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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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( theme music playing )
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YOU MAY WONDER WHY
I AM STUFFING A STRING
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OF FRESHLY COOKED SAUSAGES
DOWN MY TROUSERS.
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THERE IS, OF COURSE,
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A SIMPLE EXPLANATION
FOR ALL THIS.
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THE IDIOT BRITISH AIRMEN
WERE HIDDEN IN BARRELS
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IN THE WINE CELLAR
AT THE CHATEAU
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AND THE PLAN WAS
TO FLOAT THEM OUT TO SEA
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IN THE UNDERGROUND STREAM,
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WHICH RUNS
BENEATH THE CELLAR.
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NEEDLESS TO SAY,
THE STUPID AIRMEN
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FLOATED DOWN
THE WRONG PASSAGE
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AND THEY ARE NOW
STUCK IN THE DRAIN
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IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE TOWN SQUARE.
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WE CANNOT--
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WE CANNOT OPEN
THE RUSTY GRATING
TO GET THEM OUT,
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SO MICHELLE HAS INSTRUCTED ME
TO FEED THE AIRMEN
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BY STANDING OVER THE DRAIN
AND LOWERING THE SAUSAGES
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DOWN MY TROUSER LEG.
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AS USUAL, MY WIFE EDITH
HAS OVER-CATERED.
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( growling )
OH, RENE,
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WE ARE ALONE AT LAST.
HOLD ME IN YOUR ARMS.
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Both:
OH!
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BE CAREFUL, YVETTE,
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SOME OF THESE SAUSAGES
ARE STILL VERY HOT.
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I CAN FEEL THE HEAT
THROUGH MY DRESS.
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( both giggle )
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HERE I HAVE THE MUSTARD
FOR THE BRITISH AIRMEN.
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I WILL TIE THE STRING
TO YOUR BELT
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AND SLIP THE POT
DOWN YOUR OTHER LEG.
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OH. OH. OH.
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RENE!
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WHAT IS THAT SERVING GIRL
DOING TO YOU?
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YOU STUPID WOMAN.
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CAN YOU NOT SEE,
THIS POOR CHILD IS EXAMINING--
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TRYING TO--
YOU TELL HER.
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I AM MAKING SURE
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RENE HAS THE MUSTARD
IN HIS TROUSERS.
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WHAT?!
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IT IS FOR THE AIRMEN.
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I WILL DO THAT.
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HERE, YOU GET
IN THE KITCHEN
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AND PEEL THE POTATOES.
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BUT I HAVE ALREADY
PEELED THEM.
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WELL, PEEL THEM AGAIN!
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HERE, RENE,
LET ME HELP YOU.
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I CAN MANAGE, EDITH,
THANK YOU.
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YOU HAVE COOKED
TOO MANY SAUSAGES.
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THERE IS BARELY ROOM
FOR THEM IN MY TROUSERS.
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AH, MICHELLE,
HAVE YOU FOUND A WAY
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OF GETTING RID OF
THE AIRMEN YET?
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LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
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I SHALL SAY THIS
ONLY ONCE.
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MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
IS EXAMINING THE GRATING
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TO SEE IF IT
CAN BE FORCED UP.
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THE AIRMEN ARE TRAPPED
ON A LEDGE
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NEXT TO THE OVERFLOW PIPE
FROM THIS CAFE.
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SO UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES
SHOULD ANYONE
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- FLUSH THE TOILET.
- ( toilet flushes )
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I MUST REMEMBER TO TELL
MAMMA AND MONSIEUR LECLERC.
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LET US HOPE THE AIRMEN
HAVE NOT BEEN WASHED AWAY.
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ON THE CONTRARY,
LET US HOPE THEY HAVE!
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ARE THE BANGERS
IN YOUR PANTS?
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ALL PRESENT
AND PIPING HOT.
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MICHELLE,
WHAT ABOUT DRINK?
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THE GARLIC
IN THE SAUSAGE
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WILL MAKE
THE AIRMEN THIRSTY.
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MY RESISTANCE GIRLS
ARE ADAPTING
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MADAME FANNY'S
WHEELCHAIR.
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THEY ARE PUTTING A TANK
OF SOUP UNDERNEATH IT
WITH A TAP.
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WHEN MONSIEUR LECLERC
TAKES MADAME FANNY
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FOR HER MORNING STROLL
IN THE WHEELCHAIR,
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HE WILL STOP OVER THE DRAIN,
OPEN THE TAP,
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AND LET THE AIRMEN
DRINK THE SOUP.
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OH, MADAME EDITH,
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SOMETHING TERRIBLE
HAS HAPPENED.
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MADAME FANNY HAS GONE.
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GONE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
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SHE AND MONSIEUR LECLERC
HAD A ROW LAST NIGHT.
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HE FOUND THIS NOTE
ON THE PILLOW WHEN
HE WOKE UP.
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HE IS DISTRAUGHT.
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OH--
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MAMMA HAS GONE TO STAY
WITH HER COUSIN IN AVIGNON,
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THE ONE WHO RUNS
THE KENNELS.
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WELL, SHE SHOULD
FEEL AT HOME THERE.
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DID MONSIEUR LECLERC
SAY WHAT THE ROW
WAS ABOUT?
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APPARENTLY,
SHE WAS COMPLAINING
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ABOUT HIS DEMANDS
FOR CONJUGAL RIGHTS.
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WAS HE MAKING MANY?
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NO, THAT IS WHAT
SHE WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT.
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THIS IS BAD NEWS.
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IF MADAME FANNY HAS GONE,
THAT PUTS PAID TO MY PLAN
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FOR GIVING THE AIRMEN
THE SOUP.
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SOMEONE WILL HAVE
TO TAKE HER PLACE.
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I WILL DO IT.
I CAN TURN MYSELF
INTO THE OLD WOMAN.
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00:04:04,849 --> 00:04:08,485
( witchlike voice )
AH, EDITH.
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00:04:10,788 --> 00:04:13,390
NO, MIMI,
YOU ARE MUCH TOO SMALL.
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MADAME EDITH,
YOU WILL HAVE TO DO IT.
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HOW COULD I MAKE MYSELF
LOOK OLD AND WRINKLED?
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WEAR ONE
OF YOUR HATS...
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AND TRY A LITTLE
LESS MAKE-UP.
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OH, YOU MUST, MADAME EDITH.
THE LIVES OF THE AIRMEN
MAY DEPEND ON IT,
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AND YOU ARE AN ARTISTE.
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VERY WELL,
I WILL DO IT.
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I WILL WEAR ONE
OF MAMMA'S DRESSES
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AND PUT ON HER OLD SUN HAT.
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I WILL SUCK IN MY CHEEKS
TO MAKE MYSELF LOOK TOOTHLESS,
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AND HUNCH MY SHOULDERS
TO MAKE ME LOOK
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OLD AND ARTHRITIC.
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I NEVER REALIZED
SHE WAS THAT OLD.
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( imitating Mamma )
THE GERMANS,
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I SPIT ON THEM.
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( spitting )
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NOW STOP WASTING TIME,
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AND GO UPSTAIRS
TO GET READY,
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YOU SILLY OLD BAT.
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RENE, HOW DARE YOU
SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!
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I AM SORRY, EDITH,
BUT YOU WERE SO REALISTIC
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I AM ALREADY THINKING OF YOU
AS MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.
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GOOD MOANING.
