1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.SubtitleDB.org today 2 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,847 Vince, how often do you whistle? 3 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:25,248 - Never. - Mm. 4 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,169 I hate whistling. 5 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,043 Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. 6 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,242 What's that all about? Idiots. 7 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:33,009 When was the last time you went dancing? 8 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,441 - You don't whistle, do you? - No. 9 00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:37,209 No, I've never caught you doing it. 10 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:39,641 I can't. Hurts that bit there. 11 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,208 When was the last time you went dancing? 12 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,481 - What you on about? - It's a questionnaire. 13 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:46,931 "Are you happy?" 14 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,610 - FILL It In yourself. - I did. 15 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,371 I scored 92, which means I'm ecstatic. 16 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:55,610 So far you've scored five, but you get that for bothering to fill it in. 17 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,483 I'm not filling It In. 18 00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,761 I'll do it. It's just a bit of fun. 19 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,610 I'm all right. I don't need any fun. 20 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,041 Well, I'll guess what you would say. 21 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,810 Bet you don't like... 22 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:09,888 musicals. 23 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,608 - Or flowers. - They attract bees. 24 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,688 How many friends you got? 25 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,805 - Ten. - Ten?! 26 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,605 - All right, six. - There's no point cheating. 27 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,405 It's Bella magazine, put six. 28 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:29,205 Do you want children? 29 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,130 Nobody wants children. They just get on with it. 30 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:36,006 Like you fall over, you get a bruise on your arse. That's life. 31 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,611 - Is that a "yes" or a "no"? - Do you get more points for "yes"? 32 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,768 - Yes. - Yes. 33 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:45,283 Where are you happiest? At work, home, or out and about? 34 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:47,527 In the bath. 35 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:52,084 That's not on here, should I put "home"? 36 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:56,205 No! You're not home. You're in the bath. It's different. 37 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,208 I mean, you're not there for a start. 38 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,210 It's just bath, it's a controlled environment. 39 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,402 If you're too hot, you add a bit of cold. 40 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,488 If you're too cold, you add a bit of hot. 41 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:06,931 You're in the bath. 42 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,124 Shall I put out and about? 43 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:11,969 No, you're not out and about, are you? 44 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,241 You're in the bath. Idiot! 45 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,163 Work? 46 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:22,000 No, you're not... That's not... No... 47 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:25,726 You come home from work, you go in... Just put "bath". 48 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,130 It's not... It's not on here. 49 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,208 Put "bath". Put "bath". 50 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,649 Just give me the next question. 51 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:37,685 Is your Life getting better or worse? 52 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,451 - I'm having a bath. - Another one? 53 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,881 - Yeah. - You all right? 54 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,410 I'm fine. What's my score? 55 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:48,205 23, depressed. 56 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,403 I feel fine. I've just had a bit of bad news, that's all. 57 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,761 I'll get over it. Life goes on. 58 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:57,282 - What happened? - I don't want to talk about it. 59 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,449 Shall I put "worse" then? 60 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,005 I'm a bit worried about him. 61 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,202 Seems a bit depressed. 62 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,846 No, I mean really depressed. 63 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:19,049 Well, only because you're one of the numbers in his phone book. 64 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,811 OK, thanks for your help. 65 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,047 No, I'd rather not tell him that. 66 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,165 07700-900006. 67 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,807 - Hello, hi. is that Vince's dad? - Speaking. 68 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,605 It's his flat mate here. Have you got a moment? 69 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,371 Well, I am a bit busy. 70 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,290 It's just... It's Vince, he seems a bit depressed. 71 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:53,130 Don't take any notice. He's always been a miserable bugger. 72 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:54,571 Goodbye! 73 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,571 Apologies everyone, I thought It was my bookmaker. 74 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,410 Now, where was I? 75 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,442 Venus de Milo. 76 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,084 Just kidding. 77 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:15,410 Hello, this is jim Robins from Hanna-Barbers Productions, Los Angeles. 78 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,011 / hope I'm speaking to Mr Vince Clark. 79 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:22,967 In response to your query, Mr Clark, Yogi Beafs fie was fashioned In a Windsor knot. 80 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,809 I repeat, a Windsor knot. 81 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,808 I hope this satisfies your curiosity. 82 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:28,888 Goodbye/ 83 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,604 Oh, could you give me a hand with this please, love? 84 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,688 Yeah, yeah. 85 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,488 - Ta. - That's OK. 86 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,008 Thanks. 87 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,008 Oh, look. 88 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:54,011 You've got dust all down your trousers. 89 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,805 It's OK. Don't worry about it, I'm fine. 90 00:04:56,840 --> 00:05:00,208 Oh, and it's all over the back. Here, look. 91 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:03,608 No, no, no, no, no, no, it's fine, fine. 92 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,406 No, you can't go out looking like that. 93 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:11,411 It's fine, thank, thanks. I think it's all gone now. 94 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,249 Yeah. 95 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,005 Ain't you've got lovely eyes? 96 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,202 No, I haven't. 97 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,810 Got to go. 98 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:22,649 Thank you. 99 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,241 All right, Let's go with the rabbit. 100 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,568 Easy! Let's have another. 101 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:59,210 Hello, I'm Corinne. I'm waiting for Errol 102 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,005 We met in the health food shop, started chatting. 103 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,008 So I came back here. 104 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:07,567 Errol's getting changed, he spilled yoghurt on his trousers. 105 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,090 I'm not his dad. 106 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:12,602 Oh, I know. He told me all about you. 107 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,847 How are you feeling? 108 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,530 I'm a healer. 109 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,445 Good money? 110 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:23,087 Oh, I don't do it for the money. I like healing. 111 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,847 Get off! What are you doing? 112 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,564 There's nothing wrong with me. 113 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,443 I think that there is. 114 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,881 No, I just had a bath. I feel great. 115 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:36,965 Probably feel as good as you feel. 116 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,446 Oh, I don't think so. 117 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,642 I do. I mean, how good do you feel? 118 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,251 Oh, you can't measure these things. 