1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.SubtitleDB.org today 2 00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:16,806 / can just see about four or five inches down the throat 3 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:19,207 This is what we cal! a rig/d endoscope. 4 00:00:19,241 --> 00:00:23,485 It's quite a lot more robust than the flexible one and gives me a better view. 5 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,360 I was watching that. 6 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,449 I'm not watching vet programmes when I'm eating. 7 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:34,370 And since when have dog operations been entertaining? 8 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,324 It had a golf ball stuck in its colon. 9 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,601 I'm quite happy to see how it got in there. 10 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,530 I just don't wanna watch it coming out. 11 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,767 Doggy innards flappin' around. 12 00:00:46,121 --> 00:00:48,089 I'm just checking the... 13 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,047 - It's just animals on every channel. - Yeah. 14 00:00:55,081 --> 00:00:59,325 Dunno how many times I've seen those turtles hatch out on that beach. 15 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,283 See that one there? 16 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,243 He gets eaten by a crab... 17 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,203 any sec... 18 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,447 There we go. 19 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,762 That's the best bit. 20 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,287 You don't like animals, do you? 21 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,002 Who's eating chicken? 22 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,042 No, I mean live animals. 23 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,283 You don't even have a fish in your fish tank. 24 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:27,403 Because, you get one fish, you think, 25 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,965 "Ahh, he looks lonely." 26 00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,332 So you get him a mate. 27 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:32,727 But they don't get on, so you get a third fish. 28 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,604 Then you've got two on one. You get another fish. 29 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:39,645 Before you know where you are, you've got a borstal in your Living room. 30 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,889 Hello, gorgeous. Fancy a quick one? 31 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:46,764 - Will you stop doing that? - I'm only having a laugh. 32 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,485 Well, it's not funny. And those balloons are for the party. 33 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,285 Oh, what's the matter with you? Always having a go at me. 34 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,005 I do live 'ere, you know. I'm not just 'ere to pay the rent. 35 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,884 Yeah, that's all you do. Then you come 'home and put your feet up. 36 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,048 Oh, don't start that again. 37 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,969 I'm sick of It. 38 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,129 I told you, those balloons are for the party. 39 00:02:05,161 --> 00:02:07,528 They're my balloons, I paid for 'em. 40 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,483 I'll go out and get some more if we run out. 41 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:10,760 You're pathetic. 42 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,770 Yeah? And you're a moody, miserable old cow. 43 00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:16,168 Always moaning at me, you're always on me case. 44 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,929 What have I done that's so wrong, eh? 45 00:02:17,961 --> 00:02:18,962 Just tell me. 46 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,923 Nothing, that is what. Nothing. 47 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,803 For the past five years. 48 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,286 Oh, piss off. 49 00:02:25,321 --> 00:02:28,962 It's me birthday next Saturday, thinking of going bowling. 50 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,322 I know. You've told me six times already. 51 00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,045 Yeah. Are you comin'? 52 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,321 Remember what I said last time you asked? 53 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,249 You'll be... ironing your flannel. 54 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:40,645 Before that. 55 00:02:40,681 --> 00:02:42,649 Rewinding a video. 56 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:43,727 Before that. 57 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:47,560 You'll be jousting the black knight to win the princess's hand in marriage. 58 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,682 - Mm. Busy day. - Oh. 59 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,449 I can't come, Errol 60 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,211 Oh, yeah, could be working six days that week. 61 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,288 Did you get the pool manager's job? 62 00:02:57,321 --> 00:02:59,210 Yes. 63 00:02:59,241 --> 00:03:00,811 When did this happen? 64 00:03:00,841 --> 00:03:03,287 Tomorrow at the interview. 65 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,209 So you actually haven't got the job. 66 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,730 Yes, I have. 67 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:09,489 I'll put you down anyway. 68 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,170 There's no point, I'll be working. 69 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,531 I think you'll be bowling. 70 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,965 Are you saying I'm not gonna get this job? 71 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,368 - No. - Yes you are. Why? 72 00:03:19,401 --> 00:03:20,926 Just a feeling. 73 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,201 And you split beer on your application form. 74 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,562 That was shandy. It's different. 75 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,282 You're unbelievable, you are. 76 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,926 You know, I don't drink, I don't smoke. 77 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,008 Don't take drugs, don't gamble. 78 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:40,122 I have a Little bit of helium 79 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,561 and you go into one. 80 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:47,730 I can't even fart in this house without you having a go at me. 81 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,206 I told you, stop wasting those balloons! 