1 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,760 -(ELECTRONIC BLEEPING) -(VOCALISING) 2 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:27,760 Oh, God! Oh, sweetie! 3 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,040 (BURGLAR ALARM GOES OFF) 4 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:40,000 -(SIGHS) Oh! -Zero, zero, zero, enter. 5 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,480 Stupid little thing! 6 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,120 We made it the simplest number possible 7 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:44,720 so that even a fool could remember it. 8 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,640 -I've overestimated you again. -Well, what's the point of it, 9 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,560 if it's just going to make a bloody racket all the time? 10 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:49,840 It's supposed to. 11 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,240 Well, I don't care if someone came and took all the furniture, darling. 12 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:53,600 I can get it back on the insurance. 13 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,040 I can't get a perforated eardrum back on insurance, can I, sweetie? 14 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,240 Look, I've got to go and call the central station and let them know 15 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,160 my mother has the memory span of a fruit fly. 16 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,080 And then, I need to speak to you. 17 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,800 Oh, darling. Yes, speak to me, sweetie. 18 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,680 I'm shaking in my boots, darling. 19 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,120 What... What is it? 20 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,240 Oh, go back to bed, darling. 21 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,160 Have you just come in? 22 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,960 Yeah, into my own bloody house, you wouldn't believe it, would you? 23 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,120 After rather a gorgeous night out. 24 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,640 -What time is it? -7:30. 25 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,960 What, in the... 7:30, you say? 26 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,880 It means nothing to me. 27 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:24,920 Go back to bed, darling. 28 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,040 Don't stop there, darling. Sweetie, keep going. 29 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,200 Come on, move your body. 30 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:30,960 (MUMBLING) 31 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,960 What are you smirking at? Do you think this is funny? 32 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:41,720 Oh... Funny what, darling? Funny ha-ha-ha? 33 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,920 You might have rung and let me know what you were doing. 34 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:46,680 I was too busy doing it, darling. 35 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:48,960 What's the matter? Are you jealous? 36 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,160 No, worried. 37 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,600 Oh, what, worried about me having some fun? Well, I was, darling. 38 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,040 Bloody great, bloody fun, all right? 39 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,680 -Ask her who with. -Who with? 40 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:58,040 Jean-Pierre. 41 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,520 Not that bastard! You didn't tell me he was around. 42 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,840 Oh. I sort of ran into him by accident, darling. 43 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:08,040 He's over here directing a new video for a hip-rave-rap band, darling. 44 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:09,960 I thought we were going out. 45 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,880 Thanks to you, I had to spend the whole evening alone in this house 46 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,920 with Helena Bonham Carter, here! 47 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,640 I'm going back to bed. There's no point in me being up at this hour. 48 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,480 -Helps me to sleep. -Yeah. 49 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:21,600 Back in your coffin. 50 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,600 Darling, Patsy's an insomniac, sweetie. 51 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,840 -More like the walking dead. -Ooh! Ooh! 52 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,520 -How long is she here for? -I don't know. How long are you here for? 53 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:31,720 How long? 54 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:34,400 Well, until her flat has been fumigated, darling. 55 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,800 She can't live in it breathing fumes all day, can she? 56 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:38,880 Why not? I thought sniffing chemicals was what she did best. 57 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,160 -Ooh. -I'm surprised she's not up there already 58 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,960 with a straw stuck up her nose. 59 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,440 She should try it, you know. It might actually be 60 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,800 the one substance that makes her socially acceptable. 61 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:49,080 -Darling, it would kill her. -Exactly. 62 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,120 A few hormones talking there, haven't we, sweetie? Huh? 63 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,960 -So, Jean-Pierre... -Yeah, yeah! 64 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:58,240 Is he over long? 65 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:01,040 Well, it sort of depends on me, you know, darling. 66 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,840 He sort of made it quite clear last night that he was very well re-smitten, 67 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,080 if you know what I mean. 68 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,960 -Did you... -Of course, darling. 69 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,680 I know it's been a long time for me, but it's a bit like riding a bicycle, really. 70 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,560 It's just something you never forget. 71 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:15,200 -Well, I hope... -Very careful, darling, yes! 72 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,120 -The whole packet! -Mum! 73 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,520 What? Once you've brushed off the cobwebs, there's no stopping me. 74 00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:22,440 Oh, please. I don't want to know. 75 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,240 Well, darling, you asked the question. 