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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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( theme music playing )
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YOU FIND ME DRESSED UP
LIKE THE DINNER OF A DOG
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IN ORDER TO BE
THE BEST MAN AT THE WEDDING
OF MONSIEUR LECLERC--
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THE GETAWAY DRIVER,
TO MY WIFE'S MOTHER--
THE PAIN IN THE NECK.
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THANK YOU
FOR COMING.
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THIS WHOLE CHARADE
WAS ARRANGED
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SO THE RECEPTION
CAN BE HELD IN A MARQUEE
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AT THE BACK
OF MY CAFE.
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NICE TO SEE YOU.
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THIS MARQUEE CONCEALS,
WOULD YOU BELIEVE,
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A COLLAPSIBLE
BARRAGE BALLOON
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WAITING INFLATED
BY 12 CYLINDERS OF HELIUM
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DISGUISED AS PRIZED
VEGETABLE MARROWS
FROM ALGERIA?
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THE BRITISH AIRMEN
ARE DISGUISED
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SO THAT NO ONE
WILL RECOGNIZE THEM.
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( grunting )
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JOLLY GOOD WEDDING!
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BANG ON.
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THE BRIDE AND THE GROOM
HAVE JUST BEEN SIGNING
THE REGISTER.
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HERE THEY COME NOW.
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WAKE UP, ERNEST!
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MARROWS! MARROWS!
WHO WOULD LIKE TO
BUY ALGERIAN--
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- SHUT UP!
- MAMA, ARE YOU LOOKING
FORWARD TO YOUR HONEYMOON?
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OH, I THOUGHT
THIS WAS IT.
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( wailing )
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IS THIS ANY WAY
TO TREAT A POOR OLD BRIDE?
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PLEASE!
OVER HERE!
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CAN I HAVE THE FAMILY
AGAINST THE CHURCH WALL,
PLEASE?
29
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BUT WHAT IS HAPPENING?
30
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MONSIEUR ALFONSE
WANTS YOU AGAINST
THE CHURCH WALL, MAMA.
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BUT IS THIS CUSTOMARY?
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THAT IS GOOD.
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CAN I HAVE
THE BRIDESMAIDS BEHIND?
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HURRY!
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CAN THE BRIDEGROOM
GET UP?
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( grunts )
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MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
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SMILE, PLEASE.
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THAT'S A SIMPLE
RURAL SCENE.
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AN EVERYDAY STORY
OF SIMPLE COUNTRYFOLK.
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AND IF THEY DO NOT
SURRENDER THE AIRMEN,
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THE GENERAL WILL
BLOW THEM ALL UP.
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WE COULD
REFER THE MATTER TO
A HIGHER AUTHORITY,
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SO WE DO NOT CARRY
THE CAN.
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QUITE RIGHT, GRUBER.
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WE'LL SEE THAT
GENERAL VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN
GETS THE MESSAGE.
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THE GENERAL
VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN?
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THIS IS THE GENERAL
WHO IS A BIT THIS WAY,
THAT WAY?
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THAT IS THE ONE.
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LIEUTENANT GRUBER
WILL GIVE HIM THE MESSAGE.
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IS EVERYBODY PREPARED?
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OOH!
HOLD TIGHT, ERNEST.
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WE ARE ABOUT
TO HIT THE COBBLES.
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YES YES YES.
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- FORWARD!
- ( guests cheering )
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GOOD LUCK, MAMA!
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AW...
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WE SHOULD HAVE HAD
AN OLD BOOT ON THE BACK.
59
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YOU ALREADY HAVE
AN OLD BOOT IN THE BED.
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( pounds on door )
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WHO IS THIS?
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IT IS I,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
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GIVE THE PASSWORD.
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I DO NOT KNOW
THE PASSWORD.
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THEN STAY
IN THE PASSAGE FOREVER.
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ABRACADABRA!
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DIB DIB DIB!
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00:04:50,005 --> 00:04:52,139
WHY ARE YOU GOT UP
IN THE MANNER OF A BOY SCOUT?
69
00:04:52,141 --> 00:04:55,208
IN ORDER
TO ENTER THE GENERAL'S
QUARTERS IN THE CHATEAU.
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- IT IS BOB-A-JOB WEEK.
- DID IT WORK?
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LIKE A DREAM.
THE GENERAL FIRST
ADMIRED MY WOGGLE,
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AND THEN HE TOLD ME
TO CLEAN HIS MEDALS.
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DURING THIS, I OBTAINED
A MAP OF THE POSITION
OF THE MINES
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WITH WHICH THE GENERAL IS
ABOUT TO BLOW UP NOUVION.
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WELL DONE,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
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DID THE GENERAL
REMEMBER THE SHILLING?
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I HAVE IT HERE.
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GOOD.
YOU MAY CONTRIBUTE IT
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TO THE HOME FOR FALLEN
GESTAPO GENTLEWOMEN.
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WHERE EXACTLY
IS THIS HOME?
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YOU DO NOT
GET THAT INFORMATION
FOR ONE SHILLING.
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YOU WILL BE
ALL RIGHT THERE, MAMA.
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A BIT CRAMPED HERE.
CAN WE NOT MOVE THIS
CANVAS, PLEASE?
84
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YOU FOOL!
THAT CANVAS IS
THE BARRAGE BALLOON!
85
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BUT THERE IS NO ROOM
FOR OUR FEET!
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THAT IS BECAUSE
UNDER THE TABLE
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ARE 20 PRIZE-WINNING
VEGETABLE MARROWS
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WHICH CONTAIN
THE HELIUM GAS CYLINDERS.
89
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:06,113
MY GIRLS ARE EVEN NOW
AT THIS MOMENT CONNECTING
THEM ALL UP,
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00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:08,215
SO THAT WITH THE TURN
OF ONE VALVE,
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THE BALLOON WILL INFLATE
IN A MATTER OF SECONDS.
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- ( clattering )
- SHH!
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SORRY.
94
00:06:17,492 --> 00:06:19,626
HOW WILL
THE AIRMEN TRAVEL?