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OH, GOOD MORNING,
MONSIEUR.
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WHAT ARE YOU DEEING
CROTCHING ON ALL FEARS
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IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE SQUEER?
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I AM CHECKING
THESE RUSTY HINGES
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TO SEE IF WE CAN GET
THE BRITISH AIRMEN OUT.
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OF COURSE, THE EARMEN.
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WE MUST ROSCUE THEM
AS SOON AS PISSABLE.
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HMM?
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THERE IS LITTLE HOPE
OF THAT, I AM AFRAID.
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THE HINGES
ARE RUSTED SOLID.
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THAT IS BAD NOSE INDOOD.
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I MUST INFORM MICHELLE.
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SHE HAS SECRETED HERSELF
IN THE CAFE.
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I SAY, CHAPS,
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
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- HELLO!
- HELLO!
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Crabtree:
KEEP YOUR CHINS UP, CHAPS.
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ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
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WELL, UH...
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IT PONGS A BIT DOWN HERE.
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IS SOMEONE
DOING SOMETHING?
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00:06:24,523 --> 00:06:25,756
Crabtree:
DON'T WORRY,
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THE UNDERTAKER'S
TAKING CARE OF EVERYTHING.
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00:06:27,693 --> 00:06:30,027
I SAY, I DON'T LIKE
THE SOUND OF THAT.
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MUST DASH, CHAPS.
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JERRY ON HORIZON.
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GOOD MOANING.
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NICE DOO.
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I DON'T LIKE IT
MUCH DOWN HERE.
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I KNOW, OLD BOY.
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STILL, IT DOES HAVE
ITS COMPENSATIONS.
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00:06:55,386 --> 00:06:57,487
AH, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
HAVE YOU MADE ANY PROGRESS?
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THE DRAIN COVER
WILL NOT MOVE.
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IT HAS NOT BEEN OPENED
FOR YEARS.
154
00:07:01,660 --> 00:07:03,727
BUT THAT IS DREADFUL.
WHAT ARE WE TO DO?
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00:07:03,729 --> 00:07:06,563
I COULD PERHAPS LOOSEN
THE HINGES WITH A HAMMER,
156
00:07:06,565 --> 00:07:08,899
BUT I CANNOT GO OUT
INTO THE SQUARE
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00:07:08,901 --> 00:07:11,367
AND START BANGING
IN BROAD DAYLIGHT.
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00:07:11,369 --> 00:07:13,603
YES, THAT MIGHT
AROUSE SUSPICION.
159
00:07:13,605 --> 00:07:15,806
COULD YOU NOT
PARK YOUR HEARSE
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OVER THE DRAIN
AND WORK UNDERNEATH IT?
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00:07:17,910 --> 00:07:19,442
DO NOT BE RIDICULOUS,
MICHELLE.
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00:07:19,444 --> 00:07:21,477
THE GERMANS WOULD STILL
HEAR HIM BANGING.
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00:07:21,479 --> 00:07:25,182
AN IDEA HAS JUST
ENTERED MY BRAIN.
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00:07:25,184 --> 00:07:28,251
WE COULD PERHAPS USE
YOUR OLD ICE CREAM WAGON?
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00:07:28,253 --> 00:07:30,386
THE ONE I KEEP
IN MY GARAGE?
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00:07:30,388 --> 00:07:32,322
THE NOISE OF THE ICE
MAKING MACHINERY
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WOULD DISGUISE
OUR ACTIVITIES UNDERNEATH.
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OH, THAT IS
A GOOD IDEA!
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THE GERMANS
WOULD NOT SUSPECT
AN ICE CREAM VAN.
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00:07:40,298 --> 00:07:45,001
BUT IT HAS BEEN
LAID UP SINCE IT
BROKE DOWN IN 1934.
171
00:07:45,003 --> 00:07:47,570
THE ENGINE MIGHT NEED
A LITTLE TINKERING
172
00:07:47,572 --> 00:07:49,539
BUT THE FREEZER
STILL WORKS.
173
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I OCCASIONALLY USE IT
FOR STORING BODIES.
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00:07:53,277 --> 00:07:56,379
YOUR WAITRESSES
COULD SERVE THE ICE CREAM,
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AND YOU, RENE,
YOU CAN DRIVE THE VAN.
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00:07:58,117 --> 00:08:00,951
OH NO, NO, NO.
I AM PLAYING NO PART
IN THIS CRACKPOT IDEA.
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00:08:00,953 --> 00:08:02,285
LISTEN,
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00:08:02,287 --> 00:08:04,121
IF THOSE AIRMEN
ARE FOUND IN THE DRAIN,
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00:08:04,123 --> 00:08:05,789
THEY MAY CRACK
UNDER INTERROGATION
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00:08:05,791 --> 00:08:07,824
AND REVEAL WHO HAS BEEN
SHELTERING THEM.
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00:08:07,826 --> 00:08:09,459
AND THE FINGER...
182
00:08:09,461 --> 00:08:12,028
WILL POINT AT YOU,
MONSIEUR.
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00:08:12,030 --> 00:08:13,296
WELL, AS USUAL,
184
00:08:13,298 --> 00:08:15,265
I DO NOT SEEM TO HAVE
MUCH CHOICE.
185
00:08:15,267 --> 00:08:17,700
WELL, I WILL GO
FOR A TINKER.
186
00:08:18,770 --> 00:08:21,337
AND I WILL GO
AND FEED THE AIRMEN.
187
00:08:23,574 --> 00:08:26,009
YOU ARE WALKING
VERY STRANGELY, MONSIEUR.
188
00:08:26,011 --> 00:08:28,245
IF YOU HAD
DOWN YOUR TROUSERS
189
00:08:28,247 --> 00:08:29,479
WHAT I HAVE DOWN MINE,
190
00:08:29,481 --> 00:08:32,949
YOU WOULD WALK STRANGELY.
191
00:08:32,951 --> 00:08:34,550
BIG HEAD!
192
00:08:55,372 --> 00:08:57,307
I SAY, CARSTAIRS,
193
00:08:57,309 --> 00:08:59,142
THAT CAFE CHAPPIE'S
UP THERE
194
00:08:59,144 --> 00:09:01,711
DROPPING SOMETHING
DOWN HIS TROUSERS!
195
00:09:03,981 --> 00:09:06,416
IT'S SAUSAGES, FAIRFAX.
196
00:09:06,418 --> 00:09:08,051
THANK GOD FOR THAT.
197
00:09:18,129 --> 00:09:20,330
GOOD MORNING, RENE.
198
00:09:21,665 --> 00:09:23,366
I'M SORRY
I MADE YOU JUMP.
199
00:09:23,368 --> 00:09:25,969
GOOD MORNING,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
200
00:09:25,971 --> 00:09:28,939
I WAS JUST
TAKING THE AIR.
201
00:09:28,941 --> 00:09:32,775
MY STOMACH IS A LITTLE
FRAGILE THIS MORNING.
202
00:09:32,777 --> 00:09:35,812
OH, DEAR LIEUTENANT,
I HOPE IT'S NOTHING SERIOUS.
203
00:09:35,814 --> 00:09:39,316
I THINK IT WAS THE COTTAGE PIE
I HAD IN THE CAFE LAST NIGHT.
204
00:09:41,485 --> 00:09:43,486
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, RENE?
205
00:09:43,488 --> 00:09:45,555
YOU APPEAR TO HAVE
A TWITCH IN YOUR LEG.
