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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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( theme music playing )
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THAT NOISE YOU CAN HEAR
IS MY WIFE EDITH
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UPSTAIRS BANGING
IN THE SPARE BEDROOM
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WITH MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
THE UNDERTAKER.
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THEY ARE--
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THEY ARE CONSTRUCTING
A SECRET COMPARTMENT
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FOR US TO HIDE IN,
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SHOULD THE GERMANS
EVER DISCOVER
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THAT WE ARE HELPING
THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE.
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NEEDLESS TO SAY,
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THE PLAN TO GET
THE AIRMEN AWAY BY BALLOON
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WENT WRONG.
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THE ROPES OF THE BALLOON
BECAME ACCIDENTALLY ENTANGLED
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IN THE BED CONTAINING
MY WIFE'S MOTHER,
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AND HER TOY
PENSIONER HUSBAND,
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MONSIEUR LECLERC.
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THEY WERE LAST SEEN
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FLOATING AT 500 FEET
DUE SOUTH.
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EDITH IS, OF COURSE,
VERY UPSET BY ALL THIS.
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FORTUNATELY, I AM MADE
OF STRONGER STUFF,
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AND AM MANAGING
TO CONTAIN MY GRIEF.
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THE SECRET COMPARTMENT
IS FINISHED.
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GOOD. I WAS
BEGINNING TO THINK
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I HAD A SEVERE CASE
OF DANDRUFF.
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MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
IS A DAB HAND
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AT DOING IT HIMSELF.
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I'M SURE HE IS.
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IT'S ALL THOSE YEARS
MAKING COFFINS.
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BUT I SHALL SLEEP
MORE SOUNDLY NOW,
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KNOWING THAT SHOULD
THE END COME,
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WE WILL BE SAFE
IN OUR SECRET COMPARTMENT,
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JUST THE TWO OF US.
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THE-- THE THREE OF US.
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YOU WILL HAVE
TO SLIM A BIT.
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MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
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WHAT A COMFORT IT IS
TO HAVE SUCH LOYAL FRIENDS.
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OH, DO NOT MENTION IT,
MADAME EDITH.
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NEXT WEEK, I WILL
SEND YOU THE BILL
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FOR THE WOOD,
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AND THE SCREWS.
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RENE, IS THERE
ANY NEWS OF MAMMA?
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I'M AFRAID NOT.
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I AM SO WORRIED
ABOUT HER.
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TO THINK OF HER
FLOATING UP THERE IN BED
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SUSPENDED UNDER A BALLOON.
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SHE'S PROBABLY
FAST ASLEEP,
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FLOATING ALONG
QUITE SAFELY.
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OH, WHAT A COMFORT
YOUR WORDS ARE.
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THERE IS ALWAYS A CHANCE
SHE WILL FORGET WHERE SHE IS
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AND DECIDE TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
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RENE!
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LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
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I SHALL GASP THIS
ONLY ONCE.
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I HAVE BAD NEWS.
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MONSIEUR LECLERC
AND MADAME FANNY
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HAVE BEEN SHOT DOWN
OVER ABBEVILLE.
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OH NO!
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ARE YOU SURE
IT WAS THEM?
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HOW MANY OLD COUPLES
ARE FLOATING AROUND FRANCE
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IN A BED?
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PERHAPS THE SPRINGS
OF THE MATTRESS
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HAVE CUSHIONED
THE LANDING.
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THERE WERE NO SPRINGS
IN THE MATTRESS.
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OH, WE MUST SAY
A PRAYER FOR THEM.
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OH, ALL RIGHT.
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DEAR LORD,
IF YOU HAVE A MOMENT,
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PLEASE WATCH OVER
MY WIFE'S MOTHER
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AND MONSIEUR LECLERC.
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AND IF POSSIBLE,
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MAKE SURE
WE GET THE BED BACK.
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AMEN.
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( engine noise )
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WHAT WAS THAT?
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THERE'S A MOTORBIKE
AND A SIDECAR.
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IT'S MADAME FANNY
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC!
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OH!
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OH, MAMMA,
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THANK HEAVEN
YOU ARE SAFE.
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BUT WHAT HAPPENED?
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THE BALLOON WAS HIT
BY A SHRAPNEL
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BUT WE LANDED
IN A HAYSTACK.
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IT WAS ERNEST
WHO SAVED THE DAY.
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HE DESERVES
A HERO'S REWARD.
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DO NOT TELL ME YOU HAVE
BROUGHT THE BED BACK?
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NO.
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HE STOLE
A MOTORBIKE
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AND WE DROVE
LIKE THE WIND.
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MY GOD,
DID ANYBODY SEE YOU?
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ONLY THE GERMANS
WHO SHOT AT US
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WHEN WE SMASHED
THROUGH THE ROADBLOCK.
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I AM REVITALIZED,
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I DEMAND THAT WE SIGN ON
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FOR ACTIVE SERVICE
IN THE RESISTANCE.
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YOU SILLY OLD FOOLS,
YOU'LL HAVE
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HALF THE GERMAN ARMY
COMING HERE.
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OH MY GOD,
THEY ARE HERE ALREADY.
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THEY MUST NOT
FIND ME HERE.
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I WILL DISAPPEAR
DOWN THE BACK PASSAGE.
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I'VE JUST SUDDENLY
REMEMBERED
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AN URGENT APPOINTMENT,
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WITH A STIFF.
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RENE, WE MUST
DENY KNOWING ANYTHING
ABOUT THE MOTORBIKE.
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THE WANTED MOTORBIKE
OUTSIDE
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WAS SEEN
ENTERING THE TOWN
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DOING A WHEELIE.
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WHO IS THE DRIVER?
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WE WILL NOT TALK.
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THEN YOU ARE ALL
UNDER ARREST.
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BUT WE DO NOT
EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE.
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SILENCE!
TAKE THEM AWAY.
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AND TO THINK I PAID
FOR THE WEDDING.
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( snoring )
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( knocking )
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WHAT IS IT, HELGA?
CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE BUSY?
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THERE ARE SOME PRISONERS
OUTSIDE, COLONEL.
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OH, ALL RIGHT.
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BRING THEM IN.
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BRING IN THE PRISONERS!
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LEFT, RIGHT,
LEFT, RIGHT,
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LEFT, RIGHT,
LEFT, RIGHT,
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LEFT, RIGHT,
LEFT, RIGHT,
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LEFT, RIGHT,
LEFT, RIGHT,
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LEFT, RIGHT.