95
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A BASKET WILL BE BROUGHT IN
TO TAKE IN THE RUBBISH
AFTER THE RECEPTION.
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00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:26,867
THIS BASKET WILL BE
ATTACHED BY FOUR ROPES
TO THE BALLOON.
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- PSST!
- HAVE YOU FINISHED?
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WE HAVE DONE OUR BEST.
ALL THE MARROWS ARE
CONNECTED TOGETHER.
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UNFORTUNATELY,
SOME OF THE CONNECTIONS
ARE IMPERIAL,
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AND THEY SHOULD
HAVE BEEN WHITWORTH.
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I DO NOT KNOW HOW WELL
THEY WILL HOLD.
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( flatulence )
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( high-pitched )
I'M GLAD THAT IS OVER!
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WHY IS SHE SPEAKING
LIKE DONALD THE DUCK?
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SHE HAS INHALED
THE HELIUM GAS.
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IT TIGHTENS
THE VOCAL CORDS.
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IS IT DANGEROUS?
108
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NOT IF YOU ARE
AMONGST FRIENDS.
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LOOK, THESE TWO
ARE FAST ASLEEP.
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00:07:04,774 --> 00:07:06,640
CAN WE NOT ABANDON
THIS FARCE
111
00:07:06,642 --> 00:07:08,308
AND GO BACK
INTO THE CAFE?
112
00:07:08,310 --> 00:07:10,577
NO, THE GERMANS
ARE HERE.
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THE WILL BE
SUSPICIOUS IF WE DO NOT
GO THROUGH WITH IT.
114
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BESIDES WHICH,
I AM NOT GOING TO WASTE
ALL THESE SANDWICHES.
115
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COLONEL,
COME IN, SIT DOWN.
116
00:07:22,725 --> 00:07:24,958
HOW HONORED WE ARE
TO HAVE YOU WITH US.
117
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,428
THIS IS THE FIRST
PEASANT WEDDING
WE'VE ATTENDED.
118
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HOW ARE
THE BRIDE AND GROOM?
119
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OH, LOOKING FORWARD
TO A GOOD BLOWOUT,
YOU KNOW.
120
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( flatulence )
121
00:07:35,238 --> 00:07:37,938
IT IS I, LECLERC.
122
00:07:40,642 --> 00:07:43,611
RENE, WE MUST WARN YOU,
THERE'S BEEN A SERIOUS
DEVELOPMENT.
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THE GENERAL HAS HIDDEN
A 500-LB BOMB
124
00:07:47,350 --> 00:07:48,982
IN THE SEWER
UNDER YOUR CAFE.
125
00:07:48,984 --> 00:07:50,951
YOU NO HAND-A BACK
THE AIRMEN,
126
00:07:50,953 --> 00:07:53,554
YOUR CAFE,
HE GO POOF!
127
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,989
I WILL MENTION THIS
TO THE RESISTANCE...
128
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WHO, OF COURSE,
I DO NOT KNOW.
129
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EDITH, THERE IS
A BOMB IN THE SEWER
UNDER THE CAFE.
130
00:08:04,433 --> 00:08:06,634
THERE IS NOTHING
WE CAN DO ABOUT IT NOW.
131
00:08:06,636 --> 00:08:07,934
- WHAT--
- QUICK.
132
00:08:07,936 --> 00:08:10,204
YOU ARE THE BEST MAN.
START THE SPEECHES.
133
00:08:10,206 --> 00:08:13,641
- WHAT SPEECHES?
- IT IS THE CUSTOM
THAT YOU AS BEST MAN
134
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INTRODUCE THE FATHER
OF THE BRIDE.
135
00:08:15,978 --> 00:08:18,345
THAT WILL BE
A GOOD TRICK.
136
00:08:19,781 --> 00:08:22,082
HERE, I HAVE MADE
A FEW NOTES.
137
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,117
GET UP
AND SAY SOMETHING.
138
00:08:24,119 --> 00:08:26,253
- WHAT?
- ( tapping )
139
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:28,556
AHEM, EH...
140
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
141
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WELCOME TO THE WEDDING.
142
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THANK YOU ALL
FOR COMING.
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I CANNOT INTRODUCE
THE FATHER OF THE BRIDE
ON THIS OCCASION
144
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BECAUSE, UNFORTUNATELY,
HE LOST HIS LIFE
145
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DURING THE STORMING
OF THE BASTILLE.
146
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GOOD HEAVENS,
HOW OLD IS SHE?
147
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I'M SORRY, I WILL
READ THAT AGAIN.
148
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HE LOST HIS LIFE
IN A STORM OUTSIDE
THE BASTILLE.
149
00:08:54,950 --> 00:08:59,052
BUT I AM SURE THAT
HIS HEART WOULD HAVE
BEEN WARMED TODAY
150
00:08:59,054 --> 00:09:02,323
TO SEE
HIS ONLY DAUGHTER
IN BED WITH THE MAN
151
00:09:02,325 --> 00:09:05,826
THAT SHE HAS CHOSEN
TO SPEND THE REST
OF HER LIFE WITH.
152
00:09:05,828 --> 00:09:10,130
- ( both snoring )
- SO LET US...
153
00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:13,500
LET US WISH THEM
MANY WEEKS OF HAPPINESS.
154
00:09:16,037 --> 00:09:18,405
I NOW CALL UPON
THE BRIDEGROOM.
155
00:09:19,974 --> 00:09:22,142
WAKE HIM UP.
156
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:25,279
( gasps )
MARROWS? MARROWS?
157
00:09:25,281 --> 00:09:27,214
WHO WILL BUY
MY VEGETABLE MARROWS?
158
00:09:27,216 --> 00:09:29,916
- SHUT UP.
- YOU HAVE TO
MAKE A SPEECH.
159
00:09:29,918 --> 00:09:33,454
- EH, WHAT?
- THANK THE BRIDESMAIDS.
160
00:09:33,456 --> 00:09:35,589
WHY?
WHAT HAVE THEY DONE?