82 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,049 No. I won't. 83 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,886 I like it, I like having fun. 84 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,641 And when I've done all these, I'm gonna go out and get some more. 85 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,967 You are so selfish. 86 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,729 What about the kids? 87 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,491 What about them? They get everything they want. 88 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,090 They won't even notice. 89 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:09,690 Don't even know half these kids. 90 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,722 I mean, who are they? 91 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:18,331 Misha? Steve? Renie? Who are they? 92 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,522 They're Leon's friends. 93 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,449 Oh, Leon's friends. 94 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,488 They can play with the balloons. 95 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:28,922 I play with one bieedin' balloon, you go ballistic. 96 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,251 Right, party's off. 97 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:33,203 I'm taking them all to McDonald's. 98 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,084 I don't care, I'll have me own party 'ere. 99 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,523 You want someone to run this pool 100 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,369 I wanna run this pool 101 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,209 Let's do business. 102 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,289 - Oi, Vince, come here. - I can't. 103 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,051 Come here, there a bloke breaking into the lockers. Come on. 104 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,208 You grab him, I'll phone the police. 105 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,526 No, you do it. 106 00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,688 - I'm not doing it. - I can't. 107 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,802 Got a bit of a cold. 108 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,922 - I've got a job Interview. - What for? 109 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,167 - Pool manager. - You, pool manager? 110 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,646 Shhh. He'll hear us. 111 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,489 What are we gonna do? 112 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,001 Let's just pretend we haven't seen him. 113 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:15,451 Yeah 114 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:29,931 What you doin'? 115 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,809 I'm gonna be frank with you, Mr Clark. 116 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,325 You're not gonna get this job. 117 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:40,091 You're not qualified. You've no management experience. 118 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,389 You've received a number of written complaints, 119 00:05:42,401 --> 00:05:44,682 more than anyone who's ever worked here. 120 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,803 In fact, I can't believe you've walked in here 121 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:50,844 with the temerity to apply for this position. 122 00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:58,805 Yeah? What d'you think? Good? 123 00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,205 - Yeah, it was good. - Yeah? 124 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,163 It was a bit harsh at the end, though. 125 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,248 Like maybe don't stand up. 126 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,408 So, er, I'm In a job Interview. 127 00:06:06,441 --> 00:06:08,205 I'm outside having a smoke. 128 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,651 OK. 129 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,082 I'll be frank with you, Mr Clark. 130 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:17,849 You're not gonna get this job. 131 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,405 You're not qualified. 132 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:23,764 You've no management experience, you've received a number of written complaints. 133 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:27,202 More than anyone who's ever worked here. When... 134 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,285 All right. 135 00:06:33,321 --> 00:06:34,732 Oi, come here. 136 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:38,966 What? 137 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,206 Peter! 138 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:43,651 Have you got a moment? 139 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,729 I just want to show you something before you make your minds up. 140 00:06:46,761 --> 00:06:50,766 Can you show them... Just show them what you did to me in the corridor. 141 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,006 Eh? 142 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:55,089 The thing you did, what you said. Can you repeat it for them? 143 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,929 - You're not in trouble. - Oh, right. 144 00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:00,328 Well, I was just walking past and I saw Vince, so I went, 145 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:01,521 "All right." 146 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,642 See? I'm very popular. 147 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,523 You can go now. 148 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,608 That happens all the time. 149 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:11,804 People are always going, "All right" cos they recognise me from the pool 150 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,001 You can go. It's fine. 151 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,370 Have you got a light, mate? 152 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,290 - Yeah. Yeah. - Great. 153 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:22,484 This two - year old Labrador is about to undergo a major operation. 154 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:26,730 - No thanks, mate. Don't smoke. - How come you got a lighter, then? 155 00:07:26,761 --> 00:07:28,433 Oh, it was in the jacket when I bought it. 156 00:07:28,445 --> 00:07:30,129 Ah. 157 00:07:31,241 --> 00:07:33,050 - Wish I didn't smoke. - Yeah? 158 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:36,129 - Yeah. I'm on patches. - Oh. 159 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,210 - I've seen this one. - Oh, no, don't... don't say owt. 160 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:42,242 - It's good. - Ah. 161 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:46,603 You better not be smoking, Ned. 162 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,051 They cremate it in the end. 163 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,840 Oh, 164 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:55,168 No, I haven't had any management experience. 