206
00:09:45,557 --> 00:09:47,324
OH, IT IS NOTHING.
207
00:09:47,326 --> 00:09:49,893
JUST A SLIGHT MUSCLE STRAIN
FROM CARRYING HEAVY CRATES
208
00:09:49,895 --> 00:09:50,927
UP FROM THE CELLAR.
209
00:09:50,929 --> 00:09:53,429
PERHAPS SOMEONE
SHOULD LOOK AT IT?
210
00:09:53,431 --> 00:09:55,665
NO, THAT IS
NOT NECESSARY,
211
00:09:55,667 --> 00:09:57,167
BUT THANK YOU
FOR YOUR CONCERN.
212
00:09:59,170 --> 00:10:01,371
RENE--
213
00:10:02,439 --> 00:10:05,541
RENE, IS IT MY IMAGINATION
214
00:10:05,543 --> 00:10:08,078
OR IS THERE A SAUSAGE
215
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,812
POPPING OUT OF THE END
OF YOUR TROUSERS?
216
00:10:11,182 --> 00:10:13,783
NO, NO YOU ARE
SEEING CORRECTLY.
217
00:10:13,785 --> 00:10:15,919
THESE SAUSAGES WERE
PAST THEIR EAT-BY DATE
218
00:10:15,921 --> 00:10:19,555
SO I WAS DISPOSING THEM
TO SAFEGUARD OUR CUSTOMERS.
219
00:10:19,557 --> 00:10:22,792
THAT IS MOST COMMENDABLE.
220
00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:24,961
AND HOW TYPICAL OF YOU.
221
00:10:24,963 --> 00:10:26,496
OH.
222
00:10:26,498 --> 00:10:29,799
BUT WOULD IT NOT
BE SIMPLER JUST TO...
223
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,567
POP THEM IN THE DUSTBIN?
224
00:10:31,569 --> 00:10:35,505
WE DO NOT WANT ANYBODY
TO SUFFER FROM FOOD POISONING.
225
00:10:35,507 --> 00:10:37,340
WE PUT THE WORST FOOD
FROM THE CAFE
226
00:10:37,342 --> 00:10:39,142
STRAIGHT DOWN HERE.
227
00:10:39,144 --> 00:10:41,144
IN THAT CASE, RENE,
228
00:10:41,146 --> 00:10:42,979
MAY I MAKE A SUGGESTION?
229
00:10:42,981 --> 00:10:45,048
OF COURSE, LIEUTENANT.
230
00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:47,117
PERHAPS NEXT TIME
231
00:10:47,119 --> 00:10:49,419
YOU COULD DO THE SAME
232
00:10:49,421 --> 00:10:52,055
WITH MADAME EDITH'S
COTTAGE PIE?
233
00:11:01,565 --> 00:11:03,766
SO, VON SMALLHAUSEN,
ARE YOU READY
234
00:11:03,768 --> 00:11:06,302
TO COMMENCE
THE FORGING OF A COPY
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
235
00:11:06,304 --> 00:11:08,204
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN CLOMP,
236
00:11:08,206 --> 00:11:11,007
WHICH WE SO AUDACIOUSLY
STOLE FROM THE CHATEAU
237
00:11:11,009 --> 00:11:13,143
BEHIND GENERAL VON
KLINKERHOFFEN'S BACK
238
00:11:13,145 --> 00:11:15,011
UNDER HIS VERY NOSE?
239
00:11:15,013 --> 00:11:16,812
YES, HERR FLICK.
I WILL DO MY BEST.
240
00:11:16,814 --> 00:11:19,115
I HAVE CAREFULLY
TRACED AROUND THE PAINTING
241
00:11:19,117 --> 00:11:20,650
TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU.
242
00:11:20,652 --> 00:11:22,652
THE CODE FOR THE COLORS
IS HERE.
243
00:11:22,654 --> 00:11:25,688
IT IS A GREAT HELP,
HERR FLICK.
244
00:11:25,690 --> 00:11:28,658
NUMBER ONE IS FOR RED,
245
00:11:28,660 --> 00:11:30,593
TWO FOR BLUE,
THREE FOR GREEN
246
00:11:30,595 --> 00:11:33,563
AND FOUR FOR A PINKY
FLESH COLOR.
247
00:11:33,565 --> 00:11:35,765
THAT IS A LARGE POT,
HERR FLICK.
248
00:11:35,767 --> 00:11:37,600
IT IS FOR HER BOOBIES,
249
00:11:37,602 --> 00:11:40,537
WHICH OCCUPY
MUCH OF THE PAINTING.
250
00:11:40,539 --> 00:11:43,105
AND WHAT SHALL WE DO
ABOUT THIS FORGERY?
251
00:11:43,107 --> 00:11:46,842
I WILL PLANT IT IN THE OFFICE
OF COLONEL VON STROHM.
252
00:11:46,844 --> 00:11:48,711
AN ANONYMOUS TELEPHONE CALL
253
00:11:48,713 --> 00:11:51,781
WILL INFORM GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN WHERE IT IS,
254
00:11:51,783 --> 00:11:54,484
THE COLONEL WILL BE ACCUSED
OF STEALING IT
255
00:11:54,486 --> 00:11:56,386
AND BE SENT
TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT
256
00:11:56,388 --> 00:11:59,722
WHERE HE WILL NO LONGER
BE A PAIN IN THE BUM.
257
00:11:59,724 --> 00:12:02,625
IT IS A VERY RISKY PLAN,
HERR FLICK.
258
00:12:02,627 --> 00:12:04,960
DO NOT WORRY,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
259
00:12:04,962 --> 00:12:07,497
IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG,
YOU WILL CARRY THE CAN.
260
00:12:07,499 --> 00:12:11,334
I SHALL BE PROUD TO BE A COG
IN THE WHEEL, HERR FLICK.
261
00:12:11,336 --> 00:12:13,936
A VERY SMALL COG.
I AM A BIG COG.
262
00:12:15,772 --> 00:12:17,240
NOW GET ON
WITH THE FORGING.
263
00:12:17,242 --> 00:12:19,775
I AM GOING
TO TAKE HELGA
THESE FLOWERS.
264
00:12:20,811 --> 00:12:22,412
IF YOU DO
A REALLY GOOD JOB,
265
00:12:22,414 --> 00:12:23,979
I MAY LET HELGA
GIVE YOU A KISS.
266
00:12:25,416 --> 00:12:27,383
THE THOUGHT HAS MADE
MY HAND SHAKE, HERR FLICK.
267
00:12:27,385 --> 00:12:29,819
TAKE A TRANQUILIZER,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
268
00:12:29,821 --> 00:12:31,954
I DO NOT WANT
A NIPPLE ON HER NOSE.
269
00:12:33,624 --> 00:12:35,891
THE PAPER CLIPS
AND STATIONERY
270
00:12:35,893 --> 00:12:37,360
ARE IN THE TOP DRAWER.
271
00:12:37,362 --> 00:12:39,762
IF YOU CAN'T FIND ANYTHING,
PRIVATE BIGSTERN,
272
00:12:39,764 --> 00:12:40,963
JUST ASK LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
273
00:12:40,965 --> 00:12:42,198
HE'S VERY HELPFUL.
274
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,667
HE SEEMED A NICE FELLOW
WHEN YOU INTRODUCED ME
275
00:12:44,669 --> 00:12:45,868
TO HIM AND THE COLONEL.