161
00:09:35,591 --> 00:09:38,726
SAY HOW BEAUTIFUL
THEY ARE.
162
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HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY--
163
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THAT ONE HAS
A MUSTACHE.
164
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NEVER MIND.
CUT THE CAKE!
165
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,971
- OH.
- ( grunting )
166
00:09:54,075 --> 00:09:56,877
- MONSIEUR.
- OH YES, THANK YOU.
167
00:09:56,879 --> 00:09:59,813
RENE, I HAVE JUST
BEEN DOWN TO THE CELLAR
TO GET SOME WINE,
168
00:09:59,815 --> 00:10:01,915
AND THERE WAS
A BIG BOMB DOWN THERE.
169
00:10:01,917 --> 00:10:04,117
BUT THE COLONEL TOLD ME
IT WAS IN THE SEWER.
170
00:10:04,119 --> 00:10:06,287
WELL, IT IS
IN THE CELLAR.
171
00:10:06,289 --> 00:10:09,390
WE'LL COME AND INVESTIGATE
AS SOON AS THEY HAVE
CUT THE CAKE.
172
00:10:09,392 --> 00:10:11,292
GIVE ME THE KNIFE.
173
00:10:11,294 --> 00:10:14,361
FANNY, DO NOT CUT
TOO DEEP!
174
00:10:16,731 --> 00:10:19,667
( gas hissing )
175
00:10:19,669 --> 00:10:22,936
THE CYLINDERS
ARE LEAKING!
176
00:10:22,938 --> 00:10:25,272
QUICK!
GET UNDER THE TABLE
AND TRY TO STOP IT!
177
00:10:25,274 --> 00:10:27,708
UH...
PLAY SOME MUSIC.
178
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:30,944
MONSIEUR ALFONSE,
THE WEDDING SONG.
179
00:10:35,517 --> 00:10:39,219
♪ OH, HOW THEY DANCED ♪
180
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:43,357
♪ ON THE NIGHT
THEY WERE WED ♪
181
00:10:43,359 --> 00:10:47,260
♪ THEY DANCED
AND THEY DANCED... ♪
182
00:10:47,262 --> 00:10:50,864
♪ THOUGH THEY BOTH
WERE IN BED ♪
183
00:10:50,866 --> 00:10:55,035
♪ THE NIGHT
WAS IN BLOOM ♪
184
00:10:55,037 --> 00:10:59,506
( high-pitched )
♪ THERE WERE STARS
IN THE SKY... ♪
185
00:10:59,508 --> 00:11:01,375
( high-pitched
singing continues )
186
00:11:28,236 --> 00:11:30,804
ACCORDING TO YOUR MAP,
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
187
00:11:30,806 --> 00:11:34,508
ONE OF THE EXPLOSIVE DEVICES
SHOULD BE JUST ABOUT HERE.
188
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:36,610
I THINK I HAVE FOUND IT,
HERR FLICK!
189
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:38,645
MY MY,
WHAT A WHOPPER!
190
00:11:38,647 --> 00:11:40,914
IT MUST WEIGH
HALF A TON!
191
00:11:40,916 --> 00:11:43,183
IT IS
A MARK NINE MINE!
192
00:11:43,185 --> 00:11:46,253
IT IS IN THE GESTAPO HANDBOOK
ON THE DIFFUSING OF EXPLOSIVES.
193
00:11:46,255 --> 00:11:50,491
NOW...
"BEHIND THE PANEL
IS THE DETONATOR.
194
00:11:50,493 --> 00:11:52,926
TO MAKE THE MINE SAFE,
195
00:11:52,928 --> 00:11:55,562
FIRST REMOVE
THE PANEL."
196
00:11:55,564 --> 00:11:57,431
( ticking )
197
00:11:57,433 --> 00:11:59,232
SOMETHING IS TICKING.
198
00:11:59,234 --> 00:12:02,870
THERE'S SOME WRITING
ON THE BACK OF THE PANEL,
HERR FLICK.
199
00:12:02,872 --> 00:12:05,038
WHAT DOES IT SAY?
200
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:10,110
"THE OPENING OF THIS DOOR
ACTIVATES THE TIMING MECHANISM.
201
00:12:10,112 --> 00:12:15,282
DISCONNECTION PROCEDURE
MUST BE CARRIED OUT
FORTHWITH."
202
00:12:15,284 --> 00:12:18,318
TURN TO THE CHAPTER HEADED
"DISCONNECTION PROCEDURE."
203
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,422
MARK NINE MINE--
AH!
204
00:12:21,424 --> 00:12:24,391
HERE'S A MAP
OF THE CIRCUIT.
205
00:12:24,393 --> 00:12:29,463
IT IS HEADED
"THREE-MINUTE FUSE."
206
00:12:29,465 --> 00:12:32,265
DOES THIS MEAN
IT WILL EXPLODE IN
THREE MINUTES, HERR FLICK?
207
00:12:32,267 --> 00:12:35,669
QUITE POSSIBLY.
YOU WILL FOLLOW THE
INSTRUCTIONS TO THE LETTER.
208
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:39,440
YOU WILL ANNOUNCE
EACH MOVE THAT YOU MAKE
ON THIS MICROPHONE.
209
00:12:39,442 --> 00:12:43,444
I WILL LISTEN TO YOU
AND TAKE NOTES FROM
MY POSITION IN THE STREET.
210
00:12:45,413 --> 00:12:48,882
SHOULD YOU MAKE AN ERROR,
I WILL BE ABLE TO LEARN
FROM YOUR MISTAKE.
211
00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:58,692
MY GOD! LOOK AT
THE SIZE OF IT!
212
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:01,528
IT IS A BIG ONE.
213
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:03,664
ONE HERE AND ONE
IN THE SEWER.
214
00:13:03,666 --> 00:13:05,732
OH, THAT SETTLES IT.
THIS HAS GONE FAR ENOUGH.
215
00:13:05,734 --> 00:13:07,801
I AM GOING TO GIVE
THE AIRMEN UP.
216
00:13:07,803 --> 00:13:11,304
- I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT, RENE.
