1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:01,600 Rock 'n' roll! 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:09,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.SubtitleDB.org today 3 00:00:13,540 --> 00:00:16,350 Hello, is that the Rose & Crown? 4 00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:20,503 Yeah, I had a Little drink in your pub last night. 5 00:00:20,540 --> 00:00:22,702 I don't know if you remember me. 6 00:00:22,740 --> 00:00:25,710 I had the Scottish ten-pound note. 7 00:00:25,740 --> 00:00:28,346 Pointed out there is no "K" in Scampi... 8 00:00:29,340 --> 00:00:31,547 And one 9 00:00:32,540 --> 00:00:34,941 That's right, yeah. 10 00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:38,432 You know what it's like when you've had a few 11 00:00:38,444 --> 00:00:40,748 and accidentally leave the pub with something. 12 00:00:40,780 --> 00:00:43,306 Beer glass, ashtray... 13 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:45,342 Well, I've got your plough. 14 00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:46,791 Morning! 15 00:00:47,940 --> 00:00:49,305 Oh! 16 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,183 EMU Em 17 00:00:51,220 --> 00:00:53,905 Errol, mind that plough. 18 00:00:53,940 --> 00:00:55,863 Yeah, the big one off the ceiling. 19 00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:57,311 Sorry about that. 20 00:00:57,340 --> 00:01:00,628 You know what it's like, you've had a few, you start showing off. 21 00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:04,710 So, when do you want me to drop it around? 22 00:01:06,340 --> 00:01:08,502 There's no... There's no need for the... 23 00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:12,670 It's only a plough, you don't use it. Do you? 24 00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:14,111 All right! 25 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,905 All right, I'll drop it round this morning. 26 00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:19,510 Miserable twat! 27 00:01:19,540 --> 00:01:21,542 Talked to me like I was some kind of thief. 28 00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:23,070 You are! 29 00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:26,502 - I'm not! - You took his plough. 30 00:01:26,540 --> 00:01:27,985 I'd had a few drinks. 31 00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:29,453 So, it's all right if you've had a drink? 32 00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:30,910 Yes. 33 00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:33,910 So, if you took it sober, you'll be a thief. 34 00:01:33,940 --> 00:01:35,510 No, I'll be an idiot. 35 00:01:35,540 --> 00:01:37,508 Who needs a plough when they're sober? 36 00:01:37,540 --> 00:01:39,668 So why did you steal it? 37 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,304 I didn't steal it. 38 00:01:41,340 --> 00:01:43,104 U W” 39 00:01:43,140 --> 00:01:45,302 removed it from the pub. 40 00:01:45,340 --> 00:01:48,503 - Without his permission? - Yeah. 41 00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:51,908 So, why are you taking it back? 42 00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:54,341 What is the matter with you? 43 00:01:56,140 --> 00:02:00,987 Look, look, it's a plough, it was a laugh. 44 00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:03,591 So, if you haven't stolen it, why not throw it away? 45 00:02:04,140 --> 00:02:06,507 Because it's not mine. 46 00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:08,349 Whose is it then? 47 00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:11,509 All right, Errol, I'm a thief. 48 00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:14,510 I nick ploughs. There, I've said it. 49 00:02:14,540 --> 00:02:17,510 Thanks. I feel so much better. 50 00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:20,111 So boring, aren't you? 51 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,940 I bet you've never stolen anything, have you? 52 00:02:22,940 --> 00:02:24,704 - I have. - What? 53 00:02:24,740 --> 00:02:26,310 Mints. 54 00:02:26,340 --> 00:02:28,308 After a curry? 55 00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:30,069 Yeah. 56 00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:31,829 Boring. 57 00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:35,550 Come on, get your fat arse round the other end of this plough. 58 00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:40,302 Do you think he'll get violent? 59 00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:44,709 Who, George? No, I've nicked him loads of times. Good as gold. 60 00:02:44,740 --> 00:02:46,902 Good. 61 00:02:46,940 --> 00:02:49,068 Not really in the mood for it today. 62 00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:50,511 I know what you mean. 63 00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:53,066 I had a massive breakfast at the caff this morning. 