276
00:12:45,870 --> 00:12:47,604
HANDSOME, TOO--
277
00:12:47,606 --> 00:12:49,372
QUITE TICKLED MY FANCY.
278
00:12:50,574 --> 00:12:52,642
HE'S NEVER TICKLED MINE.
279
00:12:55,946 --> 00:12:58,180
- GOOD MORNING, HELGA.
- GOOD MORNING, GENERAL.
280
00:12:58,182 --> 00:13:00,015
IS THIS A NEW
MEMBER OF STAFF?
281
00:13:00,017 --> 00:13:01,951
I AM OFF
ON MY TRAINING COURSE,
282
00:13:01,953 --> 00:13:03,919
PRIVATE BIGSTERN
IS TAKING MY PLACE.
283
00:13:05,188 --> 00:13:07,790
NO ONE CAN POSSIBLY
TAKE YOUR PLACE, HELGA.
284
00:13:07,792 --> 00:13:10,260
ALTHOUGH ON
SECOND THOUGHTS,
285
00:13:10,262 --> 00:13:11,394
I COULD BE WRONG.
286
00:13:11,396 --> 00:13:13,296
I WILL BE TAKING OVER
287
00:13:13,298 --> 00:13:15,531
ALL OF PRIVATE
GEERHART'S DUTIES, GENERAL.
288
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:18,200
IN THAT CASE,
I MIGHT HAVE
SOME OVERTIME
289
00:13:18,202 --> 00:13:19,435
FOR YOU ONE
EVENING THIS WEEK.
290
00:13:19,437 --> 00:13:21,504
IT WILL BE A PLEASURE,
GENERAL.
291
00:13:21,506 --> 00:13:23,273
THAT IS WHAT
I HOPE.
292
00:13:23,275 --> 00:13:25,675
I WILL MISS HELGA,
YOU KNOW.
293
00:13:25,677 --> 00:13:28,611
BUT THAT NEW GIRL,
SHE HAS A LOT GOING FOR HER.
294
00:13:28,613 --> 00:13:30,846
ALREADY SHE'S
GIVEN ME THE WINK.
295
00:13:30,848 --> 00:13:33,316
DON'T START GETTING IDEAS,
BERTORELLI.
296
00:13:33,318 --> 00:13:35,184
SHE GAVE ME THE WINK ALSO.
297
00:13:35,186 --> 00:13:38,354
SHE WINKED AT ME, TOO.
I CAN'T THINK WHY.
298
00:13:39,556 --> 00:13:41,257
GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN!
299
00:13:43,327 --> 00:13:45,995
WE SHALL HAVE
TO GET CHEESE
FOR OUR EARS, GRUBER.
300
00:13:45,997 --> 00:13:48,364
THIS NEW GIRL
IS WORSE THAN HELGA.
301
00:13:48,366 --> 00:13:49,865
HEIL HITLER!
302
00:13:57,207 --> 00:13:58,541
NOW, COLONEL,
303
00:13:58,543 --> 00:14:00,376
I WISH TO KNOW WHAT PROGRESS
YOU HAVE MADE IN THE SEARCH
304
00:14:00,378 --> 00:14:02,278
FOR THE MISCREANTS
WHO STOLE THE PAINTING
305
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,314
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN CLOMP,
306
00:14:04,316 --> 00:14:05,648
FROM MY HEADQUARTERS
IN THE CHATEAU?
307
00:14:05,650 --> 00:14:07,550
GRUBER,
TELL THE GENERAL
308
00:14:07,552 --> 00:14:09,319
WHAT PROGRESS
WE'RE MAKING.
309
00:14:09,321 --> 00:14:11,721
UH... WELL...
310
00:14:11,723 --> 00:14:14,424
OF COURSE, AFTER YOU...
311
00:14:14,426 --> 00:14:16,559
ANNOUNCED THE CURFEW,
312
00:14:16,561 --> 00:14:18,695
WE CARRIED OUT
A HOUSE-TO-HOUSE SEARCH,
313
00:14:18,697 --> 00:14:20,763
AND ROUNDED UP
ALL THE USUAL SUSPECTS.
314
00:14:20,765 --> 00:14:22,665
WE ARE ALSO STOPPING
AND SEARCHING
315
00:14:22,667 --> 00:14:24,200
EVERYONE LEAVING THE VILLAGE.
316
00:14:24,202 --> 00:14:26,669
IN OTHER WORDS, YOU'VE
MADE NO PROGRESS AT ALL.
317
00:14:26,671 --> 00:14:28,270
NO, GENERAL.
318
00:14:28,272 --> 00:14:30,139
BUT WE'RE TRYING
VERY HARD.
319
00:14:30,141 --> 00:14:32,775
MY MEN, THEY ARE WORKING
ROUND THE CLOCK,
320
00:14:32,777 --> 00:14:35,611
SOMETIMES TWO OR THREE
HOURS A DAY.
321
00:14:37,348 --> 00:14:39,281
IF I DO NOT SEE
SOME RESULTS SOON,
322
00:14:39,283 --> 00:14:41,250
THE CHANCES OF YOU
ALL BEING SENT
323
00:14:41,252 --> 00:14:43,720
TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT
WILL IMPROVE CONSIDERABLY.
324
00:14:43,722 --> 00:14:44,754
WHOOPS.
325
00:14:44,756 --> 00:14:47,857
PARTICULARLY YOURS.
IS THAT CLEAR?
326
00:14:47,859 --> 00:14:49,124
YES, GENERAL!
327
00:14:49,126 --> 00:14:50,125
HEIL HITLER.
328
00:14:50,127 --> 00:14:51,126
HEIL HITLER.
329
00:14:51,128 --> 00:14:52,161
HEIL MUSSOLINI.
330
00:14:53,430 --> 00:14:54,997
DON'T BE SILLY.
331
00:14:56,166 --> 00:14:59,235
THE GENERALI--
I DON'T THINK HE LIKES ME.
332
00:14:59,237 --> 00:15:00,837
NOBODY LIKES YOU.
333
00:15:00,839 --> 00:15:03,205
IF YOUR MEN WERE
MORE EFFICIENT,
334
00:15:03,207 --> 00:15:04,907
WE MIGHT HAVE FOUND
THE PAINTING BY NOW.
335
00:15:04,909 --> 00:15:06,509
AFTER ALL,
THEY ARE CRIMINALS.
336
00:15:06,511 --> 00:15:08,143
THEY OUGHT TO KNOW
WHERE TO LOOK.
337
00:15:08,145 --> 00:15:09,712
WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME
338
00:15:09,714 --> 00:15:11,313
WHO GETS THE BLAME
FOR ALL THE COCK-UPS?
339
00:15:11,315 --> 00:15:13,148
WE HAVE TO BLAME SOMEONE.
340
00:15:13,150 --> 00:15:14,684
AND YOU'RE THE ONLY
ITAI WE KNOW.
341
00:15:18,955 --> 00:15:21,290
WHO ARE YOU?
I AM LOOKING
FOR HELGA.
342
00:15:21,292 --> 00:15:23,325
SHE HAS GONE ON A COURSE.
343
00:15:23,327 --> 00:15:24,660
I'M HER REPLACEMENT.
