1
00:00:01,867 --> 00:00:04,136
( theme music playing )
2
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IT IS NOW SEPTEMBER
THE 13th, 1943.
3
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:32,097
IT IS NEARLY TWO YEARS
SINCE I LAST SPOKE TO YOU.
4
00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:35,067
AND AS YOU CAN SEE,
I HAVE GOTTEN A LITTLE
THINNER ON TOP
5
00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:37,335
AND A LITTLE FATTER
DOWN BELOW.
6
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:40,238
BUT I AM A HAPPY MAN
BECAUSE I HAVE GOOD NEWS.
7
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,075
THE BRITISH AIRMEN
ARE FINALLY GONE.
8
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:45,310
THEY ESCAPED DOWN THE DRAIN
TO THE COAST
9
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AND, DISGUISED AS A COUPLE
OF SQUIDS,
10
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THEY WERE--
11
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THEY WERE NETTED
BY AN ENGLISH TRAWLER.
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THE ITALIAN CAPTAIN
HAS GONE ALSO
13
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BECAUSE MUSSOLINI HAS
THROWN IN THE TOWEL.
14
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:03,462
AND FOR THE GERMANS,
WELL, THE WAR IS
NOT GOING WELL.
15
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:07,199
HERE IN NOUVION
WE ARE GETTING QUITE
COCKY ABOUT IT.
16
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:09,033
RENE.
17
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RENE, I MUST SPEAK TO YOU.
18
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- NOT NOW, YVETTE.
I AM NOT QUITE FINISHED.
- OH!
19
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SOON THE BRITISH
WILL BE HERE
20
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AND I WILL BE WEARING
MANY MEDALS
21
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FOR MY HEROIC
EXPLOITS AS A HERO
OF THE RESISTANCE.
22
00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:24,382
IN FACT, FOR THE FIRST TIME,
I CAN TRUTHFULLY SAY
23
00:01:24,384 --> 00:01:27,419
I HAVE NOT A CARE
IN THE WORLD.
24
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YES, WHAT IS IT?
25
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I AM PREGNANT.
26
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- ARE YOU SURE?
- YES.
27
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OH, HOLD ME.
TELL ME YOU LOVE ME.
28
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WELL, OF COURSE I DO.
WHO IS THE FATHER?
29
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WHY, YOU! WHO ELSE?
30
00:01:49,809 --> 00:01:53,745
THAT WAS THE NEXT QUESTION
I WAS GOING TO ASK.
31
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RENE, IT IS YOUR CHILD.
32
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KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
33
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- OH MY GOD,
THIS IS TERRIBLE.
- WHAT?
34
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I MEAN IT'S TERRIBLE
WE CANNOT TELL ANYBODY.
35
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I AM A MARRIED MAN.
36
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BUT YOU ARE NOT.
AND AS FAR AS
THE TOWN KNOWS,
37
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YOU ARE THE TWIN BROTHER
OF THE RENE WHO WAS SHOT,
38
00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:10,695
WHO WAS THE HUSBAND
OF MADAME EDITH,
39
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WHICH MAKES YOU YOUR OWN
BROTHER-IN-LAW BY MARRIAGE.
40
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,834
WELL, DESPITE THAT
COMFORTING EXPLANATION,
41
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:19,771
FOR SOME REASON
MY HANDS ARE STILL SHAKING.
42
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:22,307
OH, RENE, HOLD ME.
43
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:25,710
KISS ME.
COMFORT ME.
44
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:28,480
SHOULD YOU NOT GET
A SECOND OPINION?
45
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,482
THIS WAS
A SECOND OPINION.
46
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,750
THE FIRST
SAID IT WAS TWINS.
47
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OH MY GOD.
48
00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:37,556
LEAVE IT TO ME.
49
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I WILL TRY TO FIND A WAY
TO KEEP EVERYONE HAPPY.
50
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RENE!
51
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,433
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HOLDING THAT SERVANT
GIRL IN YOUR ARMS?
52
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,602
YOU STUPID WOMAN!
53
00:02:52,004 --> 00:02:54,673
CAN YOU NOT SEE THIS
POOR GIRL IS PREGNANT?
54
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OH, MY POOR CHILD.
55
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,943
WHO IS THE CULPRIT?
56
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IT IS THE LIFE SHE LEADS.
IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY.
IS THAT NOT SO, YVETTE?
57
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:05,149
ALMOST.
58
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TELL ME, AND IF HE
WILL NOT MARRY YOU,
59
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I WILL SLIT HIS THROAT.
60
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,023
I HOPE IT WAS AN OFFICER.
THINK HARD.
61
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,859
- I AM.
- OH, THE SHAME.
62
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,395
A CHILD OUT
OF WEDLOCK.
63
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:18,896
I HAVE AN IDEA.
64
00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:21,833
TO PREVENT THE SHAME
FALLING ON THIS POOR
INNOCENT GIRL,
65
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:25,036
WHO LIVES THE LIFE
SHE DOES ONLY TO KEEP
HER POOR OLD MOTHER
66
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,871
IN FIREWOOD AND PARAFFIN,
67
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:30,275
I WILL SACRIFICE MYSELF
AND MARRY HER.
68
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YOU WILL DO NOTHING
OF THE KIND.
69
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YOU ARE MARRIED TO ME.
70
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I AM OFFICIALLY DEAD.
71
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:40,485
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET
OUT OF IT THAT EASILY.
72
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:43,288
YOU COULD HAVE IT
IN SECRET AND I SHALL
SAY IT IS MINE.
73
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,223
I AM USED TO SHAME.
74
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,125
I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.
75
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RENE AND I CAN SAY
IT IS OURS.
76
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,329
AND WE CAN HIDE YVETTE
AWAY IN THE ATTIC
77
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UNTIL THE BABY IS BORN.
78
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,533
BUT, MADAME EDITH,
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO
CONVINCE PEOPLE
79
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THAT A VIRTUOUS WOMAN
LIKE YOU IS IN THE CLUB?
80
00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:01,706
I WILL PUT A CUSHION
UP MY DRESS
81
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:04,075
AND EXUDE
A YOUTHFUL BLOOM.
82
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,478
AND OF COURSE,
BIGGER CUSHIONS
83
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AS THE DAYS GO BY.
84
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,348
YOU ARE SO KIND,
MADAME EDITH.
85
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:14,352
BUT I COULD NOT LET YOU
BEAR THE SHAME OF A CHILD
OUT OF WEDLOCK.
86
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:16,554
OR EVEN A CUSHION.
87
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:19,223
AS FAR AS THE VILLAGERS
ARE CONCERNED,
88
00:04:19,225 --> 00:04:22,794
YOU ARE THE WIFE
OF HIS DEAD TWIN BROTHER,
A SINGLE WOMAN.
89
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:25,096
I WILL PUT UP THE CUSHION
AND SAY THE CHILD IS MINE.
90
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,899
NO, YOU WILL NOT.
THEY ARE MY CUSHIONS.
91
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:30,902
AND IF RENE IS SO KEEN
TO PROTECT A WOMAN'S HONOR,
92
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:33,204
HE CAN MARRY ME
OFFICIALLY
93
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,572
AND SAY IT IS OURS.
94
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:37,842
A LITTLE HERO
OF THE RESISTANCE.
95
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:40,144
A THOUGHT
TO CONJURE WITH.
96
00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:42,847
IF ONLY IT WERE MINE.
97
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,183
I CAN SEE IT ALL NOW.
98
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:47,018
YOU HAVE JUST WOKEN UP,
99
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LITTLE KNOWING
WHAT A SPECIAL DAY
100
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,889
IT IS GOING TO BE.
101
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- RENE, DARLING,
IS IT NEARLY 10:00.
- ( mumbles )
102
00:04:59,097 --> 00:05:02,801
OH, HOW KIND OF YOU
TO LET ME SLEEP SO LATE.
103
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,869
WHAT A LUCKY MAN I AM.
104
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:08,740
DEAREST, I HAVE
A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
105
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:12,076
OH, TEA AND BISCUITS
IN BED.
106
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:15,513
WHAT MORE COULD I WANT
APART FROM A KISS
FROM THE LIPS
107
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OF THE WOMAN I LOVE?
108
00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:22,987
BRACE YOURSELF
109
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FOR SOME SURPRISING NEWS.
110
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I AM BRACED.
WHAT CAN IT BE?
111
00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:31,195
HAVE YOU NOT
RECENTLY NOTICED
112
00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:33,698
THAT I HAVE A BLOOM
IN MY CHEEKS?
113
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,834
OH, YES, I HAVE.
AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF,
114
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,737
HOW LOVELY SHE LOOKS
AND HOW YOUNG.
115
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,405
AND HAVE YOU
NOT NOTICED
116
00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:44,409
THAT EVERY DAY I
HAVE BEEN KNITTING
LITTLE WOOLEN GARMENTS?
117
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:47,545
WELL, ALL KNITTING
IS LITTLE TO START WITH.
118
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:48,880
HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED
119
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,583
I HAVE GOT
A LITTLE BIGGER
AROUND THE MIDDLE?
120
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:57,321
SO YOU HAVE.
121
00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:59,591
WHAT CAN IT MEAN?
122
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:02,460
- OH, DO NOT
TELL ME THAT--
- YES.
123
00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:05,229
- YOU MEAN--
- YES.
124
00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:07,231
- YOU'RE NOT--
- YES.
125
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:10,902
- A LITTLE?
- YES. YES!
126
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:14,873
I AM SO HAPPY,
I CAN HARDLY SPEAK.
127
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:18,443
WE ARE GOING
TO HAVE A LITTLE HERO
OF THE RESISTANCE.
128
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:21,546
OR PERHAPS
A LITTLE HEROINE.
129
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:24,282
I MUST MARRY YOU
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
130
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:26,918
I KNEW YOU WOULD
SAY THAT.
131
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,387
I HAVE SOMEONE
STANDING BY.
132
00:06:30,823 --> 00:06:33,425
WE ARE READY,
YOUR EXCELLENCY.
133
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:35,527
( organ playing )
134
00:06:39,965 --> 00:06:42,400
DO YOU TAKE THIS
PREGNANT WOMAN
135
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,869
TO BE YOUR LAWFUL
WEDDED WIFE?
136
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:46,604
I DO.
137
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:49,307
- AND DO YOU--
- OH, YES, YES!
138
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:52,944
THEN I PRONOUNCE YOU
MAN AND WIFE.
139
00:06:54,346 --> 00:06:57,114
EXCUSE ME.
I HAVE TO RETURN
TO THE VATICAN.
140
00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:04,021
FANCY THE POPE
COMING ALL THIS WAY.
141
00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:07,425
A HERO DESERVES
NOTHING LESS.
142
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,227
AND SO MUCH FOG
AT THE VATICAN.
143
00:07:12,798 --> 00:07:16,501
EDITH. EDITH,
ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION?
144
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:19,537
OH, I'M SORRY, RENE.
YES, WHAT IS IT?
145
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:22,406
WE MUST FIND THE FATHER
OF THIS POOR GIRL'S CHILD
146
00:07:22,408 --> 00:07:25,276
AND MAKE HIM MARRY HER,
BUT NOT BE HASTY.
147
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,978
GIVE HER TIME
TO REMEMBER.
148
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,980
AND IN THE MEANTIME,
SAY NOTHING.
149
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:32,617
THIS SECRET MUST REMAIN
WITHIN THESE FOUR WALLS.
150
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,952
GOOD MOANING.
151
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,188
GOOD MOANING.
152
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:40,424
I HAVE SOME BOD NOSE
FOR YOU.
153
00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:43,027
THERE IS A RUMOR
GOING AROUND THE TUNE
154
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,997
THAT ONE OF YOUR WATTRESSES
HAS A BIN IN THE OVEN.
155
00:07:47,399 --> 00:07:50,034
OH NO, THE SHAME!
156
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:51,669
WHOEVER IT IS.
157
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:53,304
IS IT TREE?
158
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,107
YOU CAN RELY ON MOO
TO BE DISCROOT.
159
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:57,875
Women:
IT IS MINE!
160
00:07:57,877 --> 00:08:00,511
THREE BINS?
161
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:04,248
THERE'S SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN
QUITE A LOT OF HONKY-PONKY
GOING ON.
162
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:07,651
NOTHING IS CERTAIN.
AND WE WOULD BE OBLIGED
163
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,754
IF YOU WOULD KEEP
THIS RUMOR TO YOURSELF.
164
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:12,790
UNTIL WE KNOW WHOSE
LITTLE CUSHION IT IS.
165
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:15,259
A NID IS AS GOOD
AS A WONK
166
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:17,729
TO A BLOND HERSE.
167
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:21,498
MY LIPS ARE SOILED.
168
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:25,269
EVEN IF THEY WERE NOT,
NO ONE WOULD BE ANY
THE WISER.
169
00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:27,304
WELL, I MUST BE
ABOUT MY BOSINESS.
170
00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:31,209
SHAME SHAME!
171
00:08:32,878 --> 00:08:35,847
YOU'VE GOT TO FIND OUT
WHOSE CUSHION IT IS SOON.
172
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,983
THE RUMOR SEEMS
TO BE SPROODING.
173
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,818
- SHAME!
- NO!
174
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:42,887
SHAME!
175
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:44,622
THEY ARE ALL POINTING
AT US.
176
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,924
I AM NOT HAVING
THIS SORT OF SHAME.
177
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:49,127
I AGREE. NOW IT
IS ALL OVER THE TOWN.
178
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,129
IT IS TOO LATE
TO HAVE IT IN SECRET.
179
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:54,232
YOU HAD BETTER FIND
OUT WHO THE FATHER IS
AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
180
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,433
I AM THINKING HARD.
181
00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:59,904
I AM THINKING
EVEN HARDER.
182
00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:04,742
I WISH YOU'D THOUGHT
OF THIS SIX MONTHS
AGO, GRUBER.
183
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:07,912
WE'D NO IDEA THE WAR
WAS GOING SO BADLY.
184
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:09,847
IT'S ALL GOEBBELS'S FAULT.
185
00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:12,283
LYING TO US WITH ALL
THAT PROPAGANDA.
186
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,118
TRUST ME, COLONEL,
187
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,587
IF WE CAN GET TO SPAIN
BEFORE THE BRITISH INVADE,
188
00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:19,590
MY FRIEND AT THE MONASTERY
WILL LOOK AFTER US.
189
00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:21,725
DO WE HAVE TO
LEARN SPANISH?
190
00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:24,662
I HAVE A SMATTERING OF IT,
AND IT COULD BE USEFUL
191
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:27,799
IF WE COULD SAY
A FEW WORDS WHEN
WE GET TO THE BORDER.
192
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,634
DESERTION'S A RISKY
BUSINESS, GRUBER.
193
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:32,970
NOT AS RISKY AS BEING
A PRISONER OF WAR
194
00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:35,406
IN A CAMP
OF ROUGH FELLOWS.
195
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:39,177
TRUE. WE MUST BE
PREPARED FOR THE WORST.
196
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:42,479
NOW THIS IS A VERY
BASIC SPANISH LESSON.
197
00:09:46,518 --> 00:09:48,786
Man's voice:
So you want to
speak Spanish.
198
00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:52,556
Are you listening
with your translation
booklets?
199
00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:55,793
YES, WE HAVE
THE BOOKLET.
200
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:59,130
Lesson one,
pay great attention
201
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,865
to the accent.
202
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,167
Make your S's sound
like T's
203
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:06,270
and keep the tongue
behind the teeth.
204
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,206
Here are some useful tips
205
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,808
on finding somewhere
to stay.
206
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,878
Repeat after me.
207
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:18,649
( high-pitched lisping )
Where is the Hotel Saratoga
208
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:21,152
in Seville?
209
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:25,089
( imitating )
WHERE IS THE HOTEL
SARATOGA IN--
210
00:10:27,659 --> 00:10:29,193
IN WHERE?
211
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:32,096
SEVILLE.
212
00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:35,566
Please, can I have
a single room
213
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:38,903
with shower
and nice vista
214
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:41,472
overlooking the sea?
215
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,806
Repeat.
216
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:46,677
Both:
PLEASE, CAN I HAVE
A SINGLE ROOM
217
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,947
WITH SHOWER
AND NICE VISTA
218
00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:52,783
OVERLOOKING THE SEA?
219
00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:56,020
NO!
220
00:10:56,022 --> 00:10:57,788
IT'S TOO DIFFICULT.
221
00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:00,324
IT'S A BARBAROUS
LANGUAGE.
222
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,995
IT SOUNDS
NOTHING LIKE GERMAN.
223
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,764
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
IT'S SPANISH.
224
00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:10,134
NO, AFTER A MOMENT
OF TOKEN RESISTANCE,
225
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:12,836
I WILL SURRENDER
TO THE BRITISH WHEN
THEY ARRIVE.
226
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,838
IF ONLY WE STILL HAD
THE PAINTING
227
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,008
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
TO SELL.
228
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,643
IF WE HAD,
WE COULD EMPLOY
A SPANISH PERSON
229
00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:21,612
TO SPEAK SPANISH
FOR US.
230
00:11:23,148 --> 00:11:25,783
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!
231
00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:34,926
- HEIL HITLER.
- HEIL HITLER.
232
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:37,395
GRAMOPHONE RECORDS?
233
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,764
I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
WASTING YOUR TIME LISTENING
TO POPULAR MUSIC?
234
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:44,268
NO, GENERAL, WE WERE
LOOKING FOR ONE OF
THE FUHRER'S SPEECHES.
235
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,337
TO BOOST OUR MORALE.
236
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:48,572
SO YOU HAVE BEEN
WASTING YOUR TIME.
237
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:54,412
INCIDENTALLY, I'VE HEARD
A RUMOR THAT CERTAIN
GENERALS ARE SUSPECTED
238
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:57,714
OF BEING INVOLVED
IN A BOMB PLOT TO BLOW
UP OUR BELOVED LEADER.
239
00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:59,283
OUTRAGEOUS!
240
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:03,220
YOU ARE STILL LOYAL
DESPITE ALL THE MILITARY
BLUNDERS?
241
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,822
TO THE END.
242
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,824
NOT EVEN A TEENY-WEENY
BIT FED UP
243
00:12:06,826 --> 00:12:09,026
WITH HIS RANTINGS
AND RAVINGS?
244
00:12:09,028 --> 00:12:11,262
HE DOES GO ON A BIT,
245
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,397
BUT THAT'S THE FUHRER.
246
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:16,167
BE ASSURED,
WE ARE LOYAL TO THE END.
247
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:19,070
THEN I WILL
DROP THE SUBJECT.
248
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,771
AND AS FAR AS THE END
IS CONCERNED,
249
00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:22,440
IT MAY BE NEARER
THAN WE THINK.
250
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,343
THE BRITISH AND THEIR
YANKEE ALLIES COULD
INVADE AT ANY TIME.
251
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:28,645
WE ARE READY TO RETREAT
THE MOMENT YOU GIVE
THE ORDER, GENERAL.
252
00:12:33,551 --> 00:12:36,620
THERE WILL BE NO RETREAT
AND NO SURRENDER.
253
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:39,556
THIS DOES LESSEN
THE OPTIONS.
254
00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:42,226
WE'RE GONNA FIGHT
TO THE LAST MAN,
AND THE LAST BULLET.
255
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:43,995
AND IF THIS POST
IS OVERRUN,
256
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,830
WE WILL RETREAT TO THE CHATEAU
AND WE WILL MAKE A STAND
257
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:49,933
WHICH WILL ADD ONE
FINAL GLORIOUS CHAPTER
258
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,802
TO MY FAMILY'S
MILITARY HISTORY!
259
00:12:55,507 --> 00:12:58,242
IF YOU HAVE ANY USEFUL
SUGGESTIONS REGARDING
THIS LAST STAND,
260
00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:01,479
LET ME KNOW.
I SHALL BE IN MY QUARTERS.
261
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,514
- ( needle scratches record )
- Would you like a girl
262
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,717
of easy virtue
sent to your room?
263
00:13:09,988 --> 00:13:13,357
THANKS FOR THE THOUGHT,
GRUBER, BUT I'LL MAKE
MY OWN ARRANGEMENTS.
264
00:13:15,793 --> 00:13:19,230
MAMA, I HAVE BROUGHT
YOU SOME CHICKEN
AND LEEK BROTH
265
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:22,233
AND TWO STRAWS.
266
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:25,702
OH, HOW LOVELY
YOU LOOK.
267
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:28,772
I'M GETTING READY
FOR THE INVASION.
268
00:13:28,774 --> 00:13:31,942
THE CONQUERING SOLDIERS
EXPECT IT.
269
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:35,446
BUT LAST TIME
YOU SAID THEY
RAPED AND PILLAGED.
270
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:39,116
THIS TIME I SHALL BE HAPPY
TO SETTLE FOR PILLAGE.
271
00:13:47,825 --> 00:13:50,994
SEE HOW THE YEARS
DROP AWAY.
272
00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:53,564
IT IS INCREDIBLE.
273
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,632
ERNEST, SOUP.
274
00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:58,669
( yawns )
275
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,671
( screams )
276
00:14:02,707 --> 00:14:04,841
FOR A MOMENT, I THOUGHT
IT WAS A DREAM
277
00:14:04,843 --> 00:14:07,278
AND I WAS IN BED
WITH LOUIS XVI.
278
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,681
MAMA IS GETTING READY
FOR THE INVASION.
279
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,384
SHE SAYS SHE WANTS
TO WELCOME THE TROOPS.
280
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:17,020
IF THEY SEE THAT,
THEY MAY TURN AROUND
AND GO HOME.
281
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:20,624
SUCK ON YOUR SOUP
AND SHUT UP.
282
00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:23,127
SOON THE SUN
WILL SHINE ON FRANCE
283
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:25,896
AND A NEW WORLD WILL DAWN.
284
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:29,600
CAN YOU NOT FEEL THE WIND
OF FREEDOM BLOWING ALREADY?
285
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,802
I AM EXPECTING IT
AT ANY MOMENT.
286
00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:35,706
IT IS TIME
TO CALL LONDON.
287
00:14:37,909 --> 00:14:40,311
( screaming )
288
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:42,079
WHAT INDIGNITY!
289
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:44,982
THE SOUP IS EVERYWHERE.
290
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:48,285
I HAVE A LEEK
IN MY PAJAMAS.