119 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:47,250 You can, nine. 120 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:49,647 You Look like, what, 4.5. 121 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:53,685 I can assure you, it is a lot higher than that. 122 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,048 - What? - Ten. 123 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,082 Only goes up to nine. 124 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:03,684 Errol, are you going to be Long? 125 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,850 Argh! Who wants it? Come on! 126 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,928 Give me a tortoise. 127 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,083 @GEGDU 128 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,528 OK, Let's have another. 129 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,928 Tell me about Errol 130 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,928 He's a bloke. 131 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,128 Lives here. 132 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,928 Has he got a girlfriend? 133 00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,648 What do you think?! 134 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,728 I bet that was annoying. 135 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,611 Ah, Vince, Windsor knot. 136 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,051 Yeah, I know. 137 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,242 You were so sure, weren't you? 138 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,647 What made you so sure? 139 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,205 Lager. 140 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:24,245 Vince told me you haven't got a girlfriend. 141 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,045 I have. I have got a girlfriend. 142 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,845 Right, I see. 143 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,644 A real one? 144 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,603 - Yeah. - Mm... 145 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:37,440 So, why you hanging around with me then, eh? 146 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,642 Are you a bit of a rogue? 147 00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,648 Are you a bit wild? 148 00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:46,241 - You a bit dangerous? - Well, I know I'm clumsy. 149 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:50,046 Cos once I took off me jumper and gave me sister a black eye. 150 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:51,650 - Oh! - Yeah. 151 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:54,251 It was an accident. She went nuts. 152 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,123 Melted all me badges. 153 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,481 So, you looking forward to lunch, are you? 154 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:00,841 I'm only doing one day. I'm not doing the whole week. 155 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,656 That was the bet. You've got to do the whole week. 156 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,444 - No, I can't. - You've got to. 157 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:08,007 When I Lost, you made me wear Alan's Speedos for a month. 158 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:19,441 What would your girlfriend say if she saw us here like this? 159 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,847 - Now? - Oh, I don't know. 160 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:23,450 You could ask her if you like. 161 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,528 You're a beast, aren't you? 162 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,328 Come on! 163 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:48,442 Remember, be nice to him. 164 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,328 - Mind If I...? - Yeah. 165 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:59,041 - Anyone sitting there? - Can't see anyone. 166 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,082 Mates not talking to you? 167 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,929 Stuck with me, are you? 168 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:07,648 Mind that sausage you've got. Oh, it would be in here. 169 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,331 Well, that's my fault. I do the boilers. 170 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,807 Heard one about jelly baby that goes to the doctors? Heard that? 171 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,285 - No, I haven't, no. - It's great. 172 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:21,248 Er, the jelly baby doctors and he goes, he goes, er, "I've got VD". 173 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:23,487 And the doctor goes... 174 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:27,047 "No, you haven't got VD, you're jelly baby," and the jelly baby goes, 175 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,969 jelly baby goes, he goes, 176 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:32,209 he goes, he goes, "I've been shaggin' all sorts." 177 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:36,642 Oh... dear. 178 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,409 Cycled in today, look. 179 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:39,851 Had to wear this. 180 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,050 Safety. 181 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,128 Feel a right prat. 182 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:48,845 - Oh! I'm really tired. - Oh! 183 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,450 Yeah. I'm really tired. 184 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,050 - No, you can't be. - Yeah. 185 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,447 No, no, no, I don't, I don't mean that. 186 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,403 No, I'm tired. I'm tired. Not you, not you. 187 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:57,851 I'm tired. I'm tired. 188 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,645 Yeah, I'm the one that's tired, not you... 189 00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:02,648 Look, it's quite early. 190 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:06,685 Would you like me to give you an energising rub? 191 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:10,234 No, I've just had not much sleep lately, cos, 192 00:11:10,246 --> 00:11:12,811 you know, I was sick everywhere, you know. 193 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,251 - Ah! - Yeah. 194 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,442 - Oh! - Yeah, allover the place. 195 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,608 - Full. on, yeah. - Yeah, everywhere. 196 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:21,211 - Oh! - Went into me hair. 197 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:24,164 - And then in me ears. - Oh, you poor thing. 198 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:28,444 Yeah, it's my fault cos, you know, I was eating my scabs. 199 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,050 ~ 0h! 200 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,447 - So they were, they... - Come here. 201 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,882 They were itching, you know, yeah. 202 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,251 Where are the scabs? 203 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:42,329 Just near me, on me underlings. 204 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:46,251 I love the astronauts, Armstrong, Collins, Aldrin, 205 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,328 Apollo 12, Conrad, Gold, Bing. 206 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,170 Do you know what they had in common? 207 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:53,530 They were all astronauts. 208 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,848 No, well, yeah, but they all had the same shoe size. 209 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,406 It's amazing, size 9. 210 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:03,047 Do you know want what my subject would be if I was on Mastermind? 211 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:04,650 - Astronauts? - No. 212 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,728 Hadrian's wall. 213 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:10,771 Do you want that? 214 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:14,284 Do you want that? Do you want that? 215 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,450 Do you want that? 216 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,084 You want that? Want that? 217 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,048 Want that? 218 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:25,809 - What that? - Go on. 219 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:34,445 - What's the date today? - Er, 12th. 220 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,967 You got any older ham? 221 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,411 What do you mean? 222 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,841 You know, that's past its sell-by date. 223 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,042 We sell everything fresh. 224 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,845 Have you got any out in the back that's a bit dodgy? 225 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:52,250 You know, it's got that shimmering rainbow effect. 226 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:55,250 Like you get on the credit card, you know. 227 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,886 Shiny, but on the ham. 228 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,047 - This ham makes you sick. - Yeah. 229 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,128 No, I don't keep this ham. 230 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:11,248 This is Rasta Says. 231 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:14,682 The original dub-reggae workout. 232 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:44,489 Hi. Humm. 233 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,209 Corinne won't like that, would she? 234 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,651 Oh, she's gone off me. 235 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:51,650 I refused to sign a petition to save the snow Leopard. 