76 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,800 No point getting all umphy about it now, is there? Hmm? 77 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,080 -Anything else you'd like to know, sweetie? -No, thank you. 78 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,320 Maybe if you had a few boyfriends around once in a while, 79 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:34,600 you wouldn't get so hung-up about it. 80 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:36,560 I'm not hung-up! 81 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:39,800 "Not hung-up." 82 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,560 I know it's a sensitive issue with someone your age, darling. 83 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,840 A bit embarrassed to talk about it, aren't you, sweetie? Hmm? Hmm? 84 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,960 My analyst says I should sort of let you sort it out in your own time, and everything. 85 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,080 (YELLING) But Jesus Christ, darling! 86 00:03:58,440 --> 00:03:59,440 Huh? 87 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,840 Not one bloody boyfriend in the whole time that I've known you! 88 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:05,360 I mean, you're not that bloody ugly! What's the matter with you? 89 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:09,200 Huh? Have you read that Kama Sutra I gave you? No! 90 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:13,840 That Dutch cap has only ever seen the light of day. I mean, God! 91 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,000 Here I am, your mother, poised for your first sexual experience, 92 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,400 and night after night, dry bloody sheets! 93 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,680 Well, I'm sorry, darling, 94 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,080 but I don't want a little moustached virgin for a daughter, 95 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,200 so do something about it! 96 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:30,880 -Unless of course... -Mum, don't! 97 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,160 -Well, darling... -Mum, please. 98 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:33,560 Unless of course... 99 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,520 Unless of course you're gay, darling. 100 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,440 -Mum! -Well, sweetie? 101 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,640 Are you, darling? You can tell me, sweetie. Are you, darling? 102 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:42,880 -Yes, I'm gay. -Oh, hoorah! 103 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,240 Hoorah! 104 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,280 Oh, well done, darling! Well done! 105 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,040 I'm glad it makes you so happy, but actually, I'm not. 106 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,560 -What? -I'm not gay! 107 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,080 -Oh. -I'm sorry. 108 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:56,320 Oh. 109 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,480 Oh, break it to me like that, why don't you? Huh? Huh? 110 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,720 Yeah. 111 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,280 (EXHALES) 112 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,840 I suppose it's not your fault, really, is it? 113 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,000 Just your old mother clutching at straws. 114 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:11,240 Trying to find one exotic, interesting feature about you, but there we are. 115 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:13,480 (SIGHS) 116 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,760 -What time is it? -8:00. 117 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,200 Oh, wake me at 9:30. 118 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,720 I'll let the world warm up and have its first fag before I get up. 119 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:23,320 It's usually smoked 12 packets and been diagnosed of having lung cancer 120 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:24,640 by the time you hit the road. 121 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:25,960 Get a haircut and a boiler suit 122 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,840 so I don't keep having to explain you to my friends, will you, darling? 123 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,080 (COUGHING) 124 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,320 All night I've had to hear that! 125 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:43,720 Any more hacking, and you'll bring up oil. 126 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:47,080 -Darling, has anyone called? -No. 127 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,560 What are you wearing? 128 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:50,480 Oh, is it awful, darling? 129 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,280 It's just that I'm seeing Jean-Pierre for lunch, I thought it was sort of him. 130 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,360 Oh, it is him, darling, but it's not you. 131 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,320 -Saff? -Well, I like it. 132 00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,480 I'll change. 133 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,640 -You said you're seeing him for lunch? -Yup. Pont de la Tour. 134 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:03,840 I thought we were having lunch. 135 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,560 Darling, I always have lunch with you. 136 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:08,040 -Can't I come? -You don't like Jean-Pierre. 137 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,520 Well, nobody likes Jean-Pierre. 138 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,880 Anyway, I wouldn't talk to him, I'd talk to you. 139 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,760 Oh, look, I just don't want you to make a horrible mistake again. 140 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,520 -What do you mean? -Darling, I'm your best friend. 141 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,640 And let's be honest, your taste in men is famously bad. 142 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,560 You know, sweetie, I've had to save you from two disastrous marriages 143 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,720 and some ghastly, pathetic affairs you might nearly have had. 144 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,200 Oh, what a great friend you are, Patsy. 145 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:30,080 Don't make me have lunch on my own. 146 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,120 Oh, sweetie, you can get someone to have lunch with. 147 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,840 Of course I can get someone. I can always get someone! It's just that... 148 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,640 I haven't got someone. Go on... 149 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,240 -All right, you can come. -Thanks, Eddy. 150 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:43,080 -Are you going to the office? -Yeah. 151 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,440 I've got to sort out a few things about the shop, darling. 152 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,120 It's going very well, by the way. 153 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:51,960 I've got gorgeous things coming in from Kashmir, Afghanistan, Albania. 154 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:55,760 I've got blankets and rugs from Ethiopia. Dirt cheap, darling, honestly. 155 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,120 And some of those lip plates from dead Amazonian Indians. 156 00:06:58,240 --> 00:06:59,640 I thought we could sell them as ashtrays. 