64 00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:54,511 You get days like that as well? 65 00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:58,101 - Oh, yeah. - I thought it was just me. 66 00:02:58,140 --> 00:03:01,508 I had a fella swinging a baseball bat at my head last week. 67 00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:04,749 I said, "You carry on, mate, I'm going for a cup of tea." 68 00:03:05,540 --> 00:03:07,941 Days like this I wish we had guns. 69 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:13,102 Come on, George. I know you're in there. 70 00:03:13,140 --> 00:03:15,541 Just want to have a word with ya. 71 00:03:17,140 --> 00:03:19,029 Why wouldn't they let us go through the park? 72 00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:22,303 - Well, it was picking up a few divets. - Yeah. 73 00:03:22,340 --> 00:03:24,911 Which way did you come last night? 74 00:03:24,940 --> 00:03:27,511 The park was shut, dunno. 75 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,907 Get off and milk it! 76 00:03:29,940 --> 00:03:32,546 It's a plough, not a bike, idiot. 77 00:03:33,940 --> 00:03:35,988 Come on! 78 00:03:37,940 --> 00:03:41,308 You couldn't have taken it all the way around the Becket Centre. 79 00:03:41,340 --> 00:03:43,308 Maybe you went through the church yard. 80 00:03:43,340 --> 00:03:45,104 No, there's no way I'd do that. 81 00:03:45,140 --> 00:03:48,110 - Hey, your back wheel's going round! - It's a plough! 82 00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:51,303 Who do you think you are, Michael Schumacher? 83 00:03:51,340 --> 00:03:54,105 You could only say that if I'm driving a car. 84 00:03:54,140 --> 00:03:56,666 ♪ I got a brand-new combine ham/ester! 85 00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:58,111 It's a plough! 86 00:03:58,140 --> 00:03:59,904 Why don't you just ignore them? 87 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,102 I don't mind abuse as Long as it's accurate. 88 00:04:02,140 --> 00:04:05,030 What are you doing with that plough, you twat? 89 00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:06,471 Ignore him, Errol 90 00:04:09,940 --> 00:04:11,704 George! 91 00:04:11,740 --> 00:04:13,788 Come on, open the door. 92 00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:20,146 Mr Burton no here. 93 00:04:21,140 --> 00:04:24,303 Mr Burton no here. 94 00:04:24,340 --> 00:04:27,503 Don't be silly, Mr Burton, just open the door. 95 00:04:27,540 --> 00:04:29,907 Mr Burton no here. 96 00:04:29,940 --> 00:04:31,942 Mr Burton gone away. 97 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:34,950 Don't have me to go back to the station to get a warrant, George. 98 00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:37,870 Come on, open the door. 99 00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:41,347 Mr Burton no here. 100 00:04:41,380 --> 00:04:44,702 Mr Burton gone away, no here. 101 00:04:44,740 --> 00:04:46,902 George, this is serious. Come on, open the door. 102 00:04:46,940 --> 00:04:51,946 Mr Burton gone away. Mr Burton no here. 103 00:04:55,140 --> 00:04:57,063 Vince, have you read this? 104 00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:58,511 Mm}? 105 00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:02,067 Guess what happened in the church yard. 106 00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:03,511 Mm}? 107 00:05:03,540 --> 00:05:07,226 It says here last night the cemetery was desecrated. 108 00:05:07,260 --> 00:05:10,309 It's terrible. 109 00:05:10,340 --> 00:05:12,911 The vicar said, "I'm devastated. 110 00:05:12,940 --> 00:05:17,343 "It's as if a maniac has gone on the rampage with a plough." 111 00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:23,424 That's you. 112 00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:25,110 No! 113 00:05:25,140 --> 00:05:28,303 You had the plough and dragged it all the way home. 114 00:05:28,340 --> 00:05:30,991 No, no. No, cos... 115 00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:33,341 I never went through the church yard. 116 00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:37,749 It ls you. 117 00:05:38,740 --> 00:05:41,505 It must be one of those crazy coincidences you read about 118 00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:48,264 where two people on the same night in the same borough nick ploughs, 119 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:52,350 one of them goes through the church yard, ruins it... 120 00:05:52,380 --> 00:05:54,951 and the other one safely makes his way home. 121 00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:01,307 Mr Burton no here! 122 00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:06,870 Look, Mr Burton, we are on your side, but you're beginning to piss us off. 123 00:06:11,340 --> 00:06:13,308 I told you he's gone away. 124 00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,024 I'm watering his plants for him. 125 00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:16,471 And who are you? 126 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:19,709 I'm Eric. I live around the corner. 