1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:03,216 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) 2 00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:24,454 I'm terribly sorry, I just have to... em... not be with you. 3 00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:26,178 I'll be right back. 4 00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:30,689 You rang? What did you say to her? 5 00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:32,418 I said I'd be right back. 6 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,650 But I had my fingers crossed. 7 00:00:34,740 --> 00:00:36,696 My employer wishes to speak with you. 8 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,172 Enjoying the club? 9 00:00:50,260 --> 00:00:51,932 Ghastly, isn't it? 10 00:00:52,020 --> 00:00:53,931 The music? 11 00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:56,454 The music, of course, is unpardonable. 12 00:00:58,820 --> 00:01:01,493 Everywhere I hear this name. My name? 13 00:01:01,580 --> 00:01:04,617 The company for which you are not quite a partner. 14 00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:06,940 Widely spoken of. (MUSIC STOPS) 15 00:01:06,940 --> 00:01:10,216 That's impressive. We can talk. 16 00:01:10,300 --> 00:01:12,052 You must be well-acquainted with the management. 17 00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:14,973 I seldom acquaint myself with management at all. 18 00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:25,936 He bought Annabel's? Yup. 19 00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:29,649 When? Last night. He arrived at nine o'clock. 20 00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:31,412 At ten, he summoned his lawyers. 21 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:35,539 At eleven, they informed the management that their client wished to buy the club. 22 00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:38,373 By midnight, it was his. Bloody hellfire. 23 00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:41,418 Fascinating. Martin, the real world beckons. 24 00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,500 In half an hour we have Princess Michael 25 00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:45,934 who's got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. 26 00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:47,500 She can't help that. 27 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,775 No, she had an altercation with traffic wardens. 28 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:52,852 Oh. (Mouths) Moreover... 29 00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:55,300 I have never heard an anecdote 30 00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:57,575 so deliberately protracted to conceal information. 31 00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,980 What aren't you telling us, Jamie? Who is he? 32 00:01:59,980 --> 00:02:02,619 His name's Reza, R-E-Z-A. 33 00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:03,940 Reza what? 34 00:02:03,940 --> 00:02:05,851 His surname you'll find difficult to pronounce. 35 00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:07,931 But he's the real international deal. 36 00:02:08,020 --> 00:02:09,578 Harrow, Harvard. 37 00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:12,180 Thereafter intelligent guidance of the family shipping money, 38 00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:14,614 conducted mostly from the deck of his yacht. 39 00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:19,500 He's a real gent. And what's more - he's heard that we're the best. 40 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,460 We are the best, what does he want? 41 00:02:21,460 --> 00:02:23,416 He wants to buy British Airways. 42 00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:27,493 If the smell of rat gets any stronger, I shall vomit Niagarishly. 43 00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,536 Jamie. 44 00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:31,417 What's his name? 45 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:37,055 Bin Laden. 46 00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:41,418 One minute! 47 00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,218 He wants to buy British Airways. 48 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:46,292 He has the experience in business and he has the clout. 49 00:02:46,380 --> 00:02:49,133 Above all, he has the money. He has so much money. 50 00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:51,180 He's the cousin of the most execrated man on the planet. 51 00:02:51,180 --> 00:02:54,377 We can finesse that. Charles? 42 seconds. 52 00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:55,980 It's not like you to refuse a challenge. 53 00:02:55,980 --> 00:03:00,098 But very like me not to embrace a gross imbecility on a whim. 54 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:03,855 Unless it's my own. Anything else? All we need do is change his name. 55 00:03:03,940 --> 00:03:08,331 The precedent's right there. That's not Elizabeth Saxe Coburg Gothe. 56 00:03:08,420 --> 00:03:10,020 That's Betty Windsor, bless her. 57 00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:13,171 Actually, it's Charles Darwin. Common mistake. Probably the beard. 58 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,380 Please. Sort Princess Mickey out 59 00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:18,531 and shoot straight down to the Savoy, just meet this guy. 60 00:03:18,620 --> 00:03:20,212 He's got something about him. 61 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,858 Semtex, probably. 62 00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:24,773 And your minute is up. 63 00:03:24,860 --> 00:03:27,010 Martin... 64 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:30,452 Oh, God, very well. 65 00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:33,380 We can give Sir Reza Blades Bin Bloody Liner 66 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,655 a quick once-over, can't we, Charles? 67 00:03:38,180 --> 00:03:39,580 Thank you, Martin. 68 00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:42,378 We should take Alison with us - he likes sophisticated women. 69 00:03:43,940 --> 00:03:46,500 You have to concede she is a woman. 70 00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:53,014 This way, please. ALISON: Ow! 71 00:03:55,140 --> 00:03:57,051 She's unwell? 72 00:03:57,140 --> 00:04:01,292 That's one of the euphemisms we use for her, yes. 73 00:04:01,380 --> 00:04:03,336 I'm fine, it's just... There. 74 00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:05,940 Safe as houses. Right, let's go and meet Mr Hussein... 75 00:04:05,940 --> 00:04:06,929 Bin Laden. 76 00:04:07,020 --> 00:04:08,533 Whatever. 77 00:04:11,380 --> 00:04:13,336 Jesus Christ! 78 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,740 If Christ were a shooting man, Mr McCabe, 79 00:04:15,740 --> 00:04:17,856 doubtless he would shoot Purdeys. 