1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:03,728 --> 00:00:06,730
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:21,812 --> 00:00:24,581
AT LAST EVERYTHING IS BACK
TO NORMAL HERE IN NOUVION,
3
00:00:24,583 --> 00:00:26,416
OR AS NORMAL AS POSSIBLE.
4
00:00:26,418 --> 00:00:29,152
I AND MY WIFE, EDITH,
HAVE RETURNED SAFELY
5
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:30,454
FROM OUR TRIP TO LONDON,
6
00:00:30,456 --> 00:00:32,889
WHERE WE HAD FLED
TO AVOID BEING SHOT
7
00:00:32,891 --> 00:00:34,424
BY THE COMMUNIST
RESISTANCE,
8
00:00:34,426 --> 00:00:36,426
WHO WERE CROSS
THAT I WAS TO BE GIVEN
9
00:00:36,428 --> 00:00:38,828
A COLLABORATION MEDAL
BY THE GERMANS.
10
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:39,996
FORTUNATELY FOR US,
11
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:42,566
THE GERMANS DECIDED
NOT TO GIVE ME THE MEDAL,
12
00:00:42,568 --> 00:00:44,468
SO MY LIFE
IS NOT IN DANGER.
13
00:00:44,470 --> 00:00:47,103
I DID NOT ENJOY
MY SHORT TIME IN ENGLAND.
14
00:00:47,105 --> 00:00:50,206
I STILL HAVE INDIGESTION
FROM THE TERRIBLE FOOD,
15
00:00:50,208 --> 00:00:52,342
PLUS SEVERAL PAIRS
OF Y-FRONTS,
16
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:53,943
FROM THE MARKS
AND SPENCERS
17
00:00:53,945 --> 00:00:58,815
WHICH I SOON FOUND
ARE A SIZE TOO SMALL.
18
00:00:58,817 --> 00:01:00,751
BUT THEN I SHOULD NOT
BE SURPRISED.
19
00:01:00,753 --> 00:01:02,886
MY WIFE CHOSE THEM
AND SHE HAS ALWAYS
20
00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:05,088
UNDERESTIMATED
MY REQUIREMENTS.
21
00:01:05,090 --> 00:01:07,658
O-O-OH,
22
00:01:08,893 --> 00:01:11,728
RENE, I HAVE NOT YET
HAD A PROPER CHANCE
23
00:01:11,730 --> 00:01:12,996
TO WELCOME YOU BACK.
24
00:01:12,998 --> 00:01:14,964
THIS WOULD BE
A GOOD MOMENT.
25
00:01:14,966 --> 00:01:16,933
OH!
26
00:01:16,935 --> 00:01:19,303
OH, RENE, I WAS SO
WORRIED ABOUT YOU
27
00:01:19,305 --> 00:01:21,104
ON YOUR DANGEROUS TRIP
TO ENGLAND.
28
00:01:21,106 --> 00:01:22,606
I LOOK INTO YOUR EYES,
29
00:01:22,608 --> 00:01:25,409
AND I SEE HOW MUCH
YOU HAVE SUFFERED
FROM THE JOURNEY.
30
00:01:25,411 --> 00:01:28,312
IT WAS TRAVELING
IN THOSE TIGHT Y-FRONTS,
31
00:01:28,314 --> 00:01:30,013
BUT I AM RECOVERING.
32
00:01:30,015 --> 00:01:31,682
OH, RENE,
33
00:01:31,684 --> 00:01:33,950
MY LOVE FOR YOU
IS LIKE A FEVER.
34
00:01:33,952 --> 00:01:35,051
CAN YOU NOT FEEL
35
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,020
I HAVE GONE LIMP
ALL OVER?
36
00:01:37,022 --> 00:01:39,523
I HOPE IT IS
NOTHING CONTAGIOUS.
37
00:01:40,625 --> 00:01:42,859
RENE!
38
00:01:42,861 --> 00:01:43,860
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
39
00:01:43,862 --> 00:01:45,962
HOLDING THAT SERVANT GIRL
IN YOUR ARMS?
40
00:01:45,964 --> 00:01:48,998
YOU STUPID WOMAN!
41
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,667
CAN YOU NOT SEE
THIS POOR CHILD
42
00:01:50,669 --> 00:01:52,469
IS SUFFERING
FROM DELAYED SHOCK?
43
00:01:52,471 --> 00:01:54,371
SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD
LOST YOU FOREVER.
44
00:01:54,373 --> 00:01:55,939
ME?
45
00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:57,040
YES, YOU.
46
00:01:57,042 --> 00:01:58,675
YOU ARE LIKE
A MOTHER TO HER.
47
00:01:58,677 --> 00:02:00,711
SHE MODELS
HERSELF ON YOU.
48
00:02:00,713 --> 00:02:02,245
IF SHE HAD
STRINGIER HAIR,
49
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,080
SHE WOULD
DO IT LIKE YOURS.
50
00:02:05,249 --> 00:02:06,516
AND NOW
YOU ARE BACK,
51
00:02:06,518 --> 00:02:09,085
SHE IS OVERCOME
WITH EMOTION
AND RELIEF.
52
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:10,954
OH, THIS IS TRUE.
53
00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:13,724
OH, HOW THOUGHTLESS I AM.
54
00:02:13,726 --> 00:02:16,092
GO UP AND LIE DOWN
ON MY BED,
55
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,528
AND PUT A DROP
OF MY COLOGNE
ON YOUR BROW.
56
00:02:18,530 --> 00:02:20,397
OH, THANK YOU,
MAMMA,
57
00:02:20,399 --> 00:02:22,399
I MEAN
MADAM EDITH.
58
00:02:22,401 --> 00:02:24,901
OH, RENE,
FORGIVE ME.
59
00:02:24,903 --> 00:02:27,136
I AM NOT MYSELF TODAY.
60
00:02:27,138 --> 00:02:30,039
MY BUNION IS
GIVING ME GYP.
61
00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:33,610
IT ALWAYS HAPPENS
WHEN I AM UNDER A STRAIN.
62
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,379
OH, RENE, HOLD ME.
63
00:02:39,817 --> 00:02:42,552
HOBBLE HERE FOR A HUG,
COME ON.
64
00:02:44,321 --> 00:02:45,355
RENE,
65
00:02:45,357 --> 00:02:47,257
I HAVE GOOD NEWS.
66
00:02:47,259 --> 00:02:49,593
OFFICER CRABTREE HAS
FOUND THE BRITISH AIRMEN.
67
00:02:49,595 --> 00:02:51,261
THEY WERE HIDING
IN A PIGSTY.
68
00:02:51,263 --> 00:02:52,863
WHAT ABOUT THE SMELL?
69
00:02:52,865 --> 00:02:55,965
I EXPECT THE PIGS
GOT USED TO IT.
70
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,734
LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
71
00:02:57,736 --> 00:02:59,503
I SHALL SAY THIS
ONLY ONCE.
72
00:02:59,505 --> 00:03:02,205
WE HAVE A NEW PLAN TO GET
THE BRITISH AIRMEN
BACK TO ENGLAND.
73
00:03:02,207 --> 00:03:03,707
OH, NOT ANOTHER ONE?
74
00:03:03,709 --> 00:03:05,074
WE ARE GOING
TO BUILD A RAFT
75
00:03:05,076 --> 00:03:06,710
FOR THEM TO SAIL
ACROSS THE CHANNEL.
76
00:03:06,712 --> 00:03:08,612
FOR A RAFT YOU NEED
THE TRUNKS OF TREES.
77
00:03:08,614 --> 00:03:10,013
THE WOODS ARE
OUT OF BOUNDS.
78
00:03:10,015 --> 00:03:11,347
AND ANYONE SEEN
WALKING AROUND
79
00:03:11,349 --> 00:03:12,949
WITH A CHOPPER
OVER HIS SHOULDER
80
00:03:12,951 --> 00:03:14,017
WOULD AROUSE SUSPICION.
81
00:03:15,019 --> 00:03:16,920
THIS IS TRUE.
82
00:03:16,922 --> 00:03:18,321
WE SHALL NOT GO
TO THE WOODS.
83
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,989
ALREADY
MY RESISTANCE GIRLS
84
00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:22,392
HAVE SAWN HALFWAY THROUGH
SIX TELEGRAPH POLES.
85
00:03:22,394 --> 00:03:23,794
WHEN IT IS DARK,
WE WILL GO OUT
86
00:03:23,796 --> 00:03:25,796
AND PULL THEM DOWN,
AND BUILD THE RAFT.