291
00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:51,021
WILL YOU REMIND
BARON FRANKENSTEIN
292
00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:54,758
AND HIS LATEST CREATION
THAT THERE IS A WAR ON?
293
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,361
LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,
294
00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,363
I SHALL SAY THIS
ONLY ONCE:
295
00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:01,732
I AM THE ONE
WHO CALLS LONDON
AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED
296
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,834
TO EVEN PRESS A BUTTON
WITHOUT ME.
297
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:06,370
- YOU WERE LATE.
- I WAS HAVING A FACIAL.
298
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:09,206
WE MUST ALL LOOK GOOD
FOR THE INVASION.
299
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:13,177
BY THE WAY,
THERE IS A RUMOR THAT
SOMEONE IN THE CAFE IS...
300
00:15:15,013 --> 00:15:17,648
OH NO, THE SHAME!
301
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,351
SO IT IS TRUE.
AND THE FATHER?
302
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:23,687
SHE IS TRYING
TO REMEMBER.
303
00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:25,922
IS NOTHING SECRET?
304
00:15:25,924 --> 00:15:27,424
WHO TOLD HER?
305
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:29,426
I MAY HAVE MENTIONED IT
IN PASSING,
306
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:31,262
BUT NO ONE ELSE KNOWS.
307
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,163
Man:
This is London calling.
308
00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:35,165
We are ready
to receive you.
309
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:38,669
HELLO, LONDON.
THIS IS BLUE TIT.
HAVE YOU A MESSAGE FOR US?
310
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,439
Yes, we hear someone is
311
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,973
in the pudding club.
312
00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:47,110
OH, THE SHAME.
313
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:50,247
DO NOT WORRY.
IT WILL GO NO FURTHER
THAN ENGLAND.
314
00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,750
IT IS JUST A RUMOR.
OVER.
315
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:55,118
We hoped it might
be you, Blue Tit.
316
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,456
We hoped it might
be a child of a heroine.
317
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:02,226
NO, JUST A LOCAL TART.
OVER.
318
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:04,362
HOW DARE YOU!
319
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:07,498
We are sending a plane
for Nighthawk.
320
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,834
HELLO, THIS IS NIGHTHAWK.
I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO LONDON.
321
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:12,603
I HAVE BEEN THERE ONCE
AND THAT IS ENOUGH. OVER.
322
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,772
Do not argue.
The plane will arrive tonight.
323
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:17,441
It will be in the long meadow
before the moon is full.
324
00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:19,877
That is all.
Over and out.
325
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:22,480
HELLO, DO NOT OUT
UNTIL I AM OVER.
326
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,416
HELLO? WELL, I AM
NOT GOING, SO THERE
YOU ARE.
327
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,752
BUT, RENE, YOU KNOW
THE AREA FROM HERE
TO THE COAST
328
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,620
LIKE THE BACK
OF YOUR HAND.
329
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:31,822
IT IS A VERY
IMPORTANT ASSIGNMENT.
330
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,191
YOU'LL PROBABLY PARACHUTE
DOWN WITH THE FIRST WAVE.
331
00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:36,093
IT IS A GREAT HONOR.
332
00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:38,929
OH, RENE, PLEASE STAY.
DO NOT LEAVE ME NOW.
333
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,798
THERE, YOU SEE?
334
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,967
THIS GIRL DOES NOT WANT ME
TO LEAVE UNTIL I FIND OUT
THE FATHER OF HER CHILD.
335
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:45,836
SHE IS IN MY CARE.
336
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:49,707
I FEEL RESPONSIBLE--
FOR HER CARE, THAT IS.
337
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:53,210
I KNOW MONSIEUR ALFONSE
HAD A BRIEF CAREER
IN HIS YOUNGER DAYS
338
00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:55,579
AS A STAGE HYPNOTIST.
339
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:58,282
MAYBE HE COULD PUT HER UNDER
AND GET HER TO REMEMBER.
340
00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:00,651
ON SECOND THOUGHT,
IT IS A GREAT HONOR
341
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:03,454
TO BE CHOSEN
TO LEAD THE INVASION.
342
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:06,223
I HAVE VERY MANY BIG
DECISIONS TO MAKE.
343
00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:09,259
MONEY IS THE KEY.
344
00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:11,261
WE CAN'T GO ON THE RUN
WITHOUT MONEY.
345
00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:13,664
IF ONLY WE HADN'T
LOST THE PAINTING.
346
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:16,767
WHO HAD IT LAST?
I FORGET.
347
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:19,303
THE GENERAL--
IT WAS STOLEN
FROM HIS CHATEAU.
348
00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:21,104
SINCE THEN, NOTHING.
349
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:22,907
SMELLS OF THE GESTAPO.
350
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:25,242
IF RENE HAD IT,
HE'D HAVE VANISHED
BY NOW.
351
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:27,611
I QUESTIONED
HIM THOROUGHLY,
352
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:30,848
NEVER TAKING MY EYES
OFF HIS FOR AN INSTANT.
353
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:32,316
I'M SURE HE
HASN'T GOT IT.
354
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:34,952
ALTHOUGH I MUST ADMIT,
HE HAS GOT SOMETHING.
355
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:37,187
MY BRAIN'S BEEN
STAGNATING.
356
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:40,958
IT NEEDS THIS TYPE
OF EMERGENCY TO GET IT GOING.
357
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,160
HELGA'S THE KEY.
358
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,963
IF FLICK HAS THE PAINTING,
SHE WILL FIND OUT.
359
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:47,431
TELL HER TO COME IN.
360
00:17:50,268 --> 00:17:52,636
HELGA, A MOMENT
IF YOU'RE NOT TOO BUSY.
361
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:59,109
I WAS JUST ORDERING
SOME MORE AMMUNITION
362
00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:00,911
FOR THE LAST GREAT STAND.
363
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,180
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT FOR BULLETS
AND HAND GRENADES?
364
00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:06,016
- OUR DRAWERS ARE FULL.
- SO ARE MINE.
365
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,552
FORGET THE HEROICS.
366
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:11,522
GRUBER AND I ARE
THINKING OF AVOIDING
DIRECT CONFLICT.
367
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,123
YOU MEAN DOING A RUNNER?
368
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:16,360
SOMETHING
ALONG THOSE LINES.
ONLY WE NEED MONEY.
369
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:18,028
WE NEED THE PAINTING.
370
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,464
FOR TWO YEARS NOW
IT HAS BEEN MISSING.
371
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:22,900
I SUSPECT HERR FLICK,
BUT HE WILL GIVE
NOTHING AWAY,
372
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:25,168
DESPITE MY FEMININE WILES.
373
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:28,706
IF HE DOES HAVE IT,
THIS IS HOW WE WILL
FIND OUT.
374
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:31,842
YOU'LL GO TO SEE HIM,
AND WHILE YOU ARE THERE,
375
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,211
GRUBER WILL PHONE
AND PRETEND TO BE ONE
376
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:37,481
OF HIMMLER'S
RUTHLESS GESTAPO MEN.
377
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,950
WILL THAT BE
A DEEP VOICE?
378
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,886
ANY VOICE EXCEPT YOURS.
379
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,988
YOU WILL SAY THAT
YOUR MEN ARE IN TOWN
380
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:46,390
AND WILL CALL ANY MINUTE
TO COLLECT THE PORTRAIT
381
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:47,791
FOR THE FUHRER.
382
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,994
IF FLICK HAS IT,
HE WILL PANIC
383
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,996
AND HE'LL REVEAL
ITS HIDING PLACE.
384
00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:54,197
WISH ME LUCK.
385
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:56,433
WHAT EXCUSE DO WE GIVE
FOR THE VISIT?
386
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:58,869
I SHALL TELL HIM
I HAVE A GIFT.
387
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:01,805
- DO YOU NEED
SOME PETTY CASH?
- NO.
388
00:19:03,441 --> 00:19:05,876
I AM THE GIFT.
389
00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:08,579
LET'S HOPE IT WORKS.
390
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:12,516
- IF IT DOESN'T, WE'VE ONLY
ONE CHOICE LEFT.
- AND THAT IS?
391
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:15,719
( high pitched )
THE HOTEL SARATOGA
AT SEVILLE.
392
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:17,655
BY GEORGE,
YOU'VE GOT IT.
393
00:19:20,191 --> 00:19:23,126
I DO WISH YVETTE
WOULD REMEMBER
WHO THE SWINE WAS
394
00:19:23,128 --> 00:19:25,228
SO I COULD KILL HIM
WITH MY BARE HANDS.
395
00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:27,965
I CAN THINK
OF NOTHING ELSE.
396
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:30,534
HOLD ME, RENE.
397
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:35,138
OH, HOW I WISH
IT HAD BEEN ME.
398
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:38,709
IF IT HAD, RENE,
WOULD YOU HAVE OFFERED
TO HAVE MARRIED ME?
399
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:41,612
OF COURSE I WOULD.
400
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:45,549
I CAN IMAGINE BREAKING
THE NEWS TO YOU GENTLY.
401
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:48,085
YOU WOULD BE SITTING
AT THE TABLE WRITING
OUT THE MENU.
402
00:19:53,291 --> 00:19:57,160
IN CASE YOU WONDERED
WHERE I WAS, I'VE JUST
BEEN TO SEE THE DOCTOR.
403
00:19:57,162 --> 00:19:59,162
HAS HE GIVEN YOU
SOME CREAM
404
00:19:59,164 --> 00:20:02,165
FOR THOSE CHAPPED LITTLE
HANDS THAT SCRUB AND CLEAN,
DAY AND NIGHT,
405
00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:05,235
FOR A MERE PITTANCE
SO YOU CAN BE NEAR
THE MAN YOU LOVE?
406
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:07,638
YES, BUT MORE
IMPORTANTLY,
407
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,307
HE HAS CONFIRMED
WHAT I SUSPECTED
FOR SOME TIME.
408
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:12,109
YOU HAVE
HOUSEMAID'S KNEE.
409
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:15,278
I AM IN THE PUDDING
CLUB. LOOK.
410
00:20:16,681 --> 00:20:19,650
GOOD HEAVENS.
ALMOST A FOUNDING MEMBER.
411
00:20:21,552 --> 00:20:25,155
- AND IT IS YOURS.
- WHAT A SHOCK.
412
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:28,525
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
413
00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:31,629
WOULD YOU EXPECT
ANYTHING LESS
FROM A MAN OF HONOR?
414
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,530
BUT WHAT
ABOUT EDITH?
415
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:35,766
AREN'T YOU AFRAID
OF WHAT SHE MIGHT DO?
416
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:39,703
AFTER ALL,
SHE HAS SET HER HEART
ON MARRYING YOU AGAIN.
417
00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:42,840
SHE WOULD EXPECT
ONLY THE BEST FROM ME.
418
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:45,208
- EDITH.
- Edith: YES, RENE.
419
00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:47,244
I WILL BREAK IT
GENTLY TO HER.
420
00:20:54,986 --> 00:20:57,054
I DID NOT LIKE
TO MENTION IT BEFORE,
421
00:20:57,056 --> 00:21:00,624
BUT I HAVE BEEN HAVING
AN AFFAIR WITH MIMI
OUR TRUSTED WAITRESS
422
00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:02,893
AND SHE IS
SLIGHTLY PREGNANT.
423
00:21:04,328 --> 00:21:06,730
SO I SEE.
424
00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:09,299
OH, I AM SO HAPPY
FOR YOU BOTH.
425
00:21:09,301 --> 00:21:11,334
YOU WILL MARRY HER,
OF COURSE.
426
00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:13,037
YOU DO NOT MIND?
427
00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:15,172
YOU HAVE MY BLESSING.
428
00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:17,675
HOW COULD I DENY A HERO
OF THE RESISTANCE
429
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:19,743
HIS JUST REWARD?
430
00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:23,380
AND I PROMISE NOT
TO SHOOT MYSELF
UNTIL AFTER THE WEDDING
431
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:26,516
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT
LIKE TO SPOIL ANYTHING.
432
00:21:26,518 --> 00:21:28,518
ALWAYS A SPORT.
433
00:21:33,725 --> 00:21:35,726
3:00 THIS AFTERNOON.
434
00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:38,295
- AT THE CHURCH.
- AT THE HOSPITAL.
435
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,468
QUICK, I MUST GET
TO THE HOSPITAL.
436
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:47,470
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT, MIMI?
437
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:51,108
SORRY, RENE,
I WAS DAYDREAMING.
438
00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:52,876
OH, HOLD ME!
439
00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:55,645
FOR UNDER THIS BLOUSE,
A LITTLE GIRL'S HEART
IS BEATING
440
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:58,115
AND I WOULD LIKE IT
TO BEAT IN TIME
WITH YOURS.
441
00:21:58,117 --> 00:22:00,184
IT WILL HAVE TO
SPEED UP A BIT.
442
00:22:00,186 --> 00:22:02,052
NOW LOOK,
YOU GO TO THE KITCHEN
443
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:03,921
AND GIVE THAT DOUGH
A GOOD KNEAD
444
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:06,724
SO THAT THE BREAD
WILL RISE PROPERLY.
445
00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:09,026
I WILL THINK OF YOU
WHILE I DO IT.
446
00:22:09,028 --> 00:22:10,761
GOOD GIRL.
447
00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:13,764
- RENE, BACK ROOM. QUICK.
- WHAT IS IT?
448
00:22:16,567 --> 00:22:18,535
HOLD ME.
449
00:22:20,071 --> 00:22:22,505
RENE, WHAT A TRICKY
PREDICAMENT.
450
00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:25,408
EVERYONE KNOWS,
EXCEPT THEY DO NOT
KNOW WHAT YOU AND I KNOW.
451
00:22:25,410 --> 00:22:27,277
THEY MUST NEVER KNOW
WHAT YOU AND I KNOW.
452
00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:29,813
I KNOW, BUT I WANT
TO SHOUT IT
453
00:22:29,815 --> 00:22:31,348
FROM THE ROOFTOPS.
454
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:34,384
WELL, TRY TO CONTROL
YOURSELF, YVETTE.
THAT ROOF IS DANGEROUS.
455
00:22:34,386 --> 00:22:36,086
DO YOU WANT
TO MARRY ME OR NOT?
456
00:22:36,088 --> 00:22:39,123
OF COURSE.
I WILL MARRY YOU
AFTER THE INVASION IS OVER.
457
00:22:39,125 --> 00:22:41,591
YOU PROMISE,
AS SOON AS THEY INVADE?
458
00:22:41,593 --> 00:22:43,761
SCOUT'S HONOR.
459
00:22:43,763 --> 00:22:46,263
IF I STILL HAD MY WOGGLE
I WOULD SWEAR ON IT.
460
00:22:46,265 --> 00:22:48,966
RENE, HOLD ME.
461
00:22:48,968 --> 00:22:51,568
HOLD US.
462
00:22:54,705 --> 00:22:56,740
JUST FOR THE RECORD,
463
00:22:56,742 --> 00:22:59,709
WAS IT THE BEDROOM
OR THE BROOM CUPBOARD?
464
00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:02,412
THE BROOM CUPBOARD,
465
00:23:02,414 --> 00:23:04,681
WHEN YOU BANGED
YOUR HEAD.
466
00:23:04,683 --> 00:23:07,417
OH YES, I REMEMBER.
467
00:23:07,419 --> 00:23:10,754
IT WAS ONE
OF THOSE DAYS.
468
00:23:10,756 --> 00:23:12,522
Man:
Germany calling,
Germany calling.
469
00:23:12,524 --> 00:23:14,691
The glorious German
Air Force continues
470
00:23:14,693 --> 00:23:16,592
to shoot down hundreds
of enemy planes.
471
00:23:16,594 --> 00:23:19,329
Our defenses are secure
and the Fuhrer has decreed
from his bunker
472
00:23:19,331 --> 00:23:21,564
that we shall be victorious.
The setbacks are minor
473
00:23:21,566 --> 00:23:24,701
and the Third Reich
will flourish for 1000 years
as promised.
474
00:23:24,703 --> 00:23:26,703
( explosion )
475
00:23:26,705 --> 00:23:28,905
I would tell you more,
but there's a minor air raid.
476
00:23:39,917 --> 00:23:41,952
THAT WAS A NEAR ONE.
477
00:23:41,954 --> 00:23:44,420
HELGA IS HERE,
HERR FLICK.
478
00:23:44,422 --> 00:23:46,823
QUITE A STRANGER.
479
00:23:46,825 --> 00:23:49,059
I WAS JUST LISTENING
TO THE RADIO.
480
00:23:49,061 --> 00:23:51,361
BAD NEWS I SEE.
481
00:23:53,931 --> 00:23:56,166
WE ARE FAILING
TO TURN THE TIDE.
482
00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:59,535
AS THIS BEING SO,
WE MAY NOT HAVE LONG
TO SAY GOODBYE.
483
00:23:59,537 --> 00:24:01,604
SURELY WE'RE NOT
FAILING THAT FAST.
484
00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:03,639
NO, BUT VON SMALLHAUSEN
AND I
485
00:24:03,641 --> 00:24:05,641
WILL NOT BE THE MOST
POPULAR PEOPLE IN TOWN
486
00:24:05,643 --> 00:24:09,545
WHEN THE ALLIES INVADE,
AND WE INTEND TO MAKE
OURSELVES SCARCE.
487
00:24:09,547 --> 00:24:11,447
WHAT WILL YOU USE
FOR MONEY?
488
00:24:11,449 --> 00:24:13,183
SELL SOMETHING?
489
00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:14,951
WE HAVE NOTHING TO SELL.
490
00:24:14,953 --> 00:24:18,855
I HAVE HERE
THE GESTAPO FORGERY KIT,
491
00:24:18,857 --> 00:24:21,524
WHICH TURNS OUT NOT
UNREASONABLE FACSIMILES
492
00:24:21,526 --> 00:24:23,226
OF MOST CURRENCIES.
493
00:24:23,228 --> 00:24:26,129
UNFORTUNATELY, WE CANNOT
GET THE CORRECT PAPER.
494
00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:29,599
SO WE ARE PRACTICING
ON THE ROLLS FROM
THE POWDER ROOM.
495
00:24:36,908 --> 00:24:39,642
IT WILL NOT BE EASY
PASSING ESCUDOS NOTES
496
00:24:39,644 --> 00:24:42,045
STAMPED WITH THE WORD
"BOGSAN."
497
00:24:44,348 --> 00:24:47,417
NEVERTHELESS, I'M SURE
THEY WILL COME IN HANDY
FOR SOMETHING.
498
00:24:47,419 --> 00:24:50,420
( telephone rings )
499
00:24:52,323 --> 00:24:54,024
(deep voice )
OTTO FLICK,
500
00:24:54,026 --> 00:24:57,527
THIS IS GESTAPO
HEADQUARTERS, BERLIN.
501
00:24:57,529 --> 00:25:00,730
OUR BEST MEN
ARE ABOUT TO CALL ON YOU
502
00:25:00,732 --> 00:25:02,765
TO COLLECT THE PORTRAIT
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
503
00:25:02,767 --> 00:25:04,834
FOR THE FUHRER.
504
00:25:04,836 --> 00:25:06,602
HAND IT OVER
OR YOU WILL BE SHOT!
505
00:25:08,472 --> 00:25:11,707
EXCELLENT.
IT SENT A SHIVER
DOWN MY SPINE.
506
00:25:11,709 --> 00:25:14,877
MINE TOO.
507
00:25:14,879 --> 00:25:18,581
WHAT IS IT, HERR FLICK?
YOU HAVE GONE QUITE WHITE.
508
00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:21,517
SOMETHING THAT SENT
A SHIVER DOWN MY SPINE.
509
00:25:21,519 --> 00:25:23,786
- HELGA, YOU MUST HELP ME.
- OF COURSE.
510
00:25:23,788 --> 00:25:26,323
CONTRARY TO WHAT
I RECENTLY SAID,
511
00:25:26,325 --> 00:25:28,391
I DO HAVE THE PORTRAIT
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA.
512
00:25:28,393 --> 00:25:31,527
ROUGH GESTAPO MEN
WILL BE HERE ANY MOMENT
TO COLLECT IT.
513
00:25:31,529 --> 00:25:33,396
MESS UP THE OFFICE.
514
00:25:33,398 --> 00:25:36,933
IT WILL LOOK AS THOUGH
THE RESISTANCE HAVE RAIDED
US AND STOLEN THE PAINTING.
515
00:25:36,935 --> 00:25:39,369
NOW, HELGA,
516
00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:42,738
YOU MUST HANDCUFF
VON SMALLHAUSEN AND ME
SITTING AT THESE CHAIRS.
517
00:25:47,644 --> 00:25:50,180
I WILL HIDE THE KEY
IN MY SHOE.
518
00:25:53,017 --> 00:25:56,319
- WHERE IS THE PAINTING?
- IT IS IN A SAFE PLACE.
519
00:25:57,688 --> 00:26:00,256
WOULD IT NOT BE BETTER,
HERR FLICK,
520
00:26:00,258 --> 00:26:02,625
IF I TOOK IT
FOR SAFEKEEPING?
521
00:26:02,627 --> 00:26:05,661
NO.
NOW TAKE MY TRUNCHEON
FROM THE DESK
522
00:26:05,663 --> 00:26:07,663
AND GENTLY
KNOCK ME OUT.
523
00:26:07,665 --> 00:26:10,266
IT WILL ADD REALISM
TO OUR TALE.
524
00:26:10,268 --> 00:26:12,168
CAN I TAKE
AN ASPIRIN FIRST?
525
00:26:13,537 --> 00:26:15,805
THERE IS NO TIME.
526
00:26:17,074 --> 00:26:19,909
- I CANNOT DO IT.
- HURRY, IT IS AN ORDER.
527
00:26:19,911 --> 00:26:21,844
VERY WELL, HERR FLICK.
528
00:26:23,314 --> 00:26:27,117
- VON SMALLHAUSEN.
- HURRY!
529
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,119
HOW CAN I,
WHEN I LOVE YOU?
530
00:26:29,121 --> 00:26:30,987
WHAT?
531
00:26:30,989 --> 00:26:34,157
IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN YOU.
WHAT IS YOUR FIRST NAME?
532
00:26:34,159 --> 00:26:36,592
ENGELBERT.
533
00:26:36,594 --> 00:26:39,695
IT HAS ALWAYS
BEEN YOU, BERTIE.
534
00:26:39,697 --> 00:26:42,932
HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED
HOW I HAVE ENDURED
HERR FLICK'S EMBRACES?