157 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,280 Don't look at me like that, darling. We do take the lip off, you know. 158 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,920 Honestly, sweetie... I've got some lovely cooking pots coming in from Somalia. 159 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:14,320 I mean, they don't need them. They've got no food to put in after all. 160 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:17,080 And also, sweetie, best news of all, darling. 161 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,400 -You know those villages that were deserted by the Kurds? -Yeah. 162 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:20,600 I bought the entire contents. 163 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,400 -Oh, well done, Eddy. -I know, I know. 164 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:23,600 The trucks are moving in. 165 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,760 Coups, revolutions, disasters, they're all bargain basements to you! 166 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,920 Oh, darling! They're happy camping. 167 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,600 (EXHALES) What are you doing today, Pat? 168 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,440 Well, I hope she's not lolling around the house again. 169 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,080 (YELLING) Will you shut up? 170 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,880 Will you just shut up? I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to my friend. 171 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,080 Is that all right? 172 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:42,280 God, it's like living with a chronically-depressed budgerigar, living with you. 173 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,720 Shut up! Pats? 174 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,960 I'm going in to my office. 175 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,720 -Your... -Office. 176 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,840 The magazine, darling? Is that still there? 177 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:01,520 Of course it is. There's a little meeting, you know? 178 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,800 So I've got to go, you know. About 10 minutes or something. 179 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,800 -EDINA: Huh? -What do you do? 180 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,840 -(SCOFFS) -Oh, darling! 181 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,640 Patsy's one of the top fashion editors in a top magazine. 182 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,040 BOTH: Director. Executive Fashion Director. 183 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,480 But she's never at work. 184 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,000 I am always at work. 185 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,640 Yes, thanks to our friend, Mr Mobile Telephone. 186 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,360 Anyway, Patsy's got that job for life. 187 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,400 You don't mean to say she's actually good at something? 188 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,080 No, darling. She slept with the publisher. 189 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,480 -I'm bloody good at it. -EDINA: Bloody good at it. 190 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,440 So, what does a fashion director do? 191 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:35,480 Oh, darling! She gets a 50% discount at Harvey Nicks. 192 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:36,720 (SPUTTERS) 193 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,240 It's not only that. I mean, there is work involved. You know, skill. 194 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:40,520 Yeah, of course there is. 195 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,120 -I decide what goes in the magazine. -EDINA: Yeah. 196 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,080 You know, one snap of my fingers, and I can raise hemlines so high 197 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,080 -that the world is your gynaecologist. -EDINA: Exactly. 198 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,840 You get lots of free champagne, don't you? 199 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,640 Yeah, yeah. I direct... 200 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:54,840 -The fashion. -Yeah. 201 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,240 You get lots of little free goodies. Little things, you get. 202 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,480 You two have never had to pay for anything, have you? 203 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,040 (SCOFFS) I paid for you, darling. 204 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:02,760 A hundred times over! 205 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,280 I'm going to go and change quickly and then we'll go, all right? 206 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,240 -Can I still come to lunch? -Yes. 207 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,200 To help you get to the car. 208 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:17,400 PATSY: Now, I'm sure this is it. 209 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,520 They must have washed the outside or something. 210 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,320 That's why I didn't recognise it. 211 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,640 EDINA: I'll come with you, Patsy. 212 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,640 We'll be about five minutes. And then, on to San Lorenzo. 213 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,080 Are you sure this is the one, Pats? 214 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,320 -Don't question me, Eddy. -No bells ringing... 215 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,800 Now, floor. Do you remember what floor? 216 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:42,080 PATSY: We'll just go to reception and ask for a map and a list. 217 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:43,560 Can you do that? 218 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,000 Yes, I recognise this. 219 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:51,800 "Fifth floor. Editor, Deputy Editor, Beauty Editor, Chief Sub-editor, 220 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:55,040 "Food and Drink Editor, Managing Editor, Friend of Editor, 221 00:09:55,160 --> 00:10:00,440 "Deputy Chief Sub-editor, Senior Sub-editor, Social Editor..." Excuse me. 222 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:04,480 -"Special Projects Editor". -Are you looking at the list of editors? 223 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,320 -Yeah. -I'm not an editor, 224 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,520 I'm a director. I'm the Fashion Director. 225 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,880 It's not even on this floor, Pats! 226 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,360 Well, here we are. "Art Director, Style Director, Circulation Director, 227 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,240 "Managing Director, Ad Director, Promotions Director..." 228 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,880 -Yeah, this is it. -(SIGHS) 229 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,480 Much as you left it, by the look of things, Pats. 230 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,920 Ah, nobody gets flowers from that florist any more. Bloody cheek! 231 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:29,240 -Look! Darling, Armani! -Yeah, only Emporio. 