87
00:03:25,798 --> 00:03:27,163
AND COINCIDENTALLY,
88
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,800
SEVERELY DAMAGE
GERMAN COMMUNICATION LINES.
89
00:03:29,802 --> 00:03:32,602
OOH, I HAVE A TWINGE
IN MY BUNION.
90
00:03:32,604 --> 00:03:35,004
HER BUNION DOES
NOT LIKE THIS PLAN.
91
00:03:37,274 --> 00:03:38,608
GOOD MOANING.
92
00:03:39,944 --> 00:03:42,145
I THOUGHT YOU WERE BRINGING
THE BRITISH AIRMEN?
93
00:03:42,147 --> 00:03:45,148
I AM CHOCKING TO SEE
IF THE KISSED IS KLOOR.
94
00:03:47,051 --> 00:03:49,185
I SEE THAT WE
ARE ALOON.
95
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,854
YOU HAVE NOT LEFT
THEM IN THE OPEN
96
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,556
OUTSIDE MY CAFE,
HAVE YOU?
97
00:03:52,558 --> 00:03:53,957
DO NOT WIRRY, RONNIE.
98
00:03:53,959 --> 00:03:57,060
I HAVE BRUTE THEM
FROM THE POGSTEE
99
00:03:57,062 --> 00:04:00,063
IN A WOODEN COAT
PULLED BY A DINKEY.
100
00:04:00,065 --> 00:04:02,799
WOODEN CART, DONKEY.
101
00:04:02,801 --> 00:04:04,233
I GOT THAT.
102
00:04:04,235 --> 00:04:08,304
THEY ARE DISGEESED
AS SOCKS OF POTOOTOES.
103
00:04:08,306 --> 00:04:10,006
OH, THAT IS
A GOOD DISGUISE.
104
00:04:10,008 --> 00:04:12,141
WE ALWAYS
NEED POTOOTOOS,
105
00:04:12,143 --> 00:04:14,377
I MEAN POTATOES.
106
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,545
GET THEM IN.
107
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,313
COME IN HERE, CHAPS.
108
00:04:21,452 --> 00:04:23,286
I MEANT
CARRY THEM IN,
109
00:04:23,288 --> 00:04:24,921
SACKS OF POTATOES
DO NOT USUALLY
110
00:04:24,923 --> 00:04:26,523
STROLL IN HERE
TO BE PEELED.
111
00:04:26,525 --> 00:04:28,592
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
112
00:04:29,594 --> 00:04:31,394
OOH, WHAT A PONG!
113
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,930
THEY STILL HAVE A LOT
OF POGSTEE ON THEM.
114
00:04:33,932 --> 00:04:35,899
THEY CANNOT STAY HERE
IN THAT CONDITION.
115
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,501
LOOK AT THE MESS
THEY ARE MAKING.
116
00:04:37,503 --> 00:04:39,102
ASK THE GIRLS
TO BOIL SOME WATER
117
00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:41,237
AND GET THE STRONGEST
DISINFECTANT THEY CAN FIND.
118
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:42,539
TO WASH THE FLOOR?
119
00:04:42,541 --> 00:04:44,474
NO, TO WASH
THE AIRMEN.
120
00:04:44,476 --> 00:04:45,575
WHAT ARE THEY
GOING ON ABOUT?
121
00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:46,910
I HAVE NO IDEA.
122
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,244
THEY ARE GOING
TO GIVE YOU A BATH, CHAPS,
123
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,980
TO GET ALL THAT
PIGGY STUFF OFF.
124
00:04:49,982 --> 00:04:51,047
OH, SPLENDID!
125
00:04:51,049 --> 00:04:52,916
BAGS, I THE END
WITHOUT THE TAPS.
126
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,818
YOU'LL HAVE
TO BE QUICK.
127
00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:02,692
( duck call blows )
128
00:05:04,362 --> 00:05:05,495
( blows )
129
00:05:06,730 --> 00:05:07,730
Helga:
HERR FLICK?
130
00:05:07,732 --> 00:05:09,165
HERR FLICK,
I'M HERE.
131
00:05:10,401 --> 00:05:12,202
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
132
00:05:12,204 --> 00:05:14,837
( blows )
133
00:05:16,908 --> 00:05:19,009
AH, HELGA.
134
00:05:19,011 --> 00:05:20,676
IT WAS NOT
VERY CLEVER OF YOU
135
00:05:20,678 --> 00:05:23,346
TO CHOOSE THE MATING CALL
OF A WILD GOOSE
136
00:05:23,348 --> 00:05:24,814
IN YOUR SECRET
MESSAGE TO ME
137
00:05:24,816 --> 00:05:26,316
TO SIGNAL
YOUR ARRIVAL.
138
00:05:27,318 --> 00:05:30,720
WILD GEESE HAVE BEEN
MATING ALL DAY.
139
00:05:30,722 --> 00:05:33,056
OUR KNEES ARE RAW
FROM SCRABBLING
140
00:05:33,058 --> 00:05:34,991
UP THIS ROUGH
MONASTERY WALL.
141
00:05:34,993 --> 00:05:36,226
FORGIVE ME, HERR FLICK,
142
00:05:36,228 --> 00:05:38,261
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS
THE MATING SEASON.
143
00:05:38,263 --> 00:05:39,629
NEXT TIME,
144
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:42,432
CONSULT YOUR
GIRL GUIDE DIARY.
145
00:05:42,434 --> 00:05:44,134
COME, VON SMALLHAUSEN,
146
00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:45,168
WE MUST LEAVE
147
00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:48,271
THIS MONASTIC
EXISTENCE BEHIND.
148
00:05:48,273 --> 00:05:49,839
DO YOU WANT A HAND,
HERR FLICK?
149
00:05:49,841 --> 00:05:52,309
NO, AVERT YOUR EYES.
150
00:05:54,345 --> 00:05:56,012
( two thuds )
151
00:05:56,014 --> 00:05:57,680
QUICK, WHERE IS
THE GETAWAY VEHICLE?
152
00:05:57,682 --> 00:06:00,583
I COULD NOT GET A CAR,
SO I BROUGHT THIS INSTEAD.
153
00:06:02,886 --> 00:06:05,488
THIS IS MOST
UNSATISFACTORY.
154
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,490
THE GESTAPO ARE NOT
USED TO ESCAPING
155
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,359
ON A THREE-WHEELED
TANDEM.
156
00:06:09,361 --> 00:06:10,793
WE WILL BE
THE LAUGHINGSTOCK
157
00:06:10,795 --> 00:06:12,329
OF THE WHOLE
GERMAN ARMY.
158
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,830
OH, HERR FLICK,
159
00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:15,798
WHAT TERRIBLE HARDSHIPS
160
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,334
YOU MUST HAVE
SUFFERED IN THERE.
161
00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:19,669
WE HAVE SUFFERED
MANY DEPRIVATIONS.
162
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:20,971
WE WERE ONLY ALLOWED
163
00:06:20,973 --> 00:06:22,638
TO KEEP OUR
BARE NECESSITIES.
164
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,740
WE NEARLY LOST THOSE
A COUPLE OF TIMES.
165
00:06:26,143 --> 00:06:29,245
THAT WAS BECAUSE
OF YOUR POOR
NEEDLEWORK.
166
00:06:29,247 --> 00:06:31,614
GO AND SIT
ON THE TRICYCLE.
167
00:06:34,218 --> 00:06:36,419
MAY I WELCOME YOU BACK
WITH A KISS?
168
00:06:36,421 --> 00:06:37,454
VERY WELL,
169
00:06:37,456 --> 00:06:38,989
BUT MAKE IT
A QUICK ONE.
170
00:06:38,991 --> 00:06:40,090
WE MAY BE MISSED.
171
00:06:40,092 --> 00:06:43,259
WE ARE PLAYING HOOKY
FROM JAM MAKING.
172
00:06:46,663 --> 00:06:48,531
WHAT SHAME!
WHAT INFAMY!
173
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,000
A MEMBER
OF OUR HOLY ORDER
174
00:06:50,002 --> 00:06:51,501
CONSORTING WITH A WOMAN.
175
00:06:51,503 --> 00:06:53,936
YOU WILL BE SCOURGED
FOR THIS, BROTHER OTTO.
176
00:06:53,938 --> 00:06:56,473
OH, NOT THE SCOURGING!
177
00:06:56,475 --> 00:06:58,774
TO OUR GETAWAY TRICYCLE,
AND QUICKLY.
178
00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:02,212
COME BACK, YOU SINNERS!