127 00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:21,344 Where is he? 128 00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:22,905 He's on holiday. 129 00:06:22,940 --> 00:06:25,910 And what was all that with the silly voices? 130 00:06:25,940 --> 00:06:28,102 Don't know, just felt like it. 131 00:06:28,140 --> 00:06:30,905 We could do you for wasting police time. 132 00:06:30,940 --> 00:06:33,750 - What, a minute and a half? - Hey! 133 00:06:34,340 --> 00:06:38,948 Now, you just tell him to report to the police station when he gets back, right? 134 00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:47,905 - They're gone now, Mr... - Right! 135 00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:51,308 Steady, lad! Shut up! 136 00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:53,707 I know, I know it looks like it's me. 137 00:06:53,740 --> 00:06:56,505 Of course it looks like it's me. Of course it does. 138 00:06:56,540 --> 00:06:58,907 But if this was an episode of Poirot, 139 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:02,308 he wouldn't even knock on my cabin door, hm? 140 00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:04,069 It's like that film, The Usual Suspects. 141 00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:08,389 Everyone thinks it's the Irish fella, turns out, it's the bloke with a limp. 142 00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:11,311 I've not... I've not seen that. 143 00:07:11,340 --> 00:07:13,820 There's no point, it's the fella with the limp. 144 00:07:15,340 --> 00:07:17,308 Sixth Sense, right? Bruce Willis. 145 00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:19,263 Look, Vince. I've... 146 00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:22,711 Ghost. 147 00:07:24,540 --> 00:07:26,065 Don't answer that, don't, don't. 148 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,909 Why? 149 00:07:28,940 --> 00:07:31,102 We're having a nice time, aren't we? 150 00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:33,905 Could be somebody important. 151 00:07:33,940 --> 00:07:38,901 Yeah, it could be... It could be, er, Jim Davidson. 152 00:07:38,940 --> 00:07:40,516 Oh, I don't want him coming around, do you? 153 00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:42,702 - Eurgh! - Yeah, eurgh! 154 00:07:42,740 --> 00:07:44,310 Or Hitler. 155 00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:46,741 I'll put the kettle on, you know, let's... 156 00:07:50,740 --> 00:07:53,311 And Mousetrap, don't bother with that, it's so obvious... 157 00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:54,751 Vince, I've got tickets. 158 00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:02,504 Mr Clark? 159 00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:04,781 Vince, it's for you. 160 00:08:04,820 --> 00:08:07,426 It's a vicar. 161 00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:10,310 - Angry! - I'm fine, I'm fine. 162 00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:12,502 - Angry! - You're very lucky there, lad. 163 00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:15,305 - Angry policeman! - Very lucky indeed. 164 00:08:15,340 --> 00:08:17,991 - Bad people. - Right! What... 165 00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:22,788 Hello! 166 00:08:24,340 --> 00:08:27,310 Oh, hello! 167 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,707 I'm from St Mary's. The name ls Jonathan. 168 00:08:29,740 --> 00:08:32,061 Your worshipful... 169 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:35,343 I had a phone call this morning from the Landlord of the Rose & Crown. 170 00:08:36,740 --> 00:08:39,630 - Never go in there. - From which you are barred. 171 00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:43,107 He told me of an incident involving you and a plough, 172 00:08:43,140 --> 00:08:45,302 and last night our graveyard was... 173 00:08:45,340 --> 00:08:47,104 disturbed. 174 00:08:47,140 --> 00:08:49,666 I was wondering if the two events were connected. 175 00:08:58,460 --> 00:08:59,905 Yes. 176 00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:03,581 I dug up your graveyard accidentally, I'm sorry. 177 00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:05,702 You Uar! 178 00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:07,424 He said it was a coincidence. 179 00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:08,871 I was drunk. 180 00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:10,311 I'm sorry, really sorry. 