UNDERSTANDABLE,
I SUPPOSE.
330
00:17:32,174 --> 00:17:34,207
SHALL I TAKE THE WINE?
331
00:17:34,209 --> 00:17:36,142
( high-pitched )
NO, THAT IS ALL RIGHT,
332
00:17:36,144 --> 00:17:40,113
I WILL DELIVER IT...
TO THE TABLE PERSONALLY.
333
00:17:43,351 --> 00:17:45,651
HERE IS THE POSTER,
HERR FLICK.
334
00:17:45,653 --> 00:17:48,255
IT COULD OF COURSE
BE AN IDLE THREAT.
335
00:17:48,257 --> 00:17:51,224
DO YOU REALIZE
WHAT WILL HAPPEN
IF THEY CARRY IT OUT?
336
00:17:51,226 --> 00:17:52,926
THERE WILL BE
NO NOUVION.
337
00:17:52,928 --> 00:17:54,961
WE SHALL HAVE TO MOVE
TO ANOTHER TOWN.
338
00:17:54,963 --> 00:17:56,963
I HAVE MADE
MANY ENEMIES HERE.
339
00:17:56,965 --> 00:18:00,433
IT WOULD TAKE MONTHS
TO MAKE AS MANY ENEMIES
IN A STRANGE TOWN.
340
00:18:00,435 --> 00:18:03,536
WE MUST NOT ALLOW
THIS BLOWING UP TO HAPPEN.
341
00:18:03,538 --> 00:18:06,406
THE GENERAL IS
GOING TO PERSONALLY
PRESS THE PLUNGER...
342
00:18:06,408 --> 00:18:08,741
FROM A SAFE DISTANCE.
343
00:18:08,743 --> 00:18:11,211
FIND OUT THE POSITION
OF THE EXPLOSIVES
344
00:18:11,213 --> 00:18:13,479
AND SEE IF WE
CAN DEFUSE THEM.
345
00:18:13,481 --> 00:18:16,082
THAT WILL BE
VERY DANGEROUS WORK,
HERR FLICK.
346
00:18:16,084 --> 00:18:19,252
I HAVE EVERY CONFIDENCE
THAT YOU WILL SUCCEED,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
347
00:18:21,355 --> 00:18:25,225
HERE IS THE GESTAPO
DEFUSING-EXPLOSIVES HANDBOOK.
348
00:18:25,227 --> 00:18:29,195
IT IS BY THE LATE
PROFESSOR VON FLATTENHEAD,
349
00:18:29,197 --> 00:18:32,032
WHO, AS YOU WILL KNOW,
IS BURIED IN MUNICH...
350
00:18:32,034 --> 00:18:34,301
AND HAMBURG AND BREMEN.
351
00:18:34,303 --> 00:18:37,637
- BONE UP ON IT.
- YES, HERR FLICK.
352
00:18:45,747 --> 00:18:49,015
OH, RENE, MADAME EDITH
HAS EXCELLED HERSELF.
353
00:18:49,017 --> 00:18:50,851
THE FOOD IS MAGNIFICENT!
354
00:18:50,853 --> 00:18:53,019
YES, WELL,
I WILL NOT BE HAPPY
UNTIL THOSE AIRMEN ARE
355
00:18:53,021 --> 00:18:54,888
BACK SAFELY IN THE HANDS
OF THE GERMANS.
356
00:18:54,890 --> 00:18:57,157
THEY ARE GOING
BACK TO ENGLAND
AND THAT IS FINAL.
357
00:18:57,159 --> 00:18:59,860
THE BALLOON IS OUTSOD.
358
00:19:01,162 --> 00:19:03,163
THEN FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE,
BRING IT IN HERE.
359
00:19:04,598 --> 00:19:06,566
- MOVE THAT TABLE BACK.
- ALL RIGHT.
360
00:19:06,568 --> 00:19:09,335
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
GET ON THAT CORNER.
361
00:19:09,337 --> 00:19:11,805
- HELP HIM.
- OKAY, RENE. UP.
362
00:19:12,907 --> 00:19:14,674
- WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?
- HERE.
363
00:19:14,676 --> 00:19:17,443
OH! MY FOOT!