179
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,913
YOU MUST BE
PUNISHED FOR THIS!
180
00:07:03,915 --> 00:07:06,883
NOT ON YOUR NELLY!
181
00:07:10,488 --> 00:07:12,322
IF WE SOAK
MUCH LONGER IN HERE,
182
00:07:12,324 --> 00:07:14,357
I AM GOING
TO SHRIVEL UP.
183
00:07:14,359 --> 00:07:15,691
HAVE YOU SEEN
THE SOAP?
184
00:07:15,693 --> 00:07:17,027
IT WAS HERE
A SECOND AGO.
185
00:07:17,029 --> 00:07:18,928
IF YOU HADN'T
INSISTED ON PUTTING
186
00:07:18,930 --> 00:07:20,863
BAKING POWDER IN
TO MAKE SOME BUBBLES,
187
00:07:20,865 --> 00:07:22,632
WE WOULD BE
ABLE TO SEE IT.
188
00:07:22,634 --> 00:07:23,766
AH! GOT IT.
189
00:07:23,768 --> 00:07:26,136
I DON'T THINK SO,
OLD CHAP.
190
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:31,074
WELL, WHAT HAVE
I GOT THEN?
191
00:07:32,309 --> 00:07:35,211
OH, THE LOOFAH.
192
00:07:37,781 --> 00:07:39,782
IT'S NOT VERY
PRIVATE IN HERE, IS IT?
193
00:07:39,784 --> 00:07:41,117
IT WOULD BE
A LOT LESS PRIVATE
194
00:07:41,119 --> 00:07:42,485
WITHOUT
THIS BAKING POWDER.
195
00:07:42,487 --> 00:07:44,587
RENE HAS
GIVEN ME ORDERS
196
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:46,389
TO GET YOU CLEAN.
197
00:07:46,391 --> 00:07:48,324
HERE. I HEAR
THE ENGLISH
198
00:07:48,326 --> 00:07:49,959
HATE TO TAKE
A BATH.
199
00:07:49,961 --> 00:07:52,228
YOU TAKE THE ONE
WITH THE SPOTTY BACK,
200
00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:54,897
AND I'LL TAKE THE ONE
WITH THE BOIL
ON HIS BUM.
201
00:07:54,899 --> 00:07:56,266
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
202
00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:58,668
I THINK THEY'RE
GOING TO SCRUB
THE FLOOR.
203
00:07:58,670 --> 00:07:59,735
FUNNY TIME TO DO IT.
204
00:07:59,737 --> 00:08:02,439
YEAH. OOH, AH!
GET OFF!
205
00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:04,040
I THINK WE WOULD
HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF
206
00:08:04,042 --> 00:08:05,408
IN THE PIGSTY,
CARSTAIRS.
207
00:08:05,410 --> 00:08:06,809
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
208
00:08:08,679 --> 00:08:11,113
LOOK AT THIS POSTER
I FOUND IN THE MAIN SQUARE.
209
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,515
IT IS AN ABSOLUTE
DISGRACE!
210
00:08:13,550 --> 00:08:15,818
YES, THE WRITING IS
RATHER BAD.
211
00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:17,587
QUITE INDISTINCT
IN PLACES.
212
00:08:17,589 --> 00:08:19,656
I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT THE HANDWRITING,
213
00:08:19,658 --> 00:08:20,823
LOOK AT THE CONTENT!
214
00:08:25,462 --> 00:08:29,532
DASH IT, THESE ARE
MY TANK DRIVING SPECTACLES.
215
00:08:29,534 --> 00:08:31,601
YOU'D BETTER
READ IT, GRUBER.
216
00:08:31,603 --> 00:08:33,736
JUST A MOMENT,
WHILE I MAKE A NOTE.
217
00:08:33,738 --> 00:08:35,738
COLONEL TO RETAKE
TANK DRIVING TEST
218
00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:37,307
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
219
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:38,508
CARRY ON, GRUBER.
220
00:08:38,510 --> 00:08:41,544
"THE RESISTANCE CALLS
ON ALL LOYAL CITIZENS
221
00:08:41,546 --> 00:08:43,913
TO HAMPER THE EFFORTS
OF THE ACCURSED BOCHE--"
222
00:08:43,915 --> 00:08:46,683
( chuckles )
223
00:08:46,685 --> 00:08:49,985
"-- AND MAKE THE LIFE OF
THE OCCUPYING ARMY IN NOUVION
224
00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:52,054
AS UNCOMFORTABLE
AS POSSIBLE."
225
00:08:52,056 --> 00:08:53,122
WHAT CHEEK.
226
00:08:53,124 --> 00:08:54,624
"SUGGESTIONS:
227
00:08:54,626 --> 00:08:57,927
PUT ITCHING POWDER
IN THEIR WASHING,
228
00:08:57,929 --> 00:08:59,562
WATER IN THEIR PETROL,
229
00:08:59,564 --> 00:09:01,297
GARLIC IN THEIR STRUDEL,
230
00:09:01,299 --> 00:09:02,965
AND TIN TACKS
ON THE ROADS,
231
00:09:02,967 --> 00:09:04,434
AND WHENEVER POSSIBLE,
232
00:09:04,436 --> 00:09:06,736
DROP A BRICK
ON THEIR HEADS."
233
00:09:06,738 --> 00:09:10,373
AND I THOUGHT
THEY ALL LOVED ME.
234
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:14,644
"COMRADES, WE MUST SHOW
THAT FAT PIG OF A COLONEL--"
235
00:09:16,046 --> 00:09:17,146
EXCUSE ME, COLONEL,
236
00:09:17,148 --> 00:09:18,681
BUT I AM ONLY
READING WHAT IT SAYS.
237
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,849
CONTINUE.
238
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:22,585
"-- AND THAT PONCING,
LITTLE TANK DRIVING,
239
00:09:22,587 --> 00:09:24,520
TWIT OF A SIDEKICK--"
240
00:09:26,690 --> 00:09:28,825
WHOEVER THAT
MAY BE.
241
00:09:28,827 --> 00:09:30,025
IS YOU.
242
00:09:30,027 --> 00:09:31,594
THERE ARE LOTS
OF TANKS!
243
00:09:31,596 --> 00:09:32,995
READ ON
AND STOP ARGUING.
244
00:09:33,997 --> 00:09:36,265
"-- AND FINALLY,
WE MUST ALSO SHOW
245
00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:38,334
THAT OVER-MEDALED
ITALIAN CHICKEN
246
00:09:38,336 --> 00:09:40,102
THAT WE MEAN BUSINESS."
247
00:09:40,104 --> 00:09:41,671
THAT MEANS YOU.
248
00:09:41,673 --> 00:09:43,506
LOOK, I AM
SEETHING WITH ANGER.
249
00:09:43,508 --> 00:09:45,375
SEE MY MUSTACHE?
IT BRISTLES.
250
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,009
EVERY MEDALLION
ON MY CHEST
251
00:09:47,011 --> 00:09:48,411
WAS WON
WITH A BRAVE DEED.
252
00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:49,612
HAVE YOU FINISHED?
253
00:09:49,614 --> 00:09:51,514
NO, I STAMP MY FOOT.
254
00:09:51,516 --> 00:09:54,584
I HURT MY LEG.
255
00:09:54,586 --> 00:09:56,753
THIS RUBBISH
CLEARLY UNDERMINES
256
00:09:56,755 --> 00:09:58,954
THE EFFORTS
OF THE OCCUPYING FORCES.
257
00:09:58,956 --> 00:10:01,156
THERE IS EVEN
A SCURRILOUS CARTOON OF ME
258
00:10:01,158 --> 00:10:02,392
ON THE REVERSE SIDE.
259
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:03,826
( giggles )
260
00:10:06,697 --> 00:10:08,931
NO, I THINK
YOU ARE MISTAKEN, GENERAL.
261
00:10:08,933 --> 00:10:12,067
IT'S A LADY IN SUSPENDERS
WITH A SPIKED HELMET.
262
00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:13,836
THE CAPTION,
READ THE CAPTION.
263
00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:19,542
( laughs )
"VON KINKYHOFFEN."
264
00:10:20,711 --> 00:10:22,311
IT'S OUTRAGEOUS.
265
00:10:24,548 --> 00:10:27,149
DID YOU WISH
TO SAY SOMETHING,
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI?
266
00:10:27,151 --> 00:10:28,150
NO.
267
00:10:28,152 --> 00:10:29,184
THEN SHUT UP!