80 00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:20,500 I'll take the pair. 81 00:04:20,580 --> 00:04:22,855 But let us discuss British Airways. 82 00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:24,453 Jamie I know. 83 00:04:24,540 --> 00:04:28,692 You are Charles Prentiss. But who is this ravishing creature? 84 00:04:29,860 --> 00:04:31,452 Oh... 85 00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:36,172 Oh, I'm so sorry. Never mind, nobody was hurt. 86 00:04:36,260 --> 00:04:38,300 Yes, I'm afraid we're required by law 87 00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:40,689 to employ a certain number of people like her. 88 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:44,216 It's my pleasure to meet you, Alison. Er, now, Mr Bin Laden... 89 00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:47,900 my work experience boy says you're interested in making a hostile bid 90 00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:50,095 for the company in question. 91 00:04:50,180 --> 00:04:52,860 Hostile in what respect? I'll offer substantially over the odds for it. 92 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:56,409 Please sit. Tea? Thank you, yes. 93 00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:59,173 A great English class indicator. 94 00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:05,096 My mother used to characterise arrivistes as rather M I F - Milk In First. 95 00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:08,500 I continue to insist that my tea is served with the milk in first 96 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,218 as a matter of adolescent defiance. 97 00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:12,980 But that does not make me an unfit person 98 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,130 to possess a great British institution. 99 00:05:17,780 --> 00:05:20,977 MARTIN: I must ask you this, Mr, er, Mr Bin Laden... 100 00:05:21,060 --> 00:05:23,620 because the shareholders certainly will, 101 00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:27,010 as indeed will the public at large - why British Airways? 102 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:30,340 Lord Hanson bought the London Brick Company because he likes bricks. 103 00:05:30,340 --> 00:05:33,013 So you like to fly? 104 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,819 Not particularly. What I like is the Britishness. 105 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,856 The captain's authority. 106 00:05:37,940 --> 00:05:41,091 The beef-faced stewardess pretending to be a debutante. 107 00:05:41,180 --> 00:05:44,780 The livery, the uniform, the salute, the glacial smile, 108 00:05:44,780 --> 00:05:46,260 the comfortable discipline. 109 00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:47,329 The salute? 110 00:05:47,420 --> 00:05:51,732 Does the captain not salute you when you board a British Airways flight? 111 00:05:51,820 --> 00:05:54,288 Not usually, no. 112 00:05:54,380 --> 00:05:55,813 He salutes me. 113 00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:59,893 Monica, memo. Every passenger to be saluted by the captain. 114 00:05:59,980 --> 00:06:03,416 But why not something else British which isn't BA? 115 00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:06,173 Marks and Sparks? They've gone right off the rails. 116 00:06:06,260 --> 00:06:08,900 You could have that for sixpence and a pair of tracksuit bottoms. 117 00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:10,856 The price is immaterial. 118 00:06:10,940 --> 00:06:12,373 JAMIE: May we speak frankly? 119 00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:14,780 People do not go to Marks and Spencer 120 00:06:14,780 --> 00:06:17,897 in order to fly in safety and comfort to another continent. 121 00:06:17,980 --> 00:06:22,220 In this respect, the name Bin Laden could be a... disincentive 122 00:06:22,220 --> 00:06:24,256 for prospective passengers. 123 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,251 We need to change your name. 124 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:30,934 There, you see, you don't mind at all. 125 00:06:31,020 --> 00:06:35,172 Jamie said that if I said that, there'd be some kind of explosion. 126 00:06:35,260 --> 00:06:38,650 Obviously, I don't mean explosion in the sense of bombs going off. 127 00:06:38,740 --> 00:06:43,860 My dear, the object of the exercise is to rehabilitate the name of my family. 128 00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:48,497 You must understand that. 129 00:06:51,380 --> 00:06:53,211 Osama is a bad egg. 130 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:57,259 What's worse, he's a dreadful bore. But Bin Laden is a noble house. 131 00:06:57,340 --> 00:06:59,740 And I shall see its name established 132 00:06:59,740 --> 00:07:02,254 in the heart and soul of Anglo-Saxon respectability. 133 00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:06,299 British Airways. Precisely. But I am no fool. 134 00:07:06,380 --> 00:07:08,220 I know the nation must be persuaded. 135 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:10,893 Are you equal to the task? Naturally. 136 00:07:10,980 --> 00:07:12,891 Although it may take some time. 137 00:07:12,980 --> 00:07:14,660 At four o'clock this afternoon 138 00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:16,412 I shall interview your rivals Pottinger and Bell. 139 00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:18,780 Unless, that is, I hear your detailed proposal first. 140 00:07:18,780 --> 00:07:20,611 Time enough? Plenty. 141 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,000 Paul Getty. Yes. 142 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:30,955 Go on. 143 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:35,875 Reza Bin Laden, the discreet, publicity-spurning philanthropist, 144 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,713 the altruistic supporter of charity. 145 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,960 Didn't somebody do something anonymous that was rather remarkable? 146 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:42,949 Guide Dogs. 147 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:46,555 They got ten million from a benefactor who doesn't wish to be named. 148 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,600 That's right, well, that was him. That was Reza. 149 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,591 Was it? Ali, do try. 150 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:52,591 CHARLES: Reza was the donor. 151 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,989 And he doesn't want to be named. 152 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,400 And we can't name him because it wasn't actually him, 153 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,153 but we can let it be known that he jolly well was. 154 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:01,719 Yes, still... 155 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,677 Bloody guide dogs, though. 156 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,354 What about Andrew Lloyd Webber? 