165 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,645 But I've never had the chance. 166 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,160 And Let's face it, how hard is it to run a swimming pool? 167 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:02,886 Order some chlorine, fix the hot chocolate machine, tell someone off. 168 00:08:02,921 --> 00:08:06,164 And last but not Least, "Oh, brilliant," the poet's full of water. 169 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,729 Sony, 170 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,171 Sony, mate. 171 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,364 Sony, mate. 172 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,643 You all right, mate? 173 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:30,890 Ohh. I got head-butted by a man carrying bikinis. 174 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,684 - Ooh, you're bleeding. - Ahh. 175 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,041 Have you got any plasters? 176 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,684 Tell you what... 177 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,849 Use these. I can't give up anyway. 178 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,769 Cheers. Thanks. 179 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,609 You're all right. 180 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:52,410 ..Or whether It's actually grass that's lodged underneath the dog's... 181 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,647 I'm very good at solving problems. 182 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,490 Give me a problem, any pool-related problem, I'll solve it. 183 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:00,044 OK, I'll make one up. 184 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,924 Er, tramp loose in the pool 185 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,725 Easy, contain him with a Life belt. 186 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,603 Wagon Wheel in his pocket, chuck him out. 187 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,881 Come on, another one. Give me another one. 188 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:12,570 OK, pool's overflowing. 189 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:16,400 Phone up the zoo, get all the camels down here, Lick up the water. 190 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:17,885 Only joking. 191 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,491 The Look on your faces, you were thinking, "Nutter". 192 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,489 Sony, 193 00:09:31,881 --> 00:09:33,292 You all right, darling? 194 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,130 - I'm fine, thanks. - What d'you do that for? 195 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:37,366 Dunno. 196 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,927 Yeah... that's a difficult one. 197 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,164 First thing I'd do - smile. 198 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,923 Then... 199 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:57,886 I'd destroy the film, unplug the hand dryers, just ban him for life. 200 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,090 'Scuse me! 201 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,203 - What d'you do that for? - I dunno. 202 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,044 Good one. That ls a very good one. 203 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,686 Mmm. 204 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,087 I'd probably punch the Little one. 205 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,930 No, I'm the manager, punch... 206 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,440 Just don't punch anybody. 207 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:41,404 Get Melanie to phone the police, 208 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,249 get them all out in the car park. 209 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:45,726 Keep the hose on standby in case they get shirty. 210 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:50,209 Then just search the lockers until the diamond is returned to the maharajah. 211 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:54,006 We are impressed by your energy and enthusiasm. 212 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:55,963 - However... - Ahh, here we go. 213 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,287 Childcare's an Issue we take very seriously 214 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,891 and as manager you'd be responsible for the creche. 215 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,968 - Yeah. - Have you got any children? 216 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,570 No. 217 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,649 - Or any experience of them? - It's not difficult, is it? 218 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:10,411 You just read them a story, Issue out some Play-Doh, 219 00:11:10,441 --> 00:11:13,650 colour something in, last one in the Wendy house is a poof. 220 00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:14,920 Not... No, not poof, stinks, 221 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,487 unless they do stink, I won't mention it, cos you can't ridicule kids these days. 222 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,522 Although it never did me any harm. 223 00:11:28,681 --> 00:11:31,048 All right, Vince. D'you get the job? 224 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,923 You don't smoke. 225 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,962 I do, it's lovely. 226 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:39,163 Can you hear a baby crying? 227 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,611 Yeah, it's in the bag. 228 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,166 - You've got a baby in a bag? - Yeah. 229 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,964 Did you find it? 230 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,207 No. It was given to me for the weekend. 231 00:11:51,081 --> 00:11:53,482 Ahh, a Little ba... Uhh, it's plastic. 232 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:56,683 Yeah, course it's plastic, otherwise you wouldn't be able to do this. 233 00:11:56,720 --> 00:12:01,328 They said they'd give me the job if I show I'm capable of looking after children. 234 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:02,805 How d'you stop It from crying? 235 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,447 Well, that's the trouble, it's like a real baby, you don't know. 236 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:14,201 It can't see, it's not exactly like a real baby. 237 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,050 They give 'em to teenage girls to stop 'em getting pregnant. 238 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,526 Ughh! Don't be dirty. 