268
00:10:29,186 --> 00:10:30,653
( laughing )
269
00:10:30,655 --> 00:10:32,087
WE MUST BEAT
THE RESISTANCE
270
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:34,356
AT THEIR OWN GAME.
271
00:10:34,358 --> 00:10:36,926
WE SHALL REVIVE
THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER
272
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,193
THAT WE CLOSED
AT THE BEGINNING
273
00:10:38,195 --> 00:10:39,361
OF THE OCCUPATION,
274
00:10:39,363 --> 00:10:42,164
AND USE IT FOR OUR OWN
PROPAGANDA PURPOSES.
275
00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:44,033
EXCELLENT IDEA,
GENERAL.
276
00:10:44,035 --> 00:10:47,002
AH, BUT IT MUST NOT BE
TOO OBVIOUSLY PROPAGANDA.
277
00:10:47,004 --> 00:10:49,505
WE NEED A FRENCHMAN
TO EDIT THE PAPER.
278
00:10:49,507 --> 00:10:51,206
THAT WILL GIVE IT
CREDENCE
279
00:10:51,208 --> 00:10:52,575
IN THE EYES
OF THE VILLAGERS.
280
00:10:52,577 --> 00:10:54,043
ANOTHER GOOD IDEA.
281
00:10:55,378 --> 00:10:56,712
ANY SUGGESTIONS?
282
00:10:56,714 --> 00:10:59,615
WELL, THERE'S RENE
FROM THE CAFE.
283
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:01,784
AH, THE FELLOW
WHO ALMOST GOT
284
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,920
THE COLLABORATION MEDAL.
285
00:11:03,922 --> 00:11:05,220
EXCELLENT, GRUBER.
286
00:11:05,222 --> 00:11:07,122
DO YOU HAVE
HIS CONFIDENCE?
287
00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:11,393
WE DO HOBNOB
FROM TIME TO TIME.
288
00:11:11,395 --> 00:11:12,929
REALLY?
289
00:11:12,931 --> 00:11:14,330
CONTACT HIM
IMMEDIATELY.
290
00:11:14,332 --> 00:11:15,832
- HEIL HITLER.
- HEIL HITLER.
291
00:11:15,834 --> 00:11:17,032
HEIL MUSSOLINI.
292
00:11:17,034 --> 00:11:19,201
DON'T BE SILLY.
293
00:11:19,203 --> 00:11:20,202
( laughing )
294
00:11:20,204 --> 00:11:22,872
VON KINKYHOFFEN.
295
00:11:22,874 --> 00:11:25,407
IT'S A WONDERFUL
LIKENESS.
296
00:11:25,409 --> 00:11:27,376
REGARDING THE POSTER,
297
00:11:27,378 --> 00:11:29,679
ANYONE CAUGHT
LAUGHING AT IT
298
00:11:29,681 --> 00:11:30,947
WILL BE SHOT.
299
00:11:30,949 --> 00:11:32,448
WHEN HAVE YOU
EVER SEEN ME
300
00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:34,283
IN SUSPENDERS
WITH A SPIKED HELMET?
301
00:11:35,619 --> 00:11:37,687
I THINK THE LAST TIME WAS
AT THE STAFF COLLEGE DANCE.
302
00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:42,859
YOUR HEALTH
AND EFFICIENCY MAGAZINE
303
00:11:42,861 --> 00:11:44,293
HAS JUST ARRIVED,
HERR FLICK.
304
00:11:44,295 --> 00:11:47,096
A SPECIAL ISSUE
WITH A CENTERFOLD PULLOUT
305
00:11:47,098 --> 00:11:49,632
OF A RHINE MAIDEN
UNADORNED.
306
00:11:49,634 --> 00:11:51,634
SHALL I PULL IT OUT,
HERR FLICK?
307
00:11:51,636 --> 00:11:53,068
YOU WILL
PULL IT OUT
308
00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:54,904
AT YOUR PERIL,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
309
00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:57,907
ONLY SENIOR
GESTAPO OFFICERS
310
00:11:57,909 --> 00:11:59,375
WITH IRON CONTROL
311
00:11:59,377 --> 00:12:00,442
ARE ALLOWED
TO GAZE
312
00:12:00,444 --> 00:12:02,645
AT UNADORNED RHINE MAIDENS.
313
00:12:07,618 --> 00:12:10,586
EXTREMELY AVERAGE.
314
00:12:10,588 --> 00:12:12,889
NEVERTHELESS,
315
00:12:12,891 --> 00:12:14,189
I MUST TELEPHONE
316
00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:15,725
FOR THE RHINE MAIDEN
CALENDAR.
317
00:12:15,727 --> 00:12:17,727
SHE WILL BE
BIGGER IN THAT.
318
00:12:18,996 --> 00:12:20,563
I CAN HEAR NOTHING.
319
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,798
WE ARE SEVERED
FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
320
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,401
THAT IS BECAUSE WE HAVE
NOT PAID THE BILL,
321
00:12:26,670 --> 00:12:28,671
AND THE PETTY CASH
BOX IS EMPTY.
322
00:12:28,673 --> 00:12:29,739
HOW CAN THIS BE?
323
00:12:29,741 --> 00:12:31,173
I THINK YOU TOOK
THE LAST OF IT
324
00:12:31,175 --> 00:12:33,709
TO BUY THAT SILK UNDERWEAR
FOR HELGA, HERR FLICK.
325
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,912
YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED
TO KNOW ABOUT THAT.
326
00:12:35,914 --> 00:12:38,280
MY LIPS ARE SEALED,
I PROMISE.
327
00:12:38,282 --> 00:12:41,684
WE MUST RING BERLIN
AND ASK MY GODFATHER,
328
00:12:41,686 --> 00:12:42,718
HEINRICH HIMMLER,
329
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,921
TO SEND MORE MONEY
IMMEDIATELY.
330
00:12:44,923 --> 00:12:47,623
BUT HOW CAN YOU RING HIM
IF THE PHONE IS CUT OFF?
331
00:12:49,125 --> 00:12:51,493
WE SHALL USE
OUR SPECIAL GESTAPO
332
00:12:51,495 --> 00:12:54,129
PHONE TAPPING EQUIPMENT
IN THIS CUPBOARD,
333
00:12:54,131 --> 00:12:57,332
AND TAP INTO THE LINE
OUTSIDE THE VILLAGE.
334
00:12:57,334 --> 00:12:59,835
YOU HAVE AN ANSWER
FOR EVERYTHING, HERR FLICK.
335
00:12:59,837 --> 00:13:01,003
OF COURSE.
336
00:13:02,238 --> 00:13:04,607
IT WAS NOT POSSIBLY
A GOOD IDEA
337
00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:07,043
TO BUY HELGA
THAT SILK UNDERWEAR,
338
00:13:07,045 --> 00:13:08,044
HERR FLICK.
339
00:13:08,046 --> 00:13:10,479
RAYON WOULD HAVE
BEEN CHEAPER.
340
00:13:10,481 --> 00:13:12,782
YOU SAID YOUR LIPS
WERE SEALED.
341
00:13:12,784 --> 00:13:14,283
YOU HAVE BROKEN
YOUR PROMISE.
342
00:13:14,285 --> 00:13:16,752
PASS THE FIRST AID BOX.
343
00:13:23,326 --> 00:13:24,727
COMPRESS YOUR MOUTH.
344
00:13:25,996 --> 00:13:27,529
STEP FORWARD.
345
00:13:27,531 --> 00:13:29,531
THERE.
346
00:13:29,533 --> 00:13:32,001
THAT WILL TEACH YOU
TO KEEP YOUR WORD.
347
00:13:32,003 --> 00:13:33,869
DO NOT REMOVE IT,
UNDERSTAND?
348
00:13:33,871 --> 00:13:36,338
( mumbles )
349
00:13:36,340 --> 00:13:38,074
I SAID, "DO YOU
UNDERSTAND?"
350
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,477
YES, HERR FLICK.
351
00:13:41,479 --> 00:13:44,213
DO NOT REMOVE IT.
REPLASTER YOURSELF.
352
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,117
THAT IS BETTER.
353
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,222
NOW, RENE,
THOSE ARE MY ORDERS.
354
00:13:53,224 --> 00:13:55,090
HOW DO YOU FEEL
355
00:13:55,092 --> 00:13:57,226
ABOUT RUNNING
A NEWSPAPER?
356
00:13:57,228 --> 00:13:59,161
WORRIED, WHICH IS
NOT UNUSUAL.
357
00:13:59,163 --> 00:14:01,163
MIMI, MORE WINE.