344
00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:27,329
I AM HERR FLICK,
HEAD OF THE NOUVION
GESTAPO,
345
00:15:27,331 --> 00:15:29,198
GODSON OF
HEINRICH HIMMLER,
346
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,367
SCOURGE
OF THE RESISTANCE,
347
00:15:31,369 --> 00:15:33,035
AND A BIT OF A ONE
FOR THE GIRLS.
348
00:15:33,037 --> 00:15:34,704
YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF ME?
349
00:15:34,706 --> 00:15:36,706
NO.
350
00:15:36,708 --> 00:15:38,908
I HAD COME HERE
351
00:15:38,910 --> 00:15:40,810
TO ASK HELGA OUT
THIS AFTERNOON,
352
00:15:40,812 --> 00:15:42,612
BUT YOU LOOK
A FINE SPECIMEN.
353
00:15:42,614 --> 00:15:45,114
YOU WILL DO
JUST AS WELL.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
354
00:15:45,116 --> 00:15:47,483
WELL, I AM A NEW GIRL HERE.
355
00:15:47,485 --> 00:15:49,819
I THINK I'D BETTER
ASK PERMISSION FIRST.
356
00:15:52,923 --> 00:15:55,090
PERMISSION TO SPEAK,
COLONEL?
357
00:15:55,092 --> 00:15:56,992
WHAT IS IT, PRIVATE BIGSTERN?
358
00:15:59,162 --> 00:16:02,264
THERE IS SOMEONE OUTSIDE
CALLING HIMSELF HERR FLICK.
359
00:16:02,266 --> 00:16:04,099
HE HAS ASKED ME OUT.
360
00:16:04,101 --> 00:16:05,935
IS IT WISE FOR ME TO ACCEPT?
361
00:16:05,937 --> 00:16:07,169
HERR FLICK?!
362
00:16:07,171 --> 00:16:09,138
OH, NO, ELSA,
363
00:16:09,140 --> 00:16:11,641
HE'S A PARTICULARLY
NASTY CHARACTER.
364
00:16:11,643 --> 00:16:13,242
HE'S A HORRIBLE,
LITTLE WORM.
365
00:16:13,244 --> 00:16:14,911
YOU COME OUT
WITH ME INSTEAD.
366
00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:20,883
WHAT A MISTAKE
TO MAKE.
367
00:16:20,885 --> 00:16:22,652
WAIT A MINUTE!
368
00:16:22,654 --> 00:16:24,554
THIS COULD BE
OUR OPPORTUNITY
369
00:16:24,556 --> 00:16:26,589
TO PUT A SPY
IN FLICK'S CAMP,
370
00:16:26,591 --> 00:16:28,791
NOW THAT HELGA'S
NO LONGER INTIMATE
WITH HIM.
371
00:16:28,793 --> 00:16:30,793
THAT IS AN IDEA,
COLONEL.
372
00:16:30,795 --> 00:16:32,528
HE ALSO MAY
KNOW SOMETHING
373
00:16:32,530 --> 00:16:34,363
ABOUT THE THEFT
OF THE PAINTING.
374
00:16:34,365 --> 00:16:35,798
PRIVATE BIGSTERN,
375
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,167
YOU WILL ACCEPT
HERR FLICK'S INVITATION,
376
00:16:38,169 --> 00:16:40,470
BECOME CLOSE TO HIM,
AND REPORT EVERYTHING
377
00:16:40,472 --> 00:16:42,772
HE SAYS AND DOES TO US.
378
00:16:42,774 --> 00:16:45,608
PARTICULARLY IF HE HAS
A PAINTING IN HIS QUARTERS.
379
00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:48,310
OF A GIRL
WITH BIG BOOBIES.
380
00:16:48,312 --> 00:16:50,980
THEY MIGHT NOT SEEM BIG TO YOU,
BUT THEY ARE TO US.
381
00:16:52,015 --> 00:16:55,317
I WILL DO MY BEST.
HEIL HITLER!
382
00:16:55,319 --> 00:16:58,721
SHE'S NEW... KEEN,
383
00:16:58,723 --> 00:17:00,723
PITY SHE'S A GIRL.
384
00:17:04,294 --> 00:17:06,696
VERY WELL, HERR FLICK.
I ACCEPT YOUR INVITATION.
385
00:17:06,698 --> 00:17:07,930
GOOD.
386
00:17:07,932 --> 00:17:10,766
REPORT TO MY SECRET
HEADQUARTERS THIS AFTERNOON.
387
00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:12,368
WHAT IS THE ADDRESS?
388
00:17:12,370 --> 00:17:13,769
HERE IS MY CARD.
389
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,104
IT IS BLANK.
390
00:17:15,106 --> 00:17:16,973
BREATHE ON IT FOR 30 SECONDS
391
00:17:16,975 --> 00:17:18,273
AND THE WORDS WILL APPEAR.
392
00:17:19,442 --> 00:17:21,243
YOU ARE A LUCKY MAN,
HERR FLICK.
393
00:17:21,245 --> 00:17:22,778
I'M VERY POPULAR
IN THE MESS,
394
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:24,279
AND DO NOT
USUALLY GO OUT
395
00:17:24,281 --> 00:17:25,915
WITH BALDING LITTLE
MEN IN GLASSES.
396
00:17:25,917 --> 00:17:27,249
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
397
00:17:27,251 --> 00:17:28,518
YOU MAY KISS ME NOW.
398
00:17:32,523 --> 00:17:33,990
I'LL SEE YOU LATER,
HERR FLICK.
399
00:17:35,258 --> 00:17:36,959
MUCH LATER.
400
00:17:36,961 --> 00:17:39,762
I MUST DO SOME
PRESS-UPS FIRST.
401
00:17:45,235 --> 00:17:46,536
HALLO, CHAPS.
402
00:17:46,538 --> 00:17:48,204
- HALLO.
- HALLO.
403
00:17:48,206 --> 00:17:50,806
I'VE JUST BEEN TALKING
TO THE CAFE CHAPPIE.
404
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:53,409
HE'S WHEELING OUT HIS OLD
MOTHER-IN-LAW IN A MINUTE,
405
00:17:53,411 --> 00:17:55,578
WITH SOME HOMEMADE SOUP.
406
00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:57,113
SHE'LL POUR IT
DOWN THE GRATE FOR YOU.
407
00:17:57,115 --> 00:17:59,382
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO DRINK IT?
408
00:17:59,384 --> 00:18:01,617
YOU'LL JUST HAVE
TO IMPROVISE.
409
00:18:01,619 --> 00:18:03,719
WE CAN'T GET THE MUGS
THROUGH THE BARS.
410
00:18:05,456 --> 00:18:07,490
WHY DON'T WE USE
OUR BOOTS, CARSTAIRS?
411
00:18:07,492 --> 00:18:08,458
GOOD IDEA.
412
00:18:11,395 --> 00:18:13,596
DAMN,
BOTH OF MINE HAVE
GOT HOLES IN THEM.
413
00:18:13,598 --> 00:18:15,364
OH, YOU CAN HAVE ONE
OF MINE IF YOU LIKE.
414
00:18:15,366 --> 00:18:17,800
I THINK I'D RATHER
USE MY CAP, OLD BOY.
415
00:18:23,873 --> 00:18:25,774
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE
TO DO, MONSIEUR LECLERC?
416
00:18:25,776 --> 00:18:26,909
YES, YES.
417
00:18:26,911 --> 00:18:28,944
I AM TO WHEEL THE CHAIR
OVER THE DRAIN,
418
00:18:28,946 --> 00:18:31,046
AND TURN ON THE TAP.