239 00:12:19,561 --> 00:12:20,972 Has it got a name? 240 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,480 Yeah. The baby. 241 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:26,603 Aww. Let's call him... 242 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,847 - Hmm? - Ls It a girl? 243 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:31,810 It's a him! 244 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,810 Let's call him Stuart. 245 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,161 He doesn't like that. 246 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,123 Urn... 247 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,162 Martin! 248 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,531 Aww. 249 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,689 - This calls for a cigar. - You're not smoking that in here. 250 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,690 - I was going outside. - Make us a cup of tea first. 251 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:53,964 But I really fancy a smoke. 252 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,480 Stop being so selfish. 253 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,251 Things are really gonna have to change now that... 254 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,691 Martin's here. 255 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,007 All right. 256 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:07,921 I hope you realise, if you carry on smoking, you will definitely die. 257 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,327 But I could die tomorrow just crossing the road. 258 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:13,011 Only if something hits you at the time. 259 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:16,169 And how you can hit by something that weighs at least two tons, 260 00:13:16,201 --> 00:13:19,489 is brightly coloured and is found on roads... 261 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,603 It's very easy to get killed. A man on our street died. 262 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,927 All he did was have a drink from the canal. 263 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,764 - Where's Martin? - Down there. 264 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,962 You can't leave him on the floor! 265 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,606 It's not a real baby. It's a gadget. 266 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,371 Might record he's on a hard surface. 267 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:56,770 Or dirty cushion. 268 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,529 Well, I mean... 269 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,562 It can't record everything. 270 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,489 You Little wanker. 271 00:14:04,521 --> 00:14:07,365 - Might do. - Errol 272 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,409 Ooh, no, mustn't. Ooh! 273 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,364 Ohh. Oh. Ohh. 274 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,131 Ohh. Oh. Oh. Oh. 275 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,846 Ooh. Ooh, no, no. Ooh. 276 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,281 Hello? Hello? 277 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,084 Pauline, are you all right? 278 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,885 Oh. I just 'ad this dream. 279 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,082 It was so vivid. 280 00:14:30,121 --> 00:14:35,207 You were being strangled by this enormous bald man. 281 00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:38,404 Ohh. ls George with you? 282 00:14:38,441 --> 00:14:40,489 Oh, good. 283 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:46,129 Ohh, I'm sorry to wake you, darlin', but... it was ever so vivid. 284 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,367 Oh. 285 00:14:56,681 --> 00:14:58,285 Oh, wh... 286 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,891 Ahh-ah. Oh. 287 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,002 Where's the bottle? 288 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,320 Ohh. 289 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,001 Ohh. 290 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:15,849 Oh! 291 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,085 Ohh. 292 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,689 Hello, Pauline? 293 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:38,566 It's me. I just 'ad another dream. 294 00:15:38,601 --> 00:15:41,172 It was so vivid. 295 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,601 Has George turned into a cream bun? 296 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,688 Uhh. 297 00:15:57,481 --> 00:15:58,528 Aw. 298 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:00,924 Right. 299 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,328 Au right? 300 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,840 Fine, thanks. You? 301 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,484 Mustn't grumble. 302 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,522 I've just had this 'horrible burger. 303 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,329 Martin. Where's... 304 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,685 Vince, can you help, please? It's Locked. 305 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,007 In your wardrobe there's a... 306 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,804 Well, I dunno what it is 307 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:17,402 but it's all covered in hair and it's got it's mouth in the back of its head. 308 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,284 It's just a horrible thing. 309 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,527 It's got a violin. 310 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:26,565 And if it plays any tunes by B... B... 311 00:17:27,721 --> 00:17:29,723 Pauline? 312 00:17:31,881 --> 00:17:34,009 Pauline? 313 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,769 Errol? 314 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,564 You come in 'ere a sec? 315 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,206 I got a fish for the fish tank. 316 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:44,965 Where is it? 317 00:17:45,001 --> 00:17:46,446 - Could you hold it a sec? - Yeah. 318 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,006 No, at the sides is better. 319 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,441 - There we go. - It's a bit sticky. 320 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,290 Huh. Yeah. How about here by the window? 321 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,687 Yeah. Ohh. 322 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,882 Oh, no, cos of the sun, he'll get sunburnt. 323 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,366 - Oh... - OK. What about there 324 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:02,674 cos you can close the curtains, protect him. 325 00:18:02,686 --> 00:18:03,971 Yeah. Yeah. 326 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,048 All right. Well, we can do that later. 327 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:07,650 OK. 328 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,160 Oh, no, radiation from the telly, they get depressed. 