157 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:10,115 I don't think I'd be drawn to a bloke who stumped up ten million quid 158 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,120 for the propagation of Andrew Lloyd Weber. 159 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:13,109 You remember. 160 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,715 He bought that big Cannelloni for the nation... Canaletto. 161 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,314 (SNIGGERS) What IS the matter with you? 162 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,200 All you ever do is pick and sneer. 163 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,237 All you had to do this morning was flap your hooters at a client. 164 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,560 Children, children. 165 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,711 Perfect. Reza buys the Cannelloni. 166 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,594 Hans Holbein's Ambassadors. 167 00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,797 The National Gallery's most admired possession. 168 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:45,189 I like it. 169 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,635 Naturally I should like to buy the original. 170 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,392 Well, you can't. 171 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,914 It is our understanding that within a year 172 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,151 this great national treasure will only be available to view 173 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:59,870 by visiting the downstairs lavatory of a certain Japanese collector. 174 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,554 If that were allowed to happen, it would be an outrage. 175 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,154 Wouldn't it? Luckily, there is one man 176 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:09,438 to whom an anxious art-Ioving nation can turn in this emergency. 177 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,398 Well... I am honoured to be of service. 178 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:16,678 The Japanese is rumoured to be offering £30 million. 179 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,160 I offer 31. 180 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:22,551 Then I think I can confidently state that the painting will be yours. 181 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:25,200 A small ceremony, I think, don't you, Martin, 182 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,720 marking the return of the picture to its rightful owners? 183 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:30,109 Small ceremony, in impeccable taste. 184 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,237 Or a great big blowsy one with Hello! And footballers. 185 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:34,958 CHARLES: Why not both? 186 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,873 The National trousers the cheque and opens a new wing. 187 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,871 The Bin Laden Wing. 188 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,200 Why not? 189 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,998 One thing. The Japanese are not beloved of the Brits, 190 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:48,200 but they don't seem quite adequate as objects of resentment and vilification. 191 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,679 Did you say Japanese? 192 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:51,512 I meant French. 193 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,511 Hmm. 194 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:57,114 Monica. Call Mssrs. Pottinger and Bell. 195 00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:01,159 Beg to advise them that Mr Bin Laden has representation in this country, 196 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:04,312 and so their attendance this afternoon is not required. 197 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,708 Insouciance. That's the word. 198 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:13,112 That, I think, is what one aspires to. The ability to say, 199 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,240 "I offer 31," like that, shrugging, 200 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,959 and people in the room not thinking, "What a wanker," 201 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,160 because they know you've got the money 202 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,390 and they know you really, really don't care. 203 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,391 It is style, Charles, it is elan. 204 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:27,439 It is the fee. It is the fee. Christ! 205 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:31,120 Pull this off and one could live in the country like a gentleman 206 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,111 and fret about one's vegetables. 207 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,272 Fretting about one's vegetables is rather what we do now. 208 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,909 Yes, God, yes, Jamie, stupid boy. 209 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:43,000 His behaviour is becoming very resistible. Shall I have a word? 210 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,991 You have matron's touch. 211 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,311 I shall always remember it. 212 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,958 Listen, Charles. 213 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:53,200 We bagged the client and that's money in the bank and that's dandy. 214 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,952 But Bin Laden, Charles?! 215 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:58,555 A sackful of bloody Holbeins won't swing that. 216 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,119 No. It needs an interview. 217 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:01,480 Something soft. 218 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,950 Something soft with the appearance of something hard. 219 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,634 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 220 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,314 That, Martin, would be my worst nightmare. 221 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:14,280 We have favours up our sleeves and favours up our sleeves 222 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,078 but we have ONE favour up our sleeve. 223 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,720 Oh, that particular favour is so far up our sleeve 224 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,597 that it'll never come down. 225 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,148 Oh, I think it'll come down all right. 