232 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,040 I know, but I can just felt-pen that little bit out. No one will know. 233 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:34,880 -Is my Chanel still in there? -This one? 234 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,680 Yeah, my little baby. I wear it if there's a meeting. 235 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,720 It frightens the editors. I'm the only one with Chanel couture. (LAUGHS) 236 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,320 Let them kiss my buttons. 237 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,240 -Patsy Stone. -Hi, Mags. You know Eddy. 238 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:46,360 -MAGDA: Yeah. -Hi. 239 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,960 -Look, are you coming to this meeting? -If I must. 240 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,280 Yeah, good. We need to drum up some more advertising revenue. 241 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:55,040 We've lost Swiss watches, Lanson, Nivea, two lingeries, one shower gel. 242 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,280 -And all my tampons have dropped out. -Oh, dear. 243 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,880 If it wasn't for a three-page Estee Lauder and a bloody Rive Gauche, 244 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,280 -we'd be looking pretty thin this month. -Mmm. 245 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:02,920 It's not going to be long, this meeting, is it? 246 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:04,880 No, five minutes at the most. I've got three lunches 247 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,880 and a tights launch to get to by 2:00. 248 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,520 And all this with my working breakfast with Marie Helvin floating about here. 249 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,880 -I'll see you in two minutes. -Right. 250 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,760 Best editor this side of American Vogue. 251 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,360 Chuck me Chanel, Eds. 252 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,920 Yeah, I went. Yeah. Cheap wine and crap canapes. 253 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,440 If I don't get my discount card pretty bloody quick, 254 00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:25,200 she'll find herself plunged into obscurity designing for British Home Stores. 255 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,840 -Where's Magda? -On the phone to Fergie. 256 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,040 Oh, just give her the bloody hat. 257 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,960 And if she calls again, I'm out. 258 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,400 Right, I've got one minute. Features, Catriona? 259 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,560 -Well... -Do something on a car. 260 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,000 -What? -Do something about a car. I need a new car. 261 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,960 -A nice one, no rubbish. -Right. 262 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,640 And something about how lovely champagne is. 263 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,560 Well, we could tie that in with some glasses. 264 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:48,040 A friend of mine has got a shop with some lovely glasses. 265 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:52,200 -Henrietta? -Yeah. Maybe we could do some lovely photos. 266 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,880 What about people, you know? Who's in, who's out, 267 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,280 who's sexy, who's not sexy, who's clever, who's not clever. 268 00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,680 -Right, who's in, who's out. -Right. Here's my list. 269 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,760 Oh, cross her off, she screwed me. Oh, put him in, he screwed me. 270 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,720 -Right. -And do something on River Phoenix. I really fancy him. 271 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,560 -Right. -River Phoenix, Mickey Rourke, Liam Neeson. 272 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,360 Don't do anything on anyone called Freud. I don't like them. 273 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:12,920 Bunch of no-talents with an ancestor. 274 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,400 But they were in last month. 275 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,920 So? I'm not running a bloody charity. 276 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,000 Just 'cause some old granddad invented penis envy 277 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,520 doesn't mean I have to lick their boots. 278 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,880 It's just that they're pretty good friends of mine... 279 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,520 I mean, it doesn't matter, but... 280 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,240 Right. Beauty. And make it quick. 281 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,840 -She's fabulous, isn't she? -Puts you into perspective, darling. 282 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:33,560 Clarins, Shiseido, Paloma Picasso, Chanel... Make-up, generally... 283 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:35,320 Um... 284 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,920 Faces, eyes, lips, nostrils... This is all off the top of my head. 285 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,640 Um, douching with mint is a thought. 286 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,520 Uh, 10 tips on tropical toenails. 287 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,040 Um, I'm thinking natural zing. 288 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,360 Moist is my word du jour. 289 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:53,640 Lovely wet moist droplets. Lusciousness. 290 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:57,520 Um, I see sun, sand, water, beach. 291 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,320 Photo shoot-wise, I'm looking at two weeks in the Caribbean. 292 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,800 Um, skin is in. 293 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:07,320 Or, of course, the usual, try to look more beautiful if you want to have more sex. 294 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,320 Very good. Chuck us that wrinkle cream, will you? 295 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,560 Right. Get Hamish in here. 296 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,800 I want to find out about that restaurant I'm having lunch in. 297 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,560 -Patsy? -You know, it's only big names this month. 298 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:20,160 Laurent, Armani, Lagerfeld, Oscar de la Renta, you know. No British tat. 299 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,320 In Moscow. Glamour in Red Square. 300 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:23,680 I'm not using no Russians. 301 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,960 -They're all too bloody ugly. -Yeah, and fat. 302 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,360 Four hundred years of potato diet won't squeeze into a Gautier cup. 303 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,920 If I looked like that I wouldn't go out. 304 00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,320 -(CLEARS THROAT) Magda? -Hamish. 