181 00:09:10,340 --> 00:09:15,107 He said if it was an episode of Poirot, they wouldn't knock on his cabin door. 182 00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:17,029 That was a twist. It was me. 183 00:09:18,540 --> 00:09:20,030 I feel really bad about this. 184 00:09:20,740 --> 00:09:22,788 I knew it was you. 185 00:09:22,820 --> 00:09:26,302 Cos he said it must have been someone else with another plough on the same night. 186 00:09:26,340 --> 00:09:28,104 - Is he your mate? - Lodger. 187 00:09:28,140 --> 00:09:29,983 Ah! 188 00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:33,502 You see, the park was shut, so I thought I nip through the cemetery, 189 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,668 because they're quite heavy, those ploughs. 190 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,668 Mm... If you'd nipped through, 191 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,111 there'd be a straight Line, 192 00:09:39,140 --> 00:09:41,711 but you, you went on a rampage. 193 00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:43,788 Mm, I dropped my keys- 194 00:09:43,820 --> 00:09:46,505 Yeah, so I had to go looking for them. 195 00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:47,985 You could've put the plough down. 196 00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:50,864 I was pissed... Drunk, drunk. I was drunk. 197 00:09:52,140 --> 00:09:54,507 I'm sorry, I feel really terrible about this. 198 00:09:54,540 --> 00:09:56,030 Unbelievable! 199 00:09:56,060 --> 00:09:58,222 How can you say you didn't do it when you did? 200 00:09:58,260 --> 00:09:59,671 These things do happen. 201 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,590 But Father, Lying's wrong. 202 00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:05,510 Well, didn't Jesus tell a few Lies? 203 00:10:05,540 --> 00:10:07,110 - No. - He did. 204 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,666 He betrayed our lord for 3O pieces of silver. 205 00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:11,907 - Dimwit. - That was Judas. 206 00:10:11,940 --> 00:10:13,590 - What did I say? - Jesus. 207 00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:15,511 I'm always doing that. 208 00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:18,669 For some people it's left and right. Me, them two. 209 00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:20,509 Jesus was the good one. 210 00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:25,751 I do know! What do you think that is? Scotch mist? Mmm! 211 00:10:27,140 --> 00:10:28,904 Sorry about him. 212 00:10:28,940 --> 00:10:32,149 Will you shut up? Stop being so boring, don't get involved. 213 00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:36,422 I'm sorry. I feel terrible about this. 214 00:10:36,460 --> 00:10:38,508 Maybe I could raise some money. 215 00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:41,350 - Do you need a new roof? - It's just been done. 216 00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:45,550 - Minibus? - Passed its MOT on Monday. 217 00:10:46,540 --> 00:10:48,941 - You got bells? - Yeah. 218 00:10:50,820 --> 00:10:52,902 I tell you what I'd like. 219 00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:54,988 Can I have... 220 00:10:57,780 --> 00:10:59,191 a nice cup of tea? 221 00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:03,103 Yeah! Yeah! 222 00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:05,746 And... a biscuit. 223 00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:09,905 You're gonna let him off with a cup of tea? 224 00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:11,704 Errol, shut up. 225 00:11:11,740 --> 00:11:14,311 You ploughed up his graveyard. 226 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,468 Well, didn't Jesus plough up a few? 227 00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:17,911 Oh, I've done it again. 228 00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:20,705 Jesus, Judas, Jesus, Judas. 229 00:11:20,740 --> 00:11:23,550 Hey, good job it's not a christening. 230 00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:33,788 So how was your day? 231 00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:37,631 Shite. 232 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,905 I don't normally watch Hollyoaks. 233 00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,908 - You Uar. - I love It. 234 00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:54,750 The thing I like about it, they're all so young. 235 00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:57,702 It's filmed in Chester. 