- I WILL TELL THE COLONEL
WHERE HE CAN FIND THEM--
217
00:13:11,306 --> 00:13:14,174
NO, IT MUST NEVER BE KNOWN
THAT YOU HAVE BETRAYED THEM.
218
00:13:14,176 --> 00:13:17,310
IT WOULD TARNISH
YOUR REPUTATION AS
HERO OF THE RESISTANCE.
219
00:13:17,312 --> 00:13:20,047
YOU MUST MAKE
AN ANONYMOUS TELEPHONE CALL.
220
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:23,383
YES, YOU ARE RIGHT.
YOU GO BACK TO THE WEDDING
BEFORE YOU ARE MISSED.
221
00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:25,618
I WILL MAKE THE CALL.
GO OUT THE BACK WAY.
222
00:13:36,764 --> 00:13:38,464
OH HELLO, CLAUDETTE.
223
00:13:38,466 --> 00:13:41,234
GET ME THE OFFICE
OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN,
WILL YOU?
224
00:13:44,172 --> 00:13:48,641
UH, HELLO?
IS THAT THE OFFICE
OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN?
225
00:13:48,643 --> 00:13:52,045
EH, THIS IS
AN ANONYMOUS PEASANT.
226
00:13:52,047 --> 00:13:53,880
PUT DOWN
THAT PHONE!
227
00:13:53,882 --> 00:13:57,517
THIS IS AN ANONYMOUS PEASANT
WHO HAS GOT THE WRONG NUMBER.
228
00:13:57,519 --> 00:14:00,320
- LOUISE!
- RENE.
229
00:14:00,322 --> 00:14:01,988
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
230
00:14:01,990 --> 00:14:04,357
I AM NOW IN CHARGE
OF THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE,
231
00:14:04,359 --> 00:14:06,593
ABBEYVILLE SUB-BRANCH,
ACTION DIVISION.
232
00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:08,795
WE'VE HEARD OF A THREAT
TO BLOW UP YOUR TOWN,
233
00:14:08,797 --> 00:14:10,530
AND WE HAVE COME
TO SAVE YOU.
234
00:14:10,532 --> 00:14:12,799
WILL YOU PUT
THAT GUN DOWN
FOR A START?
235
00:14:12,801 --> 00:14:17,137
- OH, RENE!
- OH, LOUISE!
236
00:14:17,139 --> 00:14:20,306
- OH, IT IS GOOD
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
- ( both moaning )
237
00:14:20,308 --> 00:14:24,177
OH, IT IS GOOD
TO FEEL YOUR STRONG CHEEK
AGAINST MY STRONG CHEEK.
238
00:14:24,179 --> 00:14:27,881
OH, AND YOUR STRONG ARMS
AROUND MY STRONG ARMS.
239
00:14:27,883 --> 00:14:31,952
RUN YOUR STRONG FINGERS
THROUGH MY STRONG HAIR.
240
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:37,557
I WOULD ASK YOU
TO DO THE SAME THING,
241
00:14:37,559 --> 00:14:39,860
BUT THE LAST TIME
YOU WERE HERE,
YOU WORE IT OUT.
242
00:14:39,862 --> 00:14:43,063
OH, RENE, HOW WELL
I REMEMBER IT ALL.
243
00:14:43,065 --> 00:14:45,298
OH, IT SEEMS
LIKE YESTERDAY.
244
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,600
FEEDING YOU
HAM SANDWICHES
IN THE WARDROBE.
245
00:14:47,602 --> 00:14:50,036
- HIDING FROM THE GERMANS.
- AND THE WIFE.
246
00:14:50,038 --> 00:14:54,141
RENE, WE HAVE HEARD THAT
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
IS GOING TO BLOW UP NOUVION.
247
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,542
- YEAH.
- WE HAVE A PLAN,
SO YOU NEED NOT WORRY.
248
00:14:56,544 --> 00:14:58,411
I AM A LITTLE BIT
WORRIED.
249
00:14:58,413 --> 00:15:00,546
THERE IS
A BOMB IN THE SEWER
UNDER THE CAFE
250
00:15:00,548 --> 00:15:03,049
AND A 500-LB BOMB
IN THE CELLAR JUST
UNDER OUR FEET!
251
00:15:03,051 --> 00:15:05,318
THE ONE IN THE CELLAR
WAS PUT THERE BY MY PEOPLE.
252
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,720
- WHAT ON EARTH FOR?
- I CANNOT TELL YOU,
253
00:15:07,722 --> 00:15:10,090
BUT IT IS ALL PART
OF THE PLAN.
254
00:15:10,092 --> 00:15:11,858
EXCUSE ME,
I MUST MAKE A PHONE CALL.
255
00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:13,760
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
256
00:15:13,762 --> 00:15:16,696
I'M RINGING
THE INSURANCE COMPANY
TO DOUBLE MY COVERAGE.
257
00:15:17,731 --> 00:15:20,566
DO THAT LATER.
GET THE COLONEL IN HERE!
258
00:15:25,273 --> 00:15:28,408
Von Smallhausen:
I have removed the detonator
259
00:15:28,410 --> 00:15:31,411
so it cannot set off
the main charge.
260
00:15:31,413 --> 00:15:34,114
I will now render
the detonator harmless.
261
00:15:34,116 --> 00:15:36,016
How much time
do I have?
262
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:40,520
- 25 SECONDS.
- Not very much,
Herr Flick.
263
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:44,991
IT IS SURPRISING HOW TIME
PASSES WHEN YOU ARE NOT
ENJOYING YOURSELF.
264
00:15:44,993 --> 00:15:47,460
I WILL COUNT
FOR YOU.
265
00:15:47,462 --> 00:15:50,897
16, 15, 14--
266
00:15:57,004 --> 00:15:59,840
IT WOULD SEEM THAT
MY WATCH IS SLOW.
267
00:16:04,812 --> 00:16:07,413
- IS HE COMING?
- YES, BUT LOOK, LOUISE,
268
00:16:07,415 --> 00:16:10,984
I DO NOT LIKE THE WAY
YOU ARE INVOLVING ME
IN ALL THIS SKULLDUGGERY.