HALT!
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GET OUT!
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I'M SURE THERE HAS BEEN
SOME MISTAKE.
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BE QUIET!
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I WARN YOU, RENE,
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I AM NOT
IN A GOOD MOOD.
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WE'RE DOING VERY BADLY
ON THE RUSSIAN FRONT.
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OH, I AM SORRY
TO HEAR THAT.
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MADAME FANNY
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC
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ARE CHARGED
WITH ASSAULTING
A GERMAN OFFICER,
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STEALING A MOTORBIKE,
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FAILURE TO STOP
AT A ROADBLOCK,
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AND FLYING A BED
ATTACHED TO A BALLOON
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IN A MILITARY AIRSPACE.
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THESE ARE
SERIOUS CHARGES.
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WHAT HAVE YOU TO SAY
FOR YOURSELVES?
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YOU ARE A FAT PIG.
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PLEASE NOTE
THAT I DO NOT WISH
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TO BE ASSOCIATED
WITH ANY PERSONAL OPINIONS
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OF MY WIFE'S MOTHER.
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WE QUITE UNDERSTAND.
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NOW, MADAME FANNY,
PERHAPS YOU COULD EXPLAIN.
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GERMANS,
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- I SPIT ON YOU!
- ( spits )
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SHUT UP,
YOU SILLY OLD BAT.
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YOU WILL GET US
ALL SHOT.
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DO SOMETHING,
SHE IS YOUR WIFE.
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I HARDLY KNOW
THE WOMAN.
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IN VIEW OF THE SERIOUSNESS
OF THESE OFFENSES,
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I HAVE TO SEND YOU TO JAIL
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FOR AT LEAST SEVEN DAYS.
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BUT COLONEL,
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THEY ARE VERY OLD.
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AND THEY WERE
ON THEIR HONEYMOON.
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MAKE IT 14 DAYS.
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TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE,
MAKE IT 21.
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SO MUCH
FOR NAZI JUSTICE.
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30 DAYS!
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ARE YOU GOING
TO TRY FOR LIFE?
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PLEASE, MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
IS AN OLD LADY.
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SHE HAS MOMENTS
OF INSANITY,
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IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY.
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THE BALLOON WAS
AN ACCIDENT.
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00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,520
AND ASSAULTING THE SENTRY?
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AND STEALING A MOTORBIKE?
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AND RIDING FULL SPEED
THROUGH ROADBLOCKS?
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HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?
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SHE HAD LEFT A CAKE
IN THE OVEN.
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PLEASE, COLONEL,
BE MERCIFUL.
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YES, PERHAPS WE COULD
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SHOW THE MAGNANIMITY
OF THE CONQUEROR.
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YOU ARE RIGHT, GRUBER,
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BUT I MUST MAKE
AN EXAMPLE.
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GUARD!
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TAKE THOSE PEOPLE
TO THE POLICE STATION.
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MAKE SURE THEY GET
A COMFORTABLE CELL.
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LONG LIVE FRANCE!
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DOWN WITH HITLER!
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SHE DID NOT MEAN THAT.
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I CAN SEND
YOU THERE, AS WELL.
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THEY WILL BE
MORE COMFORTABLE
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00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,728
ON THEIR OWN,
THANK YOU, COLONEL.
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LOOK ON
THE BRIGHT SIDE,
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THERE IS VERY LITTLE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
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BEING MARRIED
AND BEING IN THE NICK.
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Colonel:
SHUT THE DOOR!
189
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SORRY, SORRY.
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00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,671
HEIL...
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00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:22,306
...WHAT'S-HIS-NAME.
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YOU SENT FOR ME,
HERR FLICK?
193
00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:32,917
YES, HELGA.
194
00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:35,219
MY SPIES INFORM ME
195
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THAT THE OLD LADY
FROM THE CAFE
196
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,489
AND HER GERIATRIC HUSBAND
197
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,759
HAVE BEEN JAILED
FOR FLYING AN UNLICENSED BED
198
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,494
IN MILITARY AIRSPACE.
199
00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:45,496
YOUR SPIES WORK QUICKLY,
200
00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:47,098
I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO TELL YOU THIS.
201
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,067
I SUSPECT
THAT THE AIRBORNE BED
202
00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:52,536
HAS SOMETHING TO DO
WITH THE BRITISH AIRMEN.
203
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:56,507
WE MUST THEREFORE INTERROGATE
THE TWO FLYING PENSIONERS.
204
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:57,608
BUT HOW?
205
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:59,209
THEY HAVE BEEN
TAKEN TO JAIL.
206
00:07:59,211 --> 00:08:00,577
I'M AWARE OF THIS,
207
00:08:00,579 --> 00:08:03,480
AND HAVE THEREFORE
INSTRUCTED VON SMALLHAUSEN
208
00:08:03,482 --> 00:08:07,084
TO DISGUISE HIMSELF
AS A COMMON CRIMINAL.
209
00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:08,552
HE WILL
COMMIT A CRIME,
210
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:11,255
GET HIMSELF LOCKED UP
IN THE SAME CELL
211
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:12,256
AS THE OLD COUPLE,
212
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:14,258
AND INGRATIATE HIMSELF
WITH THEM.
213
00:08:15,293 --> 00:08:17,494
REVEAL YOURSELF,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
214
00:08:24,235 --> 00:08:26,370
( spits )
215
00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:28,572
WHY DO YOU SPIT,
VON SMALLHAUSEN?
216
00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:31,475
I AM GETTING INTO THE PART,
HERR FLICK.
217
00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:32,710
DO NOT DO IT AGAIN,
218
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,912
I HAVE JUST HAD
THE FLOOR POLISHED.
219
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:37,114
WHAT CRIME WILL THIS
VERY COMMON LOOKING CRIMINAL
220
00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:38,215
COMMIT, HERR FLICK?
221
00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:40,284
IT IS NOT YET DECIDED.
222
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:42,619
COULD HE NOT CLIMB
INTO THE COLONEL'S OFFICE
223
00:08:42,621 --> 00:08:43,921
AND STEAL
THE PETTY CASH?
224
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,090
THAT IS A GOOD IDEA.
225
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:48,625
MY DAZZLING BRILLIANCE
IS OBVIOUSLY
226
00:08:48,627 --> 00:08:50,294
RUBBING OFF ON YOU.