226 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,200 I've seen the agricultural photographs 227 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,112 featuring the individual in question. So's he. 228 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,668 They are not to be forgotten. 229 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:36,594 Blackmail? A mutually beneficial amnesia. 230 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,398 I endeavour to forget what I saw. 231 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,596 He contrives to forget how to do his job. 232 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,200 Reza runs the gauntlet 233 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:46,591 of the toughest interrogation on television and emerges unscathed. 234 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,955 Let's do it. 235 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,600 Not happy about this, McCabe. 236 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:57,478 Well, I don't suppose the beater was delighted. 237 00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,073 Must've been quite a shock. 238 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,435 But my memory of the image is rapidly fading. 239 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:04,910 In just five minutes, it will be... poof! Completely gone. 240 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,468 Hmm. As with you. 241 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,680 It was disclosed today that the National Gallery 242 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,591 may have been involved in secret negotiations 243 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:19,120 with an unnamed French businessman to buy one of the gallery's 244 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,440 most valuable assets - Holbein's The Ambassadors. 245 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:22,960 The spokesman declined... 246 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,678 Looking good, Reza. 247 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:29,151 ...confirmed that the Gallery had received a donation of £31 million 248 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:34,268 from "a continental philanthropist." His name is Reza Bin Laden. 249 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:37,909 He is indeed related to Osama - he's his cousin - and he joins me now. 250 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,150 Mr Bin Laden, what the hell's going on? 251 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:43,520 £31 million is an astonishing amount of money to be chucking about. 252 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:44,475 Is it?! 253 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,039 BOTH: Yes, it is. 254 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,634 I suppose it is. Well, Mr Crossman... 255 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,040 Jonathan. ...Jonathan. 256 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,440 I heard the rumour, like everyone else, that this awful Frog... 257 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,760 You can't say "awful Frog"! Yes, you can. 258 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:57,715 He's loving it. 259 00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,400 Try perfidious Frenchman. 260 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,520 ...perfidious Frenchman, if you will, 261 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:05,069 was manoeuvring to buy this fabulous painting, and I thought it's not on. 262 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:08,357 I contacted the Gallery, who were unable to give me a straight answer. 263 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,273 So I said, if there were a "perfidious F" 264 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,715 trying to buy this painting, how much might he be offering? 265 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,758 "£30 million." I said, "If I give you a cheque for 31, 266 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,560 "could Franz Holbein remain here in peace?" 267 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:20,551 Hans! Franz?! 268 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:24,189 Hans. The Ambassadors is umbilically linked to Britain, Jonathan. 269 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,800 It belongs to the British people, it simply can't be bought and sold... 270 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,030 Where's your cousin?! Heard from him lately? 271 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,311 He's stopped breathing. Have a care, Jonathan. 272 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,756 Presumably you're in touch with him? Constantly! 273 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,880 CHARLES: Say it. Trust me. 274 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,836 Constantly. He speaks very highly of you. 275 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:44,708 Do you have a view on this conflict in which we are engaged with Osama? 276 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:46,995 The people of this country may be interested to know 277 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:50,914 what kind of a man has been defending their heritage for them. 278 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,754 Relax and follow me - the tradition of... 279 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:58,150 Britain has heart... He's unplugged us. Fuck! 280 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,710 It is a great titan. By comparison, Al Qaeda is a crippled dwarf. 281 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,553 We don't like cripple. Nor dwarf, but he's said them. 282 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:08,040 The answer to the question you seem reluctant to ask is this - 283 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,508 if I went home and found cousin Osama there, 284 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,511 I would embrace him as a member of my blood family. 285 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,114 And then I would deliver him straight to the authorities, 286 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,873 for he has betrayed that family and brought ignominy to its name. 287 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,952 Oh, that's very pretty. Spoken like a true Brit. 288 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,235 Quick, Jonathan, before I get my memory back. 289 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:28,030 Well, I applaud your palpable sincerity in this... scenario. 290 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,429 Which brings us tidily round to you-know-what. 291 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,720 May I ask you one other question? 292 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:35,917 There's conjecture on the Internet about the future of British Airways. 