I AM NOT STUPID.
419
00:18:31,048 --> 00:18:32,781
WE KNOW YOU ARE NOT,
MONSIEUR LECLERC.
420
00:18:32,783 --> 00:18:35,050
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
CAN BE DECEPTIVE.
421
00:18:35,052 --> 00:18:36,819
OOOH, RENE,
422
00:18:36,821 --> 00:18:39,755
I CAN FEEL THE SOUP BOILING
IN THE TANK UNDERNEATH ME.
423
00:18:39,757 --> 00:18:41,957
I THINK THE PRIMUS
IS TOO HIGH.
424
00:18:41,959 --> 00:18:44,693
RELEASE SOME OF THE PRESSURE
WITH THE STEAM VALVE.
425
00:18:44,695 --> 00:18:46,362
( steam spurting )
426
00:18:50,066 --> 00:18:52,968
THERE'S A LOT OF GARLIC
IN THAT SOUP.
427
00:18:52,970 --> 00:18:54,370
GOOD MOANING.
428
00:18:54,372 --> 00:18:55,738
GOOD MOANING.
429
00:18:55,740 --> 00:18:58,307
I HAVE TOLD THE EARMEN
TO EXPECT THE SOAP.
430
00:18:58,309 --> 00:19:00,443
I THOUGHT WE WERE
GIVING THEM SOUP?
431
00:19:00,445 --> 00:19:02,145
HE MEANS SOUP.
432
00:19:02,147 --> 00:19:04,447
I WISH YOU WOULD LEARN
TO SPEAK PROPER FRENCH.
433
00:19:06,150 --> 00:19:09,118
YOUR MITHER-IN-LOO IS
NOT LOOKING VERY WELL.
434
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:12,721
SHE IS MORE WRONKLED
AND HIGGARD THAN USUAL.
435
00:19:13,790 --> 00:19:16,058
IT IS ME,
OFFICER CRABTREE.
436
00:19:16,060 --> 00:19:19,562
MY MOTHER IS NOT HERE,
SO I AM TAKING HER PLACE.
437
00:19:19,564 --> 00:19:22,165
IT IS A GOOD DISGEESE.
438
00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:24,300
OFF YOU GO,
AND GET IT RIGHT.
439
00:19:24,302 --> 00:19:26,269
IT IS A SIMPLE
ENOUGH TASK,
440
00:19:26,271 --> 00:19:27,870
ANY FOOL COULD DO IT.
441
00:19:29,273 --> 00:19:31,707
BUT YOU WERE
TOP OF THE LIST.
442
00:19:31,709 --> 00:19:34,043
THE OLD LADY
IN THE WHEELCHAIR
IS COMING THIS WAY.
443
00:19:34,045 --> 00:19:36,212
JOLLY GOOD.
GET READY FOR SOUP.
444
00:19:40,817 --> 00:19:42,552
THIS IS THE DRAIN,
MADAME EDITH.
445
00:19:42,554 --> 00:19:44,620
TURN ON THE TAP THEN,
MONSIEUR LECLERC.
446
00:19:49,393 --> 00:19:52,195
OH MY GOD, WHAT IS
THAT IDIOT DOING?
447
00:19:52,197 --> 00:19:55,464
HE IS PUTTING THE SOAP
DOWN THE WRING DROON!
448
00:19:55,466 --> 00:19:57,266
CAN THEY GET
NOTHING RIGHT?
449
00:19:58,602 --> 00:20:00,570
Fairfax:
THE SOUP'S COMING DOWN
THE WRONG DRAIN.
450
00:20:00,572 --> 00:20:02,805
QUICK, FAIRFAX,
BEFORE IT RUNS OUT.
451
00:20:05,275 --> 00:20:07,376
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
YOU IDIOTS?
452
00:20:07,378 --> 00:20:09,845
GO BACK TO THE CAFE,
I WILL TAKE OVER.
453
00:20:11,181 --> 00:20:12,915
Edith:
WHAT IS WRONG,
RENE?
454
00:20:12,917 --> 00:20:16,118
YOU WERE OVER THE WRONG DRAIN,
YOU SILLY OLD BAT.
455
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:18,787
RENE,
HOW DARE YOU SPEAK
TO ME LIKE THAT!
456
00:20:18,789 --> 00:20:20,789
I'M SORRY, EDITH, BUT YOU'RE
MORE LIKE YOUR MOTHER,
457
00:20:20,791 --> 00:20:22,391
THAN YOUR MOTHER.
458
00:20:24,127 --> 00:20:26,829
DAMN BLIGHTERS
HAVE GONE.
459
00:20:26,831 --> 00:20:29,365
THAT'S JOLLY UNFAIR.
I WAS DYING FOR A DRINK.
460
00:20:29,367 --> 00:20:31,367
LOOK!
IT'S COMING DOWN
THE OTHER ONE NOW.
461
00:20:31,369 --> 00:20:34,970
BLASTED FROGGIES,
CAN'T GET ANYTHING RIGHT.
462
00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:37,306
I AM SORRY TOO, RENE,
463
00:20:37,308 --> 00:20:40,042
I DID NOT NOTICE IT
WAS THE WRONG DRAIN.
464
00:20:40,044 --> 00:20:41,944
NOW IT IS THE RIGHT ONE.
465
00:20:44,147 --> 00:20:46,849
I SAY, CARSTAIRS,
466
00:20:46,851 --> 00:20:49,452
I DIDN'T GET ANY.
467
00:20:49,454 --> 00:20:51,086
- ( knocking )
- WHO IS IT?
468
00:20:51,088 --> 00:20:54,156
PRIVATE
ELSA BIGSTERN!
469
00:20:55,191 --> 00:20:56,959
LET HER IN,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
470
00:20:56,961 --> 00:20:59,228
IT IS MY NEW DATE.
HELGA IS AWAY.
471
00:21:01,064 --> 00:21:02,798
I WAS EXPECTING YOU.
472
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,067
I WASN'T.
473
00:21:05,069 --> 00:21:07,537
THIS IS
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
MY ASSISTANT.
474
00:21:07,539 --> 00:21:09,705
WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO KISS HIM?
475
00:21:09,707 --> 00:21:11,874
THAT WILL NOT
BE NECESSARY.
476
00:21:11,876 --> 00:21:13,776
LET'S NOT BE HASTY,
HERR FLICK.
477
00:21:15,111 --> 00:21:17,813
GO TO YOUR CUPBOARD,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.
478
00:21:20,684 --> 00:21:22,151
WOULD YOU LIKE
A DRINK?
479
00:21:22,153 --> 00:21:24,921
THE TAP WATER HERE
IS EXCELLENT.
480
00:21:24,923 --> 00:21:27,557
YOU DO NOT HAVE
TO BEAT ABOUT THE BUSH
WITH ME, HERR FLICK.
481
00:21:27,559 --> 00:21:28,991
REMOVE YOUR GLASSES!
482
00:21:28,993 --> 00:21:31,727
I AM NOT ACCUSTOMED
TO BEING GIVEN ORDERS.
483
00:21:31,729 --> 00:21:34,664
I BELIEVE
A WOMAN SHOULD ALWAYS BE
DOMINANT IN A RELATIONSHIP.
484
00:21:34,666 --> 00:21:36,365
I HAVE
DIFFERENT VIEWS.