358
00:14:01,165 --> 00:14:02,598
WHEN I WAS YOUNG,
359
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,833
I WAS A REPORTER
ON A PAPER.
360
00:14:04,835 --> 00:14:06,802
I COULD GIVE HIM
VALUABLE ASSISTANCE.
361
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,404
AH, NOW THAT
IS A GOOD IDEA.
362
00:14:08,406 --> 00:14:09,938
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
BE THE EDITOR?
363
00:14:09,940 --> 00:14:11,807
NO, NO, RENE,
IT IS YOUR JOB,
364
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,008
I INSIST.
365
00:14:13,010 --> 00:14:15,278
NOW, WE HAVE TO DECIDE
366
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,846
WHAT WE ARE GOING
TO PUT IN THE PAPER.
367
00:14:17,848 --> 00:14:19,782
OF COURSE,
THE MAIN STORY
368
00:14:19,784 --> 00:14:22,351
IS HOW WE ARE
WINNING THE WAR.
369
00:14:22,353 --> 00:14:24,520
WHAT A LOAD
OF COBBLERS.
370
00:14:24,522 --> 00:14:27,189
I AM NOT FAMILIAR
WITH THIS EXPRESSION.
371
00:14:27,191 --> 00:14:30,092
SHE AGREES,
BUT WITH SLIGHT RESERVATIONS.
372
00:14:31,395 --> 00:14:34,330
NOW, TO BE
A GOOD EDITOR,
373
00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:36,732
ONE MUST NEVER
LET THE FACTS
374
00:14:36,734 --> 00:14:38,567
GET IN THE WAY
OF A GOOD STORY.
375
00:14:38,569 --> 00:14:40,503
I NEVER DID.
376
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,705
NATURALLY, THERE WILL
BE AN ARTICLE
377
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,407
ON MEMBERS
OF THE GARRISON,
378
00:14:44,409 --> 00:14:46,942
TO GIVE THEM
A HUMAN FACE.
379
00:14:46,944 --> 00:14:49,312
I HAVE SOME PICTURES
HERE BY CHANCE
380
00:14:49,314 --> 00:14:51,180
ON MY PERSON.
381
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:53,081
THIS IS ME
BEFORE THE WAR.
382
00:14:53,083 --> 00:14:54,450
OH. EH?
383
00:14:54,452 --> 00:14:57,219
OH, WHAT A PRETTY
LITTLE BOY.
384
00:14:57,221 --> 00:14:59,388
AND WHAT SMART
HIKING SHORTS.
385
00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:01,357
AND THIS IS MY FATHER,
386
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,926
HE WAS VERY KEEN
ON CAMPING.
387
00:15:05,261 --> 00:15:08,397
WELL, YOU CERTAINLY
TAKE AFTER HIM.
388
00:15:08,399 --> 00:15:10,399
THEN, WHEN I WAS OLDER,
389
00:15:10,401 --> 00:15:13,035
I BECAME AN APPRENTICE
WINDOW DRESSER.
390
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:16,171
THIS IS
MY FIRST WINDOW.
391
00:15:16,173 --> 00:15:21,009
AH, HOW APPROPRIATE--
CAMPING EQUIPMENT.
392
00:15:21,011 --> 00:15:22,411
THEN THE WAR CAME,
393
00:15:22,413 --> 00:15:24,613
AND SUDDENLY I WAS
ON THE RUSSIAN FRONT.
394
00:15:25,615 --> 00:15:28,250
IN THE SNOW, CAMPING.
395
00:15:28,252 --> 00:15:30,653
WHAT A VARIED LIFE
YOU HAVE LED.
396
00:15:30,655 --> 00:15:31,654
YES, INDEED.
397
00:15:31,656 --> 00:15:32,788
WELL, I WILL
MAKE SURE
398
00:15:32,790 --> 00:15:34,490
YOU GET A NICE
WRITE UP, LIEUTENANT.
399
00:15:34,492 --> 00:15:37,593
I KNEW THAT I COULD
RELY ON YOU.
400
00:15:37,595 --> 00:15:40,563
NOW, GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN
401
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:43,999
INSISTS THAT WE SHOW
HOW HAPPY THE FRENCH ARE
402
00:15:44,001 --> 00:15:46,034
UNDER GERMAN RULE.
403
00:15:46,036 --> 00:15:47,436
ANY SUGGESTIONS?
404
00:15:47,438 --> 00:15:49,472
WE COULD TAKE A PHOTO
OF YOU AND RENE
405
00:15:49,474 --> 00:15:50,840
SOCIALIZING.
406
00:15:50,842 --> 00:15:53,108
I CANNOT PUT MYSELF
IN THE PAPER.
407
00:15:53,110 --> 00:15:55,845
HOW ABOUT A PHOTOGRAPH
408
00:15:55,847 --> 00:15:57,913
OF NOUVION'S HAPPIEST
MARRIED COUPLE?
409
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,750
BUT RENE DOES NOT
WANT TO BE IN THE PAPER.
410
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:01,917
Alphonse:
NO, NO, NO, NO.
411
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,419
I WAS REFERRING
TO MADAME FANNY
412
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:04,854
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC,
413
00:16:04,856 --> 00:16:06,822
OUR HAPPIEST HONEYMOONERS.
414
00:16:06,824 --> 00:16:09,124
WHAT A WONDERFUL IDEA.
415
00:16:09,126 --> 00:16:11,761
MAMMA WILL BE DELIGHTED
TO BE IN THE NEWS.
416
00:16:11,763 --> 00:16:14,129
I WILL GO UPSTAIRS
AND MAKE HER BEAUTIFUL.
417
00:16:14,131 --> 00:16:16,465
WE CANNOT HOLD
THE FRONT PAGE FOREVER, EDITH.
418
00:16:18,968 --> 00:16:21,871
NOW THAT WE THREE MEN
ARE ALONE,
419
00:16:21,873 --> 00:16:23,272
SHOULD WE NOT,
PERHAPS,
420
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:24,507
DISCUSS
THE QUESTION
421
00:16:24,509 --> 00:16:27,142
OF A LIGHTLY CLAD
YOUNG LADY
422
00:16:27,144 --> 00:16:30,679
IN BETWEEN PAGES
TWO AND FOUR?
423
00:16:31,915 --> 00:16:34,917
WHAT PURPOSE
WOULD THAT SERVE?
424
00:16:36,019 --> 00:16:38,153
WHEN I WAS
A YOUNG REPORTER,
425
00:16:38,155 --> 00:16:40,355
KNOWN AS
"FLASHBULB ALPHONSE,"
426
00:16:40,357 --> 00:16:43,793
IT WAS CUSTOMARY
TO HAVE A PHOTOGRAPH
427
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,461
OF A BEAUTIFUL
YOUNG LADY IN THE PAPER
428
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,396
TO KEEP INTEREST GOING.
429
00:16:47,398 --> 00:16:49,097
NOT IN THE PAPERS
I READ.
430
00:16:49,099 --> 00:16:51,567
I HAVE HERE
431
00:16:51,569 --> 00:16:53,769
A FEW PHOTOGRAPHS
432
00:16:53,771 --> 00:16:55,838
OF PREVIOUS...
433
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,206
...BEAUTY QUEENS
OF NOUVION.
434
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:04,146
THEY STILL HAVE
THEIR ORIGINAL CAPTIONS.
435
00:17:06,082 --> 00:17:09,952
MISS TOP
OF THE MILK, 1918.
436
00:17:09,954 --> 00:17:12,087
THE NOUVION FIREMAN'S
DAUGHTER
437
00:17:12,089 --> 00:17:14,423
WHO SENDS
TEMPERATURES SOARING.
438
00:17:14,425 --> 00:17:17,426
SHE APPEARS TO BE A DAB HAND
WITH A HOSE PIPE.
439
00:17:17,428 --> 00:17:20,062
YOU CANNOT PUT
PICTURES LIKE THIS
440
00:17:20,064 --> 00:17:21,630
IN THE PAPER,
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.
441
00:17:21,632 --> 00:17:24,266
APART FROM WHICH, BY NOW,
THE MILK WILL HAVE CURDLED.
442
00:17:24,268 --> 00:17:25,501
I THINK, LIEUTENANT,
443
00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:27,102
THAT IF WE ARE
GOING TO HAVE
PICTURES,
444
00:17:27,104 --> 00:17:28,704
IT SHOULD BE
THE HONEYMOON COUPLE
445
00:17:28,706 --> 00:17:30,172
AND THE COLONEL
ON PAGE THREE.