269
00:16:10,986 --> 00:16:13,686
I AM JUST SIMPLE COWARD
WHO WISHES TO LEAD
A QUIET LIFE.
270
00:16:13,688 --> 00:16:15,722
- ( footsteps )
- SHUT UP. I HEAR HIM COMING.
271
00:16:20,627 --> 00:16:22,428
- RENE?
- COLONEL.
272
00:16:22,430 --> 00:16:25,098
I'VE HAD A MESSAGE
THAT YOU REQUIRE
TO SEE ME URGENTLY.
273
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:28,501
HAVE YOU DECIDED TO TELL ME
THE WHEREABOUTS OF
THE BRITISH AIRMEN?
274
00:16:28,503 --> 00:16:31,271
WELL, YES AND NO.
275
00:16:31,273 --> 00:16:33,740
- PUT UP YOUR HANDS!
- AGH!
276
00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:36,209
RENE!
YOU'VE BETRAYED ME!
277
00:16:36,211 --> 00:16:39,479
WELL, IT WAS
AT GUNPOINT, COLONEL.
I DO NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE.
278
00:16:39,481 --> 00:16:41,781
GET YOUR FAT HANDS
ABOVE YOUR BALD HEAD!
279
00:16:43,550 --> 00:16:47,888
I DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE,
BUT THEY ARE VERY RUDE!
280
00:16:47,890 --> 00:16:50,323
- SOMEBODY IS COMING!
- HIDE HIDE HIDE.
281
00:16:53,827 --> 00:16:55,996
- ( bell dings )
- QUICK! A LARGE COGNAC.
282
00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:03,236
TWO!
TWO LARGE COGNACS.
283
00:17:03,238 --> 00:17:05,138
- PUT UP YOUR HANDS!
- ( gasps )
284
00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:08,508
TROUBLES NEVER
COME SINGLY!
285
00:17:08,510 --> 00:17:12,312
SO, RENE ARTOIS,
YOU ARE REVEALED AT LAST
286
00:17:12,314 --> 00:17:14,981
IN YOUR TRUE COLORS
AS A WORKER FOR THE RESISTANCE.
287
00:17:14,983 --> 00:17:17,583
OH NO, HERR FLICK!
I WAS JUST GOING
ABOUT MY BUSINESS
288
00:17:17,585 --> 00:17:20,353
WHEN ALL THESE GIRLS
BURST IN BRANDISHING GUNS.
289
00:17:20,355 --> 00:17:22,622
THEN WHY ARE YOU NOT
HOLDING UP YOUR HANDS?
290
00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:25,325
WELL, I'M GETTING
YOUR COGNAC.
291
00:17:25,327 --> 00:17:28,161
I CANNOT GET YOUR COGNAC
WITH MY HANDS IN THE AIR.
292
00:17:28,163 --> 00:17:30,397
ENOUGH OF ALL THIS.
GET THROUGH THAT DOOR.
293
00:17:34,235 --> 00:17:36,970
- WHERE ARE
THEY TAKING US?
- TO THE CELLAR.
294
00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:40,173
WELL, IF IT HAS ANYTHING
TO DO WITH THE BLOWING UP
OF NOUVION,
295
00:17:40,175 --> 00:17:42,708
IT WAS NOT MY IDEA!
296
00:17:42,710 --> 00:17:44,744
YOU COME WITH US,
RENE.
297
00:17:47,281 --> 00:17:48,348
( moans )
298
00:17:50,985 --> 00:17:53,854
IT'S A REAL MYSTERY.
THE COLONEL SAID
299
00:17:53,856 --> 00:17:55,589
HE WOULD ONLY BE
A COUPLE OF MINUTES,
300
00:17:55,591 --> 00:17:57,190
THAT WAS AN HOUR AGO.
301
00:17:57,192 --> 00:18:00,594
GENERAL VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN
IS HERE.
302
00:18:00,596 --> 00:18:02,763
OH DEAR,
WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO DO?
303
00:18:02,765 --> 00:18:04,731
YOU'D BETTER
SHOW HIM IN.
304
00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:08,034
( yells )
GENERAL VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN!
305
00:18:10,137 --> 00:18:12,639
- HEIL HITLER.
- Germans: HEIL HITLER.
306
00:18:12,641 --> 00:18:14,708
HEIL MUSSOLINI!
307
00:18:14,710 --> 00:18:17,277
THAT WILL BE
THE DAY.
308
00:18:18,579 --> 00:18:21,114
GRUBER! HOW NICE
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
309
00:18:21,116 --> 00:18:24,785
- WHERE'S THE COLONEL?
- HE IS MISSING.
310
00:18:24,787 --> 00:18:27,654
- WELL, DIDN'T
HE KNOW I WAS HERE?
- YES, GENERAL.
311
00:18:27,656 --> 00:18:30,724
WELL, HE SHOULD BE HERE.
I AM VERY IMPORTANT.
312
00:18:30,726 --> 00:18:34,360
WELL, BETWEEN ME
AND YOU, HUBERT--
313
00:18:36,697 --> 00:18:39,098
I HEAR DISTURBING THINGS
ABOUT KLINKERHOFFEN.
314
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:42,001
IS HE SERIOUS
IN HIS INTENTION
TO BLOW UP THE TOWN?
315
00:18:42,003 --> 00:18:43,336
HE IS VERY EARNEST.
316
00:18:43,338 --> 00:18:45,238
HE HAS-A BEEN-A
THIS WAY
317
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,442
SINCE THE BARNEY
ABOUT THE ESCAPE OF
THE BRITISH AIRMEN.
318
00:18:48,444 --> 00:18:52,479
HE SAID HE WOULD
DEPRESS THE PLUNGER
PERSONALLY.
319
00:18:52,481 --> 00:18:54,347
OH DEAR ME, DEAR ME.
320
00:18:54,349 --> 00:18:56,983
EVEN AT JUNIOR STAFF COLLEGE,
HE WAS A BIT OF A HOTHEAD.