227
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:52,697
AS A REWARD,
YOU MAY KISS ME.
228
00:08:57,069 --> 00:08:58,803
ENOUGH!
229
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:00,871
I MUST NOT SPOIL YOU.
230
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,506
DO I GET A KISS TOO?
231
00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:05,710
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
YOU ARE NOT RAFFLES.
232
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,444
YOU ARE
A COMMON CRIMINAL,
233
00:09:07,446 --> 00:09:09,080
AND IF I MAY SAY SO,
234
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,115
RATHER UPPITY.
235
00:09:14,119 --> 00:09:17,354
I HAVE ODORS
TO LICK YOU UP,
236
00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:19,657
BUT I AM POTTING YOU
IN A GOOD SILL.
237
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:25,630
WHAT DID HE SAY, ERNEST?
238
00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:27,031
I HAVE NO IDEA.
239
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:28,633
I THINK HE IS DRUNK.
240
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:30,635
I AM NOT DRINK,
241
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:33,471
I AM JUST
DOING MY DIRTY.
242
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,740
NOW MAKE YOURSELVES COMFY,
243
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:38,476
AND I WILL BRING YOU
A NICE POT OF TWO.
244
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:39,477
OH.
245
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,145
HE MEANS
A POT OF TEA.
246
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:42,546
OH, WHAT A RELIEF.
247
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:48,385
I DO NOT LIKE
BEING BANGED UP
248
00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:50,788
LIKE THIS
AT MY AGE.
249
00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:53,791
WE MUST GET OUT
OF HERE.
250
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:56,027
WE COULD DIG A TUNNEL
251
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,429
LIKE THE COUNT
OF MONTE CRISTO.
252
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,398
IT TOOK HIM 20 YEARS.
253
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,701
I WOULD BE...
254
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:08,239
...104 BY THE TIME
WE GET OUT.
255
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,541
YOU WILL STILL LOOK
THE SAME TO ME.
256
00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:14,746
I THOUGHT YOU
WERE ONCE
257
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:17,982
ONE OF THE BEST
CRACKSMEN IN FRANCE.
258
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:19,583
A LONG TIME AGO.
259
00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:20,985
TAKE THIS HAIRPIN
260
00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:23,387
AND TRY YOUR LUCK
WITH THE LOCK.
261
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:24,622
AH.
262
00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:28,693
WHERE IS IT?
263
00:10:30,095 --> 00:10:32,163
GIVE IT TO ME.
264
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:40,638
( clears throat )
265
00:10:43,008 --> 00:10:44,608
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
YOU ARE NOT
266
00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,944
SUPPOSED TO LEAVE
YOUR SILL.
267
00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:48,746
YOU WILL GET ME
INTO TRIBBLE.
268
00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:50,748
WELL, IN THAT CASE,
269
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:52,784
COULD WE HAVE COFFEE
INSTEAD OF TEA,
270
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,852
AND PERHAPS A SANDWICH?
271
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:57,488
CRIB MEAT,
SIMMON OR SARDUNE?
272
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:01,625
OH, JUST A BISCUIT
WILL DO.
273
00:11:04,229 --> 00:11:06,698
GENERAL
VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN,
274
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,299
IRON CROSS 1st CLASS.
275
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:11,202
HOLDER OF THE
DISTINGUISHED ORDER
OF THE SILVER EAGLE,
276
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,604
AND MEMBER OF
THE BERCHTESGADEN RAMBLERS.
277
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:14,605
HEIL HITLER.
278
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:15,673
HEIL HITLER.
279
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,640
HEIL MUSSOLINI.
280
00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:21,312
MUSSOLINI, HE STILL
NO GO TOO GOOD, EH?
281
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,749
I HAVE COME TO INFORM YOU
THAT SINCE VON KLINKERHOFFEN
282
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,884
SEEMS TO BE HAVING
A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN,
283
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:29,087
I WILL BE TAKING CHARGE
OF THE GARRISON
284
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:30,621
UNTIL HE IS FIT TO RETURN.
285
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,857
WE ALL WISH HIM
A SPEEDY RECOVERY.
286
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,625
AND MAY I SAY,
GENERAL,
287
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:37,561
THAT IT WILL BE AN HONOR
TO SERVE UNDER YOU.
288
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,630
IT IS NOTED.
289
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,999
SO, NOW THAT
I'M IN CHARGE, COLONEL,
290
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:44,635
THERE ARE URGENT
PRIORITIES FOR US TO DISCUSS.
291
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:47,105
LIKE RECAPTURING
THE ESCAPED BRITISH AIRMEN.
292
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,906
THAT IS HIGH ON MY LIST,
OF COURSE,
293
00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:49,941
BUT FIRST--
294
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:53,310
I THINK WE SHOULD
REDECORATE THIS ROOM.
295
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:54,812
THAT CARPET IS A DISGRACE,
296
00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,714
AND AS FOR THE COLOR
OF THE WALLS--
297
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,549
UNSPEAKABLE!
298
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,952
HOW COULD YOU LIVE
WITH THESE PAINTINGS?
299
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,354
IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY.
300
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:06,523
I ADMIT THEY DO
GET UP MY NOSE.
301
00:12:06,525 --> 00:12:08,292
COME, GRUBER,
302
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:10,862
PERHAPS WE COULD
STROLL AROUND,
303
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,197
AND SEE WHAT IS
WORTH KEEPING.
304
00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:14,331
I'LL TAKE NOTES.
305
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:16,100
YES. YOU SEE,
306
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:17,501
THIS WILL HAVE
TO GO OF COURSE.
307
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:18,569
NATURALLY.
308
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:21,705
WHAT WOULD YOU PUT
IN ITS PLACE, LIEUTENANT?
309
00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:23,908
A STILL LIFE,
PERHAPS,
310
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,943
OR ONE OF
THE IMPRESSIONISTS.
311
00:12:25,945 --> 00:12:27,779
GOOD IDEA.
HUH?
312
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:30,381
PERHAPS I COULD
PERSUADE MARSHAL GOERING
313
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:32,716
TO LEND US A MONET.
314
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:36,620
YOU NO GET HIM
TO LEND YOU THE MONEY.
315
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:39,824
I HEAR HE'S VERY
TIGHTFISTED WITH THE CASH.
316
00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:41,192
PEASANT.