293 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,720 Are you prepared to comment? 294 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,678 Yes. There is just a few things I'd like to say about this. 295 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,437 Bin Laden. B-l-N... 296 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:49,990 Gone. This is silly. 297 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,240 I don't know why we're getting so stressy 298 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,037 about fixing Reza up with an English girlfriend. 299 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:57,317 He could walk into any party in London and come out streaming women, 300 00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,200 them stuck all over him like sucker fish. 301 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,189 A vivid image. 302 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,156 He has charm. 303 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:05,118 Of course he does, he's gay. He is not gay. 304 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,794 Punt-wise, Reza definitely poles from the Cambridge end. 305 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:10,155 That is such rubbish! 306 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:13,391 Reza Bin Laden has enough sex appeal to choke a horse. 307 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,074 Great strap-line for the campaign. They're right. 308 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:19,835 Reza needs a helping of white sugar to make him palatable. 309 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,280 And as much as you might wish to be that little spoonful, Ali, 310 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:23,599 you're just not sweet enough. 311 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:28,789 Alison. Would you mind awfully making me a cup of tea? 312 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,954 Did I ever tell you about Joanna Lumley? 313 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,519 Most unfortunate thing. 314 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,909 Oh, God, it's not true. What Jamie said. 315 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,390 Er... What did Jamie say? That she's got a wooden leg. 316 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,880 Well, it's not actually wooden, it's made of some ghastly bendy stuff. 317 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:54,720 No. 318 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,360 It was a stunt on The Avengers, with a wheelbarrow. It got hushed up. 319 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,191 No, Ali, that isn't true. 320 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,840 But it is to do with Jamie. 321 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,195 And it was hushed up. 322 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,953 Yes, it's true. Reza is now one of ours. 323 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,077 What's more, he's got the horn for British Airways. 324 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,197 The horn! Well, ask one of the palace servants. 325 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,829 Sorry, Patrick, got to go, the embuggerance factor is high today. 326 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:20,276 Oh, it's too early in the morning to deal with Clarence House. 327 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,909 So, young Nicholas... Blackmore. 328 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,638 Oh, God, he's awful! 329 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,154 "Lionel Blackmore, television presenter" - 330 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,277 the four most depressing words in the English language. 331 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,480 He's been calling all morning. God! 332 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,631 Shouldn't he be in prison by now for inciting racial hatred? 333 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:39,154 What does he want, apart from the Fourth Reich? 334 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,798 He wants to open the Motor Show. 335 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,800 "He used to do it every year! 336 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,916 "Why's it always Jeremy Clarkson? What's he got that I haven't? 337 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,920 "What are you lot doing about it?" And what are we doing about it? 338 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,354 I've booked him to open a Shopping Centre in Shepherds Bush. 339 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,955 Well, it's too good for him, of course, but then again so is everything else... 340 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:56,280 (TELEPHONE RINGS) Yes? 341 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,430 Charles, a couple of gentlemen to see you. 342 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:04,840 Joanna Lumley. 343 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,512 Apparently, the Pope's going to beatify her. 344 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,830 I know what you did. Keep that under what? 345 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:12,037 I know why she isn't a client. 346 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,792 How are you, Charles? 347 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,916 I'm glorious, how are you? 348 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,230 Let me rephrase that - who are you? 349 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,596 Well, yes, my goodness, it has been a while. 350 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,478 Gerald Thurnham. This is my secretary, Davis. 351 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,400 He, I think, would have been in the shortest of trousers 352 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,277 when you and I had our conversation. 353 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,435 It's quite possible you don't remember my name. 354 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,476 That's because I was never told it. 355 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,232 No, well, probably wouldn't have been. 356 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,392 Not the form to go giving out names to undergraduates, you understand. 357 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:47,314 You made it perfectly clear that the Foreign Office could flourish without me. 358 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,833 Yes, and aren't you glad? 359 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,434 Look how well you've done in your profession. Jolly well. 360 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,273 Do you speak? 