485
00:21:36,367 --> 00:21:38,200
BUT WITHOUT
MY GLASSES,
486
00:21:38,202 --> 00:21:40,269
IT NOT EASY
TO EXPRESS THEM.
487
00:21:40,271 --> 00:21:42,738
TAKE OFF YOUR TIE.
488
00:21:42,740 --> 00:21:46,241
I DO NOT STRIP
ON FIRST DATES.
489
00:21:46,243 --> 00:21:47,877
THEN I WILL DO IT
FOR YOU.
490
00:21:49,312 --> 00:21:51,280
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
HELP.
491
00:21:51,282 --> 00:21:52,815
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN,
HERR FLICK.
492
00:21:52,817 --> 00:21:54,917
I'M LOCKING MYSELF
IN MY CUPBOARD.
493
00:22:16,940 --> 00:22:19,508
THIS IS A VERY
WOBBLY VAN, RENE.
494
00:22:19,510 --> 00:22:21,310
EVERYTHING IS VERY WOBBLY.
495
00:22:21,312 --> 00:22:22,979
THIS ICE CREAM
WILL CURDLE.
496
00:22:22,981 --> 00:22:24,680
LET US HOPE WE CAN
GET THE JOB DONE
497
00:22:24,682 --> 00:22:26,448
BEFORE IT AFFECTS
ANYTHING ELSE.
498
00:22:26,450 --> 00:22:27,683
WHERE IS MONSIEUR ALPHONSE?
499
00:22:34,457 --> 00:22:36,859
OH, MY DICKY TICKER.
500
00:22:36,861 --> 00:22:40,195
I DON'T THINK I CAN STAND IT
IN HERE FOR TOO LONG.
501
00:22:40,197 --> 00:22:41,697
OH MY GOD,
502
00:22:41,699 --> 00:22:43,633
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
HAS GOT OVERHEATED.
503
00:22:43,635 --> 00:22:46,301
WILL YOU PASS ME
A FROZEN DRINK ON A STICK?
504
00:22:51,975 --> 00:22:53,208
THAT'S BETTER.
505
00:22:53,210 --> 00:22:54,576
THANK YOU,
MADEMOISELLE.
506
00:22:56,079 --> 00:22:58,413
ARE YOU SURE YOU
ARE UP TO THIS?
507
00:22:58,415 --> 00:23:00,282
OH, OF COURSE, MONSIEUR.
508
00:23:00,284 --> 00:23:02,584
I HAVE HERE MY BIG--
509
00:23:02,586 --> 00:23:04,086
HAMMER
510
00:23:04,088 --> 00:23:05,420
AND CHISEL,
511
00:23:05,422 --> 00:23:07,790
WHICH I USE FOR ENGRAVING
GRAVESTONES.
512
00:23:09,626 --> 00:23:12,762
I SHALL DROP DOWN THROUGH
THE TRAP DOOR BENEATH THE VAN,
513
00:23:12,764 --> 00:23:15,564
AND UNDER THE CLATTER
OF THE ENGINES,
514
00:23:15,566 --> 00:23:19,234
I SHALL BANG OUT
THE RUSTY BOLTS.
515
00:23:19,236 --> 00:23:21,436
BE CAREFUL,
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.
516
00:23:21,438 --> 00:23:23,539
THERE ARE GERMANS
EVERYWHERE.
517
00:23:23,541 --> 00:23:24,940
I WILL DO MY BEST,
518
00:23:24,942 --> 00:23:27,309
BUT I AM NOT
AS YOUNG AS I WAS.
519
00:23:27,311 --> 00:23:29,511
I SHALL ONLY BE ABLE TO BANG
520
00:23:29,513 --> 00:23:31,346
FOR SHORT PERIODS.
521
00:23:31,348 --> 00:23:33,382
THIS I CAN BELIEVE.
522
00:23:35,318 --> 00:23:38,353
I WILL ATTACH A HOOK
TO THE COVER OF THE DRAIN,
523
00:23:38,355 --> 00:23:40,589
AND USE THE AUXILIARY MOTOR,
524
00:23:40,591 --> 00:23:42,792
WHICH POWERS
THE ICE CREAM PUMP,
525
00:23:42,794 --> 00:23:45,260
TO RAISE UP THE GRATING.
526
00:23:45,262 --> 00:23:48,097
TO--
EXCUSEZ-MOI.
527
00:23:49,166 --> 00:23:51,067
THIS COULD BE A LONG JOB.
528
00:23:51,069 --> 00:23:52,968
I THINK I'LL HAVE A LOLLY
WHILE WE ARE WAITING.
529
00:23:56,073 --> 00:23:57,472
THANK YOU,
530
00:24:03,313 --> 00:24:06,315
THE DAY IS WARMER
THAN I THOUGHT.
531
00:24:12,155 --> 00:24:13,989
THIS LOVELY WARM WEATHER
532
00:24:13,991 --> 00:24:15,991
HAS PUT ME
IN AN EXCELLENT MOOD.
533
00:24:15,993 --> 00:24:17,993
BRING US THREE GLASSES
OF ICED CHAMPAGNE.
534
00:24:17,995 --> 00:24:19,895
OF COURSE,
COLONEL.
535
00:24:19,897 --> 00:24:21,997
THAT IS MOST GENEROUS
OF YOU, COLONEL.
536
00:24:21,999 --> 00:24:24,500
PUT IT ON
BERTORELLI'S ACCOUNT.
537
00:24:24,502 --> 00:24:25,801
NOT ON
YOUR NELLY.
538
00:24:25,803 --> 00:24:27,302
YOU PAY
FOR YOUR DRINKS,
539
00:24:27,304 --> 00:24:28,370
I PAY FOR MINE.
540
00:24:28,372 --> 00:24:30,005
( honking )
541
00:24:30,007 --> 00:24:32,407
AH, SO,
542
00:24:32,409 --> 00:24:34,242
THIS IS HOW
YOU SPEND YOUR TIME--
543
00:24:34,244 --> 00:24:36,345
IDLING AWAY THE HOURS
WHEN YOU SHOULD BE OUT
544
00:24:36,347 --> 00:24:38,481
SEARCHING HIGH AND LOW
FOR MY MISSING PAINTING.
545
00:24:38,483 --> 00:24:40,349
GLAD TO SEE YOU,
GENERAL.
546
00:24:40,351 --> 00:24:42,918
WE WERE JUST HOLDING
A MEETING TO DISCUSS
547
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:44,920
HOW TO TIGHTEN UP
SECURITY IN THE VILLAGE.
548
00:24:44,922 --> 00:24:47,022
WELL, YOU CAN BEGIN
BY EXPLAINING TO ME
549
00:24:47,024 --> 00:24:49,492
WHAT THAT ICE CREAM VAN
IS DOING IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE SQUARE.
550
00:24:51,595 --> 00:24:54,229
IT LOOKS AS IF
IT BELONGS TO RENE,
551
00:24:54,231 --> 00:24:56,031
WHO RUNS THE CAFE,
GENERAL.
552
00:24:56,033 --> 00:24:57,265
WHO GAVE PERMISSION?
553
00:24:57,267 --> 00:24:59,201
DID YOU GIVE PERMISSION,
GRUBER?
554
00:24:59,203 --> 00:25:00,569
NO.
555
00:25:00,571 --> 00:25:02,004
- DID YOU, BERTORELLI?
- NO.