317
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,828
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI,
MAYBE YOU'D JUST
POUR US A DRINK
318
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:45,963
AND LEAVE US
TO DISCUSS THE PAINTINGS!
319
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,802
YOU KNOW, HUBERT,
320
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:53,470
I'M SURPRISED YOU'RE STILL
ONLY A LIEUTENANT.
321
00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:55,372
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
AT YOUR WAR RECORD.
322
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,008
IT'S MOST IMPRESSIVE.
323
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,276
THANK YOU, GENERAL.
324
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,445
YES, I HAD NOT REALIZED
THAT YOU SPENT 10 DAYS
325
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,380
UNDER FIRE
AT THE RUSSIAN FRONT,
326
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:07,384
TRAPPED IN A FOXHOLE
WITH NINE STORMTROOPERS.
327
00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:09,620
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN HELL.
328
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:13,757
I'M STILL TRYING
TO FORGET IT.
329
00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:16,294
WELL, I WISH
I HAD BEEN WITH YOU.
330
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,796
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE
TO BE IN ON THE ACTION
FOR A CHANGE.
331
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,766
DO I TAKE NOTES
OF THIS?
332
00:13:22,768 --> 00:13:23,835
CERTAINLY NOT!
333
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:24,802
GENERAL.
334
00:13:28,907 --> 00:13:31,575
TAKE A NOTE, PRIVATE,
CRYSTAL GLASSES.
335
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:34,111
ONE CANNOT DRINK COGNAC
OUT OF RUBBISH LIKE THIS.
336
00:13:34,113 --> 00:13:36,380
THEY WERE GIVEN TO ME
BY MY MOTHER.
337
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,182
OH REALLY?
338
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:40,084
DID SHE GIVE YOU
THE DECANTER AS WELL?
339
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:41,118
NO.
340
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,654
I THOUGHT NOT,
IT LOOKS QUITE GOOD.
341
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,890
( laughing )
342
00:13:48,126 --> 00:13:49,693
AH, RUBENS?
343
00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:51,829
NOT AN ORIGINAL
OF COURSE.
344
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,130
WELL, I SPOTTED THAT.
345
00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:55,032
NO, THE ORIGINAL HAD
A FAMOUS TITLE.
346
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:57,101
I'M TRYING
TO RECALL IT.
347
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:58,535
I GOT IT.
348
00:13:58,537 --> 00:14:01,038
"LOOK, MAMA, I'VE BEEN
AT THE PASTA AGAIN."
349
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,541
BARBARIAN!
350
00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:05,877
LIEUTENANT,
351
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,511
I THINK IT'S BEST
IF WE CONTINUE
352
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:08,913
THIS DISCUSSION
ELSEWHERE.
353
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,615
I'M JUST OFF
TO SEE POOR OLD
KLINKERHOFFEN.
354
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:12,683
WILL YOU
ACCOMPANY ME?
355
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,253
I SHALL DRIVE YOU
IN MY LITTLE TANK.
356
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,154
I'M SURE
THAT WILL BE FUN.
357
00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:18,956
OH, BY THE WAY,
COLONEL,
358
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:20,591
I SEE FROM
MY DAILY REPORTS
359
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:22,193
THAT YOU HAVE JAILED
AN OLD MAN
360
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,227
AND A WOMAN TODAY.
361
00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:24,762
WELL, IT'S A VERY
SERIOUS OFFENSE
362
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:27,064
TO FLY AROUND
IN A BEDSTEAD,
GENERAL.
363
00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:28,165
NONSENSE.
364
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:31,235
SUCH ACTIONS WILL
MAKE US EXTREMELY UNPOPULAR.
365
00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:33,004
ONE NIGHT IN JAIL
WILL BE ENOUGH.
366
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:35,006
I WANT THEM RELEASED
AT DAWN, HMM?
367
00:14:36,708 --> 00:14:39,243
COME, HUBERT.
368
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,785
WHO DOES THAT JUMPED UP
INTERIOR DECORATOR
369
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:49,053
THINK HE IS?
370
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,055
COMING IN HERE
AND TAKING OVER
LIKE THAT.
371
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,356
I AGREE.
372
00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:55,159
AND LIEUTENANT GRUBER
IS BEING VERY CRAWLY.
373
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:57,128
THAT WORD HAD
CROSSED MY MIND.
374
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,363
I SHALL BE GLAD
WHEN VON KLINKERHOFFEN
375
00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:00,531
IS WELL ENOUGH TO RETURN.
376
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,533
SHALL I REMOVE
THE PAINTINGS?
377
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:03,634
NO, LEAVE IT ALONE.
378
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:06,070
THAT'S RIGHT,
THIS IS YOUR OFFICE.
379
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,838
IF YOU WANT THE RUBBISH
ON THE WALL,
380
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,273
YOU HAVE THE RUBBISH
ON THE WALL.
381
00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:10,808
WHAT ABOUT THE CARPET?
382
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:12,176
LEAVE THE CARPET!
383
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:13,978
AND WHEN I RETURN
384
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:15,712
I WANT THE PAINTINGS
REMOVED,
385
00:15:15,714 --> 00:15:17,681
AND A NEW CARPET
IN PLACE.
386
00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:19,450
AND LET GRUBER CHOOSE,
387
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:20,851
SOMETHING WITH PINK,
PERHAPS?
388
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,286
I HAD THE SAME THOUGHT.
389
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:24,155
I'M NOT SURPRISED.
SEE TO IT, COLONEL.
390
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,090
OF COURSE, GENERAL.
391
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,791
JUST AS I THOUGHT.
392
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:30,294
ALL MOUTH
AND NO TROUSERS.
393
00:15:30,296 --> 00:15:31,362
GET OUT!
394
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:32,896
AND WHILST YOU'RE OUT,
395
00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:34,432
WHY DON'T YOU
KILL A CHICKEN,
396
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,866
AND GET YOUR HAT
RESTUFFED?
397
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,368
GOOD IDEA.
398
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,470
- I'LL GO AND CHASE
A BIRD OR TWO.
- OOH!
399
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:40,637
CIAO!
400
00:15:47,145 --> 00:15:49,913
YOUR SOUP, HERR GENERAL.
401
00:15:56,421 --> 00:15:58,255
HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO DRINK IT?
402
00:15:58,257 --> 00:16:00,957
THROUGH THIS STRAW.
403
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:30,320
HELLO?