236 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,205 Good for you. 237 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,651 Yeah. why? 238 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:56,842 So she'd go off me. 239 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:59,451 She just came up to me in the health food shop. 240 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,802 I was only in there cos I can't go to the bakers anymore. 241 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,844 A woman in there keeps shoving cream horns on me face 242 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,723 and inviting me to Leicester. 243 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:11,401 You know what's happening, Errol You're going through a purple patch. 244 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:12,851 Eh? 245 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,611 The honey-soaked leg of the worker bee. 246 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,051 What? 247 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:20,448 There's a brief period in every ugly bloke's Life 248 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,007 where for some reason women find you irresistible. 249 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:25,724 Have you had one? 250 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,445 No, it's for ugly blokes. 251 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,847 Errol, can I use this blue towel? 252 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,564 - Yeah. - Who's that? 253 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,649 Samantha. She was following me around the Becket Centre. 254 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,650 I got me coat stuck in revolving door and she set me free. 255 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,648 - Do you like her? - No. 256 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,489 Then why don't you tell her? 257 00:14:42,501 --> 00:14:44,321 I don't like hurting people's feelings. 258 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,442 That's the best bit. 259 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,642 - I'll do it if you want. - No, no, no, no. 260 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,842 Hi, you must be Vince. 261 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:55,249 I got me hands dirty rescuing Errol He said it'd be all right to use your bathroom. 262 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,045 - I'm not his dad. - Oh! 263 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:01,846 He Looked so helpless. He was like an injured animal. 264 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,042 - Weren't you? - Yeah. 265 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,050 I helped an injured animal once, it's very rewarding. 266 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,650 What sort? 267 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:11,047 You know, ones you find by a road. 268 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,651 - Hedgehog? - If you like. 269 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:17,048 Squirrel, badger, told it as a moose once. 270 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,447 What happened? 271 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,687 Lived, died, ran off, whatever you want. 272 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,804 All right, I'm having a bath. 273 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,251 Another one? 274 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,489 Yeah. 275 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,128 He's a bit depressed. 276 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,162 Oh! 277 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:38,245 - He doesn't like you. - What did you say that for? 278 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:40,442 - You said I was depressed. - You are depressed. 279 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,450 - You don't like her. - Oh, don't you like me? 280 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,209 No! 281 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:46,651 Should I go then? 282 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,728 Yes! 283 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,411 Two... 284 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,044 And three... 285 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,048 And four/I'... 286 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,289 And relax yourself 287 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,364 I'm busy. 288 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,050 Go in the sink. 289 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,128 It's your dad, he's on the phone. 290 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,451 Vince! 291 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,642 I'm busy. 292 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:37,605 And tell him I'm not phoning back if he's in the nude. 293 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,051 Of course I'm in the nude. What's he worried about? 294 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,050 Somebody is going to see his daddy's Little tiddler. 295 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,845 Just tell him I'm about to come into a bit of money, 296 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,281 guaranteed, in the bag. 297 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,851 Sorry about that. 298 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,042 I'd like to book a flight... 299 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,889 Somewhere hot. 300 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,445 Oh, hello! 301 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,643 When will you people grow up? 302 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,842 It's just a body. 303 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,450 It's my body... 304 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,847 and it's beautiful. 305 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,450 Hello, Sid, how are you? 306 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,642 Jimmy, I thought you've been transferred. 307 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,409 Didn't like it, too many murders. 308 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:15,851 - Oh! - Come on. 309 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,928 Can I take this? 310 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,245 Vince, can you help me? There's a woman outside. 311 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,248 She has been out there all night. 312 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:40,329 Please, please, she's just out there and she's just... 313 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:43,689 Thanks. 314 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,481 Yaah! Whoo! Shoo, shoo, shoo. 315 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,489 Yeah! Get away! Ha! 316 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,847 Thanks, Vince. 317 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,690 How do you keep the woman away, cos they don't hassle you. 318 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,041 - You taking the piss. - No! I was just wondering, 319 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,242 cos, you know, I've never seen you with a woman. 320 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,045 I was wondering what your secret was. 321 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,889 Cheese and onion crisps. 322 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,290 He says, er... 323 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:18,725 He says, er... 324 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,125 He says, er... 325 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:23,567 Tosser's off. 326 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,805 I don't get it. 327 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,490 Donkey's called Tosser, he's ran off. 328 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,590 You never said the donkey was called Tosser. 329 00:18:29,602 --> 00:18:31,684 Didn't I? Oh, it was still funny though. 330 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,042 Oh. Bob Monkhouse told me that when I was on Wipeout. 331 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,809 Me and Bob. 332 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:38,251 I wore a suit, yeah. 333 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,408 Came last. Still, good day, though. 334 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,928 Mm, I'm stuffed. 335 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,367 What's that sandwich? Make 'em yourself, yeah? 336 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:50,796 You can have one if you want. 337 00:18:50,808 --> 00:18:52,216 Yeah? What are they? Ham? Cheese? Egg? 338 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,651 Ham. 339 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,047 Very nice. 340 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,844 Well... 341 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,644 Best be going. 342 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,887 Pipes are calling. 343 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,207 ♪ The pipes, the pipes are calling... ♪ 344 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:05,844 You want that? 345 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,647 Yeah, well, it's always happening on them machines, 346 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,445 what it was is the core spring on your drum come loose, 347 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,211 so, well, you just give us a tenner. 348 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,651 You're sure, Brad. 349 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,047 - Well, I was on me way home. - Thanks ever so much. 350 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,481 I don't know what I'll do with that washing machine. 351 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,444 - All part of service, ma'am. - Oh, you've been to America. 352 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:29,051 - No... - He does trucker poems. 353 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,811 You know, he's the bloke I told you about does trucker poems. 354 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,649 Anyway, it's good to see you, Brad... 355 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,648 - You write poems? - Yeah. 356 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,843 Yeah, yeah, he does. So a tenner, eh? 357 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:40,644 Go on, do one of your poems. 