446
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:31,907
AS ALWAYS, RENE,
447
00:17:31,909 --> 00:17:34,443
YOU HAVE
IMPECCABLE TASTE.
448
00:17:34,445 --> 00:17:37,446
I FEEL THE INTEGRITY
OF THIS NEWSPAPER
449
00:17:37,448 --> 00:17:38,614
IS ASSURED
450
00:17:38,616 --> 00:17:40,950
WITH YOUR HAND
ON THE TILLER.
451
00:17:40,952 --> 00:17:42,718
THANK YOU,
LIEUTENANT.
452
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,487
I MUST GO
AND TELL THE COLONEL
453
00:17:44,489 --> 00:17:45,488
OF OUR PROGRESS.
454
00:17:46,623 --> 00:17:49,492
THESE PROPAGANDA
PAMPHLETS
455
00:17:49,494 --> 00:17:50,926
WILL GIVE YOU
A GOOD IDEA
456
00:17:50,928 --> 00:17:53,261
OF HOW
THE WAR IS GOING.
457
00:17:53,263 --> 00:17:54,697
AS YOU SAID, LIEUTENANT,
458
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:56,565
WE MUST NOT LET FACTS
459
00:17:56,567 --> 00:17:58,133
GET IN THE WAY
OF A GOOD STORY.
460
00:17:58,135 --> 00:17:59,134
QUITE.
461
00:18:00,169 --> 00:18:01,436
PSST, RENE.
462
00:18:01,438 --> 00:18:03,171
I MUST HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU.
463
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:05,307
WHAT?
464
00:18:05,309 --> 00:18:06,809
I HAVE HEARD
THAT THE GERMANS
465
00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:09,344
HAVE REOPENED
THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER
WITH YOU AS EDITOR.
466
00:18:09,346 --> 00:18:10,646
WHEN DID YOU HEAR THIS?
467
00:18:10,648 --> 00:18:13,582
WHEN I WAS STANDING
BEHIND THE DOOR.
468
00:18:13,584 --> 00:18:14,617
THIS IS TRUE,
469
00:18:14,619 --> 00:18:16,785
BUT LIEUTENANT GRUBER
IS REALLY IN CHARGE.
470
00:18:16,787 --> 00:18:19,154
BUT IT WAS SO CLEVER OF YOU
TO AGREE TO HELP.
471
00:18:19,156 --> 00:18:21,289
NOW THAT THE PRESSES
ARE ABOUT TO ROLL,
472
00:18:21,291 --> 00:18:23,091
WE CAN USE THEM
TO PRINT A SECRET
473
00:18:23,093 --> 00:18:25,193
UNDERGROUND NEWSPAPER
FOR THE RESISTANCE,
474
00:18:25,195 --> 00:18:27,963
CALLING ON ALL FRANCE
TO STAND UP TO THE AGGRESSORS.
475
00:18:27,965 --> 00:18:30,365
ARE YOU MAD? YOU WILL
GET US ALL SHOT.
476
00:18:30,367 --> 00:18:31,366
MONSIEUR,
477
00:18:31,368 --> 00:18:32,801
YOU ARE IN
GREAT DANGER
478
00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:34,302
OF RECEIVING
THE WHITE FEATHER.
479
00:18:34,304 --> 00:18:36,104
SEND AS MANY
AS YOU LIKE,
480
00:18:36,106 --> 00:18:38,373
MY PILLOW
CAN ALWAYS USE THEM.
481
00:18:38,375 --> 00:18:40,242
LOOK, I WOULD
LIKE TO HELP,
482
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:42,044
BUT I CANNOT ENDANGER
THE WOMAN I LOVE.
483
00:18:42,046 --> 00:18:45,047
NOT TO MENTION
HIS WIFE.
484
00:18:45,049 --> 00:18:46,549
IF YOU DO NOT
HELP US,
485
00:18:46,551 --> 00:18:48,050
I WILL PUT A POSTER
IN THE TOWN SQUARE
486
00:18:48,052 --> 00:18:49,585
SAYING YOU ARE
A COLLABORATOR.
487
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,186
WHEN DO I START?
488
00:18:51,188 --> 00:18:53,956
AS SOON AS I CAN
GET MY GIRLS TOGETHER.
489
00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:56,491
AH, SO THIS IS WHAT
YOU MEN GET UP TO
490
00:18:56,493 --> 00:18:57,760
WHEN YOU ARE ALONE.
491
00:18:59,328 --> 00:19:01,496
THEY ARE JUST
OLD PIN-UPS.
492
00:19:01,498 --> 00:19:03,065
DISGUSTING.
493
00:19:03,067 --> 00:19:05,901
I HAVE MUCH BETTER LEGS
THAN ANY OF THEM.
494
00:19:05,903 --> 00:19:07,469
WELL, WE WILL TAKE
YOUR WORD FOR THAT.
495
00:19:07,471 --> 00:19:08,737
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO.
496
00:19:08,739 --> 00:19:10,573
NOW, LOOK VERY CAREFULLY,
497
00:19:10,575 --> 00:19:12,274
I SHALL SHOW THESE
ONLY ONCE.
498
00:19:17,747 --> 00:19:19,582
OH, MY DICKY TICKER.
499
00:19:20,584 --> 00:19:22,685
NOW LOOK
WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
500
00:19:22,687 --> 00:19:23,686
HUH?
501
00:19:25,321 --> 00:19:27,489
ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY
YOU WANT YOUR PILLS?
502
00:19:27,491 --> 00:19:29,058
NO,
503
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:30,492
MY CAMERA.
504
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:39,468
I HOPE THEY WILL PUT
A STOCKING OVER THE LENS
505
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:42,304
TO MAKE ERNEST
LOOK A BIT YOUNGER.
506
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,239
I DO NOT WANT
PEOPLE TO THINK
507
00:19:44,241 --> 00:19:46,942
I AM MARRIED
TO AN OLD MAN.
508
00:19:46,944 --> 00:19:48,644
OH, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
WILL MAKE YOU LOOK
509
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:51,013
YOUNG AND RADIANT, MAMMA.
510
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:54,249
A REMARKABLE CAMERA, INDEED.
511
00:19:54,251 --> 00:19:56,819
WELL, MADAME,
512
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:59,755
I WOULD LIKE YOU
AND MONSIEUR LECLERC
513
00:19:59,757 --> 00:20:02,458
ARMS ENTWINED,
514
00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:04,393
SITTING AT THE TABLE,
515
00:20:04,395 --> 00:20:06,094
HAVING A DRINK.
516
00:20:06,096 --> 00:20:08,297
WHERE IS THE DRINK?
517
00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:10,666
ON THE TABLE.
518
00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:11,867
QUICK, COME ON,
HURRY UP,
519
00:20:11,869 --> 00:20:13,803
BEFORE THE SUN
GOES IN.
520
00:20:17,206 --> 00:20:19,207
WELL, UNCORK IT.
521
00:20:19,209 --> 00:20:21,544
THE CHAMPAGNE
IS ONLY FOR SHOW.
522
00:20:21,546 --> 00:20:23,111
I AM NOT OPENING
A WHOLE BOTTLE
523
00:20:23,113 --> 00:20:24,747
FOR TWO DRINKS.
524
00:20:24,749 --> 00:20:27,483
NO PLONK, NO PICTURE.
525
00:20:27,485 --> 00:20:29,117
OH, VERY WELL.
526
00:20:32,288 --> 00:20:35,324
AH, GOOD MORNING, RENE.
527
00:20:35,326 --> 00:20:38,193
GOOD MORNING,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
528
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:41,396
WHAT A CHARMING COUPLE
THEY MAKE.
529
00:20:41,398 --> 00:20:44,366
YOU CAN SEE THE AFFECTION
IN THEIR EYES.
530
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:45,434
OH, RENE,
531
00:20:45,436 --> 00:20:46,969
DOES THIS NOT
REMIND YOU
532
00:20:46,971 --> 00:20:48,737
OF OUR HONEYMOON?
533
00:20:48,739 --> 00:20:50,639
WELL, YOU DID
LOOK A BIT YOUNGER.
534
00:20:50,641 --> 00:20:52,374
WHERE DO YOU WANT
ME TO SIT?
535
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:55,478
I THINK NEXT
TO MADAME FANNY.
536
00:20:59,248 --> 00:21:00,749
EXCELLENT.
537
00:21:00,751 --> 00:21:02,317
IT WILL MAKE
A VERY GOOD PHOTOGRAPH.
538
00:21:02,319 --> 00:21:04,887
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
WILL BE PLEASED.