404
00:16:34,859 --> 00:16:36,760
HELLO, OPERATOR?
405
00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:38,162
GET ME BERLIN
AT ONCE.
406
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,463
Operator:
I'll give you a line,
407
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,565
and you can dial
the number yourself.
408
00:16:44,302 --> 00:16:46,470
YOU INCOMPETENT IDIOT,
COME BACK!
409
00:16:47,638 --> 00:16:49,239
I THINK THE GENERAL
MAY BE WELL ENOUGH
410
00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:51,408
TO COME OUT FOR A PERIOD
OF CONVALESCENCE.
411
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:52,509
WHAT IS YOUR NAME,
412
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:55,712
RANK AND NUMBER?
TALK TO ME.
413
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:58,115
IF YOU DO NOT REPLY, I WILL
HAVE YOU COURT-MARTIALED.
414
00:17:01,152 --> 00:17:04,121
HE'S TALKING
TO THE FRUIT.
415
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:06,056
ON SECOND THOUGHTS,
I THINK WE'LL
416
00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:07,991
KEEP HIM IN
FOR THE TIME BEING.
417
00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:10,327
IS THERE
ANYONE THERE?
418
00:17:12,797 --> 00:17:13,763
HELLO?
419
00:17:14,832 --> 00:17:16,800
HELLO?
420
00:17:22,107 --> 00:17:24,841
FISH SOUP WILL MAKE
A NICE CHANGE ON THE MENU.
421
00:17:26,777 --> 00:17:28,778
IT STILL DOES NOT
SMELL VERY FISHY.
422
00:17:28,780 --> 00:17:31,582
WE WILL ADD
SOME OF THIS SEAWEED.
423
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:33,350
THAT WILL GIVE IT
A BIT OF BODY.
424
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:36,019
OH, THIS WARTIME
RATIONING.
425
00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:38,455
GET ME THE LEFTOVERS
FROM LUNCH.
426
00:17:43,928 --> 00:17:46,196
YES. WE WILL
HAVE TO THROW IN
427
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:47,464
A TIN OF SARDINES
428
00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:48,898
TO FILL IT OUT A BIT.
429
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,400
HOW WE EVER
GOT THREE STARS
430
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,402
IN THE MICHELIN GUIDE
I CANNOT IMAGINE.
431
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,037
( knocking )
432
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:55,606
SEE WHO THAT IS,
WILL YOU?
433
00:17:57,642 --> 00:18:00,544
IT IS MICHELLE
OF THE RESISTANCE.
434
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:01,945
ARE YOU ALONE?
435
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,280
APART FROM YOU,
YVETTE,
436
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:04,748
AND A COUPLE
OF DEAD FISH,
437
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,049
YES, I AM ALONE.
438
00:18:06,051 --> 00:18:07,584
THEN LISTEN
VERY CAREFULLY.
439
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:08,752
I HAVE A NEW PLAN
440
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,587
TO GET THE BRITISH AIRMEN
BACK TO ENGLAND.
441
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,222
OH, WHAT A SURPRISE.
442
00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:14,224
WE ARE GOING
TO ASK LONDON
443
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:15,459
FOR A LIGHT AIRCRAFT,
444
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:16,860
WHICH WILL LAND
AT NIGHT
445
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:18,028
GUIDED BY
THE HEADLIGHTS
446
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,096
OF MY RESISTANCE
GIRLS' BICYCLES.
447
00:18:20,098 --> 00:18:22,432
UNFORTUNATELY, WE ARE
SHORT OF BATTERIES
448
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:23,933
FOR THE CYCLE LAMPS
AT THE MOMENT
449
00:18:23,935 --> 00:18:26,002
BUT WE ARE ONLY IN
THE PLANNING STAGE.
450
00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:28,272
I WILL NOT
HOLD MY BREATH.
451
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,939
I WILL GO ALONG
WITH ANYTHING,
452
00:18:29,941 --> 00:18:31,275
AS LONG AS IT GETS
THE TWO AIRMEN
453
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,376
OUT OF MY HOUSE.
454
00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:34,545
DON'T WORRY,
IT CANNOT FAIL.
455
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,513
BY THE WAY,
WHERE ARE THE AIRMEN?
456
00:18:40,218 --> 00:18:41,818
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
457
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:44,120
HELLO, CHAPS,
458
00:18:44,122 --> 00:18:45,255
EVERYTHING
TICKETY-BOO?
459
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:46,256
BANG ON.
460
00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:47,957
I MUST SAY,
WE'RE DAMN GLAD
461
00:18:47,959 --> 00:18:49,593
TO BE OUT OF THOSE
BRIDESMAIDS' DRESSES.
462
00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:50,860
WHY? WERE THEY
UNCOMFORTABLE?
463
00:18:50,862 --> 00:18:54,198
CREPE DE CHINE
BRINGS ME OUT
IN A RASH.
464
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,532
OH, NEVER MIND.
465
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:56,866
WE'LL SOON HAVE YOU
OUT OF THERE.
466
00:18:56,868 --> 00:18:57,934
GOOD SHOW.
467
00:18:57,936 --> 00:18:59,336
I SAY,
468
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:02,038
THAT SOUP
SMELLS GOOD.
469
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,273
THEY ARE HUNGRY.
470
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:05,642
THIS IS
FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY.
471
00:19:09,447 --> 00:19:11,215
IT DOES SMELL GOOD.
472
00:19:12,383 --> 00:19:15,319
BUT IT TASTES AWFUL.
473
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,487
MICHELLE, ONE THING
A FRENCHMEN CANNOT STAND
474
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,056
IS TO HAVE SOMEBODY
INSULTING HIS BOUILLABAISSE.
475
00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:21,057
OUT.
476
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:22,859
DON'T WORRY.
I'M GOING.
477
00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:28,898
O-O-OH, RENE,
478
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,335
I LOVE IT WHEN
YOU'RE SO MASTERFUL.
479
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:33,169
HOLD ME,
480
00:19:33,171 --> 00:19:36,340
SEE HOW MY LIPS
QUIVER IN ANTICIPATION?
481
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:39,243
MINE, TOO.
OH, YVETTE.
482
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:40,510
OH!
483
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:43,012
WOULDN'T IT BE NICE
IF WE COULD ESCAPE
484
00:19:43,014 --> 00:19:44,715
TO ENGLAND
IN THAT AIRPLANE,
485
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:46,350
INSTEAD OF
THE BRITISH AIRMEN?