305 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,040 Tell me about this restaurant I'm having lunch at. 306 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,240 Mmm. 307 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:41,920 Comfortable in the grand manner. 308 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,520 Um, stuffed with plutocratic goodies and a decent duck. 309 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:49,440 The dining room, boudoiresque, fin-de-siecle eclectic, 310 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,680 and still fashionably uncomfortable. 311 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:57,280 A melange, possibly a post-Orwellian version of an Edwardian eatery. 312 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,480 The food? Ecumenical in flavour, 313 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:04,080 a cosmopolitan adventure of exuberant eclecticism, 314 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:07,480 full of amuse-gueule and gastro-credibility. 315 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,120 No flash in the bain-marie this. 316 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:15,280 A comforting air. Generally, the tomatoes were rather pulpeuses. 317 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,000 Ta. 318 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,600 It's bollocks, but it uses up paper and that's what the magazine is all about. 319 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:24,520 Right. One more thing. Patsy, the television people have been on to us. 320 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,800 They want us to do a makeover on their morning television programme. 321 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:30,440 Their regular's dropped out. It's good for the magazine, so I said you'd do it. 322 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,720 -Are you mad? -My secretary has the details. 323 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,000 There's a couple of miseries in shell suits waiting downstairs 324 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,000 for you to perform a miracle on them. 325 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,600 -Help me, Eddy. -Darling, you'll be all right. 326 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:40,840 Yeah, what do I do? 327 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,160 Well, sweetie, you just take them out, get them a haircut, 328 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,600 put them in a designer dress and parade them on television. 329 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,240 Public humiliation, darling. Nothing you can't handle. 330 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,480 -Television? I go on television? -Yeah. 331 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,120 On television? I always thought I'd be rather good at that. 332 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,920 -See you later, darling. -Oh, darling. 333 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,360 Are you going to be in later this evening? 334 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:57,600 Yeah, probably. You'll be all right? 335 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:00,680 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Piece of cake, sweetie. -Yeah. 336 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,560 Television, eh? 337 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,240 Oh. 338 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,680 Hello. Hello, I'm Patsy Stone. 339 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:13,520 PATSY: Eddy! 340 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:16,760 Jesus Christ! 341 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:19,640 SAFFY: She's not in. 342 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,160 So, how did the makeover go? 343 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:24,680 How did you know about that? 344 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,240 Mum phoned. She's out on her own with Jean-Pierre, 345 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,120 having a great time without you. 346 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,040 So have you managed to turn some normal happy people 347 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,200 into pathetic fashion freaks this afternoon? 348 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,760 Bitches! They had no taste. We disagreed, the whole thing's off. 349 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,720 -Oh. -It was hideous. 350 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,960 -What, the outfit? -No, the fight. 351 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,840 Her mother and I came to blows over a geometric bob. 352 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,400 I told her the only thing she looked good in was a body bag. 353 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,080 The daughter rebelled in Yamahoto's shop. 354 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,040 She's now in hospital having a bit of modern furniture removed from her. 355 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:55,680 Miserable little slut! 356 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,680 I mean, no thought for me and my reputation 357 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,920 or the fact that I've got to be on television tomorrow morning. 358 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,360 Two fantastic outfits, and no one to wear them. Selfish peasant! 359 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:04,680 Oh, I'm weeping. 360 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,000 -(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) 361 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,080 -(TURNS MUSIC OFF) -Don't bother. 362 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,280 PATSY: Can I come in? 363 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,720 I know what you want, and the answer's no. 364 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,840 -How can you know what I want? -Oh, well, maybe I'm wrong. 365 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:35,440 But I thought you'd come up here to persuade me to be a fashion victim for you. 366 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,560 But perhaps you've come up for a little chat, hmm? 367 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,120 A nice, cosy, little personal little chat with me. 368 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,240 -Don't shut that door. -Don't you like my room? 369 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:43,760 Well, it's what I expected, you know? 370 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,840 A little patterned cell. Curtains, yeah. 371 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,600 Would you mind dragging your old carcass out of here now? 372 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,160 Look, I'm sorry. 373 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,080 (CHUCKLES) 374 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:01,240 I know I pretend to hate you and you pretend to hate me, and... 375 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,280 -I do hate you. -Why? 376 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:07,120 Because you're a despicable person who's resented me since the day I was born. 377 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,280 Before! 378 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,360 So, why should I ever do a favour for you? 379 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:12,640 I'll pay you! 380 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,720 -No. -I'm your mother's best friend. 