329 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,646 - Oh. - Ooh, difficult, Isn't It? 330 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,445 Kitchen. Yeah. 331 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:16,845 Nah. 332 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:18,723 Ooh, might be cooking fish. 333 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,161 Yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking. 334 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,168 Up there. 335 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,964 Yeah. 336 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,606 Oh, no, cos we'll have to crane our necks to Look at him. 337 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,201 Yeah, that'd be... Aah, that hurts. 338 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:44,286 - Getting a bit heavy now. - 57, 58, 59... 339 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:45,731 - 60. - Arms are killing me. 340 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:46,966 - How about there? - Yeah? 341 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,002 - Just put it there. Yeah. - OK. 342 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,648 I'll get the fish. 343 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,364 Vince, my hands are stuck. 344 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,873 Hmm? 345 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,370 Vince, my hands are stuck to the sides. 346 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:58,845 Yeah, they will be, yeah. 347 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,929 Here we go. Look. There he goes. 348 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,371 What have you done? 349 00:19:03,401 --> 00:19:05,403 I've glued your hands to the fish tank. 350 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:06,851 But, I got you a fish. 351 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,723 - Why? - Keep you company. 352 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,728 No, why have you glued my hands. 353 00:19:10,761 --> 00:19:12,923 Well, firstly, so I can get some sleep at night. 354 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,406 And secondly, stops you smoking. 355 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,169 So, we're all winners. 356 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,726 I don't feel like a winner. 357 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,171 Ohh, it ways a ton. 358 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,010 Yeah, and don't try and tip all the water out, the fish'll die. 359 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:25,849 I've thought this through. 360 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,042 You can't do this! 361 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,525 It's not illegal. 362 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,608 I bought some glue, you picked up a fish tank. 363 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,722 It just seems wrong to me. 364 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,842 Look, I got you a castle. 365 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,769 Ohh. 366 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,531 - And a treasure chest. - Ahh. 367 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,643 No, hang on, I've gotta go out tonight. 368 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:47,241 Oh, right. What, smoking, with your smoking pals? 369 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,726 - No. - I'm doing this for you, Errol 370 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,330 Well, and me. 371 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,442 Vince... And I'm hungry. 372 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,687 And I'm getting an itch behind me ear. 373 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,484 And I really need a smoke. 374 00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,010 Vince! 375 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,247 Really need a smoke. 376 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,601 You fff...flippin' 377 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,642 SSS-sod! 378 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:15,650 ♪ Ohh-ohhh what an atmosphere ♪ 379 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:21,164 ♪ I love a party with a happy atmosphere ♪ 380 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,601 Ahh, stick it up your arse. 381 00:20:42,601 --> 00:20:45,605 Aw! 382 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,124 Ah. 383 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,809 Ahh. 384 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,331 Yeah, well leave it with me, I'll see what I can do. 385 00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:06,771 I can't leave it with you. 386 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,246 That's the point, I can't leave it anywhere. 387 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,647 I was hoping you could fiddle with it. 388 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,569 Not... No, not fiddle, just... 389 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,682 Sort it out so I can put it down for a few hours. 390 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,290 It's crying all. the time. 391 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:18,924 Well, just be nice to it, then. 392 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,850 It's not a real baby. It's a gadget. 393 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,121 All right, I'll have to take the back off. 394 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:29,648 Ah. Mm. 395 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,603 Mmm. 396 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:50,485 Careful. 397 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,887 Look, you'll. have to take this somewhere else. 398 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,445 L-I'm not up to this today. 399 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,131 - What's the matter? - I've just given up smoking. 400 00:21:57,161 --> 00:21:59,209 I'm a bit... You know? 401 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,368 Well, have a cigarette. 402 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:02,811 I'm trying to give up. 403 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,411 Well, just one. It'd calm you down. 404 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,410 I can't have just one. 405 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:09,930 What... A Little one? 406 00:22:09,961 --> 00:22:11,565 I wish I could. 407 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:15,047 After a meal..or after I've had sex. 408 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,967 Sold some batteries. 409 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,081 Seen a ghost. 410 00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:22,249 Yeah. Yeah, well, you'll need one after that. 411 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:25,124 - Or after a fight or car crash. - Mm. 412 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,004 Tell you what's nice, to have one before you do something. 