236 00:11:57,740 --> 00:11:59,708 Everyone knows that. 237 00:11:59,740 --> 00:12:03,631 Well it's interesting to me because I'm from Saiford and it's not that far. 238 00:12:03,660 --> 00:12:05,070 Why mention it if it's only interesting to you? 239 00:12:05,082 --> 00:12:06,504 Yeah? 240 00:12:06,540 --> 00:12:08,702 Sometimes you just say things that come in to you head. 241 00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:10,469 I don't, do you? 242 00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:11,911 - No. - No. 243 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,756 Don't have a go at me. He's the one that nicked the plough. 244 00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:16,516 "He's the one that nicked the plough! He's the one that nicked the plough!" 245 00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:18,110 - Judas. - No! 246 00:12:18,140 --> 00:12:21,542 - Oh, yes, you're right. - Yes, he's Judas, yeah, yeah. 247 00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:26,267 Anyway, I better be getting on with things. 248 00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:27,711 Oh, are you very busy? 249 00:12:27,740 --> 00:12:28,946 Yeah. 250 00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:31,904 Thanks for being so understanding about the plough business. 251 00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:34,511 I thought I was in a bit of trouble there. 252 00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:37,908 Of course, it's not up to me. I just report to the bishop. 253 00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:40,910 He decides if any action is necessary. 254 00:12:43,540 --> 00:12:45,588 So it's not over then? 255 00:12:48,340 --> 00:12:50,707 I'll tell you what I fancy. 256 00:12:50,740 --> 00:12:52,708 - What? - A game of table tennis. 257 00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,827 - Do you play? - Yeah, I love table tennis. 258 00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,271 Not you, you're boring. 259 00:12:58,540 --> 00:13:01,111 So I'm under Waterloo Bridge, right, about half an hour, 260 00:13:01,140 --> 00:13:04,701 stock still, getting a bit bored, like that, right? 261 00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:08,301 This juggler comes up and he goes, "Oi, that's my patch." 262 00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:10,308 - I hate jugglers. - Everyone hates jugglers- 263 00:13:10,340 --> 00:13:12,069 And I said, "Your patch, piss off." 264 00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:15,468 - Then you hit him? - Yeah, I got him in a headlock. Bang! 265 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:18,310 I was banging his head on the windows of the NFT. 266 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:20,911 Bang! Bang! Like that, and then there was this big flash. 267 00:13:20,940 --> 00:13:23,102 And I thought, "Has he hit me back?" 268 00:13:23,140 --> 00:13:27,145 It turns out there are some tourist, American, taking pictures. 269 00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:30,104 And we stopped, put aside our differences, you know, street people. 270 00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:32,711 We said, "Come on, mate. This is our living. 271 00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:36,222 "If you wanna take a picture, you've got to pay, because this is unique. 272 00:13:36,260 --> 00:13:38,308 "I'm not supposed to be moving for a start, 273 00:13:38,340 --> 00:13:41,105 "you've got a juggler here, mohican, and tattoos allover him, 274 00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:42,904 "that's gotta be worth a tenner." 275 00:13:42,940 --> 00:13:45,705 So I gets his camera and I'm like that, throws it in the Thames, 276 00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:48,107 juggler comes up, kicks him up the arse. 277 00:13:48,140 --> 00:13:49,744 He was actually a pretty good bloke. 278 00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:52,302 Oh, er, hello again. 279 00:13:52,340 --> 00:13:55,105 I ordered something from your catalogue 280 00:13:55,140 --> 00:13:57,711 but I'd like to cancel it. 281 00:13:57,740 --> 00:14:00,141 Great, great, yeah. 282 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:05,106 I'd like to cancel the windbreak. 283 00:14:05,140 --> 00:14:08,701 Yeah, it's a bit boring, isn't it? Mm. 284 00:14:08,740 --> 00:14:11,903 And instead, I would like... 285 00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:14,750 the aluminous Snoopy phone. 286 00:14:16,340 --> 00:14:18,502 Co rd less? 287 00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:21,942 Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Let's go mad, yeah. 288 00:14:23,140 --> 00:14:26,110 Oh, and can I have the... 289 00:14:26,140 --> 00:14:29,940 bullet belt and the home piercing kit. 290 00:14:31,140 --> 00:14:33,905 460 a month. 291 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:36,181 Yeah, can we lose the belt? 292 00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:37,631 Yeah 440. 