364
00:19:17,445 --> 00:19:20,947
YOU HAVE CRACKED IT!
AH! I CANNOT PUT IT DOWN.
365
00:19:20,949 --> 00:19:23,583
YVETTE, SIT HIM DOWN.
SOMEBODY. GO ON, OVER THERE.
366
00:19:24,952 --> 00:19:27,087
BRONG IT IN HOOR.
367
00:19:27,089 --> 00:19:29,322
WHERE SHALL WE PIT IT?
368
00:19:29,324 --> 00:19:31,057
BEHIND THE TABLE.
369
00:19:35,429 --> 00:19:38,031
I HAVE THE WEATHER FEARCAST.
IT IS GID.
370
00:19:38,033 --> 00:19:41,168
THEN WE WILL
WRITE A MASSAGE
AND SEND IT BY PODGEON.
371
00:19:41,170 --> 00:19:44,137
I WILL WRITE IT
AND TIE IT TO HIS LOG.
372
00:19:47,141 --> 00:19:49,142
( pigeon cooing )
373
00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:52,879
KEEP IT UNDER THE HUT
UNTIL YOUR ARE RODDY.
374
00:19:52,881 --> 00:19:56,683
( British accent )
"EXPECT THE AIRMEN
TO ARRIVE OVER DOVER AT--"
375
00:19:56,685 --> 00:19:58,584
( flapping )
376
00:20:05,092 --> 00:20:07,327
IT IS VERY KEEN
TO GET TO ENGLAND.
377
00:20:07,329 --> 00:20:09,930
IT COULD NOT EVEN WAIT
FOR THE MESSAGE.
378
00:20:14,435 --> 00:20:16,636
RENE.
379
00:20:16,638 --> 00:20:18,872
MY MOTHER HAS TAKEN
A TURN FOR THE WORSE.
380
00:20:18,874 --> 00:20:22,008
- SHE CANNOT
GET OUT OF BED!
- SHE MUST.
381
00:20:22,010 --> 00:20:25,378
SHE IS OUR ONLY EXCUSE
FOR GATHERING HERE TO
RELEASE THE BALLOON.
382
00:20:25,380 --> 00:20:29,349
IF THERE IS TO BE NO WEDDING,
THEN I WILL HAVE TO CANCEL
THE WHOLE OPERATION.
383
00:20:29,351 --> 00:20:32,219
- GOOD IDEA.
- I CANNOT WALK
DOWN THE AISLE.
384
00:20:32,221 --> 00:20:34,754
MY FOOT IS SWOLLEN
LIKE A POTATO.
385
00:20:34,756 --> 00:20:37,123
YOU WILL HAVE
TO HUBBLE ON ONE LOG.
386
00:20:38,625 --> 00:20:41,194
UNDERSTAND THIS:
IF THEY CANNOT MARRY,
387
00:20:41,196 --> 00:20:43,330
THEN YOU AND EDITH
WILL HAVE TO GET MARRIED.
388
00:20:43,332 --> 00:20:45,966
WHATEVER HAPPENS,
EVERYTHING MUST
TAKE PLACE.
389
00:20:45,968 --> 00:20:49,102
DEAR EDITH,
MUCH AS I LOVE YOU,
390
00:20:49,104 --> 00:20:51,537
THE FIRST PLANS
ARE ALWAYS THE BEST.
391
00:20:51,539 --> 00:20:54,107
THEY WILL BE THERE.
WHERE ARE THE AIRMEN?
392
00:20:54,109 --> 00:20:57,911
THEY ARE DISGUISED
SO THAT THEY WILL MERGE
INTO THE BACKGROUND.
393
00:21:00,748 --> 00:21:02,548
( British accent )
IN HERE, CHAPS.
394
00:21:05,052 --> 00:21:06,586
HALLO.
395
00:21:08,422 --> 00:21:12,058
- HOW ABOUT A KISS
FOR THE BRIDESMAIDS?
- DON'T BE CHEEKY.
396
00:21:16,730 --> 00:21:19,032
( organ music playing )
397
00:21:25,373 --> 00:21:29,575
- THANK GOODNESS YOU ARE HERE.