535
00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:45,968
BUT WHO WAS I STARING AT
OVER HIS SHOULDER?
536
00:26:45,970 --> 00:26:49,506
- WHO?
- YOU, YOU LITTLE FOOL.
537
00:26:49,508 --> 00:26:51,174
HOW COULD ANY WOMAN
RESIST
538
00:26:51,176 --> 00:26:54,744
THOSE BIG
LIQUID BROWN EYES?
539
00:26:54,746 --> 00:26:56,712
GRAY,
THEY'RE GRAY.
540
00:26:56,714 --> 00:27:00,183
DEEP DOWN
YOU MUST HAVE KNOWN.
541
00:27:00,185 --> 00:27:02,818
WELL, DEEP DOWN I DID.
BUT IT WAS SO DEEP,
542
00:27:02,820 --> 00:27:05,155
I THOUGHT IT WAS
JUST A RUMOR.
543
00:27:05,157 --> 00:27:07,524
TELL ME, DARLING,
544
00:27:07,526 --> 00:27:09,825
WHERE'S THE PAINTING?
545
00:27:09,827 --> 00:27:12,162
I'LL HIDE IT FOR US
UNTIL AFTER THE WAR.
546
00:27:12,164 --> 00:27:14,830
I'M SITTING
ON IT, DARLING.
547
00:27:16,100 --> 00:27:18,234
- SIT UP, ALBERT.
- OOH, OOH!
548
00:27:18,236 --> 00:27:20,170
ENGELBERT.
549
00:27:20,172 --> 00:27:22,605
- WHERE'S THE CATCH?
- IT'S UNDER THE SEAT
550
00:27:22,607 --> 00:27:26,209
BETWEEN MY LEGS.
OOH, OOH, OOH!
551
00:27:29,346 --> 00:27:32,982
I'LL HIDE IT
UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.
552
00:27:32,984 --> 00:27:36,919
ONE KISS BEFORE YOU DO
WHAT YOU MUST?
553
00:27:38,755 --> 00:27:40,190
I CAN'T.
554
00:27:42,426 --> 00:27:45,195
OH, WHAT THE HELL!
555
00:27:47,498 --> 00:27:49,899
I DO NOT THINK
THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.
556
00:27:49,901 --> 00:27:52,001
MAYBE WE SHALL
FIND OUT THE TRUTH.
557
00:27:52,003 --> 00:27:54,237
YES, AND WHEN WE KNOW
WHO DID THE DOOD,
558
00:27:54,239 --> 00:27:57,073
HE WILL MARRY YOU
OR FACE THE QUINCYQUONCES.
559
00:28:02,045 --> 00:28:04,647
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
560
00:28:04,649 --> 00:28:07,250
I'VE HAD
A TERRIBLE SHOCK.
561
00:28:07,252 --> 00:28:10,052
A STIFF CLIMBED OUT
OF HIS COFFIN AND WENT HOME.
562
00:28:12,990 --> 00:28:15,958
I WAS SURE HE WAS DEAD.
563
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,960
BUT I WAS SITTING
IN THE MORTUARY
564
00:28:17,962 --> 00:28:21,297
WORKING OUT THE BILL,
TALKING OUT LOUD
565
00:28:21,299 --> 00:28:23,099
AND THE FINAL FIGURE
566
00:28:23,101 --> 00:28:25,568
MUST HAVE JUMPSTARTED
HIS HEART.
567
00:28:27,104 --> 00:28:30,039
I NEED A DRINK.
568
00:28:30,041 --> 00:28:32,208
NOW, MONSIEUR ALFONSE,
569
00:28:32,210 --> 00:28:34,477
CAN YOU HYPNOTIZE
THIS GIRL?
570
00:28:34,479 --> 00:28:37,514
SHE HAS INFORMATION LOCKED
DEEP IN HER SUBCONSCIOUS.
571
00:28:41,352 --> 00:28:43,085
OH, NO!
572
00:28:43,087 --> 00:28:46,022
WAS THIS THE RESULT
OF ONE
573
00:28:46,024 --> 00:28:48,858
OF YOUR FREQUENT
TRIPS UP THE STAIRS,
MADEMOISELLE?
574
00:28:48,860 --> 00:28:50,326
I EXPECT SO.
575
00:28:50,328 --> 00:28:53,996
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
I WAS HERE AT NIGHT?
576
00:28:53,998 --> 00:28:57,800
PLEASE GET ON WITH IT.
WE HAVE A PLANE TO CATCH
AND MANY PREPARATIONS TO MAKE.
577
00:28:57,802 --> 00:28:59,935
- RENE, DO NOT LEAVE.
- HE MUST.
578
00:28:59,937 --> 00:29:02,539
- OH NO, NOT NOW.
- PLEASE CONCENTRATE.
579
00:29:02,541 --> 00:29:06,309
NOW YOU ARE GOING
INTO A DEEP SLEEP...
580
00:29:07,578 --> 00:29:11,447
DEEPER, DEEPER.
581
00:29:11,449 --> 00:29:14,384
YOU CANNOT RESIST
MY CROAKY VOICE.
582
00:29:14,386 --> 00:29:18,288
YOU WILL BE ENTIRELY
UNDER MY CONTROL.
583
00:29:18,290 --> 00:29:21,357
NOD IF YOU UNDERSTAND.
584
00:29:26,697 --> 00:29:30,099
WHO IS THE MAN
YOU LAST ENTERTAINED--
585
00:29:30,101 --> 00:29:33,303
HOW CAN I PUT THIS
DELICATELY?
586
00:29:33,305 --> 00:29:36,239
( clears throat )
IN A NAUGHTY WAY?
587
00:29:36,241 --> 00:29:39,709
- THE BUTCHER.
- THE BAKER.
588
00:29:39,711 --> 00:29:41,977
THE CANDLESTICK MAKER.
589
00:29:43,247 --> 00:29:45,715
NOT ALL AT ONCE.
590
00:29:45,717 --> 00:29:47,383
DID I SAY SOMETHING?
591
00:29:47,385 --> 00:29:49,686
NOTHING WE DID NOT KNOW.
592
00:29:49,688 --> 00:29:52,755
- IS THE BUTCHER THE FATHER?
- NO.
593
00:29:52,757 --> 00:29:54,224
CAN YOU DESCRIBE HIM?
594
00:29:54,226 --> 00:29:56,626
HE WEARS A STRIPED APRON
595
00:29:56,628 --> 00:29:58,828
AND A STRAW HAT.
596
00:29:58,830 --> 00:30:01,331
NOT THE BUTCHER.
597
00:30:01,333 --> 00:30:03,999
WHO IS THE FATHER
OF THE LITTLE ONE?
598
00:30:04,001 --> 00:30:07,337
- IT IS--
- ( sneezes )
599
00:30:07,339 --> 00:30:10,005
I'M VERY VERY SORRY.
IT IS THE DUST.
600
00:30:10,007 --> 00:30:12,342
PLEASE, MADEMOISELLE,
THINK QUICKLY
601
00:30:12,344 --> 00:30:15,778
- BEFORE YOU GO TOO DEEP.
- OHHH!
602
00:30:15,780 --> 00:30:18,114
SHE HAS FAINTED.
603
00:30:18,116 --> 00:30:20,116
MY POWER IS TOO GREAT.
604
00:30:20,118 --> 00:30:22,285
WE WILL TRY AGAIN
TOMORROW.
605
00:30:22,287 --> 00:30:24,220
GOOD IDEA. NOW LET US
CLEAR UP THE CAFE.
606
00:30:24,222 --> 00:30:26,021
THERE ARE CUSTOMERS COMING.
COME ON.
607
00:30:26,023 --> 00:30:29,091
WE WILL TAKE HER
TO THE KITCHEN AND PUT
HER HEAD UNDER THE TAP.
608
00:30:39,737 --> 00:30:42,505
WHAT ABOUT HIM?
609
00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:44,474
SUCH GREAT POWER.
610
00:30:44,476 --> 00:30:46,276
MONSIEUR, WAKE UP.
611
00:30:46,278 --> 00:30:50,112
I HAVE BEEN
IN A DEEP TRENCE,
612
00:30:50,114 --> 00:30:53,549
DURING WHICH
I HAD A DEEP THUNK.
613
00:30:54,718 --> 00:30:57,019
REALLY?
WHAT DID YOU THUNK?
614
00:30:57,021 --> 00:30:59,489
NOTHING.
615
00:30:59,491 --> 00:31:01,791
MY MIND WAS A BLINK.
616
00:31:01,793 --> 00:31:04,761
BE AT THE LONG MEADOW
WHEN THE MOON IS FULL.
617
00:31:04,763 --> 00:31:06,663
WE NEED ALL
THE LANDING LIGHTS
WE CAN GET.
618
00:31:06,665 --> 00:31:08,831
SO BRING YOUR
POLICEMAN'S BICYCLE.
619
00:31:08,833 --> 00:31:10,933
WHAT BERCYCLE?
620
00:31:10,935 --> 00:31:14,236
AND WHY AM I DRESSED
AS A POLUCEMAN?
621
00:31:14,238 --> 00:31:18,140
AND WHY AM I SPOOKING
FLUENT FRANCH?
622
00:31:18,142 --> 00:31:20,510
I WILL EXPLAIN
IT ALL LATER.
623
00:31:20,512 --> 00:31:22,244
PERHAPS I'LL FEEL BITTER
624
00:31:22,246 --> 00:31:24,781
IF I LIE DOWN
FOR A BOT.
625
00:31:24,783 --> 00:31:26,549
WELL, HELGA,
DID OUR PLAN WORK?
626
00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:30,286
PERFECTLY, COLONEL.
I STOLE IT FROM HIS
SECRET HIDING PLACE.
627
00:31:30,288 --> 00:31:32,322
BETTER THAN WE EXPECTED.
628
00:31:32,324 --> 00:31:34,290
HAND IT OVER.
629
00:31:41,966 --> 00:31:44,868
WHAT'S THIS?
THERE'S A BOOBY MISSING.
630
00:31:44,870 --> 00:31:47,703
- I HAVE IT SAFELY HIDDEN.
- WHAT?
631
00:31:47,705 --> 00:31:51,107
I'M NOT SURE YOU WILL
CUT ME IN ON THE PROCEEDS
OF THE SALE.
632
00:31:51,109 --> 00:31:53,709
SO I AM KEEPING THE BOOBY
AS SECURITY.
633
00:31:53,711 --> 00:31:56,145
WHEN YOU FIND A BUYER,
I WILL REUNITE THE BOOBY
634
00:31:56,147 --> 00:31:57,713
WITH THE REST
OF THE PAINTING.
635
00:31:57,715 --> 00:32:01,317
HELGA,
SURELY YOU TRUST US.
636
00:32:01,319 --> 00:32:03,486
NOT ON YOUR NELLIE.
637
00:32:05,990 --> 00:32:08,057
HOW COULD THEY POSSIBLY
HAVE KNOWN UNLESS YOU--
638
00:32:08,059 --> 00:32:10,126
I WAS OUT COLD.
639
00:32:10,128 --> 00:32:11,727
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU.
640
00:32:11,729 --> 00:32:14,163
AND TO FIND OUT
EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED,
641
00:32:14,165 --> 00:32:17,066
I PROPOSE TO USE THIS.
642
00:32:17,068 --> 00:32:19,235
WHAT IS THAT,
HERR FLICK?
643
00:32:19,237 --> 00:32:20,904
A NEW TRUTH SERUM
EXTRACTED
644
00:32:20,906 --> 00:32:23,339
FROM THE FEMALE
PATAGONIAN FIREFLY
645
00:32:23,341 --> 00:32:25,674
AT THE HEIGHT
OF THE MATING SEASON.
646
00:32:25,676 --> 00:32:27,710
ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVE.
647
00:32:30,147 --> 00:32:32,681
IT IS EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE
648
00:32:32,683 --> 00:32:34,951
AND HAS ONLY
SLIGHT SIDE EFFECTS.
649
00:32:34,953 --> 00:32:36,719
NOW THE SECRET
650
00:32:36,721 --> 00:32:39,555
OF A SUCCESSFUL
INJECTION IS SURPRISE.
651
00:32:39,557 --> 00:32:42,691
HOLD OUT YOUR ARM.
652
00:32:42,693 --> 00:32:45,561
( screams )
653
00:32:45,563 --> 00:32:47,230
THAT WAS A SURPRISE.
654
00:32:47,232 --> 00:32:49,899
NOW TELL ME THE TRUTH.
655
00:32:49,901 --> 00:32:52,701
SUDDENLY,
I CAN HOLD NOTHING BACK.
656
00:32:52,703 --> 00:32:56,339
HELGA REVEALED
THAT SHE LOVED ME.
SHE ALWAYS HAS.
657
00:32:56,341 --> 00:32:59,608
SHE TOOK THE PAINTING
AFTER I TOLD HER
WHERE IT WAS.
658
00:33:01,078 --> 00:33:04,314
AFTER THE WAR,
WE ARE TO BE TOGETHER
FOR ALWAYS.
659
00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:06,582
DUNDERHEAD,
YOU HAVE BEEN DUPED.
660
00:33:06,584 --> 00:33:08,584
THAT PHONE CALL
WAS A HOAX.
661
00:33:08,586 --> 00:33:11,387
SHE WANTED
ONLY THE PAINTING.
662
00:33:11,389 --> 00:33:13,823
DAMN, NOW I WILL
HAVE TO BE NICE TO HER
663
00:33:13,825 --> 00:33:15,458
TO GET IT BACK.
664
00:33:15,460 --> 00:33:19,028
- I THOUGHT SHE LOVED ME.
- WHAT RUBBISH.
665
00:33:19,030 --> 00:33:21,664
I FEEL GIDDY.
666
00:33:21,666 --> 00:33:24,033
I MUST LIE DOWN.
667
00:33:25,735 --> 00:33:27,937
IS THAT THE SIDE EFFECT?
668
00:33:27,939 --> 00:33:30,806
THAT IS ONE
OF THE SIDE EFFECTS
OF THE SERUM EXTRACTED
669
00:33:30,808 --> 00:33:34,077
FROM THE PATAGONIAN
FIREFLY AT THE HEIGHT
OF THE MATING SEASON,
670
00:33:34,079 --> 00:33:35,945
BUT NOT THE MAIN ONE.
671
00:33:35,947 --> 00:33:37,746
WHEN IS THAT DUE?
672
00:33:37,748 --> 00:33:39,882
ABOUT NOW.
673
00:33:47,191 --> 00:33:50,193
RENE, DO YOU
HAVE TO GO TO ENGLAND?
674
00:33:50,195 --> 00:33:52,561
I MUST. IT IS MY
DUTY FOR FRANCE.
675
00:33:52,563 --> 00:33:55,631
NOW TRY TO HOLD ON
AND MAKE SURE THAT
MONSIEUR ALFONSE
676
00:33:55,633 --> 00:33:57,500
DOES NOT HYPNOTIZE
YOU AGAIN.
677
00:33:57,502 --> 00:34:00,236
I HAD A TIN TACK
PRESSED IN MY HAND.
678
00:34:00,238 --> 00:34:02,505
I WAS IN CONTROL.
679
00:34:02,507 --> 00:34:05,174
I WILL NEVER REVEAL
THAT YOU ARE THE FATHER
680
00:34:05,176 --> 00:34:07,443
UNTIL YOU ARE SAFELY
ON YOUR WAY TO ENGLAND.
681
00:34:07,445 --> 00:34:09,945
AND THEN I SHALL
PROUDLY ANNOUNCE IT
682
00:34:09,947 --> 00:34:12,348
AND OUR
INTENDED MARRIAGE.
683
00:34:12,350 --> 00:34:15,051
WELL, IF YOU ARE
GOING TO JUMP THE GUN,
684
00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:17,753
WHEN I AM IN THE AIR
WILL BE THE BEST TIME.
685
00:34:17,755 --> 00:34:21,391
OTHERWISE,
I COULD BE DELAYED
WHEN MY COUNTRY NEEDS ME.
686
00:34:21,393 --> 00:34:23,393
THIS IS
FROM MADAME EDITH.
687
00:34:23,395 --> 00:34:27,063
SHE IS READY
FOR HER CABARET.
THIS IS HER INTRODUCTION.
688
00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:29,399
OH MY GOD.
689
00:34:29,401 --> 00:34:31,434
SHE'S DOING
THE TURKISH NUMBER.
690
00:34:31,436 --> 00:34:33,702
YOU MUST SAY FAREWELL
IN THE BACKROOM.
691
00:34:33,704 --> 00:34:36,239
- I WILL LEAVE
BY THE WINDOW DURING IT.
- RIGHT.
692
00:34:38,242 --> 00:34:40,376
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
693
00:34:40,378 --> 00:34:41,977
AND OFFICERS,
694
00:34:41,979 --> 00:34:44,380
IT IS CABARET TIME
AT CAFE RENE.
695
00:34:44,382 --> 00:34:46,849
AND TONIGHT,
MADAME EDITH WISHES
696
00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:48,951
TO GIVE YOU ALL
THAT YOU WOULD EXPECT.
697
00:34:48,953 --> 00:34:51,820
AND SO MAY I ASK
FOR THE WARMEST
OF WELCOMES
698
00:34:51,822 --> 00:34:54,223
FOR THE HARLOT
OF THE HAREM,
699
00:34:54,225 --> 00:34:57,493
THE CONCUBINE
OF CONSTANTINOPLE,
700
00:34:57,495 --> 00:34:59,995
THE TEMPTRESS
FROM TURKEY--
701
00:34:59,997 --> 00:35:03,266
WITH THE EMPHASIS
ON THE TURKEY--
702
00:35:03,268 --> 00:35:05,201
MADAME EDITH!
703
00:35:05,203 --> 00:35:08,171
- ( piano playing )
- QUICK, THE CHEESE BOARD!
704
00:35:19,416 --> 00:35:21,217
♪ I'M YOUR
TURKISH DELIGHT ♪
705
00:35:21,219 --> 00:35:23,686
♪ AND I WAIT EVERY NIGHT
IN MY ROOM ♪
706
00:35:23,688 --> 00:35:25,721
♪ THEY ALL KNOCK
ON THE DOOR ♪
707
00:35:25,723 --> 00:35:27,723
♪ AND SHOULD YOU APPEAR ♪
708
00:35:27,725 --> 00:35:29,592
♪ YOU HAVE NO NEED
TO FEAR ♪
709
00:35:29,594 --> 00:35:32,328
♪ WE'D BE ON OUR OWN,
THAT'S FOR SURE ♪
710
00:35:32,330 --> 00:35:34,430
♪ IF YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR TROUBLE ♪
711
00:35:34,432 --> 00:35:35,931
♪ MY BIG HUBBA-BUBBLE ♪
712
00:35:35,933 --> 00:35:38,834
♪ WILL QUICKLY PUT YOU
IN THE MOOD ♪
713
00:35:38,836 --> 00:35:40,769
♪ IT NEVER FAILS ♪
714
00:35:40,771 --> 00:35:43,106
♪ WHEN I TAKE OFF
MY VEILS ♪
715
00:35:43,108 --> 00:35:45,441
♪ AND OFFER SOME
EXOTIC FOOD... ♪
716
00:35:48,011 --> 00:35:49,678
THAT REMINDS ME,
717
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,715
DID YOU ORDER THOSE TWO
EXTRA BARRAGE BALLOONS?
718
00:35:54,017 --> 00:35:55,684
FAREWELL, MY LOVE.
719
00:35:55,686 --> 00:35:59,489
I MUST MOUNT MY BICYCLE
AND JOIN MICHELLE
AND THE GIRLS.
720
00:35:59,491 --> 00:36:01,524
HAVE YOU ANY
LAST WORDS FOR ME?
721
00:36:01,526 --> 00:36:05,294
OH YES, YOU CAN
USE MY BICYCLE
WHILE I AM AWAY.
722
00:36:08,165 --> 00:36:11,400
♪ NOW HAVE A QUICK DRINK
AND BEFORE YOU CAN BLINK ♪
723
00:36:11,402 --> 00:36:15,238
♪ I AM SUDDENLY DOWN
TO JUST TWO ♪
724
00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:18,141
♪ WHEN THE TIME'S RIGHT
YOU'LL HAVE TURKISH DELIGHT ♪
725
00:36:18,143 --> 00:36:21,144
♪ IN A MANNER
THAT'S DARING AND NEW ♪
726
00:36:22,646 --> 00:36:24,947
♪ WITH SIX VEILS GONE ♪
727
00:36:24,949 --> 00:36:27,483
♪ YOU CAN SHOUT,
"CARRY ON" ♪
728
00:36:29,386 --> 00:36:33,356
♪ WITH JUST ONE VEIL
TWIXT ME AND A BLUSH ♪
729
00:36:33,358 --> 00:36:36,692
♪ I THINK I'LL RETIRE
NOW THAT I'VE LIT YOUR FIRE ♪
730
00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:39,328
♪ I'LL BE WAITING
UPSTAIRS ♪
731
00:36:39,330 --> 00:36:41,297
♪ FOR THE RUSH! ♪
732
00:36:47,304 --> 00:36:50,606
WE MUST TRY
NOT TO GET KILLED
IN THE STAMPEDE.
733
00:36:51,941 --> 00:36:54,310
( panting )
734
00:36:59,115 --> 00:37:02,251
- WHERE ARE THEY?
- ( squawking )
735
00:37:02,253 --> 00:37:04,887
OH YES,
THE SECRET SIGNAL.
736
00:37:04,889 --> 00:37:07,323
WHAT A RIGMAROLE.
737
00:37:11,328 --> 00:37:13,663
( makes birdcall )
738
00:37:18,902 --> 00:37:21,904
DAMN, A REAL OWL.
739
00:37:26,042 --> 00:37:29,579
- YOU ARE LATE.
- I HAD A PUNCTURE.
740
00:37:29,581 --> 00:37:32,348
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN THOSE LITTLE SHORTS?
741
00:37:32,350 --> 00:37:34,783
IF WE ARE STOPPED,
MY GIRLS ARE I
ARE PRACTICING
742
00:37:34,785 --> 00:37:37,253
FOR THE TOUR DE FRANCE
WHEN THE WAR IS OVER.
743
00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:39,555
AND WHAT IS MY EXCUSE?
744
00:37:39,557 --> 00:37:41,724
YOU ARE TIMING US.