358 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,250 Nah! 359 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,045 He don't need to do a poem now, it's twenty to seven. 360 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,651 - Oh, go on. - No, no, he don't need to. 361 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,842 Well, all right, just one. 362 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,042 All right, just one. 363 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,050 Well, I worked in the office and the factory too 364 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,606 But all them jobs I tn; to do 365 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,041 Was just no good cos I had a dream 366 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,970 About Life on the road in a truckin' machine 367 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:07,642 A Peterbilt 379 with a Cummins engine, mighty fine 368 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,842 900 HP under the hood 369 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,690 When you're sitting In a cab that feels real good... 370 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:28,242 Yeah, get out. And don't come round again! 371 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,090 Unless it's for me, I mean, quite a Lot. 372 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,602 Errol Winston Rodney Spears. 373 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,848 What's the matter with you? 374 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,645 The two most beautiful women that will ever be in this flat, 375 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:48,684 and you made me chuck them out. 376 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:52,088 This purple patch is not gonna last forever, you know. 377 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:56,048 I know you ugly blokes. You're all the same. 378 00:20:56,080 --> 00:21:00,244 You wait for Gwyneth Paltrow or Charlotte Church to turn up. 379 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,408 Well, it's not gonna happen. 380 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,488 I've got a girlfriend. 381 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,728 No you haven't! 382 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,244 My motto is if you're gonna die 383 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,442 Then do it with a plate of cherry pie 384 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,642 Serves for country just like a man 385 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,728 Who died in a cage in Vietnam. 386 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,806 So why have you never brought her around? 387 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:32,090 Vince, where's my goldfish? 388 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,242 It's no longer in captivity. 389 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,250 My granddad's ornamental plate? 390 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:41,250 Well, that bleach was a lot stronger than I thought it was. 391 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:44,250 Where are me Roman coins? 392 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,044 In the fruit machine. 393 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,845 - Where are me trainers? - You threw them out. 394 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,645 Only cos you cut them in half. 395 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,444 What? Where are you getting at. 396 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:57,451 Everything I've ever cared about, you've ruined. 397 00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,847 Do you know what it's like Living with you, Vince? 398 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,008 You come in and it's, "Don't do that. 399 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,647 "I'm not watching this. Put your hood down. Shave that off. 400 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:09,241 "Stop wandering about. Give me your chips. Kiss my arse." 401 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,045 - That was sarcastic. - Don't interrupt. 402 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:15,243 "Get in this box, don't eat that, blow on me soup, 403 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,841 "fix me slippers, put your hood down, stare at the sun." 404 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,042 I didn't mean it. 405 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,048 I didn't do it. 406 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,880 What I'm trying to say is, Vince, for the first time in my life, 407 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,891 I've met someone really special and wonderful. 408 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,528 I'm not gonna let you ruin it. 409 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:41,045 Well, I'm sorry you feel like that. 410 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,071 And if you want to bring her around, you know, 411 00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:45,085 I promise, I'll be friendly and polite, 412 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:48,203 I won't be sarcastic or rude. 413 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:53,089 No, you're not gonna meet Eleanor. 414 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:57,603 Eleanor?! 415 00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,449 Ha ha! 416 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:02,051 What sort of name's that? 417 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,128 Eleanor! 418 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,848 Through the desert, driving that load 419 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,848 When I sees this hitcher, by the road... 420 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,247 Oh! I'll. get It! 421 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,681 He's big and mean, and needs a shave... 422 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:35,082 07700-900006. 423 00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:36,565 ' Dad? ' SPeaking_ 424 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,045 - It's me. - Ah, Vincent. 425 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,650 Yes, I'm just on my way over. 426 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,729 - You are wearing clothes, aren't you? - I'm going under a bridge. 427 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:44,524 - You're breaking up. - But, Dad... 428 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,845 I held that coyote close to me 429 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,645 In the middle of Highway 663. 430 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,603 Said, "I'm sorry, Little guy 431 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:01,608 "I didn't mean for you to die." 432 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,847 Looked in his eyes and they seemed to say 433 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,451 "Don't worry, trucker, it's the end of play. 434 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,642 "The good Lord chooses when you're out of luck 435 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:12,082 "Could have been a rattler, but I guess it was a truck." 436 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:14,809 Wow, that was really good. 437 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,251 Thanks. 438 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,248 Of course, not my best one. 439 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,044 (Glam 440 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,128 Happy? 441 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,650 You know the rules. 442 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:37,641 Plus fours and a boob tube, grass skirt, bandana. 443 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,808 Oh! What do you want? 444 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:44,448 You phoned me, you sounded a bit "uh huh, uh huh, uh huh." 445 00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:47,450 Yeah, but that was 1O minutes ago, I'm fine now. 446 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,290 Sorted myself out, as usual. 447 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,129 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 448 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,487 Your face, my arse. 449 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,408 Every time. 450 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:07,611 Vincent, I'll be straight with you. I'm about to come into a shed load of cash. 451 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,211 Oh, good news for the flip-flop Industry. 452 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:14,643 So, I thought about arranging another family holiday. 453 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,842 Without your mother, of course. 454 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,291 Forget it. 455 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:22,245 And don't try and tempt me with the extra luggage allowance. 456 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,647 I see there's no photographs 457 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,842 of your old dad. 458 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:30,851 Ah! Ha! You've still got that mug I gave you. 459 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,651 Oh, Vincent! 460 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,648 How did we end up like this? 461 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,444 Hey, don't go out there. 462 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:43,041 All I ever wanted to do was show you a new way to live. 463 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,208 Get inside, now. 464 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:49,450 Give you confidence, learn to love nature, learn to love yourself. 465 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,050 Get off my balcony. 466 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,651 Don't you want to be free, Liberated? 467 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:55,444 Oh, stop it, Dad, please. 468 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,848 Oh Vince, what are you so scared off? 469 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,281 People knowing you're my dad. 470 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:04,811 Don't you dare! 471 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,330 I'm free! 472 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,048 He is not my dad! 473 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,650 Liberate yourself! 