381 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,920 Best friend? What kind of a friend are you? 382 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:19,640 What kind of a daughter are you? At least she has fun with me. 383 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:21,440 -I care about her. -Care about her? 384 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,120 You may dress like a Christian, but the similarity ends there. 385 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,480 I think you do it on purpose. 386 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,600 How long does it take to get the crease so crisp 387 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,600 down the front of your jeans, you torturer? 388 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:32,880 Get out! 389 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:36,720 For you. 390 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,560 -I picked those. -Oh, they're lovely. 391 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,800 Oh, look, I understand. 392 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:47,960 You don't understand anything. Get out! 393 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,880 At least your mother wanted you. 394 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:54,120 Oh, look. If this is gonna be one of your terrible sob stories, make it quick. 395 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,360 I can hardly hold back the tears. 396 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,640 Go on, tell me about your tragic childhood, 397 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,160 about these parents of yours that we never hear anything from, 398 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,200 who you've probably had committed to an old people's home 399 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:04,920 so they don't discover how old you are. 400 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,560 They're dead. 401 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:10,840 Smirk your way out of that one, babe. 402 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:12,880 I'm sorry. 403 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:18,840 Yeah, well, I never knew my father. 404 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,200 My mother only knew him fairly briefly. 405 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,160 She had me when she was in her 40s. 406 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,600 I nursed her through her last years. 407 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:29,440 It sort of put a bit of a stopper on me 408 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,320 finding someone for myself and settling down, 409 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,680 but there you are. Anyway, it wasn't her fault. 410 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,520 She didn't want a child. She would've got rid of me, 411 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,040 but she mistook being pregnant for the menopause. 412 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,480 When she found out, it was too late. 413 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:44,960 Patsy, that's awful. 414 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,880 It was having Eddy and your grandmother that made it okay. 415 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,360 You know, it gave me somewhere to go. (SNIFFLES) 416 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,840 My mother didn't like me having around the house. She said I cramped her style. 417 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,240 Made her feel old. 418 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:05,640 I am Aphrodite. I live, I breathe. 419 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,400 I am Diana! 420 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,480 I am Queen Dido. 421 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:13,960 Oh. 422 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:18,240 What a light dances over the world! 423 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,840 Get out of my way, child. 424 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:26,640 Don't stand in my path when I'm trying to express! 425 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,280 What are you doing here? 426 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:35,320 They cut the cord when you were born, when my body expelled you. 427 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,760 Accept your liberty, my little void, 428 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:43,040 and let this spirit be free! 429 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,320 Anyway, I've got Humphrey and Andre coming over. 430 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,320 I'd rather not have you around. 431 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,240 If you're planning to go out, don't forget the key. 432 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:02,080 I'm hoping for a little imaginative synthesis tonight, 433 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,840 and could frankly 434 00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:10,360 do without the competition. 435 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:11,840 Beat it! 436 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:15,480 (HUMMING) 437 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,160 Is your mother not feeding you, dear? 438 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:20,800 EDINA: Oh, you know what she's like. 439 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,080 She's not burning her bra again, is she? 440 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,560 We can't have you turning into a great, gangly whatsit. 441 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:30,800 Skinny, balinky long legs, big banana feet. 442 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:37,040 And a roly-poly pudding that nobody wants to meet. 443 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:40,920 Thanks, Mrs M. 444 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,200 Look at you. 445 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,600 All grief and resentful care. 446 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:59,800 Here I am in this place of old age and pallid diseases, 447 00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:03,600 looked after by so-called nurses. 448 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:08,120 Just gropers of old bones. 449 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:15,520 You come here and hang breathless around me, hoping for me to die. 450 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,560 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 451 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,680 Denied even my intellectual liberty. 452 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:27,000 Allowed only two Barbara Cartland's a day. 453 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:31,400 Forced to sit on my female eunuch 454 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,120 to keep their dirty hands off it. 455 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:36,160 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 456 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:39,200 The tyranny of children. 457 00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:43,440 Oh, for God's sake, just die! 458 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:49,080 She died soon after that. 459 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,640 The last thing she said to me was, "Why? 460 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,400 "Why have our swords always been locked in battle? 