486
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,453
- IF ONLY WE COULD.
- RENE, KISS ME
487
00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:51,755
AS YOU'VE NEVER
KISSED ME BEFORE.
488
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:53,423
THAT WILL NOT BE EASY.
489
00:19:56,127 --> 00:19:57,927
RENE!
490
00:19:57,929 --> 00:19:59,396
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
491
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:01,365
HOLDING
THAT SERVANT GIRL
IN YOUR ARMS?
492
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,734
YOU STUPID WOMAN!
493
00:20:05,069 --> 00:20:06,670
CAN YOU NOT SEE
THAT THIS POOR CHILD
494
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:08,438
HAS GOT A FISH BONE
STUCK IN HER THROAT,
495
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,140
FROM TASTING THE SOUP?
496
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,041
I WAS TRYING
TO GET IT OUT.
497
00:20:12,043 --> 00:20:13,977
HERE, YVETTE,
TAKE A CHUNK OF THIS BREAD.
498
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:15,746
IT WILL HELP,
THEN GO AND LIE DOWN.
499
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:18,649
HERE, OPEN WIDE.
500
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,651
THERE, QUICK.
NOW DO AS HE SAYS.
501
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:24,454
HOW THOUGHTLESS I AM.
502
00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:26,156
DID YOU WANT SOMETHING?
503
00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:28,191
I HAVE COME TO A DECISION,
504
00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:31,328
WE MUST GET MAMMA
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC
OUT OF JAIL.
505
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:33,062
DO NOT BE SILLY, EDITH.
506
00:20:33,064 --> 00:20:35,965
MAMMA IS NOT WELL.
HOW WILL SHE ENDURE
507
00:20:35,967 --> 00:20:37,768
THE HARDSHIPS OF
PRISON LIFE?
508
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:39,403
THE ISOLATION, THE DAMP,
509
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,037
THE LACK OF GIN?
510
00:20:42,873 --> 00:20:45,108
SHE IS ONLY
IN THE LOCAL NICK,
511
00:20:45,110 --> 00:20:47,243
SHE HAS NOT BEEN SENT
TO DEVIL'S ISLAND.
512
00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:48,779
NOT YET, ANYWAY.
513
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:51,014
THIS IS SO IGNOMINIOUS.
514
00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:53,082
A COUPLE OF DAYS
WITH YOUR MOTHER,
515
00:20:53,084 --> 00:20:54,918
AND THE GERMANS WILL
SEND HER ON PAROLE.
516
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,587
NO, WE MUST
GET THEM OUT.
517
00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,423
I HAVE THOUGHT
OF A PLAN.
518
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:01,191
I DO NOT WANT
TO HEAR IT.
519
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:03,259
WE MUST BREAK THEM
OUT OF JAIL,
520
00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:05,462
AND SMUGGLE THEM
INTO SPAIN.
521
00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:07,397
WELL, THAT DOES
HAVE ITS MERITS.
522
00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:08,632
PASS THE SALT.
523
00:21:08,634 --> 00:21:10,600
THEN YOU WILL HELP?
524
00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:13,069
WELL, NO, I DID NOT
EXACTLY SAY THAT.
525
00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:15,071
I HAVE GOT
THE BOUILLABAISSE TO FINISH.
526
00:21:15,073 --> 00:21:17,808
IT IS MY OWN SECRET RECIPE,
WHICH EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT.
527
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:19,976
YOU COWARD,
528
00:21:19,978 --> 00:21:21,845
I WILL DO IT
MYSELF.
529
00:21:23,047 --> 00:21:24,514
EDITH!
530
00:21:24,516 --> 00:21:28,184
NOW EVERYONE WILL TALK
ABOUT YOUR SECRET RECIPE
EVEN MORE.
531
00:21:28,186 --> 00:21:30,687
YOU HAVE RUINED IT,
YOU STUPID WOMAN.
532
00:21:30,689 --> 00:21:33,357
IT IS ALL THE FAULT
OF THOSE DAMNED AIRMEN.
533
00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:37,026
WAS THAT
THE DINNER GONG?
534
00:21:41,899 --> 00:21:43,834
IF IT WAS,
535
00:21:43,836 --> 00:21:46,135
I THINK WE'RE
EATING OUTSIDE.
536
00:21:48,573 --> 00:21:49,973
PSST!
537
00:21:52,577 --> 00:21:54,678
I HAVE COME
TO COMMIT THE CRIME.
538
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,012
BUT IT'S BROAD DAYLIGHT.
539
00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:58,549
WHY DO YOU NOT COME AT NIGHT,
LIKE A NORMAL BURGLAR?
540
00:21:58,551 --> 00:22:01,017
THE GESTAPO DO NOT
PAY OVERTIME.
541
00:22:01,019 --> 00:22:02,619
VERY WELL,
542
00:22:02,621 --> 00:22:04,087
IN YOU GO.
543
00:22:05,790 --> 00:22:07,424
I WILL GIVE YOU
ABOUT ONE MINUTE,
544
00:22:07,426 --> 00:22:09,526
AND THEN I WILL COME IN
AND CATCH YOU RED-HANDED.
545
00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:15,632
OH, CAPTAIN BERTORELLI,
WHAT A SURPRISE.
546
00:22:15,634 --> 00:22:18,502
I KISS YOUR HAND,
YOU BEAUTIFUL LADY.
547
00:22:19,537 --> 00:22:21,705
I BRING YOU THESE FLOWERS.
548
00:22:21,707 --> 00:22:23,640
OH, CAPTAIN,
THEY'RE LOVELY.
549
00:22:25,176 --> 00:22:26,543
WHERE DID YOU GET THEM?
550
00:22:26,545 --> 00:22:28,745
I KISS
THE FLOWER SELLER.
551
00:22:28,747 --> 00:22:31,047
SHE GIVE ME THE FLOWERS
BEFORE SHE FAINT.
552
00:22:31,049 --> 00:22:33,517
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
CUT DOWN ON THE GARLIC.
553
00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:36,353
YOU ALWAYS MAKE
THE JOKE.
554
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,655
( thud; metal clanging )
555
00:22:38,657 --> 00:22:40,224
WHAT'S THAT?
556
00:22:40,226 --> 00:22:41,858
I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING.
557
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:43,527
( loud thud )
558
00:22:43,529 --> 00:22:45,662
ME, I INVESTIGATE.