539
00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:06,088
EDITH.
540
00:21:06,090 --> 00:21:10,125
WHY IS THIS FAT KRAUT
SITTING AT OUR TABLE?
541
00:21:10,127 --> 00:21:11,393
NOW THEN, MAMMA,
542
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:13,095
WE ARE TAKING A PICTURE
OF THE COLONEL
543
00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:14,997
ENJOYING A DRINK
WITH THE HAPPIEST
544
00:21:14,999 --> 00:21:16,732
HONEYMOON COUPLE
IN NOUVION,
545
00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:18,033
IT IS FOR THE PAPER.
546
00:21:18,035 --> 00:21:21,136
I DO NOT DRINK
WITH THE GERMANS.
547
00:21:21,138 --> 00:21:22,638
I SPIT ON THEM.
548
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:23,906
( spits )
549
00:21:24,941 --> 00:21:26,675
THAT WENT ON MY TIE,
550
00:21:26,677 --> 00:21:27,910
YOU SILLY OLD BAT.
551
00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:30,045
DON'T OLD BAT ME,
552
00:21:30,047 --> 00:21:31,914
YOU DODDERING
OLD DUFFER.
553
00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:34,349
I HAVE NOT
GLUED DOWN MY HAIR
554
00:21:34,351 --> 00:21:36,218
AND DRESSED IN THIS
NATTY STYLE
555
00:21:36,220 --> 00:21:37,820
TO BE INSULTED
BY A WOMAN
556
00:21:37,822 --> 00:21:39,287
NEARLY OLD ENOUGH
TO BE MY MOTHER.
557
00:21:39,289 --> 00:21:41,390
OH, HOW DARE YOU?
558
00:21:41,392 --> 00:21:43,526
WHAT KIND
OF HUSBAND ARE YOU?
559
00:21:43,528 --> 00:21:46,094
I AM THE KIND OF HUSBAND
THAT DEMANDS A DIVORCE.
560
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:47,095
GOOD DAY.
561
00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:49,732
AND YOU CAN
HAVE ONE.
562
00:21:49,734 --> 00:21:50,966
EDITH, GIRLS,
563
00:21:50,968 --> 00:21:52,334
TAKE HER
BACK TO HER ROOM.
564
00:21:53,703 --> 00:21:56,371
JUST A TYPICAL
NEWLYWED'S TIFF, COLONEL.
565
00:21:56,373 --> 00:21:57,472
IN A FEW MONTHS,
566
00:21:57,474 --> 00:21:59,808
THEY WILL FORGET
ALL ABOUT IT.
567
00:21:59,810 --> 00:22:01,677
I THINK WE'LL HAVE
TO LOOK ELSEWHERE
568
00:22:01,679 --> 00:22:04,346
FOR OUR PERFECT
HONEYMOON COUPLE, GRUBER.
569
00:22:04,348 --> 00:22:07,583
I COULD HAVE A PICTURE
TAKEN WITH RENE,
570
00:22:07,585 --> 00:22:08,817
JUST FOR MY ALBUM.
571
00:22:08,819 --> 00:22:10,352
I AM NOT SMART ENOUGH.
572
00:22:10,354 --> 00:22:11,520
WATCH THE BIRDIE.
573
00:22:18,161 --> 00:22:20,796
( car horn honks )
574
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,669
Helga:
GENERAL VON
KLINKERHOFFEN!
575
00:22:27,671 --> 00:22:30,272
GOOD, JUST THE FELLOWS
I WANT TO SEE.
576
00:22:33,176 --> 00:22:34,843
I HAVE DECIDED
WE MUST SHOW
577
00:22:34,845 --> 00:22:36,612
THE HUMAN FACE
OF THE GERMAN ARMY.
578
00:22:36,614 --> 00:22:39,247
TO THIS END,
WE WILL BE PHOTOGRAPHED
579
00:22:39,249 --> 00:22:42,150
RELAXING AND ENJOYING
A HEALTHY OUTDOOR LIFE
580
00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:43,318
WITH THE PEASANTS.
581
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:46,354
WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU
HAVE IN MIND, GENERAL?
582
00:22:46,356 --> 00:22:49,058
AN INFORMAL PICNIC
IN THE COUNTRYSIDE,
583
00:22:49,060 --> 00:22:50,659
CAPTURED ON FILM
584
00:22:50,661 --> 00:22:52,661
WITH THE PRETTY GIRLS
FROM THE VILLAGE
585
00:22:52,663 --> 00:22:55,030
JOKING AND LAUGHING
AT OUR WITTY REMARKS.
586
00:22:55,032 --> 00:22:57,265
WHAT FUN.
587
00:22:57,267 --> 00:23:00,069
BUT FIRST, TO PROVE
HOW FIT THE MASTER RACE IS,
588
00:23:00,071 --> 00:23:02,237
THERE WILL BE
A 10 KILOMETER HIKE
589
00:23:02,239 --> 00:23:04,807
FOR ALL OFFICERS
BELOW THE RANK OF GENERAL.
590
00:23:04,809 --> 00:23:08,043
YOU PEASANTS WILL ORGANIZE
THE FOOD AND THE DRINK
591
00:23:08,045 --> 00:23:10,245
AND YOUR
TWO PRETTY WAITRESSES.
592
00:23:10,247 --> 00:23:11,346
THANK YOU, GENERAL.
593
00:23:11,348 --> 00:23:12,615
BY THE WAY,
594
00:23:12,617 --> 00:23:14,683
WHO'S PAYING
FOR THIS JOLLY PICNIC?
595
00:23:14,685 --> 00:23:16,719
THE GERMANS
WILL PAY OF COURSE!
596
00:23:16,721 --> 00:23:19,254
YOU WILL PRESENT YOUR BILL
AFTER WE HAVE EATEN.
597
00:23:19,256 --> 00:23:22,224
GENERAL, HOW LONG
DO WE HAVE
598
00:23:22,226 --> 00:23:23,626
TO GET FIT
FOR THIS HIKE?
599
00:23:23,628 --> 00:23:25,594
UNTIL 3:00
THIS AFTERNOON.
600
00:23:25,596 --> 00:23:26,662
HEIL HITLER.
601
00:23:26,664 --> 00:23:28,163
All:
HEIL HITLER.
602
00:23:29,398 --> 00:23:31,000
AFTER THIS HIKE
WE WON'T NEED
603
00:23:31,002 --> 00:23:32,334
PROFILES
IN THE PRESS,
604
00:23:32,336 --> 00:23:34,336
WE'LL NEED
OBITUARIES.
605
00:23:36,339 --> 00:23:37,606
General:
FASTER!
606
00:23:37,608 --> 00:23:39,207
YOU'RE ALL
OUT OF CONDITION.
607
00:23:39,209 --> 00:23:40,876
EXCEPT ME.
608
00:23:52,155 --> 00:23:53,555
General:
PULL IN OVER THERE.
609
00:23:53,557 --> 00:23:54,723
BY THAT OPENING.
610
00:24:01,264 --> 00:24:02,497
HEY, LOOK AT ME,
611
00:24:02,499 --> 00:24:04,466
I'M AS FIT
AS A FLEA.
612
00:24:04,468 --> 00:24:05,467
IN THAT CASE,
613
00:24:05,469 --> 00:24:07,235
YOU CAN RUN AROUND
THAT BIG FIELD
614
00:24:07,237 --> 00:24:08,737
FIVE TIMES BACKWARDS.
615
00:24:08,739 --> 00:24:10,873
WHAT A MISTAKE
TO MAKE.
616
00:24:12,275 --> 00:24:14,643
WE WILL HAVE THE PICNIC
AND THE PHOTOGRAPHS
617
00:24:14,645 --> 00:24:16,378
BY THE BIG HAYSTACK
IN THE NEXT FIELD.
618
00:24:16,380 --> 00:24:17,579
FOLLOW ME.
619
00:24:22,685 --> 00:24:24,553
WHY DO I HAVE
TO GO FIRST,
620
00:24:24,555 --> 00:24:26,054
HERR FLICK?
621
00:24:26,056 --> 00:24:28,257
BECAUSE YOU ARE
A JUNIOR MEMBER
622
00:24:28,259 --> 00:24:29,592
OF THE GESTAPO.
623
00:24:29,594 --> 00:24:31,427
IF ANYTHING
UNTOWARD HAPPENS,
624
00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:32,995
YOU ARE EXPENDABLE.
625
00:24:32,997 --> 00:24:34,997
HOW DO I
GET UP THERE?