461 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,320 "Why have we always been fighting?" 462 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:00,120 And what did you say? 463 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,720 I said we've had locked shields, not swords. (SOBBING) 464 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,800 -Patsy, that's very sad. -I know! 465 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:13,680 -Look... -Yeah? 466 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:17,680 -I... -Yeah? 467 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,240 -I'll make a deal with you. -Okay. 468 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,600 I'll do your makeover thing on two conditions. 469 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:24,760 Name them. 470 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,960 You move out of this house into a hotel 471 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,680 and you allow Mum to have a boyfriend. 472 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,080 Done. (SPITS) 473 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,840 And call your grandmother. I need an old woman, too. 474 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,160 -What are you up for? -I'm coming, darling, aren't I? 475 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:49,840 Aren't you with Jean-Pierre today? 476 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,800 No, sweetie, he's shooting his video today, you know. 477 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:53,240 Well, aren't you needed in the shop? 478 00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:55,960 Look, I will be there later. I'm coming, okay? 479 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:57,120 Oh! 480 00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,440 Wake up, Pats! Come on, darling! 481 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,080 -Sweetie. -Oh, what time is it? 482 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,600 Oh, 6:00 in the morning. Don't even think about it, babe. 483 00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:09,600 What time did you get to sleep? 484 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,920 -I nodded off at about 3:00 a.m. -Mmm. 485 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,760 I tried at midnight, I took some pills at 1:00, couldn't do it. 486 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,360 You know, it's so long since I actually remember going to sleep instead of passing out. 487 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,200 -How did we do it? -I don't know. 488 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,440 How did you get on with Saff and the old woman? 489 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,560 Oh, your mother's fine, she'll wear anything I'll tell her to, 490 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,880 but that bitch daughter of yours! She just won't wear the dress I want her to. 491 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,200 This might sound rather odd, darling, but have you tried saying "please"? 492 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,120 -What? -I don't know why, sometimes it works with Saffy. 493 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:38,160 I can't. 494 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:39,920 No, try. It's over quite quickly, darling. 495 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,520 No, I can't. I mean, I can't, I can't say it. 496 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:43,960 Don't make me say it. It's difficult for me. 497 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:46,800 Just say, "Please, will you wear the thing I want you to wear?" and then smile. 498 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:48,880 I can't smile like that. I can't afford the wrinkles. 499 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,560 -No, you do it, Ed. -No, sweetie... 500 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:55,040 Saffy, darling, Pats has got a little thing she wants to ask you, darling. 501 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,240 Go on. Do it now. Go on! 502 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,000 Smile. 503 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:05,600 Uh... 504 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,200 Come on. "Please". 505 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:08,440 Please. 506 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,040 Yeah, will you wear the dress? 507 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,200 Okay. Come on, we're going to be late. 508 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:19,120 Come on, you two. We're due in make-up at 7:00. 509 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,480 I wonder if Auntie Claire Rayner will be on. 510 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:22,680 No, I'm on. 511 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,800 Yes, I know, dear, but she may be on, too. 512 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,320 Oh, I do hope so. I'm always writing to Claire. 513 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,880 What for? There's nothing the matter with you. 514 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,680 Well, I did think once that I had that disease. 515 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,280 Oh, you know the one. The one that makes you forget everything. 516 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,880 -Alzheimer's. -The one that you get when you're old. 517 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,840 -Alzheimer's. -What's it called? 518 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,400 -Alzheimer's! -I can't remember. 519 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,480 Come on, we're going to be late! 520 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:48,120 It seems strange that the makeover should be on us. 521 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,880 Come on, darling. Come on, sweetie! 522 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,200 WOMAN: There's another one here... 523 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,080 -You're not nervous? -No. 524 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,080 Have you got a catchphrase to sort of sum up with, sweetie? 525 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:01,200 Well, think about it. 526 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,400 A little catchphrase, sum up with something, say something. 527 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,240 Yeah, I could do it in my sleep. 528 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:10,360 And later on we'll be talking to the Sports Personality of the Year... 529 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:11,720 PATSY: Contradiction in terms... 530 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:16,720 But now it's on to my favourite spot which is the fashion spot. 531 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:21,520 And we're lucky enough this week, to be joined by a top fashion editor spot person 532 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,920 from Ella magazine, Patsy Stone. 533 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,160 Patsy, hello. 534 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:29,840 Yeah, cheers. Thanks a lot. 535 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,640 Patsy, um, am I right in thinking that you've changed the fashion spot 536 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,240 into a sort of makeover spot this week? Is that right? 