321
00:18:56,985 --> 00:18:59,052
WHENEVER WE HAD
A FANCY-DRESS BALL,
322
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:01,120
HE ALWAYS CAME DRESSED
AS ATTILA THE HUN.
323
00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:06,593
WE ALWAYS USED TO GO DRESSED
AS NUNS AND SCHOOLGIRLS.
324
00:19:08,429 --> 00:19:10,530
THOSE WERE THE DAYS,
WEREN'T THEY?
325
00:19:12,667 --> 00:19:15,502
IN ITALIAN STAFF COLLEGE,
326
00:19:15,504 --> 00:19:18,338
WE WENT DRESSED
AS THE MEN.
327
00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:20,640
YOU COULD HAVE FOOLED ME
IN THAT HAT.
328
00:19:22,743 --> 00:19:25,579
EXCUSE ME,
RENE ARTOIS IS OUTSIDE.
329
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,614
HE SAYS HE HAS NEWS
OF THE COLONEL.
330
00:19:27,616 --> 00:19:30,584
HE SAID HE WAS BROUGHT HERE
AT GUNPOINT BY THE RESISTANCE
331
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,853
UNDER RATHER
TRYING CIRCUMSTANCES.
332
00:19:32,855 --> 00:19:35,489
- WHO IS THIS RENE ARTOIS?
- A FRIENDLY PEASANT.
333
00:19:35,491 --> 00:19:36,656
WELL, SHOW HIM IN.
334
00:19:36,658 --> 00:19:39,559
( yells )
COME IN HERE!
335
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,734
YES, HE DOES LOOK
RATHER FRIENDLY.
336
00:19:47,736 --> 00:19:50,904
HOW LONG HAS HE HAD
THE HERNIA?
337
00:19:53,273 --> 00:19:56,476
RENE, YOU HAVE NEWS
OF THE COLONEL?
338
00:19:56,478 --> 00:20:00,013
OH, IT IS TERRIBLE.
HE HAS BEEN ABDUCTED
BY THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE--
339
00:20:00,015 --> 00:20:03,783
- WHO I DO NOT KNOW.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WAS
THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE?
340
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:06,553
WELL, THEY GAVE ME
THIS MESSAGE ON THEIR
HEADED NOTEPAPER.
341
00:20:10,391 --> 00:20:12,659
- AHEM...
- YES, SIR.
342
00:20:14,161 --> 00:20:17,096
"COLONEL VON STROHM
IS BEING HELD AS A HOSTAGE
343
00:20:17,098 --> 00:20:20,834
TOGETHER WITH HERR FLICK
AND HERR VON SMALLHAUSEN
OF THE GESTAPO.
344
00:20:20,836 --> 00:20:24,303
THEY HAVE BEEN PLACED
NEXT TO A 500-LB BOMB.
345
00:20:24,305 --> 00:20:26,773
IF YOU PROCEED WITH THE PLAN
TO BLOW UP THE TOWN,
346
00:20:26,775 --> 00:20:29,208
THEY ALSO
WILL BE BLOWN UP.
YOURS FAITHFULLY..."
347
00:20:29,210 --> 00:20:32,111
THESE COMMUNISTS,
THEY STOP AT NOTHING,
HUH?
348
00:20:32,113 --> 00:20:33,780
DID YOU RECOGNIZE
THEIR FACES?
349
00:20:33,782 --> 00:20:35,782
OH, THEY WERE
ROUGH PEASANT WOMEN,
350
00:20:35,784 --> 00:20:37,918
NOT OUR SORT AT ALL.
351
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,153
- WHERE HAVE
THEY TAKEN THEM?
- I DO NOT KNOW.
352
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:42,689
THEY DID NOT TELL ME ANYTHING
BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW THEM,
353
00:20:42,691 --> 00:20:44,791
AND-AND WHAT IS MORE,
THEY BLINDFOLDED ME,
354
00:20:44,793 --> 00:20:46,459
AND TOOK AWAY
MY TROUSERS.
355
00:20:46,461 --> 00:20:48,962
THEY COULD BE ANYWHERE.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
356
00:20:48,964 --> 00:20:50,997
WELL, THIS IS
PIGGY'S AREA.
357
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:54,534
I SIMPLY BETTER SEND FOR HIM
AND SEE WHAT HE HAS TO SAY.
358
00:20:54,536 --> 00:20:56,870
EXCUSE ME,
WHAT ABOUT THIS LOCK?
359
00:20:56,872 --> 00:21:00,707
I COULD ALWAYS
SHOOT IT OFF, HMM?
360
00:21:00,709 --> 00:21:03,677
I COULD TRY
MY KEYS.
361
00:21:10,217 --> 00:21:13,386
I WILL--
I WILL SETTLE
FOR THE BULLET.
362
00:21:21,395 --> 00:21:24,064
CAN ANYONE WRIGGLE
ANYTHING FREE?
363
00:21:25,399 --> 00:21:27,901
NOTHING THAT WOULD BE
OF ANY USE TO US.
364
00:21:29,904 --> 00:21:33,239
CAN YOU NOT RELEASE
THE SECRET GESTAPO
CUTTING TOOL
365
00:21:33,241 --> 00:21:35,775
FROM THE FALSE HEEL
OF YOUR GESTAPO BOOT?
366
00:21:35,777 --> 00:21:38,244
THEY'RE AT
THE MENDER'S.
367
00:21:38,246 --> 00:21:41,114
THEY'LL BE BACK
ON THURSDAY.
368
00:21:41,116 --> 00:21:44,851
THIS IS ALL
THE FAULT OF YOUR STUPID
PIGGY-FACED GENERAL!
369
00:21:44,853 --> 00:21:48,121
NEXT TIME I SEE HIM
I WILL TELL HIM
WHAT YOU SAID.
370
00:21:48,123 --> 00:21:50,123
SNEAK!
371
00:21:50,125 --> 00:21:54,260
WITH MY KEEN EYE
I HAVE SPOTTED WIRES
RUNNING FROM THE CLOCK.