745
00:37:41,726 --> 00:37:44,227
( whistles )
746
00:37:50,567 --> 00:37:52,568
WILL I BE TIMING YOU
FROM THE FRONT OR THE REAR?
747
00:37:52,570 --> 00:37:54,537
FROM THE FRONT WITH ME.
748
00:37:54,539 --> 00:37:57,806
QUICK, TO THE FIELD.
OFFICER CRABTREE IS
WAITING FOR US.
749
00:38:01,144 --> 00:38:03,979
( gears grinding )
750
00:38:03,981 --> 00:38:06,281
MIND MY GEARBOX,
COLONEL.
751
00:38:06,283 --> 00:38:08,951
IT IS NOT WISE
TO TRY FOR REVERSE
752
00:38:08,953 --> 00:38:10,720
AT THIS SPEED.
753
00:38:16,026 --> 00:38:18,694
Colonel von Strohm:
GRUBER, WHAT'S GOING ON?
754
00:38:18,696 --> 00:38:22,164
JUST RENE
PURSUING GIRLS AGAIN.
755
00:38:22,166 --> 00:38:25,500
I DO NOT KNOW WHERE
HE GETS THE ENERGY.
756
00:38:32,642 --> 00:38:34,643
WHERE IS THE PLANE?
757
00:38:34,645 --> 00:38:37,246
I AM SURE GRUBER
KNEW IT WAS ME.
758
00:38:37,248 --> 00:38:40,116
DON'T PANIC.
WE LEFT THAT TANK
MILES BEHIND.
759
00:38:40,118 --> 00:38:43,252
AS SOON AS WE HEAR
THE EARCRAFT ENGINES,
760
00:38:43,254 --> 00:38:46,521
THE GIRLS WILL PIDDLE.
761
00:38:46,523 --> 00:38:49,558
THIS WILL MAKE
THEIR LUMPS LIGHT UP
762
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:52,394
AND GUIDE THE EARCRAFT
TO THIS FOLD.
763
00:38:52,396 --> 00:38:55,865
WE ARE LISTENING
INTENTLY.
764
00:38:55,867 --> 00:38:57,900
( airplane humming )
765
00:38:57,902 --> 00:39:00,936
I THINK I CAN HEAR IT
IN THE DISTANCE.
766
00:39:00,938 --> 00:39:03,172
ATTENTION, LUDIES.
767
00:39:03,174 --> 00:39:05,574
CAN YOU ALL SEE
MY TITCH?
768
00:39:05,576 --> 00:39:07,676
Bikers: YES!
769
00:39:07,678 --> 00:39:09,779
THE PIDDLE
WHEN I FLASH IT.
770
00:39:11,882 --> 00:39:15,484
GRUBER, CAN YOU SEE
INTO HELGA'S ROOM?
771
00:39:15,486 --> 00:39:17,686
YES, THE CURTAINS
ARE OPEN.
772
00:39:17,688 --> 00:39:20,256
SHE IS PREPARING
FOR BED.
773
00:39:20,258 --> 00:39:22,124
ANY SIGN
OF THE MISSING BOOBY?
774
00:39:22,126 --> 00:39:25,227
NOT THE MISSING ONE, NO.
775
00:39:27,030 --> 00:39:30,966
- ( airplane humming )
- LISTEN, AN AIRPLANE.
776
00:39:34,037 --> 00:39:37,006
COLONEL,
IT IS AN OLD BIPLANE
777
00:39:37,008 --> 00:39:39,408
WITH BRITISH MARKINGS.
778
00:39:39,410 --> 00:39:42,678
THE INVASION HAS STARTED.
IT'S COMING IN TO LAND.
779
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,447
SHOOT IT DOWN
WITH YOUR BIG GUN.
780
00:39:45,449 --> 00:39:47,883
HOLD MY BINOCULARS.
781
00:39:49,286 --> 00:39:50,786
HURRY UP, GRUBER.
782
00:39:50,788 --> 00:39:53,856
I'M TRYING TO GET ONE
UP THE SPOUT.
783
00:39:53,858 --> 00:39:56,625
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE
ONE UP THE SPOUT.
784
00:39:58,161 --> 00:40:01,596
DAMN IT,
YOU'RE TOO LATE!
HE'S GONE PAST.
785
00:40:02,632 --> 00:40:04,366
NO NO!
786
00:40:04,368 --> 00:40:07,669
HE'S TURNING.
HE'S COMING BACK.
787
00:40:07,671 --> 00:40:09,338
QUICK, TAKE AIM.
788
00:40:09,340 --> 00:40:11,340
I AM TAKING AIM!
789
00:40:11,342 --> 00:40:13,375
WELL, TAKE AIM QUICKER.
790
00:40:13,377 --> 00:40:15,044
YOU'RE PUTTING ME OFF.
791
00:40:15,046 --> 00:40:18,214
PUT YOUR FINGERS
IN YOUR FAT EARS
AND BE QUIET.
792
00:40:18,216 --> 00:40:21,616
GRUBER, HOW DARE YOU!
793
00:40:24,387 --> 00:40:27,823
- IT IS HIT!
- THE WHEEL HAS COME OFF.
794
00:40:30,493 --> 00:40:33,362
WE SHALL NOT BE
LEAVING TONIGHT.
795
00:40:33,364 --> 00:40:36,298
MY GOD,
I MUST GET BACK
TO THE CAFE.
796
00:40:36,300 --> 00:40:38,400
I HIT IT.
797
00:40:38,402 --> 00:40:41,237
I HIT IT.
I HIT IT!
798
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:44,907
IT'S STILL FLYING.
799
00:40:44,909 --> 00:40:47,943
OH, DEAR.
800
00:40:47,945 --> 00:40:50,512
I HOPE THE PILOT
DID NOT GET THE NUMBER
801
00:40:50,514 --> 00:40:52,414
OF THIS LITTLE TANK.
802
00:40:52,416 --> 00:40:55,751
WHEN THEY INVADE,
THEY'LL BE VERY CROSS.
803
00:40:55,753 --> 00:40:57,819
( playing slow-tempo
dance tune )
804
00:41:05,528 --> 00:41:08,597
DO NOT WORRY,
MADAME EDITH.
805
00:41:08,599 --> 00:41:11,700
I WILL LOOK AFTER YOU
WHILE HE IS AWAY, HUH?
806
00:41:13,436 --> 00:41:17,139
I MIGHT EVEN
TAKE A ROOM HERE.
807
00:41:17,141 --> 00:41:19,408
THAT WOULD BE
TEMPTING FATE.
808
00:41:28,684 --> 00:41:30,452
ON SECOND THOUGHT,
809
00:41:30,454 --> 00:41:33,522
I COULD MAKE UP THE BED
IN THE ROOM NEXT TO MINE.
810
00:41:34,891 --> 00:41:37,592
YOU COULD STAY OVER
IF YOU LIKE.
811
00:41:37,594 --> 00:41:40,729
MY DICKY TICKER IS RACING
AT THE THOUGHT.
812
00:41:46,269 --> 00:41:48,770
- ( gongs )
- ( piano stops )
813
00:41:48,772 --> 00:41:51,173
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT
TO MAKE.
814
00:41:51,175 --> 00:41:53,475
IN CASE ANYONE
HAS NOT HEARD,
815
00:41:53,477 --> 00:41:55,277
I AM WITH CHILD.
816
00:41:56,679 --> 00:41:58,447
AND THE FATHER IS--
817
00:41:58,449 --> 00:42:01,516
WELL, YES YES, GO ON.
818
00:42:01,518 --> 00:42:05,387
AND THE FATHER IS--
819
00:42:05,389 --> 00:42:07,356
UNKNOWN!
820
00:42:08,591 --> 00:42:10,759
- SHAME!
- SHAME SHAME!
821
00:42:10,761 --> 00:42:12,561
OH, THE SHAME.
822
00:42:12,563 --> 00:42:15,297
YOU HAVE MISSED
YOUR PLANE?
823
00:42:15,299 --> 00:42:17,699
A LOT OF THE PLANE
JUST MISSED ME.
824
00:42:17,701 --> 00:42:19,201
DO YOU MIND?
825
00:42:19,203 --> 00:42:23,072
MY BACK HAS ONLY BEEN
TURNED FOR HALF AN HOUR.
826
00:42:23,074 --> 00:42:25,807
( piano playing )
827
00:42:25,809 --> 00:42:28,577
RENE, WE WERE JUST
ABOUT TO FIND OUT
828
00:42:28,579 --> 00:42:30,579
WHO THE FATHER WAS.
829
00:42:30,581 --> 00:42:33,849
MAYBE TOMORROW, EDITH,
BUT THAT IS ANOTHER DAY.
830
00:42:34,985 --> 00:42:36,986
YOU ARE LEADING AGAIN.
831
00:42:36,988 --> 00:42:39,355
SORRY, RENE.
832
00:42:41,324 --> 00:42:44,059
( theme music playing )
833
00:44:51,554 --> 00:44:54,355
( theme music playing )
834
00:45:13,009 --> 00:45:15,844
THE FRENCH WERE RANDY,
THE GERMANS WERE KINKY
835
00:45:15,846 --> 00:45:17,646
AND THE ENGLISH
WERE STUPID.
836
00:45:17,648 --> 00:45:19,715
SOMETIMES AN EPISODE CONSISTED
OF JUST GOING, "HELLO."
837
00:45:19,717 --> 00:45:21,349
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
838
00:45:21,351 --> 00:45:23,685
IT WAS LIKE A WONDERFUL
PIECE OF FARCE, YOU KNOW?
839
00:45:23,687 --> 00:45:25,053
CLEVER STUFF.
840
00:45:25,055 --> 00:45:28,023
GOOD MOANING.
841
00:45:28,025 --> 00:45:29,858
HOW LUCKY CAN YOU GET,
DOING A JOB YOU LIKE?
842
00:45:29,860 --> 00:45:32,728
DOING IT AND GETTING
A FEW BOB FOR IT?
843
00:45:32,730 --> 00:45:34,496
IT WENT ON
FOR LONGER THAN THE WAR.
844
00:45:34,498 --> 00:45:35,731
- HEIL HITLER!
- HEIL HITLER!
845
00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:37,398
'TLER!
846
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,068
Narrator:
IN THE 1980s,
"'ALLO 'ALLO!" BECAME
847
00:45:40,070 --> 00:45:42,570
ONE OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL
SITCOMS IN HISTORY.
848
00:45:42,572 --> 00:45:44,906
16 MILLION
VIEWERS FOLLOWED
849
00:45:44,908 --> 00:45:46,908
THE FARCICAL STORY OF
A CAFE OWNER'S EXPLOITS
850
00:45:46,910 --> 00:45:48,910
IN OCCUPIED FRANCE.
851
00:45:48,912 --> 00:45:52,413
IT SOLD TO MORE COUNTRIES
THAN EITHER "MONTY PYTHON"
OR "FAWLTY TOWERS."
852
00:45:52,415 --> 00:45:55,083
HOW'S THAT FOR
NOT MENTIONING THE WAR?
853
00:45:55,085 --> 00:45:57,585
IT WAS THE CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT
OF THE WRITING TEAM
854
00:45:57,587 --> 00:45:59,420
OF JEREMY LLOYD
AND DAVID CROFT,
855
00:45:59,422 --> 00:46:02,423
WHOSE CAREERS EMBRACED
THE WHOLE HISTORY OF SHOW BIZ.
856
00:46:02,425 --> 00:46:05,593
THE STORY OF "'ALLO 'ALLO!"
STARTS WAY BEFORE THE WAR.
857
00:46:05,595 --> 00:46:07,929
DAVID CROFT'S PARENTS
WERE MUSIC HALL STARS,
858
00:46:07,931 --> 00:46:09,597
AND WHEN MOVIES
CAME ALONG
859
00:46:09,599 --> 00:46:12,600
HE MADE HIS BIG SCREEN
ACTING DEBUT IN 1929
860
00:46:12,602 --> 00:46:15,070
ALONGSIDE
HIS MOTHER ANNIE.
861
00:46:15,072 --> 00:46:17,238
I WAS ONLY ABOUT
SIX OR SEVEN.
862
00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:20,909
I REMEMBER THE DIRECTOR
SORT OF SHOUTING AT ME
THROUGH A MEGAPHONE,
863
00:46:20,911 --> 00:46:22,544
IT WAS THAT LONG AGO.
864
00:46:22,546 --> 00:46:25,380
Narrator:
BUT AFTER MAKING
THE FLOUR COMMERCIAL,
865
00:46:25,382 --> 00:46:28,717
DAVID REALIZED
HIS TIME WOULD BE BETTER
SPENT BEHIND THE CAMERA.
866
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:31,887
Croft:
AS A WRITER,
YOU GET INVITED TO LUNCH,
867
00:46:31,889 --> 00:46:33,889
AND I PREFERRED THAT,
OF COURSE.
868
00:46:33,891 --> 00:46:36,892
BUT IT WAS JUST
A MATTER OF I WASN'T
A GOOD ENOUGH ACTOR
869
00:46:36,894 --> 00:46:40,562
TO SUCCEED IN THE LONG TERM,
YOU KNOW.
870
00:46:40,564 --> 00:46:43,531
SO THE WRITING AND THE DIRECTING
CAME UP FIRST.
871
00:46:43,533 --> 00:46:46,702
Narrator:
THE FUTURE BBC
UBER-PRODUCER'S CAREER
872
00:46:46,704 --> 00:46:48,870
ACTUALLY BEGAN
AT TYNE TEES TV
873
00:46:48,872 --> 00:46:51,539
WORKING ON THE ENORMOUSLY
POPULAR "ONE O'CLOCK SHOW,"
874
00:46:51,541 --> 00:46:54,843
WHICH BROUGHT OLD-FASHIONED
VARIETY TO DAYTIME TELEVISION.
875
00:46:56,245 --> 00:46:57,913
AND THEY WERE LONG SHOWS.
876
00:46:57,915 --> 00:46:59,915
THEY WOULD GO ON 40,
45, 50 MINUTES.
877
00:46:59,917 --> 00:47:02,584
AND THEY HAD LOTS OF SUPER
PRODUCTION NUMBERS
878
00:47:02,586 --> 00:47:05,587
AND VERY GOOD SINGERS
AND SKETCHES AND COMEDY
SKETCHES.
879
00:47:05,589 --> 00:47:07,756
THAT COMMISSIONER, YOU DON'T
WANT TO TAKE ANY NOTICE OF HIM.
880
00:47:07,758 --> 00:47:09,091
- HE'S BALMY.
- GO ON.
881
00:47:09,093 --> 00:47:10,892
WELL, DEPENDING WHAT FILM
THEY'RE SHOWING HERE,
882
00:47:10,894 --> 00:47:12,227
- IT SEEMS TO AFFECT HIM.
- HUH?
883
00:47:12,229 --> 00:47:13,895
LAST WEEK THEY HAD
A COWBOY FILM.
884
00:47:13,897 --> 00:47:16,231
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIM.
HE CAME ALONG THE QUEUE
LIKE THIS...
885
00:47:16,233 --> 00:47:18,066
( American accent )
"WELL THERE, PARTNERS.
886
00:47:18,068 --> 00:47:20,802
WE JUST GOT ROOM FOR ONE
IN THE OLD CORRAL.
887
00:47:20,804 --> 00:47:23,504
YOU REALLY LEARNT
YOUR BUSINESS PROPERLY THERE.
888
00:47:23,506 --> 00:47:26,341
Narrator:
WHILE DAVID CROFT WAS LEARNING
HIS TELEVISION TRADE,
889
00:47:26,343 --> 00:47:29,344
JEREMY LLOYD'S JOURNEY INTO TV
WAS MORE UNORTHODOX.
890
00:47:29,346 --> 00:47:31,847
HE WORKED AS A METAL-SORTER
AND PLUMBER'S MATE
891
00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:33,681
BEFORE HIS CAREER
SPARKED TO LIFE
892
00:47:33,683 --> 00:47:37,119
WHEN HE LANDED A PRIZED
POSITION IN A LIGHT BULB
FACTORY.
893
00:47:37,121 --> 00:47:38,787
THIS WAS A JOB
MUCH SOUGHT-AFTER
894
00:47:38,789 --> 00:47:40,455
BECAUSE THE WINDOW
WAS THE ONLY ONE
895
00:47:40,457 --> 00:47:42,624
THAT LOOKED INTO
THE PALMOLIVE FACTORY
896
00:47:42,626 --> 00:47:45,460
WHERE THE GIRLS'
CHANGING ROOM WAS.
897
00:47:45,462 --> 00:47:47,562
WELL, NOT THAT I GOT IT
FOR THAT, OF COURSE.
898
00:47:47,564 --> 00:47:50,065
Narrator:
PERHAPS IT WAS THE VIEW
OF THE PALMOLIVE FACTORY
899
00:47:50,067 --> 00:47:52,734
THAT INSPIRED JEREMY TO
WRITE HIS FIRST SCRIPT.
900
00:47:52,736 --> 00:47:54,402
NEVER ONE TO MISS
AN OPPORTUNITY,
901
00:47:54,404 --> 00:47:56,571
HE CHARMED HIS WAY
INTO A STORY MEETING
902
00:47:56,573 --> 00:47:58,740
WITH EXECS AT
PINEWOOD STUDIOS.
903
00:47:58,742 --> 00:48:00,441
Lloyd:
THEY WERE QUITE AMUSED,
I THINK.
904
00:48:00,443 --> 00:48:02,277
"THIS IS MR. J.J. LLOYD,
APPARENTLY,
905
00:48:02,279 --> 00:48:04,612
WHO'S NEVER WRITTEN BEFORE,
HAS WRITTEN A WONDERFUL FILM.
906
00:48:04,614 --> 00:48:06,281
HE'S GOING TO READ IT TO US,
AREN'T YOU?"
907
00:48:06,283 --> 00:48:08,449
I SAID, "YES, ABSOLUTELY.
ARE YOU READY?"
908
00:48:08,451 --> 00:48:10,451
SAID, "YEAH."
I READ IT.
909
00:48:10,453 --> 00:48:13,521
AND THEY SAID, "WELL,
ACTUALLY, WE'RE LOOKING FOR
A FILM FOR ADAM FAITH."
910
00:48:13,523 --> 00:48:15,356
CAN YOU GET
THAT SOUND AGAIN?
911
00:48:15,358 --> 00:48:17,192
WELL, I'LL TRY.
912
00:48:17,194 --> 00:48:18,860
( vibrating )
913
00:48:18,862 --> 00:48:21,029
WHAT A WONDERFUL
BOTTOM NOTE!
914
00:48:21,031 --> 00:48:22,563
( vibrating )
915
00:48:22,565 --> 00:48:24,900
SO I STARTED OFF
916
00:48:24,902 --> 00:48:28,203
IN A VERY LUCKY WAY,
I WOULD SAY.
917
00:48:28,205 --> 00:48:30,205
Narrator:
AFTER BREAKING INTO
THE MOVIES,
918
00:48:30,207 --> 00:48:32,373
JEREMY'S CHEEKY GRIN
AND SUAVE MANNER
919
00:48:32,375 --> 00:48:34,542
SOON BROUGHT HIM PARTS
IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA
920
00:48:34,544 --> 00:48:37,045
IN FILMS WHOSE TITLES
AT LEAST WERE MEMORABLE--
921
00:48:37,047 --> 00:48:39,047
"AFTERNOON OF A NYMPH,"
922
00:48:39,049 --> 00:48:40,715
"OPERATION SNATCH,"
923
00:48:40,717 --> 00:48:42,717
AND "THE WRONG BOX."
924
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:46,721
JEREMY'S SPECIALTY BEING
A KIND OF UPPER-CRUST
ENGLISHMAN.
925
00:48:46,723 --> 00:48:48,723
I WOULD SAY
A CHINLESS WONDER,
926
00:48:48,725 --> 00:48:50,225
YOU KNOW, BASICALLY.
927
00:48:50,227 --> 00:48:53,494
SORT OF, "HELLO, I JUST ARRIVED.
HELLO, I KNOW NOTHING."
928
00:48:53,496 --> 00:48:55,730
- MRS. EMMA PEEL.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
929
00:48:55,732 --> 00:48:59,100
BERTRAM FORTESCUE
WINTHROP SMITH, TO BE
ABSOLUTELY ACCURATE.
930
00:48:59,102 --> 00:49:02,137
SUCH A NAME IS A TERRIBLE
DISADVANTAGE IN THIS BUSINESS.
931
00:49:02,139 --> 00:49:04,472
AFTER ALL, WHOEVER
HEARD OF ANYONE HAVING
THEIR CHIMNEY SWEPT
932
00:49:04,474 --> 00:49:07,008
BY A FORTESCUE
WINTHROP SMITH?
933
00:49:07,010 --> 00:49:09,177
YEAH, I COULD DO THAT
QUITE EASILY
934
00:49:09,179 --> 00:49:11,512
BECAUSE I KNEW
A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
935
00:49:11,514 --> 00:49:13,849
Narrator:
WHILE JEREMY CORNERED
THE CHINLESS MARKET,
936
00:49:13,851 --> 00:49:16,517
DAVID CROFT WAS PLOWING
A BROAD FURROW OF HIS OWN
937
00:49:16,519 --> 00:49:19,520
AFTER MOVING THE BBC'S
LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT DEPARTMENT
938
00:49:19,522 --> 00:49:21,857
AND PRODUCING
"THE BENNY HILL SHOW."
939
00:49:21,859 --> 00:49:24,525
HE ALSO PICKED UP
A FEW TRICKS OF THE TRADE
940
00:49:24,527 --> 00:49:26,194
BY STUDYING
OTHER BBC SHOWS,
941
00:49:26,196 --> 00:49:29,364
PARTICULARLY GALTON AND
SIMPSON'S "STEPTOE AND SON."
942
00:49:29,366 --> 00:49:32,868
THE PARTICULAR THING I LEARNED
FROM GALTON AND SIMPSON
943
00:49:32,870 --> 00:49:34,535
WAS REACTION COMEDY.
944
00:49:34,537 --> 00:49:36,872
ALL MY COMEDY IS
REACTION COMEDY.
945
00:49:36,874 --> 00:49:39,207
IT ISN'T THE LINE
THAT'S IMPORTANT,
946
00:49:39,209 --> 00:49:42,043
IT'S WHAT THE PERSON
IT'S BEING SAID TO REACTS--
947
00:49:42,045 --> 00:49:44,445
THEIR REACTION IS
THE IMPORTANT THING.