474 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,091 Close your curtains! 475 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:16,248 God made this body! 476 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:19,124 He is not my dad! 477 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,049 - Come on, son, join me. - Get off! Get off! 478 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,684 - You know you want to. - Get off! 479 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,528 He is not my son! 480 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,251 Too sugars, please, Lad. 481 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,528 Ham sandwich? 482 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,401 I know we've only known each other couple of weeks. 483 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,647 - There's one. - Thanks. 484 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:43,529 And we've only just met up, like, three times. 485 00:26:43,541 --> 00:26:45,401 Yeah. 486 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:49,889 I just wanted to say, well, ever since we've met... 487 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,442 I think I'm in love with you. 488 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,847 No, er, I definitely am. 489 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:57,644 - Really? - Yes. 490 00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,251 That's fantastic cos I'm in love with you too. 491 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,328 - Wow, really? - Yeah. 492 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,526 - There's one! - Thanks. 493 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:10,244 Oi, Vince, you'll be pleased. 494 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,567 - No Clive today. - Is he sick? 495 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,011 No, he got a call yesterday. 496 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,441 He's made it on The Weakest Link. 497 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,528 - Filming today? - Yeah. 498 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:25,771 Clive. 499 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:27,691 Clive. 500 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,291 Clive. 501 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,527 Clive. 502 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:36,485 Dflflm 503 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:23,127 I Loved the writing process and I hated it, cos it's so hard. 504 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:24,969 There's brilliant moments in it. 505 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,089 But once people started getting involved... It's 506 00:28:28,101 --> 00:28:31,201 very exciting, there's two or three of you, 507 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,164 then you start meeting the producer and the director, 508 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,522 then suddenly all these people, it's like this snowball effect. 509 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,847 And you get to this point when you're in a studio 510 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:43,566 and you've 50 or 60 people working on something, 511 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,922 that you're responsible for, that's thrilling, that is really exciting. 512 00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:51,568 ♪ Like a bat out of hell, I'll be gone when the morning comes... ♪ 513 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,091 - Meat Loaf! - Meat Loaf. 514 00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:58,887 I got one. ♪ You took the words right out of my mouth 515 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,450 ♪ Must have been when you were kissing me ♪ 516 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,370 - That doesn't make sense. - It's Meat Loaf. 517 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:06,731 We're singing Meat Loaf songs. 518 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:10,162 We're singing songs about me having one testicle. 519 00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,407 It was like a big family and it was good fun. 520 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,886 We all got on well, had a good laugh. 521 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,764 Apart from when I was saying to people, "Don't do that! 522 00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:19,404 "Say it like this!" 523 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,048 You can see right across town. 524 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,689 0l! 525 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,768 If you like that sort of thing. 526 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,929 - What's the matter? - Oh, it's someone on roller blades. 527 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:32,485 They can be a nuisance. 528 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:35,808 Can they? I just try and distract them, see If they fall. over. 529 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,845 I do it to rollerbladers, skateboarders, cyclists... 530 00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:43,043 - I'm a cyclist. - Mm, you better watch yourself. 531 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,923 As I was writing it, 532 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,753 because you want it to be perfect and you 533 00:29:47,765 --> 00:29:50,569 realise... So many people are getting involved 534 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,648 you can't stop writing it. 535 00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:54,711 But also you've got to act In It, you've got to 536 00:29:54,723 --> 00:29:56,765 rehearse that, you've got to play a character, 537 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,804 but you also feel you're responsible for everyone else, 538 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:03,481 and in a way not being able to sort of make any separation, 539 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,524 not to go, "I've finished that, now I'm gonna do this." 540 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,769 And / wasn't very good at that, so the stress would get to you, 541 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:13,009 you'd be thinking about 72 different things at once. 542 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,042 But that was still exciting. 543 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,560 There wasn't any bad things about it. 544 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,568 Yes! 545 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:23,844 ♪ Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ♪ 546 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,520 Shouldn't leave them lying on the floor. 547 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,442 Someone could have an accident. 548 00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,482 They might slip over and go... 549 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,171 - What are you doing? - It was an accident! 550 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,804 You did that on purpose. 551 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:41,730 - It's an example of what can happen. - It did happen. 552 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:43,888 See? It's a good example. 553 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:48,847 Basically the idea was that you built the flat in the studio... 554 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:50,931 and out the window, 555 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,554 they took a huge photograph of what the view out 556 00:30:53,566 --> 00:30:56,171 of a flat on the 15th storey would be like. 557 00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,682 Huge photograph, and [it it and placed it in such a way 558 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,291 that they could Light it for day and night, 559 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:06,405 and it's amazing, you Look out of it and it looks like you're in the tower block. 560 00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:10,490 James Dillon, the art director, did a fantastic job of making that seem... 561 00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:14,241 We had a brill/ant team of technical people, and you can see that. 562 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,391 One of the things people love and go on and 563 00:31:17,403 --> 00:31:20,526 on about the show are [is style and [is pace. 564 00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:24,645 That's one thing very particular about the show, is the style and the pace of it. 565 00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,040 It was all scripted, and we'd rehearse it as scripted, 566 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:31,243 but if somebody came up with a better Line, we'd put it in. 567 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:36,002 If something didn't work, it sounded clumsy in the mouth, we didn't improvise. 568 00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,913 We'd improvise in the sense that if somebody 569 00:31:38,925 --> 00:31:41,809 came up with a line that made it funnier, 570 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:43,649 I'd say, "Yeah, keep that in." 571 00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:47,241 But I'd also be quite strict, if I thought that was the gag, 572 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,090 you couldn't do something which compromised it. 573 00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:53,203 And that used to frustrate some actors, and I'm not... 574 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,449 You know, Mark's the director and I'm not a director 575 00:31:56,480 --> 00:32:01,122 but I'd sweated blood writing these jokes, I didn't want them to be wasted. 576 00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,208 So I would actually stop people and say, 577 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,210 "What you're doing in that earlier part of the scene 578 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:10,165 "is taking the comedy away from the joke later on, 579 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,043 "so can you stop doing that?" 580 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:14,014 And everyone would be going, 'This ls great, 581 00:32:14,026 --> 00:32:15,971 ' but I'd say, 'No, that's the joke, ' 582 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,570 and also the plot point, 583 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,693 and it's quite hard saying that to people 584 00:32:19,705 --> 00:32:21,810 because I don't have the tact of a director. 