- WE HAD TO WALK ACROSS
THE FIELDS.
398
00:21:36,550 --> 00:21:39,185
OH, LOOK AT
THOSE TWO IDIOTS.
399
00:21:41,022 --> 00:21:43,823
PUT YOUR VEILS DOWN.
400
00:21:43,825 --> 00:21:46,126
- AND LIFT UP YOUR BOSOMS.
- HANDS OFF!
401
00:21:46,128 --> 00:21:49,595
QUITE RIGHT.
GIVE THE FROGGIES
AN INCH, THEY TAKE A YARD.
402
00:21:53,367 --> 00:21:56,869
- WHERE IS LECLERC?
- HE'S DOWN THERE.
403
00:21:56,871 --> 00:21:58,805
Edith:
OH. HOW IS HIS FOOT?
404
00:21:58,807 --> 00:22:01,341
OH, MICHELLE HAS GIVEN HIM
PAINKILLERS AND BRANDY.
405
00:22:01,343 --> 00:22:03,176
HE IS BEARING UP.
406
00:22:03,178 --> 00:22:05,211
HE LOOKS AS IF
HE IS PASSING OUT.
407
00:22:09,083 --> 00:22:10,350
OH, HECK.
408
00:22:14,688 --> 00:22:19,459
- COME ON, WAKE UP.
- MARROWS. MARROWS.
409
00:22:19,461 --> 00:22:21,594
- WHO WILL BUY MY MARROWS?
- SHUT UP, SHUT UP.
410
00:22:21,596 --> 00:22:23,863
SHUT UP!
411
00:22:23,865 --> 00:22:26,333
NOW WAKE UP.
THIS IS SUPPOSED
TO BE YOUR GREAT DAY.
412
00:22:26,335 --> 00:22:29,836
I CANNOT STAND UP
WITHOUT HOLDING
ONTO A CRUTCH.
413
00:22:31,172 --> 00:22:33,206
IT WOULD BE BETTER
IF YOU HELD ONTO MY ARM.
414
00:22:33,208 --> 00:22:34,907
( grunting )
415
00:22:41,082 --> 00:22:43,049
( chattering )
416
00:22:52,093 --> 00:22:54,060
MONSIEUR HUGO.
417
00:22:55,263 --> 00:22:57,664
AH. MONSIEUR SARTRE.
418
00:22:58,799 --> 00:23:02,569
OH. COLONEL, CAPTAIN,
LIEUTENANT, HELGA.
419
00:23:02,571 --> 00:23:05,972
HOW NICE OF YOU TO COME.
WE DID NOT EXPECT YOU.
420
00:23:05,974 --> 00:23:10,243
WE COULD NOT LET
YOUR MOTHER MARRY WITHOUT
PAYING OUR RESPECTS.
421
00:23:10,245 --> 00:23:12,212
AND WE CHECK-A WHERE
TO PUT-A THE BOMB.
422
00:23:14,682 --> 00:23:17,150
HOW WELL THE CLOTHES
OF THE BEST MAN
423
00:23:17,152 --> 00:23:19,653
SUIT MONSIEUR RENE.
424
00:23:19,655 --> 00:23:23,390
YOU CUT QUITE
A DASHING FIGURE, RENE.
425
00:23:23,392 --> 00:23:25,825
THANK YOU, LIEUTENANT.
426
00:23:25,827 --> 00:23:29,529
DO WE COUNT YOU
AS A FRIEND OF THE BRIDE
OR A FRIEND OF THE GROOM?
427
00:23:29,531 --> 00:23:32,399
HOW ABOUT A FRIEND
OF THE BEST MAN?
428
00:23:45,012 --> 00:23:48,348
- IS THE BRIDE HERE YET?
- WELL, YOU WILL HAVE
TO FORGIVE HER,
429
00:23:48,350 --> 00:23:51,284
SHE IS WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL
"KNOCKING ON A BIT."
430
00:23:51,286 --> 00:23:53,820
RENE, IT IS
MONSIEUR ALFONSE.
431
00:23:56,857 --> 00:24:00,893
MADAME EDITH, YOUR MOTHER
IS OUTSIDE IN THE HEARSE.