361 00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:57,874 I tend not to. I'm rather dull. 362 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:02,870 So what can I do for you, gentlemen? 363 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:07,351 This chap - Reza. He really is the most frightful, pushy wog, don't you think? 364 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,118 Go on. 365 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:18,193 For ten years now, Charles has been in a stinking bait. 366 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:22,068 The words "Joanna" and "Lumley" can not be uttered in his presence. 367 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,878 Let's revisit why that is. 368 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,030 Well, there was a bit of an upset. 369 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:29,040 Ab Fab was up and running and Joanna's star was reborn and rising, 370 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:30,678 and she wanted to come with us. 371 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:34,309 The perfect client - actually wanted to come with us. 372 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,994 And you were sent to get her a cab. Yeah. I went to see her in a cab. 373 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,196 But she never arrived. No, she changed her mind. 374 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:42,238 Because you told her not to come. Didn't you? 375 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:48,674 Because you liked her and you wanted to protect her. 376 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:54,039 You told her in the cab, "Yours is a natural talent, Jo, people love you. 377 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:55,599 "PR can offer you nothing. 378 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:59,673 "All Prentiss McCabe would do is rip out your soul." 379 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,070 She got out of the car. That's ridiculous! 380 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,040 But so impressed was Jo with your honesty, she rang Martin, 381 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,951 told him all about it. 382 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:13,672 Martin did not tell Charles, because if he had, he would have torn you to pieces. 383 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,432 Still would, right now. 384 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:19,069 IF he knew. 385 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,628 Your terms? Um... 386 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,519 Can you read my writing? 387 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:34,793 It may not be too misleading to draw an analogy with Mohammed Fayed. 388 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,633 What Mohammed wants, Mohammed cannot have. 389 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:41,429 He can have a great deal else, but he cannot have citizenship of this country. 390 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,033 On what grounds? 391 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,429 We don't like him. 392 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,954 Not one little bit. 393 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,271 Now perhaps it should be explained to Mr Bin Laden that his prospects 394 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,280 in acquiring British Airways are not dissimilar 395 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,111 to Mohammed's getting a passport. 396 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,840 And what could possibly persuade me 397 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,638 to undermine the ambitions of my own client? 398 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,472 Another client, Charles - us. 399 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,440 I can't say that our disbursements would rival Mr Bin Laden's 400 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,351 in their extravagance, 401 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:15,309 but we would be a reliable source of further employment for the future. 402 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,436 We're a big firm. 403 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,876 So you see, Charles, you end up serving your country after all. 404 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,996 I'll tell you what. 405 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,911 Why don't you both fuck off? 406 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,310 Oh, dear Charles. That's not a sensible decision. 407 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,233 Yeah, well, I don't set much store by sensible. 408 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:35,279 That's a decision that's made me, um... Oh, what's the word? Um... 409 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,112 Rich. 410 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,873 Well... 411 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,757 Good luck with the BA shareholders. 412 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:46,675 Who are that shower nobody's quite aware of who actually own 30%? 413 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,876 General Holdings. Never heard of them. 414 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,760 Who are they really? Us. 415 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,760 That's right. They're us. 416 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,558 Well, good luck with the rest. 417 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,840 We have a strict rule in this office 418 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:03,630 that nobody is allowed to make threats, naked or veiled, except me. 419 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,153 Goodbye. 420 00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:20,271 Nick. I want you to get a message to Martin. 421 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,198 And it gives me great pleasure, 422 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,875 on this fine, English, autumn afternoon... 423 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,599 (LAUGHTER) We don't mind a bit of rain, do we? 424 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:33,832 We were brought up to put up with it. Excuse me... 425 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:38,436 If you are going to cause a disturbance, I shall have to ask the police to move you on. 426 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:40,880 For the rest of us - 427 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,997 those who understand the concept of rain in this country... 428 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,638 CROWD: Come on! 429 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,156 Oh, yes, that's right. Let's turn the opening of a supermarket 430 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,280 into a rally for the Nation of Islam! 