556
00:25:02,006 --> 00:25:04,373
WELL, I DIDN'T.
557
00:25:04,375 --> 00:25:06,575
THAT IS MOST LAX
OF YOU, COLONEL.
558
00:25:06,577 --> 00:25:08,443
WE CANNOT HAVE UNAUTHORIZED
ICE CREAM VANS
559
00:25:08,445 --> 00:25:09,678
PARKED IN THE SQUARE.
560
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,947
WHAT IF A CONVOY
WANTED TO COME THROUGH?
561
00:25:11,949 --> 00:25:13,549
SUMMON THE OWNER
AT ONCE.
562
00:25:13,551 --> 00:25:16,351
GRUBER, ATTRACT
RENE'S ATTENTION.
563
00:25:16,353 --> 00:25:19,855
YOO-HOO, RENE!
564
00:25:19,857 --> 00:25:21,824
CAN WE
HAVE A WORD?
565
00:25:21,826 --> 00:25:25,060
OH MY GOD, THE LIEUTENANT
IS WAVING TO ME.
566
00:25:25,062 --> 00:25:27,496
I WILL TRY
TO KEEP THE GERMANS
AWAY FROM HERE.
567
00:25:27,498 --> 00:25:29,464
COMING, LIEUTENANT.
568
00:25:29,466 --> 00:25:32,601
Alphonse:
YVETTE, MIMI!
569
00:25:35,906 --> 00:25:37,372
WHERE IS RENE?
570
00:25:37,374 --> 00:25:40,208
HE HAS HAD TO GO
TO LIEUTENANT GRUBER
AT THE CAFE.
571
00:25:41,244 --> 00:25:42,845
GOOD AFTERNOON,
GENERAL,
572
00:25:42,847 --> 00:25:44,513
COLONEL,
LIEUTENANT, CAPTAIN.
573
00:25:44,515 --> 00:25:46,248
I HOPE EVERYTHING
IS ALL RIGHT.
574
00:25:46,250 --> 00:25:47,850
WE DID NOT
GIVE YOU
575
00:25:47,852 --> 00:25:49,718
PERMISSION TO SELL
ICE CREAM, RENE.
576
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,253
I AM SORRY,
COLONEL.
577
00:25:51,255 --> 00:25:53,656
I THOUGHT THAT AS I HAD
A LICENSE TO RUN A CAFE,
578
00:25:53,658 --> 00:25:55,925
THIS WAS WAS MERELY A SMALL
EXTENSION OF THE BUSINESS.
579
00:25:55,927 --> 00:25:57,860
WE DID NOT MEAN
TO BREAK ANY RULES.
580
00:25:57,862 --> 00:26:00,095
MILITARY REGULATIONS
STRICTLY PROHIBIT
581
00:26:00,097 --> 00:26:01,897
THE SALE OF ANY FOODSTUFFS
WITHOUT A PERMIT.
582
00:26:01,899 --> 00:26:03,432
I ASSURE YOU,
GENERAL,
583
00:26:03,434 --> 00:26:05,467
THE ICE CREAM IS AS TASTY
AS ANY OF THE FOOD
584
00:26:05,469 --> 00:26:06,869
WE SERVE IN THE CAFE.
585
00:26:06,871 --> 00:26:08,904
THAT'S NOT SAYING MUCH.
586
00:26:08,906 --> 00:26:11,506
ONLY THE ITALIANS
CAN MAKE THE ICE CREAM.
587
00:26:11,508 --> 00:26:13,943
THAT'S ALL YOU'RE FIT FOR.
588
00:26:13,945 --> 00:26:16,144
WHERE DID YOU GET
THE PETROL?
589
00:26:16,146 --> 00:26:17,780
IT IS RATIONED
AND FOR MILITARY USE ONLY.
590
00:26:17,782 --> 00:26:20,515
IT DOES NOT USE PETROL,
GENERAL.
591
00:26:20,517 --> 00:26:23,752
WE ARE ACTUALLY RUNNING IT
ON FURNITURE POLISH.
592
00:26:23,754 --> 00:26:25,955
PFFT, YOU STILL DID NOT
SEEK PERMISSION.
593
00:26:25,957 --> 00:26:27,590
OH, PLEASE,
GENERAL.
594
00:26:27,592 --> 00:26:29,391
THE WEATHER
IS SO WARM,
595
00:26:29,393 --> 00:26:30,893
WE THOUGHT
YOUR MEN MIGHT LIKE
596
00:26:30,895 --> 00:26:32,661
SOME ICE CREAM WHEN
THEY WERE OFF DUTY.
597
00:26:32,663 --> 00:26:34,897
HOW THOUGHTFUL
OF YOU.
598
00:26:34,899 --> 00:26:37,165
IT REALLY IS VERY GOOD
ICE CREAM, GENERAL.
599
00:26:38,802 --> 00:26:42,037
I AM NOT A MONSTER WHO WOULD
FORBID THE SALE OF ICE CREAM.
600
00:26:42,039 --> 00:26:44,372
IF IT IS SO GOOD,
PERHAPS WE SHOULD
TRY SOME.
601
00:26:44,374 --> 00:26:46,575
NO-- PROBLEM,
GENERAL.
602
00:26:48,645 --> 00:26:51,379
OH MY GOD, THE GERMANS
ARE COMING THIS WAY.
603
00:26:51,381 --> 00:26:53,015
WE MUST WARN
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.
604
00:26:53,017 --> 00:26:55,383
DO NOT FEAR,
MESSIEURS.
605
00:26:55,385 --> 00:26:57,319
THE WINCH WILL HAVE YOU
OUT IN A JIFFY.
606
00:26:57,321 --> 00:26:59,187
WHAT DID HE SAY,
CARSTAIRS?
607
00:26:59,189 --> 00:27:01,156
NO IDEA, OLD BOY.
608
00:27:01,158 --> 00:27:03,191
DON'T SPEAK A WORD
OF THE LANGUAGE.
609
00:27:03,193 --> 00:27:04,559
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
610
00:27:04,561 --> 00:27:06,128
THE GERMANS,
THE GERMANS!
611
00:27:06,130 --> 00:27:07,963
I'M ALMOST FINISHED.
612
00:27:07,965 --> 00:27:09,798
DO NOT BE
IN SUCH A HURRY.
613
00:27:13,469 --> 00:27:15,638
THIS IS A VERY
NOISY ENGINE.
614
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,539
THE ICE MAKING MACHINERY
615
00:27:17,541 --> 00:27:19,508
IS ON ITS LAST LEGS,
I AM AFRAID.
616
00:27:19,510 --> 00:27:21,276
WELL, WHAT SHALL
WE HAVE?
617
00:27:21,278 --> 00:27:22,745
CORNETS
ALL AROUND?
618
00:27:22,747 --> 00:27:24,980
AFTER YOU,
GENERAL.
619
00:27:24,982 --> 00:27:28,150
YVETTE, AN ICE CREAM FOR
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
620
00:27:28,152 --> 00:27:29,952
YES, OF COURSE.
621
00:27:29,954 --> 00:27:31,654
MAKE IT THE BIGGEST
ONE YOU HAVE.
622
00:27:46,435 --> 00:27:48,403
HAVE YOU ANYTHING TO SAY?
623
00:27:49,472 --> 00:27:51,439
WOULD YOU LIKE
A WAFER WITH IT?
624
00:27:52,676 --> 00:27:55,911
( theme music playing )