585 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:24,963 G©flu E 586 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,401 Yes! Agh! 587 00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:28,805 This is one of those perfect days. 588 00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:33,127 No, I'd no ambitions to write a sitcom. I had no ambition even to make a radio show. 589 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,766 I thought I'd just carry on doing good stand-up 590 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,804 and eventually, my comedy life would just get better. 591 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,888 I didn't realise you had to create things. 592 00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:46,802 It was Dan Freedman, he was a stand-up and was doing a lot of radio stuff 593 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:50,003 and he 'd started working at the BBC, a radio produce/I 594 00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:53,249 / was doing some gigs and he said, "Why don '2' you do something for radio?" 595 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:56,727 / said, â€What?" He said, â€You just come up with an idea and they make it." 596 00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,491 I said, 'It doesn't happen like that. ' 597 00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:03,320 And he encouraged me to do it and he produced the first two series. 598 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:06,125 Wouldn't bother watching this, it's rubbish. 599 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,288 I don't mind. 600 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,721 Now we have on display some buried treasure... 601 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,525 How Long do you reckon you'll be sitting there? 602 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:17,929 I don't know. 603 00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:21,525 I thought the only funny people were stand-ups. 604 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:23,289 Then I met all these writers... 605 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,085 That was more on Buzzcocks, the same for me. 606 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:31,365 We'd for years just been surrounded by stand-up comedy and stand-up comics, 607 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:36,850 and you always assumed these were the elite, and I think far from that nowadays, 608 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,565 once you meet other people in other areas of comedy. 609 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:43,366 Of all the many forms of comedy, stand-up is almost, er... 610 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:46,404 the least noble, if you're gonna use those terms. 611 00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,250 No, I think those hidden camera shows are pretty rubbish. 612 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:52,568 Oi! No urinating in the pool 613 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,011 I wasn't! 614 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,646 You're seven years old, you're bound to be. 615 00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:59,923 A lot of sitcoms have that flat bit where you have exposition. 616 00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:02,884 Someone's got to get from A to B or whatever. 617 00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:07,642 I thought, 'We'll. just get rid of that, fill. It with loads of gags.' 618 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:11,604 It might have been a bit confusing for that reason as well. 619 00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:13,830 People might have Listened to it and thought, 620 00:34:13,842 --> 00:34:16,043 "I thought it was a story, now there's..." 621 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:21,246 Wasn't there like a sound effect of a lift going down that explained it very quickly? 622 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,647 Then Mark, the director for the TV show, 623 00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:27,321 came up with the idea of the wipe, we just wiped the screen. 624 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:31,410 So you get the sense you're either going... You'd either go across to another room, 625 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:35,923 or down or up, and that gave a sense of "We can move anywhere we want." 626 00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:37,962 Can I have my pants back? 627 00:34:39,240 --> 00:34:42,511 I had this rule that that nothing could happen 628 00:34:42,523 --> 00:34:45,805 in the flats that wasn't physically plausible, 629 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,207 or socially plausible, 630 00:34:48,240 --> 00:34:51,608 so everything, there had to be a reason It could happen. 631 00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:55,645 You couldn't have someone Living with a penguin, you couldn't have... 632 00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:58,570 The sort of thing that might happen in a sketch show. 633 00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:00,841 There's a whole show of a bloke Living with a pony. 634 00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:06,924 It's not a horse. 635 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:09,486 That could never happen! I'd go, "it's a comedy show!" 636 00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:13,570 And this is exactly it, we'd have these arbitrary lines that we draw 637 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:17,047 when you go, "You couldn't live with a penguin but you could with a pony!" 638 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:21,369 - And we all have those arbitrary lines. - But you couldn't with a penguin. 639 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:25,200 There's one that you'll stick to to the day you die and I'll never agree. 640 00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:27,766 Why don't you get rid of it? 641 00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,087 You haven't got kids, have you? 642 00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:32,202 Just because I live in a tower block 643 00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:35,483 doesn't mean to say my Little princess can't have an 'horse. 644 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,569 It'd have been better if she wanted a bike. 645 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:40,045 Yeah, I suppose so. 646 00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:45,564 We built up a working relationship where we sort of were in tune and... 647 00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:48,234 We'd known each other for a long, Long time. 648 00:35:48,246 --> 00:35:50,891 Since we started doing stand-up really. 649 00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:55,721 And in fact we happened to both be fans of each other. 650 00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:58,490 Quite often when someone's a fan of yours, it's 651 00:35:58,502 --> 00:36:01,244 like, "That's unfortunate, cos I think you stink." 652 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:04,249 That's actually a really, really bad reflection 653 00:36:04,261 --> 00:36:07,242 on me, on my own work, what I've done. 654 00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:10,272 It's very rare that you find two stand-ups and, 655 00:36:10,284 --> 00:36:13,287 well, I hope so, we're big fans of each other. 656 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:15,513 All right, we'll go out for a drink sometime. 657 00:36:15,525 --> 00:36:17,049 Yeah. 658 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:20,641 Yeah. I'll see if there's space in my diary. 659 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,445 - OK. - Plenty of space in my pants... 660 00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:25,721 Ahem. See you tomorrow. 661 00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:28,484 When you write comedy, 662 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,210 particularly for stand-up, when we're kind 663 00:36:31,222 --> 00:36:33,924 of known as much for personae for material, 664 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,247 um, you kind of write to that strength. 665 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:41,525 But If you're a comedy fan - I'll. laugh at slapstick as much as anyone else - 666 00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:46,487 and Sean's natural performance style is much more wacky than mine. 667 00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:48,648 Mine is much more cynical than yours. 668 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:52,162 But actually when we write, there's a complete crossover. 669 00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:55,727 In real life, I'm hardly happy-go-Lucky, 670 00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:59,367 but I would write a lot more wacky stuff with you because that was in the room. 671 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,249 Which you'd never use yourself. 672 00:37:01,261 --> 00:37:03,121 And you'd write more cynical stuff than me 673 00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,766 because I have that element in me and you have that... 674 00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:10,044 And in fact I remember when we wrote... It might have been Leaving The 20th Century, 675 00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:13,209 there was a joke about swans and another writer 676 00:37:13,221 --> 00:37:16,361 said, "I can tell what was Sean's line," 677 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,607 and I said, "No, that wasn't Sean's line." 678 00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,928 Often people would say, "Sean wrote that bit." "No, I wrote that bit." 679 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,930 I might not have written it if Sean hadn't been in the room but I did, 680 00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:28,328 - "Swans!" - Yeah, that was all it is, rubbish. 