431 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,157 MAN: Get him out! 432 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,515 (SHOUTING AND JEERING) 433 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:05,511 Incredible. From "Good afternoon" to full-scale riot in six seconds flat. 434 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:09,195 Lionel Blackmore could start a punch-up in a room full of nuns. 435 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,759 Come on. 436 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,594 Bloody big dipper, this one, Charles. It'll be fine. 437 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,440 What is the meaning of this? 438 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:29,228 Don't speak. Lionel Blackmore has been appointed to the BA board. 439 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:30,480 Yes, we put him there. 440 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,360 I thought you had control of these... What?! 441 00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,351 We put him there. Why? 442 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,159 The man's an infamous racist. He's a ranter! 443 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,360 Yes. He's somewhere on the road to cross-burning 444 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:41,271 and pointy hats, I grant you. 445 00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:42,873 But don't you see, Reza? 446 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:46,555 The Holbein was the overture, Crossman the aria, 447 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,313 and now Blackmore is the grand, thundering finale. 448 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,000 We've arranged for him to appear on breakfast television. 449 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:52,955 You have... 450 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,440 Blackmore will be clinically unable to resist 451 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,749 making some appalling racist slur against you. 452 00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,360 Against your family. 453 00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:02,318 Which you will ignore, with the massive dignity at your disposal. 454 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:06,154 But we will ensure that the media do not. His outburst will cause a storm. 455 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,676 As a result, it will be impossible for any executive or shareholder 456 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:14,117 to oppose your bid on any grounds which might just smack of racial mistrust. 457 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,714 And British Airways will sail into your lap. 458 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,389 Why are you sweating? 459 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,914 I'm excited. 460 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:31,992 I don't care for this, gentlemen. Nobody cares for it. 461 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,036 But it will work. 462 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,080 ...the appointment of outspoken media critic Lionel Blackmore 463 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:47,277 to the board of British Airways. He's with me now. 464 00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:50,400 Mr Blackmore, presumably, you are violently opposed to Mr Bin Laden 465 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,868 because of who he is and what he is. 466 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:54,760 If you're suggesting I'm prejudiced against Mr Bin Laden personally, 467 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,120 then you're wrong. 468 00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:57,838 I do hope not. 469 00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,400 But he's Osama's cousin. 470 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,676 Well, that's a cross he must bear, and the people of this country 471 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,955 must make up their minds whether or not they can trust him. 472 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:06,760 But if you're saying, 473 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,991 "Am I prejudiced against him because he's not British?" 474 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,559 The answer's yes. 475 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,030 Oh, come on, Lionel. Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of doings! 476 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,760 I'm saying the company's not called 'Al-Qaeda Airways', is it? 477 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,637 And that's what it'll be. 478 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,517 We have lift-off! 479 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,273 I mean, can you imagine what it's like 30,000 feet up, 480 00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:27,511 heading towards America, and it's time to bow down to Mecca? 481 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,600 Does the pilot turn the plane around to face the east, 482 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:30,919 so we can say our prayers? 483 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,880 In-flight Koran and your hands chopped off 484 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,599 if you ask for a bit of gin with your tonic? 485 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,320 And if you wink at a stewardess, does your knob get sliced off? 486 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:39,480 But... No, no, no! 487 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,869 You may laugh, but that's what you'll get 488 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,760 if British Airways falls into the hands of this bloody murdering rag-headed darky. 489 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:47,239 Whoa! Whoa! 490 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,754 And there we will leave it! Thank you very much. 491 00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,593 We'll take a break. ("THIS MORNING" THEME PLAYS) 492 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:57,674 Thank you. That's all we needed - the man, his race, his faith - full house. 493 00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:01,594 Our client is now vaccinated against all known political criticism. 494 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,478 Not even "General Arse Holdings" can block him now. 495 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,273 Further future gainful employment for Blackmore? 496 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:13,158 Parkinson or Ross? Take your pick. 497 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:14,719 Both... Alison. 