432
00:24:02,363 --> 00:24:04,831
AM I MARRYING
OR BURYING?
433
00:24:07,968 --> 00:24:10,136
PSST! LOOK.
434
00:24:10,138 --> 00:24:12,905
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
HE HAS DROPPED OFF AGAIN.
435
00:24:12,907 --> 00:24:15,808
OH HECK.
EDITH, LEND ME
YOUR SMELLING SALTS.
436
00:24:16,910 --> 00:24:18,878
IT IS A WEDDING, FATHER,
COME WITH ME.
437
00:24:25,586 --> 00:24:28,655
MONSIEUR LECLERC.
MONSIEUR LECLERC, WAKE UP.
438
00:24:28,657 --> 00:24:32,325
UGH! MARROWS.
MARROWS.
439
00:24:32,327 --> 00:24:34,494
SHUT UP.
STAND UP.
440
00:24:35,829 --> 00:24:37,797
YOUR BRIDE IS HERE.
441
00:24:41,669 --> 00:24:43,637
NOT AGAIN.
442
00:24:49,477 --> 00:24:51,444
( "The Wedding March"
playing )
443
00:25:25,846 --> 00:25:28,715
DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE
GATHERED TOGETHER TO JOIN
444
00:25:28,717 --> 00:25:31,584
THIS MAN AND THIS WOMAN
IN HOLY MATRIMONY.
445
00:25:33,854 --> 00:25:35,522
NOT YET, MONSIEUR.
446
00:25:35,524 --> 00:25:38,090
I'VE YET TO DO PAGES
OF THE STUFF.
447
00:25:41,629 --> 00:25:43,763
HE CANNOT STAND.
448
00:25:53,574 --> 00:25:56,576
I AM PUTTING
THE MASSAGE
ON THE LOG.
449
00:25:58,379 --> 00:26:01,381
THE MASSAGE IS
NOW TIED TO THE LOG.
450
00:26:01,383 --> 00:26:03,249
YOU CAN LUNCH IT.
451
00:26:03,251 --> 00:26:06,519
ONE, TWO, THROO...
452
00:26:14,662 --> 00:26:17,697
IT HAS CRIPPED
ON YOUR HOD.
453
00:26:22,403 --> 00:26:26,606
DO YOU,
ERNEST DIPSTICK LECLERC,
454
00:26:26,608 --> 00:26:29,942
TAKE THIS WOMAN TO BE
YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED WIFE?
455
00:26:29,944 --> 00:26:32,011
( snores )
456
00:26:32,013 --> 00:26:34,013
HE DOES.
457
00:26:35,449 --> 00:26:39,853
DO YOU, FANNY
NOW-YOU-SEE-IT,
NOW-YOU-DO-NOT LAFANNE,
458
00:26:39,855 --> 00:26:43,923
TAKE THIS MAN
TO BE YOUR LAWFUL
WEDDED HUSBAND?
459
00:26:43,925 --> 00:26:46,259
( snores )
460
00:26:46,261 --> 00:26:48,461
SHE DOES AS WELL.
461
00:26:48,463 --> 00:26:52,532
THEN I PRONOUNCE YOU
MAN AND WIFE.
462
00:26:54,468 --> 00:26:56,436
NOW YOU CAN
GET INTO BED.
463
00:26:57,971 --> 00:26:59,939
( "Bridal Chorus"
playing )
464
00:27:10,083 --> 00:27:12,552
WAKE UP, MAMA!
465
00:27:12,554 --> 00:27:16,589
- WHAT?
- YOU ARE NOW
MAN AND WIFE.
466
00:27:16,591 --> 00:27:20,460
- HE HAS DONE IT.
- WHEN?
467
00:27:20,462 --> 00:27:22,796
WHILE YOU WERE ASLEEP.
468
00:27:22,798 --> 00:27:25,498
( chuckling )
469
00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,067
THAT IS ERNEST ALL OVER.
470
00:27:28,069 --> 00:27:31,471
ALWAYS THE IMPATIENT ONE.
471
00:27:52,192 --> 00:27:54,494
( theme music playing )