372
00:21:54,262 --> 00:21:56,963
MY ANALYTICAL MIND
TELLS ME
373
00:21:56,965 --> 00:21:59,599
THAT IF WE INTERFERE
WITH THE MOVEMENT
OF THE HAND,
374
00:21:59,601 --> 00:22:02,268
WE WILL PREVENT
THE DETONATION.
375
00:22:02,270 --> 00:22:04,403
I HAVE MANAGED
TO UNDO A KNOT!
376
00:22:04,405 --> 00:22:06,339
I THINK I COULD
HOP OVER THERE.
377
00:22:06,341 --> 00:22:08,374
WELL, GET ON
WITH IT!
378
00:22:17,818 --> 00:22:20,353
IT'S NO GOOD.
I CANNOT REACH
HIGH ENOUGH.
379
00:22:20,355 --> 00:22:22,488
STOP THE BIG HAND
WITH YOUR NOSE.
380
00:22:24,491 --> 00:22:27,127
I HAVE TO STAND
ON TIPTOE.
381
00:22:27,129 --> 00:22:29,328
IT'S NOT
VERY COMFORTABLE.
382
00:22:29,330 --> 00:22:32,532
NEVER MIND.
IT'S ONLY FOR 24 HOURS.
383
00:22:34,434 --> 00:22:36,502
( knock on door )
384
00:22:36,504 --> 00:22:39,439
( both laugh )
385
00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:41,407
( yells )
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!
386
00:22:45,379 --> 00:22:46,845
HELLO, PIGGY.
387
00:22:46,847 --> 00:22:50,183
VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN,
WHAT BRINGS YOU TO
MY HEADQUARTERS?
388
00:22:50,185 --> 00:22:53,186
WE HEAR YOU'RE
HAVING A LITTLE RUN-IN
WITH THE RESISTANCE.
389
00:22:53,188 --> 00:22:56,556
THERE'S NO PROBLEM.
IF THEY DO NOT PRODUCE
THE AIRMEN,
390
00:22:56,558 --> 00:22:58,591
I AM GOING TO PRESS
THIS PLUNGER,
391
00:22:58,593 --> 00:23:00,359
WHICH WILL BLOW UP
THE TOWN!
392
00:23:00,361 --> 00:23:02,228
ISN'T THAT
A LITTLE SEVERE?
393
00:23:02,230 --> 00:23:04,497
MY PATIENCE HAS BEEN
TRIED TO THE LIMIT.
394
00:23:04,499 --> 00:23:07,467
WE MUST SHOW
THESE FROGGY UPSTARTS
WHO ARE THE MASTERS!
395
00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:09,935
WE MUST
TEACH THEM A LESSON
THEY WILL NOT FORGET.
396
00:23:11,105 --> 00:23:14,340
GENERAL,
IN YOUR ABSENCE,
397
00:23:14,342 --> 00:23:16,609
THE COLONEL
HAS BEEN ABDUCTED
398
00:23:16,611 --> 00:23:19,278
AND IS
AT THIS VERY MOMENT
SITTING ON A BOMB
399
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,748
WITH HERR FLICK
AND HIS LITTLE ASSISTANT
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
400
00:23:22,750 --> 00:23:26,919
THE RESISTANCE SENT US
A NOTE SAYING THAT IF YOU
PROCEED WITH YOUR PLAN,
401
00:23:26,921 --> 00:23:28,988
THEY WILL EXPLODE
ALL THREE OF THEM.
402
00:23:28,990 --> 00:23:32,558
WHAT IS THE LIFE
OF ONE COLONEL AND A COUPLE
OF GESTAPO OFFICERS
403
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,527
COMPARED TO KEEPING
LAW AND ORDER,
404
00:23:34,529 --> 00:23:38,231
AND SUBJUGATING
THESE TERRORISTS THAT CALL
THEMSELVES RESISTANCE?
405
00:23:38,233 --> 00:23:40,966
THE VICTORIOUS GERMAN ARMY
HAS SWEPT ACROSS EUROPE,
406
00:23:40,968 --> 00:23:42,901
CRUSHING EVERYTHING
IN ITS PATH!
407
00:23:45,071 --> 00:23:49,041
ARE WE TO ALLOW
THESE PEOPLE TO COCK
SNOOKS AT US?
408
00:23:50,244 --> 00:23:53,613
AND IF THE PRICE
OF FINAL VICTORY
409
00:23:53,615 --> 00:23:57,550
IS THE LIFE OF
A COLONEL AND A COUPLE OF
GESTAPO OFFICERS, SO BE IT!
410
00:24:00,621 --> 00:24:03,556
YES.
PIGGY, OLD BOY,
411
00:24:03,558 --> 00:24:06,292
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU HAD A HOLIDAY?
412
00:24:06,294 --> 00:24:09,362
BADEN-BADEN '38.
413
00:24:09,364 --> 00:24:13,466
YOU WERE BOTH THERE!
WE WENT TO A FANCY-DRESS BALL
AT THE BATHS.
414
00:24:13,468 --> 00:24:15,168
I WENT
AS ATTILA THE HUN!
415
00:24:17,271 --> 00:24:19,004
GET ME
THE MILITARY HOSPITAL.
416
00:24:19,006 --> 00:24:21,174
FRUITCAKE DEPARTMENT.
417
00:24:28,448 --> 00:24:31,217
- AW...
- THEY'RE STILL ASLEEP.
418
00:24:31,219 --> 00:24:33,085
OH, LEAVE THEM THERE.
419
00:24:33,087 --> 00:24:35,154
WE CAN TAKE THEM
UP TO THEIR ROOM LATER.
420
00:24:37,757 --> 00:24:39,625
( groans )
421
00:24:39,627 --> 00:24:43,296
OH, RENE,
I AM SO GLAD
YOU ARE SAFE.
422
00:24:43,298 --> 00:24:45,130
- YES YES.
- DID YOU DELIVER THE NOTE?
423
00:24:45,132 --> 00:24:47,667
YES YES, THEY HAVE IT.