681 00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,409 That's why they thought it was Sean. But... 682 00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:35,650 But it's weird, there is a sort of meeting ground of stuff 683 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,729 that we maybe wouldn't have come up with on our own. 684 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,290 You couldn't have taken it all this way round the Becket Centre. 685 00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:45,322 Maybe you went through the church yard. 686 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,408 No, there's no way I'd do that. 687 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:50,250 - Hey, your back wheel's going round! - It's a plough! 688 00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:53,284 Who do you think you are, Michael Schumacher? 689 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:56,290 You could only say that if I'm driving a car. 690 00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:59,130 ♪ I got a brand-new combine ham/ester! 691 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:00,571 It's a plough! 692 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,364 Why don't you just ignore them? 693 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,136 I don't mind abuse as Long as it's accurate. 694 00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:07,050 What are you doing with that plough, you twat? 695 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:08,491 Ignore him, Errol 696 00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:12,208 One of the nice things working with you, 697 00:38:12,220 --> 00:38:14,120 Mark - I really did like working with Mark - 698 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:16,173 was I didn't feel like I was the one who was 699 00:38:16,185 --> 00:38:18,210 always going, "Come on, come on, come on." 700 00:38:18,240 --> 00:38:21,289 Which when it's my own project, often I... you are. 701 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,851 It's quite nice to have somebody who pushes 702 00:38:23,863 --> 00:38:26,406 you, pushes themselves as hard as you want. 703 00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:31,002 And Martin Trenaman, who has as equal a contribution as Mark, 704 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,042 in some shows more, whatever. 705 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,765 It's great, Martin's more passive. 706 00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:39,270 He's a great writer to work with, but I would 707 00:38:39,282 --> 00:38:42,763 be the one going, "What shall we...? Come on." 708 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,394 It was quite a relief for me when Mark would 709 00:38:45,406 --> 00:38:48,011 come in in this fiurry of energy and cigarettes. 710 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:53,206 And just go, "Right!" It was like working in a microwave, everything was speeded up. 711 00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:56,005 So you just have to go, "Gotta keep up!" Really like holding on. 712 00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:59,089 When you told Martin this he was really upset 713 00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:03,091 cos it sounded like you were reflecting badly on him and it's not. 714 00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:05,202 It's just two different ways of working. 715 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,409 Oi! Is that for me? 716 00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:19,249 Put it on the slab. 717 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,402 Oi! Where's my kiss? 718 00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,283 I thought it was a wind-up! 719 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:31,244 No. Everybody does It. It's tradition! 720 00:39:33,240 --> 00:39:35,447 That other bloke didn't give you a kiss. 721 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:38,802 We're saving it up, we're gonna have a good old snog. 722 00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:46,830 One of my favourite scenes in the whole 723 00:39:46,842 --> 00:39:49,043 series, I don't why it's my favourite scene, 724 00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:52,453 it's in the first series and it's the one where 725 00:39:52,465 --> 00:39:55,850 I'm teaching this sort of Page 3 girl to swim, 726 00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:57,882 and her husband is a bit mad, outside. 727 00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:01,561 And I Look through the spyhole and you see a girl in a sari, just from behind, 728 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:03,443 and she's got this silver sari on. 729 00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:06,114 And she waiting for a Lift... She's waiting 730 00:40:06,126 --> 00:40:08,771 for a Lift. I went into pidgin English then! 731 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:10,689 And she just boots the lift. 732 00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,760 And I really liked that for some reason 733 00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:19,009 cos it was like a Little snapshot of something you don't normally see. 734 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:23,125 You don't normally see girls in saris booting Lifts. I don't know why. 735 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,891 And it was those Little images I was trying to capture, 736 00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,207 funny Little observations that you... 737 00:40:28,240 --> 00:40:30,049 You know if you go out for a walk 738 00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:34,404 and you come home and you see your wife or your friend, whatever, and you say, 739 00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:38,126 "I just saw a very strange thing happen in the park." 740 00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:40,322 Just those Little observations that you see. 741 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:43,364 So I was trying to build up a picture of those. 742 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:48,088 But the characters in the flats, they were jokes. They were all joke-based. 743 00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:50,122 So they weren't really... 744 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:52,367 I wouldn't say it's a character-based show 745 00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,927 like a sketch show that is rammed with crazy characters. 746 00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:57,564 It was more about scenarios. 747 00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:03,687 Even you and Benny didn't have particularly defined characters. 748 00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,522 Benny did more than me, I suppose. 749 00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:09,803 Yeah, but they weren't... They're not that crucial. 750 00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:15,529 And they didn't always necessarily motor along or motivate the plots. 751 00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:16,971 No. 752 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,269 Well, yes and no. I don't know really. I'd 753 00:41:19,281 --> 00:41:21,562 have to have a really long think about that. 754 00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:23,887 - The characters... - Hey, we'll wait. 755 00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:26,443 Meow! 756 00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,041 Meow! Meow! 757 00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:35,847 The characters were sort of those kind of comic folks that you need for each other, 758 00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:39,726 - but Benny, as I was saying earlier... - They were actually a Little bit... 759 00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,813 I was gonna say Laurel and Hardy, but they're 760 00:41:41,825 --> 00:41:43,890 any classic double act, aren't they? 761 00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:47,129 The idiot who knows everything and the idiot who knows nothing. 762 00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:48,685 - Master-servant. - Yeah. 763 00:41:48,720 --> 00:41:50,449 My flat. 764 00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:54,280 And we never wrote... We didn't write the part for a Chinese actor. 765 00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,722 It took ages, I couldn't see anybody in this flat with me. 766 00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:02,049 Then Benny came in and he just seemed to make sense of it from there. 767 00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,890 Hello, Mum. It's your third youngest here. 768 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,207 Errol The Chinese one. 769 00:42:07,240 --> 00:42:10,449 How are you all? Did Barn; get that job? 770 00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:12,608 He's the one with the lisp. 771 00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:14,927 I hope so. I like him. 772 00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:19,965 Well, I'm Living in a tower block. My flatmates name's Vince. 773 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,209 He's all right. He seems a bit confused. 774 00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:27,040 Yesterday I told him about Uncle Ray's phone number problem. 775 00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,651 He's just told it back to me as if it was his story. 776 00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:35,403 The idea of Vince was, and partly the idea of the show, why he was like that, 777 00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:37,681 and the show was like that... 778 00:42:37,720 --> 00:42:41,327 There's a lot of people in London who kind of get washed up in a place. 779 00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:44,967 And they don't necessarily take part in normal life, 780 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:48,800 they don't have families, they don't interact socially, 781 00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,844 they lose touch with their friends, people move on in life. 782 00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:55,202 Some people, all their friends move on, get married, they move out, 783 00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:58,722 they get left on a shelf, and that was what Vince was like. 784 00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:01,650 Continually finding new ways to isolate himself, 785 00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:05,002 protect himself from actually recognising what his Life was like. 786 00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:09,329 So that was really the sort of template for it, the idea for it anyway. 