537 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:37,800 How did you get on? 538 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:41,160 (STUTTERING) Yeah, really well. Well... 539 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:46,800 I see. Am I right in thinking that you took two ordinary members of the public 540 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,080 and made their dreams come true? 541 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,520 Yeah, yeah, that's right. 542 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:55,840 I see. Could we, um, perhaps take a look at a photograph of our two makeover 543 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,080 spotters, perhaps? 544 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,600 No, no, that's a photograph of my new son. Isn't he sweet? 545 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,000 Have we got a photograph? 546 00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:03,120 Uh... Uh... 547 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:07,400 Yes, we have. I'd say that's an awful lot of work to be done there, wouldn't you? 548 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:09,560 Yeah, cheers, thanks a lot. 549 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:15,200 Right, uh, perhaps now we could bring in our makeover spotters, 550 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:16,640 see what they look like now. 551 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,440 There's something wonderful! A lovely outfit, there. 552 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:24,080 Sort of a mixture between a colander and a chainmail outfit, isn't it? 553 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,000 And here comes a lady in the more mature years. 554 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,760 Not afraid to wear black in the evening of her life, I notice. (CHUCKLES) 555 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,880 Do sit down. Marvellous! 556 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,200 -Is Claire going to be on? -No, dear, sorry. We lost her with the franchise. 557 00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:37,360 Gone. 558 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:42,400 Well, they're not exactly workaday outfits, are they, Patsy? 559 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:43,960 I mean, you'd feel a bit of a fool 560 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,800 going up to the supermarket wearing one of those, wouldn't you? (LAUGHS) 561 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:51,680 Yeah, cheers, thanks a lot. 562 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:55,680 Well, why don't we just ask our guinea pigs exactly how they feel about 563 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:57,720 the particular outfits they're wearing? 564 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,480 How do you feel about them then, dear? 565 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,440 I'm more of an M&S person myself. 566 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:07,080 You know, so am I. You can't fail, can you? 567 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:08,800 Anyway, moving on. 568 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,280 Thank you very much for coming along, everybody. 569 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,680 Patsy, marvellous work, if not a bit way-out for me! (CHUCKLES) 570 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,080 -Can I just say something? -Yes. 571 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,240 (STUTTERING) Uh... 572 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,960 Um, you can never have enough hats, gloves and shoes. 573 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,840 Right, thank you very much, Patsy! (CHUCKLES) 574 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,680 Invaluable advice there from our top professional fashion expert. 575 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,280 -Yeah, cheers, thanks a lot. -Now, um... 576 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:38,000 Later on, we'll be taking an in-depth look at acute schizophrenia 577 00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:39,840 from 9:20 to 9:23. 578 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,800 And afterwards, what else but euthanasia? 579 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,080 We're going to be talking to a couple of people 580 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,040 who pulled the plugs on their elderly mothers, 581 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,440 so you'd better watch out, dear! (LAUGHS) 582 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,840 Anyway, now over to Ulrika for the weather. 583 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:53,200 No, sit, sit! 584 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,920 Never have I been so embarrassed in all my life, 585 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,000 and that is saying something after living with my mother for 18 years. 586 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,960 -I thought it went very well, dear. -Did you? Yeah, Eddy? 587 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,640 Sweetie, you were marvellous. Darling, you were. 588 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,640 Mum, don't humour her! She stunk! 589 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:13,960 Listen, you, they offered me a job! 590 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:15,560 It was only doing the weather. 591 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,560 Mum, have you spoken to Jean-Pierre? He left a message on the machine. 592 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,960 Oh, sweetie, I don't think I'll be seeing Jean-Pierre any more, darling. 593 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,080 I mean, Pats and I talked about it last night and she's right, you know. 594 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,880 You know, with his job and my shop and everything, it's not really practical, darling. 595 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,760 Get out of this house! You can at least keep one half of the deal. 596 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:39,120 Listen, sucker! You went on television, I'm not going anywhere. 597 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,040 Have you no honour? 598 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:42,760 She lost that at 14, dear. 599 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:45,640 I knew the boy. 600 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:47,600 Right! 601 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:52,360 Oh, darling! Success at last, a teenage temper tantrum. 602 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,440 How did you ever persuade her to do it in the first place, darling? 603 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:57,520 Oh, I just fed her some old story about my mother 604 00:28:57,640 --> 00:28:59,520 not loving me, you know, her being a tyrant, 605 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:03,200 me looking after her in her old age, blah, blah, blah... (LAUGHS) 606 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:06,120 That's true, isn't it, darling? 607 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:09,560 Oh, damn! 608 00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:45,120 And you can never have enough hats, gloves and shoes. 609 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,120 What you doing tonight, Pats? 610 00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:50,400 Oh, I'm seeing the publisher again, you know, just to be sure. 611 00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:52,360 I mean, darling, even Amanda De Cadenet 612 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:53,880 would remember the word "accessories".