293 00:14:39,140 --> 00:14:40,869 Whoo! 294 00:14:40,900 --> 00:14:43,062 Game! 295 00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:44,784 Fancy another? 296 00:14:44,820 --> 00:14:48,711 Yeah, but can we change ends so I don't have to keep going down there all the time. 297 00:14:48,740 --> 00:14:51,949 Nah, a lot of hassle, Let's just stay the way we are. 298 00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:58,507 So, I walking across Blackfriars, police car comes up, 299 00:14:58,540 --> 00:15:02,465 takes me down to Bow Street, puts me in one of them identification parades. 300 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:04,502 Yeah, the Yank had made a big fuss. 301 00:15:04,540 --> 00:15:08,670 $0 Marie's: six of us all slivered up In a fine-up. 302 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,111 Did he pick you? 303 00:15:17,140 --> 00:15:19,507 Did he bugger! You know Dave from Brentford? 304 00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:21,907 - No. - You do, Dave, Brentford Dave. 305 00:15:21,940 --> 00:15:23,916 - What does he Look like? - "What does he Look like"! 306 00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:27,103 He's got silver on his face, 77zat's what he looks like! 307 00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:29,871 Anyway, the Yank picks him and he causes a right fuss, 308 00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:33,700 and it's great for the rest of us, cos he's got a great patch Covert Garden, right? 309 00:15:33,740 --> 00:15:36,186 So anyway, I'm on me way up and this copper says to me, 310 00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:39,303 "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya." 311 00:15:39,340 --> 00:15:41,308 I says, "What's that supposed to mean?" 312 00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:45,311 He says, "it's just an expression." I says, "Well, this is just an expression." 313 00:15:45,341 --> 00:15:47,503 Bang! Elbow in the face. 314 00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:49,702 And I'm afraid, love, this time, 315 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,788 it looks like it's gonna be custodial. 316 00:16:34,941 --> 00:16:38,662 Not bad for a vicar. Why don't you have a go? 317 00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:42,307 - I'm not very good at climbing. - Just try It, see If you can do It. 318 00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:44,502 - No, I'm all right - Do it. 319 00:16:44,541 --> 00:16:46,908 - I'm fine - Do it! 320 00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:49,705 - You'd like that, would you? - Yeah. Do it. 321 00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:52,505 - That'd make you happy? - Very happy, just do It. 322 00:16:52,541 --> 00:16:54,111 All right. 323 00:16:54,141 --> 00:16:57,111 That's it. You might enjoy it. 324 00:16:57,140 --> 00:16:59,950 Remember, you only live once. Except for the afterlife. 325 00:17:01,940 --> 00:17:04,102 I'm really glad I met you, Vince. 326 00:17:04,140 --> 00:17:06,541 I haven't had this much fun for ages. 327 00:17:08,340 --> 00:17:10,946 Most people don't like to hang out with vicars. 328 00:17:10,980 --> 00:17:12,869 Ha! Hang out! 329 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:20,225 They think they'll just talk about God all the time, and drink tea with old ladies. 330 00:17:20,260 --> 00:17:22,866 That's just rubbish. We haven't talked about about God once. 331 00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:24,709 - Have we talked about God once? - No. 332 00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:26,788 No, not once. 333 00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:30,413 I suppose you don't believe in God, do you? 334 00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:31,910 Not really. 335 00:17:31,940 --> 00:17:33,510 Doesn't bother me. 336 00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:35,827 Do you think it bothers me? It doesn't. 337 00:17:35,860 --> 00:17:39,228 Look at my face. Do I Look like I'm bothered? Do I? 338 00:17:40,541 --> 00:17:42,111 - No. - No, because I'm not. 339 00:17:42,141 --> 00:17:44,872 I'm not bothered. I'm not bothered at all. 340 00:17:45,341 --> 00:17:48,265 - Neither am I. - No? you will be when you're in hell 341 00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:51,110 Oh yes, swimming in a lake of turds and wasps. 342 00:17:51,140 --> 00:17:52,710 Eurgh! It'll be horrible. 343 00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:54,390 Whereas my eternity... 344 00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:58,106 Oh, I'll have a margarita in one hand, endless beaches, 345 00:17:58,141 --> 00:18:01,543 watching Mariah Carey riding a horse in her shorts. 