948
00:49:44,447 --> 00:49:47,282
Narrator:
THE GALTON AND SIMPSON
MASTER CLASS
949
00:49:47,284 --> 00:49:50,451
PAID OFF IN SPADES WHEN
DAVID CAME TO CO-WRITE A SITCOM
950
00:49:50,453 --> 00:49:53,454
WITH JIMMY PERRY.
IT MAY HAVE BEEN SET
IN WORLD WAR II,
951
00:49:53,456 --> 00:49:56,091
BUT "DAD'S ARMY"
BECAME A TIMELESS CLASSIC.
952
00:49:56,093 --> 00:49:58,593
WE'LL SIMPLY BE GOING THROUGH
ON THE ROYAL TRAIN,
953
00:49:58,595 --> 00:50:00,262
CAMOUFLAGED, OF COURSE.
954
00:50:00,264 --> 00:50:02,430
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
IS THE TRAIN CAMOUFLAGED,
955
00:50:02,432 --> 00:50:04,766
OR IS THE KING CAMOUFLAGED?
956
00:50:04,768 --> 00:50:07,869
Croft:
IT'S WHAT MAINWARING
REACTS TO--
957
00:50:07,871 --> 00:50:09,437
WHAT WILSON IS SAYING THAT'S--
958
00:50:09,439 --> 00:50:13,775
ALL THE LAUGHS COME FROM
THAT SORT OF ASPECT, REALLY.
959
00:50:13,777 --> 00:50:15,277
Narrator:
DAVID'S CAREER BLOSSOMED
960
00:50:15,279 --> 00:50:17,612
AS HE MINED A RICH VEIN
OF NOSTALGIA.
961
00:50:17,614 --> 00:50:20,448
MEANWHILE, JEREMY LLOYD'S
RAKE'S PROGRESS
962
00:50:20,450 --> 00:50:22,784
TOOK HIM TO BEAUTIFUL
DOWNTOWN BURBANK
963
00:50:22,786 --> 00:50:24,619
AND "ROWAN AND
MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN,"
964
00:50:24,621 --> 00:50:26,621
WHERE HIS QUICK WIT
BROUGHT HIM TOGETHER
965
00:50:26,623 --> 00:50:29,124
WITH AMERICA'S DITSY
COMEDY SWEETHEART.
966
00:50:29,126 --> 00:50:31,126
EVERYBODY LOVED GOLDIE.
967
00:50:31,128 --> 00:50:32,961
I SAID, "LOOK, DO I EVER
GET TO KISS YOU?"
968
00:50:32,963 --> 00:50:34,562
SHE SAID, "WELL,
YOU BETTER WRITE IT IN."
969
00:50:34,564 --> 00:50:36,597
GOLDIE, THERE'S SOMETHING
I SIMPLY MUST DO
970
00:50:36,599 --> 00:50:38,333
ON BEHALF OF
ENGLISHMEN EVERYWHERE.
971
00:50:38,335 --> 00:50:40,468
- WHAT'S THAT?
- WILL YOU WATCH CLOSELY?
972
00:50:40,470 --> 00:50:42,137
- MM-HM.
- RIGHT.
973
00:50:42,139 --> 00:50:44,306
MM! AH!
974
00:50:44,308 --> 00:50:47,675
WELL, CHAPS, PUT THAT IN
YOUR BROLLIES AND FOLD THEM.
975
00:50:47,677 --> 00:50:49,344
WE THOUGHT IT
WAS TERRIFIC.
976
00:50:49,346 --> 00:50:52,080
REALLY ANNOYED A LOT OF FRIENDS
BACK HOME, YOU KNOW?
977
00:50:52,082 --> 00:50:54,416
Narrator:
THEY WERE EVEN MORE ANNOYED
WHEN JEREMY CAME BACK
978
00:50:54,418 --> 00:50:56,418
AND MARRIED JOANNA LUMLEY.
979
00:50:56,420 --> 00:50:59,087
THEIR MARRIAGE DIDN'T
LAST AS LONG AS THE SERIES
THEY MADE TOGETHER,
980
00:50:59,089 --> 00:51:01,923
BUT IT DID LEAD TO A MORE
SUCCESSFUL PARTNERSHIP BETWEEN
LLOYD AND CROFT.
981
00:51:01,925 --> 00:51:03,758
COME ON, THE PARTY'S OVER.
982
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:05,427
WE STARTED WORKING TOGETHER
983
00:51:05,429 --> 00:51:08,430
BECAUSE HE WAS IN A SHOW
984
00:51:08,432 --> 00:51:11,566
CALLED, "IT'S AWFULLY BAD
FOR YOUR EYES, DARLING,"
WHICH JILLY COOPER WROTE.
985
00:51:11,568 --> 00:51:13,734
- COME ON, I'LL HELP YOU.
- OH, CAREFUL, DARLING.
986
00:51:13,736 --> 00:51:15,070
- OH!
- THERE WE ARE.
987
00:51:15,072 --> 00:51:17,372
STOP! I THINK
I'VE HAD A STROKE!
988
00:51:18,807 --> 00:51:20,475
MY LEG'S GONE DEAD.
989
00:51:20,477 --> 00:51:23,144
Narrator:
"AWFULLY BAD," AS IT
WAS KNOWN FOR SHORT,
990
00:51:23,146 --> 00:51:26,314
WAS THE COMPOST FROM WHICH
A WHOLE SITCOM ERA GREW.
991
00:51:26,316 --> 00:51:28,316
WE GOT ON
VERY WELL TOGETHER.
992
00:51:28,318 --> 00:51:30,385
AND IN THE COURSE
OF CHATTING TO HIM,
993
00:51:30,387 --> 00:51:33,321
HE SAID, "WE SHOULD DO
SOMETHING." I SAID, "WELL,
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
994
00:51:33,323 --> 00:51:35,823
HOW ABOUT
A DEPARTMENT STORE?
995
00:51:35,825 --> 00:51:38,960
MOSTLY THE GENT--
GENTLEMEN'S PART
996
00:51:38,962 --> 00:51:42,497
OF A DEPARTMENT STORE."
'CAUSE HE USED TO WORK AT
SIMPSON'S-IN-THE-STRAND.
997
00:51:42,499 --> 00:51:44,165
HE SAID, "HAVE YOU GOT
ANY WRITTEN DOWN?"
998
00:51:44,167 --> 00:51:45,833
I SAID, "YES, ACTUALLY,
I HAVE."
999
00:51:45,835 --> 00:51:47,835
HE SAID, "WELL, BRING IT OVER.
LET'S READ IT."
1000
00:51:47,837 --> 00:51:50,238
SO HE READ IT AND SAID, "WELL,
WHEN DO YOU WANT TO START?"
1001
00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:52,240
- ( cash register ringing )
- ( theme music playing )
1002
00:51:52,242 --> 00:51:54,409
Narrator:
DAVID CROFT'S TRADEMARK
1003
00:51:54,411 --> 00:51:56,411
LARGE CAST OF
COMEDY ACTORS
1004
00:51:56,413 --> 00:51:59,014
BROUGHT JEREMY LLOYD'S
BRIGHTLY-COLORED CHARACTERS
TO LIFE.
1005
00:51:59,016 --> 00:52:03,018
AND GRACE BROTHERS KEPT RECORD
NUMBERS OF CHARACTERS HAPPY
1006
00:52:03,020 --> 00:52:06,687
- OVER 10 SERIES OF...
- ARE YOU BEING SERVED?
1007
00:52:06,689 --> 00:52:09,690
Narrator:
AND WHEN ACTOR GORDEN KAYE
TURNED UP TO PLAY A BIT PART,
1008
00:52:09,692 --> 00:52:12,193
HE SHOWED HE COULD TALK
CROFT AND LLOYD'S LANGUAGE.
1009
00:52:12,195 --> 00:52:14,295
"COULD I PLAY SCOTCH?"
1010
00:52:14,297 --> 00:52:16,531
IN GOD NAME--
IN GOD'S NAME, WHY?
1011
00:52:16,533 --> 00:52:19,634
I SAID, "WELL, I COULD HAVE
A POP-UP SPORRAN."
1012
00:52:19,636 --> 00:52:21,136
NOW WATCH.
1013
00:52:26,842 --> 00:52:30,711
MY FRIENDS CALL ME
CANDID CAMERON.
1014
00:52:30,713 --> 00:52:34,049
WELL, IF YOU WEAR THIS,
THEY'LL CALL YOU
GABARDINE ANGUS.
1015
00:52:34,051 --> 00:52:37,718
HE WAS NOT FAZED
AT ALL WHEN HE CAME INTO
"ARE YOU BEING SERVED?"
1016
00:52:37,720 --> 00:52:41,056
WITH SOME QUITE NATIONAL
HEROES, YOU KNOW.
1017
00:52:41,058 --> 00:52:43,391
THEY WERE WELL-KNOWN
COMEDY PLAYERS.
1018
00:52:43,393 --> 00:52:46,094
BUT HE STUCK UP
FOR HIS BIT.
1019
00:52:46,096 --> 00:52:48,763
Narrator:
IMPRESSED WITH THE WAY GORDEN
POPPED UP OUT OF THE BLUE,
1020
00:52:48,765 --> 00:52:50,931
DAVID AND JEREMY CAST HIM
AS A NEWS READER
1021
00:52:50,933 --> 00:52:54,101
IN THEIR FUTURISTIC
MOLLIE SUGDEN SPIN-OFF,
"COME BACK MRS. NOAH."
1022
00:52:54,103 --> 00:52:57,772
THE SERIES DIDN'T,
BUT THE CAST INCLUDED
EX-"BENNY HILL" GIRL,
1023
00:52:57,774 --> 00:52:59,607
VICKI MICHELLE.
1024
00:52:59,609 --> 00:53:02,443
I REMEMBER I WAS
SORT OF SPRAYED GOLD,
1025
00:53:02,445 --> 00:53:04,111
BECAUSE I WAS A ROBOT
1026
00:53:04,113 --> 00:53:07,315
AND THEY WANTED ME TO SORT OF
HAVE A ROBOT BODY.
1027
00:53:07,317 --> 00:53:10,117
THIS IS AN ORDER.
YOU WILL TAKE THE TOP OFF.
1028
00:53:14,490 --> 00:53:17,158
SHE WAS WONDERFUL, ACTUALLY.
SHE WAS VERY SEXY
1029
00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:19,627
AND VERY FUNNY
AND SHE TOOK TO IT WONDERFULLY.
1030
00:53:19,629 --> 00:53:21,796
BUT ALL THESE PEOPLE GO--
GO INTO ONE'S MIND.
1031
00:53:21,798 --> 00:53:25,633
AND WHEN YOU'RE CASTING AGAIN,
WHICH DAVID DOES VERY WELL,
1032
00:53:25,635 --> 00:53:28,469
YOU THINK,
"OH, WOULDN'T IT BE WONDERFUL
TO HAVE, YOU KNOW,
1033
00:53:28,471 --> 00:53:31,138
GORDEN KAYE, VICKI MICHELLE?
WHO ELSE?" WHATEVER.
1034
00:53:31,140 --> 00:53:33,140
AS LONG AS YOU'VE
GOT THE VEHICLE.
1035
00:53:33,142 --> 00:53:35,310
Narrator:
SO WHAT CROFT
AND LLOYD NEEDED
1036
00:53:35,312 --> 00:53:38,313
WAS A SHOW THAT USED
THE COMPONENTS OF THEIR
PREVIOUS SUCCESSES,
1037
00:53:38,315 --> 00:53:41,316
THE EXPERT TEAM PLAYING
OF "DAD'S ARMY,"
1038
00:53:41,318 --> 00:53:43,818
THE NONSTOP PACE OF
"ROWAN AND MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN,"
1039
00:53:43,820 --> 00:53:46,321
AND THE IN-YOUR-FACE
DOUBLE ENTENDRE
1040
00:53:46,323 --> 00:53:48,489
FROM "ARE YOU BEING SERVED?"
IN OTHER WORDS,
1041
00:53:48,491 --> 00:53:50,991
THE ESSENTIAL INGREDIENTS
OF CLASSIC FARCE.
1042
00:53:50,993 --> 00:53:55,162
SURELY A DODDLE FROM
THE MIND THAT GAVE US
MRS. SLOCOMBE'S PUSSY.
1043
00:53:55,164 --> 00:53:57,164
I STARTED WRITING
THE THING WITH DAVID,
1044
00:53:57,166 --> 00:53:59,166
WHICH WASN'T GOING
THAT WELL
1045
00:53:59,168 --> 00:54:01,001
FOR EITHER OF US, REALLY.
1046
00:54:01,003 --> 00:54:02,604
SORT OF
"UPSTAIRS, DOWNSTAIRS."
1047
00:54:02,606 --> 00:54:04,071
WE WERE BUSY
ON THE DOWNSTAIRS BIT
1048
00:54:04,073 --> 00:54:07,174
AND AFTER THREE DAYS
I REALLY WASN'T ENJOYING IT.
1049
00:54:07,176 --> 00:54:09,176
SO WE FINISHED FOR THE DAY.
1050
00:54:09,178 --> 00:54:12,847
BY MIDNIGHT
I FOUND MYSELF LYING UNDER
THE DINING ROOM TABLE--
1051
00:54:12,849 --> 00:54:15,350
A GOOD PLACE TO BE--
RUNNING THROUGH THE ALPHABET.
1052
00:54:15,352 --> 00:54:17,518
AND I GOT TO "R"
AND I THOUGHT,
1053
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:19,687
"YES.
OR MAYBE 'F.'
1054
00:54:19,689 --> 00:54:22,022
THE FRENCH RESISTANCE,
THAT'S GOOD.
1055
00:54:22,024 --> 00:54:24,859
WE CAN DO SOMETHING ON THAT."
AND PHONED HIM UP.
1056
00:54:24,861 --> 00:54:26,861
AND IT WAS SORT OF,
DEFINITELY MIDNIGHT OR AFTER.
1057
00:54:26,863 --> 00:54:28,529
HE WAS IN BED,
I THINK HE WAS ASLEEP.
1058
00:54:28,531 --> 00:54:30,531
HE WOKE UP AND SAID, "WHAT DO
YOU WANT? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
1059
00:54:30,533 --> 00:54:33,200
CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA,
SAID, "WHY DON'T WE SORT
OF TAKE
1060
00:54:33,202 --> 00:54:35,803
THE PISS OUT OF
AN ARMY-TYPE SHOW?"
1061
00:54:35,805 --> 00:54:39,474
SO IT WAS SORT OF
A "DAD'S ARMY" GROUP OF GERMANS
1062
00:54:39,476 --> 00:54:42,143
IN A LITTLE PART
OF FRANCE
1063
00:54:42,145 --> 00:54:44,312
WHERE NOTHING WAS HAPPENING.
1064
00:54:44,314 --> 00:54:47,348
AND THAT'S HOW
IT STARTED.
1065
00:54:47,350 --> 00:54:49,183
Narrator:
SO THEY HAD A SUBJECT,
1066
00:54:49,185 --> 00:54:51,185
A SETTING, THE TITLE
"'ALLO 'ALLO!"
1067
00:54:51,187 --> 00:54:54,522
AND A SCRIPT WHICH THEY SENT
TO THEIR CHOSEN LEADING MAN
GORDEN KAYE
1068
00:54:54,524 --> 00:54:57,057
WHO GOT HOLD OF THE WRONG END
OF "ZE STICK."
1069
00:54:57,059 --> 00:55:00,127
"'ALLO 'ALLO!'
PLAYING RENE?
1070
00:55:00,129 --> 00:55:02,196
IS THIS ABOUT
THE BACKSTAGE ANGST
1071
00:55:02,198 --> 00:55:04,732
OF A FEMALE IMPERSONATOR?"
1072
00:55:04,734 --> 00:55:07,568
I THINK EVEN FOR DAVID...
( inhales )
1073
00:55:07,570 --> 00:55:09,003
OOH, NO.
1074
00:55:09,005 --> 00:55:10,672
( theme music playing )
1075
00:55:10,674 --> 00:55:13,675
Narrator:
WELL, FEMALE IMPERSONATORS
DID COME INTO IT.
1076
00:55:13,677 --> 00:55:16,678
BUT WHEN THE SERIES OF
"'ALLO 'ALLO!" STARTED
IN 1984,
1077
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:19,847
RENE ARTOIS RAN A CAFE,
THE HUB OF LIFE
1078
00:55:19,849 --> 00:55:23,651
IN THE QUIET VILLAGE OF NOUVION
DURING THE GERMAN OCCUPATION.
1079
00:55:25,854 --> 00:55:28,856
I THINK THE STAGING ROOM
FOR ANY TELEVISION SHOW
1080
00:55:28,858 --> 00:55:31,659
HAS TO-- HAS TO BE
A CENTRAL FOCUS
1081
00:55:31,661 --> 00:55:33,761
OF WHERE THE THING
IS ALL TAKING PART.
1082
00:55:33,763 --> 00:55:36,263
Narrator:
LIKE RICK'S IN "CASABLANCA,"
1083
00:55:36,265 --> 00:55:38,599
CAFE RENE IS A MAGNET
FOR ALL.
1084
00:55:38,601 --> 00:55:40,935
IT IS I, LeCLERC.
1085
00:55:40,937 --> 00:55:42,837
WELL, WELL.
1086
00:55:42,839 --> 00:55:44,672
Narrator:
A SOCIAL WHIRLPOOL
1087
00:55:44,674 --> 00:55:47,675
WHERE CUSTOMERS ATE,
DRANK, OGLED THE WAITRESSES
1088
00:55:47,677 --> 00:55:50,010
AND WERE ENTERTAINED BY
RENE'S WIFE EDITH.
1089
00:55:50,012 --> 00:55:52,913
( sings off-key )
1090
00:55:52,915 --> 00:55:54,849
( glass shatters )
1091
00:55:54,851 --> 00:55:58,152
Narrator:
HARASSED BY HIS BED RIDDEN
MOTHER-IN-LAW UPSTAIRS...
1092
00:55:58,154 --> 00:56:01,589
- AHHH!
- SHUT UP, YOU SILLY OLD BAT!
1093
00:56:01,591 --> 00:56:05,393
Narrator: ...DOWNSTAIRS,
RENE PRESIDES OVER CHAOTIC
SCENES OF ESPIONAGE...
1094
00:56:05,395 --> 00:56:07,061
SOMEONE IS COMING!
1095
00:56:07,063 --> 00:56:09,230
I WILL RECEDE DOWN
THE BACK PASSAGE.
1096
00:56:09,232 --> 00:56:11,399
- ...TREACHERY...
- IF I WANT TO SHOOT YOU,
1097
00:56:11,401 --> 00:56:13,901
I ONLY HAVE TO
SAY THE WORD.
1098
00:56:13,903 --> 00:56:15,970
- "FIRE."
- ...AND ADULTERY.
1099
00:56:15,972 --> 00:56:19,674
PROMISE ME THAT NOTHING
WILL EVER COME BETWEEN US.
1100
00:56:19,676 --> 00:56:22,477
I AM DOING MY BEST.
1101
00:56:22,479 --> 00:56:24,812
YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOMEWHERE
WHERE PEOPLE CAN GATHER
1102
00:56:24,814 --> 00:56:26,481
AND PLOT AND PLAN.
1103
00:56:26,483 --> 00:56:29,751
YES, ABSOLUTELY.
PLOTTING AND PLANNING
IS ALWAYS GOOD IN SHOWS.
1104
00:56:29,753 --> 00:56:32,086
Narrator:
MOST OF THE PLOTTING
AND PLANNING
1105
00:56:32,088 --> 00:56:34,088
REVOLVED AROUND
THE PRICELESS PAINTING
1106
00:56:34,090 --> 00:56:36,090
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES.
1107
00:56:36,092 --> 00:56:38,760
IT WAS STOLEN FROM HITLER
BY TWO GERMAN OFFICERS,
1108
00:56:38,762 --> 00:56:41,763
COLONEL VON STROHM
AND CAPTAIN HANS GEERING,
1109
00:56:41,765 --> 00:56:44,832
WHO DECIDED ON RENE'S CAFE
AS A HIDING PLACE.
1110
00:56:44,834 --> 00:56:47,167
HOWEVER, I AM PREPARED
TO OVERLOOK THIS,
1111
00:56:47,169 --> 00:56:49,837
IF YOU WILL AGREE TO HIDE
A FEW LITTLE ARTICLES
1112
00:56:49,839 --> 00:56:51,873
AND A WORTHLESS PICTURE
FROM THE CHATEAU.
1113
00:56:51,875 --> 00:56:55,676
AH, IS IT THE RECLINING MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES?
1114
00:56:55,678 --> 00:56:58,780
Narrator:
RICHARD MARNER'S COLONEL
WAS MADLY ASSISTED
1115
00:56:58,782 --> 00:57:02,016
IN THESE SHENANIGANS
BY SAM KELLY'S CHARACTER,
HANS GEERING.
1116
00:57:02,018 --> 00:57:03,751
KEEP STILL, HANS.
1117
00:57:03,753 --> 00:57:06,253
TREES DON'T WIGGLE
UP AND DOWN.
1118
00:57:06,255 --> 00:57:08,088
I'M SORRY, COLONEL.
1119
00:57:08,090 --> 00:57:10,425
I AM HAVING A PROBLEM
WITH A SQUIRREL.
1120
00:57:10,427 --> 00:57:12,326
I THINK HE'S LOOKING
FOR SOME NUTS.
1121
00:57:14,296 --> 00:57:18,132
HE WOULD DRESS UP AND HE WOULD
BECOME SOMEBODY ELSE
1122
00:57:18,134 --> 00:57:20,802
AND PLAY THE--
PLAY A SILLY ASS
1123
00:57:20,804 --> 00:57:22,470
AND ALL THAT SORT OF THING.
1124
00:57:22,472 --> 00:57:25,172
AND HE GOT HIMSELF INTO
EXTRAORDINARY SITUATIONS.
1125
00:57:25,174 --> 00:57:28,175
Narrator:
CROFT AND LLOYD'S GERMAN
OCCUPYING FORCE
1126
00:57:28,177 --> 00:57:31,178
BECAME THE TV WORLD'S
MOST INCOMPETENT NAZIS.
1127
00:57:31,180 --> 00:57:35,817
AND ONCE, GEERING EVEN TRIED
TO ASSASSINATE HIS OWN GENERAL.