NOW CAN I PLEASE HAVE
MY TROUSERS?
424
00:24:47,669 --> 00:24:51,604
THEY WILL NOT BE
BLOWING UP THE TOWN
WHILE WE HAVE THE HOSTAGES.
425
00:24:57,477 --> 00:25:00,179
THE AIRMEN MUST GO
AS SOON AS IT IS DARK.
426
00:25:00,181 --> 00:25:03,782
- WHERE IS THE BASKET?
- OFFICER CRABTREE IS
SUPERVISING IT.
427
00:25:03,784 --> 00:25:06,219
HERE IS THE BISCUIT.
428
00:25:12,192 --> 00:25:15,794
WE'RE NOT GOING
BACK TO ENGLAND DRESSED
LIKE THIS, ARE WE?
429
00:25:15,796 --> 00:25:17,830
HELMET AND GOGGLES
ARE IN THE BASKET.
430
00:25:17,832 --> 00:25:19,232
GOOD.
431
00:25:19,234 --> 00:25:22,435
HOW I WASH YOU AND I
COULD FLEW AWAY TOGETHER,
432
00:25:22,437 --> 00:25:24,237
HIGH UP IN THE CLODS.
433
00:25:24,239 --> 00:25:27,773
COULD WE NOT STEW AWAY
TOGETHER IN THE BISCUIT?
434
00:25:27,775 --> 00:25:30,909
NO, WE WEE TOO MUCH.
435
00:25:33,146 --> 00:25:35,180
WE HAVE
A BIT A PROBLEM.
436
00:25:35,182 --> 00:25:38,517
THE MAIN VALVE IS LEAKING.
GAS IS LEAKING INTO THE BALLOON.
437
00:25:38,519 --> 00:25:40,753
GO BACK
AND TIGHTEN IT.
438
00:25:40,755 --> 00:25:43,322
HERE IS A WRENCH.
439
00:25:48,962 --> 00:25:51,664
WHERE IS THE BALLAST
FOR THE BASKET?
440
00:25:51,666 --> 00:25:54,233
- OH, THERE ARE
SANDBAGS OUTSIDE.
- GET THEM.
441
00:25:54,235 --> 00:25:57,236
CAN THEY NOT GO NOW?
442
00:25:57,238 --> 00:25:59,238
WHAT, IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?
OF COURSE NOT!
443
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,073
WE WILL HAVE TO WAIT
UNTIL NIGHT FALLS.
444
00:26:01,075 --> 00:26:03,942
DO YOU NOT REALIZE
THEY WILL START TO SEARCH
FOR THE COLONEL?
445
00:26:03,944 --> 00:26:06,445
THIS PLACE COULD BE
CRAWLING WITH GERMANS
ANY MINUTE!
446
00:26:06,447 --> 00:26:09,214
( flatulence )
447
00:26:09,216 --> 00:26:12,518
( high-pitched )
CRIKEY, I HAVE BURST
THE VALVE!
448
00:26:14,688 --> 00:26:16,922
THE BALLOON IS FILLING!
449
00:26:18,825 --> 00:26:20,793
QUICK,
TIE THE ROPES
TO THE BASKET!
450
00:26:20,795 --> 00:26:24,597
THERE IS NO BALLAST!
IT WILL NOT HOLD DOWN
THE BALLOON!
451
00:26:24,599 --> 00:26:26,098
TIE THE ROPE
TO THE BED!
452
00:26:29,002 --> 00:26:30,436
WE WILL LOSE
THE BALLOON!
453
00:26:31,738 --> 00:26:33,539
( glass shattering )
454
00:26:33,541 --> 00:26:35,107
Edith: RENE!
455
00:26:36,142 --> 00:26:38,977
( women screaming )
456
00:26:44,918 --> 00:26:46,285
THAT SHOULD HOLD IT.
457
00:26:46,287 --> 00:26:48,153
( crowd clamoring )
458
00:27:06,139 --> 00:27:08,741
OH MY GOD,
IT IS LIFTING THE BED!
459
00:27:08,743 --> 00:27:11,109
HOLD TIGHT, MAMA!
460
00:27:11,111 --> 00:27:13,846
ERNEST?
ERNEST, WAKE UP!
461
00:27:13,848 --> 00:27:16,949
IT IS RISING.
IT IS RISING!
462
00:27:16,951 --> 00:27:19,819
MARROWS! MARROWS!
463
00:27:19,821 --> 00:27:23,422
WHO WILL BUY MY LOVELY
ALGERIAN MARROWS?
464
00:27:23,424 --> 00:27:25,524
( screaming )
465
00:27:31,264 --> 00:27:32,965
OH, RENE!
466
00:27:32,967 --> 00:27:35,234
WE HAVE LOST
MY MOTHER!
467
00:27:35,236 --> 00:27:38,937
DO NOT WORRY.
WE HAVE GAINED A BEDROOM.
468
00:27:49,716 --> 00:27:52,017
WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING ME
INTO THIS BED FOR?
469
00:27:52,019 --> 00:27:53,686
THERE'S NOTHING
THE MATTER WITH ME!
470
00:27:53,688 --> 00:27:54,920
TAKE IT EASY,
OLD CHAP.
471
00:27:54,922 --> 00:27:56,188
YOU'VE BEEN
OVERDOING IT.
472
00:27:56,190 --> 00:27:58,524
THE NURSE HERE WILL GIVE YOU
A NICE LITTLE INJECTION,
473
00:27:58,526 --> 00:28:03,061
AND WHEN YOU WAKE UP,
YOU'LL BE THE SAME OLD PIGGY
THAT WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE.
474
00:28:03,063 --> 00:28:04,963
GO AWAY!
I DO NOT WANT
AN INJECTION!
475
00:28:04,965 --> 00:28:06,832
I'M JUST AS SANE
AS YOU ARE!
476
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,375
OH, ON SECOND THOUGHT...
477
00:28:16,377 --> 00:28:18,878
NURSE, THE NEEDLE.
478
00:28:20,079 --> 00:28:23,015
( theme music playing )