787 00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:12,250 And I could see, I've done that at points in my life. 788 00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:15,409 And London's a very easy place to do that, to just disappear. 789 00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:18,887 Yet you're surrounded by people, things happen, you meet people every day. 790 00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,241 And it was about conversations with strangers. 791 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,874 At one point, three or four weeks, I was Living 792 00:43:23,886 --> 00:43:26,491 somewhere and I only spoke to strangers. 793 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,842 Apart from the odd conversation on the phone with friends or family. 794 00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:33,885 You have to travel two hours across London to see like a friend, for example, 795 00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:36,093 if you've chosen to live in some obscure part 796 00:43:36,105 --> 00:43:38,289 of southeast London, and that would be it, 797 00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:40,448 so that was kind of the Life it was. 798 00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:45,646 And then with him it seemed to be comically more, much easier, 799 00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:47,887 for him to be a misery. 800 00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:50,924 Someone who didn't want to get involved in the world. 801 00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:53,884 Now, if I was to do it again I'd change that. 802 00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:57,811 I think one of the flaws in a lot of English sitcom characters 803 00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:02,084 is they aren't complicated enough, they tend to be a bit one note. 804 00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:04,054 I know someone who'd enjoy your classes. 805 00:44:04,066 --> 00:44:06,011 Send her along. 806 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,042 I warn you, she can't take a joke. 807 00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:10,287 Is it your girlfriend? 808 00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:11,560 No. 809 00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:13,728 No. No way. 810 00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,809 No. I can't really see you with a girl. Or a bloke. 811 00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:19,562 - What do you mean? - You're a bit funny. 812 00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:21,431 One of the girls said you're creepy, but I 813 00:44:21,443 --> 00:44:23,286 said, "No, he's all right, just a bit weird." 814 00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:25,721 What? W-Weird? What... What sort of...? 815 00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:30,607 Ooh-ooh-ooh! 816 00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:33,246 - What's he doing? - Idiot. 817 00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:37,968 He's funny. Oh, I was gonna ask you - what are you doing tomorrow night? 818 00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:41,083 Oh, nothing. Why, you, er, thinking of...? 819 00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:45,011 No. No, no, no, it's Darren's birthday and we thought it'd be a Laugh 820 00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:46,911 if only one of us turns up at the pub and he 821 00:44:46,923 --> 00:44:48,806 thinks he's got to spend all night with you, 822 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:51,491 and you go for a meal and we're all at the restaurant. 823 00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:54,091 Ooh-ooh! 824 00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:57,883 Such an arsehole. 825 00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:00,922 You don't wanna do it? 826 00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:02,769 No, I'll do it. 827 00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:04,910 It's very difficult to work with a character 828 00:45:04,922 --> 00:45:07,044 to maintain a story and their characteristics 829 00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:10,209 if you make them more open and you suddenly see this other side to them. 830 00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:12,242 You say, "Why would he do that, then?" 831 00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,811 It makes writing the plots easier if you know, 832 00:45:14,823 --> 00:45:17,366 "In this situation he's gonna do that." 833 00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:19,926 - The audience know that... - I can't remember instances 834 00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:22,571 but I remember times suggesting Vince'd do 835 00:45:22,583 --> 00:45:25,205 this and you went, "Vince wouldn't do that." 836 00:45:25,240 --> 00:45:27,561 And I've got to say a few times, I was like... 837 00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:28,601 "He might." 838 00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:30,845 - Ah! - Careful. 839 00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:34,723 All right, mate? 840 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:36,444 Is there a doctor? 841 00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:41,407 I love this. This bit is when this guy's had a heart attack. 842 00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,789 We don't know what's happened to and someone 843 00:45:43,801 --> 00:45:46,162 asks the dassic; 'is there a doctor?' 844 00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:49,647 Everyone's going, "No, no medical experience." 845 00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:54,129 And they're going Lower down the ranks of people who have got any use. 846 00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:55,969 Anyone know first aid? 847 00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:59,129 Anyone a first aider? There must be a first aider. 848 00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,811 - Well, I'm a lifeguard. - Oh, fantastic! 849 00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:05,287 Every time I see this bit where he, um... 850 00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:08,369 basically gives a tracheotomy to someone 851 00:46:08,381 --> 00:46:11,441 who's just had a bit of asthma or something. 852 00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:15,091 Ooooh! 853 00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:16,969 You see him run out of this huddle and 854 00:46:16,981 --> 00:46:18,841 everyone's going, "Ooh!" like a great doctor, 855 00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,486 and he's just got blood dripping from his hands. 856 00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:30,207 Do you know where the toilets are round here? 857 00:46:30,240 --> 00:46:31,730 Oh, thanks, cheers. 858 00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:33,671 I had this routine in my act, which was... 859 00:46:33,683 --> 00:46:35,606 Which is the end of the show. 860 00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,007 Yeah, I thought I'd really like to use that. 861 00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:42,523 It was all about queuing up at an airport and being told your flights been oversold. 862 00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:46,884 And it happened to me on the way to Ireland to the Kilkenny festival. 863 00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:50,720 And what I actually said was, I went, "Oh, Jesus!" 864 00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:54,526 And then later I said, "I can't believe this, we've been waiting fucking ages," 865 00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:56,483 and people went, "Oh, dear!" 866 00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:59,649 And I remember - I didn't say anything - I remember thinking, 867 00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:01,887 "That's what swearing's meant for." 868 00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:05,811 And I got this whole idea about this is what swearing is meant for. 869 00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:09,401 The key phrase is, "There's no call for that kind of language..." 870 00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:11,761 This is why swearing was invented. 871 00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:13,802 Look, we have oversold the flight. 872 00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:15,888 You have to go on the next flight. 873 00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:19,481 What the fuck do you think you're doing, selling my fucking ticket? 874 00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:22,046 Really, sir, there is no need to swear. 875 00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,287 Yes, there is. There is a need to swear. 876 00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:26,550 Oh, very much so, in fact it's situations like 877 00:47:26,562 --> 00:47:28,803 this that swearing was fucking invented for. 878 00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:30,604 This is why we've got swear words. 879 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:34,770 The word "fuck" was created for exactly moments like this. 880 00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:38,725 Listen to it. Fuck, I'm not going on my fucking flight. 881 00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,809 I won't be going to fucking Fin-fucking-land. 882 00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:45,162 I bet they don't have this problem in Japan, do they? No. 883 00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:48,090 Because over there everything works, doesn't It? 884 00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:50,202 Everyone does their job. 885 00:47:50,240 --> 00:47:53,210 You buy a ticket, you go to the airport, you get on a plane. 886 00:47:53,240 --> 00:47:55,607 Yippee! Yeah! 887 00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:58,041 I don't even know if I wanna go to fucking Finland. 888 00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:02,491 Yeah! 889 00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:06,206 Vince! Vince! Vince! Vince! Vince! 890 00:48:06,240 --> 00:48:10,211 Vince! Vince! Vince! Vince! Vince! 891 00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:17,085 I'm Lovely! 891 00:48:18,305 --> 00:48:24,946 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from SubtitleDB.org