1128
00:57:35,819 --> 00:57:39,921
OH MY GOD, THE GATEAU
FROM THE CHATEAU.
1129
00:57:39,923 --> 00:57:41,556
WHAT ABOUT THE GATEAU
FROM THE CHATEAU?
1130
00:57:41,558 --> 00:57:43,223
IT CONTAINS A BOMB!
1131
00:57:43,225 --> 00:57:45,760
A BOMB IN THE GATEAU
FROM THE CHATEAU?
1132
00:57:45,762 --> 00:57:47,762
IT IS TO BLOW UP
THE GENERAL.
1133
00:57:47,764 --> 00:57:49,764
RENE, YOU DO NOT NEED TO
KILL THE GENERAL.
1134
00:57:49,766 --> 00:57:52,433
WE HAVE ALREADY ARRANGED
TO KILL THE GENERAL.
1135
00:57:52,435 --> 00:57:54,602
AH, DO YOU NOT SEE
1136
00:57:54,604 --> 00:57:56,437
THAT IF WE KILL HIM
WITH THE PILL FROM THE TILL
1137
00:57:56,439 --> 00:57:58,606
BY MAKING WITH IT
THE DRUG IN THE JUG,
1138
00:57:58,608 --> 00:58:03,578
YOU NEED NOT LIGHT
THE CANDLE WITH THE HANDLE OF
THE GATEAU FROM THE CHATEAU?
1139
00:58:03,580 --> 00:58:07,247
Narrator:
SAM KELLY HAD WORKED WITH
GORDEN KAYE SOME YEARS BEFORE
1140
00:58:07,249 --> 00:58:09,249
ON STAGE IN THE PLAY
"BLACK COMEDY."
1141
00:58:09,251 --> 00:58:11,085
AND NOW
GORDEN RECOMMENDED HIM
1142
00:58:11,087 --> 00:58:13,253
AS A RECRUIT TO
THE "'ALLO 'ALLO!" GANG.
1143
00:58:13,255 --> 00:58:15,590
SAM HAD DONE TIME
AT SLADE PRISON,
1144
00:58:15,592 --> 00:58:18,926
APPEARING AS BUNNY
ALONGSIDE RONNIE BARKER
AND RICHARD BECKINSALE
1145
00:58:18,928 --> 00:58:20,427
IN "PORRIDGE"
1146
00:58:20,429 --> 00:58:23,598
BEFORE SWAPPING HIS PRISON
BLUES FOR NAZI REGALIA
1147
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:25,032
AND BECOMING HANS GEERING,
1148
00:58:25,034 --> 00:58:27,134
THE CAPTAIN WITH
THE MISTIMED SALUTE.
1149
00:58:27,136 --> 00:58:28,903
- HEIL HITLER.
- 'TLER!
1150
00:58:28,905 --> 00:58:31,405
HE WOULD SAY, "HEIL HITLER"
AND HANS WOULD SAY--
1151
00:58:31,407 --> 00:58:34,909
AND LISTEN TO THIS BECAUSE
DON'T WRITE TO ME ANYMORE--
1152
00:58:34,911 --> 00:58:37,745
HALF THE WORD "HITLER."
1153
00:58:37,747 --> 00:58:41,081
"'TLER." THAT'S ALL IT WAS--
T-L-E-R.
1154
00:58:41,083 --> 00:58:43,751
BECAUSE HE COULDN'T BE
BOTHERED SAYING THE REST.
1155
00:58:43,753 --> 00:58:46,086
DIDN'T LIKE HIM
MUCH ANYWAY, YOU KNOW.
1156
00:58:46,088 --> 00:58:47,755
SO IT WAS "'TLER."
1157
00:58:47,757 --> 00:58:49,924
AND BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO CLOSE
YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU SAID IT,
1158
00:58:49,926 --> 00:58:52,927
LOOKS LIKE YOU SAID "B" OR "P."
SO IT BECAME "CLOP."
1159
00:58:52,929 --> 00:58:55,696
"CLUB."
1160
00:58:55,698 --> 00:58:57,765
BARRY TOOK ON
"POINTS OF VIEW,"
1161
00:58:57,767 --> 00:59:00,267
SAID IT WAS "CLUB"
AND IT WAS GERMAN FOR "DITTO."
1162
00:59:00,269 --> 00:59:01,802
HE MADE IT UP.
1163
00:59:01,804 --> 00:59:03,470
Narrator:
HARD ON THE TRAIL
1164
00:59:03,472 --> 00:59:05,973
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH
THE CONSIDERABLE CLEAVAGE
1165
00:59:05,975 --> 00:59:08,409
WAS THE MAN WHO GAVE
THE GESTAPO A BAD NAME--
1166
00:59:08,411 --> 00:59:11,045
- HERR OTTO FLICK.
- HEIL HITLER.
1167
00:59:11,047 --> 00:59:12,547
- HEIL HITLER.
- 'TLER.
1168
00:59:12,549 --> 00:59:14,415
MY ORDERS ARE
DIRECTLY FROM BERLIN.
1169
00:59:14,417 --> 00:59:17,418
Narrator:
THE GODSON OF HIMMLER
AND A VISION IN LEATHER,
1170
00:59:17,420 --> 00:59:21,088
FLICK WAS SENT TO
NOUVION AS HE WAS A MASTER
OF DISGUISE...
1171
00:59:21,090 --> 00:59:23,223
ARREST HIM!
1172
00:59:24,726 --> 00:59:26,561
...A STICKLER FOR DETAIL...
1173
00:59:26,563 --> 00:59:30,031
STOP. YOUR RIGHT STOCKING
IS ALSO CROOKED.
1174
00:59:30,033 --> 00:59:31,599
YES, HERR FLICK.
1175
00:59:31,601 --> 00:59:33,568
ATTEND TO IT.
1176
00:59:35,470 --> 00:59:39,306
...AND INSTILLED FEAR
INTO THE HEART OF
THE LOCAL PEASANTRY.
1177
00:59:39,308 --> 00:59:41,408
HEIL HITLER!
1178
00:59:41,410 --> 00:59:43,377
( all blow raspberries )
1179
00:59:43,379 --> 00:59:45,746
HERR FLICK,
THE GESTAPO OFFICER,
1180
00:59:45,748 --> 00:59:47,381
WAS A PIECE
OF INSPIRED CASTING
1181
00:59:47,383 --> 00:59:49,383
BECAUSE HE WAS SO DIFFERENT
FROM ANYONE
1182
00:59:49,385 --> 00:59:51,886
WHO HAD EVER PLAYED
THAT SORT OF PART BEFORE.
1183
00:59:51,888 --> 00:59:54,555
UP TO THAT POINT
IN HIS CAREER
1184
00:59:54,557 --> 00:59:56,724
HE'D BEEN PLAYING CHILDREN,
ACTUALLY.
1185
00:59:56,726 --> 00:59:59,393
SO HE HAD A MARVELOUS,
YOUNG, INNOCENT FACE,
1186
00:59:59,395 --> 01:00:02,296
AS OPPOSED TO
THE SCAR DOWN THE CHEEK.
1187
01:00:02,298 --> 01:00:04,632
Narrator:
RICHARD GIBSON'S INNOCENT FACE
1188
01:00:04,634 --> 01:00:07,301
WAS FIRST SEEN IN 1970
IN THE MOVIE "THE GO BETWEEN,"
1189
01:00:07,303 --> 01:00:08,970
STARRING JULIE CHRISTIE.
1190
01:00:08,972 --> 01:00:11,138
HE WAS STILL LOOKING
YOUNG ENOUGH AT 23
1191
01:00:11,140 --> 01:00:13,641
TO APPEAR ALONGSIDE DAVID
CROFT'S DAUGHTER REBECCA
1192
01:00:13,643 --> 01:00:15,977
IN "CHILDREN OF
THE NEW FOREST."
1193
01:00:15,979 --> 01:00:18,646
BUT FOR HERR FLICK,
OUT WENT THE TUNIC
1194
01:00:18,648 --> 01:00:23,250
AND IN CAME THE LEATHER
COAT AND THE PRONOUNCED
CHARACTER LIMP.
1195
01:00:23,252 --> 01:00:27,088
GIVEN THE CHANCE, I WOULD
HAVE HAD EYE PATCHES,
1196
01:00:27,090 --> 01:00:29,256
FALSE LIMBS,
MECHANICAL BITS.
1197
01:00:29,258 --> 01:00:32,093
OH NO, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
ABLE TO SEE ME.
1198
01:00:32,095 --> 01:00:34,828
I'D HAVE BEEN BURIED AMONGST
BITS OF EQUIPMENT.
1199
01:00:34,830 --> 01:00:37,098
Narrator:
BESIDES PREVENTING HERR FLICK
FROM DISCOVERING
1200
01:00:37,100 --> 01:00:39,767
THE WHEREABOUTS OF
THE PAINTING OF THE AMPLY
ENDOWED VIRGIN,
1201
01:00:39,769 --> 01:00:43,604
RENE ALSO HAD HIS HANDS
FULL DEALING WITH MICHELLE
FROM THE RESISTANCE
1202
01:00:43,606 --> 01:00:46,607
AND HER UNEXPECTED
ENTRANCES.
1203
01:00:46,609 --> 01:00:49,443
NOW LISTEN
VERY CAREFULLY,
1204
01:00:49,445 --> 01:00:51,445
I SHALL SAY THIS
ONLY ONCE.
1205
01:00:51,447 --> 01:00:55,282
MICHELLE WAS WHAT I WOULD THINK
IS REALLY THE STRAIGHT GUY--
1206
01:00:55,284 --> 01:00:57,952
STRAIGHT GIRL OF IT--
BECAUSE I WAS
1207
01:00:57,954 --> 01:01:01,288
ALWAYS TERRIBLY SERIOUS
ABOUT AND COMMITTED ABOUT
WHAT I WAS DOING.
1208
01:01:01,290 --> 01:01:03,357
LET US COME
TO THE CRUNCH.
1209
01:01:03,359 --> 01:01:04,859
THE CRUNCH?
1210
01:01:04,861 --> 01:01:06,694
THE NITTY-GRITTY.
1211
01:01:06,696 --> 01:01:10,031
ARE YOU A COLLABORATOR
OR ARE YOU WITH
THE RESISTANCE?
1212
01:01:10,033 --> 01:01:11,866
IS THAT THING LOADED?
1213
01:01:11,868 --> 01:01:14,769
I AM DESPERATE.
I HAVE ONE UP THE SPOUT.
1214
01:01:14,771 --> 01:01:17,604
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST
JOLLY FUNNY.
1215
01:01:17,606 --> 01:01:19,674
THEY ALL WORE THE THE SAME
THING LIKE A UNIFORM.
1216
01:01:19,676 --> 01:01:22,209
I MEAN, ANY BRIGHT GESTAPO
OFFICER COULD SAY,
1217
01:01:22,211 --> 01:01:24,611
"YOU'RE DRESSED LIKE THAT,
YOU'RE ARRESTED." YOU KNOW?
1218
01:01:24,613 --> 01:01:28,949
BUT IT WAS PART OF THE BIZARRE
NATURE OF THE PROGRAM.
1219
01:01:28,951 --> 01:01:31,618
Cooke:
IF YOU WANTED TO
BE A RESISTANCE GIRL
1220
01:01:31,620 --> 01:01:33,988
YOU HAD TO WEAR THE BERET
AND THE MAC AND SOCKS.
1221
01:01:33,990 --> 01:01:36,490
Narrator:
MICHELLE'S MISSION WAS TO
PERSUADE RENE
1222
01:01:36,492 --> 01:01:38,826
TO HELP TWO SHOT-DOWN
BRITISH AIRMEN,
1223
01:01:38,828 --> 01:01:40,828
GET THE BLITHERING IDIOTS
OUT OF DANGER
1224
01:01:40,830 --> 01:01:42,663
AND BACK TO BLIGHTY.
1225
01:01:42,665 --> 01:01:45,166
I THINK I'VE CRACKED IT.
1226
01:01:45,168 --> 01:01:48,169
WE'RE RIDING ON
THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD.
1227
01:01:48,171 --> 01:01:50,171
IT WAS FAIRLY CLEAR TO ME
THAT THE CHARACTER
1228
01:01:50,173 --> 01:01:52,673
WOULD HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA
WHAT WAS GOING ON AT ALL
1229
01:01:52,675 --> 01:01:54,175
ALL THE WAY THROUGH.
1230
01:01:54,177 --> 01:01:57,511
AND SO REALLY,
IT WAS A SORT OF
1231
01:01:57,513 --> 01:01:59,847
FACIAL EXPRESSION,
WHICH WAS A SORT OF--
1232
01:01:59,849 --> 01:02:02,116
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
"WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?"
1233
01:02:02,118 --> 01:02:04,451
ARE YOU EXPECTING US,
BY ANY CHANCE?
1234
01:02:04,453 --> 01:02:06,453
WHAT DOES HE SAY?
1235
01:02:06,455 --> 01:02:08,756
I DON'T KNOW,
I DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH.
1236
01:02:08,758 --> 01:02:10,758
NEITHER DO I.
1237
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:13,260
WE WISH TO TALK...
1238
01:02:13,262 --> 01:02:15,763
Kaye:
THE WORRY FOR US--
1239
01:02:15,765 --> 01:02:18,099
AND FOR ME
AND MYSELF AND VICKI--
1240
01:02:18,101 --> 01:02:20,768
BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN
THE BRITISH AIRMEN ARRIVE--
1241
01:02:20,770 --> 01:02:23,303
IS, WILL THE AUDIENCE TWIG
1242
01:02:23,305 --> 01:02:26,974
THAT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND US
AND WE DON'T UNDERSTAND THEM?
1243
01:02:26,976 --> 01:02:29,476
I HAVE IT.
THEY ARE THE AIRMEN.
1244
01:02:29,478 --> 01:02:30,978
YOU...
1245
01:02:30,980 --> 01:02:33,647
ARE TWO DAYS
TOO SOON.
1246
01:02:33,649 --> 01:02:35,149
TOO SOON, EH?
1247
01:02:35,151 --> 01:02:36,650
WHAT'S HE GOING ON ABOUT?
1248
01:02:36,652 --> 01:02:39,319
I THINK HE WANTS YOUR WATCH
BEFORE HE LETS US IN.
1249
01:02:39,321 --> 01:02:41,989
IT WORKED.
I MEAN, IT WORKED.
1250
01:02:41,991 --> 01:02:44,825
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND--
EVEN THOUGH
1251
01:02:44,827 --> 01:02:46,827
OUR CAST IS SPEAKING
IN ENGLISH,
1252
01:02:46,829 --> 01:02:49,830
THE ENGLISH AIRMEN DO NOT
UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY'RE SAYING.
1253
01:02:49,832 --> 01:02:52,633
AND THAT'S PART
OF THE FUN, I THINK.
1254
01:02:52,635 --> 01:02:55,302
AH, MICHELLE!
1255
01:02:55,304 --> 01:02:57,972
THESE TWO IDIOTS ARE HERE
TWO DAYS TOO SOON.
1256
01:02:57,974 --> 01:02:59,974
WHAT AM I GOING
TO DO WITH THEM?
1257
01:02:59,976 --> 01:03:02,309
- YOU MUST HIDE THEM.
- I CAN'T HIDE THEM!
1258
01:03:02,311 --> 01:03:04,478
I HAVE HAD NO TIME
TO ORGANIZE THINGS.
1259
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:06,580
I HAVE NOT YET
PREPARED THE CELLAR.
1260
01:03:06,582 --> 01:03:09,250
GO AND FIND US A TABLE
WHERE WE WILL BE ALONE.
1261
01:03:09,252 --> 01:03:13,254
I HAVE A LITTLE ENGLISH.
I WILL EXPLAIN.
1262
01:03:13,256 --> 01:03:15,756
OKAY, CHAPS,
FOLLOW THE BOSS.
1263
01:03:15,758 --> 01:03:18,392
THANK GOD,
SHE SPEAKS ENGLISH!
1264
01:03:18,394 --> 01:03:22,396
AND IT WAS SUCH A WONDERFULLY
COMIC TOOL TO USE,
1265
01:03:22,398 --> 01:03:25,565
BECAUSE EVERYBODY
COULD UNDERSTAND WHAT
EVERYBODY WAS SAYING,
1266
01:03:25,567 --> 01:03:27,734
BUT YOU HAD THIS WONDERFUL
SITUATION WHERE
1267
01:03:27,736 --> 01:03:29,937
THE PEOPLE
IN THE SCENE COULDN'T.
1268
01:03:29,939 --> 01:03:33,274
Narrator:
WITH THE CONFUSION OVER
LANGUAGE SORTED OUT
1269
01:03:33,276 --> 01:03:35,609
TO COMICAL EFFECT,
"'ALLO 'ALLO!" WAS FREE
1270
01:03:35,611 --> 01:03:37,778
TO ESTABLISH ITSELF AS
A FAMILY FAVORITE
1271
01:03:37,780 --> 01:03:39,613
FOR BRITISH TV AUDIENCES,
1272
01:03:39,615 --> 01:03:41,615
THOUGH THERE WERE STILL
PEOPLE OUT THERE
1273
01:03:41,617 --> 01:03:44,118
WHO DIDN'T SEE
THE FUNNY SIDE OF LIFE
UNDER GERMAN OCCUPATION.
1274
01:03:44,120 --> 01:03:46,720
B.R. THOMAS OF LONDON'S
SOUTHEAST 12 FEELS THAT...
1275
01:03:49,124 --> 01:03:50,590
MR. THOMAS ALSO SAYS...
1276
01:03:55,897 --> 01:03:59,399
INITIALLY, AFTER
THE FIRST SERIES, THERE WAS
A BIT OF A REACTION.
1277
01:03:59,401 --> 01:04:01,735
I THINK IT WAS BECAUSE PEOPLE
WEREN'T SURE
1278
01:04:01,737 --> 01:04:03,904
WHETHER THEY COULD
LAUGH ABOUT THE WAR.
1279
01:04:03,906 --> 01:04:07,241
I THINK WE REALIZED
THAT IT WAS A CONTROVERSIAL
SORT OF THING TO DO.
1280
01:04:07,243 --> 01:04:09,409
AND FOR THAT REASON
1281
01:04:09,411 --> 01:04:13,580
I TOOK A TAPE OF
THE PILOT TO SOME PEOPLE
I KNEW IN THE S.A.S.
1282
01:04:13,582 --> 01:04:16,250
IN CHELSEA BARRACKS.
1283
01:04:16,252 --> 01:04:18,252
I LEFT IT WITH THEM
AND SAID,
1284
01:04:18,254 --> 01:04:20,254
YOU KNOW,
"WHAT DO YOU THINK?"
1285
01:04:20,256 --> 01:04:22,589
AND THEY DID SORT OF INQUIRE
AROUND AND SHOW IT ABOUT,
1286
01:04:22,591 --> 01:04:24,892
AND THEY THOUGHT
IT WAS VERY FUNNY.
1287
01:04:24,894 --> 01:04:27,061
I THINK "'ALLO 'ALLO!"
AT THE TIME
1288
01:04:27,063 --> 01:04:29,897
SORT OF BROKE DOWN SOME OF
THE BARRIERS ON TELEVISION
1289
01:04:29,899 --> 01:04:33,067
AS TO WHAT YOU COULD--
THAT YOU COULD ACTUALLY
1290
01:04:33,069 --> 01:04:37,738
MAKE FUN OF A PREVIOUS
ENEMY, I WOULD SAY, BASICALLY.
1291
01:04:37,740 --> 01:04:40,407
AND IN A WAY, QUITE A LOT
OF GERMANS HAVE SAID,
1292
01:04:40,409 --> 01:04:43,744
"WE ACTUALLY RATHER
APPRECIATE THE FACT
1293
01:04:43,746 --> 01:04:47,081
THAT WE'RE BEING ALLOWED
TO BE PART OF THE JOKE,
1294
01:04:47,083 --> 01:04:50,985
THAT WE CAN
LAUGH TOGETHER AT THIS."
1295
01:04:50,987 --> 01:04:53,320
Narrator:
DESPITE "'ALLO 'ALLO!"'S
CRITICS,
1296
01:04:53,322 --> 01:04:55,322
A SECOND SERIES
WAS COMMISSIONED.
1297
01:04:55,324 --> 01:04:57,191
VIEWERS WANTED MORE OF
THE MOTHER-IN-LAW
1298
01:04:57,193 --> 01:04:58,959
FREAKING OUT
EVERY TIME LONDON CALLED.
1299
01:04:58,961 --> 01:05:00,928
- ( beeping )
- AHHH!
1300
01:05:00,930 --> 01:05:05,632
I'M GOING MAD!
I AM SEEING FLASHING KNOBS.
1301
01:05:05,634 --> 01:05:08,302
THEY LOVED IT WHENEVER
THE AIRMEN POPPED UP.
1302
01:05:08,304 --> 01:05:09,736
Both:
HELLO.
1303
01:05:11,639 --> 01:05:14,308
THEY GOT CONFUSED WHEN
RENE WAS SHOT.
1304
01:05:14,310 --> 01:05:17,811
AND EVERYONE WAS DESPERATE
TO KNOW WHAT HAD HAPPENED
TO THE PAINTING.
1305
01:05:17,813 --> 01:05:21,215
WHAT IS WRITTEN ON THAT
LABEL IN THE CORNER?
1306
01:05:21,217 --> 01:05:23,650
I DON'T KNOW.
IT IS IN ENGLISH.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
1307
01:05:23,652 --> 01:05:26,653
I SPEAK A LITTLE ENGLISH.
I WILL TRY TO TRANSLATE FOR YOU.
1308
01:05:26,655 --> 01:05:27,988
OH.
1309
01:05:27,990 --> 01:05:30,991
"PLEASE NOTE,
THIS IS THE...
1310
01:05:30,993 --> 01:05:32,659
FORGERY."
1311
01:05:32,661 --> 01:05:34,661
Narrator:
BUT IF RENE HAD BEEN SHOT,
1312
01:05:34,663 --> 01:05:36,663
HOW COULD HE STILL BE
HOLDING THE PAINTING?
1313
01:05:36,665 --> 01:05:38,832
AND WHO HAD THE ORIGINAL?
TO ANSWER ALL THIS
1314
01:05:38,834 --> 01:05:41,335
A "PREVIOUSLY ON ''ALLO
'ALLO!'" WAS INTRODUCED
1315
01:05:41,337 --> 01:05:44,338
NARRATED BY RENE.