413 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,089 Oh, yeah. That can be nice. 414 00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:32,963 Like before a driving test. 415 00:22:33,001 --> 00:22:34,207 Operation. 416 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,005 - Breakfast. - Ohh, I miss that one. 417 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,281 Mm. I tell you what I feel like, 418 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:43,723 is when you have one during, you just stop. just... 419 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:47,526 - What, like a crossword? - Cup of tea, biscuit. 420 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,006 Oh, yeah. Or during the night. 421 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,522 - Why not? - Ohh! 422 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,005 I love fags. 423 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,524 D'you know what my favourite is? 424 00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,722 The "no reason" fag. 425 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,209 Ooh. The best! 426 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:04,288 You don't even want it. You've just put one out. 427 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,049 - Oh, yes! - And everyone says, 428 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,447 "You're not gonna have another one?" And you say... 429 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,287 - Yes! - Cos they're my fags, 430 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,800 I bought them, and I'll smoke 'em when I want to. 431 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,445 Say that again. 432 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,562 - Cos they're my fags... - They're my fags. 433 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,250 - I bought them... - I bought 'em. 434 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,329 - ..and I smoke 'em when I want to. - And I smoke 'em when I want to. 435 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:25,966 They're my fags, I bought them, 436 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,889 and I'll smoke 'em when I want to. 437 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,526 - Shall we get some? - Yeah! 2O Rothmans. 438 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,130 [REED 439 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:33,491 40! 440 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:34,965 Yeah! 441 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,087 Ned? You been smoking? 442 00:23:58,121 --> 00:24:00,852 Urn, no. Er... WeU, yeah. Er... l-I’m sorry. 443 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,928 L-I'm He-He made me do It. 444 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,450 You bastard. 445 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,404 Yeah. Yeah, you bastard. H-He made me do it... 446 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,202 All right, Errol 447 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,890 - Ohh. Just had a horrible burger. - Mm. 448 00:24:34,921 --> 00:24:36,730 Ohh. 449 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:39,882 Ohh, it was really horrible. 450 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,205 - You been smoking? - No. 451 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,925 Oh, Martin. 452 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,130 Gone off fags now, they're disgusting. 453 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,403 I've only been out an hour. You seen his bottle? 454 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,562 You know, er... 455 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,921 Vince, I think I'm cured. 456 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:12,769 Nah. No, no, no. Not yet. 457 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,041 When? 458 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,890 It can take weeks, OK? 459 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:22,244 It's my birthday next Saturday, I can't go bowling like this! 460 00:25:22,281 --> 00:25:24,409 You can't treat me like this. 461 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,805 You idiot! 462 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:40,529 Sorry. 463 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,449 I don't believe you. 464 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,528 Just heard Nana's died 465 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,927 and all you can think about is your stomach. 466 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:48,450 Sorry. 467 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,164 But it was a really 'horrible burger. 468 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,480 There you go. Two days older, two days wiser. 469 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:06,081 And if you're thinking of using him again, we named him Martin. 470 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,210 I know that look. 471 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,083 You want to know what happened. 472 00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:13,602 - Well, it was fine until last night. - We don't need your excuse. 473 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,847 The only version we need is the baby's. 474 00:26:21,161 --> 00:26:23,129 7:45 it drowned. 475 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,766 7:49 its leg melted. 476 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:29,644 And at 8:05 its head fell off. 477 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:33,002 If you carry on, you'll. see how at 8:22 It's head went back on. 478 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:38,491 Mr Clark, can you explain what... What happened? 479 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,649 After it drowned I put it near the fire to dry off 480 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:43,091 when its leg melted 481 00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:45,691 which wouldn't happen with a normal baby. 482 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,166 Then my flatmate - who's trying to give up smoking - 483 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:51,761 he lunged for it, forgetting that he was glued to an aquarium. 484 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,007 Which wouldn't happen with a normal flatmate. 485 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:55,883 So now it's got glass stuck in its head. 486 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,366 So I was trying to dig it out with a corkscrew 487 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,164 when its head came off. 488 00:27:00,201 --> 00:27:03,808 And it was precisely at that point that I realised, 489 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:05,285 I'm not gonna get this job, 490 00:27:05,321 --> 00:27:07,767 so, Let's have some fun with it. 491 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,200 It's a baby! 492 00:27:34,451 --> 00:27:36,451 Errol, can you go get the rest of the baby. 492 00:27:37,305 --> 00:27:43,469 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.SubtitleDB.org