626
00:24:34,999 --> 00:24:37,633
IT IS VERY HIGH.
627
00:24:37,635 --> 00:24:40,369
YOU MOVE THE LEATHER STRAP
UP THE POLE,
628
00:24:40,371 --> 00:24:43,105
AND WALK UP USING
YOUR SPECIAL GESTAPO
629
00:24:43,107 --> 00:24:45,574
TELEGRAPH POLE
CLIMBING BOOTS.
630
00:24:45,576 --> 00:24:47,243
SOMETIMES YOU ARE
VERY SIMPLE,
631
00:24:47,245 --> 00:24:48,910
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
632
00:24:48,912 --> 00:24:50,246
WHEN YOU GET
TO THE TOP,
633
00:24:50,248 --> 00:24:52,615
DROP THE ROPE
AND PULL ME UP.
634
00:24:52,617 --> 00:24:55,551
AND WHAT IF I FALL
BEFORE I GET THERE?
635
00:24:55,553 --> 00:24:57,886
MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT
LAND ON ME.
636
00:24:57,888 --> 00:24:59,721
I AM NOT EXPENDABLE.
637
00:25:00,757 --> 00:25:03,125
IT MUST BE
A JOLLY PHOTOGRAPH
638
00:25:03,127 --> 00:25:04,460
OF HAPPY COLLABORATION.
639
00:25:04,462 --> 00:25:05,927
- SEE?
- AH.
640
00:25:13,603 --> 00:25:14,836
- OH!
- OH!
641
00:25:16,739 --> 00:25:18,006
OH, WHAT A THRILL.
642
00:25:18,008 --> 00:25:20,643
GROPED BY AN ITAI.
643
00:25:20,645 --> 00:25:22,678
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI,
CONTROL YOURSELF.
644
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,881
YOU TWO PEASANT GIRLS,
COME AND SIT HERE BY ME.
645
00:25:25,883 --> 00:25:27,383
YOU'LL BE SAFER.
646
00:25:29,052 --> 00:25:31,253
I SIT DOWN
NEXT TO YOU, HEH HEH.
647
00:25:31,255 --> 00:25:33,055
( kissing sounds )
648
00:25:34,191 --> 00:25:36,625
HELGA, YOU COME
AND SIT BY ME.
649
00:25:36,627 --> 00:25:38,694
IT LOOKS GOOD
TO SHOW GERMAN OFFICERS
650
00:25:38,696 --> 00:25:40,596
BEING FRIENDLY
WITH THEIR PRIVATES.
651
00:25:40,598 --> 00:25:41,730
OOH!
652
00:25:41,732 --> 00:25:43,932
THE CAMERA IS READY,
GENERAL.
653
00:25:43,934 --> 00:25:46,702
I HAVE BROUGHT THREE PLATES
IN CASE OF ANY ERROR.
654
00:25:46,704 --> 00:25:49,638
PERHAPS YOU COULD ALL
SHOW A LITTLE MORE LEG?
655
00:25:51,508 --> 00:25:53,509
NOT YOU, GRUBER.
656
00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:54,943
AND YOU TWO,
657
00:25:54,945 --> 00:25:56,612
LOOK AS THOUGH
YOU ARE SERVING US.
658
00:25:56,614 --> 00:25:57,680
OH, YES.
659
00:25:57,682 --> 00:25:59,348
COME ON, PEASANTS,
ENJOY YOURSELVES!
660
00:25:59,350 --> 00:26:00,583
YES, OF COURSE,
GENERAL.
661
00:26:07,156 --> 00:26:09,191
JUST HOLD IT THERE.
662
00:26:09,193 --> 00:26:11,660
NOW, WHEN I GIGGLE,
EVERYBODY GIGGLES.
663
00:26:11,662 --> 00:26:13,895
( giggles )
664
00:26:13,897 --> 00:26:15,964
AAH!
665
00:26:15,966 --> 00:26:17,733
General:
IDIOT, PEASANT!
LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
666
00:26:17,735 --> 00:26:19,167
Edith:
I AM SORRY, GENERAL.
667
00:26:19,169 --> 00:26:20,802
HERE, LET ME
WIPE IT OFF.
668
00:26:20,804 --> 00:26:22,938
NO, GIVE IT TO ME.
669
00:26:22,940 --> 00:26:24,873
NO, NO!
I WILL DO IT.
670
00:26:26,042 --> 00:26:28,510
ONE PLATE FOR THE BIN.
671
00:26:28,512 --> 00:26:30,446
General:
THERE, IT'S DONE.
672
00:26:30,448 --> 00:26:32,314
NOW, EVERYBODY
BACK IN POSITION.
673
00:26:32,316 --> 00:26:35,016
WE CANNOT AFFORD TO WASTE
PHOTOGRAPHS LIKE THIS.
674
00:26:35,018 --> 00:26:37,953
NOW, WHEN I SMILE,
EVERYBODY SMILES.
675
00:26:37,955 --> 00:26:39,622
READY.
676
00:26:39,624 --> 00:26:42,924
AH! THE PLACE IS
CRAWLING WITH ANTS.
677
00:26:42,926 --> 00:26:44,059
( women screaming )
678
00:26:44,061 --> 00:26:46,962
SOME OF THEM HAVE
MARCHED UP MY SHORTS.
679
00:26:48,331 --> 00:26:50,899
General:
STOP! THIS IS NOT
THE PHOTOGRAPH I WANT.
680
00:26:50,901 --> 00:26:53,034
DAMN.
681
00:26:54,237 --> 00:26:56,372
Smallhausen:
YES, PLEASE CONNECT ME
682
00:26:56,374 --> 00:26:58,006
AS SOON AS YOU CAN,
THANK YOU.
683
00:27:00,443 --> 00:27:03,479
IT DOES NOT FEEL VERY SAFE
UP HERE, HERR FLICK.
684
00:27:03,481 --> 00:27:06,282
DO NOT BE A NINNY,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
685
00:27:06,284 --> 00:27:08,484
HAVE YOU GOT
MY NUMBER YET?
686
00:27:08,486 --> 00:27:11,387
THE OPERATOR IS
CONNECTING ME NOW TO BERLIN.
687
00:27:11,389 --> 00:27:13,955
( phone rings )
688
00:27:13,957 --> 00:27:16,258
- UNCLE HEINIE?
- ( pole creaks )
689
00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:17,626
HELLO.
690
00:27:17,628 --> 00:27:20,095
THIS IS YOUR GODSON OTTO.
691
00:27:20,097 --> 00:27:22,698
NO, I AM NOT
IN MY OFFICE.
692
00:27:22,700 --> 00:27:24,366
I AM, STRANGELY ENOUGH,
693
00:27:24,368 --> 00:27:27,503
OVERLOOKING
A LARGE HAYSTACK.
694
00:27:27,505 --> 00:27:29,371
LISTEN, WE NEED MORE--
695
00:27:29,373 --> 00:27:31,640
AAAAH!
696
00:27:33,543 --> 00:27:35,811
( splatter )
697
00:27:35,813 --> 00:27:38,514
General:
THE GESTAPO HAVE
RUINED OUR PICNIC.
698
00:27:38,516 --> 00:27:40,683
NOT TO MENTION
THE PICTURE.
699
00:27:40,685 --> 00:27:43,051
YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS,
HERR FLICK.
700
00:27:43,053 --> 00:27:46,021
YOU HAVE JUST MADE
A VERY BAD CAREER MOVE.
701
00:27:46,023 --> 00:27:49,224
IT IS NOT OUR FAULT
WE HAVE POOPED A PICNIC.
702
00:27:49,226 --> 00:27:52,528
IT IS TIME TO WITHDRAW.
703
00:27:52,530 --> 00:27:54,563
WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?
704
00:27:54,565 --> 00:27:56,164
I'M SPEAKING TO YOU.
705
00:27:56,166 --> 00:27:58,900
THIS IS NOT OUR LUCKY DAY,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
706
00:27:58,902 --> 00:28:00,803
RUN AFTER THEM,
AND BRING THEM BACK.
707
00:28:02,806 --> 00:28:04,740
- RENE?
- UH?
708
00:28:04,742 --> 00:28:07,075
SHOULD WE GIVE THEM
THE BILL NOW?
709
00:28:07,077 --> 00:28:09,345
THAT WOULD NOT
BE A GOOD IDEA.
710
00:28:09,347 --> 00:28:10,979
WE WILL PUT IT
ON THE ACCOUNT.
711
00:28:10,981 --> 00:28:13,281
( theme music playing )