OR WAS IT?
1316
01:05:44,340 --> 01:05:46,506
WELCOME TO MY CAFE.
1317
01:05:46,508 --> 01:05:50,344
I AM HAPPY TO TELL YOU THAT
LIFE HERE IS BACK TO NORMAL.
1318
01:05:50,346 --> 01:05:53,513
THE TWO ENGLISH AIRMEN
WHO WERE HIDING HERE
1319
01:05:53,515 --> 01:05:55,849
HAVE BEEN TAKEN AWAY
BY THE RESISTANCE
1320
01:05:55,851 --> 01:05:58,352
AND ARE BEING HIDDEN IN
A NEARBY NUNNERY.
1321
01:05:58,354 --> 01:06:02,689
THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN
MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN KLOMP,
1322
01:06:02,691 --> 01:06:05,025
WHICH I WAS HIDING
IN MY CELLAR,
1323
01:06:05,027 --> 01:06:08,362
IS NOW IN THE POSSESSION
OF HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO.
1324
01:06:08,364 --> 01:06:12,032
I HAVE BEEN SHOT DEAD
1325
01:06:12,034 --> 01:06:15,702
AND I AM NOW POSING
AS MY OWN TWIN BROTHER.
1326
01:06:15,704 --> 01:06:18,205
Lloyd:
THE SHOW WAS LIKE
A CONTINUOUS STORY.
1327
01:06:18,207 --> 01:06:21,041
SO IT WAS SO COMPLICATED
THAT WE USED TO SIMPL--
1328
01:06:21,043 --> 01:06:23,210
TRY AND SIMPLIFY IT
IN THAT SPEECH
1329
01:06:23,212 --> 01:06:26,380
SO THE AUDIENCE WOULD KNOW
WHAT HAD HAPPENED
1330
01:06:26,382 --> 01:06:28,915
AND TO LOOK FORWARD TO
WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.
1331
01:06:28,917 --> 01:06:31,585
Narrator:
TO CONTINUE THE STORY
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
1332
01:06:31,587 --> 01:06:33,587
AND HER GENEROUS BOSOM,
1333
01:06:33,589 --> 01:06:36,423
CROFT AND LLOYD DECIDED
TO COMPLICATE MATTERS
NEXT TIME AROUND
1334
01:06:36,425 --> 01:06:40,094
BY HIDING FORGERIES OF
THE PAINTING INSIDE SAUSAGES.
1335
01:06:40,096 --> 01:06:42,929
NOW AS I UNDERSTAND IT,
1336
01:06:42,931 --> 01:06:46,100
THIS IS THE ONE
CONTAINING THE REAL PAINTING
1337
01:06:46,102 --> 01:06:48,768
BECAUSE IT HAS ON IT
A LITTLE SWASTIKA, EH?
1338
01:06:48,770 --> 01:06:52,106
NOW ONE OF THESE
I COOK
1339
01:06:52,108 --> 01:06:54,608
AND THE OTHER ONE
CONTAINS THE FORGED PAINTING,
1340
01:06:54,610 --> 01:06:56,943
WHICH YOU ARE GOING TO
SEND TO HITLER, CORRECT?
1341
01:06:56,945 --> 01:06:59,013
VERY NEARLY, YES.
1342
01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:02,849
WE WERE DOMINATED BY
SAUSAGES, BASICALLY.
1343
01:07:02,851 --> 01:07:07,488
UM, AND IT WAS
A VERY GOOD WAY OF
TRANSPORTING THE PAINTING.
1344
01:07:07,490 --> 01:07:09,990
I DID START TO
LOSE THE PLOT A LITTLE BIT,
1345
01:07:09,992 --> 01:07:12,159
SOMETIMES, WHERE-- BECAUSE
YOU'RE DOING THE NEXT WEEK
1346
01:07:12,161 --> 01:07:14,328
AND YOU GO, "WHERE IS
THE FALLEN MADONNA THIS WEEK?
1347
01:07:14,330 --> 01:07:15,996
WHERE DID WE HIDE IT
LAST WEEK?"
1348
01:07:15,998 --> 01:07:18,999
WELL, THE PLOTS ACTUALLY WERE
VERY LOGICAL AND QUITE SIMPLE
1349
01:07:19,001 --> 01:07:21,835
AND STRAIGHTFORWARD.
THEY'RE NOT NEARLY AS
COMPLICATED AS YOU THINK.
1350
01:07:21,837 --> 01:07:23,837
IT'S BASICALLY
THERE'S A SAUSAGE,
1351
01:07:23,839 --> 01:07:27,441
WHICH HAS THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES IN IT,
WHICH IS THEN FORGED.
1352
01:07:27,443 --> 01:07:29,976
AND IS THAT THE ACTUAL
PAINTING OR WAS THAT THE COPY
OF THE PAINTING?
1353
01:07:29,978 --> 01:07:31,811
IT'S THEN FORGED AGAIN.
1354
01:07:31,813 --> 01:07:34,648
AND THE FORGERY ENDS UP IN
THE HANDS OF THE COLONEL
AND THE CAPTAIN.
1355
01:07:34,650 --> 01:07:36,716
HERR FLICK HAS ONE WHICH IS
HANGING UP IN HIS WARDROBE.
1356
01:07:36,718 --> 01:07:39,553
HOW MANY COPIES WERE MADE
AND WHICH IS THE ORIGINAL?
1357
01:07:39,555 --> 01:07:42,489
AND WE WOULD BE SORT OF STUCK.
"WHO'S DOING WHAT?"
1358
01:07:42,491 --> 01:07:44,824
BUT I MEAN, AS LONG AS
YOU KEEP YOUR EYE ON WHICH
ONE IS THE REAL ONE,
1359
01:07:44,826 --> 01:07:46,026
IT'S NOT COMPLICATED
AT ALL.
1360
01:07:46,028 --> 01:07:47,794
I USED TO HAVE TO
RING UP MY SECRETARY
1361
01:07:47,796 --> 01:07:50,830
AND SAY, "WHERE THE HELL
DID WE LEAVE THE SAUSAGES
AND WHAT WAS IN THEM?"
1362
01:07:50,832 --> 01:07:53,167
Narrator:
IF KEEPING ABREAST OF
THE FALLEN MADONNA,
1363
01:07:53,169 --> 01:07:55,835
THE SAUSAGES AND THEIR
WHEREABOUTS WASN'T BAD ENOUGH,
1364
01:07:55,837 --> 01:07:58,338
CROFT AND LLOYD DECIDED
TO ADD A WHOLE NEW DIMENSION
1365
01:07:58,340 --> 01:07:59,773
TO THE PLAY ON LANGUAGES...
1366
01:07:59,775 --> 01:08:02,443
THEY HAVE SENT HIM BECAUSE
HE SPEAKS FRENCH.
1367
01:08:02,445 --> 01:08:03,710
All:
AH!
1368
01:08:03,712 --> 01:08:05,946
( French accent )
'ALLO, EVERYBODY.
1369
01:08:05,948 --> 01:08:09,450
TO HEAR OUR OWN TONGUE!
1370
01:08:09,452 --> 01:08:11,452
...BY INTRODUCING
AN ENGLISHMAN
1371
01:08:11,454 --> 01:08:14,154
WHO BROUGHT A WHOLE NEW MEANING
TO THE WORD BILINGUAL.
1372
01:08:14,156 --> 01:08:17,958
I HAVE DIGEESED
AS POLUCEMAN,
1373
01:08:17,960 --> 01:08:21,628
SO I AM OBER
TO MOVE ABOOT
1374
01:08:21,630 --> 01:08:23,964
WITH COMPLATE FRODOM.
1375
01:08:23,966 --> 01:08:26,300
AND IT WAS DAVID'S IDEA
TO HAVE THE POLICEMAN
1376
01:08:26,302 --> 01:08:29,603
WHO SPOKE BAD--
THE BAD FRENCH.
1377
01:08:29,605 --> 01:08:32,339
OH! OH!
1378
01:08:33,641 --> 01:08:36,276
I WAS PISSING
BY THE DOOR...
1379
01:08:41,516 --> 01:08:44,351
WHEN I HEARD
TWO SHOTS.
1380
01:08:44,353 --> 01:08:46,853
HIS CHARACTER, OF COURSE,
WAS BASED ON TED HEATH,
1381
01:08:46,855 --> 01:08:50,690
WHO SPOKE FRENCH AND HE HAD
A VERY GOOD VOCABULARY,
1382
01:08:50,692 --> 01:08:53,226
BUT NO ATTEMPT
AT THE FRENCH ACCENT.
1383
01:08:53,228 --> 01:08:56,063
( speaking French )
1384
01:08:56,065 --> 01:09:00,834
( Bostrom speaking French )
1385
01:09:00,836 --> 01:09:04,838
--WITH THAT FRIGHTFULLY
SOUTHERN ENGLAND VOICE.
1386
01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:07,007
YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
ALL THE WORDS WERE THERE
1387
01:09:07,009 --> 01:09:08,675
BUT JUST NO ATTEMPT
AT ACCENT.
1388
01:09:08,677 --> 01:09:10,677
SO WE ACTUALLY STARTED
OFF THAT WAY.
1389
01:09:10,679 --> 01:09:12,412
I THINK DAVID LIKED THAT
AS AN IDEA.
1390
01:09:12,414 --> 01:09:15,082
Narrator:
THE OTHER IDEA THAT BOTH
DAVID AND JEREMY LIKED
1391
01:09:15,084 --> 01:09:17,584
WAS THAT YOU COULDN'T REALLY
HAVE A FARCE SET IN FRANCE
1392
01:09:17,586 --> 01:09:20,420
WITHOUT SEX.
LOTS OF IT.
1393
01:09:20,422 --> 01:09:22,222
YVETTE, MY LITTLE TIGER!
1394
01:09:22,224 --> 01:09:25,692
OH, RENE.
MY BIG CUDDLY BEAR!
1395
01:09:25,694 --> 01:09:27,694
MY LITTLE CHICKEN.
1396
01:09:27,696 --> 01:09:29,863
OH, HOLD ME!
1397
01:09:29,865 --> 01:09:31,865
KISS ME!
1398
01:09:31,867 --> 01:09:33,533
- OH!
- RENE!
1399
01:09:33,535 --> 01:09:36,569
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH
YOUR ARMS AROUND THAT GIRL?
1400
01:09:36,571 --> 01:09:39,072
YOU STUPID WOMAN!
1401
01:09:39,074 --> 01:09:42,909
CAN YOU NOT
SEE SHE IS SUFFERING
FROM CLAUSTROPHOBIA?
1402
01:09:42,911 --> 01:09:44,244
( gasps )
1403
01:09:44,246 --> 01:09:46,079
YOU MAKE UP A RENE
1404
01:09:46,081 --> 01:09:48,581
WHO'S NOT THAT ATTRACTIVE
WITH A SLIGHTLY WONKY EYE
1405
01:09:48,583 --> 01:09:50,083
THAT GIRLS ARE MAD ABOUT.
1406
01:09:50,085 --> 01:09:52,119
GORDEN WAS
AN UNLIKELY SEX SYMBOL.
1407
01:09:52,121 --> 01:09:54,621
CRUSH MY LIPS
WITH YOUR LIPS.
1408
01:09:54,623 --> 01:09:59,259
DO ALL THOSE THINGS
YOU DO THAT DRIVE ME CRAZY
WITH RAGING DESIRE.
1409
01:09:59,261 --> 01:10:01,928
MARIA, WE ARE ONLY
IN THE BROOM CUPBOARD.
1410
01:10:01,930 --> 01:10:03,096
OH, RENE!
1411
01:10:03,098 --> 01:10:05,265
I THINK GORDEN
WOULD SAY HIMSELF
1412
01:10:05,267 --> 01:10:08,935
HE'S NOT AN OIL PAINTING.
BUT THE WAY HE WAS PORTRAYED
1413
01:10:08,937 --> 01:10:11,271
AND THE WAY ALL THE GIRLS
FANCIED HIM,
1414
01:10:11,273 --> 01:10:14,107
I THINK IT BROUGHT THAT
ANY NORMAL MAN IN THE STREET
1415
01:10:14,109 --> 01:10:17,477
THOUGHT, "GOD, IF HE CAN DO IT,
I'VE GOT A CHANCE WITH WOMEN."
1416
01:10:17,479 --> 01:10:21,481
Narrator:
IT WASN'T JUST THE LADIES
WHO WENT WONKY-EYED OVER RENE.
1417
01:10:21,483 --> 01:10:23,216
♪ MAD ABOUT THE BOY ♪
1418
01:10:26,921 --> 01:10:31,258
♪ I KNOW IT'S STUPID,
BUT I'M MAD ABOUT THE BOY. ♪
1419
01:10:31,260 --> 01:10:33,593
Narrator:
TANK COMMANDER
LIEUTENANT GRUBER
1420
01:10:33,595 --> 01:10:35,762
DIDN'T FIND THE WAR
MUCH TO HIS TASTE,
1421
01:10:35,764 --> 01:10:39,099
BUT DID, HOWEVER,
FANCY THE APRON OF RENE.
1422
01:10:39,101 --> 01:10:41,268
WE WEREN'T SURE IF HE
WAS HOMOSEXUAL OR NOT.
1423
01:10:41,270 --> 01:10:44,271
OBVIOUSLY WAS.
1424
01:10:44,273 --> 01:10:47,441
BUT HE HANDLED THAT
SUBTLY AND BEAUTIFULLY.
1425
01:10:47,443 --> 01:10:49,209
RENE, 'TIS YOU!
1426
01:10:49,211 --> 01:10:51,878
PLEASE, LIEUTENANT,
DO NOT GIVE ME AWAY.
1427
01:10:51,880 --> 01:10:54,381
DON'T WORRY, YOUR SECRET
IS SAFE WITH ME.
1428
01:10:54,383 --> 01:10:56,516
NO NO,
YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
1429
01:10:56,518 --> 01:10:58,885
YES, I DO!
1430
01:10:58,887 --> 01:11:02,021
HE DIDN'T WANT CAMP.
HE DIDN'T WANT...
1431
01:11:04,525 --> 01:11:06,693
SORT OF
OUTRAGEOUSLY GAY
1432
01:11:06,695 --> 01:11:09,028
OR, YOU KNOW,
SCREAMING QUEEN.
1433
01:11:09,030 --> 01:11:11,531
THAT WASN'T WHAT IT--
WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.
1434
01:11:11,533 --> 01:11:15,034
Narrator:
WHILE RENE WAS BUSY KEEPING
GRUBER AT ARM'S LENGTH
1435
01:11:15,036 --> 01:11:17,370
AFTER SEDUCING
HIS WAITRESSES HIMSELF,
1436
01:11:17,372 --> 01:11:19,539
HE WAS ALSO MORE THAN WILLING
TO HIRE THEM OUT
1437
01:11:19,541 --> 01:11:21,541
IN RETURN FOR
BLACK-MARKET GOODS.
1438
01:11:21,543 --> 01:11:25,545
WE HAVE FOR YOU, RENE,
12 LITERS OF PARAFFIN,
1439
01:11:25,547 --> 01:11:28,047
FOUR KILOS
OF SUGAR
1440
01:11:28,049 --> 01:11:30,383
AND ONE KILO...
1441
01:11:30,385 --> 01:11:32,719
- OF BUTTER.
- THANK YOU, COLONEL.
1442
01:11:32,721 --> 01:11:35,822
WELL, THAT SHOULD
COVER THE FLYING HELMET
AND THE WET CELERY.
1443
01:11:37,024 --> 01:11:40,527
WELL, THEY WERE HOOKERS,
THE PAIR OF THEM, YES.
1444
01:11:40,529 --> 01:11:41,961
( chuckles )
1445
01:11:41,963 --> 01:11:43,630
SO IT WAS A LITTLE
BIT RISQUE,
1446
01:11:43,632 --> 01:11:45,965
BUT I THINK IT WAS LEFT UP
TO THE PEOPLE'S IMAGINATIONS.
1447
01:11:45,967 --> 01:11:49,136
Narrator:
BUT WHEN THE COLONEL'S
HOT SECRETARY HELGA
1448
01:11:49,138 --> 01:11:51,304
GOT TOGETHER
WITH HERR FLICK,
1449
01:11:51,306 --> 01:11:54,141
NOT MUCH WAS LEFT TO
THE IMAGINATION AT ALL.
1450
01:11:54,143 --> 01:11:57,144
HERR FLICK, I HOPE
YOU DO NOT DISAPPROVE
1451
01:11:57,146 --> 01:11:59,045
OF MY CHOICE OF UNDERGARMENTS.
1452
01:11:59,047 --> 01:12:01,381
NOT AT ALL.
1453
01:12:01,383 --> 01:12:05,185
SUCH THINGS ARE VERY POPULAR
IN BERLIN THESE DAYS.
1454
01:12:09,557 --> 01:12:13,059
THE BUSKS AND THE UNDERWEAR
BECAME SUCH A TREAT.
1455
01:12:13,061 --> 01:12:14,727
YOU KNOW,
BEFORE WE STARTED FILMING
1456
01:12:14,729 --> 01:12:17,063
I'D GO DOWN FOR A MEETING
WITH THE WARDROBE MISTRESS
1457
01:12:17,065 --> 01:12:20,400
AND SHE'D SAY,
"WE THOUGHT WE'D DO ONE WITH
LEOPARD SKIN DOWN THE FRONT.
1458
01:12:20,402 --> 01:12:23,803
AND MAYBE WE'LL HAVE SOME
RHINESTONES AND SOME TASSELS."
1459
01:12:23,805 --> 01:12:25,272
BEND OVER.
1460
01:12:26,774 --> 01:12:30,109
IT IS MORE EFFECTIVE
IF YOU GRIP IT FIRMLY
1461
01:12:30,111 --> 01:12:33,046
WITH BOTH HANDS.
1462
01:12:33,048 --> 01:12:35,382
NOW PULL!
1463
01:12:35,384 --> 01:12:37,317
THRUST!
PULL!
1464
01:12:37,319 --> 01:12:39,052
THRUST!
1465
01:12:39,054 --> 01:12:42,055
Hartman:
I THINK SHE IMAGINED SHE WAS
A BIT LIKE MARLENE DIETRICH
1466
01:12:42,057 --> 01:12:46,159
AND LAUREN BACALL
AND PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
1467
01:12:46,161 --> 01:12:49,329
AND SHE'D WORKED OUT,
I'M SURE, THAT SHE WAS GOING
TO WORK HER WAY UP
1468
01:12:49,331 --> 01:12:51,498
TO HITLER,
I WOULD IMAGINE,
1469
01:12:51,500 --> 01:12:55,202
DEPOSE EVA BRAUN
AND TAKE OVER.
1470
01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:57,704
THRUST THRUST THRUST!
1471
01:12:57,706 --> 01:13:00,373
YOU'RE NEARLY THERE!
PULL, THRUST, PULL, THRUST!
1472
01:13:00,375 --> 01:13:03,843
- I CANNOT KEEP IT UP
MUCH LONGER!
- YOU MUST! YOU MUST!
1473
01:13:03,845 --> 01:13:06,513
YOU GET THE IMPRESSION
SHE DOESN'T REALLY LIKE
HERR FLICK THAT MUCH.
1474
01:13:06,515 --> 01:13:10,016
BUT THERE'S SOMETHING
KINKY THAT GOES ON AS WELL.
1475
01:13:10,018 --> 01:13:11,984
- STOP! STOP!
- AH!
1476
01:13:16,591 --> 01:13:18,258
WAS THAT ALL RIGHT?
1477
01:13:18,260 --> 01:13:21,494
FOR ME,
EXCELLENT.
1478
01:13:21,496 --> 01:13:22,995
( laughs )
1479
01:13:22,997 --> 01:13:25,498
YES, WE WEREN'T SURE WE
COULD GET AWAY WITH THAT ONE.
1480
01:13:25,500 --> 01:13:27,834
BUT THE WAY IT WAS DONE,
1481
01:13:27,836 --> 01:13:30,937
IT WAS ACCEPTABLE,
YOU KNOW? JUST.
1482
01:13:30,939 --> 01:13:32,772
Narrator:
BY THE END OF
SERIES THREE,
1483
01:13:32,774 --> 01:13:34,941
CROFT AND LLOYD HAD
MIXED INTO THE PLOT
1484
01:13:34,943 --> 01:13:37,611
THAT STANDBY OF WARTIME DRAMA--
THE ESCAPE TUNNEL.
1485
01:13:37,613 --> 01:13:39,279
THERE, ARE YOU SATISFIED?
1486
01:13:39,281 --> 01:13:41,781
Narrator:
THIS BEING SITCOM,
IT RESULTED IN THE WHOLE CAST,
1487
01:13:41,783 --> 01:13:43,617
INCLUDING VON STROHM
AND HANS,
1488
01:13:43,619 --> 01:13:46,085
SURFACING IN
A BRITISH P.O.W. CAMP.
1489
01:13:48,856 --> 01:13:51,558
♪ HITLER HAS
ONLY GOT ONE-- ♪
1490
01:13:51,560 --> 01:13:53,926
SILENCE!
1491
01:13:55,696 --> 01:13:58,030
Narrator:
HITLER MAY HAVE
ONLY HAD THE ONE,
1492
01:13:58,032 --> 01:14:00,032
BUT THE DICTATOR ON
THE "'ALLO 'ALLO!" SET,
1493
01:14:00,034 --> 01:14:02,034
DAVID CROFT,
HAD BALLS ENOUGH FOR ALL,
1494
01:14:02,036 --> 01:14:05,538
NOT ONLY WRITING, BUT PRODUCING
AND DIRECTING THE SHOW.
1495
01:14:05,540 --> 01:14:08,040
HE WOULD STAND
IN HIS SHIRTSLEEVES
1496
01:14:08,042 --> 01:14:10,042
WITH HIS ARMS LIKE THIS.
1497
01:14:10,044 --> 01:14:14,547
AND HE WOULD DO THE--
WHAT WE CAME TO REGARD
1498
01:14:14,549 --> 01:14:16,716
AS THE "MUTTLY LAUGH."
HE WOULD GO...
1499
01:14:16,718 --> 01:14:18,718
- ( wheezy chuckling )
- ( wheezy chuckling )
1500
01:14:18,720 --> 01:14:20,720
IN WHICH CASE,
YOU KNEW IT WAS IN.