559
00:22:48,799 --> 00:22:49,999
IT'S A BURGLAR.
560
00:22:50,001 --> 00:22:51,501
NO!
561
00:22:51,503 --> 00:22:52,836
YES.
562
00:22:54,105 --> 00:22:55,572
I CATCH HIM
THE RED HANDS.
563
00:22:55,574 --> 00:22:57,241
IT IS A FAIR COP.
564
00:22:57,243 --> 00:22:59,443
I HAVE BEEN DONE
BANG TO RIGHTS.
565
00:22:59,445 --> 00:23:01,144
OH, WELL DONE,
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI.
566
00:23:01,146 --> 00:23:02,812
I WILL TELEPHONE
THE POLICE.
567
00:23:02,814 --> 00:23:04,414
THEY WILL TAKE HIM
OFF TO JAIL.
568
00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:05,915
WHAT FOR?
569
00:23:05,917 --> 00:23:08,051
THE JAIL, THEY MEAN
NOTHING TO THESE PEOPLE.
570
00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:10,153
INSIDE THEY ONLY
LEARN THE BAD WAYS.
571
00:23:10,155 --> 00:23:12,055
I HANDLE THIS MY WAY.
572
00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:13,390
TURN AROUND.
573
00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:14,691
BEND OVER.
574
00:23:16,193 --> 00:23:18,528
TOUCH YOUR TOES.
575
00:23:23,534 --> 00:23:24,834
HE NOT TAKE MUCH.
576
00:23:24,836 --> 00:23:27,638
IT IS THE COLONEL'S
PETTY CASH.
577
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,539
HE MUST GO TO JAIL.
578
00:23:29,541 --> 00:23:31,642
HE'S ONLY THE SMALL-FRY.
WE SHOULD GIVE HIM A BREAK.
579
00:23:31,644 --> 00:23:33,410
I AM A DANGEROUS CRIMINAL.
580
00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:34,911
I MUST BE PUNISHED.
581
00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:36,346
RUBBISH.
582
00:23:36,348 --> 00:23:38,649
COME, I GIVE YOU
THE BUM'S RUSH.
583
00:23:38,651 --> 00:23:40,850
AARGHH!
584
00:23:40,852 --> 00:23:42,852
COME BACK
WHEN YOU'RE BIGGER.
585
00:23:44,221 --> 00:23:45,822
THAT'S THE WAY
TO HANDLE THEM.
586
00:23:45,824 --> 00:23:48,392
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS
HAVE TO INTERFERE?
587
00:23:48,394 --> 00:23:51,828
BECAUSE I'VE GOT
MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO.
588
00:23:51,830 --> 00:23:53,563
HOW ABOUT YOU AND ME,
589
00:23:53,565 --> 00:23:55,332
SITTING IN THE BACK ROW
OF THE PICTURES,
590
00:23:55,334 --> 00:23:56,866
FOR A BIT OF THE SLAP
AND THE TICKLE?
591
00:23:56,868 --> 00:23:58,067
OOOH.
592
00:23:58,069 --> 00:23:59,569
WHY WAIT UNTIL THEN?
593
00:24:02,039 --> 00:24:04,274
WHAT A MISTAKE TO MAKE.
594
00:24:10,081 --> 00:24:11,848
( knocking )
595
00:24:13,584 --> 00:24:15,118
- ARGH!
- OOOH!
596
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:16,820
RENE, IT IS YOU.
597
00:24:16,822 --> 00:24:19,022
WHAT RISKS YOU TAKE
TO BE WITH ME.
598
00:24:19,024 --> 00:24:20,991
LESS OF A RISK
THAN USUAL.
599
00:24:20,993 --> 00:24:23,393
I FOUND THIS NOTE
ON EDITH'S PILLOW.
600
00:24:25,930 --> 00:24:27,730
Edith's Voice:
"DEAR COWARDLY HUSBAND,
601
00:24:27,732 --> 00:24:30,500
I HAVE GONE WITH MIMI
TO RESCUE MAMMA.
602
00:24:30,502 --> 00:24:33,569
IF I DO NOT COME BACK,
THINK WELL OF ME,
603
00:24:33,571 --> 00:24:34,905
EDITH.
604
00:24:34,907 --> 00:24:36,506
KISS. KISS. KISS."
605
00:24:37,708 --> 00:24:40,110
THE IDIOT, SHE WILL
GET US ALL SHOT.
606
00:24:40,112 --> 00:24:42,145
LISTEN, SOMEONE IS
COMING UP THE STAIRS.
607
00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:43,113
OH MY GOD.
608
00:24:44,282 --> 00:24:45,448
IT IS THE GERMANS.
609
00:24:45,450 --> 00:24:47,350
THEY HAVE MONSIEUR LECLERC
AND MADAME FANNY.
610
00:24:47,352 --> 00:24:49,820
IT MUST MEAN THEY
HAVE MADE THEM TALK.
WE ARE DONE FOR.
611
00:24:52,857 --> 00:24:54,724
WE HAVE
BUST THEM OUT!
612
00:24:54,726 --> 00:24:56,392
WE USED
A FORGED DOCUMENT,
613
00:24:56,394 --> 00:24:58,161
THEN THE IDIOT,
CRABTREE, LET THEM GO.
614
00:24:58,163 --> 00:24:59,562
NOW YOU HAVE DONE IT.
615
00:24:59,564 --> 00:25:01,097
THE GERMANS WILL
BE AFTER THEM.
616
00:25:01,099 --> 00:25:02,699
WE WILL
HIDE THEM.
617
00:25:02,701 --> 00:25:04,134
THEY WILL LOOK
EVERYWHERE.
618
00:25:04,136 --> 00:25:06,069
WE WILL USE
THE SECRET
COMPARTMENT
619
00:25:06,071 --> 00:25:07,370
IN THE SPARE
BEDROOM.
620
00:25:07,372 --> 00:25:08,805
COME.
621
00:25:10,908 --> 00:25:13,143
NOW, MAMMA,
YOU GET INTO BED
622
00:25:13,145 --> 00:25:14,978
WITH MONSIEUR LECLERC.
623
00:25:14,980 --> 00:25:17,413
ALL I WANTED WAS
A QUIET HONEYMOON.
624
00:25:18,716 --> 00:25:21,151
WHAT KIND OF A SECRET
HIDING PLACE IS THIS?