346 00:18:09,341 --> 00:18:10,752 Meow! 347 00:18:11,540 --> 00:18:14,828 Meow! Meow! 348 00:18:22,540 --> 00:18:24,588 - Oh, thanks. - My turn. 349 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,908 Quite symbolic, these, aren't they? 350 00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:33,910 The apple is evil, the toffee is temptation, 351 00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:35,942 and the stick, I suppose, it the serpent. 352 00:18:35,980 --> 00:18:38,301 No, you're wrong. The apple is good, 353 00:18:38,340 --> 00:18:41,310 the toffee is nice, and the stick is handy. 354 00:18:41,341 --> 00:18:43,389 Have another go. 355 00:18:43,420 --> 00:18:45,104 They're good, you're evil 356 00:18:45,140 --> 00:18:48,303 No, what's good is me. I'm brilliant at it. 357 00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:50,946 What's evil is... it costs a pound a go. 358 00:18:50,980 --> 00:18:53,904 I love coming down here, letting off a bit of steam. 359 00:18:53,940 --> 00:18:55,988 These are the mole machine. 360 00:18:57,341 --> 00:19:00,504 I broke it. I hate moles. 361 00:19:00,541 --> 00:19:03,306 I mean, I know they're God's creatures and everything, 362 00:19:03,340 --> 00:19:07,106 but if you'd seen what they've done to my grave yard. 363 00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:09,905 Better than a plough going through it, though. 364 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:12,944 That's not funny. What's funny about that? 365 00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:15,665 What is funny about you ploughing up my grave yard? 366 00:19:16,140 --> 00:19:18,268 Sometimes it's just... 367 00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:19,711 There's one there. 368 00:19:21,940 --> 00:19:24,261 You did a terrible thing. 369 00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:26,064 Then why did you get me a toffee apple? 370 00:19:26,940 --> 00:19:28,510 Because I like you, Vince. 371 00:19:28,540 --> 00:19:30,907 You're a laugh. 372 00:19:30,941 --> 00:19:32,591 Eh? Eh? 373 00:20:12,780 --> 00:20:16,626 ♪ Il est très timide avec ses copains 374 00:20:16,660 --> 00:20:20,028 Mais avec les fllles, il ne craint plus rien 375 00:20:20,060 --> 00:20:23,507 Chaque fols qu 'on abuse, ll nous snob un peu 376 00:20:23,540 --> 00:20:26,987 ♪ Et dens ses bras, ou/ dens ses bras 377 00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:31,150 ll nous dit des propos, comme ca 378 00:20:31,180 --> 00:20:34,980 Ne sois pas si béte, béte, béte 379 00:20:35,020 --> 00:20:38,467 ♪ Serre-moi plus fort, et plus fort encore 380 00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:42,061 Ne t'en fais pas, tu crains rien de mo! 381 00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:47,345 Car tu es encore une petite file pour moi! 382 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:55,464 Ll nous racompagne, jusque note 383 00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:56,911 Cheers, mate. 384 00:20:56,940 --> 00:20:59,989 Sans nous embrasser le Diable I 'emporte 385 00:21:00,020 --> 00:21:03,229 ♪ C 'est presqu'une offense, c'est un drole de jeu 386 00:21:03,260 --> 00:21:06,184 ♪ Quand dens ses bras, ou/ dens ses bras 387 00:21:06,740 --> 00:21:11,780 ll nous dent des propos, comme pa 388 00:21:11,820 --> 00:21:14,664 Ne sois pas si béte, béte, béte 389 00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:18,110 - That's my ex-girlfriend. - What, her at the back? 390 00:21:18,141 --> 00:21:19,905 - Mm. - Bit rough. 391 00:21:19,940 --> 00:21:23,706 - Well, she's had her head shaved. - I bet she didn't do it for charity. 392 00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:27,142 I shaved mine, raised ã400 for Comic Relief. 393 00:21:27,180 --> 00:21:31,504 - But this lot could raise about 2000. - If they weren't so spiritual. 394 00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:34,908 - Mm! You're jealous, aren't you? - Well, it makes me sick. 395 00:21:34,940 --> 00:21:36,908 I'm lucky if I get half this on a Sunday. 396 00:21:36,940 --> 00:21:40,911 You only open on a Sunday. This Lot, it's flexible hours. 397 00:21:40,940 --> 00:21:44,262 Most people on Sundays have a hangover. Last thing you wanna do is pray. 398 00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:47,702 So, you think we should do pub hours, have, like, hymns on the jukebox, 399 00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:50,505 fill the church with scumbags and low-life? 400 00:21:50,540 --> 00:21:52,907 I thought that was the idea. Isn't that what Christ did? 401 00:21:52,940 --> 00:21:56,706 Yeah, and Look what happened to him. I mean it's a great idea on paper. 402 00:21:56,740 --> 00:21:59,311 You try doing a sermon with some bloke singing Wild Rover 403 00:21:59,340 --> 00:22:01,820 and combing his air with a shoe. 404 00:22:01,860 --> 00:22:03,225 Buddha. 405 00:22:03,261 --> 00:22:05,628 Look at it, load of old bollocks. 