1501
01:14:20,722 --> 01:14:22,389
OR HE'D GO...
1502
01:14:22,391 --> 01:14:24,391
NO.
( laughs )
1503
01:14:24,393 --> 01:14:27,059
AND AGAIN,
IT WAS JUST MARVELOUS
1504
01:14:27,061 --> 01:14:30,062
BECAUSE HE WOULD--
YOU WERE SORT OF SQUISHED.
1505
01:14:30,064 --> 01:14:32,732
SOMEBODY SAID,
"YOU KNOW, I THINK I SHOULD
TRY IT THIS WAY."
1506
01:14:32,734 --> 01:14:35,902
AND HE SAID, "NOPE."
HIS CLASSIC, "NOPE."
1507
01:14:35,904 --> 01:14:38,738
AND HE SAID, "NO NO,
I REALLY THINK--
1508
01:14:38,740 --> 01:14:41,240
I REALLY THINK, UM,
IT WOULD BE BETTER IF
I DID IT THIS WAY."
1509
01:14:41,242 --> 01:14:42,575
"NOPE."
1510
01:14:42,577 --> 01:14:44,911
AND DAVID SAID,
"DO IT THAT WAY."
1511
01:14:44,913 --> 01:14:48,581
AND EVENTUALLY THE GUY SAID,
"CAN I JUST TRY IT ONCE?"
1512
01:14:48,583 --> 01:14:50,249
"ALL RIGHT, TRY IT."
1513
01:14:50,251 --> 01:14:53,085
SO HE TRIED IT.
AND THEN HE DID IT DAVID'S WAY
1514
01:14:53,087 --> 01:14:56,088
AND SAID, "ACTUALLY, DAVID,
I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT."
1515
01:14:56,090 --> 01:14:58,591
AND HE SAID, "I KNOW I'M RIGHT.
AND I'VE GOT TWO HOUSES
1516
01:14:58,593 --> 01:15:00,960
AND A SWIMMING POOL
AND A ROLLS-ROYCE TO PROVE IT."
1517
01:15:00,962 --> 01:15:03,463
Narrator:
AWARE OF THE COMMERCIAL
POSSIBILITIES
1518
01:15:03,465 --> 01:15:05,632
OF "'ALLO 'ALLO!"
DAVID AND JEREMY DECIDED
1519
01:15:05,634 --> 01:15:08,802
TO MAKE A THEATRICAL FARCE
OUT OF LIFE AT CAFE RENE
1520
01:15:08,804 --> 01:15:11,971
AND "'ALLO 'ALLO!" BEGAN
A STAGE TOUR IN 1986.
1521
01:15:11,973 --> 01:15:14,974
THE SHOW BROKE BOX-OFFICE
RECORDS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY
1522
01:15:14,976 --> 01:15:19,546
AND MEANT THE CAST
SPENT EVEN MORE TIME IN
EACH OTHERS' POCKETS.
1523
01:15:19,548 --> 01:15:22,649
IT WAS ALMOST LIKE A PERMANENT
FULL-TIME RELATIONSHIP.
1524
01:15:22,651 --> 01:15:25,318
THERE WAS NOBODY IN
"'ALLO 'ALLO!" THAT I THOUGHT,
1525
01:15:25,320 --> 01:15:27,487
"OH NO,
A SCENE WITH-- HUH-UH,"
1526
01:15:27,489 --> 01:15:30,457
YOU KNOW,
THIS PARTICULAR PERSON.
NO. WE WERE A FAMILY.
1527
01:15:30,459 --> 01:15:32,359
GOODBYE, HANS.
1528
01:15:32,361 --> 01:15:34,561
Narrator:
BUT WHEN "'ALLO 'ALLO!"
RETURNED FOR SERIES FOUR
1529
01:15:34,563 --> 01:15:36,863
WITH THE CAST STILL IN
THE P.O.W. CAMP,
1530
01:15:36,865 --> 01:15:39,031
ONE MEMBER OF THE FAMILY,
SAM KELLY,
1531
01:15:39,033 --> 01:15:40,700
FELT HE SHOULD GET OUT
WHILE ON TOP.
1532
01:15:40,702 --> 01:15:42,402
AND HANS MADE
A QUICK EXIT.
1533
01:15:46,640 --> 01:15:49,642
ONE DOWN, 249 TO GO.
1534
01:15:49,644 --> 01:15:51,478
Kelly:
IT WAS QUITE EMOTIONAL,
ACTUALLY.
1535
01:15:51,480 --> 01:15:53,112
I WAS QUITE SAD TO GO.
1536
01:15:53,114 --> 01:15:58,117
I THINK AT THE TIME I WAS
A BIT SCARED OF BEING TYPECAST.
1537
01:15:58,119 --> 01:16:01,454
I REGRET IT NOW BECAUSE IT WENT
FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH
1538
01:16:01,456 --> 01:16:03,790
AND I'D LIKE TO HAVE STAYED
AND DONE SOME MORE.
1539
01:16:03,792 --> 01:16:05,291
I SORT OF REGRET IT.
1540
01:16:05,293 --> 01:16:07,326
I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN.
1541
01:16:07,328 --> 01:16:09,629
I HAD A VAGUE NOTION
1542
01:16:09,631 --> 01:16:13,633
THAT I MIGHT SUDDENLY
GET A HUGELY HIGH-PAID
TV COMMERCIAL.
1543
01:16:13,635 --> 01:16:15,968
YOU KNOW?
AND THEN I REALIZED,
OF COURSE, THAT NOBODY
1544
01:16:15,970 --> 01:16:18,405
WANTS NAZIS ADVERTISING
THEIR PRODUCTS.
1545
01:16:18,407 --> 01:16:20,740
Narrator:
SAM APPEARED WITH
DENNIS WATERMAN
1546
01:16:20,742 --> 01:16:22,909
IN "ON THE UP" IN 1990.
1547
01:16:22,911 --> 01:16:25,912
THEN THE THIRD REICH
BECKONED AGAIN IN 1993,
1548
01:16:25,914 --> 01:16:28,748
OFFERING SAM THE TOP JOB--
HITLER HIMSELF
1549
01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:30,750
IN DAVID NOBBS'
"STALAG LUFT"
1550
01:16:30,752 --> 01:16:33,887
COSTARRING STIFF UPPER LIP
STEPHEN FRY.
1551
01:16:35,989 --> 01:16:38,291
( speaking German )
1552
01:16:58,679 --> 01:17:01,514
AWAY FROM THE BUNKER
AND BACK AT THE COMEDY CAFE,
1553
01:17:01,516 --> 01:17:04,016
DAVID CROFT AND JEREMY LLOYD
MUST HAVE HAD VISIONS
1554
01:17:04,018 --> 01:17:06,986
OF "'ALLO 'ALLO!"
LASTING FOR 1,000 YEARS.
1555
01:17:11,058 --> 01:17:14,561
THEIR BASIC FORMULA
OF SILLINESS, SUSPENDERS
AND SAUSAGES
1556
01:17:14,563 --> 01:17:17,396
BECAME A RUNAWAY SUCCESS.
30 MILLION VIEWERS
1557
01:17:17,398 --> 01:17:19,398
COULDN'T GET ENOUGH.
1558
01:17:19,400 --> 01:17:21,734
I AM WEEKING
IN A GINGER FASHION
1559
01:17:21,736 --> 01:17:26,706
BECAUSE MY POLUCEMAN'S
PINTS ARE FULL OF DYNAMOOT.
1560
01:17:28,676 --> 01:17:31,344
Narrator:
THE SHOW'S POPULARITY
WAS QUITE AWESOME
1561
01:17:31,346 --> 01:17:33,513
BOTH HERE AND ABROAD.
1562
01:17:33,515 --> 01:17:36,683
HALF THE HOUSEHOLDS
IN ENGLAND WERE WATCHING IT,
1563
01:17:36,685 --> 01:17:40,186
AND, AS MY MOTHER USED TO SAY,
EVERYBODY FROM THE DUCHESS
1564
01:17:40,188 --> 01:17:42,188
TO THE GARDENER'S DAUGHTER.
1565
01:17:42,190 --> 01:17:46,526
IT WENT RIGHT ACROSS CLASS,
IT WENT RIGHT ACROSS RACE.
1566
01:17:46,528 --> 01:17:50,864
IT PLAYED IN, WHAT,
SOMETHING LIKE 70 COUNTRIES?
1567
01:17:50,866 --> 01:17:54,501
IT WAS TRANSLATED INTO
UNTOLD LANGUAGES.
1568
01:17:54,503 --> 01:17:58,337
WHY IT BECAME BIG
IN SOMEWHERE LIKE...
1569
01:17:58,339 --> 01:18:00,807
BOTSWANA, I DON'T KNOW.
1570
01:18:02,442 --> 01:18:04,443
I HAVE NO ANSWER TO THAT.
1571
01:18:04,445 --> 01:18:07,780
I MEAN, I'VE SEEN MYSELF
DUBBED IN CHINESE AND--
1572
01:18:07,782 --> 01:18:09,849
WHICH IS VERY FUNNY,
REALLY.
1573
01:18:09,851 --> 01:18:11,851
IT JUST WORKED.
1574
01:18:11,853 --> 01:18:14,186
Narrator:
IT EVEN WORKED
IN FRANCE,
1575
01:18:14,188 --> 01:18:17,189
WHICH MEANT CRABTREE'S MANGLED
ENGLISH IN A FRENCH ACCENT
1576
01:18:17,191 --> 01:18:19,358
BECAME MANGLED FRENCH
IN AN ENGLISH ACCENT.
1577
01:18:19,360 --> 01:18:21,528
OR IS IT THE OTHER
WAY AROUND?
1578
01:18:21,530 --> 01:18:23,997
( speaking French
with English accent)
1579
01:18:28,201 --> 01:18:31,037
AND I REMEMBER THAT DAVID
AND JEREMY
1580
01:18:31,039 --> 01:18:34,007
SAID THEY'D TAKEN IT TO
SOME FESTIVAL
1581
01:18:34,009 --> 01:18:35,474
WHEN THEY
FIRST STARTED DOING IT
1582
01:18:35,476 --> 01:18:37,376
AND THE GERMANS
WENT TO SEE IT
1583
01:18:37,378 --> 01:18:39,679
AND THEY LAUGHED
THEIR SOCKS OFF.
1584
01:18:40,915 --> 01:18:43,249
THAT WAS VERY AMUSING.
1585
01:18:43,251 --> 01:18:46,519
( German accent )
"WE THINK IT IS VERY FUNNY,
BUT WE'LL NEVER SHOW IT."
1586
01:18:48,656 --> 01:18:51,290
THAT WAS NOT
SO AMUSING.
1587
01:18:53,160 --> 01:18:54,661
Narrator:
BY 1990,
1588
01:18:54,663 --> 01:18:56,829
"'ALLO 'ALLO!" SEEMED
UNSTOPPABLE.
1589
01:18:56,831 --> 01:18:58,998
BUT THEN,
DISASTER STRUCK.
1590
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:01,801
Male announcer:
"THE SIX O'CLOCK NEWS"
FROM THE BBC.
1591
01:19:03,270 --> 01:19:06,105
GORDEN KAYE, ONE OF THE STARS
OF "'ALLO 'ALLO!"
1592
01:19:06,107 --> 01:19:08,174
IS STILL CRITICALLY
ILL IN HOSPITAL.
1593
01:19:08,176 --> 01:19:11,010
HE WAS SITTING IN THE MIDDLE
OF A GALE IN HIS CAR,
1594
01:19:11,012 --> 01:19:13,680
THINKING HE'D BETTER NOT
GET OUT BECAUSE OF WINDS--
1595
01:19:13,682 --> 01:19:15,347
70 MILES AN HOUR--
1596
01:19:15,349 --> 01:19:18,117
AND A HOARDING BLEW OFF
THROUGH HIS WINDSCREEN
1597
01:19:18,119 --> 01:19:20,620
AND A GREAT BIG METAL
BOLT WENT THROUGH HIS HEAD.
1598
01:19:20,622 --> 01:19:22,622
IT WAS THE MOST
DREADFUL THING IN THE WORLD.
1599
01:19:22,624 --> 01:19:24,123
IT WAS VERY SERIOUS.
1600
01:19:24,125 --> 01:19:27,060
HE WAS AT DEATH'S DOOR
FOR A LONG LONG TIME.
1601
01:19:27,062 --> 01:19:29,395
THE NIGHT BEFORE
GORDEN HAD BEEN SITTING
1602
01:19:29,397 --> 01:19:31,564
IN MY DRESSING ROOM--
ON THE SOFA IN MY DRESSING ROOM
1603
01:19:31,566 --> 01:19:34,734
DRINKING A CUP OF COFFEE,
LAUGHING AND CHATTING.
1604
01:19:34,736 --> 01:19:38,237
AND THEN SUDDENLY
HE WAS IN INTENSIVE CARE
1605
01:19:38,239 --> 01:19:42,575
AND IT-- IT WAS JUST
SO SHOCKING.
1606
01:19:42,577 --> 01:19:46,079
Narrator:
BUT GORDEN MADE SUCH
A REMARKABLE RECOVERY
1607
01:19:46,081 --> 01:19:48,081
AND WAS BACK AT WORK
SO QUICKLY,
1608
01:19:48,083 --> 01:19:50,416
EVEN THE CAST
WAS SURPRISED.
1609
01:19:53,553 --> 01:19:55,387
LIEUTENANT GRUBER!
1610
01:19:55,389 --> 01:19:57,890
AH!
1611
01:19:57,892 --> 01:20:01,393
I WAS BACK IN LESS THAN
SIX MONTHS AFTER THE ACCIDENT,
1612
01:20:01,395 --> 01:20:04,063
WHICH COULD BE THOUGHT
TO HAVE BEEN TOO SOON.
1613
01:20:04,065 --> 01:20:06,733
BUT BECAUSE I LOVED
THE SHOW SO MUCH,
1614
01:20:06,735 --> 01:20:09,401
WHETHER IT BE STAGE OR
TELEVISION VERSION OF IT,
1615
01:20:09,403 --> 01:20:12,204
I WAS DETERMINED
TO HONOR MY CONTRACT.
1616
01:20:12,206 --> 01:20:15,207
PEOPLE WOULD STAND
AND GIVE HIM, YOU KNOW,
STANDING OVATIONS
1617
01:20:15,209 --> 01:20:17,977
AS HE WALKED IN THE ROOM.
AND HE WAS SORT OF CAST
AS A MIRACLE MAN.
1618
01:20:17,979 --> 01:20:21,480
IF GORDEN HAD NOT
COME THROUGH THAT EXPERIENCE,
1619
01:20:21,482 --> 01:20:24,416
I THINK THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN
THE END OF "'ALLO 'ALLO!"
1620
01:20:24,418 --> 01:20:27,720
HER BOOBIES
ARE NOT BIG ENOUGH.
1621
01:20:29,489 --> 01:20:32,125
THEY LOOK ALL RIGHT
TO ME.
1622
01:20:32,127 --> 01:20:35,128
Narrator:
EVEN THOUGH IT WAS NOT
THE END OF "'ALLO 'ALLO!"
1623
01:20:35,130 --> 01:20:38,798
FOR GORDEN, IN 1991
DAVID CROFT THOUGHT
HIS TIME HAD COME.
1624
01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:41,768
Croft:
I THOUGHT THE SHOW HAD
GONE ON LONG ENOUGH.
1625
01:20:41,770 --> 01:20:44,603
AND I HAD THE LUXURY OF SAYING
ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH,
1626
01:20:44,605 --> 01:20:46,939
AS FAR AS I WAS CONCERNED.
1627
01:20:46,941 --> 01:20:49,108
THE AUDIENCE STILL WANTED--
1628
01:20:49,110 --> 01:20:51,277
THE PUBLIC
STILL WANTED THE SHOW.
1629
01:20:51,279 --> 01:20:55,447
BUT I THINK WHEN YOU'VE
DONE 50 OR 60 EPISODES,
1630
01:20:55,449 --> 01:20:57,349
YOU'RE ON BORROWED TIME,
REALLY.
1631
01:20:57,351 --> 01:21:00,987
THERE CAME A POINT WHERE GAGS
WERE STARTING TO APPEAR AGAIN
1632
01:21:00,989 --> 01:21:03,489
IN, UM...
1633
01:21:03,491 --> 01:21:05,992
SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT FORM.
1634
01:21:05,994 --> 01:21:10,897
SO I THINK I BAILED OUT
AFTER THE BEST OF IT, I THINK.
1635
01:21:10,899 --> 01:21:13,733
Narrator:
DAVID RESUMED HIS OTHER
GREAT PARTNERSHIP
1636
01:21:13,735 --> 01:21:15,568
WHICH HAD PRODUCED
"DAD'S ARMY."
1637
01:21:15,570 --> 01:21:18,404
HE AND JIMMY PERRY ALSO
TURNED TO '70s TELEVISION
1638
01:21:18,406 --> 01:21:20,740
IN "YOU RANG, MY LORD?"
A SITCOM VERSION
1639
01:21:20,742 --> 01:21:22,575
OF "UPSTAIRS, DOWNSTAIRS."
1640
01:21:22,577 --> 01:21:25,411
IT STARRED MEMBERS
OF CROFT'S "HI-DE-HI!" TEAM,
1641
01:21:25,413 --> 01:21:29,082
WHO WERE ALSO PUT TO WORK
ON THE RAILWAY COMEDY
"OH, DR BEECHING!"
1642
01:21:29,084 --> 01:21:31,751
JEREMY LLOYD'S TERM OF DUTY
ON "'ALLO 'ALLO!"
1643
01:21:31,753 --> 01:21:34,087
CONTINUED WITH NEW WRITERS
FOR THREE MORE SERIES,
1644
01:21:34,089 --> 01:21:37,590
IN WHICH THE FARCE CARRIED ON
UNTIL THE END OF WORLD WAR II.
1645
01:21:38,926 --> 01:21:41,260
YOU'D LIKE TO WRITE
100 SHOWS.
1646
01:21:41,262 --> 01:21:44,097
AND YOU GET TO 92
AND YOU THINK,
1647
01:21:44,099 --> 01:21:47,433
"NO, I THINK I JUST
HAVE TO FINISH IT HERE."
1648
01:21:47,435 --> 01:21:51,104
SO I-- I WROTE
AN END SHOW THAT--
1649
01:21:51,106 --> 01:21:55,407
I WROTE THE END SO IT COULDN'T
BE CONTINUED.
1650
01:21:55,409 --> 01:21:58,745
Narrator:
SO IN DECEMBER, 1992,
1651
01:21:58,747 --> 01:22:01,748
JEREMY BROUGHT
TOGETHER RENE AND HIS
OLD SPARRING PARTNERS
1652
01:22:01,750 --> 01:22:03,883
FOR A FINAL ENCOUNTER.
1653
01:22:03,885 --> 01:22:07,019
I SEE THEY'VE ERECTED
A STATUE TO YOU, RENE.
1654
01:22:10,390 --> 01:22:12,524
WHAT IS THIS?
1655
01:22:14,027 --> 01:22:15,661
EH...
1656
01:22:20,033 --> 01:22:21,868
( gasps )
1657
01:22:21,870 --> 01:22:24,536
THE PAINTING OF
THE FALLEN MADONNA.
1658
01:22:24,538 --> 01:22:26,538
Narrator:
WITH THE POST-WAR DISCOVERY
1659
01:22:26,540 --> 01:22:28,875
OF THE ORIGINAL VAN KLOMP
FALLEN MADONNA,
1660
01:22:28,877 --> 01:22:31,377
"'ALLO 'ALLO!" CAME
TO A ROUSING CLIMAX.
1661
01:22:31,379 --> 01:22:34,213
CROFT AND LLOYD'S PARTNERSHIP,
HOWEVER, ROLLED ON
1662
01:22:34,215 --> 01:22:36,715
AND THEY PRODUCED TWO SERIES
OF "GRACE & FAVOUR,"
1663
01:22:36,717 --> 01:22:38,885
A SEQUEL TO
"ARE YOU BEING SERVED?"
1664
01:22:38,887 --> 01:22:41,888
BUT "'ALLO 'ALLO!" REMAINS
A FIRM FAVORITE TO THIS DAY,
1665
01:22:41,890 --> 01:22:43,790
AND NOT JUST
WITH THE VIEWERS.
1666
01:22:43,792 --> 01:22:46,325
FANTASTIC TO BE CAST
IN SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
1667
01:22:46,327 --> 01:22:49,495
CHANGED MY LIFE.
IT WAS FAB.
1668
01:22:49,497 --> 01:22:54,000
I THINK I'M PROUD TO BE PART
OF ONE OF THE GREATEST
1669
01:22:54,002 --> 01:22:57,336
SITCOMS AND ONE OF
THE GREATEST PARTNERSHIPS
1670
01:22:57,338 --> 01:23:00,339
THAT-- NOT ONLY
IN BRITISH TELEVISION,
1671
01:23:00,341 --> 01:23:03,209
BUT TELEVISION ALL OVER
THE WORLD HAS PRODUCED.
1672
01:23:03,211 --> 01:23:05,878
VERY LUCKY TO DO
WHAT YOU ENJOY DOING
1673
01:23:05,880 --> 01:23:07,880
THAT ENTERTAINS
A LOT OF PEOPLE.
1674
01:23:07,882 --> 01:23:09,882
IT WAS A VERY
PRIVILEGED POSITION.
1675
01:23:09,884 --> 01:23:11,884
I HAD MY OWN EMPIRE, VIRTUALLY.
I DID WHAT I WANTED
1676
01:23:11,886 --> 01:23:14,120
AND I WAS ALLOWED
TO DO IT AND I HAD JUST
ABOUT ENOUGH MONEY.
1677
01:23:14,122 --> 01:23:15,955
OH!
1678
01:23:15,957 --> 01:23:19,358
RENE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THAT SERVING GIRL?
1679
01:23:19,360 --> 01:23:22,161
YOU STUPID WOMAN!
1680
01:23:23,396 --> 01:23:27,033
CAN YOU NOT SEE
I AM ELOPING?
1681
01:23:29,937 --> 01:23:33,505
YOU HAVE BEEN WITCHING
CIMIDY CONNOCTIONS.
1682
01:23:33,507 --> 01:23:36,608
GOOD NIT AND THONKS
FOR PISSING BY.