625
00:25:21,153 --> 00:25:23,053
THE GERMANS ARE BOUND
TO LOOK IN THE BED.
626
00:25:23,055 --> 00:25:24,487
NOW, MAMMA,
627
00:25:24,489 --> 00:25:27,157
TURN THE BEDKNOB
AT THE TOP TO THE LEFT.
628
00:25:27,159 --> 00:25:28,391
WHAT DOES IT DO?
629
00:25:28,393 --> 00:25:29,860
I HAVE NO TIME
TO EXPLAIN.
630
00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:31,661
DO IT!
631
00:25:31,663 --> 00:25:32,695
Both:
AARGHH!
632
00:25:32,697 --> 00:25:33,763
OH MY GOD!
633
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,243
IT LOOKED LIKE TWO BATS,
HIBERNATING.
634
00:25:46,245 --> 00:25:48,211
RENE,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER
635
00:25:48,213 --> 00:25:50,180
HAS JUST ENTERED
THE CAFE.
636
00:25:50,182 --> 00:25:52,115
HE'S COMING UPSTAIRS.
637
00:25:52,117 --> 00:25:53,950
YOU COULD NOT EVEN
LOCK THE DOOR?
638
00:25:53,952 --> 00:25:55,685
HE MUST BE
SEARCHING FOR THEM.
639
00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:57,854
- QUICK, INTO THE WARDROBE.
- WHY?
640
00:25:57,856 --> 00:26:00,456
YOU ARE BOTH DRESSED
AS GERMAN SOLDIERS.
641
00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:02,492
OH, I HAD FORGOTTEN.
642
00:26:02,494 --> 00:26:04,761
THE STRAIN OF THIS WAR.
643
00:26:04,763 --> 00:26:06,229
COME.
644
00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:07,597
( gasps )
645
00:26:07,599 --> 00:26:08,999
- RENE?
- DOOR, DOOR.
646
00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:11,268
- RENE, IT'S ONLY ME.
- IN HERE, LIEUTENANT.
647
00:26:12,536 --> 00:26:16,072
I HAVE COME TO GIVE YOU
SOME GOOD NEWS, RENE.
648
00:26:16,074 --> 00:26:18,408
YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC
649
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,043
HAVE BEEN PARDONED.
650
00:26:20,045 --> 00:26:21,978
THEY ARE BEING
RELEASED ABOUT NOW.
651
00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:24,847
( banging )
652
00:26:24,849 --> 00:26:27,683
WHAT IS THAT
STRANGE NOISE?
653
00:26:27,685 --> 00:26:29,652
WE HEAR IT EVERY MORNING.
654
00:26:29,654 --> 00:26:32,455
IT IS THE, UH... RESTLESS SPIRIT
OF MY POOR DEAD BROTHER,
655
00:26:32,457 --> 00:26:34,891
THE ONE YOU SHOT.
656
00:26:34,893 --> 00:26:36,993
DO NOT REMIND ME.
657
00:26:36,995 --> 00:26:38,594
HOW LONG HAS THIS--
658
00:26:38,596 --> 00:26:40,663
GHASTLY PHENOMENON
BEEN GOING ON?
659
00:26:40,665 --> 00:26:41,932
FOR WEEKS.
660
00:26:41,934 --> 00:26:43,766
I WAS JUST TRYING
TO EXORCISE IT.
661
00:26:43,768 --> 00:26:45,402
EXCUSE ME.
662
00:26:45,404 --> 00:26:48,238
TU DOMINOS
BENEDICTINE,
663
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,408
BENEDECOS
SPIRITUS SCARPOS.
664
00:26:51,410 --> 00:26:54,110
( knocking )
665
00:26:54,112 --> 00:26:56,212
I THINK I AM
GETTING TO IT.
666
00:26:56,214 --> 00:26:57,914
RENE, I...
667
00:26:57,916 --> 00:27:00,083
DO NOT THINK MY CONSCIENCE
CAN STAND IT.
668
00:27:00,085 --> 00:27:02,452
QUICK, YVETTE,
TAKE THE LIEUTENANT DOWNSTAIRS.
669
00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:03,653
GIVE HIM A BRANDY,
ON THE HOUSE.
670
00:27:03,655 --> 00:27:06,589
( knocking; screaming )
671
00:27:06,591 --> 00:27:07,790
ON SECOND THOUGHT,
672
00:27:07,792 --> 00:27:09,559
I THINK I WILL RETURN
TO MY QUARTERS.
673
00:27:09,561 --> 00:27:12,095
GO NOW, BEFORE IT COMES
THROUGH THE WALL.
674
00:27:12,097 --> 00:27:13,729
IF IT DOES,
675
00:27:13,731 --> 00:27:15,531
DO NOT TELL IT
WHERE I LIVE.
676
00:27:18,902 --> 00:27:20,437
YOU HEARD THAT?
677
00:27:20,439 --> 00:27:22,905
YOUR MOTHER
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC
HAVE BEEN PARDONED.
678
00:27:22,907 --> 00:27:24,807
THIS WAS ALL
A WASTE OF TIME.
679
00:27:24,809 --> 00:27:26,943
NOW HOW DO WE GET
THIS BED DOWN?
680
00:27:26,945 --> 00:27:28,979
IT CAN ONLY BE DONE
FROM THE INSIDE,
681
00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:30,280
BY TURNING THE KNOB
THE OTHER WAY.
682
00:27:30,282 --> 00:27:32,582
THEN WHY DO THEY
NOT TURN IT?
683
00:27:32,584 --> 00:27:34,517
PERHAPS BECAUSE
THE KNOB HAS FALLEN OFF,
684
00:27:34,519 --> 00:27:36,419
WHEN THE BED
SPRANG UP.
685
00:27:36,421 --> 00:27:37,887
WONDERFUL.
686
00:27:37,889 --> 00:27:40,957
SO MUCH FOR DO-IT-YOURSELF
HIDING PLACES.
687
00:27:40,959 --> 00:27:41,958
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
688
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,327
TO HAVE A DRINK
AND THEN TO BED.
689
00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:45,695
WHAT ABOUT MAMMA
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC?
690
00:27:45,697 --> 00:27:47,998
HE WANTED
A QUIET HONEYMOON,
691
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:48,999
NOW HE CAN HAVE ONE.
692
00:27:49,001 --> 00:27:51,901
( theme music playing )