498 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,000 Oh, just keeping tabs on the rolling news. 499 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,389 I'm sure it's all the better for your scrutiny. 500 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:23,519 There's Reza now, shaking hands with Richard Branson. 501 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,352 Turn it up. 502 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:30,600 MAN: Can you tell me what happened to your love affair with British Airways? 503 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:31,749 For God's sake! 504 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,600 I will say only this. 505 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,194 Now that my interests in this country are being properly represented 506 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,795 by Mr Bell and Mr Pottinger, I was able to discover in advance 507 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,880 of the government's intention to renationalise British Airways. 508 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:44,029 Do what?! 509 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:45,720 I'm delighted to be able to say 510 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:48,314 that I have concluded the details of a deal with Mr Branson... 511 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,200 Did you know about this?! No. 512 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,589 Pottinger and bloody Tinker?! 513 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,671 None of it surprises me, though. 514 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,520 Come off it, Charles! What about BA re-bloody-nationalised?! You didn't... 515 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,751 That's the bit I particularly like. Don't you see? 516 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,070 WE made that happen. 517 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,709 The government came to us a-wooing, we told them to sling their hook, 518 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,553 and what did they do by way of a next move, to foil us? 519 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:16,317 They renationalised a major industry, just to render it unsaleable. 520 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:20,154 We made them do something they really didn't want to do. 521 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,549 That is power. 522 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:28,079 If you need me, I shall be in my office, drinking incontinently. 523 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:48,911 JAMIE: Charles... A moment of your time, please. 524 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,355 (SNORES) 525 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:53,431 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 526 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,512 Sorry, Martin. Could you come through? 527 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,637 You really do want to come through. 528 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,756 (SIGHS) 529 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:07,391 What's going on? Are you two about to announce your engagement? 530 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,880 Jamie is about to read out a statement prepared by me. 531 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,438 The grammar's appalling. 532 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:16,116 If he implies, through his inflection and ironic detachment from the material... 533 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,953 All right, all right! Please sit down. 534 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,156 Any popcorn? 535 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,755 Please refrain from comment until the statement is concluded. Thank you. 536 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,760 "Ladies and gentlemen. 537 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,560 "I wish to put on record, 538 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:32,348 "before my colleagues and superiors, three facts about myself. 539 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:36,592 "One - I, Jamie, think I'm God's gift to women, 540 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,752 "and, quite frankly, I'm just not. 541 00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:44,868 "Two - I have routinely appropriated other people's ideas as my own, 542 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,633 "especially the one about old people that Alison did 543 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,400 "and I got all the credit for, which was totally unfair..." 544 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,118 Crikey! Shh. 545 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:57,474 "Three - I have been horrid to people, 546 00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,710 "especially to Alison, 547 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:04,112 "and I apologise to them and to her unreservedly. 548 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:07,360 "I shall henceforth strive to be 'nicer'..." 549 00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:08,554 Stop! 550 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:11,313 You said that in inverted commas. Say it again, please. 551 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,833 "I shall henceforth strive to be nicer to my colleagues 552 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:19,196 "and never to make sexist comments about their breasts. 553 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,680 "I will now demonstrate that, 554 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,877 as I make this promise, my fingers are not crossed." 555 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:26,154 MARTIN: Bravo, Jamie. 556 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:33,313 Poor old Reza. 557 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,152 CHARLES: Why? He's got Branson. 558 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:42,234 Poor bastard. Of course, the really stylish thing to do... 559 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,920 would be to unpick the nationalisation, 560 00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:47,673 seduce Bin Laden back from Pottinger and Bell, 561 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,149 and get him British Airways after all. 562 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:54,074 It's Liaisons Dangereuses every night of the week with you, isn't it? 563 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,879 You love it. I tolerate it. 564 00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,394 Let's face it, Martin. If I didn't exist, 565 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,631 you'd pay someone to have me invented. 566 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,472 Up your bum, Prentiss!