406 00:22:17,940 --> 00:22:22,468 ♪ Il est très timide avec ses copains 407 00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:25,344 Mais avec les fllles, il ne craint plus rien 408 00:22:25,380 --> 00:22:28,668 Chaque fols qu '00 abuse, ll nous snob un peu 409 00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:30,429 Et dans ses bras... 410 00:22:35,581 --> 00:22:39,063 That was fantastic, the Look on their faces. 411 00:22:39,101 --> 00:22:42,583 - When they saw you were a vicar? - Yeah. 412 00:22:44,140 --> 00:22:47,110 Oh, no, that's a Snakebite. 413 00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:49,188 Hey, he'!- 414 00:22:50,540 --> 00:22:52,508 Think I saw a sprinkler system in that place. 415 00:22:52,541 --> 00:22:54,543 Whoops! 416 00:23:00,100 --> 00:23:01,852 You think you'll get in trouble for that? 417 00:23:01,864 --> 00:23:03,627 Yeah, I'll be in big trouble with Buddha. 418 00:23:03,660 --> 00:23:05,662 Luckily, he doesn't exist. 419 00:23:07,100 --> 00:23:10,707 - And what about your mate Jesus? - Well, he was a bit of a rogue, Jesus. 420 00:23:10,740 --> 00:23:13,710 No, I've got that wrong. It was Judas. I'm always doing that. 421 00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:16,311 Jesus, Judas, Jesus, Judas. 422 00:23:16,340 --> 00:23:18,468 I have the same trouble with Robson and Jerome. 423 00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:19,893 Which one is evil? 424 00:23:19,905 --> 00:23:21,310 No, which one's Robson, which one's Jerome. 425 00:23:21,341 --> 00:23:23,503 - I mean, they're both evil - No, that's not true. 426 00:23:23,540 --> 00:23:27,909 One of them opened our summer fete last year, made a lot of money for charity. 427 00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:29,988 Yeah, which one? 428 00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:33,588 It ls difficult, Isn't It? 429 00:23:59,340 --> 00:24:01,342 Yes! 430 00:24:06,700 --> 00:24:09,306 Nah, fancy an early night. 431 00:24:09,341 --> 00:24:11,150 What? 432 00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:31,701 Look at that. There. Eurgh! 433 00:24:31,741 --> 00:24:33,823 I haven't done that for years. 434 00:24:36,740 --> 00:24:39,107 Tell you what. 435 00:24:39,140 --> 00:24:41,302 I've had a brilliant night tonight. 436 00:24:41,341 --> 00:24:43,389 It's been fantastic. 437 00:24:48,540 --> 00:24:50,588 Good night. 438 00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:52,911 See you tomorrow. 439 00:24:52,940 --> 00:24:56,342 Umm... No, no, I can't do that. 440 00:24:57,740 --> 00:25:00,311 Good idea. 441 00:25:00,340 --> 00:25:02,308 Next week. 442 00:25:02,340 --> 00:25:04,149 No. 443 00:25:05,940 --> 00:25:08,910 Ah, see you around. 444 00:25:08,940 --> 00:25:11,944 No, see, tomorrow... 445 00:25:13,140 --> 00:25:16,110 I am flying to Kenya. 446 00:25:16,140 --> 00:25:18,541 Ha, good one. 447 00:25:19,540 --> 00:25:23,340 The bishop sent me there. Two years, orphans. 448 00:25:25,740 --> 00:25:28,107 What do they want you for? 449 00:25:28,140 --> 00:25:29,949 Hm a MI@TD 450 00:25:31,140 --> 00:25:33,188 That's what vicars do. 451 00:25:35,340 --> 00:25:38,389 I just wanted a good night out before I left. 452 00:25:50,500 --> 00:25:52,821 I thought we were mates! 453 00:25:55,340 --> 00:25:57,741 I'm everyone's mate! 454 00:26:01,540 --> 00:26:03,781 I'm the vicar! 455 00:26:04,340 --> 00:26:10,427 ♪ I'm coming home, I've done my time ♪ 456 00:26:11,940 --> 00:26:14,466 - All right? - All right. 457 00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:18,061 - What are you doing? - Big origami. 458 00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:19,511 Ah. 459 00:26:19,540 --> 00:26:21,907 It's not boring, is it? 460 00:26:21,940 --> 00:26:23,510 No! 461 00:26:23,540 --> 00:26:25,065 Really exciting. 462 00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:26,511 Yeah. 463 00:26:26,540 --> 00:26:28,702 Had a nice time with your new friend? 464 00:26:28,740 --> 00:26:31,061 Nah! 465 00:26:31,101 --> 00:26:32,512 I'm going to bed. 466 00:26:32,540 --> 00:26:35,111 Hm. 467 00:26:46,980 --> 00:26:48,391 Are you Vince? 468 00:26:49,460 --> 00:26:50,825 Yeah. 469 00:26:50,860 --> 00:26:56,264 Yesterday, our meditation was disturbed by someone setting off the fire alarm, 470 00:26:56,300 --> 00:26:59,065 and we wondered if you were involved. 471 00:27:04,100 --> 00:27:06,102 Yes. 472 00:27:06,140 --> 00:27:09,223 I set off the fire alarm, on purpose. I meant it. 473 00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:11,262 I had a great time. 474 00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:15,548 Hello! 475 00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:25,148 Hello! 476 00:27:33,060 --> 00:27:34,550 You bastard! 476 00:27:35,305 --> 00:27:41,774 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.SubtitleDB.org